1 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:06,072 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:23,589 THE SUN IS SHINING, 3 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,592 THE SCENT OF FRANCE IS IN THE AIR, 4 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,094 YOU WOULD NOT THINK I HAD A CARE IN THE WORLD. 5 00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:30,596 IF I WERE NOT HIDING TWO BRITISH AIRMEN 6 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,099 AND TWO GIRLS OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE, 7 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,600 AND IF I HAD NOT JUST ROBBED A BANK 8 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,103 AND STOLEN 1,000,000 FRANCS OF GESTAPO MONEY 9 00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:39,105 YOU WOULD BE RIGHT. 10 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:41,107 I AM NOW ABOUT TO FEED THE CARRIER BIRD 11 00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:42,608 THAT WILL TAKE THE MICROFILM 12 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,611 OF THE GERMAN PLAN FOR THE INVASION OF ENGLAND 13 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,112 DIRECT TO LONDON. 14 00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,614 NOW YOU MAY THINK THE BIRD I AM REFERRING TO 15 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,116 IS A CARRIER PIGEON. 16 00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:51,617 YOU WOULD BE WRONG. 17 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:55,121 THE R.A.F. HAVE PROVIDED US WITH A LONG DISTANCE DUCK. 18 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,627 YOU HAVE BEEN VERY QUIET IN THERE. 19 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,129 COME ON, IT IS BREAKFAST TIME. 20 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:08,134 COME ON. 21 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,137 ( quacking ) 22 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,645 ( ducklings peeping ) 23 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,151 MY GOD, SHE HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO A WHOLE SQUADRON. 24 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:32,659 OH, LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE BABIES. 25 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,663 OH, WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU THINK OF? 26 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:40,166 GREEN PEAS AND STUFFING. 27 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:43,669 OH, RENE. WHY DO WE NOT RUN AWAY TO PARIS NOW? 28 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,172 WE HAVE THE MONEY FROM THE BANK THAT WE ROBBED. 29 00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,174 NO, NO, YVETTE. THAT MONEY WAS TOO HOT. 30 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,175 WE DO NOT HAVE IT ANYMORE. 31 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:50,676 WHERE IS IT? 32 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,680 I HELPED LIEUTENANT GRUBER TO STUFF IT DOWN HIS TROUSERS. 33 00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:57,684 1,000,000 FRANCS? ARE YOU MAD? 34 00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,686 WE COULD HAVE LIVED ON THAT FOREVER. 35 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,188 I DO NOT THINK YOU WANT TO MARRY ME AT ALL! 36 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,690 SHUSH! KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN. 37 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:08,695 I AM NEVER GOING TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 38 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:13,199 RENE! 39 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:18,204 WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND THAT GIRL? 40 00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,708 YOU STUPID WOMAN. 41 00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,211 SHE WAS FAINT FROM HUNGER. 42 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:28,214 SHE CRIES TO SEE THE FOOD BEING GIVEN TO THE DUCKS. 43 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:32,719 OH, YOU POOR CHILD. 44 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,721 YOU MUST BUILD UP YOUR STRENGTH. 45 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,223 HERE, HAVE SOME POTATO PEELINGS. 46 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,226 THANK YOU. 47 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,731 DO NOT BE UNGRATEFUL, EAT THEM UP. 48 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,743 YES, UNCLE HEINRICH. 49 00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,245 OF COURSE, UNCLE HEINRICH. 50 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:01,748 I AM TALKING TO HIMMLER. 51 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,249 HIMMLER? 52 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,250 AAGH! 53 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,752 SHUSH! 54 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:07,754 DO NOT LISTEN. 55 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:11,758 YES, UNCLE HEINRICH, BUT WITH RESPECT, 56 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,260 THE GESTAPO MONEY THAT WAS STOLEN FROM THE BANK 57 00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:16,262 WAS NOT GENUINE FRANCS. 58 00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,763 THEY WERE FORGED FRANCS. 59 00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:20,766 YES, OF COURSE, 60 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,770 IT IS THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING. 61 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,773 DO NOT WORRY, UNCLE, I WILL DETECT THE MISCREANTS 62 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,775 AND BRING THEM TO JUSTICE. 63 00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:32,278 BUT UNCLE, YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME 64 00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:34,780 TO SHOOT EVERYONE IN THE TOWN. 65 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:37,283 I AM UNPOPULAR ENOUGH AS IT IS. 66 00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:41,787 YES, UNCLE. BY THE WAY, 67 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,790 IS THERE ANY CHANCE OF A POSTAL ORDER 68 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,792 TO TIDE ME OVER? 69 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,294 HE HUNG UP? 70 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,795 VON SMALLHAUSEN? 71 00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,297 VON SMALLHAUSEN! 72 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,805 PAY ATTENTION. 73 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:02,809 WE MUST TRACE THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE STOLEN MONEY. 74 00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:03,810 BUT HOW, HERR FLICK? 75 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:07,313 WHAT IS THE FIRST THING PEOPLE DO WITH STOLEN MONEY? 76 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:09,315 THEY HIDE IT IN THE MATTRESS. 77 00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:10,816 NO, THEY DO NOT. 78 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,821 THEY DIVIDE IT UP AMONGST THEMSELVES. 79 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,322 WHAT DO THEY DO THEN? 80 00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:17,823 THEY SPEND IT. 81 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:18,825 NO, THEY DO NOT. 82 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,829 THEY HIDE IT IN A MATTRESS. 83 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,330 WHAT HAPPENS THEN? 84 00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:27,333 I DO NOT LIKE TO SAY, HERR FLICK. 85 00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:32,338 ALWAYS SOMEBODY MAKES A MISTAKE. 86 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,340 WHAT IS THIS MISTAKE? 87 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:37,343 THEY SEND THE MATTRESS TO THE CLEANERS. 88 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,346 NO, THEY DO NOT. 89 00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,350 THEY SPEND SOME OF IT. 90 00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:45,851 AND WHAT DO THEY SPEND IT ON? 91 00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:47,353 EXCUSE ME... 92 00:04:58,364 --> 00:05:00,866 LUXURY GOODS? 93 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,368 POSSIBLY. 94 00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,371 BUT POSSIBLY NOT. 95 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,377 MORE LIKELY FOOD. 96 00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:14,380 WE WILL DISGUISE OURSELVES AS MARKET TRADERS. 97 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:17,383 THE FIRST PERSON WHO SPENDS ONE OF THE FORGED NOTES 98 00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,385 WILL BE ARRESTED AND INTERROGATED 99 00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:20,886 UNTIL HE LEADS US TO THE SOURCE. 100 00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:25,625 900 AND 65, 101 00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:27,126 900 AND 70, 102 00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:29,128 975,000 FRANCS. 103 00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,131 I THOUGHT THE RANSOM WAS A MILLION? 104 00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:34,633 ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NO MORE DOWN YOUR TROUSERS? 105 00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,135 SEARCH ME. 106 00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,138 I WILL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. 107 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,643 I SUGGEST WE GIVE IT ANONYMOUSLY TO HERR FLICK 108 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:45,645 AND PUT AN END TO THE MATTER. 109 00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:50,149 DON'T LET US BE HASTY, GRUBER. 110 00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:53,152 975,000 FRANCS 111 00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:56,655 BUYS A LOT OF STRUDEL. 112 00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:59,158 COLONEL, I HAVE SEEN HERR FLICK. 113 00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:01,160 HE IS MAD AS A SNAKE. 114 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,662 SHOULD HE FIND OUT I KNOW THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE MONEY, 115 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:06,165 I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT MAY BE MY FATE. 116 00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:07,666 SO DO NOT TELL HIM. 117 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:10,670 TWO FOR YOU, 118 00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:14,173 TWO FOR ME. 119 00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:15,674 ONE FOR YOU. 120 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,677 TWO FOR YOU, 121 00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:21,180 TWO FOR ME. ONE FOR YOU. 122 00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,182 COLONEL, WHY AM I TO RECEIVE ONLY ONE? 123 00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:24,683 BECAUSE YOU ARE A WOMAN. 124 00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:28,187 TWO FOR YOU, 125 00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:30,189 TWO FOR ME, 126 00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:31,190 ONE FOR YOU. 127 00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:32,691 I AM A WOMAN WITH A BIG MOUTH. 128 00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:38,697 TWO FOR YOU, TWO FOR YOU... 129 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:40,700 COLONEL, MY FRIEND! 130 00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:46,705 AH! 131 00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,708 THE BEAUTIFUL LADY. 132 00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:49,709 I KISS YOUR HAND. 133 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,213 LIEUTENANT GRUBER, 134 00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,215 HOW ARE YOU GETTING ON, EH? 135 00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:00,720 WHAT DO I SEE? 136 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,222 - WHAT INDEED. - THE BIG THE LOLLY. 137 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:04,723 THIS THE MONEY WHAT YOU STEAL 138 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,726 FROM THE BANK FOR THE RANSOM, NO? 139 00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,227 - YES! - OW! 140 00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:10,729 SO KEEP OFF IT YOUR WOP HANDS. 141 00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,233 COLONEL, I SEE YOU HAVE THE SHARE OUT. 142 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,235 WHY YOU NO INCLUDE YOUR FRIEND ALBERTO? 143 00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:18,237 WHY SHOULD WE INCLUDE YOU? 144 00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:20,739 BECAUSE I CAN DROP YOU IN THE YOU-KNOW-WHAT, 145 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,743 AND YOU NOT COME OUT SMELLING OF THE ROSES. 146 00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:26,746 TWO FOR YOU, 147 00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,247 TWO FOR YOU. 148 00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:31,250 COLONEL? 149 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,252 I WAS STANDING OUTSIDE THE DOOR, 150 00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:35,254 AND I COULD NOT HELP BUT HEAR YOUR CONVERSATION. 151 00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:37,756 IS THERE A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR ME? 152 00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:41,260 HOW ABOUT A POSTING TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT? 153 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,263 I CANNOT BE SENT TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT... 154 00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:45,764 ON MEDICAL GROUNDS. 155 00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:47,767 WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? 156 00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:50,269 IT'S MY MEMORY, COLONEL. 157 00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:51,770 WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT? 158 00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:52,772 GET OUT! 159 00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:56,776 TWO FOR YOU, 160 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:57,777 TWO FOR YOU. 161 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:02,281 ( knocking on door ) 162 00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:10,789 MICHELLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 163 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,792 THIS IS MY COVER. 164 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,294 AS A WINDOW CLEANER I CAN MOVE FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE 165 00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,296 WITHOUT AROUSING SUSPICION. 166 00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:19,298 HOW ABOUT PUTTING WATER IN YOUR BUCKET? 167 00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:24,303 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, I WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 168 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,807 OUR ORGANIZATION IN ABBEVILLE HAS SUCCEEDED 169 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:30,309 IN PHOTOGRAPHING THE PLANS FOR THE INVASION. 170 00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:33,312 I HAVE THE MICROFILM. I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU. 171 00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:36,315 YOU WILL ATTACH IT TO THE LEG OF THE LONG DISTANCE DUCK. 172 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:38,317 THE DUCK WILL THEN TRANSPORT IT TO LONDON. 173 00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:40,819 IS ANYONE LOOKING? 174 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,822 THE WHOLE VILLAGE WILL BE, IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP. 175 00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,830 FOR THIS YOU WILL NEED A LONG DISTANCE ALBATROSS. 176 00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:56,335 THE MICROFILM IS HIDDEN BENEATH THE STAMP. 177 00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:59,838 STEAM IT OFF AND ATTACH IT TO THE LEG OF THE DUCK WITH A CORN PLASTER. 178 00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:03,342 THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THAT DUCK. 179 00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,346 SHE HAS JUST GIVEN BIRTH TO FIVE LITTLE DUCKS. 180 00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:09,348 SO? 181 00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:11,350 IF YOU TAKE HER AWAY FROM THEM NOW THEY WILL DIE. 182 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,852 PUT THEM UNDER A WARM TEA COZY 183 00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:16,355 AND FEED THEM EVERY FOUR HOURS WITH A FOUNTAIN PEN FILLER. 184 00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:20,859 I AM NOT GOING TO WET-NURSE A DUCK. I HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN. 185 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,361 THEN FIND A BROODY HEN. 186 00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:24,863 WHO WILL TEACH THEM TO SWIM? 187 00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:26,365 AND THINK OF THE MOTHER-- 188 00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:27,866 IF SHE IS TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM NOW, 189 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,869 SHE WON'T REACH CALAIS BEFORE SHE GETS 190 00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:32,371 POST-NATAL DEPRESSION. 191 00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:35,374 I AM WORKING FOR THE RESISTANCE TRYING TO WIN THE WAR 192 00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:38,377 AND YOU ARE WORKING FOR DUCK WELFARE. 193 00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:39,878 THAT DUCK LEAVES TODAY. 194 00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:44,383 HANG ON, YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED MY WINDOWS. 195 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:46,885 SCREW YOUR WINDOWS. 196 00:09:57,563 --> 00:10:00,065 WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A FRUIT BASKET ON YOUR HEAD? 197 00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:05,070 I AM GOING SHOPPING FOR FOOD. 198 00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:06,572 AND TALKING OF FOOD, 199 00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:08,073 HOW MUCH LONGER DO WE HAVE TO HIDE 200 00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,576 THESE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE GIRLS? 201 00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,578 I EXPECT THE SEARCH WILL BE OVER IN A FEW DAYS 202 00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:14,079 AND THEN THEY WILL BE ABLE TO LEAVE. 203 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,083 THEY ARE EATING ME OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME. 204 00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,085 THEY ARE LIKE ANIMALS. 205 00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,587 I KNOW. 206 00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,093 RENE? 207 00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:29,595 THE ONE CALLED DENISE LAROQUE, 208 00:10:29,595 --> 00:10:31,597 IS SHE THE SAME DENISE LAROQUE 209 00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:33,599 WHO WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART, 210 00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:36,101 WHO HELD YOU CAPTIVE AGAINST YOUR WILL, 211 00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,604 WHO HAS THE HOTS FOR YOU AND WANTED TO MARRY YOU 212 00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:42,107 AND THREATENED TO KILL ME IF I GOT IN THE WAY? 213 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,610 NO. THIS IS A DIFFERENT DENISE LAROQUE ALTOGETHER. 214 00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:48,614 RENE, LET ME LOOK INTO YOUR EYES. 215 00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:50,616 I CAN ALWAYS TELL IF YOU ARE LYING. 216 00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:55,621 I SEE IT IS THE TRUTH. 217 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,627 OH, RENE, I AM SO HAPPY. 218 00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:05,131 I MADE THESE SANDWICHES FOR MAMMA. 219 00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,133 YOU TAKE THEM TO HER, MY ANGEL. 220 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:08,634 OF COURSE, MY SWEETHEART. 221 00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:13,138 RENE? 222 00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:24,650 ( Rene screams ) 223 00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,653 - RENE! - DENISE! 224 00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:30,656 I KNEW YOU WOULD COME TO ME, PASSION OF MY LIFE. 225 00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:33,659 JUST THE SIGHT OF YOUR BRAVE FACE HAS MADE ME GIDDY. 226 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:36,161 IT IS PROBABLY THE SMELL OF MOTHBALLS 227 00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:37,663 THAT I HAVE JUST CRUSHED UNDER MY FEET. 228 00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:40,165 YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME SANDWICHES. 229 00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,168 LET ME EAT BEFORE WE MAKE LOVE. 230 00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:43,669 ATTRACTIVE THOUGH THIS MAY BE, 231 00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:45,671 I CANNOT STAY AT THE MOMENT. 232 00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:47,673 I AM OVERRUN WITH GERMANS. 233 00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:50,175 HAVE YOU MADE ANY PLANS TO ESCAPE? 234 00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:52,678 I WILL STAY HERE TILL EVERYTHING DIES DOWN. 235 00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:55,681 OH, AS LONG AS THAT. 236 00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:57,683 THEN WE WILL KILL THE WOMAN YOU ARE LIVING WITH, 237 00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,685 BURY HER IN THE GARDEN AND HIDE TOGETHER 238 00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:01,687 IN THE SEWERS OF PARIS, POPPING UP 239 00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:03,689 FROM TIME TO TIME TO KILL THE HATED ENEMY. 240 00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,190 I CAN HARDLY WAIT. 241 00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:08,694 KISS ME AS IF THERE WERE NO TOMORROW. 242 00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:11,697 BUT IT IS ONLY 11:00 ON THE MORNING OF TODAY. 243 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:29,715 THIS LOOKS LIKE A GOOD PITCH. WE WILL SELL OUR FISH. 244 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,721 I HAVE THE WINKLES, 245 00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:39,224 I HAVE THE WINKLES, ALIVE ALIVE-O! 246 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,227 I HAVE THE CRABS, 247 00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:44,230 I HAVE THE CRABS, ALIVE ALIVE-O! 248 00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,737 VON SMALLHAUSEN, YOU WILL DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY. 249 00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:54,740 YOU ARE NOT A GOOD FISH SELLER. 250 00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,743 I'M SORRY, HERR FLICK. 251 00:12:57,743 --> 00:12:58,744 PLEASE, TELL ME WHAT TO DO. 252 00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:01,747 CONGER, CONGER. 253 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:05,251 ♪ LA LA LA LA LA-LA LA LA LA LA LA-LA. ♪ 254 00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:19,765 POOH, YOUR FOSH IS VERY PINGY. 255 00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:21,767 GO AWAY. 256 00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:24,269 YOU CANNOT SPOKE LIKE THOS 257 00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:25,771 TO AN IFFICER OF THE LOO. 258 00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:29,775 WHERE IS YOUR STRAIT TREEDERS LOOSENCE? 259 00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:35,280 OH, GESTOOPO. 260 00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:38,784 I WILL HAVE A POUND OF WONKLES. 261 00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:42,788 WHAT ARE WONKLES? 262 00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:45,791 THESE ARE WONKLES. 263 00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:48,294 WINKLES. 264 00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:57,803 WHAT PART OF FRANCE DO YOU COME FROM? 265 00:13:57,803 --> 00:13:59,805 I AM HALF ITOOLIAN. 266 00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:05,811 - ITOOLIAN? - YES, ITOOLIAN. 267 00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:08,814 I THINK HE MEANS ITALIAN. 268 00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:12,317 I WAS BROUGHT UP IN NIPPLES. 269 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,821 NIPPLES? 270 00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,824 YES, YOU KNOW THE OLD SOOING? 271 00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:20,826 SEE NIPPLES AND DO. 272 00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,941 RETURN TO ME AS SOON AS YOU ARE ABLE. 273 00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,443 OF COURSE. 274 00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,449 AND NEXT TIME BRING THE MUSTARD. 275 00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,458 ( Rene screams ) 276 00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,962 RENE! 277 00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:58,964 LOUISE! 278 00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:01,466 I HAVE BEEN IN THIS WARDROBE ALL NIGHT THINKING OF YOU. 279 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,969 I THOUGHT I WOULD EXPLODE WITH PASSION. 280 00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,973 LUCKY YOU KEPT THE DOOR CLOSED. 281 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,477 I SEE YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME FOOD 282 00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,479 SO I MAY BUILD UP MY STRENGTH, 283 00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,481 SO THAT WE CAN RUN AWAY TOGETHER. 284 00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:19,985 I DO NOT THINK TWO SARDINES AND A BIT OF CRESS 285 00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,987 WILL HELP YOU RUN AWAY VERY FAR. 286 00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:23,989 LET US KILL DENISE 287 00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:26,491 AND HIDE HER BODY IN A DISUSED REFRIGERATOR 288 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,494 AND FLY AWAY TO THE ALPS 289 00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,496 WHERE WE CAN DROP ROCKS ON THE GERMANS. 290 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,998 OH, WHAT A ROMANTIC NOTION. 291 00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:36,501 UNFORTUNATELY WE USE OUR DISUSED REFRIGERATOR, 292 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,004 BUT THE MOMENT IT BREAKS DOWN, I WILL LET YOU KNOW. 293 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,512 ONLY ONE SANDWICH LEFT FOR MY WIFE'S MOTHER. 294 00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,515 STILL, AT HER AGE SHE DOES NOT NEED MUCH. 295 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:58,023 WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DO TO THEM ALL? 296 00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,027 WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS FACE 297 00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:05,530 THAT DRIVES THEM TO SUCH BLINDING PASSION? 298 00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,032 STILL... 299 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:09,534 NOT BAD FOR 32. 300 00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:14,539 RENE! 301 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,041 NOT NOW. 302 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:23,048 GOOD MORNING, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. 303 00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:26,051 A GOOD MORNING, MY ADORABLE MADAME EDITH. 304 00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:29,054 MAGNIFICENT. 305 00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:35,060 HOW HANDSOME YOU LOOK THIS MORNING. 306 00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:41,567 THE AROMA SURROUNDING YOU IS MOST TANTALIZING. 307 00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,569 BETTER THAN THE REST OF THE MARKET PLACE. 308 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,571 ( chuckles ) 309 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,072 I HAVE BEEN TO THE HAIRDRESSER 310 00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,574 TO HAVE MY MOUSTACHE RESTYLED. 311 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:53,078 THE POMADE THAT THEY USE IS THEIR OWN PREPARATION. 312 00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:55,080 IT IS MADE FROM BADGER GREASE 313 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,082 AND ROSE PETAL WATER. 314 00:16:57,082 --> 00:17:00,585 HOW IT GLISTENS IN THE MORNING LIGHT. 315 00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:03,088 NATURAL PRODUCTS ARE ALWAYS THE BEST, ARE THEY NOT? 316 00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:04,589 UNDOUBTEDLY. 317 00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,593 I ALSO HAD MY HAIR SHAMPOOED 318 00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:10,596 WITH EXTRACT OF HEDGEHOG. 319 00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:17,603 IT HAS GIVEN IT A LOT OF BODY. 320 00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:21,106 IT HAS ITS DRAWBACKS. 321 00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:23,608 IF EVER IT HEARS A MOTOR HOOTER, 322 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:26,111 IT CLENCHES ITSELF INTO A BALL. 323 00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,616 GOOD MORNING. 324 00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:36,121 WONKLES, WONKLES, 325 00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,623 WHO WILL BUY MY WONKLES? 326 00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:45,130 GOOD MORNING, FISHMONGER. 327 00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:47,132 I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU HERE BEFORE. 328 00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:48,633 WE ARE NEW AROUND HERE. 329 00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:52,637 WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR YOUR FISH. 330 00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:55,140 THREE COD'S HEADS FOR THE CAT. 331 00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,644 LOOK. THIS IS A FORGED BANK NOTE. 332 00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:03,148 WE ARE THE GESTAPO. YOU ARE UNDER ARREST. 333 00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:04,649 YOU WILL COME WITH US FOR INTERROGATION. 334 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:07,653 GENTLEMEN, I AM AN INNOCENT MAN. 335 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,154 I AM MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, 336 00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:11,156 THE RESPECTED UNDERTAKER. 337 00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:13,158 I AM ENTIRELY INNOCENT. 338 00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:15,660 THEN WHY IS YOUR HAIR STANDING ON END IN FRIGHT? 339 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,162 HMM? 340 00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:18,663 YOU WILL COME WITH US. 341 00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:20,666 NO, NO, GENTLEMEN. 342 00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,668 NO, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE. 343 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,170 THIS IS A FOOLISH MISTAKE. 344 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,671 MADAME EDITH, HELP ME, PLEASE! 345 00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:28,674 MADAME EDITH! 346 00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:30,876 ( knock on door ) 347 00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,377 WHO IS IT? 348 00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:34,379 IT IS RENE. ARE YOU DECENT? 349 00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:37,382 I HAVE BEEN DECENT 350 00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:40,885 SINCE AUGUST 1922. 351 00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:42,387 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 352 00:18:42,387 --> 00:18:43,888 I HAVE BROUGHT YOU YOUR LUNCH. 353 00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:45,390 ( joyful ) OH. 354 00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:48,393 OH. 355 00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:51,896 HALF A CRUMMY SARDINE SANDWICH? 356 00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:54,399 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE? 357 00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:57,402 STOP WHINGING, YOU OLD BAT. 358 00:18:57,402 --> 00:18:58,903 THERE'S A WAR ON. 359 00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,405 OOH. 360 00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:03,408 IF ONE OF MY LATE HUSBANDS WERE ALIVE 361 00:19:03,408 --> 00:19:05,410 TO HEAR YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, 362 00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:06,911 HE WOULD HORSEWHIP YOU. 363 00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:08,914 THEY ARE NOT ALIVE, ARE THEY? 364 00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:10,916 NO, NO. 365 00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:13,418 THAT IS WHY I SHALL HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF! 366 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,924 WHAT IS HAPPENING? 367 00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:20,425 THIS HOOLIGAN HAS GONE MAD. 368 00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:23,428 STOP IT, MAMMA! STOP IT! 369 00:19:23,428 --> 00:19:25,930 HE IS NO GOOD. AHH. 370 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:29,434 YOU MUST MARRY MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, 371 00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,936 AND GIVE HIM THE BUM'S RUSH. 372 00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:34,439 SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED 373 00:19:34,439 --> 00:19:35,940 TO MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. 374 00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:37,943 HE HAS BEEN ARRESTED BY THE GESTAPO. 375 00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:40,445 - WHAT? - GESTAPO! 376 00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,447 ( spitting ) 377 00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,452 WHY HAS HE BEEN ARRESTED? 378 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:49,954 HE PASSED ONE OF THE BANK NOTES 379 00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:52,958 WE STOLE FROM THE BANK. IT WAS A FORGERY. 380 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,960 WHAT? WHERE DID HE GET IT? 381 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,962 HE HAD BEEN TO THE HAIRDRESSER. 382 00:19:56,962 --> 00:19:58,964 MICHELLE USED SOME OF THE STOLEN MONEY THERE. 383 00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:01,466 MY GOD, IT WILL ALL BE TRACED TO US. 384 00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:03,968 NO. MONSIEUR ALPHONSE LOVES ME. 385 00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:06,972 HE WILL DIE BEFORE HE GIVES ME AWAY. 386 00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:09,975 EDITH? IF HE DIES BEFORE HE MARRIES YOU, 387 00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:11,977 WHO WILL GET HIS MONEY? 388 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:15,480 THE HOME FOR DISTRESSED UNDERTAKERS. 389 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,483 WELL, YOU MUST RESCUE HIM. 390 00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:20,485 MAKE HIM SIGN THE WILL 391 00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:21,986 AND THEN HAND HIM BACK. 392 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:26,491 MICHELLE! 393 00:20:26,491 --> 00:20:28,993 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE HAS BEEN ARRESTED BY THE GESTAPO. 394 00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:30,996 I KNOW. WE MUST GET ON THE RADIO. 395 00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:32,497 I HAVE A PLAN. 396 00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:34,999 OOH! 397 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,002 THIS IS YOUR FAULT, MICHELLE. 398 00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:39,504 YOU USED SOME OF THAT MONEY TO HAVE YOUR HAIR DONE. 399 00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:42,006 FOR WEEKS I HAVE NOT HAD MY HAIR DONE. 400 00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:43,508 AS HEAD OF THE RESISTANCE, 401 00:20:43,508 --> 00:20:45,009 I HAVE A POSITION TO MAINTAIN. 402 00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:47,012 'ALLO, LONDON. 403 00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,514 STANDBY FOR A MESSAGE. 404 00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:52,016 'ALLO, KINGFISHER. 'ALLO, KINGFISHER. 405 00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:56,021 THIS IS BLUE TIT, THIS IS BLUE TIT. 406 00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:59,024 Pass your message, Blue Tit. 407 00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:02,027 PLEASE SEND TWO PAIRS OF 15 DENIER STOCKINGS 408 00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:05,530 AND A PACKET OF SUICIDE PILLS, THE QUICK ONES. 409 00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:10,535 Message received. Is the duck ready? 410 00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:12,036 Is the duck ready? 411 00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:13,538 I WILL LOOK UP THE CODE. 412 00:21:13,538 --> 00:21:16,040 IT IS NOT CODE. LOOK OUT THE WINDOW. 413 00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:21,046 YES, THE DUCK IS READY. 414 00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:24,049 We need the invasion plans at once. 415 00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:26,051 The wind is favorable. 416 00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:28,553 Release the duck immediately. 417 00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:30,054 MESSAGE RECEIVED. 418 00:21:30,055 --> 00:21:32,057 WE WILL PREPARE THE DUCK FOR LAUNCH. 419 00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:33,558 OH! 420 00:21:33,558 --> 00:21:36,060 A DUCK FOR LUNCH. 421 00:21:40,065 --> 00:21:43,568 DID YOU ATTACH THE MICROFILM TO THE LEG OF THE DUCK WITH THE CORN PLASTER? 422 00:21:43,568 --> 00:21:44,569 - IT IS DONE. - GOOD. 423 00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:50,575 DO YOU HAVE THE LONG DISTANCE DICK? 424 00:21:50,575 --> 00:21:52,577 IN THE BOX AND READY FOR TAKE OFF. 425 00:21:52,577 --> 00:21:55,079 I WILL MAUVE THESE PEASANTS OUT OF THE WEE 426 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,082 AND MAKE A CLEAR PITH. 427 00:22:01,086 --> 00:22:03,088 AH, THERE YOU ARE CHAPS. 428 00:22:03,088 --> 00:22:05,590 I SAY, MICHELLE, WHAT'S GOING ON? 429 00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:09,093 WE'RE FLYING THE INVASION PLANS TO ENGLAND BY FAST DUCK. 430 00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:19,604 JUST THINK, RENE, IN A MOMENT 431 00:22:19,604 --> 00:22:21,606 IT WILL BE SOARING ABOVE THE CLOUDS 432 00:22:21,606 --> 00:22:24,609 TAKING WITH IT THE PLANS OF THE INVASION. 433 00:22:24,609 --> 00:22:26,611 WE HOPE. 434 00:22:26,611 --> 00:22:29,614 RENE, LET ME RELEASE IT. 435 00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:32,116 VERY WELL, IF YOU WISH, EDITH. 436 00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:34,119 THIS WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY 437 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:37,122 AS THE TURNING POINT IN THE STRUGGLE 438 00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,623 OF THE OPPRESSED PEOPLE OF THE WORLD 439 00:22:38,623 --> 00:22:42,126 AGAINST THE JACKBOOTS OF FASCIST IMPERIALISTS. 440 00:23:01,646 --> 00:23:03,648 ( loud quacking ) 441 00:23:20,165 --> 00:23:23,168 ( theme music playing )