1 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:07,073 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,595 IS THERE ANYONE AMONG YOU WHO THINKS 3 00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,597 IT'S A LITTLE STRANGE THAT I AM CHAINED TO THE WALL 4 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,099 OF A DUNGEON WEARING LADIES UNDERWEAR? 5 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:35,601 IF THERE IS, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION. 6 00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,605 I WAS TRICKED INTO THIS LUDICROUS SITUATION 7 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,607 BY HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO. 8 00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,109 I AM NOW AWAITING RESCUE BY LIEUTENANT GRUBER, 9 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,111 WHO IS THE ONE WHO FANCIES ME. 10 00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:48,114 I WOULD RATHER NOT BE RESCUED BY HIM, 11 00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:49,615 BUT, IN WARTORN FRANCE, 12 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,619 ONE HAS TO MAKE STRANGE BEDFELLOWS. 13 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:55,121 I WISH I HAD NOT SAID THAT. 14 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:59,625 Soldier: SHE IS IN HERE. SHE HAS BEEN VERY QUIET. 15 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:00,627 RENE, 16 00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,629 WE WILL HAVE YOU OUT OF HERE. 17 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:04,631 GOOD. 18 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:10,136 OH, YOUR ARMS LOOK QUITE PALE. 19 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:11,637 THAT IS BECAUSE THE BLOOD HAS FALLEN DOWN 20 00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,139 BELOW MY ELBOWS. 21 00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,641 I HOPE YOU WILL SOON BE ABLE TO REMOVE 22 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:18,144 THIS EXPERIENCE FROM YOUR MEMORY. 23 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:20,646 YES, I HOPE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME. 24 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,649 HERE ARE THE CLOTHES 25 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,651 IN WHICH YOU CAN LEAVE. 26 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:26,653 I HOPE THE SKIRT IS NOT TOO TIGHT. 27 00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,655 IT IS THE LARGEST I COULD FIND. 28 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:31,157 WHY DO I HAVE TO WEAR A SKIRT? 29 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,659 RENE, I COULD NOT WALK THROUGH THE TOWN 30 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,161 WITH YOU DRESSED IN LADIES UNDERWEAR. 31 00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:37,163 WHY COULD YOU NOT BRING ME TROUSERS? 32 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:40,166 YOU WERE TAKEN PRISONER AS A WOMAN SOLDIER, 33 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,168 AND YOU MUST BE TAKEN OUT AS A WOMAN SOLDIER. 34 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:44,670 WILL NOT MY MOUSTACHE AROUSE SUSPICION? 35 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,172 NO, RENE. 36 00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:47,673 NO, IN THE GERMAN ARMY, 37 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:50,176 LADY SERGEANTS ARE PERMITTED TO GROW THEM. 38 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:00,687 YOU SENT FOR ME, HERR FLICK? 39 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:01,688 YES, HELGA. 40 00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,690 YOU SHOWED GREAT DEVOTION 41 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,692 BY ASSISTING WITH MY ESCAPE. 42 00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:06,693 HERE. 43 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,194 WHAT IS THIS, HERR FLICK? 44 00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,196 IT IS THE GESTAPO CERTIFICATE 45 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:11,697 OF SPECIAL MERIT. 46 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,700 SEE, YOUR NAME IS AT THE TOP, 47 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,702 MY SIGNATURE IS AT THE BOTTOM. 48 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:18,204 THE WAXED SEAL IS STILL HOT. 49 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,206 IT IS NOT ONLY A GREAT HONOR, 50 00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,208 BUT WITH IT, YOU CAN GET INTO THE CINEMA FREE, 51 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,710 BEFORE 5:00. 52 00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,213 WHAT CAN I SAY? 53 00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:31,217 YOU CAN SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION AND GRATITUDE 54 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,219 BY FIRST RELEASING YOUR HAIR. 55 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,232 NOW, 56 00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:48,234 YOU MAY PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME, 57 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:51,737 AND KISS ME UNTIL YOU ARE GIDDY WITH ECSTASY. 58 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,740 OH, THANK YOU, HERR FLICK. 59 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,243 YOU ARE REACHING THE ECSTASY POINT 60 00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,245 VERY QUICKLY THESE DAYS. 61 00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:01,247 IT COMES WITH PRACTICE. 62 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,749 NOW PAY ATTENTION. 63 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,251 BEFORE I WAS IMPRISONED, 64 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,752 I OVERHEARD THE COLONEL 65 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,755 AND GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN 66 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,757 PLOTTING TO BLOW UP THE FUHRER, 67 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,259 WHEN HE VISITS THE CHATEAU TO CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY. 68 00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:16,762 I FIND THIS IMPOSSIBLE TO BELIEVE, HERR FLICK. 69 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,765 VON SMALLHAUSEN HEARD IT WITH HIS VERY OWN EARS, 70 00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,767 AND RELAYED IT TO ME. 71 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,269 LIEUTENANT GRUBER IS TO DO THE BLOWING UP. 72 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:25,271 WE MUST BE ON THE ALERT. 73 00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,773 YOU WILL REPORT TO ME ALL CONVERSATIONS 74 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,776 BETWEEN THESE GUILTY PARTIES. 75 00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:31,778 AS SOON AS I HAVE ENOUGH EVIDENCE, 76 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:32,779 I WILL ARREST THEM. 77 00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:34,781 IT IS FRIGHTENING 78 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,783 TO HAVE SO MUCH POWER. 79 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,785 YES, ISN'T IT? 80 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,287 NOW, IT IS MY TURN TO GO GIDDY. 81 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,788 ( glass shatters ) 82 00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:54,133 MADAME EDITH, I BRING YOU FLOWERS. 83 00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:56,135 OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, 84 00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:57,636 YOU SHOULD NOT. 85 00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:59,639 ALWAYS WHEN I BRING YOU FLOWERS, 86 00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:01,641 IT IS WITH THE SAME MESSAGE, 87 00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:03,142 I LOVE YOU. 88 00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,646 WHAT NEWS OF RENE? 89 00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,147 HE IS ON A DESPERATE MISSION, 90 00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:09,648 HE HAS NOT COME BACK. 91 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,651 OH. WELL, SHOULD HE NOT RETURN, 92 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,653 I WISH YOU TO KNOW, 93 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:16,155 THAT I WOULD CONSIDER IT AN HONOR 94 00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,157 TO CONTINUE WHERE HE LEFT OFF. 95 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,661 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, HE LEFT OFF 96 00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:24,664 WHEN HITLER WAS HALFWAY DOWN THE POLISH CORRIDOR. 97 00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:28,167 EDITH, MICHELLE IS IN THE BACK ROOM. 98 00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,168 SHE WISHES TO TALK TO YOU. 99 00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:30,669 OH VERY WELL. MIMI! 100 00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:35,174 I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. 101 00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:36,675 ( Edith shrieks ) 102 00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:41,681 I HAVE GOOD NEWS, RENE IS SAFE, 103 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,683 AND HAS BEEN SEEN IN THE TOWN. 104 00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:46,686 HE HAS THE LUCK OF OLD NICK. 105 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,688 I HAVE HERE THE SPY CAMERA 106 00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:50,189 WITH WHICH YOU ARE TO PHOTOGRAPH 107 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:51,690 THE SAFE IN THE CHATEAU. 108 00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,693 HAVE YOU ARRANGED TO STEAL THE FILM? 109 00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:56,696 I HAVE INVITED THE COLONEL TO TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS 110 00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,698 OF ME TONIGHT IN MY UNDERWEAR. 111 00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:00,700 I WILL STEAL THE FILM FROM THE COLONEL'S CAMERA, 112 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,702 WHILE YVETTE IS DISTRACTING HIM 113 00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,203 WITH THE FLYING HELMET AND WET CELERY. 114 00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:07,706 THESE POOR GIRLS, WHAT THEY DO FOR FRANCE. 115 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:09,208 THEY GET PAID. 116 00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:10,709 HOW MUCH? 117 00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:12,211 2,000 FRANCS. 118 00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:14,713 IT IS GOOD VALUE FOR MONEY. 119 00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:16,215 ( knocking ) 120 00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:19,718 IT IS RENE! 121 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,723 ...HITTING WINDOW. 122 00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:26,726 OH, LET ME HELP YOU. 123 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:29,729 MY POOR BRAVE RENE! 124 00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,235 THANK GOD HE IS SAFE. 125 00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:39,738 THE BRAVEST TRANSVESTITE IN ALL OF FRANCE. 126 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,240 WE WERE WORRIED. 127 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,741 YOU HAVE BEEN AWAY FOR SO LONG. 128 00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:44,744 THE GIRLS FROM THE TYPING POOL 129 00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:46,746 INVITED ME FOR A DRINK. 130 00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:50,249 I HAVE HERE THE SPY CAMERA. 131 00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:53,252 IT IS DISGUISED AS A LARGE POTATO, 132 00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:56,756 IT WORKS SO-- 133 00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:58,257 I SPLIT IT IN TWO, 134 00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:00,259 TO REVEAL THE CAMERA. 135 00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:08,267 WHY DISGUISE IT AS A POTATO? 136 00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:11,770 BECAUSE YOU DO NOT GET CARROTS THAT BIG. 137 00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:16,275 WHEN NEXT THEY ORDER FOOD FROM THE CHATEAU, 138 00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:17,776 YOU WILL DELIVER IT. 139 00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:20,279 YOU WILL FIND THE ROOM CONTAINING THE SAFE. 140 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,281 PHOTOGRAPH IT AND DELIVER THE FILM 141 00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:23,782 TO MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. 142 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:26,786 I HAVE, IN MY MORTUARY, MANY FLUIDS 143 00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:29,288 WHICH SKILLFULLY BLENDED, CAN DEVELOP THE FILM. 144 00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:32,291 I MUST GO NOW. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. 145 00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:42,301 OH, RENE, IT IS SO GOOD 146 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,303 THAT YOU ARE SAFE AND BACK WITH US AGAIN. 147 00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:45,804 BUT YOU ARE LOOKING PALE. 148 00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:48,307 WELL, I HAD TO TAKE MY MAKEUP OFF. 149 00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:51,810 RENE, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, 150 00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:53,813 I DREAM THAT YOU COME TO MY ROOM. 151 00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,314 YOU HOLD ME IN YOUR ARMS, 152 00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:56,815 YOU KISS ME, 153 00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:59,318 YOU MAKE WILD ABANDONED LOVE TO ME. 154 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,320 WHEN ARE WE GONNA BE TOGETHER? 155 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,323 WITH DREAMS LIKE THAT, YOU HARDLY NEED ME. 156 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,325 DO YOU KNOW, 157 00:07:06,325 --> 00:07:08,327 WE HAVE NOT EVEN KISSED YET? 158 00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:09,828 WELL, IT IS VERY DIFFICULT, MIMI, 159 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,831 WITH YVETTE IN THERE, MY WIFE OUT THERE, 160 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,833 ME UP HERE, YOU DOWN THERE. 161 00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:18,337 JUST A QUICK ONE? 162 00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:19,838 OH, VERY WELL. 163 00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:27,346 RENE! 164 00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:32,851 WHY IS THAT GIRL CRAWLING ALL OVER YOU? 165 00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:38,858 YOU STUPID WOMAN! 166 00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,864 SHE JUMPED INTO MY ARMS BECAUSE SHE SAW A MOUSE! 167 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,366 IT IS YOUR JOB TO SET THE TRAPS. 168 00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:48,867 CAN I TRUST YOU WITH NOTHING? 169 00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:51,871 OH, I AM SORRY. THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO. 170 00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:55,374 EXCUSES, EXCUSES. DO NOT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN. 171 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,377 GOOD MOANING. 172 00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:01,380 GOOD MOANING. 173 00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:05,384 I AM EXISTED. 174 00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:08,887 ANY CHANCE OF A CAP OF CIFFEE? 175 00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:10,890 MIMI, COFFEE FOR THIS BRITISH IDIOT, 176 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,892 WHO THINKS HE CAN SPEAK FRENCH. 177 00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:16,895 I HAVE FOR YOU, GOOD NOSE. 178 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:20,900 WHAT IS YOUR NOSE? 179 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,903 IN MY BOG, I HAVE A CACK. 180 00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:31,410 AH... 181 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,412 HE HAS A CAKE IN HIS BAG. 182 00:08:34,413 --> 00:08:36,915 IT WEIGHS A TIN. 183 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:42,421 THIS CACK CONTAINS A POWERFUL BITTERY 184 00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:44,423 FOR THE ROODIO. 185 00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:46,425 TWO OF THE KINDLES ARE THE TERMINALS. 186 00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:48,427 ONE IS PLISS, 187 00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:50,429 THE OTHER IS MOANISS. 188 00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:54,933 CAN YOU GAS WATCH IS WATCH? 189 00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:57,436 WHICH IS WHICH? 190 00:08:57,436 --> 00:08:59,938 YES, WELL, I SUPPOSE IT IS VERY WELL DONE, 191 00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:01,440 BUT I THINK THAT THIS IS ONE TERMINAL, 192 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,942 AND THE OTHER ONE IS THIS ONE. 193 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,945 NO, THAT IS THE WIN. 194 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,948 MAY I HAVE THE SPOON TO STEER MY CIFFEE? 195 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:10,449 OH. 196 00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:13,452 IT IS CLEVERLY DONE. 197 00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:15,954 ( electricity crackles ) 198 00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:27,966 YOU IDIOT, MIMI! 199 00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:29,969 YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HIM! 200 00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:33,472 YOU HAVE RAISED A LIMP ON MY HOD. 201 00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:36,475 LOOK, GET OUT OF HERE, 202 00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,477 AND TAKE THIS CACK WITH YOU. 203 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,981 I SHALL PUT IT IN THE ROODIO 204 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:43,482 UNDER YOUR WIFE'S MITHER'S BOD, 205 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:46,485 AND THEN I CAN COLLECT MY BURCYCLE. 206 00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,487 USE THE BACK PASSAGE. 207 00:09:49,488 --> 00:09:51,990 THAT MAN WILL BE THE DEATH OF US. 208 00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,993 I CAN STILL FEEL THE STATIC 209 00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:55,494 IN MY WHALEBONE CORSETS. 210 00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:58,997 HERE, GO AND EARTH YOURSELF. 211 00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:08,640 ♪ HE CAN COME HOME ♪ 212 00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:10,643 ♪ AS LATE AS CAN BE ♪ 213 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:13,646 ♪ HOME WITHOUT HIM ♪ 214 00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:16,148 ♪ IS NO PLACE FOR ME ♪ 215 00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:19,151 ♪ CAN'T HELP ♪ 216 00:10:19,151 --> 00:10:21,153 ♪ LOVING THAT MAN ♪ 217 00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:25,157 ♪ OF MINE. ♪ 218 00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,660 Rene: AH, COLONEL, 219 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,162 WELCOME, WELCOME. 220 00:10:30,162 --> 00:10:32,164 YOU HAVE JUST MISSED LIEUTENANT GRUBER SINGING. 221 00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:34,666 OH, NEVER MIND, COLONEL. IT IS MY TURN NEXT. 222 00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,671 A TABLE FOR TWO, COLONEL? 223 00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:39,672 NO, RENE. 224 00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:42,174 HELGA'S GOT A VERY IMPORTANT DATE. 225 00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:43,675 SHE HAS BEEN INVITED 226 00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:46,178 BY GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 227 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,180 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN COMING HERE?! 228 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:49,681 OH, WHAT AN HONOR. 229 00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,184 EDITH, A TABLE BY THE WINDOW FOR HELGA AND THE GENERAL. 230 00:10:52,184 --> 00:10:54,186 BUT IT IS OCCUPIED. 231 00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:55,187 NO, IT IS NOT. 232 00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:56,688 GET OUT! 233 00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,191 SIT DOWN, HELGA. 234 00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:01,693 THIS WAY, PLEASE, COME AND SIT DOWN. 235 00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,195 OH, UH... 236 00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:05,197 LET-- LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT HEAVY CAMERA. 237 00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,699 D-- DOES IT HAVE A FILM IN IT? 238 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:09,702 YES, A NEW ONE. 239 00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:14,206 WHEN WILL YVETTE BE READY FOR ME? 240 00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:16,208 IN A FEW MOMENTS, COLONEL. 241 00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:17,709 MIMI, 242 00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:20,212 TAKE CARE OF THE COLONEL'S CAMERA. 243 00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:23,715 I WILL SEE NO HARM COMES TO IT. 244 00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:27,720 AH! GOOD EVENING, HERR FLICK. 245 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,222 OH MY GOD! 246 00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:32,224 THERE IS NO REASON TO CEASE YOUR JOLLIFICATION, 247 00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:34,726 JUST BECAUSE A SENIOR GESTAPO OFFICER 248 00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:37,730 IN A PARTICULARLY FOUL MOOD IS ENTERING YOUR PREMISES. 249 00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:38,731 PLAY ON! 250 00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:42,734 SO, THERE YOU ARE. 251 00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:46,238 WHAT KIND OF A FUNNY OLD GAME IS THIS? 252 00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:48,240 I HAVE TWO TICKETS FOR A FILM 253 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:49,741 FEATURING HERR STANLEY LAUREL 254 00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:51,744 AND HERR OLIVER HARDY, 255 00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,746 AND I AM LEFT WAITING IN THE FOYER 256 00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:56,248 HOLDING A BAG OF CHOCOLATE FUDGE. 257 00:11:56,248 --> 00:11:57,749 I'M SORRY, HERR FLICK. 258 00:11:57,750 --> 00:12:00,252 I HAVE BEEN ORDERED BY GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN 259 00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:02,254 TO BE HIS COMPANION FOR THE EVENING. 260 00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:03,255 YOU WILL LEARN, HELGA, 261 00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:05,757 THAT NOBODY STANDS UP THE GESTAPO. 262 00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:07,760 PLEASE GO AWAY, HERR FLICK. 263 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,261 I SHALL NOT GO AWAY. 264 00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:11,263 I SUSPECT THAT THE GENERAL 265 00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:14,266 IS INVOLVED IN A PLOT TO ASSASSINATE THE FUHRER. 266 00:12:14,266 --> 00:12:17,269 THIS IS A VERY COMMON FAULT WITH OUR GENERALS. 267 00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:19,271 I AM ARRESTING YOU. 268 00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:21,273 YOU WILL COME AWAY WITH ME FOR INTERROGATION. 269 00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:23,275 OH, HERR FLICK. 270 00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:25,777 YOU SEE THIS BULGE UNDER MY COAT? 271 00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:31,784 DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? 272 00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:37,289 A GUN? 273 00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:40,292 CORRECT. STAND UP! QUICK, MARCH! 274 00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,295 HELGA, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 275 00:12:43,295 --> 00:12:45,297 SHE IS COMING BACK TO MY PLACE 276 00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:47,799 TO BE INTERROGATED AT LENGTH. 277 00:12:49,301 --> 00:12:51,303 YVETTE, YVETTE, WE HAVE GOT THE FILM. 278 00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:53,305 TAKE THE COLONEL UPSTAIRS NOW. 279 00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:55,307 AND DO NOT BE LONG! 280 00:12:57,309 --> 00:13:00,312 ARE YOU READY, COLONEL? 281 00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:02,814 READY? I'M OBSESSED. 282 00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:06,318 HERE IS YOUR CAMERA. 283 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:10,823 I DO NOT WISH THE TROOPS TO KNOW 284 00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:12,825 THAT I AM GOING UPSTAIRS WITH YOU. 285 00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,326 I AM A COLONEL, YOU KNOW? 286 00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:16,328 I WILL GO FIRST. 287 00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:19,331 I WILL FOLLOW YOU, CASUALLY. 288 00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:31,844 ( whistling ) 289 00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:41,853 ( cheering ) 290 00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:43,355 LIEUTENANT GRUBER, ANOTHER SONG. 291 00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:45,857 EVERYBODY, ENJOY YOURSELVES, COME. 292 00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:49,862 ♪ IF YOU EVER GET ACROSS THE SEA TO ENGLAND ♪ 293 00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:51,864 All: ♪ ENGLAND ♪ 294 00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,366 ♪ THEN MAYBE AT THE CLOSING OF THE DAY ♪ 295 00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,368 All: ♪ OF THE DAY ♪ 296 00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:59,371 ♪ THE BARS WILL ALL BE SERVING GERMAN LAGER ♪ 297 00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:01,874 ♪ WHICH MEANS WE'VE WON THE WAR ♪ 298 00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:03,375 ♪ HIP HIP HOORAY! ♪ 299 00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:05,877 All: ♪ HIP HIP HOORAY! ♪ 300 00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:07,880 GENERAL ERICH VON KLINKERHOFFEN, 301 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,883 IRON CROSS AND BAR, HERO OF THE RUSSIAN FRONT. 302 00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:14,887 HEIL HITLER. 303 00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:17,890 - ( tray clangs ) - HEIL HITLER. 304 00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:20,392 RELAX, I'M OFF DUTY. 305 00:14:20,392 --> 00:14:22,894 Gruber: GOOD EVENING, GENERAL. 306 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:26,398 AH, SO THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE ALL THE ACTION IS. 307 00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:28,400 WHERE IS MY COMPANION? 308 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,403 UNFORTUNATELY, SHE LEFT WITH HERR FLICK. 309 00:14:31,403 --> 00:14:32,904 - WHAT? - IT WAS AGAINST HER WILL. 310 00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:35,908 AGAIN THIS MAN THWARTS ME. 311 00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,911 THE SOONER HE IS PUSHING UP THE DAISES, THE BETTER. 312 00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,913 I AM MOST SORRY, GENERAL. 313 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,915 WELL, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. 314 00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:45,417 BUT I WILL NOT HAVE MY EVENING RUINED. 315 00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:48,420 FIND ME A GIRL AND SOME WINE. 316 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,422 RENE, THE GENERAL NEEDS WINE. 317 00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:51,923 AH. 318 00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:53,926 ALSO, HE WOULD LIKE A WOMAN TO SIT WITH HIM. 319 00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:55,928 I WILL SIT WITH HIM. 320 00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:59,431 IN THE TOP OF MY STOCKING IS A DAGGER. 321 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,435 I WILL ENGAGE HIM IN CONVERSATION, 322 00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:05,437 IN A LOW VOICE. 323 00:15:05,437 --> 00:15:07,439 WHEN HE LEANS FORWARD TO HEAR ME, 324 00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:09,441 I WILL PLUNGE THE DAGGER 325 00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:11,943 BETWEEN THE THIRD AND FOURTH RIBS. 326 00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:13,946 HE WILL DIE INSTANTLY. 327 00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:16,448 LOOK, MIMI, I REALIZE THAT YOU ARE TRYING 328 00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:18,450 TO PROVE YOURSELF WITH THE RESISTANCE, 329 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:20,452 BUT THIS IS NEITHER THE TIME NOR THE PLACE. 330 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:23,455 A MAN OF HIS RANK NEEDS MORE SOPHISTICATED WOMEN. 331 00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,956 I SHALL GO. 332 00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:31,964 GOOD EVENING, GENERAL. 333 00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:35,467 I UNDERSTAND YOU FANCY 334 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:37,469 A LITTLE SOPHISTICATED COMPANY 335 00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:39,971 TO WHILE AWAY A LEISURELY HOUR? 336 00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:41,974 ( pops ) 337 00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:47,979 A MAN LIKE YOU SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE 338 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,982 AT HIS SIDE, A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. 339 00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:51,984 I AGREE. BUT SOMETIMES 340 00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:53,986 THE ROULETTE WHEEL OF LIFE 341 00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:56,488 THROWS UP THE ODD ZERO. 342 00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:58,990 OF COURSE, I DO NOT SIT 343 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:00,993 WITH ORDINARY SOLDIERS, 344 00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,995 ALTHOUGH THEY CRAVE MY COMPANY. 345 00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,997 WELL, IT IS WARTIME. 346 00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:06,498 MEN A LONG WAY FROM HOME 347 00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:09,000 GET VERY DESPERATE. 348 00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:11,003 ARE YOU VERY DESPERATE, GENERAL? 349 00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,505 NOT YET. 350 00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:14,506 YOU, OVER HERE! 351 00:16:14,506 --> 00:16:16,508 YES. YES, GENERAL? 352 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,511 IT'S VERY OLD AND FLAT. 353 00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:22,514 REALLY? IT IS ONE OF OUR BEST VINTAGES. 354 00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:24,015 NOT THE WINE, THE WOMAN! 355 00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:26,518 HAVE I NOT SEEN 356 00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:27,519 A BETTER-LOOKING GIRL AROUND HERE? 357 00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:30,021 SHE IS BUSY UPSTAIRS. 358 00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:33,025 NOBODY IS TOO BUSY FOR A GENERAL! 359 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,530 IS IT TOO DROOPY? 360 00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:40,532 WE WILL HAVE JUST ONE MORE. 361 00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,534 THIS TIME, I WILL HOLD THE CELERY. 362 00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:44,536 ( Yvette laughs ) 363 00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:45,537 COME ALONG, COLONEL! 364 00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:52,544 KEEP STILL. 365 00:16:57,549 --> 00:16:59,050 EMPTY! 366 00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,054 ( giggling ) 367 00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:05,057 ( laughing stops ) 368 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,059 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN! 369 00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:09,561 COLONEL VON STROHM! 370 00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:11,062 WHAT CAN I SAY? 371 00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:13,065 PICK UP YOUR CLOTHES AND GET OUT OF HERE! 372 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:14,566 YES, GENERAL! 373 00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:18,069 YOU MAY LEAVE THE HELMET AND THE GOGGLES. 374 00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:22,774 THE CHICKEN, THE SALAD AND THE CHEESE. 375 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,778 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 376 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,280 THIS FOOD SHOULD HAVE BEEN AT THE CHATEAU 10 MINUTES AGO. 377 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,781 I WILL TAKE YOU ALL THERE. 378 00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,784 I HAVE WAITING OUTSIDE MY SMALL HEARSE, 379 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,285 WITH THE SMALL HORSE. 380 00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:35,287 THE FLAG IS NOW DOWN. 381 00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:37,789 ( bell rings ) 382 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,292 THE GIRLS WILL HELP YOU WITH THE HAMPERS. 383 00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:42,294 Michelle: HERE IS YOUR CAMERA. 384 00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:44,796 THE FILM HAS BEEN CUT DOWN AND LOADED. 385 00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:46,799 HERE IS THE PLAN OF THE CHATEAU. 386 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,300 WE THINK THAT THE SAFE IS IN A ROOM 387 00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,302 ON THE FIRST FLOOR. 388 00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:51,803 NOW, DELIVER THE FOOD TO THE KITCHEN, 389 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,305 GO TO THE ROOM QUICKLY, 390 00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,307 PHOTOGRAPH THE SAFE, AND RUN LIKE HELL. 391 00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:57,809 WELL, THE LAST BIT WILL BE EASY. 392 00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,311 WHAT DO I DO IF I GET CAUGHT? 393 00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:01,313 SAY YOU HAVE LOST YOUR WAY. 394 00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:03,315 HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS? 395 00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:05,317 SAY YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY 396 00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:08,320 TO A "BRING YOUR OWN POTATO" PARTY. 397 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,822 NOW, QUICKLY, YOU MUST GO! 398 00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:15,327 THERE HAS BEEN A MESSAGE ON THE WIRELESS. 399 00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:18,330 THE R.A.F. ARE GOING TO BOMB 400 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:20,832 THE GERMAN TROOPS TONIGHT, HERE IN NOUVION. 401 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,835 THAT IS WONDERFUL NEWS! 402 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:25,337 WONDERFUL NEWS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? 403 00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:27,339 WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY HIT MY CAFE? 404 00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:29,341 WE ARE NOT INSURED AGAINST THE R.A.F., YOU KNOW? 405 00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:31,343 YOU GO BACK. GO BACK AND TELL THEM 406 00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:32,844 TO STEER CLEAR OF MY CAFE. 407 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,347 I WILL SHINE A TORCH UP THE CHIMNEY OR SOMETHING. 408 00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:38,350 YOU SHOULD BE PROUD TO BE BOMBED BY THE R.A.F.! 409 00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:39,851 QUICKLY, YOU MUST GO. 410 00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,353 QUICK MONSIEUR, 411 00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:42,854 BEFORE THE R.A.F. DROP ONE. 412 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,860 OH! 413 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,375 Guard: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 414 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,378 UH, FOOD, FOR THE KITCHENS. 415 00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:08,380 STRAIGHT DOWN THE CORRIDOR. 416 00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:14,886 THAT IS THE WAY TO THE ROOM WITH THE SAFE. 417 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,388 GOOD LUCK. 418 00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:17,889 THANK YOU. 419 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,391 AND RENE? 420 00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:21,393 - YES? - BE CAREFUL. 421 00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:49,654 SAFE, SAFE, SAFE... 422 00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,163 ( knickknacks fall ) 423 00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:00,665 - WHO IS THERE? - ( gasp ) 424 00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:02,668 RENE?! 425 00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:07,673 WHAT A SURPRISE. 426 00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:13,679 I WAS DELIVERING FOOD. I LOST MY WAY. 427 00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:16,682 THERE ARE MANY PASSAGES. IT IS MOST CONFUSING. 428 00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:19,184 I AM VERY SORRY. I WILL BE GOING. 429 00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:21,186 NO, NO-- STAY A WHILE. 430 00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:23,188 HAND ME MY TOWEL. 431 00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:24,689 OH, YES. 432 00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:37,202 THANK YOU. MY SLIPPERS? 433 00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:45,711 BEAR WITH ME A MOMENT-- I WILL GET MY DRESSING GOWN. 434 00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:11,236 I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE MAKING YOURSELF 435 00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:12,737 AT HOME. 436 00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:15,240 AND WHAT IS THIS YOU ARE HOLDING IN YOUR HAND? 437 00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:19,244 OH, JUST AN ORDINARY POTATO. 438 00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:21,746 - I WAS ON MY WAY TO A-- - NO, NO. 439 00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:24,249 GIVE IT TO ME. 440 00:21:24,249 --> 00:21:27,252 WE WILL ROAST IT IN FRONT OF THE FIRE. 441 00:21:27,252 --> 00:21:29,254 WHAT?! NO, NO! 442 00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:35,260 HOLD THAT. 443 00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:38,263 NOW, DO YOU FANCY A LITTLE SCHNAPPS? 444 00:21:38,263 --> 00:21:40,265 I DO NOT FANCY A LITTLE ANYTHING. 445 00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:42,267 I REALLY SHOULD NOT BE HERE. 446 00:21:42,267 --> 00:21:43,268 I MUST BE GETTING BACK. 447 00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:45,770 TO THINK OF ALL THE TIMES I HAVE INVITED YOU HERE, 448 00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:47,773 AND NOW YOU ARRIVE BY CHANCE. 449 00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:50,776 OR DID YOU? 450 00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:52,778 OH, NO. PURELY BY CHANCE. 451 00:21:52,778 --> 00:21:55,280 I REALLY SHOULD NOT BE HERE. 452 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,282 IT IS PROBABLY AGAINST REGULATIONS. 453 00:21:57,282 --> 00:21:59,284 DON'T WORRY, THE WALLS ARE THICK, 454 00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:01,286 THE DOORS ARE STOUT. 455 00:22:01,286 --> 00:22:03,788 WHY ARE YOU WAVING YOUR POTATO ABOUT? 456 00:22:05,290 --> 00:22:07,292 WELL, IT-- IT IS VERY HEAVY. 457 00:22:07,292 --> 00:22:08,293 LET US CUT IT IN IN HALF. 458 00:22:08,293 --> 00:22:09,794 - NO, NO! - YES, I INSIST. 459 00:22:09,795 --> 00:22:11,296 I HAVE A KNIFE HERE SOMEWHERE. 460 00:22:11,296 --> 00:22:12,297 BUT, LIEUT-- 461 00:22:12,297 --> 00:22:14,299 ( muted sirens ) 462 00:22:14,299 --> 00:22:16,801 AN AIR-RAID WARNING. 463 00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:18,804 PROBABLY A FALSE ALARM. 464 00:22:18,804 --> 00:22:20,305 NO, NO, IT IS THE R.A.F. 465 00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:21,806 THEY ARE DUE ABOUT THIS TIME. 466 00:22:21,807 --> 00:22:23,308 I-- I-- I MEAN, UH-- 467 00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:27,312 THEY HAVE NOT BEEN FOR SUCH A LONG TIME. 468 00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:30,315 THIS WARDROBE IS SOLID OAK. 469 00:22:30,315 --> 00:22:32,317 WE WILL BE QUITE SAFE IN HERE. 470 00:22:32,317 --> 00:22:33,818 COME INSIDE. 471 00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:36,321 RENE, 472 00:22:36,321 --> 00:22:37,822 RENE! 473 00:22:37,823 --> 00:22:39,324 NO, IT IS YOUR WARDROBE. 474 00:22:39,324 --> 00:22:40,825 I WILL TAKE MY CHANCE IN THE CELLAR. 475 00:22:46,331 --> 00:22:47,832 THE SAFE! 476 00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:50,335 RENE! 477 00:22:55,841 --> 00:22:57,342 WHERE ARE YOU? 478 00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:00,345 JUST A LITTLE BIT TO YOUR LEFT. 479 00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:04,349 ( shutter clicking ) 480 00:23:04,349 --> 00:23:05,850 ( knocking ) 481 00:23:05,851 --> 00:23:07,853 I AM ONLY THINKING OF YOUR SAFETY! 482 00:23:07,853 --> 00:23:09,354 DO NOT WORRY, LIEUTENANT. 483 00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:11,856 YOU HAVE BEEN MORE HELP THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW! 484 00:23:13,358 --> 00:23:15,360 ( theme music playing )