1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,071 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:20,587 YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING WHAT I AM DOING 3 00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:24,090 LYING ON A TABLE WITH MY TROUSERS DOWN. 4 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:27,093 THERE IS, AS USUAL, A SIMPLE EXPLANATION. 5 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:30,096 I WAS BEING HELD PRISONER IN AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER 6 00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:32,098 BY LADIES OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE 7 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:35,101 WHO WERE USING ME AS THEIR LOVE SLAVE. 8 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,105 I MANAGED TO ESCAPE, 9 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:41,107 BUT BECAUSE THEY HAD TAKEN MY CLOTHES 10 00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:44,610 I HAD TO COVER MYSELF UP WITH AN ELKSKIN BEDSPREAD 11 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,112 IN ORDER TO GET BACK HERE. 12 00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:49,115 UNFORTUNATELY, WHILE I WAS RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS 13 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,617 A HUNTER MISTOOK ME FOR A REAL ELK-- 14 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,621 SHOT ME UP THE BUM. 15 00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,123 I AM NOW HAVING THE PELLETS REMOVED 16 00:00:57,123 --> 00:01:00,126 AND IT IS NOT A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE. 17 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:03,129 OW, THAT HURT! 18 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,131 WE ARE SORRY, RENE. 19 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:08,134 WE ARE TRYING TO BE AS GENTLE AS POSSIBLE. 20 00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:11,137 THERE WERE DOZENS OF PELLETS TO REMOVE, I'M AFRAID. 21 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:14,140 YOUR BACKSIDE LOOKS LIKE A COLANDER. 22 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,142 YOU HAVE MISSED ONE THERE. 23 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,643 FACE THE FRONT. 24 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,145 THIS IS NO CONCERN OF YOURS. 25 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,646 I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP. 26 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,649 - OH. - YOU TOO. 27 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,651 YOU ARE ONLY HERE TO HOLD THE TOWEL. 28 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:26,152 SPOILSPORT. 29 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,653 THERE IS JUST ONE MORE, I THINK. 30 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,155 - WHERE? - THERE. 31 00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:30,656 I SAID FACE THE FRONT. 32 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,659 IT IS VERY DEEP. 33 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,662 I SHALL NEED MY SPECIAL FORCEPS. 34 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,163 OH MY GOD, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE 35 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,664 MY TONSILS OUT AS WELL, ARE YOU? 36 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:41,167 I HOPE YOU HAVE A STEADY HAND, DOCTOR. 37 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:42,668 SO DO I. 38 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:47,674 - CAN I GET UP NOW? - OF COURSE. 39 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,176 RENE? 40 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,679 AH, THERE YOU ARE. 41 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,683 I DID NOT RECOGNIZE YOU FROM THIS SIDE. 42 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,685 WHAT IS IT, MICHELLE? 43 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,687 I MUST SPEAK WITH YOU URGENTLY. 44 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,689 YOU CERTAINLY PICK YOUR TIMES. 45 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,691 WE WILL HELP YOU WITH YOUR TROUSERS, RENE. 46 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,693 YOU WILL DO NOTHING OF THE SORT! 47 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,194 GO UPSTAIRS AND GET READY. 48 00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,696 - I WILL HELP RENE. - I CAN MANAGE, THANK YOU. 49 00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:13,700 - WOULD YOU LIKE THESE AS MEMENTOS? - NO, THANK YOU. 50 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,703 I DO NOT WISH TO BE REMINDED OF THIS MOMENT EVER AGAIN. 51 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,205 YOU WON'T BE-- NOT UNTIL YOU SIT DOWN. 52 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:24,210 GOODBYE. GOOD DAY TO YOU. 53 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,213 WHAT IS IT, MICHELLE? 54 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,714 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 55 00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,216 I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 56 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:32,718 NOW THAT THE GERMANS THINK YOU ARE DEAD 57 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,721 IT IS AN IDEAL OPPORTUNITY 58 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,223 FOR US TO SMUGGLE YOU TO ENGLAND. 59 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,225 ARE YOU MAD? WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO TO ENGLAND? 60 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:41,227 BECAUSE THE BRITISH NEED YOU 61 00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:43,229 TO HELP WITH THEIR INVASION PLANS. 62 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,231 JUST THINK WHAT A HERO YOU WILL BE. 63 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,732 THAT IS TRUE. 64 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:49,736 THERE WILL BE A STATUE OF YOU IN EVERY TOWN IN FRANCE. 65 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,738 NOT ONLY THE ONE WE'RE ERECTING HERE. 66 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,239 A STATUE OF ME HERE? 67 00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:55,241 THE GERMANS HAVE ALREADY AGREED. 68 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,243 BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU ARE DEAD. 69 00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:58,744 IF YOU ANNOUNCE YOU ARE ALIVE 70 00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,247 THERE WILL BE NO STATUE. 71 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:04,250 I WILL GO TO ENGLAND. IT IS MY DUTY FOR FRANCE. 72 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,752 GOOD MOANING. 73 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:07,754 GOOD MOANING. 74 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,256 IS EVERYONE ROODY FOR THE PROCISSION 75 00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,258 OF YOUR PERSONAL POSITIONS, RONNIE? 76 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:14,760 WHAT IS THIS IDIOT ON ABOUT? 77 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,763 OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. 78 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:19,766 THEY ARE DOING A PARADE OF YOUR BERET AND BOOTS 79 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,267 THROUGH THE TOWN THIS MORNING. 80 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:24,270 AND THEN THEY ARE TO BE PUT ON DISPLAY IN THE MUSEUM. 81 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:27,273 THE LAST REMOONS OF A BROOVE MIN. 82 00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,275 WHAT AN HONOR. 83 00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,777 OH, I MUST MAKE MYSELF SCARCE. 84 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:34,280 THE PLANE WILL PICK YOU UP TOMORROW NIGHT, RENE. 85 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,781 KEEP OUT OF SIGHT UNTIL THEN. 86 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,785 I WILL HIDE UPSTAIRS WITH MY BUM IN A BUCKET OF ICE CREAM. 87 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:42,789 REMIND ME NEVER TO ORDER A RASPBERRY RIPPLE AGAIN. 88 00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,791 YOU CANNOT HIDE HERE, RENE. 89 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:47,293 THE GERMANS MAY DECIDE TO SEARCH THE CAFE, 90 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,794 THEN ALL WOULD BE REVEALED. 91 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,797 HE COULD HID IN THE MARZEUM. 92 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,298 NO ONE WOULD LEAK IN THERE. 93 00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,799 THAT IS A GOOD IDEA. 94 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,301 YOU CAN JOIN THE PROCESSION 95 00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:56,802 AND THEN HIDE IN THE MUSEUM 96 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:59,305 WHEN THEY PUT YOUR REMAINS ON DISPLAY. 97 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,807 I COULD BE BE RECOGNIZED IF I JOIN THE PROCESSION! 98 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:04,310 THEN YOU MUST GO IN DISGUISE. 99 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,812 OFFICER CRABTREE, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES. 100 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,314 I BIG YOUR PIDDEN? 101 00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:12,818 RENE CAN WEAR YOUR UNIFORM TO GET TO THE MUSEUM. 102 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:15,822 THE THONGS I DEE FOR ONGLAND. 103 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:23,329 AS YOU SEE, I AM PRUDE TO WEAR THE UNION JOCK. 104 00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:27,333 AND A BIG ONE, TOO. 105 00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:32,071 AH, THERE YOU ARE, GRUBER. 106 00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:33,572 WE'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU. 107 00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,074 GOOD MORNING, COLONEL. 108 00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:36,575 OW! 109 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:41,080 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 110 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,583 THE GARRISON MECHANICS HAVE ALL BEEN SENT TO THE COAST 111 00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,586 TO OVERHAUL THE FRONTLINE PANZERS 112 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:48,588 BEFORE THE BRITISH INVADE. 113 00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:51,591 SO I AM SERVICING HUBERT JUNIOR MYSELF. 114 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:52,592 HUBERT JUNIOR? 115 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:55,094 MY LITTLE TANK. THAT IS HIS NAME. 116 00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:57,096 I AM JUST REPLACING A PISTON. 117 00:04:57,096 --> 00:04:59,098 WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ATTENDING 118 00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:01,600 THE CEREMONIAL PROCESSION FOR RENE THIS MORNING. 119 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:04,604 OH, I WILL BE FINISHED BY THEN, COLONEL. 120 00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:06,105 AND WE'LL HAVE TO ASK MADAME EDITH 121 00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:08,607 IF SHE'S FOUND THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA. 122 00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:10,109 WE'VE GOT TO GET IT BACK. 123 00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:12,611 I WILL BE READY IN A MOMENT. 124 00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:14,614 I MUST JUST CHECK THE PRESSURE 125 00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:16,616 IN THE COOLING SYSTEM. 126 00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:18,618 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT ENGINES. 127 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:21,120 OH, YES! 128 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,621 I STUDIED TANK MAINTENANCE 129 00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:26,125 AT OFFICER TRAINING SCHOOL YEARS AGO. 130 00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:27,626 ( liquid spilling ) 131 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:35,635 ALTHOUGH, PERHAPS, I COULD DO WITH A REFRESHER COURSE. 132 00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:41,140 THERE, THAT SHOULD DO IT. 133 00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:43,142 YOU WILL NOT TRIP OVER YOUR TROUSER LEGS NOW. 134 00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:45,644 BE KEERFUL OF MY UNIFOAM, RONNIE. 135 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:48,648 I DO NOT HAVE A SPEAR. 136 00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:50,149 I HOPE THIS WORKS. 137 00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:53,152 IF SOMEBODY RECOGNIZES ME IN THIS OUTFIT I AM A DEAD MAN. 138 00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:56,655 YOU ARE A DEAD MAN ALREADY, REMEMBER? 139 00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,658 WELL, I DO NOT WISH TO MAKE A HABIT OF IT. 140 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:01,160 ( phone ringing ) 141 00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:03,662 HELLO-- 142 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,164 MAMMA! 143 00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:07,166 WHAT? 144 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:08,667 OH DEAR. 145 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:11,170 YES, WELL, WHERE ARE YOU? 146 00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:12,671 WELL, GET A TAXI. 147 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:14,173 WE HAVE TO GO OUT, 148 00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:16,675 BUT I WILL LEAVE A NOTE FOR YOU ON THE BAR. 149 00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:19,678 BAD NOSE? 150 00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:21,681 SOME GOOD, SOME BAD. 151 00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:24,183 THE GOOD NEWS IS MAMMA IS BACK FROM PARIS. 152 00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:25,684 SHE IS AT THE STATION NOW. 153 00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,687 THAT IS THE GOOD NEWS? 154 00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:32,191 AND THE BAD NOSE? 155 00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:34,193 SHE AND MONSIEUR LECLERC HAVE SPLIT UP. 156 00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:37,196 APPARENTLY, HE LEFT HER FOR A YOUNGER WOMAN. 157 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:38,197 HOW YOUNG? 158 00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:40,699 A SPRING CHICKEN OF 75. 159 00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,203 MAMMA IS HEARTBROKEN. 160 00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:46,205 BUT SHE HAS BEEN CONSOLING HERSELF 161 00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:48,707 WITH A RETIRED, ONE-LEGGED GIGOLO FROM MARSEILLES. 162 00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:53,212 HOW AWFUL TO HAVE TO SINK TO SUCH DEPTHS. 163 00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:55,214 MAMMA IS BEARING UP VERY WELL. 164 00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:57,716 I WAS THINKING MORE OF THE GIGOLO. 165 00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,721 THE PROCESSION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN. 166 00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:03,222 ARE YOU ALL READY? 167 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,225 HAVE I GROWN TALLER 168 00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:09,228 OR HAVE YOU GROWN SHORTER, OFFICER CRABTREE? 169 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,230 IT IS ME, YOU OLD FOOL. 170 00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:14,733 RONNIE IS DISGEEZED AS MOO. 171 00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,235 YOU MUST TRY AND HIDE HIM 172 00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:18,237 IN THE MUSEUM, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, 173 00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:20,239 UNTIL HE CAN GET TO ENGLAND. 174 00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:22,741 I HAVE JUST THE PLACE. 175 00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,243 OH, RENE, 176 00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:25,744 YOUR BERET AND BOOTS. 177 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,747 PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER FRANCE 178 00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:29,749 WILL FLOCK TO SEE THEM ON DISPLAY. 179 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:32,752 I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE HAD THESE SOLES REPAIRED. 180 00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:35,754 MONSIEUR LECLERC, YOU ARE BACK! 181 00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:38,758 I HAVE HIKED ALL THE WAY FROM PARIS. 182 00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:40,259 I THOUGHT YOU HAD RUN OFF WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN? 183 00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:41,760 I DID, 184 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,262 BUT SHE HAD WHEELS ON HER WALKING FRAME 185 00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:45,764 AND I COULD NOT KEEP UP WITH HER. 186 00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:47,767 I KNOW THE FEELING. 187 00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,268 IS MADAME FANNY BACK? 188 00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,770 EVEN AT THIS MEEMENT SHE IS ON HER WOO. 189 00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:54,273 OH, I WILL KEEP OUT OF HER WAY FOR A BIT. 190 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:56,775 YOU CAN PLAY THE DRUM AT THE FRONT OF THE PROCESSION. 191 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,277 I'VE LEFT IT OUTSIDE. 192 00:07:58,277 --> 00:07:59,778 NOW COME ON, WE MUST GO OFF. 193 00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:00,780 YVETTE! 194 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,281 BY THE WAY, 195 00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:03,782 THE POST BOY GAVE ME THIS NOTE ON THE WAY IN. 196 00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,285 - IT IS FOR YOU. - OH. 197 00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:09,288 THE WRITING IS VERY FAINT. 198 00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:16,295 OH, THAT IS BETTER. 199 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,297 IT'S AN INVITATION FROM HERR FLICK. 200 00:08:18,297 --> 00:08:20,299 HE WANTS ME TO HAVE TEA WITH HIM THIS AFTERNOON. 201 00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:21,800 WHAT! 202 00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:24,303 HE IS AFTER THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA. 203 00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:26,305 HE CAME HERE WHILE YOU WERE MISSING. 204 00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:28,807 HE TOLD ME HE WAS REALLY A BRITISH AGENT. 205 00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,810 YOU DID NOT BELIEVE HIM, I HOPE? 206 00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:31,811 OF COURSE NOT. 207 00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:34,313 NATURALLY, I WILL NOT ACCEPT HIS OFFER TO TEA. 208 00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:36,315 ON THE CONTRARY, EDITH, YOU MUST. 209 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,816 - WHY? - STRING HIM ALONG, 210 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:40,319 HE MAY TELL YOU WHERE HE HAS HIDDEN THE MISSING BOOBY. 211 00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:42,821 - ( Rene laughs ) - YOU ARE RIGHT! 212 00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:45,825 I WILL USE ALL MY FEMININE WILES ON HIM. 213 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:49,328 IT IS AMAZING HOW THE SIGHT OF STOCKINGS 214 00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:50,829 AND A GLIMPSED SUSPENDER 215 00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:53,332 CAN UNNERVE THE MOST STRONG MEN. 216 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:56,335 DO NOT USE ALL YOUR WILES, EDITH. 217 00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:59,838 YOU DO NOT WANT TO GIVE HIM A HEART ATTACK. 218 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,842 I AM READY, MADAME EDITH. 219 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,343 LET US GO, MY CHILDREN. 220 00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,846 OH, I HAVE FORGOT THE NOTE FOR MAMMA. 221 00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:09,849 OFFICER CRABTREE, 222 00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:12,351 THERE IS SOME HOT SOUP ON THE STOVE IN THE KITCHEN. 223 00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:14,353 WOULD YOU BE KIND ENOUGH TO PUT SOME IN A THERMOS 224 00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:16,355 AND TAKE IT UPSTAIRS TO THE ATTIC FOR MAMMA? 225 00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:18,357 NO PRIBLEM. LEAVE IT TO MOO. 226 00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:37,376 ( drum thumping ) 227 00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:40,379 GET BICK THERE. GET BICK. 228 00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:41,880 MAKE WOO FOR THE PROCISSION. 229 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:50,889 ( drumming continues ) 230 00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,395 Rene: STAND ASOOD. STAND ASOOD. 231 00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:04,704 HM, THAT LOOKS CIMFY. 232 00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:07,707 I THINK I'LL LOO DOWN AND HAVE FARTY WONKS. 233 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:14,213 ( drumming ) 234 00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:18,718 Alphonse: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... 235 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:21,720 MONSIEUR LECLOCK, 236 00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,723 YOU CAN STOP BONGING THE DRIM NOO. 237 00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,227 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 238 00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,729 WE HAVE GATHERED HERE TO PAY OUR LAST RESPECTS 239 00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,732 TO RENE ARTOIS. 240 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:35,735 OR WHAT IS LEFT OF HIM. 241 00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:38,237 THIS CAP AND THESE BOOTS 242 00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:40,739 ARE ALL WE HAVE TO REMEMBER HIM BY. 243 00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,245 THEY WILL BE DISPLAYED IN THE MUSEUM 244 00:10:46,245 --> 00:10:48,247 SO THAT WE NEVER FORGET 245 00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:51,750 WHAT A TRUE HERO HE WAS. 246 00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:53,252 THERE WILL NOW BE A COLLECTION 247 00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:56,255 TO PAY FOR THE DISPLAY CASE. 248 00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:59,758 PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY. 249 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,260 - OFFICER-- - HUH? 250 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,762 PERHAPS YOU WOULD GO ROUND AND COLLECT THE MONEY? 251 00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,765 WHAT WITH? 252 00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:07,767 HERE, TAKE THIS. 253 00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,773 NEIN! 254 00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:17,777 WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTRIBOTE 255 00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,779 TO THE COLLOCTION FOR A BROOVE MIN? 256 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,781 NO CHANCE. HE WAS NO FRIEND OF MINE. 257 00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:24,283 A REAL SHIFTY CHARACTER HE WAS. 258 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,784 HE OWED ME MONEY, TOO. 259 00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:28,788 HOW DEER YOU SPEAK BIDLY OF THE DOOD? 260 00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,791 - HE WATERED HIS WINE. - AND SHORTCHANGED US. 261 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:32,792 ( spits ) 262 00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,794 DO NOT SPOT IN THE STROOT, OR YOU'LL GET 263 00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:36,796 A BING ON THE NIT WITH MY TRONCHEON. 264 00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,798 HE STILL OWES ME FOR HIS TRUSS. 265 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:42,301 BE ABOUT YOUR BOSNESS, YOU ILL-MINNERED PISANTS. 266 00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:43,802 RENNIE ARTOIS SHOULD BE REMOMBERED 267 00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,305 AS A MIN WITH A WINDERFUL PISSED. 268 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:52,311 WE MUST CONTRIBUTE, COLONEL. 269 00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:54,813 RENE WAS A DEAR FRIEND. 270 00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:57,316 DEARER TO YOU THAN TO ME. 271 00:11:58,317 --> 00:11:59,818 I THINK WE SHOULD ASK MADAME EDITH 272 00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:01,821 IF SHE'S FOUND THE PAINTING YET. 273 00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:05,324 PLEASE, COLONEL, THIS IS NOT THE TIME. 274 00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:07,826 COOEY, OFFICER, 275 00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,829 OVER HERE. 276 00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,330 OH MY GID. 277 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,332 HE HAS NOT SEEN US. 278 00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:14,833 LET US GO TO HIM. 279 00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:19,838 HERE YOU ARE, OFFICER. 280 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,842 THINK YOU, LIEUTENANT GREEBER. 281 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:25,845 I HAVE VERY FOND MEMORIES OF RENE. 282 00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:29,848 MAY I TOUCH HIS CAP? 283 00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,350 IF YOU WASH. 284 00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,355 I KNEW HE WAS A BIG MAN, 285 00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:38,857 BUT I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS A SIZE EIGHT. 286 00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:41,861 HE HAD SUCH GREASY HAIR. 287 00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:44,864 THANK YOU FOR YOUR GINEROSITY. 288 00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,866 I MUST BE ON MY WOO. 289 00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:53,372 YOU KNOW, COLONEL, 290 00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:55,874 I COULD SWEAR THAT POLICEMAN 291 00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:58,377 HAS GOT BETTER LOOKING. 292 00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,381 THAT WAS A CLOSE SHAVE. 293 00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:05,384 I THINK MY DISGUISE FOOLED THE LIEUTENANT. 294 00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:07,386 HOW MUCH MONEY DID YOU COLLECT? 295 00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:10,389 50 FRANCS AND A BENT POLISH ZLOTY. 296 00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:12,391 SKINFLINTS. 297 00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:14,893 LET US GET OUT OF HERE 298 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,395 BEFORE SOMEBODY RECOGNIZES ME. 299 00:13:16,395 --> 00:13:17,396 MONSIEUR LECLOCK, 300 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:19,398 YOU CAN START BONGING AGAIN. 301 00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:26,405 DOUBLE QUACK TOOM. 302 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:39,418 AH, 303 00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:42,421 IT IS GOOD TO BE BACK AT THE CAFE. 304 00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:47,926 NOW, WHERE IS EDITH'S NOTE? 305 00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,436 AH. 306 00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:04,443 "WELCOME HOME, MAMMA." 307 00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:06,445 OH. 308 00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:08,947 "I HAVE LEFT YOU SOMETHING 309 00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:11,951 UP IN YOUR BEDROOM... 310 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:16,956 ...TO WARM YOU UP." 311 00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,459 SUCH A KIND, 312 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:22,461 THOUGHTFUL DAUGHTER. 313 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:30,970 ( snoring ) 314 00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:44,983 MADAME FINNY! 315 00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,986 OOOH! 316 00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:51,490 SO THIS IS WHAT EDITH MEANT, 317 00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:52,991 A GIGOLO! 318 00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:57,996 MOVE OVER, 319 00:14:57,997 --> 00:15:00,499 IT IS PARTY TIME. 320 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,002 NOT ON YOUR NELLY. 321 00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,507 OH. 322 00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:12,010 THEY DO NOT MAKE THEM LIKE THEY USED TO. 323 00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:17,516 I WILL TAKE THESE BACK TO OFFICER CRABTREE. 324 00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,518 HE MUST BE CHILLY IN HIS UNDERWEAR. 325 00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,520 BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS TROUSERS? 326 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,021 I AM KEEPING THESE. 327 00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:25,524 I AM NOT WAITING HERE IN MY LONGJOHNS. 328 00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,526 I WILL GET YOU SOME MORE CLOTHES 329 00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,027 FROM MY MORTUARY. 330 00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:35,034 I'M SORRY I AM LATE, MY SUSPENDERS BURST. 331 00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:38,037 MY STOCKINGS ARE HELD UP WITH CORN PLASTERS. 332 00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:43,042 YOU ARE JUST IN TIME TO SAY GOODBYE. 333 00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,044 WELL, GOODBYE, MONSIEUR LECLERC. 334 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,046 GOODBYE, RENE. GOOD LUCK. 335 00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:49,048 ( girls wailing ) 336 00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:53,552 GIRLS, PLEASE. DO NOT UPSET YOURSELVES. 337 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:55,053 GOODBYE, YVETTE. 338 00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:58,557 GOODBYE, RENE. I WILL MISS YOU. 339 00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:03,562 MIMI. 340 00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:05,564 I WILL THINK OF YOU WHILE YOU ARE AWAY. 341 00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,067 ( clears throat ) 342 00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,071 GOODBYE, EDITH. 343 00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,581 NOW, OFF YOU ALL GO. 344 00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:24,082 YOU STILL HAVE A CAFE TO RUN, YOU KNOW. 345 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,085 ( girls wailing ) 346 00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,590 - GOODBYE, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. - GOODBYE, MONSIEUR. 347 00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:33,592 WE WILL GIVE YOUR BERET AND BOOTS 348 00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:36,094 A FINE DISPLAY HERE. 349 00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:38,097 WHERE IS THIS HIDING PLACE FOR ME? 350 00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:39,598 AH, THROUGH THAT DOOR. 351 00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:41,099 YOU'LL BE QUITE SAFE THERE. 352 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,102 OH, I MUST GET A KEY FROM THE CURATOR. 353 00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:45,104 AND DO NOT FORGET MY NEW CLOTHES. 354 00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:47,106 YOUR NEW CLOTHES, OF COURSE! 355 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,112 SO MUCH FOR A FINE DISPLAY. 356 00:16:56,115 --> 00:17:00,119 ( shouting ) IT WILL BE GOOD TO PAY OUR LAST RESPECTS TO RENE 357 00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:02,621 IN THE PRIVACY OF THE MUSEUM, COLONEL. 358 00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,125 THERE WERE TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THE SQUARE. 359 00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:10,629 THIS TANK IS JERKING AROUND A LOT, GRUBER! 360 00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:13,632 ARE YOU SURE YOU FITTED THE NEW PISTON PROPERLY? 361 00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:17,135 IT JUST NEEDS RUNNING IN, COLONEL. 362 00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,638 WE ARE OFF FOR A NICE SPIN 363 00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,139 IN THE COUNTRYSIDE THIS AFTERNOON, 364 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,142 AREN'T WE, HUBERT? 365 00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:27,146 IT'S A TANK, GRUBER, NOT A PET! 366 00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:30,649 YOU MUST TREAT THEM WITH AFFECTION, COLONEL. 367 00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:34,152 A LITTLE TANK LIKE THIS NEEDS COAXING. 368 00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:37,156 IT NEEDS A GOOD KICK UP THE EXHAUST! 369 00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:41,159 NOW YOU'VE UPSET HIM, COLONEL. 370 00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,169 HERE ARE SOME MORE CLOTHES. 371 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:52,171 WHAT ABOUT THE CLEANING WOMAN? 372 00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:54,673 OH NO. SHE IS DEAF AS A POST 373 00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:56,675 AND SHORTSIGHTED. SHE WILL NOT BOTHER US. 374 00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:59,177 TRY THESE TROUSERS FOR SIZE. 375 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:01,180 ( distant voices ) 376 00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,681 I CAN HEAR SOMEBODY COMING. 377 00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:04,182 OH, NO. 378 00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:07,686 OH, MY DICKY TICKER. 379 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:08,687 WHO IS IT? 380 00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:11,189 IT IS THE COLONEL AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 381 00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:12,691 OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? 382 00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,192 THEY MUST NOT FIND ME HERE. 383 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:15,694 MONSIEUR, YOU MUST HIDE. 384 00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,696 LOOK. COME HERE, PRETEND YOU ARE A MODEL. 385 00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:20,198 - WHAT! - MMM, LIKE THAT. 386 00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:28,206 AH! 387 00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,710 HOW DO YOU DO, OFFICERS? 388 00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:35,714 WE HAVE COME TO PAY OUR LAST RESPECTS TO RENE. 389 00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,716 WHERE ARE HIS BOOTS AND BERET? 390 00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:40,218 THEY ARE NOT ON DISPLAY YET. 391 00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,720 PLEASE COME BACK NEXT WEEK. 392 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,723 OH DEAR. I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD 393 00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,725 TO SPENDING SOME TIME ALONE WITH THEM. 394 00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:49,728 WHAT A FASCINATING PLACE THIS IS. 395 00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,730 WHAT IS THIS? 396 00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:54,232 THAT IS A REPLICA OF THE TOWN GUILLOTINE. 397 00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:56,235 UGH, HOW GHOULISH. 398 00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:58,737 AND THESE WAXWORKS? 399 00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:01,740 THEY ARE ALL FIGURES OF PEOPLE FAMOUS IN FRENCH HISTORY 400 00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,742 WHO HAD CONNECTIONS WITH NOUVION. 401 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:05,243 WHO IS THIS? 402 00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:08,247 THAT IS ANTHRAX THE GAUL. 403 00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:12,250 A LOCAL CHIEFTAIN. AND THIS, 404 00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:14,753 IF YOU WALK THIS WAY, 405 00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:17,756 IS LOUIS XIV's SISTER'S SECOND COUSIN. 406 00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:21,760 AND THIS HERE IS A LOCAL TART 407 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,262 WHO HAD IT OFF WITH NAPOLEON. 408 00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:27,266 AND WHO IS THIS UNDER THE CLOTH? 409 00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:29,268 OH, NO, PLEASE, DON'T TOUCH, MONSIEUR-- 410 00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:31,270 IT IS RENE! 411 00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:34,273 YOU HAVE MADE A WAXWORK OF RENE! 412 00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:37,276 I THOUGHT HE WAS TO HAVE A STATUE. 413 00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:39,278 I ALWAYS MAKE A WAXWORK FIGURE 414 00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:41,280 AS A GUIDELINE TO THE STATUE. 415 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,781 VERY REALISTIC. 416 00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,783 WHAT A FINE, 417 00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:47,285 HANDSOME FELLOW HE WAS. 418 00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:52,791 HE SEEMS POSITIVELY TO GLOW WITH LIFE. 419 00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:54,292 THAT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT QUITE SET. 420 00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:56,795 YOU'RE RIGHT, 421 00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:57,796 THE WAX IS STILL WARM. 422 00:19:57,796 --> 00:20:00,799 PLEASE DON'T TOUCH IT, MONSIEUR. IT IS VERY DELICATE. 423 00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,801 PERHAPS TOMORROW HE WILL BE FIRMER. 424 00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:06,805 IS IT CUSTOMARY TO MODEL A HERO LIKE RENE 425 00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:08,807 WITHOUT HIS TROUSERS? 426 00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:09,808 AH! 427 00:20:09,808 --> 00:20:11,309 I WAS JUST GETTING HIM DRESSED. 428 00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:12,311 OH, PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU. 429 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,313 NO, NO, NO-- NO NEED, MONSIEUR. 430 00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:15,814 ( scoffs ) 431 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:20,819 THAT'S FUNNY. I COULD HAVE SWORN 432 00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:22,821 HIS HAND WAS DOWN NEAR HIS CHEST. 433 00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:24,823 ( chuckles ) 434 00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:26,324 NO, MONSIEUR, YOU'RE QUITE MISTAKEN, 435 00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:27,826 A TRICK OF THE LIGHT. 436 00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:30,328 NOW PLEASE GO. THE MUSEUM MUST CLOSE. 437 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:32,331 ( sneezes ) 438 00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:33,832 BLESS YOU. 439 00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:44,343 ( coins rattling ) 440 00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:48,346 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MONSIEUR? 441 00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,850 I HAVE JUST LOST ALL MY LOOSE CHANGE. 442 00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:54,853 HOW UNFORTUNATE. 443 00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:57,856 I COULD HAVE LOST AN AWFUL LOT MORE. 444 00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:05,063 I PRESUME MASSAGING MY MANLY SHOULDERS 445 00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:08,066 IS DRIVING YOU WILD WITH EXCITEMENT, HELGA. 446 00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:10,568 NO. 447 00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:13,071 IN THAT CASE YOU WILL STOP. 448 00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:16,574 I AM EXPECTING MADAME EDITH FROM THE CAFE AT ANY MOMENT. 449 00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:19,077 YOU DO NOT USUALLY ENTERTAIN PEASANTS, HERR FLICK. 450 00:21:19,077 --> 00:21:21,579 SHE IS GOING TO REVEAL TO US THE WHEREABOUTS 451 00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:23,582 OF THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA. 452 00:21:23,582 --> 00:21:26,084 ARE YOU SURE SHE WILL TELL YOU WHERE THE PAINTING IS? 453 00:21:26,084 --> 00:21:28,586 SHE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PREVENT HERSELF. 454 00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:33,591 IN THIS TEAPOT IS A POWERFUL NEW TRUTH SERUM 455 00:21:33,592 --> 00:21:36,595 EXTRACTED FROM THE GIANT PERUVIAN PORCUPINE 456 00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:40,098 AT THE HEIGHT OF THE MATING SEASON. 457 00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:42,100 IT MUST MAKE THE PORCUPINES VERY NERVOUS 458 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:45,103 WITH GESTAPO AGENTS CRAWLING ABOUT IN THE GRASS 459 00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:46,604 WAITING FOR THE MATING. 460 00:21:46,605 --> 00:21:49,608 NOT HALF AS NERVOUS AS IT MAKES THE AGENTS. 461 00:21:49,608 --> 00:21:50,609 ( knock on door ) 462 00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:53,111 IT IS HER. YOU MUST LEAVE. 463 00:21:53,111 --> 00:21:55,113 I WILL LET HER IN ON MY WAY OUT. 464 00:21:59,618 --> 00:22:01,119 HEIL PEASANT! 465 00:22:05,624 --> 00:22:08,126 GOOD AFTERNOON, HERR FLICK. 466 00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:10,128 PLEASE SIT DOWN. 467 00:22:10,128 --> 00:22:13,131 WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA, MY DEAR? 468 00:22:13,131 --> 00:22:14,632 OH, THANK YOU. 469 00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:18,136 MMM! 470 00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:22,140 IT'S DELICIOUS. CAMOMILE? 471 00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:24,142 NO, PERUVIAN PORCUPINE. 472 00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:28,646 IN FACT, A POTENT TRUTH SERUM. 473 00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:30,649 ANY MOMENT NOW YOU WILL GO INTO A TRANCE 474 00:22:30,649 --> 00:22:33,151 AND TELL ME EVERYTHING I WISH TO KNOW. 475 00:22:33,151 --> 00:22:36,154 SURELY YOU ARE PULLING-- 476 00:22:37,155 --> 00:22:38,656 YOU WILL TAKE NOTES, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 477 00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:42,160 WHERE IS THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA? 478 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,662 I THINK IT IS IN THE DRAWER IN THE BACK ROOM. 479 00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:45,664 AHA! 480 00:22:45,664 --> 00:22:47,666 ALTHOUGH IT COULD BE INSIDE THE CUCKOO CLOCK, 481 00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:50,168 OR UPSTAIRS UNDER THE BED, 482 00:22:50,168 --> 00:22:52,170 OR IN THE WARDROBE IN THE SPARE ROOM. 483 00:22:52,170 --> 00:22:53,671 ON THE OTHER HAND, 484 00:22:53,672 --> 00:22:55,173 IT COULD BE BEHIND THE HENHOUSE, 485 00:22:55,173 --> 00:22:57,175 IN THE PANTRY, BEHIND THE BAR 486 00:22:57,175 --> 00:22:58,676 OR HIDDEN IN THE LID OF THE PIANO. 487 00:22:58,677 --> 00:23:00,679 BUT I AM ONLY GUESSING. 488 00:23:00,679 --> 00:23:03,181 THE SERUM IS NOT WORKING. 489 00:23:03,181 --> 00:23:06,184 IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY OLD PORCUPINE 490 00:23:06,184 --> 00:23:08,186 WITH A BAD MEMORY. 491 00:23:08,186 --> 00:23:10,688 YOU WILL COME OUT OF YOUR TRANCE 492 00:23:10,689 --> 00:23:12,691 AND REMEMBER NOTHING OF THIS CONVERSATION. 493 00:23:14,192 --> 00:23:15,693 WHAT CONVERSATION? 494 00:23:15,694 --> 00:23:19,197 THERE MAY, HOWEVER, BE SIDE EFFECTS. 495 00:23:19,197 --> 00:23:21,699 THE SERUM OF THE PERUVIAN PORCUPINE 496 00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:24,202 IS NOT ABSOLUTELY FOOLPROOF. 497 00:23:24,202 --> 00:23:27,205 WHEN WILL THESE SIDE EFFECTS BEGIN? 498 00:23:27,205 --> 00:23:29,207 ANY SECOND... 499 00:23:29,207 --> 00:23:30,208 NOW. 500 00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:46,825 FILL ME UP AGAIN. 501 00:23:46,825 --> 00:23:49,327 YOU ARE DRINKING RATHER A LOT. 502 00:23:49,327 --> 00:23:51,329 IT IS DUTCH COURAGE. 503 00:23:51,329 --> 00:23:54,332 I AM ABOUT TO GO UPSTAIRS TO MAKE IT UP WITH FANNY. 504 00:23:54,332 --> 00:23:55,833 IS THIS WISE? 505 00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:57,836 SHE WAS IN A FOUL TEMPER EARLIER. 506 00:23:57,836 --> 00:23:59,838 I HAVE TO DO IT SOME TIME. 507 00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:01,339 AND SHE IS A VERY FORGIVING WOMAN. 508 00:24:07,846 --> 00:24:12,350 FANNY, DARLING, I AM COMING UPSTAIRS NOW. 509 00:24:12,350 --> 00:24:15,353 Fanny: GET OUT, YOU TWO-TIMING RAT. 510 00:24:15,353 --> 00:24:16,854 - ( pots rattling ) - YOU LECHER-- 511 00:24:19,357 --> 00:24:21,859 ON SECOND THOUGHTS, PERHAPS I WILL STAY 512 00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:23,361 DOWN FOR THE TIME BEING. 513 00:24:24,863 --> 00:24:27,365 MONSIEUR, YOU MUST HURRY, SOMEONE IS COMING. 514 00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:28,866 OH MY GOD. 515 00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:30,368 YOU MUST HIDE, MONSIEUR. 516 00:24:30,368 --> 00:24:32,370 NO, I AM NOT GOING TO BE A WAXWORK DUMMY AGAIN. 517 00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:34,372 LOOK, REST YOUR HEAD DOWN HERE. 518 00:24:34,372 --> 00:24:35,373 WHAT?! 519 00:24:35,373 --> 00:24:37,375 PRETEND YOU ARE A MODEL. 520 00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:39,877 I AM NOT PUTTING MY HEAD UNDER THE GUILLOTINE. 521 00:24:39,878 --> 00:24:41,880 LOOK, IT IS JUST A CHEAP REPLICA. 522 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,381 IT DOES NOT WORK. QUICKLY. 523 00:24:49,387 --> 00:24:50,888 GOOD MOANING. 524 00:24:50,889 --> 00:24:52,390 OH, IT IS YOU, OFFICER CRABTREE. 525 00:24:52,390 --> 00:24:53,891 WHERE IS RONNIE? 526 00:24:53,892 --> 00:24:54,893 I AM HERE. 527 00:25:00,398 --> 00:25:03,901 OH MY GOD, I THOUGH YOU SAID IT DID NOT WORK? 528 00:25:03,902 --> 00:25:05,403 SO I MADE A MISTAKE. 529 00:25:05,403 --> 00:25:07,405 I WANT MY TROOSERS BICK. 530 00:25:07,405 --> 00:25:10,408 THESE ARE VERY TIT AROUND THE CRITCH. 531 00:25:10,408 --> 00:25:12,410 WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU GET THEM? 532 00:25:12,410 --> 00:25:14,912 I BORROWED THEM FROM ONE OF MY STIFFS. 533 00:25:14,913 --> 00:25:16,915 JUST SWAP THEM OVER. 534 00:25:16,915 --> 00:25:18,416 ALL RIGHT. 535 00:25:18,416 --> 00:25:21,919 BY THE WOO, I HAVE A MASSAGE FROM MICHELLE. 536 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,922 AND WHAT IS THE MASSAGE? 537 00:25:23,922 --> 00:25:25,423 THE EARCRAFT FOR ONGLAND 538 00:25:25,423 --> 00:25:27,425 IS DELOOD FOR A WICK. 539 00:25:27,425 --> 00:25:28,926 OH, NO, I AM NOT WAITING HERE A WEEK. 540 00:25:28,927 --> 00:25:30,428 I AM GOING TO GO BACK TO THE CAFE. 541 00:25:30,428 --> 00:25:31,929 BUT YOU CANNOT, RONNIE. 542 00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:33,431 YOU ARE SUPPISSED TO BE DOD. 543 00:25:33,431 --> 00:25:36,434 I AM DOD NO LONGER. 544 00:25:36,434 --> 00:25:37,935 HOW WILL YOU EXPLAIN YOUR ABSENCE 545 00:25:37,936 --> 00:25:39,938 ALL THIS TIME, MONSIEUR? 546 00:25:39,938 --> 00:25:41,439 I WILL SAY I LOST MY MEMORY 547 00:25:41,439 --> 00:25:42,940 AFTER THE EXPLOSION AT THE WINDMILL. 548 00:25:42,941 --> 00:25:44,943 I HAVE BEEN WANDERING AROUND THE COUNTRYSIDE EVER SINCE. 549 00:25:44,943 --> 00:25:47,445 HERE, YOU TAKE THESE. 550 00:25:47,445 --> 00:25:48,946 IT WILL BE MORE CONVINCING 551 00:25:48,947 --> 00:25:51,950 IF I SAY THAT I LOST MY CLOTHES AFTER THE BIG BANG. 552 00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:54,953 I WILL TURN MYSELF IN TO THE FIRST GERMANS I SEE. 553 00:25:54,953 --> 00:25:56,955 I HAVE A BITTER PLAN. 554 00:25:56,955 --> 00:25:59,958 GO TO THE JONKTION OUTSOD THE TOON, 555 00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:01,960 AND I WILL FOND YOU ON MY BURCYCLE. 556 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,462 YOU ARE FULL OF PLANS TODAY. 557 00:26:04,462 --> 00:26:06,464 MY BROON IS GOING LIKE THE CLIPPERS. 558 00:26:08,466 --> 00:26:09,967 I WILL MEET YOU AT THE JONKTION 559 00:26:09,968 --> 00:26:11,970 AT HALF PISSED SOCKS. 560 00:26:26,985 --> 00:26:28,486 MY GOODNESS! 561 00:26:28,486 --> 00:26:30,488 SURELY, IT CAN'T BE! 562 00:26:30,488 --> 00:26:31,489 RENE! 563 00:26:36,995 --> 00:26:38,997 RENE, I DO NOT BELIEVE IT. 564 00:26:38,997 --> 00:26:40,999 YOU ARE ALIVE. 565 00:26:40,999 --> 00:26:43,501 DO I KNOW YOU? 566 00:26:43,501 --> 00:26:45,002 IT IS I, 567 00:26:46,004 --> 00:26:48,006 LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 568 00:26:48,006 --> 00:26:50,008 WHAT IS THE MATTER? 569 00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:52,010 DO YOU NOT REMEMBER ME? 570 00:26:52,010 --> 00:26:56,014 I REMEMBER NOTHING EXCEPT A BIG BANG. 571 00:26:56,014 --> 00:27:00,518 OH, RENE, I SEE WHAT HAS HAPPENED. 572 00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:03,521 IN THAT TERRIBLE EXPLOSION AT THE WINDMILL, 573 00:27:03,521 --> 00:27:05,523 YOU LOST YOUR MEMORY. 574 00:27:05,523 --> 00:27:08,025 MEMORY, THAT IS RIGHT, YES. I HAVE LOST MY-- 575 00:27:08,026 --> 00:27:10,528 MY-- WHAT WAS THAT WORD? 576 00:27:10,528 --> 00:27:11,529 MEMORY. 577 00:27:11,529 --> 00:27:12,530 MEMORY. 578 00:27:12,530 --> 00:27:14,532 GET INTO MY LITTLE TANK. 579 00:27:14,532 --> 00:27:17,034 I WILL TAKE YOU BACK TO MY QUARTERS, 580 00:27:17,035 --> 00:27:19,037 GET YOU OUT OF THOSE FILTHY CLOTHES, 581 00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:22,540 AND GIVE YOU A NICE, HOT, RELAXING BATH. 582 00:27:24,042 --> 00:27:26,044 SUDDENLY I HAVE RECOVERED MY MEMORY. 583 00:27:26,044 --> 00:27:27,545 WHAT A MIRACLE. 584 00:27:27,545 --> 00:27:29,547 THANK YOU, LIEUTENANT, BUT IF IT IS ALL THE SAME TO YOU, 585 00:27:29,547 --> 00:27:31,048 I WILL-- I WILL WALK HOME. 586 00:27:31,049 --> 00:27:32,550 OH, NO, RENE. 587 00:27:32,550 --> 00:27:34,552 - I REMEMBER THE WAY. - I WILL GIVE YOU A LIFT. 588 00:27:34,552 --> 00:27:37,054 CLARENCE, FOLLOW THAT MAN. 589 00:27:37,055 --> 00:27:39,557 NOW, LIEUTENANT, I REALLY DO REMEMBER THE WAY HOME. 590 00:27:39,557 --> 00:27:42,059 NO, NO, RENE, GET INTO THE BACK OF THE TANK. 591 00:27:42,060 --> 00:27:44,062 PLEASE, NO, PLEASE, LIEUTENANT, I KNOW THE WAY. 592 00:27:44,062 --> 00:27:46,564 I HAVE A LOVELY BOTTLE OF ARMAGNAC BACK AT MY QUARTERS. 593 00:27:46,564 --> 00:27:49,567 PLEASE, I BEG YOU. I BEG YOU. 594 00:27:49,567 --> 00:27:52,069 ( theme music playing )