1 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:05,071 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,092 EH, YOU MAY WONDER WHAT I AM DOING 3 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,094 IN A FIELD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT 4 00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:30,096 DRESSED AS AIR MARSHAL GOERING. 5 00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:33,599 THERE IS, AS USUAL, A VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. 6 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,603 EDITH AND I ARE TO DRESS AS HITLER AND GOERING 7 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:40,106 ON THE ORDERS OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN TO ACT AS DECOYS 8 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:43,109 TO HELP HIM CATCH THE LOCAL COMMUNIST RESISTANCE. 9 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,611 UNFORTUNATELY, HIS PLAN WENT WRONG 10 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:49,616 AND WE ARE NOW IN THE HANDS OF GENERAL VON KARZIBROT 11 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,618 WHO RUNS THE NEIGHBORING GARRISON 12 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:55,622 AND WHO IS, IT TURNS OUT, ONE OF THE, UH-- 13 00:00:55,622 --> 00:01:00,126 ONE OF THE REBEL GENERALS WHO IS PLOTTING TO ASSASSINATE HITLER. 14 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:04,630 DUE TO THE BAD LIGHT, HE THINKS THAT WE ARE THE REAL HITLER AND GOERING 15 00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:08,134 AND HAS JUST TAKEN EDITH OVER THERE TO BE SHOT. 16 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:13,639 ALL I CAN DO NOW IS PRAY THAT IF SHE HAS ONE LAST WISH, 17 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,643 IT IS THAT HER OLD FRIEND HERMANN GOERING 18 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:19,145 DOES NOT HAVE TO SUFFER THE SAME FATE. 19 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,649 I WILL NOT STAND BY AND SEE GERMANY 20 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,151 DESTROYED BY YOU AND YOUR INSANE WAR! 21 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:27,653 FOR THE GOOD OF THE FATHERLAND, YOU MUST BE SHOT. 22 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,156 YOU ARE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE, GENERAL. 23 00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:32,158 MY NAME IS EDITH! 24 00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:34,660 VERY WELL, I HAVE NO TIME TO ARGUE. 25 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:36,162 I, GENERAL VAN KARZIBROT, 26 00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:40,666 HEREBY SENTENCE YOU, EDITH, TO BE SHOT! 27 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:45,671 FIRING SQUAD, TAKE AIM! 28 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,174 ( leaves rustling ) 29 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,675 HITLER, COME BACK! 30 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,680 FIRE! 31 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:58,684 THE BRITISH! RETREAT! RETREAT! 32 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:03,690 WELL DONE, CHAPS. CHURCHILL WILL GIVE US ALL MEDALS FOR THIS. 33 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,192 RENE, WHAT IS HAPPENING? 34 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:08,194 THEY ARE BRITISH SOLDIERS, I THINK. 35 00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,196 - OH, THANK GOODNESS. - YEAH. 36 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:11,697 WE ARE SAVED. 37 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:15,201 I AM CAPTAIN FROBISHER OF FIVE COMMANDO AND YOU ARE MY PRISONERS. 38 00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,203 WE HAVE WAITED A LONG TIME FOR THIS MOMENT, 39 00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:19,705 YOU NAZI SWINE. 40 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,208 WHAT IS HE SAYING, RENE? 41 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:25,711 HOW SHOULD I KNOW? I DO NOT SPEAK A WORD OF THEIR LANGUAGE. 42 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:28,214 I'M GOING TO ENJOY SEEING YOU PUT ON TRIAL 43 00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:31,217 AND THEN SHOT, YOU MONSTERS. 44 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:35,221 OH, THANK YOU, HOW NICE. 45 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,224 THEY OBVIOUSLY REALIZE WE ARE IMPORTANT, RENE. 46 00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:41,727 - THESE UNIFORMS HAVE SAVED OUR LIVES. - MM... 47 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:45,732 I AM NOT SO SURE, EDITH. 48 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:48,735 I NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD PULL IT OFF, SIR-- SNATCHING THESE TWO LIKE THAT. 49 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,737 OUR INTELLIGENCE WAS SPOT-ON. 50 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,739 A DAMN FINE SHOW, WENT LIKE CLOCKWORK. 51 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,241 JUST IN TIME TOO-- THEY WERE ABOUT TO SHOOT THE BLIGHTERS. 52 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,243 RUM-LOOKING PAIR, AREN'T THEY? 53 00:02:57,243 --> 00:03:01,247 HITLER IS EVEN UGLIER IN THE FLESH THAN HE IS IN THE PROPAGANDA FILMS. 54 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,249 Man: GOERING HAS GROWN A MUSTACHE, I SEE. 55 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:05,251 Frobisher: DOESN'T IMPROVE HIM. 56 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,753 EVEN A BEARD COULDN'T COVER UP AN UGLY MUG LIKE THAT. 57 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,256 RENE, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? 58 00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:13,759 WE HAVE GOT TO LET THEM KNOW WE ARE NOT REALLY HITLER AND GOERING. 59 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,263 HOW? I CANNOT SPEAK ANY OF THE LANGUAGE. 60 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,765 PERHAPS ONE OF THEM SPEAKS FRENCH. 61 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,768 I WILL TRY. 62 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:26,272 EXCUSE ME, WE ARE NOT REALLY HITLER AND GOERING, YOU KNOW? 63 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:28,274 WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT, PILKERS? 64 00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,275 DO YOU UNDERSTAND GERMAN? 65 00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,277 IT SOUNDED MORE LIKE FRENCH, SIR. 66 00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:33,279 I SPEAK A FEW WORDS. ( clears throat ) 67 00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:35,781 SAY WHAT DID YOU? 68 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:39,285 RENE, ONE OF THEM SPEAKS FRENCH. 69 00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:41,287 SORT OF. 70 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:44,790 I AM JUST A SIMPLE PEASANT WOMAN. 71 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:47,293 HITLER SAYS HE'S A WOMAN, SIR! 72 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:49,295 THE RUMORS ABOUT THE OPERATION WERE TRUE. 73 00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:51,797 AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND. 74 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:54,300 GOOD LORD, HE'S MARRIED TO GOERING! 75 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,802 THEN NO WONDER THEY'RE LOSING THE WAR. 76 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:59,305 BETTER UNTIE THOSE HANDS. 77 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:04,310 OH, THEY DID NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND, RENE. 78 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,313 I WILL PROVE TO YOU I AM A WOMAN. 79 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:08,814 SHE'S GOING TO PROVE SHE'S A WOMAN! 80 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,817 MEN, LOOK THE OTHER WAY! 81 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:14,821 SEE, IT IS A FALSE MUSTACHE. 82 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,823 NO-- ( mumbles ) 83 00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:20,827 WE ARE JUST PEASANTS WHO RUN THE LOCAL CAFE IN THE NEARBY TOWN. 84 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:24,330 ACTUALLY, SIR, HE DOES LOOK A BIT LIKE A WOMAN. 85 00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:26,832 THE OTHER ONE DOESN'T LOOK THAT MUCH LIKE GOERING. 86 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,836 I THINK THERE'S BEEN AN ALMIGHTY --, PILKERS. 87 00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,839 WE HAVEN'T SNATCHED HITLER AND GOERING AFTER ALL. 88 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,340 I WONDER WHAT THEY ARE SAYING NOW. 89 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,342 I'VE PICKED UP A FEW WORDS OF ENGLISH 90 00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:37,843 WHEN THE BRITISH AIRMEN WERE WITH US.. 91 00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:40,847 I THINK THEY ARE GOING TO GIVE US A LIFT BACK DOWN THE ROAD. 92 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:43,349 - OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. - RIGHT. 93 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,856 ( Edith screams ) 94 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,863 SO MUCH FOR YOUR FEW WORDS OF ENGLISH. 95 00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:00,866 - ARE YOU HURT? - NO. 96 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:04,370 FORTUNATELY, I LANDED ON TOP OF YOU. 97 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:07,373 WE'LL HAVE TO WALK BACK TO NOUVION NOW. 98 00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:10,376 DRESSED LIKE THIS?! ARE YOU MAD? 99 00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:12,378 SOME PEASANT COULD TAKE A POTSHOT AT US. 100 00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:15,381 WHAT WE NEED IS DIFFERENT CLOTHES. 101 00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,383 - I HAVE AN IDEA, RENE. - HMM? 102 00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,885 - FOLLOW ME. - WHAT? 103 00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:22,355 ( grunts softly ) 104 00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:23,856 THROW THAT OLD DRUNK OUT. 105 00:05:23,856 --> 00:05:26,358 IT IS I, LECLERC. 106 00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:27,860 SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED. 107 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:30,863 - WHERE ARE RENE AND MADAME EDITH? - GIVE ME A DRINK. 108 00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:33,365 THEY WERE TAKEN PRISONER BY THE GENERAL IN THE NEXT DISTRICT 109 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,868 WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE THE REAL HITLER AND GOERING. 110 00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:38,871 HE'S A REBEL WHO WANTS HITLER OVERTHROWN. 111 00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:41,874 HE SENT ME AWAY IN THE CAR WHILE HE TOOK RENE AND MADAME EDITH 112 00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,375 INTO A FIELD TO BE SHOT. 113 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:46,879 - ( all gasp ) - OH MY GOD, 114 00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:53,385 - THEY ARE PROBABLY BOTH DEAD BY NOW! - OH-HH. 115 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,388 I'D BETTER SAY A PRAYER. 116 00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,890 OH, LORD, WATCH OVER MY DAUGHTER EDITH 117 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:02,394 WHO HAS SO TRAGICALLY BEEN TAKEN FROM ME. 118 00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:04,397 All: AMEN. 119 00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:06,399 AND IF YOU ARE STILL LISTENING DOWN THERE, 120 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:09,902 KEEP AN EYE ON THAT ROTTEN HUSBAND OF HERS. 121 00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:13,906 NOW I WONDER IF THEY HAVE LEFT A WILL. 122 00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:16,909 MADAME FANNY, HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK 123 00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:18,911 OF SUCH A THING AT A TIME LIKE THIS? 124 00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:22,915 ALTHOUGH MADAME EDITH DID ALWAYS SAY I COULD HAVE THE SILVER CUTLERY 125 00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:24,917 AND A CHOICE OF HER WARDROBE. 126 00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:26,919 AND THE JEWELRY WAS PROMISED TO ME. 127 00:06:26,919 --> 00:06:28,921 YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING. 128 00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:33,425 I AM HER SOLE RELATIVE AND THE CAFE IS MINE IN ANY CASE. 129 00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,428 IT IS ALL MINE! 130 00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,929 - OURS. - NO! 131 00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,931 ( groans ) 132 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,934 YOU GET THE MONEY OUT OF THE TILL. 133 00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,438 WE WILL LEAVE FOR PARIS TONIGHT 134 00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,941 - AND HAVE A FINAL FLING. - YEAH. 135 00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:52,945 THEN THROW THESE OLD USELESS BODIES 136 00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:54,446 INTO THE SEINE! 137 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:55,948 COULD YOU NOT JUST THROW YOURS IN? 138 00:06:57,950 --> 00:07:00,452 APART FROM WHICH, THE LAST TRAIN TO PARIS HAS ALREADY LEFT. 139 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:02,955 OH, WHERE IS YOUR GET-UP-AND-GO?! 140 00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:04,957 IT HAS GOTTEN UP AND GONE. 141 00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:09,962 WE CAN USE THE OLD ICE-CREAM VAN FROM ROUND THE BACK. 142 00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:11,463 MMM, THERE'S NO PETROL IN IT. 143 00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:14,467 WELL, WE WILL USE ALCOHOL. 144 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,969 YOU GIRLS-- YOU GO DOWN TO THE CELLAR 145 00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:21,473 AND BRING UP FIVE CASES OF METHYLATED SPIRIT. 146 00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:24,477 THAT'S A LOT OF METH JUST TO GET YOU TO PARIS. 147 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:27,980 WHATEVER IS LEFT OVER WE CAN DRINK. 148 00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:34,987 WAS IT NOT A GOOD IDEA OF MINE TO TAKE THESE CLOTHES OFF THE SCARECROWS, RENE? 149 00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:36,989 IT'S VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. 150 00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:39,491 THIS STRAW GETS EVERYWHERE. 151 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:42,495 ( groaning ) 152 00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:44,497 WHAT IS IT, RENE? 153 00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:46,999 THERE IS A FIELD MOUSE DOWN MY TROUSERS. 154 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:49,501 - ( mouse squeaks ) - ( groaning ) 155 00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,007 - ( car approaching ) - LOOK, RENE, 156 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:58,510 SOMETHING IS COMING DOWN THE ROAD. 157 00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:02,014 MAYBE WE CAN PERSUADE THEM TO GIVE US A LIFT BACK INTO TOWN. 158 00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,523 THAT WAS MY OLD ICE-CREAM VAN. 159 00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:13,526 WITH MAMA AND MONSIEUR LECLERC. 160 00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:17,029 WHAT ARE THEY DOING? THEY WILL NEVER SELL ANY ICE CREAM 161 00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:19,531 GOING AT THAT SPEED. 162 00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:23,035 NOW THAT RENE AND MADAME EDITH ARE GONE, 163 00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:25,037 WE WILL HAVE TO RUN THE CAFE OURSELVES. 164 00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:28,040 I WILL LOOK AFTER THE BAR WHILE YOU SERVE THE CUSTOMERS. 165 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,543 ( gasps ) WHO ARE YOU TO GIVE ME ORDERS? 166 00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:33,546 I WILL LOOK AFTER THE BAR, NOT YOU. 167 00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:36,549 WHY DON'T WE STEP OUTSIDE AND SETTLE THIS WOMAN TO WOMAN? 168 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:39,051 THAT'S FINE BY ME. 169 00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:42,054 - ( doorbell rings ) - SAVED BY THE BELL. 170 00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:44,056 GOOD MOANING. 171 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:50,563 WE HAVE HID THE BOD NOSE ABOUT RONNIE AND MADAME EDITH. 172 00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,565 IT IS A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY. 173 00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:55,568 - POUR ME A DRINK. - I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE BRANDY. 174 00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:58,571 MY DICKY TICKER IS ALMOST BROKEN. 175 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,573 AH. DEAR MADAME EDITH-- 176 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:03,576 SHE WAS A FINE WOMAN, THE BEST. 177 00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:07,580 NOW I WILL BURY THEM BOTH AT A VERY REASONABLE RATE. 178 00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:13,085 NOW THEY ARE GONE, I AM TAKING OVER THIS BAR. 179 00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:15,087 WE WILL RUN IT FOR THE BENEFIT OF FRANCE, 180 00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:17,589 MY BRAVE GIRLS AND ME. 181 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,092 BUT WE WILL START WITH ME. 182 00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:22,094 WHERE IS THE MONEY? 183 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,596 MADAME FANNY AND MONSIEUR LECLERC TOOK IT. THEY HAVE GONE TO PARIS. 184 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:27,099 - FOR A FINAL FLING. - OH, NEVER MIND. 185 00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:29,601 WE WILL SOON FILL IT UP AGAIN. 186 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:31,604 OFFICER CRABTREE, YOU WILL TAKE OVER THE BAR. 187 00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:33,606 SPLONDID! 188 00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:36,609 I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO WICK BEHIND THE BOAR, 189 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:40,112 PILLING PUNTS AND CHITTING TO THE KISTOMERS. 190 00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:42,614 YES, BUT FIRST WE MUST INCREASE THE TAKINGS. 191 00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,116 HOW MUCH IS A BOTTLE OF WINE? 192 00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,617 200 FRANCS. 193 00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:48,120 THEN WE'LL DOUBLE IT IMMEDIATELY TO 400. 194 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:52,124 BUT NOBODY WILL PAY 400 FRANCS FOR A BOTTLE OF WINE. 195 00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:54,126 ESPECIALLY THE PLONK THEY SERVE HERE. 196 00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:56,628 WE WILL SEE ABOUT THAT. 197 00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:58,130 ( clears throat ) 198 00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:00,632 THIS CAFE IS NOW BEING RUN BY US. 199 00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:04,136 HANDS UP HERE ANYONE WHO WANTS A BOTTLE OF WINE AT 400 FRANCS? 200 00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:14,647 THIS NEVER FAILS. 201 00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:19,685 OH, LOOK, THERE'S A PARCEL, GRUBER. 202 00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:23,188 AH. AND A LETTER 203 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:26,192 MARKED "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL". IT'S FOR YOU. 204 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,194 I WONDER WHO IT'S FROM. 205 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,698 IT IS FROM JUAN GARCIA. 206 00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:36,201 OUR DISGUISES ARE IN THIS BOX. 207 00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:40,206 HE'LL MEET US AT THE CROSSROADS AT 10:00 TOMORROW NIGHT. 208 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:43,709 SO MUCH FOR PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL. 209 00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:47,212 GOOD EVENING, COLONEL. LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 210 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:50,216 WE HAVE JUST LEARNED THAT JUAN GARCIA IS COMING HERE TOMORROW NIGHT. 211 00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,218 WE WILL NEED THE MISSING BOOBY 212 00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,220 YOU CUT FROM THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA 213 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,721 SO WE CAN SELL IT IN SPAIN. 214 00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,222 THERE IS AN EASIER WAY. 215 00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:59,725 I'VE JUST HAD DINNER WITH HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO. 216 00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:04,229 HOW COULD YOU, HELGA? HE'S SUCH A HORRIBLE SLIMY LITTLE WORM. 217 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,732 WE'VE HAD A LARGE DOGFISH 218 00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,735 WITH A VERY INTERESTING STUFFING. 219 00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:12,738 MY GOD, HELGA, YOU DON'T MEAN THE DOGFISH 220 00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:14,740 CONTAINING OUR 10 MILLION FRANCS? 221 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,242 THE VERY SAME-- BOUGHT AT THE FISHMONGER'S. 222 00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,245 HERR FLICK IS WILLING TO DO A SWAP. 223 00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:21,747 HE WILL GIVE US THE 10 MILLION FRANCS 224 00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:24,249 IF WE GIVE HIM THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA. 225 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:27,753 NEVER! THE PAINTING IS WORTHY MUCH MORE THAN THAT. 226 00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:30,255 COLONEL, I THINK HELGA MIGHT HAVE A POINT. 227 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:34,260 WE WOULD BE MUCH BETTER OFF WITH THE CASH. 228 00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:36,262 MMM... OH, VERY WELL. 229 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:39,265 HELGA, TELL HERR FLICK WE WILL SEE HIM TOMORROW NIGHT 230 00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:42,768 IN THE CAFE RENE IN THE BACKROOM AT 9:30. 231 00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:45,771 WE WILL DO THE EXCHANGE AND THEN WE'LL GO STRAIGHT TO THE CROSSROADS 232 00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,773 TO MEET JUAN GARCIA. 233 00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,274 AS YOU WISH, COLONEL. 234 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,776 WHERE IS THE MISSING BOOBY? 235 00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:53,278 I CARRY IT WITH ME ALWAYS. 236 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,281 I WILL PRODUCE IT FOR YOU. 237 00:11:56,782 --> 00:12:00,285 HOW DO I KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU, COLONEL? 238 00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:03,789 HELGA, I'M AN OFFICER OF THE GERMAN ARMY. 239 00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:06,291 THAT IS WHAT I MEAN. 240 00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:09,795 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE. 241 00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,297 IT IS CABARET TIME AT CAFE RENE. 242 00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,799 I GIVE YOU 243 00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:17,803 THE SINGING POLICEMAN AND MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE. 244 00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:20,806 OH! FORGET I SAID THAT. 245 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,810 I WILL NOW TICKLE THE IVORIES. 246 00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:30,315 ( clears throat ) LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 247 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:33,319 WE SHALL SING THIS ONLY ONCE. 248 00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,321 ♪ SHINE ON ♪ 249 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,824 ♪ SHINE ON, HARVEST MOON ♪ 250 00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:40,826 ♪ UP IN THE SKOO ♪ 251 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:44,830 ♪ WE AIN'T HAD NO LOVING ♪ 252 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:47,833 ♪ SINCE JANUARY, FEBRUARY, JUNE ♪ 253 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:48,834 ♪ AND JULOO ♪ 254 00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:54,339 ♪ SNOW TIME AIN'T NO TIME TO STAY ♪ 255 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,342 ♪ OUTSIDE AND SPOON ♪ 256 00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,344 ♪ SO SHINE ON ♪ 257 00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:01,347 ♪ SHINE ON, HARVEST MOON ♪ 258 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,849 ♪ FOR ME AND MY GHOUL. ♪ 259 00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:10,856 RENE! MADAME EDITH! 260 00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:13,358 CAN IT BE TRUE? YOU ARE ALIVE! 261 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:17,363 WELL, AS WE ARE HERE, IT APPEARS THAT IS SO, YES. 262 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:20,866 - WHAT A RELIEF. - WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. 263 00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:23,869 SHOT BY A FURRING SQUID. 264 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:28,373 WE ESCAPED BY THE SKIN OF OUR TEETH. 265 00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,876 OH, WHO HAS WRITTEN "UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT" ON THIS MENU? 266 00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:33,378 AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING SINGING IN OUR CAFE? 267 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:35,381 THAT IS MY ROLE. 268 00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:39,885 YOU WILL DRIVE AWAY ALL OUR CUSTOMERS SINGING OFF-KEY LIKE THAT. 269 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,387 - I'M SURE THEY ARE USED TO IT. - ( gasps ) 270 00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,890 APART FROM WHICH, WE WERE MERELY CONTINUING YOUR BUSINESS. 271 00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,392 WE DID NOT THUNK YOU WERE COMING BICK. 272 00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:50,396 SO THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I AM AWAY FOR A MOMENT. 273 00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,898 GET THAT APRON OFF AND GET OUT OF HERE, THE LOT OF YOU. 274 00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:55,400 WE WERE ONLY TRAYING TO HELP. 275 00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:58,404 DON'T GET YOUR KNOCKERS IN A TWOSS. 276 00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:01,407 IT IS GONE MIDNIGHT, YOU WILL LOSE ME MY LICENSE. 277 00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,409 MIMI, YVETTE, GET EVERYBODY OUT OF HERE-- NOW. 278 00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:05,411 QUICK. 279 00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,413 OH. OH, MADAME EDITH, 280 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:10,916 I WAS GRIEF STRICKEN WITH THE THOUGHT OF YOUR DEATH. 281 00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:13,919 MY DICKY TICKER SOARS AT THE SIGHT OF YOU. 282 00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:15,420 OH, THANK YOU, MONSIEUR ALFONSE. 283 00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:18,424 - I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE ABOUT ME. - OH, YES. 284 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:22,428 AND I HAD CHOSEN A BEAUTIFUL COFFIN FOR YOU AS WELL. 285 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:26,932 OH WELL, I WILL KEEP IT FOR ANOTHER DAY, HUH? 286 00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,935 THIS IS NOT MUCH FOR AN EVENING'S TAKINGS. 287 00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:32,437 MADAME FANNY AND MONSIEUR LECLERC TOOK THE REST. 288 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:36,442 THEY HAVE GONE TO PARIS FOR A BINGE BEFORE THEY JUMP IN THE SEINE. 289 00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:39,945 OH MY GOD, SO THAT IS WHERE MY ICE-CREAM VAN WAS GOING? 290 00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:42,948 IT IS TYPICAL OF MAMA. SHE NEVER WANTED TO GO OUT QUIETLY. 291 00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:45,951 SHE NEVER DID ANYTHING QUIETLY. 292 00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,453 THOSE TAKINGS SHOULD GO TO THE RESISTANCE. 293 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,456 WE ARE DESPERATELY SHIRT OF KISH. 294 00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,958 THAT IS NOT MY FAULT. 295 00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,960 YOU ARE PARTLY TO BLAME FOR THE DOGFISH BUNGLE 296 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,463 WHICH LOST US THE 10 MILLION FRANCS FROM THE COLONEL AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 297 00:14:58,464 --> 00:14:59,965 THEN WHY NOT ASK THEM FOR MORE? 298 00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:02,968 WE HAVE DECIDED TO SHOW THEM WE MEAN BUSINESS. 299 00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:05,971 WE HAVE SENT THE INCRIMINATING PHOTOGRAPH WHICH IMPLICATES THEM 300 00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:08,473 IN THE THEFT OF THE FALLEN MADONNA TO GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN 301 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:09,975 WHO WILL NO DOUBT HAVE THEM SHOT. 302 00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:12,978 IN THE MEANTIME, I SHALL TAKE THIS FOR SINGING TONIGHT. 303 00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:14,980 I NEVER GET PAID FOR SINGING. 304 00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,982 WELL, YOU SHOULD BE PAID FOR NOT SINGING. 305 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,985 - AND I WILL HAVE SOME TOO. - WHAT? 306 00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:22,487 AFTER ALL, I PLAYED THE PIANO. 307 00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:25,491 WHAT ABOUT MOO? DON'T I GET ANY WOGES? 308 00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:27,993 HERE. 309 00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:33,498 IF YOU NUDE A SAGOON I'M FROO ON MINDAYS AND SOTADAYS. 310 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,003 GET OUT! 311 00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:41,006 OH, THERE'S GRITITUDE FOR YOU. 312 00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,013 WHAT A NIGHT. I AM EXHAUSTED! 313 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:50,015 LET US GO UP TO BED. 314 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,017 I AM NOT THAT EXHAUSTED. 315 00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:55,320 I UNDERSTAND THE WEATHER IN SPAIN IS-- 316 00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,823 DID YOU ORDER A WINDOW CLEANER? 317 00:15:57,823 --> 00:16:01,326 - NO, WHY? - A LADDER HAS JUST COME INTO VIEW. 318 00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,329 ( groans softly ) 319 00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:04,830 RENE! 320 00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:07,332 PARDON ME FOR THIS UNEXPECTED APPEARANCE 321 00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,335 ON YOUR BALCONY, LIEUTENANT. 322 00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:12,838 - RENE, WHAT A LOVELY SURPRISE. - ( chuckles ) 323 00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,840 BUT I MUST TELL YOU 324 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,843 THAT I AM NOT ALONE AT THE MOMENT. 325 00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:20,345 NO NO, NO NO NO. I WANT TO SPEAK WITH BOTH OF YOU 326 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:23,349 - TO GIVE YOU A WARNING. - WHAT ABOUT? 327 00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:25,851 UH, THE RESISTANCE PEOPLE-- WHO I DO NOT KNOW-- 328 00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:29,354 HAVE SENT THE INCRIMINATING PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE LIEUTENANT 329 00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:31,357 - TO GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. - ( gasps ) 330 00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:34,860 - WHAT?! - MM-HMM. HE WILL GET IT SOMETIME THIS MORNING. 331 00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,362 MY GOD, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?! THE GENERAL WILL COME HERE 332 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,865 AND ARREST US FOR STEALING THE FALLEN MADONNA FROM HIM. 333 00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:42,868 RENE, YOU WILL HAVE TO HIDE US IN YOUR CAFE. 334 00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,870 OH, NO, COLONEL. I'M SORRY, THAT IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. 335 00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:47,873 JUST TILL TONIGHT, RENE. WE HAVE SOME BUSINESS WITH HERR FLICK 336 00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,875 IN YOUR BACKROOM AND THEN WE ARE HEADING FOR SPAIN 337 00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:51,877 WITH JUAN GARCIA AND HIS FLAMENCO TROUPE. 338 00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:54,379 I-I-- I CANNOT DO IT. THE RESISTANCE WOULD SHOOT ME 339 00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,382 IF I GAVE YOU SHELTER. 340 00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:58,884 AND I WILL SHOOT YOU IF YOU DON'T. 341 00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:01,887 I WILL SEE YOU LATER. 342 00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:04,389 BYE. 343 00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,892 WE ARE TO MEET WITH THE COLONEL AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER 344 00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:08,894 IN THE BACKROOM OF THE CAFE RENE 345 00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:11,396 AT 9:30 THIS EVENING, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 346 00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:14,900 YES, HERR FLICK. IT IS PAST MY USUAL BEDTIME, 347 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:18,403 BUT I HOPE YOU WILL LET ME STAY UP AT LEAST FOR THIS ONCE. 348 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,907 THERE WE WILL EXCHANGE THE 10 MILLION FRANCS 349 00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:23,909 WE FOUND INSIDE THE DOGFISH 350 00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:25,911 FOR THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA. 351 00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:28,413 IT WILL BE A BARGAIN AT THAT PRICE, HERR FLICK. 352 00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:30,916 ESPECIALLY AS I DO NOT INTEND TO HAND OVER 353 00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:32,417 THE WHOLE 10 MILLION. 354 00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:34,420 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 355 00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,422 I HAVE DEVISED A CUNNING PLAN. 356 00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:39,925 WE WILL SHOW THEM A SMALL AMOUNT OF REAL MONEY, 357 00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:41,927 BUT MOST OF THE CASH WILL BE PAPER 358 00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,429 CUT UP TO LOOK LIKE 1000-FRANC NOTES. 359 00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,932 THAT IS A MASTERLY PLAN, HERR FLICK! 360 00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:48,433 AREN'T THEY ALWAYS? 361 00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,436 NOW, 362 00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:53,439 I HAVE HERE ON THE DESK A NUMBER OF MAGAZINES. 363 00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:55,941 YOU WILL CUT THEM UP WITH A KNIFE 364 00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:58,443 TO THE EXACT SIZE OF THIS NOTE 365 00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:00,446 I HAVE PASTED TO THIS BLOCK OF WOOD. 366 00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:03,449 - I WILL DO IT AT ONCE, HERR FLICK. - STOP! 367 00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,951 FIRST, I MUST GIVE YOU A WARNING. 368 00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:08,954 THESE MAGAZINES ARE OLD COPIES OF THE HITLER YOUTH 369 00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:11,957 UNADORNED ARYAN MAIDEN QUARTERLY. 370 00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:14,459 YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO LOOK AT THEM. 371 00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:16,462 I MEAN, HOW WILL I CUT THEM UP?! 372 00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:20,966 YOU WILL WEAR THIS PAPER BAG ON YOUR HEAD 373 00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:22,467 AND DO IT BY TOUCH. 374 00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:25,470 THERE. 375 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,973 YOU MAY BEGIN. 376 00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:30,976 AND NO WIGGLY EDGES. 377 00:18:30,976 --> 00:18:32,978 WE ARE NOT MAKING DOILIES. 378 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:42,487 HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO HIDE, GRUBER? 379 00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,990 I'M GETTING CRAMPED IN HERE. 380 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,992 PATIENCE, COLONEL, IT'S ONLY A FEW HOURS MORE. 381 00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:50,996 IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR YOU, YOU'RE IN BED. 382 00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:53,999 IT'S SO IGNOMINIOUS FOR A MAN OF MY RANK 383 00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:57,502 TO BE HIDING UNDER A CHAMBER POT. 384 00:18:57,503 --> 00:19:00,506 AND WHERE'S THE FOOD THAT MADAME EDITH PROMISED US? 385 00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:04,009 I WILL TRY TO ATTRACT SOMEONE'S ATTENTION, COLONEL. 386 00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:08,514 ( whimpers ) EDITH! 387 00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:10,516 EDITH! 388 00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:13,018 WILL NO ONE HERE WHO HEARS THE CRIES 389 00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:16,521 OF A POOR OLD WOMAN? ( taps on floor ) 390 00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:18,524 EDITH! EDITH! 391 00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:20,526 COMING, MAMA. 392 00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:22,528 OH, I MEAN, LIEUTENANT. 393 00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:25,531 I HAVE BOUGHT YOU BOTH SOME SOUP. 394 00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,533 HOW AM I EXPECTED 395 00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:30,035 TO DRINK SOUP IN THIS CABINET?! 396 00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:33,038 AH. I HAVE COME PREPARED. 397 00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,040 NOW YOU SUCK THROUGH THIS, 398 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,541 BUT DON'T SUCK TOO HARD 399 00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:39,044 OR YOU WILL GET INDIGESTION. 400 00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:45,050 MADAME EDITH, GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN IS HERE. 401 00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:50,555 HE'S SEARCHING THE CAFE FOR THE COLONEL AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 402 00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:53,058 IN FACT I HEAR HIS FOOTS ON THE STAIRS NOW. 403 00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:55,560 OH MY GOD! DO NOT GIVE US AWAY! 404 00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,563 OH, YOU ARE SAFE, LIEUTENANT. 405 00:19:57,563 --> 00:20:00,065 THE GENERAL DOES NOT KNOW MAMA VERY WELL, 406 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:03,568 AND IF YOU ACT LIKE HER, HE WILL BE FOOLED BY YOUR DISGUISE. 407 00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:06,572 ( hiccupping ) 408 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,574 THE SOUP HAS GONE DOWN THE WRONG WAY. 409 00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:12,578 QUICKLY, COLONEL, GET BACK UNDER THE CHAMBER POT. 410 00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:15,514 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 411 00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:17,015 I ASSURE YOU, GENERAL, 412 00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:19,017 THERE IS ONLY MY OLD MOTHER-IN-LAW UP HERE. 413 00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:22,020 I INTEND TO SEARCH EVERY BUILDING IN THE TOWN UNTIL I FIND THEM. 414 00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:24,022 I HAVE INFORMATION THEY HAVE STOLEN 415 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:26,024 A VERY VALUABLE PAINTING FROM MY QUARTERS. 416 00:20:26,024 --> 00:20:29,527 - SEARCH UNDER THE BED AND IN THAT CUPBOARD. - YES, GENERAL. 417 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,531 THAT MOTHER-IN-LAW DOESN'T LOOK VERY OLD TO ME. 418 00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,034 OH, SHE IS VERY WELL-PRESERVED FOR HER AGE. 419 00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,536 SHE HAS REMARKABLE TEETH AND VERY FEW WRINKLES. 420 00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:41,540 IT IS THE SIMPLE COUNTRY LIFE SHE HAS LED-- 421 00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:43,542 PLENTY OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. 422 00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,544 WHO DID THAT? 423 00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:49,548 MY MOTHER SUFFERS TERRIBLY FROM INDIGESTION. 424 00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:51,550 IT GIVES HER HICCUPS. 425 00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:56,555 EDITH, WHO IS THE FAT KRAUT WITH THE PIGGY EYES? 426 00:20:57,556 --> 00:21:00,559 - MAMA! - GET HIM OUT OF HERE! 427 00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:04,563 I SPIT ON HIM AND ALL THE GERMANS! 428 00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:11,570 SHUT UP, YOU SILLY OLD BAT! 429 00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:15,073 I'M VERY SORRY, GENERAL. SHE IS GOING A LITTLE BIT GAGA. 430 00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:16,574 - ANYTHING? - NO, GENERAL. 431 00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:19,578 IF THE COLONEL OR LIEUTENANT GRUBER COME ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR CAFE, 432 00:21:19,578 --> 00:21:21,580 - INFORM ME AT ONCE! - OF COURSE, GENERAL. 433 00:21:23,081 --> 00:21:25,083 GIVE THE OLD LADY A GLASS OF WATER. 434 00:21:26,585 --> 00:21:28,587 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, LIEUTENANT? 435 00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:32,090 OH, I THINK I'VE JUST AGED A GREAT NUMBER OF YEARS. 436 00:21:32,090 --> 00:21:33,591 AND THE COLONEL? 437 00:21:35,594 --> 00:21:38,597 HAS HE GONE? ( hiccups ) 438 00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:41,099 I'VE GOT THE HICCUPS. I CAN'T GET RID OF THEM. 439 00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:43,101 A SUDDEN SHOCK WOULD DO THE TRICK. 440 00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:46,104 LOOK OUT, THE GENERAL IS COMING BACK! 441 00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:49,608 IT HAS DONE THE TRICK. 442 00:21:49,608 --> 00:21:51,610 I THOUGHT IT WOULD. 443 00:21:58,617 --> 00:22:01,620 AH. GOOD EVENING, HERR FLICK, AND WELCOME. 444 00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:03,622 GOOD EVENING. WHERE IS RENE? 445 00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:07,626 I WILL GET HIM FOR YOU. HERE, HELP YOURSELF TO A DRINK. 446 00:22:11,129 --> 00:22:13,131 THE FUTURE LOOKS VERY ROSY FOR YOU 447 00:22:13,131 --> 00:22:15,133 IF YOU STAY WITH US, HELGA, 448 00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:17,635 AFTER TONIGHT, WE WILL HAVE BOTH THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA 449 00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:20,639 AND MOST OF THE 10 MILLION FRANCS. 450 00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:24,142 BUT YOU'RE GIVING THE 10 MILLION FRANCS TO THE COLONEL AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 451 00:22:24,142 --> 00:22:27,645 THEY ARE MOSTLY CUT-UP MAGAZINES, NOT REAL MONEY. 452 00:22:27,646 --> 00:22:30,148 HOW DEVIOUS YOU ARE, HERR FLICK. 453 00:22:30,148 --> 00:22:33,151 I'M SO GLAD I'M ON YOUR SIDE. 454 00:22:33,151 --> 00:22:36,654 AH. GOOD EVENING, HERR FLICK, HELGA. 455 00:22:36,655 --> 00:22:40,158 GOOD EVENING, PEASANT. WE ARE EXPECTED IN YOUR BACKROOM. 456 00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:43,161 OF COURSE. THE COLONEL AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER ARE ALREADY THERE 457 00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:45,663 IN DISGUISE, READY FOR THEIR ESCAPE. 458 00:22:45,664 --> 00:22:48,166 JUST WAIT ONE MOMENT. 459 00:22:50,168 --> 00:22:52,170 OH, RENE. 460 00:22:54,172 --> 00:22:57,175 I AM AFRAID THIS IS GOODBYE FOREVER. 461 00:22:57,175 --> 00:22:59,677 THEN LET US SAY FAREWELL. 462 00:22:59,678 --> 00:23:01,680 PERHAPS THE FRENCH WAY. 463 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,181 WHAT? 464 00:23:03,181 --> 00:23:06,684 DON'T THEY-- DON'T THEY HUG AND KISS ON THE CHEEK? 465 00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:08,687 ( stammers ) 466 00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:12,190 ONLY WHEN PRESENTING MEDALS OR IN A DIRE EMERGENCY. 467 00:23:15,193 --> 00:23:18,196 AH. UH, ONE MOMENT. 468 00:23:18,196 --> 00:23:21,199 THIS WAY, PLEASE, HERR FLICK, HELGA. 469 00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:27,706 I WILL ENSURE THAT YOU ARE NOT DISTURBED. 470 00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:33,712 - GOOD EVENING. - LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO BUSINESS. 471 00:23:33,712 --> 00:23:35,213 DID YOU BRING THE 10 MILLION FRANCS? 472 00:23:35,213 --> 00:23:37,215 IT IS IN THIS ATTACHE CASE. 473 00:23:37,215 --> 00:23:39,217 HAVE YOU BROUGHT THE PAINTING OF THE FALLING MADONNA 474 00:23:39,217 --> 00:23:41,219 WITH THE BIG BOOBIES BY VAN KLOMP? 475 00:23:41,219 --> 00:23:42,720 I HAVE IT HERE. 476 00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:45,223 THEN LET US COMPLETE THE TRANSACTION. 477 00:23:45,223 --> 00:23:46,724 WE WANT TO SEE THE MONEY FIRST. 478 00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:49,227 VON SMALLHAUSEN, OPEN THE CASE. 479 00:23:53,231 --> 00:23:56,234 - SEEMS IN ORDER. - NOW THE PAINTING. 480 00:23:56,234 --> 00:23:59,237 WE WRAPPED IT IN NEWSPAPER TO PROTECT IT. 481 00:24:01,239 --> 00:24:02,740 THERE IS ONE OF THE BOOBIES. 482 00:24:04,242 --> 00:24:06,244 NO TOUCHING, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 483 00:24:06,244 --> 00:24:09,747 I WAS JUST CHECKING ITS AUTHENTICITY, HERR FLICK. 484 00:24:09,748 --> 00:24:13,251 HELGA, YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT BOOBIES THAN ANYONE ELSE. 485 00:24:13,251 --> 00:24:14,752 IS THAT THE REAL THING? 486 00:24:16,254 --> 00:24:19,757 YES, HERR FLICK, THAT IS DEFINITELY A VAN KLOMP BOOBY. 487 00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:22,260 WE WISH TO SEE MORE OF THE PAINTING. 488 00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:23,761 WE WISH TO SEE MORE OF THE MONEY. 489 00:24:23,762 --> 00:24:25,263 WE HAVE SEEN ENOUGH OF THE PAINTING. 490 00:24:25,263 --> 00:24:26,764 WE HAVE SEEN ENOUGH OF THE MONEY. 491 00:24:34,272 --> 00:24:37,275 WE WILL LEAVE BY THE WINDOW, GRUBER. 492 00:24:38,276 --> 00:24:41,279 GOODBYE, HELGA. 493 00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:43,781 PERHAPS WE SHALL MEET WHEN THE WAR IS OVER. 494 00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:46,284 GOODBYE, COLONEL, LIEUTENANT. 495 00:24:46,284 --> 00:24:48,286 GOODBYE, HELGA. 496 00:24:54,593 --> 00:24:56,595 AND GOOD RIDDANCE. 497 00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:58,597 POUR US SOME WINE, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 498 00:24:58,597 --> 00:25:01,600 WE WILL CELEBRATE THE DOUBLE-CROSS OF THE CENTURY. 499 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,102 THOSE IDIOTS WERE COMPLETELY FOOLED 500 00:25:04,102 --> 00:25:06,604 BY MY CUNNING DECEPTION. 501 00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:09,608 HERR FLICK, YOU ARE SO IRRESISTIBLY ATTRACTIVE 502 00:25:09,608 --> 00:25:12,110 WHEN YOU'RE BEING UNDERHAND AND DISHONEST. 503 00:25:12,110 --> 00:25:15,613 - MAY I KISS YOU? - LET US LOOK AT THE PAINTING FIRST. 504 00:25:18,116 --> 00:25:21,119 THERE IS NO PAINTING, JUST A BOOBY! 505 00:25:22,621 --> 00:25:24,122 WE HAVE BEEN DIDDLED! 506 00:25:24,122 --> 00:25:26,624 QUICK, AFTER THEM! 507 00:25:34,633 --> 00:25:38,136 OH, RENE, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED TO DR. LE COMTE. 508 00:25:38,136 --> 00:25:39,637 HE'S VERY LATE. 509 00:25:39,638 --> 00:25:42,641 AND WE NEED THOSE EXTRA RATION BOOKS BEFORE WE CAN ELOPE. 510 00:25:42,641 --> 00:25:45,143 WELL, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD WAIT UNTIL ANOTHER NIGHT. 511 00:25:45,143 --> 00:25:47,145 OH, YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO GET OUT OF IT, ARE YOU? 512 00:25:47,145 --> 00:25:50,648 IF YOU ARE, I WILL ANNOUNCE NOW THAT YOU'RE THE FATHER OF MY CHILD. 513 00:25:50,649 --> 00:25:52,150 OH, NO NO NO, WE WILL ELOPE. 514 00:25:52,150 --> 00:25:54,152 I WILL MEET YOU DOWN HERE AT MIDNIGHT 515 00:25:54,152 --> 00:25:56,154 AND WE WILL GET THE MILK TRUCK TO PARIS. 516 00:25:57,656 --> 00:25:59,658 OH, THANK GOODNESS, HERE IS THE DOCTOR NOW. 517 00:25:59,658 --> 00:26:03,161 I AM SORRY I AM LATE. I HAD AN EMERGENCY TO ATTEND TO. 518 00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:05,163 HAVE YOU BROUGHT MY EXTRA RATION BOOKS? 519 00:26:05,163 --> 00:26:08,166 OH, I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, MY DEAR. 520 00:26:08,166 --> 00:26:10,668 YOU ARE NOT WITH CHILD AFTER ALL. 521 00:26:10,669 --> 00:26:13,672 - WHAT?! - IT'S BEEN A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. 522 00:26:13,672 --> 00:26:17,676 THE FROGS WHICH WE USE FOR THE PREGNANCY TEST GOT MIXED UP. 523 00:26:19,177 --> 00:26:21,679 THEY LEAPT INTO EACH OTHER'S JARS. 524 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,683 I JUST DISCOVERED THE ERROR. 525 00:26:24,683 --> 00:26:27,185 IT IS NOT YOU WHO IS WITH CHILD, 526 00:26:27,185 --> 00:26:29,187 IT IS MADAME LINARD, THE DRESSMAKER. 527 00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:37,195 I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE PLEASED. 528 00:26:37,195 --> 00:26:39,197 IT IS PROBABLY THE SHOCK, DOCTOR. 529 00:26:39,197 --> 00:26:42,700 WELL, IF SHE IS SO UPSET, SHE COULD ALWAYS TRY AGAIN. 530 00:26:44,202 --> 00:26:45,703 - PERISH THE THOUGHT. - ( cries louder ) 531 00:26:47,205 --> 00:26:51,209 - OH WELL. GOOD NIGHT. - GOOD NIGHT, DOCTOR. 532 00:26:51,209 --> 00:26:53,711 - ( sobbing ) - OH, THERE THERE. 533 00:26:53,712 --> 00:26:56,715 IMAGINE THAT-- MADAME LINARD PREGNANT 534 00:26:56,715 --> 00:26:59,217 AND HER HUSBAND DIED A YEAR AGO. 535 00:26:59,217 --> 00:27:02,220 I WONDER WHO THE FATHER IS. 536 00:27:02,220 --> 00:27:04,722 DO NOT START THAT AGAIN, EDITH. 537 00:27:04,723 --> 00:27:06,725 CHEER UP. IT IS GOOD NEWS. 538 00:27:06,725 --> 00:27:09,728 OH, THIS HAS BEEN HANGING OVER US FOR FAR TOO LONG. 539 00:27:09,728 --> 00:27:12,230 AND NOW IT IS OVER, IT IS TIME TO REJOICE. 540 00:27:12,230 --> 00:27:15,733 YES, YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, EDITH. AHA, YES. 541 00:27:15,734 --> 00:27:17,736 YVETTE HAS AVOIDED THE SHAME 542 00:27:17,736 --> 00:27:19,237 AND YOU AND I ARE STILL IN ONE PIECE 543 00:27:19,237 --> 00:27:21,739 AFTER LAST NIGHT. HA-HA-HA. 544 00:27:21,740 --> 00:27:23,742 THE GERMAN COMMANDANT AND THE LIEUTENANT HAVE GONE 545 00:27:23,742 --> 00:27:25,744 AND SOON THE WAR WILL BE OVER. 546 00:27:25,744 --> 00:27:28,246 SUDDENLY, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT. 547 00:27:28,246 --> 00:27:30,748 I WILL SING A SONG TO CELEBRATE. 548 00:27:30,749 --> 00:27:33,251 ( shrieks ) 549 00:27:33,251 --> 00:27:36,754 PERHAPS NOT AS PERFECT AS IT COULD BE. 550 00:27:39,758 --> 00:27:41,760 ♪ SHINE ON ♪ 551 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,763 ♪ SHINE ON, HARVEST MOON ♪ 552 00:27:44,763 --> 00:27:47,265 ♪ UP IN THE SKY ♪ 553 00:27:47,265 --> 00:27:51,769 ♪ I AIN'T HAD NO LOVING ♪ 554 00:27:51,770 --> 00:27:54,272 ♪ SINCE JANUARY, FEBRUARY, JUNE ♪ 555 00:27:54,272 --> 00:27:57,275 - ♪ OR JULY... ♪ - ( theme music playing )