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( theme music playing )
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YOU MAY WONDER WHY
I AM STUFFING A STRING
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00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:30,596
OF FRESHLY COOKED SAUSAGES
DOWN MY TROUSERS.
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THERE IS, OF COURSE,
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A SIMPLE EXPLANATION
FOR ALL THIS.
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THE IDIOT BRITISH AIRMEN
WERE HIDDEN IN BARRELS
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IN THE WINE CELLAR
AT THE CHATEAU
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AND THE PLAN WAS
TO FLOAT THEM OUT TO SEA
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IN THE UNDERGROUND STREAM,
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WHICH RUNS
BENEATH THE CELLAR.
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NEEDLESS TO SAY,
THE STUPID AIRMEN
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FLOATED DOWN
THE WRONG PASSAGE
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AND THEY ARE NOW
STUCK IN THE DRAIN
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IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE TOWN SQUARE.
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WE CANNOT--
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WE CANNOT OPEN
THE RUSTY GRATING TO GET THEM OUT,
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SO MICHELLE HAS INSTRUCTED ME
TO FEED THE AIRMEN
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BY STANDING OVER THE DRAIN
AND LOWERING THE SAUSAGES
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DOWN MY TROUSER LEG.
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AS USUAL, MY WIFE EDITH
HAS OVER-CATERED.
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( growling )
OH, RENE,
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WE ARE ALONE AT LAST.
HOLD ME IN YOUR ARMS.
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Both:
OH!
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BE CAREFUL, YVETTE,
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SOME OF THESE SAUSAGES
ARE STILL VERY HOT.
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I CAN FEEL THE HEAT
THROUGH MY DRESS.
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( both giggle )
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HERE I HAVE THE MUSTARD
FOR THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
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I WILL TIE THE STRING
TO YOUR BELT
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AND SLIP THE POT
DOWN YOUR OTHER LEG.
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OH. OH. OH.
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RENE!
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WHAT IS THAT SERVING GIRL
DOING TO YOU?
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YOU STUPID WOMAN.
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CAN YOU NOT SEE,
THIS POOR CHILD IS EXAMINING--
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TRYING TO--
YOU TELL HER.
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I AM MAKING SURE
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RENE HAS THE MUSTARD
IN HIS TROUSERS.
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WHAT?!
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IT IS FOR THE AIRMEN.
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I WILL DO THAT.
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HERE, YOU GET
IN THE KITCHEN
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AND PEEL THE POTATOES.
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BUT I HAVE ALREADY
PEELED THEM.
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WELL, PEEL THEM AGAIN!
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HERE, RENE,
LET ME HELP YOU.
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I CAN MANAGE, EDITH,
THANK YOU.
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YOU HAVE COOKED
TOO MANY SAUSAGES.
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THERE IS BARELY ROOM
FOR THEM IN MY TROUSERS.
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AH, MICHELLE,
HAVE YOU FOUND A WAY
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OF GETTING RID OF
THE AIRMEN YET?
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LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
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I SHALL SAY THIS
ONLY ONCE.
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MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
IS EXAMINING THE GRATING
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TO SEE IF IT
CAN BE FORCED UP.
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THE AIRMEN ARE TRAPPED
ON A LEDGE
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NEXT TO THE OVERFLOW PIPE
FROM THIS CAFE.
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SO UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
SHOULD ANYONE
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- FLUSH THE TOILET.
- ( toilet flushes )
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I MUST REMEMBER TO TELL
MAMMA AND MONSIEUR LECLERC.
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LET US HOPE THE AIRMEN
HAVE NOT BEEN WASHED AWAY.
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ON THE CONTRARY,
LET US HOPE THEY HAVE!
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ARE THE BANGERS
IN YOUR PANTS?
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ALL PRESENT
AND PIPING HOT.
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MICHELLE,
WHAT ABOUT DRINK?
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THE GARLIC
IN THE SAUSAGE
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WILL MAKE
THE AIRMEN THIRSTY.
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MY RESISTANCE GIRLS
ARE ADAPTING
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MADAME FANNY'S
WHEELCHAIR.
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THEY ARE PUTTING A TANK
OF SOUP UNDERNEATH IT WITH A TAP.
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WHEN MONSIEUR LECLERC
TAKES MADAME FANNY
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FOR HER MORNING STROLL
IN THE WHEELCHAIR,
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HE WILL STOP OVER THE DRAIN,
OPEN THE TAP,
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AND LET THE AIRMEN
DRINK THE SOUP.
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OH, MADAME EDITH,
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SOMETHING TERRIBLE
HAS HAPPENED.
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MADAME FANNY HAS GONE.
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GONE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
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SHE AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
HAD A ROW LAST NIGHT.
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HE FOUND THIS NOTE
ON THE PILLOW WHEN HE WOKE UP.
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HE IS DISTRAUGHT.
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OH--
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MAMMA HAS GONE TO STAY
WITH HER COUSIN IN AVIGNON,
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THE ONE WHO RUNS
THE KENNELS.
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WELL, SHE SHOULD
FEEL AT HOME THERE.
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DID MONSIEUR LECLERC
SAY WHAT THE ROW WAS ABOUT?
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APPARENTLY,
SHE WAS COMPLAINING
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ABOUT HIS DEMANDS
FOR CONJUGAL RIGHTS.
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WAS HE MAKING MANY?
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NO, THAT IS WHAT
SHE WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT.
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THIS IS BAD NEWS.
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IF MADAME FANNY HAS GONE,
THAT PUTS PAID TO MY PLAN
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FOR GIVING THE AIRMEN
THE SOUP.
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SOMEONE WILL HAVE
TO TAKE HER PLACE.
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I WILL DO IT.
I CAN TURN MYSELF INTO THE OLD WOMAN.
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00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:09,315
( witchlike voice )
AH, EDITH.
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NO, MIMI,
YOU ARE MUCH TOO SMALL.
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00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,821
MADAME EDITH,
YOU WILL HAVE TO DO IT.
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00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,325
HOW COULD I MAKE MYSELF
LOOK OLD AND WRINKLED?
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WEAR ONE
OF YOUR HATS...
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AND TRY A LITTLE
LESS MAKE-UP.
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OH, YOU MUST, MADAME EDITH.
THE LIVES OF THE AIRMEN MAY DEPEND ON IT,
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AND YOU ARE AN ARTISTE.
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VERY WELL,
I WILL DO IT.
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I WILL WEAR ONE
OF MAMMA'S DRESSES
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AND PUT ON HER OLD SUN HAT.
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I WILL SUCK IN MY CHEEKS
TO MAKE MYSELF LOOK TOOTHLESS,
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AND HUNCH MY SHOULDERS
TO MAKE ME LOOK
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OLD AND ARTHRITIC.
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I NEVER REALIZED
SHE WAS THAT OLD.
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( imitating Mamma )
THE GERMANS,
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I SPIT ON THEM.
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( spitting )
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NOW STOP WASTING TIME,
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AND GO UPSTAIRS
TO GET READY,
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YOU SILLY OLD BAT.
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RENE, HOW DARE YOU
SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!
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I AM SORRY, EDITH,
BUT YOU WERE SO REALISTIC
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I AM ALREADY THINKING OF YOU
AS MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
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GOOD MOANING.
121
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OH, GOOD MORNING,
MONSIEUR.
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WHAT ARE YOU DEEING
CROTCHING ON ALL FEARS
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IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE SQUEER?
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I AM CHECKING
THESE RUSTY HINGES
125
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TO SEE IF WE CAN GET
THE BRITISH AIRMEN OUT.
126
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OF COURSE, THE EARMEN.
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WE MUST ROSCUE THEM
AS SOON AS PISSABLE.
128
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HMM?
129
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THERE IS LITTLE HOPE
OF THAT, I AM AFRAID.
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THE HINGES
ARE RUSTED SOLID.
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THAT IS BAD NOSE INDOOD.
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I MUST INFORM MICHELLE.
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SHE HAS SECRETED HERSELF
IN THE CAFE.
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I SAY, CHAPS,
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
135
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- HELLO!
- HELLO!
136
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,878
Crabtree:
KEEP YOUR CHINS UP, CHAPS.
137
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ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
138
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WELL, UH...
139
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IT PONGS A BIT DOWN HERE.
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IS SOMEONE
DOING SOMETHING?
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00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,886
Crabtree:
DON'T WORRY,
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00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,888
THE UNDERTAKER'S
TAKING CARE OF EVERYTHING.
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00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,890
I SAY, I DON'T LIKE
THE SOUND OF THAT.
144
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,892
MUST DASH, CHAPS.
145
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,894
JERRY ON HORIZON.
146
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GOOD MOANING.
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NICE DOO.
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I DON'T LIKE IT
MUCH DOWN HERE.
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00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,904
I KNOW, OLD BOY.
150
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:50,410
STILL, IT DOES HAVE
ITS COMPENSATIONS.
151
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,418
AH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
HAVE YOU MADE ANY PROGRESS?
152
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,920
THE DRAIN COVER
WILL NOT MOVE.
153
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,421
IT HAS NOT BEEN OPENED
FOR YEARS.
154
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,924
BUT THAT IS DREADFUL.
WHAT ARE WE TO DO?
155
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:07,426
I COULD PERHAPS LOOSEN
THE HINGES WITH A HAMMER,
156
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,929
BUT I CANNOT GO OUT
INTO THE SQUARE
157
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,431
AND START BANGING
IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.
158
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,434
YES, THAT MIGHT
AROUSE SUSPICION.
159
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,936
COULD YOU NOT
PARK YOUR HEARSE
160
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,938
OVER THE DRAIN
AND WORK UNDERNEATH IT?
161
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,439
DO NOT BE RIDICULOUS,
MICHELLE.
162
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,442
THE GERMANS WOULD STILL
HEAR HIM BANGING.
163
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,945
AN IDEA HAS JUST
ENTERED MY BRAIN.
164
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:29,448
WE COULD PERHAPS USE
YOUR OLD ICE CREAM WAGON?
165
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,451
THE ONE I KEEP
IN MY GARAGE?
166
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,453
THE NOISE OF THE ICE
MAKING MACHINERY
167
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,955
WOULD DISGUISE
OUR ACTIVITIES UNDERNEATH.
168
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OH, THAT IS
A GOOD IDEA!
169
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:41,460
THE GERMANS
WOULD NOT SUSPECT AN ICE CREAM VAN.
170
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:45,965
BUT IT HAS BEEN
LAID UP SINCE IT BROKE DOWN IN 1934.
171
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,467
THE ENGINE MIGHT NEED
A LITTLE TINKERING
172
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,470
BUT THE FREEZER
STILL WORKS.
173
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,472
I OCCASIONALLY USE IT
FOR STORING BODIES.
174
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,477
YOUR WAITRESSES
COULD SERVE THE ICE CREAM,
175
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,978
AND YOU, RENE,
YOU CAN DRIVE THE VAN.
176
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,981
OH NO, NO, NO.
I AM PLAYING NO PART IN THIS CRACKPOT IDEA.
177
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,482
LISTEN,
178
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,984
IF THOSE AIRMEN
ARE FOUND IN THE DRAIN,
179
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,986
THEY MAY CRACK
UNDER INTERROGATION
180
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,988
AND REVEAL WHO HAS BEEN
SHELTERING THEM.
181
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,489
AND THE FINGER...
182
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,992
WILL POINT AT YOU,
MONSIEUR.
183
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,493
WELL, AS USUAL,
184
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,496
I DO NOT SEEM TO HAVE
MUCH CHOICE.
185
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,498
WELL, I WILL GO
FOR A TINKER.
186
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,501
AND I WILL GO
AND FEED THE AIRMEN.
187
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,006
YOU ARE WALKING
VERY STRANGELY, MONSIEUR.
188
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,008
IF YOU HAD
DOWN YOUR TROUSERS
189
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,509
WHAT I HAVE DOWN MINE,
190
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:34,013
YOU WOULD WALK STRANGELY.
191
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,514
BIG HEAD!
192
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,538
I SAY, CARSTAIRS,
193
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,039
THAT CAFE CHAPPIE'S
UP THERE
194
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,541
DROPPING SOMETHING
DOWN HIS TROUSERS!
195
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,546
IT'S SAUSAGES, FAIRFAX.
196
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,048
THANK GOD FOR THAT.
197
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,560
GOOD MORNING, RENE.
198
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,564
I'M SORRY
I MADE YOU JUMP.
199
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,066
GOOD MORNING,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
200
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:30,069
I WAS JUST
TAKING THE AIR.
201
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:33,572
MY STOMACH IS A LITTLE
FRAGILE THIS MORNING.
202
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,576
OH, DEAR LIEUTENANT,
I HOPE IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS.
203
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:40,079
I THINK IT WAS THE COTTAGE PIE
I HAD IN THE CAFE LAST NIGHT.
204
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,584
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, RENE?
205
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,586
YOU APPEAR TO HAVE
A TWITCH IN YOUR LEG.
206
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,087
OH, IT IS NOTHING.
207
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:51,090
JUST A SLIGHT MUSCLE STRAIN
FROM CARRYING HEAVY CRATES
208
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,091
UP FROM THE CELLAR.
209
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,593
PERHAPS SOMEONE
SHOULD LOOK AT IT?
210
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,596
NO, THAT IS
NOT NECESSARY,
211
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,097
BUT THANK YOU
FOR YOUR CONCERN.
212
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:02,601
RENE--
213
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,606
RENE, IS IT MY IMAGINATION
214
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,108
OR IS THERE A SAUSAGE
215
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,609
POPPING OUT OF THE END
OF YOUR TROUSERS?
216
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,613
NO, NO YOU ARE
SEEING CORRECTLY.
217
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,116
THESE SAUSAGES WERE
PAST THEIR EAT-BY DATE
218
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:20,619
SO I WAS DISPOSING THEM
TO SAFEGUARD OUR CUSTOMERS.
219
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,623
THAT IS MOST COMMENDABLE.
220
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,125
AND HOW TYPICAL OF YOU.
221
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,626
OH.
222
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,630
BUT WOULD IT NOT
BE SIMPLER JUST TO...
223
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,632
POP THEM IN THE DUSTBIN?
224
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:36,636
WE DO NOT WANT ANYBODY
TO SUFFER FROM FOOD POISONING.
225
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,137
WE PUT THE WORST FOOD
FROM THE CAFE
226
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,139
STRAIGHT DOWN HERE.
227
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,141
IN THAT CASE, RENE,
228
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,143
MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION?
229
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,145
OF COURSE, LIEUTENANT.
230
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,147
PERHAPS NEXT TIME
231
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:50,649
YOU COULD DO THE SAME
232
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,152
WITH MADAME EDITH'S
COTTAGE PIE?
233
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,863
SO, VON SMALLHAUSEN,
ARE YOU READY
234
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,366
TO COMMENCE
THE FORGING OF A COPY OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
235
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:09,368
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP,
236
00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:11,870
WHICH WE SO AUDACIOUSLY
STOLE FROM THE CHATEAU
237
00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:14,373
BEHIND GENERAL VON
KLINKERHOFFEN'S BACK
238
00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:15,874
UNDER HIS VERY NOSE?
239
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,877
YES, HERR FLICK.
I WILL DO MY BEST.
240
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:19,879
I HAVE CAREFULLY
TRACED AROUND THE PAINTING
241
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:21,881
TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU.
242
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:23,883
THE CODE FOR THE COLORS
IS HERE.
243
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:26,886
IT IS A GREAT HELP,
HERR FLICK.
244
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:29,889
NUMBER ONE IS FOR RED,
245
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,390
TWO FOR BLUE,
THREE FOR GREEN
246
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:34,393
AND FOUR FOR A PINKY
FLESH COLOR.
247
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:36,895
THAT IS A LARGE POT,
HERR FLICK.
248
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,397
IT IS FOR HER BOOBIES,
249
00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:41,400
WHICH OCCUPY
MUCH OF THE PAINTING.
250
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,902
AND WHAT SHALL WE DO
ABOUT THIS FORGERY?
251
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:47,907
I WILL PLANT IT IN THE OFFICE
OF COLONEL VON STROHM.
252
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,909
AN ANONYMOUS TELEPHONE CALL
253
00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:52,912
WILL INFORM GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN WHERE IT IS,
254
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,414
THE COLONEL WILL BE ACCUSED
OF STEALING IT
255
00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:57,416
AND BE SENT
TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT
256
00:11:57,416 --> 00:12:00,919
WHERE HE WILL NO LONGER
BE A PAIN IN THE BUM.
257
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,422
IT IS A VERY RISKY PLAN,
HERR FLICK.
258
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:05,924
DO NOT WORRY,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
259
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:08,427
IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG,
YOU WILL CARRY THE CAN.
260
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:12,431
I SHALL BE PROUD TO BE A COG
IN THE WHEEL, HERR FLICK.
261
00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:14,933
A VERY SMALL COG.
I AM A BIG COG.
262
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,437
NOW GET ON
WITH THE FORGING.
263
00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:20,939
I AM GOING
TO TAKE HELGA THESE FLOWERS.
264
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,442
IF YOU DO
A REALLY GOOD JOB,
265
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:24,943
I MAY LET HELGA
GIVE YOU A KISS.
266
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:28,447
THE THOUGHT HAS MADE
MY HAND SHAKE, HERR FLICK.
267
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,949
TAKE A TRANQUILIZER,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
268
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,952
I DO NOT WANT
A NIPPLE ON HER NOSE.
269
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,955
THE PAPER CLIPS
AND STATIONERY
270
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:38,457
ARE IN THE TOP DRAWER.
271
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:40,959
IF YOU CAN'T FIND ANYTHING,
PRIVATE BIGSTERN,
272
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:41,961
JUST ASK LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
273
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:42,962
HE'S VERY HELPFUL.
274
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:45,464
HE SEEMED A NICE FELLOW
WHEN YOU INTRODUCED ME
275
00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:46,965
TO HIM AND THE COLONEL.
276
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,467
HANDSOME, TOO--
277
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:50,469
QUITE TICKLED MY FANCY.
278
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:53,472
HE'S NEVER TICKLED MINE.
279
00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:58,978
- GOOD MORNING, HELGA.
- GOOD MORNING, GENERAL.
280
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:00,980
IS THIS A NEW
MEMBER OF STAFF?
281
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:02,982
I AM OFF
ON MY TRAINING COURSE,
282
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:04,984
PRIVATE BIGSTERN
IS TAKING MY PLACE.
283
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:08,988
NO ONE CAN POSSIBLY
TAKE YOUR PLACE, HELGA.
284
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,490
ALTHOUGH ON
SECOND THOUGHTS,
285
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:12,491
I COULD BE WRONG.
286
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:14,493
I WILL BE TAKING OVER
287
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:16,495
ALL OF PRIVATE
GEERHART'S DUTIES, GENERAL.
288
00:13:16,495 --> 00:13:18,997
IN THAT CASE,
I MIGHT HAVE SOME OVERTIME
289
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,499
FOR YOU ONE
EVENING THIS WEEK.
290
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:22,501
IT WILL BE A PLEASURE,
GENERAL.
291
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,503
THAT IS WHAT
I HOPE.
292
00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:26,505
I WILL MISS HELGA,
YOU KNOW.
293
00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:29,508
BUT THAT NEW GIRL,
SHE HAS A LOT GOING FOR HER.
294
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:32,010
ALREADY SHE'S
GIVEN ME THE WINK.
295
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:34,513
DON'T START GETTING IDEAS,
BERTORELLI.
296
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:36,014
SHE GAVE ME THE WINK ALSO.
297
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:39,518
SHE WINKED AT ME, TOO.
I CAN'T THINK WHY.
298
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:42,020
GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
299
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:47,025
WE SHALL HAVE
TO GET CHEESE FOR OUR EARS, GRUBER.
300
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:49,528
THIS NEW GIRL
IS WORSE THAN HELGA.
301
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,029
HEIL HITLER!
302
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,538
NOW, COLONEL,
303
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,540
I WISH TO KNOW WHAT PROGRESS
YOU HAVE MADE IN THE SEARCH
304
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:03,041
FOR THE MISCREANTS
WHO STOLE THE PAINTING
305
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:05,544
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES BY VAN CLOMP,
306
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:06,545
FROM MY HEADQUARTERS
IN THE CHATEAU?
307
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:08,547
GRUBER,
TELL THE GENERAL
308
00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:10,549
WHAT PROGRESS
WE'RE MAKING.
309
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,551
UH... WELL...
310
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:15,554
OF COURSE, AFTER YOU...
311
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,556
ANNOUNCED THE CURFEW,
312
00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,558
WE CARRIED OUT
A HOUSE-TO-HOUSE SEARCH,
313
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:21,560
AND ROUNDED UP
ALL THE USUAL SUSPECTS.
314
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,562
WE ARE ALSO STOPPING
AND SEARCHING
315
00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:25,063
EVERYONE LEAVING THE VILLAGE.
316
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:27,566
IN OTHER WORDS, YOU'VE
MADE NO PROGRESS AT ALL.
317
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:29,067
NO, GENERAL.
318
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:31,070
BUT WE'RE TRYING
VERY HARD.
319
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:33,572
MY MEN, THEY ARE WORKING
ROUND THE CLOCK,
320
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:36,575
SOMETIMES TWO OR THREE
HOURS A DAY.
321
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:40,078
IF I DO NOT SEE
SOME RESULTS SOON,
322
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:42,081
THE CHANCES OF YOU
ALL BEING SENT
323
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:44,583
TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT
WILL IMPROVE CONSIDERABLY.
324
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:45,584
WHOOPS.
325
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:49,087
PARTICULARLY YOURS.
IS THAT CLEAR?
326
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:50,089
YES, GENERAL!
327
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:51,090
HEIL HITLER.
328
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,091
HEIL HITLER.
329
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:53,092
HEIL MUSSOLINI.
330
00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:56,094
DON'T BE SILLY.
331
00:14:57,096 --> 00:15:00,099
THE GENERALI--
I DON'T THINK HE LIKES ME.
332
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:01,600
NOBODY LIKES YOU.
333
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,102
IF YOUR MEN WERE
MORE EFFICIENT,
334
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,105
WE MIGHT HAVE FOUND
THE PAINTING BY NOW.
335
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,606
AFTER ALL,
THEY ARE CRIMINALS.
336
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,107
THEY OUGHT TO KNOW
WHERE TO LOOK.
337
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,609
WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME
338
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:12,110
WHO GETS THE BLAME
FOR ALL THE COCK-UPS?
339
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:14,113
WE HAVE TO BLAME SOMEONE.
340
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,614
AND YOU'RE THE ONLY
ITAI WE KNOW.
341
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:22,121
WHO ARE YOU?
I AM LOOKING FOR HELGA.
342
00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:24,123
SHE HAS GONE ON A COURSE.
343
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,624
I'M HER REPLACEMENT.
344
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:28,126
I AM HERR FLICK,
HEAD OF THE NOUVION GESTAPO,
345
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,129
GODSON OF
HEINRICH HIMMLER,
346
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:32,131
SCOURGE
OF THE RESISTANCE,
347
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,133
AND A BIT OF A ONE
FOR THE GIRLS.
348
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,634
YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF ME?
349
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,636
NO.
350
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:40,138
I HAD COME HERE
351
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:41,640
TO ASK HELGA OUT
THIS AFTERNOON,
352
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,642
BUT YOU LOOK
A FINE SPECIMEN.
353
00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:46,144
YOU WILL DO
JUST AS WELL. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
354
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:48,647
WELL, I AM A NEW GIRL HERE.
355
00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:50,649
I THINK I'D BETTER
ASK PERMISSION FIRST.
356
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:56,155
PERMISSION TO SPEAK,
COLONEL?
357
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,157
WHAT IS IT, PRIVATE BIGSTERN?
358
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:03,162
THERE IS SOMEONE OUTSIDE
CALLING HIMSELF HERR FLICK.
359
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:05,164
HE HAS ASKED ME OUT.
360
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:07,166
IS IT WISE FOR ME TO ACCEPT?
361
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:08,167
HERR FLICK?!
362
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:10,169
OH, NO, ELSA,
363
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:12,671
HE'S A PARTICULARLY
NASTY CHARACTER.
364
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:14,172
HE'S A HORRIBLE,
LITTLE WORM.
365
00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:15,674
YOU COME OUT
WITH ME INSTEAD.
366
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:21,680
WHAT A MISTAKE
TO MAKE.
367
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,682
WAIT A MINUTE!
368
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,684
THIS COULD BE
OUR OPPORTUNITY
369
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:27,686
TO PUT A SPY
IN FLICK'S CAMP,
370
00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:29,688
NOW THAT HELGA'S
NO LONGER INTIMATE WITH HIM.
371
00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:31,690
THAT IS AN IDEA,
COLONEL.
372
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,692
HE ALSO MAY
KNOW SOMETHING
373
00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:35,193
ABOUT THE THEFT
OF THE PAINTING.
374
00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:36,695
PRIVATE BIGSTERN,
375
00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:39,197
YOU WILL ACCEPT
HERR FLICK'S INVITATION,
376
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:41,700
BECOME CLOSE TO HIM,
AND REPORT EVERYTHING
377
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,702
HE SAYS AND DOES TO US.
378
00:16:43,702 --> 00:16:46,705
PARTICULARLY IF HE HAS
A PAINTING IN HIS QUARTERS.
379
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:49,207
OF A GIRL
WITH BIG BOOBIES.
380
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:52,211
THEY MIGHT NOT SEEM BIG TO YOU,
BUT THEY ARE TO US.
381
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:56,215
I WILL DO MY BEST.
HEIL HITLER!
382
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:59,718
SHE'S NEW... KEEN,
383
00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:01,720
PITY SHE'S A GIRL.
384
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,726
VERY WELL, HERR FLICK.
I ACCEPT YOUR INVITATION.
385
00:17:07,726 --> 00:17:08,727
GOOD.
386
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:11,730
REPORT TO MY SECRET
HEADQUARTERS THIS AFTERNOON.
387
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,231
WHAT IS THE ADDRESS?
388
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:14,733
HERE IS MY CARD.
389
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:16,234
IT IS BLANK.
390
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:17,736
BREATHE ON IT FOR 30 SECONDS
391
00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:19,237
AND THE WORDS WILL APPEAR.
392
00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:22,241
YOU ARE A LUCKY MAN,
HERR FLICK.
393
00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:23,742
I'M VERY POPULAR
IN THE MESS,
394
00:17:23,742 --> 00:17:25,243
AND DO NOT
USUALLY GO OUT
395
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:26,745
WITH BALDING LITTLE
MEN IN GLASSES.
396
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:28,246
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
397
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:29,748
YOU MAY KISS ME NOW.
398
00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:34,753
I'LL SEE YOU LATER,
HERR FLICK.
399
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:37,756
MUCH LATER.
400
00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:40,759
I MUST DO SOME
PRESS-UPS FIRST.
401
00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:47,299
HALLO, CHAPS.
402
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:49,301
- HALLO.
- HALLO.
403
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,803
I'VE JUST BEEN TALKING
TO THE CAFE CHAPPIE.
404
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,306
HE'S WHEELING OUT HIS OLD
MOTHER-IN-LAW IN A MINUTE,
405
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:56,808
WITH SOME HOMEMADE SOUP.
406
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,310
SHE'LL POUR IT
DOWN THE GRATE FOR YOU.
407
00:17:58,310 --> 00:18:00,312
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO DRINK IT?
408
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:02,814
YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO IMPROVISE.
409
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,817
WE CAN'T GET THE MUGS
THROUGH THE BARS.
410
00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:08,320
WHY DON'T WE USE
OUR BOOTS, CARSTAIRS?
411
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,321
GOOD IDEA.
412
00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:14,826
DAMN,
BOTH OF MINE HAVE GOT HOLES IN THEM.
413
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,328
OH, YOU CAN HAVE ONE
OF MINE IF YOU LIKE.
414
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:18,830
I THINK I'D RATHER
USE MY CAP, OLD BOY.
415
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,839
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE
TO DO, MONSIEUR LECLERC?
416
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:27,840
YES, YES.
417
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,842
I AM TO WHEEL THE CHAIR
OVER THE DRAIN,
418
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,844
AND TURN ON THE TAP.
I AM NOT STUPID.
419
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,846
WE KNOW YOU ARE NOT,
MONSIEUR LECLERC.
420
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,848
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
CAN BE DECEPTIVE.
421
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,850
OOOH, RENE,
422
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,853
I CAN FEEL THE SOUP BOILING
IN THE TANK UNDERNEATH ME.
423
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,855
I THINK THE PRIMUS
IS TOO HIGH.
424
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,858
RELEASE SOME OF THE PRESSURE
WITH THE STEAM VALVE.
425
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,359
( steam spurting )
426
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:53,866
THERE'S A LOT OF GARLIC
IN THAT SOUP.
427
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,367
GOOD MOANING.
428
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:56,868
GOOD MOANING.
429
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:59,371
I HAVE TOLD THE EARMEN
TO EXPECT THE SOAP.
430
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:01,373
I THOUGHT WE WERE
GIVING THEM SOUP?
431
00:19:01,373 --> 00:19:03,375
HE MEANS SOUP.
432
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,377
I WISH YOU WOULD LEARN
TO SPEAK PROPER FRENCH.
433
00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:09,881
YOUR MITHER-IN-LOO IS
NOT LOOKING VERY WELL.
434
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:13,886
SHE IS MORE WRONKLED
AND HIGGARD THAN USUAL.
435
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,889
IT IS ME,
OFFICER CRABTREE.
436
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:20,392
MY MOTHER IS NOT HERE,
SO I AM TAKING HER PLACE.
437
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:23,395
IT IS A GOOD DISGEESE.
438
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:25,397
OFF YOU GO,
AND GET IT RIGHT.
439
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,399
IT IS A SIMPLE
ENOUGH TASK,
440
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:28,900
ANY FOOL COULD DO IT.
441
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:32,904
BUT YOU WERE
TOP OF THE LIST.
442
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,907
THE OLD LADY
IN THE WHEELCHAIR IS COMING THIS WAY.
443
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:37,409
JOLLY GOOD.
GET READY FOR SOUP.
444
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,415
THIS IS THE DRAIN,
MADAME EDITH.
445
00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:45,417
TURN ON THE TAP THEN,
MONSIEUR LECLERC.
446
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:53,425
OH MY GOD, WHAT IS
THAT IDIOT DOING?
447
00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:56,428
HE IS PUTTING THE SOAP
DOWN THE WRING DROON!
448
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:58,430
CAN THEY GET
NOTHING RIGHT?
449
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:01,433
Fairfax:
THE SOUP'S COMING DOWN THE WRONG DRAIN.
450
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:03,935
QUICK, FAIRFAX,
BEFORE IT RUNS OUT.
451
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,440
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
YOU IDIOTS?
452
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,942
GO BACK TO THE CAFE,
I WILL TAKE OVER.
453
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,946
Edith:
WHAT IS WRONG, RENE?
454
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,949
YOU WERE OVER THE WRONG DRAIN,
YOU SILLY OLD BAT.
455
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,952
RENE,
HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!
456
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,954
I'M SORRY, EDITH, BUT YOU'RE
MORE LIKE YOUR MOTHER,
457
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:23,455
THAN YOUR MOTHER.
458
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,960
DAMN BLIGHTERS
HAVE GONE.
459
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,462
THAT'S JOLLY UNFAIR.
I WAS DYING FOR A DRINK.
460
00:20:30,462 --> 00:20:32,464
LOOK!
IT'S COMING DOWN THE OTHER ONE NOW.
461
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:35,967
BLASTED FROGGIES,
CAN'T GET ANYTHING RIGHT.
462
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,470
I AM SORRY TOO, RENE,
463
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:40,972
I DID NOT NOTICE IT
WAS THE WRONG DRAIN.
464
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,975
NOW IT IS THE RIGHT ONE.
465
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,980
I SAY, CARSTAIRS,
466
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,482
I DIDN'T GET ANY.
467
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:52,250
- ( knocking )
- WHO IS IT?
468
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,254
PRIVATE
ELSA BIGSTERN!
469
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,756
LET HER IN,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
470
00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:00,258
IT IS MY NEW DATE.
HELGA IS AWAY.
471
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,762
I WAS EXPECTING YOU.
472
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:06,264
I WASN'T.
473
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,767
THIS IS
VON SMALLHAUSEN, MY ASSISTANT.
474
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,769
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO KISS HIM?
475
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:12,771
THAT WILL NOT
BE NECESSARY.
476
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:14,773
LET'S NOT BE HASTY,
HERR FLICK.
477
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,777
GO TO YOUR CUPBOARD,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
478
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,281
WOULD YOU LIKE
A DRINK?
479
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,784
THE TAP WATER HERE
IS EXCELLENT.
480
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:28,787
YOU DO NOT HAVE
TO BEAT ABOUT THE BUSH WITH ME, HERR FLICK.
481
00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:29,788
REMOVE YOUR GLASSES!
482
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:32,791
I AM NOT ACCUSTOMED
TO BEING GIVEN ORDERS.
483
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:35,794
I BELIEVE
A WOMAN SHOULD ALWAYS BE DOMINANT IN A RELATIONSHIP.
484
00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:37,295
I HAVE
DIFFERENT VIEWS.
485
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:39,298
BUT WITHOUT
MY GLASSES,
486
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,300
IT NOT EASY
TO EXPRESS THEM.
487
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,802
TAKE OFF YOUR TIE.
488
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:47,305
I DO NOT STRIP
ON FIRST DATES.
489
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:48,807
THEN I WILL DO IT
FOR YOU.
490
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,311
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
HELP.
491
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:53,812
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN,
HERR FLICK.
492
00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:55,814
I'M LOCKING MYSELF
IN MY CUPBOARD.
493
00:22:17,836 --> 00:22:20,338
THIS IS A VERY
WOBBLY VAN, RENE.
494
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,341
EVERYTHING IS VERY WOBBLY.
495
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:23,842
THIS ICE CREAM
WILL CURDLE.
496
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,844
LET US HOPE WE CAN
GET THE JOB DONE
497
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,345
BEFORE IT AFFECTS
ANYTHING ELSE.
498
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,847
WHERE IS MONSIEUR ALPHONSE?
499
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:37,856
OH, MY DICKY TICKER.
500
00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:41,359
I DON'T THINK I CAN STAND IT
IN HERE FOR TOO LONG.
501
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,861
OH MY GOD,
502
00:22:42,861 --> 00:22:44,863
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
HAS GOT OVERHEATED.
503
00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:47,365
WILL YOU PASS ME
A FROZEN DRINK ON A STICK?
504
00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:54,372
THAT'S BETTER.
505
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:55,374
THANK YOU,
MADEMOISELLE.
506
00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:59,377
ARE YOU SURE YOU
ARE UP TO THIS?
507
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,380
OH, OF COURSE, MONSIEUR.
508
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,382
I HAVE HERE MY BIG--
509
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,883
HAMMER
510
00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:06,384
AND CHISEL,
511
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,887
WHICH I USE FOR ENGRAVING
GRAVESTONES.
512
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:13,892
I SHALL DROP DOWN THROUGH
THE TRAP DOOR BENEATH THE VAN,
513
00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,394
AND UNDER THE CLATTER
OF THE ENGINES,
514
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:20,399
I SHALL BANG OUT
THE RUSTY BOLTS.
515
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:22,401
BE CAREFUL,
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
516
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,403
THERE ARE GERMANS
EVERYWHERE.
517
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:25,904
I WILL DO MY BEST,
518
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:28,406
BUT I AM NOT
AS YOUNG AS I WAS.
519
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,409
I SHALL ONLY BE ABLE TO BANG
520
00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:32,411
FOR SHORT PERIODS.
521
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:34,413
THIS I CAN BELIEVE.
522
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:39,418
I WILL ATTACH A HOOK
TO THE COVER OF THE DRAIN,
523
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:41,420
AND USE THE AUXILIARY MOTOR,
524
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,922
WHICH POWERS
THE ICE CREAM PUMP,
525
00:23:43,922 --> 00:23:46,424
TO RAISE UP THE GRATING.
526
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:48,927
TO--
EXCUSEZ-MOI.
527
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:51,930
THIS COULD BE A LONG JOB.
528
00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:53,932
I THINK I'LL HAVE A LOLLY
WHILE WE ARE WAITING.
529
00:23:56,935 --> 00:23:58,436
THANK YOU,
530
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:07,446
THE DAY IS WARMER
THAN I THOUGHT.
531
00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:15,187
THIS LOVELY WARM WEATHER
532
00:24:15,187 --> 00:24:17,189
HAS PUT ME
IN AN EXCELLENT MOOD.
533
00:24:17,189 --> 00:24:19,191
BRING US THREE GLASSES
OF ICED CHAMPAGNE.
534
00:24:19,191 --> 00:24:20,692
OF COURSE,
COLONEL.
535
00:24:20,692 --> 00:24:23,194
THAT IS MOST GENEROUS
OF YOU, COLONEL.
536
00:24:23,195 --> 00:24:25,697
PUT IT ON
BERTORELLI'S ACCOUNT.
537
00:24:25,697 --> 00:24:26,698
NOT ON
YOUR NELLY.
538
00:24:26,698 --> 00:24:28,199
YOU PAY
FOR YOUR DRINKS,
539
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,201
I PAY FOR MINE.
540
00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:31,203
( honking )
541
00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:33,205
AH, SO,
542
00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:35,207
THIS IS HOW
YOU SPEND YOUR TIME--
543
00:24:35,207 --> 00:24:37,209
IDLING AWAY THE HOURS
WHEN YOU SHOULD BE OUT
544
00:24:37,209 --> 00:24:39,711
SEARCHING HIGH AND LOW
FOR MY MISSING PAINTING.
545
00:24:39,711 --> 00:24:41,212
GLAD TO SEE YOU,
GENERAL.
546
00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:43,715
WE WERE JUST HOLDING
A MEETING TO DISCUSS
547
00:24:43,715 --> 00:24:45,717
HOW TO TIGHTEN UP
SECURITY IN THE VILLAGE.
548
00:24:45,717 --> 00:24:48,219
WELL, YOU CAN BEGIN
BY EXPLAINING TO ME
549
00:24:48,220 --> 00:24:50,722
WHAT THAT ICE CREAM VAN
IS DOING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SQUARE.
550
00:24:52,724 --> 00:24:55,226
IT LOOKS AS IF
IT BELONGS TO RENE,
551
00:24:55,227 --> 00:24:57,229
WHO RUNS THE CAFE,
GENERAL.
552
00:24:57,229 --> 00:24:58,230
WHO GAVE PERMISSION?
553
00:24:58,230 --> 00:25:00,232
DID YOU GIVE PERMISSION,
GRUBER?
554
00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:01,733
NO.
555
00:25:01,733 --> 00:25:03,234
- DID YOU, BERTORELLI?
- NO.
556
00:25:03,235 --> 00:25:05,237
WELL, I DIDN'T.
557
00:25:05,237 --> 00:25:07,739
THAT IS MOST LAX
OF YOU, COLONEL.
558
00:25:07,739 --> 00:25:09,240
WE CANNOT HAVE UNAUTHORIZED
ICE CREAM VANS
559
00:25:09,241 --> 00:25:10,742
PARKED IN THE SQUARE.
560
00:25:10,742 --> 00:25:12,744
WHAT IF A CONVOY
WANTED TO COME THROUGH?
561
00:25:12,744 --> 00:25:14,746
SUMMON THE OWNER
AT ONCE.
562
00:25:14,746 --> 00:25:17,248
GRUBER, ATTRACT
RENE'S ATTENTION.
563
00:25:17,249 --> 00:25:20,752
YOO-HOO, RENE!
564
00:25:20,752 --> 00:25:22,754
CAN WE
HAVE A WORD?
565
00:25:22,754 --> 00:25:26,257
OH MY GOD, THE LIEUTENANT
IS WAVING TO ME.
566
00:25:26,258 --> 00:25:28,260
I WILL TRY
TO KEEP THE GERMANS AWAY FROM HERE.
567
00:25:28,260 --> 00:25:30,262
COMING, LIEUTENANT.
568
00:25:30,262 --> 00:25:33,765
Alphonse:
YVETTE, MIMI!
569
00:25:36,768 --> 00:25:38,269
WHERE IS RENE?
570
00:25:38,270 --> 00:25:41,273
HE HAS HAD TO GO
TO LIEUTENANT GRUBER AT THE CAFE.
571
00:25:42,274 --> 00:25:43,775
GOOD AFTERNOON,
GENERAL,
572
00:25:43,775 --> 00:25:45,276
COLONEL,
LIEUTENANT, CAPTAIN.
573
00:25:45,277 --> 00:25:47,279
I HOPE EVERYTHING
IS ALL RIGHT.
574
00:25:47,279 --> 00:25:48,780
WE DID NOT
GIVE YOU
575
00:25:48,780 --> 00:25:50,782
PERMISSION TO SELL
ICE CREAM, RENE.
576
00:25:50,782 --> 00:25:52,283
I AM SORRY,
COLONEL.
577
00:25:52,284 --> 00:25:54,786
I THOUGHT THAT AS I HAD
A LICENSE TO RUN A CAFE,
578
00:25:54,786 --> 00:25:56,788
THIS WAS WAS MERELY A SMALL
EXTENSION OF THE BUSINESS.
579
00:25:56,788 --> 00:25:58,790
WE DID NOT MEAN
TO BREAK ANY RULES.
580
00:25:58,790 --> 00:26:01,292
MILITARY REGULATIONS
STRICTLY PROHIBIT
581
00:26:01,293 --> 00:26:02,794
THE SALE OF ANY FOODSTUFFS
WITHOUT A PERMIT.
582
00:26:02,794 --> 00:26:04,295
I ASSURE YOU,
GENERAL,
583
00:26:04,296 --> 00:26:06,298
THE ICE CREAM IS AS TASTY
AS ANY OF THE FOOD
584
00:26:06,298 --> 00:26:07,799
WE SERVE IN THE CAFE.
585
00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:09,801
THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH.
586
00:26:09,801 --> 00:26:12,303
ONLY THE ITALIANS
CAN MAKE THE ICE CREAM.
587
00:26:12,304 --> 00:26:14,806
THAT'S ALL YOU'RE FIT FOR.
588
00:26:14,806 --> 00:26:17,308
WHERE DID YOU GET
THE PETROL?
589
00:26:17,309 --> 00:26:18,810
IT IS RATIONED
AND FOR MILITARY USE ONLY.
590
00:26:18,810 --> 00:26:21,312
IT DOES NOT USE PETROL,
GENERAL.
591
00:26:21,313 --> 00:26:24,816
WE ARE ACTUALLY RUNNING IT
ON FURNITURE POLISH.
592
00:26:24,816 --> 00:26:26,818
PFFT, YOU STILL DID NOT
SEEK PERMISSION.
593
00:26:26,818 --> 00:26:28,820
OH, PLEASE,
GENERAL.
594
00:26:28,820 --> 00:26:30,321
THE WEATHER
IS SO WARM,
595
00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:31,823
WE THOUGHT
YOUR MEN MIGHT LIKE
596
00:26:31,823 --> 00:26:33,825
SOME ICE CREAM WHEN
THEY WERE OFF DUTY.
597
00:26:33,825 --> 00:26:35,827
HOW THOUGHTFUL
OF YOU.
598
00:26:35,827 --> 00:26:38,329
IT REALLY IS VERY GOOD
ICE CREAM, GENERAL.
599
00:26:39,831 --> 00:26:42,834
I AM NOT A MONSTER WHO WOULD
FORBID THE SALE OF ICE CREAM.
600
00:26:42,834 --> 00:26:45,336
IF IT IS SO GOOD,
PERHAPS WE SHOULD TRY SOME.
601
00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:47,339
NO-- PROBLEM,
GENERAL.
602
00:26:49,841 --> 00:26:52,343
OH MY GOD, THE GERMANS
ARE COMING THIS WAY.
603
00:26:52,344 --> 00:26:53,845
WE MUST WARN
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
604
00:26:53,845 --> 00:26:56,347
DO NOT FEAR,
MESSIEURS.
605
00:26:56,348 --> 00:26:58,350
THE WINCH WILL HAVE YOU
OUT IN A JIFFY.
606
00:26:58,350 --> 00:27:00,352
WHAT DID HE SAY,
CARSTAIRS?
607
00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:02,354
NO IDEA, OLD BOY.
608
00:27:02,354 --> 00:27:04,356
DON'T SPEAK A WORD
OF THE LANGUAGE.
609
00:27:04,356 --> 00:27:05,357
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
610
00:27:05,357 --> 00:27:07,359
THE GERMANS,
THE GERMANS!
611
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:08,860
I'M ALMOST FINISHED.
612
00:27:08,860 --> 00:27:10,862
DO NOT BE
IN SUCH A HURRY.
613
00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:16,868
THIS IS A VERY
NOISY ENGINE.
614
00:27:16,868 --> 00:27:18,369
THE ICE MAKING MACHINERY
615
00:27:18,370 --> 00:27:20,372
IS ON ITS LAST LEGS,
I AM AFRAID.
616
00:27:20,372 --> 00:27:22,374
WELL, WHAT SHALL
WE HAVE?
617
00:27:22,374 --> 00:27:23,875
CORNETS
ALL AROUND?
618
00:27:23,875 --> 00:27:25,877
AFTER YOU,
GENERAL.
619
00:27:25,877 --> 00:27:29,380
YVETTE, AN ICE CREAM FOR
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
620
00:27:29,381 --> 00:27:30,882
YES, OF COURSE.
621
00:27:30,882 --> 00:27:32,884
MAKE IT THE BIGGEST
ONE YOU HAVE.
622
00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:49,401
HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO SAY?
623
00:27:50,402 --> 00:27:52,404
WOULD YOU LIKE
A WAFER WITH IT?
624
00:27:53,905 --> 00:27:56,908
( theme music playing )