1 00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,073 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,589 LIFE HAS FINALLY GOT TOO HOT FOR ME 3 00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,090 HERE IN NOUVION, 4 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:25,591 SO I HAVE DECIDED TO LEG IT FOR SPAIN. 5 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,094 AS YOU SEE, I AM DISGUISED-- 6 00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,595 AS AN ONION SELLER. 7 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:32,098 I AM ALSO GOING TO BE TAKING THE PAINTING 8 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,600 OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES, 9 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:36,603 WHICH WE STOLE LAST NIGHT FROM THE SAFE OF HERR FLICK 10 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:39,105 BY TUNNELING THROUGH FROM THE OLD BAKERY NEXT DOOR. 11 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:41,607 UNFORTUNATELY, AS I WAS REMOVING THE PAINTING 12 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,610 FROM THE BACK OF THE SAFE, 13 00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,612 LIEUTENANT GRUBER OPENED THE FRONT, 14 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,614 AND CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF ME. 15 00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:50,116 FORTUNATELY, HE THOUGHT THAT I WAS THE GHOST 16 00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:52,118 OF MY OWN DEAD TWIN BROTHER, 17 00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:55,121 BECAUSE I WAS COVERED IN FLOUR AT THE TIME. 18 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,623 SO, TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE, 19 00:00:57,624 --> 00:01:00,627 I AM GOING TO PINCH THE BICYCLE OF OFFICER CRABTREE, 20 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,629 AND HEAD FOR THE SPANISH BORDER. 21 00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:04,130 IF MY LEGS HOLD OUT, 22 00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:05,631 I SHOULD BE THERE BY THE END OF THE WAR. 23 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,135 RENE, 24 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,636 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 25 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,138 TO SPAIN, MY CHILD. I AM GOING TO SELL 26 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:14,140 THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA, 27 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:15,141 AND THEN SEND FOR YOU. 28 00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:17,143 I THOUGHT YOU GAVE THE PAINTING TO MICHELLE, 29 00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:18,644 TO SELL FOR RESISTANCE FUNDS? 30 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,146 THAT WAS A FORGERY. 31 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,647 THE ORIGINAL IS IN MY KNAPSACK. 32 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:24,651 OH, RENE, DO NOT LEAVE ME. 33 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:27,654 CAREFUL, YOU WILL CRUSH MY ONIONS. 34 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,156 OH, RENE, TAKE ME WITH YOU. 35 00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,657 I WILL ENDURE ANY HARDSHIP 36 00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,159 TO BE BY YOUR SIDE. 37 00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:36,662 700 MILES ON MY CROSSBAR MAY BE TOO MUCH. 38 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:39,165 GOODBYE, YVETTE. 39 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:40,166 EXPECT A CARD. 40 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,168 I WILL SIGN IT "A. SPANIARD," 41 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:44,170 THEN YOU CAN REST ASSURED IT COMES FROM ME. 42 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:45,671 OH, RENE! 43 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:46,673 RENE! 44 00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,675 WHAT ARE YOU DOING 45 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,677 HOLDING THAT SERVANT GIRL IN YOUR ARMS? 46 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,178 AND WHY IS SHE CRYING? 47 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,180 YOU STUPID WOMAN! 48 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:57,183 CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THESE ONIONS 49 00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:58,684 ARE MAKING HER WEEP? 50 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,687 I WAS JUST WIPING HER POOR EYES. 51 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:03,189 NOW GO BACK TO BED, YVETTE, 52 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,690 AND DO NOT LOOK BACK. 53 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,192 DO AS HE SAYS. 54 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:07,693 I WILL BE BRAVE. 55 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,195 ( Yvette wails ) 56 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,698 RENE, YOU CANNOT RUN AWAY. 57 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,200 I AM SURE THE GERMANS WILL ARREST ME 58 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,202 FOR BREAKING INTO THE SAFE OF HERR FLICK. 59 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,203 NONSENSE. 60 00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:19,205 ONE QUICK GLIMPSE OF YOUR FACE 61 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,706 COVERED WITH FLOUR INSIDE A SAFE? 62 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:23,209 NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO PROVE IT WAS YOU. 63 00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:24,710 OH, RENE, I WILL SWEAR 64 00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,212 THAT WE HAVE BEEN IN BED TOGETHER, 65 00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:29,215 IN A PASSIONATE EMBRACE, ALL NIGHT. 66 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,222 WELL, THERE GOES THE CASE FOR THE DEFENSE. 67 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,727 THERE YOU ARE, RENE. 68 00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:42,729 WE WANT A WORD WITH YOU. 69 00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,230 GOOD MORNING, COLONEL, LIEUTENANT, CAPTAIN. 70 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,731 SOMEBODY BROKE 71 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,734 INTO HERR FLICK'S SAFE LAST NIGHT. 72 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,737 YES, WE DID. 73 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,739 BUT SOMEONE HAS BROKEN IN FROM THE BACK, 74 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,241 AND STOLEN THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA. 75 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:58,744 AND THIS MORNING, A TRAIL OF FLOUR FROM THE BAKERY 76 00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,747 HAS LED US TO THE DOOR OF YOUR CAFE. 77 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,248 - NO. - YES. 78 00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:05,251 NOW YOU TELL THE TRUTH, OR YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE. 79 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,752 WHAT YOU HAVE JUST TOLD ME EXPLAINS 80 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:09,756 A MYSTERIOUS EVENT THAT HAPPENED JUST A FEW MOMENTS AGO. 81 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,257 A DISREPUTABLE STRANGER, 82 00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,758 ALL COVERED IN FLOUR, 83 00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,761 ENTERED THROUGH THAT VERY DOOR 84 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,262 AND TRIED TO SELL ME THE PAINTING 85 00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,264 OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES. 86 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:21,267 I KNEW YOU WOULD HAVE AN EXPLANATION. 87 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:22,768 AND WHAT DID YOU DO? 88 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:24,771 HE SENT HIM PACKING. 89 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,773 NO... NO. NO, NO. 90 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,775 YOU ARE HALF ASLEEP, MY DEAREST. 91 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,777 NO, I CONFISCATED THE PAINTING, 92 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,278 AND THEN I SENT HIM PACKING. 93 00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:34,280 OH, YES. I WAS HALF ASLEEP. 94 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,781 WHERE IS THE PAINTING NOW? 95 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,784 I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CYCLE OVER, 96 00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,285 AND GIVE IT TO YOU. 97 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,792 EXCELLENT. 98 00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,294 LIEUTENANT GRUBER SWEARS HE SAW SOMEONE, 99 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,296 WHO LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU, 100 00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:51,797 STEAL IT FROM THE SAFE. 101 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,299 THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. 102 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,301 THE MAN LOOKED NOTHING AT ALL LIKE RENE. 103 00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:57,303 HE WAS SHORT AND SKINNY, 104 00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:59,305 WITH PIGGY EYES AND A SQUINT. 105 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,307 HE HAD A SCAR FROM HERE TO HERE, 106 00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:03,309 TWO FRONT TEETH WERE MISSING. 107 00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:05,311 ALSO, HE HAD A LIMP. 108 00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:07,813 I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE HALF ASLEEP? 109 00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:08,815 I WAS. 110 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,817 IF I'D BEEN FULLY AWAKE, I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE 111 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,819 TO GIVE YOU A MORE DETAILED DESCRIPTION. 112 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:15,321 THERE YOU ARE, COLONEL. 113 00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,323 A SIMPLE CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY. 114 00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,325 I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE RENE 115 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,327 THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, COLONEL. 116 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,329 WELL, FROM NOW ON, 117 00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:24,330 KEEP YOUR NOSE CLEAN. 118 00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:26,332 - YES, COLONEL. - COME ON. 119 00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:29,835 IF YOU DON'T, 120 00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,338 YOU WILL BE IN THE DEEP DOO-DAH. 121 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,342 I SUSPECT THAT YOU 122 00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:38,344 HAVE BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY, RENE, 123 00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,846 BUT I DID NOT WANT TO GET YOU INTO TROUBLE. 124 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:41,848 THANK YOU, LIEUTENANT. 125 00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,350 IF THERE IS EVER ANYTHING I CAN DO IN RETURN. 126 00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:47,853 YES, WELL, NO DOUBT, I SHALL THINK OF SOMETHING. 127 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,355 UNTIL THEN. 128 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,356 UNTIL THEN. 129 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,860 OH, RENE, 130 00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:55,361 THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL. 131 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,363 MY LEGS HAVE GONE ALL WOBBLY. 132 00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:59,365 LIEUTENANT GRUBER SAVED OUR BACON. 133 00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:01,367 HE KNOWS IT WAS ME. 134 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,868 NEXT TIME HE COMES TO DINNER, 135 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,872 WE WILL MAKE SURE THAT HE HAS THE BEST TABLE BY THE WINDOW. 136 00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,874 LET US HOPE THAT IS ALL HE WANTS. 137 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,080 ( bell rings ) 138 00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:18,083 GOOD MOANING, HERR FLOCK, 139 00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:21,587 AND GOOD MOANING TO YOU, HERR VON SMELLHORSEN. 140 00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:25,591 IT IS NOT A GOOD MORNING. 141 00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:27,593 I WISH TO REPORT A SERIOUS BURGLARY. 142 00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:30,596 AND WHAT HAS BEEN BIGGLED? 143 00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:33,599 LAST NIGHT, SOMEONE BLEW DOWN 144 00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:35,100 THE DOOR TO MY SECRET HEADQUARTERS, 145 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:36,602 BROKE INTO MY SAFE, 146 00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:38,103 AND STOLE A VALUABLE PAINTING. 147 00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:41,607 CAN YOU DESCROOB THIS PINTING? 148 00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:44,610 IT WAS THE FALLEN MADONNA BY VAN CLOMP. 149 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,612 THE ONE WITH THE BIG BOOBIES. 150 00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:49,114 THE FILLEN MIDINNA 151 00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:51,617 WITH THE BOG BEEBIES. 152 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,122 I MAY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU, HERR FLOCK. 153 00:05:57,623 --> 00:06:00,626 I SAW THE MIN WHO DEED THE DOOD. 154 00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:03,128 YOU DOD? UH, YOU DID? 155 00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:07,633 I WAS OUTSOD YOUR HEADQUITTERS, 156 00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:09,635 WHEN I SAW SOME POOPLE 157 00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,136 ACTING IN A SUSPICIOUS MINNER. 158 00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:12,638 WHY DID YOU NOT ARREST THEM? 159 00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:14,640 BEFORE I COULD, 160 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,642 THEY HIT ME ON THE HOD, 161 00:06:17,643 --> 00:06:19,645 AND I PISSED OUT. 162 00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:24,650 DID YOU RECOGNIZE THESES MEN? 163 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:27,653 I HAD NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE IN MY LOAF, 164 00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:31,156 BUT I HAVE DROAN A ROUGH SKOTCH 165 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,159 WITH MY PINCIL. 166 00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:38,163 THERE WILL BE A GENEROUS REWARD 167 00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:40,166 FOR INFORMATION LEADING 168 00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:41,167 TO THE ARREST OF THESE PEOPLE. 169 00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,668 ALTHOUGH, FROM THIS SKETCH, 170 00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:46,171 THEY APPEAR TO BE FROM ANOTHER PLANET. 171 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,674 WHAT IS THE REWOD? 172 00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:50,175 100 FRANCS. 173 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:52,178 THAT'S NOT MUCH. 174 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,680 I'VE GOT MORE THAN THAT IN MY PIGGY BANK. 175 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,182 MAKE THAT 100 FRANCS AND HIS PIGGY BANK. 176 00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:58,684 GO TO IT. 177 00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,686 I SHALL DO MY BUST. 178 00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:03,188 COME. 179 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,691 WHEN WILL I LEARN TO KEEP MY TRAP SHUT? 180 00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,693 PERHAPS WHEN YOU ARE TALLER. 181 00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:12,197 DO YOU THINK THIS IS THE ORIGINAL, GRUBER? 182 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,700 I DON'T TRUST RENE. 183 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,201 OH, YES, COLONEL. 184 00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,204 I RECOGNIZE THIS LITTLE CIRCULAR MARK, 185 00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:20,206 FROM WHEN I HID IT IN MY QUARTERS. 186 00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:22,708 IS THAT THE SECRET SIGN OF THE ARTIST? 187 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,710 NO, THAT IS WHERE 188 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,212 I PUT A DAMP GLASS OF SCHNAPPS ON IT. 189 00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,716 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN! 190 00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:35,721 GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN. 191 00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:38,223 THE TOWN IS ABUZZ WITH RUMOR. 192 00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:40,726 IT SEEMS THAT THERE WAS A BURGLARY CARRIED OUT 193 00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:43,228 AT THE GESTAPO HEADQUARTERS, AND A CERTAIN PAINTING, 194 00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:44,730 THAT WAS THOUGHT TO BE MISSING, 195 00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:47,232 IS AGAIN MISSING. 196 00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,236 HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO ADD TO THESE RUMORS? 197 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:53,239 HAVE WE ANYTHING TO ADD, GRUBER? 198 00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,741 I THINK WE'RE ABOUT TO. 199 00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:58,744 DON'T TELL ME THE NEWS IS ALREADY IN THE PAPER. 200 00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:00,245 NO, GENERAL. 201 00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:02,248 BUT THERE'S GOOD NEWS FOR YOU 202 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,250 UNDER THIS PAPER. 203 00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:06,752 THE PAINTING IS SAFE. 204 00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:08,754 IT WAS HANDED TO US A FEW MOMENTS AGO, 205 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,255 ANONYMOUSLY. 206 00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,758 WE WERE JUST GOING TO BRING IT TO YOU. 207 00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:14,259 OH, THIS IS SPLENDID NEWS. 208 00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:16,262 THE FUHRER WILL BE DELIGHTED. 209 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,264 I SHALL TAKE IT TO MY QUARTERS, 210 00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:19,265 FOR SAFEKEEPING. 211 00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:21,767 I SUSPECT THAT THIS BREAK IN WAS 212 00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:24,269 CARRIED OUT BY YOU WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, 213 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,272 BUT I SHALL TURN A BLIND EYE. 214 00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,274 VERY NEARLY TRUE, GENERAL. 215 00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,776 MEDALS MAY BE IN ORDER FOR YOU TWO. 216 00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:33,779 I WAS THE ONE WHO REVEALED ITS LOCATION. 217 00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:36,782 I SHALL PIN YOURS ON, PERSONALLY. 218 00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:38,784 WHAT ABOUT ME? 219 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:41,286 MY MEN BLEW THE SAFE. 220 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,289 STICK ANOTHER FEATHER IN YOUR HAT. 221 00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,292 IN THE MEANTIME, GRUBER, 222 00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,795 HOW IS THE FIRST EDITION OF THE NEWSPAPER PROGRESSING? 223 00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,797 IT IS ALMOST READY, GENERAL. 224 00:08:51,797 --> 00:08:52,798 OH, GOOD. 225 00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,300 SINCE OUR PICNIC WITH THE FRENCH PEASANTS 226 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,803 WAS RUINED BY THE GESTAPO, 227 00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,805 WE SHALL NEED ANOTHER PICTURE 228 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:00,806 FOR THE FRONT PAGE, 229 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,307 TO SHOW HOW WELL WE ARE GETTING ON 230 00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,809 WITH THE CONQUERED FRENCH. 231 00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:06,812 WHAT ABOUT ONE OF THE GARRISON COMMANDER 232 00:09:06,812 --> 00:09:09,314 ENJOYING AN EVENING OUT AT THE LOCAL CAFE? 233 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,317 ENJOYING FOOD, WINE AND ENTERTAINMENT? 234 00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:13,819 I WILL ARRANGE IT AT ONCE, GENERAL. 235 00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,321 EXCELLENT. I SHALL SEE YOU ALL TONIGHT. 236 00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:18,324 PERHAPS YOU CAN ARRANGE FOR THE PIN-UP 237 00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,326 OF THE TANK CORPS TO SIT NEXT TO ME. 238 00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,828 THANK YOU, GENERAL. 239 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,833 I WAS REFERRING TO PRIVATE HELGA GEERHART. 240 00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:29,835 IT WILL BE A PRIVILEGE. 241 00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:32,838 HEIL HITLER. 242 00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:33,839 HEIL HITLER. 243 00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,340 HEIL MUSSOLINI. 244 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,842 DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK. 245 00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:37,843 DAMN IT! 246 00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:39,344 WE'VE LOST THE PAINTING. 247 00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,846 DON'T WORRY. 248 00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:42,347 IF I KEEP IN WITH THE GENERAL, 249 00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:43,849 WE MAY BE ABLE TO GET IT BACK. 250 00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:45,350 BY THE WAY, 251 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,353 I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS PIN-UP OF THE TANK CORPS. 252 00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,855 YOU'RE NOT-- IN MY LITTLE TANK. 253 00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:52,858 THANK HEAVENS FOR THAT. 254 00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,863 HERR FLICK, THERE ARE RUMORS IN THE VILLAGE 255 00:09:57,863 --> 00:09:59,364 THAT COLONEL VON STROHM HAS SOMEHOW OBTAINED 256 00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:00,866 THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA 257 00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:02,868 WHICH WAS STOLEN FROM YOUR SAFE. 258 00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,369 CURSE IT. 259 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,872 I MIGHT HAVE GUESSED HE WAS BEHIND IT. 260 00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:09,374 THIS MEANS, I MUST MAKE UP WITH HELGA, 261 00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,877 SO SHE CAN ASSIST IN ITS RECOVERY. 262 00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:14,379 THAT WILL NOT BE EASY, HERR FLICK. 263 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,882 SHE WAS NOT VERY PLEASED WHEN YOU DITCHED HER. 264 00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:18,383 FORTUNATELY, 265 00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:20,386 I HAVE IN MY DESK DRAWER, 266 00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:22,888 THE GESTAPO MANUAL ENTITLED, 267 00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:25,891 "HOW TO GET OFF WITH WOMEN OF THE OPPOSITE SEX, 268 00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:28,393 IN 10 EASY LESSONS," 269 00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:31,397 WITH AN INTRODUCTION BY EVA BRAUN. 270 00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,898 HERE WE ARE, 271 00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:34,399 CHAPTER FIVE-- 272 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,403 "HOW TO MAKE UP WITH A WOMAN YOU HAVE DITCHED." 273 00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,405 WHAT DOES IT SAY? 274 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,907 "THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO WORM YOUR WAY BACK 275 00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:44,910 INTO THE HEART OF A WOMAN YOU HAVE DITCHED-- 276 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,913 GROVEL." 277 00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:51,416 BUT THAT IS AGAINST 278 00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,419 YOUR NATURAL INSTINCTS, HERR FLICK. 279 00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:54,920 THAT IS CORRECT. 280 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,923 SENIOR GESTAPO OFFICERS ARE NOT USED TO GROVELING. 281 00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,926 I MEAN, I CANNOT SEE YOU BEING MEEK AND HUMBLE, 282 00:11:00,926 --> 00:11:02,928 AND GENERALLY VERY CRAWLY. 283 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:04,930 I SHALL HAVE TO TAKE A LEAF 284 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,932 OUT OF YOUR BOOK, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 285 00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:09,434 YOU GIVE ME PLENTY OF PRACTICE, HERR FLICK. 286 00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:12,438 IT SAYS HERE, I SHOULD TAKE HER GIFTS, 287 00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,440 WRITE HER A POEM, 288 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,942 OR SERENADE HER WITH A LOVE SONG. 289 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:19,945 WHAT WOMEN COULD RESIST SUCH A MAN? 290 00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,947 BUT-- CAN YOU SING? 291 00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:24,950 I HAVE A FINE, TENOR VOICE. 292 00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:30,456 I WILL SING HER A SERENADE FROM "ROSE MARIE." 293 00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:32,958 ( clears throat ) 294 00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:35,961 ( sings badly ) ♪ WHEN I'M CALLING ♪ 295 00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:38,964 ♪ YOU-OOO. ♪ 296 00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,972 A SUPERB RENDITION, HERR FLICK, SUPERB! 297 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,974 IT IS GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU, FOR A CHANGE, 298 00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:50,475 AN HONEST OPINION. 299 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:54,480 ♪ WILL YOU ANSWER TOO-OOO? ♪ 300 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,483 ( dogs baying, howling ) 301 00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:02,621 YES, COLONEL. 302 00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:04,122 THIS EVENING, 303 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,125 I'LL PASS ON THE MESSAGE. 304 00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,626 WHO WAS THAT? 305 00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:09,127 THAT WAS THE COLONEL. 306 00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:11,630 THE GENERAL IS COMING HERE TONIGHT TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED 307 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,632 HAVING A JOLLY TIME FOR THE NEWSPAPER, 308 00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:15,133 TO SHOW HOW WELL WE COLLABORATE. 309 00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:18,137 ( spits ) IT WAS NOT EASY TO CONTROL MYSELF. 310 00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:21,140 RENE, WE MUST NOT UPSET THEM. 311 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:23,142 WE MUST NOT LET THE VILLAGERS THINK 312 00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:25,644 WE ARE BEING TOO FRIENDLY, OR THEY MAY STOP COMING. 313 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,145 BUT, OF COURSE, I SHALL SING FOR THEM. 314 00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:30,149 IT IS ONLY EXPECTED. 315 00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:32,151 WELL, THAT SHOULD CONVINCE THE VILLAGE 316 00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:34,653 THAT WE HAVE AT LEAST GOT SOME FIGHT LEFT. 317 00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,154 RENE, 318 00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:38,157 I MUST TALK TO YOU URGENTLY. 319 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:41,160 WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN OUR BACK PASSAGE? 320 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,162 I WAS TESTING THE WINE BARRELS THAT WILL TRANSPORT 321 00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,164 THE BRITISH AIRMEN DOWN THE RIVER TO THE SEA, 322 00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:47,666 SO THEY CAN BE PICKED UP BY THE BOAT SQUADRON. 323 00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:50,168 TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT. 324 00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:51,670 WHERE ARE THESE BARRELS? 325 00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:52,671 IN YOUR CELLAR. 326 00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,173 THE AIRMEN ARE JUST TRYING THEM FOR SIZE. 327 00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:56,675 OH MY GOD. 328 00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,176 COME AND SAY FAREWELL TO THEM. 329 00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,179 THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME YOU WILL SEE THEM. 330 00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,680 MY PLAN IS FOOLPROOF. 331 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,682 NOW WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE? 332 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,685 THESE ARE THE SPECIAL BARRELS. 333 00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:10,689 - HELLO. - HELLO. 334 00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:13,192 WE ARE ACCLIMATIZING THEM 335 00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:14,693 TO BEING IN THE BARRELS. 336 00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:16,695 HELLO, CHAPS. EVERYTHING OKAY? 337 00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:19,698 I'VE GOT PINS AND NEEDLES EVERYWHERE. 338 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,199 YOU'RE LUCKY, 339 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,702 I THINK I'VE GOT WOODWORM. 340 00:13:23,702 --> 00:13:25,704 MICHELLE, HOW WILL THE BOAT SQUADRON 341 00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:27,205 SEE THEM IN THE DARK? 342 00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:28,707 I WILL DEMONSTRATE. 343 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:30,709 RIGHT, CHAPS, READY TO RUN THROUGH THE DRILL? 344 00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,711 - SPLENDID. - JOLLY GOOD. 345 00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:34,713 THIS IS AN HAREBRAINED PLAN. 346 00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,715 AT LEAST IT WILL GET RID OF THEM. 347 00:13:36,715 --> 00:13:38,717 FOR GOOD, I SHOULD THINK. 348 00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:40,719 OKAY, CHAPS. YOU'RE OUT AT SEA, GO! 349 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,221 READY TO FLASH? 350 00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:44,723 READY. 351 00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:46,725 TALLY-HO! 352 00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:52,230 INCREDIBLE. 353 00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:55,734 SO THAT IS WHERE MY BATHROOM BULBS WENT! 354 00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:56,735 EACH BARREL IS EQUIPPED 355 00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:58,737 WITH A LONGLIFE, HEAVY DUTY BATTERY, 356 00:13:58,737 --> 00:14:00,739 WHICH IS ATTACHED TO THE BULBS. 357 00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:02,240 WELL DONE, CHAPS. 358 00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:09,247 ( yelling ) 359 00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,252 FOOLPROOF? 360 00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:18,523 Flick: ♪ WHEN I'M CALLING ♪ 361 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,026 ♪ YOU-OOO ♪ 362 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,532 ♪ WILL YOU ANSWER ♪ 363 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,034 ♪ TOO-OOO? ♪ 364 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,037 GOOD MORNING, HELGA. 365 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:35,040 DID YOU ENJOY MY LITTLE SERENADE? 366 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,042 IS THAT WHAT IT WAS? 367 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,543 I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE OF THE PEASANTS 368 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,045 SKINNING A CAT. 369 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,548 DO I DETECT A CERTAIN COLDNESS 370 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,051 IN YOUR DEMEANOR AS A RESULT OF OUR LOVERS' TIFF? 371 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,053 WHAT DO YOU WANT, HERR FLICK? 372 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,554 I SEE YOU INTEND TO MAKE IT 373 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,557 DIFFICULT FOR ME, HELGA. 374 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,058 PERHAPS YOU WILL MELT 375 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,559 WHEN I READ YOU THIS POEM. 376 00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,063 "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY, 377 00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,565 FROM YOUR HEAD DOWN TO YOUR TOES. 378 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,068 I AM LOST FOR WORDS TO SHOW MY LOVE, 379 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,570 SO PLEASE, ACCEPT THIS ROSE." 380 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,077 THAT IS A DEAD COD. 381 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:16,081 ROSES ARE OUT OF SEASON. 382 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:19,084 I ONLY FOUND OUT AFTER I HAD WRITTEN THE POEM. 383 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,585 IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN A DEAD COD 384 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,087 TO GET AROUND ME. 385 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,588 YOU WILL BE PLEASED TO HEAR 386 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,591 THAT I HAVE DECIDED TO FORGIVE YOU. 387 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,092 I AM WILLING TO TAKE YOU BACK, 388 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,593 IF YOU PROMISE TO BEHAVE. 389 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,595 BY THE WAY, 390 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,597 WHERE IS THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA? 391 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,599 THE GENERAL HAS IT 392 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,601 IN HIS QUARTERS IN HIS CHATEAU. 393 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,102 THANK YOU. YOU MAY KISS ME. 394 00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:39,604 I'D RATHER KISS THE COD. 395 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,608 WELL, HELP ME GET IT BACK 396 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,611 AND WE WILL SHARE THE PROCEEDS. 397 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,113 WHEN I WAS MAD ABOUT YOU, I MIGHT HAVE HELPED. 398 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,614 BUT NOW THAT YOU HAVE DITCHED ME, 399 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,116 I HAVE MY OWN PLANS. 400 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,118 THE GENERAL'S QUITE KEEN ON ME. 401 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,622 PLEASE, HELGA. 402 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,626 AH, ROSES FOR THE BEAUTIFUL LADY. 403 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,131 WHAT'S HE DOING HERE? 404 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,133 MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. 405 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:11,136 OH, CAPTAIN BERTORELLI, WHAT LOVELY FLOWERS. 406 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,638 YOU CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN, 407 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,141 UNLIKE CERTAIN OTHERS. 408 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,642 I THOUGHT MAYBE TONIGHT, 409 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,145 BEFORE WE MEET THE GENERAL IN THE CAFE, 410 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,646 WE COULD TAKE A STROLL IN THE MOONLIGHT, 411 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,649 AND DO THE CANOODLE. 412 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,150 OH, WHAT FUN. 413 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,651 PERHAPS YOU WOULD RATHER 414 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,654 HAVE A LITTLE LUNCH WITH ME? 415 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,656 WE COULD GRILL SOME SAUSAGES 416 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,158 OVER MY UPTURNED ELECTRIC FIRE. 417 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,161 HOW ABOUT A PICNIC IN THE WOODS? 418 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,663 THAT SOUNDS MUCH MORE EXCITING. 419 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,666 MAYBE WE COULD LEARN SOMETHING 420 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,668 FROM THE BIRDS AND THE BEES. 421 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,671 MAYBE THEY COULD LEARN SOMETHING FROM US. 422 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,172 IT'S SO NICE TO BE GOING OUT 423 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,674 WITH A REAL MAN AT LAST. 424 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,677 ♪ O SOLE MIO... ♪ 425 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,186 ( radio buzzing ) 426 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,688 AAAH! THE KNOBS, 427 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,190 THE FLASHING KNOBS! 428 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,192 THEY ARE DEAD ON TIME. 429 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,194 QUICK, LIFT THE BED. 430 00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:11,696 ARGH! 431 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,700 WILL THIS FLASHING NEVER CEASE? 432 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,702 SHUT UP, YOU OLD BAT. 433 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:23,208 'ALLO, LONDON, 'ALLO, LONDON. THIS IS NIGHTHAWK. 434 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,210 WHAT IS YOUR MESSAGE? OVER. 435 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,212 Man: We will be looking out for the two seabirds 436 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:28,713 from midnight onwards. 437 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,716 Is everything okay? Over. 438 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,719 WELL, APART FROM THE FACT THAT WE HAVE TO ENTERTAIN 439 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,220 HALF THE GERMAN ARMY TO DINNER, 440 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,722 AND THE SEABIRDS HAVE FUSED THEIR FLASHERS, 441 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,725 ALL IS WELL. OVER. 442 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,227 Understood. Over and out. 443 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,229 AS SOON AS THE GERMANS HAVE GONE, 444 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,731 WE WILL ROLL THE BARRELS DOWN TO THE RIVER. 445 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,235 ARGH. 446 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,237 WHAT IS HAPPENING, FANNY? 447 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,239 HAVE I MISSED ANYTHING? 448 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,740 SOME OLD BIRD'S FLASHER 449 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,743 HAS BEEN FUSED. 450 00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:00,746 IT WAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. 451 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,251 Flick: CAN YOU SEE THEM, VON SMALLHAUSEN? 452 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,252 YES, HERR FLICK. 453 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,754 THE ITALIAN HAS PUT HIS JACKET 454 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,256 DOWN ON THE GRASS, 455 00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,758 AND HAS TAKEN OUT A SANDWICH. 456 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,260 AND HELGA? 457 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:17,262 SHE SITS NEXT TO HIM. 458 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:20,265 THE TROLLOP. 459 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,268 SHE IS TRYING TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS, HERR FLICK. 460 00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,270 I AM AWARE OF THIS. 461 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,772 FORTUNATELY, I HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL. 462 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,274 ( knuckles crack ) 463 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,276 PERHAPS YOU SHOULD MAKE HER JEALOUS OF YOU, 464 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,778 THEN SHE MIGHT HELP YOU GET BACK THE PAINTING. 465 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,781 THE IDEA HAS ALREADY 466 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,783 GERMINATED IN MY BRAIN. 467 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,285 TONIGHT, WE SHALL GO TO CAFE RENE 468 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,287 IN OUR GLAD RAGS, 469 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,289 IN ORDER TO CHAT UP THE WAITRESSES. 470 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:47,292 THAT SHOULD HAVE HER HOPPING UP AND DOWN. 471 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,294 Von Smallhausen: THE ITAI IS PUTTING 472 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,296 HIS ARMS ROUND HER. 473 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,298 THE OILY WOP. 474 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,800 HIS FEATHERS ARE QUIVERING. 475 00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,305 Bertorelli: I THINK SOMEONE IS SPYING ON US UP A TREE. 476 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,808 I CERTAINLY HOPE SO. NOW KISS ME ON THE CHEEK, 477 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,812 AND TRY NOT TO GET YOUR FEATHERS UP MY NOSE. 478 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,314 Von Smallhausen: HE IS KISSING HER. 479 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,316 I CANNOT BEAR TO WATCH. 480 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:12,817 JUST AS WELL. 481 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,319 ON THE OTHER HAND, 482 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,321 I CANNOT BEAR THE SUSPENSE. 483 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,822 AAA-ARGH! 484 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:35,340 HERR GENERAL, WHAT AN HONOR. 485 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,342 I HAVE RESERVED OUR BEST TABLE FOR YOU. 486 00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,843 OF COURSE YOU HAVE. 487 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,346 IS THE PHOTOGRAPHER READY TO RECORD US ENJOYING OURSELVES? 488 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,848 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, AT YOUR SERVICE, SIR. 489 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,852 HE HAS HIS CAMERA AND THREE FOOT STAND. 490 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,854 I THINK IT BEST YOU TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH 491 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,355 AT THE APPROPRIATE MOMENT. 492 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,858 HELGA, I WILL SIT NEXT TO YOU. 493 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,361 CAPTAIN BERTORELLI, YOU WILL SIT OPPOSITE. 494 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,867 REMEMBER TO SMILE AT THE PEASANTS, 495 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,870 TO SHOW HOW WELL WE GET ON WITH THEM. 496 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,378 FOOD AND WINE. NOTHING SPECIAL. 497 00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,879 WE WILL EAT WHAT THE PEASANTS EAT. 498 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,381 WE WILL DRINK WHAT THE PEASANTS DRINK. 499 00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,384 YES, GENERAL, WE HAVE A SPECIAL DISH, TYPICAL OF OUR REGION. 500 00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,885 NOW. 501 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:24,389 I LOVE THE FRENCH FOOD. 502 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,890 I SMELL THE SMELL AND MY STOMACH, 503 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,893 IT GOES MAD. 504 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,395 AH, SNAILS. 505 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,398 SNAILS HAVE NEVER BEEN MY FAVORITE DISH. 506 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,400 WE WILL ENJOY THEM. 507 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,901 THEY ARE VERY LIGHTLY COOKED 508 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,403 WITH GARLIC AND WHITE WINE. 509 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,914 SOME OF THEM MORE LIGHTLY COOKED THAN OTHERS. 510 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:53,418 THIS ONE APPEARS RELUCTANT TO BE EATEN. 511 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:55,420 PERHAPS HE IS FEELING UNWELL 512 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,423 AND DID NOT WISH TO UPSET YOUR STOMACH. 513 00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:00,425 I WILL RETURN IT TO THE GARDEN. 514 00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:09,434 I SEE THE TWO WAITRESSES, HERR FLICK. 515 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,436 WE WILL KNOCK THEM DEAD IN THESE CLOTHES. 516 00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:14,439 I WILL FONDLE ONE ON MY KNEE, 517 00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,941 AND HELGA WILL GO MAD WITH JEALOUSY. 518 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,944 IT WILL MAKE ME HOT UNDER THE COLLAR. 519 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,446 WE WILL TAKE THIS TABLE. 520 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:22,447 HAVE YOU CHECKED UP ON THE-- 521 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,449 ON THE MANUAL, HERR FLICK? 522 00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:25,950 I HAVE IT HERE. 523 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:26,952 WAITRESS. 524 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,954 WAITRESS. 525 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,957 WHAT IS ALL THIS? 526 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,959 IF YOU REQUIRE A DRINK, 527 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,962 PUT YOUR HAND UP AND WAIT. 528 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:38,964 I'M SO SORRY. 529 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,966 IT'S HERR FLICK. 530 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,968 IGNORE HIM. 531 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,971 TELL ME, WHAT IS A DUMPY GIRL LIKE YOU, 532 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:48,473 DOING IN A NICE PLACE LIKE THIS? 533 00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:51,476 PARDON? 534 00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:54,479 WHY DO YOU NOT COME BACK TO MY PLACE 535 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:56,981 AND I WILL SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME, BABY. 536 00:21:58,483 --> 00:21:59,984 GET FRESH WITH ME, PAL, 537 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,486 AND I'LL SLIT YOUR THROAT. 538 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,990 PLAYING HARD TO GET. 539 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,493 EITHER MY TECHNIQUE NEEDS POLISHING, 540 00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:10,495 OR THE AUTHOR NEEDS TO BE SHOT. 541 00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:13,998 LANDLORD, WE ARE READY FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT. 542 00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:15,500 IS THE CAMERA STANDING BY? 543 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,502 I AM STANDING BY, MONSIEUR. 544 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:19,504 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 545 00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:22,006 MADAM EDITH WILL SING FOR YOU 546 00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:24,509 IN HER OWN INIMITABLE STYLE. 547 00:22:24,509 --> 00:22:26,010 NOTHING CHANGES. 548 00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:30,015 ♪ I'M NAUGHTY BUT NICE ♪ 549 00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,516 ♪ IF YOU WINK AT ME TWICE ♪ 550 00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:34,018 ♪ I SHALL KNOW THAT YOU'RE MY KIND OF CHAP ♪ 551 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,521 ♪ IF YOU GIVE ME A NOD ♪ 552 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:38,022 ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE HERE ON YOUR TOD ♪ 553 00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,525 ♪ I'LL COME AND SIT ON YOUR LAP... ♪ 554 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,026 NOBODY MOVE. 555 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:44,529 ♪ I'M NAUGHTY IT'S TRUE ♪ 556 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:46,531 ♪ BUT I BET SO ARE YOU ♪ 557 00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:48,533 ♪ HANDS UP THOSE WHO WANT TO BE KISSED ♪ 558 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,538 ♪ IF YOU DON'T TRY, YOU COULD VERY WELL DIE ♪ 559 00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:56,541 ♪ NEVER KNOWING JUST WHAT YOU HAD MISSED ♪ 560 00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:58,543 ♪ I'M NAUGHTY, YOU SEE ♪ 561 00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,545 ♪ AND IF YOU STARE AT ME ♪ 562 00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:03,047 ♪ I SHALL HAVE TO PICK YOU FOR A DATE ♪ 563 00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:06,051 ♪ I CAN TELL YOU'RE ALL KEEN ♪ 564 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:09,054 ♪ BUT I'M GOING TO BE MEAN ♪ 565 00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:12,057 ♪ I'M AFRAID YOU WILL ♪ 566 00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:13,558 ♪ JUST HAVE TO ♪ 567 00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:16,561 ♪ WAIT. ♪ 568 00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,065 ( silence ) 569 00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:23,568 THAT WAS A NARROW SQUEAK. 570 00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:26,070 THE PHOTOGRAPH WILL NOW BE TAKEN OF US ALL 571 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:29,574 ENJOYING THIS RELENTLESS ATTACK ON OUR EARDRUMS. 572 00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:32,577 I AM READY, GENERAL. 573 00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:33,578 CAPTAIN BERTORELLI, 574 00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:36,080 I MUST NOT BE OUT-MEDALED IN A PICTURE. 575 00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:43,588 YOU, RESUME YOUR SINGING POSE. 576 00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:46,591 WE WILL PRETEND TO GAZE IN RAPTURE. 577 00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:49,093 HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO POP A SNAIL INTO YOUR MOUTH, 578 00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:51,596 TO SHOW HOW MUCH YOU HAVE ENJOYED THE MEAL? 579 00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:55,099 NO, BUT, ER, 580 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,101 GRUBER CAN. 581 00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:06,110 ENJOY IT, GRUBER, ENJOY IT. 582 00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,613 YES, BUT HE KEEPS WIGGLING 583 00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:11,616 ONE OF HIS LITTLE THINGS AT ME. 584 00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:15,119 General: THAT JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW POPULAR YOU ARE. 585 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,622 SHALL WE TRY THE OTHER WAITRESS, 586 00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:18,623 HERR FLICK? 587 00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:20,625 YES. I THINK THIS TIME, 588 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,627 THE MORE DIRECT APPROACH IS REQUIRED. 589 00:24:22,627 --> 00:24:25,630 PEASANT WOMEN DO NOT APPRECIATE THE SUBTLE ADVANCE. 590 00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:30,635 NOW, MY FINE FILLY, 591 00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:33,137 YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL WHO ENJOYS 592 00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:34,639 A BIT OF A TICKLE AND A SLAP. 593 00:24:34,639 --> 00:24:36,140 OH! 594 00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:38,143 OH! 595 00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:39,644 WHAT IS GOING ON? 596 00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:40,645 IT'S HERR FLICK. 597 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:43,147 HE SLAPPED THE WAITRESS' BOTTOM. 598 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:45,150 HE'S MAKING A BAD IMPRESSION. 599 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,151 THIS IS DISGRACEFUL. 600 00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:48,153 WE CANNOT HAVE GERMANS BEHAVING IN THIS WAY. 601 00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,155 GUARDS, THROW THE TWO PERVERTS OUT. 602 00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:54,159 YOU CANNOT DO THIS. 603 00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:55,660 WE ARE THE GESTAPO. 604 00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,161 General: MOLESTING PEASANT GIRLS 605 00:24:57,162 --> 00:25:00,165 IS A PASTIME RESERVED ONLY FOR GENERALS. 606 00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:01,166 THIS IS THE LAST TIME 607 00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,667 I GO OUT WOMANIZING 608 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:04,168 WITH YOU, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 609 00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:07,172 I AM SORRY ABOUT THIS, GENERAL. 610 00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,174 I HOPE IT HASN'T RUINED YOUR EVENING. 611 00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:10,675 ON THE CONTRARY, 612 00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:12,677 EJECTING NASTY GESTAPO FELLOWS 613 00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:13,678 HAS QUITE MADE MY NIGHT. 614 00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:15,680 General: NOW HOLD THOSE POSES. 615 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:19,184 WE ARE READY FOR THE PHOTO. 616 00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:21,186 SMILE. 617 00:25:22,687 --> 00:25:25,690 HURRY UP, I'M RUNNING OUT OF SINCERITY. 618 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,692 GOT IT. AND-- 619 00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:33,198 I HAVE GOT IT. IT IS A GOOD ONE. 620 00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:35,200 I WILL DEVELOP IT. 621 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,202 GOOD. CHEERS. 622 00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:43,207 MY WORD, THIS IS A REALLY EXCELLENT VINTAGE. 623 00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:45,210 JUST A LOCAL WINE FROM OUR CELLAR, GENERAL. 624 00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:46,711 OH, SHOW ME. 625 00:25:46,711 --> 00:25:47,712 COME, LET US GO AND SEE 626 00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:49,213 THIS TREASURE-TROVE. 627 00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:50,715 YES, OF COURSE, GEN-- 628 00:25:50,715 --> 00:25:52,717 YOU MUST TAKE A BOTTLE OR TWO HOME WITH YOU. 629 00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:53,718 COME THIS WAY. 630 00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:54,719 EDITH. 631 00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:57,222 HEY, 632 00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,224 NOW WE GOT RID OF VON KLINKYHOFFEN, 633 00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:01,726 WHAT SAY WE TAKE ANOTHER STROLL 634 00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:03,227 IN THE MOONLIGHT? 635 00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:06,231 THERE IS A TIME AND A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING. 636 00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:07,732 IS THIS THE TIME? 637 00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:12,237 WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE. 638 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,838 GENERAL. 639 00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:16,841 MMM, INTERESTING. 640 00:26:16,841 --> 00:26:19,343 THIS IS TRULY INCREDIBLE. 641 00:26:19,344 --> 00:26:21,846 A '26 CLARET. 642 00:26:21,846 --> 00:26:24,348 A PARTICULARLY GOOD YEAR. 643 00:26:24,349 --> 00:26:26,351 AND TWO BARRELS OF IT. 644 00:26:26,351 --> 00:26:28,853 YOU DO NOT WANT THE OLD STUFF, GENERAL. 645 00:26:28,853 --> 00:26:30,855 THE WINE YOU LIKE IS OVER HERE. 646 00:26:30,855 --> 00:26:31,856 TAKE IT ALL. 647 00:26:31,856 --> 00:26:33,357 NONSENSE. 648 00:26:33,358 --> 00:26:34,359 THIS IS FAR TOO GOOD 649 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,361 TO BE WASTED IN A PEASANT CAFE. 650 00:26:36,361 --> 00:26:38,363 SEE TO IT THAT WE TAKE BOTH BARRELS 651 00:26:38,363 --> 00:26:39,864 WITH US WHEN WE LEAVE. 652 00:26:39,864 --> 00:26:41,866 THEN WE SHALL KEEP IT FOR SOME SPECIAL OCCASION. 653 00:26:41,866 --> 00:26:43,868 HOW ABOUT WHEN THE WAR IS OVER? 654 00:26:43,868 --> 00:26:45,369 WHEN YOU HAVE WON IT, THAT IS. 655 00:26:48,373 --> 00:26:49,874 WELL DONE, RENE. 656 00:26:49,874 --> 00:26:52,376 YOU HAVE PUT HIM IN A GOOD MOOD. 657 00:26:53,878 --> 00:26:56,881 RENE, WE MUST WARN THE AIRMEN. 658 00:26:56,881 --> 00:26:58,883 HOW CAN WE? WE DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH. 659 00:26:58,883 --> 00:27:00,885 AND THEY DO NOT SPEAK FRENCH. 660 00:27:00,885 --> 00:27:03,387 OH, RENE, WHAT CAN WE DO? 661 00:27:06,391 --> 00:27:07,892 - HELLO. - HELLO. 662 00:27:11,396 --> 00:27:12,397 Fairfax: OH, GOOD. 663 00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:14,899 I THINK HE'S SAYING WE'RE LEAVING. 664 00:27:14,899 --> 00:27:15,900 CHEERIO. 665 00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:17,401 CHEERIO. 666 00:27:18,903 --> 00:27:20,905 WHAT DO WE DO NOW? 667 00:27:20,905 --> 00:27:22,907 ASK MICHELLE FOR TWO MORE BARRELS, 668 00:27:22,907 --> 00:27:24,909 SO WE CAN ESCAPE AS WELL. 669 00:27:25,910 --> 00:27:28,412 ( theme music playing )