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00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,073
( theme music playing )
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LIFE HAS FINALLY GOT
TOO HOT FOR ME
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HERE IN NOUVION,
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SO I HAVE DECIDED
TO LEG IT FOR SPAIN.
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AS YOU SEE,
I AM DISGUISED--
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AS AN ONION SELLER.
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I AM ALSO GOING TO BE
TAKING THE PAINTING
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OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES,
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WHICH WE STOLE LAST NIGHT
FROM THE SAFE OF HERR FLICK
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BY TUNNELING THROUGH
FROM THE OLD BAKERY NEXT DOOR.
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UNFORTUNATELY, AS I WAS
REMOVING THE PAINTING
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FROM THE BACK OF THE SAFE,
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LIEUTENANT GRUBER
OPENED THE FRONT,
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AND CAUGHT
A GLIMPSE OF ME.
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FORTUNATELY, HE THOUGHT
THAT I WAS THE GHOST
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OF MY OWN DEAD TWIN BROTHER,
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BECAUSE I WAS COVERED
IN FLOUR AT THE TIME.
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SO, TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE,
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I AM GOING TO PINCH THE BICYCLE
OF OFFICER CRABTREE,
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AND HEAD FOR
THE SPANISH BORDER.
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IF MY LEGS HOLD OUT,
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I SHOULD BE THERE
BY THE END OF THE WAR.
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RENE,
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WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?
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TO SPAIN, MY CHILD.
I AM GOING TO SELL
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THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA,
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AND THEN SEND FOR YOU.
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I THOUGHT YOU GAVE
THE PAINTING TO MICHELLE,
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TO SELL FOR
RESISTANCE FUNDS?
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THAT WAS A FORGERY.
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THE ORIGINAL IS
IN MY KNAPSACK.
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OH, RENE,
DO NOT LEAVE ME.
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CAREFUL, YOU WILL
CRUSH MY ONIONS.
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OH, RENE,
TAKE ME WITH YOU.
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I WILL ENDURE
ANY HARDSHIP
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TO BE BY YOUR SIDE.
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700 MILES ON MY CROSSBAR
MAY BE TOO MUCH.
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GOODBYE, YVETTE.
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EXPECT A CARD.
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I WILL SIGN IT
"A. SPANIARD,"
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THEN YOU CAN REST ASSURED
IT COMES FROM ME.
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OH, RENE!
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RENE!
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING
45
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HOLDING THAT SERVANT GIRL
IN YOUR ARMS?
46
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AND WHY IS SHE CRYING?
47
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YOU STUPID WOMAN!
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CAN YOU NOT SEE
THAT THESE ONIONS
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ARE MAKING HER WEEP?
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I WAS JUST WIPING
HER POOR EYES.
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NOW GO BACK TO BED,
YVETTE,
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AND DO NOT LOOK BACK.
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DO AS HE SAYS.
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I WILL BE BRAVE.
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( Yvette wails )
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RENE,
YOU CANNOT RUN AWAY.
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I AM SURE THE GERMANS
WILL ARREST ME
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FOR BREAKING INTO THE SAFE
OF HERR FLICK.
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NONSENSE.
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ONE QUICK GLIMPSE
OF YOUR FACE
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COVERED WITH FLOUR
INSIDE A SAFE?
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NO ONE WILL BE ABLE
TO PROVE IT WAS YOU.
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OH, RENE,
I WILL SWEAR
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THAT WE HAVE BEEN
IN BED TOGETHER,
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IN A PASSIONATE
EMBRACE, ALL NIGHT.
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WELL, THERE GOES
THE CASE FOR THE DEFENSE.
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THERE YOU ARE,
RENE.
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WE WANT A WORD
WITH YOU.
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GOOD MORNING, COLONEL,
LIEUTENANT, CAPTAIN.
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SOMEBODY BROKE
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INTO HERR FLICK'S SAFE
LAST NIGHT.
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YES, WE DID.
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BUT SOMEONE HAS
BROKEN IN FROM THE BACK,
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AND STOLEN THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA.
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AND THIS MORNING,
A TRAIL OF FLOUR FROM THE BAKERY
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HAS LED US TO THE DOOR
OF YOUR CAFE.
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- NO.
- YES.
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NOW YOU TELL THE TRUTH,
OR YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE.
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WHAT YOU HAVE
JUST TOLD ME EXPLAINS
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A MYSTERIOUS EVENT THAT HAPPENED
JUST A FEW MOMENTS AGO.
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A DISREPUTABLE STRANGER,
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ALL COVERED IN FLOUR,
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ENTERED THROUGH THAT VERY DOOR
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AND TRIED TO SELL ME
THE PAINTING
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OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES.
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I KNEW YOU WOULD HAVE
AN EXPLANATION.
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AND WHAT
DID YOU DO?
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HE SENT HIM PACKING.
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NO... NO.
NO, NO.
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YOU ARE HALF ASLEEP,
MY DEAREST.
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NO, I CONFISCATED
THE PAINTING,
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AND THEN
I SENT HIM PACKING.
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OH, YES.
I WAS HALF ASLEEP.
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WHERE IS
THE PAINTING NOW?
95
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I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO CYCLE OVER,
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AND GIVE IT TO YOU.
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EXCELLENT.
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LIEUTENANT GRUBER
SWEARS HE SAW SOMEONE,
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WHO LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU,
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STEAL IT FROM THE SAFE.
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THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.
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THE MAN LOOKED
NOTHING AT ALL LIKE RENE.
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HE WAS SHORT
AND SKINNY,
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WITH PIGGY EYES
AND A SQUINT.
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HE HAD A SCAR
FROM HERE TO HERE,
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TWO FRONT TEETH
WERE MISSING.
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ALSO,
HE HAD A LIMP.
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I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU WERE HALF ASLEEP?
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I WAS.
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IF I'D BEEN FULLY AWAKE,
I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE
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TO GIVE YOU A MORE
DETAILED DESCRIPTION.
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THERE YOU ARE,
COLONEL.
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A SIMPLE CASE OF
MISTAKEN IDENTITY.
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I THINK WE SHOULD
GIVE RENE
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THE BENEFIT
OF THE DOUBT, COLONEL.
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WELL, FROM NOW ON,
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KEEP YOUR NOSE CLEAN.
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- YES, COLONEL.
- COME ON.
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IF YOU DON'T,
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YOU WILL BE
IN THE DEEP DOO-DAH.
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I SUSPECT THAT YOU
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HAVE BEEN
A NAUGHTY BOY, RENE,
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BUT I DID NOT WANT
TO GET YOU INTO TROUBLE.
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THANK YOU,
LIEUTENANT.
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IF THERE IS EVER ANYTHING
I CAN DO IN RETURN.
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YES, WELL, NO DOUBT,
I SHALL THINK OF SOMETHING.
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UNTIL THEN.
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UNTIL THEN.
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OH, RENE,
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THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.
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MY LEGS HAVE GONE
ALL WOBBLY.
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LIEUTENANT GRUBER
SAVED OUR BACON.
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HE KNOWS IT WAS ME.
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00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,868
NEXT TIME HE COMES
TO DINNER,
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WE WILL MAKE SURE THAT
HE HAS THE BEST TABLE BY THE WINDOW.
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LET US HOPE THAT
IS ALL HE WANTS.
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( bell rings )
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GOOD MOANING,
HERR FLOCK,
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AND GOOD MOANING TO YOU,
HERR VON SMELLHORSEN.
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IT IS NOT
A GOOD MORNING.
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I WISH TO REPORT
A SERIOUS BURGLARY.
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AND WHAT HAS BEEN BIGGLED?
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LAST NIGHT,
SOMEONE BLEW DOWN
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THE DOOR TO MY SECRET
HEADQUARTERS,
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BROKE INTO MY SAFE,
146
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AND STOLE
A VALUABLE PAINTING.
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CAN YOU DESCROOB
THIS PINTING?
148
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IT WAS THE FALLEN MADONNA
BY VAN CLOMP.
149
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THE ONE WITH
THE BIG BOOBIES.
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THE FILLEN MIDINNA
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WITH THE BOG BEEBIES.
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I MAY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU,
HERR FLOCK.
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I SAW THE MIN
WHO DEED THE DOOD.
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YOU DOD? UH, YOU DID?
155
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I WAS OUTSOD
YOUR HEADQUITTERS,
156
00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:09,635
WHEN I SAW
SOME POOPLE
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ACTING IN
A SUSPICIOUS MINNER.
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WHY DID YOU
NOT ARREST THEM?
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BEFORE I COULD,
160
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THEY HIT ME ON THE HOD,
161
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AND I PISSED OUT.
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DID YOU RECOGNIZE
THESES MEN?
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I HAD NEVER SEEN THEM
BEFORE IN MY LOAF,
164
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BUT I HAVE DROAN
A ROUGH SKOTCH
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WITH MY PINCIL.
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THERE WILL BE
A GENEROUS REWARD
167
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FOR INFORMATION
LEADING
168
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TO THE ARREST
OF THESE PEOPLE.
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00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,668
ALTHOUGH,
FROM THIS SKETCH,
170
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:46,171
THEY APPEAR TO BE
FROM ANOTHER PLANET.
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WHAT IS THE REWOD?
172
00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:50,175
100 FRANCS.
173
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THAT'S NOT MUCH.
174
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,680
I'VE GOT MORE THAN THAT
IN MY PIGGY BANK.
175
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,182
MAKE THAT 100 FRANCS
AND HIS PIGGY BANK.
176
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GO TO IT.
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I SHALL DO MY BUST.
178
00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:03,188
COME.
179
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,691
WHEN WILL I LEARN
TO KEEP MY TRAP SHUT?
180
00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,693
PERHAPS WHEN
YOU ARE TALLER.
181
00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:12,197
DO YOU THINK THIS IS
THE ORIGINAL, GRUBER?
182
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I DON'T TRUST RENE.
183
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,201
OH, YES, COLONEL.
184
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,204
I RECOGNIZE THIS
LITTLE CIRCULAR MARK,
185
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:20,206
FROM WHEN I HID IT
IN MY QUARTERS.
186
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:22,708
IS THAT THE SECRET SIGN
OF THE ARTIST?
187
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,710
NO, THAT IS WHERE
188
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,212
I PUT A DAMP GLASS
OF SCHNAPPS ON IT.
189
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,716
GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
190
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:35,721
GOOD MORNING,
GENTLEMEN.
191
00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:38,223
THE TOWN IS ABUZZ
WITH RUMOR.
192
00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:40,726
IT SEEMS THAT THERE
WAS A BURGLARY CARRIED OUT
193
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:43,228
AT THE GESTAPO HEADQUARTERS,
AND A CERTAIN PAINTING,
194
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:44,730
THAT WAS THOUGHT
TO BE MISSING,
195
00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:47,232
IS AGAIN MISSING.
196
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,236
HAVE YOU ANYTHING
TO ADD TO THESE RUMORS?
197
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:53,239
HAVE WE ANYTHING
TO ADD, GRUBER?
198
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,741
I THINK
WE'RE ABOUT TO.
199
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:58,744
DON'T TELL ME THE NEWS
IS ALREADY IN THE PAPER.
200
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:00,245
NO, GENERAL.
201
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:02,248
BUT THERE'S
GOOD NEWS FOR YOU
202
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,250
UNDER THIS PAPER.
203
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:06,752
THE PAINTING
IS SAFE.
204
00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:08,754
IT WAS HANDED TO US
A FEW MOMENTS AGO,
205
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,255
ANONYMOUSLY.
206
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,758
WE WERE JUST GOING
TO BRING IT TO YOU.
207
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:14,259
OH, THIS IS
SPLENDID NEWS.
208
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:16,262
THE FUHRER WILL
BE DELIGHTED.
209
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,264
I SHALL TAKE IT
TO MY QUARTERS,
210
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:19,265
FOR SAFEKEEPING.
211
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:21,767
I SUSPECT THAT
THIS BREAK IN WAS
212
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:24,269
CARRIED OUT BY YOU
WITHOUT MY PERMISSION,
213
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,272
BUT I SHALL
TURN A BLIND EYE.
214
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,274
VERY NEARLY TRUE,
GENERAL.
215
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,776
MEDALS MAY BE IN ORDER
FOR YOU TWO.
216
00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:33,779
I WAS THE ONE WHO
REVEALED ITS LOCATION.
217
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:36,782
I SHALL PIN YOURS ON,
PERSONALLY.
218
00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:38,784
WHAT ABOUT ME?
219
00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:41,286
MY MEN BLEW
THE SAFE.
220
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,289
STICK ANOTHER FEATHER
IN YOUR HAT.
221
00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,292
IN THE MEANTIME,
GRUBER,
222
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,795
HOW IS THE FIRST EDITION
OF THE NEWSPAPER PROGRESSING?
223
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,797
IT IS ALMOST READY,
GENERAL.
224
00:08:51,797 --> 00:08:52,798
OH, GOOD.
225
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,300
SINCE OUR PICNIC
WITH THE FRENCH PEASANTS
226
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,803
WAS RUINED
BY THE GESTAPO,
227
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,805
WE SHALL NEED
ANOTHER PICTURE
228
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:00,806
FOR THE FRONT PAGE,
229
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,307
TO SHOW HOW WELL
WE ARE GETTING ON
230
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,809
WITH THE CONQUERED
FRENCH.
231
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:06,812
WHAT ABOUT ONE
OF THE GARRISON COMMANDER
232
00:09:06,812 --> 00:09:09,314
ENJOYING AN EVENING OUT
AT THE LOCAL CAFE?
233
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,317
ENJOYING FOOD, WINE
AND ENTERTAINMENT?
234
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:13,819
I WILL ARRANGE IT
AT ONCE, GENERAL.
235
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,321
EXCELLENT.
I SHALL SEE YOU ALL TONIGHT.
236
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:18,324
PERHAPS YOU CAN ARRANGE
FOR THE PIN-UP
237
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,326
OF THE TANK CORPS
TO SIT NEXT TO ME.
238
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,828
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
239
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,833
I WAS REFERRING TO
PRIVATE HELGA GEERHART.
240
00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:29,835
IT WILL BE
A PRIVILEGE.
241
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:32,838
HEIL HITLER.
242
00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:33,839
HEIL HITLER.
243
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,340
HEIL MUSSOLINI.
244
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,842
DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK.
245
00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:37,843
DAMN IT!
246
00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:39,344
WE'VE LOST
THE PAINTING.
247
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,846
DON'T WORRY.
248
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:42,347
IF I KEEP IN
WITH THE GENERAL,
249
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:43,849
WE MAY BE ABLE
TO GET IT BACK.
250
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:45,350
BY THE WAY,
251
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,353
I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS
PIN-UP OF THE TANK CORPS.
252
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,855
YOU'RE NOT--
IN MY LITTLE TANK.
253
00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:52,858
THANK HEAVENS FOR THAT.
254
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,863
HERR FLICK, THERE ARE
RUMORS IN THE VILLAGE
255
00:09:57,863 --> 00:09:59,364
THAT COLONEL VON STROHM
HAS SOMEHOW OBTAINED
256
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:00,866
THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
257
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:02,868
WHICH WAS STOLEN
FROM YOUR SAFE.
258
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,369
CURSE IT.
259
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,872
I MIGHT HAVE GUESSED
HE WAS BEHIND IT.
260
00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:09,374
THIS MEANS, I MUST
MAKE UP WITH HELGA,
261
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,877
SO SHE CAN ASSIST
IN ITS RECOVERY.
262
00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:14,379
THAT WILL NOT BE EASY,
HERR FLICK.
263
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,882
SHE WAS NOT VERY PLEASED
WHEN YOU DITCHED HER.
264
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:18,383
FORTUNATELY,
265
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:20,386
I HAVE
IN MY DESK DRAWER,
266
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:22,888
THE GESTAPO MANUAL
ENTITLED,
267
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:25,891
"HOW TO GET OFF WITH WOMEN
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX,
268
00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:28,393
IN 10 EASY LESSONS,"
269
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:31,397
WITH AN INTRODUCTION
BY EVA BRAUN.
270
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,898
HERE WE ARE,
271
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:34,399
CHAPTER FIVE--
272
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,403
"HOW TO MAKE UP WITH
A WOMAN YOU HAVE DITCHED."
273
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,405
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
274
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,907
"THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY
TO WORM YOUR WAY BACK
275
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:44,910
INTO THE HEART OF A WOMAN
YOU HAVE DITCHED--
276
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,913
GROVEL."
277
00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:51,416
BUT THAT IS AGAINST
278
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,419
YOUR NATURAL INSTINCTS,
HERR FLICK.
279
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:54,920
THAT IS CORRECT.
280
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,923
SENIOR GESTAPO OFFICERS
ARE NOT USED TO GROVELING.
281
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,926
I MEAN, I CANNOT SEE YOU
BEING MEEK AND HUMBLE,
282
00:11:00,926 --> 00:11:02,928
AND GENERALLY VERY CRAWLY.
283
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:04,930
I SHALL HAVE
TO TAKE A LEAF
284
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,932
OUT OF YOUR BOOK,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
285
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:09,434
YOU GIVE ME PLENTY
OF PRACTICE, HERR FLICK.
286
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:12,438
IT SAYS HERE,
I SHOULD TAKE HER GIFTS,
287
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,440
WRITE HER A POEM,
288
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,942
OR SERENADE HER
WITH A LOVE SONG.
289
00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:19,945
WHAT WOMEN COULD
RESIST SUCH A MAN?
290
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,947
BUT-- CAN YOU SING?
291
00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:24,950
I HAVE A FINE,
TENOR VOICE.
292
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:30,456
I WILL SING HER A SERENADE
FROM "ROSE MARIE."
293
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:32,958
( clears throat )
294
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:35,961
( sings badly )
♪ WHEN I'M CALLING ♪
295
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:38,964
♪ YOU-OOO. ♪
296
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,972
A SUPERB RENDITION,
HERR FLICK, SUPERB!
297
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,974
IT IS GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU,
FOR A CHANGE,
298
00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:50,475
AN HONEST OPINION.
299
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:54,480
♪ WILL YOU ANSWER TOO-OOO? ♪
300
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,483
( dogs baying, howling )
301
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:02,621
YES, COLONEL.
302
00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:04,122
THIS EVENING,
303
00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,125
I'LL PASS ON
THE MESSAGE.
304
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,626
WHO WAS THAT?
305
00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:09,127
THAT WAS
THE COLONEL.
306
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:11,630
THE GENERAL IS COMING HERE
TONIGHT TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED
307
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,632
HAVING A JOLLY TIME
FOR THE NEWSPAPER,
308
00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:15,133
TO SHOW HOW WELL
WE COLLABORATE.
309
00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:18,137
( spits )
IT WAS NOT EASY TO CONTROL MYSELF.
310
00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:21,140
RENE, WE MUST NOT
UPSET THEM.
311
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:23,142
WE MUST NOT LET
THE VILLAGERS THINK
312
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:25,644
WE ARE BEING TOO FRIENDLY,
OR THEY MAY STOP COMING.
313
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,145
BUT, OF COURSE,
I SHALL SING FOR THEM.
314
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:30,149
IT IS ONLY EXPECTED.
315
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:32,151
WELL, THAT SHOULD
CONVINCE THE VILLAGE
316
00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:34,653
THAT WE HAVE AT LEAST
GOT SOME FIGHT LEFT.
317
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,154
RENE,
318
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:38,157
I MUST TALK
TO YOU URGENTLY.
319
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:41,160
WHAT WERE YOU DOING
IN OUR BACK PASSAGE?
320
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,162
I WAS TESTING THE WINE BARRELS
THAT WILL TRANSPORT
321
00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,164
THE BRITISH AIRMEN
DOWN THE RIVER TO THE SEA,
322
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:47,666
SO THEY CAN BE PICKED UP
BY THE BOAT SQUADRON.
323
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:50,168
TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT.
324
00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:51,670
WHERE ARE THESE BARRELS?
325
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:52,671
IN YOUR CELLAR.
326
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,173
THE AIRMEN ARE JUST
TRYING THEM FOR SIZE.
327
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:56,675
OH MY GOD.
328
00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,176
COME AND SAY
FAREWELL TO THEM.
329
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,179
THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME
YOU WILL SEE THEM.
330
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,680
MY PLAN IS FOOLPROOF.
331
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,682
NOW WHERE HAVE
I HEARD THAT BEFORE?
332
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,685
THESE ARE THE
SPECIAL BARRELS.
333
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:10,689
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
334
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:13,192
WE ARE ACCLIMATIZING THEM
335
00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:14,693
TO BEING IN THE BARRELS.
336
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:16,695
HELLO, CHAPS.
EVERYTHING OKAY?
337
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:19,698
I'VE GOT PINS
AND NEEDLES EVERYWHERE.
338
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,199
YOU'RE LUCKY,
339
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,702
I THINK I'VE
GOT WOODWORM.
340
00:13:23,702 --> 00:13:25,704
MICHELLE, HOW WILL
THE BOAT SQUADRON
341
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:27,205
SEE THEM IN THE DARK?
342
00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:28,707
I WILL DEMONSTRATE.
343
00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:30,709
RIGHT, CHAPS,
READY TO RUN THROUGH THE DRILL?
344
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,711
- SPLENDID.
- JOLLY GOOD.
345
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:34,713
THIS IS
AN HAREBRAINED PLAN.
346
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,715
AT LEAST IT WILL
GET RID OF THEM.
347
00:13:36,715 --> 00:13:38,717
FOR GOOD,
I SHOULD THINK.
348
00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:40,719
OKAY, CHAPS.
YOU'RE OUT AT SEA, GO!
349
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,221
READY TO FLASH?
350
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:44,723
READY.
351
00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:46,725
TALLY-HO!
352
00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:52,230
INCREDIBLE.
353
00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:55,734
SO THAT IS WHERE
MY BATHROOM BULBS WENT!
354
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:56,735
EACH BARREL IS EQUIPPED
355
00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:58,737
WITH A LONGLIFE,
HEAVY DUTY BATTERY,
356
00:13:58,737 --> 00:14:00,739
WHICH IS ATTACHED
TO THE BULBS.
357
00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:02,240
WELL DONE, CHAPS.
358
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:09,247
( yelling )
359
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,252
FOOLPROOF?
360
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:18,523
Flick:
♪ WHEN I'M CALLING ♪
361
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,026
♪ YOU-OOO ♪
362
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,532
♪ WILL YOU ANSWER ♪
363
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,034
♪ TOO-OOO? ♪
364
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,037
GOOD MORNING,
HELGA.
365
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:35,040
DID YOU ENJOY
MY LITTLE SERENADE?
366
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,042
IS THAT WHAT IT WAS?
367
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,543
I THOUGHT IT WAS
ONE OF THE PEASANTS
368
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,045
SKINNING A CAT.
369
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,548
DO I DETECT
A CERTAIN COLDNESS
370
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,051
IN YOUR DEMEANOR AS A RESULT
OF OUR LOVERS' TIFF?
371
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,053
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
HERR FLICK?
372
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,554
I SEE YOU INTEND
TO MAKE IT
373
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,557
DIFFICULT FOR ME,
HELGA.
374
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,058
PERHAPS
YOU WILL MELT
375
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,559
WHEN I READ YOU
THIS POEM.
376
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,063
"I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN WORDS CAN SAY,
377
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,565
FROM YOUR HEAD
DOWN TO YOUR TOES.
378
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,068
I AM LOST FOR WORDS
TO SHOW MY LOVE,
379
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,570
SO PLEASE,
ACCEPT THIS ROSE."
380
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,077
THAT IS A DEAD COD.
381
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:16,081
ROSES ARE
OUT OF SEASON.
382
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:19,084
I ONLY FOUND OUT
AFTER I HAD WRITTEN THE POEM.
383
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,585
IT WILL TAKE MORE
THAN A DEAD COD
384
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,087
TO GET AROUND ME.
385
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,588
YOU WILL BE
PLEASED TO HEAR
386
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,591
THAT I HAVE DECIDED
TO FORGIVE YOU.
387
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,092
I AM WILLING
TO TAKE YOU BACK,
388
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,593
IF YOU PROMISE
TO BEHAVE.
389
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,595
BY THE WAY,
390
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,597
WHERE IS THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA?
391
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,599
THE GENERAL HAS IT
392
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,601
IN HIS QUARTERS
IN HIS CHATEAU.
393
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,102
THANK YOU.
YOU MAY KISS ME.
394
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:39,604
I'D RATHER KISS THE COD.
395
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,608
WELL, HELP ME
GET IT BACK
396
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,611
AND WE WILL
SHARE THE PROCEEDS.
397
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,113
WHEN I WAS MAD ABOUT YOU,
I MIGHT HAVE HELPED.
398
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,614
BUT NOW THAT YOU
HAVE DITCHED ME,
399
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,116
I HAVE MY OWN PLANS.
400
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,118
THE GENERAL'S
QUITE KEEN ON ME.
401
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,622
PLEASE, HELGA.
402
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,626
AH, ROSES FOR
THE BEAUTIFUL LADY.
403
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,131
WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?
404
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,133
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
405
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:11,136
OH, CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,
WHAT LOVELY FLOWERS.
406
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,638
YOU CERTAINLY KNOW
HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN,
407
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,141
UNLIKE CERTAIN OTHERS.
408
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,642
I THOUGHT
MAYBE TONIGHT,
409
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,145
BEFORE WE MEET
THE GENERAL IN THE CAFE,
410
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,646
WE COULD TAKE A STROLL
IN THE MOONLIGHT,
411
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,649
AND DO THE CANOODLE.
412
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,150
OH, WHAT FUN.
413
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,651
PERHAPS YOU WOULD RATHER
414
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,654
HAVE A LITTLE LUNCH
WITH ME?
415
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,656
WE COULD
GRILL SOME SAUSAGES
416
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,158
OVER MY UPTURNED
ELECTRIC FIRE.
417
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,161
HOW ABOUT A PICNIC
IN THE WOODS?
418
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,663
THAT SOUNDS
MUCH MORE EXCITING.
419
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,666
MAYBE WE COULD
LEARN SOMETHING
420
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,668
FROM THE BIRDS
AND THE BEES.
421
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,671
MAYBE THEY COULD LEARN
SOMETHING FROM US.
422
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,172
IT'S SO NICE
TO BE GOING OUT
423
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,674
WITH A REAL MAN
AT LAST.
424
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,677
♪ O SOLE MIO... ♪
425
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,186
( radio buzzing )
426
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,688
AAAH! THE KNOBS,
427
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,190
THE FLASHING KNOBS!
428
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,192
THEY ARE
DEAD ON TIME.
429
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,194
QUICK,
LIFT THE BED.
430
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:11,696
ARGH!
431
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,700
WILL THIS FLASHING
NEVER CEASE?
432
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,702
SHUT UP, YOU OLD BAT.
433
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:23,208
'ALLO, LONDON,
'ALLO, LONDON. THIS IS NIGHTHAWK.
434
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,210
WHAT IS YOUR MESSAGE?
OVER.
435
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,212
Man:
We will be looking out for the two seabirds
436
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:28,713
from midnight onwards.
437
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,716
Is everything okay?
Over.
438
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,719
WELL, APART FROM THE FACT
THAT WE HAVE TO ENTERTAIN
439
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,220
HALF THE GERMAN ARMY
TO DINNER,
440
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,722
AND THE SEABIRDS HAVE
FUSED THEIR FLASHERS,
441
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,725
ALL IS WELL. OVER.
442
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,227
Understood.
Over and out.
443
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,229
AS SOON AS
THE GERMANS HAVE GONE,
444
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,731
WE WILL ROLL THE BARRELS
DOWN TO THE RIVER.
445
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,235
ARGH.
446
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,237
WHAT IS HAPPENING,
FANNY?
447
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,239
HAVE I MISSED
ANYTHING?
448
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,740
SOME OLD BIRD'S FLASHER
449
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,743
HAS BEEN FUSED.
450
00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:00,746
IT WAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH ME.
451
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,251
Flick:
CAN YOU SEE THEM, VON SMALLHAUSEN?
452
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,252
YES, HERR FLICK.
453
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,754
THE ITALIAN HAS
PUT HIS JACKET
454
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,256
DOWN ON THE GRASS,
455
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,758
AND HAS TAKEN OUT
A SANDWICH.
456
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,260
AND HELGA?
457
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:17,262
SHE SITS NEXT TO HIM.
458
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:20,265
THE TROLLOP.
459
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,268
SHE IS TRYING TO MAKE
YOU JEALOUS, HERR FLICK.
460
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,270
I AM AWARE OF THIS.
461
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,772
FORTUNATELY,
I HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL.
462
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,274
( knuckles crack )
463
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,276
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD
MAKE HER JEALOUS OF YOU,
464
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,778
THEN SHE MIGHT HELP YOU
GET BACK THE PAINTING.
465
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,781
THE IDEA HAS ALREADY
466
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,783
GERMINATED IN MY BRAIN.
467
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,285
TONIGHT, WE SHALL GO
TO CAFE RENE
468
00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,287
IN OUR GLAD RAGS,
469
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,289
IN ORDER TO CHAT UP
THE WAITRESSES.
470
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:47,292
THAT SHOULD HAVE HER
HOPPING UP AND DOWN.
471
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,294
Von Smallhausen:
THE ITAI IS PUTTING
472
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,296
HIS ARMS ROUND HER.
473
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,298
THE OILY WOP.
474
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,800
HIS FEATHERS ARE QUIVERING.
475
00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,305
Bertorelli:
I THINK SOMEONE IS SPYING ON US UP A TREE.
476
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,808
I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
NOW KISS ME ON THE CHEEK,
477
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,812
AND TRY NOT TO GET
YOUR FEATHERS UP MY NOSE.
478
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,314
Von Smallhausen:
HE IS KISSING HER.
479
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,316
I CANNOT BEAR
TO WATCH.
480
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:12,817
JUST AS WELL.
481
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,319
ON THE OTHER HAND,
482
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,321
I CANNOT BEAR
THE SUSPENSE.
483
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,822
AAA-ARGH!
484
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:35,340
HERR GENERAL,
WHAT AN HONOR.
485
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,342
I HAVE RESERVED
OUR BEST TABLE FOR YOU.
486
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,843
OF COURSE YOU HAVE.
487
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,346
IS THE PHOTOGRAPHER
READY TO RECORD US ENJOYING OURSELVES?
488
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,848
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
AT YOUR SERVICE, SIR.
489
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,852
HE HAS HIS CAMERA
AND THREE FOOT STAND.
490
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,854
I THINK IT BEST YOU
TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH
491
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,355
AT THE APPROPRIATE
MOMENT.
492
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,858
HELGA, I WILL
SIT NEXT TO YOU.
493
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,361
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,
YOU WILL SIT OPPOSITE.
494
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,867
REMEMBER TO SMILE
AT THE PEASANTS,
495
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,870
TO SHOW HOW WELL
WE GET ON WITH THEM.
496
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,378
FOOD AND WINE.
NOTHING SPECIAL.
497
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,879
WE WILL EAT WHAT
THE PEASANTS EAT.
498
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,381
WE WILL DRINK WHAT
THE PEASANTS DRINK.
499
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,384
YES, GENERAL,
WE HAVE A SPECIAL DISH, TYPICAL OF OUR REGION.
500
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,885
NOW.
501
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:24,389
I LOVE
THE FRENCH FOOD.
502
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,890
I SMELL THE SMELL
AND MY STOMACH,
503
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,893
IT GOES MAD.
504
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,395
AH, SNAILS.
505
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,398
SNAILS HAVE NEVER
BEEN MY FAVORITE DISH.
506
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,400
WE WILL ENJOY THEM.
507
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,901
THEY ARE
VERY LIGHTLY COOKED
508
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,403
WITH GARLIC
AND WHITE WINE.
509
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,914
SOME OF THEM MORE LIGHTLY
COOKED THAN OTHERS.
510
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:53,418
THIS ONE APPEARS
RELUCTANT TO BE EATEN.
511
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:55,420
PERHAPS HE IS
FEELING UNWELL
512
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,423
AND DID NOT WISH
TO UPSET YOUR STOMACH.
513
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:00,425
I WILL RETURN IT
TO THE GARDEN.
514
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:09,434
I SEE THE TWO WAITRESSES,
HERR FLICK.
515
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,436
WE WILL KNOCK THEM DEAD
IN THESE CLOTHES.
516
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:14,439
I WILL FONDLE ONE
ON MY KNEE,
517
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,941
AND HELGA WILL GO MAD
WITH JEALOUSY.
518
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,944
IT WILL MAKE ME HOT
UNDER THE COLLAR.
519
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,446
WE WILL TAKE
THIS TABLE.
520
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:22,447
HAVE YOU CHECKED UP
ON THE--
521
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,449
ON THE MANUAL,
HERR FLICK?
522
00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:25,950
I HAVE IT HERE.
523
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:26,952
WAITRESS.
524
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,954
WAITRESS.
525
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,957
WHAT IS ALL THIS?
526
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,959
IF YOU REQUIRE
A DRINK,
527
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,962
PUT YOUR HAND UP
AND WAIT.
528
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:38,964
I'M SO SORRY.
529
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,966
IT'S HERR FLICK.
530
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,968
IGNORE HIM.
531
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,971
TELL ME, WHAT IS
A DUMPY GIRL LIKE YOU,
532
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:48,473
DOING IN A NICE PLACE
LIKE THIS?
533
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:51,476
PARDON?
534
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:54,479
WHY DO YOU NOT
COME BACK TO MY PLACE
535
00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:56,981
AND I WILL SHOW YOU
A GOOD TIME, BABY.
536
00:21:58,483 --> 00:21:59,984
GET FRESH
WITH ME, PAL,
537
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,486
AND I'LL
SLIT YOUR THROAT.
538
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,990
PLAYING HARD TO GET.
539
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,493
EITHER MY TECHNIQUE
NEEDS POLISHING,
540
00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:10,495
OR THE AUTHOR
NEEDS TO BE SHOT.
541
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:13,998
LANDLORD, WE ARE READY
FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT.
542
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:15,500
IS THE CAMERA STANDING BY?
543
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,502
I AM STANDING BY,
MONSIEUR.
544
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:19,504
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
545
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:22,006
MADAM EDITH
WILL SING FOR YOU
546
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:24,509
IN HER OWN
INIMITABLE STYLE.
547
00:22:24,509 --> 00:22:26,010
NOTHING CHANGES.
548
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:30,015
♪ I'M NAUGHTY BUT NICE ♪
549
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,516
♪ IF YOU WINK AT ME TWICE ♪
550
00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:34,018
♪ I SHALL KNOW
THAT YOU'RE MY KIND OF CHAP ♪
551
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,521
♪ IF YOU GIVE ME A NOD ♪
552
00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:38,022
♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE HERE
ON YOUR TOD ♪
553
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,525
♪ I'LL COME AND SIT
ON YOUR LAP... ♪
554
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,026
NOBODY MOVE.
555
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:44,529
♪ I'M NAUGHTY
IT'S TRUE ♪
556
00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:46,531
♪ BUT I BET
SO ARE YOU ♪
557
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:48,533
♪ HANDS UP THOSE WHO WANT
TO BE KISSED ♪
558
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,538
♪ IF YOU DON'T TRY,
YOU COULD VERY WELL DIE ♪
559
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:56,541
♪ NEVER KNOWING JUST WHAT
YOU HAD MISSED ♪
560
00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:58,543
♪ I'M NAUGHTY,
YOU SEE ♪
561
00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,545
♪ AND IF YOU
STARE AT ME ♪
562
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:03,047
♪ I SHALL HAVE
TO PICK YOU FOR A DATE ♪
563
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:06,051
♪ I CAN TELL
YOU'RE ALL KEEN ♪
564
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:09,054
♪ BUT I'M GOING
TO BE MEAN ♪
565
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:12,057
♪ I'M AFRAID YOU WILL ♪
566
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:13,558
♪ JUST HAVE TO ♪
567
00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:16,561
♪ WAIT. ♪
568
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,065
( silence )
569
00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:23,568
THAT WAS
A NARROW SQUEAK.
570
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:26,070
THE PHOTOGRAPH WILL
NOW BE TAKEN OF US ALL
571
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:29,574
ENJOYING THIS RELENTLESS
ATTACK ON OUR EARDRUMS.
572
00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:32,577
I AM READY, GENERAL.
573
00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:33,578
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,
574
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:36,080
I MUST NOT BE
OUT-MEDALED IN A PICTURE.
575
00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:43,588
YOU, RESUME
YOUR SINGING POSE.
576
00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:46,591
WE WILL PRETEND
TO GAZE IN RAPTURE.
577
00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:49,093
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO POP
A SNAIL INTO YOUR MOUTH,
578
00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:51,596
TO SHOW HOW MUCH
YOU HAVE ENJOYED THE MEAL?
579
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:55,099
NO, BUT, ER,
580
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,101
GRUBER CAN.
581
00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:06,110
ENJOY IT, GRUBER,
ENJOY IT.
582
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,613
YES, BUT HE KEEPS WIGGLING
583
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:11,616
ONE OF HIS
LITTLE THINGS AT ME.
584
00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:15,119
General:
THAT JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW POPULAR YOU ARE.
585
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,622
SHALL WE TRY
THE OTHER WAITRESS,
586
00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:18,623
HERR FLICK?
587
00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:20,625
YES. I THINK THIS TIME,
588
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,627
THE MORE DIRECT
APPROACH IS REQUIRED.
589
00:24:22,627 --> 00:24:25,630
PEASANT WOMEN
DO NOT APPRECIATE THE SUBTLE ADVANCE.
590
00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:30,635
NOW, MY FINE FILLY,
591
00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:33,137
YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL
WHO ENJOYS
592
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:34,639
A BIT OF A TICKLE
AND A SLAP.
593
00:24:34,639 --> 00:24:36,140
OH!
594
00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:38,143
OH!
595
00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:39,644
WHAT IS GOING ON?
596
00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:40,645
IT'S HERR FLICK.
597
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:43,147
HE SLAPPED
THE WAITRESS' BOTTOM.
598
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:45,150
HE'S MAKING
A BAD IMPRESSION.
599
00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,151
THIS IS DISGRACEFUL.
600
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:48,153
WE CANNOT HAVE GERMANS
BEHAVING IN THIS WAY.
601
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,155
GUARDS, THROW
THE TWO PERVERTS OUT.
602
00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:54,159
YOU CANNOT DO THIS.
603
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:55,660
WE ARE THE GESTAPO.
604
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,161
General:
MOLESTING PEASANT GIRLS
605
00:24:57,162 --> 00:25:00,165
IS A PASTIME RESERVED
ONLY FOR GENERALS.
606
00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:01,166
THIS IS THE LAST TIME
607
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,667
I GO OUT WOMANIZING
608
00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:04,168
WITH YOU,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
609
00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:07,172
I AM SORRY
ABOUT THIS, GENERAL.
610
00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,174
I HOPE IT HASN'T
RUINED YOUR EVENING.
611
00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:10,675
ON THE CONTRARY,
612
00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:12,677
EJECTING NASTY
GESTAPO FELLOWS
613
00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:13,678
HAS QUITE
MADE MY NIGHT.
614
00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:15,680
General:
NOW HOLD THOSE POSES.
615
00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:19,184
WE ARE READY
FOR THE PHOTO.
616
00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:21,186
SMILE.
617
00:25:22,687 --> 00:25:25,690
HURRY UP, I'M RUNNING
OUT OF SINCERITY.
618
00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,692
GOT IT.
AND--
619
00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:33,198
I HAVE GOT IT.
IT IS A GOOD ONE.
620
00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:35,200
I WILL DEVELOP IT.
621
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,202
GOOD.
CHEERS.
622
00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:43,207
MY WORD, THIS IS A REALLY
EXCELLENT VINTAGE.
623
00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:45,210
JUST A LOCAL WINE
FROM OUR CELLAR, GENERAL.
624
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:46,711
OH, SHOW ME.
625
00:25:46,711 --> 00:25:47,712
COME, LET US
GO AND SEE
626
00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:49,213
THIS TREASURE-TROVE.
627
00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:50,715
YES, OF COURSE,
GEN--
628
00:25:50,715 --> 00:25:52,717
YOU MUST TAKE A BOTTLE
OR TWO HOME WITH YOU.
629
00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:53,718
COME THIS WAY.
630
00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:54,719
EDITH.
631
00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:57,222
HEY,
632
00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,224
NOW WE GOT RID
OF VON KLINKYHOFFEN,
633
00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:01,726
WHAT SAY WE TAKE
ANOTHER STROLL
634
00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:03,227
IN THE MOONLIGHT?
635
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:06,231
THERE IS A TIME
AND A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING.
636
00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:07,732
IS THIS THE TIME?
637
00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:12,237
WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE.
638
00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,838
GENERAL.
639
00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:16,841
MMM, INTERESTING.
640
00:26:16,841 --> 00:26:19,343
THIS IS TRULY INCREDIBLE.
641
00:26:19,344 --> 00:26:21,846
A '26 CLARET.
642
00:26:21,846 --> 00:26:24,348
A PARTICULARLY
GOOD YEAR.
643
00:26:24,349 --> 00:26:26,351
AND TWO BARRELS OF IT.
644
00:26:26,351 --> 00:26:28,853
YOU DO NOT WANT
THE OLD STUFF, GENERAL.
645
00:26:28,853 --> 00:26:30,855
THE WINE YOU LIKE
IS OVER HERE.
646
00:26:30,855 --> 00:26:31,856
TAKE IT ALL.
647
00:26:31,856 --> 00:26:33,357
NONSENSE.
648
00:26:33,358 --> 00:26:34,359
THIS IS FAR TOO GOOD
649
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,361
TO BE WASTED
IN A PEASANT CAFE.
650
00:26:36,361 --> 00:26:38,363
SEE TO IT
THAT WE TAKE BOTH BARRELS
651
00:26:38,363 --> 00:26:39,864
WITH US WHEN WE LEAVE.
652
00:26:39,864 --> 00:26:41,866
THEN WE SHALL KEEP IT
FOR SOME SPECIAL OCCASION.
653
00:26:41,866 --> 00:26:43,868
HOW ABOUT WHEN
THE WAR IS OVER?
654
00:26:43,868 --> 00:26:45,369
WHEN YOU HAVE
WON IT, THAT IS.
655
00:26:48,373 --> 00:26:49,874
WELL DONE, RENE.
656
00:26:49,874 --> 00:26:52,376
YOU HAVE PUT HIM
IN A GOOD MOOD.
657
00:26:53,878 --> 00:26:56,881
RENE, WE MUST
WARN THE AIRMEN.
658
00:26:56,881 --> 00:26:58,883
HOW CAN WE?
WE DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH.
659
00:26:58,883 --> 00:27:00,885
AND THEY DO NOT
SPEAK FRENCH.
660
00:27:00,885 --> 00:27:03,387
OH, RENE,
WHAT CAN WE DO?
661
00:27:06,391 --> 00:27:07,892
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
662
00:27:11,396 --> 00:27:12,397
Fairfax:
OH, GOOD.
663
00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:14,899
I THINK HE'S SAYING
WE'RE LEAVING.
664
00:27:14,899 --> 00:27:15,900
CHEERIO.
665
00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:17,401
CHEERIO.
666
00:27:18,903 --> 00:27:20,905
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
667
00:27:20,905 --> 00:27:22,907
ASK MICHELLE
FOR TWO MORE BARRELS,
668
00:27:22,907 --> 00:27:24,909
SO WE CAN ESCAPE AS WELL.
669
00:27:25,910 --> 00:27:28,412
( theme music playing )