1 00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,073 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:19,085 LIFE HAS BECOME VERY HECTIC FOR ME 3 00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:21,087 SINCE THE GERMANS APPOINTED ME EDITOR 4 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:23,089 OF THE NEW LOCAL NEWSPAPER. 5 00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:25,591 I AM SUPPOSED TO MAKE THEM SEEM LIKE NICE PEOPLE, 6 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,594 BUT IT IS NOT AN EASY TASK. 7 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,596 I STILL HAVE NOT RECOVERED FROM THE PICNIC, 8 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,598 ORGANIZED BY GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN, 9 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,600 TO SHOW THE HUMAN SIDE OF THE GERMAN ARMY, 10 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,602 WHICH WAS SPOILED BY HERR FLICK 11 00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,104 AND HERR VON SMALLHAUSEN OF THE GESTAPO. 12 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,606 THEY WERE UP A NEARBY TELEGRAPH POLE 13 00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,109 WHICH HAD BEEN PARTIALLY SAWN THROUGH 14 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,611 TO MAKE A RAFT TO GET THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO ENGLAND. 15 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,614 THE POLE FELL OVER, 16 00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:50,116 HERR FLICK AND HIS COLLEAGUE 17 00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:52,618 LANDED SPLAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PICNIC, 18 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:55,121 RUINING THE TRIFLE AND CUSTARD, 19 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,123 NOT TO MENTION THEIR TROUSERS, 20 00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:59,625 AND I STILL HAVE THE PICNIC BILL HERE-- 21 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,127 UNPAID. 22 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,133 OH, OH, MICHELLE, 23 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,135 YOU WILL GIVE ME AN HEART ATTACK 24 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,636 CREEPING AROUND LIKE THAT. 25 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:13,139 I WAS WALKING BEHIND YOU, LIKE A SHADOW. 26 00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,641 I SAW THREE SHADOWS AND I THOUGHT IT WAS STRANGE. 27 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,645 I MUST SPEAK WITH YOU, URGENTLY. 28 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,146 I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, TOO. 29 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,647 WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET THOSE 30 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,149 IDIOT BRITISH AIRMEN OUT OF MY HAIR? 31 00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:25,151 I AM GETTING SOME GRAY ONES. 32 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:26,152 I DO NOT KNOW. 33 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,653 SINCE THE GESTAPO RUINED OUR PLAN 34 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,155 TO BUILD A RAFT OF TELEGRAPH POLES, 35 00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,157 WE ARE NOW GOING TO HAVE TO USE 36 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:32,658 EMPTY WINE BARRELS INSTEAD. 37 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,160 BUT THAT IS NOT WHY I HAVE COME. 38 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,161 THEN WHY? 39 00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:37,663 THE RESISTANCE HAVE RUN OUT OF FUNDS. 40 00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:38,665 I'M LOOKING FOR DONATIONS. 41 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,667 COME ON, COUGH UP. 42 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,168 COUGH UP, WE ARE DESPERATE. 43 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,669 WE DO NOT HAVE ANY MONEY TO GIVE YOU. 44 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,672 OH, THIS CAFE IS A THRIVING BUSINESS. 45 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,674 I THINK THE RESISTANCE SHOULD GET 46 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,175 A REGULAR CUT OF THE TAKINGS. 47 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:50,676 WHERE IS THE MONEY? 48 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,178 WE HAVE NOT TAKEN ANY MONEY, 49 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,180 AND GIVING MONEY AWAY IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. 50 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:57,183 YOU WOULDN'T WANT ANY ACCIDENTS TO HAPPEN, WOULD YOU? 51 00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:58,684 WHAT SORT OF ACCIDENTS? 52 00:01:58,685 --> 00:01:59,686 ( whistle blows ) 53 00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,188 ( all yell ) 54 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,200 THAT KIND OF ACCIDENT. 55 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,202 OH MY GOD. 56 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,706 COME ON. WE ARE DESPERATE AND FLAT BROKE. 57 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,208 OH, A FEW LOUSY FRANCS! 58 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,210 WHAT VALUABLES DO YOU HAVE 59 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,711 TO SELL FOR OUR FUNDS? 60 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,213 WE DO NOT HAVE ANY VALUABLES! 61 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,714 RENE, WHAT ABOUT THE PAINTING 62 00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,216 OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES? 63 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:31,717 WHAT PAINTING? 64 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:33,219 THE ONE YOU MADE ME GIVE 65 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,720 TO HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO. 66 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:35,722 IT MUST BE WORTH MILLIONS. 67 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,724 THEN WE MUST GET IT BACK AND SELL IT. 68 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,726 WITH THE MONEY WE CAN BUY 69 00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:41,728 FOOD AND GUNS AND AMMUNITION. 70 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:42,729 AND SHAMPOO. 71 00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,230 OH, YES. OF COURSE, 72 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,731 I'VE MADE A NOTE OF THAT. 73 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,734 I WILL GO AND DISCUSS IT WITH MY GIRLS. 74 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,235 WE WILL COME UP WITH A PLAN. 75 00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:51,737 IF I HAVE A GOOD IDEA, I WILL LET YOU KNOW. 76 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:52,739 IF YOU HAVE A GOOD IDEA, 77 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,240 WE WILL LET THE WHOLE TOWN KNOW. 78 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,242 WHY DID YOU HAVE TO OPEN YOUR BIG MOUTH 79 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,243 ABOUT THAT PAINTING? 80 00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,745 I DID IT FOR FRANCE. 81 00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:01,247 SHE'S A FANATIC, THAT ONE. 82 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:04,250 WE MUST HELP MICHELLE TO GET THE PAINTING BACK TO SELL AFTER THE WAR. 83 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,252 BUT THEN SHE WILL HAVE IT, NOT YOU. 84 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,754 BETTER IN HER HANDS THAN IN THE SAFE OF HERR FLICK. 85 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,757 WE WILL FIND A WAY TO STEAL IT FROM MICHELLE. 86 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,759 MY MAD, BRAVE HUSBAND, 87 00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,761 IT IS A DANGEROUS PLAN. 88 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,262 IF YOU ARE CAUGHT AT IT, 89 00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,763 YOU COULD BE SHOT. 90 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,766 IT IS A RISK I HAVE OFTEN TAKEN. 91 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,768 A FEW MILLION FRANCS 92 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,270 CAN MAKE A MAN AWFULLY COURAGEOUS. 93 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:25,771 OH, RENE, 94 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,273 PUT YOUR ARM AROUND ME, 95 00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,275 GIVE ME SOME OF YOUR COURAGE. 96 00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:35,281 THAT IS ALL I CAN SPARE AT THE MOMENT. 97 00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:38,784 EVERY BIT HELPS. 98 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,120 SPECIAL DELIVERY FROM BERLIN, HERR FLICK. 99 00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:44,623 AH, IT IS FROM MY GODFATHER, 100 00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:46,125 HEINRICH HIMMLER. 101 00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:48,627 I RECOGNIZE THE SCENTED NOTEPAPER. 102 00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:52,131 LET US HOPE HE HAS NOT HEARD 103 00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:54,133 ABOUT THE COCK-UP ON THE TELEGRAPH POLE. 104 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,637 "DEAR OTTO, I HAVE HEARD 105 00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:59,639 ABOUT THE COCK-UP ON THE TELEGRAPH POLE." 106 00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:05,144 WORD GETS ABOUT QUICKLY, HERR FLICK. 107 00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,145 SILENCE. 108 00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:09,648 "I AM MOST DISPLEASED ABOUT IT. 109 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,651 I HAVE HEARD RUMORS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN 110 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,653 CONSORTING WITH WOMEN 111 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:15,655 OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. 112 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,657 ONLY SISSIES GO OUT WITH GIRLS, 113 00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:20,660 AND I EXPECT YOU TO STOP IMMEDIATELY." 114 00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,662 UNCLE HEINIE IS CUTTING OFF 115 00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:26,165 OUR EXTRACURRICULAR CRUMPET. 116 00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:29,168 HE DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME, HERR FLICK. 117 00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:31,170 "P.S. AND THAT GOES 118 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:33,172 FOR YOUR MIDGET FRIEND AS WELL." 119 00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:34,673 ( knocking ) 120 00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,175 SEE WHO IT IS. 121 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:37,176 WHO IS OUT THERE? 122 00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:38,677 IT IS I, HELGA! 123 00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:41,180 WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO GIRLS. 124 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,182 LET HER IN, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 125 00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:45,184 I MUST BREAK THE BAD NEWS TO HER. 126 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,187 IT IS SO COLD OUT THERE, 127 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,189 MY NOSE IS RUNNING. 128 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:53,192 SIT DOWN, HELGA. I HAVE BAD NEWS FOR YOU. 129 00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:56,195 I REALIZE THAT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE MET 130 00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,197 SUCH A POWERFUL, VIRILE MAN AS I. 131 00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,200 AFTER ME, ALL MEN 132 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,202 WILL BE AN ANTICLIMAX, I KNOW. 133 00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:05,204 BUT I MUST END IT ALL NOW. 134 00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:06,705 ARE MY EARS HEARING ME CORRECTLY? 135 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:07,707 ( sniffs ) 136 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:10,209 TAKE THIS HANDKERCHIEF, YOU WILL NEED IT. 137 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:11,710 I'M AFRAID OUR RELATIONSHIP 138 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,212 IS FINISHED. 139 00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,214 THE LOVE AFFAIR OF THE CENTURY IS OVER. 140 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:18,217 YOU MAY LET THE TEARS COMMENCE. 141 00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:21,220 ( blowing nose ) 142 00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:25,724 BUT, HERR FLICK, 143 00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:28,728 AFTER ALL MY DEVOTION AND LOYALTY TO YOU? 144 00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:30,730 YOU HAVE NOT BEEN THAT DEVOTED, HELGA. 145 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:33,733 YOU HAVE DALLIED WITH THE ITALIAN CAPTAIN. 146 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,735 LIPS OTHER THAN MINE HAVE TOUCHED YOURS-- 147 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:37,737 GARLIC STAINED LIPS. 148 00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,740 HOW DARE YOU?! 149 00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:43,743 AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU, YOU CONCEITED LITTLE PIG. 150 00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:46,746 I DO NOT RECALL ANY OF THESE THINGS. 151 00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:49,749 SHE WAS INSULTING ME, NOT YOU. 152 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,251 I AM AFRAID, HELGA, 153 00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:54,253 THAT YOU HAVE JUST TALKED YOURSELF 154 00:05:54,253 --> 00:05:56,755 OUT OF THE SHARE I WAS SAVING FOR YOU 155 00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,258 IN THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES. 156 00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:00,759 YOU HAVE NOT GOT IT. 157 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:01,761 IT IS IN MY SAFE, SO THERE! 158 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,763 BUT THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE. FROM WHERE DID YOU GET IT? 159 00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:06,766 I'M NOT TELLING YOU. THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO INSULT ME. 160 00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:09,769 NOW HAND VON SMALLHAUSEN YOUR KEY TO THE DUNGEON. 161 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,777 OOOH! IT IS STILL HOT. 162 00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,279 PUT IT ON THE TABLE. 163 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,781 NOW GO, AND DO NOT LOOK BACK. 164 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,785 DO NOT THINK I CARE ABOUT THE PAINTING. 165 00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,787 I WOULD NOT TAKE A GIFT FROM YOU 166 00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:29,288 IF I WERE STARVING AND PENNILESS. 167 00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:31,290 BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE, 168 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,792 HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO, 169 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,295 I'VE HAD MORE THRILLS STAYING IN AND READING 170 00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,797 THE COLLECTED SPEECHES OF GOEBBELS IN SERBO-CROAT, 171 00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:40,800 THAN IN GOING OUT WITH YOU. 172 00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,308 SHE TOOK IT LIKE A MAN, HERR FLICK. 173 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:54,313 SHE HAS ALSO JUST RUINED MY BEST GESTAPO SUIT! 174 00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:56,315 UNCLE HEINIE IS RIGHT, 175 00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:58,317 WE ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT WOMEN. 176 00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:00,319 IN THAT CASE, 177 00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:02,321 I'VE ALWAYS BEEN BETTER OFF. 178 00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:05,157 SINCE I LET IT BE KNOWN 179 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,160 THE NEWSPAPER WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY 180 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,162 TO ENCAPSULATE THE TRUE SPIRIT OF NOUVION, 181 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,664 WE HAVE BEEN INUNDATED WITH PHOTOGRAPHS 182 00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:13,165 OF YOUNG WOMEN. 183 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,667 UNGH, AH. 184 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,172 OH, OHHH! 185 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,174 OH, MY DICKY TICKER. 186 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,676 IT CANNOT STAND THE EXCITEMENT. 187 00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:25,678 HELLO, RENE. 188 00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,179 HELLO, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. 189 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,681 I HAVE COME TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED 190 00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:30,683 FOR YOUR SPIRIT OF NOUVION CONTEST. 191 00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:32,685 AH, MADAME EDITH. 192 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:37,190 WE THANK YOU FOR GRACING OUR SMALL NEWSPAPER OFFICE 193 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:38,691 WITH YOUR PRESENCE. 194 00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:40,693 I WILL ARRANGE FOR YOU A STOOL. 195 00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:44,196 YOU ARE NOT SERIOUSLY ENTERING THE CONTEST, ARE YOU? 196 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,699 RENE, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT 197 00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:49,201 I HAVE THE PERFECT QUALITIES YOU SAID YOU WANTED: 198 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,204 BEAUTY, STRENGTH, 199 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,705 VIRTUE. 200 00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:55,207 ONE OUT OF THREE IS A START, I SUPPOSE. 201 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,710 BUT YOU ARE THE EDITOR. 202 00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:58,711 SURELY YOUR DECISION IS FINAL? 203 00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:00,713 I AM ONLY THE EDITOR BECAUSE 204 00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:02,214 THE COLONEL FORCED THE JOB ON ME. 205 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,717 BUT IT WOULD LOOK BAD IF I SHOWED FAVORITISM. 206 00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:06,719 IN THAT CASE, I SHALL HAVE TO TAKE MY CHANCE 207 00:08:06,719 --> 00:08:08,220 WITH THE REST OF THE COMPETITION-- 208 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,722 IF THERE IS ANY. 209 00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:12,725 AHA! 210 00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:14,226 I HAVE COME TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED 211 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,728 FOR THE SPIRIT OF NOUVION CONTEST. 212 00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:17,730 WHAT ARE YOU DOING AWAY FROM YOUR POST AT THE BAR? 213 00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:19,231 WELL, MIMI IS THERE. 214 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,234 AND I AM HERE BECAUSE I HAVE STRENGTH, 215 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,735 VIRTUE, AND BEAUTY. 216 00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:25,738 CERTAINLY TWO OUT OF THREE. 217 00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:27,740 I ONLY AT THE MOMENT HAVE 218 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,241 ONE PHOTOGRAPH PLATE, MADEMOISELLE. 219 00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,244 YVETTE, GO AND SIT NEXT TO EDITH. 220 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,246 WE WILL PHOTOGRAPH YOU TOGETHER, 221 00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,747 AND CUT THE PHOTO IN HALF. 222 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,750 MIMI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 223 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,752 I HAVE COME TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED 224 00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:41,253 FOR THE SPIRIT OF NOUVION CONTEST. 225 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,256 HAVE I NOT THE QUALIFICATIONS REQUIRED? 226 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,757 OH, YES. 227 00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:47,259 IT'S JUST THAT THEY ARE IN A SMALLER PACKAGE. 228 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,762 WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE? 229 00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,264 I THOUGHT YOU WERE FEEDING THE CHICKENS. 230 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,267 I AM HAVING MY PHOTO TAKEN FOR THE CONTEST. 231 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,768 ( laughing ) DON'T BOTHER. 232 00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,770 I AM ENTERING THE COMPETITION, 233 00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:59,271 SO YOU HAVE NO CHANCE. 234 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,274 THE JUDGES ARE BOUND TO PICK ME. 235 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,276 ONLY IF YOU BRIBE THEM FIRST. 236 00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:04,777 HOW DARE YOU?! 237 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:07,279 ( shrieking ) 238 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,282 PLEASE KEEP YOUR GIRLS 239 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:10,783 UNDER CONTROL, MONSIEUR. 240 00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:12,785 STOP THAT. STOP IT! 241 00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:14,787 WE WILL PHOTOGRAPH YOU ALL TOGETHER, 242 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,789 AND CUT IT INTO THREE. 243 00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:18,791 NOW SIT DOWN AND BEHAVE. 244 00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:19,792 Both: YES, RENE. 245 00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,796 LET ME SEE 246 00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:25,798 THE TRUE SPIRIT OF NOUVION. 247 00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:33,806 AFTER WHAT I HAVE JUST SEEN, 248 00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:35,808 IT'S GOING TO MAKE 249 00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,810 A VERY HARD DECISION. 250 00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,814 I WILL GO AND GET THIS DEVELOPED 251 00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,315 IN THE PRIVACY OF MY DARKROOM, 252 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,321 WHERE I ALSO KEEP MY BLOOD PRESSURE PILLS. 253 00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:51,323 NOW, NO MORE SQUABBLING. 254 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,826 ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO, GET BACK AND LOOK AFTER THE CAFE. 255 00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:55,327 AND BE ASSURED, 256 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,330 THE DECISION OF THE EDITOR IS FINAL. 257 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,832 Both: YES, RENE. 258 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,837 OH, RENE, YOU ARE SO GOOD FOR THOSE GIRLS. 259 00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:06,839 THEY NEED A STRICT DISCIPLINE. 260 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:08,841 I DO MY BEST, EDITH. 261 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,344 ( Rene groans ) 262 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:14,847 - GOOD MOANING. - GOOD MOANING. 263 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:17,850 MONSIEUR LECLOCK SAID THAT 264 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,351 I WOULD FOND YOU HERE, RONNIE. 265 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,854 I HAVE A MASSAGE FROM MICHELLE. 266 00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:23,856 AND WHAT IS THE MASSAGE? 267 00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:26,358 IT IS ABOOT THE PUNTING 268 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,361 OF THE FILLEN MIDINNA WITH THE BOG BEEBIES. 269 00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:35,868 "WE WILL TUNNEL INTO-- 270 00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,870 THE DUNGEON OF HERR FLICK, 271 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,372 FROM THE OLD DISUSED BAKERY NEXT DOOR, 272 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,875 AND STEAL THE PAINTING FROM HIS SAFE TONIGHT." 273 00:10:42,875 --> 00:10:45,377 OH, YES, YES. I SUPPOSE SHE THINKS THAT I KEEP 274 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,380 A ROAD DRILL UNDER MY BED, 275 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,382 NOT TO MENTION A WELDING MACHINE. 276 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,383 NO, SHE HAS GONE MAD! 277 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,385 MONSIEUR LECLOCK 278 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,887 IS AN EXPERIENCED SOFEBRICKER. 279 00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:57,890 HE HAS ALRIDDY AGRODE TO DEE IT, 280 00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:00,392 AND HE HAS THE TOWELS TO DO THE JIB. 281 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,396 BUT HERR FLICK AND HERR VON SMALLHAUSEN 282 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,897 WILL BE IN THE DUNGEON TONIGHT. 283 00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:06,398 YOU MUST GET THEM OUT. 284 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:07,400 HOW? 285 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,902 YOU MUST TELEPHONE THEM, ANINYMOUSLY, 286 00:11:09,902 --> 00:11:12,404 AND SAY THAT A SECRET MASSAGE 287 00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,907 WILL BE PISSED IN YOUR CAFE TONIGHT. 288 00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:20,412 THE MASSAGE WILL BE FILSE, 289 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,415 BUT IT WILL LEAR THEM AWAY 290 00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:23,416 FROM THEIR DINGEON. 291 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,918 OH, SHE HAS THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING. 292 00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:27,419 HOW COMFORTING. 293 00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:31,924 MICHELLE WILL RANDYVOUS WITH YOU 294 00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:33,425 IN THE SQUARE, 295 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:36,429 AT HALF-PISSED TIN. 296 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:39,432 I DO NOT RECALL HAVING A RANDYVOUS IN THE SQUARE-- 297 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:43,436 SINCE I WAS A BACHELOR. 298 00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:47,073 ( sucks in air ) TSK, TSK, TSK, 299 00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:50,576 YOU MAKE THAT MOVE, HE TAKE YOUR PAWN. 300 00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:52,077 BE QUIET, 301 00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,080 IT'S ALL PART OF MY GAME PLAN. 302 00:11:58,084 --> 00:11:59,085 CHECKMATE. 303 00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,088 THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 304 00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:04,090 I WITHDRAW MY MOVE. 305 00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,093 ANY COMPLAINT WILL BE REGARDED 306 00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:08,594 AS UNSPORTING. 307 00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:10,095 I WITHDRAW. 308 00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:12,598 I WAS BEING TOO HASTY. 309 00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,102 OH, DEAR, I'M SORRY, COLONEL. 310 00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,105 I SEEM TO HAVE CHECKMATED YOU AGAIN. 311 00:12:20,606 --> 00:12:22,608 IN THAT CASE, 312 00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:28,113 YOU HAVE A TRICKY PROBLEM TO SOLVE. 313 00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:30,116 COLONEL, 314 00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,617 I HAVE SOME INTELLIGENCE, 315 00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:33,619 WHICH YOU MAY FIND MOST INTERESTING. 316 00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:35,120 WHAT IS THIS INTELLIGENCE, HELGA? 317 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:37,123 HERR FLICK HAS SOMEHOW OBTAINED THE PAINTING 318 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:39,125 OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES. 319 00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,626 IT IS IN HIS SAFE. 320 00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:42,127 BUT, HELGA, 321 00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:45,131 YOU DO STILL HAVE THE KEY TO HIS DUNGEON? 322 00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:47,133 IN A FIT OF PIQUE, I GAVE IT BACK. 323 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,635 HELGA! YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE A COPY. 324 00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:53,138 HOW CAN WE GET IN TO STEAL THE PAINTING? 325 00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:55,641 COULD YOU NOT DISGUISE YOURSELVES 326 00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:58,644 AS RESISTANCE DESPERADOS AND BLOW DOWN THE DOOR? 327 00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:01,146 BUT HERR FLICK AND HIS LITTLE PYGMY FRIEND, 328 00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:02,648 THEY INSIDE. 329 00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:04,149 ALL THE BETTER. 330 00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:06,152 YOU STICK THEM UP WITH GUNS, 331 00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:08,154 AND MAKE THEM OPEN THE SAFE. 332 00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:10,656 YOU GET THE PAINTING, THE RESISTANCE GETS THE BLAME. 333 00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:12,658 WELL, IT DOES HAVE 334 00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:14,660 A CERTAIN CRUDE SIMPLICITY, 335 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,161 BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK 336 00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:18,664 I FANCY THE ROLE OF DESPERADO. 337 00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,666 WE CAN USE BERTORELLI'S MEN. 338 00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:23,168 DO I GET A CUT WHEN WE SELL THE PAINTING? 339 00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:24,670 WE GIVE YOU OUR WORD. 340 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,672 OKEY-DOKEY. BUT I TELL THEM 341 00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:28,173 IT'S A TRAINING EXERCISE, 342 00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:29,675 OR THEY WANT A CUT OF THE ACTION. 343 00:13:29,675 --> 00:13:31,677 VERY WELL, WE'LL DO IT TONIGHT 344 00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:32,678 AT MIDNIGHT. 345 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:35,180 ( phone rings ) 346 00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:37,183 GOOD AFTERNOON, 347 00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,185 GESTAPO SECRET HEADQUARTERS, 348 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:40,686 CAN I HELP YOU? 349 00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,688 ( disguising voice ) THIS IS A FRIEND. 350 00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:44,690 GIVE ME HERR FLICK, PLEASE. 351 00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:46,692 WE HAVE A FRIEND, HERR FLICK. 352 00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:48,694 OUR FIRST! 353 00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:51,196 PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO COME ROUND FOR TEA ONE AFTERNOON? 354 00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:54,700 THIS IS THE GESTAPO, VON SMALLHAUSEN, 355 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,702 NOT THE WOMEN'S INSTITUTE. 356 00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:58,203 THIS IS HERR FLICK. 357 00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:00,706 IF YOU GO TO CAFE RENE 358 00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:03,208 TONIGHT AT JUST BEFORE 10:00, 359 00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:06,212 YOU MIGHT SEE A SECRET MESSAGE BEING PASSED, 360 00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,714 WHICH COULD BE OF INTEREST TO YOU. 361 00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,716 AND WHAT IS THIS MESSAGE? 362 00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:11,717 ( phone clicks ) 363 00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:13,218 HE HAS RUNG OFF. 364 00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:14,720 WHAT DID HE SAY? 365 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,722 WE MUST GO TO THE CAFE RENE THIS EVENING, 366 00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:18,724 TO INTERCEPT A SECRET MESSAGE. 367 00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:20,225 THIS COULD PUT US BACK 368 00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,228 IN UNCLE HEINIE'S GOOD BOOKS. 369 00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:24,730 BUT SURELY THEY WOULD NOT PASS A MESSAGE IF THEY SEE 370 00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:27,232 TWO SINISTER FIGURES LIKE US, HERR FLICK. 371 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:30,236 FIGURES THAT STRIKE TERROR 372 00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:32,238 INTO THE EYES OF ALL THAT BEHOLD THEM, 373 00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:34,740 AS THEY LIMP THROUGH THE MISTS 374 00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:37,743 OF THE NARROW COBBLED STREETS OF NOUVION, 375 00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:41,246 TO KEEP THEIR DATE WITH DESTINY. 376 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,751 DO NOT LET THAT PETER LORRE FILM WE SAW LAST NIGHT 377 00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:47,753 COMPLETELY DOMINATE YOUR MIND, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 378 00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:48,754 I'M SORRY, HERR FLICK. 379 00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,756 WE WILL GO IN DISGUISE. 380 00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:51,757 I SHALL GO 381 00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:53,759 AS A DEBONAIR MAN ABOUT TOWN. 382 00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:55,761 YOU WILL GO AS MY LADY COMPANION. 383 00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:59,264 BUT I-- I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR. 384 00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:01,767 THERE IS, IN THE GESTAPO DISGUISE CUPBOARD, 385 00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:03,268 A VERY PRETTY PINK FROCK. 386 00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:06,772 YOU WILL ALSO FIND A BOX OF ACCESSORIES. 387 00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:08,774 WILL WE BE ON OUR FIRST DATE, 388 00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:10,776 OR ARE WE GOING STEADY? 389 00:15:10,776 --> 00:15:12,778 WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH IT? 390 00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:14,780 WELL, IT WILL INFLUENCE 391 00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,782 MY CHOICE OF UNDERGARMENT. 392 00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:19,284 DO NOT MENTION UNDERGARMENTS, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 393 00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:21,287 IT REMINDS ME TOO MUCH OF THE FRUIT 394 00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:23,289 MY UNCLE HEINIE HAS FORBIDDEN ME TO PICK. 395 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:24,790 I'M SORRY, HERR FLICK. 396 00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:27,292 GO AND TITIVATE YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY. 397 00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:29,295 AND MAKE SURE YOU SHAVE YOUR LEGS. 398 00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:30,796 IS THAT NECESSARY? 399 00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:32,798 SENIOR GESTAPO OFFICERS 400 00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:34,299 DO NOT GO OUT ON THE TOWN 401 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,802 WITH HAIRY-LEGGED MIDGETS. 402 00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:43,809 IS IT TRUE BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN? 403 00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:44,810 YES, 404 00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:46,311 BUT NOT IN YOUR CASE. 405 00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:50,416 ♪ ...AND LOVE ♪ 406 00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,418 ♪ FELL OUT ♪ 407 00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:55,421 ♪ WITH ME-EEE. ♪ 408 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,922 PEASANTS! 409 00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:05,431 GOOD EVENING, MONSIEUR. GOOD EVENING, MADAME. 410 00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:06,432 GOOD EVENING. 411 00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:07,933 ( falsetto ) GOOD EVENING. 412 00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:10,435 I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE JUST MISSED THE SINGING. 413 00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:11,937 WE ARE MUSIC LOVERS, 414 00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:13,939 SO THAT IS GOOD NEWS. 415 00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:14,940 BRING ME THE WINE LIST. 416 00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,441 OF COURSE, MONSIEUR. 417 00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:19,445 RENE, IT IS HERR FLICK AND HERR VON SMALLHAUSEN 418 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,447 IN DISGUISE, AT THAT TABLE THERE. 419 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:22,948 THE PLAN IS WORKING. 420 00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,449 JUST ACT NORMALLY. 421 00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,452 GET TO THE DOOR; GIVE MONSIEUR LECLERC THE SIGNAL. 422 00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:27,453 YES. 423 00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,456 I WILL JUST SEE IF IT IS RAINING. 424 00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,961 IT IS NOT RAINING. 425 00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,964 THE WINE LIST, MONSIEUR. 426 00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:42,467 SHALL WE ORDER CHAMPAGNE? 427 00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:43,469 CERTAINLY NOT! 428 00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:46,472 I DO NOT BUY CHAMPAGNE FOR UGLY GIRLS LIKE YOU. 429 00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:50,476 BUT OTTO, DARLING, 430 00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,978 SURELY WE COULD SPLASH OUT ON A BOTTLE OF BUBBLY? 431 00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:55,981 DO NOT PUSH YOUR LUCK, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 432 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,483 RENE, DO YOU THINK IT WILL WORK? 433 00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:00,486 PROVIDED MONSIEUR LECLERC HAS NOT 434 00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:01,987 GONE TO SLEEP IN A DOORWAY-- 435 00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:03,488 HE HAS BEEN OUT THERE AN HOUR. 436 00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,991 I DO HOPE HE LOOKS SUSPICIOUS ENOUGH. 437 00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:11,497 YOU CANNOT LOOK MUCH MORE SUSPICIOUS THAN THAT. 438 00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:14,500 MATCHES, LOVELY MATCHES. 439 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,502 WHO WILL BUY SOME MATCHES 440 00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,504 FROM A POOR OLD MATCH SELLER? 441 00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,506 COME OVER HERE WITH ME, BY THE BAR, 442 00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:22,007 POOR OLD MATCH SELLER, 443 00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:23,508 WHOM I DO NOT KNOW. 444 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:26,011 I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING FOR ME. 445 00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:28,013 THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING SUSPICIOUS 446 00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:30,515 AND BEING DERANGED, YOU SILLY OLD FOOL. 447 00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,518 THEY HAVE NOT NOTICED. 448 00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:34,019 GOD KNOWS HOW THEY CAN HAVE MISSED YOU. 449 00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:35,520 GO OUT AND DO IT AGAIN. 450 00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:38,023 I GO. I COME BACK. 451 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:41,026 ARE YOU KEEPING YOUR EYES SKINNED? 452 00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:43,028 YES, BUT I CANNOT FIND 453 00:17:43,028 --> 00:17:45,030 ANY CHATEAU-BOTTLED WINES. 454 00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:46,531 FORGET THE WINE LIST. 455 00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,534 WE ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS. 456 00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:50,536 VERY WELL, HERR FLICK. 457 00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:52,538 AND STOP EYEING UP THE MEN 458 00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,039 AT THE NEXT TABLE, 459 00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,540 AND COVER YOURSELF UP, 460 00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:57,042 YOU ARE SHOWING TOO MUCH LEG. 461 00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,044 I WILL NOT BE TWO-TIMED 462 00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:01,546 BY AN OVER TITIVATED TART. 463 00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:03,549 I'M SORRY, DARLING. 464 00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:05,050 AND DO NOT CALL ME "DARLING." 465 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:07,052 BUT HE KEEPS WINKING AT ME. 466 00:18:07,052 --> 00:18:09,054 HE'S OBVIOUSLY DRUNK. IGNORE HIM. 467 00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:11,556 HAVE YOU CHOSEN YET, MONSIEUR? 468 00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,559 YES, I WILL HAVE A GLASS 469 00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:16,061 OF YOUR FINEST COGNAC. 470 00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:18,563 AND FOR THIS REMARKABLE LOOKING LADY? 471 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:20,566 SHE WILL HAVE A GLASS 472 00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:22,568 OF YOUR MOST INFERIOR WINE. 473 00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:26,071 MATCHES! 474 00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,073 WHO WILL BUY MY MATCHES? 475 00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:30,075 LOOK, AN OLD MATCH SELLER. 476 00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:31,576 AND A STRANGER TO ME. 477 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,078 I WONDER WHAT HE WANTS HERE? 478 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:34,079 Mamma: ERNEST? 479 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:36,581 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 480 00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:39,084 I HAVE BEEN WAITING UPSTAIRS 481 00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:40,585 FOR HOURS. 482 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:42,588 ARE YOU NOT COMING UP? 483 00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,590 I AM JUST PASSING 484 00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:46,592 THIS SECRET MESSAGE, FANNY. 485 00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,093 WHAT WAS THAT? 486 00:18:48,093 --> 00:18:50,595 ( louder ) I AM JUST PASSING THIS SECRET MESSAGE. 487 00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,598 A SECRET MESSAGE? 488 00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,600 WHAT SECRET MESSAGE? 489 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,102 GET BACK TO BED, YOU SILLY OLD BAT. 490 00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:59,604 YOU CAN GET KNOTTED. 491 00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:03,609 AHEM. 492 00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:06,111 I HAVE BROUGHT YOU THIS MESSAGE, MONSIEUR. 493 00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:07,112 STOP! 494 00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:09,614 I WILL TAKE THIS MESSAGE. 495 00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:11,617 FOR I AM NONE OTHER THAN 496 00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:13,619 HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO. 497 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,622 NO! WHAT A SURPRISE. 498 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:19,124 - ( scream in unison ) - ( glass breaks ) 499 00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:21,126 MY MASTERLY 500 00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:22,627 USE OF DISGUISE 501 00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:24,129 HAS FOOLED YOU ALL. 502 00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:26,131 READ THE MESSAGE, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 503 00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,635 "THE TWO BIRDS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR 504 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:33,138 WILL BE IN THE HOLLOW TREE, 505 00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:35,140 20 PACES ALONG THE RIVER 506 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:37,642 FROM THE OLD BRIDGE, AND 40 PACES 507 00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:40,145 INTO THE WOODS AT MIDNIGHT." 508 00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,147 HMM, "THE TWO BIRDS," 509 00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,649 BIRDS FLY, AND SO DO AIRMEN. 510 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,151 AHA! 511 00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:49,154 THE BRITISH AIRMEN ARE HIDDEN IN THE TREE. 512 00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:51,656 WE WILL GO THERE AT MIDNIGHT AND APPREHEND THEM. 513 00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:54,660 NOBODY IS TO LEAVE THE CAFE 514 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:55,661 OR GO TO THE WOODS, 515 00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:58,163 OR THERE WILL BE SEVERE PENALTIES. 516 00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:01,666 HERR VON SMALLHAUSEN? 517 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,669 YOU FORGOT YOUR HANDBAG. 518 00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:07,172 AND YOUR SEAMS ARE CROOKED. 519 00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,176 OH, RENE, IT WORKED. 520 00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:13,178 THEY WILL BE OUT OF THE DUNGEON 521 00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:14,679 WHEN WE BREAK IN TONIGHT. 522 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,682 GO AND GET YOUR SAFEBREAKING EQUIPMENT, 523 00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:19,685 WE WILL SET OFF FOR THE BAKERY VERY SHORTLY. 524 00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:21,186 - ERNEST? - HEH? 525 00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:23,188 ARE YOU NOT COMING UP TO BED, 526 00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:25,190 MY LOVE? 527 00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:27,192 I FEEL RATHER... 528 00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:28,693 PLAYFUL. 529 00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,196 FIRST, I MUST GET MY DRILL 530 00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:32,697 AND DYNAMITE, FANNY. 531 00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:37,702 AH, WELL, 532 00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:39,204 ON SECOND THOUGHTS, 533 00:20:39,204 --> 00:20:41,706 I THINK I WILL HAVE AN EARLY NIGHT. 534 00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:54,219 THIS MUST BE THE TREE, HERR FLICK. 535 00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:55,720 SHINE YOUR TORCH IN IT, 536 00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:58,223 AND SEE IF THE BRITISH AIRMEN ARE IN THERE. 537 00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:09,735 THERE ARE JUST THESE TWO PHEASANTS, HERR FLICK. 538 00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:11,737 THERE IS A NOTE ON THEM. WHAT DOES IT SAY? 539 00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:14,239 "DEAR RENE, 540 00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:17,742 THESE ARE THE TWO BIRDS 541 00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:19,745 TO PUT ON YOUR MENU. 542 00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:21,747 SIGNED, 543 00:21:21,747 --> 00:21:23,749 A. POACHER." 544 00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:25,250 WE HAVE BEEN LED 545 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:27,752 ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 546 00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:28,754 ( animal squeaks ) 547 00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:30,255 WHAT WAS THAT? 548 00:21:30,255 --> 00:21:31,756 ( squeak ) 549 00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:34,259 ( squeak ) 550 00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:40,265 I HAVE BEEN STRUCK BY A HAZELNUT. 551 00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:42,267 ( squeaking ) 552 00:21:42,267 --> 00:21:45,270 WHAT IMPUDENCE! WE ARE THE GESTAPO! 553 00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:47,272 ( machine gun firing ) 554 00:21:53,945 --> 00:21:55,446 WELL? 555 00:21:55,447 --> 00:21:56,948 WE HAVE COME UP 556 00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:57,949 UNDER THE SAFE OF HERR FLICK. 557 00:21:57,949 --> 00:21:59,450 WE HAVE TO CUT AWAY AT THE METAL NOW. 558 00:21:59,451 --> 00:22:00,952 THAT IS MONSIEUR LECLERC'S JOB. 559 00:22:00,952 --> 00:22:02,453 I AM READY. 560 00:22:02,454 --> 00:22:03,955 IS THE COAST STILL CLEAR? 561 00:22:03,955 --> 00:22:05,957 OFFICER CRABTREE IS STANDING BY IN THE SQUARE. 562 00:22:05,957 --> 00:22:07,959 IF ANYONE COMES, HE WILL LET US KNOW. 563 00:22:14,466 --> 00:22:17,469 REMIND ME NEVER TO GO SAFEBREAKING WITH YOU AGAIN. 564 00:22:24,476 --> 00:22:26,478 THAT SHOULD JUST BE ENOUGH 565 00:22:26,478 --> 00:22:27,979 EXPLOSIVE TO BLOW UP THE DOOR. 566 00:22:29,981 --> 00:22:31,482 GOOD MOANING. 567 00:22:32,984 --> 00:22:34,986 WIT ARE YOU DEEING 568 00:22:34,986 --> 00:22:36,487 LITTERING OUTSOD 569 00:22:36,488 --> 00:22:37,989 THE SECRET HEADQUITTERS 570 00:22:37,989 --> 00:22:39,490 OF HERR FLOCK OF THE GESTOOPOO 571 00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:41,493 AT THIS TOME OF NIT? 572 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,495 Gruber: WE WERE JUST-- 573 00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:45,497 TAKING THE NIGHT AIR, OFFICER. 574 00:22:45,497 --> 00:22:47,499 YOU MIST ACCIMPANY ME 575 00:22:47,499 --> 00:22:49,501 TO THE POLOOSE STOTION. 576 00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:51,002 WHATEVER FOR? 577 00:22:51,002 --> 00:22:54,005 I SUSPECT YOU ARE COMMITTING A BIGLERY. 578 00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:58,009 AND WHAT IF WE DON'T WANT TO GO? 579 00:22:58,009 --> 00:23:00,011 THEN I SHALL HOV 580 00:23:00,011 --> 00:23:02,013 TO USE FIERCE. 581 00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:04,015 I AM OUTNIMBERED, 582 00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:06,017 BUT I AM A BOG MIN, 583 00:23:06,017 --> 00:23:08,019 AND I CAN TIK YOU 584 00:23:08,019 --> 00:23:10,021 ON ANY DEE OF THE WICK. 585 00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:11,522 ( whistles ) 586 00:23:22,534 --> 00:23:25,036 MY MEN, THEY GOT NO RESPECT FOR THE FUZZ. 587 00:23:25,036 --> 00:23:26,537 OKAY, 588 00:23:26,538 --> 00:23:28,039 I LIGHT THE FUSE. 589 00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:39,050 THIS BETTER BE RIGHT, BERTORELLI. 590 00:23:39,050 --> 00:23:41,552 YOU WILL HARDLY NOTICE ANYTHING, COLONEL. 591 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:50,562 I THINK MAYBE I OVERDO 592 00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:52,564 THE DYNAMITE. 593 00:23:57,068 --> 00:23:58,069 HANDS UP! 594 00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:00,571 THERE'S NO ONE HERE. 595 00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:03,074 WITHOUT HERR FLICK AND VON SMALLHAUSEN, 596 00:24:03,074 --> 00:24:04,575 HOW ARE WE GOING TO OPEN THE SAFE? 597 00:24:04,576 --> 00:24:07,579 MAYBE ONE OF MY MEN KNOWS HOW TO DO IT. 598 00:24:07,579 --> 00:24:09,080 SAFEBREAKING 599 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,082 IS A VERY COMPLICATED BUSINESS, CAPTAIN. 600 00:24:11,082 --> 00:24:12,583 THAT LOT WON'T HAVE A CLUE. 601 00:24:12,584 --> 00:24:14,085 STEP FORWARD, 602 00:24:14,085 --> 00:24:15,586 ANYONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO CRACK THE SAFE. 603 00:24:19,591 --> 00:24:21,092 THAT'S MY BOYS. 604 00:24:21,092 --> 00:24:22,593 EVERYONE HAS DONE THE PORRIDGE. 605 00:24:23,595 --> 00:24:25,096 OKAY, I TAKE YOU. 606 00:24:25,096 --> 00:24:26,597 THE REST OF YOU, WAIT OUTSIDE. 607 00:24:26,598 --> 00:24:28,600 - ( men groan ) - I SAID OUTSIDE! 608 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,101 YOU KEEP WATCH FOR THE SNOOPERS. 609 00:24:31,603 --> 00:24:33,605 GRUBER, LOOK. 610 00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:35,607 HERR FLICK HAS A LEAGUE TABLE 611 00:24:35,607 --> 00:24:38,610 OF ALL THE RESISTANCE SUSPECTS IN THE AREA. 612 00:24:38,610 --> 00:24:41,613 LOOK, HERE IS RENE. 613 00:24:41,613 --> 00:24:44,115 HOW HANDSOME HE LOOKS. 614 00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:48,119 BUT WHY ARE THERE TWO PHOTOGRAPHS OF HIM? 615 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,622 Colonel: I THINK THAT'S HIS LATE TWIN BROTHER. 616 00:24:51,623 --> 00:24:53,625 THE ONE YOU SHOT. 617 00:24:53,625 --> 00:24:55,627 PLEASE, COLONEL, DO NOT REMIND ME. 618 00:24:55,627 --> 00:24:59,130 THE VISION OF HIM HAUNTS ME STILL. 619 00:24:59,130 --> 00:25:00,631 ACCORDING TO THIS CHART, 620 00:25:00,632 --> 00:25:03,134 RENE IS HIGH UP ON THE LIST OF SUSPECTS. 621 00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:05,636 THAT IS BECAUSE HE IS VERY POPULAR. 622 00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:07,138 IF I WAS HERR FLICK, 623 00:25:07,138 --> 00:25:09,140 HE'D BE NUMBER ONE. 624 00:25:13,144 --> 00:25:15,146 I HAVE CUT THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF THE SAFE. 625 00:25:15,146 --> 00:25:16,647 WHERE IS THE PAINTING? 626 00:25:16,648 --> 00:25:18,650 IT IS INSIDE, ON A SHELF. 627 00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:21,152 SOME SAFEBREAKER. 628 00:25:21,152 --> 00:25:23,154 MIND OUT, I WILL GET IT. 629 00:25:26,157 --> 00:25:29,160 COME ON, BABY, OPEN FOR ALVARO. 630 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,662 ( lock clicks ) 631 00:25:31,663 --> 00:25:33,665 IT'S DONE. 632 00:25:33,665 --> 00:25:34,666 RIGHT, YOU WAIT OUTSIDE NOW. 633 00:25:46,177 --> 00:25:48,179 LIEUTENANT GRUBER! 634 00:25:49,180 --> 00:25:50,181 AARGHH! 635 00:25:52,684 --> 00:25:54,185 WHAT'S THE MATTER, GRUBER? 636 00:25:56,187 --> 00:25:57,688 IN THERE-- 637 00:25:57,689 --> 00:25:59,691 THE DISEMBODIED HEAD 638 00:25:59,691 --> 00:26:02,193 OF RENE'S TWIN BROTHER! 639 00:26:02,193 --> 00:26:05,196 ALL WHITE AND GHOSTLY. 640 00:26:06,197 --> 00:26:08,699 AND HE SPOKE MY NAME. 641 00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:11,202 Rene: I AM STUCK. PULL ME OUT. 642 00:26:11,202 --> 00:26:12,703 WHAT'S THE MATTER, GRUBER? 643 00:26:12,704 --> 00:26:14,706 WHERE'S THE PAINTING? 644 00:26:14,706 --> 00:26:16,708 NO PAINTING. 645 00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:19,210 JUST THAT HORRIBLE HEAD. 646 00:26:19,210 --> 00:26:21,212 OH, WILL THIS RESTLESS SPIRIT 647 00:26:21,212 --> 00:26:22,713 NEVER LEAVE ME IN PEACE? 648 00:26:22,714 --> 00:26:24,716 AARGHH! 649 00:26:25,717 --> 00:26:27,719 WHAT RUBBISH. 650 00:26:31,222 --> 00:26:32,723 ( gasps ) 651 00:26:32,724 --> 00:26:34,726 OH, COLONEL VON STROHM, 652 00:26:34,726 --> 00:26:36,227 I CAN EXPLAIN-- 653 00:26:39,230 --> 00:26:41,232 HE SPOKE MY NAME. 654 00:26:41,232 --> 00:26:43,234 DID HE MENTION MY NAME? 655 00:26:43,234 --> 00:26:45,236 NOT YET. 656 00:26:45,236 --> 00:26:47,238 OH, THANK GOD! MAMMA MIA. 657 00:26:47,238 --> 00:26:48,739 AHHH! WAIT FOR ME. 658 00:26:49,741 --> 00:26:51,242 WE ARE DONE FOR. 659 00:26:51,242 --> 00:26:53,244 THE GERMANS ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL. 660 00:26:53,244 --> 00:26:54,245 WHAT?! 661 00:26:54,245 --> 00:26:56,247 LIEUTENANT GRUBER OPENED THE DOOR, 662 00:26:56,247 --> 00:26:58,249 AND THE COLONEL-- THEY BOTH SAW ME. 663 00:26:58,249 --> 00:27:00,251 OOOH! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? 664 00:27:00,251 --> 00:27:02,253 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? 665 00:27:02,253 --> 00:27:04,255 IF I AM CAUGHT, 666 00:27:04,255 --> 00:27:05,756 I SHALL SAY IT WAS ALL YOUR IDEA. 667 00:27:05,757 --> 00:27:08,259 I THINK I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE JUST 668 00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:10,261 LESSENED YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING 669 00:27:10,261 --> 00:27:12,263 THE SPIRIT OF NOUVION COMPETITION. 670 00:27:12,263 --> 00:27:14,265 WE HAVE WHAT WE CAME FOR. GIVE ME THE PAINTING. 671 00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:16,767 NO, IT WILL BE SAFE DOWN MY TROUSERS. 672 00:27:16,768 --> 00:27:18,770 THERE ARE GERMANS EVERYWHERE. WHAT ARE WE TO DO? 673 00:27:18,770 --> 00:27:20,772 WHAT EVERY FRENCHMAN DOES IN AN EMERGENCY-- 674 00:27:20,772 --> 00:27:22,273 LEG IT FOR THE HILLS. 675 00:27:24,275 --> 00:27:26,777 IF I DO NOT WIN THAT SPIRIT OF NOUVION CONTEST, 676 00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:28,780 I WILL TELL MICHELLE 677 00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:30,281 THAT YOU HAVE A FORGERY 678 00:27:30,281 --> 00:27:32,783 DOWN YOUR OTHER TROUSER LEG, WHICH YOU INTEND TO GIVE HER. 679 00:27:36,788 --> 00:27:38,790 YOU WOULD NOT DO THAT. 680 00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:40,792 OH, BELIEVE ME, RENE, 681 00:27:40,792 --> 00:27:43,795 THE DECISION OF THE WIFE OF THE EDITOR IS FINAL. 682 00:27:44,796 --> 00:27:47,799 OH, ALL RIGHT. YOU WILL WIN. 683 00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:49,801 MICHELLE, WAIT FOR US. 684 00:27:51,302 --> 00:27:53,804 ( theme music playing )