1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:07,574
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:25,091
AT LAST EVERYTHING IS BACK
TO NORMAL HERE IN NOUVION,
3
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:27,093
OR AS NORMAL AS POSSIBLE.
4
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,595
I AND MY WIFE, EDITH,
HAVE RETURNED SAFELY
5
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FROM OUR TRIP TO LONDON,
6
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WHERE WE HAD FLED
TO AVOID BEING SHOT
7
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BY THE COMMUNIST
RESISTANCE,
8
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WHO WERE CROSS
THAT I WAS TO BE GIVEN
9
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A COLLABORATION MEDAL
BY THE GERMANS.
10
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:40,607
FORTUNATELY FOR US,
11
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,109
THE GERMANS DECIDED
NOT TO GIVE ME THE MEDAL,
12
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SO MY LIFE
IS NOT IN DANGER.
13
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I DID NOT ENJOY
MY SHORT TIME IN ENGLAND.
14
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I STILL HAVE INDIGESTION
FROM THE TERRIBLE FOOD,
15
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,119
PLUS SEVERAL PAIRS
OF Y-FRONTS,
16
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FROM THE MARKS
AND SPENCERS
17
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:59,626
WHICH I SOON FOUND
ARE A SIZE TOO SMALL.
18
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,127
BUT THEN I SHOULD NOT
BE SURPRISED.
19
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MY WIFE CHOSE THEM
AND SHE HAS ALWAYS
20
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UNDERESTIMATED
MY REQUIREMENTS.
21
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,134
O-O-OH,
22
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:12,138
RENE, I HAVE NOT YET
HAD A PROPER CHANCE
23
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TO WELCOME YOU BACK.
24
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THIS WOULD BE
A GOOD MOMENT.
25
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OH!
26
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OH, RENE, I WAS SO
WORRIED ABOUT YOU
27
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ON YOUR DANGEROUS TRIP
TO ENGLAND.
28
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I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES,
29
00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:26,152
AND I SEE HOW MUCH
YOU HAVE SUFFERED FROM THE JOURNEY.
30
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IT WAS TRAVELING
IN THOSE TIGHT Y-FRONTS,
31
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BUT I AM RECOVERING.
32
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,158
OH, RENE,
33
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:34,660
MY LOVE FOR YOU
IS LIKE A FEVER.
34
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CAN YOU NOT FEEL
35
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I HAVE GONE LIMP
ALL OVER?
36
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I HOPE IT IS
NOTHING CONTAGIOUS.
37
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RENE!
38
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:44,671
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
39
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,673
HOLDING THAT SERVANT GIRL
IN YOUR ARMS?
40
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:49,676
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
41
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,177
CAN YOU NOT SEE
THIS POOR CHILD
42
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,179
IS SUFFERING
FROM DELAYED SHOCK?
43
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:55,181
SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD
LOST YOU FOREVER.
44
00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:56,682
ME?
45
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:57,684
YES, YOU.
46
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,185
YOU ARE LIKE
A MOTHER TO HER.
47
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,187
SHE MODELS
HERSELF ON YOU.
48
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,688
IF SHE HAD
STRINGIER HAIR,
49
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,691
SHE WOULD
DO IT LIKE YOURS.
50
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,193
AND NOW
YOU ARE BACK,
51
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,695
SHE IS OVERCOME
WITH EMOTION AND RELIEF.
52
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,698
OH, THIS IS TRUE.
53
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,200
OH, HOW THOUGHTLESS I AM.
54
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,702
GO UP AND LIE DOWN
ON MY BED,
55
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,205
AND PUT A DROP
OF MY COLOGNE ON YOUR BROW.
56
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,207
OH, THANK YOU,
MAMMA,
57
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,209
I MEAN
MADAM EDITH.
58
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:25,711
OH, RENE,
FORGIVE ME.
59
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,714
I AM NOT MYSELF TODAY.
60
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:30,717
MY BUNION IS
GIVING ME GYP.
61
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:34,220
IT ALWAYS HAPPENS
WHEN I AM UNDER A STRAIN.
62
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,222
OH, RENE, HOLD ME.
63
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:43,229
HOBBLE HERE FOR A HUG,
COME ON.
64
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:45,732
RENE,
65
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,734
I HAVE GOOD NEWS.
66
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,236
OFFICER CRABTREE HAS
FOUND THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
67
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:51,737
THEY WERE HIDING
IN A PIGSTY.
68
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,239
WHAT ABOUT THE SMELL?
69
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:56,742
I EXPECT THE PIGS
GOT USED TO IT.
70
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:58,244
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
71
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,246
I SHALL SAY THIS
ONLY ONCE.
72
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:02,748
WE HAVE A NEW PLAN TO GET
THE BRITISH AIRMEN BACK TO ENGLAND.
73
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:04,250
OH, NOT ANOTHER ONE?
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00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,751
WE ARE GOING
TO BUILD A RAFT
75
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,253
FOR THEM TO SAIL
ACROSS THE CHANNEL.
76
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:09,255
FOR A RAFT YOU NEED
THE TRUNKS OF TREES.
77
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,756
THE WOODS ARE
OUT OF BOUNDS.
78
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:11,758
AND ANYONE SEEN
WALKING AROUND
79
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,760
WITH A CHOPPER
OVER HIS SHOULDER
80
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:14,761
WOULD AROUSE SUSPICION.
81
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,764
THIS IS TRUE.
82
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:18,765
WE SHALL NOT GO
TO THE WOODS.
83
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ALREADY
MY RESISTANCE GIRLS
84
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,769
HAVE SAWN HALFWAY THROUGH
SIX TELEGRAPH POLES.
85
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:24,270
WHEN IT IS DARK,
WE WILL GO OUT
86
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,272
AND PULL THEM DOWN,
AND BUILD THE RAFT.
87
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:27,773
AND COINCIDENTALLY,
88
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,276
SEVERELY DAMAGE
GERMAN COMMUNICATION LINES.
89
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:33,279
OOH, I HAVE A TWINGE
IN MY BUNION.
90
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:35,781
HER BUNION DOES
NOT LIKE THIS PLAN.
91
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,285
GOOD MOANING.
92
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:42,789
I THOUGHT YOU WERE BRINGING
THE BRITISH AIRMEN?
93
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,792
I AM CHOCKING TO SEE
IF THE KISSED IS KLOOR.
94
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,796
I SEE THAT WE
ARE ALOON.
95
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,297
YOU HAVE NOT LEFT
THEM IN THE OPEN
96
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:53,299
OUTSIDE MY CAFE,
HAVE YOU?
97
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,800
DO NOT WIRRY, RONNIE.
98
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,804
I HAVE BRUTE THEM
FROM THE POGSTEE
99
00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:00,807
IN A WOODEN COAT
PULLED BY A DINKEY.
100
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,309
WOODEN CART, DONKEY.
101
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:04,810
I GOT THAT.
102
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:08,815
THEY ARE DISGEESED
AS SOCKS OF POTOOTOES.
103
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,817
OH, THAT IS
A GOOD DISGUISE.
104
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,819
WE ALWAYS
NEED POTOOTOOS,
105
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,821
I MEAN POTATOES.
106
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,322
GET THEM IN.
107
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:17,823
COME IN HERE, CHAPS.
108
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:23,830
I MEANT
CARRY THEM IN,
109
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,331
SACKS OF POTATOES
DO NOT USUALLY
110
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:27,333
STROLL IN HERE
TO BE PEELED.
111
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,335
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
112
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,837
OOH, WHAT A PONG!
113
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:34,340
THEY STILL HAVE A LOT
OF POGSTEE ON THEM.
114
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,342
THEY CANNOT STAY HERE
IN THAT CONDITION.
115
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:38,344
LOOK AT THE MESS
THEY ARE MAKING.
116
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,845
ASK THE GIRLS
TO BOIL SOME WATER
117
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,848
AND GET THE STRONGEST
DISINFECTANT THEY CAN FIND.
118
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,349
TO WASH THE FLOOR?
119
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,850
NO, TO WASH
THE AIRMEN.
120
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,352
WHAT ARE THEY
GOING ON ABOUT?
121
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,353
I HAVE NO IDEA.
122
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:48,854
THEY ARE GOING
TO GIVE YOU A BATH, CHAPS,
123
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:50,356
TO GET ALL THAT
PIGGY STUFF OFF.
124
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:51,857
OH, SPLENDID!
125
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,359
BAGS, I THE END
WITHOUT THE TAPS.
126
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:55,361
YOU'LL HAVE
TO BE QUICK.
127
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,236
( duck call blows )
128
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:06,238
( blows )
129
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,241
Helga:
HERR FLICK?
130
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,742
HERR FLICK,
I'M HERE.
131
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,745
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
132
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:15,247
( blows )
133
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AH, HELGA.
134
00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:21,253
IT WAS NOT
VERY CLEVER OF YOU
135
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,756
TO CHOOSE THE MATING CALL
OF A WILD GOOSE
136
00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:25,257
IN YOUR SECRET
MESSAGE TO ME
137
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:26,759
TO SIGNAL
YOUR ARRIVAL.
138
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,263
WILD GEESE HAVE BEEN
MATING ALL DAY.
139
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,766
OUR KNEES ARE RAW
FROM SCRABBLING
140
00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:35,768
UP THIS ROUGH
MONASTERY WALL.
141
00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:36,769
FORGIVE ME, HERR FLICK,
142
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:38,771
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS
THE MATING SEASON.
143
00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:40,272
NEXT TIME,
144
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:43,276
CONSULT YOUR
GIRL GUIDE DIARY.
145
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:44,777
COME, VON SMALLHAUSEN,
146
00:05:44,777 --> 00:05:45,778
WE MUST LEAVE
147
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:48,781
THIS MONASTIC
EXISTENCE BEHIND.
148
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:50,282
DO YOU WANT A HAND,
HERR FLICK?
149
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,785
NO, AVERT YOUR EYES.
150
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,789
( two thuds )
151
00:05:56,789 --> 00:05:58,290
QUICK, WHERE IS
THE GETAWAY VEHICLE?
152
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,294
I COULD NOT GET A CAR,
SO I BROUGHT THIS INSTEAD.
153
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:06,299
THIS IS MOST
UNSATISFACTORY.
154
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,301
THE GESTAPO ARE NOT
USED TO ESCAPING
155
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,802
ON A THREE-WHEELED
TANDEM.
156
00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:11,303
WE WILL BE
THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
157
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,805
OF THE WHOLE
GERMAN ARMY.
158
00:06:12,805 --> 00:06:14,306
OH, HERR FLICK,
159
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,309
WHAT TERRIBLE HARDSHIPS
160
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:17,810
YOU MUST HAVE
SUFFERED IN THERE.
161
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:20,312
WE HAVE SUFFERED
MANY DEPRIVATIONS.
162
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:21,814
WE WERE ONLY ALLOWED
163
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,315
TO KEEP OUR
BARE NECESSITIES.
164
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,318
WE NEARLY LOST THOSE
A COUPLE OF TIMES.
165
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:29,822
THAT WAS BECAUSE
OF YOUR POOR NEEDLEWORK.
166
00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:32,324
GO AND SIT
ON THE TRICYCLE.
167
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:36,829
MAY I WELCOME YOU BACK
WITH A KISS?
168
00:06:36,829 --> 00:06:37,830
VERY WELL,
169
00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:39,832
BUT MAKE IT
A QUICK ONE.
170
00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:40,833
WE MAY BE MISSED.
171
00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:43,836
WE ARE PLAYING HOOKY
FROM JAM MAKING.
172
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,342
WHAT SHAME!
WHAT INFAMY!
173
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,843
A MEMBER
OF OUR HOLY ORDER
174
00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,344
CONSORTING WITH A WOMAN.
175
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,347
YOU WILL BE SCOURGED
FOR THIS, BROTHER OTTO.
176
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,849
OH, NOT THE SCOURGING!
177
00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:59,351
TO OUR GETAWAY TRICYCLE,
AND QUICKLY.
178
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,855
COME BACK, YOU SINNERS!
179
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,356
YOU MUST BE
PUNISHED FOR THIS!
180
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:07,360
NOT ON YOUR NELLY!
181
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:12,865
IF WE SOAK
MUCH LONGER IN HERE,
182
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,867
I AM GOING
TO SHRIVEL UP.
183
00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:16,368
HAVE YOU SEEN
THE SOAP?
184
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,870
IT WAS HERE
A SECOND AGO.
185
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,371
IF YOU HADN'T
INSISTED ON PUTTING
186
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,374
BAKING POWDER IN
TO MAKE SOME BUBBLES,
187
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,376
WE WOULD BE
ABLE TO SEE IT.
188
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,377
AH! GOT IT.
189
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,879
I DON'T THINK SO,
OLD CHAP.
190
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,884
WELL, WHAT HAVE
I GOT THEN?
191
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:35,888
OH, THE LOOFAH.
192
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,393
IT'S NOT VERY
PRIVATE IN HERE, IS IT?
193
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,894
IT WOULD BE
A LOT LESS PRIVATE
194
00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:42,895
WITHOUT
THIS BAKING POWDER.
195
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,397
RENE HAS
GIVEN ME ORDERS
196
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,899
TO GET YOU CLEAN.
197
00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:48,901
HERE. I HEAR
THE ENGLISH
198
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:50,402
HATE TO TAKE
A BATH.
199
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,905
YOU TAKE THE ONE
WITH THE SPOTTY BACK,
200
00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:55,407
AND I'LL TAKE THE ONE
WITH THE BOIL ON HIS BUM.
201
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:56,909
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
202
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:59,411
I THINK THEY'RE
GOING TO SCRUB THE FLOOR.
203
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,413
FUNNY TIME TO DO IT.
204
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,915
YEAH. OOH, AH!
GET OFF!
205
00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:04,416
I THINK WE WOULD
HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF
206
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,918
IN THE PIGSTY,
CARSTAIRS.
207
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:07,419
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
208
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,624
LOOK AT THIS POSTER
I FOUND IN THE MAIN SQUARE.
209
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:13,125
IT IS AN ABSOLUTE
DISGRACE!
210
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:16,628
YES, THE WRITING IS
RATHER BAD.
211
00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:18,130
QUITE INDISTINCT
IN PLACES.
212
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,132
I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT THE HANDWRITING,
213
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:21,633
LOOK AT THE CONTENT!
214
00:08:26,138 --> 00:08:30,142
DASH IT, THESE ARE
MY TANK DRIVING SPECTACLES.
215
00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:32,144
YOU'D BETTER
READ IT, GRUBER.
216
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:34,146
JUST A MOMENT,
WHILE I MAKE A NOTE.
217
00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:36,148
COLONEL TO RETAKE
TANK DRIVING TEST
218
00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:38,150
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
219
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,151
CARRY ON, GRUBER.
220
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:42,154
"THE RESISTANCE CALLS
ON ALL LOYAL CITIZENS
221
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:44,656
TO HAMPER THE EFFORTS
OF THE ACCURSED BOCHE--"
222
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:47,159
( chuckles )
223
00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:50,662
"-- AND MAKE THE LIFE OF
THE OCCUPYING ARMY IN NOUVION
224
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,665
AS UNCOMFORTABLE
AS POSSIBLE."
225
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:53,666
WHAT CHEEK.
226
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:55,167
"SUGGESTIONS:
227
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:58,670
PUT ITCHING POWDER
IN THEIR WASHING,
228
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:00,172
WATER IN THEIR PETROL,
229
00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:01,673
GARLIC IN THEIR STRUDEL,
230
00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:03,676
AND TIN TACKS
ON THE ROADS,
231
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,177
AND WHENEVER POSSIBLE,
232
00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:07,179
DROP A BRICK
ON THEIR HEADS."
233
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:11,183
AND I THOUGHT
THEY ALL LOVED ME.
234
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:15,187
"COMRADES, WE MUST SHOW
THAT FAT PIG OF A COLONEL--"
235
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:17,690
EXCUSE ME, COLONEL,
236
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,191
BUT I AM ONLY
READING WHAT IT SAYS.
237
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:20,692
CONTINUE.
238
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:23,195
"-- AND THAT PONCING,
LITTLE TANK DRIVING,
239
00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:25,197
TWIT OF A SIDEKICK--"
240
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,201
WHOEVER THAT
MAY BE.
241
00:09:29,201 --> 00:09:30,702
IS YOU.
242
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:32,204
THERE ARE LOTS
OF TANKS!
243
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:33,705
READ ON
AND STOP ARGUING.
244
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:36,709
"-- AND FINALLY,
WE MUST ALSO SHOW
245
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:38,711
THAT OVER-MEDALED
ITALIAN CHICKEN
246
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:40,713
THAT WE MEAN BUSINESS."
247
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:42,214
THAT MEANS YOU.
248
00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:44,216
LOOK, I AM
SEETHING WITH ANGER.
249
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:46,218
SEE MY MUSTACHE?
IT BRISTLES.
250
00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:47,719
EVERY MEDALLION
ON MY CHEST
251
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,221
WAS WON
WITH A BRAVE DEED.
252
00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:50,222
HAVE YOU FINISHED?
253
00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:52,224
NO, I STAMP MY FOOT.
254
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:55,227
I HURT MY LEG.
255
00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:57,229
THIS RUBBISH
CLEARLY UNDERMINES
256
00:09:57,229 --> 00:09:59,731
THE EFFORTS
OF THE OCCUPYING FORCES.
257
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,734
THERE IS EVEN
A SCURRILOUS CARTOON OF ME
258
00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:03,235
ON THE REVERSE SIDE.
259
00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:04,236
( giggles )
260
00:10:07,239 --> 00:10:09,741
NO, I THINK
YOU ARE MISTAKEN, GENERAL.
261
00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:12,745
IT'S A LADY IN SUSPENDERS
WITH A SPIKED HELMET.
262
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:14,246
THE CAPTION,
READ THE CAPTION.
263
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:20,252
( laughs )
"VON KINKYHOFFEN."
264
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:22,754
IT'S OUTRAGEOUS.
265
00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:27,759
DID YOU WISH
TO SAY SOMETHING, CAPTAIN BERTORELLI?
266
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:28,761
NO.
267
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:29,762
THEN SHUT UP!
268
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:31,263
( laughing )
269
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,764
WE MUST BEAT
THE RESISTANCE
270
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:34,767
AT THEIR OWN GAME.
271
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:37,770
WE SHALL REVIVE
THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER
272
00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:38,771
THAT WE CLOSED
AT THE BEGINNING
273
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:39,772
OF THE OCCUPATION,
274
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:42,775
AND USE IT FOR OUR OWN
PROPAGANDA PURPOSES.
275
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,777
EXCELLENT IDEA,
GENERAL.
276
00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:47,780
AH, BUT IT MUST NOT BE
TOO OBVIOUSLY PROPAGANDA.
277
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,282
WE NEED A FRENCHMAN
TO EDIT THE PAPER.
278
00:10:50,282 --> 00:10:51,783
THAT WILL GIVE IT
CREDENCE
279
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:53,285
IN THE EYES
OF THE VILLAGERS.
280
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:54,786
ANOTHER GOOD IDEA.
281
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,289
ANY SUGGESTIONS?
282
00:10:57,289 --> 00:11:00,292
WELL, THERE'S RENE
FROM THE CAFE.
283
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:02,294
AH, THE FELLOW
WHO ALMOST GOT
284
00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,296
THE COLLABORATION MEDAL.
285
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:05,797
EXCELLENT, GRUBER.
286
00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:07,800
DO YOU HAVE
HIS CONFIDENCE?
287
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:11,804
WE DO HOBNOB
FROM TIME TO TIME.
288
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,305
REALLY?
289
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:14,806
CONTACT HIM
IMMEDIATELY.
290
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:16,308
- HEIL HITLER.
- HEIL HITLER.
291
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:17,809
HEIL MUSSOLINI.
292
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,812
DON'T BE SILLY.
293
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:20,813
( laughing )
294
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:23,315
VON KINKYHOFFEN.
295
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:25,817
IT'S A WONDERFUL
LIKENESS.
296
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:27,820
REGARDING THE POSTER,
297
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,322
ANYONE CAUGHT
LAUGHING AT IT
298
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:31,323
WILL BE SHOT.
299
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,824
WHEN HAVE YOU
EVER SEEN ME
300
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:34,827
IN SUSPENDERS
WITH A SPIKED HELMET?
301
00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:38,330
I THINK THE LAST TIME WAS
AT THE STAFF COLLEGE DANCE.
302
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:43,335
YOUR HEALTH
AND EFFICIENCY MAGAZINE
303
00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:44,836
HAS JUST ARRIVED,
HERR FLICK.
304
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:47,840
A SPECIAL ISSUE
WITH A CENTERFOLD PULLOUT
305
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,342
OF A RHINE MAIDEN
UNADORNED.
306
00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:52,344
SHALL I PULL IT OUT,
HERR FLICK?
307
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:53,845
YOU WILL
PULL IT OUT
308
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:55,347
AT YOUR PERIL,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
309
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:58,350
ONLY SENIOR
GESTAPO OFFICERS
310
00:11:58,350 --> 00:11:59,851
WITH IRON CONTROL
311
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:00,853
ARE ALLOWED
TO GAZE
312
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,355
AT UNADORNED RHINE MAIDENS.
313
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,363
EXTREMELY AVERAGE.
314
00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:13,365
NEVERTHELESS,
315
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:14,866
I MUST TELEPHONE
316
00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:16,368
FOR THE RHINE MAIDEN
CALENDAR.
317
00:12:16,368 --> 00:12:18,370
SHE WILL BE
BIGGER IN THAT.
318
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:21,373
I CAN HEAR NOTHING.
319
00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:23,375
WE ARE SEVERED
FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
320
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:25,877
THAT IS BECAUSE WE HAVE
NOT PAID THE BILL,
321
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:29,381
AND THE PETTY CASH
BOX IS EMPTY.
322
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:30,382
HOW CAN THIS BE?
323
00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:31,883
I THINK YOU TOOK
THE LAST OF IT
324
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:34,386
TO BUY THAT SILK UNDERWEAR
FOR HELGA, HERR FLICK.
325
00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:36,388
YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED
TO KNOW ABOUT THAT.
326
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:38,890
MY LIPS ARE SEALED,
I PROMISE.
327
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:42,394
WE MUST RING BERLIN
AND ASK MY GODFATHER,
328
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:43,395
HEINRICH HIMMLER,
329
00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:45,397
TO SEND MORE MONEY
IMMEDIATELY.
330
00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:48,400
BUT HOW CAN YOU RING HIM
IF THE PHONE IS CUT OFF?
331
00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:51,904
WE SHALL USE
OUR SPECIAL GESTAPO
332
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:54,907
PHONE TAPPING EQUIPMENT
IN THIS CUPBOARD,
333
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:57,910
AND TAP INTO THE LINE
OUTSIDE THE VILLAGE.
334
00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:00,412
YOU HAVE AN ANSWER
FOR EVERYTHING, HERR FLICK.
335
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:01,413
OF COURSE.
336
00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:05,417
IT WAS NOT POSSIBLY
A GOOD IDEA
337
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:07,419
TO BUY HELGA
THAT SILK UNDERWEAR,
338
00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:08,420
HERR FLICK.
339
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,922
RAYON WOULD HAVE
BEEN CHEAPER.
340
00:13:10,923 --> 00:13:13,425
YOU SAID YOUR LIPS
WERE SEALED.
341
00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:14,926
YOU HAVE BROKEN
YOUR PROMISE.
342
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:17,429
PASS THE FIRST AID BOX.
343
00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:25,437
COMPRESS YOUR MOUTH.
344
00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:27,939
STEP FORWARD.
345
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:29,942
THERE.
346
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:32,444
THAT WILL TEACH YOU
TO KEEP YOUR WORD.
347
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:34,446
DO NOT REMOVE IT,
UNDERSTAND?
348
00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:36,948
( mumbles )
349
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:38,450
I SAID, "DO YOU
UNDERSTAND?"
350
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:41,953
YES, HERR FLICK.
351
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:44,957
DO NOT REMOVE IT.
REPLASTER YOURSELF.
352
00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:48,960
THAT IS BETTER.
353
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:53,598
NOW, RENE,
THOSE ARE MY ORDERS.
354
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:55,601
HOW DO YOU FEEL
355
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,603
ABOUT RUNNING
A NEWSPAPER?
356
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,605
WORRIED, WHICH IS
NOT UNUSUAL.
357
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:01,607
MIMI, MORE WINE.
358
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,108
WHEN I WAS YOUNG,
359
00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:05,610
I WAS A REPORTER
ON A PAPER.
360
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:07,613
I COULD GIVE HIM
VALUABLE ASSISTANCE.
361
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,114
AH, NOW THAT
IS A GOOD IDEA.
362
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:10,615
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
BE THE EDITOR?
363
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,618
NO, NO, RENE,
IT IS YOUR JOB,
364
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:13,619
I INSIST.
365
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:16,121
NOW, WE HAVE TO DECIDE
366
00:14:16,121 --> 00:14:18,623
WHAT WE ARE GOING
TO PUT IN THE PAPER.
367
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:20,626
OF COURSE,
THE MAIN STORY
368
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:23,128
IS HOW WE ARE
WINNING THE WAR.
369
00:14:23,128 --> 00:14:25,130
WHAT A LOAD
OF COBBLERS.
370
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:27,632
I AM NOT FAMILIAR
WITH THIS EXPRESSION.
371
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,636
SHE AGREES,
BUT WITH SLIGHT RESERVATIONS.
372
00:14:32,137 --> 00:14:35,140
NOW, TO BE
A GOOD EDITOR,
373
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:37,142
ONE MUST NEVER
LET THE FACTS
374
00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:39,144
GET IN THE WAY
OF A GOOD STORY.
375
00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:41,146
I NEVER DID.
376
00:14:41,146 --> 00:14:43,148
NATURALLY, THERE WILL
BE AN ARTICLE
377
00:14:43,148 --> 00:14:45,150
ON MEMBERS
OF THE GARRISON,
378
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,652
TO GIVE THEM
A HUMAN FACE.
379
00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:50,155
I HAVE SOME PICTURES
HERE BY CHANCE
380
00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:51,656
ON MY PERSON.
381
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:53,659
THIS IS ME
BEFORE THE WAR.
382
00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:55,160
OH. EH?
383
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,662
OH, WHAT A PRETTY
LITTLE BOY.
384
00:14:57,663 --> 00:15:00,165
AND WHAT SMART
HIKING SHORTS.
385
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,167
AND THIS IS MY FATHER,
386
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,669
HE WAS VERY KEEN
ON CAMPING.
387
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:09,174
WELL, YOU CERTAINLY
TAKE AFTER HIM.
388
00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:11,176
THEN, WHEN I WAS OLDER,
389
00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:13,678
I BECAME AN APPRENTICE
WINDOW DRESSER.
390
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:16,682
THIS IS
MY FIRST WINDOW.
391
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:21,687
AH, HOW APPROPRIATE--
CAMPING EQUIPMENT.
392
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:23,188
THEN THE WAR CAME,
393
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:25,190
AND SUDDENLY I WAS
ON THE RUSSIAN FRONT.
394
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:28,693
IN THE SNOW, CAMPING.
395
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:31,196
WHAT A VARIED LIFE
YOU HAVE LED.
396
00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:32,197
YES, INDEED.
397
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:33,198
WELL, I WILL
MAKE SURE
398
00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:35,200
YOU GET A NICE
WRITE UP, LIEUTENANT.
399
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,203
I KNEW THAT I COULD
RELY ON YOU.
400
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:41,206
NOW, GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN
401
00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:44,709
INSISTS THAT WE SHOW
HOW HAPPY THE FRENCH ARE
402
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,712
UNDER GERMAN RULE.
403
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,213
ANY SUGGESTIONS?
404
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:50,215
WE COULD TAKE A PHOTO
OF YOU AND RENE
405
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:51,216
SOCIALIZING.
406
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,718
I CANNOT PUT MYSELF
IN THE PAPER.
407
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:56,221
HOW ABOUT A PHOTOGRAPH
408
00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:58,723
OF NOUVION'S HAPPIEST
MARRIED COUPLE?
409
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:01,226
BUT RENE DOES NOT
WANT TO BE IN THE PAPER.
410
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:02,727
Alphonse:
NO, NO, NO, NO.
411
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,229
I WAS REFERRING
TO MADAME FANNY
412
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:05,230
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC,
413
00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:07,232
OUR HAPPIEST HONEYMOONERS.
414
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,734
WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA.
415
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:12,237
MAMMA WILL BE DELIGHTED
TO BE IN THE NEWS.
416
00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:14,739
I WILL GO UPSTAIRS
AND MAKE HER BEAUTIFUL.
417
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,242
WE CANNOT HOLD
THE FRONT PAGE FOREVER, EDITH.
418
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:22,247
NOW THAT WE THREE MEN
ARE ALONE,
419
00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:23,748
SHOULD WE NOT,
PERHAPS,
420
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:25,250
DISCUSS
THE QUESTION
421
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:27,752
OF A LIGHTLY CLAD
YOUNG LADY
422
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:31,256
IN BETWEEN PAGES
TWO AND FOUR?
423
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:35,761
WHAT PURPOSE
WOULD THAT SERVE?
424
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:38,764
WHEN I WAS
A YOUNG REPORTER,
425
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,766
KNOWN AS
"FLASHBULB ALPHONSE,"
426
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:44,269
IT WAS CUSTOMARY
TO HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH
427
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:46,271
OF A BEAUTIFUL
YOUNG LADY IN THE PAPER
428
00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:47,772
TO KEEP INTEREST GOING.
429
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:49,775
NOT IN THE PAPERS
I READ.
430
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:52,277
I HAVE HERE
431
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:54,279
A FEW PHOTOGRAPHS
432
00:16:54,279 --> 00:16:56,281
OF PREVIOUS...
433
00:16:56,281 --> 00:16:58,783
...BEAUTY QUEENS
OF NOUVION.
434
00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:04,789
THEY STILL HAVE
THEIR ORIGINAL CAPTIONS.
435
00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:10,796
MISS TOP
OF THE MILK, 1918.
436
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,798
THE NOUVION FIREMAN'S
DAUGHTER
437
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,800
WHO SENDS
TEMPERATURES SOARING.
438
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,803
SHE APPEARS TO BE A DAB HAND
WITH A HOSE PIPE.
439
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:20,806
YOU CANNOT PUT
PICTURES LIKE THIS
440
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:22,307
IN THE PAPER,
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
441
00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:24,809
APART FROM WHICH, BY NOW,
THE MILK WILL HAVE CURDLED.
442
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:26,311
I THINK, LIEUTENANT,
443
00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:27,812
THAT IF WE ARE
GOING TO HAVE PICTURES,
444
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,314
IT SHOULD BE
THE HONEYMOON COUPLE
445
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:30,815
AND THE COLONEL
ON PAGE THREE.
446
00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:32,317
AS ALWAYS, RENE,
447
00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:34,819
YOU HAVE
IMPECCABLE TASTE.
448
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:37,823
I FEEL THE INTEGRITY
OF THIS NEWSPAPER
449
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:39,324
IS ASSURED
450
00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:41,326
WITH YOUR HAND
ON THE TILLER.
451
00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:43,328
THANK YOU,
LIEUTENANT.
452
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:45,330
I MUST GO
AND TELL THE COLONEL
453
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,331
OF OUR PROGRESS.
454
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:50,335
THESE PROPAGANDA
PAMPHLETS
455
00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:51,336
WILL GIVE YOU
A GOOD IDEA
456
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:53,838
OF HOW
THE WAR IS GOING.
457
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,340
AS YOU SAID, LIEUTENANT,
458
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:57,342
WE MUST NOT LET FACTS
459
00:17:57,342 --> 00:17:58,843
GET IN THE WAY
OF A GOOD STORY.
460
00:17:58,844 --> 00:17:59,845
QUITE.
461
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:01,847
PSST, RENE.
462
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:03,849
I MUST HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU.
463
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:05,851
WHAT?
464
00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:07,352
I HAVE HEARD
THAT THE GERMANS
465
00:18:07,352 --> 00:18:09,854
HAVE REOPENED
THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER WITH YOU AS EDITOR.
466
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,356
WHEN DID YOU HEAR THIS?
467
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:14,359
WHEN I WAS STANDING
BEHIND THE DOOR.
468
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:15,360
THIS IS TRUE,
469
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,362
BUT LIEUTENANT GRUBER
IS REALLY IN CHARGE.
470
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:19,864
BUT IT WAS SO CLEVER OF YOU
TO AGREE TO HELP.
471
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,867
NOW THAT THE PRESSES
ARE ABOUT TO ROLL,
472
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,869
WE CAN USE THEM
TO PRINT A SECRET
473
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,871
UNDERGROUND NEWSPAPER
FOR THE RESISTANCE,
474
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:28,373
CALLING ON ALL FRANCE
TO STAND UP TO THE AGGRESSORS.
475
00:18:28,373 --> 00:18:30,875
ARE YOU MAD? YOU WILL
GET US ALL SHOT.
476
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:31,877
MONSIEUR,
477
00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:33,378
YOU ARE IN
GREAT DANGER
478
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:34,879
OF RECEIVING
THE WHITE FEATHER.
479
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,882
SEND AS MANY
AS YOU LIKE,
480
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:38,884
MY PILLOW
CAN ALWAYS USE THEM.
481
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,886
LOOK, I WOULD
LIKE TO HELP,
482
00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:42,888
BUT I CANNOT ENDANGER
THE WOMAN I LOVE.
483
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:45,891
NOT TO MENTION
HIS WIFE.
484
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:47,392
IF YOU DO NOT
HELP US,
485
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:48,893
I WILL PUT A POSTER
IN THE TOWN SQUARE
486
00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:50,395
SAYING YOU ARE
A COLLABORATOR.
487
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:51,896
WHEN DO I START?
488
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:54,399
AS SOON AS I CAN
GET MY GIRLS TOGETHER.
489
00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:56,901
AH, SO THIS IS WHAT
YOU MEN GET UP TO
490
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,403
WHEN YOU ARE ALONE.
491
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:01,907
THEY ARE JUST
OLD PIN-UPS.
492
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,909
DISGUSTING.
493
00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:06,411
I HAVE MUCH BETTER LEGS
THAN ANY OF THEM.
494
00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:07,912
WELL, WE WILL TAKE
YOUR WORD FOR THAT.
495
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:09,414
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO.
496
00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:11,416
NOW, LOOK VERY CAREFULLY,
497
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:12,917
I SHALL SHOW THESE
ONLY ONCE.
498
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:20,425
OH, MY DICKY TICKER.
499
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:23,428
NOW LOOK
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
500
00:19:23,428 --> 00:19:24,429
HUH?
501
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,933
ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY
YOU WANT YOUR PILLS?
502
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:29,434
NO,
503
00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:30,935
MY CAMERA.
504
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:40,245
I HOPE THEY WILL PUT
A STOCKING OVER THE LENS
505
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,747
TO MAKE ERNEST
LOOK A BIT YOUNGER.
506
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,750
I DO NOT WANT
PEOPLE TO THINK
507
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,753
I AM MARRIED
TO AN OLD MAN.
508
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,254
OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
WILL MAKE YOU LOOK
509
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:51,756
YOUNG AND RADIANT, MAMMA.
510
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:54,760
A REMARKABLE CAMERA, INDEED.
511
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,262
WELL, MADAME,
512
00:19:57,262 --> 00:20:00,265
I WOULD LIKE YOU
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
513
00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:03,268
ARMS ENTWINED,
514
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:04,769
SITTING AT THE TABLE,
515
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,772
HAVING A DRINK.
516
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,774
WHERE IS THE DRINK?
517
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:11,276
ON THE TABLE.
518
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:12,277
QUICK, COME ON,
HURRY UP,
519
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:14,279
BEFORE THE SUN
GOES IN.
520
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,785
WELL, UNCORK IT.
521
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:22,287
THE CHAMPAGNE
IS ONLY FOR SHOW.
522
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:23,788
I AM NOT OPENING
A WHOLE BOTTLE
523
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,290
FOR TWO DRINKS.
524
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,293
NO PLONK, NO PICTURE.
525
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:29,794
OH, VERY WELL.
526
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,801
AH, GOOD MORNING, RENE.
527
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:38,804
GOOD MORNING,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
528
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,807
WHAT A CHARMING COUPLE
THEY MAKE.
529
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:44,810
YOU CAN SEE THE AFFECTION
IN THEIR EYES.
530
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:45,811
OH, RENE,
531
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,813
DOES THIS NOT
REMIND YOU
532
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:49,314
OF OUR HONEYMOON?
533
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:51,316
WELL, YOU DID
LOOK A BIT YOUNGER.
534
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:52,817
WHERE DO YOU WANT
ME TO SIT?
535
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:56,321
I THINK NEXT
TO MADAME FANNY.
536
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,326
EXCELLENT.
537
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:02,827
IT WILL MAKE
A VERY GOOD PHOTOGRAPH.
538
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:05,330
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
WILL BE PLEASED.
539
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,831
EDITH.
540
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:10,836
WHY IS THIS FAT KRAUT
SITTING AT OUR TABLE?
541
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:11,837
NOW THEN, MAMMA,
542
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,839
WE ARE TAKING A PICTURE
OF THE COLONEL
543
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,841
ENJOYING A DRINK
WITH THE HAPPIEST
544
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,342
HONEYMOON COUPLE
IN NOUVION,
545
00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:18,843
IT IS FOR THE PAPER.
546
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:21,847
I DO NOT DRINK
WITH THE GERMANS.
547
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,348
I SPIT ON THEM.
548
00:21:23,348 --> 00:21:24,349
( spits )
549
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:27,352
THAT WENT ON MY TIE,
550
00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:28,353
YOU SILLY OLD BAT.
551
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:30,855
DON'T OLD BAT ME,
552
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:32,357
YOU DODDERING
OLD DUFFER.
553
00:21:32,357 --> 00:21:34,859
I HAVE NOT
GLUED DOWN MY HAIR
554
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:36,862
AND DRESSED IN THIS
NATTY STYLE
555
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:38,363
TO BE INSULTED
BY A WOMAN
556
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:39,864
NEARLY OLD ENOUGH
TO BE MY MOTHER.
557
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:41,867
OH, HOW DARE YOU?
558
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:44,369
WHAT KIND
OF HUSBAND ARE YOU?
559
00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:46,871
I AM THE KIND OF HUSBAND
THAT DEMANDS A DIVORCE.
560
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:47,873
GOOD DAY.
561
00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:50,375
AND YOU CAN
HAVE ONE.
562
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:51,376
EDITH, GIRLS,
563
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:52,877
TAKE HER
BACK TO HER ROOM.
564
00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:56,881
JUST A TYPICAL
NEWLYWED'S TIFF, COLONEL.
565
00:21:56,882 --> 00:21:57,883
IN A FEW MONTHS,
566
00:21:57,883 --> 00:22:00,385
THEY WILL FORGET
ALL ABOUT IT.
567
00:22:00,385 --> 00:22:02,387
I THINK WE'LL HAVE
TO LOOK ELSEWHERE
568
00:22:02,387 --> 00:22:04,889
FOR OUR PERFECT
HONEYMOON COUPLE, GRUBER.
569
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:08,393
I COULD HAVE A PICTURE
TAKEN WITH RENE,
570
00:22:08,393 --> 00:22:09,394
JUST FOR MY ALBUM.
571
00:22:09,394 --> 00:22:10,895
I AM NOT SMART ENOUGH.
572
00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:11,897
WATCH THE BIRDIE.
573
00:22:18,904 --> 00:22:21,406
( car horn honks )
574
00:22:24,409 --> 00:22:27,412
Helga:
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
575
00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:30,915
GOOD, JUST THE FELLOWS
I WANT TO SEE.
576
00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,420
I HAVE DECIDED
WE MUST SHOW
577
00:22:35,420 --> 00:22:37,422
THE HUMAN FACE
OF THE GERMAN ARMY.
578
00:22:37,422 --> 00:22:39,924
TO THIS END,
WE WILL BE PHOTOGRAPHED
579
00:22:39,925 --> 00:22:42,928
RELAXING AND ENJOYING
A HEALTHY OUTDOOR LIFE
580
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:43,929
WITH THE PEASANTS.
581
00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:46,932
WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU
HAVE IN MIND, GENERAL?
582
00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:49,434
AN INFORMAL PICNIC
IN THE COUNTRYSIDE,
583
00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:51,436
CAPTURED ON FILM
584
00:22:51,436 --> 00:22:53,438
WITH THE PRETTY GIRLS
FROM THE VILLAGE
585
00:22:53,438 --> 00:22:55,440
JOKING AND LAUGHING
AT OUR WITTY REMARKS.
586
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,942
WHAT FUN.
587
00:22:57,943 --> 00:23:00,445
BUT FIRST, TO PROVE
HOW FIT THE MASTER RACE IS,
588
00:23:00,445 --> 00:23:02,947
THERE WILL BE
A 10 KILOMETER HIKE
589
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:05,450
FOR ALL OFFICERS
BELOW THE RANK OF GENERAL.
590
00:23:05,450 --> 00:23:08,453
YOU PEASANTS WILL ORGANIZE
THE FOOD AND THE DRINK
591
00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:10,955
AND YOUR
TWO PRETTY WAITRESSES.
592
00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:11,957
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
593
00:23:11,957 --> 00:23:13,458
BY THE WAY,
594
00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:15,460
WHO'S PAYING
FOR THIS JOLLY PICNIC?
595
00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:17,462
THE GERMANS
WILL PAY OF COURSE!
596
00:23:17,462 --> 00:23:19,964
YOU WILL PRESENT YOUR BILL
AFTER WE HAVE EATEN.
597
00:23:19,965 --> 00:23:22,968
GENERAL, HOW LONG
DO WE HAVE
598
00:23:22,968 --> 00:23:24,469
TO GET FIT
FOR THIS HIKE?
599
00:23:24,469 --> 00:23:25,970
UNTIL 3:00
THIS AFTERNOON.
600
00:23:25,971 --> 00:23:27,472
HEIL HITLER.
601
00:23:27,472 --> 00:23:28,973
All:
HEIL HITLER.
602
00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:31,476
AFTER THIS HIKE
WE WON'T NEED
603
00:23:31,476 --> 00:23:32,977
PROFILES
IN THE PRESS,
604
00:23:32,978 --> 00:23:34,980
WE'LL NEED
OBITUARIES.
605
00:23:36,982 --> 00:23:37,983
General:
FASTER!
606
00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:39,985
YOU'RE ALL
OUT OF CONDITION.
607
00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:41,486
EXCEPT ME.
608
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:53,999
General:
PULL IN OVER THERE.
609
00:23:53,999 --> 00:23:55,500
BY THAT OPENING.
610
00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:03,008
HEY, LOOK AT ME,
611
00:24:03,008 --> 00:24:05,010
I'M AS FIT
AS A FLEA.
612
00:24:05,010 --> 00:24:06,011
IN THAT CASE,
613
00:24:06,011 --> 00:24:08,013
YOU CAN RUN AROUND
THAT BIG FIELD
614
00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:09,514
FIVE TIMES BACKWARDS.
615
00:24:09,514 --> 00:24:11,516
WHAT A MISTAKE
TO MAKE.
616
00:24:13,018 --> 00:24:15,020
WE WILL HAVE THE PICNIC
AND THE PHOTOGRAPHS
617
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:17,022
BY THE BIG HAYSTACK
IN THE NEXT FIELD.
618
00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:18,023
FOLLOW ME.
619
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:24,963
WHY DO I HAVE
TO GO FIRST,
620
00:24:24,963 --> 00:24:26,464
HERR FLICK?
621
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:28,967
BECAUSE YOU ARE
A JUNIOR MEMBER
622
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:29,968
OF THE GESTAPO.
623
00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,970
IF ANYTHING
UNTOWARD HAPPENS,
624
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:33,471
YOU ARE EXPENDABLE.
625
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,474
HOW DO I
GET UP THERE?
626
00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:38,477
IT IS VERY HIGH.
627
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:40,979
YOU MOVE THE LEATHER STRAP
UP THE POLE,
628
00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:43,481
AND WALK UP USING
YOUR SPECIAL GESTAPO
629
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,984
TELEGRAPH POLE
CLIMBING BOOTS.
630
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:47,986
SOMETIMES YOU ARE
VERY SIMPLE,
631
00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:49,487
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
632
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:50,989
WHEN YOU GET
TO THE TOP,
633
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,991
DROP THE ROPE
AND PULL ME UP.
634
00:24:52,991 --> 00:24:55,994
AND WHAT IF I FALL
BEFORE I GET THERE?
635
00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:58,496
MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT
LAND ON ME.
636
00:24:58,497 --> 00:25:00,499
I AM NOT EXPENDABLE.
637
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,502
IT MUST BE
A JOLLY PHOTOGRAPH
638
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:05,003
OF HAPPY COLLABORATION.
639
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,504
- SEE?
- AH.
640
00:25:14,012 --> 00:25:15,513
- OH!
- OH!
641
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:18,517
OH, WHAT A THRILL.
642
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,019
GROPED BY AN ITAI.
643
00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:23,521
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,
CONTROL YOURSELF.
644
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:26,525
YOU TWO PEASANT GIRLS,
COME AND SIT HERE BY ME.
645
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:28,026
YOU'LL BE SAFER.
646
00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:32,030
I SIT DOWN
NEXT TO YOU, HEH HEH.
647
00:25:32,030 --> 00:25:33,531
( kissing sounds )
648
00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:37,035
HELGA, YOU COME
AND SIT BY ME.
649
00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:39,537
IT LOOKS GOOD
TO SHOW GERMAN OFFICERS
650
00:25:39,538 --> 00:25:41,039
BEING FRIENDLY
WITH THEIR PRIVATES.
651
00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:42,540
OOH!
652
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,543
THE CAMERA IS READY,
GENERAL.
653
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:47,546
I HAVE BROUGHT THREE PLATES
IN CASE OF ANY ERROR.
654
00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:50,048
PERHAPS YOU COULD ALL
SHOW A LITTLE MORE LEG?
655
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:54,052
NOT YOU, GRUBER.
656
00:25:54,052 --> 00:25:55,553
AND YOU TWO,
657
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,055
LOOK AS THOUGH
YOU ARE SERVING US.
658
00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:58,056
OH, YES.
659
00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,058
COME ON, PEASANTS,
ENJOY YOURSELVES!
660
00:26:00,058 --> 00:26:01,059
YES, OF COURSE,
GENERAL.
661
00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:09,568
JUST HOLD IT THERE.
662
00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,070
NOW, WHEN I GIGGLE,
EVERYBODY GIGGLES.
663
00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:14,572
( giggles )
664
00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:16,575
AAH!
665
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:18,577
General:
IDIOT, PEASANT! LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
666
00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:19,578
Edith:
I AM SORRY, GENERAL.
667
00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:21,580
HERE, LET ME
WIPE IT OFF.
668
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,582
NO, GIVE IT TO ME.
669
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:25,584
NO, NO!
I WILL DO IT.
670
00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:29,087
ONE PLATE FOR THE BIN.
671
00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:31,089
General:
THERE, IT'S DONE.
672
00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:33,091
NOW, EVERYBODY
BACK IN POSITION.
673
00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:35,593
WE CANNOT AFFORD TO WASTE
PHOTOGRAPHS LIKE THIS.
674
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:38,597
NOW, WHEN I SMILE,
EVERYBODY SMILES.
675
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:40,098
READY.
676
00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:43,601
AH! THE PLACE IS
CRAWLING WITH ANTS.
677
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:44,603
( women screaming )
678
00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:47,606
SOME OF THEM HAVE
MARCHED UP MY SHORTS.
679
00:26:49,107 --> 00:26:51,609
General:
STOP! THIS IS NOT THE PHOTOGRAPH I WANT.
680
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,612
DAMN.
681
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:57,115
Smallhausen:
YES, PLEASE CONNECT ME
682
00:26:57,115 --> 00:26:58,616
AS SOON AS YOU CAN,
THANK YOU.
683
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,122
IT DOES NOT FEEL VERY SAFE
UP HERE, HERR FLICK.
684
00:27:04,122 --> 00:27:07,125
DO NOT BE A NINNY,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
685
00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:09,127
HAVE YOU GOT
MY NUMBER YET?
686
00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:12,130
THE OPERATOR IS
CONNECTING ME NOW TO BERLIN.
687
00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:14,632
( phone rings )
688
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:16,635
- UNCLE HEINIE?
- ( pole creaks )
689
00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:18,136
HELLO.
690
00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:20,638
THIS IS YOUR GODSON OTTO.
691
00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:23,141
NO, I AM NOT
IN MY OFFICE.
692
00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:25,143
I AM, STRANGELY ENOUGH,
693
00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:28,146
OVERLOOKING
A LARGE HAYSTACK.
694
00:27:28,146 --> 00:27:30,148
LISTEN, WE NEED MORE--
695
00:27:30,148 --> 00:27:32,150
AAAAH!
696
00:27:34,152 --> 00:27:36,654
( splatter )
697
00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:39,157
General:
THE GESTAPO HAVE RUINED OUR PICNIC.
698
00:27:39,157 --> 00:27:41,159
NOT TO MENTION
THE PICTURE.
699
00:27:41,159 --> 00:27:43,661
YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS,
HERR FLICK.
700
00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:46,665
YOU HAVE JUST MADE
A VERY BAD CAREER MOVE.
701
00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:49,668
IT IS NOT OUR FAULT
WE HAVE POOPED A PICNIC.
702
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:53,171
IT IS TIME TO WITHDRAW.
703
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,173
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?
704
00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:56,674
I'M SPEAKING TO YOU.
705
00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:59,678
THIS IS NOT OUR LUCKY DAY,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
706
00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:01,179
RUN AFTER THEM,
AND BRING THEM BACK.
707
00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:05,183
- RENE?
- UH?
708
00:28:05,183 --> 00:28:07,685
SHOULD WE GIVE THEM
THE BILL NOW?
709
00:28:07,686 --> 00:28:10,188
THAT WOULD NOT
BE A GOOD IDEA.
710
00:28:10,188 --> 00:28:11,689
WE WILL PUT IT
ON THE ACCOUNT.
711
00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:13,692
( theme music playing )