1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:07,574
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:21,587
IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE
THAT THIS BEDKNOB
3
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,590
IS RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE
4
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,092
OF MONSIEUR LECLERC
AND MY WIFE'S MOTHER,
5
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,094
BUT IT IS A FACT.
6
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:31,097
A SECRET DISAPPEARING BED,
7
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,598
BUILT BY MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
THE UNDERTAKER,
8
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:35,101
WHICH WAS ONLY TO BE USED
IN AN EMERGENCY,
9
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,603
WAS ACTIVATED
BY THIS VERY KNOB
10
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,606
SO THAT THE SILLY
OLD COUPLE COULD HIDE
11
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:42,609
AFTER THEY HAD BEEN RELEASED
AND SNATCHED FROM PRISON
12
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,612
BY MY WIFE, EDITH,
WHO WAS USING FORGED PAPERS.
13
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:49,115
MADAME FANNY
TURNED THIS KNOB
14
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:50,616
AND SHE
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
15
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,619
FLEW UP INTO THE WALL
16
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,621
AND THE KNOB FELL OFF.
17
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,623
AS IT HAS TO BE TURNED AGAIN
TO RELEASE THE BED,
18
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:59,626
THEY ARE, OF COURSE
STILL HANGING UPSIDE DOWN
19
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,128
LIKE A COUPLE OF AGED BATS.
20
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,130
I HAVE JUST PHONED
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
21
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:05,631
TO GET HIM TO COME
AND RELEASE THEM,
22
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:09,135
BUT IF HE DOES NOT HURRY UP,
WELL, I FEAR THE WORST.
23
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,136
RENE.
24
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:11,637
WHERE IS MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
WITH HIS TOOLS?
25
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:14,140
HE SHOULD BE HERE.
26
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,142
WELL, PERHAPS
HIS HORSE IS LAME.
27
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,644
THEY HAVE STOPPED KNOCKING.
28
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:19,646
WHAT?
29
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:21,147
MY MOTHER
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC.
30
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,651
OH, MAMMA.
31
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,654
TO THINK THIS KNOB WAS
THE LAST THING SHE HELD
32
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,155
BEFORE SHE DISAPPEARED.
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00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,159
A FITTING EPITAPH, EDITH.
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00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:37,664
OH GOD.
35
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,666
MERCI.
36
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,669
OH, MY DICKY TICKER.
37
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:45,171
WE UNDERTAKERS
ARE NOT USED TO HURRYING.
38
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:48,174
OUR CLIENTS
ARE USUALLY DEAD.
39
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:50,676
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT,
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE?
40
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,679
RENE, HE DOES NOT
LOOK WELL.
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00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,180
THEN TAKE HIM UPSTAIRS.
42
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,681
IF HE PEGS OUT
DOWN HERE
43
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,183
PEOPLE WILL THINK
44
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:58,684
IT IS SOMETHING
WRONG WITH MY WINE.
45
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,189
( soft knock )
46
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,190
- ( pounds wall )
- Yvette: OH!
47
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:05,691
SHUSH!
48
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:08,695
HOW CAN I HEAR
IF THEY'RE BANGING IF YOU'RE BANGING?
49
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,196
AND HOW CAN I HEAR
IF THEY HAVE BANGED
50
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,698
IN ANSWER TO MY BANG
IF YOU ARE SHOUTING?
51
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,701
OH, YOU LISTEN,
I'LL BANG.
52
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,202
NO, YOU LISTEN,
I'LL BANG.
53
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,703
- NO! NO!
- YES! YES!
54
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,706
Rene:
STOP THAT, YOU TWO!
55
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,208
Edith:
CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING?
56
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,710
- NOTHING.
- EXCEPT HER SHOUTING.
57
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,213
WHAT IF MAMMA
HAS SUFFOCATED?
58
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:29,715
THIS PLACE IS RIDDLED
WITH MOUSE HOLES.
59
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,217
THERE IS BOUND
TO BE SOME AIR
60
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,719
EVEN IF IT DOES SMELL
STRONGLY OF CHEESE.
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00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:34,721
DO NOT FEAR, MADAME,
62
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:38,725
I HAVE COME FULLY PREPARED
FOR ALL EVENTUALITIES.
63
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:42,228
I HAVE WITH ME
MY UNDERTAKER'S TAPE MEASURE
64
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,230
AND ALSO A CATALOG
OF MY COFFINS
65
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,732
FOR YOU TO PERUSE
AT YOUR LEISURE.
66
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:50,236
OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
SURELY YOU CAN DO SOMETHING.
67
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:52,738
WELL, FIRST OF ALL
68
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,742
I SHALL LISTEN
WITH MY STETHOSCOPE.
69
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,243
( wheezing cough )
70
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:58,744
PARDON.
71
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,747
( wheezing )
72
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,753
I CAN HEAR WHEEZING.
73
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,756
DO THEY HAVE ASTHMA?
74
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,758
THAT IS YOU,
YOU OLD FOOL.
75
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:17,263
THIS CRAFTSMANSHIP
IS SUPERB.
76
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:18,764
I COULD NEVER
PRISE IT DOWN.
77
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:22,769
I KNOW, I WILL DRILL
AN AIR HOLE FOR THEM.
78
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,772
OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
DO BE CAREFUL.
79
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,275
YES, DO NOT DRILL
THROUGH HER MOTHER.
80
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,777
RENE, WHAT IF
HE STRIKES A VITAL ORGAN?
81
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:34,781
SHE DOESN'T HAVE
A VITAL ORGAN.
82
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:37,283
I HAVE STRUCK METAL.
83
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,785
COULD IT BE
HER EAR TRUMPET?
84
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,288
IF IT IS,
I HOPE SHE WAS NOT LISTENING.
85
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:46,292
AH YES,
I CAN HEAR THEM NOW.
86
00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,294
THEY ARE SNORING.
87
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:50,796
THEY ARE ASLEEP.
88
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MAMMA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
IT IS ME, EDITH.
89
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,302
( moaning; banging )
90
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,806
Mamma:
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
91
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:01,808
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT.
92
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,309
WHY DID YOU NOT
LET THEM SLEEP
93
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:04,310
UNTIL THEY WERE OUT?
94
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,312
YES, WELL,
THERE IS ONLY ONE ANSWER.
95
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:09,315
I WILL DRILL SMALL HOLES
AROUND THE HINGES
96
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:11,817
AND PUT IN
A SMALL EXPLOSIVE CHARGE.
97
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:14,821
DO YOU HAVE
ANY DYNAMITE?
98
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:17,323
THIS IS A CAFE,
NOT AN ARSENAL!
99
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,825
MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE
WILL HAVE SOME.
100
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,828
RENE, GO TO
OFFICER CRABTREE.
101
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,330
HE WILL FIND MICHELLE
AND GET SOME DYNAMITE FROM HER.
102
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:26,332
I AM NOT GOING
TO RISK MY NECK GETTING DYNAMITE.
103
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:27,833
WE COULD BLOW
THE WHOLE PLACE UP.
104
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,836
BUT WE NEED
ONLY A SMALL CHARGE.
105
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,838
( moaning )
106
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,341
I THINK MADAME FANNY
IS TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING.
107
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,346
YES, SHE WANTS
SOME SOUP.
108
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:41,847
THAT WILL BE TRICKY.
109
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,851
MIMI, THERE IS SOME
ONION SOUP ON THE STOVE.
110
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,854
GO DOWN, FILL THE BELLOWS
WITH THE SOUP
111
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,856
THEN PUT THE NOZZLE
IN THE HOLE IN THE WALL.
112
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,858
WE WILL PUMP SOME THROUGH.
113
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,861
AFTER THAT WE MAY
NOT NEED DYNAMITE.
114
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,863
I WILL GO AND GET
A MESSAGE TO MICHELLE.
115
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,364
IN THE MEANTIME,
DO NOTHING.
116
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:00,733
( knocking )
117
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:05,237
I OPEN MY DOOR TO NO ONE
118
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,240
UNLESS THEY GIVE
THE CORRECT SECRET KNOCK.
119
00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:10,743
( rhythmic knocking )
120
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:14,246
WRONG.
121
00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:18,250
IT IS ME, HERR FLICK.
HELGA.
122
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:24,757
WHY DID YOU
NOT SHOUT?
123
00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:26,759
I DO NOT WANT
THE WHOLE TOWN TO KNOW
124
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:28,761
I'M YOUR BIT
OF STUFF.
125
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:31,264
SO,
126
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,765
DID VON SMALLHAUSEN
127
00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:34,767
COMMIT A CRIME
IN THE COLONEL'S OFFICE
128
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,268
AND GET HIMSELF
SENT TO JAIL
129
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,271
IN ORDER TO
INGRATIATE HIMSELF
130
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:40,273
WITH MADAME FANNY
AND THE OLD PIANO PLAYER,
131
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,774
WHO ARE ALSO
PRISONERS THERE,
132
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:42,775
TO FIND OUT
IF THEY KNOW
133
00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:44,276
THE WHEREABOUTS
OF THE BRITISH AIRMEN?
134
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,778
- NO.
- WHAT?
135
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:47,780
THAT IS TO SAY,
HE DID GET SENT TO JAIL.
136
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:50,783
UNFORTUNATELY,
THE OLD COUPLE HAD ALREADY BEEN RELEASED.
137
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:53,285
VON SMALLHAUSEN WAS
ARRESTED FOR HAVING NO PAPERS
138
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,787
IN SUSPICIOUS
CIRCUMSTANCES.
139
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:57,790
WHAT SUSPICIOUS
CIRCUMSTANCES?
140
00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:00,292
HE WAS DRESSED
AS A BURGLAR, IN A MASK,
141
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,295
AND RIDING A BICYCLE
WITHOUT A REAR LIGHT.
142
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,797
VON SMALLHAUSEN
DOES NOTHING RIGHT.
143
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:07,299
FANCY FORGETTING
THE REAR LIGHT.
144
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,802
I WILL GO
HAVE HIM RELEASED.
145
00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:11,804
MAY I KISS YOU,
FIRST, HERR FLICK.
146
00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:15,307
NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE PASSED
YOUR SECRET KNOCKING TEST.
147
00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:19,812
THAT IS NEAR ENOUGH.
148
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,319
HEIL HITLER.
149
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,321
HEIL HITLER.
150
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:29,822
HEIL MUSSOLINI.
151
00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:34,326
OH, GRUBER,
152
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,329
THE DECORATIONS
ARE LOVELY.
153
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,331
THANK YOU,
GENERAL.
154
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,833
SIT!
155
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,836
YOU VERY PROBABLY
HAVE ALL NOTICED
156
00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:46,839
THIS AREA HAS BECOME
SOMETHING OF A BACKWATER
157
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:49,341
AS FAR AS THE WAR
IS CONCERNED, HMM?
158
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:51,344
WELL ALL THAT
IS ABOUT TO BE CHANGED.
159
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,846
WHAT DID YOU HAVE
IN MIND, GENERAL?
160
00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:56,348
SOMETHING,
THAT IF IT SUCCEEDS,
161
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,351
WILL PUT OUR NAMES
DOWN IN HISTORY BOOKS
162
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:01,354
ALONGSIDE THE GREAT
GERMAN WAR HEROES OF THE PAST.
163
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:03,356
OR THE GREAT
ITALIAN WAR HEROES.
164
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,858
HIM AS WELL!
165
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,863
HOW ARE WE TO ACHIEVE THIS?
166
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:13,866
AN OLD COLLEAGUE OF MINE
WHO FOUGHT ALONGSIDE ME
167
00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:17,369
IN THE CONDOR LEGION IN SPAIN,
GENERAL BORIS VON BRATWURSTEN,
168
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:20,873
HAS HEARD FROM INTELLIGENCE
THAT VERY SHORTLY,
169
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:23,375
CHURCHILL IS SCHEDULED TO TAKE
A BRIEF PAINTING HOLIDAY
170
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,878
ON THE SOUTH COAST
OF ENGLAND
171
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:28,380
AT A PLACE
CALLED BOGNOR.
172
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,882
All:
BOGNOR?
173
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:32,885
NOW, VON BRATWURSTEN
PLANS TO GO IN
174
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:34,386
ON A LIGHTNING
COMMANDO RAID
175
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,390
AND SNATCH HIM,
ENDING THE WAR AT A STROKE,
176
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,393
AND TO ENSURE
COMPLETE SECRECY,
177
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,895
HE HAS DECIDED
TO LAUNCH THE RAID
178
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:45,397
FROM HERE.
179
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,400
EVEN THE FUHRER
KNOWS NOTHING.
180
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,902
WON'T HE BE CROSS?
181
00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:52,404
IF WE FAIL,
HE WILL NEVER KNOW.
182
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,907
BUT, IF WE SUCCEED,
183
00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:57,409
WE WILL ALL BE
UP TO HERE IN IRON CROSSES.
184
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:58,911
HOW DARING.
185
00:07:58,911 --> 00:08:01,413
HOW TYPICAL
OF THE CONDOR LEGION.
186
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:04,417
YOU WILL HAVE
OUR FULL BACKING, GENERAL.
187
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,918
WON'T HE, GRUBER?
188
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,921
WE SHALL BE
BEHIND HIM ALL THE WAY.
189
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,427
AND IF THE PLOT FAILS,
MUM'S THE WORD.
190
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:15,928
IT MUST NOT FAIL,
191
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:17,429
I AM TO BE
AT VAN BRATWURSTEN'S SIDE.
192
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,932
IN THAT CASE
IT STANDS EVERY CHANCE.
193
00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:22,434
GRUBER,
I KNOW HOW KEEN YOU ARE
194
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,936
TO BE IN THE ACTION
WITH THE MEN.
195
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:26,438
AFTER THE RUSSIAN FRONT,
THIS MUST SEEM VERY TAME.
196
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,941
I AM VERY ADAPTABLE.
197
00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:31,443
GOOD, I'VE PUT
YOUR NAME FORWARD.
198
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:32,945
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
199
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:36,448
HE'S TOO EXCITED
TO SPEAK.
200
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:42,455
JUST THINK--
ONE DAY I SHALL TELL MY CHILDREN
201
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,457
I WAS PART OF THIS.
202
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,459
JUST A SMALL PART
203
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,461
BECAUSE
I'M RATHER OLD.
204
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:49,962
NOT SO SMALL.
205
00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:52,965
WE SHALL NEED A SUICIDE SQUAD
TO COVER OUR RETREAT.
206
00:08:52,965 --> 00:08:55,968
YOU MAY LEAD IT IF YOU WISH.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
207
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:01,974
HE IS TOO EXCITED
TO SPEAK.
208
00:09:01,974 --> 00:09:04,977
IN FACT, HE MAY
NEVER SPEAK AGAIN.
209
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,478
PERHAPS
WE SHOULD WAIT
210
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:07,980
UNTIL GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN
211
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:09,481
IS OUT
OF THE HOSPITAL?
212
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,984
HE IS SO GOOD AT
PLANNING THIS KIND OF THING.
213
00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:15,487
NO, NO.
HE WILL NOT BE COMING OUT.
214
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:16,989
VON BRATWURSTEN
IS WORRIED
215
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,490
HE MAY NOT GO
ALONG WITH THE PLAN.
216
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:21,494
SO HE HAS CUT OFF
VON KLINKERHOFFEN'S PHONE
217
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:24,997
AND IS MAKING ARRANGEMENTS
TO HAVE HIM TRANSFERRED
218
00:09:24,997 --> 00:09:26,999
TO A NURSING HOME
IN BAVARIA
219
00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:29,001
WHERE HE CAN
CONVALESCE
220
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,502
AFTER HIS
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
221
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,505
COME.
222
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,507
THE REPORT IS THAT
HE IS MUCH IMPROVED
223
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,509
AND ALMOST READY
FOR RELEASE.
224
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,512
I DO THINK WE SHOULD
CONSULT HIM FIRST.
225
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:42,515
NO, NO. WE WANT
THE GLORY FOR OURSELVES.
226
00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:47,019
TO DEATH OR GLORY.
227
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:50,022
All:
TO DEATH OR GLORY.
228
00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:52,524
IN OF ALL PLACES,
BOGNOR.
229
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,531
( whistling )
230
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,002
PASS ME THAT VASE,
PLEASE, YVETTE.
231
00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:12,511
GOOD MOANING.
232
00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:16,014
LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE
MADE ME DO, YOU IDIOT.
233
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:18,517
I AM SIRRY.
DID I MAKE YOU JIMP?
234
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:20,519
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
235
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:23,522
I HAVE BRIGHT
THE DEENAMOTE FROM MICHELLE.
236
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:25,023
WHERE IS IT?
237
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:27,526
IT IS DOON
MY TROOZERS
238
00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:30,028
DISGEEZED
AS KINDLES.
239
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:43,042
THE FIRST ONE
IS A REAL KINDLE
240
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:47,046
AND THE RIST
IS THE DEENAMOTE.
241
00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:52,051
AND I AM GLOD
TO GIT ROD OF IT.
242
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:54,053
I ALSO HAVE A MASSAGE
FROM MICHELLE.
243
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,055
WHAT IS THE MASSAGE?
244
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:58,557
I MIST TAKE
THE BROTISH EARMEN
245
00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:02,060
TO BE WODE ON
THE FESHMINGER'S SCOLES.
246
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,563
WHAT IS THIS
LUNATIC ON ABOUT?
247
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:07,566
HE WANTS TO TAKE
THE BRITISH AIRMEN
248
00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:10,068
TO BE WEIGHED
ON THE FISHMONGER'S SCALES.
249
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,070
WHATEVER FOR?
250
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:14,073
LONDON HOPES TO SEND
A LIGHT EARCRAFT
251
00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:16,575
AND THEY NEED
TO KNEE THEIR WOTES
252
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:18,076
SO THE CAN FLEA
THEM AT NIT
253
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:19,078
TO ONGLAND.
254
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,085
WHAT NIT
ARE THEY GOING TO FLEA THEM?
255
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:29,588
IT HAS NOT BEEN DESUDED.
256
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:32,090
WIER ARE THEY NOO?
257
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:36,595
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
258
00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:40,098
WHEE ARE THEY DRISSED
AS SCRIBBING LOODIES?
259
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:42,601
I HAVE TO GET
MY MONEY'S WORTH FROM THEM SOMEHOW.
260
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:45,103
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, CHAPS?
261
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:46,105
WELL, NO, NOT REALLY.
262
00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:48,607
ALL THIS CLEANING
IS RUINING MY HANDS.
263
00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:53,612
AND I'VE GOT A NASTY CASE
OF HOUSEMAID'S KNEE.
264
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:54,613
NOT TO WORRY.
IT WON'T BE
265
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,615
FOR VERY MUCH LONGER.
COME WITH ME.
266
00:11:56,615 --> 00:12:00,118
BEFORE YOU GO,
CLEAN UP THIS BROKEN VASE.
267
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,121
WHAT'S HE SAYING?
268
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:03,622
NO IDEA.
269
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:07,125
YOU'D THINK THEY'D
LEARN TO SPEAK ENGLISH.
270
00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,128
YOU CANNOT GET GOOD
DOMESTIC HELP THESE DAYS.
271
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:12,131
OH, RENE,
IF ONLY WE COULD
272
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:14,133
FLEE TO ENGLAND
IN THAT PLANE AS WELL.
273
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:16,135
BUT WE ARE NOT
BRITISH AIRMEN.
274
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:19,638
I WISH WE WERE.
OH, HOLD ME.
275
00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:22,140
AH, YVETTE.
276
00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:23,642
OH, RENE.
277
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:28,647
EVERY TIME YOU HUG ME
I SEEM TO GROW STRONGER.
278
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:32,651
I MUST REMEMBER
TO TOP UP MY BATTERY.
279
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:39,158
OH, IS THAT YOUR HEART
I CAN FEEL THROBBING?
280
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:45,163
ALMOST
WITHOUT A DOUBT.
281
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,166
RENE!
282
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,668
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
283
00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:51,670
HOLDING THAT SERVANT GIRL
IN YOUR ARMS?
284
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:55,173
YOU STUPID WOMAN.
CAN YOU NOT SEE?
285
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:58,677
THIS POOR CHILD,
WEAK FROM HUNGER,
286
00:12:58,677 --> 00:13:00,178
HAS BROKEN THIS VASE
AND IS WONDERING
287
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:03,682
HOW SHE CAN PAY FOR IT
FROM HER MEAGER WAGES.
288
00:13:03,682 --> 00:13:05,684
NO, NO, NO.
DO NOT FRET, CHILD.
289
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:08,186
YOU CAN PAY
ON A MONTHLY BASIS...
290
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:10,689
OVER SEVERAL YEARS.
291
00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:13,191
NOW GO AND OPEN
YOUR MONEY BOX,
292
00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:16,695
TAKE SOMETHING FROM IT
AND SLIP IT IN THE TILL TOWARDS IT.
293
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:18,697
DO NOT WEEP, CHILD.
294
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,699
OH, I AM SORRY, RENE,
295
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:22,701
BUT I AM SO WORRIED
ABOUT MAMMA.
296
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,703
SHE IS DEFINITELY
OFF HER FOOD.
297
00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:27,706
SHE SPAT THE SOUP
RIGHT BACK OUT OF THE HOLE.
298
00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:30,208
I TOLD YOU
NOT TO DO THAT.
299
00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:33,212
WELL, NEVER MIND,
OFFICER CRABTREE BROUGHT THE DYNAMITE.
300
00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:35,214
OH, THANK HEAVENS.
WE MUST HURRY.
301
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:37,216
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
IS ALREADY LATE
302
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:38,217
FOR AN EMBALMING.
303
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:41,220
WELL, I'M SURE
THEY WILL WAIT.
304
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:47,726
FILTHY.
305
00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:51,229
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIRE
THOSE TWO CLEANING LADIES.
306
00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:53,732
- RENE.
- HUH?
307
00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:55,734
DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD WARN MAMMA ABOUT THE BIG BANG?
308
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:58,737
NO, LET IT COME
AS A SURPRISE.
309
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:03,742
GOOD.
THE COAST IS CLEAR.
310
00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:04,743
WE WILL
SNEAK UPSTAIRS
311
00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:06,745
AND INTERROGATE
THE OLD COUPLE
312
00:14:06,745 --> 00:14:08,747
WITHOUT BEING SEEN.
313
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,752
MAKE NO NOISE
WITH YOUR STICK, VON SMALLHAUSEN.
314
00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:16,254
YES, HERR FLICK.
315
00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:21,760
( stomping )
316
00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:29,768
I HAVE LIT THE FUSES.
317
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:31,269
THERE SHOULD BE
JUST ENOUGH
318
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,271
TO BLOW OFF THE HINGES.
319
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:34,273
DID YOU WARN
YOUR MOTHER?
320
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:35,774
NO, I DID NOT
WANT HER TO WORRY.
321
00:14:38,777 --> 00:14:40,278
WE WISH TO INTERROGATE
322
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:41,780
MADAME FANNY
AND THE PIANO PLAYER.
323
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,281
IS THIS THEIR ROOM?
324
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:44,783
YOU CANNOT GO IN THERE.
325
00:14:44,783 --> 00:14:47,786
THE GESTAPO CAN GO ANYWHERE.
326
00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,788
THERE HAS BEEN
A SEVERE GAS LEAK.
327
00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:51,790
IT IS VERY DANGEROUS.
328
00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:54,292
I CANNOT SMELL ANYTHING.
329
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:57,796
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
YOU ARE NEARER TO THE GROUND.
330
00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:00,298
DOES YOUR BIG PROBOSCIS
SMELL ANYTHING?
331
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:03,302
APART FROM A HINT
OF CHEESE,
332
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:04,803
NOTHING.
333
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:07,305
THEN FOLLOW ME.
334
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:13,312
( explosion )
335
00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:17,816
MAMMA,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
336
00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:19,818
ERNEST,
337
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,822
WAS I DREAMING
338
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:27,826
OR WAS THERE
AN ALMIGHTY BANG?
339
00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:31,329
IT WAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH ME.
340
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:34,333
MY GOD,
THE GESTAPO HAVE BEEN BLOWN TO LITTLE PIECES.
341
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:35,834
THEY WERE UNDER THE BED.
342
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:39,337
YOU WISH TO INTERROGATE
MY MAMMA AND MONSIEUR LECLERC?
343
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,340
WELL, HERE THEY ARE.
344
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:44,343
WE WILL COME BACK
WHEN OUR HEADACHES ARE BETTER.
345
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:49,214
GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN
HAS BECOME A LIABILITY.
346
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:52,717
THIS CRACKPOT PLAN
TO KIDNAP CHURCHILL
347
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:54,720
WILL GET US
INTO SERIOUS TROUBLE.
348
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,722
WE COULD ALL BE
COURT-MARTIALED.
349
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,724
AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER
MAY BE SHOT BY THE BRITISH.
350
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:01,226
WHICH WOULD BE
MOST DISTRESSING.
351
00:16:02,227 --> 00:16:03,728
WE MUST GET
INTO THE HOSPITAL,
352
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,230
SEE VON KLINKERHOFFEN
353
00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:07,232
AND ALERT HIM
TO THE SITUATION.
354
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,234
BUT HE IS ROUND
THE TWIST.
355
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:12,737
FOR A GERMAN GENERAL
THAT IS NOT UNUSUAL.
356
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:15,740
AND LESS
ROUND THE TWIST
357
00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:17,743
IS BETTER THAN
RIGHT ROUND THE TWIST.
358
00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:20,745
IF WE CAN GET TO HIM,
359
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,247
HE CAN USE HIS
INFLUENCE IN BERLIN
360
00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:24,249
TO HAVE VON
FLOCKENSTUFFEN REMOVED,
361
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:26,751
AND THIS MAD PLAN
ABORTED.
362
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:29,755
BUT NO ONE CAN SEE
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
363
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:33,258
THE PSYCHIATRIC WING
HAS BEEN PLACED OUT OF BOUNDS.
364
00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:35,260
WE MUST FIND A WAY
OF GETTING IN.
365
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,262
MAY I SUGGEST,
TO THIS END
366
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:39,264
THAT YOU ARRANGE
FOR A LITTLE ENTERTAINMENT
367
00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:40,765
AT CAFE RENE TONIGHT,
368
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:42,267
TO KEEP GENERAL
VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN
369
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,268
OUT OF THE WAY,
370
00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:45,270
WHILE I DISGUISE MYSELF
AS A NURSE
371
00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:46,771
AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL?
372
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:48,774
ON WHAT PRETEXT?
373
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,776
I WILL TAKE CAPTAIN
BERTORELLI WITH ME,
374
00:16:50,776 --> 00:16:52,277
WHO WILL PRETEND
TO BE A PATIENT
375
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:54,279
IN NEED
OF PSYCHIATRIC HELP,
376
00:16:54,279 --> 00:16:55,780
AND TOGETHER
WE WILL GAIN ACCESS
377
00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:57,783
TO THE GENERAL'S ROOM.
378
00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:01,286
I WAS GOING TO SUGGEST
SOMETHING LIKE THAT MYSELF.
379
00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,787
WAIT A MINUTE.
380
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:05,290
WHY I HAVE TO PLAY
THE FRUITCAKE?
381
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:09,795
YOU WILL BE
THE MOST BELIEVABLE.
382
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,798
I DON'T THINK
I LIKE THIS PLAN.
383
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,299
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE ME
TO RECOMMEND YOU
384
00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:16,801
FOR THE DEATH OR GLORY
SUICIDE SQUAD?
385
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,304
YOU'VE CONVINCED ME.
386
00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:22,307
ALREADY I CAN FEEL
A FIT COMING ON.
387
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:27,812
HOW NICE
TO SEE YOU ALL.
388
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,815
SIT OVER HERE, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
389
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,318
I HAVE ARRANGED
THE ENTERTAINMENT
390
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:34,819
YOU REQUESTED,
COLONEL.
391
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:35,821
GET ON WITH IT, RENE.
392
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,322
YES, OF COURSE.
393
00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:40,325
( claps )
394
00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:42,827
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.
395
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:45,330
IT IS CABARET TIME
AT CAFE RENE.
396
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,332
AND THE FIRST ITEM
ON THE BILL,
397
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,834
MY WIFE EDITH,
MADAME EDITH,
398
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:52,337
WILL SING FOR YOU
A SONG SHE HAS PREPARED.
399
00:17:58,343 --> 00:17:59,844
SPLENDID.
400
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,346
WHAT IS
THE CHEESE FOR?
401
00:18:01,346 --> 00:18:04,349
TO STUFF IN YOUR EARS.
402
00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:06,351
SURELY THAT IS
NOT NECESSARY?
403
00:18:06,351 --> 00:18:07,852
IT IS OPTIONAL.
404
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:23,368
♪ I LOVE THE MUSIC
FROM BRAZIL ♪
405
00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:26,871
♪ IT ALWAYS GIVES ME
SUCH A THRILL ♪
406
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:30,375
♪ IT SAYS SO MANY THINGS
IN DIFFERENT WAYS ♪
407
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:38,383
♪ AND EVERY TIME
IT PLAYS ♪
408
00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:41,886
♪ SHE BURSTS OUT
OF HER STAYS ♪
409
00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:45,390
♪ IT DRIVES ME
CRACKERS ♪
410
00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:46,391
♪ AND I CAN'T
HELP MYSELF ♪
411
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:47,892
♪ I MUST ♪
412
00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:49,895
♪ PLAY THE MARACAS ♪
413
00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:55,400
♪ IT DRIVES ME
CRACKERS ♪
414
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,901
♪ AND I CAN'T
HELP MYSELF ♪
415
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,403
♪ I MUST, I MUST,
I MUST ♪
416
00:18:58,403 --> 00:19:01,906
♪ PLAY MY MARACAS ♪
417
00:19:04,409 --> 00:19:05,410
- OLE!
- OLE!
418
00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:12,917
EVERYWHERE
BLUEBOTTLEY, HA.
419
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,419
BLUEBOTTLEY--
420
00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:15,920
TOTALLY ROUND
THE BEND.
421
00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:17,923
BLUEBOTTLEY, HA!
422
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:23,928
♪ AND SO I DRIVE THE BOYS
ALL MAD AT NIGHT ♪
423
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,931
♪ AND THEY GO ♪
424
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,432
♪ CRACKERS ♪
425
00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:30,935
♪ FOR MY MARACAS. ♪
426
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:34,439
- OLE!
- OLE!
427
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,942
( little applause )
428
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,444
HAS SHE FINISHED YET?
429
00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:40,945
I THINK SO.
430
00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:42,447
THANK GOD FOR THAT.
431
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:44,449
WOULD YOU LIKE
ANOTHER SONG, HERR GENERAL?
432
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,953
THEY ARE NOT
MASOCHISTS, EDITH.
433
00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:50,956
I COULD SING YOU
A TRAGIC SONG.
434
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:53,458
YOU JUST DID.
435
00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:54,959
WHAT DID
THE GENERAL THINK?
436
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,462
I'M SURE YOU HAVE
NEVER BEEN BETTER, DARLING.
437
00:19:57,462 --> 00:19:59,464
IN FACT, YOUR VOICE
REMINDS ME OF MY BOYHOOD
438
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:00,965
ON A FARM IN BAVARIA.
439
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:03,969
OH, YOU MEAN LIKE
THE GOLDEN MAIDENS
440
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,971
WHO SING IN
THE CORNFIELDS?
441
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,472
NO, THE THRESHING MACHINE.
442
00:20:10,475 --> 00:20:12,977
I SHALL NOT SING AGAIN
THIS NIGHT!
443
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,980
WHAT'S NEXT
ON THE CABARET, RENE?
444
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,982
WE HAVE JUST LOST IT.
445
00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:19,484
IN THAT CASE,
I SHALL BE OFF TO SEE
446
00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:21,486
HOW POOR OLD
PIGGY'S GETTING ON.
447
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:22,987
OH, DON'T GO, GENERAL.
448
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:24,990
GRUBER,
PLAY FOR THE GENERAL.
449
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,992
HE'D LIKE THAT.
450
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,493
OH, YOU PLAY,
LIEUTENANT?
451
00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:29,994
ONLY NOW AND THEN.
452
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:32,497
YOU REALLY ARE
A TALENTED FELLOW.
453
00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:33,998
SHOW ME
WHAT YOU CAN DO.
454
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:36,501
RENE, LIEUTENANT GRUBER
WOULD LIKE TO PLAY.
455
00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:38,002
OF COURSE, COLONEL, YES.
456
00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:44,009
Gruber:
YOU WILL LIKE THIS ONE, RENE.
457
00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:47,512
IT IS VERY APPROPRIATE
FOR THE CAFE.
458
00:20:47,512 --> 00:20:49,013
( plays piano intro )
459
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:52,017
♪ SEE WHAT THE BOYS ♪
460
00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:55,020
♪ IN THE BACK ROOM
WILL HAVE ♪
461
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:58,023
♪ AND TELL THEM
I'M HAVING THE SAME ♪
462
00:20:59,524 --> 00:21:03,027
♪ GO SEE WHAT THE BOYS
IN THE BACK ROOM WILL HAVE ♪
463
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:06,031
♪ AND GIVE THEM
THE POISON THEY NAME ♪
464
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:08,033
♪ AND WHEN I DIE ♪
465
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:10,535
♪ DON'T SPEND MY MONEY ♪
466
00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:14,038
♪ ON FLOWERS
AND MY PICTURE IN A FRAME ♪
467
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:17,542
Everyone:
♪ JUST SEE WHAT THE BOYS ♪
468
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:19,544
♪ IN THE BACK ROOM
WILL HAVE ♪
469
00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:22,547
♪ AND TELL THEM I SIGHED ♪
470
00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:25,049
♪ AND TELL THEM I CRIED ♪
471
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:26,051
♪ CRIED ♪
472
00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:29,054
♪ AND TELL THEM I DIED-- ♪
473
00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:31,556
♪ OF THE SAME. ♪
474
00:21:31,556 --> 00:21:34,058
BRAVO!
475
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:36,561
All: BRAVO!
Colonel: BRAVO, GRUBER!
476
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,967
Bertorelli:
BLUEBOTTLEY, BLUEBOTTLEY,
477
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,969
EVERYWHERE BLUEBOTTLEY.
478
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,470
IT IS I, HELGA.
479
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,472
HELGA, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
480
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:48,973
WHAT IS
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI DOING?
481
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,977
YOU CAN STOP
ACTING NOW!
482
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,479
I GET CARRIED AWAY
WITH THE PART.
483
00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:58,983
MY PHONE'S BEEN CUT OFF.
I AM A PRISONER HERE.
484
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,986
HEADS WILL ROLL
FOR THIS.
485
00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:02,988
WE ARE GOING TO TRY
TO GET YOU RELEASED, GENERAL.
486
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,489
BUT FIRST WE NEED
THE PHONE NUMBERS
487
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:06,491
OF YOUR POWERFUL
FRIENDS IN BERLIN,
488
00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:08,493
TO OVERRIDE GENERAL
VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN'S ORDERS.
489
00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:09,994
WHAT ORDERS?
490
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,998
HE AND GENERAL VON BRATWURSTEN
ARE PLANNING TO FLY TO ENGLAND
491
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,000
TO SNATCH CHURCHILL,
492
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,502
WHILE HE'S DOING
A PAINTING IN THE BOGNOR.
493
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,505
FOOLS!
494
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:23,508
OUR INVASION PLANS ARE IMMINENT.
THEY COULD BE JEOPARDIZED.
495
00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:25,009
VON BRATWURSTEN
IS A HOTHEAD,
496
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,012
AND VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN
IS AN IDIOT.
497
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:29,014
YOU MUST GET ME
OUT OF HERE NOW!
498
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:30,515
I MUST PHONE BERLIN
PERSONALLY.
499
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,517
AND THEN I WILL DEAL
WITH VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN.
500
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,018
BUT HOW?
501
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,021
HIS TROOPS HAVE THE ORDERS
TO KEEP YOU HERE.
502
00:22:37,522 --> 00:22:39,023
ARE MY MEN STILL
AT THE CHATEAU?
503
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:41,026
YES, GENERAL.
504
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,527
HMM...
505
00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:44,529
THE WINDOWS ARE BARRED.
506
00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:46,531
WE MUST GO OUT
THE WAY YOU CAME IN.
507
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:48,032
GET OFF YOUR UNIFORM.
508
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,035
- YES, GENERAL.
- ( Bertorelli leers )
509
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,536
NO, NOT YOU, HELGA.
YOU, BERTORELLI.
510
00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:53,538
- HELGA, YOU CAN HELP ME.
- BUT, GENERAL--
511
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:55,540
DO AS I SAY!
512
00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:02,046
I CHANGE
BEHIND THE SCREEN.
513
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,049
YOU COULD BE A CORPORAL
AGAIN FOR THIS.
514
00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:06,551
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
BUT WHAT IS YOUR PLAN?
515
00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:07,552
HURRY UP!
516
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:13,057
YOU PUSHED AN IDIOT IN.
YOU'RE GOING TO WHEEL ONE OUT.
517
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:15,060
AND WHAT ABOUT ME?
518
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,062
WHEN I'M BACK IN COMMAND,
YOU'LL BE RELEASED.
519
00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:22,067
WHAT IF YOU HAVE
THE SLIP UP?
520
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:24,569
THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO PROVE
THAT YOU'RE NOT MAD.
521
00:23:24,569 --> 00:23:27,572
I COULD BE HERE
A LONG TIME.
522
00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:29,574
YOU THERE,
523
00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:31,075
MORE WINE!
524
00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:33,578
GENERAL, DON'T YOU THINK
YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH?
525
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:35,580
NO, WHEN I WAS
IN THE CONDOR LEGION,
526
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:38,082
I COULD DRINK
10 MEN OFF THE TABLE.
527
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:40,085
AND THEY WERE REAL MEN.
528
00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:41,586
HOW YOU MUST
MISS THOSE DAYS.
529
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:46,591
PERHAPS THE GENERAL
WOULD LIKE TO PAY
530
00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:48,092
FOR THE OTHER
BOTTLES NOW?
531
00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:49,594
PUT IT ON THE SLATE,
SWEETIE.
532
00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:51,596
I'LL PAY
FOR IT LATER.
533
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:54,599
- HOW MUCH LATER?
- WHEN THE WAR IS OVER.
534
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:57,602
I WILL ORDER SOME
NEW SLATES TOMORROW.
535
00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:00,605
DON'T FORGET ME,
PLEASE.
536
00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:02,607
I GET ANOTHER MEDAL, YES?
537
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:04,609
YOU'RE HARDLY GOING
TO GET THE IRON CROSS
538
00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:06,611
JUST FOR LENDING ME
YOUR UNIFORM.
539
00:24:06,611 --> 00:24:08,613
QUICK,
PRIVATE GEERHART,
540
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:10,114
TO MY HEADQUARTERS.
541
00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:13,118
AND THEN WE WILL DEAL
WITH VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN.
542
00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:16,121
BLUEBOTTLEY,
BLUEBOTTLEY,
543
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:19,124
EVERYWHERE
THERE'S BLUEBOTTLIES.
544
00:24:26,631 --> 00:24:29,266
MORE WINE!
MORE WINE.
545
00:24:29,267 --> 00:24:30,768
THAT GENERAL IS GOING
TO BANKRUPT US
546
00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:32,270
IF HE COMES HERE
MUCH MORE OFTEN.
547
00:24:32,270 --> 00:24:34,272
I DO NOT LIKE HIM, RENE.
548
00:24:34,272 --> 00:24:36,274
HE HAS MEAN LITTLE EYES,
549
00:24:36,274 --> 00:24:38,276
AND HE IS CLEARLY
TONE DEAF.
550
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:43,781
WELL, YOU SHOULD KNOW.
551
00:24:45,784 --> 00:24:48,286
YOU KNOW,
THIS WINE IS NO GOOD.
552
00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:50,788
YOU THERE, PEASANT,
COME HERE.
553
00:24:50,789 --> 00:24:52,791
THIS PEASANT,
OR THIS PEASANT?
554
00:24:52,791 --> 00:24:54,292
THE ONE WITH THE MUSTACHE.
555
00:24:58,296 --> 00:24:59,297
GENERAL?
556
00:24:59,297 --> 00:25:01,299
DO YOU KNOW, I WOULD
NOT BE SURPRISED
557
00:25:01,299 --> 00:25:03,301
IF YOU'RE HIDING
YOUR BEST WINES FROM US?
558
00:25:03,301 --> 00:25:05,303
YES, SO WHERE
IS YOUR WINE CELLAR?
559
00:25:05,303 --> 00:25:06,804
I WISH TO SEE
FOR MYSELF.
560
00:25:06,805 --> 00:25:08,306
I ASSURE YOU, GENERAL,
I HAVE GIVEN YOU
561
00:25:08,306 --> 00:25:10,308
THE FINEST WINES
THAT I POSSESS.
562
00:25:10,308 --> 00:25:11,309
SO YOU SAY.
563
00:25:11,309 --> 00:25:14,312
BUT I WILL BE
THE JUDGE OF THAT, HMM?
564
00:25:14,312 --> 00:25:16,314
OH, ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU MUST.
565
00:25:16,314 --> 00:25:18,816
IT IS THE DOOR
IN THE PASSAGE.
566
00:25:18,817 --> 00:25:20,318
BUT THERE IS NO LIGHT.
567
00:25:20,318 --> 00:25:22,820
WELL THEN,
GIVE ME A CANDLE.
568
00:25:22,821 --> 00:25:24,823
WE DO NOT HAVE ANY.
569
00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:27,325
NO? NO CANDLES?
570
00:25:27,325 --> 00:25:29,327
THEN WHAT IS THIS?
571
00:25:32,330 --> 00:25:33,331
A CANDLE, GENERAL.
572
00:25:33,331 --> 00:25:35,333
YES, IT'S A CANDLE.
573
00:25:36,835 --> 00:25:37,836
♪ SEE WHAT THE BOYS ♪
574
00:25:37,836 --> 00:25:40,839
♪ IN THE BACK ROOM
WILL HAVE... ♪
575
00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:43,341
WHY DID YOU LEAVE THEM THERE?!
THAT WAS DYNAMITE!
576
00:25:43,341 --> 00:25:46,344
HOW WAS I TO KNOW HE WAS
GOING TO ASK FOR A CANDLE?
577
00:25:47,846 --> 00:25:49,848
MOUTON CADET, EH?
578
00:25:49,848 --> 00:25:51,850
ST. JULIEN.
579
00:25:51,850 --> 00:25:53,852
LET US TAKE THE MONEY
FROM THE TILL,
580
00:25:53,852 --> 00:25:55,353
AND LEG IT
ACROSS THE FRONTIER.
581
00:25:55,353 --> 00:25:57,355
TOO LATE,
IT IS THE END.
582
00:25:57,355 --> 00:26:00,358
NO ONE WILL NOTICE US.
WE CAN SLIP OUT QUIETLY.
583
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,861
WHERE IS GENERAL
VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN?
584
00:26:03,862 --> 00:26:06,364
I'M BACK IN COMMAND.
HE'S UNDER ARREST.
585
00:26:06,364 --> 00:26:08,366
IN THE CELLAR,
GENERAL.
586
00:26:08,366 --> 00:26:09,367
MAY I SAY, GENERAL,
587
00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:11,369
HOW RELIEVED WE ARE
TO SEE YOU?
588
00:26:11,369 --> 00:26:13,371
WE HOPED OUR LITTLE PLAN
WOULD WORK.
589
00:26:13,371 --> 00:26:14,872
- ( explosion )
- ( people scream )
590
00:26:15,874 --> 00:26:16,875
WHAT WAS THAT EXPLOSION?
591
00:26:17,876 --> 00:26:19,878
POSSIBLY
AN EXPLODING CORK.
592
00:26:19,878 --> 00:26:22,380
SOME OF MY CHAMPAGNE
IS VERY OLD.
593
00:26:25,383 --> 00:26:27,385
THE CANDLE EXPLODED.
594
00:26:27,385 --> 00:26:29,387
IT WAS A STICK
OF DYNAMITE.
595
00:26:29,387 --> 00:26:32,390
I AM SORRY,
I DID NOT INTEND TO GIVE HIM DYNAMITE.
596
00:26:32,390 --> 00:26:34,892
IT WAS LEFT THERE BY
SOMEBODY I DO NOT KNOW,
597
00:26:34,893 --> 00:26:36,895
TO GIVE TO SOMEBODY
I HAD NEVER HEARD OF.
598
00:26:38,897 --> 00:26:40,899
YOU CARRIED OUT
OUR INSTRUCTIONS
599
00:26:40,899 --> 00:26:41,900
TO THE LETTER, RENE.
600
00:26:41,900 --> 00:26:44,903
YOU ARE QUITE A HERO.
601
00:26:44,903 --> 00:26:46,905
THIS MAN,
602
00:26:46,905 --> 00:26:49,407
AT GREAT PERSONAL RISK,
603
00:26:49,407 --> 00:26:52,410
GAVE THE GENERAL
AN EXPLODING CANDLE,
604
00:26:52,410 --> 00:26:54,412
TO RENDER HIM
UNABLE TO CARRY OUT
605
00:26:54,412 --> 00:26:56,414
HIS MADCAP SCHEME,
606
00:26:56,414 --> 00:26:58,916
WHICH COULD HAVE REFLECTED
BADLY ON YOUR COMMAND.
607
00:26:58,917 --> 00:27:00,919
WHERE AM I?
608
00:27:00,919 --> 00:27:02,921
WHO ARE
ALL THESE PEOPLE?
609
00:27:02,921 --> 00:27:05,924
IS MY HEAD ON
THE RIGHT WAY ROUND?
610
00:27:07,425 --> 00:27:09,427
TAKE THE GENERAL
TO THE HOSPITAL--
611
00:27:09,427 --> 00:27:11,429
FRUITCAKE WARD--
612
00:27:11,429 --> 00:27:13,431
AND RELEASE CAPTAIN BERTORELLI.
QUICK MARCH.
613
00:27:19,437 --> 00:27:20,438
EXCELLENT WORK.
614
00:27:21,940 --> 00:27:23,441
AND YOU,
MY FINE FELLOW.
615
00:27:23,441 --> 00:27:25,943
I SHALL RECOMMEND YOU
FOR A COLLABORATION MEDAL.
616
00:27:28,446 --> 00:27:30,448
A COLLABORATION MEDAL?
617
00:27:30,448 --> 00:27:32,950
OH MY GOD, THAT IS
THE LAST THING I NEED.
618
00:27:32,951 --> 00:27:35,453
OH, RENE,
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
619
00:27:35,453 --> 00:27:37,955
TO SING YOU A SONG
TO SOOTHE YOUR NERVES?
620
00:27:39,457 --> 00:27:41,459
WELL, THEY DO SAY THAT--
621
00:27:41,459 --> 00:27:42,960
ONE PAIN CAN
CANCEL OUT ANOTHER.
622
00:27:44,462 --> 00:27:47,465
♪ FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN ♪
623
00:27:47,465 --> 00:27:48,966
♪ NEVER WANTED TO... ♪
624
00:27:50,969 --> 00:27:54,472
( theme music playing )