1 00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:06,572 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:20,587 THAT NOISE YOU CAN HEAR IS MY WIFE EDITH 3 00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,589 UPSTAIRS BANGING IN THE SPARE BEDROOM 4 00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:25,592 WITH MONSIEUR ALPHONSE THE UNDERTAKER. 5 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,093 THEY ARE-- 6 00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,097 THEY ARE CONSTRUCTING A SECRET COMPARTMENT 7 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,098 FOR US TO HIDE IN, 8 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,100 SHOULD THE GERMANS EVER DISCOVER 9 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,602 THAT WE ARE HELPING THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE. 10 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:38,104 NEEDLESS TO SAY, 11 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,106 THE PLAN TO GET THE AIRMEN AWAY BY BALLOON 12 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:41,607 WENT WRONG. 13 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:44,611 THE ROPES OF THE BALLOON BECAME ACCIDENTALLY ENTANGLED 14 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,613 IN THE BED CONTAINING MY WIFE'S MOTHER, 15 00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,615 AND HER TOY PENSIONER HUSBAND, 16 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,617 MONSIEUR LECLERC. 17 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:51,618 THEY WERE LAST SEEN 18 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:55,622 FLOATING AT 500 FEET DUE SOUTH. 19 00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:59,125 EDITH IS, OF COURSE, VERY UPSET BY ALL THIS. 20 00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,127 FORTUNATELY, I AM MADE OF STRONGER STUFF, 21 00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:04,130 AND AM MANAGING TO CONTAIN MY GRIEF. 22 00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:09,135 THE SECRET COMPARTMENT IS FINISHED. 23 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,636 GOOD. I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK 24 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,639 I HAD A SEVERE CASE OF DANDRUFF. 25 00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,641 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE IS A DAB HAND 26 00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:15,642 AT DOING IT HIMSELF. 27 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,644 I'M SURE HE IS. 28 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:20,647 IT'S ALL THOSE YEARS MAKING COFFINS. 29 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,649 BUT I SHALL SLEEP MORE SOUNDLY NOW, 30 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,651 KNOWING THAT SHOULD THE END COME, 31 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:27,654 WE WILL BE SAFE IN OUR SECRET COMPARTMENT, 32 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:28,655 JUST THE TWO OF US. 33 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,156 THE-- THE THREE OF US. 34 00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,657 YOU WILL HAVE TO SLIM A BIT. 35 00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:34,660 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, 36 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,163 WHAT A COMFORT IT IS TO HAVE SUCH LOYAL FRIENDS. 37 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:40,166 OH, DO NOT MENTION IT, MADAME EDITH. 38 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,168 NEXT WEEK, I WILL SEND YOU THE BILL 39 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:44,170 FOR THE WOOD, 40 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:45,171 AND THE SCREWS. 41 00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:49,675 RENE, IS THERE ANY NEWS OF MAMMA? 42 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:50,677 I'M AFRAID NOT. 43 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,679 I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT HER. 44 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,681 TO THINK OF HER FLOATING UP THERE IN BED 45 00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:56,182 SUSPENDED UNDER A BALLOON. 46 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:58,684 SHE'S PROBABLY FAST ASLEEP, 47 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,186 FLOATING ALONG QUITE SAFELY. 48 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:03,189 OH, WHAT A COMFORT YOUR WORDS ARE. 49 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:06,192 THERE IS ALWAYS A CHANCE SHE WILL FORGET WHERE SHE IS 50 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:07,693 AND DECIDE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 51 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:08,695 RENE! 52 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,200 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 53 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,701 I SHALL GASP THIS ONLY ONCE. 54 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:18,705 I HAVE BAD NEWS. 55 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,206 MONSIEUR LECLERC AND MADAME FANNY 56 00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,208 HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN OVER ABBEVILLE. 57 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:23,709 OH NO! 58 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,712 ARE YOU SURE IT WAS THEM? 59 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:28,214 HOW MANY OLD COUPLES ARE FLOATING AROUND FRANCE 60 00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,715 IN A BED? 61 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,718 PERHAPS THE SPRINGS OF THE MATTRESS 62 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:33,219 HAVE CUSHIONED THE LANDING. 63 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:35,221 THERE WERE NO SPRINGS IN THE MATTRESS. 64 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,224 OH, WE MUST SAY A PRAYER FOR THEM. 65 00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:39,725 OH, ALL RIGHT. 66 00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:42,228 DEAR LORD, IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT, 67 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,230 PLEASE WATCH OVER MY WIFE'S MOTHER 68 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,231 AND MONSIEUR LECLERC. 69 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,732 AND IF POSSIBLE, 70 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,234 MAKE SURE WE GET THE BED BACK. 71 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,735 AMEN. 72 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:50,737 ( engine noise ) 73 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,738 WHAT WAS THAT? 74 00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:55,241 THERE'S A MOTORBIKE AND A SIDECAR. 75 00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,745 IT'S MADAME FANNY AND MONSIEUR LECLERC! 76 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,249 OH! 77 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:05,251 OH, MAMMA, 78 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,253 THANK HEAVEN YOU ARE SAFE. 79 00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:08,254 BUT WHAT HAPPENED? 80 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,256 THE BALLOON WAS HIT BY A SHRAPNEL 81 00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,758 BUT WE LANDED IN A HAYSTACK. 82 00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,261 IT WAS ERNEST WHO SAVED THE DAY. 83 00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:17,763 HE DESERVES A HERO'S REWARD. 84 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,266 DO NOT TELL ME YOU HAVE BROUGHT THE BED BACK? 85 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:21,267 NO. 86 00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,770 HE STOLE A MOTORBIKE 87 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,773 AND WE DROVE LIKE THE WIND. 88 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,275 MY GOD, DID ANYBODY SEE YOU? 89 00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:30,776 ONLY THE GERMANS WHO SHOT AT US 90 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,279 WHEN WE SMASHED THROUGH THE ROADBLOCK. 91 00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:36,282 I AM REVITALIZED, 92 00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:38,784 I DEMAND THAT WE SIGN ON 93 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,788 FOR ACTIVE SERVICE IN THE RESISTANCE. 94 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:44,290 YOU SILLY OLD FOOLS, YOU'LL HAVE 95 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,292 HALF THE GERMAN ARMY COMING HERE. 96 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,294 OH MY GOD, THEY ARE HERE ALREADY. 97 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,296 THEY MUST NOT FIND ME HERE. 98 00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:52,298 I WILL DISAPPEAR DOWN THE BACK PASSAGE. 99 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:56,302 I'VE JUST SUDDENLY REMEMBERED 100 00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:57,303 AN URGENT APPOINTMENT, 101 00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:59,805 WITH A STIFF. 102 00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:03,309 RENE, WE MUST DENY KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT THE MOTORBIKE. 103 00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,813 THE WANTED MOTORBIKE OUTSIDE 104 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,314 WAS SEEN ENTERING THE TOWN 105 00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:09,815 DOING A WHEELIE. 106 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:10,817 WHO IS THE DRIVER? 107 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,319 WE WILL NOT TALK. 108 00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,321 THEN YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST. 109 00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,323 BUT WE DO NOT EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE. 110 00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:18,824 SILENCE! TAKE THEM AWAY. 111 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,329 AND TO THINK I PAID FOR THE WEDDING. 112 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:26,966 ( snoring ) 113 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:27,967 ( knocking ) 114 00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:32,972 WHAT IS IT, HELGA? CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE BUSY? 115 00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:34,974 THERE ARE SOME PRISONERS OUTSIDE, COLONEL. 116 00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:37,476 OH, ALL RIGHT. 117 00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:39,979 BRING THEM IN. 118 00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:43,482 BRING IN THE PRISONERS! 119 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,485 LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, 120 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:46,986 LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, 121 00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:48,988 LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, 122 00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:50,489 LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, 123 00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:51,991 LEFT, RIGHT. HALT! 124 00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,994 GET OUT! 125 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:57,997 I'M SURE THERE HAS BEEN SOME MISTAKE. 126 00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,498 BE QUIET! 127 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:00,500 I WARN YOU, RENE, 128 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,502 I AM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD. 129 00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,504 WE'RE DOING VERY BADLY ON THE RUSSIAN FRONT. 130 00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:07,006 OH, I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT. 131 00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:09,008 MADAME FANNY AND MONSIEUR LECLERC 132 00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:11,510 ARE CHARGED WITH ASSAULTING A GERMAN OFFICER, 133 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,012 STEALING A MOTORBIKE, 134 00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:15,014 FAILURE TO STOP AT A ROADBLOCK, 135 00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:17,516 AND FLYING A BED ATTACHED TO A BALLOON 136 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:20,019 IN A MILITARY AIRSPACE. 137 00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:22,021 THESE ARE SERIOUS CHARGES. 138 00:05:22,021 --> 00:05:24,023 WHAT HAVE YOU TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES? 139 00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:25,524 YOU ARE A FAT PIG. 140 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:30,529 PLEASE NOTE THAT I DO NOT WISH 141 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,031 TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH ANY PERSONAL OPINIONS 142 00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,033 OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER. 143 00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:37,036 WE QUITE UNDERSTAND. 144 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:40,039 NOW, MADAME FANNY, PERHAPS YOU COULD EXPLAIN. 145 00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:42,041 GERMANS, 146 00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:44,543 - I SPIT ON YOU! - ( spits ) 147 00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:46,546 SHUT UP, YOU SILLY OLD BAT. 148 00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:48,047 YOU WILL GET US ALL SHOT. 149 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,049 DO SOMETHING, SHE IS YOUR WIFE. 150 00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:51,550 I HARDLY KNOW THE WOMAN. 151 00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:55,054 IN VIEW OF THE SERIOUSNESS OF THESE OFFENSES, 152 00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:57,056 I HAVE TO SEND YOU TO JAIL 153 00:05:57,056 --> 00:05:59,058 FOR AT LEAST SEVEN DAYS. 154 00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:00,559 BUT COLONEL, 155 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,562 THEY ARE VERY OLD. 156 00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,564 AND THEY WERE ON THEIR HONEYMOON. 157 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,067 MAKE IT 14 DAYS. 158 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:11,070 TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE, MAKE IT 21. 159 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:14,573 SO MUCH FOR NAZI JUSTICE. 160 00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:16,075 30 DAYS! 161 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:18,077 ARE YOU GOING TO TRY FOR LIFE? 162 00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:21,580 PLEASE, MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS AN OLD LADY. 163 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,583 SHE HAS MOMENTS OF INSANITY, 164 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:26,586 IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY. 165 00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,087 THE BALLOON WAS AN ACCIDENT. 166 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:29,588 AND ASSAULTING THE SENTRY? 167 00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:32,091 AND STEALING A MOTORBIKE? 168 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:35,094 AND RIDING FULL SPEED THROUGH ROADBLOCKS? 169 00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:36,595 HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT? 170 00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:40,099 SHE HAD LEFT A CAKE IN THE OVEN. 171 00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:43,102 PLEASE, COLONEL, BE MERCIFUL. 172 00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:45,104 YES, PERHAPS WE COULD 173 00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:48,107 SHOW THE MAGNANIMITY OF THE CONQUEROR. 174 00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:49,608 YOU ARE RIGHT, GRUBER, 175 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,110 BUT I MUST MAKE AN EXAMPLE. 176 00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:53,112 GUARD! 177 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,114 TAKE THOSE PEOPLE TO THE POLICE STATION. 178 00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:57,616 MAKE SURE THEY GET A COMFORTABLE CELL. 179 00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:00,620 LONG LIVE FRANCE! 180 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:03,122 DOWN WITH HITLER! 181 00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:04,623 SHE DID NOT MEAN THAT. 182 00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:06,626 I CAN SEND YOU THERE, AS WELL. 183 00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,128 THEY WILL BE MORE COMFORTABLE 184 00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:11,130 ON THEIR OWN, THANK YOU, COLONEL. 185 00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,132 LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, 186 00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:15,134 THERE IS VERY LITTLE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 187 00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:17,136 BEING MARRIED AND BEING IN THE NICK. 188 00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:18,637 Colonel: SHUT THE DOOR! 189 00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:19,639 SORRY, SORRY. 190 00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:21,140 HEIL... 191 00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:22,641 ...WHAT'S-HIS-NAME. 192 00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:31,650 YOU SENT FOR ME, HERR FLICK? 193 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,152 YES, HELGA. 194 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:35,654 MY SPIES INFORM ME 195 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,156 THAT THE OLD LADY FROM THE CAFE 196 00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:38,657 AND HER GERIATRIC HUSBAND 197 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:42,161 HAVE BEEN JAILED FOR FLYING AN UNLICENSED BED 198 00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:43,662 IN MILITARY AIRSPACE. 199 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,665 YOUR SPIES WORK QUICKLY, 200 00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,166 I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TELL YOU THIS. 201 00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:50,169 I SUSPECT THAT THE AIRBORNE BED 202 00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:52,671 HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE BRITISH AIRMEN. 203 00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:56,676 WE MUST THEREFORE INTERROGATE THE TWO FLYING PENSIONERS. 204 00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:57,677 BUT HOW? 205 00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,679 THEY HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO JAIL. 206 00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:00,680 I'M AWARE OF THIS, 207 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,683 AND HAVE THEREFORE INSTRUCTED VON SMALLHAUSEN 208 00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:07,186 TO DISGUISE HIMSELF AS A COMMON CRIMINAL. 209 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,687 HE WILL COMMIT A CRIME, 210 00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:11,691 GET HIMSELF LOCKED UP IN THE SAME CELL 211 00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:12,692 AS THE OLD COUPLE, 212 00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,694 AND INGRATIATE HIMSELF WITH THEM. 213 00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,697 REVEAL YOURSELF, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 214 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,706 ( spits ) 215 00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:28,708 WHY DO YOU SPIT, VON SMALLHAUSEN? 216 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:31,711 I AM GETTING INTO THE PART, HERR FLICK. 217 00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,212 DO NOT DO IT AGAIN, 218 00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:35,214 I HAVE JUST HAD THE FLOOR POLISHED. 219 00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:37,216 WHAT CRIME WILL THIS VERY COMMON LOOKING CRIMINAL 220 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:38,717 COMMIT, HERR FLICK? 221 00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,720 IT IS NOT YET DECIDED. 222 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,722 COULD HE NOT CLIMB INTO THE COLONEL'S OFFICE 223 00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,223 AND STEAL THE PETTY CASH? 224 00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:46,225 THAT IS A GOOD IDEA. 225 00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,727 MY DAZZLING BRILLIANCE IS OBVIOUSLY 226 00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,730 RUBBING OFF ON YOU. 227 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:53,232 AS A REWARD, YOU MAY KISS ME. 228 00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:59,238 ENOUGH! 229 00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:01,240 I MUST NOT SPOIL YOU. 230 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,741 DO I GET A KISS TOO? 231 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:06,245 VON SMALLHAUSEN, YOU ARE NOT RAFFLES. 232 00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:07,746 YOU ARE A COMMON CRIMINAL, 233 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,248 AND IF I MAY SAY SO, 234 00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:11,250 RATHER UPPITY. 235 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,623 I HAVE ODORS TO LICK YOU UP, 236 00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:20,125 BUT I AM POTTING YOU IN A GOOD SILL. 237 00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:26,132 WHAT DID HE SAY, ERNEST? 238 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,133 I HAVE NO IDEA. 239 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,135 I THINK HE IS DRUNK. 240 00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,137 I AM NOT DRINK, 241 00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,639 I AM JUST DOING MY DIRTY. 242 00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,141 NOW MAKE YOURSELVES COMFY, 243 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,644 AND I WILL BRING YOU A NICE POT OF TWO. 244 00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:39,645 OH. 245 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,647 HE MEANS A POT OF TEA. 246 00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:42,648 OH, WHAT A RELIEF. 247 00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,654 I DO NOT LIKE BEING BANGED UP 248 00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:51,156 LIKE THIS AT MY AGE. 249 00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:54,160 WE MUST GET OUT OF HERE. 250 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,162 WE COULD DIG A TUNNEL 251 00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:58,664 LIKE THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO. 252 00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:01,667 IT TOOK HIM 20 YEARS. 253 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,169 I WOULD BE... 254 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:08,674 ...104 BY THE TIME WE GET OUT. 255 00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,676 YOU WILL STILL LOOK THE SAME TO ME. 256 00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:15,180 I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONCE 257 00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:18,184 ONE OF THE BEST CRACKSMEN IN FRANCE. 258 00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,685 A LONG TIME AGO. 259 00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:21,186 TAKE THIS HAIRPIN 260 00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:23,689 AND TRY YOUR LUCK WITH THE LOCK. 261 00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:24,690 AH. 262 00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,194 WHERE IS IT? 263 00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,698 GIVE IT TO ME. 264 00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:40,706 ( clears throat ) 265 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,710 MONSIEUR LECLERC, YOU ARE NOT 266 00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:47,212 SUPPOSED TO LEAVE YOUR SILL. 267 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:49,215 YOU WILL GET ME INTO TRIBBLE. 268 00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,217 WELL, IN THAT CASE, 269 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,219 COULD WE HAVE COFFEE INSTEAD OF TEA, 270 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,221 AND PERHAPS A SANDWICH? 271 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,723 CRIB MEAT, SIMMON OR SARDUNE? 272 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,727 OH, JUST A BISCUIT WILL DO. 273 00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:07,232 GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN, 274 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:08,734 IRON CROSS 1st CLASS. 275 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:11,737 HOLDER OF THE DISTINGUISHED ORDER OF THE SILVER EAGLE, 276 00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:13,739 AND MEMBER OF THE BERCHTESGADEN RAMBLERS. 277 00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:14,740 HEIL HITLER. 278 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:15,741 HEIL HITLER. 279 00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:16,742 HEIL MUSSOLINI. 280 00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:21,747 MUSSOLINI, HE STILL NO GO TOO GOOD, EH? 281 00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:25,250 I HAVE COME TO INFORM YOU THAT SINCE VON KLINKERHOFFEN 282 00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,253 SEEMS TO BE HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN, 283 00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,255 I WILL BE TAKING CHARGE OF THE GARRISON 284 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,756 UNTIL HE IS FIT TO RETURN. 285 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:33,258 WE ALL WISH HIM A SPEEDY RECOVERY. 286 00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,760 AND MAY I SAY, GENERAL, 287 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,763 THAT IT WILL BE AN HONOR TO SERVE UNDER YOU. 288 00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:39,765 IT IS NOTED. 289 00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:42,267 SO, NOW THAT I'M IN CHARGE, COLONEL, 290 00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,770 THERE ARE URGENT PRIORITIES FOR US TO DISCUSS. 291 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,272 LIKE RECAPTURING THE ESCAPED BRITISH AIRMEN. 292 00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,275 THAT IS HIGH ON MY LIST, OF COURSE, 293 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,276 BUT FIRST-- 294 00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:53,779 I THINK WE SHOULD REDECORATE THIS ROOM. 295 00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:55,280 THAT CARPET IS A DISGRACE, 296 00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:56,782 AND AS FOR THE COLOR OF THE WALLS-- 297 00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:58,784 UNSPEAKABLE! 298 00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:01,286 HOW COULD YOU LIVE WITH THESE PAINTINGS? 299 00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,789 IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY. 300 00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:06,792 I ADMIT THEY DO GET UP MY NOSE. 301 00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,794 COME, GRUBER, 302 00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:11,296 PERHAPS WE COULD STROLL AROUND, 303 00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,299 AND SEE WHAT IS WORTH KEEPING. 304 00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,800 I'LL TAKE NOTES. 305 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,301 YES. YOU SEE, 306 00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,803 THIS WILL HAVE TO GO OF COURSE. 307 00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:18,804 NATURALLY. 308 00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:21,807 WHAT WOULD YOU PUT IN ITS PLACE, LIEUTENANT? 309 00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:24,309 A STILL LIFE, PERHAPS, 310 00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,312 OR ONE OF THE IMPRESSIONISTS. 311 00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:28,314 GOOD IDEA. HUH? 312 00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,816 PERHAPS I COULD PERSUADE MARSHAL GOERING 313 00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,818 TO LEND US A MONET. 314 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:36,822 YOU NO GET HIM TO LEND YOU THE MONEY. 315 00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:40,325 I HEAR HE'S VERY TIGHTFISTED WITH THE CASH. 316 00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,327 PEASANT. 317 00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:44,330 CAPTAIN BERTORELLI, MAYBE YOU'D JUST POUR US A DRINK 318 00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,332 AND LEAVE US TO DISCUSS THE PAINTINGS! 319 00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:51,336 YOU KNOW, HUBERT, 320 00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,839 I'M SURPRISED YOU'RE STILL ONLY A LIEUTENANT. 321 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,841 I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT YOUR WAR RECORD. 322 00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,342 IT'S MOST IMPRESSIVE. 323 00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:58,344 THANK YOU, GENERAL. 324 00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:01,847 YES, I HAD NOT REALIZED THAT YOU SPENT 10 DAYS 325 00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,849 UNDER FIRE AT THE RUSSIAN FRONT, 326 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:07,853 TRAPPED IN A FOXHOLE WITH NINE STORMTROOPERS. 327 00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,855 THAT MUST HAVE BEEN HELL. 328 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:13,859 I'M STILL TRYING TO FORGET IT. 329 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,361 WELL, I WISH I HAD BEEN WITH YOU. 330 00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:18,864 IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO BE IN ON THE ACTION FOR A CHANGE. 331 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,868 DO I TAKE NOTES OF THIS? 332 00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:24,369 CERTAINLY NOT! 333 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:24,870 GENERAL. 334 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,877 TAKE A NOTE, PRIVATE, CRYSTAL GLASSES. 335 00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:34,379 ONE CANNOT DRINK COGNAC OUT OF RUBBISH LIKE THIS. 336 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,882 THEY WERE GIVEN TO ME BY MY MOTHER. 337 00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,383 OH REALLY? 338 00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:40,386 DID SHE GIVE YOU THE DECANTER AS WELL? 339 00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:41,387 NO. 340 00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,889 I THOUGHT NOT, IT LOOKS QUITE GOOD. 341 00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:46,391 ( laughing ) 342 00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,895 AH, RUBENS? 343 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,897 NOT AN ORIGINAL OF COURSE. 344 00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,398 WELL, I SPOTTED THAT. 345 00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,401 NO, THE ORIGINAL HAD A FAMOUS TITLE. 346 00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,403 I'M TRYING TO RECALL IT. 347 00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,904 I GOT IT. 348 00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:01,406 "LOOK, MAMA, I'VE BEEN AT THE PASTA AGAIN." 349 00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,910 BARBARIAN! 350 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,411 LIEUTENANT, 351 00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:07,913 I THINK IT'S BEST IF WE CONTINUE 352 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,414 THIS DISCUSSION ELSEWHERE. 353 00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,917 I'M JUST OFF TO SEE POOR OLD KLINKERHOFFEN. 354 00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:12,918 WILL YOU ACCOMPANY ME? 355 00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,420 I SHALL DRIVE YOU IN MY LITTLE TANK. 356 00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,423 I'M SURE THAT WILL BE FUN. 357 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:19,425 OH, BY THE WAY, COLONEL, 358 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,926 I SEE FROM MY DAILY REPORTS 359 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,427 THAT YOU HAVE JAILED AN OLD MAN 360 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,429 AND A WOMAN TODAY. 361 00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:24,930 WELL, IT'S A VERY SERIOUS OFFENSE 362 00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:27,432 TO FLY AROUND IN A BEDSTEAD, GENERAL. 363 00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,434 NONSENSE. 364 00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:31,437 SUCH ACTIONS WILL MAKE US EXTREMELY UNPOPULAR. 365 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,439 ONE NIGHT IN JAIL WILL BE ENOUGH. 366 00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,441 I WANT THEM RELEASED AT DAWN, HMM? 367 00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:39,444 COME, HUBERT. 368 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,953 WHO DOES THAT JUMPED UP INTERIOR DECORATOR 369 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,454 THINK HE IS? 370 00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,457 COMING IN HERE AND TAKING OVER LIKE THAT. 371 00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:52,458 I AGREE. 372 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,461 AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER IS BEING VERY CRAWLY. 373 00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,463 THAT WORD HAD CROSSED MY MIND. 374 00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,465 I SHALL BE GLAD WHEN VON KLINKERHOFFEN 375 00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,966 IS WELL ENOUGH TO RETURN. 376 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,968 SHALL I REMOVE THE PAINTINGS? 377 00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:03,969 NO, LEAVE IT ALONE. 378 00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:06,471 THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS YOUR OFFICE. 379 00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,973 IF YOU WANT THE RUBBISH ON THE WALL, 380 00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,474 YOU HAVE THE RUBBISH ON THE WALL. 381 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,976 WHAT ABOUT THE CARPET? 382 00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:12,477 LEAVE THE CARPET! 383 00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:14,480 AND WHEN I RETURN 384 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,981 I WANT THE PAINTINGS REMOVED, 385 00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,983 AND A NEW CARPET IN PLACE. 386 00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:19,985 AND LET GRUBER CHOOSE, 387 00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:20,986 SOMETHING WITH PINK, PERHAPS? 388 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,487 I HAD THE SAME THOUGHT. 389 00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,490 I'M NOT SURPRISED. SEE TO IT, COLONEL. 390 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,492 OF COURSE, GENERAL. 391 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:27,993 JUST AS I THOUGHT. 392 00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:30,495 ALL MOUTH AND NO TROUSERS. 393 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:31,497 GET OUT! 394 00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,998 AND WHILST YOU'RE OUT, 395 00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,499 WHY DON'T YOU KILL A CHICKEN, 396 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,001 AND GET YOUR HAT RESTUFFED? 397 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,502 GOOD IDEA. 398 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:40,005 - I'LL GO AND CHASE A BIRD OR TWO. - OOH! 399 00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,006 CIAO! 400 00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:50,048 YOUR SOUP, HERR GENERAL. 401 00:15:56,555 --> 00:15:58,557 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DRINK IT? 402 00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:01,059 THROUGH THIS STRAW. 403 00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:30,589 HELLO? 404 00:16:35,094 --> 00:16:37,096 HELLO, OPERATOR? 405 00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:38,597 GET ME BERLIN AT ONCE. 406 00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:39,598 Operator: I'll give you a line, 407 00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:42,100 and you can dial the number yourself. 408 00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,605 YOU INCOMPETENT IDIOT, COME BACK! 409 00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:49,608 I THINK THE GENERAL MAY BE WELL ENOUGH 410 00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,610 TO COME OUT FOR A PERIOD OF CONVALESCENCE. 411 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:52,611 WHAT IS YOUR NAME, 412 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:56,114 RANK AND NUMBER? TALK TO ME. 413 00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:58,617 IF YOU DO NOT REPLY, I WILL HAVE YOU COURT-MARTIALED. 414 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:04,623 HE'S TALKING TO THE FRUIT. 415 00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,124 ON SECOND THOUGHTS, I THINK WE'LL 416 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,127 KEEP HIM IN FOR THE TIME BEING. 417 00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:10,629 IS THERE ANYONE THERE? 418 00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,133 HELLO? 419 00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:17,136 HELLO? 420 00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:25,143 FISH SOUP WILL MAKE A NICE CHANGE ON THE MENU. 421 00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:29,148 IT STILL DOES NOT SMELL VERY FISHY. 422 00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:31,650 WE WILL ADD SOME OF THIS SEAWEED. 423 00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,652 THAT WILL GIVE IT A BIT OF BODY. 424 00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:36,154 OH, THIS WARTIME RATIONING. 425 00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:38,657 GET ME THE LEFTOVERS FROM LUNCH. 426 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:46,665 YES. WE WILL HAVE TO THROW IN 427 00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:47,666 A TIN OF SARDINES 428 00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:49,167 TO FILL IT OUT A BIT. 429 00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:50,669 HOW WE EVER GOT THREE STARS 430 00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:52,671 IN THE MICHELIN GUIDE I CANNOT IMAGINE. 431 00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:54,172 ( knocking ) 432 00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,674 SEE WHO THAT IS, WILL YOU? 433 00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:00,679 IT IS MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE. 434 00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:02,180 ARE YOU ALONE? 435 00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,682 APART FROM YOU, YVETTE, 436 00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:05,183 AND A COUPLE OF DEAD FISH, 437 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,185 YES, I AM ALONE. 438 00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,686 THEN LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. 439 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:09,187 I HAVE A NEW PLAN 440 00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:10,689 TO GET THE BRITISH AIRMEN BACK TO ENGLAND. 441 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,691 OH, WHAT A SURPRISE. 442 00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,693 WE ARE GOING TO ASK LONDON 443 00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:15,694 FOR A LIGHT AIRCRAFT, 444 00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,195 WHICH WILL LAND AT NIGHT 445 00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:18,197 GUIDED BY THE HEADLIGHTS 446 00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:20,199 OF MY RESISTANCE GIRLS' BICYCLES. 447 00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:22,701 UNFORTUNATELY, WE ARE SHORT OF BATTERIES 448 00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,202 FOR THE CYCLE LAMPS AT THE MOMENT 449 00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,205 BUT WE ARE ONLY IN THE PLANNING STAGE. 450 00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,707 I WILL NOT HOLD MY BREATH. 451 00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,208 I WILL GO ALONG WITH ANYTHING, 452 00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:31,710 AS LONG AS IT GETS THE TWO AIRMEN 453 00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:32,711 OUT OF MY HOUSE. 454 00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:34,713 DON'T WORRY, IT CANNOT FAIL. 455 00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:36,715 BY THE WAY, WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN? 456 00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,220 - HELLO. - HELLO. 457 00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:44,223 HELLO, CHAPS, 458 00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:45,724 EVERYTHING TICKETY-BOO? 459 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:46,725 BANG ON. 460 00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,226 I MUST SAY, WE'RE DAMN GLAD 461 00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,728 TO BE OUT OF THOSE BRIDESMAIDS' DRESSES. 462 00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,229 WHY? WERE THEY UNCOMFORTABLE? 463 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:54,733 CREPE DE CHINE BRINGS ME OUT IN A RASH. 464 00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:55,734 OH, NEVER MIND. 465 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,235 WE'LL SOON HAVE YOU OUT OF THERE. 466 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:58,237 GOOD SHOW. 467 00:18:58,237 --> 00:18:59,738 I SAY, 468 00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:02,240 THAT SOUP SMELLS GOOD. 469 00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:03,742 THEY ARE HUNGRY. 470 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:05,744 THIS IS FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY. 471 00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:11,750 IT DOES SMELL GOOD. 472 00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:15,754 BUT IT TASTES AWFUL. 473 00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:17,756 MICHELLE, ONE THING A FRENCHMEN CANNOT STAND 474 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:20,258 IS TO HAVE SOMEBODY INSULTING HIS BOUILLABAISSE. 475 00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,260 OUT. 476 00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,262 DON'T WORRY. I'M GOING. 477 00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:29,267 O-O-OH, RENE, 478 00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:31,770 I LOVE IT WHEN YOU'RE SO MASTERFUL. 479 00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,271 HOLD ME, 480 00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:36,775 SEE HOW MY LIPS QUIVER IN ANTICIPATION? 481 00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:39,778 MINE, TOO. OH, YVETTE. 482 00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:40,779 OH! 483 00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:43,281 WOULDN'T IT BE NICE IF WE COULD ESCAPE 484 00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,783 TO ENGLAND IN THAT AIRPLANE, 485 00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,785 INSTEAD OF THE BRITISH AIRMEN? 486 00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:49,788 - IF ONLY WE COULD. - RENE, KISS ME 487 00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:52,290 AS YOU'VE NEVER KISSED ME BEFORE. 488 00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:53,792 THAT WILL NOT BE EASY. 489 00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,297 RENE! 490 00:19:58,297 --> 00:19:59,798 WHAT ARE YOU DOING 491 00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,800 HOLDING THAT SERVANT GIRL IN YOUR ARMS? 492 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,802 YOU STUPID WOMAN! 493 00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:06,805 CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS POOR CHILD 494 00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:08,807 HAS GOT A FISH BONE STUCK IN HER THROAT, 495 00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,308 FROM TASTING THE SOUP? 496 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,311 I WAS TRYING TO GET IT OUT. 497 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,313 HERE, YVETTE, TAKE A CHUNK OF THIS BREAD. 498 00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:15,814 IT WILL HELP, THEN GO AND LIE DOWN. 499 00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:18,817 HERE, OPEN WIDE. 500 00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:20,819 THERE, QUICK. NOW DO AS HE SAYS. 501 00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:24,823 HOW THOUGHTLESS I AM. 502 00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:26,324 DID YOU WANT SOMETHING? 503 00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:28,327 I HAVE COME TO A DECISION, 504 00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:31,830 WE MUST GET MAMMA AND MONSIEUR LECLERC OUT OF JAIL. 505 00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:33,331 DO NOT BE SILLY, EDITH. 506 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:36,335 MAMMA IS NOT WELL. HOW WILL SHE ENDURE 507 00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:37,836 THE HARDSHIPS OF PRISON LIFE? 508 00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:39,838 THE ISOLATION, THE DAMP, 509 00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:41,339 THE LACK OF GIN? 510 00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:45,344 SHE IS ONLY IN THE LOCAL NICK, 511 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:47,346 SHE HAS NOT BEEN SENT TO DEVIL'S ISLAND. 512 00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:48,847 NOT YET, ANYWAY. 513 00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:51,349 THIS IS SO IGNOMINIOUS. 514 00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,352 A COUPLE OF DAYS WITH YOUR MOTHER, 515 00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:55,354 AND THE GERMANS WILL SEND HER ON PAROLE. 516 00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:57,856 NO, WE MUST GET THEM OUT. 517 00:20:57,856 --> 00:20:59,858 I HAVE THOUGHT OF A PLAN. 518 00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:01,359 I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT. 519 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,362 WE MUST BREAK THEM OUT OF JAIL, 520 00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:05,864 AND SMUGGLE THEM INTO SPAIN. 521 00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:07,866 WELL, THAT DOES HAVE ITS MERITS. 522 00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:08,867 PASS THE SALT. 523 00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,869 THEN YOU WILL HELP? 524 00:21:10,869 --> 00:21:13,371 WELL, NO, I DID NOT EXACTLY SAY THAT. 525 00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:15,374 I HAVE GOT THE BOUILLABAISSE TO FINISH. 526 00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:17,876 IT IS MY OWN SECRET RECIPE, WHICH EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT. 527 00:21:17,876 --> 00:21:20,378 YOU COWARD, 528 00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:22,381 I WILL DO IT MYSELF. 529 00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:24,883 EDITH! 530 00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:28,386 NOW EVERYONE WILL TALK ABOUT YOUR SECRET RECIPE EVEN MORE. 531 00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:30,889 YOU HAVE RUINED IT, YOU STUPID WOMAN. 532 00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:33,892 IT IS ALL THE FAULT OF THOSE DAMNED AIRMEN. 533 00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:37,395 WAS THAT THE DINNER GONG? 534 00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:43,902 IF IT WAS, 535 00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:46,404 I THINK WE'RE EATING OUTSIDE. 536 00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:50,208 PSST! 537 00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:55,213 I HAVE COME TO COMMIT THE CRIME. 538 00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:56,214 BUT IT'S BROAD DAYLIGHT. 539 00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:58,716 WHY DO YOU NOT COME AT NIGHT, LIKE A NORMAL BURGLAR? 540 00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:01,219 THE GESTAPO DO NOT PAY OVERTIME. 541 00:22:01,219 --> 00:22:02,720 VERY WELL, 542 00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:04,222 IN YOU GO. 543 00:22:06,224 --> 00:22:07,725 I WILL GIVE YOU ABOUT ONE MINUTE, 544 00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:09,728 AND THEN I WILL COME IN AND CATCH YOU RED-HANDED. 545 00:22:12,731 --> 00:22:15,734 OH, CAPTAIN BERTORELLI, WHAT A SURPRISE. 546 00:22:15,734 --> 00:22:18,737 I KISS YOUR HAND, YOU BEAUTIFUL LADY. 547 00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:22,240 I BRING YOU THESE FLOWERS. 548 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,741 OH, CAPTAIN, THEY'RE LOVELY. 549 00:22:25,243 --> 00:22:26,744 WHERE DID YOU GET THEM? 550 00:22:26,745 --> 00:22:29,247 I KISS THE FLOWER SELLER. 551 00:22:29,247 --> 00:22:31,249 SHE GIVE ME THE FLOWERS BEFORE SHE FAINT. 552 00:22:31,249 --> 00:22:33,751 MAYBE YOU SHOULD CUT DOWN ON THE GARLIC. 553 00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:36,755 YOU ALWAYS MAKE THE JOKE. 554 00:22:36,755 --> 00:22:38,757 ( thud; metal clanging ) 555 00:22:38,757 --> 00:22:40,759 WHAT'S THAT? 556 00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:42,260 I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING. 557 00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:43,761 ( loud thud ) 558 00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:45,764 ME, I INVESTIGATE. 559 00:22:49,267 --> 00:22:50,268 IT'S A BURGLAR. 560 00:22:50,268 --> 00:22:51,769 NO! 561 00:22:51,770 --> 00:22:53,271 YES. 562 00:22:54,272 --> 00:22:55,773 I CATCH HIM THE RED HANDS. 563 00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,776 IT IS A FAIR COP. 564 00:22:57,776 --> 00:22:59,778 I HAVE BEEN DONE BANG TO RIGHTS. 565 00:22:59,778 --> 00:23:01,279 OH, WELL DONE, CAPTAIN BERTORELLI. 566 00:23:01,279 --> 00:23:03,281 I WILL TELEPHONE THE POLICE. 567 00:23:03,281 --> 00:23:04,782 THEY WILL TAKE HIM OFF TO JAIL. 568 00:23:04,783 --> 00:23:06,284 WHAT FOR? 569 00:23:06,284 --> 00:23:08,286 THE JAIL, THEY MEAN NOTHING TO THESE PEOPLE. 570 00:23:08,286 --> 00:23:10,288 INSIDE THEY ONLY LEARN THE BAD WAYS. 571 00:23:10,288 --> 00:23:12,290 I HANDLE THIS MY WAY. 572 00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:13,791 TURN AROUND. 573 00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:14,793 BEND OVER. 574 00:23:16,294 --> 00:23:18,796 TOUCH YOUR TOES. 575 00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:25,303 HE NOT TAKE MUCH. 576 00:23:25,303 --> 00:23:27,805 IT IS THE COLONEL'S PETTY CASH. 577 00:23:27,806 --> 00:23:29,808 HE MUST GO TO JAIL. 578 00:23:29,808 --> 00:23:31,810 HE'S ONLY THE SMALL-FRY. WE SHOULD GIVE HIM A BREAK. 579 00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:33,812 I AM A DANGEROUS CRIMINAL. 580 00:23:33,812 --> 00:23:35,313 I MUST BE PUNISHED. 581 00:23:35,313 --> 00:23:36,814 RUBBISH. 582 00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:38,817 COME, I GIVE YOU THE BUM'S RUSH. 583 00:23:38,817 --> 00:23:41,319 AARGHH! 584 00:23:41,319 --> 00:23:43,321 COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE BIGGER. 585 00:23:44,322 --> 00:23:46,324 THAT'S THE WAY TO HANDLE THEM. 586 00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:48,826 WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO INTERFERE? 587 00:23:48,827 --> 00:23:52,330 BECAUSE I'VE GOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO. 588 00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:53,831 HOW ABOUT YOU AND ME, 589 00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,834 SITTING IN THE BACK ROW OF THE PICTURES, 590 00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:57,335 FOR A BIT OF THE SLAP AND THE TICKLE? 591 00:23:57,335 --> 00:23:58,336 OOOH. 592 00:23:58,336 --> 00:23:59,837 WHY WAIT UNTIL THEN? 593 00:24:02,340 --> 00:24:04,342 WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE. 594 00:24:10,315 --> 00:24:12,317 ( knocking ) 595 00:24:13,819 --> 00:24:15,320 - ARGH! - OOOH! 596 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,322 RENE, IT IS YOU. 597 00:24:17,322 --> 00:24:19,324 WHAT RISKS YOU TAKE TO BE WITH ME. 598 00:24:19,324 --> 00:24:21,326 LESS OF A RISK THAN USUAL. 599 00:24:21,326 --> 00:24:23,828 I FOUND THIS NOTE ON EDITH'S PILLOW. 600 00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:27,832 Edith's Voice: "DEAR COWARDLY HUSBAND, 601 00:24:27,833 --> 00:24:30,836 I HAVE GONE WITH MIMI TO RESCUE MAMMA. 602 00:24:30,836 --> 00:24:33,839 IF I DO NOT COME BACK, THINK WELL OF ME, 603 00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:35,340 EDITH. 604 00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:36,841 KISS. KISS. KISS." 605 00:24:37,843 --> 00:24:40,345 THE IDIOT, SHE WILL GET US ALL SHOT. 606 00:24:40,345 --> 00:24:42,347 LISTEN, SOMEONE IS COMING UP THE STAIRS. 607 00:24:42,347 --> 00:24:43,348 OH MY GOD. 608 00:24:44,349 --> 00:24:45,850 IT IS THE GERMANS. 609 00:24:45,851 --> 00:24:47,853 THEY HAVE MONSIEUR LECLERC AND MADAME FANNY. 610 00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:50,355 IT MUST MEAN THEY HAVE MADE THEM TALK. WE ARE DONE FOR. 611 00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:54,859 WE HAVE BUST THEM OUT! 612 00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:56,862 WE USED A FORGED DOCUMENT, 613 00:24:56,862 --> 00:24:58,363 THEN THE IDIOT, CRABTREE, LET THEM GO. 614 00:24:58,363 --> 00:24:59,864 NOW YOU HAVE DONE IT. 615 00:24:59,865 --> 00:25:01,366 THE GERMANS WILL BE AFTER THEM. 616 00:25:01,366 --> 00:25:02,867 WE WILL HIDE THEM. 617 00:25:02,868 --> 00:25:04,369 THEY WILL LOOK EVERYWHERE. 618 00:25:04,369 --> 00:25:06,371 WE WILL USE THE SECRET COMPARTMENT 619 00:25:06,371 --> 00:25:07,872 IN THE SPARE BEDROOM. 620 00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:08,874 COME. 621 00:25:11,376 --> 00:25:13,378 NOW, MAMMA, YOU GET INTO BED 622 00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:15,380 WITH MONSIEUR LECLERC. 623 00:25:15,380 --> 00:25:17,882 ALL I WANTED WAS A QUIET HONEYMOON. 624 00:25:18,884 --> 00:25:21,386 WHAT KIND OF A SECRET HIDING PLACE IS THIS? 625 00:25:21,386 --> 00:25:23,388 THE GERMANS ARE BOUND TO LOOK IN THE BED. 626 00:25:23,388 --> 00:25:24,889 NOW, MAMMA, 627 00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:27,392 TURN THE BEDKNOB AT THE TOP TO THE LEFT. 628 00:25:27,392 --> 00:25:28,893 WHAT DOES IT DO? 629 00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:30,395 I HAVE NO TIME TO EXPLAIN. 630 00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:31,896 DO IT! 631 00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:32,898 Both: AARGHH! 632 00:25:32,898 --> 00:25:33,899 OH MY GOD! 633 00:25:43,408 --> 00:25:46,411 IT LOOKED LIKE TWO BATS, HIBERNATING. 634 00:25:46,411 --> 00:25:48,413 RENE, LIEUTENANT GRUBER 635 00:25:48,413 --> 00:25:50,415 HAS JUST ENTERED THE CAFE. 636 00:25:50,415 --> 00:25:52,417 HE'S COMING UPSTAIRS. 637 00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:54,419 YOU COULD NOT EVEN LOCK THE DOOR? 638 00:25:54,419 --> 00:25:55,920 HE MUST BE SEARCHING FOR THEM. 639 00:25:55,921 --> 00:25:57,923 - QUICK, INTO THE WARDROBE. - WHY? 640 00:25:57,923 --> 00:26:00,926 YOU ARE BOTH DRESSED AS GERMAN SOLDIERS. 641 00:26:00,926 --> 00:26:02,928 OH, I HAD FORGOTTEN. 642 00:26:02,928 --> 00:26:04,930 THE STRAIN OF THIS WAR. 643 00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:06,431 COME. 644 00:26:06,431 --> 00:26:07,932 ( gasps ) 645 00:26:07,933 --> 00:26:09,434 - RENE? - DOOR, DOOR. 646 00:26:09,434 --> 00:26:11,436 - RENE, IT'S ONLY ME. - IN HERE, LIEUTENANT. 647 00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:16,441 I HAVE COME TO GIVE YOU SOME GOOD NEWS, RENE. 648 00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:18,943 YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AND MONSIEUR LECLERC 649 00:26:18,944 --> 00:26:20,445 HAVE BEEN PARDONED. 650 00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:22,447 THEY ARE BEING RELEASED ABOUT NOW. 651 00:26:22,447 --> 00:26:24,949 ( banging ) 652 00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:27,953 WHAT IS THAT STRANGE NOISE? 653 00:26:27,953 --> 00:26:29,955 WE HEAR IT EVERY MORNING. 654 00:26:29,955 --> 00:26:32,958 IT IS THE, UH... RESTLESS SPIRIT OF MY POOR DEAD BROTHER, 655 00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:34,960 THE ONE YOU SHOT. 656 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,462 DO NOT REMIND ME. 657 00:26:37,462 --> 00:26:38,963 HOW LONG HAS THIS-- 658 00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:40,966 GHASTLY PHENOMENON BEEN GOING ON? 659 00:26:40,966 --> 00:26:42,467 FOR WEEKS. 660 00:26:42,467 --> 00:26:43,968 I WAS JUST TRYING TO EXORCISE IT. 661 00:26:43,969 --> 00:26:45,470 EXCUSE ME. 662 00:26:45,470 --> 00:26:48,473 TU DOMINOS BENEDICTINE, 663 00:26:48,473 --> 00:26:51,476 BENEDECOS SPIRITUS SCARPOS. 664 00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:54,479 ( knocking ) 665 00:26:54,479 --> 00:26:56,481 I THINK I AM GETTING TO IT. 666 00:26:56,481 --> 00:26:57,982 RENE, I... 667 00:26:57,983 --> 00:27:00,485 DO NOT THINK MY CONSCIENCE CAN STAND IT. 668 00:27:00,485 --> 00:27:02,987 QUICK, YVETTE, TAKE THE LIEUTENANT DOWNSTAIRS. 669 00:27:02,988 --> 00:27:03,989 GIVE HIM A BRANDY, ON THE HOUSE. 670 00:27:03,989 --> 00:27:06,992 ( knocking; screaming ) 671 00:27:06,992 --> 00:27:07,993 ON SECOND THOUGHT, 672 00:27:07,993 --> 00:27:09,995 I THINK I WILL RETURN TO MY QUARTERS. 673 00:27:09,995 --> 00:27:12,497 GO NOW, BEFORE IT COMES THROUGH THE WALL. 674 00:27:12,497 --> 00:27:13,998 IF IT DOES, 675 00:27:13,999 --> 00:27:16,001 DO NOT TELL IT WHERE I LIVE. 676 00:27:19,004 --> 00:27:20,505 YOU HEARD THAT? 677 00:27:20,505 --> 00:27:23,007 YOUR MOTHER AND MONSIEUR LECLERC HAVE BEEN PARDONED. 678 00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:25,010 THIS WAS ALL A WASTE OF TIME. 679 00:27:25,010 --> 00:27:27,012 NOW HOW DO WE GET THIS BED DOWN? 680 00:27:27,012 --> 00:27:29,514 IT CAN ONLY BE DONE FROM THE INSIDE, 681 00:27:29,514 --> 00:27:30,515 BY TURNING THE KNOB THE OTHER WAY. 682 00:27:30,515 --> 00:27:33,017 THEN WHY DO THEY NOT TURN IT? 683 00:27:33,018 --> 00:27:35,020 PERHAPS BECAUSE THE KNOB HAS FALLEN OFF, 684 00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:36,521 WHEN THE BED SPRANG UP. 685 00:27:36,521 --> 00:27:38,022 WONDERFUL. 686 00:27:38,023 --> 00:27:41,026 SO MUCH FOR DO-IT-YOURSELF HIDING PLACES. 687 00:27:41,026 --> 00:27:42,027 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 688 00:27:42,027 --> 00:27:44,529 TO HAVE A DRINK AND THEN TO BED. 689 00:27:44,529 --> 00:27:46,030 WHAT ABOUT MAMMA AND MONSIEUR LECLERC? 690 00:27:46,031 --> 00:27:48,533 HE WANTED A QUIET HONEYMOON, 691 00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:49,534 NOW HE CAN HAVE ONE. 692 00:27:49,534 --> 00:27:52,036 ( theme music playing )