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( theme music playing )
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THAT NOISE YOU CAN HEAR
IS MY WIFE EDITH
3
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UPSTAIRS BANGING
IN THE SPARE BEDROOM
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WITH MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
THE UNDERTAKER.
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THEY ARE--
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THEY ARE CONSTRUCTING
A SECRET COMPARTMENT
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FOR US TO HIDE IN,
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SHOULD THE GERMANS
EVER DISCOVER
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THAT WE ARE HELPING
THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE.
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NEEDLESS TO SAY,
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THE PLAN TO GET
THE AIRMEN AWAY BY BALLOON
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WENT WRONG.
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THE ROPES OF THE BALLOON
BECAME ACCIDENTALLY ENTANGLED
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IN THE BED CONTAINING
MY WIFE'S MOTHER,
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AND HER TOY
PENSIONER HUSBAND,
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MONSIEUR LECLERC.
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THEY WERE LAST SEEN
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FLOATING AT 500 FEET
DUE SOUTH.
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EDITH IS, OF COURSE,
VERY UPSET BY ALL THIS.
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FORTUNATELY, I AM MADE
OF STRONGER STUFF,
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AND AM MANAGING
TO CONTAIN MY GRIEF.
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THE SECRET COMPARTMENT
IS FINISHED.
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GOOD. I WAS
BEGINNING TO THINK
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I HAD A SEVERE CASE
OF DANDRUFF.
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MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
IS A DAB HAND
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AT DOING IT HIMSELF.
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I'M SURE HE IS.
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IT'S ALL THOSE YEARS
MAKING COFFINS.
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BUT I SHALL SLEEP
MORE SOUNDLY NOW,
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KNOWING THAT SHOULD
THE END COME,
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WE WILL BE SAFE
IN OUR SECRET COMPARTMENT,
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JUST THE TWO OF US.
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THE-- THE THREE OF US.
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YOU WILL HAVE
TO SLIM A BIT.
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MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
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WHAT A COMFORT IT IS
TO HAVE SUCH LOYAL FRIENDS.
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OH, DO NOT MENTION IT,
MADAME EDITH.
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NEXT WEEK, I WILL
SEND YOU THE BILL
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FOR THE WOOD,
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AND THE SCREWS.
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RENE, IS THERE
ANY NEWS OF MAMMA?
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I'M AFRAID NOT.
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I AM SO WORRIED
ABOUT HER.
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TO THINK OF HER
FLOATING UP THERE IN BED
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SUSPENDED UNDER A BALLOON.
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SHE'S PROBABLY
FAST ASLEEP,
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FLOATING ALONG
QUITE SAFELY.
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OH, WHAT A COMFORT
YOUR WORDS ARE.
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THERE IS ALWAYS A CHANCE
SHE WILL FORGET WHERE SHE IS
50
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AND DECIDE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
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RENE!
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LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
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I SHALL GASP THIS
ONLY ONCE.
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I HAVE BAD NEWS.
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MONSIEUR LECLERC
AND MADAME FANNY
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HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN
OVER ABBEVILLE.
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OH NO!
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ARE YOU SURE
IT WAS THEM?
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HOW MANY OLD COUPLES
ARE FLOATING AROUND FRANCE
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IN A BED?
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PERHAPS THE SPRINGS
OF THE MATTRESS
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HAVE CUSHIONED
THE LANDING.
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THERE WERE NO SPRINGS
IN THE MATTRESS.
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OH, WE MUST SAY
A PRAYER FOR THEM.
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OH, ALL RIGHT.
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DEAR LORD,
IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT,
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PLEASE WATCH OVER
MY WIFE'S MOTHER
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AND MONSIEUR LECLERC.
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AND IF POSSIBLE,
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MAKE SURE
WE GET THE BED BACK.
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AMEN.
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( engine noise )
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WHAT WAS THAT?
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THERE'S A MOTORBIKE
AND A SIDECAR.
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IT'S MADAME FANNY
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC!
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OH!
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OH, MAMMA,
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THANK HEAVEN
YOU ARE SAFE.
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BUT WHAT HAPPENED?
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THE BALLOON WAS HIT
BY A SHRAPNEL
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BUT WE LANDED
IN A HAYSTACK.
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IT WAS ERNEST
WHO SAVED THE DAY.
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HE DESERVES
A HERO'S REWARD.
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DO NOT TELL ME YOU HAVE
BROUGHT THE BED BACK?
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NO.
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HE STOLE
A MOTORBIKE
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AND WE DROVE
LIKE THE WIND.
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MY GOD,
DID ANYBODY SEE YOU?
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ONLY THE GERMANS
WHO SHOT AT US
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WHEN WE SMASHED
THROUGH THE ROADBLOCK.
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I AM REVITALIZED,
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I DEMAND THAT WE SIGN ON
93
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FOR ACTIVE SERVICE
IN THE RESISTANCE.
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YOU SILLY OLD FOOLS,
YOU'LL HAVE
95
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HALF THE GERMAN ARMY
COMING HERE.
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OH MY GOD,
THEY ARE HERE ALREADY.
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THEY MUST NOT
FIND ME HERE.
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I WILL DISAPPEAR
DOWN THE BACK PASSAGE.
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I'VE JUST SUDDENLY
REMEMBERED
100
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AN URGENT APPOINTMENT,
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WITH A STIFF.
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RENE, WE MUST
DENY KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT THE MOTORBIKE.
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THE WANTED MOTORBIKE
OUTSIDE
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WAS SEEN
ENTERING THE TOWN
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DOING A WHEELIE.
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WHO IS THE DRIVER?
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WE WILL NOT TALK.
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THEN YOU ARE ALL
UNDER ARREST.
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BUT WE DO NOT
EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE.
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SILENCE!
TAKE THEM AWAY.
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AND TO THINK I PAID
FOR THE WEDDING.
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( snoring )
113
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( knocking )
114
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WHAT IS IT, HELGA?
CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE BUSY?
115
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THERE ARE SOME PRISONERS
OUTSIDE, COLONEL.
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OH, ALL RIGHT.
117
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BRING THEM IN.
118
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BRING IN THE PRISONERS!
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LEFT, RIGHT,
LEFT, RIGHT,
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LEFT, RIGHT,
LEFT, RIGHT,
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LEFT, RIGHT,
LEFT, RIGHT,
122
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LEFT, RIGHT,
LEFT, RIGHT,
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LEFT, RIGHT.
HALT!
124
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GET OUT!
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I'M SURE THERE HAS BEEN
SOME MISTAKE.
126
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BE QUIET!
127
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I WARN YOU, RENE,
128
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I AM NOT
IN A GOOD MOOD.
129
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WE'RE DOING VERY BADLY
ON THE RUSSIAN FRONT.
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OH, I AM SORRY
TO HEAR THAT.
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MADAME FANNY
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
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ARE CHARGED
WITH ASSAULTING A GERMAN OFFICER,
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STEALING A MOTORBIKE,
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FAILURE TO STOP
AT A ROADBLOCK,
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AND FLYING A BED
ATTACHED TO A BALLOON
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IN A MILITARY AIRSPACE.
137
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THESE ARE
SERIOUS CHARGES.
138
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WHAT HAVE YOU TO SAY
FOR YOURSELVES?
139
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YOU ARE A FAT PIG.
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PLEASE NOTE
THAT I DO NOT WISH
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TO BE ASSOCIATED
WITH ANY PERSONAL OPINIONS
142
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OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER.
143
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WE QUITE UNDERSTAND.
144
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NOW, MADAME FANNY,
PERHAPS YOU COULD EXPLAIN.
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GERMANS,
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- I SPIT ON YOU!
- ( spits )
147
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SHUT UP,
YOU SILLY OLD BAT.
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YOU WILL GET US
ALL SHOT.
149
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,049
DO SOMETHING,
SHE IS YOUR WIFE.
150
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I HARDLY KNOW
THE WOMAN.
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00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:55,054
IN VIEW OF THE SERIOUSNESS
OF THESE OFFENSES,
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I HAVE TO SEND YOU TO JAIL
153
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FOR AT LEAST SEVEN DAYS.
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BUT COLONEL,
155
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THEY ARE VERY OLD.
156
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AND THEY WERE
ON THEIR HONEYMOON.
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MAKE IT 14 DAYS.
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TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE,
MAKE IT 21.
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SO MUCH
FOR NAZI JUSTICE.
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30 DAYS!
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ARE YOU GOING
TO TRY FOR LIFE?
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PLEASE, MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
IS AN OLD LADY.
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SHE HAS MOMENTS
OF INSANITY,
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IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.
165
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THE BALLOON WAS
AN ACCIDENT.
166
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AND ASSAULTING THE SENTRY?
167
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AND STEALING A MOTORBIKE?
168
00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:35,094
AND RIDING FULL SPEED
THROUGH ROADBLOCKS?
169
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HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?
170
00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:40,099
SHE HAD LEFT A CAKE
IN THE OVEN.
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PLEASE, COLONEL,
BE MERCIFUL.
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YES, PERHAPS WE COULD
173
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SHOW THE MAGNANIMITY
OF THE CONQUEROR.
174
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YOU ARE RIGHT, GRUBER,
175
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,110
BUT I MUST MAKE
AN EXAMPLE.
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GUARD!
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TAKE THOSE PEOPLE
TO THE POLICE STATION.
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MAKE SURE THEY GET
A COMFORTABLE CELL.
179
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LONG LIVE FRANCE!
180
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:03,122
DOWN WITH HITLER!
181
00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:04,623
SHE DID NOT MEAN THAT.
182
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:06,626
I CAN SEND
YOU THERE, AS WELL.
183
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,128
THEY WILL BE
MORE COMFORTABLE
184
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:11,130
ON THEIR OWN,
THANK YOU, COLONEL.
185
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,132
LOOK ON
THE BRIGHT SIDE,
186
00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:15,134
THERE IS VERY LITTLE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
187
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BEING MARRIED
AND BEING IN THE NICK.
188
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Colonel:
SHUT THE DOOR!
189
00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:19,639
SORRY, SORRY.
190
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:21,140
HEIL...
191
00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:22,641
...WHAT'S-HIS-NAME.
192
00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:31,650
YOU SENT FOR ME,
HERR FLICK?
193
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,152
YES, HELGA.
194
00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:35,654
MY SPIES INFORM ME
195
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,156
THAT THE OLD LADY
FROM THE CAFE
196
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:38,657
AND HER GERIATRIC HUSBAND
197
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:42,161
HAVE BEEN JAILED
FOR FLYING AN UNLICENSED BED
198
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:43,662
IN MILITARY AIRSPACE.
199
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,665
YOUR SPIES WORK QUICKLY,
200
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,166
I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO TELL YOU THIS.
201
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:50,169
I SUSPECT
THAT THE AIRBORNE BED
202
00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:52,671
HAS SOMETHING TO DO
WITH THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
203
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:56,676
WE MUST THEREFORE INTERROGATE
THE TWO FLYING PENSIONERS.
204
00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:57,677
BUT HOW?
205
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,679
THEY HAVE BEEN
TAKEN TO JAIL.
206
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:00,680
I'M AWARE OF THIS,
207
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,683
AND HAVE THEREFORE
INSTRUCTED VON SMALLHAUSEN
208
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:07,186
TO DISGUISE HIMSELF
AS A COMMON CRIMINAL.
209
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,687
HE WILL
COMMIT A CRIME,
210
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:11,691
GET HIMSELF LOCKED UP
IN THE SAME CELL
211
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:12,692
AS THE OLD COUPLE,
212
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,694
AND INGRATIATE HIMSELF
WITH THEM.
213
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,697
REVEAL YOURSELF,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
214
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,706
( spits )
215
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:28,708
WHY DO YOU SPIT,
VON SMALLHAUSEN?
216
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:31,711
I AM GETTING INTO THE PART,
HERR FLICK.
217
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,212
DO NOT DO IT AGAIN,
218
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:35,214
I HAVE JUST HAD
THE FLOOR POLISHED.
219
00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:37,216
WHAT CRIME WILL THIS
VERY COMMON LOOKING CRIMINAL
220
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:38,717
COMMIT, HERR FLICK?
221
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,720
IT IS NOT YET DECIDED.
222
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,722
COULD HE NOT CLIMB
INTO THE COLONEL'S OFFICE
223
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,223
AND STEAL
THE PETTY CASH?
224
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:46,225
THAT IS A GOOD IDEA.
225
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,727
MY DAZZLING BRILLIANCE
IS OBVIOUSLY
226
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,730
RUBBING OFF ON YOU.
227
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:53,232
AS A REWARD,
YOU MAY KISS ME.
228
00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:59,238
ENOUGH!
229
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:01,240
I MUST NOT SPOIL YOU.
230
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,741
DO I GET A KISS TOO?
231
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:06,245
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
YOU ARE NOT RAFFLES.
232
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:07,746
YOU ARE
A COMMON CRIMINAL,
233
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,248
AND IF I MAY SAY SO,
234
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:11,250
RATHER UPPITY.
235
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,623
I HAVE ODORS
TO LICK YOU UP,
236
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:20,125
BUT I AM POTTING YOU
IN A GOOD SILL.
237
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:26,132
WHAT DID HE SAY, ERNEST?
238
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,133
I HAVE NO IDEA.
239
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,135
I THINK HE IS DRUNK.
240
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,137
I AM NOT DRINK,
241
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,639
I AM JUST
DOING MY DIRTY.
242
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,141
NOW MAKE YOURSELVES COMFY,
243
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,644
AND I WILL BRING YOU
A NICE POT OF TWO.
244
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:39,645
OH.
245
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,647
HE MEANS
A POT OF TEA.
246
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:42,648
OH, WHAT A RELIEF.
247
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,654
I DO NOT LIKE
BEING BANGED UP
248
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:51,156
LIKE THIS
AT MY AGE.
249
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:54,160
WE MUST GET OUT
OF HERE.
250
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,162
WE COULD DIG A TUNNEL
251
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:58,664
LIKE THE COUNT
OF MONTE CRISTO.
252
00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:01,667
IT TOOK HIM 20 YEARS.
253
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,169
I WOULD BE...
254
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:08,674
...104 BY THE TIME
WE GET OUT.
255
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,676
YOU WILL STILL LOOK
THE SAME TO ME.
256
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:15,180
I THOUGHT YOU
WERE ONCE
257
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:18,184
ONE OF THE BEST
CRACKSMEN IN FRANCE.
258
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,685
A LONG TIME AGO.
259
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:21,186
TAKE THIS HAIRPIN
260
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:23,689
AND TRY YOUR LUCK
WITH THE LOCK.
261
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:24,690
AH.
262
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,194
WHERE IS IT?
263
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,698
GIVE IT TO ME.
264
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:40,706
( clears throat )
265
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,710
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
YOU ARE NOT
266
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:47,212
SUPPOSED TO LEAVE
YOUR SILL.
267
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:49,215
YOU WILL GET ME
INTO TRIBBLE.
268
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,217
WELL, IN THAT CASE,
269
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,219
COULD WE HAVE COFFEE
INSTEAD OF TEA,
270
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,221
AND PERHAPS A SANDWICH?
271
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,723
CRIB MEAT,
SIMMON OR SARDUNE?
272
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,727
OH, JUST A BISCUIT
WILL DO.
273
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:07,232
GENERAL
VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN,
274
00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:08,734
IRON CROSS 1st CLASS.
275
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:11,737
HOLDER OF THE
DISTINGUISHED ORDER OF THE SILVER EAGLE,
276
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:13,739
AND MEMBER OF
THE BERCHTESGADEN RAMBLERS.
277
00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:14,740
HEIL HITLER.
278
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:15,741
HEIL HITLER.
279
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:16,742
HEIL MUSSOLINI.
280
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:21,747
MUSSOLINI, HE STILL
NO GO TOO GOOD, EH?
281
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:25,250
I HAVE COME TO INFORM YOU
THAT SINCE VON KLINKERHOFFEN
282
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,253
SEEMS TO BE HAVING
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN,
283
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,255
I WILL BE TAKING CHARGE
OF THE GARRISON
284
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,756
UNTIL HE IS FIT TO RETURN.
285
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:33,258
WE ALL WISH HIM
A SPEEDY RECOVERY.
286
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,760
AND MAY I SAY,
GENERAL,
287
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,763
THAT IT WILL BE AN HONOR
TO SERVE UNDER YOU.
288
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:39,765
IT IS NOTED.
289
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:42,267
SO, NOW THAT
I'M IN CHARGE, COLONEL,
290
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,770
THERE ARE URGENT
PRIORITIES FOR US TO DISCUSS.
291
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,272
LIKE RECAPTURING
THE ESCAPED BRITISH AIRMEN.
292
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,275
THAT IS HIGH ON MY LIST,
OF COURSE,
293
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,276
BUT FIRST--
294
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:53,779
I THINK WE SHOULD
REDECORATE THIS ROOM.
295
00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:55,280
THAT CARPET IS A DISGRACE,
296
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:56,782
AND AS FOR THE COLOR
OF THE WALLS--
297
00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:58,784
UNSPEAKABLE!
298
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:01,286
HOW COULD YOU LIVE
WITH THESE PAINTINGS?
299
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,789
IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY.
300
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:06,792
I ADMIT THEY DO
GET UP MY NOSE.
301
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,794
COME, GRUBER,
302
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:11,296
PERHAPS WE COULD
STROLL AROUND,
303
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,299
AND SEE WHAT IS
WORTH KEEPING.
304
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,800
I'LL TAKE NOTES.
305
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,301
YES. YOU SEE,
306
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,803
THIS WILL HAVE
TO GO OF COURSE.
307
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:18,804
NATURALLY.
308
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:21,807
WHAT WOULD YOU PUT
IN ITS PLACE, LIEUTENANT?
309
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:24,309
A STILL LIFE,
PERHAPS,
310
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,312
OR ONE OF
THE IMPRESSIONISTS.
311
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:28,314
GOOD IDEA.
HUH?
312
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,816
PERHAPS I COULD
PERSUADE MARSHAL GOERING
313
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,818
TO LEND US A MONET.
314
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:36,822
YOU NO GET HIM
TO LEND YOU THE MONEY.
315
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:40,325
I HEAR HE'S VERY
TIGHTFISTED WITH THE CASH.
316
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,327
PEASANT.
317
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:44,330
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,
MAYBE YOU'D JUST POUR US A DRINK
318
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,332
AND LEAVE US
TO DISCUSS THE PAINTINGS!
319
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:51,336
YOU KNOW, HUBERT,
320
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,839
I'M SURPRISED YOU'RE STILL
ONLY A LIEUTENANT.
321
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,841
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
AT YOUR WAR RECORD.
322
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,342
IT'S MOST IMPRESSIVE.
323
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:58,344
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
324
00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:01,847
YES, I HAD NOT REALIZED
THAT YOU SPENT 10 DAYS
325
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,849
UNDER FIRE
AT THE RUSSIAN FRONT,
326
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:07,853
TRAPPED IN A FOXHOLE
WITH NINE STORMTROOPERS.
327
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,855
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN HELL.
328
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:13,859
I'M STILL TRYING
TO FORGET IT.
329
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,361
WELL, I WISH
I HAD BEEN WITH YOU.
330
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:18,864
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE
TO BE IN ON THE ACTION FOR A CHANGE.
331
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,868
DO I TAKE NOTES
OF THIS?
332
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:24,369
CERTAINLY NOT!
333
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:24,870
GENERAL.
334
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,877
TAKE A NOTE, PRIVATE,
CRYSTAL GLASSES.
335
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:34,379
ONE CANNOT DRINK COGNAC
OUT OF RUBBISH LIKE THIS.
336
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,882
THEY WERE GIVEN TO ME
BY MY MOTHER.
337
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,383
OH REALLY?
338
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:40,386
DID SHE GIVE YOU
THE DECANTER AS WELL?
339
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:41,387
NO.
340
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,889
I THOUGHT NOT,
IT LOOKS QUITE GOOD.
341
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:46,391
( laughing )
342
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,895
AH, RUBENS?
343
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,897
NOT AN ORIGINAL
OF COURSE.
344
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,398
WELL, I SPOTTED THAT.
345
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,401
NO, THE ORIGINAL HAD
A FAMOUS TITLE.
346
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,403
I'M TRYING
TO RECALL IT.
347
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,904
I GOT IT.
348
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:01,406
"LOOK, MAMA, I'VE BEEN
AT THE PASTA AGAIN."
349
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,910
BARBARIAN!
350
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,411
LIEUTENANT,
351
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:07,913
I THINK IT'S BEST
IF WE CONTINUE
352
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,414
THIS DISCUSSION
ELSEWHERE.
353
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,917
I'M JUST OFF
TO SEE POOR OLD KLINKERHOFFEN.
354
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:12,918
WILL YOU
ACCOMPANY ME?
355
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,420
I SHALL DRIVE YOU
IN MY LITTLE TANK.
356
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,423
I'M SURE
THAT WILL BE FUN.
357
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:19,425
OH, BY THE WAY,
COLONEL,
358
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,926
I SEE FROM
MY DAILY REPORTS
359
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,427
THAT YOU HAVE JAILED
AN OLD MAN
360
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,429
AND A WOMAN TODAY.
361
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:24,930
WELL, IT'S A VERY
SERIOUS OFFENSE
362
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:27,432
TO FLY AROUND
IN A BEDSTEAD, GENERAL.
363
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,434
NONSENSE.
364
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:31,437
SUCH ACTIONS WILL
MAKE US EXTREMELY UNPOPULAR.
365
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,439
ONE NIGHT IN JAIL
WILL BE ENOUGH.
366
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,441
I WANT THEM RELEASED
AT DAWN, HMM?
367
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:39,444
COME, HUBERT.
368
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,953
WHO DOES THAT JUMPED UP
INTERIOR DECORATOR
369
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,454
THINK HE IS?
370
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,457
COMING IN HERE
AND TAKING OVER LIKE THAT.
371
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:52,458
I AGREE.
372
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,461
AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER
IS BEING VERY CRAWLY.
373
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,463
THAT WORD HAD
CROSSED MY MIND.
374
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,465
I SHALL BE GLAD
WHEN VON KLINKERHOFFEN
375
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,966
IS WELL ENOUGH TO RETURN.
376
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,968
SHALL I REMOVE
THE PAINTINGS?
377
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:03,969
NO, LEAVE IT ALONE.
378
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:06,471
THAT'S RIGHT,
THIS IS YOUR OFFICE.
379
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,973
IF YOU WANT THE RUBBISH
ON THE WALL,
380
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,474
YOU HAVE THE RUBBISH
ON THE WALL.
381
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,976
WHAT ABOUT THE CARPET?
382
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:12,477
LEAVE THE CARPET!
383
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:14,480
AND WHEN I RETURN
384
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,981
I WANT THE PAINTINGS
REMOVED,
385
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,983
AND A NEW CARPET
IN PLACE.
386
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:19,985
AND LET GRUBER CHOOSE,
387
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:20,986
SOMETHING WITH PINK,
PERHAPS?
388
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,487
I HAD THE SAME THOUGHT.
389
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,490
I'M NOT SURPRISED.
SEE TO IT, COLONEL.
390
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,492
OF COURSE, GENERAL.
391
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:27,993
JUST AS I THOUGHT.
392
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:30,495
ALL MOUTH
AND NO TROUSERS.
393
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:31,497
GET OUT!
394
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,998
AND WHILST YOU'RE OUT,
395
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,499
WHY DON'T YOU
KILL A CHICKEN,
396
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,001
AND GET YOUR HAT
RESTUFFED?
397
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,502
GOOD IDEA.
398
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:40,005
- I'LL GO AND CHASE
A BIRD OR TWO. - OOH!
399
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,006
CIAO!
400
00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:50,048
YOUR SOUP, HERR GENERAL.
401
00:15:56,555 --> 00:15:58,557
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO DRINK IT?
402
00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:01,059
THROUGH THIS STRAW.
403
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:30,589
HELLO?
404
00:16:35,094 --> 00:16:37,096
HELLO, OPERATOR?
405
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:38,597
GET ME BERLIN
AT ONCE.
406
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:39,598
Operator:
I'll give you a line,
407
00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:42,100
and you can dial
the number yourself.
408
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,605
YOU INCOMPETENT IDIOT,
COME BACK!
409
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:49,608
I THINK THE GENERAL
MAY BE WELL ENOUGH
410
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,610
TO COME OUT FOR A PERIOD
OF CONVALESCENCE.
411
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:52,611
WHAT IS YOUR NAME,
412
00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:56,114
RANK AND NUMBER?
TALK TO ME.
413
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:58,617
IF YOU DO NOT REPLY, I WILL
HAVE YOU COURT-MARTIALED.
414
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:04,623
HE'S TALKING
TO THE FRUIT.
415
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,124
ON SECOND THOUGHTS,
I THINK WE'LL
416
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,127
KEEP HIM IN
FOR THE TIME BEING.
417
00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:10,629
IS THERE
ANYONE THERE?
418
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,133
HELLO?
419
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:17,136
HELLO?
420
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:25,143
FISH SOUP WILL MAKE
A NICE CHANGE ON THE MENU.
421
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:29,148
IT STILL DOES NOT
SMELL VERY FISHY.
422
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:31,650
WE WILL ADD
SOME OF THIS SEAWEED.
423
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,652
THAT WILL GIVE IT
A BIT OF BODY.
424
00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:36,154
OH, THIS WARTIME
RATIONING.
425
00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:38,657
GET ME THE LEFTOVERS
FROM LUNCH.
426
00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:46,665
YES. WE WILL
HAVE TO THROW IN
427
00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:47,666
A TIN OF SARDINES
428
00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:49,167
TO FILL IT OUT A BIT.
429
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:50,669
HOW WE EVER
GOT THREE STARS
430
00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:52,671
IN THE MICHELIN GUIDE
I CANNOT IMAGINE.
431
00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:54,172
( knocking )
432
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,674
SEE WHO THAT IS,
WILL YOU?
433
00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:00,679
IT IS MICHELLE
OF THE RESISTANCE.
434
00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:02,180
ARE YOU ALONE?
435
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,682
APART FROM YOU,
YVETTE,
436
00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:05,183
AND A COUPLE
OF DEAD FISH,
437
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,185
YES, I AM ALONE.
438
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,686
THEN LISTEN
VERY CAREFULLY.
439
00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:09,187
I HAVE A NEW PLAN
440
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:10,689
TO GET THE BRITISH AIRMEN
BACK TO ENGLAND.
441
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,691
OH, WHAT A SURPRISE.
442
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,693
WE ARE GOING
TO ASK LONDON
443
00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:15,694
FOR A LIGHT AIRCRAFT,
444
00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,195
WHICH WILL LAND
AT NIGHT
445
00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:18,197
GUIDED BY
THE HEADLIGHTS
446
00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:20,199
OF MY RESISTANCE
GIRLS' BICYCLES.
447
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:22,701
UNFORTUNATELY, WE ARE
SHORT OF BATTERIES
448
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,202
FOR THE CYCLE LAMPS
AT THE MOMENT
449
00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,205
BUT WE ARE ONLY IN
THE PLANNING STAGE.
450
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,707
I WILL NOT
HOLD MY BREATH.
451
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,208
I WILL GO ALONG
WITH ANYTHING,
452
00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:31,710
AS LONG AS IT GETS
THE TWO AIRMEN
453
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:32,711
OUT OF MY HOUSE.
454
00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:34,713
DON'T WORRY,
IT CANNOT FAIL.
455
00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:36,715
BY THE WAY,
WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN?
456
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,220
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
457
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:44,223
HELLO, CHAPS,
458
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:45,724
EVERYTHING
TICKETY-BOO?
459
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:46,725
BANG ON.
460
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,226
I MUST SAY,
WE'RE DAMN GLAD
461
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,728
TO BE OUT OF THOSE
BRIDESMAIDS' DRESSES.
462
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,229
WHY? WERE THEY
UNCOMFORTABLE?
463
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:54,733
CREPE DE CHINE
BRINGS ME OUT IN A RASH.
464
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:55,734
OH, NEVER MIND.
465
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,235
WE'LL SOON HAVE YOU
OUT OF THERE.
466
00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:58,237
GOOD SHOW.
467
00:18:58,237 --> 00:18:59,738
I SAY,
468
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:02,240
THAT SOUP
SMELLS GOOD.
469
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:03,742
THEY ARE HUNGRY.
470
00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:05,744
THIS IS
FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY.
471
00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:11,750
IT DOES SMELL GOOD.
472
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:15,754
BUT IT TASTES AWFUL.
473
00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:17,756
MICHELLE, ONE THING
A FRENCHMEN CANNOT STAND
474
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:20,258
IS TO HAVE SOMEBODY
INSULTING HIS BOUILLABAISSE.
475
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,260
OUT.
476
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,262
DON'T WORRY.
I'M GOING.
477
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:29,267
O-O-OH, RENE,
478
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:31,770
I LOVE IT WHEN
YOU'RE SO MASTERFUL.
479
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,271
HOLD ME,
480
00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:36,775
SEE HOW MY LIPS
QUIVER IN ANTICIPATION?
481
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:39,778
MINE, TOO.
OH, YVETTE.
482
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:40,779
OH!
483
00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:43,281
WOULDN'T IT BE NICE
IF WE COULD ESCAPE
484
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,783
TO ENGLAND
IN THAT AIRPLANE,
485
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,785
INSTEAD OF
THE BRITISH AIRMEN?
486
00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:49,788
- IF ONLY WE COULD.
- RENE, KISS ME
487
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:52,290
AS YOU'VE NEVER
KISSED ME BEFORE.
488
00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:53,792
THAT WILL NOT BE EASY.
489
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,297
RENE!
490
00:19:58,297 --> 00:19:59,798
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
491
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,800
HOLDING
THAT SERVANT GIRL IN YOUR ARMS?
492
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,802
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
493
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:06,805
CAN YOU NOT SEE
THAT THIS POOR CHILD
494
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:08,807
HAS GOT A FISH BONE
STUCK IN HER THROAT,
495
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,308
FROM TASTING THE SOUP?
496
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,311
I WAS TRYING
TO GET IT OUT.
497
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,313
HERE, YVETTE,
TAKE A CHUNK OF THIS BREAD.
498
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:15,814
IT WILL HELP,
THEN GO AND LIE DOWN.
499
00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:18,817
HERE, OPEN WIDE.
500
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:20,819
THERE, QUICK.
NOW DO AS HE SAYS.
501
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:24,823
HOW THOUGHTLESS I AM.
502
00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:26,324
DID YOU WANT SOMETHING?
503
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:28,327
I HAVE COME TO A DECISION,
504
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:31,830
WE MUST GET MAMMA
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC OUT OF JAIL.
505
00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:33,331
DO NOT BE SILLY, EDITH.
506
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:36,335
MAMMA IS NOT WELL.
HOW WILL SHE ENDURE
507
00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:37,836
THE HARDSHIPS OF
PRISON LIFE?
508
00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:39,838
THE ISOLATION, THE DAMP,
509
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:41,339
THE LACK OF GIN?
510
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:45,344
SHE IS ONLY
IN THE LOCAL NICK,
511
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:47,346
SHE HAS NOT BEEN SENT
TO DEVIL'S ISLAND.
512
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:48,847
NOT YET, ANYWAY.
513
00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:51,349
THIS IS SO IGNOMINIOUS.
514
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,352
A COUPLE OF DAYS
WITH YOUR MOTHER,
515
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:55,354
AND THE GERMANS WILL
SEND HER ON PAROLE.
516
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:57,856
NO, WE MUST
GET THEM OUT.
517
00:20:57,856 --> 00:20:59,858
I HAVE THOUGHT
OF A PLAN.
518
00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:01,359
I DO NOT WANT
TO HEAR IT.
519
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,362
WE MUST BREAK THEM
OUT OF JAIL,
520
00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:05,864
AND SMUGGLE THEM
INTO SPAIN.
521
00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:07,866
WELL, THAT DOES
HAVE ITS MERITS.
522
00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:08,867
PASS THE SALT.
523
00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,869
THEN YOU WILL HELP?
524
00:21:10,869 --> 00:21:13,371
WELL, NO, I DID NOT
EXACTLY SAY THAT.
525
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:15,374
I HAVE GOT
THE BOUILLABAISSE TO FINISH.
526
00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:17,876
IT IS MY OWN SECRET RECIPE,
WHICH EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT.
527
00:21:17,876 --> 00:21:20,378
YOU COWARD,
528
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:22,381
I WILL DO IT
MYSELF.
529
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:24,883
EDITH!
530
00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:28,386
NOW EVERYONE WILL TALK
ABOUT YOUR SECRET RECIPE EVEN MORE.
531
00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:30,889
YOU HAVE RUINED IT,
YOU STUPID WOMAN.
532
00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:33,892
IT IS ALL THE FAULT
OF THOSE DAMNED AIRMEN.
533
00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:37,395
WAS THAT
THE DINNER GONG?
534
00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:43,902
IF IT WAS,
535
00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:46,404
I THINK WE'RE
EATING OUTSIDE.
536
00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:50,208
PSST!
537
00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:55,213
I HAVE COME
TO COMMIT THE CRIME.
538
00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:56,214
BUT IT'S BROAD DAYLIGHT.
539
00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:58,716
WHY DO YOU NOT COME AT NIGHT,
LIKE A NORMAL BURGLAR?
540
00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:01,219
THE GESTAPO DO NOT
PAY OVERTIME.
541
00:22:01,219 --> 00:22:02,720
VERY WELL,
542
00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:04,222
IN YOU GO.
543
00:22:06,224 --> 00:22:07,725
I WILL GIVE YOU
ABOUT ONE MINUTE,
544
00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:09,728
AND THEN I WILL COME IN
AND CATCH YOU RED-HANDED.
545
00:22:12,731 --> 00:22:15,734
OH, CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,
WHAT A SURPRISE.
546
00:22:15,734 --> 00:22:18,737
I KISS YOUR HAND,
YOU BEAUTIFUL LADY.
547
00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:22,240
I BRING YOU THESE FLOWERS.
548
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,741
OH, CAPTAIN,
THEY'RE LOVELY.
549
00:22:25,243 --> 00:22:26,744
WHERE DID YOU GET THEM?
550
00:22:26,745 --> 00:22:29,247
I KISS
THE FLOWER SELLER.
551
00:22:29,247 --> 00:22:31,249
SHE GIVE ME THE FLOWERS
BEFORE SHE FAINT.
552
00:22:31,249 --> 00:22:33,751
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
CUT DOWN ON THE GARLIC.
553
00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:36,755
YOU ALWAYS MAKE
THE JOKE.
554
00:22:36,755 --> 00:22:38,757
( thud; metal clanging )
555
00:22:38,757 --> 00:22:40,759
WHAT'S THAT?
556
00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:42,260
I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
557
00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:43,761
( loud thud )
558
00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:45,764
ME, I INVESTIGATE.
559
00:22:49,267 --> 00:22:50,268
IT'S A BURGLAR.
560
00:22:50,268 --> 00:22:51,769
NO!
561
00:22:51,770 --> 00:22:53,271
YES.
562
00:22:54,272 --> 00:22:55,773
I CATCH HIM
THE RED HANDS.
563
00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,776
IT IS A FAIR COP.
564
00:22:57,776 --> 00:22:59,778
I HAVE BEEN DONE
BANG TO RIGHTS.
565
00:22:59,778 --> 00:23:01,279
OH, WELL DONE,
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI.
566
00:23:01,279 --> 00:23:03,281
I WILL TELEPHONE
THE POLICE.
567
00:23:03,281 --> 00:23:04,782
THEY WILL TAKE HIM
OFF TO JAIL.
568
00:23:04,783 --> 00:23:06,284
WHAT FOR?
569
00:23:06,284 --> 00:23:08,286
THE JAIL, THEY MEAN
NOTHING TO THESE PEOPLE.
570
00:23:08,286 --> 00:23:10,288
INSIDE THEY ONLY
LEARN THE BAD WAYS.
571
00:23:10,288 --> 00:23:12,290
I HANDLE THIS MY WAY.
572
00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:13,791
TURN AROUND.
573
00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:14,793
BEND OVER.
574
00:23:16,294 --> 00:23:18,796
TOUCH YOUR TOES.
575
00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:25,303
HE NOT TAKE MUCH.
576
00:23:25,303 --> 00:23:27,805
IT IS THE COLONEL'S
PETTY CASH.
577
00:23:27,806 --> 00:23:29,808
HE MUST GO TO JAIL.
578
00:23:29,808 --> 00:23:31,810
HE'S ONLY THE SMALL-FRY.
WE SHOULD GIVE HIM A BREAK.
579
00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:33,812
I AM A DANGEROUS CRIMINAL.
580
00:23:33,812 --> 00:23:35,313
I MUST BE PUNISHED.
581
00:23:35,313 --> 00:23:36,814
RUBBISH.
582
00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:38,817
COME, I GIVE YOU
THE BUM'S RUSH.
583
00:23:38,817 --> 00:23:41,319
AARGHH!
584
00:23:41,319 --> 00:23:43,321
COME BACK
WHEN YOU'RE BIGGER.
585
00:23:44,322 --> 00:23:46,324
THAT'S THE WAY
TO HANDLE THEM.
586
00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:48,826
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS
HAVE TO INTERFERE?
587
00:23:48,827 --> 00:23:52,330
BECAUSE I'VE GOT
MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.
588
00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:53,831
HOW ABOUT YOU AND ME,
589
00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,834
SITTING IN THE BACK ROW
OF THE PICTURES,
590
00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:57,335
FOR A BIT OF THE SLAP
AND THE TICKLE?
591
00:23:57,335 --> 00:23:58,336
OOOH.
592
00:23:58,336 --> 00:23:59,837
WHY WAIT UNTIL THEN?
593
00:24:02,340 --> 00:24:04,342
WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE.
594
00:24:10,315 --> 00:24:12,317
( knocking )
595
00:24:13,819 --> 00:24:15,320
- ARGH!
- OOOH!
596
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,322
RENE, IT IS YOU.
597
00:24:17,322 --> 00:24:19,324
WHAT RISKS YOU TAKE
TO BE WITH ME.
598
00:24:19,324 --> 00:24:21,326
LESS OF A RISK
THAN USUAL.
599
00:24:21,326 --> 00:24:23,828
I FOUND THIS NOTE
ON EDITH'S PILLOW.
600
00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:27,832
Edith's Voice:
"DEAR COWARDLY HUSBAND,
601
00:24:27,833 --> 00:24:30,836
I HAVE GONE WITH MIMI
TO RESCUE MAMMA.
602
00:24:30,836 --> 00:24:33,839
IF I DO NOT COME BACK,
THINK WELL OF ME,
603
00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:35,340
EDITH.
604
00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:36,841
KISS. KISS. KISS."
605
00:24:37,843 --> 00:24:40,345
THE IDIOT, SHE WILL
GET US ALL SHOT.
606
00:24:40,345 --> 00:24:42,347
LISTEN, SOMEONE IS
COMING UP THE STAIRS.
607
00:24:42,347 --> 00:24:43,348
OH MY GOD.
608
00:24:44,349 --> 00:24:45,850
IT IS THE GERMANS.
609
00:24:45,851 --> 00:24:47,853
THEY HAVE MONSIEUR LECLERC
AND MADAME FANNY.
610
00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:50,355
IT MUST MEAN THEY
HAVE MADE THEM TALK. WE ARE DONE FOR.
611
00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:54,859
WE HAVE
BUST THEM OUT!
612
00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:56,862
WE USED
A FORGED DOCUMENT,
613
00:24:56,862 --> 00:24:58,363
THEN THE IDIOT,
CRABTREE, LET THEM GO.
614
00:24:58,363 --> 00:24:59,864
NOW YOU HAVE DONE IT.
615
00:24:59,865 --> 00:25:01,366
THE GERMANS WILL
BE AFTER THEM.
616
00:25:01,366 --> 00:25:02,867
WE WILL
HIDE THEM.
617
00:25:02,868 --> 00:25:04,369
THEY WILL LOOK
EVERYWHERE.
618
00:25:04,369 --> 00:25:06,371
WE WILL USE
THE SECRET COMPARTMENT
619
00:25:06,371 --> 00:25:07,872
IN THE SPARE
BEDROOM.
620
00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:08,874
COME.
621
00:25:11,376 --> 00:25:13,378
NOW, MAMMA,
YOU GET INTO BED
622
00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:15,380
WITH MONSIEUR LECLERC.
623
00:25:15,380 --> 00:25:17,882
ALL I WANTED WAS
A QUIET HONEYMOON.
624
00:25:18,884 --> 00:25:21,386
WHAT KIND OF A SECRET
HIDING PLACE IS THIS?
625
00:25:21,386 --> 00:25:23,388
THE GERMANS ARE BOUND
TO LOOK IN THE BED.
626
00:25:23,388 --> 00:25:24,889
NOW, MAMMA,
627
00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:27,392
TURN THE BEDKNOB
AT THE TOP TO THE LEFT.
628
00:25:27,392 --> 00:25:28,893
WHAT DOES IT DO?
629
00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:30,395
I HAVE NO TIME
TO EXPLAIN.
630
00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:31,896
DO IT!
631
00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:32,898
Both:
AARGHH!
632
00:25:32,898 --> 00:25:33,899
OH MY GOD!
633
00:25:43,408 --> 00:25:46,411
IT LOOKED LIKE TWO BATS,
HIBERNATING.
634
00:25:46,411 --> 00:25:48,413
RENE,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER
635
00:25:48,413 --> 00:25:50,415
HAS JUST ENTERED
THE CAFE.
636
00:25:50,415 --> 00:25:52,417
HE'S COMING UPSTAIRS.
637
00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:54,419
YOU COULD NOT EVEN
LOCK THE DOOR?
638
00:25:54,419 --> 00:25:55,920
HE MUST BE
SEARCHING FOR THEM.
639
00:25:55,921 --> 00:25:57,923
- QUICK, INTO THE WARDROBE.
- WHY?
640
00:25:57,923 --> 00:26:00,926
YOU ARE BOTH DRESSED
AS GERMAN SOLDIERS.
641
00:26:00,926 --> 00:26:02,928
OH, I HAD FORGOTTEN.
642
00:26:02,928 --> 00:26:04,930
THE STRAIN OF THIS WAR.
643
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:06,431
COME.
644
00:26:06,431 --> 00:26:07,932
( gasps )
645
00:26:07,933 --> 00:26:09,434
- RENE?
- DOOR, DOOR.
646
00:26:09,434 --> 00:26:11,436
- RENE, IT'S ONLY ME.
- IN HERE, LIEUTENANT.
647
00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:16,441
I HAVE COME TO GIVE YOU
SOME GOOD NEWS, RENE.
648
00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:18,943
YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
649
00:26:18,944 --> 00:26:20,445
HAVE BEEN PARDONED.
650
00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:22,447
THEY ARE BEING
RELEASED ABOUT NOW.
651
00:26:22,447 --> 00:26:24,949
( banging )
652
00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:27,953
WHAT IS THAT
STRANGE NOISE?
653
00:26:27,953 --> 00:26:29,955
WE HEAR IT EVERY MORNING.
654
00:26:29,955 --> 00:26:32,958
IT IS THE, UH... RESTLESS SPIRIT
OF MY POOR DEAD BROTHER,
655
00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:34,960
THE ONE YOU SHOT.
656
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,462
DO NOT REMIND ME.
657
00:26:37,462 --> 00:26:38,963
HOW LONG HAS THIS--
658
00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:40,966
GHASTLY PHENOMENON
BEEN GOING ON?
659
00:26:40,966 --> 00:26:42,467
FOR WEEKS.
660
00:26:42,467 --> 00:26:43,968
I WAS JUST TRYING
TO EXORCISE IT.
661
00:26:43,969 --> 00:26:45,470
EXCUSE ME.
662
00:26:45,470 --> 00:26:48,473
TU DOMINOS
BENEDICTINE,
663
00:26:48,473 --> 00:26:51,476
BENEDECOS
SPIRITUS SCARPOS.
664
00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:54,479
( knocking )
665
00:26:54,479 --> 00:26:56,481
I THINK I AM
GETTING TO IT.
666
00:26:56,481 --> 00:26:57,982
RENE, I...
667
00:26:57,983 --> 00:27:00,485
DO NOT THINK MY CONSCIENCE
CAN STAND IT.
668
00:27:00,485 --> 00:27:02,987
QUICK, YVETTE,
TAKE THE LIEUTENANT DOWNSTAIRS.
669
00:27:02,988 --> 00:27:03,989
GIVE HIM A BRANDY,
ON THE HOUSE.
670
00:27:03,989 --> 00:27:06,992
( knocking; screaming )
671
00:27:06,992 --> 00:27:07,993
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
672
00:27:07,993 --> 00:27:09,995
I THINK I WILL RETURN
TO MY QUARTERS.
673
00:27:09,995 --> 00:27:12,497
GO NOW, BEFORE IT COMES
THROUGH THE WALL.
674
00:27:12,497 --> 00:27:13,998
IF IT DOES,
675
00:27:13,999 --> 00:27:16,001
DO NOT TELL IT
WHERE I LIVE.
676
00:27:19,004 --> 00:27:20,505
YOU HEARD THAT?
677
00:27:20,505 --> 00:27:23,007
YOUR MOTHER
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC HAVE BEEN PARDONED.
678
00:27:23,008 --> 00:27:25,010
THIS WAS ALL
A WASTE OF TIME.
679
00:27:25,010 --> 00:27:27,012
NOW HOW DO WE GET
THIS BED DOWN?
680
00:27:27,012 --> 00:27:29,514
IT CAN ONLY BE DONE
FROM THE INSIDE,
681
00:27:29,514 --> 00:27:30,515
BY TURNING THE KNOB
THE OTHER WAY.
682
00:27:30,515 --> 00:27:33,017
THEN WHY DO THEY
NOT TURN IT?
683
00:27:33,018 --> 00:27:35,020
PERHAPS BECAUSE
THE KNOB HAS FALLEN OFF,
684
00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:36,521
WHEN THE BED
SPRANG UP.
685
00:27:36,521 --> 00:27:38,022
WONDERFUL.
686
00:27:38,023 --> 00:27:41,026
SO MUCH FOR DO-IT-YOURSELF
HIDING PLACES.
687
00:27:41,026 --> 00:27:42,027
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
688
00:27:42,027 --> 00:27:44,529
TO HAVE A DRINK
AND THEN TO BED.
689
00:27:44,529 --> 00:27:46,030
WHAT ABOUT MAMMA
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC?
690
00:27:46,031 --> 00:27:48,533
HE WANTED
A QUIET HONEYMOON,
691
00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:49,534
NOW HE CAN HAVE ONE.
692
00:27:49,534 --> 00:27:52,036
( theme music playing )