1 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:05,071 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:31,597 ♪ EVERY LITTLE BREEZE SEEMS TO WHISPER LOUISE... ♪ 3 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:32,599 ( spits ) 4 00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:36,102 ♪ BIRDS IN THE TREES SEEM TO WHITTER LOUISE ♪ 5 00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,104 ♪ EACH LITTLE-- ♪ AH! 6 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:39,605 I AM SINGING AN HAPPY SONG, 7 00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:42,108 BECAUSE I AM AN HAPPY MAN. 8 00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:45,111 THE TWO AIRMEN ARE NOW IN THE MORTUARY, 9 00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:48,614 THE MORTUARY OF MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, THE UNDERTAKER. 10 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,617 THEY ARE NOT DEAD, NO, 11 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,118 THEY ARE WAITING TO TUNNEL 12 00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:55,621 INTO THE BRITISH PRISONER OF WAR CAMP ACROSS THE ROAD. 13 00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:58,625 SO, I HAVE SEEN THE LAST OF THEM. 14 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,627 THE PORTRAIT OF THE FALLEN MADONNA 15 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:03,630 WITH THE BIG YOU-KNOW-WHATS IS IN THE OFFICE OF THE COLONEL, 16 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,632 AND GOOD RIDDANCE TO IT. 17 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,635 I CAN NOW DEAL WITH THE NORMAL EVERYDAY PROBLEMS 18 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,637 OF RUNNING MY CAFE. 19 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,639 THESE PROBLEMS ARE: 20 00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,641 ONE, TO PREVENT MARIA FROM KNOWING 21 00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,643 THAT I AM HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH YVETTE; 22 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,645 TWO, TO PREVENT YVETTE FROM KNOWING 23 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:21,147 THAT I AM HAVING IT OFF WITH MARIA; 24 00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:24,150 AND THREE, TO PREVENT MY WIFE KNOWING 25 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:27,153 THAT I AM HAVING A DING-DONG WITH BOTH OF THEM. 26 00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:29,155 THE REASON I AM SITTING OUT HERE, 27 00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,157 POLISHING THE CUTLERY, 28 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,659 IS SO THAT I CAN SEE WHEN MY WIFE 29 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,662 GOES INTO THE SHOP OF MONSIEUR CHEVAL, THE BUTCHER. 30 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:40,166 AH, YES, SHE IS ENTERING. 31 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,669 HE IS-- HE IS GREETING HER. 32 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:47,173 NOW HE IS POINTING AT A CHICKEN WITH HIS CHOPPER. 33 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,179 THESE NEGOTIATIONS WILL TAKE AT LEAST 10 MINUTES, 34 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:55,181 AND COULD INCLUDE A VISIT TO THE COLD ROOM. 35 00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:58,184 SO I HAVE A LITTLE TIME TO SPARE. 36 00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:06,192 YVETTE?! 37 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,695 ( growling ) RRR-RENE! 38 00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:13,199 OH, MY LITTLE WOOD PIGEON. 39 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:15,201 MY BIG GOOSE. 40 00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,203 AHH-- OOF! 41 00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:23,209 RENE, CAN YOU FEEL THE WILD BEATING 42 00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:25,711 OF MY HEART THROUGH THIS THIN BLOUSE? 43 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:28,214 NO, PRESS HARDER. 44 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:34,720 OH, RENE, HOW MUCH LONGER CAN WE GO ON LIKE THIS? 45 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,724 HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PLUCK A CHICKEN? 46 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,726 - RENE. - HUH? 47 00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:43,229 I KNOW HOW YOU MUST FEEL WHEN I AM WITH OTHER MEN, 48 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,730 BUT DO NOT WORRY-- 49 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,233 ALL THE TIME I AM THINKING OF YOU. 50 00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:49,735 AHH, AND WHEN I AM WITH MY WIFE, 51 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,739 ALL THE TIME I AM THINKING OF YOU. 52 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,241 IT DOES NOT HELP. 53 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,742 I MUST GO. 54 00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:58,244 - OH, NO. - OH, YES. 55 00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,746 HOLD ME FOR ONE LAST TIME. 56 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,248 ( both gasp ) 57 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,756 RENE, COME TO ME TONIGHT. 58 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:12,258 I WILL GIVE YOU A SIGNAL WHEN ALL IS CLEAR. 59 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:14,260 WHAT WILL THE SIGNAL BE? 60 00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,264 I WILL TAKE THE RED LIGHT OUT OF MY WINDOW. 61 00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:22,268 OH, YVETTE, ALWAYS THE ROMANTIC. 62 00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,270 GO NOW, MY CHILD. 63 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,782 RENE! 64 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,283 MARIA! 65 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,785 OH, RENE, HOW MUCH LONGER 66 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,288 CAN WE GO ON LIKE THIS? 67 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,789 AS LONG AS MY WIFE IS WELL AND STRONG ENOUGH 68 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,291 TO GET TO THE BUTCHER'S. 69 00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:48,294 COME TO MY ROOM TONIGHT? 70 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,796 NO, MARIA, IT IS TOO RISKY. 71 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:54,300 HOW ABOUT THE AIRING CUPBOARD NEXT TO THE BATHROOM? 72 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,302 IT IS TOO HOT. 73 00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:58,304 THIS TIME I WILL STAND 74 00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,806 WITH MY BACK TO THE TANK. 75 00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:05,811 OH, WELL... VERY WELL. 76 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,814 I WILL SEE THAT MY WIFE HAS A GOOD BATH, 77 00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,816 TO RUN OFF AS MUCH HOT WATER AS POSSIBLE. 78 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:12,318 OH, RENE! 79 00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:15,821 PUT THAT GIRL DOWN AND LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 80 00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:18,324 I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 81 00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:21,327 THE AIRMEN ARE IN THE MORTUARY, 82 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,829 BUT THE DIGGING OF THE TUNNEL IS TOO SLOW. 83 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,832 THEY HAVE COME TO AN HARD BIT. 84 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:26,833 THEY NEED HELP. 85 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,335 WHY CANNOT THE UNDERTAKERS GIVE THEM AN HAND? 86 00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:31,337 THEY ARE DIGGING GRAVES. 87 00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:32,838 IN THE GRAVES, THEY PUT THE EARTH 88 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,340 THAT IS DUG FROM THE TUNNEL. 89 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,845 IF THEY ARE PUTTING THE EARTH FROM THE TUNNELS 90 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,346 IN THE GRAVES, 91 00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,848 WHERE ARE THEY PUTTING THE EARTH FROM THE GRAVES? 92 00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:46,352 THEY ARE DIGGING OTHER GRAVES. 93 00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:48,354 WILL NOT THE GERMANS BECOME SUSPICIOUS 94 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,855 AT THE DIGGING OF ALL THESE GRAVES? 95 00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:52,859 NOT IF WE KEEP SHOOTING GERMANS TO PUT IN THEM. 96 00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,862 YOU ARE VERY DETERMINED, ARE YOU NOT? 97 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,232 EDITH, EDITH! 98 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,234 HOW MUCH LONGER HAVE I TO REMAIN LIKE THIS, 99 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,236 WITH MY LEGS IN THE AIR? 100 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,737 OH, QUIET, MAMMA. 101 00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:08,240 RENE IS JUST BRINGING THE NEW BATTERIES FOR THE RADIO. 102 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:11,244 EDITH, THESE ARE DAMNED HEAVY. OPEN IT UP. 103 00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:14,246 EDITH... 104 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,249 EDITH! NOW! 105 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,751 I HAVE HEARD THAT LAST NIGHT 106 00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:20,753 THE GERMAN SWINE 107 00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:23,756 TOOK AWAY MY PAINTING OF THE FLOWERS. 108 00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:26,258 BE THANKFUL THEY DID NOT STEAL THE SILVER. 109 00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,761 THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME 110 00:05:28,761 --> 00:05:30,262 BY A PENNILESS ARTIST 111 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,765 WHO WENT ROUND THE TWIST. 112 00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:35,768 IT LOOKED TO ME AS IF HE WAS ROUND THE TWIST WHEN HE PAINTED IT. 113 00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:38,270 AH-- 114 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:42,275 BUT HE WAS SO IN LOVE WITH ME. 115 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,776 HE SAID 116 00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:46,278 IF I DID NOT MARRY HIM, 117 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,781 HE WOULD TAKE A KNIFE, 118 00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:51,283 AND CUT OFF BITS OF HIS PERSON 119 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,286 AND SEND THEM TO ME. 120 00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,288 WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM, MAMMA? 121 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,790 HE WENT AWAY. 122 00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:00,292 BUT I REMEMBER, 123 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,795 I DID RECEIVE, 124 00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:04,797 BY REGISTERED POST, 125 00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:07,299 AN EAR. 126 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,802 AN EAR?! 127 00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:11,804 WHAT WAS HIS NAME? 128 00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:14,807 I CALLED HIM BOBBY. 129 00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:17,309 THANK GOD FOR THAT. 130 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,812 WELL, I THOUGHT 131 00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:21,814 VINCENT 132 00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,816 SOUNDED TOO POOFY. 133 00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:26,318 VINCENT?! 134 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:29,322 YOU SILLY OLD BAT! THAT WAS A VAN GOGH! 135 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,324 ALL THIS TIME, WE HAVE HAD ON OUR WALLS 136 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:32,825 A VAN GOGH AND WE DID NOT KNOW! 137 00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:34,827 YOU SAID IT WAS A WORTHLESS DAUB. 138 00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:36,829 - WELL, WHAT DO I KNOW? - ( radio buzzing ) 139 00:06:36,829 --> 00:06:39,832 AARGHH! THE BEDKNOBS, THE FLASHING BEDKNOBS. 140 00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:42,334 'Allo, Nighthawk, 'allo, Nighthawk. 141 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,337 Are you receiving me? Over. 142 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,839 'ALLO, 'ALLO, NIGHTHAWK HERE. 143 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:48,841 GIVE THAT TO ME! 144 00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:50,843 YOU ARE NOT NIGHTHAWK. 145 00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,845 I AM NIGHTHAWK. 146 00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:55,848 YOU ARE MRS. NIGHTHAWK. 147 00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:58,851 'ALLO, 'ALLO, THIS IS NIGHTHAWK SPEAKING. 148 00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:01,353 PASS YOUR MESSAGE, PLEASE. OVER. 149 00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,855 Has Old Mother Hubbard 150 00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:05,357 got together with Miss Muffet 151 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,360 and Little Boy Blue? Over. 152 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,363 LOOK IT UP, EDITH, HAS OLD MOTHER HUBBARD 153 00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,865 GOT TOGETHER WITH MISS MUFFET AND LITTLE BOY BLUE? 154 00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:15,868 THE WAY PEOPLE CARRY ON THESE DAYS, 155 00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:18,370 I'M NOT SURPRISED. 156 00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:19,372 SHUT UP! 157 00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,374 IT MEANS, "ARE THE AIRMEN 158 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,376 INSIDE THE PRISONER OF WAR CAMP?" 159 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,877 WE MUST TELL THEM NO. 160 00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:26,879 LITTLE BOY BLUE IS STILL HOLDING 161 00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:28,881 MISS MUFFET'S TUFFET. 162 00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,883 BUT WE ARE HOPING TO GET THEM 163 00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:32,384 UP THE BEANSTALK TONIGHT. OVER. 164 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,389 DID YOU WRITE DOWN THE MESSAGE, 165 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:38,391 VON SMALLHAUSEN? 166 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,892 AS YOU ORDERED, HERR FLICK. 167 00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,894 WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 168 00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:44,897 FORTUNATELY, I WAS EDUCATED AT OXFORD. 169 00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:46,398 THESE ARE NURSERY RHYMES. 170 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,401 THERE MUST BE SOME CONNECTION. 171 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,902 AS I RECALL... 172 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:52,905 MOTHER HUBBARD WAS THE ONE WHO HAD THE CUPBOARD. 173 00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:55,908 AIRMEN CAN HIDE IN A CUPBOARD. 174 00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:56,909 EXCELLENT. 175 00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:59,411 LITTLE MISS MUFFET, SHE HAD THE TUFFET. 176 00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:02,915 WHAT IS A TUFFET? 177 00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:05,417 A TUFFET IS A MOUND OF EARTH, 178 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,420 SIMILAR TO THAT THROWN UP... 179 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,922 BY THE MOLE. 180 00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:11,924 AND WHERE DO MOLES LIVE? 181 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:13,425 UNDERGROUND! 182 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,928 THEY HAVE BEEN HIDDEN IN THE CUPBOARD, 183 00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:16,929 BY THE UNDERGROUND. 184 00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:18,430 NOW-- 185 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,935 WHAT DID LITTLE BOY BLUE HAVE? 186 00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:23,936 I CANNOT REMEMBER. 187 00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:25,938 THINK, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 188 00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:27,940 YOUR WHOLE CAREER MAY DEPEND ON IT. 189 00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:30,442 AHHH, IT ALL COMES BACK-- 190 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,945 OXFORD, THE RIVER, 191 00:08:32,945 --> 00:08:34,947 THE DREAMING SPIRE-- 192 00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:36,949 HE HAD THE HORN. 193 00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:39,952 THE FRENCH HORN. 194 00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:42,454 THEY HAVE BEEN HIDDEN BY THE FRENCH UNDERGROUND 195 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,457 IN THIS CUPBOARD. 196 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,959 NOW, WHERE IS THE CUPBOARD? 197 00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:49,962 IS THERE NO CLUE WE HAVE MISSED? 198 00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:54,466 WE HAVE THE TUFFET, THE HORN, THE CUPBOARD. 199 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,469 MOTHER HUBBARD WAS LOOKING IN THE CUPBOARD 200 00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:59,472 TO FIND FOR HER POOR DOGGY, A BONE. 201 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:00,973 A BONE, 202 00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:02,474 AND WHERE DO YOU FIND BONES? 203 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,976 AT THE BUTCHER'S? 204 00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:06,478 WHERE ELSE, VON SMALLHAUSEN? WHERE ELSE? 205 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,481 IN THE GRAVEYARD. 206 00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:11,484 WHERE, LATELY, THERE HAS BEEN MUCH DIGGING. 207 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,486 WE WILL INVESTIGATE. 208 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:16,989 YOU HAVE AN INCREDIBLE BRAIN, HERR FLICK. 209 00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:19,992 DO NOT BE A LITTLE CRAWLER. 210 00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:29,035 - GOOD DAY TO YOU, CAPTAIN. - HELLO. 211 00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:31,037 I HAVE BROUGHT YOU YOUR USUAL. 212 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:34,040 ONE DOES NOT NORMALLY SEE YOU WITHOUT THE COLONEL. 213 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,043 HE IS CROSS WITH ME. WE ARE HARDLY SPEAKING. 214 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:39,045 ALL HE SAID THIS MORNING WAS, "HEIL HITLER." 215 00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,548 NOT EXACTLY THE START 216 00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:45,050 OF A SPARKLING CONVERSATION. 217 00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:46,552 WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THIS RUPTURE 218 00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:48,554 IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? 219 00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:50,055 THE SHOOTING LAST NIGHT. 220 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,058 THAT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. 221 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:54,060 YOU DID NOT SHOOT ANYBODY. 222 00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,562 IT WAS MY JEALOUS, IMPETUOUS WIFE. 223 00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,063 SHE USED MY GUN. 224 00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:00,566 HE'S LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW? THE COLONEL. 225 00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:02,568 HE CONFISCATED MY JACKBOOTS ONCE, 226 00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,570 JUST BECAUSE I REFUSED TO KICK A PEASANT. 227 00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:08,574 I CAN TELL YOU, RENE, I AM NOT ENJOYING THIS WAR. 228 00:10:08,574 --> 00:10:10,576 YOU SURPRISE ME, CAPTAIN. 229 00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:13,078 YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO BE HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME. 230 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:15,081 ONE HAS TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES. 231 00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,083 IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY, YOU KNOW, GOOSESTEPPING ABOUT, 232 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,085 SHOUTING AND RANTING. 233 00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:21,087 IT IS HARD TO BE A CONQUERING HERO, 234 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,089 WHEN IT IS NOT IN YOUR NATURE. 235 00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:25,091 WHY DO YOU DO IT? 236 00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:26,592 ( groans ) IT IS HITLER. 237 00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:29,595 HE'S A VERY DEMANDING CHAP. 238 00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:32,598 YEAH, OF COURSE. 239 00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:35,601 THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN A BAD-TEMPERED DECORATOR. 240 00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:39,605 WE HAD ONE HERE ONCE, YOU KNOW? 241 00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:42,107 RENE, THAT BRIBE YOU GAVE TO THE POLICEMAN, 242 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,110 WILL IT BE ENOUGH TO KEEP HIM QUIET? 243 00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,611 YOU CAN RELY ON IT. 244 00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:47,112 RENE... 245 00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:51,617 I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH. 246 00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:53,118 I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, RENE. 247 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,623 I WILL. PERFUME... 248 00:10:57,623 --> 00:11:00,125 SILK STOCKINGS... 249 00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:03,629 ANY LITTLE LUXURY YOU CARE TO NAME... 250 00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:06,131 THERMAL UNDERWEAR? 251 00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:09,135 AM I INTERRUPTING ANYTHING? 252 00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,636 NO, NO, NO. 253 00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:13,639 WE'RE JUST DISCUSSING A LITTLE PRIVATE MATTER BETWEEN THE TWO OF US. 254 00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:16,141 I SEE. 255 00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:17,643 I, UH... 256 00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:20,145 I HOPE THERE WERE NO REPERCUSSIONS 257 00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:22,148 OVER THE SHOOTING HERE LAST NIGHT? 258 00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,650 SHOOTING? NO, NO. DID YOU SEE A SHOOTING, RENE? 259 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,152 NOT THAT I CAN RECALL, NO. 260 00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:29,655 MIND YOU, IT WAS A VERY LIVELY EVENING. 261 00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,156 I UNDERSTAND. 262 00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:33,659 AH, COLONEL, GOOD DAY TO YOU. 263 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,661 GOOD DAY, RENE. 264 00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:37,663 GOOD DAY, HUBERT. 265 00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:39,164 HELLO. 266 00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,666 HEIL HITLER! 267 00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:45,671 SAY "HEIL HITLER" FOR ME. 268 00:11:47,173 --> 00:11:49,675 HAVE YOU TWO FALLEN OUT? 269 00:11:49,675 --> 00:11:51,176 WE HAVE. 270 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:53,179 OVER A GIRL? 271 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,181 NO, NOT OVER A GIRL. 272 00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,685 I SEE. 273 00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:04,189 NOW, HUBERT, WHAT'S HAPPENING ABOUT THE PAINTINGS? 274 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:06,192 I HAVE TAKEN THEM TO MY QUARTERS. 275 00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:07,193 GOOD. 276 00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:10,196 THERE, I CAN COPY THE FALLEN MADONNA. 277 00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:11,697 TWICE. 278 00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:12,698 TWICE? 279 00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:15,701 AH, I HAD BETTER MAKE A NOTE OF THIS. 280 00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:18,203 - MY PENCIL. - THANK YOU. 281 00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:22,208 MADONNA WITH BIG BOOBIES. 282 00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:23,709 TWO. 283 00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:27,213 ONE FOR HITLER, ONE FOR FLICK. 284 00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,714 THE ORIGINAL CAN BE RETURNED TO ME. 285 00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:32,718 YOU MEAN, RETURNED TO US, DON'T YOU? 286 00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:34,720 HE'S STILL IGNORING ME, YOU SEE? 287 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,222 THE GENERAL HAS ALSO ASKED ME 288 00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:38,724 TO MAKE A COPY OF THE VAN GOGH. 289 00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:40,726 IS HE SENDING THE ORIGINAL TO HITLER? 290 00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:43,228 NO, HE IS SENDING THE COPY TO HITLER. 291 00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:44,730 WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?! 292 00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:47,733 YOU WOULD THINK A GENERAL WOULD BE ABOVE THAT SORT OF THING, WOULDN'T YOU? 293 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:50,736 I KNOW A COLONEL IS NOT, BUT YOU'D THINK A GENERAL WOULD-- 294 00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:54,740 LIEUTENANT, DEAR LIEUTENANT, 295 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,742 WHILE YOU ARE AT IT, COULD YOU MAKE 296 00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:58,744 ANOTHER COPY OF THE VAN GOGH? 297 00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:00,746 TELL THE GENERAL IT IS THE REAL ONE, 298 00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:03,749 AND RETURN THE ORIGINAL TO ME, THE RIGHTFUL OWNER. 299 00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:05,250 THAT WOULD BE DISHONEST, RENE. 300 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,253 NOT IF WE SPLIT THE PROCEEDS AFTER THE WAR. 301 00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:09,255 ANOTHER COPY, GRUBER. 302 00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:12,258 THAT IS TWO VAN GOGHS, 303 00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:14,760 AND TWO FALLEN MADONNAS. 304 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,262 FOUR BOOBIES. 305 00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:34,279 SISTER, YOU WILL COME HERE. 306 00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:40,286 I AM HERE, HERR FATHER. 307 00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:43,289 GIVE TO ME MY POWERFUL BINOCULARS. 308 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:45,291 AT ONCE, HERR FATHER. 309 00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:52,798 WHAT WAS IT YOU WERE HOPING TO SEE, HERR FATHER? 310 00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:54,800 I HAVE ALREADY SEEN 311 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,301 WHAT I WAS HOPING TO SEE. 312 00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:02,808 THERE IS MUCH DIGGING 313 00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:04,810 AND VERY LITTLE BURYING. 314 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:06,311 WHAT DO WE DO NOW? 315 00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,314 WE WAIT. 316 00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:09,815 DO YOU WISH ME TO KISS YOU? 317 00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:12,317 NOT WHILE YOU ARE DRESSED AS A NUN! 318 00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:13,819 IT WOULD GIVE OFFENSE. 319 00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,821 WHO WOULD IT UPSET? 320 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,825 IT WOULD UPSET ME. 321 00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:23,829 VON SMALLHAUSEN, STOP SNOOPING 322 00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,330 AND TAKE YOUR SMOKE BOMB ELSEWHERE. 323 00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:28,334 HOLY FATHER, I HAVE SINNED. 324 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:31,337 I HAVE JOINED A HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE, 325 00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:34,340 WHERE MANY WICKED GIRLS CAVORT IN SCANTY CLOTHES, 326 00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,342 AND ARE NAUGHTY WITH MEN. 327 00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:39,345 WELL... WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT? 328 00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:43,849 HERR FATHER, YOU MUST GIVE TO THIS WICKED GIRL, 329 00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:45,350 A PENANCE. 330 00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:46,852 I SEE. 331 00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:50,355 GO HOME AND SAY 100 HEIL HITLERS. 332 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,363 YOU LET HER OFF VERY LIGHTLY, HERR FATHER. 333 00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,365 USUALLY YOU'RE MUCH MORE SEVERE. 334 00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:02,368 ( "Hallelujah Chorus" plays ) 335 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,872 OVERTURE AND BEGINNERS, PLEASE. 336 00:15:06,872 --> 00:15:08,874 COME, SISTER. 337 00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:10,375 WE ARE ON. 338 00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:20,886 DAMNED HARD WORK, FAIRFAX. 339 00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:23,889 YES, I KNOW, AND YOU'VE LADDERED YOUR STOCKING. 340 00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,391 HOW'S IT GOING, CHAPS? 341 00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:28,394 WE'VE HIT ROCK OR SOMETHING. 342 00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,396 WE REALLY NEED A DRILL. 343 00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:31,897 WE CAN'T DO THAT, 344 00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:33,899 IT WOULD MAKE TOO MUCH NOISE. 345 00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,901 COULDN'T YOU DRUM UP SOME EXTRA BODS? 346 00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:38,403 WE'RE GETTING SOME HELP FROM THE CAFE. 347 00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:41,907 HOW'S IT GOING, SIMPSON? 348 00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:42,908 IT'S A BIT STICKY, SIR. 349 00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:45,911 IT'S NOT EASY WITH TEASPOONS. 350 00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:47,913 KEEP BASHING ON. WE'VE GOT A COUPLE 351 00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:49,915 OF HOURS BEFORE THE INSPECTION. 352 00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:01,493 GOOD EVENING, ALL. 353 00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,495 OH MY GOD. 354 00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:07,499 OFFICER, WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE CAFE. 355 00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:11,503 PSST! 356 00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:14,506 IT IS I, LECLERC. 357 00:16:14,506 --> 00:16:16,007 NO! 358 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:21,013 I HAVE A MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE. 359 00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:23,015 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 360 00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:24,516 WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR INSTRUCTIONS. 361 00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:28,520 MADAME, A LADY REPORTED SEEING A FLASHER. 362 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,021 AND YOU HAD TO ARREST HIM. 363 00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:31,523 ER, UH... NO. 364 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:33,525 I HAD TO DISGUISE MYSELF AS A POLICEMAN, 365 00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:36,528 SO THAT SHE WOULD NOT RECOGNIZE HIM. 366 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,530 WHAT IS YOUR MESSAGE? 367 00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,533 YOU ARE TO GO AT ONCE TO THE MORTUARY 368 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:44,035 AND HELP WITH THE DIGGING. 369 00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,537 GO AT ONCE? AND HOW ARE WE TO GET THERE? 370 00:16:45,537 --> 00:16:47,539 THE PLACE IS STIFF WITH GERMANS. 371 00:16:47,539 --> 00:16:49,541 HERE, TAKE THIS UPSTAIRS TO MY MOTHER. 372 00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:52,043 TELL HER SHE MUST GET DOWN HERE, 373 00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:53,545 AND TAKE OVER THE BAR WHILE WE ARE GONE. 374 00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:54,546 VERY GOOD, MADAME. 375 00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:58,550 HOW LONG WILL YOU GO ON NOT SPEAKING TO ME? 376 00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:02,053 THIS HAS NOT HAPPENED TO ME SINCE I WAS A SMALL BOY 377 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:04,556 AT SCHOOL AND THEY SENT ME TO COVENTRY. 378 00:17:04,556 --> 00:17:07,559 THIS IS A TERRIBLE THING TO HAPPEN TO A SMALL BOY 379 00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:10,562 WHEN YOU ARE AT SCHOOL IN DUSSELDORF. 380 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,567 OH, LOOK! WHY IS THAT WAITRESS LEANING OVER 381 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,569 AND SHOWING HER SUSPENDERS? 382 00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,571 AHHH! YOU SEE! 383 00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:22,574 SO YOU CAN HEAR. 384 00:17:22,574 --> 00:17:24,075 ( laughing ) 385 00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:27,579 OH, HECK. HERE COMES THAT ENGLISH IDIOT 386 00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:30,081 WHO THINKS HE CAN SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE. 387 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,584 GOOD MOANING. 388 00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:36,588 GOOD MOANING. 389 00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:41,593 DO YOU WANT THE GOOD NOSE OR THE BAD NOSE? 390 00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:45,597 OH, DO LET US HAVE THE GOOD NOSE. 391 00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:48,099 I HAVE HASHED UP 392 00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:51,603 THE SHATTING OF THE TWO TITS. 393 00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,607 WHAT DOES CRABTREE SAY, YVETTE? 394 00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:57,609 HE HAS HUSHED UP 395 00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:59,611 THE SHOOTING OF THE TWO TARTS. 396 00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:02,113 GOOD. AND WHAT IS THE BAD NOSE? 397 00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:04,616 THE GESTAPO ARE HOOVERING 398 00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:06,618 ROUND THE GRAVEYARD, 399 00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:09,621 DISGEESED AS A NAN, 400 00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,623 A BOSHOP, 401 00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,625 AND A ROMAN CATHOLIC FARTER. 402 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:20,132 I KNEW I SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED. 403 00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:24,135 WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN? 404 00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:26,138 THEY HAVE TAKEN SPADES. 405 00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:29,141 THEY HAVE CRAPPED ALONG THE TUNNEL, 406 00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:33,645 AND ARE DOGGING. 407 00:18:33,645 --> 00:18:36,648 THAT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A LOT OF FUN. 408 00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:40,151 WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING THEM. 409 00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:41,653 WHAT ARE WE TO DO? 410 00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:44,656 WITH MY DISGEESE AS A POLOCEMAN, 411 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:47,158 I AM OBLE TO ESCOOT YOU THERE. 412 00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:49,661 LOOK, CAN YOU NOT FIND A PHRASE BOOK 413 00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:51,663 AND IMPROVE YOUR FRENCH? 414 00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,164 IT IS TERRIBLE! 415 00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:56,168 NOBODY HAS COMPLONED SO FUR. 416 00:18:58,170 --> 00:18:59,671 IF THEY DO, I WILL TOLL THEM 417 00:18:59,671 --> 00:19:01,673 THAT I AM FROM THE LEFT BONK. 418 00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:06,678 YVETTE, MARIA-- 419 00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:09,180 GO ROUND THE TABLES AND COLLECT ALL THE FLOWERS 420 00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:10,682 SO WE CAN TAKE THEM WITH US. 421 00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:13,184 WHAT EXCUSE DO WE GIVE TO THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN? 422 00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:15,187 YOU LEAVE THIS TO ME. 423 00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:21,193 DEAR COLONEL, DEAR CAPTAIN, 424 00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:22,694 FORGIVE US, 425 00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:24,696 BUT WE ARE DEPARTING TO PAY OUR RESPECTS 426 00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,698 TO THE TWO WOMEN OF THE STREET, 427 00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:28,700 WHO I UNFORTUNATELY SHOT WITH YOUR GUN. 428 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,702 COME, LADIES. 429 00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:37,208 HANS, I THINK THEY'RE UP TO SOMETHING. 430 00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:39,711 OH, UNCLE KURT, YOU'RE SPEAKING TO ME. 431 00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:46,218 OHHH, WHAT A RELIEF! 432 00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:48,220 LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU. 433 00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:49,221 YES. 434 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,723 I THINK WE SHOULD FOLLOW RENE. 435 00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,225 BUT GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN TOLD US TO WATCH THE CAFE. 436 00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,728 YOU ARE RIGHT. WE SHOULD OBEY ORDERS. 437 00:19:56,728 --> 00:19:58,730 WE WILL WATCH THE CAFE. 438 00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:02,233 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 439 00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,736 TONIGHT, IT IS CABARET TIME, 440 00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:06,237 AT THE CAFE RENE. 441 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:09,241 AND IN THE ABSENCE OF MADAME EDITH, 442 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,243 PLEASE TO WELCOME, 443 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,245 FROM THE FOLIES BERGERES, 444 00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:16,248 MADAME FANNY LA FAN. 445 00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:21,252 ( piano music playing ) 446 00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:33,264 ♪ TAKE ME ♪ 447 00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:35,767 ♪ TO YOUR HEART AGAIN ♪ 448 00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:37,769 ♪ LET'S MAKE ♪ 449 00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,771 ♪ A START AGAIN ♪ 450 00:20:39,771 --> 00:20:41,773 ♪ FORGIVING ♪ 451 00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:43,274 ♪ AND FORGETTING... ♪ 452 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,277 I WAS RIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE, 453 00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:46,778 WE WILL FOLLOW RENE. 454 00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:49,280 WHAT ABOUT THE ORDERS?! 455 00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:51,783 OFFICERS MUST USE THEIR INITIATIVE. 456 00:20:51,783 --> 00:20:53,785 BESIDES, THERE IS NO CHEESE FOR OUR EARS. 457 00:20:57,789 --> 00:21:00,792 ♪ DEAREST ♪ 458 00:21:00,792 --> 00:21:02,293 ♪ LET'S TURN BACK THE YEARS ♪ 459 00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:05,797 ♪ LET SMILES COME AFTER TEARS ♪ 460 00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:07,799 ♪ LIKE SUNSHINE ♪ 461 00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:10,802 ♪ AFTER RAIN ♪ 462 00:21:10,802 --> 00:21:13,805 ♪ I'M YEARNING ♪ 463 00:21:13,805 --> 00:21:15,306 ♪ FOR YOU ♪ 464 00:21:15,307 --> 00:21:18,310 ♪ BY NIGHT AND BY DAY ♪ 465 00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:21,313 ♪ PRAYING THAT SOON ♪ 466 00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:23,315 ♪ I'D HEAR YOU SAYING ♪ 467 00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:26,318 ♪ I LOVE ♪ 468 00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:28,820 ♪ YOU. ♪ 469 00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:30,321 ( rhythm accelerates ) 470 00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:32,324 ♪ WE WILL NEVER PART AGAIN ♪ 471 00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:36,328 ♪ IF YOU WOULD HOLD ME BY-- ♪ 472 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,866 ( organ music playing ) 473 00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:44,369 THAT SERMON YOU GAVE WAS MOST MOVING, HERR FATHER. 474 00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:48,373 BISHOP VON SMALLHAUSEN HAD TEARS RUNNING DOWN HIS CHEEKS. 475 00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:51,376 THAT WAS BECAUSE THIS THING WOULD NOT GO OUT. 476 00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:53,878 STILL, THERE IS MUCH DIGGING. 477 00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:56,381 THERE IS SOMETHING BEHIND THIS. 478 00:21:57,382 --> 00:21:59,384 LET US GO TO THE MORTUARY 479 00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:01,886 TO INTERROGATE THE UNDERTAKER. 480 00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:06,892 WITH HERR FLICK, LIFE IS NEVER DULL. 481 00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:18,903 I SHAN'T GO OUT WITH GIRLS ANYMORE AFTER THIS. 482 00:22:20,906 --> 00:22:21,907 YOU'VE PUT ME OFF. 483 00:22:23,408 --> 00:22:25,910 I'VE BEEN DIGGING JUST AS HARD AS YOU HAVE. 484 00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:26,912 ( footsteps approach ) 485 00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,413 CAVEE, SOMEONE'S COMING. 486 00:22:34,419 --> 00:22:35,920 PULL YOUR SKIRT DOWN. 487 00:22:38,423 --> 00:22:40,425 OKAY, CHAPS, IT'S ONLY ME. 488 00:22:40,425 --> 00:22:43,928 I MUST LOVE YOU NOW, SO GOOD LICK. 489 00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:46,431 WHERE IS MONSIEUR ALPHONSE? 490 00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:48,433 HE'S IN THE TUNNEL, HAVING A DIG. 491 00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:50,435 I THINK WE'VE GOT RATS DOWN THERE. 492 00:22:50,435 --> 00:22:51,936 WE CAN HEAR A LOT OF SCRATCHING. 493 00:22:51,937 --> 00:22:54,940 THAT WILL BE THE CHAPS IN THE P.O.W. CAMP TUNNELING OUT. 494 00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,942 IN THAT CASE, WE MAY NOT HAVE FAR TO GO. 495 00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:59,444 AND WE'VE NO TIME TO LOSE. WE MUST DIG LIKE FURY. 496 00:22:59,444 --> 00:23:00,945 IT'S JOLLY TIRING. 497 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,948 - MURDER ON THE OLD HANDS AND KNEES. - ( rumbling ) 498 00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:04,449 WHAT WAS THAT? 499 00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:10,455 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, AT YOUR SERVICE. 500 00:23:11,456 --> 00:23:13,458 ( coughs ) 501 00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:16,461 "SWIFTLY, AND WITH STYLE"... 502 00:23:20,465 --> 00:23:22,967 AND TEMPORARILY KNACKERED. 503 00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:25,971 WHAT IS YOUR PROGRESS REPORT? 504 00:23:25,971 --> 00:23:27,973 THE TUNNEL-- 505 00:23:27,973 --> 00:23:31,476 IS WHAT IS KNOWN AS BUNGED UP WITH LOOSE EARTH. 506 00:23:31,476 --> 00:23:34,479 IT IS THE DISPOSAL OF WHAT WE CALL IN MY TRADE-- 507 00:23:34,479 --> 00:23:36,481 OF THE MUCK-- 508 00:23:36,481 --> 00:23:38,483 THAT CONSUMES ALL THE TIME. 509 00:23:38,483 --> 00:23:39,984 VERY WELL. 510 00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:40,986 RIGHT, CHAPS, IN YOU GO. 511 00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:42,487 DIG FOR YOUR LIFE. 512 00:23:42,487 --> 00:23:44,489 WE'LL ARRANGE A CHAIN TO GET RID OF THE EARTH. 513 00:23:51,997 --> 00:23:53,498 GET IN THERE. 514 00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:56,000 WHEN YOUR POTS ARE FULL, PASS THEM BACK. 515 00:23:57,502 --> 00:24:00,004 HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO BE DOWN THERE? 516 00:24:02,507 --> 00:24:05,510 FILL THEM WITH EARTH, DUMMY. 517 00:24:09,514 --> 00:24:10,515 GET A MOVE ON, SIMPSON. 518 00:24:10,515 --> 00:24:12,016 THE WHOLE OPERATION'S SLOWING UP. 519 00:24:12,017 --> 00:24:13,518 I'M DOING MY BEST, SIR. 520 00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:16,521 - SHH, SHH! - ( scratching; thumping ) 521 00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:18,523 THAT SCRATCHING'S GETTING QUITE LOUD. 522 00:24:18,523 --> 00:24:20,024 WELL, BASH ON, WE'RE NEARLY THERE. 523 00:24:20,025 --> 00:24:22,027 Edith: HERE, 524 00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:23,028 RENE, TAKE THIS. 525 00:24:24,029 --> 00:24:27,032 EDITH, STOP POKING ME WITH YOUR POT. 526 00:24:29,034 --> 00:24:31,036 FILL IT UP AND GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE. 527 00:24:31,036 --> 00:24:34,539 I AM A POT PASSER NOT A POT FILLER. 528 00:24:36,041 --> 00:24:37,042 NOW, HERE YOU ARE. 529 00:24:37,042 --> 00:24:38,543 THERE, ARE YOU SATISFIED? 530 00:24:38,543 --> 00:24:41,045 OW! 531 00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:43,548 ( breathing heavily ) THANK YOU. 532 00:24:43,548 --> 00:24:47,051 OH, THIS IS VERY GOOD QUALITY. 533 00:24:47,052 --> 00:24:51,056 WHEN WE HAVE FINISHED I WOULD LIKE SOME OF THESE FOR THE CAFE. 534 00:24:51,056 --> 00:24:53,558 ALWAYS THE ENTREPRENEUR. 535 00:24:54,559 --> 00:24:56,561 WHERE SHALL I PUT THE REFUSE? 536 00:24:56,561 --> 00:24:59,564 - I WILL TAKE IT. - IT IS BRIMMING OVER. 537 00:24:59,564 --> 00:25:00,565 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, 538 00:25:00,565 --> 00:25:03,067 THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN ARE APPROACHING. 539 00:25:03,068 --> 00:25:04,569 OH MY GOD. 540 00:25:04,569 --> 00:25:06,571 WE MUST WARN THEM IN THE TUNNEL, TWO JERRIES ARE COMING. 541 00:25:06,571 --> 00:25:10,074 - WHAT? - WARN THEM IN THE TUNNEL TWO JERRIES ARE COMING! 542 00:25:10,075 --> 00:25:12,077 TWO JERRIES ARE COMING. 543 00:25:12,077 --> 00:25:14,579 TWO JERRIES ARE COMING. 544 00:25:14,579 --> 00:25:17,081 TWO JERRIES ARE COMING. 545 00:25:17,082 --> 00:25:19,584 I CAN ONLY DEAL WITH ONE AT A TIME. 546 00:25:24,089 --> 00:25:25,590 I THINK I'M THROUGH. 547 00:25:25,590 --> 00:25:27,091 JOLLY GOOD SHOW. 548 00:25:31,596 --> 00:25:33,598 MY GOD, FRENCH CRUMPET! 549 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,603 THEY MUST BE PRETTY DESPERATE IF THEY'RE TUNNELING IN. 550 00:25:38,603 --> 00:25:40,605 - HELLO! - HELLO! 551 00:25:40,605 --> 00:25:44,108 GOOD GOD, IT'S FAIRFAX AND CARSTAIRS FROM 402 SQUADRON. 552 00:25:44,109 --> 00:25:45,110 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 553 00:25:45,110 --> 00:25:47,112 WE'RE TRYING TO GET IN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 554 00:25:47,112 --> 00:25:48,613 WE'RE TRYING TO GET OUT. 555 00:25:48,613 --> 00:25:51,115 Michelle: LOOK OUT, CHAPS. JERRIES ARE COMING. 556 00:25:51,116 --> 00:25:53,118 QUICK, BACK UP. 557 00:25:53,118 --> 00:25:54,619 RIGHT. 558 00:26:04,629 --> 00:26:08,132 I AM SORRY IF I HAVE CAUGHT YOU AT AN INCONVENIENT MOMENT. 559 00:26:09,134 --> 00:26:11,136 CAN I HELP YOU, MONSIEUR? 560 00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:13,138 I AM LOOKING FOR MONSIEUR RENE 561 00:26:13,138 --> 00:26:15,640 WHOM I OBSERVED ENTERING THESE PREMISES. 562 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,642 HE'S NOT HERE. 563 00:26:17,642 --> 00:26:20,645 WE WILL SEARCH. HANS, SEARCH. 564 00:26:20,645 --> 00:26:21,646 SEARCH, SEARCH. 565 00:26:24,149 --> 00:26:26,151 IS THERE A DEAD BODY IN HERE? 566 00:26:26,151 --> 00:26:28,653 HOPEFULLY. 567 00:26:28,653 --> 00:26:31,155 WE PUT A SCREWDRIVER IN WITH THEM, 568 00:26:31,156 --> 00:26:33,158 IN CASE WE MAKE A MISTAKE. 569 00:26:37,162 --> 00:26:38,163 HOW FAR DO YOU WANT ME TO GO? 570 00:26:38,163 --> 00:26:39,664 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 571 00:26:39,664 --> 00:26:41,666 IT IS SPOOKY. 572 00:26:41,666 --> 00:26:43,668 OPEN THE COFFIN. 573 00:26:46,171 --> 00:26:48,173 IT IS FULL OF EARTH. 574 00:26:48,173 --> 00:26:50,175 WHY IS THIS COFFIN FULL OF EARTH? 575 00:26:50,175 --> 00:26:53,178 I AM GROWING MUSHROOMS. 576 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,181 I DO NOT SEE ANY MUSHROOMS. 577 00:26:57,182 --> 00:27:01,186 THAT IS PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOT YET COME UP. 578 00:27:02,187 --> 00:27:03,688 THERE'S EARTH ON THE FLOOR. 579 00:27:03,688 --> 00:27:04,689 HANS, HELP ME. 580 00:27:04,689 --> 00:27:06,691 NO, MONSIEUR, YOU CANNOT. 581 00:27:06,691 --> 00:27:09,694 YOU CANNOT DEFILE THE TOMB OF THE DEPARTED. 582 00:27:11,196 --> 00:27:13,198 WHY IS THERE EARTH IN YOUR POT? 583 00:27:14,699 --> 00:27:18,703 I AM TRYING TO CULTIVATE THE STONE OF THE AVOCADO PEAR. 584 00:27:18,703 --> 00:27:22,206 DO YOU HAVE TO SIT ON IT TO CULTIVATE IT? 585 00:27:22,207 --> 00:27:26,711 MONSIEUR, IT REQUIRES A WARM TEMPERATURE. 586 00:27:26,711 --> 00:27:29,714 I GREW ONE ON A DAMP FLANNEL. 587 00:27:29,714 --> 00:27:31,215 HANS, HELP ME. 588 00:27:37,722 --> 00:27:38,723 IT IS A TUNNEL. 589 00:27:38,723 --> 00:27:40,224 A TUNNEL? 590 00:27:40,225 --> 00:27:42,727 HOW DID THAT GET IN THERE? 591 00:27:42,727 --> 00:27:45,730 WE MUST FIND OUT WHERE IT LEADS. 592 00:27:45,730 --> 00:27:47,732 HANS, YOU GO FIRST. 593 00:27:49,734 --> 00:27:51,235 ( knocking on door ) 594 00:28:00,245 --> 00:28:02,247 NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON? 595 00:28:02,247 --> 00:28:04,249 WE ARE BEING HUNTED BY THE GESTAPO 596 00:28:04,249 --> 00:28:05,250 AND THE JERRY TROOPS, 597 00:28:05,250 --> 00:28:06,751 IN FACT, THE WHOLE DAMNED LOT OF THEM. 598 00:28:06,751 --> 00:28:09,253 IF THEY FIND US WITHOUT UNIFORMS WE'LL BE SHOT. 599 00:28:09,254 --> 00:28:10,755 WHAT ABOUT THIS LOT? 600 00:28:10,755 --> 00:28:13,257 WE'RE THE FRENCH RESISTANCE. THEY'LL SHOOT US TOO. 601 00:28:13,258 --> 00:28:15,260 MY GOD, SIMPSON, THIS IS A BIT OF A FACER. 602 00:28:15,260 --> 00:28:17,262 THERE'S AN INSPECTION IN FIVE MINUTES. 603 00:28:17,262 --> 00:28:19,264 OF COURSE, WITH THE KRAUT GENERAL. 604 00:28:19,264 --> 00:28:20,765 WE'D BETTER SET ABOUT HIDING THEM. 605 00:28:20,765 --> 00:28:23,768 WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON? 606 00:28:23,768 --> 00:28:26,270 THEY ARE GOING TO HIDE US. 607 00:28:26,271 --> 00:28:28,273 WHY DO WE NOT GO BACK DOWN THE TUNNEL? 608 00:28:28,273 --> 00:28:30,275 THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN ARE COMING DOWN IT. 609 00:28:30,275 --> 00:28:31,776 WHAT? 610 00:28:31,776 --> 00:28:35,279 MY GOD, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? 611 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,782 HOW ABOUT TRYING TO BEHAVE LIKE THE BRAVEST MAN IN ALL FRANCE? 612 00:28:41,786 --> 00:28:44,288 HANS, I'M STUCK. 613 00:28:44,289 --> 00:28:45,790 GIVE ME A PULL. 614 00:28:45,790 --> 00:28:46,791 YES. 615 00:28:46,791 --> 00:28:49,293 ONE, TWO, THREE, 616 00:28:49,294 --> 00:28:50,795 PULL! 617 00:28:55,300 --> 00:28:57,302 NOW LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. 618 00:28:57,302 --> 00:28:58,803 WE ARE TRAPPED, 619 00:28:58,803 --> 00:29:01,305 AND I SUFFER FROM CLAUSTROPHOBIA. 620 00:29:01,306 --> 00:29:03,308 I HAVE HAD IT EVER SINCE 621 00:29:03,308 --> 00:29:05,310 MY MOTHER TRIED TO SMUGGLE ME OUT OF BERLIN 622 00:29:05,310 --> 00:29:06,811 IN A SUITCASE. 623 00:29:06,811 --> 00:29:07,812 WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT? 624 00:29:07,812 --> 00:29:11,315 SO MY FATHER WOULDN'T FIND OUT ABOUT ME. 625 00:29:11,316 --> 00:29:12,817 GO FORWARD. 626 00:29:14,819 --> 00:29:17,321 I SAY, THERE ARE SOME MORE COMING. 627 00:29:18,823 --> 00:29:19,824 THEY'RE DRESSED AS KRAUTS. 628 00:29:19,824 --> 00:29:21,826 THAT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE KRAUTS. 629 00:29:21,826 --> 00:29:24,328 HOLD MY GUN WHILE I GET OUT. 630 00:29:26,831 --> 00:29:27,832 COLONEL. 631 00:29:29,834 --> 00:29:32,336 THE TUNNEL HAS COME OUT IN ENGLAND. 632 00:29:35,340 --> 00:29:37,842 EVERYONE HERE IS UNDER ARREST. 633 00:29:37,842 --> 00:29:40,344 Voice over P.A.: Attention, attention. 634 00:29:40,345 --> 00:29:42,347 Stand by for inspection 635 00:29:42,347 --> 00:29:43,848 by General Von Klinkerhoffen. 636 00:29:43,848 --> 00:29:46,350 Both: GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN! 637 00:29:46,351 --> 00:29:47,852 THERE IS A GUN IN YOUR BACK. 638 00:29:47,852 --> 00:29:49,353 IF YOU GIVE US AWAY, 639 00:29:49,354 --> 00:29:51,356 YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO DIE. 640 00:29:51,356 --> 00:29:53,358 DO EXACTLY AS I SAY. 641 00:29:53,358 --> 00:29:55,360 AND LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. 642 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,862 SHE WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 643 00:30:15,213 --> 00:30:18,216 Voice over P.A.: Everybody out, everybody out. 644 00:30:18,216 --> 00:30:19,717 RAUS, RAUS. 645 00:30:19,717 --> 00:30:21,218 RAUS, RAUS. 646 00:30:23,221 --> 00:30:24,222 RAUS! 647 00:30:26,724 --> 00:30:27,725 MARCH! 648 00:30:30,728 --> 00:30:32,229 Voice over P.A.: Stand by for inspection 649 00:30:32,230 --> 00:30:34,732 by General Von Klinkerhoffen. 650 00:30:40,738 --> 00:30:42,740 COMPANY, HUT! 651 00:30:49,247 --> 00:30:52,250 THE BRITISH PRISONERS OF WAR ARE READY FOR INSPECTION. 652 00:30:53,751 --> 00:30:55,753 THEY DO NOT LOOK AS THOUGH THEY ARE READY. 653 00:30:55,753 --> 00:30:58,756 THEY ARE A SURLY, BAD DISCIPLINED RABBLE. 654 00:30:58,756 --> 00:31:00,758 THEY ARE NOT EASY TO CONTROL. 655 00:31:00,758 --> 00:31:03,260 ALL BRITISH PRISONERS OF WAR ARE THE SAME. 656 00:31:03,261 --> 00:31:04,262 LEAD THE WAY. 657 00:31:09,767 --> 00:31:11,268 IS EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL? 658 00:31:11,269 --> 00:31:12,770 THEY'VE GOT THE KRAUTS COVERED. 659 00:31:12,770 --> 00:31:14,772 WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY SPOT ANY OF THEM? 660 00:31:14,772 --> 00:31:17,775 I'VE GIVEN THEM A COUPLE OF ENGLISH PHRASES TO USE AS A LAST RESORT. 661 00:31:17,775 --> 00:31:18,776 STOP TALKING IN THE RANKS! 662 00:31:18,776 --> 00:31:21,278 UP YOURS. 663 00:31:21,279 --> 00:31:24,782 - SILENCE! - SILENCE! 664 00:31:27,285 --> 00:31:29,787 TEMPER, TEMPER. 665 00:31:40,798 --> 00:31:42,299 Fairfax: HELLO. 666 00:31:45,803 --> 00:31:46,804 HELLO. 667 00:31:48,306 --> 00:31:50,308 BANG ON. 668 00:31:52,810 --> 00:31:54,812 WIZARD PRANG. 669 00:31:54,812 --> 00:31:56,313 PIP, PIP. 670 00:31:56,314 --> 00:31:57,815 TOODLE-OO. 671 00:31:58,816 --> 00:32:00,317 CHOCKS AWAY. 672 00:32:00,318 --> 00:32:02,320 HELLO, OLD FRUIT. 673 00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:10,828 ( "Colonel Bogey March" melody ) ♪ HITLER HAS ONLY GOT ONE-- ♪ 674 00:32:10,828 --> 00:32:12,329 SILENCE! 675 00:32:13,831 --> 00:32:14,832 SILENCE! 676 00:32:18,836 --> 00:32:20,838 IF THIS IS THE STANDARD OF BRITISH AIRMEN, 677 00:32:20,838 --> 00:32:23,340 HOW COULD IT HAPPEN THAT GOERING LOST 678 00:32:23,341 --> 00:32:24,342 THE BATTLE OF BRITAIN? 679 00:32:32,350 --> 00:32:33,851 THAT WAS A NARROW ESCAPE. 680 00:32:33,851 --> 00:32:35,853 NARROW ESCAPE? 681 00:32:35,853 --> 00:32:39,356 WE ARE LOCKED UP IN A PRISONER OF WAR CAMP. 682 00:32:39,357 --> 00:32:41,859 AND THE CAFE OPENS FOR DINNER AT 7:00. 683 00:32:41,859 --> 00:32:42,860 ( car engine starts ) 684 00:32:42,860 --> 00:32:45,362 AND YOUR MOTHER HAS THE KEYS TO MY TILL. 685 00:32:48,866 --> 00:32:50,367 DRIVE ON! 686 00:32:52,870 --> 00:32:54,872 ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR-- 687 00:32:54,872 --> 00:32:58,876 ( all whistle "Colonel Bogey March" ) 688 00:33:12,890 --> 00:33:14,892 ( theme music playing )