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( theme music playing )
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OH, DO YOU, BY ANY CHANCE,
WISH TO KNOW
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HOW I,
RENE ARTOIS,
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HERO OF THE RESISTANCE,
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ESCAPED IN A GYPSY CARAVAN
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PULLED BY A PIEBALD PONY,
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FROM A GERMAN COLONEL
AND CAPTAIN DRIVING A STEAMROLLER
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FUELED BY NUTTY SLACK?
HMM?
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NOT AN EVERYDAY OCCURRENCE,
YOU WILL ADMIT.
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WELL, I WILL TELL YOU.
I OUTPACED THEM.
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BUT ONLY AFTER THE AIRMEN,
AND THE WAITRESSES,
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MY WIFE,
MY WIFE'S MOTHER,
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AND MONSIEUR LECLERC,
DISGUISED AS A DIDDICOY,
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GOT OUT TO PUSH
WHEN WE BECAME STUCK IN A RUT.
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I GALLOPED OFF,
APPARENTLY OUT OF CONTROL.
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I AM NOW HIDING
THE PRICELESS PORTRAIT
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OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES BY VAN CLOMP,
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IN THE BACK OF THIS
WORTHLESS PAINTING
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OF SOME CHILDISH FLOWERS,
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GIVEN TO MY WIFE'S MOTHER
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BY A PENNILESS ARTIST
IN RETURN FOR HER FAVORS.
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WHICH, EVIDENTLY,
WERE NOT ALL THAT VALUABLE EVEN ALL THOSE YEARS AGO.
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- RENE.
- HMM?
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IT IS TIME
WE OPEN THE CAFE,
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HAVE YOU FINISHED HIDING
THE PAINTING YET?
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THERE IT IS.
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IT IS BEHIND
YOUR MOTHER'S FLORAL TRIBUTE.
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WHERE ARE WE GOING TO HANG
A GREAT BIG FRAME LIKE THAT?
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IN THE MOST
OBVIOUS PLACE,
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ON THE WALL
OF THE CAFE.
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THANK YOU.
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BUT, IF YOU HANG IT THERE,
WILL IT NOT BE HIDDEN BY THE CURTAIN?
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WITH ANY LUCK, YES.
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- RENE?
- WHAT IS IT?
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I HAVE JUST COME
FROM THE TOWN SQUARE.
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IT IS FULL OF TANKS
AND SOLDIERS.
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THERE HAS BEEN
A PROCLAMATION.
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GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
HAS FOUND THE ENGINE
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TO HIS MOTOR MOWER
IN THE REMAINS OF THAT AIRPLANE.
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THEY ARE GOING TO SEARCH
HOUSE-TO-HOUSE FOR BRITISH AIRMEN.
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ANYONE FOUND HIDING THEM
WILL BE SHOT.
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OH MY GOD!
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WHERE ARE THEY?
THEY MUST GIVE THEMSELVES UP.
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THEY CANNOT DO THAT.
THEY HAVE NO UNIFORMS.
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WITHOUT UNIFORMS,
THEY WILL BE SHOT AS SPIES.
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WELL, THEY HAVE HAD
A GOOD RUN FOR THEIR MONEY.
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AND THEY HAVE STILL GOT
THEIR BRITISH UNDERWEAR.
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WE WILL VOUCH
FOR THEM, EDITH.
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- I WILL PHONE
THE COLONEL NOW. - COWARD!
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OH, COLLABORATOR!
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WOULD YOU BETRAY
THESE FEARLESS HEROES TO OUR SWORN ENEMIES?
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"FEARLESS HEROES"?!
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ALL THEY DO IS HIDE.
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WE ARE THE FEARLESS
HEROES, EDITH.
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AND I WILL TELL YOU
ANOTHER THING,
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THE GERMANS
ARE OUR CUSTOMERS.
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THEY SPEND VERY GOOD
MONEY IN HERE.
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YOU GET YOUR
PRIORITIES RIGHT.
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RENE, EDITH,
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I HAVE SOLVED THE PROBLEM
OF THE TWO BRITISH AIRMEN.
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I USED THE RAZOR
FROM YOUR BATHROOM.
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OH, MARIA.
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HOW LITTLE
I KNOW YOU.
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WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
WITH THE BODIES?
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ALL I DID WAS SHAVE OFF
THEIR MOUSTACHES.
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OH, FANTASTIC.
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THAT WILL
FOOL THE GERMANS COMPLETELY.
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Fairfax:
CAN WE COME DOWN NOW?
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COME.
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OH MY GOD.
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CARSTAIRS, YOU'RE STANDING
LIKE A TART AGAIN.
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NOBODY WILL SUSPECT THEM.
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THEY LOOK LIKE THE STAFF.
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EDITH,
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THE GERMANS
TAKE THE STAFF UPSTAIRS FROM TIME TO TIME.
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NOW IF THEY TOOK
THESE TWO UPSTAIRS,
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DO YOU NOT THINK
THEIR SUSPICIONS WOULD BECOME AROUSED?
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WE ARE MUCH MORE
ATTRACTIVE,
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THEY WILL TAKE US.
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AND SUPPOSE
THERE IS A RUSH?
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WHAT ARE THEY
SAYING, FAIRFAX?
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HAVEN'T THE FAINTEST IDEA.
IT'S ALL IN FRENCH.
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IF THE GERMANS WANT
TO TAKE THEM UPSTAIRS, THEY MUST NOT GO.
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( kissing noise )
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WHAT'S ALL THAT
ABOUT?
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I THINK HE'S SAYING
THAT IF HITLER POPS IN,
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AND ASKS US TO GO UPSTAIRS,
WE'RE NOT TO GO.
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- IS HITLER LIKE THAT THEN?
- OH, YES.
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AND DO NOT SPEAK.
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- SHHH!
- All: SHHH!
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- AH!
- WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
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I THINK HE MEANS THAT IF WE DO
GO UPSTAIRS WITH HITLER,
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WE'RE NOT TO TELL ANYBODY.
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IT'S NOT THE SORT
OF THING YOU BOAST ABOUT, IS IT?
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WE-EEE
UNDERSTAND.
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- ( knocking )
- WHO IS THAT?
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IT IS THE COLONEL
AND THE CAPTAIN!
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WE MUST OPEN THE CAFE,
IT IS TIME.
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MARIA, GET THESE TWO
INTO THE KITCHEN. QUICKLY GO, GO.
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WELCOME, COLONEL.
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WELCOME,
OUR BEST CUSTOMERS. OVER HERE, PLEASE.
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DRINKS FOR THE COLONEL
AND THE CAPTAIN.
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SIT DOWN, RENE,
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OH, YES,
OF COURSE, COLONEL.
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NOW,
WHAT IS GOING ON?
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THE MOTOR MOWER ENGINE
WAS FIXED TO AN ANTIQUE AIRPLANE.
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HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?
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OH, I-- I EXPECT
IT WAS AN HOAX, COLONEL.
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A-- A-- A SORT
OF PRACTICAL JOKE.
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WE FRENCH ARE LIKE THAT,
YOU KNOW?
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ANYTHING FOR A LAUGH.
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I HAVE PUT TWO
AND TWO TOGETHER.
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THE COLONEL IS
VERY GOOD AT THAT.
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AIRPLANES ARE
FLOWN BY AIRMEN.
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YOU SEE?
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DO YOU PROMISE ME,
RENE,
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THAT YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO HELP
BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE?
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COLONEL, WOULD I RISK
ALL THIS, FOR THAT?
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WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE HAS
STIRRED UP A HORNET'S NEST.
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GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
IS DOING HIS PIECES.
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AND WHILE HE'S SEARCHING
FOR THE AIRMEN,
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HE MAY DISCOVER
THE PAINTING.
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IS IT SAFE?
124
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IT IS UNDER
YOUR VERY NOSE.
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- IN HERE?
- BEHIND THE BAR?
126
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- NO.
- UNDER THE TABLE?
127
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YOU ARE
GETTING WARMER.
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WHERE CAN IT BE?
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I SPY
WITH MY LITTLE EYE
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SOMETHING
BEGINNING WITH... "P."
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PIANO!
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NO.
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THIS IS A SILLY GAME!
WHERE IS IT?
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IT IS IN
THAT PICTURE.
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THAT IS WHAT I SPIED
WITH MY LITTLE EYE.
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I WON.
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WHAT A GOOD PLACE.
I WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT OF LOOKING THERE.
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I KNOW.
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COLONEL,
THE NEWS IS SERIOUS.
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GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
IS LOOKING FOR YOU.
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HE STORMED INTO YOUR OFFICE
DEMANDING TO KNOW WHERE YOU WERE.
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- WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?
- I SAID THAT IT WAS 5:30,
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YOU'D KNOCKED OFF
FOR AN HOUR OR TWO,
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TO HAVE A QUICK ONE
AT THE BOOZER
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BEFORE RESUMING
YOUR SEARCH.
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WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM
I WAS SEARCHING SOMEWHERE?
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HE IS SUCH
A DOMINATING MAN.
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HIS POWERFUL STARE
MAKES ME WILT AND GO WEAK.
149
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:02,521
I CANNOT SAY NO
TO A MAN LIKE THAT.
150
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OH, I WISH I HAD
THAT KIND OF STARE.
151
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:09,529
WE MUST DRINK UP
AND GET GOING, OTHERWISE, WE'RE FOR THE HIGH JUMP.
152
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I'M WITH YOU, I'M ONLY
OBEYING YOUR ORDERS.
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- Soldier:
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. - OH!
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STAND UP,
YOU PEASANTS, STAND UP!
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UP AGAINST
THE WALL.
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HANDS ON HEADS.
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STAND STILL.
158
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HEIL HITLER.
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD?
160
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I'M SORRY, GENERAL.
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YOUR POWERFUL STARE
MAKES ME WILT AND GO WEAK.
162
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I CANNOT SAY NO
TO A MAN LIKE YOU.
163
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WHO IS THIS IDIOT?
164
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HE'S MY
SECOND-IN-COMMAND.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BY DRINKING HERE,
166
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WHEN YOU SHOULD BE
SEARCHING?
167
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WE WERE LOOKING FOR
SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS.
168
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:56,576
DO YOU EXPECT TO FIND
SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS
169
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IN THE BOTTOM
OF A GLASS?
170
00:07:58,077 --> 00:07:59,078
YOU ARE INCOMPETENT.
171
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- YES, GENERAL.
- I AGREE!
172
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:05,585
- I SHALL PROBABLY HAVE
YOU COURT-MARTIALED. - YES, GENERAL.
173
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I THINK AT THIS POINT,
I SHOULD SAY THAT I WAS ONLY ACTING
174
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- UNDER THE COLONEL'S ORDERS,
STUPID THOUGH THEY WERE. - SILENCE!
175
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,093
GENERAL, I CAN VOUCH
FOR THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE
176
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,095
JUST SEARCHED THIS PLACE
MOST THOROUGHLY,
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00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:19,098
AND WHILE DOING SO,
THEY BEAT SEVERAL PEASANTS
178
00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:22,601
AND KICKED THE PROPRIETOR
IN A QUITE BRUTAL FASHION.
179
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GOOD. THIS WILL GO
IN THEIR FAVOR.
180
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:32,111
NOW, LET US SEE
WHAT WE HAVE CAUGHT IN OUR LITTLE NET.
181
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IT IS I,
LECLERC.
182
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:52,131
THE PIANIST,
GENERAL.
183
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,632
OH, THE PIANIST, AH.
184
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:57,136
- CAN YOU PLAY
"IN THE MOOD"? - ( hums )
185
00:08:57,136 --> 00:09:00,139
Soldier:
OUT! OUT!
186
00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:02,141
WE HAVE FOUND THESE TWO
187
00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:04,143
LURKING IN THE KITCHEN.
188
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:08,647
- I SEE.
WHAT ARE THESE? - WELL, UH...
189
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:10,149
THEY ARE THE STAFF,
HERR GENERAL.
190
00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:12,651
YES, THIS IS FIFI,
191
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:14,654
AND GIGI.
192
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,656
I HAVE NOT SEEN
THESE TWO BEFORE.
193
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:21,661
NO, AND IT IS NOT EASY
TO MISS THE ONE ON THE LEFT, WITH THE BIG CHARLIES.
194
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:24,664
THEY ARE NEW GIRLS
FROM OUT OF TOWN, HERR GENERAL.
195
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:27,667
WE ARE SO BUSY,
WE HAD TO TAKE ON EXTRA STAFF.
196
00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:34,673
ARE THESE THE GIRLS
OF EASY VIRTUE I'VE HEARD ABOUT?
197
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,175
WELL, FAIRLY EASY.
198
00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:43,182
THERE IS MUCH WORK TO DO
IN MY CHATEAU. THEY ARE REQUISITIONED.
199
00:09:43,182 --> 00:09:45,184
THEY WILL START FIRST THING
IN THE MORNING.
200
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:47,186
OH, BUT GENERAL,
I WILL BE SHORTHANDED.
201
00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:49,688
THEY MAY RETURN HERE
EACH EVENING, TO ENTERTAIN MY TROOPS.
202
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:52,692
YOU ARE MOST KIND,
GENERAL.
203
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,694
THAT IS ALL,
COME GRUBER.
204
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:01,701
- THAT PAINTING...
- OH, A WORTHLESS PIECE
205
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,703
OF RUBBISH.
IS THAT NOT SO, COLONEL?
206
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,705
- QUITE WORTHLESS.
- TERRIBLE, ISN'T IT?
207
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,707
IS THAT SO?
208
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,711
ARE YOU THINKING
WHAT I AM THINKING, GRUBER?
209
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:15,214
- VAN GOGH?
- MMM.
210
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,216
MOST ASSUREDLY
IN HIS STYLE.
211
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:20,219
YOU HAVE SOME KNOWLEDGE
OF THESE MATTERS. HAVE IT AUTHENTICATED.
212
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:21,720
WE ARE TAKING
THE PICTURE.
213
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,723
BUT, GENERAL,
THAT IS STEALING.
214
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,224
YES, THAT IS STEALING.
215
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:28,727
OH, THAT STARE AGAIN.
216
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:32,732
ALL WORKS OF ART
ARE THE PROPERTY OF THE FURHER.
217
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:35,735
YOU MAY COME TO THE CHATEAU
AND WE WILL GIVE YOU A RECEIPT.
218
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:38,237
TAKE IT. WE WILL
CONTINUE OUR SEARCH.
219
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:40,239
COLONEL, CAPTAIN,
FOLLOW ME.
220
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,243
- HEIL HITLER.
- All: HEIL HITLER.
221
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:49,949
( Leclerc playing
"In the Mood" )
222
00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,953
OH, SHUT UP!
223
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:58,457
MY GOD, EDITH,
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH THESE TWO?
224
00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:00,459
WE MUST TELL
MICHELLE AT ONCE.
225
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:01,960
MICHELLE KNOWS ALREADY.
226
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:04,964
HOW DID YOU GET THERE?
227
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:06,465
IN THE RESISTANCE,
WE ARE TRAINED
228
00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:08,967
TO APPEAR AND DISAPPEAR
LIKE PHANTOMS.
229
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:12,972
I USED THE TRAP DOOR
TO THE CELLAR BEHIND THE BAR.
230
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:15,474
NOW LISTEN, CHAPS,
THERE'S A REAL FLAP ON.
231
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:17,976
CHANCES ARE YOU'RE
GOING TO GET SPOTTED IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS.
232
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:21,480
IF THEY FIND US
WITHOUT OUR UNIFORMS, WE'LL GET SHOT AS SPIES.
233
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:25,484
- WITHOUT UNIFORMS WE CAN'T
EVEN GIVE OURSELVES UP. - EXACTLY.
234
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,486
WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT IS GOING ON?
235
00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:30,989
WE MUST GET THEM INTO UNIFORM
OR THEY WILL BE SHOT.
236
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:32,992
BUT THEY HAVE NO UNIFORMS.
237
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,494
QUICK, WE MUST GET
ON THE WIRELESS TO LONDON.
238
00:11:35,494 --> 00:11:36,995
- COME ALONG, CHAPS.
- RIGHT-O.
239
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,998
HANG ON WHILE
I LOCK THE TILL.
240
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:42,001
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO
ABOUT THE FALLEN MADONNA?
241
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,502
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
242
00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:46,004
THE GENERAL HAS SOLVED
MY PROBLEM FOR ME.
243
00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:48,507
IT IS NOW UP TO THE COLONEL
TO GET THE PAINTING BACK.
244
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,509
QUICK, WE ARE
WASTING TIME.
245
00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:56,014
EDITH, EDITH!
246
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:59,018
COME QUICKLY
TO MY ASSISTANCE.
247
00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:01,020
WHAT IS THE MATTER NOW,
MAMA?
248
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:03,522
WHY IS MY BED
249
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:06,024
FULL OF WHITE-HAIRED
OLD LADIES?
250
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:09,528
TAKE NO NOTICE,
SHE IS HALLUCINATING.
251
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:12,531
HALLUCINATING?
252
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:14,533
HOW MANY PAIRS OF FEET
253
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:18,537
DO YOU THINK YOUR POOR OLD
MOTHER-IN-LAW POSSESSES?
254
00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:22,040
WE WERE HIDING
FROM THE GERMANS.
255
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:25,544
WE THOUGHT WE WOULD
NOT BE ARRESTED DRESSED AS OLD CRONES.
256
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:29,548
GIVE ME THE TOWEL,
PLEASE.
257
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:31,550
MY GOD, THEY ARE
CALLING US.
258
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:36,054
All:
AARGHH!
259
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:37,556
MY GOD, CARSTAIRS,
260
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:40,058
THE THINGS YOU SEE WHEN
YOU HAVEN'T GOT YOUR GUN.
261
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:43,062
Man:
'Allo, Nighthawk, 'allo Nighthawk.
262
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:45,564
The airmen
have not arrived.
263
00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:48,066
We must assume they have
crashed in the channel.
264
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,569
There will now be
a two minute silence.
265
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:52,070
Over.
266
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:54,573
NO, NO, 'ALLO, 'ALLO?
NO, THEY ARE STILL HERE.
267
00:12:54,573 --> 00:12:57,075
THEY ARE DISGUISED
AS FRENCH MAIDS,
268
00:12:57,076 --> 00:13:00,579
BUT THEY COULD BE
PENETRATED AT ANY MOMENT.
269
00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:02,080
OVER.
270
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:04,583
Obviously an emergency.
What can we do? Over.
271
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:07,085
SEND BRITISH
UNIFORMS TONIGHT.
272
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:09,588
WITHOUT THEM THEY
WILL BE SHOT. OVER.
273
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:12,591
Sorry, no planes available
for one week.
274
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:16,595
All being used to make film
called "'F' for Freddie."
275
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:19,097
Over and out.
276
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:20,599
NO, 'ALLO?!
277
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:23,101
- WAS THAT GOOD NEWS?
- I'M AFRAID NOT.
278
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:26,105
WE NEED A NEW PLAN.
WE'LL HAVE TO GET OUR THINKING CAPS ON.
279
00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:28,607
IF WE DON'T GET YOU
INTO UNIFORM PRETTY DAMN QUICK,
280
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,108
I'M AFRAID YOU'VE HAD IT.
281
00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:33,612
GIRLS, PLEASE TAKE OFF
THOSE RIDICULOUS WIGS.
282
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:53,132
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING?
283
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:56,135
THEY HAVE CEASED
TRANSMITTING, HERR FLICK.
284
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:58,637
IT IS FORTUNATE
WE DISCOVERED
285
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:00,639
THE WAVELENGTHS
THEY WERE EMPLOYING.
286
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,142
WE HAVE ALSO DISCOVERED
287
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:06,645
THAT THERE ARE
TWO BRITISH AIRMEN,
288
00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:09,147
DISGUISED AS FRENCH MAIDS.
289
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:12,151
DO YOU WISH ME TO SEARCH
290
00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:14,153
ALL THE FRENCH MAIDS
IN THE TOWN?
291
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:17,656
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
YOU WOULD GAIN ENTRY
292
00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:21,159
INTO ANY HOUSE WITH YOUR HAT
COVERED IN BIRD DROPPINGS?
293
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:33,171
HERR FLICK, I HAVE
BROUGHT YOU YOUR CUP
294
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:35,674
OF GESTAPO
INSTANT BEEF TEA.
295
00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:37,676
YOU ARE LATE,
AND WHERE ARE THE CROUTONS?
296
00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:39,678
I AM SORRY,
HERR FLICK.
297
00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:41,680
WAS THERE ANYTHING GOOD
ON THE WIRELESS?
298
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,182
WE HAVE EVIDENCE
THAT THERE ARE
299
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:47,686
TWO BRITISH AIRMEN
DISGUISED AS FRENCH MAIDS.
300
00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:50,689
THERE ARE TWO NEW MAIDS
AT THE CAFE RENE.
301
00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:52,691
DID YOU NOTICE
ANYTHING...
302
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,193
STRANGE ABOUT THEM?
303
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:57,696
NOTHING I COULD PUT
MY FINGER ON, HERR FLICK.
304
00:14:57,696 --> 00:15:00,699
- WE WILL INVESTIGATE.
- ( laughing )
305
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:04,203
WHAT IS SO FUNNY?
306
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:09,708
TOMMY HANDLEY,
"CAN I DO YOU NOW, SIR?"
307
00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:22,454
GOOD MOANING.
308
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:26,458
GOOD MOANING.
309
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:29,461
OUTSIDE THE FRONT
OF YOUR COFFEE,
310
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,463
UNDER THE LIMP POST,
311
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:34,966
ARE A COUPLE OF TITS.
312
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:38,970
HE MEANS TARTS.
313
00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:41,473
WE KNOW ABOUT THEM.
314
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:43,975
THEY ARE THE BRITISH AIRMEN
IN DISGUISE.
315
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:46,478
THERE IS A BIG SEARCH
GOING ON FOR THEM.
316
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:48,980
GET OUT THERE, MAKE SURE
THAT NOBODY PICKS THEM UP.
317
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:51,984
LEAVE IT TO MOO.
318
00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:07,999
THESE HEELS
ARE KILLING ME.
319
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,003
YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO INSISTED ON WEARING THEM.
320
00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:15,006
I'VE GOT
JOLLY GOOD ANKLES.
321
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:17,509
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO
IF SOMEONE TRIES TO PICK YOU UP?
322
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:20,512
WHAT A GOOD WHEEZE.
323
00:16:20,512 --> 00:16:22,514
YOU LOOK REVOLTING.
324
00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:24,516
CAVEE, A PUNTER.
325
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:33,024
MOVE ALONG,
326
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:36,528
YOU RINDY LITTLE MAN.
327
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,530
RENE, EDITH,
328
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:40,532
YOU ARE WANTED
IN THE BACK ROOM.
329
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,534
- IT IS MICHELLE.
- OH, HECK.
330
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,537
- MONSIEUR LECLERC.
- MADAME?
331
00:16:45,537 --> 00:16:49,040
SUPERVISE THE CAFE,
AND KEEP YOUR FINGERS OUT OF THE TILL.
332
00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:52,544
( register rings )
333
00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:01,053
I HAVE PLANS
TO HIDE THE AIRMEN
334
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:03,055
WHERE THEY WILL
NEVER BE FOUND.
335
00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:05,557
FOR THIS OPERATION,
I HAVE RECRUITED
336
00:17:05,557 --> 00:17:07,559
THE BRAVEST MAN
IN ALL FRANCE.
337
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:11,062
I THOUGHT I WAS
THE BRAVEST MAN IN ALL FRANCE?
338
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:14,066
NOT SINCE YOU GALLOPED OFF
ALONE IN THAT GYPSY CARAVAN.
339
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:16,068
PAY ATTENTION.
340
00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:21,573
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
UNDERTAKER,
341
00:17:21,573 --> 00:17:24,576
"SWIFTLY
AND WITH STYLE."
342
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:27,579
GRACIOUS,
BEAUTIFUL MADAME, I KISS YOUR HAND.
343
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:32,084
EVERY NIGHT,
BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP,
344
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:34,086
I THINK ABOUT YOU
FOR 10 MINUTES--
345
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:37,088
( grunts )
346
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:41,092
SOMETIMES LONGER.
347
00:17:43,595 --> 00:17:47,098
FORGIVE ME, MONSIEUR,
BUT YOU WILL BE AWARE
348
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,101
THAT TO THIS
GORGEOUS LADY
349
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:50,602
I'VE FOREVER
LOST MY HEART.
350
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:53,104
AND APPARENTLY
YOUR MARBLES.
351
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,107
MAM'ZELLE,
352
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,109
MAM'ZELLE.
353
00:17:57,109 --> 00:18:00,112
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.
354
00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:03,615
I HAVE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE,
SO FOR ME, IT IS TWICE.
355
00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:17,629
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
HAS EVERY NIGHT,
356
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:22,634
- IN HIS MORTUARY,
BEEN DIGGING A TUNNEL. - VIVE LA FRANCE.
357
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:25,136
YOU ARE ASKING,
"WHERE DOES THIS TUNNEL LEAD?"
358
00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:27,639
I AM NOT ACTUALLY.
359
00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:30,141
IT LEADS TO THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE ROAD.
360
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:32,644
GOOD.
361
00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:34,145
ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE ROAD,
362
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:37,149
IS THE TRANSIT CAMP
FOR BRITISH PRISONERS OF WAR.
363
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:39,651
THESE ARE AIRMEN
WHO HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN,
364
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:41,152
AND AWAIT TRANSPORT
TO GERMANY.
365
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:42,654
IN THIS CAMP,
366
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:45,657
THE PRISONERS ARE
ALSO DIGGING A TUNNEL.
367
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,659
THE TUNNELS ARE
ABOUT TO CONNECT.
368
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:49,661
THE PRISONERS WILL ESCAPE
369
00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:51,663
WHEN WE HAVE MADE
THE NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS.
370
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:55,166
EXCUSE ME,
IF YOU ARE THINKING OF BRINGING ANY MORE
371
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,169
BRITISH AIRMEN HERE,
YOU CAN FORGET IT.
372
00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:59,671
WE HAVE NOT GOT RID
OF OUR PRESENT STOCK.
373
00:18:59,671 --> 00:19:01,673
YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
374
00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:04,676
WE ARE GOING TO HIDE
YOUR AIRMEN IN THE PRISONER OF WAR CAMP,
375
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:06,678
WHERE THEY CAN
OBTAIN UNIFORMS.
376
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:09,681
OH, I THINK THAT
IS A WONDERFUL IDEA.
377
00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:13,184
YES, THIS IS DEFINITELY
THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY
378
00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:15,187
THAT BRITISH AIRMEN
HAVE TUNNELED
379
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:17,189
INTO A PRISONER OF WAR CAMP.
380
00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:19,691
BUT, HOW CAN WE
TRANSPORT THE AIRMEN
381
00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:22,193
TO THE MORTUARY
WITHOUT AROUSING SUSPICION?
382
00:19:25,697 --> 00:19:28,199
THERE ARE GERMANS
EVERYWHERE.
383
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,701
THERE IS A CURFEW.
384
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:32,704
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE AND
WE OF THE RESISTANCE
385
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:35,206
HAVE DONE OUR PART,
THE REST IS UP TO YOU.
386
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:39,211
- HANG ON A MINUTE!
- I MUST GO NOW INTO THE NIGHT.
387
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,713
WHEN YOU HAVE A PLAN,
PHONE MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
388
00:19:41,713 --> 00:19:43,715
MY CARD.
389
00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:46,217
24 HOUR SERVICE.
390
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:48,720
JUST A MINUTE, MICHELLE.
HOW LONG HAVE WE GOT?
391
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,223
THEY MUST BE GONE
FROM HERE BEFORE MORNING.
392
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:55,227
( sighs )
IS THAT NOT TYPICAL?
393
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:58,730
SHE GIVES US HALF A PLAN,
AND THEN DISAPPEARS INTO THE NIGHT.
394
00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:01,733
- ( dustbins clatter )
- Michelle: AARGHH!
395
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:04,736
AND SHE FORGETS
HER FLASHLIGHT.
396
00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:07,739
MY BRAIN IS FERMENTING
WITH AN IDEA.
397
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:10,742
BOTTLE IT
AND SERVE IT UP LATER.
398
00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,744
I AM GOING TO LIE DOWN.
399
00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:16,247
- ( whispers )
- ( door opens, shuts )
400
00:20:29,194 --> 00:20:32,197
THIS IS VERY
HUMILIATING, HANS.
401
00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:34,199
IS A GENERAL ALLOWED
402
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:35,700
TO COMMANDEER YOUR OFFICE?
403
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,703
IS IT IN THE RULES?
404
00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:40,205
A GENERAL CAN DO
ANYTHING HE LIKES.
405
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:42,707
I SHALL BE
THE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE WHOLE ARMY.
406
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:45,210
I WON'T LAUGH AT YOU,
COLONEL.
407
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,712
YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN
VERY KIND TO ME,
408
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,716
IN YOUR BLUFF,
OVERBEARING WAY.
409
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:55,220
HE'S VERY QUIET
IN THERE.
410
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:57,222
MAYBE HE IS GOING
THROUGH YOUR DRAWERS?
411
00:20:57,222 --> 00:20:58,223
HE WON'T FIND ANYTHING.
412
00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:00,725
WHAT ABOUT YOUR "HEALTH
AND EFFICIENCY" MAGAZINE?
413
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:02,728
I TOLD YOU
TO THROW THAT AWAY!
414
00:21:02,728 --> 00:21:04,730
THE GENERAL
WILL SEE YOU.
415
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:07,733
STOMACH IN,
CHEST OUT.
416
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:09,735
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
417
00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:17,242
- HEIL HITLER.
- KLOP.
418
00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:23,749
- DID HE HEAR US?
- SHHH.
419
00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:25,751
- HEIL HITLER!
- KLOP!
420
00:21:27,252 --> 00:21:28,753
SHALL WE SIT DOWN?
421
00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:31,757
- STOP WHISPERING!
- STOP WHISPERING, HANS.
422
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:32,758
COME HERE!
423
00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:47,272
I HAVE BEEN READING
YOUR REPORTS ON YOUR OCCUPATION OF THE TOWN.
424
00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:49,274
HANDWRITING-- GOOD,
EFFORT-- INEFFECTUAL.
425
00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:53,278
I WANT RESULTS
AND I WANT THEM NOW.
426
00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:55,780
IF THERE ARE BRITISH AIRMEN
IN THE AREA, I WANT THEM CAPTURED.
427
00:21:55,781 --> 00:21:57,783
EVERY LEAD YOU HAVE
SO FAR OBTAINED,
428
00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:01,286
POINTS TO THIS CAFE,
CAFE RENE.
429
00:22:01,286 --> 00:22:02,787
IT IS HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS.
430
00:22:02,788 --> 00:22:05,791
FOR INSTANCE, WHY WOULD
A SMALL PROVINCIAL CAFE
431
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:07,793
HAVE HANGING ON ITS WALL,
A GENUINE VAN GOGH?
432
00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:10,295
- A GENUINE VAN GOGH?
- A GENUINE VAN GOGH?
433
00:22:10,295 --> 00:22:12,797
MMM, IT WILL BE SENT
TO HITLER, FORTHWITH.
434
00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:13,799
WOULD YOU LIKE US
TO POST IT?
435
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,802
NO, YOU WILL
CONCENTRATE ON THE CAFE.
436
00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:20,305
WE WILL CLOSE
IT DOWN TONIGHT,
437
00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:22,807
ARREST EVERYBODY
AND SHOOT HOSTAGES.
438
00:22:22,808 --> 00:22:24,309
WE WILL SHOW THEM
WHO IS BOSS.
439
00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:25,810
TYPICAL.
440
00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:28,313
HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD
THE EXPRESSION,
441
00:22:28,313 --> 00:22:30,815
"SOFTLY, SOFTLY,
CATCHY MONKEY"?
442
00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:36,822
WAS THAT FROM
THE FILM "KING KONG"?
443
00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:39,324
AT THE MOMENT,
EVERY BRITISH AIRMEN
444
00:22:39,324 --> 00:22:41,326
WHO IS SHOT DOWN, DISAPPEARS.
THEY MUST BE GOING SOMEWHERE.
445
00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:43,828
OUR BEST CLUE
IS THIS CAFE.
446
00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:47,332
WATCH IT AS A CAT
WATCHES A MOUSE,
447
00:22:47,332 --> 00:22:49,334
BUT MAKE NO MOVE
WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
448
00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:51,336
THAT IS ALL.
YOU MAY GO.
449
00:22:58,343 --> 00:22:59,844
- HEIL HITLER.
- KLOP.
450
00:23:05,350 --> 00:23:06,851
- HEIL HITLER!
- KLOP!
451
00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:08,353
GET OUT!
452
00:23:09,855 --> 00:23:11,857
GRUBER,
453
00:23:12,858 --> 00:23:14,860
GENERAL.
454
00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,863
THIS, UH...
VAN GOGH,
455
00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:19,865
IT WILL BE WORTH
A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY
456
00:23:19,865 --> 00:23:21,366
AFTER THE WAR,
WILL IT NOT?
457
00:23:21,366 --> 00:23:23,368
YES, INDEED,
GENERAL.
458
00:23:23,368 --> 00:23:25,870
CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
459
00:23:25,871 --> 00:23:29,875
WELL, I'VE--
DONE PRETTY WELL, UP TILL NOW.
460
00:23:31,877 --> 00:23:33,879
HAVE IT COPIED,
BUT SAY NOTHING TO ANYONE.
461
00:23:33,879 --> 00:23:36,381
- YES, GENERAL.
- ( door opens )
462
00:23:38,884 --> 00:23:41,887
HERRS OTTO FLICK
AND ENGELBERT VON SMALLHAUSEN
463
00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:44,389
OF THE GESTAPO
ARE HERE IN ACCORDANCE
464
00:23:44,389 --> 00:23:45,890
WITH YOUR INSTRUCTIONS.
465
00:23:45,891 --> 00:23:48,894
SEND IN THE HERRS.
YOU MAY GO, GRUBER.
466
00:23:53,398 --> 00:23:55,900
COME IN HERE!
467
00:24:03,408 --> 00:24:06,411
- HEIL HITLER!
- HEIL HITLER.
468
00:24:06,411 --> 00:24:08,413
WHAT ARRANGEMENTS
HAVE YOU MADE
469
00:24:08,413 --> 00:24:10,915
TO KEEP THE CAFE RENE
UNDER CLOSE OBSERVATION?
470
00:24:10,916 --> 00:24:13,418
WE INTEND TO INFILTRATE
471
00:24:13,418 --> 00:24:14,919
THE CAFE IN DISGUISE.
472
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,923
WHAT SORT OF DISGUISE?
473
00:24:26,431 --> 00:24:28,433
NOT APPROVED.
474
00:24:28,433 --> 00:24:29,434
BUT, UH...
475
00:24:29,434 --> 00:24:31,936
YOU CAN STAY AND HAVE
A DRINK, IF YOU LIKE?
476
00:24:37,342 --> 00:24:40,845
♪ I'M NOT MUCH TO LOOK AT ♪
477
00:24:40,846 --> 00:24:43,348
♪ NOT MUCH TO SEE ♪
478
00:24:43,348 --> 00:24:45,350
♪ JUST GLAD I'M LIVING ♪
479
00:24:45,350 --> 00:24:47,852
♪ AND LUCKY TO BE ♪
480
00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:51,356
♪ BUT I'VE GOT A SOMEONE ♪
481
00:24:51,356 --> 00:24:53,358
♪ CRAZY FOR ME ♪
482
00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:56,862
♪ HE'S FUNNY THAT WAY ♪
483
00:24:58,864 --> 00:25:02,367
♪ I CAN'T SAVE A DOLLAR ♪
484
00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:04,869
♪ AIN'T WORTH A CENT ♪
485
00:25:04,870 --> 00:25:06,872
♪ HE DOESN'T HOLLER ♪
486
00:25:06,872 --> 00:25:10,876
- ♪ HE LIVE IN A TENT... ♪
- HE MUST BE IN THE TANK CORPS.
487
00:25:10,876 --> 00:25:14,880
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE ENJOYING YOURSELF.
488
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:15,881
YOU ARE SUPPOSED
TO BE WATCHING.
489
00:25:15,881 --> 00:25:19,384
THE COLONEL AND CAPTAIN
ARE WELL AWAY.
490
00:25:19,384 --> 00:25:20,885
AS NEWTS.
491
00:25:20,886 --> 00:25:23,889
YVETTE SHOULD HAVE
NO PROBLEM GETTING THE GUN.
492
00:25:23,889 --> 00:25:26,892
EDITH, IF THIS PLAN
OF YOURS GOES WRONG,
493
00:25:26,892 --> 00:25:28,894
THERE WILL NOT BE
A WALL IN NOUVION
494
00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:30,896
BIG ENOUGH TO SHOOT
US ALL AGAINST.
495
00:25:30,896 --> 00:25:33,899
TELL ME HOW ELSE WE CAN GET
THE BODIES TO THE MORTUARY.
496
00:25:33,899 --> 00:25:36,401
♪ ...HE'D BE SO MUCH
BETTER OFF ♪
497
00:25:36,401 --> 00:25:40,905
♪ IF I WENT AWAY ♪
498
00:25:41,907 --> 00:25:45,410
♪ BUT WHY SHOULD
I LEAVE HIM? ♪
499
00:25:45,410 --> 00:25:47,412
♪ WHY SHOULD I GO? ♪
500
00:25:47,412 --> 00:25:50,415
♪ HE'D BE MUCH BETTER ♪
501
00:25:50,415 --> 00:25:53,918
♪ WITHOUT ME I KNOW ♪
502
00:25:53,919 --> 00:25:56,421
♪ I HAVE A SOMEONE ♪
503
00:25:56,421 --> 00:25:59,924
♪ CRAZY FOR ME ♪
504
00:25:59,925 --> 00:26:05,430
♪ HE'S FUNNY THAT WAY. ♪
505
00:26:08,934 --> 00:26:12,938
OH, CAPTAIN!
506
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,443
IF YOU WILL TAKE YOUR
NAUGHTY HAND OFF MY KNEE,
507
00:26:18,443 --> 00:26:20,445
I WILL GET YOU
SOME MORE WINE.
508
00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:23,948
- OH, I'M SORRY.
I WAS JUST WARMING IT. - ( both chuckle )
509
00:26:23,949 --> 00:26:25,951
- I WON'T BE A MOMENT.
- ( laughs )
510
00:26:27,452 --> 00:26:29,954
HERE, I HAVE
THE CAPTAIN'S GUN.
511
00:26:29,955 --> 00:26:33,458
- QUICK, RENE--
THE BLANKS. - OH, YES.
512
00:26:33,458 --> 00:26:34,959
( register rings )
513
00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:40,465
QUICK,
514
00:26:40,465 --> 00:26:44,469
- GRUBER IS COMING ACROSS.
- PUT IT BACK IN HIS HOLSTER.
515
00:26:48,974 --> 00:26:51,977
YOU HAVE NOT LOST
YOUR TOUCH, I SEE.
516
00:26:51,977 --> 00:26:53,979
JUST ONE OF
MY LITTLE TALENTS.
517
00:26:53,979 --> 00:26:56,982
- FOR A WHILE I WAS
A COMIC SINGER. - OH.
518
00:26:56,982 --> 00:27:00,485
YOUR WIFE HAS ASKED ME TO PLAY
FOR HER NEXT APPEARANCE.
519
00:27:00,485 --> 00:27:03,488
- HERE IS THE MUSIC.
- AH.
520
00:27:03,488 --> 00:27:06,491
"SPANISH FLAMENCO FANDANGO."
521
00:27:06,491 --> 00:27:07,492
WHAT KEY?
522
00:27:07,492 --> 00:27:11,496
SHE DOES NOT MIND,
SHE PLAYS THE CASTANETS.
523
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:19,004
- WHERE IS MONSIEUR LECLERC?
- HE'S IN THE KITCHEN, TUNING HIS VIOLIN.
524
00:27:19,004 --> 00:27:22,507
- WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN?
- THEY SHOULD BE OUTSIDE WITH THE POLICEMEN.
525
00:27:22,507 --> 00:27:23,508
MARIA,
526
00:27:26,011 --> 00:27:28,513
- TELL THEM OUTSIDE
TO STAND BY. - HERE, HERE.
527
00:27:28,513 --> 00:27:30,014
HERE IS
THE TOMATO SAUCE.
528
00:27:30,015 --> 00:27:33,018
- TELL THEM
NOT TO OVERDO IT. - ROGER.
529
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,522
HERE IS YOUR WINE,
CAPTAIN.
530
00:27:37,522 --> 00:27:40,525
OH, THANK YOU.
COME ALONG.
531
00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:44,028
YOU BAD, BAD
LITTLE GERMAN, YOU.
532
00:27:50,535 --> 00:27:53,037
OLE!
HOW DO I LOOK?
533
00:27:53,038 --> 00:27:55,040
IT IS YOU, LECLERC.
534
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,043
ARE THE BLANK CARTRIDGES
IN THE REVOLVER?
535
00:27:58,043 --> 00:28:00,045
YOU JUST DO
YOUR BIT.
536
00:28:00,045 --> 00:28:02,547
- DO YOU KNOW
YOUR WORDS? - OF COURSE.
537
00:28:02,547 --> 00:28:04,549
THEY ARE HERE.
538
00:28:10,555 --> 00:28:13,057
STAND BY.
I WILL GIVE YOU THE SIGNAL.
539
00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:16,061
I WILL THEN SEND IN
THE TWO TITS.
540
00:28:16,061 --> 00:28:20,565
I WILL MYSELF,
ENTER AFTER TWO SHATS FROM THE REVILVER.
541
00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:22,066
ALL RIGHT.
542
00:28:22,067 --> 00:28:25,570
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
543
00:28:25,570 --> 00:28:29,574
TONIGHT IS CARNIVAL NIGHT
AT THE CAFE RENE.
544
00:28:29,574 --> 00:28:31,576
MADAME EDITH
PRESENTS FOR YOU,
545
00:28:31,576 --> 00:28:33,578
BY POPULAR REQUEST,
546
00:28:33,578 --> 00:28:36,080
A SPANISH EXTRAVAGANZA.
547
00:28:36,081 --> 00:28:38,583
IT CANNOT BE WORSE
THAN HER SINGING.
548
00:28:38,583 --> 00:28:40,585
DON'T BET ON IT.
549
00:28:40,585 --> 00:28:43,087
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN,
550
00:28:43,088 --> 00:28:45,590
FLAMENCO FANDANGO.
551
00:28:45,590 --> 00:28:47,091
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
552
00:28:47,092 --> 00:28:49,094
( flamenco music playing )
553
00:28:50,595 --> 00:28:52,597
( castanets clattering )
554
00:29:08,613 --> 00:29:10,615
OLE!
555
00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:22,126
OOH!
556
00:29:45,150 --> 00:29:47,152
Rene:
THIS IS THE HARDEST PART.
557
00:30:07,172 --> 00:30:08,173
STOP THE MUSIC!
558
00:30:08,173 --> 00:30:10,175
( strings grate )
559
00:30:11,176 --> 00:30:14,679
HOW DARE YOU!
YOU FAITHLESS DECEIVER!
560
00:30:14,679 --> 00:30:17,682
PLEASURING YOURSELF
WITH WOMEN OF THE STREETS,
561
00:30:17,682 --> 00:30:20,184
WHILE I AM OUT HERE
WORKING OFF MY BUTT.
562
00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:24,689
PERHAPS I PREFER
THE WOMEN OF THE STREETS,
563
00:30:24,689 --> 00:30:26,691
TO AN OLD CLACKER
OF CASTANETS.
564
00:30:28,193 --> 00:30:29,694
CAPTAIN!
565
00:30:29,694 --> 00:30:32,196
ARE YOU PREPARED
TO SEE ME INSULTED
566
00:30:32,197 --> 00:30:34,199
IN MY OWN CAFE
IN THIS MANNER?
567
00:30:34,199 --> 00:30:36,701
WELL, I HADN'T THOUGHT
ABOUT IT, ACTUALLY.
568
00:30:36,701 --> 00:30:38,703
DANCE ON, STRUMPET.
569
00:30:38,703 --> 00:30:41,706
I AM TAKING
THESE TWO UPSTAIRS.
570
00:30:44,709 --> 00:30:46,210
OH!
571
00:30:46,211 --> 00:30:48,713
MADAME EDITH,
HOW CAN YOU ALLOW
572
00:30:48,713 --> 00:30:51,215
THIS INSULT
TO GO UNAVENGED?
573
00:30:51,216 --> 00:30:53,218
ALLOW ME
TO STRIKE HIM.
574
00:30:53,218 --> 00:30:55,220
STAND ASIDE!
575
00:30:55,220 --> 00:30:58,223
DIE LIKE A DOG.
576
00:30:58,223 --> 00:31:00,225
( both groaning )
577
00:31:02,227 --> 00:31:04,729
OH MY GOD,
I HAVE MISSED HIM.
578
00:31:04,729 --> 00:31:07,231
I HAVE SHOT THE WOMEN
OF THE STREETS.
579
00:31:07,232 --> 00:31:10,235
THAT WAS MY GUN!
COLONEL,
580
00:31:10,235 --> 00:31:13,238
THAT WAS MY GUN!
SHE SHOT THEM WITH MY GUN!
581
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:19,244
I WAS PISSING
BY THE DOOR,
582
00:31:23,248 --> 00:31:26,751
WHEN I HEARD
TWO SHATS.
583
00:31:26,751 --> 00:31:31,255
YOU ARE HOLDING
IN YOUR HAND, A SMOKING GOON.
584
00:31:32,757 --> 00:31:35,760
YOU ARE CLEARLY
THE GUILTY POTTY.
585
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,262
I DID NOT DO IT!
TELL THEM I DID NOT DO IT!
586
00:31:38,263 --> 00:31:40,765
I WAS NOT LOOKING.
587
00:31:40,765 --> 00:31:43,267
OFFICER!
588
00:31:43,268 --> 00:31:44,769
YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY
589
00:31:44,769 --> 00:31:47,271
OVER THE GLORIOUS
GERMAN ARMY.
590
00:31:47,272 --> 00:31:49,774
THIS WAS JUST AN ORDINARY
CRIME OF PASSION,
591
00:31:49,774 --> 00:31:53,277
THAT HAPPENS IN FRANCE
ON ANY SATURDAY NIGHT.
592
00:31:53,278 --> 00:31:55,280
BUT, IF IT SHOULD
COME TO THE EARS
593
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:56,781
OF GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN--
594
00:31:56,781 --> 00:31:58,783
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
595
00:31:58,783 --> 00:32:01,285
( quietly )
IF IT SHOULD COME TO THE EARS
596
00:32:01,286 --> 00:32:02,787
OF GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN
597
00:32:02,787 --> 00:32:04,789
THAT-- THAT-- THAT
AN OFFICER ALLOWED
598
00:32:04,789 --> 00:32:06,290
HIS GUN TO BE
TAKEN FROM HIM,
599
00:32:06,291 --> 00:32:07,792
THEN BOTH HE
AND HIS SUPERIOR
600
00:32:07,792 --> 00:32:09,794
WOULD BE
IN VERY HOT WATER.
601
00:32:09,794 --> 00:32:11,796
SEE?
YOU ARE IN IT TOO.
602
00:32:11,796 --> 00:32:14,799
FOR THE USUAL BRIBE
OF 50,000 FRANCS,
603
00:32:14,799 --> 00:32:16,801
I TRUST YOU
WILL OVERLOOK THIS INCIDENT?
604
00:32:16,801 --> 00:32:19,804
- DID I MAKE THOSE?
- SHUT UP!
605
00:32:19,804 --> 00:32:22,807
IS THERE AN UNDERTAKER
IN THE HOUSE?
606
00:32:22,807 --> 00:32:24,809
( clearing throat )
607
00:32:24,809 --> 00:32:28,312
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
UNDERTAKER,
608
00:32:28,313 --> 00:32:29,814
"SWIFTLY
AND WITH STYLE."
609
00:32:29,814 --> 00:32:32,316
OH, WHAT LUCK.
610
00:32:32,317 --> 00:32:35,820
I WILL TURN TO THIS,
A BLONDE EYE.
611
00:32:35,820 --> 00:32:38,322
REMOVE THE BIDDIES.
612
00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:44,329
COLONEL, CAPTAIN,
PLEASE, LEAVE QUICKLY
613
00:32:44,329 --> 00:32:46,331
BY THE BACK DOOR
WITH YOUR TROOPS.
614
00:32:46,331 --> 00:32:48,833
I WILL SEE THAT
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN DOES NOT HEAR OF THIS.
615
00:32:48,833 --> 00:32:50,835
- THANK YOU, RENE.
- TAKE THE LIEUTENANT WITH YOU.
616
00:32:50,835 --> 00:32:52,837
QUICK, HANS.
617
00:32:52,837 --> 00:32:53,838
HUBERT!
618
00:32:53,838 --> 00:32:56,340
Hans:
I DIDN'T DO IT. I DID NOT DO IT.
619
00:32:56,341 --> 00:32:58,843
Colonel:
SHUT UP!
620
00:33:00,345 --> 00:33:02,347
HA HA HA, RENE.
621
00:33:02,347 --> 00:33:03,848
THEY HAVE
SWALLOWED IT.
622
00:33:03,848 --> 00:33:06,350
THEY HAVE SWALLOWED IT.
623
00:33:06,351 --> 00:33:08,353
I WILL TELL YOU
ONE THING, EDITH,
624
00:33:08,353 --> 00:33:11,356
THESE GERMANS,
THEY ARE SO STUPID.
625
00:33:11,356 --> 00:33:14,359
THERE IS NO WAY THEY ARE
GOING TO WIN THIS WAR.
626
00:33:14,359 --> 00:33:17,362
- ONE, TWO...
- ( flamenco music playing )
627
00:33:20,865 --> 00:33:23,868
( theme music playing )