( theme music playing )
IT IS POSSIBLE THAT THE MORE CURIOUS AMONG YOU
ARE WONDERING WHAT I AM FIDDLING WITH
UNDER THE BEDCLOTHES.
I WILL NOT KEEP YOU IN SUSPENSE.
IT IS A SAUSAGE.
IN FACT, IT IS THE SAUSAGE CONTAINING THE FAMOUS PORTRAIT
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES BY VAN CLOMP.
I RESCUED IT LAST NIGHT WITH GREAT BRAVERY
FROM UNDER THE VERY NOSE OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
ALL I HAVE TO DO NOW IS GIVE IT TO LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
WHO IS THE ONE WHO IS A BIT THIS WAY AND THAT--
MOSTLY THAT-- TO COPY THE PAINTING.
I CAN THEN GIVE THE ORIGINAL TO THE COLONEL...
AND GIVE THE COPY TO HERR FLICK,
WHO WILL NO DOUBT HAVE ANOTHER COPY MADE TO SEND TO HITLER.
WHAT COULD BE SIMPLER?
NOW YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY VAN CLOMP
IS NOT ONE OF MY FAVORITE ARTISTS.
RENE, IS IT THAT YOU INTEND TO STAY IN BED ALL DAY?
MICHELLE IS HERE.
I WILL COME DOWN.
NO, NO, NO.
SHE IS ON THE LANDING, I WILL ASK HER TO COME IN.
IS NOWHERE SACRED IN THIS HOUSE?
ARE WE ALONE?
YES, I THINK SO.
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.
WE HAVE A PROBLEM,
THE AIRPLANE IN WHICH THE AIRMEN ARE TO ESCAPE
IS AT THE BACK OF THE TRANSPORT MUSEUM.
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
IN FRONT OF IT ARE MANY ANTIQUE VEHICLES.
GOOD, THEN PERHAPS WE CAN ABANDON THIS HAREBRAINED PLAN.
NO, NO, NO. SHE HAS ANOTHER HAREBRAINED PLAN.
THE GERMANS WILL BE ASKED TO GIVE PERMISSION
TO HOLD AN ANTIQUE VEHICLE RALLY.
THIS WILL CLEAR THE WAY FOR THE REMOVAL OF THE AIRPLANE,
WHICH WILL BE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
MY RESPONSIBILITY?
WHY ME?!
BECAUSE OF YOUR BRAVE EXPLOITS.
THE RESISTANCE HAVE HONORED YOU
BY SELECTING YOU FOR THIS TASK.
OH, WHAT LUCK.
( footsteps approaching )
I HEAR A STEP ON THE STAIR.
IT IS A GERMAN SOLDIER, HE IS LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM.
QUICK, MICHELLE, HIDE!
SORRY, I WAS LOOKING FOR THE KHAZI.
IT'S DOWNSTAIRS, SECOND DOOR ON THE LEFT.
IT IS MY DAY OFF.
LUCKY YOU. THANK YOU.
WHY DO YOU SLEEP WITH A SAUSAGE IN YOUR BED?
MY WIFE SOMETIMES LIKES A LITTLE NIBBLE IN THE NIGHT.
WHERE IS IT, HANS?
JUST DOWN THE CORRIDOR WHERE IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN.
THE KNIFE! WHERE IS THE KNIFE TO OPEN THE SAUSAGE?
OH, YES. I HAVE IT HERE, COLONEL.
- GOOD, GIVE IT TO ME. - YES, SIR.
NOW, WE MUST VERY DELICATELY
REMOVE THE PAINTING FROM THE SAUSAGE.
HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO.
I HAVE BROUGHT FOR YOU THIS BUNCH OF WILD FLOWERS.
HERR FLICK, HOW KIND.
HAVE YOU A VASE OR OTHER RECEPTACLE?
YES, IT CONTAINS ROSES.
BUT I WILL THROW THEM AWAY
IN FAVOR OF THESE BEAUTIFUL DANDELIONS AND...
BELLADONNA AND RAGWORT
AND OTHER THINGS I DO NOT RECOGNIZE.
IT SETS THEM OFF WELL. I LIKE WILD THINGS.
I KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE.
DO YOU WISH ME TO ANNOUNCE YOU?
IN TIME.
FIRST, YOU MAY KISS ME.
THANK YOU, HERR FLICK.
STOP! RELEASE YOUR HAIR.
I WISH IT TO CASCADE DOWN YOUR SHOULDERS.
IT IS CASCADING.
THEN GO TO IT.
I ENJOYED THAT, HERR FLICK.
I KNEW YOU WOULD.
REMOVE ALL TRACES OF YOUR LIPSTICK FROM MY FACE.
MM-MMM.
NOW, I WILL GIVE YOU THE BAD NEWS.
THE SAUSAGE I OBTAINED LAST NIGHT FROM
VON KLINKERHOFFEN'S WARDROBE
DID NOT CONTAIN THE PAINTING.
SOME SMART ALECK MUST HAVE GOT THERE FIRST.
OH, NO, HERR FLICK.
SAY NOTHING OF THIS TO THE COLONEL.
NO, HERR FLICK.
BUT, WHAT ABOUT THE GOOD NEWS?
THE GOOD NEWS IS, THERE IS NO MORE BAD NEWS.
ANNOUNCE ME.
WAIT, THERE'S A SPECK REMAINING OF THE LIPSTICK.
HANS, THERE IS NO PAINTING,
JUST STICKY GARLIC SAUSAGE.
SOMEBODY BEAT US TO IT.
( knock at door )
YES?
HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO.
HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO!
KEEP CALM, HANS.
DON'T LET HIM IN. KEEP HIM WAITING.
HIDE THE SAUSAGE.
HIDE THE SAUSAGE? WHERE DO I HIDE THE SAUSAGE?
QUICK! ANYWHERE!
GO ON, LET HIM IN.
LET HIM IN!
HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO!
HEIL HITLER.
KLOP!
WE WERE JUST READING THE NEWSPAPER.
YES, WE WERE JUST READING THE NEWSPAPER.
ISN'T THE WAR GOING WONDERFULLY?
WE SHOULD HAVE THEM MORE OFTEN, YOU KNOW?
WE DO THEM SO WELL.
IT HAS COME TO MY EARS
THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN PERMISSION FOR A DISPLAY
OF OLD TRACTORS AND SIMILAR VEHICLES.
WE THOUGHT IT WOULD CHEER UP THE PEASANTS, HERR FLICK.
AS WELL AS MAKING US LOOK LIKE JOLLY GOOD EGGS.
I DO NOT TRUST THE FRENCH.
THERE IS ALWAYS A PURPOSE BEHIND THEIR REQUESTS.
VERY WELL, WE WILL CANCEL IT, HERR FLICK.
YES, AND PUT THE ONES WHO SUGGESTED IT IN THE NICK.
YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING.
YOU WILL OBSERVE THEM CLOSELY.
YOU WILL FIND A WAY TO MINGLE AMONG THEM UNDETECTED.
WITH YOUR EXPERIENCE,
WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER IF YOU DID IT YOURSELF, HERR FLICK?
YES, I HEAR YOU'RE A VERY GOOD MINGLER.
PRACTICALLY UNDETECTABLE.
YOU HAVE SUCH A FORGETTABLE FACE.
I WILL BE THERE IN THE VICINITY.
IF ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS OCCURS
I WILL BE ON HAND AND I WILL TAKE ACTION.
THAT IS ALL. HEIL HITLER!
- HEIL HITLER! - KLOP!
( shouting ) HERR FLICK OF THE GE--
OH, SHE KNOWS.
( humming )
RENE, HOW MUCH LONGER
DO I HAVE TO REMAIN BEHIND THE CURTAINS
DISGUISED AS A SMALL BOY?
MARIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING DRESSED LIKE THAT?
YOUR WIFE MADE ME DO IT.
SHE SAYS GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
IS STILL SEARCHING FOR ME.
UNTIL THE SEARCH DIES DOWN,
I MUST DISGUISE MYSELF BY SCREWING UP MY HAIR UNDER MY CAP
AND TAKING OFF ALL MY MAKEUP AND FLATTENING MY BOSOM.
YOU HAVE MADE A GOOD JOB OF THE HAIR AND THE MAKEUP.
RENE, EMBRACE ME.
CRUSH YOUR LIPS TO MY LIPS,
MAKE MY KNEES TREMBLE.
THRILL ME.
SEND RIPPLES DOWN MY SPINE.
VERY WELL, GET THE CHAIR.
DO I STILL MAKE THE LITTLE HAIRS STAND OUT
ON THE BACK OF YOUR NECK?
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
RENE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND MARIA?
I AM FLATTENING HER BOSOM.
FLATTENING HER BOSOM?
OF COURSE, YOU STUPID WOMAN.
LITTLE BOYS DO NOT HAVE STICKING-OUT BOSOMS.
OH RENE, SUCH AN EYE FOR DETAIL.
GET BEHIND THE BAR
AND TRY NOT TO BE NOTICED.
RENE, LIEUTENANT GRUBER IS IN THE BAR.
HE IS ASKING FOR YOU.
EDITH, YOU DEAL WITH HIM.
HE FANCIES ME. IT IS VERY EMBARRASSING.
BUT HE'S LOOKING FOR THE PAINTING.
HE WANTS TO MAKE A COPY OF IT.
OH HECK. WELL, TELL HIM TO COME IN HERE.
I DO NOT LIKE TO BE SEEN TALKING WITH HIM.
LIEUTENANT GRUBER, RENE INVITES YOU INTO THE BACK ROOM.
OH...
A RARE HONOR.
HELLO!
GOOD DAY TO YOU, RENE.
OH, HOW COZY.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE SEEN YOUR REAR QUARTERS.
AMEN TO THAT.
THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER.
I HAVE JUST HEARD FROM THE COLONEL.
HE IS HOPPING MAD
THAT HE OBTAINED ONLY AN EMPTY SAUSAGE.
DO NOT WORRY, LIEUTENANT.
I GOT THE ONE WITH THE PAINTING
SO THAT YOU COULD DO THE COPYING.
MARVELOUS. YOU HAVE A BRAVE STREAK, RENE.
YOU MUST HAVE TAKEN THIS FROM UNDER THE VERY NOSE
OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
UNDER HIS VERY KNEES-- I WAS HIDING UNDER THE BED.
IT IS NOW SAFE UNDER THE BED OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER.
FOLLOW ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT SAUSAGE?
I PRAYED TO GOD AND HE LEFT IT UNDER MY BED.
YOU PRAYED TO GOD FOR A SAUSAGE?
NO, NO, NO, NO.
BUT OBVIOUSLY THIS WAS AS NEAR AS HE COULD GET.
NO, NO, DO NOT EAT IT, YOU STUPID OLD BAT.
IT IS CANVAS.
IT'S THE NAME OF THE DUTCH BUTCHER, VAN CLOMP.
OH MY GOD.
DO NOT WORRY, WE CAN INVISIBLY MEND IT.
WHY ARE YOU BRINGING INTO MY BEDROOM GERMANS?
( spitting )
IF THERE IS ANY MORE CANVAS, COME ON, SPIT IT OUT.
GERMANS! GERMANS!
THEY RAPE DEFENSELESS WOMEN.
THIS ONE DOES NOT,
HE IS MY FRIEND.
COLLABORATOR!
IN-LAWS ARE ALWAYS SO MUCH TROUBLE.
THIS IS WHY I DO NOT GET MARRIED.
FLASHING BEDKNOBS?
RENE, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
IT MEANS SHE WANTS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
WE MUST LEAVE. QUICKLY, QUICKLY.
I SAY, CARSTAIRS, I THINK WE'D BETTER ANSWER THE WIRELESS.
AAGH! LEAVE IT ALONE.
NO, NO, NO. YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW TO MAKE IT WORK.
LEAVE IT ALONE.
- WHAT'S SHE SAYING? - I DON'T KNOW, IT'S IN FRENCH.
SO HOW ARE WE GOING TO SPEAK ON THIS THING?
WELL, I KNOW A LITTLE BIT.
WELL, GO AHEAD THEN.
'ALLO?
WAS THAT IT?
YES.
Male voice: 'Allo, Nighthawk,
we have here the commanding officer
who wants to speak to the British airmen,
Fairfax and Carstairs. Over.
I RECOGNIZE OUR NAMES.
( shouting ) HELLO.
WE'RE... HERE.
Male voice #2: Hello, Wing Commander Hargreaves here.
IT'S RANDY HARGREAVES AGAIN.
Are you still coming over in that antique kite?
AS FAR AS WE KNOW.
I see.
Well, aim for Eastbourne, keep over to the right
and we'll have a big net ready for you.
ROGER.
Oh, and there's a fast train to Victoria at 5:30.
You buy the tickets and we'll refund the money.
- OH, GOOD SHOW. - BANG ON.
Oh, by the way,
your girlfriend sends her best regards.
WHO? DEIRDRE?
Yeah, that's right. I'd put her on the line
but she's in the shower at the moment.
IN THE SHOWER?
Over and out.
THEY DON'T CALL HIM RANDY FOR NOTHING, DO THEY!?
FOREIGNERS! ( spitting )
'ALLO, SOLDIER.
'ALLO, YOU NAUGHTY BOY.
HAVE YOU GOT A LIGHT?
THANK YOU.
CAN I DO FOR YOU ANYTHING ELSE?
I DO NOT THINK SO.
YVETTE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU ARE GOING TO GET MY CAFE A BAD NAME.
IT IS MY AFTERNOON OFF.
I AM TRYING TO GET TOGETHER ENOUGH MONEY
SO THAT YOU AND I CAN TAKE A TRAIN TO PARIS
AND DISAPPEAR.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THE BUS TO THE STATION.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD HAVE A SPRING SALE.
RENE, HOLD ME AND KISS ME
JUST FOR A MOMENT.
I AM A RESPECTABLE CAFE OWNER.
I CANNOT BE SEEN WITH A WOMAN OF THE STREETS.
( dog whines )
'ALLO, SOLDIER.
IF YOU DO NOT MAUVE ALONG
I SHALL HAVE TO KNOCK YOU FOR SOLICITING FOR IMMORAL PORPOISES.
YOU ENGLISH TWIT, I AM YVETTE, THE WAITRESS.
I DO NOT CARE. YOU ARE ON MY POTCH.
I HAVE MY DUTY TO DO.
GO, AND TAKE YOUR PUDDLE WITH YOU.
I SAY, YOU CHAPS, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
JUST HAVING A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.
DON'T GET CAUGHT.
( circus music playing )
( record scratches )
IT IS I, LECLERC.
I AM DISGUISED AS A CLOWN.
THE DISGUISE WAS NOT NECESSARY.
I HAVE A MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE.
SHE WILL ARRIVE TO COLLECT THE MOTOR FROM THE MOWER
THAT IS IN THE BATH CHAIR
WHICH IS TO GO INTO THE AIRPLANE THAT IS IN THE MUSEUM
READY FOR THE TAKE-OFF.
SHE IS OFF HER ROCKER.
ALSO...
YOU ARE TO COLLECT 200 FEET OF ELASTIC
TO MAKE A CATAPULT TO ASSIST IT INTO THE AIR.
200 FEET OF ELASTIC?
WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND 200 FEET OF ELASTIC?
EVERY MAN IN THE VILLAGE WILL GIVE UP HIS BRACES.
I HAVE ALREADY GIVEN UP MINE.
VIVE LA FRANCE.
LOOK OUT, THERE ARE GERMANS COMING.
GET THEM ON!
AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WITH YOUR PERMISSION,
NEVER BEFORE SEEN IN NOUVION,
SEVEN CLUBS IN THE AIR AT ONE TIME.
NEVER BEFORE SEEN. MUSIC, MAESTRO, PLEASE.
AH, HA, SEVEN.
I DID NOT SAY I COULD CATCH THEM.
WHERE IS RENE? WE WISH TO SPEAK TO HIM.
HE IS JUST CLEARING A TABLE. HE WILL BE HERE IN A MINUTE.
AH, CAPTAIN, COLONEL,
I AM SORRY IF I HAVE KEPT YOU WAITING.
I WAS DEALING WITH A STROLLING IDIOT.
RENE, THERE ARE GOING ON
THINGS WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
REALLY, COLONEL?
A DRINK ON THE HOUSE, PERHAPS?
THANK YOU.
FOR INSTANCE, WHERE IS THE MOTOR OF THE GENERAL'S LAWN MOWER?.
SEARCH ME.
WE DID. WE DIDN'T FIND IT.
SECOND, THIS VEHICLE RALLY,
WHAT IS BEHIND IT?
NOTHING, COLONEL. IT IS JUST US SIMPLE PEASANTS
ENJOYING OURSELVES WITH OLD STEAM ENGINES
AND TRACTORS AND THINGS.
WE ARE, AFTER ALL, ALL LITTLE BOYS AT HEART, ARE WE NOT?
THIS IS TRUE. I STILL SLEEP WITH HERMAN, MY TEDDY BEAR.
I WARN YOU, RENE, HERR FLICK WILL BE THERE,
AND WE SHALL ALSO BE THERE.
MINGLING.
TRUTHFULLY, COLONEL,
THERE IS NOTHING UNUSUAL GOING ON IN THE VILLAGE.
MY BRACES.
WHY DID THIS MAN GIVE YOU HIS BRACES?
IT IS A SECRET SOCIETY, COLONEL.
IT IS THE GRAND ORDER OF THE UH-- OF THE UH--
- OF THE NIGHT OWLS. - OF THE NIGHT OWLS.
THAT IS RIGHT. THE GRAND ORDER OF THE NIGHT OWLS.
I AM THE GRAND MASTER.
HE IS THE BIG HOOT.
THAT MAN HAS JUST BEEN INITIATED.
FOR THREE WEEKS HE MUST GO AROUND WITH NO BRACES.
WHAT HAVE BRACES TO DO WITH NIGHT OWLS?
NIGHT OWLS DO NOT WEAR BRACES,
THAT IS WHY HE HAS TAKEN THEM OFF.
IT IS ALL QUITE LOGICAL WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
DO THEY HAVE GIRLS?
I WARN YOU, RENE,
WE WILL BE KEEPING OUR EYE UPON YOU.
I AM NO FOOL.
AND I AM NO FOOL EITHER.
CAPTAIN, YOUR HAT.
OH, YES.
'ALLO, CAPTAIN.
YOUR DOGGY LOOKS TIRED.
EDITH, YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID.
THIS IS GETTING FAR TOO DANGEROUS.
WE MUST GET A MESSAGE TO MICHELLE
AND TELL HER TO CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF.
YOU HAVE THE GUTS OF A JELLYFISH.
YVETTE! MARIA!
NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY,
MICHELLE SAID THIS ONLY ONCE.
TOMORROW MORNING AT 9:30
WE MUST BE IN POSITION ON THE ROAD BY THE MUSEUM.
EDITH, ARE YOU MAD?
WE WILL STICK OUT LIKE A CARROT IN AN OMELET.
DO NOT INTERRUPT.
WE WILL BE DISGUISED AS ROAD WORKERS.
WHEN THEY DRAW THE VEHICLES OUT, WE RUN IN.
WHAT DO WE DO THEN?
MICHELLE WILL BE THERE TO TELL YOU THE REST OF THE PLAN.
FOR WHAT REASON CAN YOU NOT REVEAL THE REST OF THE PLAN NOW?
THAT IS ALL SHE HAS TOLD ME.
IF WE ARE CAPTURED, THE LESS WE KNOW THE BETTER.
I WOULD BE QUITE HAPPY TO KNOW NOTHING AT ALL.
OH, THAT POOR OLD LADY. HELP HER.
THANK YOU, MY CHILD.
I WAS JUST GATHERING A FEW STICKS AS KINDLING FOR MY FIRE.
YOU CAN SHARE SOME OF MINE,
I HAVE SOME IN THE BACK.
YOU WILL BE REWARDED, CHILD. GIVE ME A SEAT AT THE BAR.
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.
OH MY GOD.
I HAVE COME FOR THE BATH CHAIR.
WHY ARE YOU DISGUISED AS THE GRANDMOTHER
OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER?
NO ONE WILL SUSPECT AN OLD LADY IN A BATH CHAIR.
THEY WILL IF YOU DO NOT COVER UP YOUR LEGS.
THE BATH CHAIR IS OUTSIDE.
YVETTE, MARIA, MY LAD,
HELP THIS EXCEEDINGLY ANCIENT OLD LADY
TO THE BATH CHAIR
BEFORE SHE KICKS THE BUCKET IN MY BAR.
THANK YOU, MY CHILDREN.
YOU WILL BE REWARDED FOR YOUR KINDNESS.
WHO IS THE PIECE OF CRUMPET?
( motor sputtering )
OH, RENE.
THE SIGHT OF YOUR WHITE BODY
IS DRIVING ME FRANTIC WITH YEARNING.
I AM FINDING IT HARD TO CONTROL--
HOLD ME TO YOU IN YOUR STRONG WHITE ARMS.
YVETTE, ROUGH ROAD MENDERS DO NOT HUG EACH OTHER.
DRAT IT!
MY STOCKINGS HAVE LADDERED UNDER MY TROUSERS.
STOP COMPLAINING, EMPTY YOUR BARROW.
EDITH,
DO YOU HAVE TO BEHAVE IN THAT DISGUSTING MANNER?
IT IS PART OF MY CHARACTER.
WHY ARE THEY DOING ALL THIS DIGGING?
I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO FLY OUT?
I EXPECT IT'S ALL PART OF A CLEVER WHEEZE
BY THAT RATHER DISHY RESISTANCE GIRL.
HAVE YOU GOT A BIT OF A PASH FOR HER?
I HAVE ACTUALLY.
CAVEE, HERE COMES A TANK.
PFFT.
( whistle blows) STOP! STOP!
EXCUSE ME, MADAME, WHICH WAY DO I HAVE TO GO
TO GET TO THE MUSEUM OF ANCIENT VEHICLES?
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
WE WILL TAKE NO NOTICE OF THIS RUDE PEASANT.
DRIVE ON, CLARENCE.
HALT!
YOU, DIGGING PEASANT,
WHERE IS THE MUSEUM?
I AM SPEAKING TO YOU.
TURN AND FACE ME,
OR I WILL SHOOT YOU WITH MY BIG GUN.
IT IS THAT WAY.
RENE, YOU!
WHY ARE YOU DIGGING THE ROAD?
WE ARE REPAIRING IT FOR THE GLORIOUS GERMAN TANKS.
BUT YOUR BEAUTIFUL ARTISTIC HANDS WILL BE RUINED.
IT IS A TERRIBLE WAR.
HERE, TAKE MY DRIVING GLOVES.
I NORMALLY ONLY WEAR THEM WHEN I AM FIRING MY GUN,
BUT I WILL NOT BE SHOOTING TODAY.
IT'S A PLEASURE TRIP.
OFF WE GO, CLARENCE.
I AM FORCING THE RUBBER PIPE OVER THE NIPPLE.
HOW FORTUNATE YOU ARE HERE, HERR FLICK.
I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE OF THIS SORT OF THING.
IT WOULD BE BEYOND YOUR CAPABILITIES.
IT IS STIFF AND HARD.
IT IS DONE.
NOW...
I WILL WATCH THE GAUGE; YOU WILL PUMP.
PLACE YOUR FEET IN THE STIRRUPS.
BEND OVER.
IT IS MORE EFFECTIVE IF YOU GRIP IT FIRMLY WITH BOTH HANDS.
NOW PULL, THRUST,
PULL, THRUST,
PULL, THRUST-- FASTER, FASTER!
PULL, THRUST, PULL, THRUST...
THRUST, THRUST-- IT IS BUILDING UP.
THRUST, THRUST, THRUST.
WE ARE NEARLY THERE.
PULL, THRUST, PULL, THRUST.
I CANNOT KEEP IT UP MUCH LONGER.
YOU MUST, YOU MUST! THRUST, THRUST.
I AM PULLING AND THRUSTING, HERR FLICK.
STOP! STOP!
WAS THAT ALL RIGHT?
FOR ME, EXCELLENT.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
EXHAUSTING, BUT VERY EXCITING.
WAS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME?
YES, NEVER BEFORE
HAS ONE GONE FLAT ON ME.
MORE COAL, HANS, MORE COAL.
MORE COAL, HE SAYS, ALL THE TIME, MORE COAL.
WHEN DO I GET A GO WITH THE WHEEL? 10 MINUTES YOU'VE HAD IT.
WHO COMMANDEERED THE STEAMROLLER?
- WHO PUT THE DRIVERS IN JAIL? - YOU DID, COLONEL.
THAT'S WHY I'M AT THE WHEEL AND YOU'RE AT THE COAL.
CAN I WORK THE WHISTLE?
JUST ONE TOOT.
( whistle blows )
THAT IS MORE FUN THAN DRIVING IT.
- IS IT? - ( whistle blows )
I CAN SEE SMOKE.
QUICK, MY POWERFUL BINOCULARS.
KEEP STILL.
I CAN SEE SMOKE
AND SMELL LILY OF THE VALLEY.
THAT WAS THE PERFUME YOU GAVE ME.
YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BATH IN IT.
MMM. WE NEED TO BE CLOSER.
VERY WELL, HERR FLICK.
GET YOUR NOSE OUT OF MY EAR.
PUT THESE AWAY.
HEY, WHOA. WHOA.
PSST! IT IS I, LECLERC.
- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? - ( stammers )
PEOPLE STOP ME AND I HAVE TO TELL FOR THEM THEIR FORTUNES.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
I HAVE A MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE.
THE TRACTORS ARE LEAVING THE SHED.
COME. GET IN QUICK. I WILL TAKE YOU THERE.
IN THE BACK, EVERYBODY.
HEY, HEY, HEY! BE CAREFUL OF THE CROWN DERBY.
AND WATCH OUT FOR HIS CRYSTAL BALL.
YOU CAN SIT BESIDE ME. YOU HAVE A LUCKY FACE.
- MMM. - WHAT AN HONOR.
( honks )
MICHELLE!
MICHELLE, AN ARMORED CAR IS APPROACHING.
HAVE READY YOUR GIRLS. IF NECESSARY WE WILL SHOOT.
BUT THE BULLETS WILL BOUNCE OFF.
DO NOT BE A DEFEATIST.
PAY ATTENTION!
AH.
HELLO.
PAY ATTENTION!
I WILL LEAD THE PROCESSION TO THE TOWN SQUARE.
YOU WILL KEEP TO THE MAIN ROAD,
YOU WILL STAY VERY CLOSE BEHIND ME
AND THERE WILL BE NO DEVIATION.
TOOT YOUR TOOTERS IF YOU UNDERSTAND.
- ( engine tooting ) - ( screams )
THE MUSEUM IS THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HEDGE.
WE WILL LEAVE THIS THING HERE AND WE WILL CREEP CLOSER ON FOOT
TO SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING.
- ( blows ) - HANS, LEAVE THE TOOTER ALONE.
YOU WILL USE UP ALL THE STEAM.
♪ TOTE THAT BARGE, LIFT THAT BALE. ♪
AND PUT ON SOME MORE COAL
IN CASE WE HAVE TO MAKE A QUICK GETAWAY.
WE WILL STOP HERE, CREEP FORWARD OF THE HEDGE
- AND OBSERVE WHAT IS GOING ON. - YES, HERR FLICK.
BRING MY POWERFUL BINOCULARS AND THE RUG.
THE RUG?
I DO NOT WISH TO GET BITS OF STRAW ALL OVER YOUR UNIFORM.
YOU THINK OF EVERYTHING, HERR FLICK.
ONE MUST TAKE PRECAUTIONS.
Leclerc: WHOA, WHOA!
WE WILL WAIT HERE, UNTIL THE RALLY MOVES OFF.
Gruber: PAY ATTENTION,
I WILL FIRE MY GUN AS A SIGNAL TO START.
DON'T WORRY, IT'S ONLY A BLANK.
FINGERS IN EARS, CLARENCE.
FORWARD!
DRIVE ON.
Rene: THEY ARE MOVING OFF.
Edith: IN WE GO.
RENE, BRING THE ELASTIC.
SHOULD I NOT STAY HERE AND LOOK AFTER THE HORSE?
KEEP IT TICKING OVER?
IT IS, AFTER ALL, OUR GETAWAY CAR.
LECLERC WILL LOOK AFTER THE HORSE.
WHAT A FINE SIGHT.
HANS, WE MUST SLIP IN AMONGST THEM UNOBSERVED.
UNOBSERVED? IN A STEAMROLLER?
DON'T ARGUE.
CAN I DRIVE?
OH, VERY WELL.
THEY ARE SO BIG AND HEAVY.
DID YOU FEEL THE EARTH TREMBLE?
YES, INDEED, HERR FLICK.
IT WAS A MEMORABLE EXPERIENCE.
WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
COME, WE WILL FOLLOW IN MY STAFF CAR.
MORE COAL.
- ( whistle blows ) - HERE WE GO.
HANS, YOU FOOL, YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!
OH DEAR.
FORE!
- WHERE IS THE BRAKE? - REVERSE THE LEVER.
IT IS STUCK.
IF THERE IS ANYBODY IN THE CAR,
PLEASE GET OUT OF IT VERY QUICKLY.
- HOW DO YOU STOP IT? - REDUCE THE PRESSURE.
REDUCE THE PRESSURE, HE SAYS. HOW DO YOU REDUCE THE PRESSURE?
LET OFF STEAM, YOU FOOL.
OH, COLONEL.
( metal crunching )
OH, DEAR.
THAT WAS HERR FLICK'S CAR.
HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO.
IS THERE A PANEL BEATER IN THE TOWN?
WHO HAS SQUASHED MY GESTAPO STAFF CAR?
IT WAS CAPTAIN GEERING, HERR FLICK.
HEIL HITLER.
THIS IS VERY SERIOUS.
THE GESTAPO IS ONLY INSURED THIRD PARTY.
THE CONVOY IS DISAPPEARING, HERR FLICK.
WE WILL HAVE TO TRAVEL ON THIS.
QUICK, FOLLOW THOSE ENGINES.
FULL SPEED AHEAD.
OKAY, CHAPS, OVER HERE.
IN YOU GO.
JOLLY GOOD. ARE YOU GOING TO DRIVE, CARSTAIRS?
OH ALL RIGHT, I'LL HAVE A GO.
IS THERE A HANDBOOK OR ANYTHING?
IT IS QUITE SIMPLE.
THE ELASTIC BRACES ARE TIED ONTO THAT CAR AND HOOKED ROUND THE UNDERCARRIAGE.
WE START YOU UP, THE CAR IS DRIVEN OFF,
WHEN THE BRACES ARE AT FULL STRETCH,
WE PULL AWAY THE CHOCKS AND OFF YOU GO.
- PIECE OF CAKE. - WHERE'S ENGLAND?
WHEN YOU'RE IN THE AIR, TURN RIGHT AND KEEP STRAIGHT ON.
YOU START IT, I WILL DRIVE IT.
DO NOT TALK TO ME WITH A PIPE IN YOUR MOUTH.
MARIA, WHEN I GIVE THE SIGNAL
YOU AND YVETTE WILL PULL AWAY THE CHOCKS.
ROGER.
LISETTE, STAND BY ON THE PROPELLER.
STANDING BY.
SWITCH ON. CONTACT.
PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT,
THEY HAVE STARTED THEIRS ALREADY.
I AM KILLING MYSELF HERE.
SISSY.
YOU HAVE TO FEEL FOR THE COMPRESSION,
HOLD THE CHOKE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT IT ANYWAY?
I USED TO DRIVE ONE OF THESE WHEN I WAS A YOUNG GIRL.
YOU GOT IT FROM THE 1904 MOTOR SHOW, I SUPPOSE.
I AM THE HERO OF THE RESISTANCE, I AM DRIVING.
WE ARE READY!
ALL IS CLEAR.
GOOD LUCK, CHAPS.
- TICKETY-BOO. - BANG ON.
GO, AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
- PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. - IT IS FLAT ON THE FLOOR.
STAND BY.
- STAND BY. - HERE GOES.
WHY ARE WE SLOWING DOWN?
IT IS THE ELASTIC, IT IS AT FULL STRETCH.
RELEASE THE CHOCKS.
IT IS JAMMED. I CANNOT SHIFT IT.
I CANNOT HOLD IT.
YOU WILL HAVE TO GET OUT AND PUSH.
( loud crash )
I THINK THERE HAS BEEN
A RIGHT NOSE-UP.
QUICK, BACK TO THE CAFE.
GOOD, I WILL USE THE SUPERCHARGER.
WE WILL DISAPPEAR LIKE PHANTOMS INTO THE WOODS.
WAIT FOR ME.
( theme music playing )