1 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:06,072 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,596 OH! 3 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,600 OH! 4 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,103 ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE CURIOUS TO KNOW 5 00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:39,105 WHY I AM LOOKING THROUGH THIS KEYHOLE? 6 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:41,607 IN THAT ROOM IS MADAME LENARE 7 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,610 OF THE BRIDES PARISIAN BOUTIQUE, 8 00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,612 WHICH IS A VERY GRAND NAME 9 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:48,615 FOR ONE ROOM ABOVE THE IRONMONGER. 10 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:51,618 MY WIFE EDITH IS STILL DETERMINED TO MARRY ME, 11 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:55,121 SO MADAME LENARE IS SHOWING HER SOME LITTLE ITEMS OF LINGERIE 12 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:56,622 FOR OUR WEDDING NIGHT. 13 00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,124 THE REASON I WAS LOOKING THROUGH THE KEYHOLE 14 00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,126 IS BECAUSE MADAME LENARE HERSELF 15 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,628 IS MODELING A TRANSPARENT NIGHTGOWN, 16 00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:05,632 AND SHE IS VERY WELL ARRANGED. 17 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:09,135 THE DAY OF THE WEDDING HAS NOT YET BEEN FIXED. 18 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,137 AND SO, I AM A FREE MAN, 19 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,139 UNLESS OF COURSE, I AM ARRESTED BY THE COLONEL 20 00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:14,640 FOR STEALING THE SAUSAGE 21 00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,142 CONTAINING THE PRICELESS PAINTING, 22 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:19,145 THE TITLE OF WHICH, YOU KNOW FULL WELL, 23 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:22,148 BUT I WILL JUST REMIND MYSELF OF IT. 24 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,653 MY GOD, 25 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,156 VAN CLOMP WOULD HAVE RUN OUT OF PAINT. 26 00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,159 THE PRICELESS PAINTING ITSELF 27 00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:36,662 IS, EVEN AS I SPEAK, ON ITS WAY TO THE CHATEAU, WITH MARIA, 28 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:39,165 FOR LIEUTENANT GRUBER TO COPY IT 29 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,667 BECAUSE HE HAS ARTISTIC LEANINGS. 30 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,169 IN FACT, LIEUTENANT GRUBER 31 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,671 IS A VERY LONG WAY FROM THE PERPENDICULAR. 32 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:49,676 RENE, 33 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,178 I HAVE BEEN SELECTING FOR OUR WEDDING NIGHT 34 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,180 SOME LOVELY SURPRISES. 35 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,682 MADAME LENARE HAS SOME BEAUTIFUL THINGS 36 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,184 UNDER THE COUNTER. 37 00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:01,187 SHE HAD SOME PRETTY GOOD THINGS ABOVE THE COUNTER. 38 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:03,189 RENE, 39 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,690 SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED. 40 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,693 I FOLLOWED MARIA AS YOU TOLD ME. 41 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,194 SHE HAS BEEN ARRESTED 42 00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,696 BY THE PERSONAL GUARD OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 43 00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:11,698 MY GOD. 44 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,199 WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER? 45 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:14,700 SHE HAS NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF, 46 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,703 SHE IS JUST A SLIP OF A GIRL. 47 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,204 NOT SUCH A SLIP. 48 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,705 CONCEALED AMONG HER BOSOM 49 00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,708 IS THE KNOCKWURST BELONGING TO THE COLONEL, 50 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,710 CONTAINING THE REAL PAINTING. 51 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,211 IF THEY TORTURE HER, 52 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,213 SHE MAY REVEAL ALL OUR SECRETS. 53 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,214 MY GOD. 54 00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,715 MY HAT, MY COAT. 55 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:32,218 MY BRAVE RENE, 56 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:34,220 HE IS GOING TO RESCUE HER. 57 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,221 ARE YOU MAD? 58 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,723 I AM GOING TO STAY WITH MY COUSIN IN BORDEAUX. 59 00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:41,227 HE HAS A LOFT. 60 00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:43,729 I CAN HIDE IN IT UNTIL THE END OF THE WAR. 61 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,231 STAY WHERE YOU ARE, YOU COWARD. 62 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,732 HOW DARE YOU THINK OF LEAVING? 63 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:49,736 IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED? 64 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,738 I DO NOT WISH TO BE REMEMBERED AT ALL. 65 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,239 TELL THEM YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ME. 66 00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:54,740 STAY WHERE YOU ARE! 67 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:55,742 E-- AH! 68 00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,744 UNTIL YOU COME TO YOUR SENSES. 69 00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,746 RENE, WHAT'S GOING ON? 70 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,749 MY WIFE WAS JUST PROPOSING TO ME. 71 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,752 - COGNAC. - COGNACS, YVETTE. 72 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,755 RENE, HERE. 73 00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,758 WE HAVE HAD NEWS FROM HELGA 74 00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,761 THAT HERR FLICK IS LOOKING FOR HIS SAUSAGE. 75 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,263 LIEUTENANT GRUBER HAS BEEN SENT TO GET IT. 76 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,265 YOU DID NOT TELL GRUBER WHERE IT WAS, DID YOU? 77 00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:21,767 HE THREATENED TO TAKE AWAY MY LIVELIHOOD 78 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,270 BY DRIVING A TANK THROUGH MY CAFE. 79 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,272 THREATENED TO DRIVE A TANK THROUGH YOUR CAFE? 80 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:28,274 THE GERMAN SWINE! 81 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,779 BUT YOU HELD OUT? 82 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,782 HE THREATENED TO SHOOT MY DEAR WIFE, 83 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,784 THAT WAS WHEN I CRACKED. 84 00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,285 OH, RENE. 85 00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,286 SO YOU GAVE IT TO HIM? 86 00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,787 I DID NOT ACTUALLY GIVE IT TO HIM. 87 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,289 I SENT IT TO LIEUTENANT GRUBER 88 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,291 SO HE COULD COPY IT AND GIVE IT BACK TO YOU. 89 00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:47,293 THE COPY WILL GO TO HERR FLICK, 90 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,794 AND THEN WE ARE ALL IN THE CLEAR. 91 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,797 AND GRUBER WILL WANT A PIECE OF THE ACTION. 92 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,799 THERE IS ONE SNAG, COLONEL. 93 00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,801 THE SAUSAGE WAS SENT WITH MARIA, 94 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:58,304 WHO HAS JUST BEEN CAPTURED BY GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 95 00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,806 SHE HAD THE SAUSAGE STRAPPED ACROSS HER BOSOM. 96 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:04,310 ANY MINUTE NOW HE MAY GET HIS HANDS ON IT. 97 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,812 IF MARIA CRACKS UNDER THE INTERROGATION, 98 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,815 THE GENERAL WILL ARREST RENE. 99 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,817 AND IF HE CRACKS UNDER INTERROGATION, 100 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:11,818 HE WILL REVEAL THAT 101 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,820 YOU GAVE HIM THE PAINTING TO HIDE 102 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:14,821 AND YOU WILL BE ON THE CARPET. 103 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,823 - DEAD. - YOU'RE RIGHT. 104 00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:18,825 WE WILL SHOOT RENE NOW, AND STOP THE ROT. 105 00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,828 THANK YOU, EDITH. 106 00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:23,329 IF YOU SHOOT RENE, 107 00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:25,331 THEN ALSO YOU WILL HAVE TO SHOOT ME. 108 00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:26,832 COULD YOU SHOOT HER FIRST? 109 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,334 SHE IS CAUSING A LOT OF TROUBLE. 110 00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:31,704 ( knocking ) 111 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,210 ENTER. 112 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,214 THE FRENCH GIRL IS OUTSIDE. 113 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,715 ARE YOU READY TO INTERVIEW HER? 114 00:04:42,715 --> 00:04:45,718 YES. DOES SHE GIVE ANY EXPLANATION FOR HER PRESENCE? 115 00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:48,721 SHE SAID SHE CAME TO SEE LIEUTENANT GRUBER, YOUR A.D.C. 116 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:50,723 BRING HER IN, AND SEND FOR LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 117 00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:51,724 YES, HERR GENERAL. 118 00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:52,725 IN HERE! 119 00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:01,233 YOU MAY GO! 120 00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:14,246 YOU ARE TREMBLING. 121 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,751 DO NOT BE AFRAID OF ME, 122 00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:20,252 I AM NOT A MONSTER. 123 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,255 WHAT IS YOUR NAME? 124 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:25,758 ( spitting ) MARIA RECAMIER. 125 00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:28,260 YOU WERE FOUND SNOOPING AROUND THE GROUNDS OF MY HEADQUARTERS. 126 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,262 WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE? 127 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:32,765 GENERAL, I HAD A RENDEZVOUS WITH LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 128 00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:34,767 A MOST UNLIKELY STORY, 129 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:37,269 BUT WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO VERIFY THIS. 130 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,771 I HAVE SENT FOR HIM. 131 00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:48,280 YOU HAVE VERY SMALL FEET. 132 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,283 YES, GENERAL. 133 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:52,785 HARDLY BIG ENOUGH 134 00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,287 TO SUPPORT THE REST OF YOU. 135 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,290 TAKE OFF YOUR COAT AND YOUR HAT. 136 00:05:58,791 --> 00:05:59,792 I AM COLD, 137 00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:02,294 I WOULD RATHER REMAIN AS I AM. 138 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,297 DO NOT DEFY ME, GIRL, OR THINGS WILL NOT GO WELL FOR YOU. 139 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,298 I AM RELUCTANT. 140 00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:06,799 GET THEM OFF! DO YOU HEAR ME? GET THEM OFF! 141 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:10,803 GRUBER! 142 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:13,806 SHALL I COME BACK LATER? 143 00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:15,808 COME IN AND SHUT THE DOOR. 144 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,314 THIS GIRL TELLS ME THAT SHE CAME TO SEE YOU. 145 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,815 DID YOU ORDER A GIRL? 146 00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:25,818 NO, I DON'T THINK SO. 147 00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,820 DO NOT BE AFRAID TO OWN UP. 148 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,822 IT IS WARTIME AND WE ARE THE CONQUERORS. 149 00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:30,823 WE ALL HAVE OUR NEEDS. 150 00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:32,825 HE ORDERED THIS. 151 00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,828 I SEE. 152 00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:39,331 THERE REALLY IS NOTHING STRAIGHTFORWARD ABOUT YOU, GRUBER, IS THERE? 153 00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:44,837 NO, YOU MISUNDERSTAND, GENERAL. 154 00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:45,838 NO, IT-- 155 00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,339 IT WAS NECESSARY FOR HER 156 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,842 TO CONCEAL THE KNOCKWURST IN THIS FASHION, 157 00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:53,846 IN CASE THE HUNGRY FRENCH PEASANTS 158 00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:56,849 FELL UPON HER AND DEVOURED IT. 159 00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:58,851 YOU WERE, OF COURSE, GOING TO PRESENT IT TO ME, 160 00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:00,352 KNOWING MY TASTE FOR SUCH THINGS, 161 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,355 AND HOPING, NO DOUBT, TO INGRATIATE YOURSELF WITH ME? 162 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,857 YOU HAVE GOT IT IN ONE. 163 00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:06,358 GIVE IT TO ME, GIRL. 164 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:14,366 SHALL I TAKE IT, AND HANG IT FOR YOU IN THE KITCHEN? 165 00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:15,368 NO, YOU WILL NOT. 166 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,371 MY, MY, IT IS A WHOPPER. 167 00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,875 IT HAS ON IT A LITTLE SWASTIKA. 168 00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:24,376 WHAT A THOUGHTFUL TOUCH. 169 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,379 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH IT? 170 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,381 THE KITCHEN STAFF ARE WORSE THAN RATS, 171 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,382 THEY EAT EVERYTHING. 172 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,384 I SHALL HANG IT IN MY WARDROBE TO MATURE. 173 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:40,393 YOU MAY GO, GRUBER. 174 00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:43,896 WHAT ABOUT THE GIRL? 175 00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:45,397 DO YOU HAVE A USE FOR HER? 176 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:48,901 NOTHING I CAN THINK OF, NO. 177 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,904 HMM, IT OCCURS TO ME THAT SOME FRENCH PEASANTS 178 00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:54,406 HAVE STOLEN THE MOTOR OF MY MOWER. 179 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:57,410 LET IT BE KNOWN THAT WHEN THE MOTOR IS RETURNED, 180 00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:58,911 I WILL RELEASE THE GIRL. 181 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,418 GO INTO THE BEDROOM. 182 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:13,425 YOU MAY LIE DOWN THERE. 183 00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:18,430 NO, NOT ON THE BED. ON THE MAT. 184 00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:25,437 ( sobbing ) LONG LIVE FRANCE. 185 00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,440 DO NOT PUSH YOUR LUCK. 186 00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:32,378 EDITH, YVETTE, MA-- 187 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:35,381 OH, ANYONE. 188 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:40,887 HOW MUCH LONGER MUST I WAIT HERE? 189 00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:43,890 I AM HERE, MAMMA. I AM HERE. 190 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:46,392 I HAVE BEEN SELECTING SOME LOVELY THINGS 191 00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,894 FOR MY WEDDING NIGHT. 192 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:52,398 FOR YOUR WEDDING TO MONSIEUR ALPHONSE? 193 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:53,399 NO, MAMMA. 194 00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:55,401 I AM GOING TO MARRY RENE. 195 00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:58,904 RENE? NO, NO, EDITH. 196 00:08:58,905 --> 00:08:59,906 COME HERE, COME HERE. 197 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:01,908 SIT DOWN. 198 00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:03,409 NOW, ( clears throat ) 199 00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:05,911 DO NOT DO THIS THING. 200 00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,914 HE IS A NO-GOOD BUM. 201 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:11,417 BUT MAMMA, I LOVE HIM. 202 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,419 AND HE IS HIDING WE KNOW NOT WHERE. 203 00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:16,422 HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO IS LOOKING FOR HIM. 204 00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,924 GESTAPO! ( spits ) 205 00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,927 ( radio alarm buzzing ) 206 00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:23,429 OH, THE KNOBS, 207 00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:26,432 THE KNOBS, THE FLASHING KNOBS. 208 00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:27,933 - WHAT? - AH! 209 00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:33,940 WHAT IS THIS OLD BAT 210 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,441 DOING IN MY BED? 211 00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:37,443 ( old lady voice ) THIS OLD BAT 212 00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,445 IS HIDING FROM THE GESTAPO. 213 00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:43,949 GESTAPO! ( spits ) 214 00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,952 RENE. 215 00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,453 THE WIRELESS. 216 00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:50,456 TELL THEM NIGHTHAWK HAS MIGRATED. 217 00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:52,958 YOU HAVE THE LIVER OF A LILY. 218 00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,961 I WILL GET THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO HELP. 219 00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:58,464 - HELLO! - HELLO! 220 00:09:58,464 --> 00:09:59,965 WIRELESS! 221 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,467 THE THING'S GOING. 222 00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:02,968 GRAB THE OTHER END, CARSTAIRS. 223 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:03,970 ROGER. 224 00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:07,973 AH! 225 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,982 Male voice: 'Allo Nighthawk, 'allo Nighthawk. 226 00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:19,485 Are the airmen with you, over? 227 00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:22,988 YES, THEY ARE BOTH HERE BESIDE ME, OVER. 228 00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:25,992 I have here their commanding officer. 229 00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:28,494 Put them on the line. Over. 230 00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:30,496 HERE. 231 00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:31,497 OH. 232 00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,001 HELLO, 233 00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:36,502 FAIRFAX HERE. 234 00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,003 Male voice #2: Hello, Fairfax. 235 00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:40,006 Wing Commander Hargreaves here. 236 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:43,509 IT'S RANDY HARGREAVES! HELLO, SIR. 237 00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,511 - HELLO! - Hello. 238 00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:48,514 Is there any chance of you two getting back? 239 00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:50,516 We're getting a bit short of pilots. 240 00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:53,018 THE RESISTANCE ARE PLANNING TO FIND 241 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:55,021 AN OLD CRATE FROM THE MUSEUM. 242 00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:58,524 THEY'RE GOING TO PUT A MOTOR MOWER ENGINE IN IT. 243 00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:00,025 A motor mower engine? 244 00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,028 Is it reliable? 245 00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:04,530 IT DROVE A BATH CHAIR TO THE HAT SHOP YESTERDAY. 246 00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:05,531 How far? 247 00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,032 I SUPPOSE A COUPLE OF HUNDRED YARDS. 248 00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,035 We won't count on you then. 249 00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:10,536 Good luck. Over and out. 250 00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:12,037 OH. 251 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:14,040 EDITH, THE POLICE ARE HERE. 252 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,543 THE POLICE? THE POLICE. 253 00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:19,044 BACK, BACK. IN THERE. 254 00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,546 NO, EDITH-- EDITH! 255 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:22,047 IT IS NOT THE REAL POLICE, 256 00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:25,051 IT IS THAT ENGLISH IDIOT WHO THINKS HE CAN SPEAK FRENCH. 257 00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,052 OH. 258 00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,554 GOOD MOANING. 259 00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:34,059 I HAVE COME TO ARROST YOUR MITHER. 260 00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:37,062 ARREST HER MOTHER, WHY? 261 00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:38,064 WHAT HAS SHE DONE? 262 00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:42,068 SHE HAS BEEN PISSING FUDGED BANK NOTES IN THE HIT SHOP. 263 00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,072 WHAT DOES CRABTREE SAY? 264 00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:49,074 I THINK HE MEANS, 265 00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:52,078 "SHE HAS BEEN PASSING FORGED BANK NOTES IN THE HAT SHOP." 266 00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,579 PRESOSELY. 267 00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:56,081 ( old lady voice ) EDITH, REMIND HIM 268 00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,584 HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE ON OUR SIDE. 269 00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:02,588 WHO IS THE UGLY OLD BOG IN THE BED BESIDE YOUR MITHER? 270 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,590 I HAVE BEEN ASKING 271 00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,592 THE SAME QUESTION. 272 00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:08,594 IT IS I, 273 00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:09,595 RENE. 274 00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:13,599 MY GID, THAT WAS A GOD DISGEESE. 275 00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:16,101 I WAS COMPLETELY DECEIVED BY THE WOG. 276 00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:21,607 EDITH... 277 00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:24,109 GIVE HIM 500 FRANCS FROM THE TILL 278 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,112 AND TELL HIM TO PASS OFF. 279 00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:31,617 THERE IS NO NEED TO BE RODE. 280 00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:33,118 ( projector noise ) 281 00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:35,121 AH, YES. 282 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:39,125 THIS WAS TAKEN LAST YEAR AT THE GESTAPO HOLIDAY CAMP. 283 00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,127 SEE? THEY ALL WEAR 284 00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,629 BLACK LEATHER BATHING SHORTS. 285 00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:46,632 SOME OF THEM FIT VERY WELL. 286 00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:51,136 HERE WE ARE DOING THE LEAPFROG. 287 00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:57,143 OH DEAR, 288 00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:58,644 HOW AMUSING, 289 00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:02,147 WE HAVE ALL FALLEN OVER INTO A GREAT BIG HEAP. 290 00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:06,652 NOW, WE ARE STRUGGLING TO UNTANGLE OURSELVES. 291 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:12,157 NOW WE ARE JUMPING IN THE ICY WATERS OF THE LAKE. 292 00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,160 IT'S JUST AS WELL. 293 00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:20,165 HERE WE ARE DOING THE EXERCISES. 294 00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,168 WHY ARE SOME OF YOU WEARING SKIRTS? 295 00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:25,671 THE ONES WEARING SKIRTS ARE GIRLS. 296 00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:30,676 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD GIRLS IN THE GESTAPO. 297 00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:33,178 WHO DO YOU THINK TYPES THE THREATENING LETTERS? 298 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:36,682 - ( phone rings ) - WHY IS MY PHONE RINGING? 299 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:37,683 ANSWER IT. 300 00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,687 WHY IS THIS PHONE RINGING? 301 00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:43,689 WHY DO YOU NOT READ YOUR INSTRUCTIONS? 302 00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:46,692 HERR FLICK HAS HIS CALLS HELD TILL 5:00. 303 00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,194 YOU THOUGHT IT SAID WHAT? 304 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:56,202 IT MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT. 305 00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:58,704 SOMEONE HAS WRITTEN IT DOWN INCORRECTLY. 306 00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:02,207 HE THOUGHT IT SAID 4:00. 307 00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:05,211 IT'S VERY URGENT. 308 00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:06,212 FLICK. 309 00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:09,215 YES, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 310 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:13,719 I SEE. 311 00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:14,720 YOU HAVE DONE WELL. 312 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,722 I WILL DEAL WITH THE MATTER. 313 00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:20,226 VON SMALLHAUSEN HAS DISCOVERED 314 00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,728 THAT THE SAUSAGE CONTAINING THE PAINTING 315 00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:25,230 IS HANGING IN THE WARDROBE OF THE DRESSING ROOM 316 00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,233 OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 317 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,234 OH, DEAR. 318 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:29,735 WHAT DO WE DO? 319 00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,737 WHAT IF HE HAS IT FOR BREAKFAST? 320 00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:35,241 WE MUST SUBSTITUTE A REAL KNOCKWURST 321 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,743 FOR THE KNOCKWURST CONTAINING THE PAINTING. 322 00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:39,244 BUT HERR FLICK, 323 00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:41,747 HOW DO WE GAIN ACCESS TO THE GENERAL'S QUARTERS 324 00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:43,248 WITHOUT AROUSING SUSPICION? 325 00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,251 THERE ARE, IN THE CHATEAU, 326 00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,753 MANY SECRET PASSAGES. 327 00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:50,255 IF THE ATTENTION OF THE GENERAL 328 00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:53,759 IS DIVERTED BY A WOMAN OF THE OPPOSITE SEX 329 00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:54,760 IN WHOM HE HAS-- 330 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,262 ALREADY EXPRESSED AN INTEREST, 331 00:14:57,263 --> 00:15:00,266 I WOULD HAVE TIME TO EFFECT THE SWITCH. 332 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,768 AND WHERE WOULD WE FIND SUCH A WOMAN? 333 00:15:05,771 --> 00:15:08,774 THE GENERAL HAS ALREADY INDICATED TO ME 334 00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:11,777 THAT HE CONSIDERS YOU A GREAT PIECE OF CRACKLING. 335 00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,781 DO YOU THINK I COULD PULL IT OFF? 336 00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:19,785 YOU HAVE READ MY THOUGHTS. 337 00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:23,289 YOU WILL ENTER HIS QUARTERS. 338 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:24,790 YOU WILL TAKE THE GRAMOPHONE. 339 00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:28,293 YOU WILL WIND IT UP, AND DO A TEASING DANCE, 340 00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:30,296 PULLING OFF VARIOUS OUTER GARMENTS. 341 00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:32,298 THIS WILL ATTRACT HIS ATTENTION 342 00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:34,300 FOR TWO AND A HALF MINUTES. 343 00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,303 WILL IT WORK? 344 00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:40,739 IT ALWAYS WORKED WITH ME. 345 00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:43,241 ( singing off-key ) ♪ IT'S A LONG, LONG WAY ♪ 346 00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,244 ♪ TO TIPPERARY, ♪ 347 00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:48,247 ♪ BUT MY HEART'S ♪ 348 00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:50,249 ♪ RIGHT THERE. ♪ 349 00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:55,253 COLONEL-- 350 00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:58,257 A LITTLE BIT OF CHEESE HAS DROPPED INSIDE MY EAR HOLE. 351 00:15:58,257 --> 00:15:59,758 WHAT SHALL I DO? 352 00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:02,260 TRY BANGING YOUR HEAD ON THE TABLE. 353 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,265 THE DEAR CAPTAIN, 354 00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:09,268 HOW HE LOVES MY SINGING. 355 00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:13,772 ( singing in Italian ) 356 00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:17,276 OH HECK. 357 00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:27,786 ( attempts high note, coughs ) 358 00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:33,291 PSST. 359 00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:35,294 IT IS I, LECLERC. 360 00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:39,298 MAN OF A THOUSAND FACES, 361 00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:42,301 EVERY ONE THE SAME. 362 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:45,804 ( bad Italian accent ) I AM AN OLD ITALIANO ORGAN-GRINDER. 363 00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:47,305 KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN, 364 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:50,309 YOU'RE EMBARRASSING THE MONKEY. 365 00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:51,310 I HAVE THE BAD NEWS. 366 00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:54,313 MARIA IS THE HOSTAGE. 367 00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:57,816 THEY WILL NOT GIVE HER BACK TILL WE RETURN 368 00:16:57,816 --> 00:16:59,317 THE MOTOR FROM THE MOWER. 369 00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:01,320 WE MUST RESCUE HER. 370 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,321 AND THE SAUSAGE. 371 00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:04,823 THE KNOCKWURST THAT WAS ROUND HER KNOCKERS 372 00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:08,326 IS IN THE WARDROBE OF THE GENERAL. 373 00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:10,329 COULD WE NOT TRAIN THE MONKEY 374 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,331 TO CLIMB THE WALL, GO IN THROUGH THE WINDOW 375 00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:13,832 AND STEAL THE SAUSAGE? 376 00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:14,833 HA HA HA. 377 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,835 HE HAS BEEN ON THE ORGAN 10 YEARS; 378 00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:19,838 HE CAN'T EVEN TURN THE HANDLE. 379 00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,840 GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS. KEEP YOUR EAR TO THE GROUND. 380 00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:25,343 ( singing in Italian ) 381 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:28,346 RENE, 382 00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:30,349 MICHELLE WISHES TO SEE YOU IN THE BACK ROOM. 383 00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:32,351 LOOK AFTER THE BAR. 384 00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:36,855 WHERE IS SHE? 385 00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:37,856 I AM HERE. 386 00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:38,857 ( sighing ) OH. 387 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:44,863 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 388 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:46,364 I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 389 00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:49,368 GOOD, THIS POSITION IS KILLING ME. 390 00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:51,370 TONIGHT, THERE IS NO MOON. 391 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:53,872 HERE ARE THE FINAL DETAILS OF THE PLAN TO ENABLE YOU 392 00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,875 - TO STEAL THE AIRPLANE FROM THE MUSEUM. - WHAT? 393 00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:57,876 WE CANNOT DO THIS. 394 00:17:57,876 --> 00:18:00,879 MARIA IS IN THE HANDS OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 395 00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:02,380 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN? 396 00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:03,382 - YES. - YES. 397 00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:04,383 THAT RUTHLESS FIEND. 398 00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,385 HE DEMANDS THE RETURN OF HIS MOTOR, 399 00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:08,387 IN EXCHANGE FOR HER FREEDOM. 400 00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:09,388 BUT WITHOUT THE MOTOR, 401 00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:10,889 THE PLANE CANNOT FLY. 402 00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:13,391 SO WE ARE UP THE CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE. 403 00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:15,394 RENE AND I WILL RESCUE HER. 404 00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:17,396 YOU SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. 405 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:19,398 I HAVE A PLAN. 406 00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:21,900 I KNOW ALL THE SECRET PASSAGES 407 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:22,901 AT THE CHATEAU. 408 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:25,904 I WORKED AS A SERVING MAID WHEN I WAS A GIRL. 409 00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:27,906 THAT WAS SO LONG AGO 410 00:18:27,906 --> 00:18:29,908 THEY COULD HAVE COLLAPSED BY NOW. 411 00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:33,411 THIS IS VERY SERIOUS NEWS, LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 412 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:34,913 VERY SERIOUS. 413 00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:39,918 HANS, YOU HAVE BEEN TO STAFF COLLEGE. 414 00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:41,920 HOW DO YOU GET A SAUSAGE OUT OF A WARDROBE-- 415 00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:44,923 -- IN A GENERAL'S DRESSING ROOM? 416 00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:46,424 HMM, 417 00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,427 I THINK I MUST HAVE BEEN AWAY THAT DAY. 418 00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:51,930 COLONEL, 419 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:54,432 THE MARQUIS WHO CONSTRUCTED THE CHATEAU, 420 00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:57,436 BUILT INTO IT MANY SECRET PASSAGES 421 00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:59,938 IN WHICH RUNAWAY PRIESTS USED TO HIDE. 422 00:18:59,938 --> 00:19:01,439 WHO WAS CHASING THEM? 423 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,442 MOSTLY THE MARQUIS. 424 00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,944 I READ ABOUT IT IN THE CHATEAU LIBRARY. 425 00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:07,946 THERE IS ALSO A MAP. 426 00:19:07,946 --> 00:19:10,949 ONE SUCH PASSAGE LEADS TO THE GENERAL'S DRESSING ROOM. 427 00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:13,952 NOW WE ARE GETTING THERE. 428 00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:16,454 YOU, HANS, CAN CREEP DOWN THIS PASSAGE 429 00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:17,956 AND GRAB THE SAUSAGE. 430 00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:19,457 BUT HE WILL SEE IT HAS GONE. 431 00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:20,959 GOOD POINT. 432 00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:22,460 YES, I THOUGHT SO TOO. 433 00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:25,964 I HAVE A VERY CLEAR ANALYTICAL MIND, YOU KNOW. 434 00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,469 IT'S STILL THERE. I CAN-- 435 00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,474 YOU WILL PUT ANOTHER SAUSAGE IN ITS PLACE. 436 00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:36,975 ANOTHER SAUSAGE? 437 00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:38,977 BUT, WHAT IF THE GENERAL COMES OUT OF HIS BEDROOM 438 00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:40,478 WHILE I AM DOING THIS? 439 00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:41,480 I HAVE IT. 440 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,483 LIEUTENANT GRUBER CAN OCCUPY 441 00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:45,984 THE ATTENTION OF THE GENERAL. 442 00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,989 I DO NOT QUITE SEE HOW I COULD DO THIS. 443 00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:52,991 YOU WILL FIND IT EASY. 444 00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:55,493 YOU HAVE AN ENGAGING, SPARKLING, PERSONALITY, 445 00:19:55,494 --> 00:19:56,495 A ROGUISH SMILE. 446 00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:01,500 WHAT GERMAN GENERAL COULD RESIST YOU AT 1:00 IN THE MORNING, 447 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,502 WITH A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN YOUR PAJAMAS? 448 00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:07,505 I-- I LEARNED THAT AT THE STAFF COLLEGE. 449 00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,508 VERY WELL. I WILL DO IT. 450 00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,009 - GOOD. - GOOD. 451 00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:17,515 Edith: SO, WHILE I AM LEADING RENE THROUGH THE SECRET PASSAGES 452 00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,017 TO SWITCH THE SAUSAGES IN THE WARDROBE 453 00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:20,518 IN THE DRESSING ROOM, 454 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:23,522 YOU, YVETTE, WILL ENTER THE CHATEAU DISGUISED AS A SERVING MAID. 455 00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:25,023 ( thuds ) 456 00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:26,024 YOU WILL-- 457 00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:29,027 YOU WILL GO TO THE BEDROOM OF THE GENERAL 458 00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:31,029 WITH A HOT WATER BOTTLE. 459 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,530 YOU WILL GIVE MARIA THIS NOTE 460 00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:34,533 TELLING HER OF A SECRET ENTRANCE 461 00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:36,535 INSIDE THE WARDROBE IN THE BEDROOM. 462 00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:38,537 YOU WILL THEN DISTRACT HIM FOR TWO MINUTES. 463 00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:39,538 SHE CAN MAKE HER ESCAPE, 464 00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:41,039 AND RENE CAN GET THE SAUSAGE. 465 00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:43,041 A MORE HAREBRAINED SCHEME 466 00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:45,543 I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE HEARD. 467 00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:48,046 BUT HOW DO I DISTRACT THE GENERAL? 468 00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:51,549 SHALL I TAKE THE FLYING HELMET AND THE WET CELERY? 469 00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:55,053 NO, YOU ARE A SERVING MAID. 470 00:20:55,053 --> 00:20:58,056 MAKE DO WITH A FEATHER DUSTER AND A TIN OF RONOC. 471 00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:04,062 ( owl hoots ) 472 00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:07,565 ARE YOU LISTENING? I WISH A SNACK. 473 00:21:07,566 --> 00:21:09,067 SEND UP SOME SMOKED SALMON, 474 00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:10,068 CAVIAR, 475 00:21:11,069 --> 00:21:12,070 COLD CHICKEN, 476 00:21:12,070 --> 00:21:13,071 STRUDEL, 477 00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:14,572 AND A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE ON ICE. 478 00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:16,074 IS THAT CLEAR? 479 00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:18,076 LET IT BE DONE. 480 00:21:19,077 --> 00:21:20,078 GENERAL, 481 00:21:20,078 --> 00:21:23,581 PLEASE, MAY I RETURN TO MY HOME NOW? 482 00:21:23,582 --> 00:21:24,583 CERTAINLY NOT. 483 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:27,085 YOU ARE MY HOSTAGE; YOU WILL REMAIN HERE. 484 00:21:27,085 --> 00:21:29,087 BUT, I AM A CIVILIZED PERSON. 485 00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:31,589 I WILL ALLOW YOU TO SHARE IN MY SNACK. 486 00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:34,092 I WILL NEVER EAT WITH AN ENEMY OF FRANCE. 487 00:21:34,092 --> 00:21:36,594 THE NIGHT IS YOUNG, WE SHALL SEE. 488 00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:38,096 GET BACK ON THE MAT. 489 00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:44,502 YOU MUST STAY CLOSE. 490 00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:46,505 THESE PASSAGES ARE VERY COMPLICATED. 491 00:21:46,505 --> 00:21:48,507 FOR THE SAKE OF HEAVEN, EDITH, I-- 492 00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:49,508 EDITH? 493 00:22:02,521 --> 00:22:05,023 ( door creaks eerily ) 494 00:22:16,535 --> 00:22:18,036 RENE? 495 00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:20,038 RENE, WHERE ARE YOU? 496 00:22:20,038 --> 00:22:21,539 ( knocking ) 497 00:22:27,546 --> 00:22:29,047 IF YOU DO NOT STAY CLOSE BEHIND ME 498 00:22:29,047 --> 00:22:31,049 YOU WILL GET LOST. 499 00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:32,550 WHERE ARE WE NOW? 500 00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:34,052 THIS IS THE GREAT HALL. 501 00:22:34,052 --> 00:22:36,554 WHEN I WAS A SERVING GIRL, I USED TO POLISH IT. 502 00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:37,556 WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? 503 00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:39,057 WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE BEDROOM. 504 00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:40,558 IT IS A SHORTCUT. 505 00:22:40,559 --> 00:22:43,061 WHOEVER HEARD OF A SHORTCUT IN A SECRET PASSAGE? 506 00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:44,062 ( loud thump ) 507 00:22:44,062 --> 00:22:45,563 - SOMEBODY IS COMING. - WHAT? 508 00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:06,084 THEY HAVE GONE. 509 00:23:06,084 --> 00:23:07,585 WE ARE GOING TO GET CAUGHT. 510 00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:10,088 I KNOW IT, WE ARE GOING TO GET CAUGHT. 511 00:23:10,088 --> 00:23:11,089 PANSY! 512 00:23:14,092 --> 00:23:16,594 LISTEN, AT THE HEAD OF THE STAIRS 513 00:23:16,595 --> 00:23:18,597 IS THE ENTRANCE TO ANOTHER SECRET PASSAGE, 514 00:23:18,597 --> 00:23:21,099 WHICH LEADS TO THE GENERAL'S DRESSING ROOM. 515 00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:23,101 FOLLOW ME. 516 00:23:23,101 --> 00:23:25,603 ( footsteps echoing ) 517 00:23:25,604 --> 00:23:29,107 SHH! MIND MY POLISH. 518 00:23:39,618 --> 00:23:42,120 HANS, WHERE ARE WE? 519 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:43,621 IN THE CELLARS. 520 00:23:43,622 --> 00:23:45,123 I KNOW THAT! 521 00:23:45,123 --> 00:23:46,624 WHEREABOUTS IN THE CELLARS? 522 00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:48,627 YOU HAVE GRUBER'S PLAN OF THE CHATEAU. 523 00:23:50,128 --> 00:23:53,131 IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHETHER THAT IS THE NORTH, 524 00:23:53,131 --> 00:23:55,133 OR WHETHER THAT IS THE NORTH. 525 00:23:55,133 --> 00:23:56,634 HAVE YOU GOT A COMPASS? 526 00:23:56,635 --> 00:23:59,137 I HAVE ONE ON MY SWISS ARMY KNIFE, 527 00:23:59,137 --> 00:24:01,639 HANG ON. HERE WE ARE. 528 00:24:03,141 --> 00:24:04,642 THAT IS THE NORTH. 529 00:24:06,144 --> 00:24:08,646 IN THAT CASE, WE ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY. 530 00:24:11,650 --> 00:24:13,652 QUICK, THERE'S SOMEBODY COMING. 531 00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:14,653 AARGHH! 532 00:24:14,653 --> 00:24:16,154 WHO ARE YOU? 533 00:24:16,154 --> 00:24:17,655 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 534 00:24:19,157 --> 00:24:20,158 GAH! 535 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,163 HANS, YOU FOOL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 536 00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:27,165 YOU ARE KNOCKING OUT OUR OWN PEOPLE. 537 00:24:27,165 --> 00:24:30,168 IT WAS A GOOD SHOT, WASN'T IT? 538 00:24:30,168 --> 00:24:31,169 QUICK! 539 00:24:33,171 --> 00:24:35,173 ( metal squeaks ) 540 00:24:47,686 --> 00:24:49,688 WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? 541 00:24:49,688 --> 00:24:52,190 THERE WAS CONCEALED AROUND HERE A KNOB. 542 00:24:52,190 --> 00:24:53,691 WELL, HURRY UP AND FIND IT. 543 00:24:53,692 --> 00:24:55,694 YVETTE WILL BE DOING HER PIECE IN THREE MINUTES. 544 00:24:55,694 --> 00:24:56,695 ( metal screeches ) 545 00:25:01,199 --> 00:25:02,200 SHHH! 546 00:25:05,203 --> 00:25:06,704 SOMEBODY APPROACHES. 547 00:25:06,705 --> 00:25:08,707 QUICKLY, HIDE! 548 00:25:11,710 --> 00:25:14,212 THERE IS NO ROOM, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. 549 00:25:36,735 --> 00:25:38,737 EDITH, YOU DID NOT TELL ME 550 00:25:38,737 --> 00:25:40,739 THIS PLACE WAS HAUNTED. 551 00:25:40,739 --> 00:25:42,741 A SUIT OF ARMOR WITH A LIMP, 552 00:25:42,741 --> 00:25:44,743 HAS JUST WALKED PAST. 553 00:25:44,743 --> 00:25:46,745 LOOK OUT! SOMEBODY ELSE IS COMING. 554 00:26:25,283 --> 00:26:27,285 ( creaking ) 555 00:26:48,406 --> 00:26:50,908 - WHO IS THERE? - YOUR REFRESHMENTS. 556 00:26:50,909 --> 00:26:53,411 A MOMENT. COME HERE. 557 00:26:53,411 --> 00:26:54,912 IT IS NOT SEEMLY THAT A GERMAN GENERAL 558 00:26:54,913 --> 00:26:57,415 SHOULD BE SEEN IN A BEDROOM WITH A FRENCH PEASANT GIRL. 559 00:26:57,415 --> 00:26:58,916 GET IN THE CUPBOARD AND STAY THERE. 560 00:27:02,420 --> 00:27:03,921 ENTER. 561 00:27:05,423 --> 00:27:08,426 I'M AFRAID THERE WAS NO CAVIAR, HERR GENERAL. 562 00:27:08,426 --> 00:27:10,928 - NO CAVIAR?! - I'M SORRY. 563 00:27:10,929 --> 00:27:12,931 INSTEAD I HAVE OBTAINED SOME COD'S ROE. 564 00:27:12,931 --> 00:27:15,433 UNFORTUNATELY, I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE. 565 00:27:15,433 --> 00:27:17,435 OH WELL, SO BE IT. 566 00:27:17,435 --> 00:27:19,437 SHALL I BRING IT IN? 567 00:27:19,437 --> 00:27:20,938 OF COURSE. 568 00:27:40,458 --> 00:27:42,460 THE COAST IS CLEAR, COME OUT. 569 00:27:43,461 --> 00:27:46,464 WILL YOU JOIN ME IN A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE? 570 00:27:46,464 --> 00:27:50,468 ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO RELEASE ME. 571 00:27:50,468 --> 00:27:52,470 WE WILL DISCUSS THIS AFTER DINNER. 572 00:27:57,976 --> 00:27:59,477 WHO IS THERE? 573 00:27:59,477 --> 00:28:00,978 IT IS THE MAID. 574 00:28:00,979 --> 00:28:02,981 A MOMENT. QUICK, BACK IN THE CUPBOARD. 575 00:28:05,483 --> 00:28:07,985 WHAT SORT OF A RELATIONSHIP ARE WE GOING TO HAVE, 576 00:28:07,986 --> 00:28:09,988 IF YOU KEEP THRUSTING ME BACK INTO THE CUPBOARD 577 00:28:09,988 --> 00:28:12,490 EVERY TIME WE ARE INTERRUPTED? 578 00:28:12,490 --> 00:28:14,492 WHEN THE MAID HAS GONE, WE WILL BE ALONE. 579 00:28:17,996 --> 00:28:18,997 ENTER! 580 00:28:20,999 --> 00:28:23,501 I HAVE COME TO WARM YOUR BED, HERR GENERAL. 581 00:28:23,501 --> 00:28:25,002 THAT WILL NOT BE NECESSARY. 582 00:28:25,003 --> 00:28:28,506 MY BED WILL BE WARMED BY OTHER, MORE INTERESTING METHODS. 583 00:28:28,506 --> 00:28:30,508 YOU MAY TURN IT DOWN. 584 00:28:30,508 --> 00:28:32,510 YES, HERR GENERAL. 585 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,023 RENE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UNDER THE BED? 586 00:28:46,024 --> 00:28:48,026 WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE COMMODE? 587 00:28:49,527 --> 00:28:51,529 I HAVE COME UP THE WRONG PASSAGE. 588 00:28:57,035 --> 00:28:59,037 HOW DO WE GET IN? 589 00:28:59,037 --> 00:29:00,538 I AM LOOKING FOR THE KNOB. 590 00:29:00,538 --> 00:29:01,539 OWWW! 591 00:29:05,043 --> 00:29:06,544 HOW IS IT I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU BEFORE? 592 00:29:08,546 --> 00:29:12,049 NORMALLY, I AM PEELING POTATOES IN THE KITCHEN. 593 00:29:12,050 --> 00:29:15,553 BUT, I CAN ALSO PEEL OTHER THINGS. 594 00:29:21,559 --> 00:29:23,561 HOW DARE YOU ASSUME THAT A GERMAN GENERAL 595 00:29:23,561 --> 00:29:25,062 WOULD COMPROMISE HIMSELF WITH A SERVING GIRL? 596 00:29:25,063 --> 00:29:26,564 ( knocking ) 597 00:29:26,564 --> 00:29:28,065 WHO IS THERE? 598 00:29:28,066 --> 00:29:31,069 IT IS I, HELGA. 599 00:29:31,069 --> 00:29:32,070 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 600 00:29:32,070 --> 00:29:35,573 I HAVE FOR YOU A PRESENT FROM HERR FLICK. 601 00:29:35,573 --> 00:29:37,074 A MOMENT. 602 00:29:37,075 --> 00:29:38,576 I WILL HIDE IN THE WARDROBE. 603 00:29:38,576 --> 00:29:40,077 NO, NO, NO. IT IS FULL. UNDER THE BED. 604 00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:47,585 DO NOT ASK! 605 00:29:49,087 --> 00:29:50,088 ENTER. 606 00:29:53,591 --> 00:29:55,593 THE PRESENT. 607 00:29:55,593 --> 00:29:57,595 AM I TO UNDERSTAND THAT HERR FLICK 608 00:29:57,595 --> 00:30:00,097 HAS SENT TO ME AS A PRESENT AT 1:00 IN THE MORNING, 609 00:30:00,098 --> 00:30:01,599 A GRAMOPHONE? 610 00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:03,100 NOT ONLY THIS, GENERAL. 611 00:30:03,101 --> 00:30:05,103 HE HAS SENT ME. 612 00:30:08,606 --> 00:30:11,609 ( cabaret music playing ) 613 00:30:47,645 --> 00:30:50,147 AH, THE WARDROBE! 614 00:30:54,652 --> 00:30:56,153 WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE? 615 00:30:56,154 --> 00:30:58,156 HELGA IS DOING A STRIPTEASE. 616 00:30:58,156 --> 00:31:00,658 WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THAT. 617 00:31:00,658 --> 00:31:04,161 HELGA? MOVE OVER. 618 00:31:20,678 --> 00:31:21,679 OH, COLONEL, 619 00:31:21,679 --> 00:31:23,180 I AM ALL STEAMED UP. 620 00:31:23,181 --> 00:31:24,182 GET THE SAUSAGE. 621 00:31:24,182 --> 00:31:25,683 OH, THE SAUSAGE. 622 00:31:28,686 --> 00:31:30,688 AH, HEH, HEH. 623 00:31:34,192 --> 00:31:36,694 - WE'VE GOT TO GO. - OHHH! 624 00:31:36,694 --> 00:31:38,195 - COME ON. - OH, COLONEL... 625 00:31:50,708 --> 00:31:53,711 MY GOD! IF HE-- IF HE FINDS ME UNDER HERE, 626 00:31:53,711 --> 00:31:56,213 I AM A DEAD DUCK. 627 00:32:18,736 --> 00:32:21,739 RENE, MY BRAVE RENE, 628 00:32:21,739 --> 00:32:24,241 CRUSH YOUR LIPS TO MY LIPS 629 00:32:24,242 --> 00:32:26,744 SO WE CAN DIE IN ONE GRAND EMBRACE. 630 00:32:26,744 --> 00:32:28,746 RENE! 631 00:32:28,746 --> 00:32:31,749 WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE WARDROBE WITH MARIA? 632 00:32:31,749 --> 00:32:34,251 YOU STUPID WOMAN! 633 00:32:34,252 --> 00:32:35,753 WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM DOING 634 00:32:35,753 --> 00:32:37,254 IN THE WARDROBE WITH MARIA? 635 00:32:37,255 --> 00:32:39,757 SHE HAS FAINTED WITH COLD FEAR. 636 00:32:39,757 --> 00:32:42,760 I AM REVIVING HER WITH THE HEAT FROM MY BODY. 637 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,763 JUST YOU WAIT TILL I GET YOU HOME! 638 00:32:45,763 --> 00:32:47,264 FOLLOW ME. 639 00:32:54,272 --> 00:32:57,275 ♪ SOMEDAY I'LL FIND YOU ♪ 640 00:32:57,275 --> 00:33:00,278 ♪ CREEP UP BEHIND YOU. ♪ 641 00:33:06,284 --> 00:33:08,786 ( music slowly winds down ) 642 00:33:11,289 --> 00:33:14,292 OH DEAR, IS THERE... 643 00:33:14,292 --> 00:33:15,793 ANYTHING I CAN DO? 644 00:33:16,794 --> 00:33:19,296 YES, WIND THE GRAMOPHONE. 645 00:33:19,297 --> 00:33:20,798 AND IF YOU DON'T FANCY THE ONE BY THE BED, 646 00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:22,800 THERE'S A SPARE IN THE WARDROBE. 647 00:33:26,304 --> 00:33:28,806 ( theme music playing )