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00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:05,571
( theme music playing )
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MADAME PAYEZ IS IN
THE FAMILY WAY.
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SHE IS PLEASED.
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HER HUSBAND IS NOT.
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HE HAS BEEN IN THE NICK
FOR TWO YEARS.
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RUMOR HAS IT
THAT THE FATHER IS MAURICE GAZIER,
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WHOSE MISTRESS IS
MADAME COROISETTE, THE MILLINER,
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WHOSE BROTHER
WAS A.D.C. TO GENERAL CLAUDE CAVILLION,
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THE HERO OF YPRES,
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WHICH IS WHERE HE OBTAINED
HIS WOODEN LEG,
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WHICH HE KEEPS
ON THE MANTELPIECE.
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YOU HAVE NOT MET
ANY OF THESE PEOPLE,
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NOR ARE YOU LIKELY TO,
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BUT I THOUGHT
I WOULD FILL YOU IN ON A LITTLE LOCAL GOSSIP
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BECAUSE MY AFFAIRS
ARE SO COMPLICATED
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I WOULD NOT KNOW
WHERE TO BEGIN.
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RENE, I HAVE A MESSAGE
FROM THE RESISTANCE.
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THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE,
OR OUR LOT?
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( spitting )
OUR RESISTANCE.
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THE RUNAWAY ALSATIAN
HAS RETURNED TO LIEUTENANT GRUBER
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WITH THE SAUSAGE
WHICH HE RETRIEVED.
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THANK YOU, MARIA.
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THANK GOD
HE WAS NOT A ROTTWEILER.
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THE SAUSAGE
SHE IS TALKING ABOUT
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IS THE ONE CONTAINING
THE FORGED PAINTING
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OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG--
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WHICH THE COMMUNIST
STOLE FROM MY KITCHEN,
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AND THEN DEMANDED A RANSOM
OF 800,000 FRANCS.
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RENE...
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I HAVE JUST MET MONSIEUR
ALPHONSE, THE UNDERTAKER, IN THE SQUARE.
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HE'S WANTING THE RETURN
OF HIS MONEY.
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I TOLD HIM YOU
WERE DEALING WITH IT.
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SO HE HAS GONE HOME
QUITE HAPPY NOW.
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THANK YOU, EDITH.
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THIS IS THE MONEY
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE LENT US
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TO PAY THE RANSOM
ON THE UNDERSTANDING
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THAT THE GERMAN COLONEL
WOULD ORGANIZE AN AMBUSH
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TO SNATCH IT BACK AGAIN.
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THIS HE FAILED TO DO,
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SO THE COMMUNISTS
STILL HAVE THE MONEY.
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( sighs )
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HOW DO YOU TELL
AN AGING OLD UNDERTAKER WITH A WEAK HEART
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THAT HIS ENTIRE
LIFE SAVINGS HAVE GONE?
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BY TELEPHONE.
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NOUVION 302, PLEASE.
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AH, YOU ARE ON DUTY AGAIN,
ANTOINETTE.
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ARE YOU STILL
LISTENING IN ON EVERYBODY'S PHONE CALLS?
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MADAME WHO?
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WHAT, THE MILLINER?
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ANOTHER ONE?
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HOW DOES SHE FIND TIME
TO MAKE THE HATS?
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THIS IS WHERE
I GET IT ALL FROM.
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HELLO, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
HOW ARE YOU?
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IT'S RENE, FROM THE--
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ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?
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OH, YOU ARE LAYING OUT.
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EMBALMING?
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CAN YOU DO THAT
WITH ONE HAND?
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IS IT ANYBODY WE KNOW?
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OH, YES, WELL HE WAS
NOT LOOKING WELL.
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I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU--
THE SAUSAGE HAS BEEN RETURNED.
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IT WENT LIKE CLOCKWORK.
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THE MONEY?
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IT IS SAFE.
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NO, NOT EXACTLY HERE,
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YOU WILL HAVE TO
WAIT A FEW DAYS
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BEFORE YOU CAN
HAVE IT BACK AGAIN.
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NO, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
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THE RESISTANCE
DO NOT PAY INTEREST.
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HERR FLICK,
I HAVE SOMETHING TO REPORT.
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HELGA, HOW DID YOU
GET IN HERE?
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I USED THE KEY THAT YOU
PERSONALLY GAVE TO ME.
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YOU DO NOT USE THAT KEY
DURING WORKING HOURS.
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THAT IS ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES
AND FOR SECRET ASSIGNMENTS
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PREVIOUSLY MADE AND APPROVED
FOR PRIVATE CANOODLES.
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I AM SORRY, HERR FLICK.
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CONCEAL IT UPON
YOUR PERSON.
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THAT IS NOT EASY,
HERR FLICK.
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YOU WILL THINK
OF SOMETHING.
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WHAT IS YOUR REPORT?
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I HAVE TO REPORT
THAT LIEUTENANT GRUBER
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RETURNED TO HIS APARTMENT
AND HAS BEEN APPREHENDED
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BY YOUR AGENT
VON SMALLHAUSEN, WHO IS HERE NOW.
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TELL HIM TO COME
IN HERE.
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( shouts )
COME IN HERE!
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- REPORT.
- FOLLOWING YOUR INSTRUCTIONS,
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I APPREHENDED
LIEUTENANT GRUBER IN HIS QUARTERS.
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HE WAS IN THE ACT
OF DOING HIS EXERCISES
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BY PERFORMING PRESS-UPS
ON THE CARPET.
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DID HE PUT UP
A STRUGGLE?
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OF COURSE NOT.
WE TOOK HIM BY SURPRISE.
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HE IS OUTSIDE.
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BRING HIM IN HERE.
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( shouts )
BRING HIM IN HERE!
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YOU SENT FOR ME?
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YOUR DOG STOLE
A VERY IMPORTANT
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GESTAPO SAUSAGE--
WHERE IS IT?
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WELL, THINKING THE DOGGY
MIGHT FANCY A SAUSAGE
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A BIT LATER
FOR HIS DINNER,
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I PUT IT IN MY LITTLE
REFRIGERATOR.
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AND THAT IS WHERE
WE FOUND IT.
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- YOU MEAN YOU HAVE IT?
- OF COURSE, IT IS OUTSIDE.
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THEN BRING IT IN HERE.
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( shouts )
BRING IT IN HERE!
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OPEN IT.
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THERE IS NOTHING THERE
BUT A PLATE OF MINCEMEAT.
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GRUBER, HAVE YOU
BEEN MINCING?
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THE LITTLE DOGGY
IS VERY PARTICULAR.
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HE WILL NOT TOUCH
CHUNKY FOOD.
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BUT THE PAINTING!
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THERE WAS A VALUABLE
PAINTING IN THE SAUSAGE.
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I KNOW. I REMOVED IT.
IT'S IN THE ICE COMPARTMENT.
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YOU HAVE RUINED
ONE OF THE WORLD'S
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GREATEST MASTERPIECES.
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IF I MAY SAY SO,
THAT WAS NOT THE MASTERPIECE--
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THAT WAS THE FORGERY.
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- THE FORGERY?
- THE FORGERY?
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THE FORGERY?
119
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SO, SOMEBODY MUST
HAVE SUBSTITUTED
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THE FORGED PAINTING
IN THE GESTAPO SAUSAGE
121
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FOR THE REAL PAINTING
IN THE GESTAPO SAUSAGE
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WHEN THE SAUSAGE
WAS IN THE CAFE.
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OR THE RESISTANCE
SUBSTITUTED A FORGED PAINTING
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FOR THE REAL PAINTING
IN THE GESTAPO SAUSAGE
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WHEN THEY STOLE
THE SAUSAGE;
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OR YOU, HERR GRUBER,
127
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WITH YOUR WELL KNOWN
LEANING TOWARD ART
128
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HAVE SUBSTITUTED
THE FORGED PAINTING
129
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FOR THE REAL PAINTING
130
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AND YOUR DOG RETURNED
THE SAUSAGE TO YOUR QUARTERS
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CLEVERLY MINCING THE SAUSAGE
TO REMOVE ALL TRACES
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OF MY LITTLE SWASTIKA
133
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WHICH I HAD PLACED
ON THE SIDE OF IT
134
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SO THAT NOW I WILL
NEVER KNOW WHETHER
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IT WAS THE ORIGINAL SAUSAGE
OR JUST ANY OLD SAUSAGE.
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ABSOLUTELY CORRECT,
HERR FLICK.
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SO GRUBER,
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THE FINGER POINTS
AT YOU.
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WHY WOULD I TELL YOU
THAT THIS IS A FORGERY
140
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KNOWING FULL WELL
THAT IT WOULD MAKE YOU CROSS?
141
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,454
I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU
MY LITTLE DOGGY HAD EATEN IT.
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I THINK THIS MAN
IS INNOCENT.
143
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WHAT SORT OF
GESTAPO OFFICER ARE YOU,
144
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SAYING A MAN
IS INNOCENT?
145
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IF WHAT HE SAYS
IS TRUE,
146
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AND THIS IS
A FROZEN FACSIMILE,
147
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THEN THE REAL PAINTING
MUST STILL EXIST,
148
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WHICH MEANS,
IT CAN BE FOUND
149
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,977
BY SKILLFUL GESTAPO
INVESTIGATIONS.
150
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,480
THAT SOUNDS MORE LIKE
THE GESTAPO.
151
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,483
SO...
152
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THE LAST PLACE
AT WHICH WE KNOW FOR CERTAIN
153
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,988
THAT THE PAINTING EXISTED
WAS AT RENE'S CAFE.
154
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,490
YOU, GRUBER, ARE FRIENDLY
WITH THIS MAN.
155
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,494
WELL, WE GET ON QUITE WELL.
156
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SEE WHAT YOU CAN
WHEEDLE OUT OF HIM.
157
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,999
IF HE WILL NOT SQUEAL,
158
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OFFER TO RUN A TANK
THROUGH HIS CAFE.
159
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,007
( alarm buzzing )
160
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:31,510
( startled gasp )
161
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THE FLASHING KNOBS.
162
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,516
ROGER, ROGER!
163
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,018
I THINK WE ARE GETTING
THE MESSAGE.
164
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,024
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
165
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,526
IT IS SO LONG AGO,
166
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YOU HAVE TAKEN ME
BY SURPRISE.
167
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:57,036
I SAY, IS SOMEONE GOING
TO ANSWER THAT DAMNED THING?
168
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I WAS FAST ASLEEP.
169
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IT'LL BE LONDON--
IT MAY BE FOR US.
170
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,542
COME ON.
TAKE THE OTHER END.
171
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,047
WHOA!
172
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,552
LEAVE IT ALONE,
LEAVE IT ALONE.
173
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,555
I HAVE NOT TOUCHED
ANYTHING.
174
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,558
HOW DOES
THE DAMNED THING WORK?
175
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,059
LOUDSPEAKER'S IN THE JERRY.
176
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,068
Man:
'Allo, Nighthawk. 'Allo, Nighthawk.
177
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:32,071
Are you receiving me?
Are you receiving me?
178
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,573
- Over?
- WHAT'S HE SAYING?
179
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,076
I'VE NO IDEA,
IT'S ALL IN FRENCH.
180
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,578
LET ME GET HOLD OF IT,
181
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,582
I KNOW HOW
TO MAKE IT WORK.
182
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,584
I AM GLAD ONE OF US DOES.
183
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,589
'ALLO, 'ALLO,
184
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:54,093
THIS IS NIGHTHAWK'S
MOTHER-IN-LAW,
185
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:58,097
PASS YOUR MESSAGE.
OVER.
186
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,598
'Allo, 'allo.
187
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,602
Captain Hook
is waiting for Peter Pan
188
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,605
in Never Never Land.
Over.
189
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:10,109
I THINK WE HAVE
THE CHILDREN'S PROGRAM.
190
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,112
NO, NO, FANNY,
191
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:16,115
- IT IS IN CODE.
- CODE?
192
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,117
I SHALL DECIPHER.
193
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,122
THE PRINT IS SO SMALL,
I CANNOT READ.
194
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:26,125
Hello, Nighthawk's
mother-in-law.
195
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:29,128
Hello, Nighthawk's
mother-in-law,
196
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:33,132
Are you reading me?
Over.
197
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,634
NO, THE PRINT
IS TOO SMALL,
198
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:41,140
PLEASE SEND
A BIGGER BOOK.
199
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,641
OVER AND OUT.
200
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,214
RENE,
201
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,716
THESE MUSSELS--
THEY'RE NOT GOOD.
202
00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:53,218
IS YOUR WIFE
USING A NEW SPICE?
203
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,221
SUCH AS HAIR TONIC?
204
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:58,224
THEY COME FROM
THE USUAL HARBOR, DEAR COLONEL.
205
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:01,727
I THINK ONE OF
YOUR SUBMARINES IS LEAKING A LITTLE DIESEL OIL
206
00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:05,230
DUE TO THE FACT THAT
THE R.A.F. BLEW IT UP.
207
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,234
ALL THE R.A.F.
HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN.
208
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,237
GOEBBELS SAID SO
ON THE WIRELESS,
209
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,239
SO IT MUST BE TRUE.
210
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:16,242
MIND YOU, HE SAID
EVA BRAUN WAS 29--
211
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:19,745
IF YOU BELIEVE THAT,
YOU'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING.
212
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:22,247
SOMEBODY
MAY BE LISTENING.
213
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:26,752
COLONEL, I HAVE
A SLIGHT PROBLEM.
214
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:29,254
THE MONEY YOU PROMISED
TO AMBUSH--
215
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,756
THE OWNER WANTS
IT BACK AGAIN.
216
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,758
HARD CHICKEN.
217
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:35,260
THAT WAS THE BARGAIN,
DEAR COLONEL.
218
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,762
I WAS TO GET THE MONEY
FOR THE PAINTING,
219
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:38,263
GIVE THE PAINTING TO YOU,
220
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:41,267
AND YOU WERE TO AMBUSH
THE COMMUNIST AND GET THE MONEY BACK.
221
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,269
WE DID NOT GET
THE PAINTING,
222
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,771
GRUBER'S DOG
GOT THE PAINTING.
223
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:48,273
IT COULD BE IN
ANY NUMBER OF PLACES.
224
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,775
ESPECIALLY IF
THE DOGGY ATE IT.
225
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:57,283
ANYWAY, THE MATTER IS CLOSED,
SO FAR AS WE ARE CONCERNED.
226
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,785
WHICH BRINGS US
TO THE MAIN REASON FOR OUR VISIT--
227
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:01,787
GIRLS.
228
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:03,288
AH YES,
THE GIRLS.
229
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:09,795
WE HAVE FOR YOU, RENE,
12 LITERS OF PARAFFIN,
230
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,798
FOUR KILOS OF SUGAR,
231
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,801
ONE KILO OF BUTTER.
232
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,803
THANK YOU, COLONEL.
233
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,805
THAT SHOULD COVER
THE FLYING HELMET AND THE WET CELERY.
234
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,813
WHAT IF WE CHUCK IN
500 CIGARETTES?
235
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:29,314
FOR 500 CIGARETTES
236
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,817
I WOULD THROW IN
A FULLY WOUND CUCKOO-CLOCK.
237
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,319
THAT DOES NOT SOUND
MUCH FUN.
238
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,822
YOU WAIT UNTIL
IT STRIKES 12:00.
239
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,325
Both:
DONE.
240
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,327
I WILL ARRANGE IT.
241
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,829
- RENE?
- WHAT?
242
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:46,331
ARE THEY GOING TO GIVE US
THE MONEY FOR MONSIEUR ALPHONSE?
243
00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:47,833
NO, NOT A HOPE.
244
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:50,335
THEN YVETTE
HAS A PLAN.
245
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:52,838
GOOD.
IN THE BACK ROOM.
246
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,841
YVETTE--
IN THE BACK ROOM.
247
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,345
MARIA, TELL MONSIEUR LECLERC
TO JOIN US IN THE BACK ROOM
248
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,347
AS SOON AS HE HAS
FINISHED HIS SOLO.
249
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,351
YVETTE, SIT DOWN.
250
00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:09,855
NOW, TELL RENE
OF YOUR PLAN.
251
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,857
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
THE FORGER,
252
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,859
HAS BEEN SECRETLY
SLIPPING AWAY TO THE CELLAR.
253
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:17,362
I HAVE SPIED ON HIM,
HE IS FORGING MONEY.
254
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,865
WE COULD GIVE MONSIEUR
ALPHONSE FORGED MONEY.
255
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:23,368
EDITH, LECLERC
IS NOT A GOOD FORGER.
256
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:25,371
BUT I KNOW
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
257
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:26,872
HE WILL NOT EVEN LOOK
AT THE MONEY.
258
00:13:26,872 --> 00:13:28,874
HE WILL PUT IT
STRAIGHT BACK IN HIS MATTRESS.
259
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:30,876
HE IS DEAD STINGY.
260
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:33,879
IT IS DECEITFUL
AND UNDERHAND--
261
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,881
IT IS A GOOD PLAN.
262
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,383
HOW DO WE PERSUADE
MONSIEUR LECLERC
263
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,885
TO REVEAL TO US
264
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,887
WHERE HE HAS HIDDEN
HIS SECRET HORDE?
265
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:42,888
( knocking )
266
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,890
MONSIEUR LECLERC
IS HERE.
267
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,892
LEAVE THIS TO ME.
268
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,395
YOU WISH TO SEE ME?
269
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:51,897
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
270
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:54,399
I DO NOT WISH TO
SPREAD PANIC
271
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,901
BUT THE CAFE IS ON FIRE.
272
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,904
OH.
WELL I SHALL GO--
273
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,906
FIRE!?
FIRE!?
274
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,908
M-MY GOD, MY SAVINGS!
275
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:06,411
MY LIFE FORGED
SAVINGS!
276
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,914
MY MONEY!
277
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:23,929
AH, OFFICER CRABTREE.
CAN I GET YOU A COGNAC?
278
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:27,432
NO, I AM NOT ALOOD TO DRUNK
WHEN I AM ON DIRTY.
279
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:33,438
I AM AMAZED THAT NO ONE
HAS PENETRATED YOUR DISGUISE.
280
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,441
I HAVE BEEN LICKY,
281
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:38,444
BUT I HAVE HAD SOME
NARROW SQUAWKS.
282
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:41,447
I WISH TO SPOOK
WITH RENE.
283
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:44,450
KILL HIM
AND GET ME A CIFFEE.
284
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:46,952
RENE!
285
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:54,960
- GOOD MOANING.
- AH, OFFICER--
286
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,964
HOW KIND OF YOU
TO PATRONIZE MY HUMBLE CAFE.
287
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,966
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
YOU STUPID NIT?
288
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:01,967
YOU'RE GOING TO
GET US ALL NICKED.
289
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:05,470
MICHELLE HAS
A MASSAGE FOR YOU.
290
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:08,474
SAT HERE AND SHE WILL
GIN YOU AT THIS TOBLE.
291
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:12,478
AH, I MUST BE ABOOT
MY BOSSNESS.
292
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:15,981
A POLOCEMAN'S LIT
IS NOT A HIPPY WIN.
293
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,986
AND HE IS SUPPOSED
TO BE ON OUR SIDE.
294
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,463
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
295
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,465
I SHALL SAY THIS
ONLY ONCE.
296
00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:36,468
CAPTAIN HOOK IS WAITING
FOR PETER PAN IN NEVER-NEVER LAND.
297
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:40,972
THERE WOULD BE VERY
LITTLE POINT IN YOU SAYING THAT TWICE.
298
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,475
I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT IT MEANS.
299
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,977
HOW ARE YOU EVER
GOING TO HELP US
300
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:47,980
IF YOU DO NOT LEARN
YOUR CODE BOOK?
301
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:51,483
IT MEANS,
THE PLAN OF ESCAPE
302
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:54,486
FOR THE BRITISH AIRMEN
HAS BEEN APPROVED BY LONDON.
303
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,488
GOOD.
304
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:57,989
WHAT PLAN?
305
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:00,993
TO ESCAPE IN THE AIRPLANE
FROM THE MUSEUM.
306
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,995
SURELY, YOU ARE NOT
GOING AHEAD
307
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,997
WITH THAT
HAREBRAINED SCHEME?
308
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:06,498
IT HASN'T EVEN GOT
AN ENGINE!
309
00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:11,002
WE HAVE STOLEN FROM
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
310
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,504
THE ENGINE
OF HIS MOTOR MOWER.
311
00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:15,507
MICHELLE,
HE WILL DO HIS NUT!
312
00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:18,009
YOU ARE GOING TO HIDE
IT FOR US.
313
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:20,012
WHERE IS IT?
314
00:16:20,012 --> 00:16:23,015
( engine starts )
315
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:30,021
WE WILL LEAVE IT HERE.
NO ONE WILL SUSPECT
316
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:32,024
IT IS THE BATH CHAIR
OF YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.
317
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,532
MORE OF THE CURSED
ENEMY APPROACH.
318
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:43,535
COME, LISETTE,
WE WILL MELT AWAY.
319
00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:54,546
GOOD MORNING, RENE.
320
00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:58,049
I WAS JUST OUT FOR
A LITTLE SPIN,
321
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,052
AND I THOUGHT
I WOULD DROP BY.
322
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:02,054
GOOD.
323
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:05,057
HOW PRETTY YOUR TANK
IS LOOKING TODAY.
324
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:08,560
I JUST GAVE IT A POLISH.
325
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,063
NOW, I HAVE A LITTLE FANCY
FOR SOMETHING FROM THE BAR.
326
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,066
MARIA OR YVETTE?
327
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,568
A COGNAC.
328
00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:18,570
OF COURSE.
329
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,572
WILL YOU COME THIS WAY?
330
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:26,078
MARIA, A COGNAC
FOR LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
331
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,080
OF COURSE.
332
00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:36,588
GOOD MORNING,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
333
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:38,590
GOOD MORNING.
334
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:42,094
SHOO, SHOO.
335
00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:45,097
NOW, RENE,
336
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:48,600
I WISH TO SPEAK TO YOU
MAN TO MAN.
337
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:53,104
IS THIS GOOD NEWS
OR BAD NEWS?
338
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,607
I HAVE A PROBLEM.
339
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:57,108
I CAN IMAGINE.
340
00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,111
I AM IN HOT WATER
WITH THE GESTAPO.
341
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:01,113
THAT CAN BE
VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
342
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:04,116
HERR FLICK BELIEVES
THAT YOU KNOW THE WHEREABOUTS
343
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,618
OF THE SAUSAGE
CONTAINING THE REAL PAINTING
344
00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:07,619
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA.
345
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:10,121
- WITH THE BIG--
- CORRECT.
346
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:13,125
HE HAS GIVEN ME THE TASK
OF TRYING TO WRING
347
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:15,127
THIS INFORMATION
OUT OF YOU.
348
00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:17,129
IF YOU DO NOT COOPERATE,
349
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:19,631
I HAVE BEEN ORDERED--
350
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:23,635
I HAVE BEEN ORDERED TO--
351
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:26,137
I CAN NOT SAY IT.
352
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:27,639
GO ON, LIEUTENANT,
SAY IT.
353
00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:29,140
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN
ORDERED TO DO?
354
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:32,644
DRIVE MY LITTLE TANK
FROM WHERE IT IS PARKED
355
00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:35,146
INTO YOUR GARDEN
AT THE BACK.
356
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:37,649
WHAT IS SO TERRIBLE
ABOUT THAT?
357
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:40,151
IN A STRAIGHT LINE--
358
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:41,153
THROUGH YOUR CAFE.
359
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:42,654
I SEE.
360
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:45,156
LIEUTENANT, WHAT I AM
ABOUT TO SAY TO YOU
361
00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,159
IS IN THE STRICTEST
CONFIDENCE,
362
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:49,161
JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
363
00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:51,663
RENE,
364
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,164
I AM YOUR FRIEND.
365
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:55,167
YES...
366
00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,170
THERE IS ANOTHER SAUSAGE
367
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,672
CONTAINING THE ORIGINAL
PAINTING, THE REAL ONE.
368
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,674
IT IS BRICKED UP
IN MY CELLAR.
369
00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:05,176
IT BELONGS TO THE COLONEL
AND THE CAPTAIN.
370
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:08,180
THEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS UNBRICK IT
371
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,681
AND GIVE IT TO ME.
372
00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:12,183
BUT, LIEUTENANT,
THAT WOULD DROP ME RIGHT IN IT.
373
00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:13,685
THE COLONEL
WILL HAVE ME SHOT.
374
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:15,186
I WILL TAKE YOU
TO MY QUARTERS
375
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:16,688
AND HIDE YOU.
376
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:24,196
YES, THAT IS A GOOD
PLAN FOR STARTERS.
377
00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:26,698
LET US SEE IF WE CAN
THINK OF ANOTHER ONE.
378
00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:30,201
- I HAVE IT!
- I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT.
379
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:33,205
HOW WOULD IT BE
IF WE SUBSTITUTED
380
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:35,207
ANOTHER FORGERY
IN ANOTHER SAUSAGE?
381
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:37,709
BUT WE HAVE NOT GOT
ANOTHER FORGERY.
382
00:19:37,709 --> 00:19:40,211
THESE DAYS
IT IS HARD ENOUGH TO GET THE SAUSAGE.
383
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:42,714
I THINK I COULD
PROVIDE A COPY
384
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,215
IF I COULD SEE
THE ORIGINAL.
385
00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:46,218
ARE YOU AN ARTIST?
386
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:49,221
WELL, I HAVE LEANINGS,
YOU KNOW?
387
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:52,224
AND NOT A LITTLE TALENT.
388
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:54,226
BEFORE I WAS
A WINDOW DRESSER
389
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,728
I WAS EMPLOYED
IN AN ART GALLERY.
390
00:19:56,728 --> 00:20:00,732
OCCASIONALLY,
I WAS ALLOWED TO TOUCH UP OLD MASTERS.
391
00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:07,238
ONE HAS TO START
SOMEWHERE.
392
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:09,741
LET US GO DOWN TO YOUR CELLAR
AND EXAMINE THE MASTERPIECE.
393
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:12,243
NO, I WILL RETRIEVE
THE PAINTING
394
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:13,745
AND HAVE IT DELIVERED
TO YOUR QUARTERS.
395
00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:15,246
BRING IT YOURSELF.
396
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:18,750
COME AT THE DEAD OF NIGHT
TO THE SIDE DOOR,
397
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:20,752
KNOCK FOUR TIMES,
398
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:23,254
A LITTLE TRAP
WILL OPEN IN THE DOOR.
399
00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:26,258
ASK FOR VERONIQUE.
400
00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:29,260
IS THIS YOUR CODE NAME?
401
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:33,265
NO, IT IS THE MAID
WHO WORKS AT THE CHATEAU.
402
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:34,766
SHE WILL SHOW YOU
TO MY QUARTERS.
403
00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:36,768
SORRY.
404
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:40,772
( sighs heavily )
405
00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:43,274
WHY DO YOU SIGH,
MARIA?
406
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,277
IT IS THE LIFE WE LEAD,
YVETTE.
407
00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:46,778
IT IS TERRIBLE.
408
00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:48,780
CLIMBING THOSE STAIRS
TIME AFTER TIME
409
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,281
TO ENTERTAIN MEN.
410
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:51,783
IT IS NOT RIGHT.
411
00:20:51,783 --> 00:20:54,285
I AGREE WITH YOU.
412
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:56,788
WE SHOULD HAVE A ROOM
ON THE GROUND FLOOR.
413
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,292
- HELLO.
- OH, CAPTAIN!
414
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:02,794
I HAVE WITH ME
THE GOODIES.
415
00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:05,797
THE PARAFFIN IS OUTSIDE.
416
00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:07,799
( horn honking )
417
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:09,801
THAT IS THE COLONEL.
HE IS IN A BAD MOOD.
418
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:11,803
WE TOSSED UP TO SEE
WHO SHOULD BRING
419
00:21:11,803 --> 00:21:14,305
THESE LITTLE
THINGS TO YOU AND I WON.
420
00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:17,809
NOW, WHO IS
TO GET THIS LITTLE BOTTLE OF PERFUME?
421
00:21:17,809 --> 00:21:19,811
- ME.
- ME.
422
00:21:20,812 --> 00:21:23,314
EENIE, MEENIE, MINEY, MO,
423
00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:25,817
CATCH A FRENCH GIRL
BY HER TOE,
424
00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:27,819
IF SHE HOLLERS,
WHO'S TO KNOW,
425
00:21:27,819 --> 00:21:29,821
OUT GOES YOU.
IT IS YOURS.
426
00:21:29,821 --> 00:21:32,323
OH, THANK YOU.
427
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:34,826
OH, MARIA.
WE WILL SHARE,
428
00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:36,828
WE WILL BOTH
WEAR IT TONIGHT.
429
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:39,330
- ( horn honks )
- COMING, COLONEL.
430
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:43,335
HOW ABOUT
A LITTLE CUDDLE ON ACCOUNT?
431
00:21:47,339 --> 00:21:49,341
I HOPE YOU ARE NOT BEING
NICE TO ME
432
00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:51,343
JUST BECAUSE I AM
A CONQUERING HERO.
433
00:21:52,844 --> 00:21:54,846
WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?
434
00:21:54,846 --> 00:21:57,348
THE SPECIALTY
OF THE DAY-- FROGS' LEGS SOUP.
435
00:21:57,349 --> 00:22:00,352
IT LOOKS DELICIOUS--
436
00:22:00,352 --> 00:22:02,854
SAVE A PORTION FOR ME
FOR TONIGHT.
437
00:22:02,854 --> 00:22:04,355
ALL THOSE LEGS,
438
00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:07,859
THEY REMIND ME
OF THE FOLIES BERGERES.
439
00:22:07,859 --> 00:22:11,863
TONIGHT WE WILL REMIND YOU
OF THE FOLIES BERGERES.
440
00:22:11,863 --> 00:22:14,866
- ( horn honking )
- COMING, COLONEL.
441
00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:16,367
CAPTAIN GEERING,
442
00:22:16,368 --> 00:22:18,870
DID YOU
REMEMBER THE BATTERY FOR MY CYCLE LAMP?
443
00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:20,872
AH, YES, YES.
I HAVE IT HERE.
444
00:22:20,872 --> 00:22:23,875
OH, YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN.
445
00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:25,877
NO, YOU MUSTN'T TICKLE.
446
00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,190
YOU SENT FOR ME,
HERR FLICK?
447
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:40,192
YES, HELGA.
448
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:42,694
YOU ARE
THREE MINUTES LATE.
449
00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:45,196
MY DUTIES
WITH THE COLONEL END AT 5:30.
450
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:48,200
I HAVE TO TIDY THE OFFICE,
AND THEN I HAVE TO HAVE A SCHNAPPS WITH HIM.
451
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,203
I HOPE THAT YOU
DID NOT ENJOY IT.
452
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,205
NOT AT ALL.
453
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:55,707
GOOD.
YOU MAY KISS ME.
454
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,214
STOP!
455
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,217
ALSO YOU HAD
CHEESE BISCUIT.
456
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,721
THE COLONEL ALWAYS INSISTS
THAT WITH MY DRINK
457
00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:11,222
I ALSO HAVE
A LITTLE NIBBLE.
458
00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:15,727
NOW PAY ATTENTION.
459
00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:19,230
I WILL SHORTLY
BE INVITING YOU TO THE GESTAPO CLUB.
460
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,732
- ARE YOU PLEASED?
- OF COURSE, HERR FLICK.
461
00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:22,734
TO BE IN THE CLUB
WITH THE GESTAPO
462
00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:24,235
WILL BE A GREAT HONOR.
463
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:26,238
I KNOW.
464
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:29,241
YOU WILL BE MY PARTNER
AT THE ANNUAL GESTAPO DANCE
465
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:30,742
IN BERLIN.
466
00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:32,243
FIRST, THERE WILL BE
A BANQUET
467
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,246
WITH THE TRADITIONAL
BOAR'S HEAD,
468
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,248
BARON OF BEEF,
FRANKFURTERS,
469
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:39,251
STRUDEL, SAUERKRAUT
AND OODLES OF BEER.
470
00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:41,753
THE PLACE WILL BE
FULL OF BIG NOISES,
471
00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:45,256
INCLUDING GOERING
AND HIMMLER.
472
00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:47,759
I CAN'T WAIT.
473
00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:50,261
AT MIDNIGHT YOU WILL
BE EXPECTED TO DANCE
474
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,264
THE TRADITIONAL
GESTAPO DANCE.
475
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:54,766
HOW DOES IT GO,
HERR FLICK?
476
00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:56,267
I WILL DEMONSTRATE.
477
00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:01,773
( music plays )
478
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:03,775
♪ YOU PUT YOUR LEFT
BOOT IN ♪
479
00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:05,276
♪ YOU TAKE YOUR LEFT
BOOT OUT ♪
480
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,279
♪ YOU DO A LOT OF SHOUTING ♪
481
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,781
♪ AND YOU SHAKE
YOUR FISTS ABOUT ♪
482
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:12,784
♪ YOU LIGHT A LITTLE SMOKEY,
AND YOU BURN DOWN THE TOWN ♪
483
00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:15,286
♪ THAT'S WHAT
IT'S ALL ABOUT ♪
484
00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:16,788
♪ HEIL ♪
485
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,790
♪ OH, HIMMLER, HIMMLER,
HIMMLER... ♪
486
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:20,792
( telephone rings )
487
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:22,293
SWITCH IT OFF.
488
00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,296
( needle scratches )
489
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:27,799
YES, GRUBER?
490
00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:30,802
YES, CARRY ON, GRUBER.
491
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:35,306
GRUBER HAS A GOOD LEAD
AND HAS EVERY HOPE
492
00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:36,808
OF TRACKING DOWN
THE PAINTING.
493
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,810
THIS IS GOOD NEWS.
494
00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:44,816
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
VON SMALLHAUSEN?
495
00:24:44,816 --> 00:24:46,818
I HAVE TO REPORT
A SERIOUS CASE OF SABOTAGE
496
00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:49,821
TO THE LAWN MOWER OF
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
497
00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:51,823
THE ENGINE
HAS DISAPPEARED.
498
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:54,826
THIS IS VERY MYSTERIOUS.
499
00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:57,829
WHO WOULD REQUIRE
THE ENGINE OF A LAWN MOWER?
500
00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,330
POSSIBLY, HERR FLICK,
501
00:24:59,331 --> 00:25:02,334
SOMEONE WHO POSSESSES
A LAWN MOWER WITHOUT AN ENGINE.
502
00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:07,839
DON'T BE A SMART ASS
WITH ME, VON SMALLHOUSEN.
503
00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:09,841
HERR FLICK,
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO
504
00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:11,843
ABOUT GENERAL VON
KLINKERHOFFEN'S LAWN?
505
00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:13,845
IT WILL BE UNTIDY.
506
00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:17,348
GET SOME PEASANTS
TO EAT THE GRASS.
507
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,852
OF COURSE, HERR FLICK.
508
00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:22,353
AT ONCE.
509
00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:26,358
NOW YOU ARE QUITE CLEAR
WHAT YOU MUST DO?
510
00:25:26,358 --> 00:25:28,360
YES, RENE.
511
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,362
I GO TO THE SIDE DOOR
OF THE CHATEAU,
512
00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:31,863
I RAP FOUR TIMES
ON THE DOOR.
513
00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:33,364
A TRAP WILL OPEN,
514
00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:36,368
AND I REQUEST TO BE
TAKEN INTO THE PRESENCE OF VERONIQUE.
515
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:38,370
NO...
516
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,872
VERONIQUE WILL TAKE YOU
TO LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
517
00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:42,373
THEN WHAT DO YOU DO?
518
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,376
GIVE HIM THE SAUSAGE.
519
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:45,877
GOOD, WHERE IS IT?
520
00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,879
HERE.
521
00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:50,381
GOOD, NOBODY WILL SUSPECT.
522
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:51,883
GO NOW.
523
00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:53,885
RENE, EMBRACE ME.
524
00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:55,887
OF COURSE.
525
00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:59,391
- HOLD ME TIGHTER.
- NO, NO I MUST NOT,
526
00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:02,394
I MIGHT CRUSH
YOUR KNOCKWURST.
527
00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:03,395
OFF YOU GO.
528
00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:06,398
RENE, AFTER WE ARE MARRIED
529
00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:09,401
WE WILL LOOK BACK ON ALL THIS
AND LAUGH, WILL WE NOT?
530
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,903
OH, MARIA,
WE WILL HAVE HYSTERICS.
531
00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:13,404
NOW, BE OFF.
532
00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:20,912
RENE, YOUR WIFE
WISHES TO SEE YOU
533
00:26:20,912 --> 00:26:21,913
IN THE BACK ROOM.
534
00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:23,414
SHE IS ALONE.
535
00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:24,416
OH, RENE,
536
00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:27,419
ARE YOU GOING
TO TELL HER THAT YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY ME?
537
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,921
YVETTE, NOT AT A TIME
LIKE THIS.
538
00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:31,923
WE ARE JUST ABOUT
TO OPEN.
539
00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:34,425
BUT RENE, SHE KEEPS
GIVING ME FUNNY LOOKS.
540
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:38,430
PERHAPS SHE SUSPECTS
THERE IS SOMETHING UP BETWEEN US.
541
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:39,931
OH, YVETTE.
542
00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:42,433
RENE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
543
00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:46,438
THE POOR CHILD.
544
00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:47,939
HAVE YOU NOT HEARD?
545
00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:50,942
HER GRANDMOTHER HAS DIED.
546
00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:53,444
SHE DIED THREE YEARS AGO.
547
00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:56,448
THE SHOCK HAS
JUST HIT HER.
548
00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:00,452
TAKE 10 MINUTES OFF,
DEAR GIRL,
549
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:03,455
COMPOSE YOURSELF,
LIGHT A CANDLE.
550
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,957
THANK YOU, RENE.
551
00:27:05,957 --> 00:27:09,460
OH, RENE, ALWAYS SO
COMPASSIONATE.
552
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:11,963
I THOUGHT YOU WERE WAITING
FOR ME IN THE BACK ROOM?
553
00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:13,464
I WAS.
554
00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:14,966
I WAS LOOKING AT
THE PHOTOGRAPH OF OUR WEDDING,
555
00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:16,467
IT BROUGHT IT
ALL BACK TO ME.
556
00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:18,970
YOU WERE TALL
AND HANDSOME,
557
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,972
I WAS YOUNG
AND BEAUTIFUL.
558
00:27:24,976 --> 00:27:27,979
YES, IT IS AMAZING WHAT
THOSE PHOTOGRAPHERS CAN DO.
559
00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:31,482
RENE, WE SHOULD HAVE
A WEDDING WITHOUT DELAY.
560
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,985
THE VILLAGE EXPECT ONE,
561
00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:35,486
THE GERMANS EXPECT ONE.
562
00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:37,989
YOU ARE NOT
EXPECTING ONE, ARE YOU?
563
00:27:39,991 --> 00:27:41,492
MADAME--
564
00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:43,995
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
THE UNDERTAKER
565
00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:49,000
IS COMING DOWN THE ROAD
IN HIS HORSE-DRAWN HEARSE.
566
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,004
- ( hoofs clicking rapidly )
- WHOA!
567
00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:55,006
HE'S HAVING TROUBLE
WITH HIS BRAKES AGAIN.
568
00:27:55,006 --> 00:27:58,509
- HE WILL BE
COMING FOR HIS MONEY. - ATTEND TO HIM AT ONCE.
569
00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:04,015
RENE, YOU WILL GET
MY MONEY BACK FROM HIM
570
00:28:04,015 --> 00:28:05,516
AND GIVE IT TO ME
LIKE YOU PROMISED?
571
00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:07,018
OF COURSE.
572
00:28:07,018 --> 00:28:10,021
MY WIFE WILL GO
INTO HIS ROOMS AND DO WHAT IS NECESSARY
573
00:28:10,021 --> 00:28:11,022
WITH THE MATTRESS.
574
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:16,027
LONG LIVE FRANCE.
575
00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:18,029
INDEED, AS YOU SAY,
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
576
00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:19,530
LONG LIVE FRANCE.
577
00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:22,534
WHAT A TALE WE SHALL HAVE
TO TELL TO OUR CHILDREN.
578
00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:25,537
CHILDREN?
579
00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:27,038
MADAME EDITH--
580
00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:31,042
SHE HAS GOT ONE OF THESE
IN THERE, HAS SHE?
581
00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:33,044
SHUT UP.
582
00:28:34,946 --> 00:28:36,948
YOU ARE COMBING YOUR HAIR
VERY NICELY, HANS.
583
00:28:36,948 --> 00:28:38,449
THANK YOU, COLONEL.
584
00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:40,452
I SEE YOU HAVE POLISHED
YOUR HEAD.
585
00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:45,957
WE HAVE TO LOOK OUR BEST
FOR THE GIRLS.
586
00:28:45,957 --> 00:28:49,460
COLONEL, I THINK I KNOW
WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO DO
587
00:28:49,461 --> 00:28:50,462
WITH THE CUCKOO CLOCK.
588
00:28:50,462 --> 00:28:52,964
- WHAT?
- CHARGE FOR AN EXTRA BIRD.
589
00:28:54,466 --> 00:28:57,469
GOOD EVENING, COLONEL;
GOOD EVENING, CAPTAIN.
590
00:28:57,469 --> 00:28:59,971
HOW HANDSOME
YOU BOTH LOOK!
591
00:28:59,971 --> 00:29:01,973
( hoofbeats approaching )
592
00:29:01,973 --> 00:29:03,975
AH, I MUST WELCOME
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
593
00:29:06,478 --> 00:29:08,480
WHOA!
594
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:12,484
MAYBE NEXT TIME AROUND
THE HORSES WILL GROW TIRED.
595
00:29:12,484 --> 00:29:14,486
MEANWHILE, I WILL
TAKE THIS LITTLE OPPORTUNITY
596
00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:16,488
TO SING FOR YOU
A SONG ENTITLED
597
00:29:16,488 --> 00:29:18,490
"I LOOKED EVERYWHERE
FOR LOVE
598
00:29:18,490 --> 00:29:19,491
AND FOUND IT--
599
00:29:19,491 --> 00:29:21,993
- UNDER THE TABLE.
- --IN MY HEART."
600
00:29:21,993 --> 00:29:24,996
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
THE INTRODUCTION, IF YOU PLEASE.
601
00:29:24,996 --> 00:29:27,999
- ( piano begins playing )
- QUICK, THE CHEESE, HANS.
602
00:29:27,999 --> 00:29:30,501
( tires screeching,
crash )
603
00:29:35,507 --> 00:29:38,510
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
604
00:29:38,510 --> 00:29:40,512
I HOPE YOU WILL
EXCUSE THE DELAY, MADAME.
605
00:29:40,512 --> 00:29:43,515
IT WAS MY NEW HORSE,
HE IS NOT USED TO THE HEARSE.
606
00:29:45,016 --> 00:29:47,018
I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO SING A SONG.
607
00:29:47,018 --> 00:29:50,021
I AM JUST IN TIME.
SIT DOWN, PLEASE.
608
00:29:54,025 --> 00:29:55,526
YOU LOOK ENCHANTING,
MADAME,
609
00:29:55,527 --> 00:29:59,531
THE GLINT IN YOUR HAIR,
THE DANCING LIGHTS IN YOUR EYES,
610
00:29:59,531 --> 00:30:03,034
THE INVITING GLOSS
ON YOUR SENSUOUS LIPS,
611
00:30:03,034 --> 00:30:05,036
YOUR HEADY PERFUME--
WHERE IS THE MONEY?
612
00:30:07,038 --> 00:30:10,541
RENE, THE LITTLE PARCEL
FOR MONSIEUR ALPHONSE!
613
00:30:10,542 --> 00:30:13,545
AH, YES.
HERE IT IS.
614
00:30:14,546 --> 00:30:16,047
HERE WE ARE, MONSIEUR.
615
00:30:16,047 --> 00:30:19,550
THE SMALL AMOUNT OF MONEY
YOU LEFT WITH ME FOR SAFEKEEPING.
616
00:30:42,073 --> 00:30:44,075
MERCI, MONSIEUR.
THANK YOU.
617
00:30:44,075 --> 00:30:46,577
I EXPECT YOU WANT
TO TAKE IT HOME
618
00:30:46,578 --> 00:30:49,080
AND PUT IT IN THE SECRET
HIDING PLACE KNOWN ONLY TO YOU AND TO ME.
619
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,581
OF COURSE.
620
00:30:50,582 --> 00:30:53,084
BUT FIRST I WISH TO SAY
HOW RELIEVED I AM
621
00:30:53,084 --> 00:30:54,585
AT HAVING RECOVERED
MY NEST EGG.
622
00:30:57,088 --> 00:31:00,591
IT PUTS ME IN A GENEROUS
AND EXPANSIVE MOOD.
623
00:31:00,592 --> 00:31:04,095
I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE
YOU ALL, EACH ONE OF YOU,
624
00:31:04,095 --> 00:31:06,097
TO TAKE WINE,
CHAMPAGNE, COGNAC,
625
00:31:06,097 --> 00:31:08,599
ANYTHING YOU DESIRE.
626
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:10,602
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
UNDERTAKER,
627
00:31:10,602 --> 00:31:13,605
"SWIFTLY AND WITH STYLE,"
628
00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:15,607
WILL PAY THE BILL.
629
00:31:15,607 --> 00:31:17,108
WITH THAT MONEY?
630
00:31:17,108 --> 00:31:19,110
OF COURSE.
631
00:31:19,110 --> 00:31:21,612
YOU ARE FAR TOO GENEROUS.
632
00:31:21,613 --> 00:31:23,114
YOU MUST NOT SPEND
ALL THIS MONEY,
633
00:31:23,114 --> 00:31:26,117
NOT IN HERE ANYWAY.
634
00:31:26,117 --> 00:31:28,619
COME ALONG, RENE,
DON'T BE A WET BLANKET.
635
00:31:28,620 --> 00:31:30,622
IF HE WANTS TO BUY US
ALL FREE DRINKS
636
00:31:30,622 --> 00:31:32,624
LET'S HAVE A PARTY.
637
00:31:32,624 --> 00:31:34,626
FREE DRINKS!
FREE DRINKS!
638
00:31:37,128 --> 00:31:38,629
DO NOT GO MAD!
639
00:31:38,630 --> 00:31:40,632
SMALL MEASURES,
SMALL MEASURES.
640
00:31:40,632 --> 00:31:42,133
FOR MADAME FANNY,
641
00:31:42,133 --> 00:31:44,635
THE BEAUTIFUL MOTHER
OF MADAME EDITH--
642
00:31:44,636 --> 00:31:47,639
5,000 FRANCS
TO BUY A NEW BONNET.
643
00:31:47,639 --> 00:31:49,641
A NEW BONNET
FOR MAMMA?
644
00:31:49,641 --> 00:31:52,143
NO, MONSIEUR,
IT'S TOO GENEROUS.
645
00:31:52,143 --> 00:31:56,147
ROGER, QUICKLY
TO THE MILLINER'S BEFORE THEY CLOSE.
646
00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:03,154
MONSIEUR RENE,
THIS IS FOR YOUR FRONT DOOR
647
00:32:03,154 --> 00:32:04,655
WHICH I SLIGHTLY DAMAGED
648
00:32:04,656 --> 00:32:07,158
BY BEING THROWN
THROUGH IT BY MY HORSE.
649
00:32:07,158 --> 00:32:11,662
AND THIS IS FOR
YOUR CHICKENS, WHICH I RAN OVER WITH MY HEARSE.
650
00:32:11,663 --> 00:32:13,665
THANK YOU, MONSIEUR.
651
00:32:13,665 --> 00:32:16,668
THE RINGING OF YOUR TILL
MUST BE MUSIC TO YOUR EARS.
652
00:32:16,668 --> 00:32:18,670
MUSIC, YES.
653
00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:21,172
I COULD STRANGLE
THE COMPOSER.
654
00:32:21,172 --> 00:32:22,673
RENE...
655
00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:25,176
IF MY MOTHER SPENDS
THAT FORGED NOTE IN THE HAT SHOP
656
00:32:25,176 --> 00:32:28,179
OUR COVER
WILL BE BLOWN.
657
00:32:28,179 --> 00:32:31,182
THEN STOP HER.
WHERE IS SHE?
658
00:32:31,182 --> 00:32:34,185
MONSIEUR LECLERC
IS TAKING HER THERE IN THE WHEELCHAIR.
659
00:32:34,185 --> 00:32:36,187
THE WHEELCHAIR?
660
00:32:36,187 --> 00:32:37,688
NO, NOT THE WHEELCHAIR!
661
00:32:39,190 --> 00:32:41,692
- HAVE YOU GOT
THE BRAKE ON? - NO, FANNY.
662
00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:45,196
WELL, PUSH HARDER.
THE SHOP WILL CLOSE SOON.
663
00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:51,202
( engine starts )
664
00:33:02,213 --> 00:33:04,215
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
COME BACK HERE.
665
00:33:06,718 --> 00:33:08,219
FANNY, MY LOVE,
WHAT SHALL I DO?
666
00:33:08,219 --> 00:33:09,220
WHAT SHALL I DO?
667
00:33:09,220 --> 00:33:11,722
TURN RIGHT
AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS
668
00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:13,725
AND TAKE THE SECOND
ON THE LEFT.
669
00:33:16,728 --> 00:33:20,231
( theme music playing )