1 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:05,571 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:41,107 MADAME PAYEZ IS IN THE FAMILY WAY. 3 00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:42,608 SHE IS PLEASED. 4 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,111 HER HUSBAND IS NOT. 5 00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:47,613 HE HAS BEEN IN THE NICK FOR TWO YEARS. 6 00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:50,617 RUMOR HAS IT THAT THE FATHER IS MAURICE GAZIER, 7 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,620 WHOSE MISTRESS IS MADAME COROISETTE, THE MILLINER, 8 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,623 WHOSE BROTHER WAS A.D.C. TO GENERAL CLAUDE CAVILLION, 9 00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,124 THE HERO OF YPRES, 10 00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,626 WHICH IS WHERE HE OBTAINED HIS WOODEN LEG, 11 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,128 WHICH HE KEEPS ON THE MANTELPIECE. 12 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,131 YOU HAVE NOT MET ANY OF THESE PEOPLE, 13 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,133 NOR ARE YOU LIKELY TO, 14 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,635 BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD FILL YOU IN ON A LITTLE LOCAL GOSSIP 15 00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,638 BECAUSE MY AFFAIRS ARE SO COMPLICATED 16 00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,640 I WOULD NOT KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. 17 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:17,143 RENE, I HAVE A MESSAGE FROM THE RESISTANCE. 18 00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:19,145 THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE, OR OUR LOT? 19 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,646 ( spitting ) OUR RESISTANCE. 20 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:24,150 THE RUNAWAY ALSATIAN HAS RETURNED TO LIEUTENANT GRUBER 21 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:26,652 WITH THE SAUSAGE WHICH HE RETRIEVED. 22 00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,655 THANK YOU, MARIA. 23 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,158 THANK GOD HE WAS NOT A ROTTWEILER. 24 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,662 THE SAUSAGE SHE IS TALKING ABOUT 25 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,163 IS THE ONE CONTAINING THE FORGED PAINTING 26 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,665 OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG-- 27 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,669 WHICH THE COMMUNIST STOLE FROM MY KITCHEN, 28 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:46,673 AND THEN DEMANDED A RANSOM OF 800,000 FRANCS. 29 00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,174 RENE... 30 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:51,177 I HAVE JUST MET MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, THE UNDERTAKER, IN THE SQUARE. 31 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:54,180 HE'S WANTING THE RETURN OF HIS MONEY. 32 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,682 I TOLD HIM YOU WERE DEALING WITH IT. 33 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:59,185 SO HE HAS GONE HOME QUITE HAPPY NOW. 34 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:00,686 THANK YOU, EDITH. 35 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,190 THIS IS THE MONEY MONSIEUR ALPHONSE LENT US 36 00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:06,192 TO PAY THE RANSOM ON THE UNDERSTANDING 37 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:08,194 THAT THE GERMAN COLONEL WOULD ORGANIZE AN AMBUSH 38 00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,196 TO SNATCH IT BACK AGAIN. 39 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:11,697 THIS HE FAILED TO DO, 40 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,200 SO THE COMMUNISTS STILL HAVE THE MONEY. 41 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,701 ( sighs ) 42 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:18,204 HOW DO YOU TELL AN AGING OLD UNDERTAKER WITH A WEAK HEART 43 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:21,707 THAT HIS ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS HAVE GONE? 44 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,209 BY TELEPHONE. 45 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:28,214 NOUVION 302, PLEASE. 46 00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:31,717 AH, YOU ARE ON DUTY AGAIN, ANTOINETTE. 47 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:35,722 ARE YOU STILL LISTENING IN ON EVERYBODY'S PHONE CALLS? 48 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,223 MADAME WHO? 49 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,725 WHAT, THE MILLINER? 50 00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:41,728 ANOTHER ONE? 51 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:45,231 HOW DOES SHE FIND TIME TO MAKE THE HATS? 52 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:48,734 THIS IS WHERE I GET IT ALL FROM. 53 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:51,237 HELLO, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. HOW ARE YOU? 54 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,739 IT'S RENE, FROM THE-- 55 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:56,242 ARE YOU SITTING DOWN? 56 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,243 OH, YOU ARE LAYING OUT. 57 00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:01,748 EMBALMING? 58 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,750 CAN YOU DO THAT WITH ONE HAND? 59 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,256 IS IT ANYBODY WE KNOW? 60 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,761 OH, YES, WELL HE WAS NOT LOOKING WELL. 61 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,263 I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU-- THE SAUSAGE HAS BEEN RETURNED. 62 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,265 IT WENT LIKE CLOCKWORK. 63 00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:21,267 THE MONEY? 64 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,769 IT IS SAFE. 65 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,772 NO, NOT EXACTLY HERE, 66 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,774 YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT A FEW DAYS 67 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,276 BEFORE YOU CAN HAVE IT BACK AGAIN. 68 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,278 NO, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, 69 00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:35,281 THE RESISTANCE DO NOT PAY INTEREST. 70 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,721 HERR FLICK, I HAVE SOMETHING TO REPORT. 71 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,222 HELGA, HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE? 72 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,726 I USED THE KEY THAT YOU PERSONALLY GAVE TO ME. 73 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:49,228 YOU DO NOT USE THAT KEY DURING WORKING HOURS. 74 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,732 THAT IS ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES AND FOR SECRET ASSIGNMENTS 75 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,735 PREVIOUSLY MADE AND APPROVED FOR PRIVATE CANOODLES. 76 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,239 I AM SORRY, HERR FLICK. 77 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,241 CONCEAL IT UPON YOUR PERSON. 78 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,743 THAT IS NOT EASY, HERR FLICK. 79 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,745 YOU WILL THINK OF SOMETHING. 80 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,255 WHAT IS YOUR REPORT? 81 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,258 I HAVE TO REPORT THAT LIEUTENANT GRUBER 82 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,760 RETURNED TO HIS APARTMENT AND HAS BEEN APPREHENDED 83 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,763 BY YOUR AGENT VON SMALLHAUSEN, WHO IS HERE NOW. 84 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,765 TELL HIM TO COME IN HERE. 85 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,273 ( shouts ) COME IN HERE! 86 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,782 - REPORT. - FOLLOWING YOUR INSTRUCTIONS, 87 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:45,284 I APPREHENDED LIEUTENANT GRUBER IN HIS QUARTERS. 88 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,786 HE WAS IN THE ACT OF DOING HIS EXERCISES 89 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,789 BY PERFORMING PRESS-UPS ON THE CARPET. 90 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,290 DID HE PUT UP A STRUGGLE? 91 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,293 OF COURSE NOT. WE TOOK HIM BY SURPRISE. 92 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,794 HE IS OUTSIDE. 93 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:55,795 BRING HIM IN HERE. 94 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,799 ( shouts ) BRING HIM IN HERE! 95 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,315 YOU SENT FOR ME? 96 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,818 YOUR DOG STOLE A VERY IMPORTANT 97 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,820 GESTAPO SAUSAGE-- WHERE IS IT? 98 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:26,826 WELL, THINKING THE DOGGY MIGHT FANCY A SAUSAGE 99 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,327 A BIT LATER FOR HIS DINNER, 100 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,830 I PUT IT IN MY LITTLE REFRIGERATOR. 101 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,331 AND THAT IS WHERE WE FOUND IT. 102 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,334 - YOU MEAN YOU HAVE IT? - OF COURSE, IT IS OUTSIDE. 103 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,335 THEN BRING IT IN HERE. 104 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,840 ( shouts ) BRING IT IN HERE! 105 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,349 OPEN IT. 106 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,357 THERE IS NOTHING THERE BUT A PLATE OF MINCEMEAT. 107 00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,360 GRUBER, HAVE YOU BEEN MINCING? 108 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,864 THE LITTLE DOGGY IS VERY PARTICULAR. 109 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,867 HE WILL NOT TOUCH CHUNKY FOOD. 110 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:08,868 BUT THE PAINTING! 111 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:11,370 THERE WAS A VALUABLE PAINTING IN THE SAUSAGE. 112 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,874 I KNOW. I REMOVED IT. IT'S IN THE ICE COMPARTMENT. 113 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,882 YOU HAVE RUINED ONE OF THE WORLD'S 114 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,884 GREATEST MASTERPIECES. 115 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:28,387 IF I MAY SAY SO, THAT WAS NOT THE MASTERPIECE-- 116 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:29,889 THAT WAS THE FORGERY. 117 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,390 - THE FORGERY? - THE FORGERY? 118 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,892 THE FORGERY? 119 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,895 SO, SOMEBODY MUST HAVE SUBSTITUTED 120 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,397 THE FORGED PAINTING IN THE GESTAPO SAUSAGE 121 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,900 FOR THE REAL PAINTING IN THE GESTAPO SAUSAGE 122 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,401 WHEN THE SAUSAGE WAS IN THE CAFE. 123 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:46,906 OR THE RESISTANCE SUBSTITUTED A FORGED PAINTING 124 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,908 FOR THE REAL PAINTING IN THE GESTAPO SAUSAGE 125 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,910 WHEN THEY STOLE THE SAUSAGE; 126 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,412 OR YOU, HERR GRUBER, 127 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,416 WITH YOUR WELL KNOWN LEANING TOWARD ART 128 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,919 HAVE SUBSTITUTED THE FORGED PAINTING 129 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,420 FOR THE REAL PAINTING 130 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,424 AND YOUR DOG RETURNED THE SAUSAGE TO YOUR QUARTERS 131 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,926 CLEVERLY MINCING THE SAUSAGE TO REMOVE ALL TRACES 132 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,427 OF MY LITTLE SWASTIKA 133 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,430 WHICH I HAD PLACED ON THE SIDE OF IT 134 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,432 SO THAT NOW I WILL NEVER KNOW WHETHER 135 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:16,936 IT WAS THE ORIGINAL SAUSAGE OR JUST ANY OLD SAUSAGE. 136 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,939 ABSOLUTELY CORRECT, HERR FLICK. 137 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,440 SO GRUBER, 138 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,443 THE FINGER POINTS AT YOU. 139 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:28,447 WHY WOULD I TELL YOU THAT THIS IS A FORGERY 140 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:31,951 KNOWING FULL WELL THAT IT WOULD MAKE YOU CROSS? 141 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,454 I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU MY LITTLE DOGGY HAD EATEN IT. 142 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,958 I THINK THIS MAN IS INNOCENT. 143 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,960 WHAT SORT OF GESTAPO OFFICER ARE YOU, 144 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,462 SAYING A MAN IS INNOCENT? 145 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,465 IF WHAT HE SAYS IS TRUE, 146 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,468 AND THIS IS A FROZEN FACSIMILE, 147 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,471 THEN THE REAL PAINTING MUST STILL EXIST, 148 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,474 WHICH MEANS, IT CAN BE FOUND 149 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,977 BY SKILLFUL GESTAPO INVESTIGATIONS. 150 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,480 THAT SOUNDS MORE LIKE THE GESTAPO. 151 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,483 SO... 152 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,985 THE LAST PLACE AT WHICH WE KNOW FOR CERTAIN 153 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,988 THAT THE PAINTING EXISTED WAS AT RENE'S CAFE. 154 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,490 YOU, GRUBER, ARE FRIENDLY WITH THIS MAN. 155 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,494 WELL, WE GET ON QUITE WELL. 156 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:18,498 SEE WHAT YOU CAN WHEEDLE OUT OF HIM. 157 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,999 IF HE WILL NOT SQUEAL, 158 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:23,002 OFFER TO RUN A TANK THROUGH HIS CAFE. 159 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,007 ( alarm buzzing ) 160 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:31,510 ( startled gasp ) 161 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,513 THE FLASHING KNOBS. 162 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,516 ROGER, ROGER! 163 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,018 I THINK WE ARE GETTING THE MESSAGE. 164 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,024 WHAT DO WE DO NOW? 165 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,526 IT IS SO LONG AGO, 166 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,529 YOU HAVE TAKEN ME BY SURPRISE. 167 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:57,036 I SAY, IS SOMEONE GOING TO ANSWER THAT DAMNED THING? 168 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,537 I WAS FAST ASLEEP. 169 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,540 IT'LL BE LONDON-- IT MAY BE FOR US. 170 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,542 COME ON. TAKE THE OTHER END. 171 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,047 WHOA! 172 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,552 LEAVE IT ALONE, LEAVE IT ALONE. 173 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,555 I HAVE NOT TOUCHED ANYTHING. 174 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,558 HOW DOES THE DAMNED THING WORK? 175 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,059 LOUDSPEAKER'S IN THE JERRY. 176 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,068 Man: 'Allo, Nighthawk. 'Allo, Nighthawk. 177 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:32,071 Are you receiving me? Are you receiving me? 178 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,573 - Over? - WHAT'S HE SAYING? 179 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,076 I'VE NO IDEA, IT'S ALL IN FRENCH. 180 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,578 LET ME GET HOLD OF IT, 181 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,582 I KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT WORK. 182 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,584 I AM GLAD ONE OF US DOES. 183 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,589 'ALLO, 'ALLO, 184 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:54,093 THIS IS NIGHTHAWK'S MOTHER-IN-LAW, 185 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:58,097 PASS YOUR MESSAGE. OVER. 186 00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,598 'Allo, 'allo. 187 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,602 Captain Hook is waiting for Peter Pan 188 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,605 in Never Never Land. Over. 189 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:10,109 I THINK WE HAVE THE CHILDREN'S PROGRAM. 190 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,112 NO, NO, FANNY, 191 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:16,115 - IT IS IN CODE. - CODE? 192 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,117 I SHALL DECIPHER. 193 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,122 THE PRINT IS SO SMALL, I CANNOT READ. 194 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:26,125 Hello, Nighthawk's mother-in-law. 195 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:29,128 Hello, Nighthawk's mother-in-law, 196 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:33,132 Are you reading me? Over. 197 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,634 NO, THE PRINT IS TOO SMALL, 198 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:41,140 PLEASE SEND A BIGGER BOOK. 199 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,641 OVER AND OUT. 200 00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,214 RENE, 201 00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,716 THESE MUSSELS-- THEY'RE NOT GOOD. 202 00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:53,218 IS YOUR WIFE USING A NEW SPICE? 203 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,221 SUCH AS HAIR TONIC? 204 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:58,224 THEY COME FROM THE USUAL HARBOR, DEAR COLONEL. 205 00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:01,727 I THINK ONE OF YOUR SUBMARINES IS LEAKING A LITTLE DIESEL OIL 206 00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:05,230 DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE R.A.F. BLEW IT UP. 207 00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,234 ALL THE R.A.F. HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN. 208 00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,237 GOEBBELS SAID SO ON THE WIRELESS, 209 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,239 SO IT MUST BE TRUE. 210 00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:16,242 MIND YOU, HE SAID EVA BRAUN WAS 29-- 211 00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:19,745 IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, YOU'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING. 212 00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:22,247 SOMEBODY MAY BE LISTENING. 213 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:26,752 COLONEL, I HAVE A SLIGHT PROBLEM. 214 00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:29,254 THE MONEY YOU PROMISED TO AMBUSH-- 215 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,756 THE OWNER WANTS IT BACK AGAIN. 216 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,758 HARD CHICKEN. 217 00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:35,260 THAT WAS THE BARGAIN, DEAR COLONEL. 218 00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,762 I WAS TO GET THE MONEY FOR THE PAINTING, 219 00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:38,263 GIVE THE PAINTING TO YOU, 220 00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:41,267 AND YOU WERE TO AMBUSH THE COMMUNIST AND GET THE MONEY BACK. 221 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,269 WE DID NOT GET THE PAINTING, 222 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,771 GRUBER'S DOG GOT THE PAINTING. 223 00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:48,273 IT COULD BE IN ANY NUMBER OF PLACES. 224 00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,775 ESPECIALLY IF THE DOGGY ATE IT. 225 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:57,283 ANYWAY, THE MATTER IS CLOSED, SO FAR AS WE ARE CONCERNED. 226 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,785 WHICH BRINGS US TO THE MAIN REASON FOR OUR VISIT-- 227 00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:01,787 GIRLS. 228 00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:03,288 AH YES, THE GIRLS. 229 00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:09,795 WE HAVE FOR YOU, RENE, 12 LITERS OF PARAFFIN, 230 00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,798 FOUR KILOS OF SUGAR, 231 00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,801 ONE KILO OF BUTTER. 232 00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,803 THANK YOU, COLONEL. 233 00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,805 THAT SHOULD COVER THE FLYING HELMET AND THE WET CELERY. 234 00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,813 WHAT IF WE CHUCK IN 500 CIGARETTES? 235 00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:29,314 FOR 500 CIGARETTES 236 00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,817 I WOULD THROW IN A FULLY WOUND CUCKOO-CLOCK. 237 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,319 THAT DOES NOT SOUND MUCH FUN. 238 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,822 YOU WAIT UNTIL IT STRIKES 12:00. 239 00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,325 Both: DONE. 240 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,327 I WILL ARRANGE IT. 241 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,829 - RENE? - WHAT? 242 00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:46,331 ARE THEY GOING TO GIVE US THE MONEY FOR MONSIEUR ALPHONSE? 243 00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:47,833 NO, NOT A HOPE. 244 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:50,335 THEN YVETTE HAS A PLAN. 245 00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:52,838 GOOD. IN THE BACK ROOM. 246 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,841 YVETTE-- IN THE BACK ROOM. 247 00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,345 MARIA, TELL MONSIEUR LECLERC TO JOIN US IN THE BACK ROOM 248 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,347 AS SOON AS HE HAS FINISHED HIS SOLO. 249 00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,351 YVETTE, SIT DOWN. 250 00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:09,855 NOW, TELL RENE OF YOUR PLAN. 251 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,857 MONSIEUR LECLERC, THE FORGER, 252 00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,859 HAS BEEN SECRETLY SLIPPING AWAY TO THE CELLAR. 253 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:17,362 I HAVE SPIED ON HIM, HE IS FORGING MONEY. 254 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,865 WE COULD GIVE MONSIEUR ALPHONSE FORGED MONEY. 255 00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:23,368 EDITH, LECLERC IS NOT A GOOD FORGER. 256 00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:25,371 BUT I KNOW MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, 257 00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:26,872 HE WILL NOT EVEN LOOK AT THE MONEY. 258 00:13:26,872 --> 00:13:28,874 HE WILL PUT IT STRAIGHT BACK IN HIS MATTRESS. 259 00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:30,876 HE IS DEAD STINGY. 260 00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:33,879 IT IS DECEITFUL AND UNDERHAND-- 261 00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,881 IT IS A GOOD PLAN. 262 00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,383 HOW DO WE PERSUADE MONSIEUR LECLERC 263 00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,885 TO REVEAL TO US 264 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,887 WHERE HE HAS HIDDEN HIS SECRET HORDE? 265 00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:42,888 ( knocking ) 266 00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,890 MONSIEUR LECLERC IS HERE. 267 00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,892 LEAVE THIS TO ME. 268 00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,395 YOU WISH TO SEE ME? 269 00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:51,897 MONSIEUR LECLERC, 270 00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:54,399 I DO NOT WISH TO SPREAD PANIC 271 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,901 BUT THE CAFE IS ON FIRE. 272 00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,904 OH. WELL I SHALL GO-- 273 00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,906 FIRE!? FIRE!? 274 00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,908 M-MY GOD, MY SAVINGS! 275 00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:06,411 MY LIFE FORGED SAVINGS! 276 00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,914 MY MONEY! 277 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:23,929 AH, OFFICER CRABTREE. CAN I GET YOU A COGNAC? 278 00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:27,432 NO, I AM NOT ALOOD TO DRUNK WHEN I AM ON DIRTY. 279 00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:33,438 I AM AMAZED THAT NO ONE HAS PENETRATED YOUR DISGUISE. 280 00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,441 I HAVE BEEN LICKY, 281 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:38,444 BUT I HAVE HAD SOME NARROW SQUAWKS. 282 00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:41,447 I WISH TO SPOOK WITH RENE. 283 00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:44,450 KILL HIM AND GET ME A CIFFEE. 284 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:46,952 RENE! 285 00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:54,960 - GOOD MOANING. - AH, OFFICER-- 286 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,964 HOW KIND OF YOU TO PATRONIZE MY HUMBLE CAFE. 287 00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,966 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU STUPID NIT? 288 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:01,967 YOU'RE GOING TO GET US ALL NICKED. 289 00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:05,470 MICHELLE HAS A MASSAGE FOR YOU. 290 00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:08,474 SAT HERE AND SHE WILL GIN YOU AT THIS TOBLE. 291 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:12,478 AH, I MUST BE ABOOT MY BOSSNESS. 292 00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:15,981 A POLOCEMAN'S LIT IS NOT A HIPPY WIN. 293 00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,986 AND HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE ON OUR SIDE. 294 00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,463 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 295 00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,465 I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 296 00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:36,468 CAPTAIN HOOK IS WAITING FOR PETER PAN IN NEVER-NEVER LAND. 297 00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:40,972 THERE WOULD BE VERY LITTLE POINT IN YOU SAYING THAT TWICE. 298 00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,475 I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS. 299 00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,977 HOW ARE YOU EVER GOING TO HELP US 300 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:47,980 IF YOU DO NOT LEARN YOUR CODE BOOK? 301 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:51,483 IT MEANS, THE PLAN OF ESCAPE 302 00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:54,486 FOR THE BRITISH AIRMEN HAS BEEN APPROVED BY LONDON. 303 00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,488 GOOD. 304 00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:57,989 WHAT PLAN? 305 00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:00,993 TO ESCAPE IN THE AIRPLANE FROM THE MUSEUM. 306 00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,995 SURELY, YOU ARE NOT GOING AHEAD 307 00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,997 WITH THAT HAREBRAINED SCHEME? 308 00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:06,498 IT HASN'T EVEN GOT AN ENGINE! 309 00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:11,002 WE HAVE STOLEN FROM GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN 310 00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,504 THE ENGINE OF HIS MOTOR MOWER. 311 00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:15,507 MICHELLE, HE WILL DO HIS NUT! 312 00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:18,009 YOU ARE GOING TO HIDE IT FOR US. 313 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:20,012 WHERE IS IT? 314 00:16:20,012 --> 00:16:23,015 ( engine starts ) 315 00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:30,021 WE WILL LEAVE IT HERE. NO ONE WILL SUSPECT 316 00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:32,024 IT IS THE BATH CHAIR OF YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW. 317 00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,532 MORE OF THE CURSED ENEMY APPROACH. 318 00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:43,535 COME, LISETTE, WE WILL MELT AWAY. 319 00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:54,546 GOOD MORNING, RENE. 320 00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:58,049 I WAS JUST OUT FOR A LITTLE SPIN, 321 00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,052 AND I THOUGHT I WOULD DROP BY. 322 00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:02,054 GOOD. 323 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:05,057 HOW PRETTY YOUR TANK IS LOOKING TODAY. 324 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:08,560 I JUST GAVE IT A POLISH. 325 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,063 NOW, I HAVE A LITTLE FANCY FOR SOMETHING FROM THE BAR. 326 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,066 MARIA OR YVETTE? 327 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,568 A COGNAC. 328 00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:18,570 OF COURSE. 329 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,572 WILL YOU COME THIS WAY? 330 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:26,078 MARIA, A COGNAC FOR LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 331 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,080 OF COURSE. 332 00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:36,588 GOOD MORNING, LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 333 00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:38,590 GOOD MORNING. 334 00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:42,094 SHOO, SHOO. 335 00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:45,097 NOW, RENE, 336 00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:48,600 I WISH TO SPEAK TO YOU MAN TO MAN. 337 00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:53,104 IS THIS GOOD NEWS OR BAD NEWS? 338 00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,607 I HAVE A PROBLEM. 339 00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:57,108 I CAN IMAGINE. 340 00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,111 I AM IN HOT WATER WITH THE GESTAPO. 341 00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:01,113 THAT CAN BE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. 342 00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:04,116 HERR FLICK BELIEVES THAT YOU KNOW THE WHEREABOUTS 343 00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,618 OF THE SAUSAGE CONTAINING THE REAL PAINTING 344 00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:07,619 OF THE FALLEN MADONNA. 345 00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:10,121 - WITH THE BIG-- - CORRECT. 346 00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:13,125 HE HAS GIVEN ME THE TASK OF TRYING TO WRING 347 00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:15,127 THIS INFORMATION OUT OF YOU. 348 00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:17,129 IF YOU DO NOT COOPERATE, 349 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:19,631 I HAVE BEEN ORDERED-- 350 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:23,635 I HAVE BEEN ORDERED TO-- 351 00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:26,137 I CAN NOT SAY IT. 352 00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:27,639 GO ON, LIEUTENANT, SAY IT. 353 00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:29,140 WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN ORDERED TO DO? 354 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:32,644 DRIVE MY LITTLE TANK FROM WHERE IT IS PARKED 355 00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:35,146 INTO YOUR GARDEN AT THE BACK. 356 00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:37,649 WHAT IS SO TERRIBLE ABOUT THAT? 357 00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:40,151 IN A STRAIGHT LINE-- 358 00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:41,153 THROUGH YOUR CAFE. 359 00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:42,654 I SEE. 360 00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:45,156 LIEUTENANT, WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY TO YOU 361 00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,159 IS IN THE STRICTEST CONFIDENCE, 362 00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:49,161 JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME. 363 00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:51,663 RENE, 364 00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,164 I AM YOUR FRIEND. 365 00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:55,167 YES... 366 00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,170 THERE IS ANOTHER SAUSAGE 367 00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,672 CONTAINING THE ORIGINAL PAINTING, THE REAL ONE. 368 00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,674 IT IS BRICKED UP IN MY CELLAR. 369 00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:05,176 IT BELONGS TO THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN. 370 00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:08,180 THEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS UNBRICK IT 371 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,681 AND GIVE IT TO ME. 372 00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:12,183 BUT, LIEUTENANT, THAT WOULD DROP ME RIGHT IN IT. 373 00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:13,685 THE COLONEL WILL HAVE ME SHOT. 374 00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:15,186 I WILL TAKE YOU TO MY QUARTERS 375 00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:16,688 AND HIDE YOU. 376 00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:24,196 YES, THAT IS A GOOD PLAN FOR STARTERS. 377 00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:26,698 LET US SEE IF WE CAN THINK OF ANOTHER ONE. 378 00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:30,201 - I HAVE IT! - I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT. 379 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:33,205 HOW WOULD IT BE IF WE SUBSTITUTED 380 00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:35,207 ANOTHER FORGERY IN ANOTHER SAUSAGE? 381 00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:37,709 BUT WE HAVE NOT GOT ANOTHER FORGERY. 382 00:19:37,709 --> 00:19:40,211 THESE DAYS IT IS HARD ENOUGH TO GET THE SAUSAGE. 383 00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:42,714 I THINK I COULD PROVIDE A COPY 384 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,215 IF I COULD SEE THE ORIGINAL. 385 00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:46,218 ARE YOU AN ARTIST? 386 00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:49,221 WELL, I HAVE LEANINGS, YOU KNOW? 387 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:52,224 AND NOT A LITTLE TALENT. 388 00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:54,226 BEFORE I WAS A WINDOW DRESSER 389 00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,728 I WAS EMPLOYED IN AN ART GALLERY. 390 00:19:56,728 --> 00:20:00,732 OCCASIONALLY, I WAS ALLOWED TO TOUCH UP OLD MASTERS. 391 00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:07,238 ONE HAS TO START SOMEWHERE. 392 00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:09,741 LET US GO DOWN TO YOUR CELLAR AND EXAMINE THE MASTERPIECE. 393 00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:12,243 NO, I WILL RETRIEVE THE PAINTING 394 00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:13,745 AND HAVE IT DELIVERED TO YOUR QUARTERS. 395 00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:15,246 BRING IT YOURSELF. 396 00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:18,750 COME AT THE DEAD OF NIGHT TO THE SIDE DOOR, 397 00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:20,752 KNOCK FOUR TIMES, 398 00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:23,254 A LITTLE TRAP WILL OPEN IN THE DOOR. 399 00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:26,258 ASK FOR VERONIQUE. 400 00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:29,260 IS THIS YOUR CODE NAME? 401 00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:33,265 NO, IT IS THE MAID WHO WORKS AT THE CHATEAU. 402 00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:34,766 SHE WILL SHOW YOU TO MY QUARTERS. 403 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:36,768 SORRY. 404 00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:40,772 ( sighs heavily ) 405 00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:43,274 WHY DO YOU SIGH, MARIA? 406 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,277 IT IS THE LIFE WE LEAD, YVETTE. 407 00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:46,778 IT IS TERRIBLE. 408 00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:48,780 CLIMBING THOSE STAIRS TIME AFTER TIME 409 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,281 TO ENTERTAIN MEN. 410 00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:51,783 IT IS NOT RIGHT. 411 00:20:51,783 --> 00:20:54,285 I AGREE WITH YOU. 412 00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:56,788 WE SHOULD HAVE A ROOM ON THE GROUND FLOOR. 413 00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,292 - HELLO. - OH, CAPTAIN! 414 00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:02,794 I HAVE WITH ME THE GOODIES. 415 00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:05,797 THE PARAFFIN IS OUTSIDE. 416 00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:07,799 ( horn honking ) 417 00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:09,801 THAT IS THE COLONEL. HE IS IN A BAD MOOD. 418 00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:11,803 WE TOSSED UP TO SEE WHO SHOULD BRING 419 00:21:11,803 --> 00:21:14,305 THESE LITTLE THINGS TO YOU AND I WON. 420 00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:17,809 NOW, WHO IS TO GET THIS LITTLE BOTTLE OF PERFUME? 421 00:21:17,809 --> 00:21:19,811 - ME. - ME. 422 00:21:20,812 --> 00:21:23,314 EENIE, MEENIE, MINEY, MO, 423 00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:25,817 CATCH A FRENCH GIRL BY HER TOE, 424 00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:27,819 IF SHE HOLLERS, WHO'S TO KNOW, 425 00:21:27,819 --> 00:21:29,821 OUT GOES YOU. IT IS YOURS. 426 00:21:29,821 --> 00:21:32,323 OH, THANK YOU. 427 00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:34,826 OH, MARIA. WE WILL SHARE, 428 00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:36,828 WE WILL BOTH WEAR IT TONIGHT. 429 00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:39,330 - ( horn honks ) - COMING, COLONEL. 430 00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:43,335 HOW ABOUT A LITTLE CUDDLE ON ACCOUNT? 431 00:21:47,339 --> 00:21:49,341 I HOPE YOU ARE NOT BEING NICE TO ME 432 00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:51,343 JUST BECAUSE I AM A CONQUERING HERO. 433 00:21:52,844 --> 00:21:54,846 WHAT ARE YOU MAKING? 434 00:21:54,846 --> 00:21:57,348 THE SPECIALTY OF THE DAY-- FROGS' LEGS SOUP. 435 00:21:57,349 --> 00:22:00,352 IT LOOKS DELICIOUS-- 436 00:22:00,352 --> 00:22:02,854 SAVE A PORTION FOR ME FOR TONIGHT. 437 00:22:02,854 --> 00:22:04,355 ALL THOSE LEGS, 438 00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:07,859 THEY REMIND ME OF THE FOLIES BERGERES. 439 00:22:07,859 --> 00:22:11,863 TONIGHT WE WILL REMIND YOU OF THE FOLIES BERGERES. 440 00:22:11,863 --> 00:22:14,866 - ( horn honking ) - COMING, COLONEL. 441 00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:16,367 CAPTAIN GEERING, 442 00:22:16,368 --> 00:22:18,870 DID YOU REMEMBER THE BATTERY FOR MY CYCLE LAMP? 443 00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:20,872 AH, YES, YES. I HAVE IT HERE. 444 00:22:20,872 --> 00:22:23,875 OH, YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN. 445 00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:25,877 NO, YOU MUSTN'T TICKLE. 446 00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,190 YOU SENT FOR ME, HERR FLICK? 447 00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:40,192 YES, HELGA. 448 00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:42,694 YOU ARE THREE MINUTES LATE. 449 00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:45,196 MY DUTIES WITH THE COLONEL END AT 5:30. 450 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:48,200 I HAVE TO TIDY THE OFFICE, AND THEN I HAVE TO HAVE A SCHNAPPS WITH HIM. 451 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,203 I HOPE THAT YOU DID NOT ENJOY IT. 452 00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,205 NOT AT ALL. 453 00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:55,707 GOOD. YOU MAY KISS ME. 454 00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,214 STOP! 455 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,217 ALSO YOU HAD CHEESE BISCUIT. 456 00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,721 THE COLONEL ALWAYS INSISTS THAT WITH MY DRINK 457 00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:11,222 I ALSO HAVE A LITTLE NIBBLE. 458 00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:15,727 NOW PAY ATTENTION. 459 00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:19,230 I WILL SHORTLY BE INVITING YOU TO THE GESTAPO CLUB. 460 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,732 - ARE YOU PLEASED? - OF COURSE, HERR FLICK. 461 00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:22,734 TO BE IN THE CLUB WITH THE GESTAPO 462 00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:24,235 WILL BE A GREAT HONOR. 463 00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:26,238 I KNOW. 464 00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:29,241 YOU WILL BE MY PARTNER AT THE ANNUAL GESTAPO DANCE 465 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:30,742 IN BERLIN. 466 00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:32,243 FIRST, THERE WILL BE A BANQUET 467 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,246 WITH THE TRADITIONAL BOAR'S HEAD, 468 00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,248 BARON OF BEEF, FRANKFURTERS, 469 00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:39,251 STRUDEL, SAUERKRAUT AND OODLES OF BEER. 470 00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:41,753 THE PLACE WILL BE FULL OF BIG NOISES, 471 00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:45,256 INCLUDING GOERING AND HIMMLER. 472 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:47,759 I CAN'T WAIT. 473 00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:50,261 AT MIDNIGHT YOU WILL BE EXPECTED TO DANCE 474 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,264 THE TRADITIONAL GESTAPO DANCE. 475 00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:54,766 HOW DOES IT GO, HERR FLICK? 476 00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:56,267 I WILL DEMONSTRATE. 477 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:01,773 ( music plays ) 478 00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:03,775 ♪ YOU PUT YOUR LEFT BOOT IN ♪ 479 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:05,276 ♪ YOU TAKE YOUR LEFT BOOT OUT ♪ 480 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,279 ♪ YOU DO A LOT OF SHOUTING ♪ 481 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,781 ♪ AND YOU SHAKE YOUR FISTS ABOUT ♪ 482 00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:12,784 ♪ YOU LIGHT A LITTLE SMOKEY, AND YOU BURN DOWN THE TOWN ♪ 483 00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:15,286 ♪ THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ♪ 484 00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:16,788 ♪ HEIL ♪ 485 00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,790 ♪ OH, HIMMLER, HIMMLER, HIMMLER... ♪ 486 00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:20,792 ( telephone rings ) 487 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:22,293 SWITCH IT OFF. 488 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,296 ( needle scratches ) 489 00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:27,799 YES, GRUBER? 490 00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:30,802 YES, CARRY ON, GRUBER. 491 00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:35,306 GRUBER HAS A GOOD LEAD AND HAS EVERY HOPE 492 00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:36,808 OF TRACKING DOWN THE PAINTING. 493 00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,810 THIS IS GOOD NEWS. 494 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:44,816 WHAT DO YOU WANT, VON SMALLHAUSEN? 495 00:24:44,816 --> 00:24:46,818 I HAVE TO REPORT A SERIOUS CASE OF SABOTAGE 496 00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:49,821 TO THE LAWN MOWER OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 497 00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:51,823 THE ENGINE HAS DISAPPEARED. 498 00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:54,826 THIS IS VERY MYSTERIOUS. 499 00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:57,829 WHO WOULD REQUIRE THE ENGINE OF A LAWN MOWER? 500 00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,330 POSSIBLY, HERR FLICK, 501 00:24:59,331 --> 00:25:02,334 SOMEONE WHO POSSESSES A LAWN MOWER WITHOUT AN ENGINE. 502 00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:07,839 DON'T BE A SMART ASS WITH ME, VON SMALLHOUSEN. 503 00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:09,841 HERR FLICK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO 504 00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:11,843 ABOUT GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN'S LAWN? 505 00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:13,845 IT WILL BE UNTIDY. 506 00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:17,348 GET SOME PEASANTS TO EAT THE GRASS. 507 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,852 OF COURSE, HERR FLICK. 508 00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:22,353 AT ONCE. 509 00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:26,358 NOW YOU ARE QUITE CLEAR WHAT YOU MUST DO? 510 00:25:26,358 --> 00:25:28,360 YES, RENE. 511 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,362 I GO TO THE SIDE DOOR OF THE CHATEAU, 512 00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:31,863 I RAP FOUR TIMES ON THE DOOR. 513 00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:33,364 A TRAP WILL OPEN, 514 00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:36,368 AND I REQUEST TO BE TAKEN INTO THE PRESENCE OF VERONIQUE. 515 00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:38,370 NO... 516 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,872 VERONIQUE WILL TAKE YOU TO LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 517 00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:42,373 THEN WHAT DO YOU DO? 518 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,376 GIVE HIM THE SAUSAGE. 519 00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:45,877 GOOD, WHERE IS IT? 520 00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,879 HERE. 521 00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:50,381 GOOD, NOBODY WILL SUSPECT. 522 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:51,883 GO NOW. 523 00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:53,885 RENE, EMBRACE ME. 524 00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:55,887 OF COURSE. 525 00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:59,391 - HOLD ME TIGHTER. - NO, NO I MUST NOT, 526 00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:02,394 I MIGHT CRUSH YOUR KNOCKWURST. 527 00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:03,395 OFF YOU GO. 528 00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:06,398 RENE, AFTER WE ARE MARRIED 529 00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:09,401 WE WILL LOOK BACK ON ALL THIS AND LAUGH, WILL WE NOT? 530 00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,903 OH, MARIA, WE WILL HAVE HYSTERICS. 531 00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:13,404 NOW, BE OFF. 532 00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:20,912 RENE, YOUR WIFE WISHES TO SEE YOU 533 00:26:20,912 --> 00:26:21,913 IN THE BACK ROOM. 534 00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:23,414 SHE IS ALONE. 535 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:24,416 OH, RENE, 536 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:27,419 ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER THAT YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY ME? 537 00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,921 YVETTE, NOT AT A TIME LIKE THIS. 538 00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:31,923 WE ARE JUST ABOUT TO OPEN. 539 00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:34,425 BUT RENE, SHE KEEPS GIVING ME FUNNY LOOKS. 540 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:38,430 PERHAPS SHE SUSPECTS THERE IS SOMETHING UP BETWEEN US. 541 00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:39,931 OH, YVETTE. 542 00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:42,433 RENE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 543 00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:46,438 THE POOR CHILD. 544 00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:47,939 HAVE YOU NOT HEARD? 545 00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:50,942 HER GRANDMOTHER HAS DIED. 546 00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:53,444 SHE DIED THREE YEARS AGO. 547 00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:56,448 THE SHOCK HAS JUST HIT HER. 548 00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:00,452 TAKE 10 MINUTES OFF, DEAR GIRL, 549 00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:03,455 COMPOSE YOURSELF, LIGHT A CANDLE. 550 00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,957 THANK YOU, RENE. 551 00:27:05,957 --> 00:27:09,460 OH, RENE, ALWAYS SO COMPASSIONATE. 552 00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:11,963 I THOUGHT YOU WERE WAITING FOR ME IN THE BACK ROOM? 553 00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:13,464 I WAS. 554 00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:14,966 I WAS LOOKING AT THE PHOTOGRAPH OF OUR WEDDING, 555 00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:16,467 IT BROUGHT IT ALL BACK TO ME. 556 00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:18,970 YOU WERE TALL AND HANDSOME, 557 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,972 I WAS YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL. 558 00:27:24,976 --> 00:27:27,979 YES, IT IS AMAZING WHAT THOSE PHOTOGRAPHERS CAN DO. 559 00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:31,482 RENE, WE SHOULD HAVE A WEDDING WITHOUT DELAY. 560 00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,985 THE VILLAGE EXPECT ONE, 561 00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:35,486 THE GERMANS EXPECT ONE. 562 00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:37,989 YOU ARE NOT EXPECTING ONE, ARE YOU? 563 00:27:39,991 --> 00:27:41,492 MADAME-- 564 00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:43,995 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE THE UNDERTAKER 565 00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:49,000 IS COMING DOWN THE ROAD IN HIS HORSE-DRAWN HEARSE. 566 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,004 - ( hoofs clicking rapidly ) - WHOA! 567 00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:55,006 HE'S HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS BRAKES AGAIN. 568 00:27:55,006 --> 00:27:58,509 - HE WILL BE COMING FOR HIS MONEY. - ATTEND TO HIM AT ONCE. 569 00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:04,015 RENE, YOU WILL GET MY MONEY BACK FROM HIM 570 00:28:04,015 --> 00:28:05,516 AND GIVE IT TO ME LIKE YOU PROMISED? 571 00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:07,018 OF COURSE. 572 00:28:07,018 --> 00:28:10,021 MY WIFE WILL GO INTO HIS ROOMS AND DO WHAT IS NECESSARY 573 00:28:10,021 --> 00:28:11,022 WITH THE MATTRESS. 574 00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:16,027 LONG LIVE FRANCE. 575 00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:18,029 INDEED, AS YOU SAY, MONSIEUR LECLERC, 576 00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:19,530 LONG LIVE FRANCE. 577 00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:22,534 WHAT A TALE WE SHALL HAVE TO TELL TO OUR CHILDREN. 578 00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:25,537 CHILDREN? 579 00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:27,038 MADAME EDITH-- 580 00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:31,042 SHE HAS GOT ONE OF THESE IN THERE, HAS SHE? 581 00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:33,044 SHUT UP. 582 00:28:34,946 --> 00:28:36,948 YOU ARE COMBING YOUR HAIR VERY NICELY, HANS. 583 00:28:36,948 --> 00:28:38,449 THANK YOU, COLONEL. 584 00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:40,452 I SEE YOU HAVE POLISHED YOUR HEAD. 585 00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:45,957 WE HAVE TO LOOK OUR BEST FOR THE GIRLS. 586 00:28:45,957 --> 00:28:49,460 COLONEL, I THINK I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO DO 587 00:28:49,461 --> 00:28:50,462 WITH THE CUCKOO CLOCK. 588 00:28:50,462 --> 00:28:52,964 - WHAT? - CHARGE FOR AN EXTRA BIRD. 589 00:28:54,466 --> 00:28:57,469 GOOD EVENING, COLONEL; GOOD EVENING, CAPTAIN. 590 00:28:57,469 --> 00:28:59,971 HOW HANDSOME YOU BOTH LOOK! 591 00:28:59,971 --> 00:29:01,973 ( hoofbeats approaching ) 592 00:29:01,973 --> 00:29:03,975 AH, I MUST WELCOME MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. 593 00:29:06,478 --> 00:29:08,480 WHOA! 594 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:12,484 MAYBE NEXT TIME AROUND THE HORSES WILL GROW TIRED. 595 00:29:12,484 --> 00:29:14,486 MEANWHILE, I WILL TAKE THIS LITTLE OPPORTUNITY 596 00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:16,488 TO SING FOR YOU A SONG ENTITLED 597 00:29:16,488 --> 00:29:18,490 "I LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR LOVE 598 00:29:18,490 --> 00:29:19,491 AND FOUND IT-- 599 00:29:19,491 --> 00:29:21,993 - UNDER THE TABLE. - --IN MY HEART." 600 00:29:21,993 --> 00:29:24,996 MONSIEUR LECLERC, THE INTRODUCTION, IF YOU PLEASE. 601 00:29:24,996 --> 00:29:27,999 - ( piano begins playing ) - QUICK, THE CHEESE, HANS. 602 00:29:27,999 --> 00:29:30,501 ( tires screeching, crash ) 603 00:29:35,507 --> 00:29:38,510 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. 604 00:29:38,510 --> 00:29:40,512 I HOPE YOU WILL EXCUSE THE DELAY, MADAME. 605 00:29:40,512 --> 00:29:43,515 IT WAS MY NEW HORSE, HE IS NOT USED TO THE HEARSE. 606 00:29:45,016 --> 00:29:47,018 I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SING A SONG. 607 00:29:47,018 --> 00:29:50,021 I AM JUST IN TIME. SIT DOWN, PLEASE. 608 00:29:54,025 --> 00:29:55,526 YOU LOOK ENCHANTING, MADAME, 609 00:29:55,527 --> 00:29:59,531 THE GLINT IN YOUR HAIR, THE DANCING LIGHTS IN YOUR EYES, 610 00:29:59,531 --> 00:30:03,034 THE INVITING GLOSS ON YOUR SENSUOUS LIPS, 611 00:30:03,034 --> 00:30:05,036 YOUR HEADY PERFUME-- WHERE IS THE MONEY? 612 00:30:07,038 --> 00:30:10,541 RENE, THE LITTLE PARCEL FOR MONSIEUR ALPHONSE! 613 00:30:10,542 --> 00:30:13,545 AH, YES. HERE IT IS. 614 00:30:14,546 --> 00:30:16,047 HERE WE ARE, MONSIEUR. 615 00:30:16,047 --> 00:30:19,550 THE SMALL AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU LEFT WITH ME FOR SAFEKEEPING. 616 00:30:42,073 --> 00:30:44,075 MERCI, MONSIEUR. THANK YOU. 617 00:30:44,075 --> 00:30:46,577 I EXPECT YOU WANT TO TAKE IT HOME 618 00:30:46,578 --> 00:30:49,080 AND PUT IT IN THE SECRET HIDING PLACE KNOWN ONLY TO YOU AND TO ME. 619 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,581 OF COURSE. 620 00:30:50,582 --> 00:30:53,084 BUT FIRST I WISH TO SAY HOW RELIEVED I AM 621 00:30:53,084 --> 00:30:54,585 AT HAVING RECOVERED MY NEST EGG. 622 00:30:57,088 --> 00:31:00,591 IT PUTS ME IN A GENEROUS AND EXPANSIVE MOOD. 623 00:31:00,592 --> 00:31:04,095 I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU ALL, EACH ONE OF YOU, 624 00:31:04,095 --> 00:31:06,097 TO TAKE WINE, CHAMPAGNE, COGNAC, 625 00:31:06,097 --> 00:31:08,599 ANYTHING YOU DESIRE. 626 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:10,602 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, UNDERTAKER, 627 00:31:10,602 --> 00:31:13,605 "SWIFTLY AND WITH STYLE," 628 00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:15,607 WILL PAY THE BILL. 629 00:31:15,607 --> 00:31:17,108 WITH THAT MONEY? 630 00:31:17,108 --> 00:31:19,110 OF COURSE. 631 00:31:19,110 --> 00:31:21,612 YOU ARE FAR TOO GENEROUS. 632 00:31:21,613 --> 00:31:23,114 YOU MUST NOT SPEND ALL THIS MONEY, 633 00:31:23,114 --> 00:31:26,117 NOT IN HERE ANYWAY. 634 00:31:26,117 --> 00:31:28,619 COME ALONG, RENE, DON'T BE A WET BLANKET. 635 00:31:28,620 --> 00:31:30,622 IF HE WANTS TO BUY US ALL FREE DRINKS 636 00:31:30,622 --> 00:31:32,624 LET'S HAVE A PARTY. 637 00:31:32,624 --> 00:31:34,626 FREE DRINKS! FREE DRINKS! 638 00:31:37,128 --> 00:31:38,629 DO NOT GO MAD! 639 00:31:38,630 --> 00:31:40,632 SMALL MEASURES, SMALL MEASURES. 640 00:31:40,632 --> 00:31:42,133 FOR MADAME FANNY, 641 00:31:42,133 --> 00:31:44,635 THE BEAUTIFUL MOTHER OF MADAME EDITH-- 642 00:31:44,636 --> 00:31:47,639 5,000 FRANCS TO BUY A NEW BONNET. 643 00:31:47,639 --> 00:31:49,641 A NEW BONNET FOR MAMMA? 644 00:31:49,641 --> 00:31:52,143 NO, MONSIEUR, IT'S TOO GENEROUS. 645 00:31:52,143 --> 00:31:56,147 ROGER, QUICKLY TO THE MILLINER'S BEFORE THEY CLOSE. 646 00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:03,154 MONSIEUR RENE, THIS IS FOR YOUR FRONT DOOR 647 00:32:03,154 --> 00:32:04,655 WHICH I SLIGHTLY DAMAGED 648 00:32:04,656 --> 00:32:07,158 BY BEING THROWN THROUGH IT BY MY HORSE. 649 00:32:07,158 --> 00:32:11,662 AND THIS IS FOR YOUR CHICKENS, WHICH I RAN OVER WITH MY HEARSE. 650 00:32:11,663 --> 00:32:13,665 THANK YOU, MONSIEUR. 651 00:32:13,665 --> 00:32:16,668 THE RINGING OF YOUR TILL MUST BE MUSIC TO YOUR EARS. 652 00:32:16,668 --> 00:32:18,670 MUSIC, YES. 653 00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:21,172 I COULD STRANGLE THE COMPOSER. 654 00:32:21,172 --> 00:32:22,673 RENE... 655 00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:25,176 IF MY MOTHER SPENDS THAT FORGED NOTE IN THE HAT SHOP 656 00:32:25,176 --> 00:32:28,179 OUR COVER WILL BE BLOWN. 657 00:32:28,179 --> 00:32:31,182 THEN STOP HER. WHERE IS SHE? 658 00:32:31,182 --> 00:32:34,185 MONSIEUR LECLERC IS TAKING HER THERE IN THE WHEELCHAIR. 659 00:32:34,185 --> 00:32:36,187 THE WHEELCHAIR? 660 00:32:36,187 --> 00:32:37,688 NO, NOT THE WHEELCHAIR! 661 00:32:39,190 --> 00:32:41,692 - HAVE YOU GOT THE BRAKE ON? - NO, FANNY. 662 00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:45,196 WELL, PUSH HARDER. THE SHOP WILL CLOSE SOON. 663 00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:51,202 ( engine starts ) 664 00:33:02,213 --> 00:33:04,215 MONSIEUR LECLERC, COME BACK HERE. 665 00:33:06,718 --> 00:33:08,219 FANNY, MY LOVE, WHAT SHALL I DO? 666 00:33:08,219 --> 00:33:09,220 WHAT SHALL I DO? 667 00:33:09,220 --> 00:33:11,722 TURN RIGHT AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS 668 00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:13,725 AND TAKE THE SECOND ON THE LEFT. 669 00:33:16,728 --> 00:33:20,231 ( theme music playing )