( theme music playing )
YOU SEE IN ME,
A VERY HAPPY MAN.
THAT BALLOON CONTAINS
THE TWO BRITISH AIRMEN,
WHO HAVE BEEN HIDING IN MY CAFE.
A FAVORABLE WIND IS EVEN NOW
WAFTING THEM
GENTLY BACK TO ENGLAND.
NOW THAT THEY HAVE GONE,
THE RESISTANCE CANNOT BLACKMAIL ME INTO HIDING THEM.
AND THE GERMANS CANNOT SHOOT ME,
FOR THE SAME REASON.
ALL THAT I HAVE TO DO NOW
IS TO GET MY WIFE'S MOTHER,
WHO IS IN A COFFIN IN THAT HEARSE,
BACK HOME AND INTO HER OWN BED.
I CAN THEN GET BACK TO MAKING AS MUCH MONEY AS POSSIBLE
OUT OF THE GERMANS.
Maria: OH, RENE,
YOU ARE A HERO OF THE RESISTANCE.
Yvette: THE WHOLE VILLAGE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT YOU.
I WAS JUST DOING
MY DUTY FOR FRANCE.
Michelle: RENE, YOU MUST HURRY BACK.
GET ON THE RADIO TO LONDON,
AND TELL THEM THE BALLOON IS ON ITS WAY.
( Mamma yells )
EDITH! MARIA?
WILL NOBODY COME TO MY ASSISTANCE?
WHAT IS THAT MATTER, MAMMA?
EDITH,
HOW MUCH LONGER
HAVE I TO WAIT TO GO
TO THE BATHROOO-OOOM?
OOH!
Michelle: SHOOTING HAS BEEN REPORTED FROM BEHIND THE WOODS.
IT WILL BE THE ARMY ON THEIR MANEUVERS.
LET US GET BACK, WHILE THEY ARE BUSY PLAYING AT SOLDIERS.
- OHHH. - SHUT UP!
( distant gunfire )
HANS, WHAT IS THAT SHOOTING?
OH, IT IS COMING FROM DOWN THE ROAD.
QUICK!
KEEP SHOOTING.
THAT BALLOON MUST BE BROUGHT DOWN.
KEEP PUMPING THE BLOWLAMPS, CARSTAIRS.
THEY CAN PROBABLY SEE THE LIGHT.
SHOULDN'T WE TURN THEM OUT?
IF WE DO THAT, WE'LL COME DOWN, YOU ASS.
OH, YES-- HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT.
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN, WHAT IS HAPPENING?
THAT BALLOON, IT MUST BE BROUGHT DOWN.
FIRE AT IT!
( empty guns click )
- ( knocking on tank ) - YOU IN THERE,
- LIEUTENANT GRUBER! - WHO? ME?
SHOOT YOUR GUN AT THAT BALLOON.
YES, GENERAL,
BUT I THINK I OUGHT TO EXPLAIN--
DO NOT ARGUE, FIRE!
( guns firing )
WHY ARE YOU NOT HITTING IT?
BECAUSE MY LITTLE SHELLS ARE BLANK.
WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING WITH BLANKS?
THEY WERE FOR THE MANEUVERS.
THAT'S ALL I HAD.
I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS.
HEADS WILL ROLL FOR THIS.
( bullets whizzing )
THAT WAS A BIT CLOSE.
DO YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO SURRENDER?
GOOD IDEA.
Both: WE SURRENDER!
( bullet ricochets )
I DON'T THINK THEY'RE IN THE RIGHT MOOD FOR A CHAT.
KEEP PUMPING. WE MIGHT GAIN A BIT OF HEIGHT.
OOOH, I'M STIFF WITH THE COLD.
INTO BED, MAMMA,
AND I WILL BRING YOU
A NICE HOT WATER BOTTLE.
YOU COULD F-- FILL IT WITH GIN.
YOU SHALL HAVE A GIN, MAMMA.
NOW THAT THE AIRMEN HAVE GONE,
WE CAN ALL RETURN TO NORMAL.
- ( radio buzzing ) - QUICK, THE BED.
AAAGH!
WILL THESE FLASHING BEDKNOBS
NEVER CEASE?
WHY CANNOT YOU PUT
THE RADIO SOMEWHERE ELSE?
- SHUT UP! - BUT WE ARE NOT
EXPECTING A MESSAGE FROM LONDON.
PERHAPS THEY HAVE HEARD OF MY EXPLOITS.
MAYBE IT IS GENERAL DE GAULLE, CALLING TO GIVE ME A MEDAL.
Man: Hello, hello, are you receiving me? Over.
'ALLO, 'ALLO, THIS IS NIGHTHAWK,
RECEIVING YOU, LOUD AND CLEAR.
PUT THE GENERAL ON THE LINE, WILL YOU?
We have urgent message: Red Riding Hood
must not go to the woods.
GET THE CODE BOOK-- LOOK IT UP.
Red Riding Hood must not go to--
ALL RIGHT, WE'VE HEARD YOU.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
DO NOT RELEASE THE AIRMEN!
OH, HECK.
'ALLO, 'ALLO, RED RIDING HOOD
HAS ALREADY GONE TO THE WOODS.
ANY MINUTE NOW SHE WILL BE KNOCKING ON THE COTTAGE DOOR.
The wind is giving us problems.
ALSO, IT IS GIVING ME A PROBLEM.
SHUT UP, YOU OLD RATBAG!
IT IS TOO LATE, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO.
THE AIRMEN HAVE GONE, AND I AM GLAD TO SEE THE BACK OF THEM.
OVER AND OUT.
I THINK WE SHOULD ALL SAY
A LITTLE PRAYER FOR THE AIRMEN.
COME.
DEAR LORD,
PLEASE GIVE TO THE BRITISH AIRMEN
A SAFE LANDING WHEREVER THEY MAY BE.
AMEN.
- HELLO. - HELLO!
OH MY GOD.
WHEN GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN ARRIVES,
LET US KNOW IMMEDIATELY.
WE MUST NOT KEEP HIM WAITING,
- WE DO NOT WANT TO MAKE HIM CROSS. - YES, COLONEL.
NOW REMEMBER, HANS,
WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON,
YOU UNDERSTAND?
PERFECTLY.
WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON?
WELL, WE'VE BEEN STEALING PRICELESS PAINTINGS;
WE PINCHED THAT CLOCK,
THE OLDEST CUCKOO CLOCK IN EXISTENCE;
THEN THERE WAS THE BLOWING UP OF THE RAILWAY LINE,
HELPING BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE.
ALL THESE THINGS CAN AFFECT OUR CAREERS
VERY BADLY.
I WILL SAY THAT I KNOW NOTHING OF THESE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE DONE.
YOU HAVE DONE THEM, TOO!
I WAS OBEYING ORDERS, YOUR ORDERS.
YOU ALWAYS USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CUCKOO CLOCK?
I WAS VERY CLEVER ABOUT THAT.
I EXPECT YOU THINK
I HAD THAT BUST MADE OF MYSELF OUT OF VANITY?
IT DID CROSS MY MIND, YES.
AND THEN I THOUGHT IT WAS SO LIFELIKE, THAT IT COULD NOT BE VANITY.
HANS, THAT BUST CONCEALS
THE PRICELESS CUCKOO CLOCK,
WHICH I WILL SELL AFTER THE WAR.
I WONDERED WHY
THERE WAS A KEY IN YOUR EARHOLE.
WILL IT STILL WORK AFTER ALL THIS TIME IN YOUR CONCRETE HEAD?
THE MECHANISM IS IN PERFECT ORDER.
( ticking )
HANS, YOU FOOL!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
YOU'RE RIGHT, IT DOES WORK. IT IS TICKING.
IF VON KLINKERHOFFEN HEARS MY HEAD TICKING,
HE WILL THINK I AM A BOMB.
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN IS HERE.
( cuckoos )
Colonel: OH, NO, DO SOMETHING.
DON'T LET HIM IN. DON'T LET HIM IN!
- DON'T LET HIM IN! - DO SOMETHING!
( gears whirring )
( spring pops )
I HAVE SHUT IT UP.
PUT IT BACK ON THE DESK.
TELL THE GENERAL TO COME IN.
SHOW THE GENERAL IN.
GENERAL ERICH VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
- HEIL HITLER! - Colonel: HEIL HITLER!
KLOP.
WHY DO YOU KEEP ME WAITING?
MY ASSISTANT WAS MAKING SURE
THE OFFICE WAS TIDY, GENERAL.
THE COLONEL'S HEAD HAD FALLEN DOWN.
I SEE.
General: I TAKE IT THIS WAS DONE BEFORE THE PLASTIC SURGERY.
HERR OTTO FLICK,
OFFICER OF THE GESTAPO.
I BELIEVE YOU REQUESTED MY PRESENCE?
I DID NOT-- I SENT FOR YOU. BE SEATED.
IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION
THAT THERE IS MUCH RESISTANCE ACTIVITY IN THIS AREA.
I AM, THEREFORE, TAKING PERSONAL COMMAND OF THE DISTRICT.
THAT'S VERY GOOD NEWS, GENERAL.
WE ARE QUITE CHUFFED.
PRICELESS WORKS OF ART HAVE BEEN STOLEN.
RAILWAY LINES AND STAFF CARS HAVE BEEN BLOWN UP.
UNAUTHORIZED BALLOONS HAVE BEEN OBSERVED.
AN ARMORED CAR HAS BEEN STOLEN--
ALL THESE INCIDENTS SERVE TO ENCOURAGE
OTHER RESISTANCE GROUPS IN OTHER AREAS.
THEY THINK THEY CAN DEFY US WITH IMPUNITY. IT MUST STOP!
WE QUITE AGREE, GENERAL.
IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
WE HAVE TRIED TO BE KIND.
THEY DO NOT APPRECIATE IT.
IT DOES NOT WORK!
VERY LITTLE INFORMATION
REGARDING THESE UNRULY ELEMENTS
HAVE BEEN RECEIVED FROM OUR INTELLIGENCE SOURCES.
IN OTHER DISTRICTS, GOOD LEADS HAVE BEEN OBTAINED
FROM PLACES TO WHICH THE PEOPLE HAVE FREE ACCESS,
SUCH AS BARS, RESTAURANTS, CAFES.
FURTHERMORE,
AMOROUS LIAISONS
WITH LOCAL WOMEN PAY GOOD DIVIDENDS.
WE HAVE TRIED THIS, GENERAL.
TIME AND TIME AGAIN.
WITH THE WAITRESSES IN THE CAFE.
- DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING NEW? - ONE OR TWO THINGS, YES.
- BUT NOTHING REALLY IMPORTANT. - I AM NOT SURPRISED.
THE SENIOR POSTS IN THE UNDERGROUND MOVEMENT
ARE USUALLY HELD BY OLDER WOMEN.
IS THIS NOT SO, HERR FLICK?
AGREED.
THERE IS, IN FACT, AN OLDER WOMAN
IN THE CAFE THE COLONEL IS REFERRING TO.
I HAVE, FOR A LONG TIME,
HAD MY SUSPICIONS ABOUT HER.
THEN AN OFFICER MUST BE FOUND
WHO IS ATTRACTED TO OLDER WOMEN,
WHO CAN WORM HIS WAY INTO THEIR CONFIDENCE.
I THINK YOU HAVE A SUGGESTION, HERR FLICK?
MY INVESTIGATIONS REVEAL
THAT COLONEL VON STROHM IS SUCH A PERSON.
IF I MAY SAY SO,
YOU ARE MISTAKEN, HERR FLICK.
HIS PREVIOUS SUCCESSES
WITH SENIOR WOMEN INCLUDE...
A LADY HAIRSTYLIST IN AMIENS.
NOT CLAUDETTE'S MOTHER?
IT WAS EARLY CLOSING DAY--
AND IT WAS RAINING.
IN YPRES, A CINEMA USHERETTE.
- THE REGAL? - THE ROXY.
OH, WAS THAT THE ONE WITH THE--
--THE ICE CREAM TRAY?
FROM THE CANALS,
A LADY BARGE CAPTAIN.
THE BIG ONE WITH THE FLAT BOTTOM?
THE LITTLE ONE WITH THE BIG FUNNEL.
THERE SEEMS NO DOUBT YOU ARE THE IDEAL AGENT FOR THIS OPERATION.
YOU WILL, THEREFORE, PAY ATTENTION TO THIS LADY,
AND, IF POSSIBLE, MAKE HER YOUR MISTRESS.
GENERAL, HOW CAN I PUT IT?
I DON'T FANCY HER.
COLONEL,
HOW CAN I PUT IT?
HOW DO YOU FANCY THE RUSSIAN FRONT?
SHE'S A GOOD COOK.
YES, I'D FORGOTTEN THAT.
GOOD, LET IT BE DONE.
HEIL HITLER.
- HEIL HITLER. - KLOP.
( sighs )
YVETTE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WAS TRYING TO GET ONE IN THE TOP POCKET,
AND AT THE SAME TIME, SCREW DOWN THE TABLE.
WHY DID YOU NOT WAIT FOR ME?
OOOH, RENE, KISS ME.
YVETTE, WE MUST BE CAREFUL.
MY WIFE HAS EARS LIKE A BAT.
SHE MIGHT BE SUSPICIOUS IF SHE DOES NOT
HEAR THE SOUND OF A GAME GOING ON.
WHILE YOU KISS ME,
I WILL MAKE THE BALLS GO CLICK IN THE POCKET.
OH, YVETTE.
OOOH, RENE.
OOOH!
RENE--
WHAT YOU ARE DOING ON THE BILLIARD TABLE?
YOU STUPID WOMAN.
IT'S QUITE OBVIOUS WHAT WE WERE DOING
ON THE BILLIARD TABLE!
A BULB WAS ON THE BLINK,
YVETTE WAS TRYING TO SCREW IT IN, TIGHTER.
THEN, WHY HAS SHE NOT DONE SO?
BECAUSE IT WAS TOO HOT.
I WAS LYING THERE WAITING FOR IT TO COOL DOWN.
IF YOU WANTED IT TO COOL DOWN, WHY DID YOU NOT SWITCH OFF THE LIGHT?
ME?! ALONE IN THE DARK
WITH ONE OF OUR SERVING G--
EDITH, WHAT KIND OF A MAN DO YOU THINK I AM?
OH, RENE,
ALWAYS SO CONSIDERATE.
RENE,
MICHELLE IS HERE, FROM THE RESISTANCE.
OH HECK.
ARE WE ALONE?
I AM NEVER ALONE.
DID YOU MANAGE TO HIDE THE AIRMEN IN A SAFE PLACE?
I HAVE CONCEALED THEM WHERE NO ONE WILL FIND THEM.
SEE?
HELLO!
SORRY THE BALLOON THING DIDN'T WORK OUT, CHAPS,
BUT DON'T THINK WE'VE FORGOTTEN YOU.
OH, GOOD SHOW.
BYE-BYE FOR NOW.
NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN HAS TAKEN
PERSONAL CHARGE OF THE DISTRICT.
HE IS A RUTHLESS BEAST WITHOUT MERCY OR COMPASSION.
WE CANNOT OPERATE UNDER HIS CRUEL TYRANNY.
WELL,
WE HAVE HAD A GOOD RUN FOR OUR MONEY.
I WAS GLAD I WAS ABLE TO HELP.
WE WILL HAND OVER THE ENGLISH TO THE GERMANS,
YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR JOB AT THE POST OFFICE,
AND I CAN GET ON WITH RUNNING MY CAFE.
YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
WE CANNOT OPERATE UNDER SUCH A RUTHLESS FIEND.
SO... WE MUST KILL HIM.
BUT HE IS GUARDED DAY AND NIGHT AT THE CHATEAU.
RENE, YOU COULD TAKE HIM SOME FOOD,
AND ROUND YOUR WAIST
YOU COULD STRAP DYNAMITE,
AND THEN, WHEN YOU GOT NEAR ENOUGH,
YOU COULD LIGHT THE FUSE,
AND-- POOF!
HE WOULD BE GONE, AND YOU WOULD BE BURIED
AS A GREAT HERO OF THE RESISTANCE.
FIRST, YOU WOULD HAVE TO SCRAPE ME OFF THE WALLS!
WE WOULD ONLY DO THIS AS A LAST RESORT.
THAT IS A GREAT RELIEF, I AM SURE.
BUT A BOMB,
OR A BOOBY-TRAP OF SOME NATURE MAY BE THE ANSWER.
WE HAVE THE EXPLOSIVES, WE MUST STAY ALERT.
WHEN THE RIGHT MOMENT COMES,
WE WILL STRIKE.
GOOD!
COME, GIRLS.
WHAT IS THE BIGGEST BREAK YOU'VE HAD ON THIS TABLE?
JUST NOW WHEN MY WIFE SWALLOWED THAT STORY ABOUT THE LIGHT BULB.
COLONEL, I--
WHERE HAS HE GONE?
COLONEL, I HAVE THE FLOWERS
YOU ORDERED FOR MADAME EDITH.
ON THE DESK WITH THEM, HANS.
MY HAIR IS GETTING VERY THIN ON TOP.
IT'S ALL THIS WORRY.
I'VE COMBED IT ACROSS.
THERE'S A BIT ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU COULD USE.
WE MUST GET RID OF THE GENERAL.
I AGREE. IF HE FINDS OUT ALL THE THINGS
YOU HAVE BEEN UP TO, YOU ARE FOR THE HIGH JUMP.
YOU ARE IN IT AS DEEP AS I AM.
SO FAR HE'S ONLY DISCOVERED
THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
YOU HAVEN'T STOLEN A WHOLE ICEBERG, HAVE YOU?
HANS, THE LONGER HE IS HERE,
THE MORE WE ARE IN DANGER.
HE MUST BE ELIMINATED.
WE NEED EITHER A BOMB,
BULLET OR POISON.
OOOH, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THIS BEFORE, COLONEL.
MIND YOU, YOU DID GO MAD THE OTHER DAY,
WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY PUT SALT ON YOUR STRUDEL.
STRUDEL!
SOMETHING IN HIS FOOD.
YOU HAVE IT, HANS.
WHAT WE NEED
IS A GOOD, STRONG,
RELIABLE WEED KILLER,
WITH ARSENIC!
WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GET THIS?
YOU WILL GET IT TODAY.
- WHERE FROM? - AT THE CHEMIST'S.
OH, COLONEL, YOU KNOW HOW I HATE
GOING FOR THINGS FROM THE CHEMIST'S.
BESIDES, IT IS CLOSING DAY.
SHOOT THE LOCK OFF.
KICK THE DOOR IN. TAKE AN AXE.
YOU ARE A GERMAN OFFICER, HANS,
BEHAVE LIKE ONE!
YES, COLONEL.
AND DON'T COME BACK WITH A COMB LIKE LAST TIME.
Rene: YVETTE,
TAKE THIS JUG INTO HERR FLICK, WILL YOU?
- BUT IT IS ONLY HALF FULL. - I WILL TOP IT UP.
THEY HAVE NO NOSE FOR WINE.
- YOUR WINE, HERR FLICK. - POUR IT.
IT LOOKS VERY PALE.
AHHH,
THIS SUMMER THERE WERE MANY CLOUDS.
( sneezes )
FOR SOME REASON IT IS BRINGING ON MY HAY FEVER.
YOU'RE VERY QUIET TONIGHT, HERR FLICK.
I AM THINKING DARK THOUGHTS.
I FIND YOU VERY EXCITING WHEN YOU'RE THINKING DARK THOUGHTS.
IT SEEMS YOU GET EXCITED AT EVERYTHING, HELGA.
AM I PERMITTED TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING?
I AM THINKING ABOUT GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
HE HAS INTERFERED WITH GESTAPO AFFAIRS.
HE MUST BE MADE TO PAY THE PENALTY.
WHAT IS THE PENALTY?
DEATH.
HERR FLICK, YOU WOULDN'T.
OH, YES, I WOULD.
OH, NO, YOU WOULDN'T.
OH, YES, I WOULD.
ALREADY I HAVE SELECTED A METHOD.
YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT ACQUAINTED
WITH THE KATARI TRIBE OF WESTERN BORNEO.
NO, I'VE NOT HAD THE PLEASURE.
THIS IS THE KATARI DEATH PIPE.
HAVEN'T THEY GOT BIG ONES?
IN THIS END, WE INSERT THIS SMALL DART,
THE TIP OF WHICH
IS IMPREGNATED WITH THE DEADLY EXTRACT
OF A RARE AND ALMOST EXTINCT BEETLE.
THE SMALLEST PUNCTURE
RESULTS IN VIOLENT CONVULSIONS,
AND DEATH WITHIN 10 SECONDS,
UNLESS THE VICTIM RECEIVES THE ANTIDOTE.
THIS IS THE ANTIDOTE.
THE VENOM IS ALMOST UNDETECTABLE.
HERR FLICK,
WILL NOT THE GENERAL'S SUSPICIONS
BE AROUSED WHEN YOU TAKE THE PIPE FROM THE CANE
AND POINT IT AT HIM?
AS YOU ARE DOING AT ME--
AND WOULD YOU MIND POINTING IT THE OTHER WAY?
THE GESTAPO HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS.
INSTEAD OF THIS PIPE,
YOU WILL USE
THIS SPECIALLY ADAPTED CIGARETTE HOLDER,
WHICH FITS THE DART PERFECTLY,
AND IS EFFECTIVE AT THREE METERS.
HERR FLICK, SURELY YOU ARE NOT EXPECTING ME
TO CARRY OUT SUCH A COLD-BLOODED ACTION?
IT IS FOR US, HELGA.
YOU AND I.
IF VON KLINKERHOFFEN HAS ME RECALLED TO BERLIN,
I COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
HERR FLICK, THIS IS TERRIBLE.
HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT?
THREE SECONDS.
( takes deep breath )
I'LL DO IT!
( sings off-key ) ♪ IF YOU COULD ONLY ♪
♪ CARE FOR ME-EEE ♪
♪ AS I COULD CARE FOR YOU... ♪
RENE,
YOU'RE EAVESDROPPING!
THESE GERMANS, THEY ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE.
WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD?
VON KLINKERHOFFEN IS ABOUT TO BE RUBBED OUT.
RUBBED OUT? HOW?
POOF, WITH A CIGARETTE HOLDER.
AND HE PLAYS THE PIANO SO BEAUTIFULLY.
NOT HIM!
HELGA.
ANYWAY, THE LESS WE KNOW, THE BETTER.
HANS, HAVE YOU GOT THE WEED KILLER?
EVEN BETTER. THE CHEMIST GAVE ME
A PILL CONTAINING ALL HIS BEST POISONS.
YOU TAKE IT WITH A GLASS OF WINE.
ONE DRINK, AND--
ALL IS QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT.
ARE YOU SURE IT WILL WORK?
YES, I TOLD HIM IT WAS FOR YOU.
GIVE IT TO ME!
I WILL KEEP IT TILL WE NEED IT.
YES.
HOW IS THE BIG ROMANCE WITH MADAME EDITH GOING?
HAVE YOU LOOSED UPON HER YOUR IRRESISTIBLE CHARM?
YES AND NO. I HAVE GIVEN HER THE FLOWERS.
THAT'S A GOOD START.
I TOLD HER THEY WERE FROM YOU.
OH-- WHAT?!
HANS, I AM A COLONEL.
YOU ARE A CAPTAIN.
I GIVE THE ORDERS.
I HAVE DECIDED
THAT YOU WILL WOO MADAME EDITH.
ANYWAY, YOU DO IT BETTER THAN I DO.
THOSE GIRLS HAVE BEEN GOSSIPING.
♪ IF YOU COULD ONLY ♪
♪ CARE FOR ME ♪
♪ AS I COULD CARE ♪
♪ FOR YOO-OU. ♪
SHE'S STOPPED. APPLAUD.
BRAVO, BRAVO.
THE INCOMPARABLE MADEMOISELLE EDITH.
COME AND SIT NEXT TO THE CAPTAIN.
CHAMPAGNE FOR THE HANDSOME CAPTAIN,
AND THE BEAUTIFUL SINGER.
THE COLONEL IS DRUNK EARLY THIS EVENING.
SAY SOMETHING COMPLIMENTARY.
THERE IS NOT ANOTHER SINGER LIKE YOU
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
HOW GALLANT THE CAPTAIN IS.
OH, LUCKY ME.
I AM ALL STEAMED UP.
WITHOUT YOUR GLASSES, YOU ARE EVEN MORE ATTRACTIVE.
SO ARE YOU.
WHAT SORT OF CHAMPAGNE
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY ME?
THE MOST EXPENSIVE?
TREAT YOURSELF, HANS.
YOU ARE GOING TO DESERVE IT.
I WILL GO AND GET IT FOR YOU
MYSELF, PERSONALLY.
( Hans chuckles )
WHO'S PAYING FOR THIS CHAMPAGNE?
GET A RECEIPT.
WE WILL CHARGE IT TO VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
YOU ARE DOING VERY WELL, HANS.
I THINK SHE LIKES YOU.
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT,
AND YOU WILL BE UPSTAIRS
BEFORE THE BOTTLE'S FINISHED.
MAKE IT A MAGNUM.
HE HAS A NAUGHTY LOOK IN HIS EYE.
I THINK HE IS AFTER MY FAVORS.
YES, WELL, WHEN YOU HAND THEM OUT,
REMEMBER THAT WE NEED PARAFFIN, BUTTER--
SLIGHTLY SALTED, AND SUGAR.
RENE,
WILL YOU NOT BE A LITTLE JEALOUS
IF I TAKE HIM UPSTAIRS?
OH, YES, I SHALL WEEP COPIOUS TEARS,
AND BANG MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL,
BUT THIS IS WAR,
AND WE ALSO NEED CHOCOLATE, AND CIGARETTES--
CORK-TIPPED,
THE OTHERS MAKE ME COUGH.
AH, CHAMPAGNE FOR THE CAPTAIN.
Colonel: I AM SO GLAD THAT AT LAST,
IT HAS ALL COME OUT INTO THE OPEN.
THE CAPTAIN HAS, FOR A LONG TIME,
ADMIRED MADAME EDITH.
AS WE LIE IN OUR LITTLE BUNKS AT NIGHT,
HE MURMURS HER NAME.
I EVEN CALLED MY OLD BICYCLE AFTER YOU.
WHAT A DELIGHT THE CAPTAIN IS.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TAKE HER UPSTAIRS.
COLONEL! I AM NOT LIKE THOSE GIRLS BEHIND THE BAR,
WHO GO UPSTAIRS FOR A FEW LITERS OF PARAFFIN.
I'M VERY GLAD TO HEAR IT.
NO, SHE WANTS EIGHT GALLONS,
AND BUTTER-- SLIGHTLY SALTED, SUGAR, CHOCOLATE,
AND CORK-TIPPED CIGAR-- LOOK, EDITH,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS PENCIL AND PAPER,
IN CASE YOU THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE ON THE WAY UP?
RENE, HOW DARE YOU!
THE CAPTAIN DOES NOT WANT TO BE RUSHED.
PERHAPS AFTER WE HAVE HAD A LITTLE MORE WINE,
AND I HAVE SUNG YOU A FEW MORE SONGS...
NO, THE CAPTAIN IS MUCH KEENER THAN THAT.
MAY I JOIN THIS PARTY?
I, TOO, HAVE SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE.
I HAVE BEEN APPOINTED A.D.C.
TO GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
CONGRATULATIONS, LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
HUBERT.
HE HAS GIVEN ME A NICE ROOM AT THE BACK OF THE CHATEAU,
VERY PRIVATE.
YOU MUST COME UP AND SEE IT SOMETIME.
I CANNOT WAIT.
SO YOU WILL BE WORKING FOR THE GENERAL.
DOES THAT MEAN YOU WILL BE IN CHARGE OF THE WINE?
MY FIRST DUTY IS TO ORGANIZE
A BANQUET AT THE CHATEAU,
TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTHDAY OF THE KAISER.
THE GENERAL IS RELATED,
AND RATHER PROUD OF IT.
BETWEEN YOU AND ME, HE'S A BIT OF A SNOB, YOU KNOW.
YOU AND YOUR STAFF ARE INVITED, COLONEL.
A PARTY? I LOVE A PARTY.
WILL THERE BE PLENTY OF WINE?
OF COURSE, OODLES.
THERE WILL BE A BOAR'S HEAD,
WITH APPLE IN THE MOUTH,
CHICKENS AND THINGS, AND, OF COURSE,
THE TRADITIONAL BLACK FOREST GATEAU
WITH THE CANDLES.
I CAN COOK THIS FOR YOU,
AND RENE CAN SERVE IT. CAN YOU NOT, RENE?
WELL, I--
HE COULD STAND BEHIND
THE GERMAN GENERAL ALL NIGHT,
UNTIL HE WAS ALLOWED TO GO OFF.
EDITH, I-- I-- I EXPECT THE GENERAL WOULD PREFER
OUTSIDE CATERERS AND HIS OWN STAFF.
ON THE CONTRARY, THE PEOPLE IN THE TOWN
SEEM RELUCTANT TO COOPERATE.
THE BOY IN THE CAKE SHOP WAS MOST OFFHAND.
I WAS ABOUT TO ASK IF YOU COULD DO IT.
OF COURSE WE COULD.
AND IF RENE HAS A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DRINK,
HE COULD STAY THE NIGHT.
WE HAVE LARGE CHAMBERS.
YOU THINK OF EVERYTHING, LIEUTENANT.
BREAD,
FRESH LOAVES OF BREAD!
OH MY GOD. EXCUSE ME.
- SHHH! - I AM AN OLD BREAD SELLER.
BREAD, WHO WILL BUY MY BREAD.
I HAVE BIG ONES, SMALL ONES,
SOME AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD.
- Rene: SHUT UP! - ( pounds on counter )
AH, PATRON,
YOU ARE RENE ARTOIS?
I AM.
IT IS I, LECLERC.
AMAZING.
SHHH, I HAVE COME
FROM THE RESISTANCE.
MICHELLE SAYS
YOU ARE TO TAKE THESE SMALL ONES,
ALL OF THEM.
INSIDE IS EACH A STICK OF DYNAMITE,
TO BLOW UP THE GENERAL.
THANK YOU, BREAD SELLER.
IF YOU THINK I AM GOING TO STRAP THOSE TO MYSELF, AND BLOW MYSELF--
NO, NO, NO. YOUR WIFE IS TO MAKE
A BLACK FOREST GATEAU, FOR THE CHATEAU.
A GATEAU FOR THE CHATEAU?
IN THE GATEAU, YOU WILL PUT THE DYNAMITE.
ON TOP OF THE GATEAU,
THESE CANDLES.
ONE OF THOSE IS THE FUSE.
UH-HUH, WHICH ONE?
SEE? THIS ONE.
IT HAS A LITTLE LUMP
ON THE SIDE, THERE,
LIKE A HANDLE.
AH, THE CANDLE WITH THE HANDLE.
GOOD LUCK, AND VIVE LA FRANCE.
VIVE DE GAULLE!
WHO?
YOU KNOW, THE TALL ONE WITH THE BIG HOOTER.
AH, VIVE HIM AND ALL.
BREAD!
WHO WILL BUY MY BREAD?
LOAVES OF BREAD.
EVERYTHING ON THE LIST
WILL BE DELIVERED TOMORROW MORNING.
EDITH, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU FOR THIS.
I WILL SEND MARIA UP TO THE ROOM
WITH A WARMING PAN TO WARM THE BED.
THERE IS NO NEED,
THE CAPTAIN HAS GONE HOME.
HE HAD A HEADACHE.
NOW PLACE UPON IT THE TOP HALF.
GOOD.
NOW WE MUST PLACE IN THE CENTER
THE CANDLE WITH THE FUSE.
THIS WILL BURN FOR 10 SECONDS, ACTIVATE THE DETONATOR,
WHICH WILL THEN EXPLODE THE DYNAMITE.
WILL IT BE A BIG BANG?
THE DINING ROOM OF THE CHATEAU WILL BE DEMOLISHED.
THERE WILL BE GATEAU AND MEDALS EVERYWHERE.
VON KLINKERHOFFEN WILL BE NO MORE.
MICHELLE, I HAVE BEEN THINKING,
COULD WE NOT JUST DROP A LITTLE HINT
TO THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN?
I KNOW THEY ARE GERMANS,
BUT THEY ARE VERY GOOD CUSTOMERS.
THE CAPTAIN GAVE ME FLOWERS.
THEY ARE THE ENEMY. THIS IS WAR.
THEY ARE WITHOUT MERCY, WE MUST KILL THEM.
HENRIETTE,
TAKE THE TROLLEY WITH THE HAMPER.
THE CHICKENS ARE IN THE HAMPERS.
TAKE THAT AND THE GATEAU TO THE CHATEAU.
HERE, GIVE THEM THIS BILL.
TELL THEM IT IS CASH ON DELIVERY,
SERVICE IS INCLUDED.
WHAT DO I DO THEN?
COME BACK HERE WITH THE MONEY,
AND RUN THE FIRST 100 YARDS.
( Mamma yelling; banging )
WHAT IS IT, MAMMA?
HOW MUCH LONGER
DO YOU EXPECT YOUR POOR OLD MOTHER
TO LIVE IN THE LARDER?
IT IS JUST TILL YOUR ROOM IS REPAIRED.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE GORGONZOLA?
I COULD NOT STAND
THE SMELL,
SO I--
ATE IT.
( radio static )
HAVEN'T YOU GOT THROUGH YET?
I'VE GOT AS FAR AS THE WIMBLEDON EXCHANGE.
QUITE A CHATTY OPERATOR, THOUGH.
SHE SAYS CIGARETTES HAVE GONE UP TO NINE PENCE.
HARDLY WORTH GOING HOME.
Woman: Hello.
HELLO, MUMMY?!
IT'S GAVIN.
Good Lord,
are you in a phone box at the station?
NO, I'M IN FRANCE.
I CAN'T TALK ANY LOUDER,
THERE ARE JERRIES EVERYWHERE.
Jerries everywhere? Are you in hospital?
NO, I'M WITH BUMBLY CARSTAIRS.
HELLO!
THAT'S HIM. WE'RE DOING A BIT OF DECORATING.
Nigel, Nigel, it's Gavin.
He's in France with Bumbly, doing some decorating.
HOW ARE YOU GETTING ON?
Oh, it's absolute hell.
We're having a bridge party this evening
and cook's been called up.
NEVER MIND, SOLDIER ON.
Darling,
do give us your address
and Daddy will try and get you out.
HE CAN'T DO THAT, MUMMY.
Don't be silly, darling,
he's very friendly with the Duke of Windsor.
NO, I MEAN,
I CAN'T GIVE YOU OUR ADDRESS,
SOMEONE MIGHT BE LISTENING.
Operator: Your time is up.
Will you pay for a further three minutes?
MUMMY, COULD I REVERSE THE CHARGES,
JUST THIS ONCE? YOU SEE--
( radio clicks )
DAMN! THEY'VE CUT US OFF.
YOU NEVER ASKED WHO WON THE BOAT RACE?
DAMN!
I KNEW WE CALLED ABOUT SOMETHING.
IT SEEMS VERY QUIET WITHOUT THE GERMANS.
IT WON'T BE QUIET WHEN THEY HEAR THE BANG.
OH, POOR RENE. ALL THIS EXCITEMENT
HAS GIVEN HIM ONE OF HIS HEADS.
I WISH THERE WAS SOME WAY WE COULD
WARN THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN.
WE GET ON QUITE WELL, YOU KNOW.
WE HAVE A GOOD WORKING ARRANGEMENT.
YES, AS LONG AS YOU DO AS HE SAYS,
HE DOESN'T SHOOT YOU.
( piano intro plays )
MY FRIENDS, LOYAL FRENCHMEN,
TONIGHT,
THE HATED GERMANS ARE NOT WITH US.
( all applaud )
THEY MAY NEVER BE WITH US.
WE HAVE, THIS DAY,
CARVED ONE MORE STEP
IN THE STAIRWAY OF FREEDOM.
SHE HAS BEEN READING VICTOR HUGO AGAIN.
WE HAVE LIT THE TORCH TO BANISH THE DARKNESS
OF THE SHADOW WHICH IS OVER OUR LAND.
ALL SHE DID WAS BAKE A CAKE.
THERE IS ONLY ONE SONG A FRENCHMAN MAY SING AT A MOMENT LIKE THIS.
YOU ALL KNOW IT.
"BOOM,
WHY DOES MY HEART GO BOOM?"
( all singing ) ♪ ARISE, YE CHILDREN ♪
♪ OF THE MARSEILLAISE ♪
♪ THE HOUR OF FREEDOM ♪
♪ IS DRAWING NIGH-- ♪ ( abrupt switch )
♪ DEUTSCHLAND, DEUTSCHLAND ♪
♪ UBER ALLES ♪
♪ UBER ALLES IN DER WELT-- ♪
SILENCE!
OH MY GOD, THEY HAVE FOUND THE DYNAMITE.
THIS CAFE HAS BEEN REQUISITIONED
BY THE GERMAN ARMY.
EVERYBODY OUT!
EVERYBODY OUT. DO WHAT THE COLONEL TELLS YOU.
ARRANGE THE TABLES.
IS SOMETHING THE MATTER, COLONEL?
HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO
HAS LEARNED THAT THERE IS
A PLOT TO BLOW UP THE CHATEAU.
NO!
WHO WOULD DO A TERRIBLE THING LIKE THAT?
THE RESISTANCE.
THESE RESISTANCE PEOPLE, THEY ARE THE LIMIT.
ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT, RENE?
I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU,
OF COURSE, COLONEL.
I AM SURE IT IS NOTHING PERSONAL.
I EXPECT THEY WERE TRYING TO GET RID OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
WE'RE ALL TRYING TO GET RID OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
WHAT A SHAME. AND YOUR NICE PARTY, ALL SPOILED.
ALL IS NOT LOST, RENE.
ON MY RECOMMENDATION,
WE WILL CELEBRATE THE KAISER'S BIRTHDAY
IN YOUR CAFE.
OH, WHAT AN HONOR.
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
HEIL HITLER!
KLOP.
PLEASE-- BE SEATED, HERR GENERAL.
ANYWHERE YOU LIKE.
THIS WILL BE MY TABLE.
PLEASE,
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE, HERR GENERAL.
- RENE, - YES, COLONEL?
WE'VE BEEN GOOD FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME.
I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
- HIDE THIS. - OF COURSE, COLONEL.
WHAT IS IT?
JUST A PILL.
IT WILL BE SAFE IN THERE.
COLONEL, COME AND SIT DOWN.
COMING, GENERAL.
NOT THERE. THAT SEAT IS RESERVED FOR YOUR ASSISTANT.
- OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. - NOT YOU, THE GIRL.
HELGA.
COMING, COLONEL. OOOH!
YOU HAVE THE DART IN PLACE?
YES, HERR FLICK.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO?
YES, HERR FLICK.
MY HANDS ARE SHAKING.
WHEN SITTING NEXT TO A GENERAL,
IT IS QUITE PROPER
THAT A GIRL'S HAND SHOULD SHAKE.
THAT SEAT IS RESERVED FOR MY A.D.C., LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
IT WILL BE COMFORTING TO THINK
THAT HE WILL BE CLOSE AT HAND,
SHOULD YOU NEED ASSISTANCE.
WHERE IS THE FOOD? WHERE IS THE WINE?
WE ARE HOTTING UP THE CHICKENS, HERR GENERAL.
RENE, THE WINE.
AND MAKE SURE IT IS THE BEST.
YES, GENERAL.
SEE TO THE WINE, HANS,
AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU LOOK AFTER
THE GENERAL'S WINE-- PERSONALLY.
YES, HERR COLONEL.
RENE, RENE!
THE COLONEL GAVE YOU A PILL. WHERE IS IT?
I HAVE THE PILL IN THE TILL.
- WHICH IS THE WINE FOR THE GENERAL? - IT IS HERE, IN THIS JUG.
THE PILL CONTAINS A DRUG.
THE PILL IN THE TILL?
TAKE IT AND PUT IT IN THERE.
PUT THE DRUG IN THE JUG?
WE NEARLY FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE CELEBRATION.
OH MY GOD!
THE GATEAU FROM THE CHATEAU!
WHAT ABOUT THE GATEAU FROM THE CHATEAU.
IT CONTAINS A BOMB.
A BOMB IN THE GATEAU FROM THE CHATEAU?!
IT IS TO BLOW UP THE GENERAL.
YOU MUST NOT LET ANYBODY LIGHT THAT FUSE.
WHERE IS THE FUSE?
IT IS THE CANDLE WITH THE HANDLE.
BUT RENE,
YOU DO NOT NEED TO KILL THE GENERAL.
WE HAVE ALREADY ARRANGED TO KILL THE GENERAL.
DO YOU NOT SEE
IF WE KILL HIM WITH THE PILL FROM THE TILL,
BY MAKING WITH IT THE DRUG IN THE JUG,
YOU NEED NOT LIGHT THE CANDLE WITH THE HANDLE
ON THE GATEAU FROM THE CHATEAU?
SIMPLE PLOTS ARE ALWAYS THE BEST.
PUT THE PILL IN THE JUG.
( whimpers )
I WILL TAKE IT. I WILL TAKE IT.
I DO NOT WANT TO GET IT MIXED UP WITH THE OTHERS.
HERE WE ARE, GENERAL.
I SAW YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE GENERAL'S WINE.
WHAT WAS IT?
ONE OF MY HEADACHE PILLS.
THEY WANTED TO KILL HIM WITH POISON,
BUT I AM NOT HAVING THAT SORT OF THING GOING ON IN MY CAFE.
IT IS BAD FOR BUSINESS.
WE WON'T HAVE A BUSINESS IF THE GATEAU BLOWS UP.
ONE THING AT A TIME.
RENE, THE LITTLE CHICKENS HAVE BEEN ROASTED
UNDER THE GRILL AND ARE READY.
THANK YOU.
COME THIS WAY, YVETTE, WE WILL SERVE THEM.
GENTLEMEN, YOUR HELMETS!
GENTLEMEN, WE ARE HERE TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTHDAY
OF MY ANCESTOR,
WILHELM VICTOR ALBERT II,
MARGRAVE OF BRANDENBURG,
BELGRAVE OF NUREMBERG,
BETTER KNOWN TO US ALL AS THE KAISER!
THEY DID VERY WELL IN THE STOCKING BUSINESS.
CHARGE YOUR GLASSES.
THIS ONE!
ALLOW ME, GENERAL.
- NO. - NO, HELGA.
THIS IS SPECIAL WINE FOR THE GENERAL.
THE KAISER.
All: THE KAISER.
WHAT TIME DO YOU MAKE IT, HANS?
- NOT THINKING OF LEAVING, ARE YOU, COLONEL? - NO, GENERAL.
I WASN'T THINKING OF LEAVING.
PERHAPS, IT HAS SETTLED ON THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS.
A TOAST TO THE KAISER'S WIFE.
MRS. KAISER.
DID THE KAISER HAVE A DOG?
LET ME REFILL YOUR GLASS, GENERAL.
OF COURSE. WHERE IS THE FOOD?
JUST COMING, GENERAL.
GENTLEMEN,
I GIVE YOU
THE SMARTEST REGIMENT IN THE GERMAN ARMY,
THE 7th PRUSSIAN INFANTRY.
WHO WANTS WELL DONE?
THE SMARTEST REGIMENT.
All: THE SMARTEST REGIMENT.
WHERE IS MY CHICKEN?
IT IS A LITTLE HIGHER THAN THE OTHER ONES,
I WILL GET YOU ANOTHER.
COLONEL?
I AM HIS A.D.C., DO YOU NOT THINK
I OUGHT TO TELL HIM?
ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS YOU LEARN AT MILITARY ACADEMY,
IS NEVER TO TELL A GENERAL
WHEN HE HAS A CHICKEN ON HIS HEAD.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE GRAVY GOES DOWN HIS NECK?
THE WINE SHOULD WORK BEFORE THAT.
HAVE SOME MORE WINE, GENERAL.
YVETTE, MARIA--
WE NEED A BUCKET OF WATER AND A BUCKET OF SAND.
WE MUST PUT OUT THAT BOMB BEFORE IT GOES OFF.
YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING.
WHEN THE CANDLE IS LIT, YOU HAVE ONLY 10 SECONDS TO ESCAPE.
MY RESTAURANT WILL BE WRECKED!
THE CRATER WHERE IT STOOD WILL BE A MONUMENT
TO THE BRAVERY OF THE RESISTANCE.
YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR TREE.
TO ADOLF HITLER.
All: ADOLF HITLER.
AND EVA BRAUN.
All: EVA BRAUN.
AND THEIR LITTLE DOGGIE.
THERE, NOW THAT WE HAVE TOASTED THE FUHRER,
YOU MAY ALL SMOKE.
OH MY GOD. THE POISON DART!
NOT IN MY CAFE.
I SEEMED TO HAVE MISPLACED MY CIGARETTE HOLDER.
- MUST BE IN THE CHATEAU-- MAY I BORROW YOURS? - WELL--
THERE SEEMS TO BE A SMALL BLOCKAGE.
( blows )
OH MY GOD, THEY HAVE GOT THE GESTAPO.
YES, THAT SEEMS TO HAVE CLEARED IT.
- THE ANTIDOTE, QUICK! - WHERE IS IT?
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT MAN?
HE HAD THE FISH.
GENERAL, IT IS MIDNIGHT.
OH, DEAR, WE ARE BEHIND SCHEDULE. BUT NEVER MIND.
IT IS AT THIS HOUR
THAT OUR BELOVED KAISER DREW HIS FIRST ROYAL BREATH.
IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE TRADITIONS OF MY FAMILY,
I WILL NOW LIGHT THE CANDLES.
- ( woman screams ) - QUICK, THE BUCKETS!
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - TO THE LITTLE BOYS' ROOM.
SIT DOWN.
THE COLONEL ALSO WANTS TO GO TO THE LITTLE BOYS' ROOM.
- NO, I DO NOT. - YES, YOU DO.
- NO, I DO NOT! - COLONEL--
YES, I DO!
SIT DOWN!
OPEN THIS DOOR! OPEN UP!
STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
ON THE COUNT OF 10, THROW YOURSELVES ON THE FLOOR.
THE CANDLE WITH THE HANDLE.
THERE, THEY ARE ALL LIT.
AND NOW, TO COMMEMORATE THE MOMENT 82 YEARS LATER,
WHEN HE DREW HIS LAST BREATH,
WE WILL BLOW THEM ALL OUT AGAIN.
FOR A MOMENT,
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO JOIN THE KAISER.
RENE! THE CANDLE WITH THE HANDLE IS STILL LIT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?
I DID THIS-- IN MEMORY OF THE DAY
THAT THE KAISER WAS BURIED.
THE BURIAL OF THE KAISER.
All: THE BURIAL OF THE KAISER.
RENE, THAT IS THE JUG WITH THE DRUG.
AFTER ALL THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH,
I COULD DO WITH A LITTLE ASPIRIN.
( theme music playing )