1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:06,072 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:35,101 SOME OF YOU MAY BE CURIOUS TO KNOW WHAT I AM DOING 3 00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:38,604 IN AN HAYSTACK WEARING A TOP HAT AND COAL SCUTTLE. 4 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,607 ( metal rattles ) 5 00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:42,108 I WILL TELL YOU. 6 00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,110 I AM HIDING FROM MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, 7 00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,612 A DECREPIT OLD UNDERTAKER 8 00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:49,115 WHO CHALLENGED ME TO A DUEL. 9 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:52,618 MY WIFE, EDITH, INVITED THE WHOLE VILLAGE 10 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,621 TO WITNESS THIS SPECTACLE. 11 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:58,625 SO, SHE WAS PARTICULARLY DISAPPOINTED WHEN I RAN AWAY. 12 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:01,127 BUT, IT'S JUST AS WELL THAT I DID, BECAUSE, 13 00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:04,130 IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT I WAS ZIGZAGGING THROUGH THE WOODS, 14 00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:08,134 HE STILL MANAGED TO DENT MY SCUTTLE AT 75 YARDS. 15 00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,638 THE QUESTION NOW IS, HOW MUCH LONGER 16 00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:14,140 CAN I GO ON HIDING FROM HIM WITHOUT BEING DISCOVERED? 17 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,144 PSST, PSST, RENE. 18 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:20,146 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 19 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,148 WE ARE HAVING A SECRET MEETING. 20 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:28,154 WE HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT COURSE OF ACTION TO TAKE NEXT. 21 00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:31,157 I WILL TELL YOU WHAT COURSE OF ACTION TO TAKE NEXT-- 22 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:32,658 GET ME TO SWITZERLAND. 23 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,661 WE NEED YOU HERE. 24 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,163 YOU ARE A VITAL LINK IN THE ESCAPE ROUTE 25 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,664 OF THE BRITISH AIRMEN. 26 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,667 THE BALLOON IS ASSEMBLED, 27 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,669 A FAVORABLE WIND IS EXPECTED. 28 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:46,172 WE WILL NEED YOU TO TAKE THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO THE RENDEZVOUS. 29 00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,174 DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? 30 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:51,177 THAT MANIAC UNDERTAKER IS TRYING TO KILL ME. 31 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,179 WE HAVE DECIDED ON A DISGUISE. 32 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:55,181 YOU HAVE? 33 00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:57,183 OH, MICHELLE, 34 00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,185 HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU? 35 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,187 TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES. 36 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:06,692 THE RESISTANCE DON'T MESS ABOUT, DO THEY? 37 00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:11,197 COULD WE NOT KISS AND CUDDLE A LITTLE BIT FIRST? 38 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:15,201 IT IS SO YOU CAN PUT ON YOUR DISGUISE. 39 00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,203 OH. 40 00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:19,705 I THOUGHT MY LUCK HAD CHANGED. 41 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:25,711 ( singing off-key ) ♪ WHO-OOO MEANS MY HAPPINESS? ♪ 42 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:29,215 ♪ WHO-OOO WOULD I NOT ♪ 43 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:32,718 ♪ SAY YES TO-OOO? ♪ 44 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,220 ♪ WELL, YOU OUGHT TO GUESS ♪ 45 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:37,223 ♪ WHO-OOO ♪ 46 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:40,726 ♪ NO ONE BUT YOU-OOO. ♪ 47 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:47,733 MADAME, YOU HAVE A VOICE IN A MILLION. 48 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:52,238 WHEN WE ARE MARRIED, I WILL SING TO YOU EVERY NIGHT. 49 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,740 MADAME EDITH, IT MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE, 50 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:58,745 AFTER ALL, OUR BEDROOM IS ABOVE THE MORTUARY. 51 00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,247 OH, FORGIVE ME. I WAS FORGETTING. 52 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:05,251 I COULD HUM "AVE MARIA" UNACCOMPANIED. 53 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,756 YOU PROBABLY WOULD BE. 54 00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:18,264 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, IT IS VERY URGENT THAT I SPEAK TO YOU. 55 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,269 I DO NOT KNOW YOU. 56 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:25,271 I AM MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE. 57 00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,773 MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE? 58 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,777 NOT THE INTREPID LEADER OF THAT BRAVE BAND OF PARTISANS 59 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,780 WHO ROAM THE COUNTRYSIDE STRIKING TERROR INTO THE HEARTS 60 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:36,282 OF GERMANS AND COLLABORATORS ALIKE? 61 00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:38,284 NOT THE GIRL WHO IS A LEGEND, 62 00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,286 WHO COMES INTO OUR MIDST 63 00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:43,289 LIKE A PHANTOM AND THEN VANISHES WITHOUT A TRACE? 64 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,791 THAT IS THE ONE. 65 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,796 LEAD, MADEMOISELLE, AND WE WILL FOLLOW. 66 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,800 I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. 67 00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,807 NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 68 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,810 I WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 69 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,312 I WILL TAKE NOTES. 70 00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:09,114 OH, YVETTE, RENE IS OUTSIDE. 71 00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:11,117 OH NO, IF MONSIEUR ALPHONSE SEES HIM, 72 00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:12,618 HE WILL KILL HIM. 73 00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,621 DO NOT WORRY, HE'S IN DISGUISE. 74 00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:17,624 HE WILL WAIT IN THE CAFE UNTIL MICHELLE EXPLAINS 75 00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:21,127 TO MONSIEUR ALPHONSE HOW IMPORTANT RENE IS TO OUR CAUSE. 76 00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:25,131 ANOTHER COGNAC, PLEASE, YVETTE. 77 00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,632 ANY NEWS OF RENE? 78 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,635 NOT A WORD. 79 00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:30,637 THE PLACE IS NOT THE SAME WITHOUT HIM. 80 00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:31,638 IT'S ALL CLEAR. 81 00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:05,171 THOSE EYES, 82 00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:07,173 THEY LOOK VERY FAMILIAR, 83 00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,175 PARTICULARLY THAT ONE. 84 00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:16,182 ( falsetto ) I AM TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO BE FAMILIAR, MONSIEUR. 85 00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:17,683 I HAVE IT. 86 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:21,187 YOU ARE A RELATION OF RENE, WHO WORKS BEHIND THE BAR. 87 00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:22,688 VERY DISTANT. 88 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:27,193 YOU HAVE... VERY HAIRY LEGS. 89 00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:31,197 THEY RUN IN THE FAMILY. 90 00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:33,199 RENE, IT IS YOU. 91 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,701 PLEASE, LIEUTENANT, DO NOT GIVE ME AWAY. 92 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:38,204 DON'T WORRY, YOUR SECRET IS SAFE WITH ME. 93 00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,206 NO, NO, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. 94 00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:42,208 YES, I DO! 95 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,212 I HAD AN UNCLE WITH THE SAME LEANINGS. 96 00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,714 EVERY SHROVE TUESDAY, 97 00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:51,217 HE WOULD DRESS UP AS A PANCAKE GIRL. 98 00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:54,720 I SUPPOSE YOU THINK I AM A COWARD. 99 00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,222 ON THE CONTRARY. 100 00:05:56,222 --> 00:05:58,224 I THINK IT TAKES GREAT COURAGE 101 00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:00,226 TO COME OUT IN THE OPEN AND DRESS THAT WAY. 102 00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:04,230 OH MY GOD, GERMANS. AND THEY ARE COMING 103 00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:07,233 - TO THIS TABLE. - DON'T WORRY, I WILL COVER. 104 00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:10,236 MADEMOISELLE, A DANCE? 105 00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:13,239 WHAT? WELL, NO, I DON'T-- I'M NOT VERY GOOD. 106 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:14,740 DON'T WORRY, I WILL LEAD. 107 00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:18,244 ( piano music playing ) 108 00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:24,750 ARE THEY WATCHING US? 109 00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,754 DON'T WORRY, JUST BE NORMAL. 110 00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,756 I AM DOING MY BEST. 111 00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:32,258 WE WILL DO A FEW MORE BARS 112 00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:34,760 THEN I WILL PUT YOU IN MY LITTLE TANK 113 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,262 AND TAKE YOU BACK TO MY PLACE 114 00:06:36,262 --> 00:06:38,264 UNTIL IT DIES DOWN. 115 00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:40,266 PSST, RENE. 116 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,768 LIEUTENANT, DO YOU FEATHER? 117 00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:44,270 OF COURSE. 118 00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,777 JUST LEAVE ME HERE WITH MY FRIENDS, WILL YOU? 119 00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,780 YOU ARE NOT REALLY DRESSED FOR A TANK. 120 00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:56,282 I THINK I HAD BETTER GO AND WARM IT UP FOR YOU. 121 00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,784 IF YOU NEED A PUSH START JUST LET ME KNOW, 122 00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:00,787 I'LL GET THE REST OF THE GIRLS. 123 00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,290 AARGHH! 124 00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:06,792 I DID NOT KNOW 125 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:09,295 WHO IT WAS I WAS CHALLENGING TO A DUEL. 126 00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:12,298 YOU, THE LEADER OF THE ESCAPE ROUTE. 127 00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:14,800 LET ME KISS THE HEM OF YOUR DRESS. 128 00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:17,303 PLEASE, PLEASE, 129 00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:19,305 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, YOU EMBARRASS ME. 130 00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:21,307 TELL ME WHAT TO DO, 131 00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:22,808 I WILL FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE. 132 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:26,312 IN A MINUTE, I AM GOING TO HAVE TO GO 133 00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:28,314 TO THE LITTLE GIRL'S ROOM. 134 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,317 OH, MADAME, 135 00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:33,819 I COULD NOT COME BETWEEN YOU AND THIS-- 136 00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:39,325 THIS-- PERHAPS THE BRAVEST MAN IN FRANCE. 137 00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:42,328 HENCEFORTH, I WILL ADMIRE YOU FROM AFAR. 138 00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:45,331 GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL, 139 00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:46,332 VIVE LA FRANCE. 140 00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:50,336 - VIVE DE GAULLE. - WHO? 141 00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:51,837 YOU KNOW, DE GAULLE. 142 00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:53,840 THE ONE WITH THE BIG HOOTER. 143 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,342 OF COURSE. VIVE DE GAULLE. 144 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:02,348 - THANK HEAVENS HE HAS GONE. - THAT IS ALL VERY WELL FOR YOU, 145 00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,849 BUT WHAT AM I TO TELL MY FRIENDS? 146 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:06,352 I CANNOT BE SEEN OUT WITH A COWARD. 147 00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:08,354 I HAVE THE EXPLANATION. 148 00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:11,357 YOU WILL TELL THEM THAT DURING THE DUEL, 149 00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:14,860 A BUMBLEBEE FLEW DOWN HIS TROUSERS AT A CRITICAL MOMENT, 150 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,863 CAUSING HIM TO RUN INTO THE RIVER. 151 00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:19,365 BUT THE NEAREST RIVER IS THREE MILES AWAY. 152 00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:22,368 IT WAS A VERY BIG BEE. 153 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,371 RENE? 154 00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:27,373 HELGA IS HERE. SHE MUST SEE YOU. 155 00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:28,874 - SHE'S IN TROUBLE. - HELGA? 156 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,377 ONE LAST MESSAGE BEFORE I GO, 157 00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:32,878 THE WIND IS FAVORABLE. 158 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:36,382 WHEN THE MOON IS DOWN, YOU WILL LEAD THE AIRMEN TO THE BALLOON. 159 00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:38,384 WHERE ARE THEY NOW? 160 00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:40,386 - HELLO. - HELLO. 161 00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,390 WE WILL DISAPPEAR LIKE PHANTOMS INTO THE NIGHT. 162 00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:45,891 Rene: OH, GOOD. 163 00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,896 COME IN. 164 00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:54,400 RENE, THE COLONEL AND CAPTAIN HAVE BEEN ARRESTED BY THE GESTAPO. 165 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,402 THEY ARE, EVEN NOW, IMPRISONED 166 00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:58,404 IN THE DUNGEONS OF THE CHATEAU. 167 00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:01,407 - ( crashing; breaking glass ) - WHAT WAS THAT?! 168 00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:04,410 IT WAS THE PHANTOMS, FALLING OVER THE DUSTBIN. 169 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:06,912 SOON THEY WILL BE INTERROGATED. 170 00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,415 HERR FLICK ALWAYS GETS TO THE BOTTOM OF EVERYTHING. 171 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:12,418 WHY SHOULD I CARE? I HAVE DONE NOTHING. 172 00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:14,420 YOU HAVE HIDDEN IN YOUR CELLAR A KNOCKWURST SAUSAGE 173 00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,922 CONTAINING THE REAL PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA 174 00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:18,925 WITH THE BIG BOOBIES BY VAN CLOMP, 175 00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:21,928 A COPY OF WHICH IS HANGING IN THE GESTAPO SAUSAGE IN YOUR KITCHEN 176 00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:24,931 WHICH HERR FLICK IS UNDER THE IMPRESSION IS THE REAL PAINTING, 177 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,933 WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE TRAIN TO HITLER, 178 00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,935 WHICH DID NOT ARRIVE DUE TO THE FACT 179 00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:31,938 THAT IT WAS SUBSTITUTED FOR A NORMAL KNOCKWURST, WHICH WAS BLOWN UP. 180 00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:33,940 THEY MAY REVEAL THIS UNDER TORTURE. 181 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,942 WILL THEY REMEMBER IT? 182 00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,947 COME, WE MUST HELP THEM BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. 183 00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:43,950 - HELGA, I CANNOT GO LIKE THIS! - WHY NOT? 184 00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,452 I AM DISGUISED AS A GIRL. 185 00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,454 HOW YOU RELAX OFF DUTY 186 00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:50,456 IS NO CONCERN OF THE GERMAN ARMY. 187 00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:57,329 NOT SO FAST. 188 00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:00,333 MY NAME IS ENGELBERT VON SMALLHAUSEN 189 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,335 OF THE GESTAPO. 190 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,836 I AM WISHING TO SPEAK 191 00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:07,339 WITH RENE ARTOIS, THE BARMAN. 192 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,343 OH, WHAT A PITY. 193 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,845 YOU HAVE MISSED HIM BY THAT MUCH. 194 00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,346 IT IS HIS NIGHT OFF. 195 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,349 THE ENGINE IS WARMED UP, RENE, SO LET'S GO. 196 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,351 SO... 197 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,855 YOU ARE RENE ARTOIS. 198 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,359 WHY DO YOU DRESS AS A WOMAN 199 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,361 OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? 200 00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:32,865 I WAS GOING TO A PANCAKE PARTY. 201 00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:33,866 YOU WILL COME WITH ME. 202 00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:35,868 I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE DUNGEONS 203 00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,369 OF THE GESTAPO HEADQUARTERS. 204 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:40,373 HAVE YOU ANY PERSONAL BELONGINGS YOU WISH TO BRING? 205 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,375 JUST MY HANDBAG. 206 00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:47,880 YOU ARE PRIVATE HELGA GEERHART? 207 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,882 I AM. 208 00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:53,385 HERR FLICK ORDERS THAT YOU ALSO ATTEND. 209 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,388 PLEASE, 210 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:56,889 COME WITH ME. 211 00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:08,400 OH, THIS IS TERRIBLE. WHAT SHALL WE DO? 212 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,404 WE SHALL HAVE TO GO OVER THE HEADS OF THE GESTAPO. 213 00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:12,905 WHO ARE YOU CALLING? 214 00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:15,407 GENERAL ERICH VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 215 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:16,409 'ALLO, 'ALLO. 216 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:20,413 ( wind moaning ) 217 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,915 ( metal scraping ) 218 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,922 HANS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 219 00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:31,924 I AM SCRAPING AT THE CEMENT. 220 00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:34,927 I AM HOPING TO LOOSEN ONE OF THESE BRICKS. 221 00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:36,428 DON'T BE ABSURD. 222 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,931 THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO DID IT. 223 00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:40,933 IT TOOK HIM 20 YEARS. 224 00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,434 COME TO THINK OF IT, 225 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,937 THE FILM HAD ALREADY STARTED WHEN I WENT IN. 226 00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,944 WHAT DO YOU THINK HE IS GOING TO DO TO US? 227 00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:54,446 WHO KNOWS? 228 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,449 THEY ARE TERRIBLE WITH WOMEN. 229 00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:02,454 COLONEL, COLONEL, CAN YOU NOT JUST TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR SAUSAGE? 230 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,457 IF WE TELL HIM... 231 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,961 HE WILL FIND OUT THAT WE PINCHED 232 00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:11,964 THE GENUINE PAINTING SO AS TO SELL IT WHEN ALL THIS IS OVER. 233 00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,966 WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TRY TO MAKE MONEY OUT OF THE WAR? 234 00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:16,969 WHY CAN YOU NOT JUST FIGHT AND HAVE DONE WITH IT? 235 00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:19,471 RENE, I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME 236 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,474 IF WE EVER GET OUT OF THIS, 237 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,477 THAT YOU WILL STOP SEEING THOSE RESISTANCE PEOPLE, 238 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,980 AND I WILL TRY NOT TO ARREST TOO MANY FRENCHMEN, 239 00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:32,484 AND THEN WE CAN ALL LEAD A QUIET AND NORMAL LIFE. 240 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,987 I WAS TRYING TO LEAD A QUIET AND NORMAL LIFE 241 00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:36,488 WHEN I WAS ARRESTED. 242 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,491 SO I SEE. 243 00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:41,994 PULL YOUR SKIRT DOWN. 244 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,501 SO... 245 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,005 HAVE YOU DECIDED TO TALK YET? 246 00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,007 WE KNOW NOTHING, HERR FLICK. 247 00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:58,010 THAT EMPTY SAUSAGE IS A COMPLETE MYSTERY TO US. 248 00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:00,012 HELGA PUT IT ON THE TRAIN. 249 00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:03,515 HELGA HAS BEEN VERY THOROUGHLY INTERROGATED 250 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:07,019 AND HAS REVEALED NOTHING NEW TO ME. 251 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,522 HELGA, 252 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,024 I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE THE BRAZIER UP A BIT. 253 00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:14,026 WHATEVER YOU SAY, HERR FLICK. 254 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:18,030 TAKE THE BELLOWS AND PUMP IT UP. 255 00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:22,535 OH, YES, HERR FLICK. 256 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,540 THAT IS MORE LIKE IT. 257 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,042 YOU ARE EXCEEDING YOUR AUTHORITY. 258 00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:32,544 THE GESTAPO HAS NO JURISDICTION 259 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,547 OVER SENIOR OFFICERS IN THE ARMY. 260 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,550 - OR JUNIOR OFFICERS. - WHAT ABOUT CAFE OWNERS? 261 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:40,052 THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY LIKE WITH THEM. 262 00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:43,055 I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT. 263 00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:44,556 YOU ARE A TEMPORARY GUEST 264 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,559 IN A WELL-EQUIPPED 265 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,562 AND COMPLETELY SOUNDPROOF DUNGEON. 266 00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,564 WHAT IS MORE, I HARDLY THINK 267 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:55,067 A COMPLAINT THAT YOU WERE TORTURED TO REVEAL THE WHEREABOUTS 268 00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:57,569 OF A KNOCKWURST SAUSAGE 269 00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,573 WILL BE TREATED VERY SERIOUSLY BY THE HIGH COMMAND. 270 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,076 I WILL RETURN VERY SOON. 271 00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:07,579 WHEN I DO, I SUGGEST YOU TALK! 272 00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:17,089 A NOTE! 273 00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:20,092 I KNEW WE COULD RELY ON HELGA. 274 00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:23,095 HELGA WILL HAVE A PLAN. WHAT DOES IT SAY? 275 00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:26,098 IT SAYS, "HAVE YOU GOT A PLAN?" 276 00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:28,600 I DO NOT OFTEN DO THIS, 277 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,103 BUT I AM GOING TO OFFER UP A SILENT PRAYER. 278 00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:33,105 WE SHALL ALL DO THE SAME. 279 00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:35,607 - HANS? - OH. 280 00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:44,116 WHO PRAYED FOR THAT? 281 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,120 IT IS COMING FROM THIS VENTILATOR, HERE. 282 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,621 JUST A MINUTE. 283 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,629 OH, IT SMELLS LIKE A SEWER DOWN THERE. 284 00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,133 IT IS I, LECLERC. 285 00:15:04,136 --> 00:15:07,139 THE WIND IS TERRIBLE IN THE SEWERS. 286 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:11,143 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - I BRING A MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE. 287 00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:12,644 WHAT IS YOUR MESSAGE? 288 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,647 IT IS FOR RENE'S EARS ONLY. 289 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,149 NEVER MIND THAT. GET ON WITH IT. WHAT IS IT? 290 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:18,150 MICHELLE SAYS, 291 00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:20,152 "HAVE YOU GOT A PLAN?" 292 00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:22,654 OF COURSE WE HAVEN'T GOT A PLAN! 293 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:26,659 IN THAT CASE, YOU ARE IN DEAD SCHTOOCK. 294 00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,661 COME BACK HERE! COME BACK-- 295 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:31,163 IF WE WERE SMALLER, WE COULD GET DOWN THAT HOLE. 296 00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,165 SOMEBODY ELSE IS COMING. 297 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:36,668 RENE, IT IS I, MARIA. 298 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,671 I HAVE CRAWLED THROUGH THE DRAINS. 299 00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:40,673 I HAD TO SAY GOODBYE. 300 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,676 OH, KISS ME FOR PERHAPS THE LAST TIME. 301 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,678 OH, WELL, IT IS A BIT EMBARRASSING 302 00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,680 WITH THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN. 303 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,182 STICK YOUR HEAD DOWN THE HOLE AND DO IT. 304 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,687 HANS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY SEE IN THE MAN. 305 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,689 HE HAS QUITE GOOD LEGS. 306 00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,190 All: OOOH! 307 00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:00,192 - IT IS I, YVETTE. - ANOTHER ONE. 308 00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:02,194 I HAVE BROUGHT YOU YOUR RINGS. 309 00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:03,695 MY RINGS? 310 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,698 THE HOLLOW ONES, CONTAINING THE PILLS 311 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:08,200 WITH THE DEADLY POISON. HERE, 312 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,702 IF ALL ELSE FAILS, TAKE THEM. 313 00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,705 YOU WILL FEEL NO PAIN. 314 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,207 YOU WILL DIE INSTANTLY. 315 00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,209 HOW THOUGHTFUL OF YOU. 316 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:20,712 RENE, I HAVE SAVED A PILL FOR MYSELF. 317 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:23,716 I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU. 318 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,718 WELL, DO NOT TAKE IT JUST YET, YVETTE. 319 00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:28,220 ( kissing ) 320 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,723 HE HAS A BETTER TIME THAN WE DO, EVEN WITH HIS LOVE LIFE DOWN THE DRAIN. 321 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:35,727 WELL, THAT IS IT. THERE WE ARE THEN-- 322 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,730 - THANK YOU, RENE. - ONE EACH. 323 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:40,733 COLONEL, THESE ARE THE RINGS WHICH WE GAVE TO RENE, 324 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:41,734 IN CASE HE GOT CAUGHT. 325 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,736 YES, THOSE ARE THE RINGS-- 326 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:46,238 THERE'S SOMEONE COMING. 327 00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:47,239 HIDE THEM. 328 00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:49,741 RENE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 329 00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:53,245 THE GIRLS SMUDGED MY LIPSTICK. 330 00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:56,214 AH. 331 00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,717 HAVE YOU DECIDED TO TALK? 332 00:16:58,717 --> 00:16:59,718 I HAVE DECIDED-- 333 00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:01,720 NOT TO TALK. 334 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,222 VERY WELL. HELGA, 335 00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:05,724 THE WHEEL. 336 00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:07,225 THE WHEEL?! 337 00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:11,730 I WILL TAKE CARE OF THE ORGAN. 338 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:12,731 THE ORGAN?! 339 00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:17,736 AARGHH! 340 00:17:19,738 --> 00:17:23,742 ( horror movie music ) 341 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,246 GOOD. 342 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:31,250 BEFORE WE START, HAVE YOU ANY LAST REQUESTS? 343 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,752 "BLUE SKIES AROUND THE CORNER"? 344 00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,756 HELGA, TURN! 345 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:40,759 ( loud, ominous organ music playing ) 346 00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:44,262 ( creaking ) 347 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,765 - ( all yelling ) - COLONEL! 348 00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:48,266 WHERE IS THE SAUSAGE? 349 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:51,270 THE FIEND! HE IS GOING TO CRUSH US! 350 00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:53,272 IT IS IN THE CELLAR! 351 00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,773 I CANNOT HEAR YOU. 352 00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,775 ( yelling ) IT IS IN THE CELLAR! 353 00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:58,777 QUICK! THE BENCH. THE BENCH. 354 00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:03,782 ( crashing ) 355 00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:05,283 ( yelling ) 356 00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:06,785 KEEP TURNING. 357 00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:09,287 WE TOLD YOU! IT'S IN THE CELLAR. 358 00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,789 NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 359 00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:13,291 HELGA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 360 00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:14,793 I AM SORRY, COLONEL. 361 00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,795 I AM ONLY OBEYING ORDERS. 362 00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:19,297 QUICK, SHOULDERS TO THE CEILING. 363 00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:21,300 HANS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE? 364 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:24,803 I AM WAITING FOR THE CEILING TO GET DOWN TO MY SHOULDERS. 365 00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:29,307 DO YOU NOT FIND THESE GRAND CRASHING CHORDS VERY EXCITING? 366 00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:32,811 I THINK YOU MISSED A NOTE. CAN YOU GO BACK A BIT? 367 00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:34,312 KEEP TURNING, HELGA! 368 00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:36,815 KEEP PLAYING, HERR FLICK! 369 00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:39,318 LOOK! 370 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:41,320 NO HANDS. 371 00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:46,825 HANS, I THINK IT'S TIME TO TAKE THE PILLS. 372 00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:48,326 THE PILLS, QUICK. 373 00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,332 NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. 374 00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:55,334 ANOTHER FAULTY BATCH. 375 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:58,837 I'LL HAVE TO WRITE A LETTER ABOUT THIS. 376 00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:01,339 GOODBYE, COLONEL. 377 00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,342 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN! 378 00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,347 HEIL HITLER. 379 00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:12,851 WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? 380 00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:15,854 THESE MEN ARE TRAITORS TO THE REICH. 381 00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:18,857 THEY HAVE STOLEN A KNOCKWURST SAUSAGE 382 00:19:18,857 --> 00:19:22,360 CONTAINING THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES, 383 00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:25,364 WHICH WAS ON ITS WAY TO BERLIN. 384 00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,366 THE SAUSAGE THEY SENT 385 00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:29,368 WAS BLOWN UP BY THE R.A.F. 386 00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:32,371 BUT UPON INVESTIGATION, IT TRANSPIRED 387 00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:34,873 THAT THERE WAS NO PAINTING IN THE SAUSAGE. 388 00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:37,876 AND IN FACT, ALL THE SAUSAGE CONTAINED... 389 00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:40,378 WAS SAUSAGE. 390 00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,881 UPON THIS EVIDENCE, YOU ARE FLATTENING 391 00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:45,884 A COLONEL AND A CAPTAIN IN ONE OF MY DIVISIONS? 392 00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:47,886 NOT TO MENTION A VERY PLAIN FRENCH GIRL? 393 00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:53,391 MY AUTHORITY COMES FROM BERLIN. 394 00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:56,395 MY AUTHORITY COMES FROM THIS GUN. 395 00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:58,897 - RELEASE THEM. - I SEE. 396 00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:01,900 TEMPORARILY, YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND, 397 00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,902 BUT I SHOULD WARN YOU 398 00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:06,905 THAT MY GODFATHER IS HEINRICH HIMMLER. 399 00:20:06,905 --> 00:20:10,909 MY WIFE'S SISTER IS THE MISTRESS OF HERMANN GOERING. 400 00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:14,412 HERMANN GOERING HAS MANY MISTRESSES. 401 00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,415 MY WIFE'S SISTER IS THE ONE 402 00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:19,418 WHO WEARS THE CHAMOIS LEATHER UNDERCLOTHES. 403 00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:20,919 AH. 404 00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:23,422 HELGA, 405 00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,924 TURN THE WHEEL THE OTHER WAY. 406 00:20:25,924 --> 00:20:27,425 YES, HERR FLICK. 407 00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:28,427 SO YOU ARE A PARTY TO THIS?! 408 00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:30,929 NO, I WAS ONLY OBEYING ORDERS. 409 00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:31,930 REVERSE THE WHEEL. 410 00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:37,436 OH, DEAR. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? 411 00:20:38,937 --> 00:20:40,939 INCOMPETENT FOOLS! STAND BACK. 412 00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,444 LADIES FIRST. 413 00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:51,283 - ( thumping ) - EDITH, EDITH, 414 00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:52,784 OH, EDITH, 415 00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:56,287 WHY DO YOU IGNORE MY CRIES FOR ASSISTANCE? 416 00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:58,790 I AM HERE NOW, MAMMA. 417 00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:01,292 I HAVE JUST BEEN TO THE CHURCH TO LIGHT A CANDLE FOR-- 418 00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:02,794 WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? 419 00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:06,297 I HAVE JUST BEEN TO THE CHURCH TO LIGHT A CANDLE FOR RENE. 420 00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:08,800 I FEAR HE IS NO LONGER WITH US. 421 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:09,801 GOOD. 422 00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:14,306 NOW YOU CAN MARRY THE UNDERTAKER 423 00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:17,309 WHILE HE STILL HAS THE HOTS FOR YOU. 424 00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:20,812 I CANNOT THINK ABOUT THAT NOW THAT RENE HAS GONE. 425 00:21:20,812 --> 00:21:23,815 I MUST HAVE THE TWO AIRMEN AWAY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. 426 00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:27,319 OH, MY LITTLE EDITH, 427 00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:30,822 ALWAYS SO HEADSTRONG. 428 00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:36,828 GET THROUGH TO LONDON 429 00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:40,331 SO THAT I CAN SPOOK ON THE ROODIO. 430 00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:42,834 EDITH, 431 00:21:42,834 --> 00:21:46,838 WHO IS THE FUZZ WITH THE BAD FRENCH? 432 00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:50,341 HE IS AN EXPERT ON ESCAPING FROM LONDON. 433 00:21:50,342 --> 00:21:53,345 ARE THINGS SO BAD IN LONDON? 434 00:21:55,347 --> 00:21:57,349 WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME? 435 00:21:57,349 --> 00:22:00,352 MY ROOM IS FULL OF TRANSVESTITES. 436 00:22:01,853 --> 00:22:05,356 I DO HOPE WE'RE NOT EXPECTED TO WEAR THESE THINGS IN THE BALLOON. 437 00:22:05,357 --> 00:22:08,360 IT'LL BE DAMNED DRAFTY AROUND THE NEEDLES. 438 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:09,861 OH, EDITH, 439 00:22:09,861 --> 00:22:12,864 I SEE FLASHING KNOBS. 440 00:22:15,867 --> 00:22:17,368 Edith: IT IS LONDON, 441 00:22:17,369 --> 00:22:19,871 HELP ME. 442 00:22:19,871 --> 00:22:21,873 AARGHH! 443 00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:23,374 QUICK. 444 00:22:23,375 --> 00:22:24,876 GET THE CODE BOOK, 445 00:22:24,876 --> 00:22:26,878 WHILE I ASSEMBLE THE RADIO. 446 00:22:30,382 --> 00:22:31,383 'ALLO, 'ALLO, 447 00:22:31,383 --> 00:22:34,386 THIS IS MRS. NIGHTHAWK CALLING. 448 00:22:34,386 --> 00:22:37,389 WHERE IS THE WIND COMING FROM? 449 00:22:37,389 --> 00:22:41,393 I SAY AGAIN, WHERE IS THE WIND COMING FROM? 450 00:22:41,393 --> 00:22:45,397 THE SAME PLACE IT ALWAYS COMES FROM. 451 00:22:45,397 --> 00:22:46,898 SHUT UP! 452 00:22:46,898 --> 00:22:49,400 The wind is from the southeast, 453 00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:51,903 three knots and holding steady. 454 00:22:51,903 --> 00:22:53,905 Tonight is the night. 455 00:22:53,905 --> 00:22:55,907 Bring signal torch. 456 00:22:55,907 --> 00:22:57,909 When you are over coast-- 457 00:22:57,909 --> 00:23:00,912 flash it. Over and out. 458 00:23:00,912 --> 00:23:02,914 EDITH, RENE HAS BEEN RELEASED 459 00:23:02,914 --> 00:23:04,916 AND HAS RETURNED. 460 00:23:04,916 --> 00:23:06,417 RENE RELEASED? 461 00:23:06,418 --> 00:23:08,420 QUICK, EDITH, TO THE CHURCH. 462 00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:11,423 BLOW OUT THE CANDLES, YOU MAY GET A REFUND. 463 00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:15,927 OH, RENE, 464 00:23:15,927 --> 00:23:18,429 THANK HEAVENS, YOU ARE ALIVE. 465 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:20,432 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT IS YOU 466 00:23:20,432 --> 00:23:22,434 SITTING WITH ME HERE AT THIS TABLE, 467 00:23:22,434 --> 00:23:24,936 WEARING THAT HAT AND THAT WIG, 468 00:23:24,936 --> 00:23:26,437 AND THAT DRESS, 469 00:23:26,438 --> 00:23:29,441 AND THOSE LITTLE WHITE SOCKS. 470 00:23:29,441 --> 00:23:31,443 OH, YVETTE, 471 00:23:31,443 --> 00:23:33,445 THANK GOD, IT IS ALL OVER. 472 00:23:33,445 --> 00:23:34,946 AND WHAT IS MORE, 473 00:23:34,946 --> 00:23:36,948 THE COLONEL AND I HAVE MADE A PACT 474 00:23:36,948 --> 00:23:38,950 THAT FROM NOW ON, 475 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:40,952 EVERYTHING WILL RETURN TO NORMAL. 476 00:23:49,461 --> 00:23:52,464 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, I WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 477 00:23:52,464 --> 00:23:55,967 YOU ARE ORDERED TO LEAD THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO THE BALLOON. 478 00:23:55,967 --> 00:23:57,468 THEY WILL TAKE OFF TONIGHT. 479 00:23:57,469 --> 00:23:58,970 BUT THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE. 480 00:23:58,970 --> 00:24:02,473 ON THE ORDERS OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN HIMSELF, 481 00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:05,477 THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN HAVE GONE OFF ON MANEUVERS, 482 00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:07,479 THE ONES THAT WERE CANCELED. 483 00:24:07,479 --> 00:24:10,482 THE TOWN IS RINGED WITH GERMAN SOLDIERS. WE ARE UNDER CURFEW. 484 00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:14,486 PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED THROUGH WHO ARE ENGAGED IN ESSENTIAL SERVICES. 485 00:24:14,486 --> 00:24:15,987 EVERYTHING HAS BEEN ARRANGED. 486 00:24:15,987 --> 00:24:17,989 I HAVE A PLAN. 487 00:24:17,989 --> 00:24:21,492 OH, NOW SHE HAS A PLAN. 488 00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:22,994 WHY DID YOU NOT HAVE A PLAN 489 00:24:22,994 --> 00:24:25,496 WHEN I WAS IN THE NUTCRACKER SUITE, HMM? 490 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:33,805 I CANNOT SAY WHAT AN HONOR IT IS 491 00:24:33,805 --> 00:24:36,307 FOR ME TO ASSIST YOU, MONSIEUR RENE-- 492 00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,310 THE BRAVEST MAN IN FRANCE... 493 00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:42,313 WHO HAS JUST ESCAPED DEATH 494 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:44,816 BY GESTAPO TORTURE, 495 00:24:44,816 --> 00:24:47,318 AND WITHOUT THOUGHT OF PERSONAL DANGER, 496 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:48,820 IS EVEN NOW HELPING 497 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:51,322 THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE. 498 00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,326 I AM QUITE A CHARACTER, AM I NOT? 499 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:57,829 - ( knocks ) - SOMEONE IS KNOCKING ON THE COFFIN. 500 00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,330 WHOA. 501 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:05,337 ( knocking; groaning ) 502 00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:10,842 WHAT ARE YOU KNOCKING FOR, YOU OLD BAT? 503 00:25:10,842 --> 00:25:12,343 YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD. 504 00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:15,847 I WISH TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 505 00:25:15,847 --> 00:25:18,349 YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT. 506 00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:19,851 THIS IS NOT A CORRIDOR HEARSE. 507 00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:23,354 DO NOT SPEAK LIKE THAT TO MY MOTHER. 508 00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:24,856 YOU MUST BE KIND TO HER. 509 00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:26,858 IT WAS YOUR IDEA SHE SHOULD BE THE CORPSE. 510 00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:29,360 SHE IS THE NEAREST THING WE HAVE. 511 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:30,862 GET BACK TO YOUR SEAT. 512 00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:33,865 WAGONS, ROLL! 513 00:25:33,865 --> 00:25:36,367 WALK ON. 514 00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:37,869 EDITH. 515 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:52,384 - ( knocks on wagon ) - NOT MUCH FURTHER, CHAPS. 516 00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:55,386 Both: OH, JOLLY GOOD SHOW. 517 00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,389 CAVEE, JERRIES ON THE HORIZON. 518 00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:58,890 OH, RIGHT. 519 00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:01,893 IT LOOKS LIKE A ROADBLOCK. 520 00:26:01,893 --> 00:26:05,396 Colonel: SOMEBODY IS DISOBEYING THE CURFEW. 521 00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:08,900 FUNERAL PROCESSIONS ARE ALLOWED, HERR COLONEL. 522 00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:12,403 I WONDER WHY RENE IS RIDING IN THE FRONT? 523 00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:15,407 I WONDER WHY THE TWO CORPSES 524 00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:16,908 IN THE SECOND HEARSE 525 00:26:16,908 --> 00:26:18,910 WERE SITTING UP 526 00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:20,912 AND CHATTING TO EACH OTHER? 527 00:26:20,912 --> 00:26:23,414 I THINK IT IS POSSIBLE THAT RENE 528 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,917 IS FINALLY GETTING RID OF THE BRITISH AIRMEN, 529 00:26:25,917 --> 00:26:29,420 SO THAT LIFE CAN RETURN TO NORMAL LIKE HE PROMISED. 530 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,423 HANS, 531 00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:32,924 TELL THE SERGEANT TO LET THEM PASS. 532 00:26:36,928 --> 00:26:38,930 THIS IS A FUNEREAL. 533 00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:41,432 WE ARE BORROWING SOME BIDDIES. 534 00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:48,439 - BIDDIES? - DEAD BIDDIES IN KIFFINS. 535 00:26:50,442 --> 00:26:52,444 PROCEED. 536 00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:54,946 LET THEM PROCEED! 537 00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:01,452 ( car honking ) 538 00:27:03,955 --> 00:27:05,456 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 539 00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:07,459 HALT! 540 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:08,960 Both: HALT! 541 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:20,472 - WHAT IS THIS? - A FUNERAL, HERR GENERAL. 542 00:27:21,973 --> 00:27:23,474 I SEE. 543 00:27:30,482 --> 00:27:31,983 ( horse snorts ) 544 00:27:39,991 --> 00:27:40,992 OPEN THE COFFIN. 545 00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:50,502 IT IS MY BROTHER'S WIFE'S MOTHER. 546 00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:53,004 SHE DIED OF THE PLAGUE. 547 00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:54,505 WHAT PLAGUE IS THIS? 548 00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:59,010 THE PLAGUE THAT KILLS BROTHER'S WIFE'S MOTHERS. 549 00:28:00,011 --> 00:28:01,512 OPEN THE COFFIN. 550 00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:10,021 IF THIS SPREADS ACROSS EUROPE, 551 00:28:10,021 --> 00:28:12,023 WE'VE ALL HAD IT. BURY HER QUICKLY. 552 00:28:14,025 --> 00:28:15,526 PROCEED. PROCEED. 553 00:28:21,032 --> 00:28:22,533 WALK ON. 554 00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:34,045 THANK YOU. 555 00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:35,046 MONSIEUR. 556 00:28:35,046 --> 00:28:37,548 OH, THANK YOU. 557 00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:40,051 KEEP PUMPING, CARSTAIRS. 558 00:28:40,051 --> 00:28:43,054 I THINK WE'RE PRETTY NEAR TAKEOFF. 559 00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:45,056 LET'S HOPE THE PARAFFIN HOLDS OUT. 560 00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:47,058 LET'S HOPE THE KNICKERS HOLD OUT. 561 00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:50,561 WELL, GOODBYE. 562 00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:55,066 THANKS AWFULLY FOR HAVING US. 563 00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:56,067 GOODBYE. 564 00:28:56,067 --> 00:28:57,568 MY CARD. 565 00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,071 AU REVOIR. 566 00:29:00,071 --> 00:29:04,575 YOU MUST COME AND STAY WITH US IF YOU EVER COME TO ENGLAND. 567 00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:06,077 GOODBYE. 568 00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:16,587 ♪ TAKE ME OUT TO DEAR OLD BLIGHTY ♪ 569 00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:21,092 ♪ PUT ME ON THE TRAIN TO LONDON TOWN... ♪ 570 00:29:21,092 --> 00:29:24,095 FARTY KNICKERS DID THE TRICK. 571 00:29:27,098 --> 00:29:28,599 BYE! 572 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,102 THANK HEAVEN. 573 00:29:31,102 --> 00:29:34,605 NOW LIFE AT CAFE RENE CAN RETURN TO NORMAL. 574 00:29:38,109 --> 00:29:40,111 BYE. 575 00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:48,119 WELL, AS NORMAL AS POSSIBLE. 576 00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:50,621 BYE-BYE. 577 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:54,125 ( theme music playing )