1 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:05,071 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,590 I SHOULD BE TUCKED UP IN A NICE WARM BED 3 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,593 IN MY CAFE COUNTING SHEEP. 4 00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,094 INSTEAD, I AM STANDING HERE 5 00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,595 DISGUISED AS A MUSHROOM PICKER 6 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:32,098 COUNTING COWS GOING THROUGH THIS GATE. 7 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:36,603 I WILL TELL YOU A SECRET-- 8 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:40,106 NOT ALL OF THESE COWS ARE COWS. 9 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:43,609 ONE OF THEM CONTAINS TWO ESCAPING BRITISH AIRMEN. 10 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,614 CAN YOU DETECT WHICH ONE? 11 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:56,622 Carstairs: HOLD ON A MINUTE, 12 00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,625 I'VE LOST MY WATCH. 13 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:08,634 THAT WAS NOT VERY DIFFICULT, WAS IT? 14 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,136 COME! WE MUST HURRY. 15 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,138 THE PLANE WILL BE HERE IN FOUR MINUTES. 16 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:15,141 WE MUST GET ACROSS THE ROAD BEHIND THE COPSE. 17 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:24,651 Carstairs: I HOPE THERE AREN'T ANY BULLS ABOUT. 18 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:27,654 Fairfax: I SHOULDN'T WORRY. THE OTHER COWS HAVE 19 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,656 MUCH MORE INTERESTING BACKSIDES THAN YOURS. 20 00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:34,160 OH HECK, IT IS A GERMAN PATROL. 21 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,163 - WHAT?! - GET DOWN! HIDE BEHIND THE HEDGE. 22 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,164 ( blows lamp ) 23 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,673 HAVE YOUR GUNS AT THE READY. 24 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,680 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 25 00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,685 I AM A SIMPLE MILKING MAID. 26 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:01,187 I AM TAKING THESE COWS TO THE MEADOW 27 00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,189 WHERE THEY WILL EAT THE GRASS. 28 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:05,191 THE GREEN GRASS WILL MAKE THE MILK. 29 00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,693 THE MILK WILL MAKE THE BUTTER. 30 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:10,697 AND THE BUTTER WE WILL SPREAD ON THE BREAD 31 00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:12,699 OF THE VICTORIOUS GERMAN SOLDIER. 32 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,701 WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE 33 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:18,204 AND HE STARTS A LECTURE ON FARMING. 34 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,205 WE ARE IN NEED OF SOME MILK. 35 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,707 KURT, LEND ME YOUR HELMET. 36 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,710 I WILL OBTAIN SOME FROM THESE COWS. 37 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,713 BUT THEY HAVE ALREADY BEEN MILKED. 38 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,215 WE NEED JUST A FEW SQUIRTS FOR OUR COFFEE. 39 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:34,220 OH MY GOD. 40 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,722 THIS APPEARS TO BE A QUIET ONE. 41 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:39,225 IF THEY FIND OUT IT IS A WASHING UP GLOVE 42 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:41,727 HANGING DOWN THERE, WE HAVE HAD IT. 43 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,730 ( gun cocks ) 44 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,733 ( guns cock ) 45 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:50,236 UNFORTUNATELY, IT SEEMS TO HAVE VERY SMALL TITTIES. 46 00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:00,746 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 47 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:04,250 COME AWAY FROM THAT COW. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON PATROL. 48 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,751 I AM SORRY, SERGEANT. 49 00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,756 PUT YOUR HELMETS BACK ON. 50 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,258 GET INTO LINE. 51 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:15,762 QUICK, MARCH! 52 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,276 THAT WAS A NEAR THING. 53 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,278 HE ACTUALLY GOT HOLD OF IT. 54 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,283 OH MY GOD. 55 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:42,789 I WAS SO SCARED, I HAVE BEEN EATING A TOADSTOOL. 56 00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,290 I WILL PROBABLY DIE. ( retches ) 57 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,292 BE QUIET. 58 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,294 - ( airplane droning ) - I HEAR THE PLANE. 59 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,795 WE MUST HURRY. 60 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:05,411 Edith: IT IS A VERY BIG ONE. 61 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,413 I THINK IT IS A TRANSPORT PLANE. 62 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:10,416 RENE, HOW CAN THAT GREAT BIG PLANE 63 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:12,418 LAND IN THIS LITTLE FIELD? 64 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,422 IT IS NOT LANDING. LOOK! 65 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,430 Maria: THEY HAVE RELEASED TWO PARACHUTES. 66 00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:35,441 THEY ARE GOING TO DROP THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WOOD. 67 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:36,442 QUICK! 68 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:45,451 THEY MUST HAVE LANDED SOMEWHERE NEAR HERE. 69 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,956 Fairfax: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 70 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,457 I'M GOING NO FURTHER 71 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:55,961 UNTIL SOMEONE TELLS ME WHAT'S GOING ON. 72 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,464 I AGREE. 73 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:01,467 AH, I SEE SOMETHING. 74 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,972 IT IS A COPPER. 75 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,974 I SAY, IS ANYONE DOWN THERE? 76 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,976 OH MY GOD. 77 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,478 NOT ANOTHER STUPID ENGLISHMAN! 78 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,481 I SAY, ARE YOU FROM H.Q.? 79 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,983 WE RATHER THOUGHT THE PLANE WOULD LAND. 80 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,485 CHANGE OF PLAN. 81 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,488 WE'RE TRYING OUT A NEW ESCAPE PACKAGE. 82 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:23,989 WE'D BETTER GET YOU DOWN, I SUPPOSE. 83 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,992 I SEEM TO BE A BIT STUCK. 84 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,995 IF RENE HELD ME UP IN HIS STRONG ARMS, 85 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,497 I COULD REACH UP AND PULL HIM DOWN. 86 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:33,999 HE COULD HOLD ME IN HIS STRONG ARMS. 87 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,003 OH, BUT I MIGHT DROP YOU, PRECIOUS. 88 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,509 COME ALONG. THIS WAY. 89 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,012 UP YOU GET. 90 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,019 QUICKLY, MARIA. 91 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,521 ( Maria, Rene grunting ) 92 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,025 - ( squeals ) - ( rips ) 93 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:02,028 WHAT'S GOING ON, FAIRFAX? 94 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,529 ONE OF THE BARMAIDS 95 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,532 HAS PULLED THE POLICEMAN'S TROUSERS DOWN. 96 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,534 IT'S ALL A GO, ISN'T IT? 97 00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,537 - Yvette: SOMETHING IS GIVING. - Rene: WHAT? WHAT? 98 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,044 ( all panting ) 99 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,552 I THOUGHT THAT WAS ALL RATHER EXCITING. 100 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,054 WHY HAVE THEY SENT US ANOTHER ENGLISHMAN? 101 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:32,058 THEY SENT ME OVER BECAUSE I SPEAK FRENCH. 102 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,060 THANK HEAVENS FOR THAT. 103 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,562 THEY HAVE SENT HIM BECAUSE HE SPEAKS FRENCH. 104 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,063 - OH! - AH! 105 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,066 ( horrible French accent ) 'ALLO, EVERYBODY! 106 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:43,069 AH, TO HEAR OUR OWN TONGUE. 107 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,577 I HAVE BRUNG GROOTINGS 108 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,079 FROM BRITISH ONTELLIGENCE HEADQUITTERS. 109 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:57,583 WHAT DOES HE SAY? 110 00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,085 I THINK HE BRINGS GREETINGS 111 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,588 FROM INTELLIGENCE HEADQUARTERS. 112 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:07,593 I HAVE DISGEESED AS POLOCEMAN 113 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:11,597 SO I AM OBLE TO MOVE ABOOT WITH COMPLETE FRODOM. 114 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,602 DO YOU THINK HE WILL GET AWAY WITH THAT ACCENT? 115 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:20,105 AS LONG AS HE DOES NOT SPEAK, YES. 116 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,608 WE WILL TELL EVERYONE THAT HE COMES 117 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,610 FROM A REMOTE VILLAGE IN THE COUNTRY. 118 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,112 ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF PEKING. 119 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,616 WE PICKED UP THIS PACKAGE. 120 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:35,121 THIS IS THE ESCOPE POOKAGE. 121 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:38,124 YOU MUST HEED IT IN YOUR SEALER. 122 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,627 - WHAT WAS THAT? - THE ESCAPE PACKAGE. 123 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:43,629 YOU MUST HIDE IT IN THE CELLAR. 124 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:46,131 HOW DOES HE KNOW I HAVE A CELLAR? 125 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,134 IN LONDON, WE ARE NOT STEEPID. 126 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,636 WE KNOW EVERY MAUVE YOU MOOK. 127 00:07:58,611 --> 00:07:59,612 Colonel: WHO IS IT? 128 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:02,615 IT IS I! HELGA! 129 00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:03,616 ENTER. 130 00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:13,125 - WAS YOUR MISSION SUCCESSFUL? - YES, COLONEL. 131 00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:15,627 WHAT MISSION WAS THIS? I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT A MISSION. 132 00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:18,130 HANS, I DON'T TELL YOU EVERYTHING. 133 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,632 THE LESS YOU KNOW ABOUT SOME THINGS, THE BETTER. 134 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:23,135 COME FORWARD AND STAND IN FRONT OF ME. 135 00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,640 I DON'T WISH ANYONE TO SEE THROUGH THE WINDOWS 136 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,642 WHAT WE ARE UP TO. 137 00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:33,145 NOW... 138 00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,646 SHOW ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT. 139 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:39,652 GOOD. PERFECT. 140 00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:41,654 COLONEL... 141 00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:44,156 AM I ALLOWED TO SEE WHAT HELGA HAS GOT? 142 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:48,660 HELGA HAS A NORMAL KNOCKWURST. 143 00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:52,164 MADE BY A BUTCHER, WHICH WE'LL BE SENDING TO THE FUHRER. 144 00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:54,166 IT IS VERY SIMPLE. THE PRICELESS PORTRAIT 145 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:56,168 OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES 146 00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:58,170 IS CONCEALED INSIDE A KNOCKWURST, 147 00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:00,172 WHICH IS HIDDEN IN RENE'S CELLAR. 148 00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:02,674 THE FORGED PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES 149 00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:04,677 IS CONCEALED INSIDE A SIMILAR KNOCKWURST, 150 00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:06,178 WHICH IS HANGING IN RENE'S KITCHEN. 151 00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:08,180 THE KNOCKWURST CONCEALED ON MY PERSON 152 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:11,183 IS TO BE SENT TO HERR HITLER, WHO IS UNDER THE IMPRESSION 153 00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,684 THAT IT CONTAINS THE ORIGINAL PAINTING 154 00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:15,187 OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES. 155 00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:17,189 - WHICH IS IN THE CELLAR. - WHICH HERR FLICK 156 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,191 OF THE GESTAPO THINKS IS IN THE KITCHEN. 157 00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:21,693 I ONLY ASKED IF I COULD HAVE A LOOK. 158 00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:24,697 - ( knocks on door ) - WHO IS IT? 159 00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:26,699 IT IS ONLY ME, DEAR COLONEL-- 160 00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,200 RENE FROM THE CAFE. 161 00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:32,705 ( shouts ) COME INSIDE! 162 00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,209 WE HAVE GOOD NEWS. 163 00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:39,711 HELGA HAS A NORMAL KNOCKWURST 164 00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:41,213 TO PUT ON THE TRAIN TO BERLIN 165 00:09:41,213 --> 00:09:42,714 FOR THE FUHRER. 166 00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:44,216 HELGA, SHOW HIM. 167 00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:47,720 THANK YOU. 168 00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,222 I MISSED IT AGAIN! 169 00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:55,227 COLONEL, I HAVE BAD NEWS. 170 00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:56,728 THE RESISTANCE, 171 00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:58,731 WHO I DO NOT KNOW VERY WELL, 172 00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:00,733 HAVE REFUSED TO BLOW UP THE TRAIN. 173 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:03,235 THIS IS THE TRAIN CONTAINING THIS KNOCKWURST. 174 00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:05,237 IT MUST BE BLOWN UP SO THAT HITLER THINKS 175 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:08,740 - THE PAINTING HAS BEEN DESTROYED. - I KNOW THAT BIT! 176 00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:09,742 WHY DO THEY REFUSE? 177 00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:13,245 THEY SAY THEY HAVE A PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT, 178 00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:15,747 SOMETHING TO DO WITH AN AMMUNITION LORRY. 179 00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:18,250 DID YOU EXPLAIN TO THEM HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS? 180 00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,752 YES, OF COURSE, DEAR COLONEL, BUT, 181 00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:23,756 THEY DO NOT TAKE ALL THAT MUCH NOTICE OF ME. 182 00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,257 WE BARELY NOD TO EACH OTHER 183 00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:27,759 IN THE STREET, YOU UNDERSTAND? 184 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,763 I COULD TRY THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE-- 185 00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:32,765 THEY MIGHT DO IT FOR MONEY. 186 00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,267 PARTY FUNDS ARE VERY LOW, I HAVE HEARD. 187 00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:38,270 VERY WELL. GO BACK TO YOUR CAFE 188 00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:39,771 AND SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR US. 189 00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:43,775 COULD YOU JUST LET ME HAVE A FEW THOUSAND FRANCS 190 00:10:43,776 --> 00:10:46,278 TO PUT A DEPOSIT DOWN, JUST TO SHOW GOOD FAITH? 191 00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:47,279 CERTAINLY NOT! 192 00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:49,781 YOU PAY THEM AND WE'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. 193 00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:52,785 - YES, COLONEL. - AND MAKE SURE YOU GET A RECEIPT. 194 00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:58,290 NO, I DO NOT WISH TO GO IN. 195 00:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,791 PUT ME BY THE TABLE. 196 00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:05,798 - Leclerc: YES, MY LITTLE LOVE. - AND BRING ME A DRINK. 197 00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:09,301 BUT FANNY, WILL YOU NOT BE TOO CHILLY? 198 00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:13,305 NO, NOT IF I HAVE A BIG GIN AND TONIC. 199 00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:17,309 MY LOVE, MY FLOWER, 200 00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,811 I WOULD BUY FOR YOU THE WHOLE WORLD, BUT... 201 00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:23,816 I DO NOT HAVE ANY MONEY. 202 00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,318 NOW THIS IS MY DAUGHTER'S CAFE-- 203 00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:28,820 WE CAN HAVE FREEBIES. 204 00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:32,324 HOW MUCH?! 205 00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:33,825 NOW LOOK HERE, 206 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:36,328 IT IS JUST ONE LITTLE TRAIN. 207 00:11:37,329 --> 00:11:39,331 SURELY YOU COULD BLOW IT UP 208 00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:40,832 FOR A BIT LESS THAN THAT. 209 00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:44,837 IS THAT YOUR ROCK BOTTOM PRICE? 210 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:45,838 HANG ON A MINUTE. 211 00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:56,348 NO, I CANNOT GO TO THAT. 212 00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:59,351 HOW WOULD IT BE IF WE SUPPLY THE EXPLOSIVES? 213 00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:01,853 NO, I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE MY NAME. 214 00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:02,855 IT IS JUST AN ENQUIRY. 215 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:06,358 HEY, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? 216 00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:10,362 IT IS I, LECLERC! 217 00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:11,363 I KNOW THAT. 218 00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:12,364 WHAT ARE YOU DOING, 219 00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:13,865 HELPING YOURSELF TO MY GIN? 220 00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:17,870 IT IS MY GIN, FOR MY MAMMA. 221 00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,338 GIVE HER A DOUBLE. 222 00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,840 LIEUTENANT GRUBER, 223 00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,843 YOU HAVE AGAIN PARKED YOUR ARMORED CAR 224 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:25,845 IN MY PLACE UNDER THE TREE. 225 00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:27,847 I AM MOST SORRY, COLONEL. 226 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:30,850 I HAVE JUST POLISHED IT AND IT LOOKED LIKE RAIN. 227 00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,351 I WILL MOVE IT. 228 00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:34,353 NO, WE SHALL ONLY BE HERE A FEW MINUTES. 229 00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,355 BUT DON'T DO IT AGAIN. 230 00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:39,358 HEIL HITLER? 231 00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:42,361 AND DON'T TRY TO GET ROUND ME. 232 00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:46,865 RENE, THE NORMAL KNOCKWURST 233 00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:48,367 IS ON THE NIGHT TRAIN TO BERLIN. 234 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:51,370 HELGA PUT IT ON NEXT TO THE AMMUNITION TRUCK. 235 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,873 HERR FLICK SUPERVISED HER AND THEN SENT A TELEGRAM TO HITLER-- 236 00:12:54,874 --> 00:12:56,876 - SIGNED BY THE COLONEL. - GOOD NEWS, HUH? 237 00:12:56,876 --> 00:13:00,379 NO, UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE BAD NEWS. 238 00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:03,382 THE COMMUNISTS HAVE REFUSED TO BLOW UP THE TRAIN. 239 00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:04,883 REFUSED TO BLOW UP THE TRAIN? 240 00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,886 WHAT SORT OF COMMUNISTS ARE YOU DEALING WITH? 241 00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,889 WHOEVER HEARD OF A COMMUNIST WHO WOULDN'T BLOW UP A TRAIN? 242 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,891 THAT MEANS HITLER WILL RECEIVE 243 00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:13,392 A NORMAL KNOCKWURST. 244 00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:15,894 AND A TELEGRAM FROM THE COLONEL. 245 00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:17,897 AND HE'LL FIND OUT THAT YOU NICKED HIS PAINTING. 246 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,900 KNACKERED BY A KNOCKWURST. 247 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,402 THAT WILL PUT KAPUT ON MY CAREER. 248 00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:24,903 GIVE ME A LARGE COGNAC. 249 00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:25,905 YES, SIR. 250 00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,908 COLONEL, ANTICIPATING THIS DEVELOPMENT, 251 00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:32,411 - I HAVE A FURTHER PLAN WHICH MAY YET SAVE US. - YOU HAVE? 252 00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:34,913 GIVE HER A COGNAC AS WELL. HERE. 253 00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:36,916 RENE! 254 00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:46,926 TELL US YOUR PLAN. 255 00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:49,428 BUT TELL IT A BIT SLOWER THAN LAST TIME. 256 00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:52,431 A 20-MILLIMETER INCENDIARY SHELL 257 00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,933 ACCURATELY FIRED AT THE AMMUNITION TRUCK 258 00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,436 WOULD BLOW IT UP AND ALSO DEMOLISH THE KNOCKWURST. 259 00:13:57,436 --> 00:13:59,438 THE RESISTANCE WILL BE BLAMED, 260 00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,440 WE ARREST A FEW PEASANTS AND SHOOT THEM, 261 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,941 AND WE WILL ALL BE IN THE CLEAR. 262 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:04,944 THAT'S IS ALL VERY WELL, HELGA, 263 00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:07,446 BUT WHERE DO WE GET A 20-MILLIMETER CANNON? 264 00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:08,947 AND WHO'S GOING TO FIRE IT? 265 00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:11,951 LIEUTENANT GRUBER HAS AN ARMORED CAR 266 00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,954 ON WHICH IS MOUNTED A 20-MILLIMETER CANNON. 267 00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:19,458 HELLO. 268 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:24,963 HE'LL NEVER LEND IT. HE'S VERY STINGY. 269 00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,466 HE MIGHT LEND IT TO RENE. 270 00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:29,468 HE'S VERY FOND OF HIM. 271 00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:32,471 OH YES, I CAN JUST SEE THAT. 272 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:33,972 "GOOD EVENING, LIEUTENANT GRUBER, 273 00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:36,976 A SMALL SHERRY? WITH PLEASURE. 274 00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,477 BY THE WAY, LIEUTENANT, 275 00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:41,980 I WONDER IF I MIGHT BORROW YOUR ARMORED CAR FOR THE EVENING? 276 00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,483 NO, THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU TO COME WITH ME. 277 00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:46,985 I JUST WISH TO DRIVE IT AROUND A LITTLE BIT, 278 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:49,488 SEE IF I CAN PULL A FEW BIRDS 279 00:14:49,488 --> 00:14:51,490 OR MAYBE SHOOT A PIGEON OR TWO 280 00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,492 WITH A 20-MILLIMETER SHELL!" 281 00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:55,994 NO, RENE IS RIGHT. 282 00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,497 WE'LL HAVE TO KNOCK IT OFF WHEN HE'S NOT LOOKING. 283 00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,499 AND HE WILL BLAME IT ON THE RESISTANCE. 284 00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:03,001 AND WE CAN JUST SHOOT ANOTHER COUPLE OF PEASANTS. 285 00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:06,005 IF YOU GO ON AT THIS RATE, THERE'LL BE NOBODY LEFT IN THE VILLAGE! 286 00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:09,508 - IT IS A VERY GOOD PLAN, HELGA. - IT'S THE ONLY PLAN WE'VE GOT. 287 00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:12,010 AS SOON AS IT IS DARK, WE WILL ACT. 288 00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:13,512 ARE YOU WITH US, RENE? 289 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:17,016 ALL RIGHT, COLONEL. 290 00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,018 I WILL KEEP LIEUTENANT GRUBER TALKING 291 00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:21,020 WHILE YOU NIP OFF, NICK THE ARMORED CAR, 292 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,521 AND BLOW UP THE TRAIN. 293 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,523 NO, RENE. I, AS A COLONEL, 294 00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:26,525 CANNOT GET INVOLVED IN A PLAN LIKE THIS. 295 00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:30,029 I WILL DISTRACT GRUBER 296 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:32,031 AND YOU, HANS, 297 00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:33,532 YOU WILL NICK THE ARMORED CAR. 298 00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:37,536 BUT COLONEL, I AM A VERY BAD DRIVER. 299 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:40,038 I ONLY HAVE A PROVISIONAL LICENSE. 300 00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:43,542 IT IS VERY HARD TO SEE OUT OF THOSE THINGS-- 301 00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:45,043 MY GLASSES WILL STEAM UP. 302 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,046 I WILL GET LOST. 303 00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:49,548 RENE CAN SIT ON TOP, STICK HIS HEAD THROUGH THE HOLE, 304 00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:51,049 AND GUIDE YOU. 305 00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:53,052 BUT COLONEL, WOULD IT NOT BE BETTER 306 00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:55,054 IF HELGA DROVE AND THE CAPTAIN COULD SIT ON TOP 307 00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:56,555 AND STICK HIS HEAD OUT-- 308 00:15:56,555 --> 00:15:58,557 I HAVE AN ASSIGNATION WITH HERR FLICK. 309 00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:00,058 CAN YOU NOT BREAK IT? 310 00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:02,061 ONE DOES NOT STAND UP THE GESTAPO. 311 00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:04,563 - WHAT TIME IS THE TRAIN? - 10:00. 312 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:07,065 VERY WELL. WE ALL MEET HERE AT 9:30. 313 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,069 I WILL TAKE CARE OF GRUBER. 314 00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,071 YOU ALL TAKE CARE OF THE TRAIN. 315 00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:14,073 GOOD NIGHT, RENE. GOOD NIGHT, COLONEL. 316 00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,574 YOU ARE NOT GOING? 317 00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,576 NOT IN YOUR ARMORED CAR? 318 00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:20,078 YES, I THINK I WILL HAVE AN EARLY NIGHT. 319 00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:21,580 NONSENSE. 320 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,582 I HOPE YOU ARE NOT GOING 321 00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,083 BECAUSE I WAS CROSS WITH YOU. 322 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,088 I WAS A BIT UPSET. 323 00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:32,591 DON'T BE UPSET, GRUBER. 324 00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:35,594 - WHAT'S YOUR FIRST NAME? - HUBERT. 325 00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:38,597 DON'T BE UPSET, HUBERT. 326 00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:39,598 I LIKE YOU. 327 00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:41,099 HANS LIKES YOU. 328 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,601 RENE LIKES YOU. 329 00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:46,104 AND THE GIRLS, THEY LIKE YOU, TOO. 330 00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:47,106 I TELL YOU WHAT-- 331 00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,108 COME ROUND HERE ABOUT 9:30, 332 00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,110 AND WE'LL HAVE DINNER TOGETHER. 333 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:53,612 AND BRING YOUR ARMORED CAR. 334 00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:55,113 SUDDENLY I AM FEELING BETTER. 335 00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:58,117 SUDDENLY I AM FEELING WORSE. 336 00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,620 CAN I HELP YOU, OFFICER? 337 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:05,624 AN OLDERLY LODY OUTSIDE IN A BETH CHAIR 338 00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:07,125 HAS BEEN HITTING THE BOOTLE. 339 00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,632 - WHAT? - HER IS DRUNK. 340 00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:15,634 HER IS POST AS A NEWT. 341 00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:18,637 OH MY GOD! 342 00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:22,641 - BOCHE SWINE! - FANNY, NO, NO, NO! 343 00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:24,142 HEIL HITLER! 344 00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:26,145 YOU SHALL NOT ENTER THE CAFE OF MY DAUGHTER. 345 00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:28,147 FANNY, PLEASE, DO NOT TAKE ON SO, 346 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,649 WE'LL ALL FINISH UP IN THE COOLER! 347 00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:32,651 STOP IT, YOU SILLY OLD BAT! 348 00:17:32,651 --> 00:17:33,652 THESE ARE MY CUSTOMERS. 349 00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:36,154 ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY BUSINESS? 350 00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:39,158 IT IS MY DAUGHTER'S BUSINESS. 351 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:41,160 YOU ARE ON THE WAY OUT! 352 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,661 GET HER INSIDE, PLEASE?! 353 00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,663 WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. YOUR TABLE IS READY. 354 00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,164 STOP! GENTLEMEN! 355 00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:48,167 PLEASE, COME BACK, GENTLEMEN. 356 00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,668 SHE IS POTTY IN THE HEAD. 357 00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:53,171 I HAVE YOUR WINDOW TABLE FOR YOU, PLEASE... 358 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:54,673 DON'T WORRY, RENE. 359 00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:56,174 HUBERT AND I WILL TAKE IT. 360 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,677 WON'T WE, HUBERT? 361 00:17:58,677 --> 00:18:00,178 YOU ARE MOST KIND, COLONEL. 362 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:02,181 CAN I GIVE ANYONE A LIFT? 363 00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:05,684 GIVE HANS A LIFT, LET HIM PLAY WITH YOUR CANNON. 364 00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:07,686 COME ALONG THEN, CAPTAIN. 365 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:10,188 I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT FUN AN ARMORED CAR CAN BE. 366 00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,692 9:30, RENE. 367 00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:14,693 WATER THE WINE, 368 00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:17,696 AND TAKE THE FLOWERS OFF THE TABLE. 369 00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:19,698 I SPIT ON YOU! 370 00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,199 GERMAN PIG! 371 00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:29,074 10 MINUTES IS UP. 372 00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:32,077 YOU MAY NOW COME OUT OF THE CORNER. 373 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:36,081 YES, HERR FLICK. 374 00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:41,586 LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU. 375 00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:44,590 NEVER AGAIN WILL YOU BURN MY TOAST. 376 00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:49,094 YES, HERR FLICK. MAY I SIT? 377 00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:50,595 YES. 378 00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,600 YOU MAY CONTINUE WITH YOUR TEA. 379 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,103 I HAVE KEPT YOUR EGG WARM UNDER THE COZY. 380 00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:03,609 YOU HAVE A VERY KIND STREAK IN YOUR NATURE. 381 00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:06,612 I NEARLY FAILED MY GESTAPO EXAMS 382 00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,113 BECAUSE OF IT. 383 00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:10,615 IT IS A VERY STRONG SHELL. 384 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:13,118 HIT IT HARD WITH YOUR SPOON. 385 00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:16,621 THEY ALWAYS BREAK IN THE END. 386 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:19,124 YOU ARE LOOKING PENSIVE, HERR FLICK. 387 00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:21,626 I AM TRYING TO DECIDE 388 00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:23,629 WHAT TO DO WITH YOU TONIGHT. 389 00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,631 I SEE, HERR FLICK. 390 00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:28,133 I MIGHT TAKE YOU TO THE MOVIES. 391 00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:29,134 WHAT IS SHOWING? 392 00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:31,136 ANYTHING WE LIKE. 393 00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:36,642 OR WE COULD STAY HERE AND AMUSE OURSELVES. 394 00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:39,645 I HAVE A BOX OF SHARP NEEDLES SOMEWHERE. 395 00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,649 AHH, HERE THEY ARE. 396 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,652 WHAT HAVE YOU IN MIND, HERR FLICK? 397 00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:50,155 I HAVE AN EXCELLENT GRAMOPHONE, 398 00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:52,657 AND MANY RECORDS OF HITLER'S SPEECHES. 399 00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:55,661 THEY ARE QUITE AMUSING. 400 00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:58,163 HITLER'S SPEECHES, QUITE AMUSING? 401 00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:01,166 PLAYED AT DOUBLE SPEED, 402 00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:05,170 HE SOUNDS LIKE DONALD DUCK. 403 00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:10,175 ♪ JUST SEE WHAT THE BOYS ♪ 404 00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:12,177 ♪ IN THE BACK ROOM WILL HAVE ♪ 405 00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:14,679 ♪ AND TELL THEM I SIGHED ♪ 406 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,683 ♪ AND TELL THEM I CRIED ♪ 407 00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:19,685 ♪ AND TELL THEM I DIED ♪ 408 00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:24,189 ♪ OF THE SAAA-AAAME. ♪ 409 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:26,691 ( silent response ) 410 00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,694 THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND APPLAUSE. 411 00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:32,197 NOW, PLEASE, WILL YOU SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION 412 00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:34,199 FOR OUR PIANIST, MONSIEUR LECLERC? 413 00:20:39,204 --> 00:20:40,705 THE LIEUTENANT IS HERE. 414 00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:42,708 COLONEL? 415 00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:44,710 COLONEL! 416 00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:49,214 I'M SORRY, RENE. THE CHEESE, YOU KNOW? 417 00:20:49,214 --> 00:20:50,715 LOOK. 418 00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:54,219 I WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM. 419 00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:55,720 YOU AND HANS KNOW WHAT TO DO? 420 00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:58,223 I AM SORRY I AM LATE, COLONEL. 421 00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:00,225 PERHAPS YOUR ARMORED CAR WOULD NOT START, 422 00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:01,726 YOU HAD TO LEAVE IT AT THE BARRACKS? 423 00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,228 SHE STARTED ON THE BUTTON. 424 00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:05,230 BUT SHE WAS NEARLY OUT OF GASOLINE. 425 00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:06,731 - GOOD. - SO I FILLED HER UP. 426 00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:09,734 THAT'S OUR TABLE OVER THERE. 427 00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:11,737 OH, HOW COZY. 428 00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:14,239 TAKE THIS. 429 00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:18,744 RENE, HANS, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. 430 00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:21,246 - GOOD LUCK TO YOU. - COLONEL... 431 00:21:21,246 --> 00:21:23,248 HE HAS JUST TAKEN THE FLOWERS 432 00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:25,750 FROM THE NEXT TABLE. GOOD LUCK TO YOU TOO. 433 00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:30,255 CAPTAIN. 434 00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:33,258 DEAR COLONEL, WOULD YOU PREFER 435 00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:35,260 YOUR BACK TO THE WALL OR THE ROOM? 436 00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:37,262 I THINK THE WALL. 437 00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:41,766 SIT DOWN, HUBERT, 438 00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:44,269 AND TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOURSELF. 439 00:21:44,269 --> 00:21:46,771 WELL, IT HAS BEEN A HARD DAY. 440 00:21:46,772 --> 00:21:48,774 I AM QUITE HOARSE, YOU KNOW, 441 00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:50,275 FROM ORDERING SOLDIERS ABOUT. 442 00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:53,278 YES, IT'S HARD BEING A GERMAN OFFICER, 443 00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:55,780 ALL THAT SHOUTING AND STAMPING OF FEET. 444 00:21:55,781 --> 00:21:57,783 PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO THEY? 445 00:21:57,783 --> 00:21:59,785 I FEAR THEY DO NOT. 446 00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:06,525 DO WE HAVE A KEY OR A TIN OPENER? 447 00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:10,028 THEY DO NOT LOCK. AFTER ALL, WHO WOULD NICK AN ARMORED CAR? 448 00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:17,535 WEAR THIS. 449 00:22:17,536 --> 00:22:18,537 WHAT FOR? 450 00:22:18,537 --> 00:22:20,539 IF THE RESISTANCE TAKE A POT SHOT AT YOU 451 00:22:20,539 --> 00:22:23,542 - IT WILL BOUNCE OFF. - BOUNCE OFF?! 452 00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:26,044 I AM NOT STICKING MY HEAD OUT OF THERE. 453 00:22:26,044 --> 00:22:27,045 I'LL DRIVE. 454 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,562 START THE ENGINE! 455 00:22:43,562 --> 00:22:45,063 KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN. 456 00:22:45,063 --> 00:22:46,564 SORRY. 457 00:22:48,567 --> 00:22:50,068 IT IS THAT LITTLE KNOB IN FRONT. 458 00:22:50,068 --> 00:22:53,071 ( engine cranks ) 459 00:22:53,071 --> 00:22:55,073 GIVE IT A BIT MORE CHOKE. 460 00:22:56,575 --> 00:22:58,577 ( engine starts ) 461 00:22:58,577 --> 00:22:59,578 FORWARD! 462 00:23:03,582 --> 00:23:05,584 I SAID FORWARD, YOU ARE GOING BACKWARDS! 463 00:23:08,086 --> 00:23:10,088 DID I HIT SOMETHING? 464 00:23:10,088 --> 00:23:12,590 THE COLONEL'S CAR! 465 00:23:12,591 --> 00:23:13,592 HE WILL DO HIS NUT. 466 00:23:18,096 --> 00:23:19,597 NEVER MIND. 467 00:23:19,598 --> 00:23:21,099 HE WILL BLAME THE RESISTANCE 468 00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:23,101 AND SHOOT A COUPLE OF PEASANTS. 469 00:23:23,101 --> 00:23:25,103 WHAT AM I SAYING? 470 00:23:25,103 --> 00:23:27,105 HOW EASY IT IS TO SLIP INTO THE WAYS 471 00:23:27,105 --> 00:23:28,606 OF BEING A NAZI. 472 00:23:33,111 --> 00:23:35,613 AH, GOOD EVENING, COLONEL. 473 00:23:35,614 --> 00:23:38,617 WAS EVERYTHING TO YOUR SATISFACTION? 474 00:23:38,617 --> 00:23:40,619 UP TO A POINT. 475 00:23:40,619 --> 00:23:42,621 YOU KNOW ME, YVETTE. 476 00:23:42,621 --> 00:23:44,623 COLONEL... 477 00:23:44,623 --> 00:23:48,126 WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SIT UPON YOUR... KNEE? 478 00:23:48,126 --> 00:23:50,128 THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BIT OF FUN, 479 00:23:50,128 --> 00:23:51,629 DOESN'T IT, HUBERT? 480 00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,632 IF YOU SAY SO, COLONEL. 481 00:23:54,633 --> 00:23:57,636 SHALL I REST ON YOUR KNEE, LIEUTENANT GRUBER? 482 00:23:57,636 --> 00:23:59,137 WELL... 483 00:23:59,137 --> 00:24:01,139 GO ON, HUBERT. YOU'RE IN THE TANK CORPS. 484 00:24:01,139 --> 00:24:03,141 IT'LL BE GOOD FOR YOUR IMAGE. 485 00:24:06,645 --> 00:24:12,651 ARE THE DROVER OF ARMORED CURR 4219 ON THE CAFE? 486 00:24:12,651 --> 00:24:15,153 4219? THAT IS MY ARMORED CAR. 487 00:24:15,153 --> 00:24:18,656 IT HAS BEEN DROVEN AWAR BY TWO MIN. 488 00:24:18,657 --> 00:24:20,158 YOU FOOL! 489 00:24:20,158 --> 00:24:22,160 MY ARMORED CAR IS STOLEN?! 490 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:23,661 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, HUBERT. 491 00:24:23,662 --> 00:24:25,163 IT'S PROBABLY SOME LOCAL BOYS 492 00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:26,664 PLAYING A LITTLE PRANK. 493 00:24:26,665 --> 00:24:29,167 I MUST REPORT IT AT ONCE TO MY HEADQUARTERS. 494 00:24:29,167 --> 00:24:31,169 JUST THINK HOW CROSS THEY WILL BE 495 00:24:31,169 --> 00:24:33,671 WHEN THEY'VE FOUND OUT YOU'VE LOST YOUR ARMORED CAR. 496 00:24:33,672 --> 00:24:36,174 BELIEVE ME, IT'LL COME BACK IF YOU'RE PATIENT. 497 00:24:36,174 --> 00:24:38,176 BUT WHAT IF IT DOES NOT? 498 00:24:38,176 --> 00:24:40,178 AND WHAT AM I DOING HOLDING THIS GIRL? 499 00:24:40,178 --> 00:24:41,179 AARGHH! 500 00:24:41,179 --> 00:24:43,681 I KNOW, I WILL REPORT IT AT ONCE 501 00:24:43,682 --> 00:24:45,183 TO HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO. 502 00:24:45,183 --> 00:24:47,185 HE WILL MAKE DISCREET ENQUIRIES. 503 00:24:48,687 --> 00:24:50,188 HE OWES ME A FAVOR. 504 00:24:57,195 --> 00:24:59,197 WHY HAVE WE LEFT THE MAIN ROAD? 505 00:24:59,197 --> 00:25:02,200 A MOTORCYCLE WAS FOLLOWING US. 506 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,203 DON'T WORRY, THIS LANE LEADS TO THE RAILWAY LINE. 507 00:25:07,205 --> 00:25:09,207 IS HE STILL FOLLOWING? 508 00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:11,209 JUST A MINUTE, I WILL HAVE A LOOK. 509 00:25:13,712 --> 00:25:15,213 - ( metal clangs ) - Hans: OOOF! 510 00:25:16,214 --> 00:25:18,216 CAN YOU SEE THE MOTORCYCLE? 511 00:25:20,218 --> 00:25:21,719 NOT AT THE MOMENT. 512 00:25:23,722 --> 00:25:27,225 ( record playing at high speed ) 513 00:25:35,734 --> 00:25:39,237 ( high speed anthem playing ) 514 00:25:39,237 --> 00:25:40,238 ( phone rings ) 515 00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:41,739 STOP THE MACHINE! 516 00:25:43,742 --> 00:25:45,243 ( rings ) 517 00:25:46,745 --> 00:25:49,247 FLICK-- THE GESTAPO. 518 00:25:49,247 --> 00:25:51,749 NO, I SAID, FLICK, THE GESTAPO. 519 00:25:55,754 --> 00:25:56,755 YES, GRUBER. 520 00:25:59,758 --> 00:26:01,760 YES, GRUBER. 521 00:26:03,261 --> 00:26:05,263 YES, GRUBER. 522 00:26:05,263 --> 00:26:07,265 YOU ARE VERY CARELESS! 523 00:26:07,265 --> 00:26:09,767 STAY WHERE YOU ARE. I WILL COME AT ONCE. 524 00:26:09,768 --> 00:26:11,770 YOU WILL COME WITH ME. 525 00:26:16,274 --> 00:26:19,277 HOLD MY SCHMEISSER WHILE I REMOVE MY CARPET SLIPPERS. 526 00:26:27,285 --> 00:26:28,786 I CAN SEE THE RAILWAY LINE. 527 00:26:28,787 --> 00:26:30,789 STOP HERE. 528 00:26:37,295 --> 00:26:39,297 ( train chugging faintly ) 529 00:26:39,297 --> 00:26:40,798 I CAN HEAR THE TRAIN COMING. 530 00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:43,301 OH, DEAR. PASS ME A SHELL. 531 00:26:43,301 --> 00:26:46,304 - WELL, WHERE ARE THEY? - THEY MUST BE IN HERE SOMEWHERE. 532 00:26:46,304 --> 00:26:47,805 TRY THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT. 533 00:26:50,809 --> 00:26:52,310 HAVE YOU FOUND ANYTHING? 534 00:26:52,310 --> 00:26:54,312 JUST SOME LADIES UNDERWEAR-- 535 00:26:54,312 --> 00:26:56,314 AND SOME SHAVING LOTION. 536 00:26:56,314 --> 00:26:57,815 ( train whistles ) 537 00:26:57,816 --> 00:26:59,818 AH, I HAVE ONE. 538 00:26:59,818 --> 00:27:01,319 GOOD. WELL, HURRY UP. 539 00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:02,820 IT IS GETTING NEARER. 540 00:27:02,821 --> 00:27:04,823 I THINK IT IS LOADED. NOW, I HAVE TO AIM 541 00:27:04,823 --> 00:27:07,325 FOR THE THIRD WAGON FROM THE END. 542 00:27:07,325 --> 00:27:09,827 - YES, GOOD LUCK. - PUT YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR EARS. 543 00:27:09,828 --> 00:27:11,329 THERE MAY BE A BIG BANG. 544 00:27:13,331 --> 00:27:14,832 I CAN SEE IT. 545 00:27:14,833 --> 00:27:16,835 ONE, TWO, THREE... 546 00:27:16,835 --> 00:27:17,836 THAT'S THE ONE. 547 00:27:24,843 --> 00:27:25,844 MISSED! 548 00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:28,847 QUICK, ANOTHER SHELL. 549 00:27:30,849 --> 00:27:32,350 CAN YOU GET A LITTLE BIT NEARER? 550 00:27:32,350 --> 00:27:34,352 NO, I CAN NOT. 551 00:27:34,352 --> 00:27:37,855 ONE, TWO THREE... 552 00:27:37,856 --> 00:27:38,857 ( cannon fires ) 553 00:27:43,361 --> 00:27:45,863 YOU HAVE BLOWN UP THE SIGNAL BOX. 554 00:27:45,864 --> 00:27:48,366 I THINK THE BARREL IS BENT. 555 00:27:48,366 --> 00:27:50,368 THERE GOES THE TRAIN. 556 00:27:50,368 --> 00:27:52,370 THERE GOES HITLER'S SAUSAGE. 557 00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:55,373 DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD CATCH IT UP FURTHER DOWN THE LINE? 558 00:27:55,373 --> 00:27:56,874 NO, 559 00:27:56,875 --> 00:27:58,877 THE WAY I DRIVE, I WOULD NEVER CATCH IT. 560 00:27:58,877 --> 00:28:01,379 AND THE WAY YOU SHOOT, YOU WOULD NEVER HIT IT. 561 00:28:01,379 --> 00:28:03,381 I THINK WE GO HOME. 562 00:28:07,385 --> 00:28:10,388 ( theme music playing )