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( theme music playing )
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WELCOME TO MY CAFE.
3
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I AM HAPPY TO TELL YOU THAT
LIFE HERE IS BACK TO NORMAL.
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- ( bang )
- THE TWO ENGLISH AIRMEN WHO WERE HIDING HERE,
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HAVE BEEN TAKEN AWAY
BY THE RESISTANCE
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AND ARE BEING HIDDEN
IN A NEARBY NUNNERY.
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THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
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WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP,
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WHICH I WAS HIDING
IN MY CELLAR,
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IS NOW IN POSSESSION
OF HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO.
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( bang )
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I HAVE BEEN SHOT DEAD,
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AND I AM NOW POSING
AS MY OWN TWIN BROTHER.
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OF COURSE NOBODY KNOWS THIS,
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EXCEPT MY WIFE, THE SERVANTS
AND MY WIFE'S MOTHER;
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- AND THE GERMAN COMMANDANT
AND HIS ASSISTANT; - ( bang )
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AND HIS SECRETARY AND MOST
OF THE FRENCH RESISTANCE;
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BUT THAT IS ALL.
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NOW, THE BANGING
THAT YOU CAN HEAR
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IS MY DEMENTED WIDOW,
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WHO IS IN THE BACK ROOM
LOOKING FOR MY WILL,
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WHICH LEAVES EVERYTHING
THAT I POSSESS TO HER.
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I AM NOT WORRIED.
SHE CAN BANG ALL DAY.
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THE WILL IS SAFELY HIDDEN
IN A SECRET COMPARTMENT
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BEHIND THE CUCKOO CLOCK
WHERE SHE WILL NEVER FIND IT.
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GOOD MORNING, RENE.
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GOOD MORNING, LIEUTENANT.
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THIS IS THE MAN THAT SHOT ME.
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HE FANCIES ME LIKE MAD.
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PERHAPS IT IS THE APRON?
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YOUR CHEEKS ARE A VERY GOOD
FRESH COLOR TODAY.
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AND YOU HAVE AN IMPISH LOOK
IN YOUR EYE--
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( cuckoo clock goes off )
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WHICH HAS SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED.
HOW ABOUT A DRINK?
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WHAT A GOOD IDEA.
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OPEN THIS DOOR!
EDITH, OPEN THE DOOR!
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I HAVE FOUND IT!
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I HAVE FOUND IT!
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SHUT UP!
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I HAVE FOUND THE WILL
OF MY LATE HUSBAND.
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THERE IS NO NEED
TO MAKE SUCH A SONG AND DANCE ABOUT IT.
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GIVE IT TO ME, EDITH.
AFTER ALL, I AM THE EXECUTOR.
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IT IS NOT
ADDRESSED TO YOU.
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NO, BUT IT WOULD
GO WITHOUT SAYING
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THAT RENE WOULD
WANT HIS BROTHER
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AS AN EXECUTOR.
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IT HAS GONE
WITHOUT SAYING.
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GATHER ROUND,
EVERYONE,
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WHILE I READ TO YOU
THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT
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OF MY DEAR
DEPARTED HUSBAND--
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WHO WAS SHOT
BY THE GERMANS.
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ORDERS, YOU KNOW?
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LISTEN, HE LEAVE
EVERYTHING TO ME.
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"I, RENE ARTOIS,
BEING OF SOUND MIND--"
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I WOULD DISPUTE THAT
FOR A START.
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"--DO HEREBY LEAVE
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ALL OF WHICH
I STAND POSSESSED
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TO MY DEAR
AND FAITHFUL WIFE,
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WHO HAS COMFORTED ME
AND FILLED ME WITH JOY
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DURING THE HAPPY DAYS
OF MY MARRIAGE."
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I WROTE THAT
ON THE HONEYMOON.
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WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PHRASE.
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- LOOK, THERE IS SOMETHING
WRITTEN ON THE BACK. - AH, NO--
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"P.S., TO YVETTE..."
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I CAN HARDLY READ IT.
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IT IS AS IF
HIS HAND WAS SHAKING.
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"TO YVETTE, WHO HAS
SERVED SO DEVOTEDLY UNDER ME...
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I LEAVE THE COLLAPSIBLE SOFA
IN THE PARLOR."
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THAT SOFA IS NOT COLLAPSIBLE.
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IT IS, UNLESS YOU
PUT A BOOK UNDER IT.
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"P.P.S., TO MARIA,
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I LEAVE THE SMALL
BILLIARD TABLE
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WHICH HAS GIVEN US BOTH
SO MANY MOMENTS OF PLEASURE."
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- ( giggles )
- I NEVER SAW YOU PLAYING IN THERE!
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ALWAYS RENE WOULD
MAKE ME SHUT THE DOOR,
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AND PUT A CHAIR
UNDER THE KNOB.
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WHAT WERE YOU DOING THAT YOU
DID NOT WANT TO BE INTERRUPTED?
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WHY ASK ME,
I AM DEAD, REMEMBER?
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ANYWAY, HE HAS DONE
THE RIGHT THING BY ME.
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EVERYTHING IS NOW MINE,
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TO HAVE AND TO HOLD,
TILL DEATH DO ME PART.
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HE WAS A GOOD MAN.
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THERE WAS SOMETHING...
SOFT AND SENSITIVE ABOUT HIM.
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ALTHOUGH, LIKE YOU, HE COULD
BE A LITTLE DISTANT AT TIMES.
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WE ARE A CAUTIOUS
FAMILY.
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WE WILL DRINK
TO HIS MEMORY.
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DO NOT POUR TOO MUCH,
THAT IS MY BEST COGNAC!
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HIS BEST COGNAC.
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AND NOW, IT IS
MY BEST COGNAC.
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TO HIS MEMORY.
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Everyone:
TO RENE.
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OHHH.
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IT IS OVER.
IT IS DONE.
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- ( register rings )
- WHAT ARE YOU UP TO NOW?
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I AM GOING TO BUY
MYSELF A NEW HAT.
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WHY DO YOU WANT
A NEW HAT?
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YOU MUST REMEMBER
I AM A RICH WIDOW,
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IN THE PRIME
OF MY LIFE.
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THIS EVENING MAMMA
WILL PROMENADE ME IN THE SQUARE.
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SOME HANDSOME MAN
WILL GAZE UPON ME IN MY NEW HAT.
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"WHO IS THAT?"
HE WILL ASK.
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"IT IS THE RICH
WIDOW ARTOIS," THEY WILL REPLY.
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"OH, HOW YOUNG
AND SLENDER SHE LOOKS,
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I MUST PAY MY RESPECTS
TO HER," HE WILL SAY.
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AND MAYBE TOMORROW MORNING
HE WILL BE AT MY DOOR,
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BEARING A BEAUTIFUL
BOUQUET
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OF SWEET
SMELLING ROSES.
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PROVIDED HIS GUIDE DOG
CAN FIND THE HOUSE.
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LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
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- COLONEL.
- IS THAT YOUR ARMORED CAR OUTSIDE?
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- DOES IT HAVE A LITTLE DENT
IN THE WING? - IT DOES.
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- THEN YES, IT IS MINE.
- THEN PLEASE MOVE IT. YOU'RE IN MY PARKING PLACE.
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THE COLONEL LIKES
TO PARK UNDER THE TREE.
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OTHERWISE HIS SEAT
GETS VERY HOT.
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MY APOLOGIES,
COLONEL.
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HANS, WHY ARE YOU
SITTING DOWN?
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BECAUSE MY LEGS
ARE RATHER TIRED.
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HANS, I AM A COLONEL,
YOU ARE A CAPTAIN.
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YOU DO NOT SIT DOWN
BEFORE I SIT DOWN.
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YOU DO NOT STAND UP
BEFORE I STAND UP.
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A COLONEL DOES
EVERYTHING FIRST.
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I-- I'M SORRY, COLONEL.
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WELL THEN,
BE MORE CAREFUL!
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YOU ARE GETTING
VERY SLACK!
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NOW, GENTLEMEN, WHAT CAN
I GET YOU TO DRINK?
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THE COLONEL
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WILL BE ORDERING.
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TWO COGNACS.
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- Rene: MARIA, TWO COGNACS.
- ON CAPTAIN GEERING'S ACCOUNT.
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RENE, WE HAVE ONE OR TWO
DELICATE MATTERS TO ATTEND TO.
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MARIA AND YVETTE
ARE AT YOUR DISPOSAL, COLONEL,
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BUT... COULD YOU
BOOK EARLY?
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BECAUSE FRIDAY
IS A VERY BUSY DAY.
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THAT IS NOT WHAT
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT.
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BUT MAKE A NOTE OF IT,
WE'LL COME BACK TO IT LATER.
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NOW, I AM COMMANDANT
OF THIS TOWN.
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I CANNOT CONTINUE
TO TURN A BLIND EYE
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TO YOUR HIDING
BRITISH AIRMEN IN YOUR CAFE.
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BUT, COLONEL,
YOU ARE TURNING A BLIND EYE
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BECAUSE I WAS HIDING
YOUR STOLEN PAINTING
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OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES IN MY CELLAR.
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NOT ANY MORE.
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THAT PAINTING IS NOW
IN THE HANDS OF HERR FLICK.
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OF THE GESTAPO.
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TOGETHER
WITH TWO FORGERIES.
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SO YOU NO LONGER
HAVE A HOLD OVER ME, RENE.
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IF I WANT TO SHOOT YOU,
I ONLY HAVE TO SAY THE WORD.
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FIRE.
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DO NOT WORRY, COLONEL.
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THE BRITISH AIRMEN
ARE GONE, FOR GOOD.
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EXCELLENT.
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THEN IF YOU WILL
TELL ME THE NAMES OF THE RESISTANCE LEADERS.
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I WILL SEE THAT
YOU ARE PROTECTED.
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PROTECTED?!
AGAINST WHO?
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ME!
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BUT COLONEL,
I DO NOT KNOW THEIR NAMES.
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THEY ARE MOSTLY GIRLS.
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THEY WEAR MACKINTOSHES AND...
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AND LITTLE SHORT WHITE SOCKS,
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AND BERETS LIKE
ANY OTHER FRENCH GIRLS.
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AND THEY ONLY
REVEAL THEMSELVES AT NIGHT.
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LIKE ANY OTHER
FRENCH GIRLS.
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I WISH I COULD
GET MY HANDS ON THEM.
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WE BOTH DO.
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IF YOU DO NOT COOPERATE,
I WILL HAVE YOU SHOT!
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OH, COLONEL,
YOU WOULDN'T?!
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HE WOULD!
HE DID IT BEFORE.
168
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COLONEL, I DO NOT WISH YOU
TO THINK BADLY OF ME,
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00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:15,494
BUT, I DID TAKE THE PRECAUTION
OF WRITING A LETTER
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WHICH TELLS HOW YOU
HELPED THE RESISTANCE
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TO BLOW UP
THE RAILWAY LINE;
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HOW YOU STOLE THAT PAINTING
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
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NOW, THE LETTER IS SIGNED,
BY THE WHOLE VILLAGE,
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AND THE MOMENT I AM ARRESTED,
IT IS TO BE PLACED
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INTO THE HANDS OF HERR FLICK
OF THE GESTAPO.
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HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO!
YOU WOULDN'T?!
177
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HE WOULD.
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I THINK IT IS CHECKMATE,
HERR COLONEL.
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RENE...
180
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:43,022
YOU ARE SMARTER
THAN I THOUGHT.
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THANK YOU, COLONEL.
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00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,025
IF I MAY SUGGEST,
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WE JUST WIPE
THE SLATE CLEAN.
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YOU HAVE NO PAINTING,
I HAVE NO AIRMEN,
185
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,032
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,
I DO HAVE THE GIRLS.
186
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WHICH BRINGS US BACK
TO POINT ONE.
187
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SHALL WE SAY 9:00?
188
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AGREED.
189
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,041
WAIT--
190
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,542
WITH THE WET CELERY
191
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,545
AND THE FLYING HELMET.
192
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,047
AND...
193
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:11,050
A GREAT BIG STEAMING PLATE
OF SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE
194
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,052
AND THREE FEET
OF ELASTIC.
195
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,556
HANS, JUST BETWEEN
THE TWO OF US,
196
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:21,060
- WHAT EXACTLY HAVE
YOU GOT IN MIND? - WELL, I-- I--
197
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,561
I THOUGHT I WOULD
HAVE A QUICK SNACK,
198
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:26,065
WHILE MARIA REPAIRS
MY LONG WINTER UNDERWEAR.
199
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,101
( knocks on door )
200
00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:43,115
- YOU SENT FOR ME, HERR FLICK?
- YOU ARE LATE.
201
00:09:43,115 --> 00:09:45,117
GO INTO THE INNER CHAMBER.
202
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:52,124
STOP!
203
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:54,126
TAKE OUT YOUR
HANDKERCHIEF.
204
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,133
WIPE YOUR LIPS.
205
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,639
REPLACE
THE HANDKERCHIEF.
206
00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:13,645
TURN AROUND.
207
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:16,648
YOU MAY KISS ME.
208
00:10:30,162 --> 00:10:31,663
SIX OUT OF 10.
209
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,167
I KNOCKED OFF FOUR
FOR THE GARLIC.
210
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:38,170
MAY I SIT DOWN?
211
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:41,173
NO, REMAIN STANDING.
212
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,175
I HAVE A PROBLEM.
213
00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:45,677
DARE I ASK WHAT IT IS?
214
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:46,679
YES.
215
00:10:50,182 --> 00:10:52,684
I HAVE THREE
FALLEN MADONNAS
216
00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:54,687
WITH SIX BIG BOOBIES.
217
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:58,190
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
218
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,692
ONLY ONE OF THEM IS REAL.
219
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:02,194
ONLY ONE BIG BOOBIE?
220
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:06,198
ONE PAINTING.
221
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:08,700
ONE IS A FORGERY
COMMISSIONED BY MYSELF;
222
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:12,705
ONE ARRIVED MYSTERIOUSLY
AT MY HEADQUARTERS;
223
00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:14,707
ONE IS GENUINE.
224
00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:18,210
I HID THEM ALL, ROLLED UP
IN MY HIGH GESTAPO BOOTS.
225
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:21,713
A PEASANT TIDIED THE ROOM
AND MIXED THEM ALL UP.
226
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,717
NOW I DO NOT KNOW
WHICH IS WHICH.
227
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,719
WHY DO YOU NOT SEND
FOR THE MAN WHO FORGED THEM?
228
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,721
HE WILL BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY
THE REAL ONE.
229
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:32,224
THAT IS A VERY
GOOD IDEA.
230
00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:35,227
UNFORTUNATELY,
HE IS NOT AVAILABLE.
231
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:37,229
WHY NOT?
232
00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:40,232
HE FELL OUT
OF A GESTAPO CAR,
233
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:42,234
OVER A BRIDGE
ONTO A RAILWAY LINE,
234
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:45,237
AND WAS RUN OVER
BY THE BERLIN EXPRESS.
235
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:47,739
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
236
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,743
OF COURSE, HERR FLICK.
237
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:52,244
THE REAL PAINTING
I WISH TO RETAIN
238
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:54,246
TO SELL AFTER THE WAR,
239
00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:56,748
TO PROVIDE FOR US
WHEN WE ARE MARRIED.
240
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:58,751
HERR FLICK,
241
00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:01,754
I THINK I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT
I HAVE A FRIEND IN THE ARMY
242
00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:04,256
WITH WHOM I HAVE BEEN
CORRESPONDING IN AN EARNEST...
243
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:06,258
AND MEANINGFUL MANNER.
244
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:08,260
GIVE ME HIS NAME,
245
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:09,761
RANK AND NUMBER,
246
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:11,764
AND HE WILL NOT
BE A PROBLEM.
247
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,266
ON SECOND THOUGHTS...
248
00:12:14,266 --> 00:12:16,768
HE DOES NOT HAVE
YOUR FORCEFUL,
249
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,270
COMMANDING,
250
00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:21,773
DOMINATING AND RUTHLESS
PERSONALITY,
251
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,276
WHICH DRAWS ME TO YOU
252
00:12:24,276 --> 00:12:26,778
LIKE A BEE
TO A POT OF JAM.
253
00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:28,781
I WILL PUT THE KETTLE ON.
254
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:34,286
YOU WILL FIND FOR ME
A MAN WITH KNOWLEDGE OF PAINTING,
255
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:36,788
WHO WILL DECIDE
BEYOND ALL DOUBT
256
00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:38,791
WHICH IS
THE REAL VAN CLOMP.
257
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:40,793
YES, HERR FLICK.
258
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:46,132
MARIA, YOU SHOULD
NOT DO THAT
259
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:47,633
UNLESS I AM HERE
TO HOLD YOU.
260
00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:49,635
YOU COULD SO EASILY FALL.
261
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,637
I ALREADY HAVE.
262
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:54,640
RENE, I MUST
TALK TO YOU.
263
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,142
I AM LISTENING
WITH ONE EAR.
264
00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,145
WE MAY BE
OBSERVED.
265
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:01,647
WE MUST MEET
IN PRIVATE.
266
00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,148
LET US RENDEZVOUS
267
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,151
IN THE BROOM CLOSET
UNDER THE STAIRS.
268
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:09,155
YOU ARE MAKING THE CURL
COME OUT OF MY HAIR.
269
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:10,156
OH, RENE!
270
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:12,658
YES, ALL RIGHT,
I AGREE, IN 10 MINUTES.
271
00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:15,160
GO NOW, YOUR WIFE
IS COMING DOWNSTAIRS.
272
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:22,168
WELL, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
273
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:32,178
WHY ARE YOU WEARING
ON YOUR HEAD A DEAD HEN?
274
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:37,683
AND WHY ARE YOU
TAKING MORE MONEY?
275
00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:39,685
I HAVE TO BUY
REFRESHMENTS
276
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,687
FOR MAMMA AND
MONSIEUR LECLERC.
277
00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:44,189
AND WHO KNOWS,
MAYBE MY SUITOR.
278
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:47,693
IF YOU GO ON LIKE THIS,
YOU WILL SOON BE A POOR WIDOW.
279
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:51,697
MADAME, I HAVE PLACED
THE BATH CHAIR OF YOUR MOTHER
280
00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:53,699
OUTSIDE THE CAFE DOOR.
281
00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:56,201
WHY ARE YOU ALL DRESSED UP
LIKE THE DINNER OF A DOG?
282
00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:01,707
I, LECLERC,
AM TO BE THE PUSHER.
283
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:04,710
IT IS GOING TO BE LIKE
A CIRCUS OUT THERE.
284
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:07,212
WE'RE GOING TO BE
THE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE WHOLE VILLAGE.
285
00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:09,715
FANNY, MY LOVE,
ARE YOU READY?
286
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:11,717
- ( Mamma groans )
- COME ALONG.
287
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:15,721
WILL NOBODY COME
TO MY ASSISTANCE?
288
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:26,232
THE TEETH HAVE
DROPPED OUT OF MY FOX.
289
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,234
IF YOU WANT
TO LOOK REALLY SMART,
290
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,236
YOU COULD GIVE IT
YOUR SPARE SET.
291
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:35,241
COME, AH, FANNY,
292
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:38,244
HOW THE YEARS HAVE
FALLEN AWAY.
293
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,746
HOW EVERYTHING
HAS FALLEN AWAY.
294
00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:42,748
- DEAR ROGER.
- NOW, FANNY.
295
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:48,754
I REMEMBER
HOW DAPPER
296
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:51,256
AND JAUNTY
YOU WERE.
297
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:54,260
AH, YES.
I REMEMBER.
298
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:58,764
WHAT A PITY
YOU ARE SO DECREPIT NOW.
299
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:02,768
AH, YES.
300
00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:05,270
BUT I CAN STILL
TWIRL MY CANE.
301
00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:10,776
A LOT OF GOOD
THAT IS GOING TO DO US.
302
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,781
MAMMA,
303
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:18,283
YOU HAVE NOT MENTIONED
MY NEW HAT.
304
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:21,787
IT LOOKS LIKE
A DEAD HEN.
305
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:26,792
READY?
306
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:29,294
RICH WIDOW!
307
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:32,298
GET YOUR
RICH WIDOW HERE!
308
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:34,300
MONSIEUR LECLERC?
309
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,303
I THINK WE SHOULD BE
A LITTLE MORE SUBTLE THAN THAT.
310
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,305
AH.
311
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:41,807
FAIRLY RICH WIDOW!
312
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:44,810
GET YOUR FAIRLY
RICH WIDOW HERE.
313
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:47,813
MARIA.
314
00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:50,315
RENE,
SHUT THE DOOR.
315
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,819
RENE, MY LOVE.
316
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,323
AGH, ARGH.
317
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:58,824
AARGHH!
318
00:15:58,824 --> 00:16:00,325
- RENE?
- HMM?
319
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:03,329
WHY ARE YOU SO FORMAL
AND WITHDRAWN?
320
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:06,332
I AM IMPALED
UPON THE HANDLE OF THE HOOVER.
321
00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:11,336
RENE?
322
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,339
OOH, THAT IS BETTER.
323
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,341
WHAT?
324
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:19,845
NOW THAT YOU'RE
NO LONGER MARRIED TO EDITH,
325
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:22,848
WILL YOU MAKE GOOD
YOUR PROMISE TO ME?
326
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:26,852
WELL, IT IS NOT
GOING TO BE EASY IN THE BROOM CUPBOARD.
327
00:16:27,853 --> 00:16:29,855
YOUR PROMISE
TO MARRY ME.
328
00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:31,857
OH! OH, THAT PROMISE.
329
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:34,359
WELL, IT IS A LITTLE BIT
DIFFICULT, YOU SEE,
330
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,861
I HAVE LEFT ALL MY MONEY
TO MY WIFE.
331
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,863
I CAN GET MONEY
FOR US.
332
00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:40,365
MEN PAY ME
FOR MY FAVORS.
333
00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:44,370
BUT MARIA, YOU KNOW
I HATE QUEUING.
334
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,872
MARIA, YOU MUST BE PATIENT
335
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:48,373
FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.
336
00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,876
- RENE?
- HUH?
337
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:54,379
PROMISE ME
THAT NO OTHER GIRL WILL TAKE MY PLACE.
338
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:57,383
WITH SUCH DEEP STAIRS,
HOW COULD THEY?
339
00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:05,390
YVETTE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
340
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,393
SOMEBODY HAS
REMOVED THE BOOK
341
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:09,395
FROM UNDER THE SOFA
IN THE PARLOR.
342
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:10,396
WHAT?
343
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,398
OH, FRANK HARRIS,
344
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,900
YES, JUST ABOUT
THE RIGHT SIZE.
345
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,902
- RENE...
- WHAT?
346
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:19,404
NOW THAT YOU ARE FREE,
347
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:22,908
WHEN ARE WE GOING
TO ANNOUNCE OUR ENGAGEMENT?
348
00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:25,410
DEAR SWEET YVETTE,
WE MUST NOT BE TOO HASTY.
349
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:28,914
I HAVE TO FIND A WAY
OF GETTING MY HANDS BACK ON MY MONEY.
350
00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:30,916
YOU COULD POISON
YOUR WIFE.
351
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:34,419
NO, WITH HER COOKING
SHE HAS BECOME IMMUNE.
352
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,422
NO, WE WILL HAVE
TO FIND ANOTHER WAY.
353
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:38,424
MEANWHILE WE HAVE
TO LIE LOW.
354
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:40,426
AH, ON THE SOFA?
355
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:42,428
NOT AS LOW AS THAT.
356
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:44,930
- OH, RENE...
- HUH?
357
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:48,934
PROMISE ME THAT NOTHING
WILL EVER COME BETWEEN US.
358
00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:50,936
I AM DOING MY BEST.
359
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:54,439
- OOOH, RENE.
- OHHH, YVETTE.
360
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,941
CAN YOU FEEL
MY LITTLE HEART
361
00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:57,943
POUNDING AND POUNDING?
362
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,945
( knocks on window )
363
00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:01,446
I CAN HEAR IT.
364
00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:05,450
- Michelle: RENE?
- ( groans )
365
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:10,456
IS THE COAST CLEAR?
366
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:13,459
WE ARE 50 MILES
FROM THE COAST. HOW WOULD I KNOW?
367
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,462
SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT
HAS JUST COME UP.
368
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:20,966
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN OUT THERE?
369
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,972
THE TWO AIRMEN
HAVE LEFT THE NUNNERY.
370
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,474
GOOD! NOW, PERHAPS
YVETTE AND I
371
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:31,977
CAN CONTINUE TO DISCUSS
THE MENU FOR TONIGHT.
372
00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:34,980
THEY LEFT BECAUSE
THE GERMANS CAME TO SEARCH FOR THEM.
373
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,982
THEY ARE ON THE RUN.
374
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:38,984
THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM,
NOT MINE.
375
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:40,986
I DON'T CARE
IF I NEVER SEE
376
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:42,487
THEIR STUPID FACES
EVER AGAIN.
377
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,490
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
378
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:48,494
IT IS THE AIRMEN.
379
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,996
I WOULD NEVER
HAVE KNOWN.
380
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:52,998
DO NOT LET THEM
COME IN HERE!
381
00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:55,500
YOU SPEAK THE LANGUAGE.
TELL THEM TO GO AWAY.
382
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:59,004
NOW, LISTEN CHAPS,
RENE'S BEEN AWFULLY DECENT, PUTTING YOU UP HERE,
383
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:01,006
BUT YOU HAVE
OUTSTAYED YOUR WELCOME.
384
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:05,010
WE-- WE-- WE CAN'T
WALK AROUND AS NUNS ALL DAY!
385
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,512
THE JERRIES KEEP
TRYING TO CHAT US UP.
386
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,014
DIDN'T THEY SUSPECT
THE MOUSTACHE?
387
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:12,517
YOU THINK MINE'S BIG,
YOU SHOULD SEE THE MOTHER SUPERIOR'S.
388
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,520
WE'RE NOT GOING
BACK TO THE NUNNERY.
389
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,522
FAIRFAX MUCKED UP
HIS NEEDLEWORK,
390
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:18,524
AND WE HAD TO SPEND HOURS
SCRUBBING THE STEPS.
391
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:20,025
LOOK!
392
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:24,529
WHY IS HE SHOWING YOU
HIS KNEES?
393
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:28,033
HE WAS A SCRUBBER
AT THE NUNNERY.
394
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:30,535
NO WONDER
THEY THREW HIM OUT.
395
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,538
WELL, LOOK,
TELL THEM TO GO AWAY.
396
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:36,041
LISTEN TO ME, RENE,
YOU ARE A VITAL LINK
397
00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:38,043
IN THE ESCAPE ROUTE
FOR BRITISH AIRMEN.
398
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:39,044
THIS IS A SAFE HOUSE.
399
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:41,046
NOT FOR ME, IT ISN'T.
400
00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:43,048
LET US COME
TO THE CRUNCH.
401
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,549
THE CRUNCH?
402
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:46,051
THE NITTY-GRITTY.
403
00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:47,552
ARE YOU A COLLABORATOR,
404
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,555
OR ARE YOU
WITH THE RESISTANCE?
405
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:51,557
IS THAT THING LOADED?
406
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:54,560
I AM DESPERATE.
I HAVE ONE UP THE SPOUT.
407
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:58,563
THAT WOULD MAKE
YOU DESPERATE, YES.
408
00:19:58,564 --> 00:19:59,565
WELL?
409
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:02,568
LOOK, I AM ON YOUR SIDE.
410
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:05,070
AT THE SAME TIME,
I HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN.
411
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:08,073
NOW, I CANNOT GO AROUND
BEING RUDE TO THE GERMANS.
412
00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:10,075
NOT IN FRONT
OF THEIR FACES, ANYWAY.
413
00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:12,077
I WILL PUT OUT MY TONGUE
AT THEM, FROM TIME TO TIME,
414
00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:14,079
WHEN THEIR BACKS
ARE TURNED.
415
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,081
OR PUT A LITTLE
EXTRA SALT IN THEIR SOUP,
416
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,083
BUT WE MUST
BE REASONABLE.
417
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:20,585
( automobile arrives )
418
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,588
IT IS THE COLONEL
AND THE CAPTAIN.
419
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:24,590
THE COLONEL IS PARKING
UNDER THE TREE.
420
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:27,092
I THINK THEY
ARE COMING IN HERE.
421
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:30,095
HE MUST NOT SEE THEM!
GET THEM OUT THROUGH THE WINDOW, QUICK.
422
00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:32,597
NO, THEY CANNOT GO THAT WAY,
THERE'S A DRIVER WITH A GUN.
423
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:34,600
OH... QUICK,
THROUGH HERE.
424
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,103
THE COLONEL AND CAPTAIN
ARE APPROACHING.
425
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:39,604
WELL, KEEP THEM BUSY
WHILE I THINK
426
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:43,108
OF A GOOD REASON
WHY I'VE GOT TWO NUNS IN MY BACK ROOM.
427
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:46,111
- THE ORGAN FUND.
- THE ORGAN FUND? WITH MY REPUTATION?
428
00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:48,113
GO, GO,
KEEP THEM BUSY.
429
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:51,116
GREETINGS, COLONEL.
430
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:54,619
IS THERE ANY REFRESHMENT
THAT YOU WOULD LIKE,
431
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:56,622
THAT IS NOT
ON A HIGH SHELF?
432
00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:59,124
NO, THANK YOU, MY DEAR.
WE HAVE BUSINESS WITH RENE.
433
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,626
- IS HE IN THE BACK ROOM?
- NO!
434
00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:03,629
GOOD. WE WISH
TO BE PRIVATE.
435
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:06,131
WE WILL WAIT IN THERE,
WHILE YOU FIND HIM.
436
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:09,134
OH MY GOD! QUICK!
GET THEM DOWN.
437
00:21:09,134 --> 00:21:11,636
TAKE THESE, YVETTE,
TAKE THESE.
438
00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:15,140
HAND THEM OUT.
439
00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:16,141
STAND BACK.
440
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:21,647
- WOULDN'T YOU RATHER
WAIT IN MY ROOM? - STAND ASIDE.
441
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:25,651
♪ AHHH ♪
442
00:21:25,651 --> 00:21:29,154
♪ AAA-VE MARRR-III-AAA ♪
443
00:21:29,154 --> 00:21:34,159
♪ GRAAA- TIAAA PLENA... ♪
444
00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:37,663
AM I INTERRUPTING
SOMETHING?
445
00:21:37,663 --> 00:21:39,164
SHH!
446
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:42,668
RENE IS HAVING
A SPECIAL SERVICE
447
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:44,169
FOR HIS LATE
DEPARTED BROTHER.
448
00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:45,670
HE'S NOT DEAD.
449
00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:47,673
THE CHURCH
DON'T KNOW THAT!
450
00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:50,175
THEY WERE GOING
TO HAVE A BIG ONE, IN THE CATHEDRAL.
451
00:21:50,175 --> 00:21:52,677
BUT THIS
WORKED OUT CHEAPER.
452
00:21:52,678 --> 00:21:55,681
Hans:
HIS LIPS ARE MUTTERING IN SILENT PRAYER.
453
00:21:55,681 --> 00:21:57,683
IT IS VERY MOVING.
454
00:21:57,683 --> 00:22:00,185
IN THAT CASE,
TAKE YOUR HAT OFF.
455
00:22:02,187 --> 00:22:04,689
WHO IS FRANK HARRIS?
456
00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:06,692
HE WAS A PROPHET.
457
00:22:06,692 --> 00:22:08,694
HANS,
458
00:22:08,694 --> 00:22:10,195
GIVE IT TO ME.
459
00:22:19,204 --> 00:22:21,706
I HAD NO IDEA
THEY PLAYED LEAPFROG
460
00:22:21,707 --> 00:22:23,208
IN HEAVEN.
461
00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:25,210
- AMEN.
- AMEN.
462
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:27,712
IS THERE SOMETHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU, COLONEL?
463
00:22:27,713 --> 00:22:30,215
HELGA, MY SECRETARY,
HAS BEEN INSTRUCTED
464
00:22:30,215 --> 00:22:32,717
TO TAKE LIEUTENANT GRUBER
TO GESTAPO HEADQUARTERS.
465
00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:34,720
DOES HE KNOW ANYTHING?
466
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,723
I DO NOT THINK SO,
COLONEL, NO.
467
00:22:37,723 --> 00:22:39,725
RENE HAS ALWAYS
BEEN VERY CAREFUL
468
00:22:39,725 --> 00:22:42,227
NOT TO DROP ANYTHING
IN FRONT OF HIM.
469
00:22:42,227 --> 00:22:44,729
WOULD YOU EXCUSE US,
COLONEL?
470
00:22:44,730 --> 00:22:47,232
WE ARE JUST GOING
INTO THE FINALE.
471
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:54,740
( high pitched voices )
♪ AAA-VE MARRR-III-AAA... ♪
472
00:22:56,241 --> 00:22:57,742
I THINK
WE SHOULD GO.
473
00:22:57,743 --> 00:23:01,747
I FIND THE PRESENCE
OF NUNS VERY UPLIFTING.
474
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:03,749
WE MUST
DEFINITELY GO!
475
00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:11,823
I HAVE DONE PRECISELY AS
YOU INSTRUCTED, HERR FLICK.
476
00:23:11,823 --> 00:23:15,326
I SEARCHED
THE RECORDS AND DISCOVERED THAT LIEUTENANT GRUBER WAS,
477
00:23:15,327 --> 00:23:17,329
FOR A SHORT WHILE
IN CIVILIAN LIFE,
478
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:19,831
AN ASSISTANT
IN AN ART GALLERY IN COLOGNE.
479
00:23:19,831 --> 00:23:24,335
WAS THAT BEFORE OR AFTER
HE WAS A WINDOW DRESSER?
480
00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:25,337
AFTER.
481
00:23:25,337 --> 00:23:27,339
LET US HOPE
HE CAN SOLVE MY PROBLEM.
482
00:23:27,339 --> 00:23:28,840
I WILL INTERVIEW HIM.
483
00:23:32,344 --> 00:23:34,346
( Helga shouts )
BRING HIM IN HERE!
484
00:23:46,858 --> 00:23:48,359
HEIL HITLER.
485
00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,865
DO YOU HAVE ANY
FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE SOLDIER?
486
00:23:53,865 --> 00:23:54,866
NONE.
487
00:23:56,368 --> 00:23:57,869
GO AWAY!
488
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:07,378
I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR THE MANNER
IN WHICH YOU WERE BROUGHT TO MY HEADQUARTERS.
489
00:24:07,379 --> 00:24:09,881
THAT IS QUITE ALL RIGHT.
490
00:24:09,881 --> 00:24:12,383
ACTUALLY, I--
491
00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:13,385
I RATHER ENJOYED IT.
492
00:24:14,886 --> 00:24:17,388
THAT SOLDIER WHO BROUGHT ME,
HE HAS VERY...
493
00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:19,391
BROAD SHOULDERS.
494
00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:21,393
I HAVE MADE INQUIRIES
495
00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:23,395
INTO YOUR BACKGROUND
AND INTERESTS.
496
00:24:23,395 --> 00:24:25,897
YOU HAVE, SHALL WE SAY,
497
00:24:25,897 --> 00:24:27,398
ARTISTIC LEANINGS.
498
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:29,901
IF YOU SAY SO.
499
00:24:30,902 --> 00:24:32,403
I AM GOING TO PUT YOU
TO THE TEST.
500
00:24:34,906 --> 00:24:36,407
( Gruber whimpers )
501
00:24:39,911 --> 00:24:42,914
HAVE YOU ANY IMMEDIATE
REACTIONS TO THESE?
502
00:24:42,914 --> 00:24:45,416
NOTHING WORTH REPORTING.
503
00:24:45,417 --> 00:24:47,419
TRY HARDER.
504
00:24:50,922 --> 00:24:52,423
ARE THEY OF HELGA?
505
00:24:52,424 --> 00:24:56,428
THEY ARE MOST DEFINITELY
NOT HELGA!
506
00:24:56,428 --> 00:24:59,431
PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE
TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK?
507
00:24:59,431 --> 00:25:01,933
DO I HAVE TO?
508
00:25:01,933 --> 00:25:03,434
MAYBE THIS
WILL HELP YOU.
509
00:25:03,435 --> 00:25:05,937
I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
IT HARDLY NECESSARY.
510
00:25:05,937 --> 00:25:08,439
ONE IS GENUINE,
TWO ARE FORGERIES,
511
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:09,941
WHICH IS WHICH?
512
00:25:09,941 --> 00:25:11,442
AH.
513
00:25:13,445 --> 00:25:17,449
THIS IS AN EARLY VAN CLOMP.
514
00:25:17,449 --> 00:25:18,950
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
515
00:25:18,950 --> 00:25:20,952
WHEN HE WAS TALLER, HE SIGNED
HIS PAINTINGS FURTHER UP.
516
00:25:23,455 --> 00:25:24,456
AH!
517
00:25:24,456 --> 00:25:25,457
YOU HAVE A CLUE?
518
00:25:25,457 --> 00:25:28,460
YES, THIS IS
THE GENUINE PAINTING.
519
00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:29,961
ARE YOU SURE?
520
00:25:29,961 --> 00:25:33,464
THIS IS DEFINITELY THE BRUSHWORK
OF THE MASTER.
521
00:25:33,465 --> 00:25:35,967
WHEN HE GOT TO
THIS LITTLE BIT HERE,
522
00:25:35,967 --> 00:25:40,471
HE ALWAYS FINISHED OFF
WITH A LITTLE CIRCLE AND A DOT. ( smacks )
523
00:25:41,973 --> 00:25:43,474
EXCELLENT.
524
00:25:43,475 --> 00:25:45,977
NOW, YOU UNDERSTAND
525
00:25:45,977 --> 00:25:48,980
IT IS MOST IMPORTANT
THAT YOU TELL NO ONE
526
00:25:48,980 --> 00:25:50,481
WHAT YOU HAVE SEEN.
527
00:25:50,482 --> 00:25:51,983
YOU HAVE MY WORD,
HERR FLICK.
528
00:25:51,983 --> 00:25:54,485
THIS IS NOT ENOUGH.
SIT IN THAT CHAIR.
529
00:25:54,486 --> 00:25:55,487
( whimpers )
530
00:26:07,499 --> 00:26:10,502
WHAT ARE YOU G--
GOING TO DO?
531
00:26:10,502 --> 00:26:13,004
THE GESTAPO HAS WAYS
532
00:26:13,004 --> 00:26:16,007
OF ENSURING SILENCE.
533
00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:19,010
- AAAH...
- HELGA?
534
00:26:19,010 --> 00:26:20,511
HE IS READY.
535
00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:31,022
AARGHH!
536
00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:35,026
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
537
00:26:35,026 --> 00:26:37,028
YES, HERR FLICK.
538
00:26:47,539 --> 00:26:49,040
WATCH THE BIRDIE.
539
00:26:51,543 --> 00:26:52,544
GOOD, THAT IS ENOUGH, HELGA.
540
00:26:55,046 --> 00:26:57,548
THAT IS ENOUGH,
HELGA!
541
00:26:59,050 --> 00:27:00,551
YOU KNOW,
OF COURSE,
542
00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:02,554
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF I SENT THIS PICTURE
543
00:27:02,554 --> 00:27:04,055
TO YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER?
544
00:27:04,055 --> 00:27:07,558
I DON'T THINK HE WOULD
EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
545
00:27:12,564 --> 00:27:14,566
HAVE THE COLONEL
AND THE CAPTAIN GONE?
546
00:27:14,566 --> 00:27:17,068
OF COURSE THEY HAVE.
THEY LEFT OVER AN HOUR AGO.
547
00:27:17,068 --> 00:27:19,570
THEN WHY DID YOU
NOT TELL ME?
548
00:27:19,571 --> 00:27:22,574
I HAVE BEEN HIDING
BEHIND THE CURTAINS HOLDING MY BREATH.
549
00:27:22,574 --> 00:27:24,075
WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN?
550
00:27:24,075 --> 00:27:26,577
DON'T WORRY,
WE HAVE HIDDEN THEM.
551
00:27:26,578 --> 00:27:28,580
WE HAVE PUT THEM
IN A SECRET PLACE.
552
00:27:28,580 --> 00:27:29,581
SOMEONE IS COMING.
553
00:27:29,581 --> 00:27:32,083
I WILL RECEDE DOWN
THE BACK PASSAGE.
554
00:27:35,086 --> 00:27:38,089
GO AWAY!
WE ARE NOT OPEN.
555
00:27:38,089 --> 00:27:41,092
Rene:
I KNOW THAT. I OWN THE DAMNED PLACE.
556
00:27:44,095 --> 00:27:47,598
COME INSIDE AND STOP MAKING
AN EXHIBITION OF YOURSELVES.
557
00:27:49,100 --> 00:27:51,102
OH, WHAT AN AFTERNOON.
558
00:27:51,102 --> 00:27:54,105
OH, MY DEAR, BEAUTIFUL,
LITTLE EDITH.
559
00:27:54,105 --> 00:27:57,108
I AM SO PROUD OF HER.
560
00:27:57,108 --> 00:28:00,111
THEY WERE AROUND HER
LIKE FLIES.
561
00:28:00,111 --> 00:28:03,114
I EXPECT HER HAT
HAD GONE OFF.
562
00:28:03,114 --> 00:28:05,116
NOW QUICK,
WE ARE LATE OPENING.
563
00:28:05,116 --> 00:28:09,120
YVETTE, MARIA, TAKE THIS
SILLY OLD BAT UPSTAIRS AND PUT HER TO BED.
564
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,622
YOU, LECLERC,
TAKE OFF YOUR HAT, PUT ON YOUR APRON
565
00:28:11,623 --> 00:28:14,125
AND WASH THOSE DIRTY GLASSES
BEHIND THE BAR.
566
00:28:14,125 --> 00:28:16,127
I HAD NO IDEA
IT WAS SO LATE.
567
00:28:16,127 --> 00:28:18,129
OH, WHAT A DAY
I HAVE HAD.
568
00:28:18,129 --> 00:28:19,630
SO MANY COMPLIMENTS,
569
00:28:19,631 --> 00:28:21,633
SO MANY RAISED HATS.
570
00:28:21,633 --> 00:28:23,635
PROBABLY THEIR HAIR
WAS STANDING ON END.
571
00:28:23,635 --> 00:28:25,637
SEE, SEE,
572
00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:28,139
MANY OF THEM GAVE ME
THEIR CARDS.
573
00:28:28,139 --> 00:28:31,142
"SERVIETTES AND
CATERING SUPPLIES,"
574
00:28:31,142 --> 00:28:32,143
"THE HAT SHOP,"
575
00:28:32,143 --> 00:28:34,645
"DYNAROD"?!
576
00:28:35,647 --> 00:28:39,651
TONIGHT I WILL SING
AS I HAVE NEVER SUNG BEFORE.
577
00:28:39,651 --> 00:28:42,153
WHAT? IN TUNE?
578
00:28:42,153 --> 00:28:43,654
- MONSIEUR LECLERC?
- MADAME.
579
00:28:43,655 --> 00:28:45,156
PLAY FOR ME
A FEW CHORDS
580
00:28:45,156 --> 00:28:46,657
WHILE I PRACTICE
MY SCALES.
581
00:28:46,658 --> 00:28:49,160
Rene:
EDITH, WE HAVE NO TIME FOR SCALES.
582
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:52,163
ALREADY WE ARE
FULL OF CUSTOMERS. GOOD EVENING, GENTLEMEN.
583
00:28:52,163 --> 00:28:54,665
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
A CHORD IN "C."
584
00:28:55,667 --> 00:28:57,669
- OWWW!
- OOOH!
585
00:28:59,170 --> 00:29:00,171
AARGHH!
586
00:29:02,674 --> 00:29:05,176
MADAME, THE PIANO...
587
00:29:05,176 --> 00:29:06,677
IS UP THE CREEK.
588
00:29:06,678 --> 00:29:08,680
OH! IT DID THIS LAST WEEK.
589
00:29:10,181 --> 00:29:11,182
RENE?
590
00:29:11,182 --> 00:29:13,184
THE PIANO HAS
GONE WRONG AGAIN.
591
00:29:13,184 --> 00:29:16,687
FIX IT WHILE I SERVE
THE CUSTOMERS THE DRINKS.
592
00:29:16,688 --> 00:29:18,189
IT IS THE MICE,
593
00:29:18,189 --> 00:29:20,691
THEY SEEK REFUGE IN THERE
WHEN YOU SING.
594
00:29:20,692 --> 00:29:22,694
SOMETIMES THEY
GET TRAPPED.
595
00:29:26,698 --> 00:29:29,200
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
596
00:29:30,201 --> 00:29:31,202
ARGH!
597
00:29:31,202 --> 00:29:33,704
COLONEL,
598
00:29:33,705 --> 00:29:36,207
CAPTAIN,
599
00:29:36,207 --> 00:29:39,210
HOW NICE THAT YOU
SHOULD COME IN TO MY CAFE AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT.
600
00:29:39,210 --> 00:29:41,712
EDITH, GIVE THE COLONEL ONE,
WILL YOU?
601
00:29:41,713 --> 00:29:44,215
RENE, I HAVE NOT
PRACTICED MY SCALES.
602
00:29:44,215 --> 00:29:46,217
THERE IS NO TIME
FOR SCALES, EDITH.
603
00:29:46,217 --> 00:29:48,219
VERY WELL, I WILL GO
STRAIGHT INTO MY SONG.
604
00:29:48,219 --> 00:29:50,721
NO! EDITH,
YOU MUST NOT SING.
605
00:29:50,722 --> 00:29:53,725
- BUT RENE, WE HAVE
NEW CUSTOMERS. - YES, BUT...
606
00:29:53,725 --> 00:29:55,727
DO YOU HAVE ANY
REQUESTS, GENTLEMEN?
607
00:29:55,727 --> 00:29:58,229
SING US, EH...
"LILI MARLENE."
608
00:29:58,229 --> 00:30:00,731
- OH, MONSIEUR LECLERC.
- NO, NO, NO.
609
00:30:00,732 --> 00:30:02,734
"LILI MARLENE."
610
00:30:05,737 --> 00:30:07,238
"LILI MARLENE."
611
00:30:07,238 --> 00:30:08,739
RIGHT-O.
612
00:30:08,740 --> 00:30:10,241
ROGER.
613
00:30:10,241 --> 00:30:12,743
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...
614
00:30:12,744 --> 00:30:14,746
Airmen:
PLINKY, PLINKY PLONK, PLONK...
615
00:30:16,748 --> 00:30:18,750
PLINKY, PLINKY
PLONK, PLONK.
616
00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:22,253
THE CHEESE BOARD,
COLONEL?
617
00:30:22,253 --> 00:30:25,256
( off-key )
♪ 'TWAS THERE THAT YOU WHISPERED TENDERLY ♪
618
00:30:25,256 --> 00:30:29,260
♪ THAT YOU WOULD BE,
YOU'D ALWAYS BE ♪
619
00:30:29,260 --> 00:30:32,263
♪ MY LILI
OF THE LAMPLIGHT. ♪
620
00:30:32,263 --> 00:30:35,766
( theme music playing )