1 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:07,574 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,593 MY NAME IS RENE. THIS IS MY CAFE, 3 00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:29,596 BUT AT THE MOMENT MY LIFE IS ONE BIG PROBLEM. 4 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:33,099 YOU SEE, I HAVE TO BE NICE TO THE GERMANS. 5 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:36,102 THEY ARE MY CUSTOMERS. THEY ARE WINNING THE WAR. 6 00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,604 SO IF I AM NOT NICE TO THEM, THEY WILL SHOOT ME. 7 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:41,608 I HAVE TO BE NICE TO THE RESISTANCE. 8 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,109 OTHERWISE, THEY WILL SHOOT HIM 9 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,611 FOR BEING NICE TO THE GERMANS. 10 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:48,114 I HAVE TO BE NICE TO MY WIFE, 11 00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:51,117 BECAUSE IF SHE FINDS OUT I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH YVETTE, 12 00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:53,619 SHE WILL SHOOT ME. 13 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,122 AND IF YVETTE FINDS OUT I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MARIA, 14 00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:58,624 WELL, SHE WILL SHOOT ME TOO. 15 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:01,127 NOW, OTTO FLICK, THE GESTAPO OFFICER, 16 00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:02,628 IS HAVING DINNER IN THE BACK ROOM. 17 00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:05,632 UPSTAIRS ARE TWO GERMAN OFFICERS IN THEIR UNDERWEAR, 18 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,634 BECAUSE I HAVE BORROWED THEIR UNIFORMS 19 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,636 TO HELP TWO BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE. 20 00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:12,639 THE PIANIST OVER THERE IS, IN FACT, 21 00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,140 A FORGER FOR THE MARQUIS. 22 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:18,644 AND THE GERMAN OFFICER AT THAT TABLE FANCIES ME. 23 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,649 AND IT IS ONLY TUESDAY. 24 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,651 RENE, 25 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,153 THE COLONEL IS GETTING VERY IMPATIENT. 26 00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:29,655 YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD HAVE HIS UNIFORM BACK IN 15 MINUTES, 27 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,157 IT IS NOW 45. 28 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,659 TAKE HIS MIND OFF IT, KEEP HIM AMUSED. 29 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,663 HOW CAN I? LOOK AT MY CELERY. 30 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,164 MARIA, CAN'T YOU ENTERTAIN HIM? 31 00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:41,667 HOW CAN I? MY CELERY ISN'T EVEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR SOUP. 32 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,169 RENE, HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO 33 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,171 IS PAYING HIS BILL. 34 00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:48,174 - HERR FLICK SAYS HE IS GOING TO SEARCH THE BUILDING. - WHAT? 35 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:51,177 HE WILL FIND THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA BY VAN CLOMP IN THE CELLAR. 36 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:52,678 NO, THE PAINTING HAS GONE. 37 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,181 BUT SO TOO HAVE THE UNIFORMS OF THE COLONEL AND YOUR CAPTAIN. 38 00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:58,184 IF THEY FIND THE COLONEL AND CAPTAIN IN THEIR UNDERWEAR, 39 00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:00,686 THIS COULD MAKE THE GESTAPO SUSPICIOUS. 40 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:03,690 HELGA, YOU MUST KEEP HERR FLICK AMUSED. 41 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,693 AMUSING THE GESTAPO IS VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS. 42 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,695 SURELY YOU CAN THINK OF SOMETHING? 43 00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,196 I HAVE IT. 44 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,198 GIVE ME A LARGE GLASS OF YOUR STRONGEST BRANDY. 45 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:13,699 OF COURSE, AT ONCE. 46 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,711 YOU HAVE 10 MINUTES. 47 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,714 MAKE IT FIVE. 48 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:30,717 WE MUST HIDE THE GERMAN OFFICERS QUICKLY. 49 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,218 TAKE THEM TO THE ROOM OF MY MOTHER. 50 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:34,220 MARIA, GO AND TELL THE OFFICERS. 51 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,722 I WILL EXPLAIN TO THE OLD GIRL. 52 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:42,228 - ( banging ) - RENE, EDITH... 53 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,230 CAN NOBODY HEAR ME-EEE? 54 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:47,233 SHUT UP, YOU OLD BAT. 55 00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:49,235 THIS PLACE IS CRAWLING WITH THE GESTAPO. 56 00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:53,239 I SHALL TELL THEM NOTHING. 57 00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:56,242 NOW, LISTEN CAREFULLY TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. 58 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:58,744 TWO GERMAN OFFICERS ARE COMING TO YOUR ROOM. 59 00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,246 ( spits ) PIGS! 60 00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:05,751 I WILL FIGHT THEM TO MY DYING BREATH. 61 00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:12,258 THEY HAVE ALREADY TAKEN OFF THEIR UNIFORMS. 62 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:14,760 HAVE YOU NO FINESSE? 63 00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,263 THEY WILL NOT TOUCH YOU, MAMMA. 64 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:22,768 ( laughs ) THAT IS WHAT THEY SAID IN 1917. 65 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,772 QUICK, GET IN THE WARDROBE. 66 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,775 IF I DO NOT HAVE MY UNIFORM IN 10 MINUTES, 67 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,276 YOU WILL BE SHOT. 68 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,278 BUT COLONEL, YOUR REVOLVER 69 00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:33,779 IS ON THE BELT OF THE UNIFORM, 70 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,281 WHICH IS AROUND THE WAIST 71 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:38,784 OF THE BRITISH AIRMAN WHO IS NOT HERE. 72 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,788 - GET IN THE WARDROBE! - MIND YOUR HEAD. 73 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,790 RENE, HE IS SEARCHING THE RESTAURANT, 74 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,291 AND THEN HE IS ON HIS WAY UP HERE. 75 00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:46,292 WHO IS? 76 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:47,793 OTTO FLICK OF THE GESTAPO. 77 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,295 - GESTAPO! - GESTAPO! 78 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,800 NOT A WORD. THE GESTAPO ARE COMING! 79 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,802 IF THEY FIND THE GERMANS IN THE WARDROBE, 80 00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:56,803 I COULD BE SHOT. 81 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,805 I SHALL NOT YIELD 82 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,807 TO THE TORTURE OF THE GESTAPO, 83 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:05,812 LONG LIVE FRAAA-AAANCE! 84 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,313 SHUT UP! 85 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:09,815 HERR OTTO FLICK! 86 00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:12,818 GOOD EVENING. 87 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:13,820 GOOD EVENING, HERR FLICK. 88 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,823 I AM SORRY TO PUT YOU TO INCONVENIENCE, 89 00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:19,325 BUT THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS I NEED TO KNOW. 90 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:22,328 THERE ARE TWO GERMAN OFFICERS IN THE WARDROBE, 91 00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:25,831 AND THE RADIO IS UNDER MY BED. 92 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,335 VERY AMUSING. 93 00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:31,337 I SEE I AM WASTING MY TIME HERE. 94 00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:32,838 HEIL HITLER. 95 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,340 HEIL HITLER. 96 00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:39,478 I WILL TAKE THE COGNAC TO THE GERMAN OFFICERS 97 00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:40,480 IN THE ROOM OF MY MOTHER. 98 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:41,981 IF THEY DO NOT GET THEIR UNIFORMS SOON, 99 00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,482 THEY WILL GO MAD! 100 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,485 GO WITH HER YVETTE, 101 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:47,487 SHE IS UNDER A GREAT STRAIN. 102 00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:52,492 RENE, WHEN ARE WE GOING TO BE ALONE? 103 00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:55,495 GO TO THE PANTRY, WAIT FOR ME BY THE BRIE. 104 00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:57,497 KEEP THE-- 105 00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,999 KEEP THE LID ON UNTIL I ARRIVE. 106 00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,003 CHECK THE WINDOW. 107 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:07,507 ALL CLEAR. 108 00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,509 PUT THAT CHAIR AT THE BACK OF THE DOOR. 109 00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,015 NOW CLIMB ON THE CHAIR. 110 00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:20,019 - OH, MARIA! - OH, RENE! 111 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:24,524 MY LITTLE CABBAGE, MY LITTLE BEANSHOOT! 112 00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,526 MY BIG CUCUMBER. 113 00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:29,028 YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FEEL 114 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:32,031 OF YOUR FIRM YOUNG BODY DOES TO ME. 115 00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,533 YES, I HAVE. 116 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,536 HOLD ME FOREVER. 117 00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:39,038 ( both moaning ) 118 00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:40,539 WHAT WERE YOU SAYING TO YVETTE? 119 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,542 NOTHING! NOTHING, NOTHING. 120 00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:44,544 NO, SHE IS NOTHING TO ME. 121 00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:47,547 YOU ARE MY ONLY TRUE LOVE. 122 00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,048 BUT HOW LONG CAN WE KEEP 123 00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:51,050 OUR AFFAIR SECRET FROM YOUR WIFE? 124 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:52,551 AS LONG AS MY HEARING IS GOOD, 125 00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:54,053 AND MY REACTIONS ARE QUICK. 126 00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:56,555 ( knocking ) 127 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,057 SOMEONE AT THE WINDOW. 128 00:05:58,057 --> 00:05:59,558 YES, I HEARD. 129 00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:01,561 BUT THESE COWARDLY OLD LEGS OF MINE 130 00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,563 ARE PARALYZED WITH FEAR. 131 00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:05,565 I SHALL SEE WHO IT IS. 132 00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,069 HUH? OH. 133 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:14,574 YOU KNOW, THE VELVET IS WEARING. 134 00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:17,577 WE SHALL HAVE TO START USING ANOTHER CHAIR SOON. 135 00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:21,080 IT IS THE RESISTANCE. 136 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:22,581 MICHELLE, WHY ARE YOU HERE? 137 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,584 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 138 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,085 I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 139 00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:28,087 RENE... 140 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:30,089 THERE IS NO BRIE. 141 00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:31,590 I ATE IT LAST NIGHT. 142 00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:34,093 LISTEN, I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE-- 143 00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:35,594 RENE... 144 00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,097 THE GERMAN OFFICERS CANNOT STAY IN THE ROOM OF MY MOTHER. 145 00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:40,099 LONDON WILL BE CALLING ON THE RADIO. 146 00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:41,600 THE RADIO IS UNDER HER BED 147 00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:43,603 AND THE LOUDSPEAKER IS IN HER CHAMBER. 148 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,606 IF THE GERMANS HEAR A VOICE COMING FROM HER CHAMBERPOT, 149 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,608 OUR COVER WILL BE BLOWN. 150 00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:51,110 SHUT UP! 151 00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:53,112 MICHELLE HAS SOMETHING TO TELL US. 152 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,114 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 153 00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:57,616 I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 154 00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:58,618 WHAT IS IT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY? 155 00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,620 I HAVEN'T SAID IT YET. 156 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,622 IF YOU LISTEN, I WILL TELL YOU. 157 00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:05,625 THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME. 158 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,126 THE TWO BRITISH AIRMEN 159 00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:08,627 WEARING THE GERMAN UNIFORMS 160 00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:09,629 HAVE BEEN CAPTURED. 161 00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:10,630 NO! YES! 162 00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:11,631 NO! YES! 163 00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,633 - NO! - YES! 164 00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:17,136 WILL NOBODY BELIEVE THIS WOMAN? 165 00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:19,138 GET ON WITH THE STORY. 166 00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:21,640 THEY HAVE BEEN CAPTURED BY THE RESISTANCE. 167 00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:22,642 THEN WHY ARE WE WORRIED? 168 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:26,145 THEY HAVE NOT BEEN CAPTURED BY OUR RESISTANCE. 169 00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:28,147 WHAT OTHER RESISTANCE IS THERE? 170 00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:29,648 THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE. 171 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:30,650 WHAT ARE YOU? 172 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,151 - DE GAULLE. - DE GAULLE? 173 00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:33,152 HE IS THE TALL ONE. 174 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:35,154 WITH THE BIG HOOTER. 175 00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:37,656 BUT CAN YOU NOT JUST ASK THEM 176 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,158 IF WE CAN HAVE OUR UNIFORMS BACK? 177 00:07:39,158 --> 00:07:41,160 WE DO NOT KNOW WHERE THEY ARE HIDING THEM. 178 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,662 WHAT IS MORE, WE DO NOT SPEAK TO THEM. 179 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:46,666 WHEN THE WAR IS OVER, WHICHEVER IS THE STRONGEST GROUP 180 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:47,667 WILL CONTROL FRANCE. 181 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,169 THE COMMUNISTS ARE RUTHLESS KILLERS. 182 00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:51,670 WE WILL HAVE TO ELIMINATE THEM. 183 00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,673 WE CANNOT GET THOSE GERMANS 184 00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:55,675 OUT OF HERE WITHOUT UNIFORMS. 185 00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,677 THE UNIFORMS ARE NO PROBLEM. 186 00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,178 LONDON CAN DO ANYTHING. 187 00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,681 I CANNOT TELL THE GERMANS I'M IN TOUCH WITH LONDON. 188 00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,684 THEY WILL HAVE ME SHOT! 189 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:07,687 WE COULD TELL THEM MONSIEUR LECLERC, THE FORGER, IS A TAILOR, 190 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:10,189 AND HE IS GOING TO MAKE THEM NEW UNIFORMS. 191 00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:13,692 RENE, YOU ARE MARRIED TO A VERY CLEVER WOMAN. 192 00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:17,196 WELL, I HAVE ALWAYS PREFERRED BRAINS TO BEAUTY. 193 00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:20,199 UNLESS THEY HAVE BIG KNOCKERS. 194 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:22,702 GO AND TELL LECLERC. 195 00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:28,207 LOOK, HOW CAN WE GET UNIFORMS FROM LONDON? 196 00:08:28,207 --> 00:08:29,708 THE WIRELESS IS UNDER THE BED 197 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,711 AND THE GERMANS ARE IN THE WARDROBE. 198 00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,212 THIS IS NO PROBLEM. 199 00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:35,714 WE WILL SEND THE MESSAGE BY PIGEON. 200 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:37,216 WE HAVE NO PIGEONS! 201 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:38,217 THEY WILL BE PROVIDED. 202 00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:40,719 TOMORROW MORNING AT MIDDAY, 203 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,222 YOU WILL GO TO 36 RUE D'ESCARGOT. 204 00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:45,224 YOU WILL KNOCK THREE TIMES, 205 00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:47,726 AND THEY WILL GIVE YOU PIGEONS. 206 00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,729 TO AVOID SUSPICION, 207 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,731 YOU WILL BE DISGUISED AS A SMALL BOY. 208 00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,734 BUT WHY CAN'T I BE DISGUISED AS A SMALL GIRL? 209 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:58,237 BECAUSE YOU ARE A SMALL GIRL. 210 00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,242 YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO? 211 00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,244 YES, YES. OF COURSE. 212 00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:07,746 I AM TO PRETEND I AM A TAILOR. 213 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:10,750 BUT WHO DO I MEASURE? 214 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,252 TWO GERMAN OFFICERS. THEY ARE IN THE ROOM OF MY MOTHER, 215 00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:16,255 IN THE WARDROBE, IN THEIR UNDERWEAR. 216 00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:18,257 OF COURSE. 217 00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:24,463 I HAVE COME FOR THE MEASUREMENTS. 218 00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:25,964 RENE, EDITH! 219 00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:28,467 IS IT THE UNDERTAKER?! 220 00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:31,970 AND I AM IN THE PEAK OF HEALTH. 221 00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:36,976 THAT VOICE... 222 00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:38,978 THAT FACE... 223 00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:41,480 DO THESE OLD EYES DECEIVE ME? 224 00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:45,984 CAN IT BE, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS? 225 00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:51,490 MY... FANNY! 226 00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:54,493 CAN IT BE? 227 00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:56,995 IT IS. ROGER. 228 00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:02,501 MY OLD SWEETHEART, ROGER. 229 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:04,503 FANNY! 230 00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:08,006 - ROGER! - FANNY! 231 00:10:09,508 --> 00:10:12,511 AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. 232 00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:16,014 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 233 00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:23,022 IN THE NICK, MY LOVE, IN THE NICK. 234 00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:26,525 AND NOW FATE HAS BROUGHT US TOGETHER. 235 00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:31,030 REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE YOUNG? 236 00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:36,034 YOU USED TO RUN YOUR FINGERS 237 00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:39,038 THROUGH MY LOVELY LONG HAIR. 238 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:46,045 REMEMBER YOU ALWAYS USED TO BITE MY EAR? 239 00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:49,548 I REMEMBER. 240 00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:55,554 WHERE DID I PUT MY TEETH? 241 00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,563 THAT IS THE BARN, THERE. 242 00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,566 IS THAT WHERE THEY ARE HIDING THEM? 243 00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:08,567 WITHOUT A DOUBT. 244 00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,569 WE MUST GET THOSE UNIFORMS. 245 00:11:10,569 --> 00:11:12,070 SO WE HAVE TO ATTACK. 246 00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:14,073 NOW, LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, 247 00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:15,574 I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 248 00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:20,079 ( French accent ) RIGHT, LISTEN TO ME, MY FRIENDS. 249 00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,581 UNLESS YOU TELL US WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW, 250 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:26,084 I WILL MAKE LIFE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU. 251 00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:28,587 ( British accent ) WHAT'S SHE TALKING ABOUT, DO YOU SUPPOSE? 252 00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:30,088 I'VE ACTUALLY NO IDEA. 253 00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,591 THE PROBLEM IS, I DO BELIEVE THEY THINK WE'RE JERRIES. 254 00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:34,593 Both: NOT JERRIES! 255 00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,096 IN DISGUISE. 256 00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,597 ON YOUR SIDE. 257 00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,098 SHOW THEM THE MAGNETO AND THE LEADS. 258 00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:44,103 PERHAPS YOU RECOGNIZE 259 00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:46,605 THIS METHOD OF LOOSENING THE TONGUE? 260 00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:49,608 - I THINK I'VE GOT IT, CARSTAIRS. - WHAT IS IT? 261 00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:51,610 THEY'VE GOT A CAR THAT WON'T START, 262 00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:52,611 AND THEY WANT US TO HELP THEM. 263 00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:55,113 UNFORTUNATELY, I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CARS. 264 00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,116 NEITHER DO I. 265 00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:59,118 SORRY, CAN'T HELP. 266 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,123 SHE SEEMS DAMN KEEN TO GET IT GOING. 267 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,125 YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO TALK, 268 00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:08,127 OTHERWISE, I WILL SHOOT YOU. 269 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,629 IF WE DON'T GET IT GOING, SHE'S GOING TO SHOOT HERSELF. 270 00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:12,631 WELL, THAT'D BE A DAMNED SHAME. 271 00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:14,132 SUCH A PRETTY GIRL. 272 00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:16,635 WE'D BETTER AGREE TO DO WHAT WE CAN. 273 00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:19,638 WE'LL DO WHAT WE CAN. 274 00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:21,139 I THOUGHT SO, 275 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:23,142 THEY ARE PREPARED TO TALK. 276 00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:24,643 CUT THEM DOWN. 277 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,145 ( both shriek ) 278 00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:30,149 READY? TAKE AIM. 279 00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:31,650 FIRE! 280 00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:33,652 QUICK! 281 00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:36,655 IT'S THE GERMANS! OUT THE BACK WAY. 282 00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:39,157 I THINK WE'D BETTER TAKE A POWDER, CARSTAIRS. 283 00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:42,161 IF THAT'S THE JERRIES, WE COULD BE SHOT AS SPIES. 284 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:44,163 WE'D BETTER GET RID OF THESE UNIFORMS. 285 00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:46,665 SHOVE THEM ON THE FIRE. 286 00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:51,670 CEASE FIRE. 287 00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:58,177 THEY ARE RUNNING FOR IT. 288 00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,679 THEY THINK WE ARE GERMANS. 289 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:02,681 GET TO THE BRIDGE. WE WILL CUT THEM OFF THERE. 290 00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:05,684 I THOUGHT THEY WERE ON OUR SIDE? 291 00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:09,054 ( off-key ) ♪ HEAR MY SONG ♪ 292 00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:13,058 ♪ IN MY GONDOLA-AAA ♪ 293 00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:15,560 ♪ WAITING ON THE-- ♪ 294 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:20,566 ♪ OLD LAGOO-OON. ♪ 295 00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:32,077 RENE, THE GERMAN OFFICERS WILL WAIT NO LONGER. 296 00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:33,578 THEY ARE COMING DOWNSTAIRS. 297 00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:34,580 IN THEIR UNDERWEAR?! 298 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:36,582 NO, THEY HAVE CHANGED, LOOK. 299 00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:40,586 WHERE DID THEY GET THOSE CLOTHES? 300 00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,588 FROM THE WARDROBE IN THE ROOM OF YOUR WIFE'S MOTHER. 301 00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:45,090 THEY ARE THE DISGUISES LEFT BY THE BRITISH AIRMEN. 302 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:49,594 AH, PIERRE AND JACQUES, THE ONION SELLERS. 303 00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:51,096 WINE ON THE HOUSE 304 00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:53,098 FOR MY OLD FRIENDS, PIERRE AND JACQUES. 305 00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:54,599 COME AND SIT DOWN OVER HERE, MY FRIENDS. 306 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,603 THAT'S IT. SIT VERY COMFORTABLY HERE. 307 00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:58,604 THAT IS IT, 308 00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:00,606 A BRILLIANT DISGUISE, COLONEL. 309 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:03,108 WE'LL HAVE YOUR UNIFORMS BACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. 310 00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:04,109 YOU SAID THAT YESTERDAY! 311 00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,111 IF WE DO NOT GET THE UNIFORMS TODAY, 312 00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:07,612 YOU WILL BE SHOT! 313 00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,615 UP AGAINST A WALL, WITH GUNS. 314 00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:12,618 BUT I SEE YOU ARE A MAN OF COMPASSION. 315 00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:14,620 EVEN AS YOU SAY THESE WORDS 316 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,121 THERE ARE TEARS IN YOUR EYES. 317 00:14:16,121 --> 00:14:17,622 IT'S THESE DAMNED ONIONS! 318 00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:20,625 AH! AH... 319 00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:23,128 LITTLE GEORGE, MY NEPHEW. 320 00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:27,132 WELL, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, LAD. 321 00:14:27,132 --> 00:14:29,134 I HAVE WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT IN HERE. 322 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,635 Y-YEAH. GOOD BOY, GOOD BOY. 323 00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:32,137 NOW TAKE THAT BASKET 324 00:14:32,137 --> 00:14:34,139 FULL OF YOUR SCHOOL BOOKS, 325 00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:35,640 AND PUT IT IN THE BACK ROOM. 326 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:38,143 FOR YOU, UNCLE, ANYTHING. 327 00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:42,648 OOH! 328 00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,149 HEH HEH. 329 00:14:44,149 --> 00:14:47,652 THAT BOY IS VERY WELL BUILT. 330 00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:50,155 YEAH, IT IS MY WIFE'S COOKING. 331 00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:52,657 WHY IS HE WEARING STOCKINGS AND SUSPENDERS? 332 00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,661 WE HAVE MANY PROBLEMS WITH HIM. 333 00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,166 OTTO FLICK OF THE GESTAPO 334 00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:02,667 IS MEETING ME HERE FOR LUNCH. 335 00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,169 YOU MUST GO AT ONCE! 336 00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:05,670 Rene: TOO LATE, HERE HE IS. 337 00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:10,675 AH, HELGA, YOU ARE HERE EARLY. THAT IS GOOD. 338 00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:12,177 YOU TOLD ME NOT TO BE LATE! 339 00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:13,678 YOUR OBEDIENCE PLEASES ME. 340 00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,681 - SIT! - YES, HERR FLICK. 341 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,182 WHERE? 342 00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:19,184 HERE. 343 00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:20,685 YOU! FRENCH PEASANTS! 344 00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:23,689 I AM THE GESTAPO. I WANT THIS TABLE. 345 00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:25,691 GO AWAY OR YOU WILL BE SHOT. 346 00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:28,693 WE COULD TAKE THAT TABLE. 347 00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:30,195 HELGA... 348 00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:32,197 WHEN I MAKE UP MY MIND I WANT SOMETHING, 349 00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:33,698 I ALWAYS GET IT. 350 00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:35,701 THIS I KNOW, HERR FLICK. 351 00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:38,203 IT IS WHY I FIND YOU SO EXCITING. 352 00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:39,204 NATURALLY. 353 00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:41,706 YOU FRENCH PEASANTS, I AM SPEAKING TO YOU. 354 00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:42,708 LOOK AT ME! 355 00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,714 COLONEL VON STROHM 356 00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:51,216 AND CAPTAIN GEERING. 357 00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:52,717 HEIL HITLER. 358 00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:54,720 KLUP! 359 00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:58,723 WHY ARE YOU DRESSED IN THE FASHION OF ONION SELLERS? 360 00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:01,226 - WE CAN EXPLAIN. - WE CAN EXPLAIN. 361 00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:02,727 I'M WAITING. 362 00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:03,729 HE'S WAITING. 363 00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:07,733 I AM TRYING TO INFILTRATE THE RESISTANCE. 364 00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,234 I AM DOING THE SAME AS HE IS. 365 00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:13,738 DRESSED AS A COLONEL, THE FRENCH AVOID ME. 366 00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:16,742 BUT WITH THESE ONIONS, I AM ONE OF THEM. 367 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,244 I AM ONE OF THEM TOO. 368 00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:22,247 I MUST ADMIT, YOU LOOK LIKE ONE OF THEM. 369 00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:23,748 ( clears throat ) 370 00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:27,252 I COULD NOT HELP OVERHEARING THIS CONVERSATION-- 371 00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:29,254 THIS HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! 372 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:34,259 GO AND DRINK YOUR COGNAC. 373 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:38,763 THIS IS AN IDEA WORTHY OF THE GESTAPO. 374 00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,265 HELGA, COME WITH ME. 375 00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:41,266 YES, HERR FLICK. 376 00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:45,770 COLONEL, DO YOU THINK HE SUSPECTS ANYTHING? 377 00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:46,772 NOT AT THE MOMENT. 378 00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:49,274 BUT WE MUST HAVE THOSE UNIFORMS. 379 00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:51,776 WELL, THERE IS A SLIGHT PROBLEM, COLONEL. 380 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,779 WHAT PROBLEM? YOU HAVE OUR MEASUREMENTS. 381 00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:55,781 ALL WE NEED IS A FITTING. 382 00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:57,783 YES, WELL, THAT TOO WOULD BE A PROBLEM. 383 00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:01,787 - YOU SEE, THE UNIFORMS ARE BEING MADE IN LONDON. - Both: WHAT?! 384 00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:04,289 DON'T WORRY. THEY'LL BE MADE BY THE VERY BEST TAILORS. 385 00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:06,791 MAYBE EVEN SAVILE ROW. 386 00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:08,794 COLONEL, WE ARE GERMANS! 387 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,796 TO HAVE OUR UNIFORMS MADE IN LONDON 388 00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,297 MUST BE AGAINST THE RULES. 389 00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:14,299 RIGHT. THAT DOES IT! 390 00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:17,302 I WILL TELL THE GESTAPO AND YOU WILL BE SHOT! 391 00:17:17,302 --> 00:17:19,304 AH, BUT DEAR COLONEL, 392 00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:22,307 WITH RESPECT, I AM AFRAID YOU ARE IN TOO DEEP. 393 00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:24,309 THERE IS THE LITTLE MATTER 394 00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:26,311 OF HELPING THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE. 395 00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:27,812 YOU DID DO THAT, COLONEL. 396 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,314 THEN THERE IS THE PRICELESS PAINTING 397 00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:31,316 OF THE FALLEN MADONNA BY VAN CLOMP, 398 00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,318 WHICH IS WANTED BY THE FUHRER. 399 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:35,320 YOU DID PINCH THAT, COLONEL. 400 00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,323 YOU'RE IN IT JUST AS DEEP AS I AM. 401 00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:41,326 I ONLY FOLLOW ORDERS, YOUR ORDERS! 402 00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:42,827 DEAR LOVELY COLONEL, 403 00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:45,330 THERE IS NO REAL REASON TO WORRY. 404 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,832 VERY SOON YOU WILL HAVE YOUR UNIFORMS BACK, 405 00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:50,335 AND THE COPY OF THE PAINTING TO GIVE TO THE GESTAPO, 406 00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:52,337 TO PLEASE THE FUHRER. EH? 407 00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:53,838 THE GIRLS WILL BE HERE 408 00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,841 WITH THE WET CELERY, 409 00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,343 AND LIFE WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL. 410 00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:00,345 HE IS RIGHT, COLONEL. 411 00:18:00,345 --> 00:18:01,846 HE'D BETTER BE. 412 00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:04,349 THIS WAR IS GETTING VERY DANGEROUS. 413 00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:06,351 I WILL ASK MY WIFE TO PREPARE FOR YOU 414 00:18:06,351 --> 00:18:08,353 A VERY SPECIAL LUNCH. 415 00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:10,856 EDITH... 416 00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:13,859 WE MUST KEEP THOSE ONION SELLERS HAPPY. 417 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,861 SHALL I SING A SONG FOR THEM? 418 00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:17,362 NO! 419 00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:19,364 I WANT YOU TO GO INTO THE KITCHEN 420 00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:21,366 AND DO SOMETHING UNFORGETTABLE. 421 00:18:21,366 --> 00:18:23,368 RENE, 422 00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:24,869 YOU HAVE NOT SAID THAT TO ME 423 00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:26,371 SINCE APRIL 1940. 424 00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:28,874 OH! 425 00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:36,013 MARIA, 426 00:18:36,014 --> 00:18:38,016 I AM VERY CROSS WITH YOU. 427 00:18:38,016 --> 00:18:40,018 SHALL I GET ON THE CHAIR? 428 00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:41,519 NO! 429 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,022 WHAT ARE THESE-- DOING HERE, HMM? 430 00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:46,024 THEY'RE SUSPENDERS TO KEEP UP MY STOCKINGS. 431 00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:50,528 GENTLEMEN DO NOT WEAR SUSPENDERS AND STOCKINGS. 432 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:53,532 YOU SHOULD SEE THE COLONEL ON A GOOD NIGHT. 433 00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:55,033 YOU NEARLY GAVE AWAY THE WHOLE GAME. 434 00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:57,035 NOW TAKE THOSE PIGEONS AND HIDE THEM. 435 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,539 AND FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, PUT ON A DRESS. 436 00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:03,542 THE GERMAN LIEUTENANT THINKS I'M LIKE THAT-- 437 00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,544 - YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE? - YES. 438 00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:07,045 - DON'T MOVE. - AAH! 439 00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:08,546 LOCK THE DOOR. 440 00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,549 ARE WE ALONE? 441 00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:14,052 WELL, UNLESS YOU COUNT THE THREE OF US, YES. 442 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:16,554 HAVE YOU FOUND THE BRITISH WITH THE UNIFORMS? 443 00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,056 WE FOUND THEM, BUT THEY RAN AWAY. 444 00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:20,558 - DO YOU HAVE THE PIGEONS? - YES. 445 00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:23,562 GOOD, I HAVE HERE THE CYLINDER TO ATTACH TO THEIR LEGS. 446 00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:25,564 DO YOU HAVE THE MEASUREMENTS OF THE GERMAN OFFICERS? 447 00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:27,065 OH, YES. I'VE GOT THEM HERE. 448 00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:29,567 GOOD. MARIA YOU WILL PUT THIS IN HERE 449 00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:32,070 AND CLIP IT TO THE LEG OF ONE OF THE PIGEONS. 450 00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,072 YOU, RENE, WILL WRITE A DESCRIPTION 451 00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:36,574 OF THE UNIFORMS WE REQUIRE. 452 00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:38,076 HERE IS THE PAPER SUPPLIED WITH THE CYLINDER. 453 00:19:38,076 --> 00:19:40,578 WHAT SHALL I SAY? 454 00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:43,582 "TO LONDON, PLEASE SUPPLY URGENTLY, 455 00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:46,585 BY PARACHUTE DROP AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE, 456 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:49,087 GERMAN UNIFORMS AS FOLLOWS: 457 00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:52,590 ONE COLONEL IN RESEARCH REGIMENT 458 00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:54,593 - WITH THE FOLLOWING MEDALS... - JU-- JU-- JUST-- 459 00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,094 A MOMENT, PLEASE! 460 00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:59,097 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ALL THAT 461 00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:01,099 ON THIS LITTLE BIT OF PAPER? 462 00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:03,101 WITH VERY SMALL WRITING. 463 00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,603 DO YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAD FOUND THOSE BRITISH, 464 00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,105 WE COULD HAVE GOT THE UNIFORMS BACK? 465 00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:09,107 WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS FARRAGO. 466 00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:10,108 ( knocking ) 467 00:20:12,611 --> 00:20:13,612 - HELLO. - HELLO. 468 00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,113 SORRY ABOUT THE TOGS, 469 00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:18,616 WE HAD TO PINCH THEM OFF A COUPLE OF SCARECROWS. 470 00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:20,619 NEVER MIND THAT CHAPS, WHAT ABOUT THE UNIFORMS? 471 00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:22,120 WE BURNED THEM. 472 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,122 WE DIDN'T WANT TO BE THOUGHT AS SPIES. 473 00:20:24,122 --> 00:20:26,124 THE PAINTING'S SAFE THOUGH. 474 00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:27,625 WHAT ARE THEY JABBERING ABOUT? 475 00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:30,629 THEY HAVE THE PICTURE, BUT THEY HAVE BURNED THE UNIFORMS. 476 00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:32,130 OH, HECK. 477 00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:35,633 WELL, THEY CANNOT STAY HERE. GERMANS ARE EVERYWHERE. 478 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,135 YOU WILL HAVE TO FIND SOMEWHERE. 479 00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:39,137 THERE IS ONLY THE ROOM OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER. 480 00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:42,140 AND THE GERMAN COLONEL AND CAPTAIN ARE HIDING THERE. 481 00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:43,641 OH, NO, NO. THEY ARE NOW IN THE RESTAURANT 482 00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:46,144 DISGUISED AS ONION SELLERS. 483 00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:48,646 THEN WE DON'T HAVE TO SEND THE MESSAGE BY THE PIGEON. 484 00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:50,148 WE CAN USE THE RADIO. 485 00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:53,151 WHAT SHALL I DO WITH THESE? 486 00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,653 HIDE THEM. 487 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:57,155 COME, PLEASE. 488 00:21:00,158 --> 00:21:03,661 HELLO MAMMA, IT IS I, LITTLE EDITH. 489 00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:10,168 WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE BED OF MY MOTHER? 490 00:21:10,168 --> 00:21:12,170 UH, WELL... 491 00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:14,672 WE WERE CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS. 492 00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:16,675 SHE WAS MY LOVE, 493 00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:19,177 BUT I THOUGHT I HAD LOST IT. 494 00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:23,681 AND NOW, ONCE AGAIN, HE HAS FOUND IT. 495 00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:27,686 THIS COULD ONLY HAPPEN IN FRANCE. 496 00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:30,188 HERE IS YOUR SOUP. 497 00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:32,190 MAMMA, I-- 498 00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:35,193 WHAT IS THE FORGER, WHO IS PRETENDING TO BE A TAILOR, 499 00:21:35,193 --> 00:21:37,195 DOING IN BED WITH YOUR MOTHER? 500 00:21:37,195 --> 00:21:40,198 HE'S AN OLD LOVER. ISN'T IT ROMANTIC? 501 00:21:40,198 --> 00:21:42,200 RHEUMATIC, I WOULD SAY. 502 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,703 NOW LISTEN TO ME, FOR A VERY BRIEF PERIOD 503 00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:48,707 YOU MUST ACCOMMODATE THESE TWO BRITISH AIRMEN. 504 00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:51,209 THESE TOGS HAVE A FRIGHTFUL PONG, 505 00:21:51,209 --> 00:21:53,211 COULD YOU HANG THEM ON A LINE OR SOMETHING? 506 00:21:53,211 --> 00:21:55,213 THEY TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES! 507 00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:57,215 THEY ARE NO BETTER THAN THE GERMANS. 508 00:21:57,215 --> 00:21:59,217 PROTECT ME! 509 00:21:59,217 --> 00:22:01,219 - THE RADIO. - OH, YES. 510 00:22:01,219 --> 00:22:03,221 COME ON, CHAPS, LEND A HAND, LIFT THE BED. 511 00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:04,222 OH, RIGHT-O. 512 00:22:04,222 --> 00:22:05,223 AARGHH! 513 00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:07,225 THE SOUP! 514 00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:09,227 - HOLD THIS! - OH, THANK YOU, VERY MUCH. 515 00:22:09,227 --> 00:22:10,728 YOU HAVE THIS. 516 00:22:10,729 --> 00:22:13,732 I SAY, THEY CAN'T HAVE MUCH CONFIDENCE IN THE SOUP. 517 00:22:13,732 --> 00:22:16,735 'ALLO, 'ALLO, THIS IS NIGHTHAWK. 518 00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:18,737 ARE YOU RECEIVING ME? OVER. 519 00:22:26,611 --> 00:22:29,113 THESE ARE MY PRIVATE QUARTERS. 520 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:38,123 I HAVE HAD IT MADE COMPLETELY SOUNDPROOFED. 521 00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:40,625 I CAN GUESS WHY. 522 00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:45,129 YES, THE NOISE OF THE LORRIES WAS KEEPING ME AWAKE AT NIGHT. 523 00:22:47,632 --> 00:22:50,635 THIS IS MY GODFATHER, HEINRICH HIMMLER. 524 00:22:50,635 --> 00:22:53,638 THAT ONE IS ME IN THE HITLER YOUTH. 525 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,142 YOUR KNEES ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL. 526 00:22:58,143 --> 00:23:00,145 THAT'S WHY I JOINED. 527 00:23:00,145 --> 00:23:02,647 I, TOO, WAS IN THE HITLER YOUTH. 528 00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:05,149 WE ARE TWO OF A KIND. YOU MAY KISS ME. 529 00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:25,169 THAT GAVE ME GREAT PLEASURE. 530 00:23:27,672 --> 00:23:30,174 THIS ROOM HAS A VERY EXCITING ATMOSPHERE. 531 00:23:31,676 --> 00:23:33,177 DO YOU INTERROGATE PEOPLE HERE? 532 00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:35,680 WELL, JUST A LITTLE BIT. 533 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,182 I HAVE TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES. 534 00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:40,185 BERLIN EXPECTS THIS SORT OF THING. 535 00:23:40,185 --> 00:23:43,688 BUT AS YOU KNOW... I AM A SOFTIE AT HEART. 536 00:23:43,688 --> 00:23:46,190 SIT IN THAT CHAIR. 537 00:23:46,191 --> 00:23:47,192 YES, HERR FLICK. 538 00:23:53,698 --> 00:23:56,701 I WANT SOME INFORMATION FROM YOU. 539 00:23:56,701 --> 00:23:57,702 ( gasp ) 540 00:23:57,702 --> 00:24:00,204 I WILL TELL YOU ANYTHING, HERR FLICK, ANYTHING! 541 00:24:00,205 --> 00:24:02,207 THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN... 542 00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:05,210 DO YOU THINK THEY KNOW THE WHEREABOUTS 543 00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:07,712 OF "THE FALLEN MADONNA" BY VAN CLOMP? 544 00:24:07,712 --> 00:24:09,213 I AM SURE THEY DO NOT. 545 00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:10,715 GOOD, WE WILL HAVE SOME WINE. 546 00:24:14,719 --> 00:24:16,220 GO TO THAT CUPBOARD. 547 00:24:16,221 --> 00:24:17,722 YES, HERR FLICK. 548 00:24:21,226 --> 00:24:22,227 OPEN IT. 549 00:24:22,227 --> 00:24:23,228 YES, HERR FLICK. 550 00:24:25,730 --> 00:24:27,732 FROM TIME TO TIME, IT IS NECESSARY 551 00:24:27,732 --> 00:24:30,234 FOR THE GESTAPO TO HAVE MANY DISGUISES. 552 00:24:31,736 --> 00:24:34,238 BRING ME THE TWO HANGERS ON THE EXTREME RIGHT. 553 00:24:34,239 --> 00:24:36,241 YES, HERR FLICK. 554 00:24:39,244 --> 00:24:42,247 THESE ARE THE CLOTHES OF ONION SELLERS. 555 00:24:42,247 --> 00:24:44,749 WE WILL DISGUISE OURSELVES AND RETURN TO THE CAFE. 556 00:24:44,749 --> 00:24:46,250 DO YOU THINK THEY WILL FIT? 557 00:24:46,251 --> 00:24:48,753 THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT. 558 00:24:48,753 --> 00:24:50,755 TAKE OFF YOUR UNIFORM. 559 00:24:51,756 --> 00:24:53,758 YES, HERR FLICK. 560 00:25:04,769 --> 00:25:07,271 WE WILL OBSERVE THE NORMAL PROPRIETIES. 561 00:25:07,272 --> 00:25:09,774 I WILL CHANGE BEHIND THIS SCREEN. 562 00:25:14,779 --> 00:25:16,781 CONTINUE TO TAKE OFF YOUR UNIFORM. 563 00:25:32,797 --> 00:25:34,298 HERR FLICK, 564 00:25:34,299 --> 00:25:36,301 I HOPE YOU DO NOT DISAPPROVE 565 00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:37,802 OF MY CHOICE OF UNDERGARMENTS. 566 00:25:37,802 --> 00:25:40,304 NOT AT ALL. 567 00:25:40,305 --> 00:25:44,309 SUCH THINGS ARE VERY POPULAR IN BERLIN THESE DAYS. 568 00:26:02,827 --> 00:26:05,329 YOU KNOW, COLONEL, IT IS QUITE PLEASANT 569 00:26:05,330 --> 00:26:06,831 TO BE A FRENCH ONION SELLER. 570 00:26:06,831 --> 00:26:08,833 PEOPLE SMILE AT US. 571 00:26:08,833 --> 00:26:12,837 MMM. ESPECIALLY THAT GERMAN OFFICER OVER THERE. 572 00:26:12,837 --> 00:26:14,839 HELLO. 573 00:26:14,839 --> 00:26:16,841 I PREFER-- 574 00:26:16,841 --> 00:26:18,342 I THINK I PREFER BEING A PEASANT 575 00:26:18,343 --> 00:26:19,844 TO BEING A GERMAN. 576 00:26:19,844 --> 00:26:22,346 YOU'LL BE A DEAD PEASANT IF HERR FLICK FINDS OUT 577 00:26:22,347 --> 00:26:24,849 WE'VE BEEN HELPING BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE. 578 00:26:25,850 --> 00:26:27,852 I HAVE GOOD NEWS, COLONEL. 579 00:26:27,852 --> 00:26:29,854 LONDON IS MAKING YOUR UNIFORMS. 580 00:26:29,854 --> 00:26:31,856 THEY ARE WORKING THROUGH THE NIGHT 581 00:26:31,856 --> 00:26:34,358 AND THEY WILL BE DROPPED BY PARACHUTE AT DAWN TOMORROW. 582 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:35,360 BUT HOW DO WE KNOW THEY WILL FIT? 583 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,362 THEY ARE BEING MADE BY THE VERY BEST 584 00:26:37,362 --> 00:26:40,365 SAVILE ROW TAILORS, SOLOMON AND KLEIN. 585 00:26:42,367 --> 00:26:44,869 JEWISH TAILORS?! 586 00:26:44,869 --> 00:26:46,871 ARE YOU MAD? 587 00:26:46,871 --> 00:26:49,373 THEY ARE THE BEST, HERR COLONEL. 588 00:26:49,374 --> 00:26:50,875 THAT'S NOT THE POINT, HANS. 589 00:26:50,875 --> 00:26:53,377 IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING. 590 00:26:53,378 --> 00:26:55,380 IF I HAD KNOWN THEY WERE EMPLOYING JEWISH TAILORS, 591 00:26:55,380 --> 00:26:56,881 THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT. 592 00:26:56,881 --> 00:26:58,883 WE COULD HAVE ORDERED SOME EXTRA SHIRTS. 593 00:27:00,385 --> 00:27:02,387 YOUR LUNCH WILL SOON BE READY. 594 00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:04,889 WHAT IS IT? GEFILTE FISH AND BAGELS? 595 00:27:04,889 --> 00:27:06,891 ( laughs ) 596 00:27:06,891 --> 00:27:08,893 NO, IT IS A SURPRISE. 597 00:27:08,893 --> 00:27:10,895 HOW MUCH LONGER DO WE HAVE TO WAIT? 598 00:27:10,895 --> 00:27:13,397 SHALL I SING YOU A SONG TO HELP PASS THE TIME? 599 00:27:13,398 --> 00:27:15,900 NO! GET BACK TO THE KITCHEN. 600 00:27:17,402 --> 00:27:19,904 OH MY GOD, MORE ONION SELLERS. 601 00:27:20,905 --> 00:27:22,907 COLONEL, 602 00:27:22,907 --> 00:27:25,910 IT IS I, HELGA. 603 00:27:25,910 --> 00:27:28,412 WHY ARE YOU DRESSED AS AN ONION SELLER? 604 00:27:28,413 --> 00:27:29,914 HERR FLICK WILL BE SUSPICIOUS. 605 00:27:29,914 --> 00:27:31,916 HE IS ALSO DISGUISED AS AN ONION SELLER. 606 00:27:38,923 --> 00:27:41,425 GOOD AFTERNOON, HERR PATRON. 607 00:27:41,426 --> 00:27:44,429 I AM JUST A SIMPLE ONION SELLER 608 00:27:44,429 --> 00:27:46,931 IN SEARCH OF WINE AND FOOD. 609 00:27:46,931 --> 00:27:49,433 - SIT! - YES, HERR ONION SELLER. 610 00:27:49,434 --> 00:27:53,438 I WILL OBTAIN WINE AND FOOD AT ONCE. 611 00:27:53,438 --> 00:27:54,939 MONSIEUR RENE, 612 00:27:54,939 --> 00:27:56,941 THAT ONION SELLER THERE, 613 00:27:56,941 --> 00:27:58,442 IS HE ANOTHER COUSIN? 614 00:27:58,443 --> 00:27:59,944 OH, VERY DISTANT, YES. 615 00:27:59,944 --> 00:28:02,947 I'M BEGINNING TO RECOGNIZE YOUR COUSINS. 616 00:28:02,947 --> 00:28:06,450 THEY ARE ALL... VERY WELL BUILT. 617 00:28:06,451 --> 00:28:08,453 HERE IT IS, 618 00:28:08,453 --> 00:28:10,455 A WORK OF ART. 619 00:28:10,455 --> 00:28:11,956 CASSEROLE OF PIGEON. 620 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,462 IT LOOKS VERY APPETIZING. 621 00:28:18,463 --> 00:28:20,465 WILL YOU JOIN US? 622 00:28:20,465 --> 00:28:22,467 I SHALL BE MOST HONORED. 623 00:28:24,469 --> 00:28:25,970 BREAST OR LEG? 624 00:28:25,970 --> 00:28:27,471 I LIKE THE LEGS. 625 00:28:27,472 --> 00:28:29,474 I CAN VOUCH FOR THE TRUTH OF THIS. 626 00:28:30,475 --> 00:28:32,977 WHERE DID YOU GET PIGEON? 627 00:28:32,977 --> 00:28:34,979 THEY WERE IN A BASKET IN THE KITCHEN. 628 00:28:34,979 --> 00:28:37,481 YOU FOOL, THEY WERE CARRIER PIGEONS! 629 00:28:37,482 --> 00:28:38,983 - NO? - YES! 630 00:28:38,983 --> 00:28:40,985 - NO! - DON'T START. 631 00:28:40,985 --> 00:28:43,487 THERE, ON THE LEG, IS A CYLINDER. 632 00:28:43,488 --> 00:28:44,989 IT CONTAINS THE MEASUREMENTS 633 00:28:44,989 --> 00:28:46,490 OF THE COLONEL. 634 00:28:46,491 --> 00:28:48,993 THERE IS A CYLINDER ATTACHED TO THE LEG 635 00:28:48,993 --> 00:28:51,996 OF THIS CASSEROLED PIGEON. 636 00:28:51,996 --> 00:28:53,497 UH, UH-- 637 00:28:53,498 --> 00:28:55,500 SPICES, HERR F-- 638 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:57,502 THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN REMOVED. ALLOW ME. 639 00:28:57,502 --> 00:28:58,503 STOP! 640 00:28:58,503 --> 00:29:00,505 I WILL INVESTIGATE. 641 00:29:02,507 --> 00:29:04,509 INSIDE THE CYLINDER 642 00:29:04,509 --> 00:29:07,011 COVERED IN GRAVY... 643 00:29:07,011 --> 00:29:09,513 THERE IS A PIECE OF PAPER... 644 00:29:09,514 --> 00:29:11,015 WITH WRITING ON IT! 645 00:29:11,015 --> 00:29:13,517 PERHAPS IT IS THE RECIPE? 646 00:29:15,019 --> 00:29:19,023 OR MAYBE EVEN THE NAME AND ADDRESS OF THE PIGEON? 647 00:29:20,525 --> 00:29:23,027 CLEARLY IT IS IN CODE. 648 00:29:23,027 --> 00:29:24,528 THIS WILL GO AT ONCE TO BERLIN 649 00:29:24,529 --> 00:29:26,531 TO BE DECIPHERED BY EXPERTS. 650 00:29:27,532 --> 00:29:30,034 CONGRATULATIONS, HERR COLONEL, 651 00:29:30,034 --> 00:29:33,537 ALREADY THESE DISGUISES ARE PRODUCING RESULTS. 652 00:29:38,042 --> 00:29:39,043 RENE, 653 00:29:39,043 --> 00:29:41,045 WHAT WAS ON THAT PAPER? 654 00:29:41,045 --> 00:29:43,547 WHAT WILL THEY DISCOVER? 655 00:29:43,548 --> 00:29:47,051 ONLY THAT SOMEBODY'S INSIDE LEG MEASUREMENT IS 34, 656 00:29:47,051 --> 00:29:49,553 CHEST 42, AND NECK 17. 657 00:29:49,554 --> 00:29:50,555 WHO'S THAT PERSON? 658 00:29:50,555 --> 00:29:52,557 YOU, COLONEL. 659 00:29:52,557 --> 00:29:54,559 IT WAS FOR THE NEW UNIFORM, BUT DON'T WORRY, 660 00:29:54,559 --> 00:29:56,060 YOUR NAME WAS NOT UPON IT. 661 00:29:56,060 --> 00:29:58,062 SUPPOSE THEY IDENTIFY IT FROM THE MEASUREMENTS? 662 00:29:58,062 --> 00:29:59,563 COLONEL, 663 00:29:59,564 --> 00:30:02,567 MANY PEOPLE HAVE A 42 CHEST. 664 00:30:02,567 --> 00:30:05,570 EVEN HELGA, IF YOU INCLUDE HER ONIONS. 665 00:30:06,571 --> 00:30:08,573 WHAT SHALL WE DO, HANS? 666 00:30:08,573 --> 00:30:12,577 I THINK WE SHOULD EAT THE PIGEONS. 667 00:30:12,577 --> 00:30:14,579 HANS, YOU ARE RIGHT! 668 00:30:14,579 --> 00:30:17,081 RENE, THE VEGETABLES! 669 00:30:17,081 --> 00:30:18,582 AT ONCE, HERR COLONEL. 670 00:30:18,583 --> 00:30:21,586 ( theme music playing )