1 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:06,072 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:29,595 ( French accent ) WE NEED MORE CEMENT. WHERE IS YVETTE? 3 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,598 SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN WITH YOUR WIFE, MIXING IT. 4 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,100 MIX-- NOT FOR ME, I HOPE. 5 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:37,103 SHE SAID SHE WOULD BRING IT DOWN WHEN IT WAS READY. 6 00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:38,604 ( footsteps approaching ) 7 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:41,608 YVETTE, WHY HAVE YOU BEEN SO LONG? 8 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:44,110 HOW COULD I WALK THROUGH THE CAFE CARRYING A BUCKET OF CEMENT? 9 00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,112 IT IS FULL OF GERMAN OFFICERS. 10 00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,614 BUT THIS IS MY WIFE'S BEST MIXING BOWL! 11 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,617 WHICH IS WHY I WAS ABLE TO PRETEND 12 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,118 IT WAS FULL OF PASTRY. 13 00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:53,619 WAS NOBODY SUSPICIOUS? 14 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,623 ONE OF THE OFFICERS PUT HIS FINGER IN AND TASTED IT. 15 00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,625 MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED? 16 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,627 HE SAID YOUR WIFE'S COOKING WAS GETTING BETTER. 17 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,129 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 18 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,631 I AM HIDING THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA 19 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,134 WITH THE BIG BOOBIES BY VAN CLOMP. 20 00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:10,636 ALSO THE PRICELESS CUCKOO CLOCK. 21 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,138 IF THE GESTAPO FIND OUT ABOUT THEM 22 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,139 I WILL BE SHOT! 23 00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,641 IF YOUR WIFE FINDS OUT ABOUT YOU AND ME, 24 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,143 YOU'LL BE SHOT. 25 00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:19,145 WE LIVE IN DANGEROUS TIMES. 26 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,646 MARIA! 27 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:23,149 GO UPSTAIRS AND STAND BY THE DOOR. 28 00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:26,152 IF ANYONE APPROACHES, STAMP YOUR FOOT. 29 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,154 I NEED 10 MINUTES. 30 00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,656 JUST TO PUT ONE LITTLE BRICK IN? 31 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,659 THE PATRON KNOWS HIS LIMITATIONS. 32 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,662 HE IS NOT ACQUAINTED WITH THE ART OF LAYING BRICKS. 33 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:39,165 HE'S CERTAINLY ACQUAINTED WITH THE ART OF LAYING EVERYTHING ELSE. 34 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,167 GO TO YOUR POST! 35 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,169 AH! 36 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,171 RENE, MY LOVE! 37 00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,173 YVETTE, MY FLOWER! 38 00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,674 - OH! - OH! 39 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:51,177 YOU ARE THE MOST EXCITING MAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN. 40 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:54,180 LET ME KISS YOU. LET ME HOLD YOU TIGHT. 41 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,182 NO, NO, MY CABBAGE. 42 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:59,685 IT IS GETTING HARD AND I MUST GET IT IN IMMEDIATELY. 43 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,689 ( knocking ) 44 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,190 Edith: RENE, RENE! 45 00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:06,192 IT IS MY WIFE! 46 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:08,695 RENE. 47 00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,196 THERE ARE TWO BLACK HAND MARKS 48 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,198 ON THE BACK OF THE BLOUSE OF YVETTE! 49 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,200 YOU CAME ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE CELLAR 50 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,701 TO TELL ME THAT? 51 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:18,705 THE HAND MARKS ARE THE SAME SIZE AS YOUR HAND MARKS. 52 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,206 YES, OF COURSE THEY ARE. 53 00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:23,209 WHEN I HEAR YOU APPROACH, I THINK IT IS THE GESTAPO. 54 00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:24,710 SO I WIPE MY HANDS ON YVETTE'S BLOUSE 55 00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,213 SO THEY WILL NOT SEE I AM BUILDING A WALL. 56 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:29,215 YOU THINK OF EVERYTHING. 57 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:30,716 I HOPE SO! 58 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,218 I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU. 59 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:34,220 MICHELLE IS UPSTAIRS. 60 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,221 MICHELLE? 61 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,723 FROM THE RESISTANCE. I WILL COME AT ONCE. 62 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,225 LAY THIS BRICK. 63 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:41,727 BUT I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE OF LAYING BRICKS. 64 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,730 JUST PRETEND IT IS A GERMAN OFFICER. 65 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:48,234 YOU DON'T THINK SHE SUSPECTS US, DO YOU? 66 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:51,237 NO, NEVER. I LET HER THINK 67 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,739 I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THAT KIND OF THING ANYMORE. 68 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:54,741 DOES SHE BELIEVE YOU? 69 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:55,742 SHE HAS TO. 70 00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,744 I MAKE HER SLEEP IN THE WARDROBE. 71 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,749 ( piano playing ) 72 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,756 MICHELLE IS IN THE BACK ROOM. 73 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:13,259 SHOULD I SING A SONG TO DISTRACT EVERYONE? 74 00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:16,762 NO, WE DON'T WANT TO LOSE ANY MORE CUSTOMERS. 75 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,765 YOU BETTER COME WITH ME. 76 00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:21,267 PST! I WANT YOU IN THE BACK ROOM. 77 00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:30,276 ( German accent ) A LITTLE NOTE WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE DISCREET. 78 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,278 NOT YOU! MARIA! 79 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:36,783 I WAS WONDERING WHY I WASN'T GETTING ANYWHERE. 80 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,756 WHERE IS MICHELLE? 81 00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,257 - ( French accent ) I AM HERE! - AH! 82 00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:46,259 PUT THAT AWAY. 83 00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,261 IF IT GOES OFF IT COULD MAKE A NOISE, 84 00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:49,262 NOT TO MENTION A HOLE. 85 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:52,264 WHO IS IN THE CAFE? 86 00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:55,268 SEVEN GERMAN OFFICERS AND TWO SERGEANTS 87 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:56,769 FROM THE THIRD PANZER GRENADIERS. 88 00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:57,770 THAT IS ALL RIGHT. 89 00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:59,772 WHERE ARE THE TWO BRITISH AIRMEN? 90 00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:01,273 THEY ARE HIDING IN THE ROOM OF MY MOTHER. 91 00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:02,275 AND THE FORGER? 92 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,777 HE IS DISGUISED AS A PIANO PLAYER. 93 00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:07,780 HE PLAYS FOR ME WHEN I SING FOR THE CUSTOMERS. 94 00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:09,782 HE IS A VERY BAD PIANIST 95 00:04:09,782 --> 00:04:13,285 BUT WHEN MY WIFE SINGS NOBODY NOTICES. 96 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:15,788 THE CUSTOMERS STUFF CHEESE IN THEIR EARS. 97 00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:18,791 GATHER ROUND. 98 00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:21,293 NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. 99 00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:23,296 I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE. 100 00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:27,300 IN THAT CASE, COULD YOU PLEASE SPEAK SLOWLY? 101 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,801 THERE IS NO TIME. 102 00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:31,303 I HAVE INFORMATION YOU ARE TO BE INTERROGATED BY THE GERMANS. 103 00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:32,805 - WHAT? - WHAT? 104 00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:35,307 IT IS FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE. IT IS GOOD INFORMATION. 105 00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:37,310 FOR ME IT IS THE VERY WORST INFORMATION 106 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,312 I HAVE EVER HEARD! 107 00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:40,813 HAVE THEY BLOWN OUR COVER? 108 00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:45,317 WE HAVE NO COVER, YOU SILLY OLD BAT! 109 00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:48,821 I AM A RESTAURANT OWNER, YOU ARE MY WIFE. 110 00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:51,323 PLEASE DO NOT USE SOPHISTICATED EXPRESSIONS 111 00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:52,825 YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. 112 00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:55,327 THEY DON'T SUSPECT THAT WE'RE TRYING TO HIDE 113 00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:56,829 THE BRITISH AIRMEN, DO THEY? 114 00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:57,830 WE DON'T KNOW. 115 00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,832 BUT THEY ARE RUTHLESS MEN. 116 00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:01,333 THEY MAY EVEN TAKE YOUR WIFE 117 00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,835 AND TORTURE HER IN FRONT OF YOU. 118 00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:04,336 OH, RENE! 119 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:05,838 DO NOT WORRY, 120 00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:07,840 I WILL TELL THEM NOTHING. 121 00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:14,347 ON THE OTHER HAND, THEY MAY JUST WORK ON YOU 122 00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:15,848 TO DRAG OUT OF YOU EVERYTHING YOU KNOW. 123 00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:18,851 BUT I KNOW VERY LITTLE EXCEPT YOUR NAME, 124 00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:20,853 AND THE FACT THAT WE ARE HIDING A FEW BRITISH AIRMEN. 125 00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:23,355 AND THEN THERE'S THE RADIO UNDER THE BED, 126 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,857 AND THE CODE BOOK. 127 00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:26,859 AND IN THE CELLAR, THE CUCKOO CLOCK 128 00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:30,362 AND THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES. 129 00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:33,366 YOU SEE, SHE REMEMBERS MUCH MORE THAN I DO. 130 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:36,369 SHE'S THE ONE THEY SHOULD INTERROGATE. 131 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,371 HERE. TAKE THIS RING. 132 00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:40,873 THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, BUT I DON'T WEAR JEWELRY. 133 00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:42,875 IT IS HOLLOW! 134 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,877 SO INSIDE IS A PILL. 135 00:05:44,877 --> 00:05:46,378 IF THEY TORTURE YOU, 136 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:47,880 AND YOU CANNOT STAND THE PAIN, 137 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,882 CRUSH IT BETWEEN YOUR TEETH. 138 00:05:49,882 --> 00:05:51,884 I SEE, IT IS A PAINKILLER. 139 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:54,887 YOU WILL FEEL NOTHING. 140 00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:56,889 - FOR HOW LONG? - FOREVER. 141 00:05:58,391 --> 00:05:59,392 OH MY GOD, 142 00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:01,894 ALL I WANT IS A QUIET LIFE! 143 00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:04,396 TAKE THAT AND YOU'LL HAVE ONE. 144 00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:08,901 ARE YOU SURE THAT THEY WILL SEND FOR ME? 145 00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:09,902 ( phone rings ) 146 00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:11,403 HELLO, HELLO. 147 00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:14,907 CAFE RENE. IT IS FOR YOU. 148 00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:19,912 'ALLO? 149 00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:22,915 IT IS COLONEL VON STROHM, WHAT SHALL I SAY? 150 00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:24,416 ACT NORMALLY! 151 00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,925 'ALLO, COLONEL. 152 00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:35,928 HOW NICE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE AGAIN. 153 00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:37,930 YOU WISH TO ORDER A TABLE? 154 00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:40,933 NO? WELL-- 155 00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:43,936 WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO COME TO SEE US AGAIN, COLONEL? 156 00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:45,938 HMM? AH? 157 00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:47,940 YOU WANT ME TO COME AND SEE YOU? 158 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:50,442 NO, NO. THIS IS VERY DIFFICULT, COLONEL. 159 00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,944 YOU SEE I AM A VERY BUSY MAN. 160 00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:54,446 I HAVE THE CAFE, AND THE KITCHEN, 161 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:55,948 AND MY WIFE... 162 00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:58,951 AND MY BICYCLE HAS GOT A PUNCTURE. 163 00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,453 I-- NO! 164 00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:04,457 NO, THERE WILL BE NO NEED TO SEND AN ARMORED CAR, NO. 165 00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:06,959 I WILL BE THERE. YES, BYE. 166 00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:10,963 QUICK, MY WALKING BOOTS AND A HAVERSACK. 167 00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:12,464 AND MAKE SOME SANDWICHES. 168 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,466 BUT THE GERMAN HEADQUARTERS 169 00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,468 IS ONLY TWO MINUTES FROM HERE! 170 00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,470 YES, BUT I AM HEADING FOR THE COAST. 171 00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:18,971 DO NOT BE A FOOL. 172 00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:21,473 IF YOU DISAPPEAR, THEY WILL TEAR THIS PLACE APART 173 00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:22,475 AND WE WILL ALL BE SHOT. 174 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:25,978 NO, YOU MUST GO TO THEM, AND BLUFF IT OUT. 175 00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:28,981 I AM RAPIDLY RUNNING OUT OF BLUFF. 176 00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:34,753 ( German accent ) HERR COLONEL, HERE, LOOK. 177 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:38,257 ALL WE NEED IS A PAIR OF PLIERS TO TURN THE TAP, 178 00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:41,760 AND A LENGTH OF RUBBER HOSE TO CONNECT THIS OLD GAS POKER. 179 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:45,264 THEN WE HAVE A NICE WARM FIRE WHENEVER WE WANT. 180 00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,766 WELL DONE, HANS. ORDER THEM RIGHT AWAY. 181 00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,770 HERR COLONEL, THERE IS A MAN HERE TO SEE YOU. 182 00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:54,774 IS HE FROM THE GESTAPO? 183 00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:57,777 NO, HE'S FRENCH AND HE'S VERY NERVOUS. 184 00:07:57,777 --> 00:08:00,279 HERR COLONEL, IT COULD BE THE GESTAPO PRETENDING TO BE FRENCH. 185 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:03,282 YOU ARE RIGHT, HANS, WE MUST BE VERY CAREFUL. 186 00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:04,783 WHAT'S HIS NAME? 187 00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:06,285 MONSIEUR... RENE. 188 00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,787 IT'S RENE, FROM THE CAFE. SHOW HIM IN. 189 00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,292 THE COLONEL WILL SEE YOU NOW. 190 00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,301 OH, COLONEL. WHAT AN HONOR IT IS TO BE RECEIVED 191 00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:26,305 IN YOUR WONDERFUL, COMMANDEERED OFFICE. 192 00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:28,807 I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF BRINGING A FEW SIMPLE, 193 00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:31,310 WORTHLESS GIFTS FOR YOU. 194 00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,312 A BOTTLE OF CHATEAU LAFFITE '37, 195 00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:37,816 SOME RATHER GOOD CIGARS WHICH I WAS KEEPING UNTIL AFTER THE WAR WAS OVER-- 196 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:41,320 BUT AS YOU ARE DOING SO WELL I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THEM NOW-- 197 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,323 SOME CHEESE, A LITTLE COGNAC-- 198 00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:45,824 NAPOLEON OF COURSE-- 199 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:49,328 AND A SMALL BOTTLE OF PERFUME FOR YOUR ASSISTANT. 200 00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:51,830 THANK YOU VERY MUCH BUT I DON'T WEAR IT. 201 00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:55,334 NOT YOU! THIS ASSISTANT. 202 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:58,337 THIS BEAUTIFUL, YOUNG LADY. THIS FINE EXAMPLE 203 00:08:58,337 --> 00:08:59,838 OF GERMAN WOMANHOOD. 204 00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:01,841 OH, THANK YOU. 205 00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:03,843 NOW WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU COLONEL? 206 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:05,845 WE JUST WANT YOU TO ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS. 207 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,847 WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE, COLONEL? 208 00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:09,849 - WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE, HANS? - YES, COLONEL. 209 00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,851 WE SHALL REQUIRE A PAIR OF PLIERS 210 00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:13,352 AND SOME RUBBER HOSE. 211 00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:15,354 NO, NOT THE PLIERS AND THE RUBBER HOSE! 212 00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:17,856 I WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW. 213 00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:20,860 IT IS SO WE CAN GET THE GAS POKER WORKING. 214 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,862 NOT THE GAS POKER! 215 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:25,865 I WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING I DON'T KNOW. 216 00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:27,867 SIT DOWN, RENE. 217 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:30,369 WE HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM. 218 00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:33,872 I DON'T THINK IT'S AS SERIOUS AS MY PROBLEM. 219 00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:35,875 WE KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN HIDING BRITISH AIRMEN 220 00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:37,376 AND HELPING THEM TO ESCAPE. 221 00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:39,878 I KNOW YOU KNOW THAT COLONEL, 222 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,881 BUT MAY I REMIND YOU THAT ON YOUR BEHALF 223 00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:43,883 I AM ALSO HIDING A VALUABLE OLD PAINTING 224 00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:46,385 WHICH YOU HOPE TO SELL AFTER THE WAR? 225 00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:47,386 ONE ALL. 226 00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:51,890 NOT TO MENTION A PRICELESS CUCKOO CLOCK. 227 00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:53,392 TWO, ONE. 228 00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,395 NO HANS, NO SCORE. 229 00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:59,898 BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO HAND THAT PAINTING TO THE GESTAPO. 230 00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:01,901 AND THEN THEY WILL LEAVE US IN PEACE 231 00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,403 BECAUSE WE WILL HAND YOU OVER AS WELL. 232 00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,405 OH, BUT COLONEL, 233 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:09,908 THAT PAINTING WAS TO BE YOUR PENSION AFTER THE WAR. 234 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:14,914 WITH IT YOU COULD HAVE BOUGHT YOUR OWN LITTLE BERCHTESGADEN IN THE MOUNTAINS. 235 00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:17,416 IF YOU HAND IT OVER, YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING. 236 00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:19,418 AND IF YOU HAND ME OVER-- 237 00:10:19,418 --> 00:10:21,420 THE CAFE WILL NOT BE THE SAME 238 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:24,923 WITHOUT JOLLY, JOVIAL, GENEROUS RENE, 239 00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:28,928 THE LIFE AND SOUL OF ANY PARTY. 240 00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:30,930 IT IS VERY SAD, RENE. 241 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,932 BUT THERE IS NO OTHER COURSE OPEN TO US. 242 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,434 BUT WE'VE ENJOYED YOUR HOSPITALITY. 243 00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,936 YES, I HAD NOTICED. 244 00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:40,940 WE'VE ALWAYS REGARDED YOU AS A FRIEND. 245 00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:43,442 I LOOK UPON YOU IN THE SAME WAY, COLONEL. 246 00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:44,443 AND THE CAPTAIN... 247 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,445 AND THE YOUNG LADY OUT THERE WITH THE BIG-- 248 00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:49,448 WE ALL THINK OF HER AS A FRIEND. 249 00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:51,950 THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD WE WANT IS FOR YOU TO SUFFER 250 00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,452 AT THE HANDS OF THE GESTAPO. 251 00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:55,954 YOU ARE MOST CONSIDERATE, COLONEL. 252 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:58,958 SO I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU THIS RING. 253 00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,960 INSIDE IS A PILL. 254 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,962 CRUSH IT BETWEEN YOUR TEETH, 255 00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:05,964 AND IN ONE AND A HALF SECONDS 256 00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:07,967 YOU SHALL BE LIKE A DEAD BEETLE. 257 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:13,472 I DON'T THINK I SHALL EVER FORGET YOUR KINDNESS, COLONEL. 258 00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:16,475 PERHAPS RENE WOULD LIKE TO GIVE HIS WIFE ONE? 259 00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,977 EVEN A FRENCHMAN CANNOT THINK OF THAT SORT OF THING 260 00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:21,480 AT A TIME LIKE THIS. 261 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:22,481 HERE, TAKE IT. 262 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:24,984 COLONEL... 263 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:29,488 A LITTLE IDEA IS RUNNING AROUND IN MY BRAIN. 264 00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:31,990 HOW WOULD IT BE IF WE LET THE GESTAPO 265 00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,492 FIND A COPY OF THE PAINTING? 266 00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:34,493 YOU HAVE A COPY OF THE PAINTING? 267 00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:38,497 NO, NO. BUT PERHAPS ONE COULD BE MADE BY... 268 00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:40,499 LET US SAY, A FORGER. 269 00:11:40,499 --> 00:11:42,501 YOU KNOW A FORGER? 270 00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:45,003 IN MY BUSINESS, YOU MEET ALL SORTS. 271 00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:47,506 MIND YOU, HE WOULD WANT PAYING. 272 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,507 HOW MUCH? 273 00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:51,510 MONEY MEANS SO VERY LITTLE IN THESE HARD TIMES, 274 00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:55,013 BUT PERHAPS A BOTTLE OF CHATEAU LAFFITE '37 275 00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:59,018 AND SOME CIGARS AND A LITTLE COGNAC? 276 00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:01,020 WHAT ABOUT THE CHEESE? 277 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:03,022 YOU MAY KEEP THE CHEESE. 278 00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,523 WE COULD USE IT-- 279 00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:07,025 TO STUFF IN OUR EARS WHEN HIS WIFE SINGS IN THE CAFE. 280 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,632 LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, 281 00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:16,635 NOW IT IS CABARET TIME AT THE CAFE RENE. 282 00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:19,137 AND TONIGHT, TO SING FOR YOU WE HAVE... 283 00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:21,140 MADAME EDITH. 284 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:23,642 ( weak applause ) 285 00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:28,146 MY DEAR FRIENDS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR WELCOME. 286 00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:30,649 ARE THERE ANY REQUESTS? 287 00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:36,154 IN THAT CASE, I WILL SING FOR YOU AN OLD FAVORITE 288 00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:39,658 "UNDER THE BRIDGES OF PARIS WITH YOU." 289 00:12:39,658 --> 00:12:44,663 WOULD YOU OBLIGE ME WITH THE CHEESE BOARD? AND HURRY. 290 00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:49,668 ( off-key ) ♪ MY DARLING, WHY I SING THIS SONG ♪ 291 00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:54,673 ♪ IS EASY TO EXPLAIN... ♪ 292 00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:59,177 OH YVETTE, IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. 293 00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:02,681 BUT I THOUGHT I WAS NEVER GOING TO GET OUT OF THERE ALIVE. 294 00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:05,684 QUESTION AFTER QUESTION AFTER QUESTION. 295 00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,686 ONLY I GAVE NOTHING AWAY. 296 00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:10,689 OH RENE, YOU ARE SO BRAVE. 297 00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:14,693 WHILE YOU WERE THERE I LIT CANDLES. 298 00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:16,695 YOU WERE PRAYING FOR ME? 299 00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:17,696 WE HAD A POWER CUT. 300 00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:22,701 YVETTE, I NEVER THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS AGAIN. 301 00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,703 - OH, RENE! - OH, YVETTE! 302 00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:26,204 OH, MY LOVE. 303 00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:30,709 ♪ UNDER THE BRIDGES OF PARIS WITH YOU ♪ 304 00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:36,715 ♪ I'D MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRU-U-UE. ♪ 305 00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:41,220 HAS SHE FINISHED? 306 00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:45,724 I MUSTN'T USE GRUYERE AGAIN-- 307 00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:49,728 IT HAS TOO MANY HOLES. 308 00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,232 GOOD EVENING. 309 00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:57,236 IT'S HERR FLICK. 310 00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,237 OF THE GESTAPO? 311 00:13:58,237 --> 00:13:59,738 OF THE GESTAPO! 312 00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:01,239 WOULD YOU LIKE A TABLE? 313 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,741 NOT IN HERE. 314 00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:04,743 I HAVE ORDERED A PRIVATE ROOM. 315 00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:07,746 RENE HAS RESERVED IT FOR YOU, HERR FLICK. 316 00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:09,748 WOULD YOU COME THIS WAY? 317 00:14:16,755 --> 00:14:20,258 YOU HAVE JUST MISSED THE CABARET. 318 00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:21,260 BUT NEVER MIND, 319 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:24,763 LATER I WILL SING FOR YOU PRIVATELY. 320 00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:26,765 THAT WILL NOT BE NECESSARY. 321 00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:33,271 THIS IS OUR PRIVATE ROOM, HERR FLICK. 322 00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,774 AND THESE ARE THE CANDLESTICKS OF MY MOTHER. 323 00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:38,276 THIS IS ADEQUATE. 324 00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,786 I SHALL REQUIRE A BOTTLE OF YOUR BEST WINE AT ONCE. 325 00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,788 OF COURSE, HERR FLICK. 326 00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,293 YOU, WILL SIT THERE. 327 00:14:58,797 --> 00:15:01,299 YOU'RE SO FORCEFUL AND DOMINATING. 328 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:03,302 IT'S VERY EXCITING. 329 00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:04,803 GOOD. 330 00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:08,807 BE VERY CAREFUL-- 331 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,809 THIS IS OUR LIFE INSURANCE. 332 00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:14,313 BUT MAYBE, ON THE OTHER HAND, 333 00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:15,814 IT COULD BE OUR DEATH WARRANT. 334 00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:17,816 ( footsteps approaching ) 335 00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:21,319 AH, MONSIEUR LE CLERC, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 336 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:25,324 IT IS THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES. 337 00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:28,827 CAN YOU DO ANOTHER ONE? 338 00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:30,829 THREE BIG BOOBIES? 339 00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:35,334 CAN YOU FORGE ANOTHER PICTURE? 340 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,836 AH! 341 00:15:37,836 --> 00:15:40,338 THE SIGNATURE-- YES. 342 00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,841 THE PAINTING-- NO. 343 00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,342 BUT YOU ARE A FORGER. 344 00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:46,845 YES, BUT NOT OF PAINTINGS. 345 00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:48,346 - MONSIEUR RENE! - WHAT? 346 00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:49,848 OTTO FLICK IS IN THE BACK ROOM, OKAY? 347 00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:52,350 AH! AND ENGLAND WILL BE CALLING YOU IN ONE MINUTE 348 00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:55,354 ON THE RADIO IN THE BEDROOM OF YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW. 349 00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:58,357 HOW CLOSE TO DISASTER WE LIVE 350 00:15:58,357 --> 00:15:59,858 IN THIS WORLD OF CLOAK AND DAGGER. 351 00:15:59,858 --> 00:16:01,860 SHALL I HIDE IT AGAIN? 352 00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:04,362 YES, BUT DON'T BRICK IT UP, WE MAY NEED IT LATER. 353 00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:06,865 THE RESISTANCE MAY HAVE A PROPER FORGER. 354 00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:15,941 'ALLO, MAMA. 355 00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:17,442 WHAT IS THE MATTER? 356 00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:18,944 WHY ARE YOU KNOCKING WITH YOUR STICK? 357 00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:21,446 TO MAKE YOU HEAR ME. 358 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:26,952 ALL DAY I AM ALONE, NO ONE COMES TO SEE ME. 359 00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:28,954 WHAT KIND OF A LIFE IS THIS 360 00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:31,456 FOR YOUR POOR MOTHER? 361 00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:37,963 GAZING AT THE CEILING, AND EATING ONION SOUP. 362 00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:41,967 NOTHING BUT ONION SOUP. 363 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:44,970 DO NOT LIGHT THE CANDLE TILL I HAVE OPENED THE WINDOW! 364 00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:52,478 SO AT LAST YOU COME TO SEE 365 00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:56,482 YOUR POOR, OLD, FRAIL MOTHER-IN-LAW. 366 00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:57,983 SHUT UP. 367 00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:01,486 HERE IS THE LOUDSPEAKER. 368 00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:04,490 - AND-- - AND-- 369 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:05,491 TO THE SIDE. 370 00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:06,992 AH! 371 00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:10,496 GET THE CODE BOOK. 372 00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:11,997 - WHERE IS IT? - Edith: IN THE WARDROBE. 373 00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:18,003 ( British accent ) HELLO! 374 00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:22,007 STAY WHERE YOU ARE. EH? 375 00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:25,010 HERE IT IS. 376 00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:29,515 Male voice: 'Allo, Nighthawk? 377 00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:32,518 Are you receiving me? Over. 378 00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:36,021 'ALLO, 'ALLO. THIS IS NIGHTHAWK, 379 00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:39,024 RECEIVING YOU LOUD AND CRACKERLY. 380 00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:42,527 PASS YOUR MESSAGE, PLEASE. 381 00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:46,532 The baby will arrive a week early. 382 00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,033 LOOK IT UP IN THE CODE BOOK. 383 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:52,037 The baby will arrive a week early. 384 00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:56,541 OH MY DAUGHTER, HEAVEN BE PRAISED. 385 00:17:56,542 --> 00:18:00,546 A GRANDCHILD AT LAST. 386 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:04,049 YOU OLD FOOL! I HAVE NOT PUT HER IN THE FAMILY WAY. 387 00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:06,551 THEN WHO HAS? 388 00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:10,556 ( shouts ) WE ARE JUST LOOKING IT UP IN THE BOOK. 389 00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:16,562 SO MANY STRANGERS, HAVE YOU NO SHAME? 390 00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:19,565 IT MEANS THE BRITISH AIRMEN ARE BEING PICKED UP TONIGHT. 391 00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:21,066 THAT'S A WEEK EARLY, 392 00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:23,068 BUT I'LL BE GLAD TO SEE THE BACK OF THEM. 393 00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:26,071 'ALLO, 'ALLO. YOUR MESSAGE UNDERSTOOD. 394 00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,573 OVER AND OUT. AND THINGS. 395 00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:34,579 RENE, LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. 396 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:36,582 I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE-- 397 00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,584 THE AIRMEN MUST LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. 398 00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:40,586 WELL, THEY CANNOT LEAVE BY THE MAIN ENTRANCE. 399 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:43,088 IT IS BEING WATCHED, AND EVERYONE IS BEING QUESTIONED. 400 00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:44,589 THEN THEY MUST LEAVE BY THE BACK, 401 00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:46,091 THROUGH THE WINDOW OF YOUR OFFICE. 402 00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:50,095 THEY CANNOT GO THAT WAY, HERR FLICK IS HAVING HIS DINNER IN THERE. 403 00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:52,597 THEN THEY MUST LEAVE BY THIS WINDOW. 404 00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,099 Edith: WE HAVE NO LADDER! 405 00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:56,601 WE TAKE THE SHEETS FROM THE BED AND TIE THEM TOGETHER. 406 00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,103 GOOD IDEA! 407 00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:02,607 HOW CAN YOU TREAT YOUR POOR MOTHER IN THIS MANNER? 408 00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,610 IT'S VERY EASY. 409 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:05,611 AH! 410 00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:10,115 NOW I WANT TO SEE SOME GOOD TIGHT KNOTS. 411 00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:11,616 YES, OF COURSE YOU DO. 412 00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:13,619 NOW MICHELLE, BEFORE I FORGET, 413 00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:16,121 WE HAVE TO MAKE A COPY OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES. 414 00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:17,622 LET MONSIEUR LE CLERC DO IT. 415 00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:19,625 HE CANNOT PAINT. 416 00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,627 NEITHER CAN HE PLAY THE PIANO! 417 00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:24,630 THE CUSTOMERS BLOCK THEIR EARS. 418 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,131 WE HAVE NOBODY, 419 00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:29,634 BUT PERHAPS WE COULD SEND IT TO ENGLAND TO HAVE IT COPIED. 420 00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:31,637 WE COULD SEND IT WITH THE TWO BRITISH AIRMEN. 421 00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:33,639 YVETTE, GO AND GET IT. 422 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,642 WE MUST GET THE BED TO THE WINDOW 423 00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:39,645 AND TIE THE SHEETS TO IT. 424 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:42,648 ( British accent ) COME ON CHAPS, LEND A HAND. BED TO WINDOW. 425 00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:43,649 ( British accent ) JOLLY GOOD SHOW. 426 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:46,652 - MAY ONE ENQUIRE WHY? - YOU'RE GOING OUT THAT WAY. 427 00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:49,154 FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE DON'T KNOCK ANY SLATES OFF THE ROOF, 428 00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:50,655 THE GESTAPO ARE DOWNSTAIRS. 429 00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:51,657 ROGER! 430 00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:53,659 AH! OH! 431 00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:56,161 I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FOOD AND EVERYTHING. 432 00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:59,665 DO NOT DISTURB US AGAIN. 433 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:00,666 NO, HERR FLICK. 434 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,171 HELGA, 435 00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:09,174 I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I HAD AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE 436 00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:10,175 FOR BRINGING YOU HERE. 437 00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:13,178 THIS COMES AS NO SURPRISE TO ME, HERR FLICK. 438 00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:15,680 WE ARE NOT HERE JUST TO EAT AND DRINK. 439 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,683 IT IS VERY EXCITING TO BE WITH A MAN 440 00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:20,686 - WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS. - OF COURSE. 441 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:22,187 THE WAY YOU ORDERED THE CHOCOLATE MOUSSE 442 00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:24,189 SENT SHIVERS DOWN MY SPINE. 443 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:27,192 WHY IS IT EVERYBODY IS SO FRIGHTENED OF ME? 444 00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:30,695 DEEP DOWN I'M QUITE A SOFTIE. 445 00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:33,699 DO NOT DESTROY MY ILLUSIONS. 446 00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:36,702 I DID NOT WISH TO BE IN THE GESTAPO, YOU KNOW? 447 00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:40,205 MY GODFATHER, HEINRICH HIMMLER, INSISTED. 448 00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:47,212 I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS WINE. 449 00:20:47,212 --> 00:20:50,215 I EXPECT THE PROPRIETOR HAS THE BETTER BOTTLES 450 00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:51,716 HIDDEN IN THE CELLAR. 451 00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:56,221 I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THE WINE. 452 00:20:56,221 --> 00:20:58,723 IT HAS MADE ME FEEL VERY WARM, ALL OVER. 453 00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:04,730 ON THE OTHER HAND, 454 00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:08,734 NOW THAT IT HAS HAD A CHANCE TO BREATHE, 455 00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:11,236 IT HAS A VERY MELLOW AFTERTASTE. 456 00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:18,243 HAS HE REACHED THE GROUND YET? 457 00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:19,244 NO... 458 00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:20,745 HE'S CLIMBING BACK! 459 00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:23,248 WHAT FOR?! THE IDIOT. 460 00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:25,750 HERE, I HAVE IT, THE PICTURE. 461 00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:28,253 HOW MUCH LONGER MUST WE SUFFER 462 00:21:28,253 --> 00:21:32,257 THE INDIGNITIES OF THIS WAR? 463 00:21:32,257 --> 00:21:33,258 SHUT UP. 464 00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:36,261 THE DAMN SHEET'S TOO SHORT. 465 00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:37,762 COULDN'T YOU JUMP? 466 00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:40,265 20 FOOT? I'M NOT IN THE PARACHUTE BRIGADE! 467 00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:42,767 - Rene: WHAT'S HAPPENING? - THE SHEETS ARE TOO SHORT! 468 00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:44,770 THEY WILL HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR. 469 00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:47,272 BUT THEY WILL BE QUESTIONED BY THE GERMANS! 470 00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:49,774 THE GERMANS? ( spits ) 471 00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:53,778 DO NOT MENTION THE GERMANS IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER, 472 00:21:53,779 --> 00:21:56,782 IT TAKES SO LONG TO CLEAR UP. 473 00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:58,784 THERE IS ONLY ONE ANSWER, 474 00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:02,287 THEY WILL HAVE TO LEAVE DISGUISED AS GERMANS IN GERMAN UNIFORMS. 475 00:22:02,287 --> 00:22:04,289 GERMAN UNIFORMS, SHE SAYS. 476 00:22:04,289 --> 00:22:06,791 WHERE DO WE GET GERMAN UNIFORMS? 477 00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:08,794 CAN YOUR GIRLS NOT HELP US? 478 00:22:08,794 --> 00:22:11,296 WELL... 479 00:22:11,296 --> 00:22:12,797 YVETTE, 480 00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:16,301 DEAR, SWEET, INNOCENT LITTLE YVETTE, 481 00:22:16,301 --> 00:22:19,304 YOU KNOW I WOULD NOT ASK THIS OF YOU NORMALLY, 482 00:22:19,304 --> 00:22:21,306 BUT YOU WILL BE DOING IT FOR FRANCE. 483 00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:25,810 I WILL BE DOING IT FOR 1,000 FRANCS. 484 00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:27,312 WHAT ABOUT MARIA? 485 00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:29,814 SHE'LL DO IT FOR 750. 486 00:22:31,817 --> 00:22:34,820 YOU SEEM TO BE VERY MUCH ON EDGE, HERR FLICK. 487 00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:37,322 I HAVE HAD A HARD DAY. 488 00:22:37,322 --> 00:22:41,826 IT IS NOT EASY BEING HATED BY SO MANY PEOPLE, YOU KNOW. 489 00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:44,830 NOT WHEN YOU ARE AS SENSITIVE AS I AM. 490 00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:46,331 I THINK YOU'RE BEARING UP VERY WELL. 491 00:22:47,332 --> 00:22:48,833 NOT AS WELL AS YOU. 492 00:22:51,837 --> 00:22:54,339 DOES THIS RELAX YOU MORE? 493 00:22:54,339 --> 00:22:55,340 NO. 494 00:22:56,341 --> 00:22:57,842 BUT I AM ENJOYING IT. 495 00:23:01,313 --> 00:23:04,816 YOU ARE ACTUALLY ASKING US TO LEND YOU OUR UNIFORMS? 496 00:23:04,816 --> 00:23:07,318 COLONEL, BELIEVE ME, IT IS THE ONLY WAY 497 00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:09,321 TO GET THE PICTURE TO ENGLAND TO HAVE IT COPIED. 498 00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:11,323 BUT COLONEL, IF THE GESTAPO EVER FOUND OUT 499 00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:13,825 THAT WE HAVE BEEN HELPING BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE, 500 00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:15,827 DO YOU NOT THINK THEY WILL BE CROSS? 501 00:23:18,830 --> 00:23:22,333 IF THEY FIND OUT ABOUT THE STOLEN PAINTING THEY WILL BE CROSS! 502 00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:24,836 LOOK! LOOK. 503 00:23:24,836 --> 00:23:27,338 YOU WILL BE UPSTAIRS WITH THE GIRLS, 504 00:23:27,339 --> 00:23:29,841 AND YOUR UNIFORMS WILL BE QUIETLY STOLEN. 505 00:23:29,841 --> 00:23:33,344 AFTER A BRIEF, BUT VERY ENJOYABLE INTERVAL, 506 00:23:33,345 --> 00:23:35,347 THEY WILL BE RETURNED TO YOU. 507 00:23:35,347 --> 00:23:36,848 NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY, COLONEL? 508 00:23:36,848 --> 00:23:38,850 THE GIRLS ARE WAITING. 509 00:23:45,857 --> 00:23:47,859 WILL THERE BE TIME FOR THE FLYING HELMET 510 00:23:47,859 --> 00:23:49,360 AND THE WET CELERY? 511 00:23:50,862 --> 00:23:51,863 JUST! 512 00:23:53,865 --> 00:23:55,867 I AGREE. 513 00:23:55,867 --> 00:23:57,869 WHAT ABOUT YOU, HANS? 514 00:23:57,869 --> 00:24:01,372 I AM THINKING ABOUT MY LITTLE WIFE IN BERLIN. 515 00:24:01,373 --> 00:24:04,876 WHAT ABOUT MARIA AND THE EGG WHISK? 516 00:24:07,879 --> 00:24:10,381 I AM-- OH! 517 00:24:11,883 --> 00:24:15,887 I AM THINKING THAT BERLIN IS A VERY LONG WAY AWAY. 518 00:24:15,887 --> 00:24:18,389 MY WIFE IS ABOUT THE SAME SIZE AS MARIA, 519 00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:19,891 HEIGHT WISE. 520 00:24:23,895 --> 00:24:25,396 IT IS ALL FIXED, 521 00:24:25,397 --> 00:24:27,399 BUT DON'T FORGET THE BOOTS. 522 00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:28,400 BOOTS? 523 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,402 I CHARGE EXTRA FOR BOOTS! 524 00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:32,904 THEIR BOOTS! 525 00:24:39,411 --> 00:24:40,912 GET OUT OF YOUR TOGS, CHAPS. 526 00:24:40,912 --> 00:24:42,914 UNIFORMS WILL BE HERE ANY SECOND. 527 00:24:42,914 --> 00:24:43,915 GOOD SHOW! 528 00:24:47,919 --> 00:24:48,920 WHAT IS HAPPENING? 529 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,421 THEY ARE TAKING OFF THEIR CLOTHES, 530 00:24:50,422 --> 00:24:51,923 READY FOR THEIR DISGUISE. 531 00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:53,925 THEY MUST NOT REMOVE THEIR TROUSERS 532 00:24:53,925 --> 00:24:55,426 IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER. 533 00:24:55,427 --> 00:24:58,430 NO, NO, NO. 534 00:24:58,430 --> 00:25:00,932 IT IS WAR. 535 00:25:00,932 --> 00:25:02,934 I UNDERSTAND. 536 00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:07,939 I SAY! 537 00:25:07,939 --> 00:25:09,440 LOOK AT THE CRUMPETS! 538 00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:12,444 Michelle: GET CRACKING, CHAPS. 539 00:25:12,444 --> 00:25:13,945 DO YOU THINK WE'VE GOT TIME? 540 00:25:13,945 --> 00:25:16,948 NOT THEM, THE CLOTHES. 541 00:25:24,956 --> 00:25:26,457 YOU FRENCH PEOPLE, 542 00:25:26,458 --> 00:25:29,461 YOU HAVE SOME VERY NICE JEWELRY. 543 00:25:30,462 --> 00:25:32,464 THANK YOU. 544 00:25:32,464 --> 00:25:35,467 I HAVE A TRINKET THAT IS MUCH ADMIRED. 545 00:25:35,467 --> 00:25:36,968 REALLY? 546 00:25:39,471 --> 00:25:40,972 MAY I SHOW IT TO YOU? 547 00:25:40,972 --> 00:25:42,974 IF YOU MUST, YES. 548 00:25:45,977 --> 00:25:48,479 AH, YES. 549 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,482 IT HAS A PICTURE INSIDE. 550 00:25:50,482 --> 00:25:51,983 LOOK. 551 00:25:51,983 --> 00:25:55,987 YES, WHAT LOVELY LONG BLOND HAIR. 552 00:25:55,987 --> 00:25:57,488 YES, ISN'T IT? 553 00:25:57,489 --> 00:25:59,991 UNFORTUNATELY, HE HAD TO HAVE IT CUT OFF 554 00:25:59,991 --> 00:26:01,492 WHEN HE JOINED THE ARMY. 555 00:26:04,996 --> 00:26:05,997 PST! PST! 556 00:26:07,999 --> 00:26:09,500 ARE THEY READY? 557 00:26:09,501 --> 00:26:12,504 THEY ARE DRESSED, BUT THEY ARE NOT VERY REALISTIC. 558 00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:18,009 OH MY GOD! 559 00:26:19,511 --> 00:26:22,013 AND THEY'VE FORGOTTEN THE PAINTING. 560 00:26:22,013 --> 00:26:23,014 THE WHAT? 561 00:26:23,014 --> 00:26:25,516 THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES. 562 00:26:25,517 --> 00:26:28,520 I SAY, CHAPS, YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THE PICTURE. 563 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,022 NO WE HAVEN'T-- WE TOOK IT OUT OF THE FRAME. 564 00:26:31,022 --> 00:26:32,023 WHERE IS IT NOW? 565 00:26:36,528 --> 00:26:40,031 FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, TRY TO LOOK MORE GERMAN. 566 00:26:40,031 --> 00:26:41,032 RIGHT-O! 567 00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:49,541 GOOD NIGHT, GENTLEMEN. COME AGAIN SOON. 568 00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:51,543 GIVE MY LOVE TO THE FUHRER. 569 00:26:51,543 --> 00:26:53,044 HEIL HITLER. 570 00:26:53,044 --> 00:26:54,545 - HEIL HITLER. - HEIL HITLER. 571 00:26:54,546 --> 00:26:55,547 HEIL HITLER! 572 00:26:57,549 --> 00:26:59,551 OH, CHEERIO! 573 00:26:59,551 --> 00:27:00,552 CHEERIO! 574 00:27:07,058 --> 00:27:08,559 - HANS? - HMM? 575 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:10,562 THERE GO OUR UNIFORMS. 576 00:27:10,562 --> 00:27:13,565 THEY PROMISED THEM BACK IN 15 MINUTES. 577 00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:15,066 THAT WAS 10 MINUTES AGO. 578 00:27:15,066 --> 00:27:18,069 HOW QUICKLY THE WAR PASSES WHEN YOU'RE ENJOYING YOURSELF. 579 00:27:22,574 --> 00:27:25,577 THIS TIME WITH THE GOGGLES! 580 00:27:27,579 --> 00:27:29,080 ( laughing ) 581 00:27:30,582 --> 00:27:31,583 WOO! 582 00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:34,586 ( theme music playing )