1 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,653 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 2 00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,130 (ON ANSWERING MACHINE) Uh, hello. 3 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:33,101 Uh, this is Cheech. Uh, I'm not here right now. 4 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,802 Well, I'm here, but I'm not here. 5 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,804 See, I'm on my way to Amsterdam, man. 6 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:40,474 We got invited to a Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton film festival. 7 00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:42,710 So, I'm gonna be over in Amsterdam for a little while. 8 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,345 So, like, if you need me or anything, 9 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,447 you know, like, when you hear the beep, 10 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,083 well, you know, just, like, leave a message, okay? 11 00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:52,386 Oh, P.S., if this is Donna... 12 00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:53,754 (KISSING) 13 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,789 You can put that wherever you need it, baby. 14 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,858 Check you later. Oh, and like that. 15 00:00:58,759 --> 00:00:59,860 (BEEPS) 16 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,395 CHONG: Hey, man, where are you? 17 00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:02,896 I'm at the airport. 18 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,166 Hey, the plane's getting ready to leave without us! 19 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,500 Come on! 20 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,901 (DIAL TONE) 21 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,628 Man, this is the first airport I haven't been searched in. 22 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,798 Who's gonna smuggle something into Amsterdam, man? 23 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:40,434 WOMAN: Hello. 24 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:43,371 Hello. Oh, hi. Thank you very... 25 00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,705 Oh! Thank you. 26 00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,374 (CROWD CHEERING) 27 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,346 (IN DUTCH ACCENT) Hello, Mr. Burt Reynolds. Hi. How are you? 28 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:56,016 On behalf of the Amsterdam International Film Festival, 29 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,619 a hearty welcome to Amsterdam, Mr. Burt Reynolds. 30 00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:02,456 And I hope you will have a very happy and lucky time. 31 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,858 Do you know if Miss Dolly Parton was on the plane? 32 00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:05,993 What? 33 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,128 If Dolly Parton was in the plane? 34 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,598 No, I didn't see Dolly Parton. Was she on the plane? 35 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,500 Oh, you... I have seen movies of you. 36 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,135 In the movies you are much taller than you are in real life. 37 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,770 May I say... 38 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,639 May I say "Burt" to you, Mr. Reynolds? 39 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,541 Thank you very much. What? 40 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:24,278 May... Maybe I say "Mr. Burt" or "Mr. Reynolds," 41 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:27,181 or maybe I say "Burt" or something like that. 42 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:30,050 May I say "Burt" to you, Mr. Reynolds? 43 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:32,286 Hey, man, I'm not Burt Reynolds, man. 44 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,622 You are not Burt... You are not Burt Reynolds? 45 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,590 No. I'm Cheech, man. This is Chong. 46 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:39,260 We're Cheech and Chong, man. Hey, turn around. Show him. 47 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,795 Yeah, Cheech and Chong. See, right there, man. Cheech and Chong. 48 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,231 We came for the movie festival. 49 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,632 You are... 50 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,670 You are here on the end of the list. You see. 51 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,171 Mr. Cheech and Chong. 52 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,574 Listen, man, we gotta get out of here. Where's the car? 53 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,443 There is a car waiting outside 54 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,911 for Mrs. Dolly Parton and for Mr. Burt Reynolds, 55 00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,880 but you can have the van, if you want. 56 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,483 Okay. Great. Thanks a lot, man. Bye. 57 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,751 Thank you. Bye-bye, everybody. 58 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,185 (ALL CHEERING) 59 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:12,926 Oh, please, no more autographs. No more pictures. 60 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,095 Thank you! Thank you! It's lovely to be here. 61 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,330 Take me to a dike. 62 00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:17,565 Thank you. Thank you. 63 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,099 There you go. 64 00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:22,202 I got a writer's cramp, man. 65 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:24,638 Thanks anyway. 66 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:27,174 Hey, man, I think I'm gonna have to finally do it. 67 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,542 Do what, man? 68 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,778 Put scars all over my face, man. 69 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,212 I'm getting too handsome, man. 70 00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,615 This guy thinks I'm Burt Reynolds. 71 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,184 I gotta give the other actors a chance. 72 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,853 Well, I don't think you have to go to all that trouble, man. 73 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,589 No? No. 74 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,724 I think all you have to do is grow another big zit 75 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,893 like the one you got right there. 76 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,495 Where? Yeah. 77 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,662 I got one on my nose? 78 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,498 Yeah. A big yellow one. 79 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,665 Shit. Is it big? 80 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:54,302 Yeah. Looks like another nose, man. 81 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:55,469 Oh, man. 82 00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:57,070 And if you really want to look ugly, 83 00:03:57,104 --> 00:04:00,308 just leave the booger hanging off your mustache there. 84 00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,542 There? Is it off? 85 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,944 Yeah, and if you really want... Oh, man, shut up! 86 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,619 Oh, you are sitting here. 87 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,221 Because... 88 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:17,024 These were the places supposed to be 89 00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,527 for Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds, you know. 90 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,261 Dolly Parton's supposed to be sitting here? 91 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,663 Yeah. 92 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:25,466 Let me clear off a place for her to sit down. 93 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,902 I asked people to put you in the van, you know. 94 00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:30,971 Yeah. 95 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:33,841 They just told us to sit here, man. 96 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:36,176 Oh, they didn't understand. 97 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:41,148 Well, you're sure that Burt Reynolds was not in the plane? 98 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,951 He wasn't with us, man. We flew first-class. 99 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:47,020 Maybe he was sitting back with the peasants, you know. 100 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,122 You flew first-class? 101 00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:51,224 Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for the tickets, man. 102 00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:53,827 Now, there's a little bit of problem. 103 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,229 You didn't get the telegram? 104 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,767 What telegram? He said, "Come over here and party." 105 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,268 Yeah. You was on the list, 106 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,303 but there are a little bit financial problems. 107 00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:05,373 You know Mr. Patrick? 108 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:09,443 Yeah. He's the dude that phoned us up and sent us the tickets, man. 109 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,979 Oh, yeah. He's a good dude. Met him at a party. 110 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,080 Yeah. 111 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,282 He's all right. He's a heavy fan of ours. 112 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,317 Yeah. 113 00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:21,221 He told us, man, he says, "Come on to Amsterdam and let's party." 114 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,957 So we've been studying up on partying, man. 115 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,426 We got it down pretty good. 116 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:26,960 Yeah. We're ready. We're ready, man. 117 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,729 To be quite honest, 118 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:32,600 I asked him to send you a telegram to cancel this trip 119 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,769 because we have a little bit of financial problems, too. 120 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,337 Oh, yeah? 121 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:41,575 The Mr. Patrick, he left with all my money, 122 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,143 and also my car, 123 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:47,347 so certainly he will be come back one of these days. 124 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,983 Yeah, he'll come back. 125 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,420 Hey, we'll help you out. We'll do a show for you, man. 126 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:55,623 Hey, man, we haven't worked in four years, come on. 127 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,191 That's okay, man. I remember all the bits, man. 128 00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,627 Hey, where's the windmills, man? 129 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:02,129 Windmills. Maybe you can see one on your left. 130 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,398 Where's the chocolate? 131 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:06,867 You haven't been before in Holland? 132 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,101 No, man. 133 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,537 What are you doing in America? 134 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:12,406 Are you in radio shows or something like that? 135 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,174 You haven't heard of Cheech & Chong? 136 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,275 No. 137 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:17,678 Where you been, under a rock? 138 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,713 We make movies, man. 139 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:22,115 I have a wonderful movie theater. 140 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,383 Oh, yeah? 141 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,352 And we're having a press conference, 142 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,021 and I want to introduce Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds 143 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:31,925 and that people from Holland, the newsenkrumpten. 144 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,293 The newspapers, you know. 145 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:35,362 Where's the parties going to be, man? 146 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,830 Is that one of the parties? 147 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:40,434 Because Patrick said that Sylvia Kristel's going to be at the party. 148 00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:42,235 Maybe. Maybe... 149 00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,637 So you're a Hollander. 150 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:46,173 Yeah. I'm a Hollander, yeah. 151 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,509 But there are a few parties, 152 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,644 but I have to cancel a little bit of the parties 153 00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:52,045 because the financial problems. 154 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,647 Maybe we can have one party. 155 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,783 Do you know where we can score some hash, man? 156 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,150 What do you mean? Hash. 157 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,920 I've got that address of that doper cafe, man. 158 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,589 Oh, okay. Great. 159 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,324 We have a lot of cafes in Amsterdam. 160 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:05,826 The only thing about jet lag, man, 161 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,394 is you got to smoke a lot of dope, 162 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,762 and it comes out even. 163 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,397 (MARCHING BAND PLAYING) 164 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,613 Get ready for them. Burt Reynolds 165 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,449 (SPEAKING DUTCH) 166 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,856 MAN: Mr. Burt, welcome in Holland! 167 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:37,758 Mr. Burt! 168 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,627 (CROWD CLAMORING) 169 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,071 CHEECH: Thank you very much. 170 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:02,015 Mr. Dolly, Mr. Burt. 171 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,450 Please, follow me. 172 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,187 This is our very, very best, 173 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,824 the Saskia van Uylenburgh suite, Rembrandt's former wife. 174 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,225 The best we have. 175 00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:16,830 And here we are in our very, very best. 176 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,166 Amsterdam at your feet. 177 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,834 (CRASHING) And the Venice of the north... 178 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,703 Sorry. 179 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,872 The RAI building for the big fairs, 180 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:26,874 Rijksmuseum, 181 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,711 Vincent Van Gogh Museum, 182 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,614 and the museum of the history of Amsterdam. 183 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,217 You got a lot of nice sights around here, man. 184 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,019 Oh, many, Mr. Burt. Many. 185 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,287 CHEECH: Hey, I'm hip. 186 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,089 The Royal Palace. 187 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,323 Oh, yeah. 188 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,759 The Stedelijk museum. 189 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:48,762 Xaviera Hollander's house at the other side. 190 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,564 Mr. Burt, 191 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,267 I'm so fond of having you here. 192 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,368 Oh. 193 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,204 I'm your biggest fan, Mr. Burt. 194 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,405 Oh, thanks. 195 00:08:58,438 --> 00:08:59,873 You can believe it. 196 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,009 Mr. Burt, I am your biggest fan. 197 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:05,045 I've seen all your pictures. All your pictures. 198 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,380 Except one, the last one. I haven't seen the last one. 199 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,548 Neither have I. 200 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,151 Excuse me, Mr. Burt, you got any Dutch money? 201 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:13,320 Oh, no, no, no! No, no, no, no. 202 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,456 No, Mr. Dolly. You don't have to pay. 203 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,559 Oh, yeah. It's free, man. Yes! 204 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,629 No, no! 205 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,233 I'm sorry, no. It's not free. 206 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,001 You have to sign for it. 207 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,502 Oh. 208 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,304 Mr. Jan... 209 00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:32,405 Hoderfree. 210 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,541 Mr. Jan Hoderfree. 211 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:38,245 Mr. Jan Hoderfree, he arranged everything for you. 212 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,180 You just order and sign. 213 00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,182 Oh, okay. I can get that. 214 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,483 Just sign. Oh, great. 215 00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:44,885 Oh, Mr. Burt, 216 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:48,255 how is Raquel Welch in reality, flesh to flesh? 217 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,723 She's gonna last forever, man. 218 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:50,824 Oh, really? 219 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:53,226 Yeah. She's heavy. 220 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:56,797 Mr. Burt, when there's anything you need... 221 00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:57,998 Oh, yeah? 222 00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,467 I mean anything. 223 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,935 Anything? 224 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,336 Anything! 225 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,537 Oh, yeah? 226 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:08,776 Mr. Burt, we have some ivory statues, oriental statues... 227 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,844 (SPEAKING DUTCH) 228 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,247 From gorgeous delight in the basement... 229 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,515 Oh, yeah? 230 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:19,052 With tiny fingers who work you up slowly, slowly, 231 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,488 to a level, to an excitement you've never had before... 232 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,956 (WOMAN SPEAKING DUTCH) 233 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,257 You just sign, huh? 234 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,026 I'm so sorry. I have to take him. 235 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,897 1,001 delights, Mr. Burt. 236 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,332 Anything you wish. 237 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,236 Mr. Burt. Mr. Dolly. 238 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:41,041 Enjoy your stayment in Amsterdam, in Holland. 239 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,814 And you just sign. Anything. 240 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,315 Amsterdamski, man. 241 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,349 (LAUGHS) 242 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,218 All right. 243 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,485 Your luggage. 244 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,021 Thank you. 245 00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,157 Hey, man, just sign for it. 246 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,658 Sign? Sign for it. 247 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,967 And for you. 248 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,104 Could you give me one for the doorman? 249 00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:12,639 Oh, of course. 250 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,710 Thank you. 251 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,312 Good-byen. 252 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:21,815 (SIGHS) 253 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,717 We made it, man. 254 00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:25,919 I wonder where the toiletski is. 255 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:33,460 (HUMMING) 256 00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,666 Wow! 257 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,069 Hey, man, you ought to see the size of this bathtub. 258 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,704 We could have a couple friends in, man. 259 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,940 Still got that little outboard motor? 260 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,676 Wow, look at this! 261 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,078 Hey, man, what is this? 262 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:52,679 Hey! 263 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,115 Hey, man! Help! 264 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,185 What are you doing, man? 265 00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,352 Hey, man... 266 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,822 Help! Hey! 267 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,398 CHEECH: Hello, room service? 268 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:14,768 Hi. This is Mr. Burt up in the Suzie Q suite, man. 269 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:18,005 Mr. Burt. 270 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,941 You know, Burt and Dolly. 271 00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,376 Yeah, that Raquel Welch. Yeah. She's something. 272 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,845 No, they're real. They're real, man. 273 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:27,680 Hey, listen, man, you know that caviar you sent up today? 274 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,884 Hey, man, it smells fishy. 275 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,886 Yeah, and it all turned black. 276 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,789 Somebody must've left it out all night or something, man. 277 00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:38,725 So can you send up some of that other caviar? 278 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,829 Yeah, send up some of that Belgian. 279 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:45,833 Yeah. I don't know. A pound. 280 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,567 No, no. Make it five pounds. 281 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,170 Whatever you got, man. 282 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:52,739 Yeah. Send it right up, man. We're really hungry. 283 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,207 Okay, donkey smell. 284 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:57,077 Oh, all right. They came. 285 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,112 Hey, that's the new series, man. 286 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,048 All right. 287 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,286 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADSET) 288 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,394 You know, I'm beginning to feel sort of bored. 289 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,064 Let's go see the town. Come on. 290 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,265 What? 291 00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,101 Amsterdam. 292 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,137 Look at these buds, man. 293 00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,272 Look at this. 294 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,509 They're real. 295 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:03,810 WOMAN: Hello. 296 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,045 Hi. Hi. How are you? 297 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,747 Would you like to eat something? Oh, yeah, please. 298 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,917 Special today is Indica. 299 00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,151 Oh, great. 300 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,452 Would you like some weed tea? 301 00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,586 Some tea? 302 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,422 Yeah, herb tea. I'd love some tea. 303 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,858 Oh, wow. Look what they got, man. 304 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,463 Wow! "Fresh buds in season with melon." 305 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,298 Lookie here, filet-o-cola. 306 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,402 Here's my favorite, seed soup. 307 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:32,072 I think I'll have some. I wonder if they got pepper with that. 308 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,007 Uh... 309 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:37,277 I want to start with a tossed California bud salad 310 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,912 and then a Shake shake. 311 00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,382 And what's Fungus Mungus? 312 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,684 Well, never mind. Bring it to me anyway. 313 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,121 For my main course, I want a Bogart Special 314 00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:51,091 with everything, including the mold. 315 00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,994 Then I'll try the Temple Ball Surprise, too, okay? 316 00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,330 Pig out, man. 317 00:14:57,364 --> 00:15:01,768 I'll have the cream of hash and barley soup 318 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,837 and the fresh buds. What... Are they in season? 319 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,039 Yeah, okay. 320 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:09,609 And, oh, for dessert, I'll have the space yogurt 321 00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,478 with chopped cola nuts. 322 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,346 Thank you very much. 323 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:14,781 Put the rush on it. 324 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,250 Ah, yes! 325 00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,886 * I get delirious 326 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,554 * Whenever you're near 327 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,524 * Lose all self-control 328 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,293 * Baby, just can't steer 329 00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:30,330 * My wheels get locked in place 330 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,765 * Get a stupid look on my face 331 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:35,202 * When it comes to makin' a pass, pretty mamma 332 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,703 * I just can't win a race 333 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,806 * 'Cause I get delirious 334 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,810 * Delirious 335 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,948 * Delirious 336 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,920 * I get delirious 337 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:57,224 * When you hold my hand 338 00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,660 * Body gets so weak I can hardly stand 339 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,597 * My temperature's runnin' hot 340 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,034 * Baby, you got to stop 341 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,536 * 'Cause if you don't, I'm gonna explode 342 00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,404 * And, girl, I got a lot 343 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,906 * I get delirious 344 00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:18,878 * I'm delirious, yeah 345 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:20,313 * All right 346 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,016 * I'm delirious 347 00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,484 * Yeah, yeah 348 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,919 * Yeah, yeah, yeah 349 00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:28,055 * Delirious 350 00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,390 * Yeah 351 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:32,925 * Delirious 352 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,030 You feel anything? 353 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,498 * Delirious 354 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,202 Hey, I'm still hungry, man. 355 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,204 Want to order another one? 356 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:47,640 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 357 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,177 HOST: Try to explain why people are not... 358 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,379 People are not... 359 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,147 Come on, and you sit there. 360 00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,417 Yeah, okay. Sit down. Sit down. 361 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,893 (SPEAKING DUTCH) 362 00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:21,241 You have any aspirin, man? 363 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,942 I've got a half a lude. 364 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:24,777 Just slip it to me, man. 365 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,646 (SPEAKING DUTCH) 366 00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,260 Try to be as nice as possible. 367 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:43,196 I have to leave now because I have to make phone calls 368 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:46,366 for the airplane of Miss Parton and Mr. Burt. 369 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,000 But I'll be right back. 370 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,970 MAN: Mr. Cheek and Mr. Wrong. 371 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,539 Mr. Cheek and Mr. Joke. 372 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,973 I don't understand something. 373 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,942 I'm waiting here half an hour... 374 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,010 We overslept. 375 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,780 We underslept. 376 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,515 Who the hell are you? 377 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,184 Cheech & Chong. 378 00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:07,554 Uh, Cheech like "peach," and Chong like "dong." 379 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,156 MAN: Which kind of films are we gonna get 380 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,590 in the festival? Can you explain me? 381 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,193 Why don't you take this for a while, okay? 382 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,794 I'm going to take a little nap. 383 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,028 CHEECH: Yeah, okay. 384 00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:19,366 Do you know when Reynolds and Parton are coming here? 385 00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:21,401 Uh, yeah. 386 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,903 Dolly Parton's coming and Burt Reynolds 387 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:28,375 and Paul Newman, and Jimi Hendrix is coming. 388 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,411 Uh, E.T., E.T.'s coming. 389 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,346 He's a personal friend of mine. 390 00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,947 Who are you? 391 00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,616 CHEECH: Cheech & Chong! 392 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,218 We're really big in the States, man. 393 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,786 We're really big in the States, man. 394 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,654 (TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYING) 395 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,191 (PEOPLE APPLAUDING) 396 00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:56,536 MAN: Bravo! 397 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,413 (SPEAKING DUTCH) 398 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:11,951 I'm really proud to... 399 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,522 May I introduce the most famous world actors, 400 00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:18,291 Mr. Cheech and Mr. Chong. 401 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:19,959 (ALL CHEERING) 402 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,572 Yes, you may begin your questions now. 403 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,842 Yes. Thank you very much, Mr. Cheech, Mr. Chong, 404 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,210 for coming to the Netherlands. 405 00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,879 We are awfully thrilled that we can see you now in the flesh, 406 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,648 that we can say hello to you in person. 407 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,751 But nevertheless, our first question, that's to say my question is, 408 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:48,555 why did you organize your first film festival in Amsterdam? 409 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,589 Um... 410 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,024 Because. 411 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,636 Mr. Cheech and Mr. Chong, 412 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:07,540 uh, we are very pleased to have you here, and I love you. 413 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:12,211 I mean, I love all your films. 414 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:15,248 I have seen them all, except the latest one, 415 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:18,117 because there was a line outside about three miles, 416 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,219 so I couldn't get tickets. 417 00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:23,055 The Cheech shall arrange tickets for you. 418 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,557 Oh, thank you, thank you! 419 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:26,125 (ALL CLAMORING) 420 00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,597 MAN: Mr. Cheech. Yes. 421 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:35,535 We all know you made that scar to give all the actors a chance, 422 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:40,172 but you are even more handsome with the scar on your face! 423 00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,674 It's great. 424 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,543 What can I do? What can I do? 425 00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:45,945 I try. 426 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,847 MAN: We love you! You're great. 427 00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,320 I owe it all to my director. 428 00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:56,323 I owe it all to my director. 429 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:03,563 CHEECH: Hey! Hey, come on, wake up, man. It's over. 430 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,533 Let's go. Let's go get some breakfast, man. I'm hungry. 431 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,468 Why are you telling all those things? What? 432 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,570 You know, I asked you to be nice. 433 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:14,140 There were a lot of important newspapermen from Holland here all over. 434 00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:17,176 And did you tell about Paul Newman? 435 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:20,680 Who invited E.T.? Who invited E.T.? 436 00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:22,815 CHEECH: You think they still have caviar? 437 00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:28,621 (CHONG SIGHS) 438 00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:33,326 Here you are. Thank you. 439 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,328 Hey, wait, I know exactly what I want. 440 00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:36,563 You want to order now? 441 00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:38,865 Yeah. I want a big plate of huevos rancheros 442 00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:41,000 with rice and beans and hot tortillas, 443 00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:43,970 and a little shot of tequila, and a Dos Equis. 444 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,838 I don't understand. 445 00:21:45,872 --> 00:21:47,139 Well, what have you got? 446 00:21:47,173 --> 00:21:49,609 I'll have coffee and toast. 447 00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:52,278 Yes. Make that two coffee and toast. 448 00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:55,348 Coffee and toast. 449 00:21:55,382 --> 00:21:57,584 I'd like a machaca burrito, man. 450 00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,251 You want some mussels? 451 00:21:59,285 --> 00:22:01,120 No. Just coffee and toast will be all right. 452 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,022 You sure? Yeah. 453 00:22:03,055 --> 00:22:05,458 That's all? Okay. Thanks a lot. 454 00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:07,427 So, let's get thinking about a show, man. 455 00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:10,630 Yeah. We should seriously start thinking about it. 456 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:13,500 Let's do a bit about parties. 457 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,902 Something we know, man. 458 00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:18,304 No, hey, man, we promised that dude a show. 459 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,139 We should start thinking about something. 460 00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:21,941 Yeah. 461 00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:24,076 Well, what do you want to do? 462 00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:27,079 Well, you know, like, something about movies, television. 463 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,416 Oh! Duh! 464 00:22:29,449 --> 00:22:31,317 I was working on a bit. I forgot to tell you. 465 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:33,553 We do a takeoff on E.T., okay? 466 00:22:33,586 --> 00:22:35,855 Except it's like a Chicano version, right? 467 00:22:35,888 --> 00:22:39,358 It's called E.T.: Eddie Torres, The Extra Testicle. 468 00:22:40,627 --> 00:22:42,462 Do you like it? It's about this horny guy 469 00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:44,263 from East Outer Space, you know, 470 00:22:44,296 --> 00:22:46,833 and he lands on Earth in a low-rider flying saucer, man, 471 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:49,536 and he pulls up on this chick's lawn, and she hides in the closet, 472 00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:51,471 because her parents are out for the weekend, yeah? 473 00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:53,205 And he chases her all around the house 474 00:22:53,239 --> 00:22:54,807 going, "Beep beep beep beep beep." 475 00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:56,876 Yeah. How are we going to do that on stage, though? 476 00:22:56,909 --> 00:22:59,712 It's good. I got a costume, man. Here, check it out, man. 477 00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:02,882 Watch this. I had a guy make it up down the street. 478 00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:06,986 E.T.: Eddie Torres, The Extra Testicle! 479 00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:09,856 Pretty cool, huh? Yeah, it's great. 480 00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,091 Check this out for special effects, man. 481 00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:14,226 Let's go all the way. Big-budget, huh? 482 00:23:15,261 --> 00:23:16,663 You like this? 483 00:23:16,696 --> 00:23:19,131 When the chick comes around, he chases her all around the house. 484 00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:20,399 (MAKES BEEPING NOISE) 485 00:23:21,668 --> 00:23:24,604 (MAKING BEEPING NOISE) 486 00:23:32,812 --> 00:23:34,747 Guess she doesn't speak Spanish, huh? 487 00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:38,184 (CAMERA WHIRRING) 488 00:23:49,662 --> 00:23:51,464 (MAKING BEEPING NOISE) 489 00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:56,302 Oh! 490 00:24:05,978 --> 00:24:07,379 WOMAN: Don't touch me! 491 00:24:14,787 --> 00:24:16,556 Hey, man, get out of here. Come on, man. 492 00:24:16,589 --> 00:24:17,724 I got something going on. 493 00:24:17,757 --> 00:24:19,458 Just be cool, and leave me alone, man. 494 00:24:20,927 --> 00:24:23,563 Get out of here, man. I ain't bullshitting with you. 495 00:24:23,596 --> 00:24:25,732 Now, get out. Leave me alone. 496 00:24:31,003 --> 00:24:32,872 (CHEECH MAKING BEEPING NOISE) 497 00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:39,478 Something wrong? 498 00:24:41,614 --> 00:24:43,149 The door's locked. 499 00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:44,183 Oh. 500 00:24:44,851 --> 00:24:46,185 I'll help you. 501 00:24:50,657 --> 00:24:52,058 (CAMERA WHIRRING) 502 00:24:56,228 --> 00:24:57,864 (SPEAKING DUTCH) 503 00:25:21,387 --> 00:25:23,189 (SPEAKING DUTCH) 504 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:26,626 Hey, man, I ain't bullshitting. 505 00:25:26,659 --> 00:25:27,894 Get the fuck out of here, man. 506 00:25:27,927 --> 00:25:29,228 You're gonna blow the whole... Shit! 507 00:25:29,261 --> 00:25:30,863 We're going to get in trouble. 508 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:35,602 Come on, man. Get... 509 00:25:46,579 --> 00:25:47,580 (BANGING) 510 00:25:49,148 --> 00:25:50,216 Hey. 511 00:25:50,249 --> 00:25:52,585 (BANGING ON DOOR) Hey, man. Open the door. 512 00:25:52,619 --> 00:25:54,520 Hey, man. The thing is stuck. Open the door! 513 00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:56,756 Hey, man, open the door! 514 00:25:56,789 --> 00:25:58,925 (CAMERA WHIRRING) 515 00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:01,160 Hey, man! 516 00:26:03,329 --> 00:26:05,732 Hey, man. Get the fuck out of here, will you? 517 00:26:05,765 --> 00:26:07,066 Asshole! 518 00:26:07,099 --> 00:26:08,234 (CHUCKLES) 519 00:26:08,868 --> 00:26:10,770 (YELLING) 520 00:26:12,705 --> 00:26:14,273 (MAKING BEEPING NOISE) 521 00:26:40,232 --> 00:26:42,134 (MAKES RAPID BEEPING NOISE) 522 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:47,940 (IMITATES TARZAN YELLING) 523 00:27:03,856 --> 00:27:05,024 (EXCLAIMS) 524 00:27:06,926 --> 00:27:08,260 (GROANS) 525 00:27:10,062 --> 00:27:11,731 Hey, I'm okay. 526 00:27:11,764 --> 00:27:14,233 Don't send the ransom. I'm all right. 527 00:27:14,266 --> 00:27:15,634 I made it. 528 00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:41,160 No more. No more. 529 00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:46,132 No! No! No! 530 00:27:46,165 --> 00:27:47,834 No! Take him! Take him! 531 00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:49,802 No! 532 00:28:24,636 --> 00:28:25,637 (SIGHS) 533 00:28:28,174 --> 00:28:29,408 (SIZZLING) 534 00:28:49,361 --> 00:28:50,763 Wow, man. 535 00:28:50,797 --> 00:28:52,031 Hey, let's go eat. 536 00:28:52,064 --> 00:28:53,265 Eat? Yeah. 537 00:28:53,299 --> 00:28:54,466 Let's eat at the club. 538 00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:56,302 Okay. Well, where's the club? 539 00:28:57,503 --> 00:28:59,405 This way. This way. Where? This way? 540 00:28:59,438 --> 00:29:01,007 This way. Follow me. 541 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,541 All right. 542 00:29:06,478 --> 00:29:08,380 * ...you don't have no problem 543 00:29:08,414 --> 00:29:11,417 * People on the river are so eager to give 544 00:29:11,450 --> 00:29:13,752 * Big wheels keep on turnin' 545 00:29:13,786 --> 00:29:16,823 * Proud Mary keeps on burnin' 546 00:29:16,856 --> 00:29:18,690 * And we're rollin', rollin' 547 00:29:18,724 --> 00:29:20,692 * Rollin', rollin'... 548 00:29:20,726 --> 00:29:22,795 Hey, donkey smell. 549 00:29:24,964 --> 00:29:26,698 Hey, this is great Dutch entertainment, huh? 550 00:29:26,732 --> 00:29:28,968 Czechoslovakian band and American singers. 551 00:29:29,001 --> 00:29:30,502 (LAUGHS) 552 00:29:30,536 --> 00:29:33,639 Yes? What would you like to drink? 553 00:29:33,672 --> 00:29:35,407 Oh, yes. Yes, yes! 554 00:29:35,441 --> 00:29:37,409 Champagne. Champagne? 555 00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:40,612 Yeah, champagnen. And bringen it heren and put it on the tablen. 556 00:29:42,214 --> 00:29:43,682 Hey, this is it. 557 00:29:43,715 --> 00:29:46,685 Hey, this looks just like the place we started in, man. 558 00:29:46,718 --> 00:29:48,654 Yeah. Looks a lot like it, huh? 559 00:29:52,992 --> 00:29:54,827 Hey, man, want a cigar? No. 560 00:29:54,861 --> 00:29:55,995 These are Cuban, man. 561 00:29:56,028 --> 00:29:58,330 You can only get them here. They're heavy, man. 562 00:29:58,364 --> 00:30:00,833 * Rollin', rollin' on the river... * 563 00:30:04,370 --> 00:30:05,537 Garcia. 564 00:30:06,272 --> 00:30:08,407 Hey, man. Huh? What? 565 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,610 I'd like to do our act here, man. 566 00:30:11,643 --> 00:30:15,781 I'd like to do an act with that cigar girl, an unnatural act, man. 567 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,183 (ALL APPLAUDING) 568 00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:20,419 Hey, bravo, bravo! 569 00:30:22,188 --> 00:30:24,090 Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 570 00:30:24,123 --> 00:30:28,094 (THANKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES) 571 00:30:28,127 --> 00:30:29,862 As you've heard, we are Top Flight, 572 00:30:29,896 --> 00:30:31,597 your unique American singing group. 573 00:30:31,630 --> 00:30:34,233 If you want to see more, hang around until show number two, 574 00:30:34,266 --> 00:30:37,136 when we will be coming back with much more entertainment your way. 575 00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:39,906 Right now the Piccadilly Nightclub proudly presents, 576 00:30:39,939 --> 00:30:42,374 all the way from America, another unique feature, 577 00:30:42,408 --> 00:30:43,709 Red Dick! 578 00:30:43,742 --> 00:30:45,011 (ECHOING) Red Dick! 579 00:30:45,044 --> 00:30:46,478 (ALL APPLAUDING) 580 00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:55,487 (LAUGHING) 581 00:30:55,521 --> 00:30:56,889 (IN SOUTHERN U.S. ACCENT) Thank you very much. 582 00:30:56,923 --> 00:30:58,324 Thank you for the clap. 583 00:30:59,858 --> 00:31:01,493 Thanks for the introduction, 584 00:31:01,527 --> 00:31:04,931 except the only thing, my name's Red Nick, not Red Dick. 585 00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:08,834 That guy must have been peeking in the dressing room. 586 00:31:11,503 --> 00:31:13,005 Thank you very much. 587 00:31:13,439 --> 00:31:14,740 Oh, shit. 588 00:31:15,975 --> 00:31:18,744 I'm used to singing in the streets, you know, 589 00:31:18,777 --> 00:31:22,314 and this is the first time I've ever been up here on stage. 590 00:31:22,348 --> 00:31:24,716 Goddamn. I'm so nervous, 591 00:31:24,750 --> 00:31:28,254 you couldn't get a pin up my ass with a jackhammer, man, I swear to God. 592 00:31:30,122 --> 00:31:31,290 Thank y'all. 593 00:31:32,224 --> 00:31:35,027 Oh, here's a joke for you. 594 00:31:35,061 --> 00:31:38,797 You know why cowboys have, like, shit in their mustaches? 595 00:31:40,066 --> 00:31:42,701 * Oh, lookin' for love in all the wrong places 596 00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:44,036 * Lookin' for love 597 00:31:46,472 --> 00:31:49,508 Oh, thank you very much. Thank y'all. 598 00:31:50,642 --> 00:31:51,710 All right. 599 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:55,614 (STAMMERS) I'd like to sing you a song now. 600 00:31:55,647 --> 00:31:58,517 It's called First Time I Seen Her. 601 00:31:58,550 --> 00:32:00,953 It's an original song. I wrote it myself. 602 00:32:04,656 --> 00:32:06,258 Thank you very much. 603 00:32:13,565 --> 00:32:16,835 * Well, first time I seen her 604 00:32:16,868 --> 00:32:18,237 * Sittin' on a hill 605 00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:20,339 * Wavin' her tits at Buffalo Bill 606 00:32:20,372 --> 00:32:22,574 * Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree 607 00:32:22,608 --> 00:32:24,110 * Gonna tie my pecker to a tree 608 00:32:24,143 --> 00:32:25,577 * Oh, second time I seen her 609 00:32:25,611 --> 00:32:26,778 * Sittin' on a log 610 00:32:26,812 --> 00:32:28,414 * Tryin' to get it on with an old bullfrog 611 00:32:28,447 --> 00:32:30,382 * Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree 612 00:32:30,416 --> 00:32:32,318 * Gonna tie my pecker to a tree * 613 00:32:32,351 --> 00:32:34,486 Thank you very much. 614 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,555 Thank you very much for the clap. 615 00:32:40,326 --> 00:32:41,460 Thank you. 616 00:32:41,493 --> 00:32:43,996 Oh, at this time, it gives me great pressure 617 00:32:44,030 --> 00:32:45,998 to introduce an old buddy of mine. 618 00:32:46,032 --> 00:32:47,466 He's an old blues singer 619 00:32:47,499 --> 00:32:50,136 that's been stringing and singing with me down at Dam Square, 620 00:32:50,169 --> 00:32:51,503 you know, and everything. 621 00:32:51,537 --> 00:32:53,605 We've been making a lot of money together. 622 00:32:53,639 --> 00:32:55,741 He's the world's oldest blues singer, man. 623 00:32:55,774 --> 00:32:58,277 This guy's so old, he farts dust, man, you know. 624 00:32:58,310 --> 00:33:01,713 I swear to God. And he's really funky, he's the father of the blues. 625 00:33:01,747 --> 00:33:03,982 So, let's have a big, warm how-do-you-do 626 00:33:04,016 --> 00:33:07,319 for none other than Blind Melon Chitlins! 627 00:33:07,353 --> 00:33:09,455 Come on! Let's hear it for him! 628 00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:11,457 Blind Melon Chitlins! Come on! 629 00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:13,392 Come on! Blind Melon Chitlins! 630 00:33:17,263 --> 00:33:18,797 Blind Melon Chitlins! 631 00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:20,299 Oh, this guy's hot! 632 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,969 Blind Melon Chitlins. 633 00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,837 Blindest singer in the world. 634 00:33:26,605 --> 00:33:28,740 Here you go. Here you go. 635 00:33:28,774 --> 00:33:30,976 Just sit right down there. 636 00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:34,146 Blind Melon Chitlins. Sit... 637 00:33:34,180 --> 00:33:36,915 No, no. Get over here. There you go. 638 00:33:36,948 --> 00:33:38,317 Just sit downski. 639 00:33:39,485 --> 00:33:42,688 All right. Blind Melon Chitlins. 640 00:33:45,023 --> 00:33:46,725 Okay. There you go. 641 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,063 All right. Look, he can't see y'all out there, you know, 642 00:33:51,097 --> 00:33:53,332 because he's blind, but he ain't deaf, and he can hear you. 643 00:33:53,365 --> 00:33:55,067 So let's have another big hand for him. 644 00:33:55,101 --> 00:33:56,968 Blind Melon Chitlins. Come on. 645 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:02,774 Blind Melon Chitlins. 646 00:34:03,542 --> 00:34:04,976 (ALL LAUGHING) 647 00:34:07,079 --> 00:34:08,547 (TAPPING FOOT) 648 00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:20,259 (MAKES FARTING NOISE) 649 00:34:23,329 --> 00:34:24,430 (MAKES FARTING NOISE) 650 00:34:27,366 --> 00:34:28,667 (ALL LAUGHING) 651 00:34:36,007 --> 00:34:37,843 Blind Melon Chitlins. 652 00:34:44,316 --> 00:34:46,452 (MUMBLES) 653 00:34:56,162 --> 00:34:57,296 (SNIFFS) 654 00:35:02,067 --> 00:35:04,403 Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 655 00:35:04,436 --> 00:35:06,071 Right now, right now. 656 00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:09,541 My name is Blind Melon Chitlins. 657 00:35:11,877 --> 00:35:14,613 I'm a legend. 658 00:35:14,646 --> 00:35:18,450 I'm 156 years old. 659 00:35:18,484 --> 00:35:22,288 That's right. I'm 156 years old, 660 00:35:23,088 --> 00:35:24,823 and I can still get it up. 661 00:35:25,624 --> 00:35:26,992 (LAUGHS) 662 00:35:29,395 --> 00:35:31,263 Just can't get it in. 663 00:35:31,297 --> 00:35:33,131 (ALL LAUGHING) 664 00:35:33,165 --> 00:35:35,367 That cracks me up. That cracks me up. 665 00:35:36,835 --> 00:35:40,472 Ladies and gentlemen, I want to get down with y'all right now 666 00:35:40,506 --> 00:35:42,741 and sing a little tune I wrote one day 667 00:35:42,774 --> 00:35:45,010 when I was beating my old lady. 668 00:35:45,043 --> 00:35:49,481 A little thing called Goin' Downtown, Gonna See My Girl. 669 00:35:49,515 --> 00:35:52,117 Yeah. Goes something like this here. 670 00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:53,652 One, two... 671 00:36:00,659 --> 00:36:01,893 (HARMONICA SQUEAKS) 672 00:36:20,412 --> 00:36:23,782 * Goin' downtown, gonna see my girl 673 00:36:24,816 --> 00:36:25,951 (PLAYS ONE NOTE) 674 00:36:26,985 --> 00:36:28,920 Y'all can dance if you want to. 675 00:36:30,322 --> 00:36:34,660 * Yeah, goin' downtown, gonna see my girl, yeah 676 00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:37,496 (PLAYS NOTE) 677 00:36:39,231 --> 00:36:43,535 * Gonna put one leg over my shoulder 678 00:36:43,569 --> 00:36:46,972 * Then two legs over my shoulder 679 00:36:47,005 --> 00:36:48,374 * Then... 680 00:36:48,407 --> 00:36:50,676 (MUMBLES) 681 00:36:53,479 --> 00:36:55,781 Yeah, I'm gonna dance a little bit now. 682 00:36:56,348 --> 00:36:57,516 All right. 683 00:36:58,950 --> 00:37:01,420 * Gonna put one leg over my shoulder * 684 00:37:01,453 --> 00:37:02,954 Yeah. All right. 685 00:37:02,988 --> 00:37:05,824 (CRASHING) Blind Melon Chitlins! Let's have a big hand for him! 686 00:37:05,857 --> 00:37:07,259 (GLASS BREAKING) 687 00:37:11,530 --> 00:37:14,433 It's a good thing these places are open 24 hours, huh? 688 00:37:14,466 --> 00:37:17,669 Man, everything in this town is open 24 hours. 689 00:37:17,703 --> 00:37:20,506 I kept waiting for that bar to close, man. It never closed. 690 00:37:20,539 --> 00:37:22,441 I love Amsterdam. 691 00:37:22,474 --> 00:37:25,377 Really, man. I can't take much more of this partying, man. 692 00:37:25,411 --> 00:37:26,912 I'm wasted. 693 00:37:27,846 --> 00:37:29,481 Hope they got a masseuse here, man. 694 00:37:29,515 --> 00:37:31,517 I need my back worked on. 695 00:37:31,550 --> 00:37:33,184 I need my front worked on, too. 696 00:37:46,732 --> 00:37:47,999 (DOOR SQUEAKS) 697 00:37:50,669 --> 00:37:52,003 Cheech? Huh? 698 00:37:52,938 --> 00:37:55,106 I can't see shit without my glasses, man. 699 00:37:55,140 --> 00:37:57,042 Come and sit next to me, man. 700 00:37:57,075 --> 00:37:58,677 Hey, I thought up another bit. 701 00:37:58,710 --> 00:38:00,912 Oh, yeah? Queer Wars. 702 00:38:00,946 --> 00:38:03,114 Yeah. That would be great. Remember Queer Wars, man? 703 00:38:03,148 --> 00:38:06,217 Yeah, yeah. Remember Fags in Outer Space? 704 00:38:06,251 --> 00:38:07,886 What do you think? Yeah. That would be good. 705 00:38:07,919 --> 00:38:09,421 Remember how it went? 706 00:38:09,455 --> 00:38:12,491 Like, these two faggots getting ready to go to a party. Remember? 707 00:38:12,524 --> 00:38:14,326 Yeah. That's gonna be a good bit. 708 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,562 Queer Wars. Yeah. 709 00:38:16,595 --> 00:38:18,597 (IN EFFEMINATE VOICE) What shall I wear to the party tonight? 710 00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:20,432 (IN EFFEMINATE VOICE) Oh, wear something exciting. 711 00:38:20,466 --> 00:38:24,169 Oh, I know. I'm going to go Peter Allen. 712 00:38:26,237 --> 00:38:27,606 I don't think so. 713 00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:28,940 Yeah. I don't think so either. 714 00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:30,876 I'm so sick of Carmen Miranda. 715 00:38:31,710 --> 00:38:32,711 Oh! 716 00:38:33,178 --> 00:38:34,746 Tonight... 717 00:38:36,715 --> 00:38:38,717 I go butch. 718 00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:40,952 (SIGHS) 719 00:38:41,620 --> 00:38:43,121 Too Jackson 5. 720 00:38:43,922 --> 00:38:45,424 Too Jackson 5. 721 00:38:46,392 --> 00:38:48,427 Yes, you're right. But... 722 00:38:49,461 --> 00:38:51,863 How about Liza? 723 00:38:53,699 --> 00:38:55,467 (MOTOR HUMMING) 724 00:38:55,501 --> 00:38:58,504 * Start spreading the ludes 725 00:38:59,871 --> 00:39:02,140 * I'm crashin' today 726 00:39:03,775 --> 00:39:05,444 I don't think so. 727 00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:08,313 Yes, you're right. 728 00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,582 I'm so bored with everything. 729 00:39:10,616 --> 00:39:12,618 We have to buy some new clothes. 730 00:39:25,431 --> 00:39:27,799 That's my cape. Take it off. 731 00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:29,034 I'm just trying it on. 732 00:39:29,067 --> 00:39:31,236 Take it off right now. No. 733 00:39:31,269 --> 00:39:33,405 Take it off. I'm going to wear it tonight. 734 00:39:33,439 --> 00:39:36,007 You always wear my clothes and get stains all over them. 735 00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:37,476 I want to wear it tonight. 736 00:39:37,509 --> 00:39:39,110 I'm gonna wear it. I'm wearing it. 737 00:39:39,144 --> 00:39:40,612 That is my cape. 738 00:39:40,646 --> 00:39:41,947 I know it's your cape! 739 00:39:41,980 --> 00:39:43,482 Well, then, take it off. 740 00:39:43,515 --> 00:39:44,950 Have a shit fit, why don't you? 741 00:39:44,983 --> 00:39:46,151 Well, take it off. 742 00:39:46,184 --> 00:39:48,887 If I don't wear the cape, I'm not going. 743 00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:50,321 Well, then don't go. 744 00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:52,290 I won't go. 745 00:39:55,093 --> 00:39:57,028 Oh, my God, there's plenty of things to wear. 746 00:39:57,062 --> 00:39:58,464 You don't have to always wear my clothes. 747 00:39:58,497 --> 00:40:00,766 I said, I'm not going. 748 00:40:00,799 --> 00:40:03,469 Dougie, we have to go. We're Imperial Guards. 749 00:40:03,502 --> 00:40:05,170 I don't have to go anywhere. 750 00:40:05,203 --> 00:40:07,005 I'm not going. 751 00:40:07,038 --> 00:40:09,407 All right, then, don't go. I'll go by myself. 752 00:40:09,441 --> 00:40:11,577 Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? 753 00:40:11,610 --> 00:40:13,879 Hmm. I wonder who's going to be there. 754 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,449 You know damn well who's going to be there. 755 00:40:17,483 --> 00:40:18,750 Han Solo. 756 00:40:18,784 --> 00:40:19,818 Mmm-hmm. 757 00:40:19,851 --> 00:40:23,388 Hands so low you can hardly see what they're doing. 758 00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:26,291 I'm just gonna stay home and pig out on chocolate. 759 00:40:26,324 --> 00:40:27,559 (WHIMPERING) 760 00:40:27,593 --> 00:40:28,960 Oh, Dougie. 761 00:40:30,161 --> 00:40:33,064 Oh, Doug, cheer up. 762 00:40:33,098 --> 00:40:35,967 What's the matter? Are you getting your period again? 763 00:40:36,001 --> 00:40:37,969 That's a joke! 764 00:40:38,003 --> 00:40:39,971 I'm just getting so old! 765 00:40:40,005 --> 00:40:41,607 Oh, you are not. 766 00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:44,242 I am. You can see all my wrinkles. 767 00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:46,678 Then let's just stay home and watch cartoons. 768 00:40:46,712 --> 00:40:49,147 Come on, I'll make some popcorn, make you feel better. 769 00:40:49,748 --> 00:40:51,016 There. 770 00:40:58,323 --> 00:41:00,291 That's not cartoons. 771 00:41:00,325 --> 00:41:02,460 Let's just watch it and see what it is. 772 00:41:02,494 --> 00:41:03,895 Are we on? 773 00:41:04,262 --> 00:41:05,497 Oh. 774 00:41:05,531 --> 00:41:06,932 Orale. 775 00:41:06,965 --> 00:41:09,234 And, like, welcome to Con Talk. 776 00:41:10,602 --> 00:41:13,371 Like, I'm your host, Sleepy Gonzales, 777 00:41:13,404 --> 00:41:16,975 and we're going to rap it down to you today, man, 778 00:41:17,008 --> 00:41:19,444 to, like, all you little vatos locos out there, man, 779 00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:21,379 as, like, how to stay out of the slam 780 00:41:21,412 --> 00:41:23,549 and shit like that, you know. 781 00:41:23,582 --> 00:41:26,585 Like, I did time in, like, Folsom 782 00:41:26,618 --> 00:41:29,588 and Soledad and Chino, you know. 783 00:41:29,621 --> 00:41:32,457 And this is my guest here, man. 784 00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:34,826 Hey, this dude's famous, man, you know. 785 00:41:34,860 --> 00:41:37,328 His name is Joe "The Hole" Cole. 786 00:41:37,362 --> 00:41:40,766 He did 40 years in Q, man, in Quentin, you know, 787 00:41:40,799 --> 00:41:42,834 and 20 years in the hole. 788 00:41:43,869 --> 00:41:45,036 Hey, Joe. 789 00:41:45,070 --> 00:41:47,172 Hey, welcome to the show, man. Here's a cookie. 790 00:41:47,205 --> 00:41:48,740 You don't owe me nothing, man. 791 00:41:48,774 --> 00:41:50,041 And I don't owe you nothing. 792 00:41:50,075 --> 00:41:51,176 Thanks, Speedy. 793 00:41:51,810 --> 00:41:54,145 Uh, Sleepy, man. 794 00:41:54,179 --> 00:42:00,285 Hey, so, like, the topic for today is, like, gun control. 795 00:42:00,318 --> 00:42:01,653 All right? Okay. 796 00:42:01,687 --> 00:42:03,454 All right, like, I'm against... 797 00:42:03,488 --> 00:42:04,923 No, I'm for gun control. 798 00:42:04,956 --> 00:42:07,593 What am I for? I'm for gun control. 799 00:42:07,626 --> 00:42:11,062 Okay. You know, like, guns can fuck you up. 800 00:42:11,096 --> 00:42:13,699 You know, like, knives, 801 00:42:13,732 --> 00:42:15,533 well, they can fuck you up, too, you know? 802 00:42:15,567 --> 00:42:17,068 Just like, check it out, you know. 803 00:42:17,102 --> 00:42:20,672 Like, I got stabbed, like, 13 times in this arm, man. 804 00:42:20,706 --> 00:42:23,709 You know, and like, in this arm, I got... 805 00:42:23,742 --> 00:42:25,176 Oh, I can't roll up that sleeve. 806 00:42:25,210 --> 00:42:28,614 Um, so, like... But I'm still living, you know? 807 00:42:28,647 --> 00:42:30,816 And so... But check this out, you know. 808 00:42:30,849 --> 00:42:32,918 I got shot on the side of the head there, man. 809 00:42:32,951 --> 00:42:34,519 You know, the bullet went in there, 810 00:42:34,552 --> 00:42:36,354 and, like, it's still in there, you know, 811 00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:39,625 and that's why I talk slow. 812 00:42:40,692 --> 00:42:42,728 Has nothing to do with dope, you know. 813 00:42:42,761 --> 00:42:46,965 And so, like, now Joe's going to rap it down to you. 814 00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:50,769 Okay, man. 815 00:42:50,802 --> 00:42:54,640 Well, first of all, Speedy, I want to say, like most vatos, 816 00:42:54,673 --> 00:42:56,174 you're full of shit. 817 00:42:58,443 --> 00:43:00,011 You were full of shit in the joint, 818 00:43:00,045 --> 00:43:01,880 and you're even more full of shit now. 819 00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:03,048 Hey, man, 820 00:43:04,616 --> 00:43:06,551 guys like me need guns. 821 00:43:06,584 --> 00:43:08,553 Yeah, I know. You need guns, man. 822 00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:10,421 That's how I make my living, with guns. 823 00:43:10,455 --> 00:43:12,824 I rob banks. You know what I mean? Yeah. 824 00:43:12,858 --> 00:43:16,628 Can you see me walking into a bank with a knife, saying, "Stick 'em up"? Huh? 825 00:43:16,662 --> 00:43:18,764 (CHUCKLING) That would be a trip, huh? 826 00:43:19,865 --> 00:43:23,635 Besides, man, guns don't kill people. 827 00:43:23,669 --> 00:43:25,804 Cops kill people. 828 00:43:25,837 --> 00:43:27,505 Hey, yeah, right on. I hear you there. 829 00:43:27,538 --> 00:43:29,007 All right. Okay. 830 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,110 The thing is, too, man, like, you gotta be an idiot 831 00:43:32,143 --> 00:43:33,578 not to know how to handle a gun. 832 00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:35,046 You know what I mean? 833 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,615 I mean, first thing you do, you make sure the weapon is not... 834 00:43:37,649 --> 00:43:38,650 (GUN FIRES) 835 00:43:40,518 --> 00:43:41,519 (COUGHS) 836 00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:43,188 (GASPS) 837 00:43:49,194 --> 00:43:50,696 Oh, wow, man. 838 00:43:55,934 --> 00:43:57,402 Let it go, man. 839 00:43:58,870 --> 00:44:01,940 Like, that's all the time we got today on Con Talk. 840 00:44:01,973 --> 00:44:03,474 Join us next week 841 00:44:03,508 --> 00:44:07,445 when, like, the topic will be how to score dope in prison. 842 00:44:07,478 --> 00:44:09,447 Or how not to go to prison, 843 00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,416 'cause you gotta score dope or something. 844 00:44:11,449 --> 00:44:13,384 Hey, man, have some coffee. 845 00:44:13,418 --> 00:44:15,353 Here, homeboy, come on. 846 00:44:16,621 --> 00:44:17,923 (COUGHS) 847 00:44:17,956 --> 00:44:19,224 You all right? 848 00:44:19,891 --> 00:44:21,059 (CLINKING) 849 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:23,394 Oh, wow, man. 850 00:44:24,029 --> 00:44:25,296 Hey. 851 00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:27,866 Hey, you're lucky it came out. 852 00:44:27,899 --> 00:44:29,901 Hey, mine's still in there, man. 853 00:44:30,535 --> 00:44:32,370 Hey, far out. 854 00:44:32,403 --> 00:44:35,406 So, like, see you next week, you know? 855 00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:36,641 And, uh... 856 00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:38,844 And like that. 857 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:42,948 You know what we haven't done yet, man? 858 00:44:42,981 --> 00:44:45,216 What? A bit on dope. 859 00:44:46,852 --> 00:44:48,053 Oh, yeah. 860 00:44:48,086 --> 00:44:49,620 You know what we need to do? 861 00:44:50,388 --> 00:44:52,690 A takeoff on a telethon. 862 00:44:52,724 --> 00:44:54,125 You know, like Jerry Lewis does, 863 00:44:54,159 --> 00:44:55,493 you know, raise money for kids. 864 00:44:55,526 --> 00:44:56,762 Oh, yeah. 865 00:44:56,795 --> 00:44:58,696 Yeah. Wow. 866 00:44:58,730 --> 00:45:00,766 I know. We'll call it Dope-a-Thon. 867 00:45:00,799 --> 00:45:02,300 Yeah, yeah. 868 00:45:02,333 --> 00:45:03,601 Yeah. 869 00:45:03,634 --> 00:45:05,771 We have guest hosts. Yeah? 870 00:45:05,804 --> 00:45:10,508 You now, and we raise money for dopers that 871 00:45:10,541 --> 00:45:12,410 lost their crops. Oh, yeah. 872 00:45:12,443 --> 00:45:15,747 You like that? Yeah, I love it. Oh, my God. 873 00:45:16,281 --> 00:45:17,348 I like it. 874 00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:18,449 Oh. 875 00:45:18,483 --> 00:45:20,385 Yeah. Dope-a-Thon. 876 00:45:20,418 --> 00:45:21,920 (MUSIC PLAYING) 877 00:45:30,295 --> 00:45:31,830 Hey! 878 00:45:31,863 --> 00:45:34,632 Welcome to Dope-a-Thon '82. 879 00:45:34,665 --> 00:45:36,201 Ow! 880 00:45:36,234 --> 00:45:38,770 And I'm your host, Tristan The Night Away. 881 00:45:38,804 --> 00:45:40,005 Ow! 882 00:45:40,038 --> 00:45:42,774 And we're going to be here for 36 straight hours 883 00:45:42,808 --> 00:45:46,711 to try to raise money for the dope victims all over the world. 884 00:45:46,744 --> 00:45:49,047 And now, to introduce and to tell you 885 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,216 what this Dope-a-Thon '82 is all about, 886 00:45:51,249 --> 00:45:55,520 let's have a big, warm hand for people out there President Ashley Roach Clip! 887 00:45:55,553 --> 00:45:58,389 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 888 00:45:59,157 --> 00:46:00,425 Welcome, Ashley. 889 00:46:00,458 --> 00:46:02,060 Hey, man. Ow! Ow! 890 00:46:02,093 --> 00:46:04,395 Ashley, can you explain to our folks out there 891 00:46:04,429 --> 00:46:06,631 what this whole dope-a-thon is all about? Ow! 892 00:46:07,565 --> 00:46:10,335 Okay, man. Like, we're here 893 00:46:10,368 --> 00:46:15,040 because the government's been burning our crops, you know. 894 00:46:15,073 --> 00:46:19,010 And they're causing a dope famine all over the world. 895 00:46:19,044 --> 00:46:20,611 * All over the world 896 00:46:20,645 --> 00:46:21,712 Ow! 897 00:46:21,746 --> 00:46:24,983 Here's one of the victims of the burning, man. 898 00:46:25,016 --> 00:46:26,684 Oh, isn't he cute? 899 00:46:26,717 --> 00:46:29,220 That's a pretty sick sight, man. 900 00:46:29,254 --> 00:46:32,257 And so what we want to do, we want to raise money 901 00:46:32,290 --> 00:46:35,693 so we can buy some tanks and antiaircraft guns, you know. 902 00:46:35,726 --> 00:46:37,295 Good idea. 903 00:46:37,328 --> 00:46:41,532 'Cause we gotta stop... We gotta stop this before it gets out of hand, man, 904 00:46:41,566 --> 00:46:43,701 because there's a lot of people in this world 905 00:46:43,734 --> 00:46:47,072 that depend on us for their supply of drugs. 906 00:46:47,105 --> 00:46:48,273 Ow! 907 00:46:48,306 --> 00:46:50,608 You know, like, this world would probably fall apart 908 00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:52,743 if it wasn't for farmers like us 909 00:46:52,777 --> 00:46:55,146 that take time to grow this shit. 910 00:46:55,180 --> 00:46:56,514 You know what I mean? 911 00:46:56,547 --> 00:47:00,185 That's right. So, that's why we need your money, so send it in. 912 00:47:00,218 --> 00:47:02,153 All right. Ashley, where are you from? 913 00:47:02,187 --> 00:47:04,255 I'm from Ann Arbor, Michigan, man. 914 00:47:04,289 --> 00:47:06,724 Ann Arbor. Ow! 915 00:47:06,757 --> 00:47:08,626 Yeah, I was there during the '60s, 916 00:47:08,659 --> 00:47:10,528 when the universe meant something. 917 00:47:10,561 --> 00:47:13,064 All right. So, hi, guys, out there in Ann Arbor. 918 00:47:13,098 --> 00:47:14,732 Now we're gonna show you a little film 919 00:47:14,765 --> 00:47:16,467 we got sent over, the studio sent over. 920 00:47:16,501 --> 00:47:18,736 It's their first trailer for their brand new season. 921 00:47:18,769 --> 00:47:20,138 It's going to come on next week. 922 00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:21,907 It's called The Harder They Don't Come. 923 00:47:21,940 --> 00:47:24,075 Ow! Roll the film! 924 00:47:26,711 --> 00:47:28,113 Dope! 925 00:47:28,479 --> 00:47:29,847 Dope! 926 00:47:30,748 --> 00:47:32,583 You got to come. You got to have dope, 927 00:47:32,617 --> 00:47:34,920 hashish, drugs. Come on. Hashish. 928 00:47:34,953 --> 00:47:36,454 Lebanese. 929 00:47:36,487 --> 00:47:38,289 Home-grown Nigerian. 930 00:47:39,490 --> 00:47:41,092 Moroccan. 931 00:47:42,193 --> 00:47:43,294 Dope. 932 00:47:44,062 --> 00:47:45,296 Hey, sister. 933 00:47:45,330 --> 00:47:46,898 Lebanese, Moroccan hashish. 934 00:47:46,932 --> 00:47:49,600 Nigerian. Home-grown. Come on, sister. 935 00:47:49,634 --> 00:47:51,536 I give you some, special price. 936 00:47:52,303 --> 00:47:53,438 Dope! 937 00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:57,542 Dope! 938 00:47:59,310 --> 00:48:02,513 * Concert come, nobody buy dope 939 00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:03,681 * Dope 940 00:48:03,714 --> 00:48:05,150 * He say "dope," he say "dope" 941 00:48:05,183 --> 00:48:07,818 * He say "dope," he say "dope" 942 00:48:07,852 --> 00:48:10,521 * Concert come, nobody buy dope 943 00:48:12,057 --> 00:48:15,126 * Got Moroccan, Lebanese, Afghani, too * 944 00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:16,427 Hey, brother! 945 00:48:16,461 --> 00:48:18,229 Hey, you want to buy some smoke from me? 946 00:48:18,263 --> 00:48:19,530 I make you special price. 947 00:48:19,564 --> 00:48:21,766 Moroccan, Lebanese, Afghani, huh? 948 00:48:21,799 --> 00:48:23,234 Nigerian, home-grown. 949 00:48:23,268 --> 00:48:25,003 Uh, no, no, fella, you know... 950 00:48:25,036 --> 00:48:27,672 I wandered in here by mistake. 951 00:48:27,705 --> 00:48:29,074 I was just looking for a drink, 952 00:48:29,107 --> 00:48:31,542 and Christ almighty, I sure wandered in the wrong place. 953 00:48:31,576 --> 00:48:33,844 No, you don't want drink. You want happy smoke. 954 00:48:33,878 --> 00:48:35,346 You got to enjoy music, brother. 955 00:48:35,380 --> 00:48:36,814 You call that music? 956 00:48:36,847 --> 00:48:38,316 Yeah. Good music. 957 00:48:38,349 --> 00:48:41,219 Christ almighty, it sounds like goddamn jungle warfare out there. 958 00:48:41,252 --> 00:48:43,421 Oh, no, that's good reggae, brother. 959 00:48:43,454 --> 00:48:45,190 I don't know what the hell you call it, 960 00:48:45,223 --> 00:48:47,025 but it sounds like a bunch of jungle music to me. 961 00:48:47,058 --> 00:48:49,327 Oh, where you from? I'm from Canada. 962 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:50,595 Canada! 963 00:48:50,628 --> 00:48:53,798 Oh, Canada! Sergeant Preston, huh? 964 00:48:53,831 --> 00:48:57,302 * O, cannabis, O, cannabis 965 00:48:57,335 --> 00:49:00,005 I make you special Canada price, okay? 966 00:49:00,038 --> 00:49:03,341 You buy from me Nigerian, Moroccan, Lebanese home-grown, huh? 967 00:49:03,374 --> 00:49:05,743 No. I'm not interested in souvenirs. Thanks anyway. 968 00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:08,213 No, I'm not selling souvenirs, brother. 969 00:49:08,246 --> 00:49:10,948 I selling good happy smoke for good happy music. 970 00:49:10,982 --> 00:49:12,383 No. Not interested. 971 00:49:12,417 --> 00:49:14,185 How you going to enjoy good music 972 00:49:14,219 --> 00:49:16,354 without good marijuana, huh, brother? 973 00:49:17,588 --> 00:49:19,024 Say what? 974 00:49:19,057 --> 00:49:22,893 How you going to enjoy good music without good marijuana? 975 00:49:22,927 --> 00:49:25,196 Well, let me get this straight. 976 00:49:25,230 --> 00:49:27,665 You're standing out here selling marijuana? 977 00:49:27,698 --> 00:49:30,868 Now you got it, brother. Yeah! What... 978 00:49:30,901 --> 00:49:33,104 All right. Put 'em up. 979 00:49:33,138 --> 00:49:35,340 Brother, you don't have to rip me off. 980 00:49:35,373 --> 00:49:37,408 Police. You with the police? 981 00:49:37,442 --> 00:49:39,810 That's right. Hey! I love you, brother! 982 00:49:39,844 --> 00:49:41,079 What the hell are you doing? 983 00:49:41,112 --> 00:49:43,248 I have all your albums, huh? 984 00:49:43,281 --> 00:49:45,450 * Don't stand so close to me * 985 00:49:45,483 --> 00:49:47,985 Hey! You goddamn hophead. 986 00:49:49,454 --> 00:49:51,989 Narcotics! Now get over here. 987 00:49:53,424 --> 00:49:56,161 Take off that... What the hell? 988 00:49:57,428 --> 00:49:59,230 Hey, man. I'm American, man. 989 00:50:00,465 --> 00:50:02,600 Shit, man. I'm from Detroit. 990 00:50:02,633 --> 00:50:04,369 Get over here! Hey, man. I'm... 991 00:50:04,402 --> 00:50:06,771 Shut up, punk! 992 00:50:06,804 --> 00:50:09,374 Shit, man, hey, man, I'm over here in the army, man. 993 00:50:09,407 --> 00:50:11,776 These motherfuckers don't pay shit, man. 994 00:50:11,809 --> 00:50:14,379 Shit, my old lady made me do this, man. 995 00:50:14,412 --> 00:50:17,815 She put a gun up to my head. She made me do this, man. 996 00:50:17,848 --> 00:50:20,651 You ever try to argue with a Dutch bitch? 997 00:50:20,685 --> 00:50:23,321 First of all, you got to look up to them, man. 998 00:50:23,354 --> 00:50:25,156 She's been pedaling a bicycle all day. 999 00:50:25,190 --> 00:50:26,957 You know she could kick your ass, man. 1000 00:50:26,991 --> 00:50:28,926 All I'm doing is selling harmless smoke, man, 1001 00:50:28,959 --> 00:50:30,295 just harmless smoke. 1002 00:50:30,961 --> 00:50:32,663 Harmless smoke? Yeah. 1003 00:50:32,697 --> 00:50:35,266 Yeah, that looks like harmless smoke, doesn't it? 1004 00:50:36,067 --> 00:50:38,369 Oh, man. I'm a diabetic, man. 1005 00:50:38,403 --> 00:50:41,639 That's just saccharin, man. You can throw it away. 1006 00:50:44,275 --> 00:50:47,612 (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Oh, motherfucker, what you... 1007 00:50:48,913 --> 00:50:50,181 Fuck. 1008 00:50:51,816 --> 00:50:54,719 Okay, man. You got all my dope, man. Give me a break. 1009 00:50:54,752 --> 00:50:55,920 You want a break? 1010 00:50:55,953 --> 00:50:57,122 Yeah. Come on. 1011 00:50:58,156 --> 00:50:59,757 Go ahead. Make a run for it. 1012 00:51:00,325 --> 00:51:01,559 I'll give you three. 1013 00:51:01,592 --> 00:51:03,328 One, two... Hey, man. 1014 00:51:03,361 --> 00:51:04,695 (GUN CLICKS) 1015 00:51:04,729 --> 00:51:07,765 Christ, this thing doesn't usually misfire like that. 1016 00:51:07,798 --> 00:51:08,999 Hey, come on, man. 1017 00:51:09,033 --> 00:51:11,236 Probably hit an empty chamber. Let's try that again. Ready? 1018 00:51:11,269 --> 00:51:12,537 Come on, man. Come on, man! 1019 00:51:12,570 --> 00:51:14,272 One, two, three. Please, man! 1020 00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:17,242 What's the matter, punk? 1021 00:51:17,275 --> 00:51:19,244 Come on. Take that gun away from my head. 1022 00:51:19,277 --> 00:51:20,678 Shut up, punk! 1023 00:51:20,711 --> 00:51:23,148 I just got a penicillin shot, man. 1024 00:51:24,149 --> 00:51:26,184 Oh, you're a real smart-ass, aren't you? 1025 00:51:26,217 --> 00:51:29,086 No, man, just a sore-ass, man. That hurts. 1026 00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:30,288 Turn around, sore-ass. 1027 00:51:30,321 --> 00:51:32,323 Hey... I said, turn around! 1028 00:51:34,359 --> 00:51:36,661 Oh, you're really cute, aren't you? 1029 00:51:36,694 --> 00:51:38,829 Hey, come on, man. Give me a break. Let me go, man. 1030 00:51:38,863 --> 00:51:40,598 I told you, get going. Come on! Run! 1031 00:51:40,631 --> 00:51:42,233 Come on. Take that gun away, man. 1032 00:51:42,267 --> 00:51:44,902 Got no balls, huh, punk? Huh? No balls? 1033 00:51:46,504 --> 00:51:47,772 No balls, punk? 1034 00:51:47,805 --> 00:51:49,307 Hey, come on, man! 1035 00:51:50,141 --> 00:51:51,909 You got a big mouth, you know that? 1036 00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:53,077 Yes, sir. 1037 00:51:53,110 --> 00:51:55,613 Yeah. "Yes, sir." Turn around. 1038 00:51:55,646 --> 00:51:57,282 On your knees, bigmouth. 1039 00:51:57,315 --> 00:52:00,585 Hey! I said, on your knees, bigmouth. Move! 1040 00:52:01,486 --> 00:52:02,620 Yes, sir. 1041 00:52:03,554 --> 00:52:05,089 Now, come on over here. 1042 00:52:05,956 --> 00:52:07,458 Get over here. 1043 00:52:10,761 --> 00:52:12,930 Now, you know what I want you to do, don't you? 1044 00:52:14,965 --> 00:52:16,501 Oh, fuck that, man! 1045 00:52:16,534 --> 00:52:18,002 Shut up, punk. 1046 00:52:23,274 --> 00:52:25,075 I want you to start praying. 1047 00:52:26,244 --> 00:52:27,578 Pray! 1048 00:52:27,978 --> 00:52:30,181 Oh, Lord! 1049 00:52:30,215 --> 00:52:33,618 Oh, thanks for this meal we're about to receive for... 1050 00:52:35,853 --> 00:52:37,355 On your feet, punk. 1051 00:52:37,388 --> 00:52:38,823 Hey, come on, man. 1052 00:52:38,856 --> 00:52:41,091 Making fun of God? I wasn't making fun of God. 1053 00:52:41,125 --> 00:52:43,861 You think God's funny, punk? 1054 00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:45,563 You son of a bitch, don't you ever... 1055 00:52:45,596 --> 00:52:47,232 All right! 1056 00:52:47,265 --> 00:52:48,899 (LAUGHS) 1057 00:52:52,937 --> 00:52:54,104 All right. 1058 00:52:55,072 --> 00:52:57,041 Oh, yeah. 1059 00:52:57,074 --> 00:53:00,010 All right. Give me the gun. Come on. 1060 00:53:00,044 --> 00:53:01,412 Give me the gun. 1061 00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:05,049 Look, you're in enough trouble already, son. 1062 00:53:05,082 --> 00:53:07,017 Don't make it worse. All right? 1063 00:53:08,085 --> 00:53:09,254 Now, listen. 1064 00:53:10,655 --> 00:53:12,923 You're high on drugs. I can see that. 1065 00:53:12,957 --> 00:53:15,860 Now, listen, son. Don't make it worse. 1066 00:53:15,893 --> 00:53:19,364 Tell you what, you give me the gun, I'll let you go. 1067 00:53:19,397 --> 00:53:22,867 Hey, don't do that. Come on, don't do that. That's got a hair trigger! 1068 00:53:24,435 --> 00:53:25,836 It could go off at any time. 1069 00:53:25,870 --> 00:53:27,538 Look, I got a wife and kid. Okay? 1070 00:53:27,572 --> 00:53:29,607 How would you like a new asshole, too, man? 1071 00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:30,708 (CHUCKLING) Huh? 1072 00:53:30,741 --> 00:53:33,278 No. Don't do that, please. 1073 00:53:33,311 --> 00:53:36,681 Hey, look, I'm not even a cop, okay? 1074 00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:38,816 I'm a security guard at Woolworths. 1075 00:53:38,849 --> 00:53:40,485 I'm on vacation, for Christ's sake. 1076 00:53:40,518 --> 00:53:42,086 I got a wife and kids. Boom-boom! 1077 00:53:42,119 --> 00:53:43,954 Don't do that! Don't do that! 1078 00:53:44,689 --> 00:53:46,056 Please? 1079 00:53:46,891 --> 00:53:49,026 Hey, look, I like you people. 1080 00:53:49,059 --> 00:53:51,596 Honest to God, I really do. 1081 00:53:51,629 --> 00:53:53,764 Hey, man, get down on your knees. 1082 00:53:53,798 --> 00:53:55,132 All right. On your knees. 1083 00:53:55,165 --> 00:53:57,067 Yes, sir. 1084 00:53:57,101 --> 00:53:59,504 Now, you know what I want you to do, don't you? 1085 00:53:59,537 --> 00:54:01,105 (CHUCKLES) 1086 00:54:02,206 --> 00:54:03,941 And it ain't praying, cop. 1087 00:54:04,609 --> 00:54:05,943 (ZIPPER UNZIPS) 1088 00:54:09,380 --> 00:54:11,181 No, on the king. 1089 00:54:13,551 --> 00:54:15,853 Ow! We're back! All right. 1090 00:54:15,886 --> 00:54:18,389 Dope-a-Thon '82. It is still rolling! 1091 00:54:18,423 --> 00:54:20,090 Keep that phone line hot. 1092 00:54:20,124 --> 00:54:22,059 We need your money and your pledges, okay? 1093 00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:23,528 Ow! 1094 00:54:23,561 --> 00:54:26,196 Okay. We have a very special guest dropping by the studio now, 1095 00:54:26,230 --> 00:54:27,832 who's going to come out and say hi to you. 1096 00:54:27,865 --> 00:54:31,235 Let's have a big, warm welcome for three-time U.S. Open 1097 00:54:31,268 --> 00:54:33,137 international masturbation champion. 1098 00:54:33,170 --> 00:54:35,039 Here he is, Harry Palms! 1099 00:54:35,072 --> 00:54:37,007 Ow! Ow! 1100 00:54:37,842 --> 00:54:38,943 Harry Palms! 1101 00:54:38,976 --> 00:54:41,278 Let's have a big warm welcome for him. 1102 00:54:41,312 --> 00:54:43,280 Harry, I'm glad to have you on the show. 1103 00:54:43,314 --> 00:54:44,815 Hey, fantastic! 1104 00:54:44,849 --> 00:54:46,384 Hey, nice of you to come by. 1105 00:54:46,417 --> 00:54:48,786 Ow! Ow! 1106 00:54:48,819 --> 00:54:51,088 Ow! Ow! Ow! 1107 00:54:51,121 --> 00:54:53,858 Well, that's quite a grip you have there, Harry. 1108 00:54:54,659 --> 00:54:56,060 Fantastic. 1109 00:54:56,093 --> 00:54:58,062 You're a graduate of St. Agnes all-boys Catholic high school, 1110 00:54:58,095 --> 00:54:59,430 isn't that right? Yeah, yeah. 1111 00:54:59,464 --> 00:55:01,832 Fantastic. And you've just come back from Russia 1112 00:55:01,866 --> 00:55:05,370 where you competed in the giant jerk, the world championships, 1113 00:55:05,403 --> 00:55:08,873 and you came in first and third this year. 1114 00:55:08,906 --> 00:55:12,377 Fantastic! Whoo! Get a hold of yourself, Harry. 1115 00:55:12,410 --> 00:55:13,844 We're on TV. 1116 00:55:14,111 --> 00:55:15,480 Ow! 1117 00:55:15,513 --> 00:55:18,416 Yeah. Good for the skin. 1118 00:55:18,449 --> 00:55:20,918 So anyways... Ow! 1119 00:55:20,951 --> 00:55:23,621 Harry, you've been an innovator in the field of thumpology. 1120 00:55:23,654 --> 00:55:27,458 You've done such things as introduce Speed Shifting, 1121 00:55:27,492 --> 00:55:29,627 Around the Hump, the White Knuckler, 1122 00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:31,396 Over-the-Shoulder Boulder Holder, 1123 00:55:31,429 --> 00:55:33,831 and this year you introduced a brand new hold. What is it? 1124 00:55:33,864 --> 00:55:34,965 Ow! 1125 00:55:34,999 --> 00:55:37,735 This year I just grab it in both hands, you know, 1126 00:55:37,768 --> 00:55:39,837 and beat it against my forehead. 1127 00:55:39,870 --> 00:55:42,507 Fantastic! That's using your head. 1128 00:55:42,540 --> 00:55:44,274 Ow! 1129 00:55:44,308 --> 00:55:46,511 Okay, well, where do you go from here? 1130 00:55:46,544 --> 00:55:50,180 Uh, well, back to the hotel room to practice. 1131 00:55:50,214 --> 00:55:53,451 Always practicing, huh? What's your next competition? 1132 00:55:53,484 --> 00:55:58,789 Well, next is, I go to Hong Kong for the Fist of Fury Tournament. 1133 00:55:58,823 --> 00:56:01,526 Well, good luck, 'cause we know you'll be in there pulling for us. 1134 00:56:01,559 --> 00:56:03,628 All right! Harry Palms! Ow! 1135 00:56:03,661 --> 00:56:05,295 Let's hear it for him! Ow! 1136 00:56:07,498 --> 00:56:10,568 CHONG: Hey, man, you know what bit we haven't done for years, man? 1137 00:56:10,601 --> 00:56:13,904 Remember Bruno Hakalugi, the Italian wrestler? 1138 00:56:13,938 --> 00:56:17,475 Remember we used to do it where Bruno meets the Invisible Man? 1139 00:56:17,508 --> 00:56:21,011 Well, why don't we do it where you play the samurai warrior, man? 1140 00:56:21,045 --> 00:56:24,749 I'll be Bruno Hakalugi, and we'll do the wrestling bit. 1141 00:56:25,983 --> 00:56:27,885 Yeah, man, I used to love that bit. 1142 00:56:27,918 --> 00:56:30,287 (GONG SOUNDS) 1143 00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:32,256 (ON PA) Good evening, wrestling fans, 1144 00:56:32,289 --> 00:56:35,893 and welcome to Championship Wrestling! 1145 00:56:35,926 --> 00:56:38,729 I'm your host, Jerry Dunphy, and with me tonight 1146 00:56:38,763 --> 00:56:42,900 is three-time world heavyweight champion, Iron Mike McGraw! 1147 00:56:42,933 --> 00:56:44,802 Welcome to the show, Iron Mike. 1148 00:56:44,835 --> 00:56:47,337 Thank you very much, Jerry. Thank you. 1149 00:56:47,371 --> 00:56:49,840 We have an excellent card on tap for you tonight, 1150 00:56:49,874 --> 00:56:51,241 ladies and gentlemen, 1151 00:56:51,275 --> 00:56:53,911 featuring the Italian champion Bruno Hakalugi 1152 00:56:53,944 --> 00:56:58,148 and his tag-team partner, Japanese Ichi Scratchi. 1153 00:56:58,182 --> 00:57:00,785 How do the boys look to you tonight, Iron Mike? 1154 00:57:00,818 --> 00:57:03,454 Well, the Italian looks pretty good. Pretty good. 1155 00:57:03,488 --> 00:57:05,656 A little greasy, but pretty good. 1156 00:57:05,690 --> 00:57:07,792 The Jap looks good. They both look good. 1157 00:57:07,825 --> 00:57:10,027 And their opponent tonight is none other than 1158 00:57:10,060 --> 00:57:13,330 the world-famous champion from nowhere, 1159 00:57:13,363 --> 00:57:15,165 the Invisible Man! 1160 00:57:16,601 --> 00:57:18,969 What do you think of the Invisible Man, Iron Mike? 1161 00:57:19,003 --> 00:57:21,506 Well, I haven't seen too much of him lately. 1162 00:57:21,539 --> 00:57:23,207 In fact, no one has. 1163 00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:24,942 He's invisible, you see. 1164 00:57:24,975 --> 00:57:27,344 But it's going to be a good match, 1165 00:57:27,377 --> 00:57:29,714 and I think it's going to be a good match. 1166 00:57:29,747 --> 00:57:32,750 Well, this tag-team championship of Hakalugi and Ichi Scratchi 1167 00:57:32,783 --> 00:57:34,685 is certainly showing him no respect. 1168 00:57:34,719 --> 00:57:37,622 They're not showing him any respect at all, 1169 00:57:37,655 --> 00:57:41,091 but I don't think the Invisible Man is too scared of them either. 1170 00:57:41,125 --> 00:57:43,628 It looks like they're deciding 1171 00:57:43,661 --> 00:57:46,497 who is going to go in the ring first here. 1172 00:57:46,531 --> 00:57:50,735 Yeah, they're deciding who's going to go in the ring first. 1173 00:57:50,768 --> 00:57:52,469 That's right, Iron Mike. 1174 00:57:52,503 --> 00:57:54,404 They're having quite a discussion now. 1175 00:57:54,438 --> 00:57:56,440 I can't understand what they're saying. 1176 00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:58,375 Well, the Invisible Man is ready. 1177 00:57:58,408 --> 00:57:59,910 (SPEAKING MOCK JAPANESE) 1178 00:58:01,679 --> 00:58:03,748 I think it's going to be the Italian. 1179 00:58:05,449 --> 00:58:06,751 No, it's going to be the Japanese. 1180 00:58:06,784 --> 00:58:08,418 (BELL RINGS) No, maybe it's the Italian! 1181 00:58:08,452 --> 00:58:10,988 And there goes the bell. Here we go. 1182 00:58:11,021 --> 00:58:13,858 Okay, folks, remember, tonight's bout is a no-holds-barred, 1183 00:58:13,891 --> 00:58:18,095 Texas rules, no referee, and no paycheck for the loser. 1184 00:58:18,128 --> 00:58:20,698 He's looking around and he gets hit with a shot out of nowhere. 1185 00:58:20,731 --> 00:58:24,168 And another shot out of nowhere, and he's down already! 1186 00:58:24,201 --> 00:58:27,471 It's going to be quite a match, huh, Iron Mike? 1187 00:58:27,504 --> 00:58:29,807 It looks like the Italian's in trouble. 1188 00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,276 Yes. He's got him in a hammerlock now. 1189 00:58:32,309 --> 00:58:33,578 (GRUNTS) 1190 00:58:41,151 --> 00:58:42,419 (GROANS) 1191 00:58:50,895 --> 00:58:53,197 And now he's tagged the Japanese! 1192 00:58:53,230 --> 00:58:55,299 And Ichi Scratchi into the ring. 1193 00:58:55,966 --> 00:58:57,401 (GRUNTS) 1194 00:58:57,434 --> 00:58:59,069 He's looking around. 1195 00:58:59,103 --> 00:59:00,671 Looking for a sneak attack. 1196 00:59:01,305 --> 00:59:05,075 (SPEAKING MOCK JAPANESE) 1197 00:59:05,109 --> 00:59:07,044 And he's got a rim shot! 1198 00:59:07,077 --> 00:59:08,746 Took one right in the rim. 1199 00:59:08,779 --> 00:59:10,414 Another rim shot! 1200 00:59:10,447 --> 00:59:12,883 That's illegal, but there's no referee, so it doesn't matter. 1201 00:59:12,917 --> 00:59:14,184 That's right. 1202 00:59:27,497 --> 00:59:28,666 (INVISIBLE MAN GROANS) 1203 00:59:28,699 --> 00:59:30,500 He bit him. He bit him. That's a good hold. 1204 00:59:30,534 --> 00:59:32,603 That's a good wrestling hold. Biting is allowed. 1205 00:59:32,637 --> 00:59:34,438 Oh! Another rim shot. 1206 00:59:38,909 --> 00:59:39,910 (PUNCHING) 1207 00:59:46,550 --> 00:59:49,687 Here comes Bruno Hakalugi into the center of the ring. 1208 00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:51,155 What is he doing? 1209 00:59:51,188 --> 00:59:52,990 He's probably digging for crabs. 1210 00:59:53,023 --> 00:59:55,325 No. He's eating garlic! 1211 00:59:55,359 --> 00:59:58,195 He's going to give him the garlic blow job! 1212 00:59:59,764 --> 01:00:02,566 Oh, the Japanese is down! 1213 01:00:02,599 --> 01:00:05,836 And now he's got the Invisible Man in a knee drop. 1214 01:00:14,812 --> 01:00:16,313 Oh, into the corner! 1215 01:00:16,346 --> 01:00:19,149 You know that hurts, you could hear it all the way over here! 1216 01:00:19,183 --> 01:00:21,318 That's pretty tough on the back there. 1217 01:00:21,351 --> 01:00:23,988 That's right, Iron Mike. 1218 01:00:24,021 --> 01:00:26,223 Oh, now. Oh, oh, oh. Look at that one. 1219 01:00:27,457 --> 01:00:29,193 He's got him in the Got-Ya! 1220 01:00:30,394 --> 01:00:32,196 He's got his hands full now! 1221 01:00:32,963 --> 01:00:34,564 He's really stretching. 1222 01:00:36,166 --> 01:00:37,702 Oh, and he slipped out! 1223 01:00:37,735 --> 01:00:39,970 Must have been the grease on his hands. 1224 01:00:40,004 --> 01:00:41,571 There's a lot of slack in him now. 1225 01:00:41,605 --> 01:00:43,507 And he gives him another stretch. 1226 01:00:43,540 --> 01:00:45,009 And another stretch! 1227 01:00:45,042 --> 01:00:48,145 And now over his shoulder for the Volga Boatman! 1228 01:00:48,178 --> 01:00:50,514 There he goes marching to Moscow! 1229 01:00:50,547 --> 01:00:53,217 * Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum 1230 01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:55,552 * Dum, dum, dum, dum * 1231 01:00:59,589 --> 01:01:02,626 Ichi Scratchi's up and he's down now! 1232 01:01:02,659 --> 01:01:05,730 Didn't see where he was going, huh, Iron Mike? 1233 01:01:05,763 --> 01:01:07,998 You can't see invisible balls. 1234 01:01:08,032 --> 01:01:09,433 That's right. 1235 01:01:12,269 --> 01:01:13,871 (EXCLAIMS) 1236 01:01:25,149 --> 01:01:26,416 (GRUNTING) 1237 01:01:30,755 --> 01:01:32,589 He's got him in the Bass-Man! 1238 01:01:34,725 --> 01:01:37,862 That's not an orthodox wrestling hold, by the way. 1239 01:01:37,895 --> 01:01:40,397 Here we go into Double Dutch! 1240 01:01:42,599 --> 01:01:45,102 Listen to them hit the ground there. 1241 01:01:48,906 --> 01:01:50,540 Well, I'd say the Invisible Man's 1242 01:01:50,574 --> 01:01:52,276 in a lot of trouble right now. 1243 01:01:52,309 --> 01:01:55,179 Right now he looks pretty tied up. 1244 01:01:55,212 --> 01:01:57,081 He'll get out of it, I bet you. 1245 01:01:57,915 --> 01:01:59,316 Oh! 1246 01:01:59,349 --> 01:02:01,385 There goes Hakalugi! 1247 01:02:01,418 --> 01:02:04,421 Uh-uh. He's going to make a four-corner run! 1248 01:02:05,790 --> 01:02:08,292 That really hurts, let me tell you. 1249 01:02:08,325 --> 01:02:10,594 I remember that happened to me once. 1250 01:02:13,530 --> 01:02:15,232 And there goes Hakalugi. 1251 01:02:15,265 --> 01:02:17,467 And Hakalugi is down! Oh, my gosh! 1252 01:02:17,501 --> 01:02:19,136 And there goes Ichi Scratchi! 1253 01:02:19,169 --> 01:02:21,138 He's down. And the Invisible Man wins! 1254 01:02:21,171 --> 01:02:22,873 Those balls are pretty dangerous 1255 01:02:22,907 --> 01:02:24,809 when they're flapping around like that. You understand? 1256 01:02:24,842 --> 01:02:25,876 (EXCLAIMS) 1257 01:02:25,910 --> 01:02:26,911 (GLASS SHATTERS) 1258 01:02:46,230 --> 01:02:47,664 CHONG: Hey, Cheech. 1259 01:02:47,697 --> 01:02:50,634 Hey, how can you stay in there that long, man? 1260 01:02:50,667 --> 01:02:52,837 Hey, you know one bit we got to do? 1261 01:02:52,870 --> 01:02:55,339 Alice Bowie at a sex club. 1262 01:02:55,372 --> 01:02:58,442 * Amsterdam, I like it in Amsterdam 1263 01:02:58,475 --> 01:03:02,847 * I'm so glad we came to Amsterdam 1264 01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:06,083 * Amsterdam, they smoke hash in the street 1265 01:03:06,116 --> 01:03:08,352 * And they ride bicycles all over 1266 01:03:08,385 --> 01:03:10,587 * And they got everything that's cool in here 1267 01:03:10,620 --> 01:03:13,623 * They got a lot of dikes in Amsterdam 1268 01:03:13,657 --> 01:03:16,193 * And they got the shit all over 1269 01:03:16,226 --> 01:03:19,196 * I'm so glad we came to Amsterdam 1270 01:03:19,229 --> 01:03:23,233 * Even though they don't know who we are in Amsterdam 1271 01:03:23,267 --> 01:03:25,735 * I like Amsterdam 1272 01:03:25,769 --> 01:03:28,305 * I like it better than America 1273 01:03:28,338 --> 01:03:30,407 * Even though they don't know 1274 01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:33,810 * They never seen our movies here in Amsterdam * 1275 01:03:33,844 --> 01:03:37,247 I am absolutely ruined, you know? 1276 01:03:37,281 --> 01:03:40,084 (STAMMERS) I just got a phone call that 1277 01:03:40,117 --> 01:03:43,653 Mr. Burt Reynolds is definitely not coming. 1278 01:03:43,687 --> 01:03:45,055 You scared the shit out of me, man. 1279 01:03:45,089 --> 01:03:46,523 Because he is in Florida, 1280 01:03:46,556 --> 01:03:48,859 and Ms. Dolly Parton is in the hospital, you know. 1281 01:03:48,893 --> 01:03:50,961 Oh, wow! 1282 01:03:50,995 --> 01:03:52,362 They're not coming? 1283 01:03:52,396 --> 01:03:53,830 For definite? For sure? 1284 01:03:54,431 --> 01:03:56,166 They phoned me. 1285 01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:59,036 Oh, that's too bad. Oh, that's okay. 1286 01:03:59,069 --> 01:04:01,205 Who needs Burt Reynolds, man? 1287 01:04:02,739 --> 01:04:04,008 Hey, man, we're here. 1288 01:04:04,041 --> 01:04:06,276 What have you got to worry about, man? 1289 01:04:06,310 --> 01:04:07,844 We're going to do a great show, man. 1290 01:04:07,878 --> 01:04:09,179 It will be all right. 1291 01:04:09,213 --> 01:04:10,647 Don't worry about nothing. 1292 01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:13,417 You don't need Burt Reynolds or Dolly Parton. 1293 01:04:13,450 --> 01:04:16,486 I lost my reputation. I have no money. 1294 01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:18,923 Who needs material possessions, man? 1295 01:04:18,956 --> 01:04:21,325 Hey, man, real tears. 1296 01:04:21,358 --> 01:04:24,561 Real tears. Oh, hey, man, come on. Take it easy. 1297 01:04:24,594 --> 01:04:25,795 Hey, man. Dry your eyes, man. 1298 01:04:25,829 --> 01:04:26,997 I hate to see a grown man cry. 1299 01:04:27,031 --> 01:04:28,132 Here, there you go. 1300 01:04:28,165 --> 01:04:30,700 Come on, take it easy, man. 1301 01:04:30,734 --> 01:04:32,402 Don't worry about money, man. 1302 01:04:32,436 --> 01:04:35,172 It'll make you grow old before your time, man. 1303 01:04:35,205 --> 01:04:37,674 I can't go around in Amsterdam. 1304 01:04:37,707 --> 01:04:39,276 You got nothing to worry about, man. 1305 01:04:39,309 --> 01:04:41,245 We're going to do a great show for you, man. 1306 01:04:41,278 --> 01:04:43,547 People are going to be screaming and cheering. 1307 01:04:43,580 --> 01:04:45,049 It'll be all right, man. 1308 01:04:46,316 --> 01:04:47,651 All right. 1309 01:04:47,684 --> 01:04:49,619 Hey, stop him, man! He's going to jump! 1310 01:04:49,653 --> 01:04:51,521 Stop him! I got to reload! 1311 01:04:51,555 --> 01:04:54,324 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, come on. 1312 01:04:54,358 --> 01:04:56,626 Come on. Come on. Let go. Let go. 1313 01:04:57,727 --> 01:04:59,229 Come on, man. 1314 01:05:01,131 --> 01:05:03,100 Okay. Let him go! 1315 01:05:03,133 --> 01:05:05,202 Hey, come on. Let go! 1316 01:05:05,235 --> 01:05:07,271 Hey, man, look how far down it is. 1317 01:05:07,304 --> 01:05:09,039 (YELLS) 1318 01:05:10,407 --> 01:05:11,541 (IMITATES CRASHING SOUND) 1319 01:05:11,575 --> 01:05:13,543 You don't want to jump, man. Come on. 1320 01:05:13,577 --> 01:05:15,312 Come on, man, you'll end up spaghetti. 1321 01:05:15,345 --> 01:05:16,913 They'll just have to scrape you off 1322 01:05:16,947 --> 01:05:18,415 the driveway there, man. Come on. 1323 01:05:18,448 --> 01:05:21,018 It's all right, man. You got nothing to worry about. 1324 01:05:21,051 --> 01:05:25,022 My son is nine, you know, and my daughter is only... 1325 01:05:25,055 --> 01:05:26,523 They'll be all right, man. 1326 01:05:26,556 --> 01:05:28,758 Tell you what, Steven Spielberg's a personal friend of mine, man. 1327 01:05:28,792 --> 01:05:30,160 I'll give him a call today, 1328 01:05:30,194 --> 01:05:33,163 we have lunch at I Love Sushi in Malibu all the time, man. 1329 01:05:33,197 --> 01:05:34,464 I don't believe you do. 1330 01:05:34,498 --> 01:05:36,300 I'll give him a call. We'll have E.T. over here. 1331 01:05:36,333 --> 01:05:38,235 You'll be a big success, man. Don't worry about nothing. 1332 01:05:38,268 --> 01:05:39,436 It's gonna be cool. 1333 01:05:39,469 --> 01:05:41,305 Hey, look. Have a watch, man. 1334 01:05:41,338 --> 01:05:42,706 That looks good on you, man. 1335 01:05:42,739 --> 01:05:44,241 Stick your arm out. Here, look at that. 1336 01:05:44,274 --> 01:05:46,710 All right, man. That looks slick. 1337 01:05:46,743 --> 01:05:48,445 You mean, you want to give me a watch? 1338 01:05:48,478 --> 01:05:50,714 Yeah, you can have it. Here's one for your old lady, too. 1339 01:05:50,747 --> 01:05:52,482 That's a nice lady's watch. She likes that? 1340 01:05:52,516 --> 01:05:53,917 And that's for my wife? 1341 01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:55,685 (STAMMERS) 1342 01:05:55,719 --> 01:05:57,021 Hey, don't worry about nothing. 1343 01:05:57,054 --> 01:05:58,222 I really appreciate it. 1344 01:05:58,255 --> 01:05:59,423 Thank you. 1345 01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:00,890 Don't worry about nothing, man. 1346 01:06:00,924 --> 01:06:02,592 Just show up there at the theater, man. 1347 01:06:02,626 --> 01:06:05,029 You're gonna see something you never saw before, man. 1348 01:06:05,062 --> 01:06:08,065 It'll be great, man, come on. Don't worry about nothing. 1349 01:06:08,098 --> 01:06:12,036 Yeah, but, you know, I have to think of my reputation. 1350 01:06:12,069 --> 01:06:14,104 Hey, don't worry about your reputation, man. 1351 01:06:14,138 --> 01:06:15,805 It'll be cool in Amsterdam here. 1352 01:06:15,839 --> 01:06:17,441 Thank you very much for the watches. 1353 01:06:17,474 --> 01:06:20,144 Don't worry about it, man. Everything will be cool. 1354 01:06:20,177 --> 01:06:22,546 Just go home and relax, man. 1355 01:06:22,579 --> 01:06:24,681 Take a half a lude or something. 1356 01:06:24,714 --> 01:06:26,883 All right, be cool. We'll see you at the theater. 1357 01:06:26,916 --> 01:06:28,785 Thank you. All right. 1358 01:06:29,219 --> 01:06:30,620 * Amsterdam 1359 01:06:30,654 --> 01:06:33,623 * This guy's gonna lose his ass in Amsterdam * 1360 01:06:34,524 --> 01:06:36,793 Oh, that's a good-looking watch, man. 1361 01:06:36,826 --> 01:06:38,562 Hey, thanks a lot, brother. 1362 01:06:39,329 --> 01:06:41,265 All right! Look at that sucker. 1363 01:06:43,533 --> 01:06:46,270 Hey, man, you think this is too much with this outfit, man? 1364 01:06:48,572 --> 01:06:50,274 (CROWD MURMURING) 1365 01:06:50,307 --> 01:06:51,675 MAN ON PA: Ladies and gentlemen, 1366 01:06:51,708 --> 01:06:55,179 will you please welcome Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton! 1367 01:07:05,955 --> 01:07:07,257 (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) 1368 01:07:09,826 --> 01:07:11,861 Uh, I think there's been a mistake. 1369 01:07:15,799 --> 01:07:17,301 Thank you. 1370 01:07:17,334 --> 01:07:20,437 Uh, we're not, uh, Burt and Dolly, man. 1371 01:07:20,470 --> 01:07:23,507 Like, we're, uh, Cheech & Chong, you know. 1372 01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:26,843 Like, we're going to do a show for you anyway, and... 1373 01:07:26,876 --> 01:07:27,977 (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) 1374 01:07:28,011 --> 01:07:29,213 And, uh... 1375 01:07:29,246 --> 01:07:33,049 So we want to start off with a dude, man, 1376 01:07:33,083 --> 01:07:35,985 that had his arm blown off during the war by a bomb. 1377 01:07:36,986 --> 01:07:38,788 He's real sensitive about it, too, 1378 01:07:38,822 --> 01:07:41,091 you know, man, you know, like, about his arm. 1379 01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:44,161 So let's really give him a nice hand, okay? 1380 01:07:44,194 --> 01:07:46,796 Let's hear it for Limey Bitters! 1381 01:07:46,830 --> 01:07:49,266 Come on out here, man! 1382 01:07:49,299 --> 01:07:51,201 Come on out here, man. 1383 01:07:58,342 --> 01:08:00,277 Yeah, see his arm, man? 1384 01:08:07,851 --> 01:08:11,355 Well, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 1385 01:08:11,388 --> 01:08:14,291 It gives me great pleasure to be here tonight, 1386 01:08:14,324 --> 01:08:18,895 and I'd like to perform for you all an unnatural act. 1387 01:08:18,928 --> 01:08:21,064 Hello. Hey, hello. 1388 01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:24,134 Hey, listen, man, turn those mikes down. 1389 01:08:24,168 --> 01:08:26,503 Yeah. Can't you hear them, man? They're feeding back. 1390 01:08:26,536 --> 01:08:30,274 Turn them down, and listen, don't black out. 1391 01:08:30,307 --> 01:08:34,278 No, don't black out until we tell you to, man. 1392 01:08:34,311 --> 01:08:37,214 Don't mess with anything. Just leave it as they are. 1393 01:08:38,348 --> 01:08:40,584 (STAMMERS) Don't tell all those... 1394 01:08:40,617 --> 01:08:43,620 There are a lot of important people. 1395 01:08:43,653 --> 01:08:46,122 They even expect that the Queen is coming every moment, 1396 01:08:46,156 --> 01:08:47,657 all the people from secret service. 1397 01:08:47,691 --> 01:08:49,893 Don't use the word "bums," you know, 1398 01:08:49,926 --> 01:08:52,496 and don't use those languages. 1399 01:08:52,529 --> 01:08:53,863 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1400 01:08:53,897 --> 01:08:55,965 Thank you. 1401 01:08:55,999 --> 01:08:58,968 Now, I know what a lot of you people out there think. 1402 01:08:59,002 --> 01:09:01,638 A lot of you people out there think, "Well..." 1403 01:09:02,606 --> 01:09:04,874 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 1404 01:09:04,908 --> 01:09:07,177 "Just what kind of act could this be?" 1405 01:09:09,446 --> 01:09:13,383 Well, let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, 1406 01:09:14,251 --> 01:09:17,421 that the act of which I speak 1407 01:09:18,255 --> 01:09:19,423 is that I 1408 01:09:20,657 --> 01:09:22,426 am the only person in the world 1409 01:09:22,459 --> 01:09:26,129 what can play this here trumpet out his nose. 1410 01:09:27,564 --> 01:09:30,700 That's right. And not only that, 1411 01:09:30,734 --> 01:09:34,671 I will make this here trumpet sound like a slide trombone. 1412 01:09:35,872 --> 01:09:38,074 All right. Thank you very much. 1413 01:09:38,107 --> 01:09:42,479 Now, I would like to play a tune called 1414 01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:45,749 Nobody Knows About Me Cares, 1415 01:09:45,782 --> 01:09:48,318 And Nobody Cares About Me Nose 1416 01:09:49,118 --> 01:09:50,420 Rag. 1417 01:09:50,987 --> 01:09:53,790 Out me nose. 1418 01:09:53,823 --> 01:09:56,926 Or proboscis. Thank you very much. 1419 01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:58,362 (CLEARS THROAT) Here we go. 1420 01:10:04,501 --> 01:10:05,735 (BLOWS NOSE) 1421 01:10:08,838 --> 01:10:10,974 Had a bit of a greenie stuck there. 1422 01:10:12,141 --> 01:10:13,743 All right. Here we go. 1423 01:10:14,478 --> 01:10:15,745 (CLEARS THROAT) 1424 01:10:16,613 --> 01:10:18,282 (IMITATING TROMBONE PLAYING) 1425 01:10:26,490 --> 01:10:28,325 (ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 1426 01:10:34,130 --> 01:10:35,865 (RHYTHMIC CLAPPING) 1427 01:10:48,978 --> 01:10:50,079 (GASPS) 1428 01:10:51,981 --> 01:10:53,216 (GASPS) 1429 01:10:54,584 --> 01:10:55,952 (GASPS) 1430 01:10:57,020 --> 01:10:58,855 (GASPS) 1431 01:10:58,888 --> 01:11:00,757 Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen! 1432 01:11:00,790 --> 01:11:02,992 Let's hear it for Limey Bitters! Thank you very much. 1433 01:11:04,060 --> 01:11:05,595 This is a great town. 1434 01:11:06,863 --> 01:11:08,932 Lot of people think we come here just for the drugs, 1435 01:11:08,965 --> 01:11:10,166 but that's true. 1436 01:11:10,199 --> 01:11:11,568 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1437 01:11:15,204 --> 01:11:16,673 Hey, this theater's nice. 1438 01:11:16,706 --> 01:11:19,443 I don't think they want you to smoke here, so light up. 1439 01:11:19,476 --> 01:11:21,411 Ladies and gentlemen, the astronaut. 1440 01:11:29,653 --> 01:11:33,122 (THEME FROM 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY PLAYING) 1441 01:12:00,384 --> 01:12:01,851 (ENGINES IGNITE) 1442 01:12:05,489 --> 01:12:07,691 MAN: Eight, seven, 1443 01:12:07,724 --> 01:12:09,893 six, five, 1444 01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:12,862 four, three, 1445 01:12:12,896 --> 01:12:15,365 two, one, 1446 01:12:15,765 --> 01:12:17,233 zero. 1447 01:12:17,266 --> 01:12:18,902 (ENGINES ROAR) 1448 01:12:37,787 --> 01:12:39,556 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 1449 01:12:45,795 --> 01:12:47,564 (INDISTINCT WHISPERING) 1450 01:12:48,898 --> 01:12:50,867 CHEECH: Donkey smell. Donkey smell. 1451 01:12:50,900 --> 01:12:52,335 Donkey herring. 1452 01:12:52,368 --> 01:12:55,439 Uh, right now, we'd like to take you to Vondelpark. 1453 01:12:56,906 --> 01:12:59,275 (SHUSHING) 1454 01:12:59,308 --> 01:13:02,278 Oh, dear, look at all these goddamn pigeons. 1455 01:13:04,614 --> 01:13:08,351 Come on. Here, chick, chick, chick, chick, chick. 1456 01:13:08,384 --> 01:13:10,654 Come here. I got some popcorn for you. 1457 01:13:11,521 --> 01:13:12,756 There you go. 1458 01:13:14,290 --> 01:13:16,726 Oh, dear, look at that little guy. 1459 01:13:43,286 --> 01:13:46,723 Hey, I don't want to get personal or anything, 1460 01:13:46,756 --> 01:13:49,459 but did you shit your pants? 1461 01:13:51,595 --> 01:13:52,829 What? 1462 01:13:52,862 --> 01:13:54,964 I said, did you shit your pants? 1463 01:13:59,202 --> 01:14:02,038 Yeah, I shit my pants, man. 1464 01:14:02,071 --> 01:14:03,840 Why the hell don't you go home 1465 01:14:03,873 --> 01:14:06,175 and change them, for Christ's sake? 1466 01:14:06,209 --> 01:14:08,545 Hell, I ain't done yet, man. 1467 01:14:09,613 --> 01:14:11,314 I still got another week. 1468 01:14:12,448 --> 01:14:15,184 Hey, man, I like you. You're cool, man. 1469 01:14:15,218 --> 01:14:17,186 Take your goddamn hands off me! 1470 01:14:17,220 --> 01:14:19,623 (MUMBLING MOCKINGLY) 1471 01:14:21,825 --> 01:14:23,560 Was that old-man talk, man? 1472 01:14:26,162 --> 01:14:29,032 You know, you should have a lot more respect for me than that, 1473 01:14:29,065 --> 01:14:30,867 you know that? 1474 01:14:30,900 --> 01:14:33,637 Christ, for all you know, I could be your daddy. 1475 01:14:34,403 --> 01:14:35,905 (LAUGHING) Shit! 1476 01:14:38,174 --> 01:14:40,176 You could be my daddy? 1477 01:14:40,209 --> 01:14:42,512 Sure. I used to fuck buffaloes. 1478 01:14:42,546 --> 01:14:44,280 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1479 01:14:55,825 --> 01:15:00,296 And by jeez, I'll tell you, you look just like your mama, too. You know that? 1480 01:15:05,268 --> 01:15:08,271 Man, don't say nothing about my mama, man. 1481 01:15:09,739 --> 01:15:13,076 Hey, you want to play games, funny bunny? 1482 01:15:13,109 --> 01:15:14,678 Hey, old man, you into games? 1483 01:15:14,711 --> 01:15:16,145 You want to play games? 1484 01:15:16,179 --> 01:15:18,281 How about race car driver? 1485 01:15:18,314 --> 01:15:20,016 (IMITATING CAR ENGINE) By Jesus! 1486 01:15:20,049 --> 01:15:23,452 You take off, by jeez, or I'll kick you in the balls. 1487 01:15:26,022 --> 01:15:28,792 You're going to kick me in the balls, man? 1488 01:15:30,526 --> 01:15:32,128 Hey, go ahead, man. Come on. Come on. 1489 01:15:33,229 --> 01:15:35,832 Come on. Free shot, man! Come on. 1490 01:15:39,903 --> 01:15:43,740 Boy, you sure as hell don't give a guy much of a target, do you? 1491 01:15:50,079 --> 01:15:52,381 That does it, man. Now I'm going to kill you! 1492 01:15:52,415 --> 01:15:54,984 By Jesus, now you take off, you son of a bitch. 1493 01:15:55,018 --> 01:15:56,285 You think I'm scared of you? 1494 01:15:56,319 --> 01:15:58,888 Hey, come on. I'm gonna hit you with the chair. 1495 01:16:01,625 --> 01:16:03,092 Oh, God! 1496 01:16:11,467 --> 01:16:14,337 Hey, what you doing, man? Come on. Let's go. Come on. 1497 01:16:14,971 --> 01:16:16,472 Hey, one hand. 1498 01:16:18,441 --> 01:16:20,944 Hey, I'm going to take your wallet, man. 1499 01:16:23,212 --> 01:16:25,014 Hey, come on, man. Let's go. 1500 01:16:28,484 --> 01:16:29,653 Hey! 1501 01:16:32,488 --> 01:16:33,556 Hey. 1502 01:16:34,891 --> 01:16:36,860 Hey, quit fucking around, man. 1503 01:16:40,363 --> 01:16:41,364 Boo! 1504 01:16:43,633 --> 01:16:44,968 Hey, dude. 1505 01:16:52,842 --> 01:16:54,410 Okay, I'm sorry, man. 1506 01:16:56,713 --> 01:16:58,347 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 1507 01:17:01,017 --> 01:17:02,852 Hey, man, what are you doing? 1508 01:17:04,153 --> 01:17:05,755 I didn't even touch you, man. 1509 01:17:05,789 --> 01:17:07,290 I didn't even touch him! 1510 01:17:09,225 --> 01:17:11,627 Hey, I was only playing with you, man. 1511 01:17:14,163 --> 01:17:16,299 Hey, man, I'm on parole, man. 1512 01:17:18,034 --> 01:17:19,235 Shit. 1513 01:17:22,238 --> 01:17:23,639 Hey, come on, man. 1514 01:17:24,808 --> 01:17:26,810 Hey, I said I was sorry. 1515 01:17:28,411 --> 01:17:29,813 Hey, dude. 1516 01:17:31,247 --> 01:17:32,749 Hey, old dude. 1517 01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:37,153 Oh, shit. Goddamn, man. 1518 01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:40,690 Fuck, man. Hey, I'm sorry. 1519 01:17:40,724 --> 01:17:42,525 (CRYING) Goddamn, I'm sorry, man. 1520 01:17:45,661 --> 01:17:49,365 Scared the shit out of you that time, didn't I, you little fuck? 1521 01:18:05,248 --> 01:18:09,085 Hey, Margaret, where the hell are you, now, for Christ's sake? 1522 01:18:11,587 --> 01:18:13,656 Come on out of that goddamn toilet 1523 01:18:13,689 --> 01:18:15,725 and get over here, for Christ's sake. 1524 01:18:15,759 --> 01:18:18,594 Come on. We're going to see a real live sex act, 1525 01:18:19,695 --> 01:18:22,899 right on the goddamn stage here. 1526 01:18:22,932 --> 01:18:24,868 Christ, I never seen a live sex act 1527 01:18:24,901 --> 01:18:27,236 for about 12 years, for Christ's sake. 1528 01:18:28,271 --> 01:18:31,540 And it cost me a bundle that time, too. 1529 01:18:31,574 --> 01:18:35,511 Margaret, what the hell you doing in that toilet, scuba diving? 1530 01:18:37,446 --> 01:18:40,049 Come on out here, for Christ's sake. 1531 01:18:40,083 --> 01:18:41,785 Come on, now. Come on. 1532 01:18:41,818 --> 01:18:43,119 You might learn something here. 1533 01:18:43,152 --> 01:18:44,954 Come on out here, Margaret. 1534 01:18:44,988 --> 01:18:47,190 Come on, never mind those assholes. 1535 01:18:47,223 --> 01:18:49,125 Come on. It's okay. 1536 01:18:51,828 --> 01:18:54,330 Where the hell you been? You don't want to watch this? 1537 01:18:54,363 --> 01:18:56,365 Come on, now, Margaret. Sit down. 1538 01:18:56,399 --> 01:18:59,869 Look, I took that goddamn boat tour, didn't I? 1539 01:18:59,903 --> 01:19:03,306 Christ, if I see another goddamn windmill, I'll puke. 1540 01:19:04,640 --> 01:19:05,875 Now, come on. 1541 01:19:05,909 --> 01:19:08,144 We're going to see a live goddamn sex act. 1542 01:19:08,177 --> 01:19:11,881 Just sit your ass down here and shut up, for Christ's sake. 1543 01:19:11,915 --> 01:19:14,550 Christ almighty, we've been here 12 goddamn days, 1544 01:19:14,583 --> 01:19:17,887 and this is the first bit of excitement I've had, now. 1545 01:19:17,921 --> 01:19:20,689 Come on. Let's get this... What's the matter with you? 1546 01:19:20,723 --> 01:19:22,926 There's nothing on that goddamn seat. 1547 01:19:28,464 --> 01:19:30,366 What the hell is that, anyway? 1548 01:19:31,234 --> 01:19:33,669 Feels like Silly Putty, don't it? 1549 01:19:36,172 --> 01:19:38,842 Must be some kid jacking around in the balcony. 1550 01:19:38,875 --> 01:19:41,644 Here, come on, sit down, for Christ's sake, Margaret. 1551 01:19:41,677 --> 01:19:43,279 Hey, let's get this show on the road. 1552 01:19:43,312 --> 01:19:45,281 What the hell you waiting for? 1553 01:19:45,314 --> 01:19:47,116 It's a live goddamn sex act. 1554 01:19:48,384 --> 01:19:50,686 Oh, Christ, I hope that's not the star. 1555 01:19:52,288 --> 01:19:54,390 Holy Jesus. She's so goddamn old, 1556 01:19:54,423 --> 01:19:57,593 she's got stretch marks on her mouth, for Christ's sake. 1557 01:20:01,130 --> 01:20:04,300 Hey! She looks like your goddamn sister Ethel. 1558 01:20:06,402 --> 01:20:08,304 That is goddamn Ethel! 1559 01:20:09,038 --> 01:20:10,940 Hey, Ethel, over here! 1560 01:20:12,475 --> 01:20:15,845 She's trying to ignore us, for Christ's sake. 1561 01:20:15,879 --> 01:20:18,314 Oh, she's taking off her clothes. 1562 01:20:19,282 --> 01:20:21,017 Nope, that ain't Ethel. 1563 01:20:26,089 --> 01:20:27,790 I don't think it's Ethel. 1564 01:20:29,959 --> 01:20:32,828 Holy Christ, lady. Put it back on. Christ. 1565 01:20:32,862 --> 01:20:35,431 You're going to scare someone with that body. 1566 01:20:36,699 --> 01:20:39,535 Look at her tits, for Christ's sake. 1567 01:20:39,568 --> 01:20:41,971 Look like oranges in a pair of socks. 1568 01:20:44,507 --> 01:20:47,143 Look out! You're going to trip on them, lady. 1569 01:20:49,378 --> 01:20:51,314 Christ almighty. 1570 01:20:51,347 --> 01:20:54,283 Why doesn't she take off her panties? 1571 01:20:54,317 --> 01:20:56,685 Oh, she's got them off. Oh, Christ. 1572 01:21:00,990 --> 01:21:04,593 What the hell kind of haircut is that, for Christ's sake? 1573 01:21:05,528 --> 01:21:08,031 Looks like someone's initials there. 1574 01:21:10,399 --> 01:21:12,168 Christ almighty. 1575 01:21:13,269 --> 01:21:15,571 Oh, Christ, now she's showing it to us. 1576 01:21:15,604 --> 01:21:18,541 Oh, for Christ's sake. 1577 01:21:18,574 --> 01:21:23,046 Christ, I don't want to see it that close, lady, for Christ's sake. 1578 01:21:23,079 --> 01:21:26,282 Looks like the Holland Tunnel there, don't it? 1579 01:21:26,315 --> 01:21:29,352 Look, it's doing impressions, Margaret! Look at that! 1580 01:21:30,786 --> 01:21:34,557 Margaret, look, there's a deviled egg sandwich right there. 1581 01:21:38,427 --> 01:21:40,696 That's goddamn funny, Margaret. 1582 01:21:40,729 --> 01:21:43,566 Come here. Sit down. Sit down, Margaret. 1583 01:21:43,599 --> 01:21:46,835 What the hell is she going to do with that Coke bottle, now? 1584 01:21:48,571 --> 01:21:49,973 Holy Jesus. 1585 01:21:53,076 --> 01:21:55,878 You don't suppose she's got an opener up there, do you? 1586 01:22:01,550 --> 01:22:03,886 Hey, the goddamn bottle disappeared! 1587 01:22:05,788 --> 01:22:07,790 No deposit, I guess, huh? 1588 01:22:11,160 --> 01:22:14,930 There it is! Look at that pop out of there. 1589 01:22:14,964 --> 01:22:19,202 She shot that bottle clear across the room, for Christ's sake. 1590 01:22:19,235 --> 01:22:21,237 And it's open! Margaret, look! 1591 01:22:23,306 --> 01:22:26,309 My God, it's goddamn Houdini up there. 1592 01:22:28,744 --> 01:22:31,214 What's she going to do with those grapes now? 1593 01:22:32,281 --> 01:22:34,583 No, she... Holy Jesus. 1594 01:22:38,821 --> 01:22:40,423 She's stuffing them... 1595 01:22:40,456 --> 01:22:42,058 Oh, for Christ's sake, lady. 1596 01:22:44,160 --> 01:22:46,662 Why don't you get a purse or something? 1597 01:22:48,397 --> 01:22:50,933 Goddamn pack rat. Look at that. 1598 01:22:50,966 --> 01:22:52,435 Are you saving them for later? 1599 01:22:52,468 --> 01:22:54,737 What the hell are you doing, lady? 1600 01:22:54,770 --> 01:22:57,140 How is she going to get them out of there, for Christ's sake? 1601 01:22:57,173 --> 01:22:59,542 I'm waiting to see... Oh, here they come! 1602 01:23:01,077 --> 01:23:04,413 Margaret, a goddamn jackpot. Look at... 1603 01:23:05,714 --> 01:23:07,816 Margaret, look at that! 1604 01:23:08,951 --> 01:23:11,487 Oh, no, she's eating them. Oh, jeez. 1605 01:23:12,688 --> 01:23:16,425 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, jeez. 1606 01:23:17,793 --> 01:23:19,462 Hey, if you're that hungry, lady, 1607 01:23:19,495 --> 01:23:22,465 I'll buy you a hamburger for Christ's... 1608 01:23:22,498 --> 01:23:24,733 What's the matter? You getting sick? 1609 01:23:24,767 --> 01:23:26,569 You okay? You getting sick? 1610 01:23:26,602 --> 01:23:28,637 Here, put your head between your legs. 1611 01:23:29,738 --> 01:23:31,307 Christ, that might make you sicker. 1612 01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:33,042 Sit up here, Margaret. 1613 01:23:33,076 --> 01:23:35,678 Come on. Sit down, for Christ's sake. 1614 01:23:37,213 --> 01:23:39,382 Don't look. If it's going to make you sick, don't look. 1615 01:23:39,415 --> 01:23:41,184 I'll tell you when to look. 1616 01:23:41,217 --> 01:23:43,519 Hey, Margaret, look. 1617 01:23:43,552 --> 01:23:46,289 Margaret, look. They brought in a goddamn dog. 1618 01:23:48,591 --> 01:23:51,860 Look at the size of that son of a bitch. 1619 01:23:51,894 --> 01:23:54,897 I bet that's the dog that's been shitting all over Amsterdam. 1620 01:23:54,930 --> 01:23:56,465 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1621 01:23:57,466 --> 01:23:59,302 Holy Jesus. 1622 01:24:03,272 --> 01:24:04,640 Ladies and gentlemen, 1623 01:24:04,673 --> 01:24:07,976 we'd like to present to you the dogs, Ralph and Herbie. 1624 01:24:08,010 --> 01:24:09,578 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 1625 01:24:20,589 --> 01:24:22,024 (GROWLS) 1626 01:24:26,395 --> 01:24:27,730 (SNARLING) 1627 01:24:34,737 --> 01:24:35,838 (YELPING) 1628 01:24:43,746 --> 01:24:44,813 (BARKS) 1629 01:24:47,150 --> 01:24:48,484 Herbie! 1630 01:24:48,517 --> 01:24:50,586 Hey! Hey! How the hell are you? 1631 01:24:59,828 --> 01:25:02,131 Hey, you're looking good, man. 1632 01:25:03,098 --> 01:25:05,100 I hardly recognized you. 1633 01:25:05,134 --> 01:25:08,237 Yeah, I got a new haircut, man. It's a punk cut. 1634 01:25:08,271 --> 01:25:10,339 Look at that, it's red and orange and green and yellow. 1635 01:25:10,373 --> 01:25:11,574 I like that. 1636 01:25:11,607 --> 01:25:13,509 And brown in the center. 1637 01:25:17,246 --> 01:25:18,514 Where you been? 1638 01:25:18,547 --> 01:25:20,383 I haven't seen you for so long, man! 1639 01:25:20,416 --> 01:25:22,851 Oh, my human's been keeping me locked up, man. 1640 01:25:22,885 --> 01:25:24,153 Oh, really? 1641 01:25:24,187 --> 01:25:26,489 Yeah, he went off on vacation, man, to, uh, London. 1642 01:25:26,522 --> 01:25:28,757 Yeah? He left me in the room for two weeks. 1643 01:25:28,791 --> 01:25:29,892 Oh, no. 1644 01:25:29,925 --> 01:25:31,960 That's okay. I shit in his earphones. 1645 01:25:34,029 --> 01:25:35,931 I ate all his stash, too. 1646 01:25:37,032 --> 01:25:38,201 Hey. What? 1647 01:25:38,234 --> 01:25:39,602 Want to chase some cats? 1648 01:25:39,635 --> 01:25:41,604 Cats? 1649 01:25:41,637 --> 01:25:43,806 Yeah, I could use a little pussy about now. 1650 01:25:45,408 --> 01:25:47,510 Oh, smell that. 1651 01:25:47,543 --> 01:25:48,944 What? 1652 01:25:50,513 --> 01:25:52,080 (EXCLAIMS) 1653 01:25:52,114 --> 01:25:53,916 Oh, it's Fifi. 1654 01:25:56,919 --> 01:26:02,225 Oh, God. She gets me so horny, I could pole-vault. 1655 01:26:02,258 --> 01:26:04,893 God, I don't know, every time I smell her, man, I go nuts. 1656 01:26:04,927 --> 01:26:06,429 Hey, no! Hey! 1657 01:26:06,462 --> 01:26:08,197 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 1658 01:26:10,132 --> 01:26:11,133 Hey! 1659 01:26:13,436 --> 01:26:14,903 Knock it off, Ralph! 1660 01:26:16,439 --> 01:26:19,074 I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. 1661 01:26:19,107 --> 01:26:21,310 Yeah, well, I know what got into me! 1662 01:26:25,914 --> 01:26:27,383 Just stay in front of me. 1663 01:26:27,416 --> 01:26:30,052 Go ahead. Get me back. Get out of here. 1664 01:26:32,521 --> 01:26:35,558 Christ, you been locked up too long, haven't you? 1665 01:26:35,591 --> 01:26:38,093 Let's go chase some Fifi, man. Come on. 1666 01:26:38,126 --> 01:26:39,495 I'm horny. 1667 01:26:40,596 --> 01:26:42,598 No. I got to go poop. 1668 01:26:42,631 --> 01:26:44,166 What? Right now? 1669 01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:46,569 Well, you hit a nerve or something, man. 1670 01:26:48,504 --> 01:26:51,774 Oh, well, shit, well, let's pick out a good spot for it. 1671 01:26:51,807 --> 01:26:53,175 Oh, God, I can't wait. 1672 01:26:53,208 --> 01:26:54,710 Well, just do it right here. 1673 01:26:54,743 --> 01:26:57,380 Yeah. But we're in the middle of the restaurant, man. 1674 01:26:57,413 --> 01:26:59,615 Even better! 1675 01:26:59,648 --> 01:27:02,017 Hey, go. I'll watch out for the waiter. 1676 01:27:30,746 --> 01:27:32,881 Hey, Herbie, here it comes! 1677 01:27:34,450 --> 01:27:36,585 It's going to be a big one! 1678 01:27:39,054 --> 01:27:40,889 Open wide! 1679 01:27:42,791 --> 01:27:45,494 Oh, God! Look at the size of that mother! 1680 01:27:46,395 --> 01:27:48,564 Did I do that? 1681 01:27:48,597 --> 01:27:50,566 God, what do you want to name it, man? 1682 01:27:50,599 --> 01:27:52,368 Hey, it's still smoking! 1683 01:27:52,401 --> 01:27:55,638 Oh, I love where you put it, too. 1684 01:27:55,671 --> 01:27:56,772 Yeah. 1685 01:27:56,805 --> 01:27:58,073 As soon as the waiter comes out, 1686 01:27:58,106 --> 01:28:00,476 he's going to skid all the way to the kitchen! 1687 01:28:01,444 --> 01:28:03,412 Thank you very much. 1688 01:28:03,446 --> 01:28:06,148 It's been a pleasure, a pleasure playing for you. 1689 01:28:06,181 --> 01:28:07,483 Thank you very much. 1690 01:28:07,516 --> 01:28:09,084 ANNOUNCER: Cheech & Chong! 1691 01:28:09,117 --> 01:28:10,886 (AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 1692 01:28:30,973 --> 01:28:33,842 * Still smokin' 1693 01:28:33,876 --> 01:28:36,645 * Still tokin' 1694 01:28:36,679 --> 01:28:38,080 * Hazel died at 65 1695 01:28:38,113 --> 01:28:39,515 * Don't know why I'm still alive 1696 01:28:39,548 --> 01:28:41,617 * Smokin', still smokin' 1697 01:28:42,351 --> 01:28:45,087 * Still smokin' 1698 01:28:45,120 --> 01:28:47,956 * Still tokin' 1699 01:28:47,990 --> 01:28:49,358 * Haven't got a dime 1700 01:28:49,392 --> 01:28:50,993 * Havin' fun and feelin' fine 1701 01:28:51,026 --> 01:28:53,295 * And smokin', still smokin' 1702 01:28:59,368 --> 01:29:02,170 * Still smokin' 1703 01:29:02,204 --> 01:29:05,007 * Still smokin' 1704 01:29:05,040 --> 01:29:07,910 * Spendin' all my time in an unemployment line 1705 01:29:07,943 --> 01:29:10,613 * And smokin', still smokin' 1706 01:29:10,646 --> 01:29:13,749 * Still smokin' 1707 01:29:13,782 --> 01:29:16,318 * I'm even jokin' 1708 01:29:16,351 --> 01:29:17,720 * Haven't got a job 1709 01:29:17,753 --> 01:29:19,254 * Thank you, Jesus, thank you, God 1710 01:29:19,287 --> 01:29:21,424 * And smokin', I'm smokin' 1711 01:29:30,533 --> 01:29:33,168 * The doctor and my brother and my mother and my father 1712 01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:36,138 * All tell me to quit 1713 01:29:36,171 --> 01:29:37,473 * Quit! 1714 01:29:37,506 --> 01:29:39,007 * But even though they love me 1715 01:29:39,041 --> 01:29:40,743 * And they shove me and they bug me 1716 01:29:40,776 --> 01:29:42,077 * I can't go for this 1717 01:29:42,110 --> 01:29:43,145 (COUGHING) 1718 01:29:43,178 --> 01:29:44,179 Oh, shit. 1719 01:29:45,948 --> 01:29:48,551 * Still smokin' 1720 01:29:49,284 --> 01:29:51,687 * I'm still smokin' 1721 01:29:51,720 --> 01:29:54,557 * It's the only way I can make it through the day 1722 01:29:54,590 --> 01:29:57,693 * It's smokin', still smokin' 1723 01:29:57,726 --> 01:30:00,563 * Still smokin' 1724 01:30:00,596 --> 01:30:02,631 * You know I'm smokin' 1725 01:30:02,665 --> 01:30:04,332 * Writin' songs, drinkin' wine 1726 01:30:04,366 --> 01:30:06,068 * Gettin' high and feelin' fine 1727 01:30:06,101 --> 01:30:08,003 * And smokin', still smokin' 1728 01:30:11,440 --> 01:30:14,042 * Still smokin' 1729 01:30:17,513 --> 01:30:19,381 * Hey, I'm still smokin' 1730 01:30:23,218 --> 01:30:25,488 * I'm still smokin' 1731 01:30:25,521 --> 01:30:27,590 (LAUGHING) 1732 01:30:28,090 --> 01:30:29,758 (COUGHING) 1733 01:30:31,126 --> 01:30:32,695 Hey, who's got a smoke?