1
00:00:33,329 --> 00:00:36,163
"I found out long ago"

2
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:42,498
"It's a long way down a Holiday Road"

3
00:00:56,085 --> 00:00:58,836
"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick"

4
00:01:01,170 --> 00:01:04,502
"Going to take a ride
to the West Coast, kids"

5
00:01:05,835 --> 00:01:08,503
"Holiday Road!"

6
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,795
"Holiday Road!"

7
00:01:16,172 --> 00:01:20,132
"Holiday Road!"

8
00:01:21,173 --> 00:01:25,133
"Holiday Road!"

9
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:40,594
"I found out long ago"

10
00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:47,556
"It's a long way down a Holiday Road"

11
00:01:47,889 --> 00:01:50,557
"Holiday Road"

12
00:01:53,099 --> 00:01:55,766
"Holiday Road"

13
00:01:58,226 --> 00:02:00,848
"Holiday Road"

14
00:02:38,316 --> 00:02:40,985
Clark Griswold.
I'm trading my wife's old car in.

15
00:02:42,610 --> 00:02:44,278
Say good-bye
to the old gas-guzzler, Russ!

16
00:02:46,446 --> 00:02:48,070
It's pretty exciting, isn't it, Rusty?

17
00:02:48,487 --> 00:02:49,195
What's that, Dad?

18
00:02:49,279 --> 00:02:50,238
Picking up the new car!

19
00:02:52,113 --> 00:02:53,281
You can't wait, can you?

20
00:02:54,614 --> 00:02:55,319
Hi there, Ed!

21
00:02:55,570 --> 00:02:56,737
Good to see you, Mr. Griswold!

22
00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:58,112
How are you doing?
Rubin right?

23
00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,320
Rusty.

24
00:03:00,196 --> 00:03:01,196
Look at him. He can't wait.

25
00:03:01,488 --> 00:03:02,946
So, did you bring your trade-in?

26
00:03:03,322 --> 00:03:05,114
Yes, a guy just took it away
a couple of seconds ago.

27
00:03:05,531 --> 00:03:07,157
Well, let's get to it, then.

28
00:03:07,823 --> 00:03:09,782
We were worried that the new car
might not be ready yet.

29
00:03:09,866 --> 00:03:12,159
We're on our way to California
in the morning...

30
00:03:12,242 --> 00:03:14,242
...big vacation, the whole family,
Walley World...

31
00:03:14,326 --> 00:03:15,992
Walley World? Very exciting, Clyde.

32
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:16,992
Clark.

33
00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:18,368
Well, there she is.

34
00:03:19,327 --> 00:03:19,951
Where?

35
00:03:20,660 --> 00:03:21,702
Right here. The wagon.

36
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,287
Dad, this is not the car you ordered!

37
00:03:25,329 --> 00:03:26,162
Take it easy, Rusty.

38
00:03:26,495 --> 00:03:28,455
Ed, this is not the car I ordered.

39
00:03:30,330 --> 00:03:33,621
I distinctly ordered the Antarctic Blue,
Super Sportswagon...

40
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:36,122
...with the C.B. and the optional
Rally fun pack.

41
00:03:37,498 --> 00:03:39,416
You didn't order the Metallic Pea?

42
00:03:39,832 --> 00:03:42,708
Metallic Pea? No, Antarctic Blue.

43
00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,250
The Sportswagon.

44
00:03:44,334 --> 00:03:45,376
This isn't even the right model!

45
00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:49,461
You know, I think you're right.
I don't think this is the car.

46
00:03:49,544 --> 00:03:51,503
This is the new
Wagonqueen Family Truckster.

47
00:03:51,875 --> 00:03:55,251
This is a fine automobile,
if you want my honest opinion.

48
00:03:55,376 --> 00:03:57,209
It beats the hell out of
the Sportswagon but...

49
00:03:57,293 --> 00:03:58,877
...I want to make you happy.

50
00:03:59,210 --> 00:03:59,835
Davenport!

51
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:01,502
I'll get to the bottom of this.

52
00:04:03,919 --> 00:04:06,422
Mr. Griswold ordered a blue Sportswagon.
Where is it?

53
00:04:07,255 --> 00:04:08,255
I don't know, sir.

54
00:04:11,713 --> 00:04:14,381
I know what must have happened!

55
00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:15,840
It didn't come in!

56
00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:20,508
Ed, I'm not your ordinary,
everyday fool. Okay?

57
00:04:21,883 --> 00:04:25,051
Now, I'd like my Antarctic Blue
Super Sportswagon right now.

58
00:04:25,092 --> 00:04:27,926
If you can't get it for me,
I'm going to take my business elsewhere!

59
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:29,926
Where's my old car?

60
00:04:34,304 --> 00:04:36,305
I'm just as upset as you are.
Believe me.

61
00:04:36,971 --> 00:04:37,971
Davenport!

62
00:04:38,638 --> 00:04:41,597
Get Mr. Griswold's car back!
Bring it back here!

63
00:04:47,807 --> 00:04:49,805
And I can get you the wagon,
there's no problem there.

64
00:04:49,972 --> 00:04:51,556
The problem is, it might take six weeks.

65
00:04:52,639 --> 00:04:54,723
Now, I owe it to myself
to tell you, Mr. Griswold...

66
00:04:55,098 --> 00:04:57,682
...if you're thinking of taking
the tribe cross-country...

67
00:04:57,766 --> 00:04:59,724
...this is the automobile
you should be using.

68
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,559
The Wagonqueen Family Truckster.

69
00:05:02,142 --> 00:05:04,644
You think you hate it now,
but wait until you drive it.

70
00:05:05,144 --> 00:05:07,894
I don't want to drive it.
I just want my old car back, okay?

71
00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:09,977
I'm not falling for this bit.

72
00:05:10,228 --> 00:05:11,937
No way. Let's go, Russ.

73
00:05:45,652 --> 00:05:46,944
Clark, is that the right car?

74
00:05:47,361 --> 00:05:49,694
No, it isn't, honey. I changed my mind.

75
00:05:50,653 --> 00:05:52,612
They flattened our old car
like a pancake.

76
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,489
Are you serious?
Is this really our car, Dad?

77
00:05:57,322 --> 00:06:00,032
What happened? I thought we were
going to get the little Sportswagon.

78
00:06:00,366 --> 00:06:02,824
Oh, no!
The Sportswagon's much too small.

79
00:06:03,158 --> 00:06:04,615
Besides, I got a great deal on this one.

80
00:06:05,367 --> 00:06:09,326
Believe me, we're taking
the whole tribe across country.

81
00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:11,034
This is your automobile.

82
00:06:13,035 --> 00:06:14,077
Why is it still running?

83
00:06:15,035 --> 00:06:16,495
Oh, all new cars do that.

84
00:06:16,869 --> 00:06:18,328
I'll take care of that in a second.

85
00:06:21,371 --> 00:06:24,079
You may think you hate it now,
but wait until you drive it.

86
00:06:26,871 --> 00:06:28,248
An air bag!

87
00:06:28,705 --> 00:06:31,748
You know, Clark, it's not too late
to fly out to California.

88
00:06:32,082 --> 00:06:33,166
We only have two weeks.

89
00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:35,500
Let's not get into that again,
sweet pie. Please?

90
00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:40,043
Lots of families fly, Clark.
Especially cross-country.

91
00:06:40,876 --> 00:06:44,833
The idea of a family vacation
is to be together as a family.

92
00:06:45,041 --> 00:06:49,000
On a plane, you put on earphones
and you're lost in your own world.

93
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:51,835
It's a very long drive, Clark.

94
00:06:52,210 --> 00:06:54,169
I'm looking forward to a long drive.

95
00:06:54,336 --> 00:06:56,087
You get to see the kids all the time!

96
00:06:57,380 --> 00:07:00,172
I only see them a few minutes
in the mornings and evenings...

97
00:07:00,297 --> 00:07:01,921
...and a few hours on the weekends.

98
00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:07,382
Someday I'll wake up and realize
my babies have grown up!

99
00:07:07,756 --> 00:07:08,714
And then what?

100
00:07:09,631 --> 00:07:12,966
I just thought it would be
easier to fly.

101
00:07:13,424 --> 00:07:15,758
Nothing that is worthwhile
is easy, Ellen.

102
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:17,801
We know that.

103
00:07:18,968 --> 00:07:19,633
Kids?

104
00:07:21,260 --> 00:07:22,592
Do you want to see the trip plan?

105
00:07:23,426 --> 00:07:24,761
Not now, we're playing a game!

106
00:07:25,262 --> 00:07:26,553
Okay, shut off the video games.

107
00:07:26,928 --> 00:07:28,263
Come on, Russ. Shut it off.

108
00:07:29,263 --> 00:07:32,139
I know you'll enjoy this. I've worked
out the whole trip on the computer...

109
00:07:32,430 --> 00:07:35,306
...so that we get the maximum amount
of fun time at Walley World...

110
00:07:35,390 --> 00:07:37,431
...without missing any
of the good stuff along the way.

111
00:07:38,429 --> 00:07:39,804
Here we go! There's us.

112
00:07:40,138 --> 00:07:41,930
And there's Walley World!

113
00:07:42,805 --> 00:07:45,265
Now, let's just take a look at Day One.
Shall we?

114
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,014
Honey, come on in!
We're going to do Day One!

115
00:07:53,017 --> 00:07:56,685
Okay, now, there's the Family Truckster
as we leave Chicago.

116
00:08:01,853 --> 00:08:04,019
Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster!

117
00:08:05,812 --> 00:08:09,272
Russ, do you mind? I'm trying to work
this out here on the computer.

118
00:08:11,147 --> 00:08:13,772
Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey.
That's just great.

119
00:08:16,023 --> 00:08:17,356
Look out, Dad, here I come.

120
00:08:18,022 --> 00:08:20,023
All right, that's enough, Russ.

121
00:08:20,481 --> 00:08:21,941
Okay, now,
I think we're moving further...

122
00:08:22,817 --> 00:08:23,775
Good shot, Audrey.

123
00:08:24,151 --> 00:08:25,483
Dad, I forgot. Why aren't we flying?

124
00:08:26,693 --> 00:08:30,361
Because getting there is half the fun!
You know that!

125
00:08:33,154 --> 00:08:35,817
I turned off the water,
the stove, the heat and the air.

126
00:08:36,193 --> 00:08:38,484
Locked the door and notified the police.
Stopped the newspapers.

127
00:08:38,568 --> 00:08:40,027
I called to get the grass cut.

128
00:08:40,111 --> 00:08:42,194
Did I put the timers
on the living room lights?

129
00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:44,528
Don't forget the mail...

130
00:08:49,573 --> 00:08:50,323
So long!

131
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:51,865
Drive careful now, Clark!

132
00:08:55,198 --> 00:08:56,406
Watch those freeways!

133
00:08:57,532 --> 00:08:58,490
Good-bye!

134
00:08:59,074 --> 00:09:00,742
I know I've forgotten something.

135
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:03,409
Walley World, here we come!

136
00:09:15,245 --> 00:09:18,580
"Mockingbird, tell me, everybody

137
00:09:18,913 --> 00:09:20,247
"Have you heard?

138
00:09:20,497 --> 00:09:23,081
"He's gonna buy me...

139
00:09:23,456 --> 00:09:24,790
"A mockingbird

140
00:09:25,124 --> 00:09:28,458
"And if that mockingbird don't sing

141
00:09:28,791 --> 00:09:32,956
"He's gonna buy me a diamond ring

142
00:09:33,414 --> 00:09:37,207
"And if that diamond ring don't shine

143
00:09:37,583 --> 00:09:41,126
"He's surely gonna break
this heart of mine

144
00:09:41,251 --> 00:09:44,585
"And that's why I keep on singin'

145
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:46,253
"Did you hear now..."

146
00:09:49,462 --> 00:09:50,254
Come on, kids.

147
00:09:50,586 --> 00:09:51,545
We don't know any of your songs!

148
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,628
Dad, is that made up?
It sounds made up!

149
00:09:54,087 --> 00:09:55,130
I know a song!

150
00:09:55,463 --> 00:09:59,131
How about
"The Walley World National Anthem"?

151
00:10:00,131 --> 00:10:01,131
Okay, you start it.

152
00:10:01,798 --> 00:10:06,382
"Who's the moosiest moose we know?
Marty Moose!

153
00:10:06,966 --> 00:10:10,300
"Who's the star of our favorite show?
Marty Moose!

154
00:10:10,674 --> 00:10:13,633
" 'M' is for merry,
we're merry, you see

155
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:17,469
" 'O' is for 'O' gosh!
'O' golly! 'O' gee!

156
00:10:17,719 --> 00:10:21,137
" 'S' is for super-swell family glee

157
00:10:21,470 --> 00:10:24,804
" 'E' is for everything you want to be

158
00:10:25,346 --> 00:10:28,303
"M-A-R-T-Y

159
00:10:29,304 --> 00:10:32,512
"M-O-O-S-E

160
00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:34,013
"What's that spell?

161
00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,347
"Marty Moose, Marty Moose, Marty Moose

162
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:40,514
"That's me!"

163
00:10:41,931 --> 00:10:43,309
All right! That's more like it!

164
00:10:44,017 --> 00:10:45,184
Here's one you don't know.

165
00:10:45,309 --> 00:10:47,475
We used to sing it
when you were little kids.

166
00:10:48,641 --> 00:10:50,768
"Jimmy crack corn
And I don't care..."

167
00:11:13,274 --> 00:11:16,150
"Swing low...

168
00:11:16,192 --> 00:11:19,193
"Sweet chariot...

169
00:11:20,359 --> 00:11:22,318
"Comin' for to carry me home

170
00:11:25,691 --> 00:11:28,068
"I looked over Jordan
and what did I see?

171
00:11:28,276 --> 00:11:29,734
"Comin' for to carry me home"

172
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:33,568
What smells in here, honey?

173
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,569
Russ! Russ! Your feet.

174
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,169
Isn't this the gas tank?

175
00:12:37,293 --> 00:12:38,169
Yes, I know, honey.

176
00:12:38,669 --> 00:12:41,669
Get in the car.
I'm just fixing the license plate.

177
00:12:47,796 --> 00:12:49,088
Do you see that, kids?

178
00:12:49,337 --> 00:12:52,296
That's the St. Louis Arch.
The Gateway to the West.

179
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:56,131
It's over 600 feet tall, and there's
an elevator all the way to the top.

180
00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:00,132
Dad, can we go up on it?

181
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,091
No.

182
00:13:01,757 --> 00:13:02,966
Dad, what river is this?

183
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:06,425
That's the Mississippi.
The mighty Mississip.

184
00:13:07,802 --> 00:13:08,802
The old Miss...

185
00:13:09,301 --> 00:13:11,261
The old man...

186
00:13:21,344 --> 00:13:23,095
Clark, I think this is the wrong exit.

187
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,220
What's the difference,
as long as we get across the river?

188
00:13:37,058 --> 00:13:38,391
Clark? What are you doing?

189
00:13:39,683 --> 00:13:40,558
Just relax, Ellen.

190
00:13:40,891 --> 00:13:42,225
This is so dangerous!

191
00:13:42,684 --> 00:13:45,309
We have no business being
in an area like this!

192
00:13:46,935 --> 00:13:48,853
This is a part of America
we never get to see.

193
00:13:49,227 --> 00:13:50,061
That's good!

194
00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:51,353
No, that's bad.

195
00:13:51,728 --> 00:13:54,062
We can't close our eyes
to the plight of the cities.

196
00:13:55,146 --> 00:13:56,728
Kids, are you noticing all this plight?

197
00:13:58,229 --> 00:14:00,229
This will just make us
appreciate what we have.

198
00:14:01,731 --> 00:14:02,565
Roll them up!

199
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,276
I'd better ask these fellows
how to get back on the expressway.

200
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,109
I wonder if you could tell me how
to get back on the expressway?

201
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:22,025
Fuck your mama!

202
00:14:22,192 --> 00:14:23,359
Thank you very much!

203
00:14:37,114 --> 00:14:38,738
Hey, excuse me?

204
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,615
What it is, bro'!
We're from out of town.

205
00:14:44,365 --> 00:14:45,282
No shit?

206
00:14:45,782 --> 00:14:47,366
Listen, I'd really appreciate it
if you could...

207
00:14:47,491 --> 00:14:50,200
...give me directions
back onto the expressway.

208
00:14:50,492 --> 00:14:51,701
What? For free?

209
00:14:52,367 --> 00:14:53,118
Sure.

210
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:54,701
Five dollars.

211
00:14:55,784 --> 00:14:57,452
I'm not going to give you
$5 for directions!

212
00:14:57,828 --> 00:14:59,411
I think that's fair, Clark.

213
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,413
Okay. Here's $10.

214
00:15:07,789 --> 00:15:08,914
Keep the change.

215
00:15:09,956 --> 00:15:12,412
You see which way you're pointing?

216
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:15,580
You see that place?

217
00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:18,914
Do you see the sign, "Rib Tips"?

218
00:15:20,457 --> 00:15:22,165
Well, fuck that,
you don't want to go that way.

219
00:15:22,457 --> 00:15:24,124
I wonder if these guys
know The Commodores.

220
00:15:25,666 --> 00:15:27,585
You go half a block down the street...

221
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,668
...and you'll see a Torino
with no wheels on it.

222
00:15:30,168 --> 00:15:32,835
Inside that Torino is my cousin, Jackie.

223
00:15:33,501 --> 00:15:35,836
Tell him that you're my boy,
and that you're lost.

224
00:15:36,210 --> 00:15:37,628
He'll make sure you
get where you're going.

225
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,128
You don't want to know from me.
I'm not from this neighborhood.

226
00:15:40,837 --> 00:15:43,504
I'm from the west side of Chicago,
here on vacation.

227
00:15:43,963 --> 00:15:45,630
Thanks a lot. You've been a great help.

228
00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:50,130
"I'm Mister Blue

229
00:15:50,839 --> 00:15:52,798
"When you say you love me..."

230
00:15:53,131 --> 00:15:54,048
Honey?

231
00:15:56,592 --> 00:15:58,259
Remember when we were in college...

232
00:15:58,342 --> 00:16:01,010
...and drove to Fort Lauderdale
in my Austin Healy?

233
00:16:02,052 --> 00:16:04,343
I haven't thought about that
for a long time.

234
00:16:06,511 --> 00:16:08,468
Remember what we did in the car?

235
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:11,342
It's amazing we didn't
get into an accident.

236
00:16:12,343 --> 00:16:13,844
Want to relive a fond memory?

237
00:16:14,052 --> 00:16:15,511
Are you serious?

238
00:16:16,386 --> 00:16:17,344
No!

239
00:16:17,636 --> 00:16:18,595
Why not?

240
00:16:18,679 --> 00:16:20,304
Because, that's why.

241
00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:22,973
The kids are asleep.

242
00:16:23,514 --> 00:16:25,682
Let's just wait until we get to a motel.

243
00:16:30,016 --> 00:16:34,183
Okay, we'll wait.
I'll find the best one on the road.

244
00:16:34,850 --> 00:16:36,225
Do you want to put your head in my lap?

245
00:16:36,893 --> 00:16:37,851
It's not what I was thinking.

246
00:16:39,435 --> 00:16:41,435
Let me adjust the steering wheel.

247
00:16:43,519 --> 00:16:45,227
There you go, out of your way.

248
00:16:46,311 --> 00:16:47,561
Comfortable?

249
00:16:50,103 --> 00:16:50,771
Clark?

250
00:16:51,813 --> 00:16:52,938
My head's stuck.

251
00:16:57,398 --> 00:16:58,690
Quit kidding around! It hurts!

252
00:16:59,273 --> 00:17:00,274
I'm not. It's stuck.

253
00:17:01,274 --> 00:17:02,733
Cut it out!

254
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,523
I know what you're trying to do,
and I think it's sick!

255
00:17:09,732 --> 00:17:11,066
The wheel's stuck, honey!

256
00:17:13,316 --> 00:17:14,859
That was a dirty trick!

257
00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:16,609
The damn wheel is all screwed up.

258
00:17:17,109 --> 00:17:19,569
You're tired.
You get weird when you get tired.

259
00:17:19,903 --> 00:17:23,028
Let's just find a motel.
I don't want you dozing off.

260
00:17:23,945 --> 00:17:25,320
I'm not tired. Are you kidding?

261
00:17:27,111 --> 00:17:29,780
I can drive for another 100 miles.

262
00:17:30,154 --> 00:17:31,781
No problem.

263
00:17:35,782 --> 00:17:37,949
"I stay at home at night

264
00:17:40,491 --> 00:17:43,449
"By the phone at night

265
00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:46,408
"But you don't call

266
00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:50,410
"And I won't hurt my pride

267
00:17:52,161 --> 00:17:55,496
"Call me Mister Blue

268
00:17:56,954 --> 00:17:58,246
"I'm Mister Blue without you"

269
00:18:39,213 --> 00:18:43,547
Sparky, why don't you turn off
the TV and come to bed?

270
00:18:45,882 --> 00:18:46,633
Okay, honey.

271
00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:08,594
Well, wake up everyone.

272
00:19:09,094 --> 00:19:10,052
We're here.

273
00:19:34,519 --> 00:19:35,185
Clark!

274
00:19:36,768 --> 00:19:37,769
Can I do your back, honey?

275
00:19:37,935 --> 00:19:39,018
I've done it already.

276
00:19:39,852 --> 00:19:40,770
Can I do your front?

277
00:19:41,688 --> 00:19:42,688
Go do your own front.

278
00:19:48,731 --> 00:19:51,566
We should call
Catherine and Eddie...

279
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:54,775
...and tell them that we won't be in
until tomorrow afternoon.

280
00:19:57,188 --> 00:20:00,398
If we're not there by 10:00 a.m.,
we'll be completely off schedule.

281
00:20:01,314 --> 00:20:02,774
I planned very carefully...

282
00:20:03,065 --> 00:20:05,483
...so that we would be
at Walley World early Saturday.

283
00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:10,694
Sparky, I know what this trip
means to you...

284
00:20:11,235 --> 00:20:13,444
...and that you want all of us
to have a great time, but...

285
00:20:14,485 --> 00:20:16,403
...it is a long way to Walley World.

286
00:20:17,570 --> 00:20:21,529
I think it would be easier on all of us
if you would just try to relax.

287
00:20:24,154 --> 00:20:25,488
I'm way ahead of you, honey.

288
00:20:35,073 --> 00:20:36,199
When did you get these glasses?

289
00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:37,950
Oh, I have my little secrets.

290
00:20:42,159 --> 00:20:43,452
What a nice thought.

291
00:20:50,621 --> 00:20:51,454
Don't drink yet!

292
00:20:59,787 --> 00:21:00,538
Ready?

293
00:21:09,624 --> 00:21:11,374
I would like to propose a toast.

294
00:21:12,374 --> 00:21:15,000
To a very restful vacation.

295
00:21:17,251 --> 00:21:19,376
Here's to a very relaxing vacation.

296
00:21:20,334 --> 00:21:21,794
To a renewed love affair.

297
00:21:26,044 --> 00:21:27,879
To a time of joy with our kids.

298
00:21:31,713 --> 00:21:33,379
You know, I've never told you this.

299
00:21:34,298 --> 00:21:36,214
I know it's been a rough beginning.

300
00:21:36,298 --> 00:21:38,424
I think there's something wrong here!

301
00:21:38,507 --> 00:21:40,090
It's the bed.
It will slow down in a second.

302
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:44,216
I got it! Here, hold on to these.

303
00:21:46,050 --> 00:21:47,092
What are you doing?

304
00:21:47,384 --> 00:21:48,799
Let's try this, my darling.

305
00:21:53,592 --> 00:21:55,509
We haven't done this in a long time.

306
00:21:59,843 --> 00:22:00,677
Oh! Clark!

307
00:22:02,178 --> 00:22:03,387
What's that noise?

308
00:22:03,512 --> 00:22:04,596
What's going on?

309
00:22:05,804 --> 00:22:07,387
Don't you kids knock anymore?

310
00:22:08,804 --> 00:22:10,597
Sorry, we thought you were fighting.

311
00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:12,972
No one is fighting in here.

312
00:22:15,806 --> 00:22:16,724
It is very late.

313
00:22:17,265 --> 00:22:18,432
Where is Mom?

314
00:22:18,683 --> 00:22:20,141
I'm under here, kids.

315
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,807
Go back to bed.

316
00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:24,142
Go back to bed now.

317
00:22:25,434 --> 00:22:26,892
The bed was very soft.

318
00:22:27,559 --> 00:22:28,933
Weirdo-rama!

319
00:22:33,479 --> 00:22:36,812
It's the same street Wyatt Earp
kept law and order on.

320
00:22:37,313 --> 00:22:39,397
It seems kind of dirty and touristy.

321
00:22:40,564 --> 00:22:41,938
The Old West was dirty.

322
00:22:42,189 --> 00:22:43,773
Everything isn't like home.

323
00:22:43,981 --> 00:22:47,062
If it were, there would be no reason
for leaving home, right, Rusty?

324
00:22:47,396 --> 00:22:48,854
Yeah, Dad. This is great.

325
00:22:48,937 --> 00:22:50,647
I'm glad we didn't go to Hawaii.

326
00:22:50,813 --> 00:22:51,731
I'll bet you are.

327
00:22:59,525 --> 00:23:00,651
Okay, let's go get a drink.

328
00:23:09,402 --> 00:23:10,903
Howdy, city slickers!

329
00:23:11,236 --> 00:23:14,696
Welcome!
No fighting, cussing or gunslinging.

330
00:23:14,987 --> 00:23:17,988
Watch what you say
to our bartender. He's ornery.

331
00:23:18,988 --> 00:23:19,946
Thank you, sheriff.

332
00:23:20,238 --> 00:23:21,281
Marshal.

333
00:23:24,114 --> 00:23:25,198
Give me five, partner!

334
00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:32,784
That guy was a crummy Wyatt Earp!
He's wearing jogging shoes!

335
00:23:32,992 --> 00:23:34,160
Nah, they used to, Rusty.

336
00:23:34,702 --> 00:23:37,703
Hey, knucklehead! Set us up
with four red-eyes, will you?

337
00:23:39,827 --> 00:23:41,825
Hey, yellow-belly! I'm talking to you!

338
00:23:45,826 --> 00:23:48,620
Hey, tenderfoot!
Move your chicken wings, turkey!

339
00:23:54,996 --> 00:23:57,164
Clark! That's not nice!

340
00:23:57,581 --> 00:23:59,373
It's part of the act, honey.

341
00:24:00,290 --> 00:24:01,498
Hey, underpants!

342
00:24:06,249 --> 00:24:07,791
I'm okay! I'm okay!

343
00:24:07,874 --> 00:24:09,501
I'm all right!

344
00:24:11,417 --> 00:24:15,586
That wasn't funny! A noise like that
could impair the kids' hearing.

345
00:24:18,127 --> 00:24:21,169
It was real! It looked real, didn't it?
I thought it was real gun.

346
00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:23,253
Didn't it look real when I fell down?

347
00:24:23,711 --> 00:24:24,380
What?

348
00:24:24,505 --> 00:24:25,463
Didn't it look real?

349
00:24:25,963 --> 00:24:26,838
What?

350
00:24:27,047 --> 00:24:28,547
Are you happy now, Clark?

351
00:24:28,672 --> 00:24:29,632
She's deaf.

352
00:24:29,964 --> 00:24:33,257
What's the difference? It was fun
anyway. Let's have a drink.

353
00:24:33,549 --> 00:24:34,715
Pardon me, sir?

354
00:24:40,382 --> 00:24:42,131
Catherine told us to follow 50.

355
00:24:43,049 --> 00:24:46,883
I was thinking of taking
a detour to Liberal.

356
00:24:47,217 --> 00:24:48,050
What for?

357
00:24:48,217 --> 00:24:49,133
The House of Mud.

358
00:24:49,467 --> 00:24:50,385
What's that?

359
00:24:50,635 --> 00:24:53,969
The largest, freestanding
mud dwelling ever built!

360
00:24:55,220 --> 00:24:57,470
The pioneers didn't have bricks,
so they used mud.

361
00:24:57,803 --> 00:24:59,804
They didn't use mud, they used sod!

362
00:25:00,137 --> 00:25:00,970
Right, Audrey.

363
00:25:01,096 --> 00:25:03,305
When they ran out of sod,
they used mud!

364
00:25:04,389 --> 00:25:06,681
Let's skip The House of Mud.

365
00:25:07,056 --> 00:25:08,889
Dodge City was enough for today.

366
00:25:09,806 --> 00:25:12,265
And Catherine and Eddie
are expecting us.

367
00:25:14,308 --> 00:25:15,350
It's living history.

368
00:25:15,808 --> 00:25:17,933
But, if you would rather visit
your cousins...

369
00:25:18,766 --> 00:25:19,808
...it's okay with me.

370
00:25:19,974 --> 00:25:22,394
I would rather see
a pile of mud than Eddie.

371
00:25:23,102 --> 00:25:23,936
Stop it!

372
00:25:24,353 --> 00:25:25,269
What's going on?

373
00:25:25,769 --> 00:25:27,853
Rusty is licking his hand
and touching me with it!

374
00:25:28,437 --> 00:25:30,104
Tell Rusty to behave himself.

375
00:25:30,604 --> 00:25:31,938
Rusty, behave yourself!

376
00:25:32,188 --> 00:25:35,269
But Audrey is eating candy and
smiling at me with her mouth open!

377
00:25:35,603 --> 00:25:37,687
Audrey, eat with you mouth closed!

378
00:25:38,020 --> 00:25:40,187
No eating in the car, kids!

379
00:25:40,354 --> 00:25:41,563
You suck, you know that?

380
00:25:41,771 --> 00:25:42,522
Retard!

381
00:25:42,688 --> 00:25:44,606
I am trying to concentrate on the road!

382
00:25:52,192 --> 00:25:56,526
"I've had some Ionely nights

383
00:25:57,609 --> 00:26:01,485
"And I'll admit I cried sometimes

384
00:26:01,569 --> 00:26:03,444
"Cause you were out of my life

385
00:26:04,569 --> 00:26:07,529
"But then you called my name

386
00:26:08,446 --> 00:26:10,946
"And you came back again

387
00:26:11,071 --> 00:26:13,696
"I feel so inspired

388
00:26:13,821 --> 00:26:17,239
"Kissing your lips of fire

389
00:26:17,448 --> 00:26:20,533
"Little boy sweet, little boy sweet,

390
00:26:20,782 --> 00:26:23,741
"Sweet little boy of mine

391
00:26:24,658 --> 00:26:26,243
"Come a little closer"

392
00:26:28,784 --> 00:26:30,369
You're driving 80 miles an hour!

393
00:26:30,743 --> 00:26:31,824
Doesn't seem that fast, honey?

394
00:26:31,865 --> 00:26:33,158
Slow down!

395
00:26:34,741 --> 00:26:36,410
I don't know why,
we're making good time.

396
00:26:39,994 --> 00:26:42,369
"Love for sale

397
00:26:43,619 --> 00:26:45,703
"Appetizing, yummy love..."

398
00:27:02,958 --> 00:27:05,084
They're here! Eddie, come on!

399
00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:08,043
I can't believe it's been so long!

400
00:27:12,460 --> 00:27:14,795
Eddie, you look terrific.

401
00:27:18,879 --> 00:27:22,630
Come and meet your cousins!
Look how they've grown!

402
00:27:22,964 --> 00:27:24,798
You have lost weight, Catherine!

403
00:27:25,132 --> 00:27:27,466
She's added a few more mouths
to the litter.

404
00:27:30,213 --> 00:27:33,214
Rusty and Audrey,
cousins Vicki and Dale.

405
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,966
And this is Eddie Junior and Junior.

406
00:27:38,174 --> 00:27:40,632
The little one hanging onto
my skirt is Daisy-Mabel.

407
00:27:41,217 --> 00:27:43,135
How old are you, little one.

408
00:27:43,968 --> 00:27:46,136
She was born without a tongue, Clark.

409
00:27:47,094 --> 00:27:50,428
But don't worry about her. She whistles
like a bird and eats like a horse.

410
00:27:52,012 --> 00:27:55,679
Take your cousins out back
and show them your worm farm.

411
00:27:57,346 --> 00:28:00,264
Come in the house, Ellen.
I've so much to tell you.

412
00:28:05,974 --> 00:28:07,015
Look at that car!

413
00:28:08,098 --> 00:28:09,099
That's the Family Truckster.

414
00:28:09,433 --> 00:28:12,767
Boy, she's a beaut!
I like those "green walls."

415
00:28:13,435 --> 00:28:14,934
We had some trouble in St. Louis.

416
00:28:18,602 --> 00:28:20,270
Well, you're looking really...

417
00:28:20,811 --> 00:28:21,811
...fit.

418
00:28:23,104 --> 00:28:24,271
This is your homestead, huh?

419
00:28:27,436 --> 00:28:30,936
Yeah, I don't know for how long, though.

420
00:28:32,020 --> 00:28:34,937
The bank's been after me like
flies on a rib roast.

421
00:28:35,645 --> 00:28:37,314
I know the feeling.

422
00:28:38,314 --> 00:28:39,316
Oh, fuck it!

423
00:28:45,316 --> 00:28:46,858
I bet you could use a cool one?

424
00:28:47,066 --> 00:28:48,150
Now you're talking.

425
00:28:58,903 --> 00:28:59,736
I'm going steady.

426
00:29:00,487 --> 00:29:01,987
And I French kiss.

427
00:29:03,069 --> 00:29:04,653
So? Everyone does that.

428
00:29:04,945 --> 00:29:06,905
Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best.

429
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:12,240
Want a worm?

430
00:29:13,073 --> 00:29:13,824
No, thanks.

431
00:29:15,741 --> 00:29:16,657
Do you have Pac-Man?

432
00:29:18,492 --> 00:29:19,159
No.

433
00:29:19,825 --> 00:29:21,573
Space Invaders?

434
00:29:22,282 --> 00:29:22,948
No.

435
00:29:24,574 --> 00:29:25,657
Do you have Asteroids?

436
00:29:25,866 --> 00:29:27,575
No, but my dad does.

437
00:29:27,909 --> 00:29:29,867
He can't even sit on the toilet
some days.

438
00:29:33,534 --> 00:29:34,952
What do you do here, Dale?

439
00:29:38,537 --> 00:29:40,495
Well, I have a stack of
nudie books this high.

440
00:29:42,621 --> 00:29:44,038
She's beautiful!

441
00:29:48,539 --> 00:29:49,873
Would you sell me any of them?

442
00:29:49,998 --> 00:29:52,957
Shit, no! I cherish them!

443
00:29:55,042 --> 00:29:56,625
And I use them a lot!

444
00:29:59,043 --> 00:30:00,375
How do you use a magazine?

445
00:30:01,375 --> 00:30:02,834
I'll tell you how.

446
00:30:04,169 --> 00:30:06,711
A guy taught me something
really neat, last year.

447
00:30:08,796 --> 00:30:10,462
Have you ever bopped your bologna?

448
00:30:17,422 --> 00:30:18,670
I guess we are 11, right?

449
00:30:20,046 --> 00:30:21,796
No, we are 12 with Aunt Edna.

450
00:30:21,921 --> 00:30:24,588
Aunt Edna? Is she still alive?

451
00:30:24,922 --> 00:30:25,756
You bet!

452
00:30:26,506 --> 00:30:29,965
I can't wait to see the look
on Clark's face when he hears that.

453
00:30:31,007 --> 00:30:33,592
She came to help when
Eddie ruptured his spleen...

454
00:30:33,675 --> 00:30:35,509
...and she's been here ever since.

455
00:30:37,094 --> 00:30:38,884
She wanted to go back
to Phoenix last year...

456
00:30:38,967 --> 00:30:40,635
...but Eddie wouldn't let her.

457
00:30:41,968 --> 00:30:45,594
Without her Social Security,
we'd never be able to live like this.

458
00:30:50,013 --> 00:30:51,971
It looks as though you've really
got your hands full.

459
00:30:52,429 --> 00:30:54,264
Oh, it's not so bad!

460
00:30:55,264 --> 00:30:58,597
Eddie says after the baby comes,
I can quit one of my night jobs.

461
00:31:03,558 --> 00:31:04,558
How do you like yours, Clark?

462
00:31:05,475 --> 00:31:07,810
Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.

463
00:31:07,976 --> 00:31:10,228
No! Your bun! Light or dark?

464
00:31:11,186 --> 00:31:12,519
Either way, it doesn't matter.

465
00:31:14,478 --> 00:31:17,143
Vicki, can I help you
stir that? Please?

466
00:31:20,477 --> 00:31:22,894
I don't know why they call this
Hamburger Helper!

467
00:31:22,977 --> 00:31:25,187
It's just fine by itself.

468
00:31:26,145 --> 00:31:29,021
I like it better than Tuna Helper,
don't you, Clark?

469
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,398
You're the gourmet, Ed.

470
00:31:37,232 --> 00:31:38,316
No meat in this?

471
00:31:38,649 --> 00:31:41,317
You get plenty of meat at home.
Be polite. Have some ketchup.

472
00:31:47,193 --> 00:31:48,527
Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?

473
00:31:48,944 --> 00:31:50,027
Nothing but the best!

474
00:31:52,361 --> 00:31:53,319
Aunt Edna!

475
00:31:53,610 --> 00:31:55,403
Helper's getting cold.

476
00:31:57,612 --> 00:31:59,114
Is that your Aunt Edna?

477
00:32:08,032 --> 00:32:11,781
Aunt Edna! After all these years!
And you look so good!

478
00:32:17,032 --> 00:32:19,366
Hi, Edna! Nice to see you again!

479
00:32:20,366 --> 00:32:21,783
You remember Clark, don't you?

480
00:32:25,367 --> 00:32:28,120
You were the ones who sent me
the fruitcake for Christmas.

481
00:32:28,536 --> 00:32:30,037
It made me so sick!

482
00:32:31,619 --> 00:32:35,079
I'm sorry. We thought
you enjoyed fruitcake.

483
00:32:35,246 --> 00:32:37,663
Do you enjoy throwing up
every five minutes, Claud?

484
00:32:38,329 --> 00:32:38,997
Clark.

485
00:32:41,455 --> 00:32:44,915
Well, am I going to eat
or starve to death?

486
00:32:48,582 --> 00:32:50,125
Catherine?

487
00:32:50,374 --> 00:32:52,749
Did you tell Clark and Ellen
the good news.

488
00:32:54,085 --> 00:32:56,043
No. I was just about to.

489
00:32:56,585 --> 00:32:58,253
What's the good news?

490
00:32:58,919 --> 00:33:01,503
You are driving me to Phoenix!

491
00:33:13,921 --> 00:33:15,504
"Junior Pig Competition"?

492
00:33:16,879 --> 00:33:18,505
You won this trophy for racing a pig?

493
00:33:19,006 --> 00:33:20,256
Yeah. First Place.

494
00:33:21,673 --> 00:33:23,424
Does anyone know about it?

495
00:33:24,633 --> 00:33:25,591
Everyone knows.

496
00:33:27,217 --> 00:33:32,176
Vicki, don't be offended, but being
a farmer is not too cool, you know.

497
00:33:34,136 --> 00:33:35,094
Oh, yeah.

498
00:33:37,970 --> 00:33:39,303
How cool...

499
00:33:40,262 --> 00:33:41,554
...is this?

500
00:33:48,972 --> 00:33:52,057
I'm really glad things
are going well for you.

501
00:33:57,308 --> 00:34:01,685
I was laid off when they
closed that asbestos factory.

502
00:34:05,058 --> 00:34:06,850
The Army cuts my disability pension.

503
00:34:07,142 --> 00:34:10,475
They claimed the plate in my head
wasn't large enough.

504
00:34:15,436 --> 00:34:18,352
Clark and Ellen don't want
to hear about problems.

505
00:34:19,021 --> 00:34:20,354
No, no. It is very interesting.

506
00:34:20,688 --> 00:34:23,731
Why don't you just ask him
for the money, Eddie?

507
00:34:23,896 --> 00:34:25,856
He sure as hell can't take a hint!

508
00:34:26,522 --> 00:34:29,356
Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark.

509
00:34:31,024 --> 00:34:34,649
Could you, maybe,
spare a little extra cash?

510
00:34:34,774 --> 00:34:36,067
Sure, Eddie!

511
00:34:41,152 --> 00:34:42,152
How much money do you need?

512
00:34:42,943 --> 00:34:44,693
About $52,000.

513
00:34:48,029 --> 00:34:49,696
Good-bye, baby!

514
00:34:50,446 --> 00:34:51,988
You'll send those checks?

515
00:34:52,696 --> 00:34:53,697
It's taken care of.

516
00:34:54,864 --> 00:34:56,280
Okay, let's go. Come on, Edna.

517
00:34:56,615 --> 00:34:57,615
Lay off, lay off!

518
00:34:59,323 --> 00:35:00,574
Well, gotta be going.

519
00:35:01,654 --> 00:35:02,613
What's this?

520
00:35:02,654 --> 00:35:03,739
This is for you, Clark.

521
00:35:04,405 --> 00:35:05,614
Oh, what is it?

522
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:07,239
A gift.

523
00:35:07,448 --> 00:35:09,406
You didn't have to buy me a gift!

524
00:35:09,740 --> 00:35:10,908
Go on and open it.

525
00:35:15,117 --> 00:35:16,326
Eddie, you shouldn't have.

526
00:35:18,410 --> 00:35:19,744
Those are great, Dad!

527
00:35:20,077 --> 00:35:20,911
Be quiet, Russ.

528
00:35:21,744 --> 00:35:22,660
Try them on.

529
00:35:22,827 --> 00:35:24,328
No, no, I don't want to get them dirty.

530
00:35:24,494 --> 00:35:26,244
I told you he wouldn't like them!

531
00:35:27,245 --> 00:35:28,163
I love them.

532
00:35:28,495 --> 00:35:31,164
I knew you did because
the last time I saw you, Clark...

533
00:35:31,330 --> 00:35:33,164
...you remarked about
how much you liked mine.

534
00:35:33,246 --> 00:35:35,206
I guess we better be going.

535
00:35:43,790 --> 00:35:46,542
Here he is, Uncle Clark,
all walked and everything.

536
00:35:46,709 --> 00:35:47,709
What is this? A dog?

537
00:35:48,251 --> 00:35:50,293
He's Aunt Edna's dog, Dinky.

538
00:35:50,376 --> 00:35:52,003
He watches "Family Feud."

539
00:35:53,628 --> 00:35:54,586
How are you, little fellow?

540
00:35:58,919 --> 00:36:01,628
You didn't get to meet Dinky last night.

541
00:36:01,878 --> 00:36:04,128
He had the shits,
so he slept in the barn.

542
00:36:04,461 --> 00:36:07,629
Great. I'll make some space
for him in the back.

543
00:36:10,338 --> 00:36:12,548
No! Sit, sit!
Roll over! Heel!

544
00:36:12,882 --> 00:36:13,965
Here. Have a good trip.

545
00:36:14,465 --> 00:36:15,216
Thanks a lot.

546
00:36:27,468 --> 00:36:30,136
"I found out long ago

547
00:36:32,260 --> 00:36:35,261
"It's a long way down a Holiday Road

548
00:36:37,553 --> 00:36:37,595
[Skipped item nr. 548]

549
00:36:37,595 --> 00:36:40,096
"Holiday Road!

550
00:36:40,429 --> 00:36:43,348
"Holiday Road! "

551
00:36:44,348 --> 00:36:47,224
Look at these sandwiches.
Here, Aunt Edna.

552
00:36:47,265 --> 00:36:48,058
Thank you.

553
00:36:51,183 --> 00:36:54,142
Rusty, stop playing with the dog
and come and eat your lunch.

554
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,060
You're favorite, bologna and cheese.

555
00:37:24,565 --> 00:37:28,733
"I've had some Ionely nights

556
00:37:29,900 --> 00:37:33,650
"And I'll admit I cried sometimes

557
00:37:33,983 --> 00:37:36,317
"Cause you were out of my life

558
00:37:36,901 --> 00:37:39,569
"But then you called my name

559
00:37:40,569 --> 00:37:43,237
"And you came back again

560
00:37:43,570 --> 00:37:45,905
"I feel so inspired

561
00:37:46,238 --> 00:37:49,572
"Kissing your lips of fire

562
00:37:49,989 --> 00:37:52,320
"Little boy sweet, little boy sweet

563
00:37:53,237 --> 00:37:55,571
"Sweet little boy of mine

564
00:37:56,905 --> 00:37:58,239
"Come a little closer

565
00:37:58,739 --> 00:38:00,406
"I want to show you

566
00:38:01,573 --> 00:38:03,240
"What's on my mind

567
00:38:03,907 --> 00:38:06,575
"Here in the night, here in the night

568
00:38:07,158 --> 00:38:10,492
"Here in the night, together

569
00:38:11,367 --> 00:38:13,368
"I want to show you

570
00:38:14,035 --> 00:38:18,202
"Love so... warm and tender!"

571
00:38:18,787 --> 00:38:20,286
Mom, my sandwich is wet!

572
00:38:20,870 --> 00:38:22,454
They're all wet...

573
00:38:24,955 --> 00:38:26,789
The dog went on the picnic basket!

574
00:38:41,876 --> 00:38:44,210
"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

575
00:38:47,128 --> 00:38:50,084
"Going to take a ride
to the West Coast, kids

576
00:38:51,626 --> 00:38:56,293
"Holiday Road!

577
00:38:56,962 --> 00:39:00,963
"Holiday Road!

578
00:39:01,754 --> 00:39:06,423
"Holiday Road!

579
00:39:07,339 --> 00:39:09,089
"Holiday Road! "

580
00:39:27,511 --> 00:39:28,428
Russ, look!

581
00:39:29,428 --> 00:39:30,763
Excellent! They have a pool!

582
00:39:32,847 --> 00:39:34,180
Aren't the woods beautiful?

583
00:39:36,180 --> 00:39:39,098
Clark! Dinky needs
a long walk and a bath.

584
00:39:39,932 --> 00:39:41,266
Rusty, take care of Dinky.

585
00:39:42,433 --> 00:39:43,391
Dad, he bites!

586
00:39:43,599 --> 00:39:45,180
Bite him back!

587
00:40:02,895 --> 00:40:04,561
We would like three tents, please.

588
00:40:04,895 --> 00:40:06,562
All right. That'll be $37.

589
00:40:07,061 --> 00:40:09,062
$37 for three tents?!

590
00:40:09,396 --> 00:40:11,062
They're very nice tents.

591
00:40:11,146 --> 00:40:13,397
The price includes
scenery and wildlife fun.

592
00:40:17,106 --> 00:40:20,316
This seems like a nice place,
and it has a pool.

593
00:40:21,316 --> 00:40:22,150
All right.

594
00:40:22,816 --> 00:40:24,899
Would you fill that out?

595
00:40:31,235 --> 00:40:33,570
Clark W. Griswold.
Do you want my address?

596
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:35,153
Please.

597
00:40:35,528 --> 00:40:37,070
What do you need my address for?

598
00:40:37,112 --> 00:40:38,612
We like to send out mailers.

599
00:40:42,695 --> 00:40:44,612
- I can't wait to get in!
- Me, too.

600
00:40:44,944 --> 00:40:47,529
Let's go get our bathing suits.

601
00:40:50,447 --> 00:40:51,447
Disgusting!

602
00:40:56,533 --> 00:40:58,533
You're too cheap to pay
for a hotel room.

603
00:41:00,617 --> 00:41:03,618
Oh, Clark, this tent smells.

604
00:41:05,451 --> 00:41:06,451
Edna, this is your tent.

605
00:41:28,999 --> 00:41:30,667
This isn't very romantic.

606
00:41:31,834 --> 00:41:35,835
I don't think there's enough room
for two in this sleeping bag.

607
00:41:37,001 --> 00:41:39,499
Right now, we're one.

608
00:41:39,708 --> 00:41:41,876
One heart beating for two.

609
00:41:49,377 --> 00:41:52,003
Sparky, there's a wild animal.

610
00:41:52,086 --> 00:41:52,755
Yes.

611
00:41:53,254 --> 00:41:55,339
I know, I'm going for it, honey.

612
00:41:59,339 --> 00:42:00,172
Get off!

613
00:42:00,422 --> 00:42:01,422
Down! Go!

614
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:03,173
I'm sorry, honey. It's Dinky.

615
00:42:08,425 --> 00:42:09,717
I'll kill that dog!

616
00:42:21,470 --> 00:42:22,804
What do you say, honey?

617
00:42:24,137 --> 00:42:26,388
In spite of the problems,
it's fun isn't it?

618
00:42:27,388 --> 00:42:28,055
No!

619
00:42:28,889 --> 00:42:31,640
But with each new day there's new hope.

620
00:42:34,057 --> 00:42:35,721
Kids, let's go!

621
00:42:36,305 --> 00:42:37,472
We're losing daylight.

622
00:42:39,306 --> 00:42:40,306
Did you walk him?

623
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,724
He took a big one
on Aunt Edna's blanket.

624
00:42:43,724 --> 00:42:44,724
Good boy.

625
00:42:45,390 --> 00:42:46,225
Help!

626
00:42:46,391 --> 00:42:48,725
Go take care of Aunt Edna.
I'll take the leash.

627
00:42:53,144 --> 00:42:54,143
Roll over, Dinky!

628
00:42:59,269 --> 00:43:00,646
You're tearing my flesh!

629
00:43:01,020 --> 00:43:02,187
Good morning, Edna.

630
00:43:09,147 --> 00:43:10,148
Audrey, you're next.

631
00:43:10,273 --> 00:43:11,607
No way, José!

632
00:43:13,690 --> 00:43:14,898
What's the problem?

633
00:43:15,023 --> 00:43:18,275
I had to sit next to Aunt Edna
last time. She smells like mothballs!

634
00:43:18,942 --> 00:43:20,025
It's her turn.

635
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:24,528
For your information, Rusty slept
in his underpants last night!

636
00:43:25,611 --> 00:43:26,694
Easy kids! Stop it!

637
00:43:27,110 --> 00:43:29,278
Everyone into the car,
we leave in two minutes.

638
00:43:30,946 --> 00:43:34,444
Or perhaps you don't want to see the
second-largest ball of twine on earth.

639
00:43:34,528 --> 00:43:37,069
Which is only four short hours away.

640
00:43:43,696 --> 00:43:44,988
Sweetheart, do you hear that rattle?

641
00:43:46,031 --> 00:43:47,365
Where is it coming from?

642
00:43:47,573 --> 00:43:48,783
Beats the heck out of me.

643
00:43:48,865 --> 00:43:51,699
I've been looking for it since we left.
It's driving me crazy!

644
00:43:53,241 --> 00:43:55,200
Dad, look behind you.

645
00:43:57,908 --> 00:43:59,243
Now what have we done?

646
00:43:59,493 --> 00:44:00,701
Will you hold my purse?

647
00:44:00,992 --> 00:44:02,077
Just hold my purse!

648
00:44:22,999 --> 00:44:24,667
Hello, officer, what's the problem?

649
00:44:27,751 --> 00:44:29,415
Get out of the car!

650
00:44:36,626 --> 00:44:38,792
I don't think I was speeding.
Was I weaving or something?

651
00:44:38,875 --> 00:44:40,335
Shut up, sir!

652
00:44:42,712 --> 00:44:45,754
If I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your
skull with the butt of this revolver...

653
00:44:45,962 --> 00:44:48,129
...faster than you could
say, "police brutality."

654
00:44:49,212 --> 00:44:51,921
Officer, whatever it is I've done,
I'm sure I can explain.

655
00:44:56,715 --> 00:44:58,632
Explain this, you son of a bitch.

656
00:44:59,465 --> 00:45:00,466
Oh, my God!

657
00:45:02,633 --> 00:45:06,676
Do you know what the penalty
for animal cruelty is in this state?

658
00:45:07,134 --> 00:45:07,967
No, sir.

659
00:45:10,969 --> 00:45:12,594
It's probably pretty stiff!

660
00:45:13,386 --> 00:45:15,679
You can't think I'd do this on purpose?

661
00:45:17,054 --> 00:45:19,513
I tied him to the rear bumper
when I was packing the car.

662
00:45:20,138 --> 00:45:21,888
It was very confusing,
I must've forgotten.

663
00:45:24,348 --> 00:45:26,137
I'm sorry. I feel terrible.

664
00:45:27,346 --> 00:45:29,346
How do you think that little dog feels?

665
00:45:34,848 --> 00:45:37,516
I'm sorry, it really was an accident.

666
00:45:40,934 --> 00:45:42,518
I guess I can buy that, sir.

667
00:45:43,435 --> 00:45:44,643
But it is a shame.

668
00:45:45,851 --> 00:45:47,852
I had a dog like that when I was a kid.

669
00:45:51,102 --> 00:45:52,270
Poor little guy.

670
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:54,812
He probably kept up with you
for a mile or so.

671
00:45:56,688 --> 00:45:57,688
Tough little mutt.

672
00:46:08,525 --> 00:46:11,024
I was afraid you would
get pulled over, Clark.

673
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:14,734
You've been exceeding the speed
limit for thousands of miles!

674
00:46:15,067 --> 00:46:15,901
Dad wasn't speeding.

675
00:46:16,068 --> 00:46:17,901
The officer stopped us
because Dad...

676
00:46:18,027 --> 00:46:19,361
He was speeding, Rusty!

677
00:46:19,819 --> 00:46:20,819
No, he wasn't, Mom.

678
00:46:21,236 --> 00:46:23,401
Listen to your mother!
I was speeding.

679
00:46:23,900 --> 00:46:25,026
I was driving like a maniac.

680
00:46:25,317 --> 00:46:27,818
We can all be grateful
that this man stopped us!

681
00:46:28,110 --> 00:46:29,694
- You see, kids, a car...
- Here's the leash, sir.

682
00:46:29,819 --> 00:46:32,571
I'm going back to get the rest
of the carcass off the road.

683
00:46:32,654 --> 00:46:33,654
Thank you, officer.

684
00:46:34,487 --> 00:46:35,654
Have a nice day.

685
00:46:49,492 --> 00:46:50,783
Is this your idea of a good restaurant?

686
00:46:52,325 --> 00:46:53,410
Dog killer!

687
00:46:54,659 --> 00:46:56,411
I'm sure the food is just fine.

688
00:46:57,660 --> 00:46:58,910
I'll take that.

689
00:46:59,994 --> 00:47:00,994
Thank you.

690
00:47:01,369 --> 00:47:02,702
Oh, kids!

691
00:47:07,205 --> 00:47:07,872
Waitress!

692
00:47:32,293 --> 00:47:36,378
"I've had some Ionely nights

693
00:47:37,587 --> 00:47:40,378
"And I'll admit I cried sometimes

694
00:47:41,588 --> 00:47:44,380
"Cause you were out of my life

695
00:47:44,838 --> 00:47:47,422
"But then you called my name

696
00:47:48,548 --> 00:47:51,131
"And you came back again

697
00:47:51,257 --> 00:47:54,007
"I feel so inspired

698
00:47:54,090 --> 00:47:56,840
"Kissing your lips of fire

699
00:47:57,549 --> 00:47:59,592
"Little boy sweet, little boy sweet

700
00:48:01,092 --> 00:48:02,427
"Sweet little boy of mine"

701
00:48:18,178 --> 00:48:19,512
What happened?

702
00:48:21,346 --> 00:48:23,388
What happened to your hair?

703
00:48:24,013 --> 00:48:25,263
You're sweating!

704
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:26,764
Are you blushing?

705
00:48:26,931 --> 00:48:28,722
Don't be silly.

706
00:48:29,016 --> 00:48:30,433
Are you all right, Clark?

707
00:48:30,682 --> 00:48:32,683
Of course, I'm fine!
I'm having a ball!

708
00:48:40,060 --> 00:48:43,227
Come on, honey, look at the mountains,
breathe the air!

709
00:48:45,727 --> 00:48:47,312
Put on a happy face for me.

710
00:48:52,853 --> 00:48:55,521
I guess there's not much
more that can happen to us.

711
00:48:56,730 --> 00:48:58,523
I think the worst is behind us.

712
00:49:07,318 --> 00:49:09,401
Clark, I need my vanity case.

713
00:49:09,984 --> 00:49:11,402
We have to go back and look for it.

714
00:49:12,233 --> 00:49:13,733
All my credit cards are in it.

715
00:49:14,234 --> 00:49:17,401
Honey, number one: I've already
called the bank and reported the loss.

716
00:49:18,068 --> 00:49:20,652
B: We'll never find it when
we don't know where it fell off.

717
00:49:21,236 --> 00:49:22,693
And three: I've got my credit cards.

718
00:49:22,860 --> 00:49:24,903
And we've still got plenty of cash, okay?

719
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,905
No, we don't.
You gave $500 to Eddie.

720
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:31,947
And everything has cost twice
as much as you figured out.

721
00:49:32,072 --> 00:49:34,323
Honey, there's nothing in that luggage
that can't be replaced.

722
00:49:34,656 --> 00:49:36,323
Except for your diaphragm.

723
00:49:36,822 --> 00:49:38,698
We can cash a check down the road.

724
00:49:39,324 --> 00:49:40,866
Don't you trust me?

725
00:49:41,574 --> 00:49:44,116
As long as you don't tie me
to the rear bumper.

726
00:49:47,743 --> 00:49:48,868
That hurt.

727
00:49:50,326 --> 00:49:52,035
Clark, I think we're lost.

728
00:49:52,494 --> 00:49:53,660
We're not lost!

729
00:49:53,826 --> 00:49:55,787
Ellen, please, let me do the driving.

730
00:49:56,162 --> 00:50:00,080
I don't think you'll find
the Grand Canyon on this road.

731
00:50:00,413 --> 00:50:03,039
Jesus, it's only the biggest
goddamn hole in the world!

732
00:50:03,164 --> 00:50:04,414
Clark, watch your language!

733
00:50:05,249 --> 00:50:06,831
Make that the second largest.

734
00:50:07,332 --> 00:50:10,121
Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour!

735
00:50:10,288 --> 00:50:12,789
Shut up, Audrey!
Dad knows where he's going.

736
00:50:12,914 --> 00:50:13,539
Thank you.

737
00:50:14,248 --> 00:50:15,207
You're lost!

738
00:50:17,165 --> 00:50:18,874
Ma, I saw some detour signs!

739
00:50:19,250 --> 00:50:19,874
I didn't see any.

740
00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:23,252
I saw them when you and Mom
were trying to fold the map.

741
00:50:24,252 --> 00:50:26,169
When they close a road
they put up big signs.

742
00:50:26,294 --> 00:50:27,252
Like this one.

743
00:50:49,215 --> 00:50:50,758
I think I broke my nose!

744
00:50:50,967 --> 00:50:52,300
I stabbed my brain.

745
00:50:52,467 --> 00:50:53,926
I just got my period.

746
00:50:55,134 --> 00:50:56,218
I'm going to check under the hood.

747
00:51:09,718 --> 00:51:12,220
Audrey, gather up all the clothes,
and put them in a pile.

748
00:51:12,553 --> 00:51:15,554
Rusty, find the first aid kit,
then bring the suitcases here.

749
00:51:15,887 --> 00:51:17,721
Where can I go to the bathroom?

750
00:51:18,638 --> 00:51:20,307
Find a bush, Audrey!

751
00:51:22,765 --> 00:51:25,307
Dad, you must've jumped
the car about 50 yards!

752
00:51:25,849 --> 00:51:27,975
It's nothing to be proud of, Rusty.

753
00:51:29,267 --> 00:51:30,308
Fifty yards.

754
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:34,310
Ellen, get me out of here!

755
00:51:35,685 --> 00:51:38,186
Stay in the car!
It's hot and dangerous out here!

756
00:51:38,270 --> 00:51:40,769
Don't you tell me what to do!
I'll do what I want!

757
00:51:41,603 --> 00:51:44,019
I should never have come
on this trip with you!

758
00:51:44,186 --> 00:51:45,520
I should have taken an airplane!

759
00:51:46,020 --> 00:51:49,605
And he, he shouldn't even have
a license to drive an automobile.

760
00:51:50,022 --> 00:51:51,982
He should be behind bars!

761
00:51:53,690 --> 00:51:56,150
Sit down, and shut up!

762
00:52:03,190 --> 00:52:05,524
Move out of that seat,
and I'll split your lip!

763
00:52:13,943 --> 00:52:15,194
Rusty, come up here!

764
00:52:18,571 --> 00:52:21,528
I am going to have to hike down
the road to find a service station.

765
00:52:21,611 --> 00:52:23,821
I want you to stay here
and take care of things.

766
00:52:25,071 --> 00:52:26,030
Will you be okay?

767
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:27,156
Oh, sure.

768
00:52:29,656 --> 00:52:32,657
I haven't had a chance
to talk to you, man to man.

769
00:52:33,407 --> 00:52:35,074
I've only been a man a few days, Dad.

770
00:52:37,908 --> 00:52:39,742
You're growing up so fast.

771
00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:43,076
I have spent the past 15 years...

772
00:52:43,118 --> 00:52:46,120
...developing newer and better
food additives.

773
00:52:47,494 --> 00:52:49,036
I guess I missed a lot.

774
00:52:51,579 --> 00:52:53,913
At first, I didn't want
to take this vacation.

775
00:52:55,164 --> 00:52:56,414
Now I'm glad I did.

776
00:52:57,248 --> 00:53:00,079
It has given me a chance
to spend more time with you and...

777
00:53:00,912 --> 00:53:01,537
Audrey.

778
00:53:01,787 --> 00:53:02,787
Audrey. Yeah.

779
00:53:05,496 --> 00:53:06,998
It's been fun for me, too, Dad.

780
00:53:08,581 --> 00:53:09,831
Except for Aunt Edna.

781
00:53:10,915 --> 00:53:13,083
She doesn't mean to be
a pain in the rump.

782
00:53:13,292 --> 00:53:14,751
It's just the way she is.

783
00:53:15,375 --> 00:53:17,002
Let's not let it spoil our fun, okay?

784
00:53:17,126 --> 00:53:18,084
I won't.

785
00:53:18,709 --> 00:53:21,252
Maybe she would be nicer
if she had a family of her own.

786
00:53:22,044 --> 00:53:25,544
Instead of always having to latch
onto someone else's.

787
00:53:28,046 --> 00:53:29,879
You're a pretty bright little guy.

788
00:53:30,212 --> 00:53:31,463
Excuse me... man.

789
00:53:37,297 --> 00:53:37,922
It's okay.

790
00:53:40,380 --> 00:53:41,632
Do you know what I want to do?

791
00:53:44,216 --> 00:53:46,383
When I was your age,
my dad shared a beer with me.

792
00:53:46,550 --> 00:53:48,801
And I thought it was
the best thing ever.

793
00:54:01,384 --> 00:54:04,136
When I was a boy, just about
every summer we'd take a vacation.

794
00:54:05,887 --> 00:54:09,388
In 18 years, we never had fun.

795
00:54:12,765 --> 00:54:14,347
Now I have my own family.

796
00:54:14,513 --> 00:54:15,973
And we're on our own vacation.

797
00:54:16,182 --> 00:54:17,098
You know what?

798
00:54:17,848 --> 00:54:18,682
What, Dad?

799
00:54:19,766 --> 00:54:21,266
We're going to have fun.

800
00:54:26,517 --> 00:54:27,517
We're going to have fun.

801
00:54:30,477 --> 00:54:32,061
Don't let your mother smell
that beer on your breath.

802
00:54:32,227 --> 00:54:33,727
She'll take it out on me.

803
00:54:35,393 --> 00:54:38,104
I better get moving if I want
to get us out of here by dark.

804
00:54:41,688 --> 00:54:43,148
Good talk, son.

805
00:54:43,356 --> 00:54:44,314
Good talk, Dad.

806
00:54:45,689 --> 00:54:46,357
Clark?

807
00:54:52,355 --> 00:54:55,731
I just had a good talk with Rusty.
You'll be in good hands here, honey.

808
00:54:57,774 --> 00:54:58,857
Where are you going?!

809
00:54:59,607 --> 00:55:02,483
There must be a phone or a gas station
around here, honey.

810
00:55:04,109 --> 00:55:06,611
All right, but if you're
not back in an hour...

811
00:55:07,319 --> 00:55:10,154
I'll be fine. You'll be fine.
I'm sure this happens all the time.

812
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:12,236
A patrol car will be by any minute.

813
00:55:14,154 --> 00:55:15,487
"Over the river and through the woods

814
00:55:15,654 --> 00:55:17,321
"To Grandmother's house we go

815
00:55:18,821 --> 00:55:20,155
"A thousand bottles of beer on the wall

816
00:55:24,823 --> 00:55:26,115
"Four bottles of beer

817
00:55:26,990 --> 00:55:28,699
"If one of those bottles
should happen to fall...

818
00:55:29,323 --> 00:55:32,158
"I love a parade

819
00:55:32,741 --> 00:55:35,743
"The trampling of feet,
I love the beat I hear of a drum

820
00:55:36,993 --> 00:55:39,327
"I love a parade"

821
00:55:48,911 --> 00:55:53,536
We pass a goddamn gas station
every 100 yards for 1,000 miles!

822
00:55:54,162 --> 00:55:56,663
But when you really need one,
you end up walking your ass off.

823
00:55:56,829 --> 00:55:58,330
This is no way to run a desert!

824
00:55:59,997 --> 00:56:01,288
Jesus! I'm going to die!

825
00:56:03,166 --> 00:56:04,249
What an asshole!

826
00:56:10,500 --> 00:56:11,834
Taxi. Taxi!

827
00:56:13,668 --> 00:56:14,668
I'm dead.

828
00:56:19,461 --> 00:56:20,670
I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished.

829
00:56:24,379 --> 00:56:25,672
Hot! Hot!

830
00:56:54,135 --> 00:56:56,094
I'm not sure of his
exact height and weight.

831
00:56:56,469 --> 00:56:58,219
All I know is the man was
a saint with children...

832
00:56:58,386 --> 00:57:00,055
...and a genius with food additives...

833
00:57:00,721 --> 00:57:01,513
...and...

834
00:57:01,721 --> 00:57:02,680
Clark!

835
00:57:02,846 --> 00:57:03,472
Ellen!

836
00:57:07,347 --> 00:57:08,014
Russ!

837
00:57:10,431 --> 00:57:11,099
Audrey?

838
00:57:11,515 --> 00:57:12,348
Audrey!

839
00:57:15,849 --> 00:57:17,184
Are you all right?

840
00:57:17,517 --> 00:57:18,308
I'm fine!

841
00:57:18,517 --> 00:57:19,892
What happened to you?
How did you get here?

842
00:57:20,017 --> 00:57:23,350
Well these two nice Indians and
a man on a camel called a tow truck.

843
00:57:23,517 --> 00:57:24,476
Daddy's back!

844
00:57:27,185 --> 00:57:28,270
Kids, are you thirsty?

845
00:57:28,562 --> 00:57:30,563
- Yeah, I bet you are too!
- You said it!

846
00:57:52,858 --> 00:57:53,816
What do I owe you?

847
00:57:54,775 --> 00:57:57,943
I never heard of no one so stupid
as you driving off that road.

848
00:57:58,735 --> 00:58:00,568
You must have manure for brains.

849
00:58:01,569 --> 00:58:03,485
Yes, well, I'm from out of town.

850
00:58:04,318 --> 00:58:05,319
What's the bill?

851
00:58:10,487 --> 00:58:11,822
Come on. How much?

852
00:58:11,905 --> 00:58:13,030
How much do you have?

853
00:58:13,572 --> 00:58:14,989
No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.

854
00:58:16,239 --> 00:58:17,865
I'm asking you, how much do you have.

855
00:58:20,656 --> 00:58:21,364
You're crazy.

856
00:58:22,824 --> 00:58:24,324
I don't have time to play around.

857
00:58:24,491 --> 00:58:25,492
How much is it?

858
00:58:26,159 --> 00:58:27,492
All of it, boy.

859
00:58:29,493 --> 00:58:31,618
What does your sheriff think
of your business practices?

860
00:58:54,248 --> 00:58:56,082
Audrey, how much
baby-sitting money do you have?

861
00:58:57,165 --> 00:58:58,123
How come?

862
00:58:58,665 --> 00:58:59,665
How much?

863
00:58:59,749 --> 00:59:00,833
What's the matter?

864
00:59:01,332 --> 00:59:04,792
I just spent $500
on four bald tires and a tow!

865
00:59:05,625 --> 00:59:06,710
How much do you have?

866
00:59:08,209 --> 00:59:08,877
$35.

867
00:59:09,710 --> 00:59:11,044
She has $40, Dad.

868
00:59:11,377 --> 00:59:14,004
How would you know? Unless you went
in my purse, you rotten sneak.

869
00:59:14,211 --> 00:59:16,669
Have you been going through
her private property?

870
00:59:17,128 --> 00:59:19,211
I don't give a frog's fat ass
who went through what.

871
00:59:19,545 --> 00:59:20,881
We need money!

872
00:59:22,297 --> 00:59:23,338
Edna, how much do you have?

873
00:59:24,131 --> 00:59:25,465
She's asleep, Clark!

874
00:59:26,715 --> 00:59:28,716
Russ, do you want to look
through Edna's purse?

875
00:59:29,132 --> 00:59:29,799
Clark!

876
00:59:36,214 --> 00:59:37,048
Unzip it.

877
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:42,884
She has 11 cents, Dad.

878
00:59:43,383 --> 00:59:44,468
Terrific.

879
00:59:44,801 --> 00:59:46,217
The motel will cash your check.

880
00:59:47,301 --> 00:59:49,178
They better. We're going to
run out of gas.

881
00:59:53,845 --> 00:59:56,804
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't accept this credit card.

882
00:59:57,846 --> 00:59:58,472
Why not?

883
00:59:58,847 --> 01:00:00,638
The computer says
it's has been reported lost.

884
01:00:01,681 --> 01:00:05,307
My wife lost her credit
cards in Colorado and I reported it.

885
01:00:05,515 --> 01:00:08,475
The computer is probably reporting that
I lost mine also, which I haven't.

886
01:00:08,725 --> 01:00:11,558
Well, you'll have to straighten that out
with your bank.

887
01:00:12,434 --> 01:00:13,683
Will you accept a personal check?

888
01:00:14,058 --> 01:00:15,225
For what amount?

889
01:00:15,434 --> 01:00:16,225
$300.

890
01:00:16,726 --> 01:00:17,810
I can't do that, sir.

891
01:00:17,894 --> 01:00:20,436
Look, I've lost all my cash and
we're on our way to California.

892
01:00:20,686 --> 01:00:21,644
Walley World?

893
01:00:22,021 --> 01:00:23,353
Yeah! Walley World!

894
01:00:24,021 --> 01:00:26,688
And I'm sort of stuck between
a rock and a hard place.

895
01:00:27,022 --> 01:00:28,229
You know I'd really appreciate it.

896
01:00:28,856 --> 01:00:30,981
We require a major credit card.

897
01:00:33,645 --> 01:00:36,313
I have $6.13 to my name...

898
01:00:36,396 --> 01:00:38,563
...so I can see we're going to have
to work something out.

899
01:00:38,938 --> 01:00:41,397
I've already told you that
I can't accept a check...

900
01:00:41,481 --> 01:00:43,065
...without a major credit card.

901
01:00:43,523 --> 01:00:48,192
I'll give you a check for $1,000.
All you have to give me is $300 in cash.

902
01:00:48,525 --> 01:00:53,735
You can then keep $700 for doing nothing
more than acting like a total creep.

903
01:00:55,234 --> 01:00:56,861
The only thing I can do...

904
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:59,904
...is have you stay here
until the check clears.

905
01:01:00,236 --> 01:01:01,779
Ten working days!

906
01:01:29,575 --> 01:01:32,284
Let's go, come on!
Where is Edna?

907
01:01:32,409 --> 01:01:33,284
In the car!

908
01:01:33,618 --> 01:01:34,869
Good! Come on, get in the car.

909
01:01:35,243 --> 01:01:36,869
Don't you want to look
at the Grand Canyon?

910
01:01:39,411 --> 01:01:40,536
Great, let's go.

911
01:01:51,540 --> 01:01:52,540
Rusty, wake up!

912
01:01:56,041 --> 01:01:58,334
Get out those sandwiches
I got at the gas station.

913
01:01:58,793 --> 01:02:02,126
I'm so hungry, I could eat
a sandwich from a gas station.

914
01:02:03,335 --> 01:02:04,669
There's one for everyone.

915
01:02:05,294 --> 01:02:09,169
Audrey, wake Aunt Edna. It's time
for her to eat and take her pill.

916
01:02:09,544 --> 01:02:10,837
Please, get off of me!

917
01:02:12,046 --> 01:02:14,338
Mom, tell Audrey to stop pushing
Aunt Edna on me.

918
01:02:14,546 --> 01:02:16,673
I'm sick of her lying
on me all the time!

919
01:02:17,464 --> 01:02:18,422
Be quiet!

920
01:02:19,548 --> 01:02:20,507
Auntie?

921
01:02:20,548 --> 01:02:24,299
Honey, it's only a few hours to Phoenix!
Let her be, she's fine!

922
01:02:24,675 --> 01:02:25,756
She's not fine!

923
01:02:26,798 --> 01:02:28,089
She's fine! Don't be silly!

924
01:02:29,006 --> 01:02:31,173
She's not fine, Clark!

925
01:02:31,382 --> 01:02:32,466
She's dead!

926
01:02:40,678 --> 01:02:42,845
She breathed on me!
A dead person breathed on me!

927
01:02:43,011 --> 01:02:44,844
Her hand touched me!
She's stiff already!

928
01:02:57,098 --> 01:02:58,390
Goddamn it, anyway!

929
01:03:08,351 --> 01:03:11,018
She must have passed away
somewhere near Flagstaff.

930
01:03:13,352 --> 01:03:14,812
What are we going to do, Clark?

931
01:03:18,354 --> 01:03:19,688
Well, we could leave her here...

932
01:03:19,771 --> 01:03:22,018
...and the first phone we pass,
we'd call your cousin, Normie...

933
01:03:22,102 --> 01:03:23,770
...and he can come and get her, I guess.

934
01:03:23,853 --> 01:03:25,311
That's the meanest, coldest...

935
01:03:25,895 --> 01:03:27,604
What do you want me to do,
call Federal Express?

936
01:03:27,854 --> 01:03:30,730
Mom, we don't have to ride
with a dead person, do we?

937
01:03:30,814 --> 01:03:31,814
Please say we don't!

938
01:03:32,105 --> 01:03:34,398
Come on, Mom. It'd be real easy
for Cousin Normie to find her.

939
01:03:34,565 --> 01:03:36,274
All he'd have to do is
look for the buzzards.

940
01:03:37,190 --> 01:03:39,858
Hell! Then we'll drive her
to Cousin Normie's.

941
01:03:40,732 --> 01:03:44,276
I just didn't want to get caught up in
a funeral, inquests and all that crap.

942
01:03:44,734 --> 01:03:49,402
You're the most self-centered,
egotistical, manipulative...

943
01:03:49,777 --> 01:03:51,778
Don't say anything you'll regret, Ellen!

944
01:03:52,778 --> 01:03:54,779
I'm being practical.
If we drove straight through...

945
01:03:54,821 --> 01:03:56,529
...we'd have three days
at Walley World at best.

946
01:03:56,779 --> 01:03:57,779
Three.

947
01:04:00,737 --> 01:04:02,488
She can't weight more than 100 pounds.

948
01:04:03,613 --> 01:04:06,323
Oh, no!
You can't put her up on that roof!

949
01:04:06,574 --> 01:04:07,532
Yes, he can!

950
01:04:08,700 --> 01:04:11,784
Do you want me to strap her to the hood?
What's the difference? She'll be fine.

951
01:04:12,075 --> 01:04:14,284
It's not as if it's going to rain
or something.

952
01:04:41,330 --> 01:04:42,707
This is terrible!

953
01:04:44,998 --> 01:04:47,583
What a nightmare!

954
01:05:03,212 --> 01:05:05,462
Don't just blurt it out
about Edna dying!

955
01:05:05,713 --> 01:05:07,714
How about if I ask him
to play a guessing game?

956
01:05:16,504 --> 01:05:18,505
Oh, no, he isn't even home.

957
01:05:18,630 --> 01:05:20,590
Maybe the neighbors know where he is.

958
01:05:20,839 --> 01:05:22,548
The moron knows we're coming,
and he isn't home.

959
01:05:22,631 --> 01:05:24,674
Normie's always been flighty.

960
01:05:24,799 --> 01:05:25,716
He's always been a jag-off.

961
01:05:25,840 --> 01:05:27,133
Will you watch your mouth?

962
01:05:27,466 --> 01:05:28,216
There's a note.

963
01:05:30,342 --> 01:05:32,218
"Have gone to Flagstaff.
Be back on Monday."

964
01:05:34,385 --> 01:05:35,552
What a worm!

965
01:05:57,182 --> 01:05:58,142
It's locked!

966
01:06:03,351 --> 01:06:04,477
Okay, let's go!

967
01:06:05,852 --> 01:06:07,894
We can't leave her on the patio!

968
01:06:08,895 --> 01:06:11,851
Would you rather I slipped her in the
night deposit box at the funeral home?!

969
01:06:11,893 --> 01:06:12,809
Come on!

970
01:06:12,893 --> 01:06:14,560
It's raining all over her!

971
01:06:15,352 --> 01:06:17,019
She can't catch a cold now, Mom!

972
01:06:18,687 --> 01:06:21,228
Clark? We have to at least
say something.

973
01:06:21,853 --> 01:06:23,812
Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads.

974
01:06:24,896 --> 01:06:25,732
Oh, God...

975
01:06:27,773 --> 01:06:30,607
Ease our suffering in this,
our moment of great despair!

976
01:06:31,064 --> 01:06:35,608
Admit this good and decent woman
into Thine arms and the flock...

977
01:06:35,941 --> 01:06:37,900
...in Thine heavenly area up there.

978
01:06:39,817 --> 01:06:43,611
And Moab he laideth down
behind the land of the Canaanites.

979
01:06:44,110 --> 01:06:46,903
And, yea,
though the Hindus speak of karma...

980
01:06:47,445 --> 01:06:48,111
Clark!

981
01:06:48,445 --> 01:06:51,320
I implore you, give her a break.

982
01:06:51,612 --> 01:06:52,320
Clark!

983
01:06:58,822 --> 01:07:01,865
Clark, this is a serious matter!
I'll do it myself!

984
01:07:02,115 --> 01:07:05,075
Honey, I'm not an ordained minister!
I'm doing my best, okay?

985
01:07:06,576 --> 01:07:10,115
Lord, we love this woman
with all our hearts!

986
01:07:10,324 --> 01:07:11,740
Let's not overdo it, Mom!

987
01:07:12,115 --> 01:07:12,823
Shut up!

988
01:07:13,408 --> 01:07:15,700
We know she deserves
better than this...

989
01:07:16,116 --> 01:07:20,076
...but my husband wants his
beloved family to get to Walley World...

990
01:07:20,117 --> 01:07:21,619
...to have their vacation!

991
01:07:22,118 --> 01:07:25,120
I hope you understand!
Have mercy on his soul!

992
01:07:25,329 --> 01:07:26,621
Amen! Let's go!

993
01:07:27,579 --> 01:07:30,538
I hope you children have learned
something about life and death!

994
01:07:30,996 --> 01:07:33,163
Yeah! Don't die unless someone is home!

995
01:07:35,872 --> 01:07:37,122
I think Normie will understand...

996
01:07:37,164 --> 01:07:39,123
...when he sees the note
we pinned on Edna's sleeve.

997
01:07:39,290 --> 01:07:43,458
Sure! You left his dead mother
tied to a lawn chair in his backyard!

998
01:07:43,625 --> 01:07:44,667
I'm sure he won't mind!

999
01:07:45,792 --> 01:07:47,124
It's all over and done with!

1000
01:07:47,625 --> 01:07:50,292
We'll find a motel and start fresh
in the morning.

1001
01:07:51,503 --> 01:07:54,211
I don't want to be in the car anymore.
I want to go home!

1002
01:07:54,294 --> 01:07:55,961
I don't want to go to Walley World!

1003
01:07:56,003 --> 01:07:59,671
Clark? Under the circumstances,
I would rather we just go home.

1004
01:07:59,962 --> 01:08:04,920
In retrospect, driving across country,
has been one disaster after another!

1005
01:08:05,128 --> 01:08:07,003
Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad!

1006
01:08:08,003 --> 01:08:09,879
Maybe we can try it some other time.

1007
01:08:10,380 --> 01:08:12,214
Walley World's overrated anyway.

1008
01:08:13,339 --> 01:08:14,297
What do you think?

1009
01:08:18,131 --> 01:08:20,133
I think you're all fucked in the head.

1010
01:08:20,300 --> 01:08:24,008
We're ten hours from the fucking
fun park and you want to bail out.

1011
01:08:24,175 --> 01:08:26,759
Well, I'll tell you something.
This is no longer a vacation!

1012
01:08:27,134 --> 01:08:28,301
It's a quest!

1013
01:08:28,551 --> 01:08:29,552
It's a quest for fun.

1014
01:08:30,344 --> 01:08:32,387
I'm going to have fun and
you're going to have fun.

1015
01:08:32,512 --> 01:08:34,303
We're all going to have
so much fucking fun...

1016
01:08:34,387 --> 01:08:37,346
...we'll need plastic surgery
to remove our goddamn smiles.

1017
01:08:37,679 --> 01:08:40,639
You'll be whistling zippity-doo-dah
out of your assholes!

1018
01:08:42,680 --> 01:08:45,138
I have to be crazy.
I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose.

1019
01:08:45,846 --> 01:08:49,392
Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!

1020
01:08:50,724 --> 01:08:52,392
Dad, do you want
an aspirin or something?

1021
01:08:53,351 --> 01:08:54,017
Don't touch!

1022
01:09:09,185 --> 01:09:10,936
The next time you have
one of your outbursts...

1023
01:09:11,019 --> 01:09:13,895
...I'd appreciate it if you'd have
some consideration for your kids.

1024
01:09:14,354 --> 01:09:15,229
What are you talking about?

1025
01:09:15,354 --> 01:09:16,397
You don't know?

1026
01:09:17,189 --> 01:09:19,314
All I know is I'm trying to treat
my family to a little fun!

1027
01:09:20,356 --> 01:09:22,730
Spare me, Clark!
I know your brand of family fun.

1028
01:09:22,897 --> 01:09:24,607
Tomorrow you'll probably
kill the desk clerk...

1029
01:09:24,690 --> 01:09:27,732
...hold up a McDonald's, and drive us
a thousand miles out of the way...

1030
01:09:27,816 --> 01:09:29,608
...to see the world's largest
ball of mud!

1031
01:09:30,733 --> 01:09:31,942
You know what your problem is?

1032
01:09:34,193 --> 01:09:36,276
You have an uncanny knack
for looking at the dark side of things.

1033
01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:37,444
That's your problem.

1034
01:09:39,485 --> 01:09:41,528
You wouldn't know a good time
if it came up and bit you!

1035
01:09:41,986 --> 01:09:43,111
Where are you going?

1036
01:09:43,236 --> 01:09:44,238
What do you care?

1037
01:11:16,008 --> 01:11:17,217
Are you waiting for someone?

1038
01:11:19,259 --> 01:11:21,510
No! Do you mind if I sit down?

1039
01:11:24,219 --> 01:11:25,552
Fancy seeing you here.

1040
01:11:26,844 --> 01:11:29,512
Having a nice little family vacation?

1041
01:11:34,888 --> 01:11:36,471
It would appear so, wouldn't it?

1042
01:11:38,015 --> 01:11:42,099
No, the truth of it is,
and this is highly confidential...

1043
01:11:42,182 --> 01:11:43,141
...I own this motel.

1044
01:11:45,142 --> 01:11:46,683
I own the whole chain, nationwide.

1045
01:11:47,017 --> 01:11:48,476
Twenty-two hundred units.

1046
01:11:50,310 --> 01:11:53,515
Yeah, once a year,
I travel across the country, incognito.

1047
01:11:54,016 --> 01:11:56,058
Check things out,
and see how the operation is running.

1048
01:11:56,725 --> 01:11:59,185
I thought you were going to say
you worked for the CIA.

1049
01:12:02,186 --> 01:12:03,102
That's an old bit, isn't it?

1050
01:12:03,852 --> 01:12:04,477
Really.

1051
01:12:06,229 --> 01:12:10,230
No, I'm not with the CIA.
I was, but that was a long time ago.

1052
01:12:10,937 --> 01:12:12,439
I don't like to talk about it.

1053
01:12:13,897 --> 01:12:17,356
No, I'm mainly interested
in my motels now...

1054
01:12:17,440 --> 01:12:18,523
And my airline.

1055
01:12:18,565 --> 01:12:19,565
That's great.

1056
01:12:20,065 --> 01:12:21,815
I'm just trying to have a little fun.

1057
01:12:22,900 --> 01:12:25,025
It's a shame you're married.

1058
01:12:25,108 --> 01:12:27,109
I'm in the mood for some fun.

1059
01:12:27,734 --> 01:12:31,401
Married?
You mean those people I'm with?

1060
01:12:31,901 --> 01:12:34,153
That's my brother's family.

1061
01:12:34,403 --> 01:12:35,862
My brother's ring.

1062
01:12:35,945 --> 01:12:38,528
I usually borrow them on these
little inspection tours of mine.

1063
01:12:40,405 --> 01:12:44,114
It helps to complete the disguise.
It's fun for them.

1064
01:12:44,780 --> 01:12:47,656
It's a good disguise.
I like the station wagon effect.

1065
01:12:48,446 --> 01:12:50,613
Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it.

1066
01:12:51,405 --> 01:12:56,031
In order to be convincing, you have
to look and act like an ordinary jerk.

1067
01:12:58,282 --> 01:13:01,657
You know, stop at all the stupid sites
and look like a fool.

1068
01:13:03,160 --> 01:13:04,910
Basically, be yourself?

1069
01:13:05,743 --> 01:13:06,702
Yeah!

1070
01:13:07,868 --> 01:13:08,868
You like the disguise?

1071
01:13:14,953 --> 01:13:17,413
My credo is, if you have
to have a credo...

1072
01:13:18,621 --> 01:13:20,580
...you know, "Go for it," pretty much.

1073
01:13:21,622 --> 01:13:25,081
You only go around this crazy
merry-go-round once! You know?

1074
01:13:25,790 --> 01:13:26,497
I agree.

1075
01:13:26,955 --> 01:13:27,581
Yeah.

1076
01:13:33,458 --> 01:13:34,335
That's my credo!

1077
01:13:39,294 --> 01:13:42,295
You don't have to have a credo, but...

1078
01:13:42,378 --> 01:13:43,878
"If the shoe fits, wear it."

1079
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:46,584
"A penny saved..."
"Pennies from heaven..."

1080
01:13:47,710 --> 01:13:48,752
My favorite credo...

1081
01:13:55,796 --> 01:13:58,505
...you know "A penny saved, and..."

1082
01:13:58,588 --> 01:13:59,631
Thank you.

1083
01:14:05,382 --> 01:14:06,965
This feels great!

1084
01:14:09,258 --> 01:14:10,217
Well...

1085
01:14:11,092 --> 01:14:12,675
...are you going to go for it?

1086
01:14:13,550 --> 01:14:15,051
Uh... here?

1087
01:14:15,426 --> 01:14:16,885
To start with, yes.

1088
01:14:17,760 --> 01:14:20,386
Why not? Don't you swim?

1089
01:14:22,761 --> 01:14:26,762
Sure, I took third in the state finals
in my senior year.

1090
01:14:30,847 --> 01:14:33,473
Yeah, I'm really at ease in the water.

1091
01:14:36,849 --> 01:14:38,808
I'm proficient in many strokes
and I dive.

1092
01:14:38,849 --> 01:14:41,351
As a matter of fact,
I could've been in the Olympics.

1093
01:14:43,765 --> 01:14:46,766
Yeah. I'll be right there.

1094
01:14:47,766 --> 01:14:52,475
Yeah. This is crazy, this is crazy,
this is crazy!

1095
01:14:55,393 --> 01:14:56,229
How's the water?

1096
01:14:56,395 --> 01:14:57,478
Exhilarating!

1097
01:14:58,686 --> 01:15:00,520
I'm in deep, I'm in deep!

1098
01:15:06,063 --> 01:15:09,397
It's cold! Jesus! Fuck!

1099
01:15:11,981 --> 01:15:12,981
Clark?

1100
01:15:13,565 --> 01:15:14,524
Cold!

1101
01:15:25,485 --> 01:15:26,485
Clark...?

1102
01:15:27,569 --> 01:15:28,611
Hi, honey.

1103
01:15:28,736 --> 01:15:30,070
What are you doing?

1104
01:15:30,320 --> 01:15:31,445
Swimming!

1105
01:15:31,612 --> 01:15:33,947
Yeah, my back was killing me.

1106
01:15:35,863 --> 01:15:38,736
And I thought I'd get a swim
and loosen up the muscles.

1107
01:15:39,112 --> 01:15:41,445
Why go to the car and get
the bathing suit? Jump right in.

1108
01:15:43,071 --> 01:15:44,113
It's exhilarating.

1109
01:15:44,780 --> 01:15:46,571
Guess what, honey?
This person here was...

1110
01:15:46,780 --> 01:15:48,073
...here!

1111
01:15:49,240 --> 01:15:50,698
I didn't see this person, so...

1112
01:15:51,615 --> 01:15:55,034
...I screamed, that's why I yelled.
I was so surprised.

1113
01:15:55,492 --> 01:15:56,951
You can imagine, can't you, honey?

1114
01:16:01,868 --> 01:16:02,868
Honey?!

1115
01:16:16,288 --> 01:16:17,247
Will you excuse me?

1116
01:16:18,122 --> 01:16:19,330
You have to go.

1117
01:16:20,665 --> 01:16:22,624
Well, I'd stay if I weren't married,
but I am.

1118
01:16:23,624 --> 01:16:24,582
I know.

1119
01:16:25,792 --> 01:16:27,333
I hope I didn't spoil your evening.

1120
01:16:27,667 --> 01:16:29,418
No, it's been interesting.

1121
01:16:31,127 --> 01:16:32,961
Well, enjoy the rest of your trip.

1122
01:16:33,335 --> 01:16:34,335
You, too.

1123
01:16:43,627 --> 01:16:45,003
I can't believe this.

1124
01:16:46,670 --> 01:16:49,505
I am so humiliated.

1125
01:16:51,964 --> 01:16:54,172
Cut it out. You don't even know
how to inhale.

1126
01:16:54,505 --> 01:16:55,672
So?!

1127
01:16:56,298 --> 01:16:57,257
Maybe I don't want to.

1128
01:16:58,506 --> 01:16:59,674
You're such a dork.

1129
01:17:01,841 --> 01:17:06,300
How can he do this to Mom?
They'll probably get a divorce.

1130
01:17:07,551 --> 01:17:08,676
I better have a talk with him.

1131
01:17:16,011 --> 01:17:17,053
What are you doing up?

1132
01:17:18,221 --> 01:17:19,804
You woke the whole motel up, Dad.

1133
01:17:23,388 --> 01:17:24,265
I was...

1134
01:17:24,347 --> 01:17:25,181
...swimming.

1135
01:17:25,223 --> 01:17:26,181
Yeah, I saw you.

1136
01:17:28,515 --> 01:17:29,765
Russ, come here a minute.

1137
01:17:34,556 --> 01:17:37,306
You know I wouldn't
do anything to hurt your Mom.

1138
01:17:38,849 --> 01:17:40,473
It's been a long drive.

1139
01:17:43,891 --> 01:17:47,227
I work very hard for you,
Audrey and your mom.

1140
01:17:50,228 --> 01:17:53,728
I guess when you get older
you get these feelings...

1141
01:17:55,312 --> 01:17:58,354
...and these feelings make you do
things you wouldn't normally do.

1142
01:17:59,896 --> 01:18:01,188
Like swimming naked with girls?

1143
01:18:01,271 --> 01:18:03,606
Yeah! Like swimming naked with girls.

1144
01:18:03,689 --> 01:18:06,356
Well, not with girls.
You think I was swimming with girls?

1145
01:18:06,732 --> 01:18:08,024
I saw just one girl.

1146
01:18:09,607 --> 01:18:11,231
Who, that girl?

1147
01:18:11,398 --> 01:18:13,608
Oh, no, that's a waitress.
No, I was just ordering in.

1148
01:18:14,233 --> 01:18:15,443
She's a pool waitress.

1149
01:18:17,152 --> 01:18:20,235
I was ordering some fish
for you, Audrey and Mom.

1150
01:18:20,277 --> 01:18:21,402
She took your order?

1151
01:18:21,569 --> 01:18:23,278
She took my order, yeah.

1152
01:18:24,112 --> 01:18:25,070
Swimming waitress.

1153
01:18:26,279 --> 01:18:27,946
You understand, don't you, Russ?

1154
01:18:28,070 --> 01:18:29,527
Sure, I understand.

1155
01:18:31,611 --> 01:18:33,445
Do you think Mom will buy it?

1156
01:18:35,612 --> 01:18:39,447
Good talk, son. Go to bed, Russ.

1157
01:18:40,906 --> 01:18:41,530
Goodnight.

1158
01:18:46,283 --> 01:18:46,991
Ellen?

1159
01:18:51,533 --> 01:18:52,575
Ellen?

1160
01:18:53,367 --> 01:18:54,409
Honey?

1161
01:18:57,327 --> 01:18:58,161
Are you mad?

1162
01:18:59,870 --> 01:19:00,828
No.

1163
01:19:03,121 --> 01:19:04,329
Do you like that girl?

1164
01:19:06,162 --> 01:19:07,662
Is that what you want?

1165
01:19:08,329 --> 01:19:09,287
Oh, no.

1166
01:19:11,831 --> 01:19:13,457
How could I like a girl like that?

1167
01:19:14,498 --> 01:19:15,540
She's ugly.

1168
01:19:16,833 --> 01:19:17,791
I love you.

1169
01:19:21,334 --> 01:19:22,959
I'm sorry about everything.

1170
01:19:24,293 --> 01:19:26,498
I got angry because
you were right and I knew it.

1171
01:19:26,665 --> 01:19:27,875
I was hurt, honey.

1172
01:19:28,625 --> 01:19:31,167
I'm sorry, too.
It's not all your fault.

1173
01:19:31,792 --> 01:19:33,584
I know you've been trying.

1174
01:19:33,792 --> 01:19:34,919
I'm going to try, too.

1175
01:19:37,628 --> 01:19:38,836
I know how to have fun.

1176
01:19:40,629 --> 01:19:41,630
And I'm going to prove it.

1177
01:19:43,338 --> 01:19:46,130
Come on. Come on! Come on!

1178
01:19:46,463 --> 01:19:48,297
Honey, you don't have
to prove anything to me.

1179
01:19:49,839 --> 01:19:51,173
I want us to have some fun together.

1180
01:19:53,465 --> 01:19:55,466
- Come on!
- The water's very...

1181
01:20:30,015 --> 01:20:30,973
We must be getting close.

1182
01:20:32,390 --> 01:20:34,682
We're almost there.
Everybody just take it easy.

1183
01:20:40,768 --> 01:20:43,936
I know we're getting close.
What is that? What is that?

1184
01:20:44,685 --> 01:20:46,186
There it is!

1185
01:20:46,311 --> 01:20:48,770
Walley World, next three exits!

1186
01:20:52,604 --> 01:20:54,188
We made it dammit! We made it!

1187
01:20:56,064 --> 01:20:58,606
The Griswolds are
one hell of a family, huh?

1188
01:21:02,564 --> 01:21:03,732
Don't get too much sun, now.

1189
01:21:10,610 --> 01:21:11,944
It's beautiful!

1190
01:21:12,568 --> 01:21:13,903
It's just beautiful!

1191
01:21:16,444 --> 01:21:17,570
Oh, darling!

1192
01:21:20,902 --> 01:21:24,611
- We made it!
- You did it, Clark. Sparky...

1193
01:21:42,699 --> 01:21:43,699
We're the first ones here!

1194
01:21:47,952 --> 01:21:48,910
We're the first ones here!

1195
01:21:49,952 --> 01:21:51,786
But we're so far away, Clark.

1196
01:21:53,786 --> 01:21:55,745
And, at the end of the day,
when the lot's all full...

1197
01:21:55,911 --> 01:21:56,994
...and everybody's fighting
to get out of here...

1198
01:21:57,119 --> 01:21:59,245
...we'll be the first ones
to get out, too!

1199
01:22:00,704 --> 01:22:01,372
Why?

1200
01:22:02,122 --> 01:22:04,288
Because we're the Griswolds!

1201
01:22:07,373 --> 01:22:08,207
Come on, I'll race you!

1202
01:23:20,222 --> 01:23:21,222
Sorry, folks.

1203
01:23:21,347 --> 01:23:22,556
We're closed for 2 weeks...

1204
01:23:22,639 --> 01:23:26,057
...to clean and repair
America's favorite family fun park!

1205
01:23:33,684 --> 01:23:35,351
Clark! What are you doing?

1206
01:23:36,018 --> 01:23:37,394
We watch his program.

1207
01:23:38,019 --> 01:23:39,561
We buy his toys.
We go to his movies!

1208
01:23:39,728 --> 01:23:40,644
He owes us!

1209
01:23:41,145 --> 01:23:42,562
Doesn't he owe us, huh?

1210
01:23:43,312 --> 01:23:44,646
He owes the Griswolds, right?!

1211
01:23:44,979 --> 01:23:46,313
Fucking right, he owes us!

1212
01:23:46,730 --> 01:23:48,188
Clark, you're scaring me!

1213
01:23:48,564 --> 01:23:49,646
Don't be scared!

1214
01:23:49,813 --> 01:23:52,480
I just think someone owes us
an explanation, that's all!

1215
01:23:53,063 --> 01:23:54,733
Come on...

1216
01:23:55,982 --> 01:23:56,982
Clark, now just a minute!

1217
01:24:16,110 --> 01:24:18,068
Honey, will you check
the mileage, please?

1218
01:24:18,903 --> 01:24:19,903
Where are you going?

1219
01:24:20,111 --> 01:24:21,111
I'll be right back...

1220
01:24:21,611 --> 01:24:22,822
I'm just going to get
some sporting goods.

1221
01:24:35,700 --> 01:24:37,199
Clark, will you listen to me?

1222
01:24:37,700 --> 01:24:39,034
Let's just find a hotel.

1223
01:24:39,367 --> 01:24:41,034
I'll have my parents wire us money.

1224
01:24:41,200 --> 01:24:43,201
We'll fly home and forget
this vacation ever happened.

1225
01:24:44,035 --> 01:24:47,702
Relax. I told you I'm not angry
anymore, I'm in complete control.

1226
01:24:48,035 --> 01:24:50,202
They can't be repairing
every ride at the same time!

1227
01:24:50,621 --> 01:24:52,954
I think they owe us an explanation
and a little fun.

1228
01:24:53,538 --> 01:24:54,538
Whatever happens, just trust me.

1229
01:24:54,788 --> 01:24:55,788
Will you just trust me?

1230
01:25:02,707 --> 01:25:04,249
Sorry folks, the park's closed.

1231
01:25:04,416 --> 01:25:05,996
The moose outside should have told you.

1232
01:25:06,873 --> 01:25:08,706
Yes, we're here to see Mr. Roy Walley.

1233
01:25:08,955 --> 01:25:10,123
What is your name, sir?

1234
01:25:10,206 --> 01:25:11,206
Clark W. Griswold.

1235
01:25:14,791 --> 01:25:16,207
What is this regarding, Mr. Griswold?

1236
01:25:16,458 --> 01:25:20,084
It's a public... business...
summer inspection...

1237
01:25:20,126 --> 01:25:21,127
Personal matter.

1238
01:25:25,836 --> 01:25:29,545
Well, nobody notified
this office of anything!

1239
01:25:31,004 --> 01:25:31,962
Well, I'm notifying you.

1240
01:25:32,755 --> 01:25:34,422
I'll need more than that, sir.

1241
01:25:39,340 --> 01:25:41,466
Have you lost your mind?
Where did you get that?

1242
01:25:41,924 --> 01:25:42,923
At the sporting goods store.

1243
01:25:43,048 --> 01:25:43,882
You listen to me, fat ass.

1244
01:25:43,964 --> 01:25:45,965
You do what I say and there won't be
any problems, okay?

1245
01:25:46,924 --> 01:25:51,260
We drove 2,460 miles, just for
a little Roy Walley entertainment.

1246
01:25:51,344 --> 01:25:53,469
The Moose says you're closed.
I say you're open.

1247
01:25:53,844 --> 01:25:56,053
We're not really violent people.

1248
01:25:56,136 --> 01:25:57,470
This is our first gun.

1249
01:25:57,762 --> 01:25:58,763
No, it isn't.

1250
01:26:00,638 --> 01:26:01,636
What's going on here?

1251
01:26:01,885 --> 01:26:03,052
You! Freeze! Freeze!

1252
01:26:03,927 --> 01:26:05,261
Sit! Sit!

1253
01:26:06,595 --> 01:26:08,429
Lie down! Let's go, lie down!

1254
01:26:10,262 --> 01:26:11,262
Roll over!

1255
01:26:12,347 --> 01:26:13,222
Stay!

1256
01:26:15,932 --> 01:26:18,600
Okay! Let's ride! Let's ride!
Come on!

1257
01:26:19,891 --> 01:26:20,849
Stay!

1258
01:26:27,184 --> 01:26:28,184
This is scary isn't it?

1259
01:26:28,351 --> 01:26:29,560
You boys and girls make sure...

1260
01:26:29,602 --> 01:26:31,644
...you keep your hands on
the handlebars at all times.

1261
01:26:31,976 --> 01:26:33,478
We don't want any accidents!

1262
01:26:33,645 --> 01:26:34,645
Is that a real gun, Mom?

1263
01:26:34,811 --> 01:26:38,020
I don't know.
But when this is all over...

1264
01:26:38,771 --> 01:26:41,270
...your father may be going away
for a little while.

1265
01:26:41,437 --> 01:26:42,688
Boy, I sure am bushed!

1266
01:26:42,772 --> 01:26:43,772
Have you had enough yet, sir?

1267
01:26:45,147 --> 01:26:46,148
What do you mean "bushed"?

1268
01:26:47,398 --> 01:26:49,106
Where are the big rides?
The big ones?

1269
01:26:56,108 --> 01:26:57,193
Let's go. Get in the front.

1270
01:26:57,276 --> 01:26:58,273
Come on.

1271
01:27:03,150 --> 01:27:04,983
Has your father ever
killed anyone before?

1272
01:27:05,900 --> 01:27:06,859
Just a dog.

1273
01:27:07,193 --> 01:27:08,527
Oh, and my Aunt Edna.

1274
01:27:08,652 --> 01:27:10,486
Hey! You can't prove that, Rusty.

1275
01:27:13,904 --> 01:27:15,571
Rusty? May I call you Rusty?

1276
01:27:16,738 --> 01:27:18,862
I had a bad experience
on this ride once before.

1277
01:27:19,571 --> 01:27:20,531
What happened?

1278
01:27:21,280 --> 01:27:22,239
I threw up.

1279
01:27:37,826 --> 01:27:38,785
Now, don't do that again!

1280
01:29:17,684 --> 01:29:19,100
Goodie, goodie, goodie!
The Loop-D-Loop!

1281
01:29:19,225 --> 01:29:20,934
Come on, get in there.
Let's go, huh, kids?

1282
01:29:21,101 --> 01:29:22,059
Please, don't push!

1283
01:29:22,101 --> 01:29:24,144
Come on, Audrey.
Isn't this fun, honey?

1284
01:29:27,562 --> 01:29:28,978
That's not a real gun, is it, Clark?

1285
01:29:30,227 --> 01:29:31,853
What? Are you kidding?!
This is a Magnum P.I.!

1286
01:29:32,228 --> 01:29:33,186
It's a BB-gun!

1287
01:29:33,980 --> 01:29:35,730
Don't try me.
I could put your eye out with this.

1288
01:29:36,230 --> 01:29:37,565
You couldn't even break skin with that.

1289
01:29:37,897 --> 01:29:39,523
It could! It could break the skin.

1290
01:29:39,897 --> 01:29:42,732
It could put a lodge under the skin
and cause a bad infection.

1291
01:29:42,815 --> 01:29:44,316
That's an old wives' tale, Clark!

1292
01:29:44,400 --> 01:29:45,358
I'm telling.

1293
01:29:48,981 --> 01:29:50,648
See, I told you! I warned you!

1294
01:29:50,897 --> 01:29:52,441
If you wrecked the pants,
you'll pay for them!

1295
01:29:52,524 --> 01:29:53,524
Yeah, I'll pay for 'em.

1296
01:31:08,043 --> 01:31:08,709
Freeze!

1297
01:31:13,169 --> 01:31:13,919
Don't shoot!

1298
01:31:18,254 --> 01:31:19,588
Hands behind your heads!

1299
01:31:20,255 --> 01:31:21,213
Spread your legs!

1300
01:31:22,504 --> 01:31:23,963
Move up against the wall!

1301
01:31:24,172 --> 01:31:25,505
You two, over there!

1302
01:31:28,923 --> 01:31:29,840
It's just a BB-gun!

1303
01:31:30,257 --> 01:31:31,592
You are all under arrest.

1304
01:31:32,425 --> 01:31:33,758
You have the right to remain silent.

1305
01:31:35,259 --> 01:31:36,925
Watch your hands, mister!

1306
01:31:44,259 --> 01:31:45,134
How many are there?

1307
01:31:45,259 --> 01:31:46,259
A lot of them?

1308
01:31:47,968 --> 01:31:49,968
Whatever they want...
We'll pay 'em! We'll pay 'em!

1309
01:31:50,052 --> 01:31:50,926
Tell me, what is going on?

1310
01:31:51,428 --> 01:31:53,261
Everything's under control, sir.
They are terrorists!

1311
01:31:53,386 --> 01:31:54,011
Where?

1312
01:31:54,762 --> 01:31:55,429
Them?

1313
01:31:57,263 --> 01:31:58,598
He treated me like a dog!

1314
01:31:58,930 --> 01:32:00,263
He humiliated me!

1315
01:32:00,888 --> 01:32:01,764
What did he do with your dog?

1316
01:32:01,847 --> 01:32:03,597
He kidnapped me, Mr. Wally,
but I gotta tell you...

1317
01:32:03,680 --> 01:32:04,848
...I had a great time on your rides.

1318
01:32:04,932 --> 01:32:06,474
It was the most fantastic
experience I've ever had!

1319
01:32:06,557 --> 01:32:08,516
I like the part where you go
really way up high...

1320
01:32:08,558 --> 01:32:11,058
I'm glad you liked it.
Now, what's happening?

1321
01:32:11,266 --> 01:32:12,351
That is Roy Walley, honey!

1322
01:32:13,642 --> 01:32:16,143
I'm Russ Lasky. I met you
at the summer picnic last year.

1323
01:32:17,352 --> 01:32:18,060
I don't remember.

1324
01:32:18,101 --> 01:32:19,268
They kidnapped one of my men.

1325
01:32:19,393 --> 01:32:20,352
I was the one who got sick.

1326
01:32:20,601 --> 01:32:22,602
Anyway Mr. Wally,
I went on all the rides...

1327
01:32:22,685 --> 01:32:25,480
...I didn't get sick this time.
Normally I get sick on all your rides...

1328
01:32:25,563 --> 01:32:26,188
Quiet!

1329
01:32:29,272 --> 01:32:31,272
Mr. Walley... Roy?

1330
01:32:32,814 --> 01:32:34,940
I think I can make
some sense out of this.

1331
01:32:35,315 --> 01:32:36,982
Well, someone had better explain!

1332
01:32:38,146 --> 01:32:39,813
Or there will be a lot
of explaining to do!

1333
01:32:40,813 --> 01:32:42,314
I'm Clark W. Griswold.

1334
01:32:44,398 --> 01:32:45,856
This is my wife, Ellen.

1335
01:32:46,607 --> 01:32:50,108
Hi. We're big fans of yours.
We watch your show all the time.

1336
01:32:51,608 --> 01:32:53,610
These are my children, Audrey and Rusty.

1337
01:32:54,069 --> 01:32:54,902
Nice family.

1338
01:32:58,152 --> 01:33:00,070
We're from Chicago, Roy.
"The Windy City."

1339
01:33:00,320 --> 01:33:01,819
I've been there many times.

1340
01:33:02,237 --> 01:33:06,321
We just spent two weeks
of living hell, driving out here.

1341
01:33:08,280 --> 01:33:10,656
We lost a dear member
of the family on the way.

1342
01:33:13,031 --> 01:33:15,573
But, the important thing,
Roy, is that...

1343
01:33:15,615 --> 01:33:17,698
...we could have gone anywhere
we wanted to this summer.

1344
01:33:17,782 --> 01:33:18,990
Anywhere in the world.

1345
01:33:19,366 --> 01:33:20,700
But when I asked my kids...

1346
01:33:22,201 --> 01:33:25,202
Kids, remember when I asked you
where you wanted to go on vacation?

1347
01:33:25,701 --> 01:33:26,660
What did you say?

1348
01:33:26,785 --> 01:33:27,411
Hawaii?

1349
01:33:28,370 --> 01:33:29,203
Shut up, Russ.

1350
01:33:29,370 --> 01:33:30,370
Audrey, you remember?

1351
01:33:31,537 --> 01:33:32,537
Walley World, Dad?

1352
01:33:33,204 --> 01:33:35,618
"Walley World, Dad! "
Roy Walley World.

1353
01:33:37,370 --> 01:33:39,203
Do you have any children, Mr. Walley?

1354
01:33:39,370 --> 01:33:40,954
Are you kidding? I have seven.

1355
01:33:41,120 --> 01:33:41,787
I thought so.

1356
01:33:42,371 --> 01:33:43,912
Seven, did you hear that, honey?

1357
01:33:44,455 --> 01:33:45,413
You look so young!

1358
01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:50,706
Did you ever drive them across country?

1359
01:33:52,291 --> 01:33:53,957
I took the whole clan
to Florida one year.

1360
01:33:54,290 --> 01:33:56,458
The worst two weeks
I ever had in my life.

1361
01:33:56,874 --> 01:33:59,042
The smell from the backseat
was too unbearable.

1362
01:34:00,125 --> 01:34:01,084
I know that smell.

1363
01:34:05,919 --> 01:34:09,087
Imagine how your kids would
have felt if Florida had been closed.

1364
01:34:09,503 --> 01:34:10,962
They don't close Florida.

1365
01:34:11,087 --> 01:34:13,586
I know they don't close
the state of Florida.

1366
01:34:15,088 --> 01:34:17,297
When we got here,
to Roy Walley World...

1367
01:34:17,713 --> 01:34:19,423
...and it was closed down...

1368
01:34:20,090 --> 01:34:22,258
If you had seen the look
on my kids faces.

1369
01:34:22,507 --> 01:34:23,841
I guess I went a little haywire.

1370
01:34:24,007 --> 01:34:25,800
You went a lot haywire,
if you ask me!

1371
01:34:25,925 --> 01:34:26,925
I'm very sorry, sir.

1372
01:34:27,425 --> 01:34:28,926
I'm sorry to all these people.

1373
01:34:29,260 --> 01:34:30,759
I didn't mean any harm.

1374
01:34:31,506 --> 01:34:33,258
I want you to ask yourself one thing.

1375
01:34:35,507 --> 01:34:36,716
If you were me...

1376
01:34:36,883 --> 01:34:39,051
...wouldn't you have done
the same thing for your children?

1377
01:34:40,051 --> 01:34:41,051
No.

1378
01:34:41,759 --> 01:34:44,593
Mr. Walley, do you want me to take
them downtown and book them?

1379
01:34:48,929 --> 01:34:50,720
No... no.

1380
01:34:50,846 --> 01:34:53,596
Forget it, officer.
I'm not going to press any charges.

1381
01:34:59,682 --> 01:35:01,473
What did I tell ya?
Did I say trust me?