1
00:00:02,739 --> 00:00:05,408
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

2
00:00:05,478 --> 00:00:07,678
Friends, congratulate me.

3
00:00:07,748 --> 00:00:10,378
I've just had my first 3
consecutive hours of sleep

4
00:00:10,448 --> 00:00:11,917
since I became a father.

5
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Lilith's been making
you get up with the baby

6
00:00:13,417 --> 00:00:15,347
at night when it cries, huh?

7
00:00:15,417 --> 00:00:17,093
Well, being a progressive
couple, we actually take turns,

8
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,856
but last night, as she
was gently nudging me

9
00:00:19,926 --> 00:00:23,226
with one of her serrated elbows,

10
00:00:23,296 --> 00:00:26,526
I fell back
on the old yoga trick

11
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of lowering my heart rate,

12
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holding my breath,

13
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and staring blankly
as though I was dead.

14
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And that worked?

15
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Nope. Didn't buy it
for a minute.

16
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See, I'd forgotten it was she

17
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that taught me that trick
during our honeymoon.

18
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You know, this, uh, getting up

19
00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:45,889
in the middle of the night
with a crying baby stuff,

20
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that's... that's the reason
I never had kids.

21
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That's the only
reason, huh, Cliff?

22
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Well, and the fact
that my mother taught me

23
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to have a healthy respect

24
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for the evils
of overpopulation, Normie.

25
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Yeah, you know what? I can still
remember her looking at me and saying,

26
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"for the love of God,
Cliffy, let it stop with you."

27
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♪ Making your way
in the world today

28
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takes everything you've got

29
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taking a break
from all your worries,

30
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sure would help a lot,

31
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wouldn't you like to get away?

32
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Sometimes you want to go

33
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where everybody knows your name,

34
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and they're
always glad you came,

35
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you wanna be where you can see,

36
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our troubles are all the same,

37
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you wanna be where
everybody knows your name

38
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you wanna go where people know,

39
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people are all the same,

40
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you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪

41
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OK, people,

42
00:02:21,630 --> 00:02:22,876
I've got a special day
planned with Robin,

43
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,460
so, I'm leaving the bar
in your control.

44
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I want everything ship-shape.

45
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Carla, straighten up your apron.

46
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Woody, fix your hair.

47
00:02:30,299 --> 00:02:32,269
Sam, stop fixing your hair.

48
00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:34,868
Robin will be by shortly

49
00:02:34,938 --> 00:02:36,838
and he's taking the day off.

50
00:02:36,908 --> 00:02:38,408
Oh, how nice for you.

51
00:02:38,478 --> 00:02:40,848
Nice? Ha!

52
00:02:40,908 --> 00:02:42,247
I don't think you understand

53
00:02:42,307 --> 00:02:43,517
the significance of this.

54
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Men like Robin Colcord
do not take days off.

55
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He had to shift appointments,

56
00:02:46,617 --> 00:02:48,087
put off deals,
cancel plane flights.

57
00:02:48,147 --> 00:02:50,786
When a man like Robin
takes a day off,

58
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it is a major commitment.

59
00:02:53,086 --> 00:02:55,556
Well, for me,
it's a way of life.

60
00:02:56,895 --> 00:02:58,555
So, I guess
this is some kind of honor,

61
00:02:58,625 --> 00:02:59,795
him hanging out with you

62
00:02:59,865 --> 00:03:01,195
instead of his other babe.

63
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You know, the chick
from the French consulate.

64
00:03:03,035 --> 00:03:05,494
That chick is in Paris
being debriefed.

65
00:03:05,564 --> 00:03:09,034
Oh, I thought Robin
was in charge of that.

66
00:03:09,104 --> 00:03:11,633
You know, I am really
not jealous of her.

67
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I don't care.
I am winning.

68
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It is obvious he prefers me.

69
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And he's never taken
a whole day off

70
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with Jeanne Marie.
Oh?

71
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Maybe she has a real job.

72
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So, what do you plan on doing?

73
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Oh, nothing special.

74
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We're just going
to play it by ear,

75
00:03:27,121 --> 00:03:28,421
go with the flow.

76
00:03:28,481 --> 00:03:29,951
Hey, Miss Howe,

77
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I've finished ironing
your wardrobe for the day.

78
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Why didn't you tell me the
iron has a spray setting?

79
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I got all dried out

80
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spitting on your clothes.

81
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Thank you, Woody.

82
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So, what's all this?

83
00:03:43,269 --> 00:03:44,399
Today, Robin and I

84
00:03:44,469 --> 00:03:45,599
are going to live out

85
00:03:45,669 --> 00:03:46,799
every fantasy I've ever had,

86
00:03:46,869 --> 00:03:48,045
and I want to be
properly attired.

87
00:03:48,069 --> 00:03:49,738
So, this is for the beach,

88
00:03:49,808 --> 00:03:50,938
walking hand-in-hand,

89
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picnic in the park,
paddle boats,

90
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zoo,

91
00:03:53,978 --> 00:03:57,347
seventh row,
phantom of the opera,

92
00:03:57,407 --> 00:04:00,217
and this is for the end

93
00:04:00,277 --> 00:04:02,947
of a romantic evening.

94
00:04:03,017 --> 00:04:06,046
You're planning on locking
your keys in your car, Miss Howe?

95
00:04:09,186 --> 00:04:10,686
Yes, Woody.

96
00:04:10,756 --> 00:04:12,555
Well, you've gone
to a lot of trouble.

97
00:04:12,625 --> 00:04:14,355
How long you been planning this?

98
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Since my first day of puberty.

99
00:04:18,265 --> 00:04:19,424
Ah, pubescence,

100
00:04:19,494 --> 00:04:20,934
an emotional time.

101
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,164
I don't mind saying

102
00:04:22,234 --> 00:04:25,204
that puberty was one
long nightmare for me.

103
00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:26,803
How's that, Cliff?

104
00:04:26,873 --> 00:04:30,503
Ma wouldn't allow it
in the house.

105
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Well, on the lovely array of
images that brings to mind,

106
00:04:33,113 --> 00:04:35,412
I'm going to adjourn
to the back room.

107
00:04:35,472 --> 00:04:36,682
I'm ready for a game of darts

108
00:04:36,742 --> 00:04:37,882
if anybody's man enough.

109
00:04:37,942 --> 00:04:39,612
Sorry, I'm busy.

110
00:04:39,682 --> 00:04:41,551
Uh, ahem, I will, uh,

111
00:04:41,611 --> 00:04:42,951
I'll play you for a beer.

112
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,397
Oh, you want to make
a little wager, huh?

113
00:04:44,421 --> 00:04:46,951
No, no. If you buy
me a beer, I'll play you.

114
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Sam? Set up
my friend Norm here.

115
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Hello, Rebecca.

116
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Hi, sweet baby.

117
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Mmm.

118
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Are you ready for
the most relaxing,

119
00:04:58,929 --> 00:05:00,269
exciting day of your life?

120
00:05:00,329 --> 00:05:01,269
I most certainly am.

121
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I just have to
make one phone call first.

122
00:05:03,698 --> 00:05:05,268
Well, it isn't business, is it?

123
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:06,468
On my day off?

124
00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:08,368
Ha! Certainly not.

125
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:11,937
Ah, yes. This is,
uh, Colcord.

126
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Give me 5,000 shares of
Metronix International.

127
00:05:15,307 --> 00:05:16,547
Robin...

128
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:19,016
Oh, yes. Well, I'll call
you later, Aunt Beryl.

129
00:05:19,076 --> 00:05:20,216
God bless.

130
00:05:21,616 --> 00:05:23,186
So, uh, what would you
like to do today?

131
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OK, I'd like to go to the beach,

132
00:05:24,816 --> 00:05:26,285
then I'd like to go
paddle boating,

133
00:05:26,355 --> 00:05:27,355
to the zoo...

134
00:05:27,425 --> 00:05:29,325
Oh, yes. Your first
day of puberty dream.

135
00:05:29,385 --> 00:05:30,555
It had slipped my mind.

136
00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:31,955
Let's be off, eh?

137
00:05:32,025 --> 00:05:33,195
Yeah, I'll get ready.

138
00:05:33,264 --> 00:05:34,740
I have to get into
my beachcombing outfit.

139
00:05:34,764 --> 00:05:36,164
Oh, and here's yours.

140
00:05:36,224 --> 00:05:37,664
Right here.

141
00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:39,134
And... and here...

142
00:05:39,194 --> 00:05:42,003
Is a little terry-cloth
cap for you to wear.

143
00:05:42,063 --> 00:05:44,003
No.

144
00:05:44,073 --> 00:05:45,203
Fine.

145
00:05:47,673 --> 00:05:49,018
Hey, Mr. Colcord,
I think it's great

146
00:05:49,042 --> 00:05:51,112
that you're taking a day off.

147
00:05:51,172 --> 00:05:52,512
You know, back in Hanover,

148
00:05:52,572 --> 00:05:54,512
we used to always
take Sundays off.

149
00:05:54,582 --> 00:05:56,951
Yeah, me and the family used
to dress in our best clothes,

150
00:05:57,011 --> 00:05:58,151
we'd sit in the parlor,

151
00:05:58,211 --> 00:06:00,451
and read from the good book.

152
00:06:00,521 --> 00:06:02,697
Then afterward, me and my
brother would go out to the barn

153
00:06:02,721 --> 00:06:04,250
and read from a bad book.

154
00:06:07,290 --> 00:06:09,160
I love Sundays.

155
00:06:10,629 --> 00:06:12,429
Well, I whupped 'em both.

156
00:06:12,489 --> 00:06:13,659
Oh, yeah, Frasier.

157
00:06:13,729 --> 00:06:14,859
You definitely threw the one

158
00:06:14,929 --> 00:06:16,929
that came closest
to the dartboard.

159
00:06:16,999 --> 00:06:18,728
Well, what's that unusual taste?

160
00:06:18,798 --> 00:06:19,968
Ah, yes...

161
00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:22,168
Sour grapes. Ha ha ha!

162
00:06:22,238 --> 00:06:24,538
So, does anybody else
wish to snatch

163
00:06:24,608 --> 00:06:26,537
the laurels of victory
from my brow?

164
00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:27,783
Well, something's got to cover

165
00:06:27,807 --> 00:06:29,777
that beach you call a forehead.

166
00:06:32,507 --> 00:06:34,476
Mr. Colcord.

167
00:06:34,546 --> 00:06:36,576
You English guys, you
play darts a lot, don't you?

168
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:39,616
Oh, yes, we English do
nothing but sit around in pubs,

169
00:06:39,686 --> 00:06:41,015
sipping thick, warm ale,

170
00:06:41,085 --> 00:06:42,585
throwing darts incessantly,

171
00:06:42,655 --> 00:06:43,785
dropping our Hs,

172
00:06:43,855 --> 00:06:45,095
and singing God Save the Queen.

173
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,255
That's all we do in England.

174
00:06:48,494 --> 00:06:50,424
Wow, that film strip
they showed in junior high

175
00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:52,094
was right on the money.

176
00:06:54,464 --> 00:06:56,063
I'm...sorry I snapped.

177
00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:58,533
It's, um, not
because of you people.

178
00:06:58,603 --> 00:07:01,833
It's this business of, um,
sitting around all day,

179
00:07:01,903 --> 00:07:03,542
doing nothing.

180
00:07:03,602 --> 00:07:05,802
Gets on my nerves, you know.

181
00:07:05,872 --> 00:07:07,012
Or, um...

182
00:07:07,072 --> 00:07:09,672
Maybe it is you people.

183
00:07:09,742 --> 00:07:12,211
So, darts. Who
shall I thrash first?

184
00:07:12,281 --> 00:07:13,751
Well, I'll play you for a beer.

185
00:07:13,811 --> 00:07:15,051
Oh, a little wager.

186
00:07:15,111 --> 00:07:17,221
Hmm.
Not exactly. No.

187
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:23,760
That guy is so damn arrogant.

188
00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:27,259
Yep. He likes
his beer, too.

189
00:07:27,329 --> 00:07:30,429
No, I was talking about Robin.

190
00:07:30,499 --> 00:07:31,629
Yeah, but you must admit

191
00:07:31,699 --> 00:07:34,168
Mr. Peterson can
cop an attitude.

192
00:07:35,728 --> 00:07:36,868
You know, I hope Normie

193
00:07:36,938 --> 00:07:39,098
just knocks him down
a peg or two.

194
00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:40,338
Yeah, well, we all know

195
00:07:40,407 --> 00:07:41,783
that Norm isn't the
best darts player

196
00:07:41,807 --> 00:07:43,007
in the bar.

197
00:07:43,077 --> 00:07:45,177
And we all know who
is, don't we, Sammy?

198
00:07:45,237 --> 00:07:47,077
I'm fine. No, I don't
want to play him.

199
00:07:47,147 --> 00:07:49,246
I mean, it's one thing
when you play friends,

200
00:07:49,306 --> 00:07:50,716
that's kind of fun, you know?

201
00:07:50,776 --> 00:07:52,696
But when you start playing
people you don't like,

202
00:07:52,746 --> 00:07:54,316
other things kind of enter in,

203
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:56,985
and you start thinking
about those times

204
00:07:57,055 --> 00:07:59,955
that he screwed you
out of all that money

205
00:08:00,025 --> 00:08:02,824
or how he, uh,
beat you to Rebecca

206
00:08:02,894 --> 00:08:05,024
after you worked on her
for all those years

207
00:08:05,094 --> 00:08:07,664
and how he always
makes you kind of feel

208
00:08:07,724 --> 00:08:10,034
like a stupid, know-nothing jerk

209
00:08:10,094 --> 00:08:12,793
with lousy clothes
and a stupid job.

210
00:08:12,863 --> 00:08:16,003
You know something? I'm
going to kick that guy's royal butt!

211
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,142
Hey, way to go, Robin!

212
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,871
You know, it just isn't fair.

213
00:08:25,941 --> 00:08:27,911
I mean, I came to the...

214
00:08:27,981 --> 00:08:29,217
I wanted to be one of the guys.

215
00:08:29,241 --> 00:08:30,811
And all I'm doing is
sitting on my duff

216
00:08:30,881 --> 00:08:32,381
watching other people do things.

217
00:08:32,451 --> 00:08:34,520
Welcome to Normworld.

218
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:37,090
Keep your hands
inside the car at all times.

219
00:08:39,490 --> 00:08:41,719
Hi, darling. Ready
to go to the beach?

220
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,359
I've been
to the beach, thank you.

221
00:08:43,429 --> 00:08:45,189
Well, why didn't
you ask me to go?

222
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:47,005
I did. I came in here and
screamed your name out

223
00:08:47,029 --> 00:08:48,204
at least a half a dozen times.

224
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:50,328
I thought you
were cheering me on.

225
00:08:50,398 --> 00:08:52,528
You mean you had to go
to the beach all by yourself?

226
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,038
No. I went with Woody.

227
00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:56,797
I did all those stupid things
that I dreamed of doing.

228
00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:58,107
We walked on the shore,

229
00:08:58,167 --> 00:09:00,007
and we fed the sea gulls,

230
00:09:00,077 --> 00:09:01,977
we skipped stones.

231
00:09:02,037 --> 00:09:04,976
I buried Woody
up to his neck in the sand.

232
00:09:05,046 --> 00:09:06,576
Oh, my God. Woody!

233
00:09:08,646 --> 00:09:09,776
All right, last shot.

234
00:09:09,846 --> 00:09:11,485
Sammy needs a bull's-eye to win.

235
00:09:11,545 --> 00:09:15,415
All right, you mean one
of these here?

236
00:09:15,485 --> 00:09:17,055
Hey!
Hey!

237
00:09:17,125 --> 00:09:18,454
Whoo!
Whoo!

238
00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:20,154
Sammy wins!

239
00:09:20,224 --> 00:09:21,754
Are you sure about the score?

240
00:09:21,824 --> 00:09:23,094
Absolutely.

241
00:09:23,164 --> 00:09:24,594
I kept score with peanuts.

242
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,323
This is you.
This is Sam.

243
00:09:26,393 --> 00:09:27,333
Norm?

244
00:09:27,393 --> 00:09:29,933
That's right.
Uh, 250 to 249.

245
00:09:31,603 --> 00:09:32,602
You know, if you hurry,

246
00:09:32,662 --> 00:09:34,208
I think you can
catch up with Rebecca there.

247
00:09:34,232 --> 00:09:35,972
Do you fancy another game, sir?

248
00:09:36,032 --> 00:09:38,002
Oh, no. Come on.
It's over.

249
00:09:38,072 --> 00:09:40,111
Let's just walk away from this

250
00:09:40,171 --> 00:09:41,411
a winner and a loser.

251
00:09:41,471 --> 00:09:43,381
Say, boys, who was
the winner again?

252
00:09:43,441 --> 00:09:45,611
Sammy! Sammy! Sammy!

253
00:09:45,681 --> 00:09:47,750
Well, if not darts,

254
00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:50,380
what about
a friendly game of pool?

255
00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:52,780
No, no. I never
like to nail a guy

256
00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:54,420
twice in one afternoon.

257
00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:56,089
You haven't lived.

258
00:09:58,259 --> 00:09:59,719
Well, perhaps I could make the...

259
00:09:59,789 --> 00:10:01,165
Perhaps I could make the
prospect a little more enticing

260
00:10:01,189 --> 00:10:02,528
if we threw in a wager?

261
00:10:02,588 --> 00:10:04,498
Shall we say, um, here...

262
00:10:04,558 --> 00:10:05,828
Uh, one U.S. dollar?

263
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:08,668
Whoa!
Whoa!

264
00:10:08,728 --> 00:10:10,097
One lousy buck?

265
00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:11,637
Well, you see, Sam,

266
00:10:11,697 --> 00:10:14,407
a real sportsman wouldn't
consider it a lousy buck,

267
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:15,707
but a trophy...

268
00:10:15,767 --> 00:10:18,706
Something to be held over
the head of the vanquished...

269
00:10:18,776 --> 00:10:21,176
A symbol of victory.

270
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,916
All right.
Lie for break.

271
00:10:23,976 --> 00:10:25,445
Although I can't understand

272
00:10:25,515 --> 00:10:29,285
why anyone would get that
excited about winning a dollar.

273
00:10:29,345 --> 00:10:31,655
♪ Nah nah nah nah ♪

274
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,824
♪ nah nah nah nah ♪

275
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,854
♪ hey hey hey ♪

276
00:10:35,924 --> 00:10:37,094
♪ good-bye ♪

277
00:10:37,154 --> 00:10:39,254
♪ nah nah nah nah ♪

278
00:10:39,324 --> 00:10:42,063
♪ nah nah nah nah ♪

279
00:10:42,123 --> 00:10:44,063
♪ hey hey hey ♪

280
00:10:44,133 --> 00:10:45,763
♪ good-bye ♪

281
00:10:45,833 --> 00:10:48,332
aw, don't feel bad, Robin.
You'd have beat him

282
00:10:48,402 --> 00:10:50,102
if you'd called that last shot.

283
00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:52,702
The one that ricocheted
off that mailman's head?

284
00:10:52,772 --> 00:10:54,472
Yeah.
Yeah.

285
00:10:54,542 --> 00:10:57,941
Yep. Now, if you'd said 8
ball off of Cliffie's temple,

286
00:10:58,011 --> 00:11:01,581
then, maybe this portrait of
George Washington might be yours.

287
00:11:01,641 --> 00:11:02,780
And by the way, boys,

288
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:04,000
which president was he again?

289
00:11:04,050 --> 00:11:06,710
Number one!
Number one!

290
00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:10,119
Hey, Cliffie!

291
00:11:10,189 --> 00:11:11,519
Hey, how you feel, Cliff?

292
00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:13,469
Oh, fine, fine. Just a
little crack in the head.

293
00:11:13,519 --> 00:11:14,959
All right.

294
00:11:15,019 --> 00:11:17,458
So, uh, so, who won the game?

295
00:11:17,528 --> 00:11:18,758
Sammy.

296
00:11:18,828 --> 00:11:20,198
Ah, did you?
That's great.

297
00:11:20,258 --> 00:11:21,398
That's great.

298
00:11:21,458 --> 00:11:23,328
Carla, how about
a beer, eh? Thanks.

299
00:11:23,398 --> 00:11:24,827
So, uh...

300
00:11:24,897 --> 00:11:26,327
Who won the game?

301
00:11:28,037 --> 00:11:29,437
Sammy did.

302
00:11:29,497 --> 00:11:32,866
Sure. No kidding?
Gee, that's great, Sam.

303
00:11:32,936 --> 00:11:34,306
How about a beer, Carla, eh?

304
00:11:36,876 --> 00:11:38,206
Uh, Cliff...

305
00:11:38,276 --> 00:11:40,345
What do you say we trot on down

306
00:11:40,415 --> 00:11:43,415
to the old emergency
room just for fun, huh?

307
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:46,045
Yeah, yeah.
Sure thing, Fras.

308
00:11:46,115 --> 00:11:48,684
So, who won that game?

309
00:11:50,454 --> 00:11:52,284
So, do you fancy
another game, Sam?

310
00:11:52,354 --> 00:11:55,023
Whoo! Boy, Robin,
you are a glutton.

311
00:11:55,093 --> 00:11:56,269
Well, it's not often
I meet someone

312
00:11:56,293 --> 00:11:58,263
who can offer me
such a challenge.

313
00:11:58,323 --> 00:12:00,963
I must confess, I rarely lose.

314
00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:03,402
Really? Well, you're
a natural at it.

315
00:12:03,462 --> 00:12:05,032
Hey!

316
00:12:05,102 --> 00:12:06,232
Yes, you're very kind.

317
00:12:06,302 --> 00:12:07,632
It's not surprising you beat me

318
00:12:07,702 --> 00:12:08,832
at these physical games.

319
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,077
I mean, all they depended upon

320
00:12:10,101 --> 00:12:12,701
were simple hand-to-eye
coordination,

321
00:12:12,771 --> 00:12:14,241
animal cunning.

322
00:12:14,311 --> 00:12:16,311
I mean, these are the
only things you're adroit at.

323
00:12:16,341 --> 00:12:17,680
Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.

324
00:12:17,740 --> 00:12:19,810
No one calls me a droit.

325
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,010
Sammy!

326
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,410
Sammy!

327
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,750
Sammy!

328
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:26,249
How do you think you would
fare in a game whose outcome

329
00:12:26,319 --> 00:12:28,089
rested purely on intelligence,

330
00:12:28,149 --> 00:12:29,649
acumen,

331
00:12:29,719 --> 00:12:32,019
cognitive reasoning?

332
00:12:32,088 --> 00:12:33,458
OK.

333
00:12:33,528 --> 00:12:34,658
Carla,

334
00:12:34,728 --> 00:12:36,288
break out the Yahtzee.

335
00:12:37,528 --> 00:12:40,667
No. I was referring to
the age-old game of chess.

336
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,467
Or don't you indulge
in such sport

337
00:12:42,527 --> 00:12:44,537
in this cultural wasteland?

338
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,637
Hey, hey, hey.

339
00:12:46,697 --> 00:12:48,136
Wait a minute.

340
00:12:48,206 --> 00:12:50,136
Are you talking
about my country?

341
00:12:50,206 --> 00:12:51,636
No, I'm talking about this bar.

342
00:12:51,706 --> 00:12:54,975
Oh. Well, you don't know
the half of it.

343
00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:56,375
Yeah, all right. OK.

344
00:12:56,445 --> 00:12:58,375
I'll... I'll play you
a little game of chess.

345
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:01,285
But let's not go for
this weenie dollar bet here.

346
00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:03,514
I'll tell you what.
Double or nothing.

347
00:13:03,584 --> 00:13:06,154
Well, what do you say...
What do you say we make it

348
00:13:06,214 --> 00:13:07,854
something worth our while?

349
00:13:07,924 --> 00:13:10,293
Both of us.
Um, a week's pay.

350
00:13:11,523 --> 00:13:13,623
My salary...

351
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:14,963
Against your salary.

352
00:13:15,023 --> 00:13:16,663
That's not exactly fair now.

353
00:13:16,723 --> 00:13:18,192
You don't make tips.

354
00:13:22,262 --> 00:13:24,002
Well, what do you say, Sam?

355
00:13:24,072 --> 00:13:25,771
All right. Sure.

356
00:13:25,831 --> 00:13:27,101
Fine.

357
00:13:27,171 --> 00:13:28,517
All right, I'm going
back to my penthouse,

358
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:32,510
and I'll get my chess set...

359
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:34,810
And I'll see you
in an hour, Sam.

360
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,440
I'll be here.

361
00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:39,080
Boy, Sammy, I am impressed.

362
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:40,879
I mean, you have put
a lot on the line.

363
00:13:40,949 --> 00:13:43,889
Do you have any idea how much
that guy takes home in a week?

364
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:46,749
I'd say that's enough money
for me to buy back this bar.

365
00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:48,618
We are home free.

366
00:13:48,688 --> 00:13:50,228
All right, Sammy.

367
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:54,997
I got to learn how
to play chess in an hour.

368
00:13:55,057 --> 00:13:56,197
Eh, you know, what the heck.

369
00:13:56,257 --> 00:13:58,567
It's got to be
easier than Yahtzee.

370
00:14:11,775 --> 00:14:13,375
Oh, here's where everybody is.

371
00:14:13,445 --> 00:14:14,945
Oh, Frasier.
How's Cliff?

372
00:14:15,015 --> 00:14:17,414
Oh, he's fine, fine.
He'll be all right, I think.

373
00:14:17,484 --> 00:14:19,360
They're keeping him
under observation for a while

374
00:14:19,384 --> 00:14:20,884
until he's completely normal.

375
00:14:20,954 --> 00:14:24,154
Gee, I never
got to say good-bye.

376
00:14:25,623 --> 00:14:27,053
So, uh, what is all this anyway?

377
00:14:27,123 --> 00:14:28,299
Oh, you're going to love this.

378
00:14:28,323 --> 00:14:29,693
See, Sammy and Robin

379
00:14:29,753 --> 00:14:33,232
are playing chess for
one week's wages, right?

380
00:14:33,292 --> 00:14:34,468
We got this computer chess game

381
00:14:34,492 --> 00:14:36,232
so that Sammy can beat Robin,

382
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,462
and Norm is going to feed him

383
00:14:37,532 --> 00:14:39,601
all the right moves
over this headset.

384
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:43,571
Well, I hate to spoil your
fun with a moral voice,

385
00:14:43,641 --> 00:14:47,670
but, uh, isn't that what
we used to call cheating?

386
00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:50,510
I mean, isn't that just like
stealing Robin's money?

387
00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:53,140
No, Frasier, I'm not
doing this for the money.

388
00:14:53,210 --> 00:14:54,979
I just want to get
the satisfaction

389
00:14:55,049 --> 00:14:56,179
of seeing his expression

390
00:14:56,249 --> 00:14:57,379
when he gives me the check.

391
00:14:57,449 --> 00:14:59,379
And once it's in my hand,

392
00:14:59,449 --> 00:15:01,788
I'll rip it up and
throw it in his face...

393
00:15:01,848 --> 00:15:02,988
Maybe.

394
00:15:03,048 --> 00:15:04,258
Ha ha!
Ha ha!

395
00:15:04,318 --> 00:15:05,858
So, where did you get

396
00:15:05,918 --> 00:15:07,304
all this expensive listening
equipment anyway?

397
00:15:07,328 --> 00:15:08,588
Oh, this is Pete's stuff.

398
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,087
He uses this stuff all the time.

399
00:15:10,157 --> 00:15:12,297
Pete, are... are you
a surveillance expert?

400
00:15:12,357 --> 00:15:14,567
No. My wife
sleeps around a lot.

401
00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:23,306
All right!
Bird for 3. Ha!

402
00:15:23,376 --> 00:15:24,705
Sam, are you going to play chess

403
00:15:24,775 --> 00:15:26,305
or listen
to your basketball game?

404
00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:28,675
I can do both.

405
00:15:28,745 --> 00:15:31,115
King's Rook...
To Queen One.

406
00:15:31,175 --> 00:15:32,374
OK.

407
00:15:32,444 --> 00:15:35,414
King's Rook to Queen One.

408
00:15:35,484 --> 00:15:38,514
Well, in that case, uh...

409
00:15:38,584 --> 00:15:42,323
My horsey guy takes your
little pointy-headed guy.

410
00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:49,662
You know, you're a... you're
a fascinating opponent,

411
00:15:49,722 --> 00:15:52,492
obviously unskilled in the
finer points of the game.

412
00:15:52,562 --> 00:15:55,361
You have an instinctive, raw
talent that pulls you through

413
00:15:55,431 --> 00:15:58,101
and makes me want
to squash you like a bug.

414
00:15:58,171 --> 00:16:00,341
Queen takes Bishop.
Check.

415
00:16:00,401 --> 00:16:01,770
All right!
Jump ball!

416
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,686
Oh, God. I wish you could
hear this game, you guys.

417
00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:04,940
Sam? Sam, here.

418
00:16:05,010 --> 00:16:06,240
Sam? I checked.
I checked.

419
00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:07,440
Oh. That's
all right.

420
00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:08,840
Check. All right. Uh...

421
00:16:10,279 --> 00:16:12,409
Well, in that case, um,

422
00:16:12,479 --> 00:16:15,879
my castle takes your queen.

423
00:16:15,949 --> 00:16:17,348
Get out of that, rich boy.

424
00:16:21,218 --> 00:16:22,588
[SIGHS]

425
00:16:22,658 --> 00:16:24,757
Well...

426
00:16:24,827 --> 00:16:26,527
Robin...

427
00:16:26,587 --> 00:16:28,557
Woody and I have
been to the beach.

428
00:16:28,627 --> 00:16:30,367
We have been to the zoo.

429
00:16:30,427 --> 00:16:32,696
We went paddle boating.

430
00:16:32,766 --> 00:16:34,666
We saw phantom.

431
00:16:34,736 --> 00:16:37,406
Oh, it was wonderful.
Thank you for asking.

432
00:16:37,466 --> 00:16:39,065
Woody was a model escort,

433
00:16:39,135 --> 00:16:41,605
except for one little annoying
habit of constantly asking me,

434
00:16:41,675 --> 00:16:45,205
"is this part scary?
Is this part scary?"

435
00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:47,814
It was. Thank you
for asking.

436
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,514
[SIGHS]

437
00:16:49,574 --> 00:16:50,744
I am going to go freshen up,

438
00:16:50,814 --> 00:16:53,584
and then we're going
to a late supper.

439
00:16:53,654 --> 00:16:56,883
Oh, uh, actually, Miss
Howe, I'm not really hungry.

440
00:16:56,953 --> 00:16:58,523
I was talking to Robin.

441
00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:01,922
Oh, yeah.
Dream on.

442
00:17:05,922 --> 00:17:07,792
Norm, how many times
have I told you

443
00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:10,031
I don't want you in here
trying to erase your bar tab?

444
00:17:10,091 --> 00:17:11,661
Oh, come on.

445
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:12,931
Pfft. Come on.

446
00:17:13,001 --> 00:17:14,877
You think I would do
something as deceitful as that?

447
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,000
I'm only trying to helping
Sammy cheat at chess.

448
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,870
That's terrible.

449
00:17:18,940 --> 00:17:20,000
Can you step on it?

450
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:22,070
Robin and I can still
make that late supper.

451
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:23,270
I'm trying, I'm trying,

452
00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:25,279
but I think
my bar tab's eaten up

453
00:17:25,339 --> 00:17:28,249
most of the memory
on this computer.

454
00:17:28,309 --> 00:17:29,485
Sam, over headset:
You made another move.

455
00:17:29,509 --> 00:17:30,849
Hey, hey, hey.
Sammy's talking.

456
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,718
Yeah, yeah. It's
very clever of you

457
00:17:32,778 --> 00:17:34,688
to have moved your
pointy-headed thing

458
00:17:34,748 --> 00:17:38,118
to the white square,
second from the bottom

459
00:17:38,188 --> 00:17:39,887
on the far right.

460
00:17:39,957 --> 00:17:42,357
Uh, right, Sam. OK,
yeah, here we go.

461
00:17:42,427 --> 00:17:45,257
[BEEPING]

462
00:17:45,327 --> 00:17:47,766
Holy cow. It went blank.

463
00:17:47,826 --> 00:17:49,026
Pardon me?

464
00:17:50,396 --> 00:17:52,266
What?

465
00:17:52,336 --> 00:17:53,466
I...

466
00:17:53,536 --> 00:17:55,705
Said pardon me.
I burped.

467
00:17:57,905 --> 00:17:59,775
No, you didn't.

468
00:17:59,835 --> 00:18:01,874
Well, you couldn't
hear me, but I did,

469
00:18:01,944 --> 00:18:03,744
and I'm sorry.

470
00:18:03,814 --> 00:18:05,244
Oh.

471
00:18:05,314 --> 00:18:06,844
Well, then, gesundheit.

472
00:18:06,914 --> 00:18:08,114
I didn't sneeze.

473
00:18:08,184 --> 00:18:10,813
Perhaps you will one day,
and I won't hear it.

474
00:18:12,713 --> 00:18:14,353
I can't get the board back.

475
00:18:14,423 --> 00:18:15,983
He's on his own.

476
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,222
Aw, poor Sammy.

477
00:18:17,282 --> 00:18:18,552
Oh, come on, guys.

478
00:18:18,622 --> 00:18:20,492
We've seen Sammy
in situations like this

479
00:18:20,562 --> 00:18:22,422
hundreds of times...

480
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,361
You know,
the game's on the line,

481
00:18:24,431 --> 00:18:26,231
the best hitter's
coming up to the plate,

482
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:27,731
men on second and third.

483
00:18:27,801 --> 00:18:30,131
Who do they call in?
Mayday Malone

484
00:18:30,201 --> 00:18:31,370
with his "slider of death."

485
00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:32,730
Well, what would he do?

486
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:36,600
Well, he'd usually
give up a 3-run homer.

487
00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:37,810
It was Sam's teammates

488
00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:40,479
who called it
the "slider of death."

489
00:18:40,539 --> 00:18:43,279
So they had a man on first

490
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,909
and a man on second.

491
00:18:44,979 --> 00:18:47,618
Who do they call in
but old Mayday Malone

492
00:18:47,678 --> 00:18:50,448
with his
"slider of death."

493
00:18:50,518 --> 00:18:52,518
Why did they call it that?

494
00:18:52,588 --> 00:18:54,787
None of your business.

495
00:18:56,187 --> 00:18:59,387
That's very nice, but your
time is running out, Sam.

496
00:18:59,457 --> 00:19:00,927
Move or forfeit.

497
00:19:00,996 --> 00:19:03,256
Uh...

498
00:19:03,326 --> 00:19:06,696
All right. Fine.
There.

499
00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:08,995
That is either the stupidest
move in the world, or...

500
00:19:11,305 --> 00:19:13,905
That was very clever, Sam.

501
00:19:13,975 --> 00:19:18,374
What will you do when I move
my Bishop to King knight 5?

502
00:19:18,444 --> 00:19:19,774
I don't know.

503
00:19:20,974 --> 00:19:22,114
All right.

504
00:19:22,174 --> 00:19:23,613
Is this, uh, horsey guy mine?

505
00:19:24,683 --> 00:19:25,983
Yes.

506
00:19:26,043 --> 00:19:27,753
Well, ahem,

507
00:19:27,813 --> 00:19:31,582
can I move that here...

508
00:19:31,652 --> 00:19:33,722
And that's checkmate?

509
00:19:37,722 --> 00:19:39,161
What?

510
00:19:41,191 --> 00:19:42,331
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

511
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,161
I win.
That's checkmate.

512
00:19:44,231 --> 00:19:47,230
Yeah. You shouldn't have
moved your cardinal, bub.

513
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:49,770
Bishop!
It's called a bishop.

514
00:19:49,830 --> 00:19:52,870
I only moved him because your
last move was so incredibly stupid,

515
00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:54,415
that I thought you were up
to something clever.

516
00:19:54,439 --> 00:19:55,839
Heh. Yeah. Well,

517
00:19:55,909 --> 00:19:59,939
sometimes incredibly stupid
is clever enough for me.

518
00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:01,148
Why did you do that?

519
00:20:01,208 --> 00:20:02,348
Up to then, you were playing

520
00:20:02,408 --> 00:20:03,618
a classic Alekhine's defense,

521
00:20:03,678 --> 00:20:05,678
and I was matching you
every step of the way.

522
00:20:05,748 --> 00:20:09,247
Why in the world did you
make that stupid move?

523
00:20:09,317 --> 00:20:10,657
Wait! Wait! Whoa.

524
00:20:10,717 --> 00:20:12,187
Which one of you told him

525
00:20:12,257 --> 00:20:15,027
to make that stupid move?

526
00:20:18,056 --> 00:20:18,996
You knew?

527
00:20:19,056 --> 00:20:22,466
What do you
think I am, an idiot?

528
00:20:22,526 --> 00:20:23,665
What gave me away?

529
00:20:23,735 --> 00:20:25,295
Well, for starters,

530
00:20:25,365 --> 00:20:27,781
the basketball game which you
were supposed to be listening to

531
00:20:27,805 --> 00:20:29,405
was on the television
set behind you

532
00:20:29,465 --> 00:20:31,574
and it had been over
for about an hour.

533
00:20:31,634 --> 00:20:34,544
Boy, those English guys
are clever.

534
00:20:36,274 --> 00:20:38,813
No wonder we lost that war.

535
00:20:38,873 --> 00:20:41,843
No, we didn't lose the war.
We won it.

536
00:20:41,913 --> 00:20:44,213
Oh, right. Then how
come we speak English?

537
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:53,521
Hey, man, come on.

538
00:20:53,591 --> 00:20:55,791
You know, just don't be a droit.

539
00:20:58,731 --> 00:20:59,861
All right, all right.

540
00:20:59,931 --> 00:21:01,500
If you knew this game was fixed,

541
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,300
then how come
you went along with it?

542
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,730
Are you joking?

543
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,046
That was the only
thing about the game

544
00:21:07,070 --> 00:21:08,869
that held any challenge
for me, Samuel.

545
00:21:08,939 --> 00:21:11,569
OK, so, you knew it was fixed,
and yet you went ahead and played.

546
00:21:11,639 --> 00:21:13,809
I say that I won
fair and square.

547
00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:15,209
You owe me.
One week's salary.

548
00:21:15,279 --> 00:21:16,438
Come on, bud, and don't, uh,

549
00:21:16,508 --> 00:21:18,278
leave out any of those
little zeros there.

550
00:21:18,348 --> 00:21:19,848
Oh, right you are, Sam.

551
00:21:19,908 --> 00:21:22,378
Um, I must preface this
by saying that, um,

552
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,387
in order to keep my tax
bracket low, I am a corporation.

553
00:21:25,447 --> 00:21:27,887
And the nominal
salary I pay myself

554
00:21:27,957 --> 00:21:30,187
as president of that corporation

555
00:21:30,257 --> 00:21:31,626
is $1.00 a year,

556
00:21:31,686 --> 00:21:33,596
which means that
my weekly salary

557
00:21:33,656 --> 00:21:36,896
after taxes is...

558
00:21:36,956 --> 00:21:38,095
One penny.

559
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:42,135
Well, well.

560
00:21:46,404 --> 00:21:48,934
One penny.

561
00:21:49,004 --> 00:21:50,334
Sam,

562
00:21:50,404 --> 00:21:53,713
you used all this electronic
paraphernalia to cheat,

563
00:21:53,773 --> 00:21:56,543
and what did it get you?

564
00:21:56,613 --> 00:21:58,583
One penny.

565
00:22:00,083 --> 00:22:02,882
And, you, Robin...

566
00:22:02,952 --> 00:22:04,322
You take the one day off

567
00:22:04,382 --> 00:22:05,782
that you've had in years,

568
00:22:05,852 --> 00:22:07,452
and what do you do with it?

569
00:22:07,522 --> 00:22:11,291
You spend the whole day
fighting over...

570
00:22:11,361 --> 00:22:12,991
One penny.

571
00:22:14,431 --> 00:22:17,230
And what about me?

572
00:22:17,290 --> 00:22:19,300
You take the one day

573
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:21,100
that I have always
dreamed about,

574
00:22:21,170 --> 00:22:24,299
and you turn it into
the most depressing,

575
00:22:24,369 --> 00:22:28,109
pathetic day of my life.

576
00:22:32,838 --> 00:22:35,648
Oh, Woody, I'm sorry.
I had fun with you.

577
00:22:35,708 --> 00:22:37,718
Look what you did!

578
00:22:40,847 --> 00:22:42,487
You know, you're right, Rebecca.

579
00:22:42,547 --> 00:22:43,707
I've been acting like a fool.

580
00:22:43,757 --> 00:22:44,887
You see, for one moment,

581
00:22:44,957 --> 00:22:46,586
I actually lost control

582
00:22:46,656 --> 00:22:48,326
of that competitive edge

583
00:22:48,386 --> 00:22:50,086
which built my empire.

584
00:22:50,156 --> 00:22:51,996
Yeah. I apologize.

585
00:22:52,056 --> 00:22:54,865
And what did you learn, Sam?

586
00:22:56,325 --> 00:22:57,635
Well, I learned

587
00:22:57,695 --> 00:22:59,171
that it's not that much
fun to play games

588
00:22:59,195 --> 00:23:01,664
if all you're worried
about is winning or losing.

589
00:23:01,734 --> 00:23:05,104
I'm sorry that we ruined
your day like that.

590
00:23:05,174 --> 00:23:08,043
I guess I said a lot of
childish things there, Robin.

591
00:23:08,103 --> 00:23:09,303
I'm sorry.

592
00:23:09,373 --> 00:23:10,773
Um, you're a good sport.

593
00:23:10,843 --> 00:23:13,883
Ahem. Let's... let's
call it even, shall we?

594
00:23:16,642 --> 00:23:20,152
1, 2, 3, 4.
I declare a thumb war.