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00:00:02,049 --> 00:00:03,866
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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00:00:03,934 --> 00:00:05,702
Woody!
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Have you finished counting?
4
00:00:07,672 --> 00:00:08,605
Sure have, Miss Howe.
5
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Ah, come on, Rebecca.
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What, guess-how-many-beans-
in-the-jar bit?
7
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That's so corny.
8
00:00:14,611 --> 00:00:16,646
For your information,
corny is in.
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00:00:16,714 --> 00:00:18,180
America wants
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00:00:18,248 --> 00:00:22,018
to return to the innocence
of their teenage years.
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Yeah, the '70s
were great,
weren't they?
12
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Anyway, this contest
will run all month,
13
00:00:30,211 --> 00:00:32,078
and all of Boston
will be playing
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00:00:32,146 --> 00:00:34,914
the game
for a fabulous
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00:00:34,982 --> 00:00:36,883
all-expense-paid trip
to where?
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Atlantic City!
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For just guessing
how many jelly beans
are in this jar.
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00:00:44,108 --> 00:00:47,310
Uh... 3,500.
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Woody, is that
the correct number?
20
00:00:49,796 --> 00:00:51,130
Nope.
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Off by 163.
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Woody!
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You are not supposed
to tell them that.
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Now we have to do this
all over again.
25
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Do you have any extra
jelly beans back there?
26
00:01:05,980 --> 00:01:07,547
Sure, there's a whole bag
at the end of the bar.
27
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I hate when the black ones
get stuck in your teeth.
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¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
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¶ Takes everything you've got
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¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
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¶ Sure would help a lot
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¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
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¶ Sometimes you want to go
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
36
00:01:47,338 --> 00:01:49,271
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
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¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
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¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
40
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¶ People are all the same
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¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
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Hey, guys,
guys, guys, guys.
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Watch this.
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00:02:30,113 --> 00:02:31,280
Hi, gorgeous.
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00:02:31,348 --> 00:02:32,381
Want to go out with me?
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00:02:32,449 --> 00:02:34,317
I've got a little cold.
47
00:02:34,384 --> 00:02:36,485
Oh... next week?
48
00:02:36,553 --> 00:02:37,653
I'm busy.
49
00:02:37,721 --> 00:02:38,721
The week after?
50
00:02:38,788 --> 00:02:39,988
Maybe.
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00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:44,360
You saw it.
52
00:02:45,412 --> 00:02:46,846
You were there.
53
00:02:46,914 --> 00:02:48,131
Sam Malone
54
00:02:48,198 --> 00:02:50,533
just scored a "maybe."
55
00:02:50,601 --> 00:02:52,201
Yow!
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00:02:53,337 --> 00:02:55,838
Well, well, this calls
for a celebration.
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Waters all around.
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00:02:58,208 --> 00:02:59,808
Why, what?
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00:02:59,876 --> 00:03:01,510
Oh, this is truly sad.
60
00:03:01,578 --> 00:03:05,481
I mean, a guy who would
never settle for less
than eight dates a week
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00:03:05,549 --> 00:03:08,334
is doing back-flips
over a lousy "maybe."
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00:03:08,402 --> 00:03:10,720
Hey, come on, that's progress
for me and Rebecca.
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00:03:10,788 --> 00:03:11,737
Face facts.
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You had it once but you lost it.
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You ain't nothing but Clavin
in a good shirt.
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00:03:19,195 --> 00:03:21,281
Yeah, I guess we're gonna have
to go shopping for a new hero.
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00:03:21,348 --> 00:03:23,416
Oh, guys, guys, I can't
believe my ears.
68
00:03:23,483 --> 00:03:26,569
Well, Sam, your ears are
the least of your problems.
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00:03:28,371 --> 00:03:29,672
You think I'm losing it?
70
00:03:29,739 --> 00:03:31,107
What, you need proof?
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00:03:31,175 --> 00:03:32,258
No, no, no. Not necessary.
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00:03:32,325 --> 00:03:34,310
No, no, listen, I want
to prove to you guys
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00:03:34,378 --> 00:03:35,544
that I'm still your king.
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Everybody, please.
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00:03:36,813 --> 00:03:38,881
Focus your attention
on the door there.
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00:03:38,948 --> 00:03:40,650
The Amazing Sammy
will now make love
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00:03:40,717 --> 00:03:42,818
to the very next woman
who enters this bar.
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00:03:42,886 --> 00:03:45,388
Be right back.
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00:03:45,455 --> 00:03:47,356
No, no, no. Hold it.
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00:03:47,424 --> 00:03:48,857
Hey, employees are ineligible.
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00:03:48,925 --> 00:03:50,042
I quit!
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We're closed.
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Too late,
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00:03:54,648 --> 00:03:55,931
too late.
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00:03:55,999 --> 00:03:58,267
My lovely volunteer.
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00:03:58,335 --> 00:04:00,103
Sammy, you're amazing.
87
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:01,504
Yeah?
88
00:04:01,571 --> 00:04:05,174
Now, I want to assure you that
we've never met before.
89
00:04:05,241 --> 00:04:07,844
If you watch very closely
you will notice,
90
00:04:07,911 --> 00:04:10,746
that at no time does my hand
actually leave her body.
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00:04:15,552 --> 00:04:19,338
You know, she's exactly
like a girl I took out
last night.
92
00:04:19,406 --> 00:04:20,740
You mean "tore out."
93
00:04:25,162 --> 00:04:26,362
Excuse me.
94
00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:28,431
Boy, is it hot in here
or is it just you?
95
00:04:28,499 --> 00:04:30,099
I'm sorry, did you just say
96
00:04:30,167 --> 00:04:31,567
is it hot in here
or is it just me?
97
00:04:31,635 --> 00:04:33,136
Yep.
98
00:04:33,203 --> 00:04:35,238
If you like, there's more
where that came from.
99
00:04:35,305 --> 00:04:37,473
Are you for real?
100
00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:39,692
I've been asked that question
many times,
101
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,694
and by women a lot
more naked than you.
102
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,834
You know,
103
00:04:48,902 --> 00:04:50,436
I've heard about men like you,
104
00:04:50,503 --> 00:04:52,738
but I can't actually say
I've ever met one.
105
00:04:52,806 --> 00:04:54,340
I'm on a roll here.
106
00:04:55,742 --> 00:04:57,109
My name's Sam Malone.
107
00:04:57,177 --> 00:04:59,478
My name is being withheld
for security reasons.
108
00:04:59,546 --> 00:05:02,048
Well, that's very clever.
109
00:05:02,115 --> 00:05:02,998
Maybe too clever.
110
00:05:03,150 --> 00:05:04,817
What's it mean?
111
00:05:04,885 --> 00:05:08,621
It means I'd like to order
a Manhattan.
112
00:05:08,689 --> 00:05:10,523
I'd like you to put a cherry
in it,
113
00:05:10,590 --> 00:05:12,825
and then I'd like you
to put a sock in it.
114
00:05:14,344 --> 00:05:15,411
Your drink.
115
00:05:17,947 --> 00:05:20,432
Greetings, all.
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00:05:20,501 --> 00:05:21,601
Ah, Doctor.
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Doctor.
Doctor.
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Ah, Woody,
may I have a beer please
119
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and a mineral water
for the little mother.
120
00:05:27,941 --> 00:05:29,775
You know, Lilith and I
heard a little joke
the other day.
121
00:05:29,843 --> 00:05:31,010
It seems a patient
122
00:05:31,077 --> 00:05:32,645
walks into
his therapist's office
123
00:05:32,713 --> 00:05:34,981
suffering from a case
of Korsakoff's psychosis
124
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brought on by acute alcoholism.
125
00:05:36,850 --> 00:05:37,950
Brain tumor.
126
00:05:38,017 --> 00:05:39,985
Well, darling, it doesn't make
any difference.
127
00:05:40,053 --> 00:05:40,819
Yes, it does.
128
00:05:40,887 --> 00:05:42,071
Brain tumor is funnier.
129
00:05:42,138 --> 00:05:43,839
You're right.
130
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,511
No wonder I didn't get anywhere.
131
00:05:48,578 --> 00:05:50,479
She's a friend of Lilith
and Frasier's.
132
00:05:50,547 --> 00:05:51,980
She's another one of those
boring,
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00:05:52,048 --> 00:05:53,181
cold-hearted intellectuals
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00:05:53,249 --> 00:05:55,768
with legs I could kill for.
135
00:05:55,836 --> 00:05:57,803
Why, Sam?
I like your legs.
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00:05:59,706 --> 00:06:01,207
If you comb your hair
a little different,
137
00:06:01,274 --> 00:06:03,042
no one will even notice
that ear problem.
138
00:06:06,196 --> 00:06:07,863
Thank you.
139
00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:09,799
And then the therapist said
140
00:06:09,866 --> 00:06:12,200
"No, I said ten cc's,
not Tennessee."
141
00:06:16,139 --> 00:06:17,907
Or was it Kentucky?
142
00:06:17,974 --> 00:06:19,074
It was Tennessee.
143
00:06:19,142 --> 00:06:21,043
Well, it was good.
144
00:06:24,114 --> 00:06:26,448
I'll have to remember that one.
145
00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:28,150
Hello, Lilith.
Hello, Frasier.
Hello, Sam.
146
00:06:28,218 --> 00:06:31,353
I'd love to stay and talk
but I'm under a gag order.
147
00:06:31,421 --> 00:06:32,722
I'm sorry.
148
00:06:32,789 --> 00:06:34,423
I didn't realize you were
a friend of the Cranes.
149
00:06:34,491 --> 00:06:36,092
I'm Sheila Rydell.
Oh, how do you do?
150
00:06:36,159 --> 00:06:37,693
Dr. Rydell
is a clinical psychiatrist
151
00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:39,762
and also a fellow
at the Boston University.
152
00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:42,597
Oh, well, thank God
she's a woman here at Cheers.
153
00:06:44,968 --> 00:06:46,035
Doctors, excuse me a moment.
154
00:06:46,102 --> 00:06:47,236
I need to call a patient.
155
00:06:47,304 --> 00:06:48,637
Oh, yes, there's a phone
right down the hall.
156
00:06:48,705 --> 00:06:49,939
This will probably
take a few minutes
157
00:06:50,006 --> 00:06:51,140
so I'll meet you upstairs
shortly.
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Fine.
159
00:06:52,025 --> 00:06:53,475
Well, doctor, I have
160
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:55,377
a free phone right here.
161
00:06:55,445 --> 00:06:57,663
I'm looking
for a little more privacy.
162
00:06:57,730 --> 00:06:58,998
I have a phone in my bedroom.
163
00:07:01,001 --> 00:07:02,267
Thank you, no.
164
00:07:02,335 --> 00:07:05,287
Honey bear, shall we?
165
00:07:06,323 --> 00:07:06,989
Oh, by the way, Sam.
166
00:07:07,057 --> 00:07:08,290
Yeah?
167
00:07:08,358 --> 00:07:11,660
Doctor Rydell,
I must say I concur completely.
168
00:07:11,728 --> 00:07:14,496
You know, most women
who go into psychiatry
are real bowsers,
169
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,115
but, uh,
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00:07:16,182 --> 00:07:17,349
I wouldn't kick her off
the couch
171
00:07:17,417 --> 00:07:18,450
for eating crackers, you know?
172
00:07:19,886 --> 00:07:22,888
Frasier, I can hear you,
and so can your unborn child.
173
00:07:29,429 --> 00:07:31,697
Will he be able
to escape from this one?
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Let's watch.
175
00:07:33,166 --> 00:07:34,917
What I meant to say was, um,
176
00:07:34,985 --> 00:07:36,852
please, please, please
forgive me. And, um...
177
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:37,686
do you think we have time
178
00:07:37,754 --> 00:07:38,971
to stop by Tiffany's
on the way home?
179
00:07:39,039 --> 00:07:40,139
Good boy.
180
00:07:47,430 --> 00:07:49,398
Boy, I tell you,
I want that woman.
181
00:07:49,466 --> 00:07:53,118
Sam, she's carrying
Dr. Crane's baby.
182
00:07:55,772 --> 00:07:57,740
No, no, not that woman.
183
00:07:57,808 --> 00:07:59,374
The woman
over by the phone.
184
00:07:59,442 --> 00:08:00,460
Oh, well, who doesn't?
185
00:08:00,527 --> 00:08:03,028
Hubba, hubba.
186
00:08:03,096 --> 00:08:04,497
Sam.
Yeah?
187
00:08:04,565 --> 00:08:06,899
Mr. Cool, I hate to burst
your bubble again,
188
00:08:06,967 --> 00:08:08,835
but didn't she just
shoot you down?
189
00:08:08,902 --> 00:08:10,903
Hey, maybe you should
just stay away
from brunettes.
190
00:08:10,971 --> 00:08:12,071
Except me,
191
00:08:12,138 --> 00:08:12,638
of course.
192
00:08:12,706 --> 00:08:13,739
Yeah.
193
00:08:13,807 --> 00:08:15,641
No, no, don't you see here?
194
00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:18,010
The good doctor and I
are sparing.
195
00:08:18,078 --> 00:08:18,878
It's sexy, it's fun.
196
00:08:18,945 --> 00:08:20,146
Just like one of those
197
00:08:20,213 --> 00:08:23,382
old Spencer Tracy-
Audrey Hepburn movies.
198
00:08:23,449 --> 00:08:25,367
Sammy, would you step
in my office, please?
199
00:08:25,435 --> 00:08:26,268
A word in your ear.
200
00:08:26,336 --> 00:08:27,987
You know, if I were you,
201
00:08:28,054 --> 00:08:30,490
I'd approach
the good Dr. Legs there
202
00:08:30,557 --> 00:08:32,257
on a professional level.
203
00:08:32,325 --> 00:08:34,159
I would make an
appointment with her
204
00:08:34,227 --> 00:08:36,629
and pretend there was
something wrong with me.
205
00:08:36,697 --> 00:08:40,599
Cliffie,
that's a pretty good idea.
206
00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:43,068
Yeah, who gave it to you?
207
00:08:43,904 --> 00:08:45,554
It's mine.
208
00:08:45,622 --> 00:08:47,823
It, uh, came right
from this brain.
209
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:50,776
Hey, everybody,
Clavin got a new brain.
210
00:08:52,795 --> 00:08:54,363
So what do you think?
211
00:08:54,431 --> 00:08:57,533
Uh... What kind of problem
should I make up?
212
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:58,867
Well, uh, how about this?
213
00:08:58,935 --> 00:09:01,436
I once took one of my kids
to the school psychiatrist
214
00:09:01,504 --> 00:09:03,238
and he said the kid
had kleptomania.
215
00:09:03,306 --> 00:09:03,889
Anything come of it?
216
00:09:03,957 --> 00:09:04,940
Got a couple of pens
217
00:09:05,008 --> 00:09:06,858
and a leather appointment book.
218
00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:09,078
Yeah, or you could try
using my problem.
219
00:09:09,145 --> 00:09:12,547
I've always had this terrible
fear of being a failure.
220
00:09:12,615 --> 00:09:14,099
You are a failure.
221
00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:16,769
Well, then I've licked it.
222
00:09:23,610 --> 00:09:24,777
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
223
00:09:24,845 --> 00:09:25,778
I've got a suggestion.
224
00:09:25,846 --> 00:09:27,046
This is surefire.
225
00:09:27,114 --> 00:09:29,348
It's going to get you
where you really want her.
226
00:09:29,415 --> 00:09:30,716
Impotence.
227
00:09:30,784 --> 00:09:32,484
Ooh-ooh-ooh, no.
228
00:09:35,488 --> 00:09:38,173
No, that's a word us guys
don't even like to say.
229
00:09:38,241 --> 00:09:40,376
Wait a minute, take it from me.
230
00:09:40,444 --> 00:09:42,845
We women are pushovers
for this kind of stuff.
231
00:09:42,912 --> 00:09:45,781
Hey, there are two things
that women like to do
232
00:09:45,849 --> 00:09:48,116
more than anything else
in the world.
233
00:09:48,184 --> 00:09:50,085
And one of them is
to cure a guy of impotence.
234
00:09:50,153 --> 00:09:51,503
What's the other thing?
235
00:09:51,571 --> 00:09:53,839
Give it to him again
if he gets out of line.
236
00:09:57,693 --> 00:09:59,228
No, I tell you,
237
00:09:59,295 --> 00:10:01,296
I don't care
how hot that lady is.
238
00:10:01,364 --> 00:10:04,866
That's... I just couldn't
say something like that to her.
239
00:10:17,463 --> 00:10:20,298
Okay, so I tell her
that I'm impotent.
240
00:10:39,018 --> 00:10:40,651
Mr. Malone.
241
00:10:40,719 --> 00:10:44,456
Oh, it is the same
Sam Malone.
242
00:10:44,523 --> 00:10:46,757
I hope this is
a professional visit.
243
00:10:46,825 --> 00:10:48,726
Oh, I'm sad to say yes.
244
00:10:50,196 --> 00:10:53,297
Doctor, I need to
unburden myself here,
245
00:10:53,365 --> 00:10:54,933
and I figured that you
were the one person
246
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,568
maybe I could talk to.
247
00:10:56,635 --> 00:10:57,552
Of course.
248
00:10:57,703 --> 00:10:58,936
Sit down.
249
00:11:15,954 --> 00:11:18,139
Now take your time.
250
00:11:18,207 --> 00:11:20,208
Tell me what's troubling you.
251
00:11:20,275 --> 00:11:26,397
Well, Doctor, as you know,
I'm a young, healthy male.
252
00:11:26,465 --> 00:11:29,100
But recently I've...
253
00:11:29,168 --> 00:11:32,103
Oh, heck, I'm not going
to mince words with you here.
254
00:11:32,171 --> 00:11:36,925
Lately I haven't been able to
get the old evan root cranking.
255
00:11:41,129 --> 00:11:42,947
Excuse me?
256
00:11:43,015 --> 00:11:47,052
Um, well, it's like... uh...
257
00:11:47,119 --> 00:11:48,953
it's like my favorite shirt
258
00:11:49,021 --> 00:11:52,456
is a little light in the starch.
259
00:11:52,524 --> 00:11:55,860
Are you trying to say
that you're impotent?
260
00:11:55,928 --> 00:11:57,478
No, don't, oh,
don't use that word.
261
00:11:57,546 --> 00:11:59,297
Oh, I see.
262
00:11:59,365 --> 00:12:01,232
Yes, well, uh,
263
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,085
arousal dysfunction is
a fairly common problem,
264
00:12:04,153 --> 00:12:05,153
but it can be
265
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:08,039
very, very, very distressing.
266
00:12:08,107 --> 00:12:09,324
Oh, it is.
267
00:12:09,391 --> 00:12:11,859
It is.
268
00:12:14,246 --> 00:12:17,148
How does this problem
usually manifest itself?
269
00:12:17,215 --> 00:12:19,384
Oh, it's too painful
to talk about.
270
00:12:19,452 --> 00:12:21,886
I could demonstrate if you like.
271
00:12:21,954 --> 00:12:23,638
No, thank you.
272
00:12:23,706 --> 00:12:24,906
No, no, you're probably right.
273
00:12:24,974 --> 00:12:27,175
With my luck, it would work,
you know...
274
00:12:28,677 --> 00:12:30,928
Like when you take your car
to the mechanic, you know.
275
00:12:30,996 --> 00:12:34,349
Of course, this isn't
my field of expertise,
276
00:12:34,416 --> 00:12:36,717
but you're in luck.
277
00:12:36,785 --> 00:12:39,788
My associate,
Dr. Heimlich Mueller
278
00:12:39,855 --> 00:12:42,090
is conducting
a group session
at this very moment.
279
00:12:42,158 --> 00:12:44,392
I'm sure he'd agree
to let you join in.
280
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,644
Actually I was kind of hoping
that you could handle it.
281
00:12:46,712 --> 00:12:48,279
Oh, don't feel uneasy
about Dr. Mueller.
282
00:12:48,347 --> 00:12:50,381
Those charges linking him
to the Gestapo
283
00:12:50,449 --> 00:12:51,950
were grossly exaggerated.
284
00:12:52,017 --> 00:12:54,101
Excuse me?
285
00:12:54,169 --> 00:12:55,252
He was merely a consultant.
286
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:59,290
Actually, his technique
is somewhat controversial.
287
00:12:59,357 --> 00:13:00,908
You'll have to go in there
and proclaim
288
00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:02,343
your sexual disorder
to the group.
289
00:13:02,411 --> 00:13:04,178
You want me to say that
in front of other people?
290
00:13:04,246 --> 00:13:06,981
Oh, there are only a half dozen
men in there just like yourself,
291
00:13:07,049 --> 00:13:09,650
and of course the 20 or 30
observing nurses.
292
00:13:10,886 --> 00:13:14,355
Just go in there, stand up
and say "I'm Sam Malone,
293
00:13:14,423 --> 00:13:16,891
and I no longer
function as a man."
294
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:19,244
No! No, no!
Wait, wait, wait.
295
00:13:19,395 --> 00:13:20,628
Oh, no, no, I'm...
296
00:13:20,696 --> 00:13:23,097
Listen, there's been
a misunderstanding here.
297
00:13:23,165 --> 00:13:25,099
I didn't say "impotent,"
I said "impudent."
298
00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:26,901
Yeah, I'm a smart ass.
299
00:13:26,969 --> 00:13:29,553
See?
300
00:13:29,621 --> 00:13:31,722
There's nothing wrong
with me, no, ma'am.
301
00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:33,090
Then the cure worked.
302
00:13:33,158 --> 00:13:34,592
That'll be $150.
303
00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:35,927
Pay the receptionist
304
00:13:35,994 --> 00:13:36,878
on your way out.
305
00:13:38,647 --> 00:13:41,983
Oh... You-you've been...
you've been putting me on.
306
00:13:42,050 --> 00:13:45,036
And that was very unfair of me
considering
307
00:13:45,104 --> 00:13:47,238
how honest you were being.
308
00:13:48,674 --> 00:13:53,178
All right, I admit that
I was making up that stuff
309
00:13:53,245 --> 00:13:56,747
just because, well, you're...
a beautiful woman
310
00:13:56,816 --> 00:13:58,582
and I just wanted to see
a little more of you,
311
00:13:58,650 --> 00:14:00,819
that's all.
312
00:14:00,886 --> 00:14:02,854
I see.
313
00:14:02,922 --> 00:14:09,393
Well, actually, that's
kind of flattering.
314
00:14:09,461 --> 00:14:12,063
Not very many men would come in
here and humiliate themselves
315
00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:14,198
and tell some
childish, idiotic lie
316
00:14:14,266 --> 00:14:16,634
just to spend five minutes
with me.
317
00:14:16,702 --> 00:14:20,104
I'm a romantic.
318
00:14:22,307 --> 00:14:24,475
So what do you say,
you want to go out to dinner?
319
00:14:24,543 --> 00:14:28,663
I suppose I could use
a bit more romance in my life.
320
00:14:28,731 --> 00:14:30,147
All right, great.
321
00:14:30,215 --> 00:14:32,517
I'll call you,
next week sometime.
322
00:14:32,585 --> 00:14:34,285
How about tomorrow night?
Great.
323
00:14:34,353 --> 00:14:36,471
That's good, that's good.
All right.
324
00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:39,190
Yeah, thanks very much. Ha.
325
00:14:43,011 --> 00:14:45,346
Um... excuse me.
See, I...
326
00:14:45,413 --> 00:14:47,765
You didn't have that
tape recorder on, did you,
327
00:14:47,832 --> 00:14:50,401
when I was making up
that stuff about imp...
328
00:14:50,469 --> 00:14:51,602
Don't worry, Sam.
329
00:14:51,670 --> 00:14:52,870
The moment you walked in here
330
00:14:52,938 --> 00:14:54,405
I was aware you were faking
the whole thing
331
00:14:54,472 --> 00:14:55,840
and I turned the recorder off.
332
00:14:55,908 --> 00:14:57,925
Oh, good.
Well, thank goodness.
333
00:15:00,896 --> 00:15:03,047
And I turned the intercom on.
334
00:15:12,390 --> 00:15:14,492
Okay, boys,
closing time.
335
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:15,760
Let's move on out.
336
00:15:15,828 --> 00:15:17,629
Probably want to go home,
get some rest,
337
00:15:17,696 --> 00:15:20,164
so you can be back for
your 9:00 a.m. shift.
338
00:15:20,232 --> 00:15:22,333
It's one of those days
I hate to see end,
339
00:15:22,401 --> 00:15:23,768
you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
340
00:15:23,836 --> 00:15:25,102
Hey, I got some
new videos.
341
00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:26,538
You guys want to
come over my place?
342
00:15:26,605 --> 00:15:28,656
New videos, great.
Yeah, yeah,
343
00:15:28,723 --> 00:15:31,175
Ma had our home movies
converted to tape.
344
00:15:31,243 --> 00:15:33,745
There's a great one of me
all dressed up as Peter Pan.
345
00:15:33,812 --> 00:15:35,680
Ma's Captain Hook,
she's tying me up.
346
00:15:35,748 --> 00:15:36,814
It's great.
347
00:15:36,882 --> 00:15:38,048
For Halloween, huh?
348
00:15:38,116 --> 00:15:39,917
No, no, it's a little game
we used to play
349
00:15:39,985 --> 00:15:41,051
to help me sleep.
350
00:15:41,119 --> 00:15:42,920
You know how
crazy teenagers are.
351
00:15:49,445 --> 00:15:52,213
Well, Sheila, why don't you
hop up to the bar there,
352
00:15:52,281 --> 00:15:54,449
I'll fix us
a little nightcap.
353
00:15:54,517 --> 00:15:57,118
Oh, Sammy, you mind
if I take off early?
354
00:15:57,186 --> 00:15:59,137
I want to put the little ones
to bed myself tonight.
355
00:15:59,204 --> 00:16:01,038
Put them to bed?
Hey, it's 2:00 a.m.
356
00:16:01,106 --> 00:16:04,008
Oh, right, they're
probably not home yet.
357
00:16:06,862 --> 00:16:08,646
Ah, well, I'll get some sleep.
358
00:16:08,714 --> 00:16:11,316
Hey, listen, don't forget
to put up the barstools.
359
00:16:11,383 --> 00:16:12,883
Don't worry about it.
We'll do it later.
360
00:16:12,952 --> 00:16:14,252
I hope so.
361
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,021
But take care
of the stools, too.
362
00:16:20,626 --> 00:16:24,178
Sam, I had a really lovely time
with you tonight.
363
00:16:24,246 --> 00:16:26,047
Well, you sound
a little surprised.
364
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:28,049
Well, I am a little.
365
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:30,351
I guess a lot of the men
I go out with
366
00:16:30,419 --> 00:16:32,720
tend to be a little stuffy.
367
00:16:34,023 --> 00:16:36,657
But you're so relaxed
and easy to be with.
368
00:16:36,725 --> 00:16:39,394
And I must admit, I've never
seen a man do a puppet show
369
00:16:39,461 --> 00:16:41,462
with lobster claws before.
370
00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:44,432
Well, you were
a lovely audience.
371
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:45,967
Thank you.
372
00:16:46,102 --> 00:16:49,086
Hey, and thank you for not
coming on like a psychiatrist.
373
00:16:49,154 --> 00:16:51,155
What does that mean?
374
00:16:51,223 --> 00:16:53,241
Well, I know you guys
always have your meter going.
375
00:16:53,308 --> 00:16:55,109
And I was afraid you were
sitting there thinking
376
00:16:55,177 --> 00:16:58,012
all sorts of weird,
head-shrinking things.
377
00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,313
Well, as a professional,
378
00:16:59,381 --> 00:17:01,249
you learn to keep those things
to yourself.
379
00:17:03,618 --> 00:17:07,021
So you were thinking
those things?
380
00:17:07,089 --> 00:17:12,393
Sam, I really prefer to divorce
business from pleasure.
381
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:15,329
Absolutely.
No, you're right.
382
00:17:15,397 --> 00:17:17,932
Were they bad things?
383
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,202
Sam, I really think
it's a mistake
384
00:17:21,270 --> 00:17:23,037
to pursue this matter
any further.
385
00:17:23,105 --> 00:17:24,772
Oh, great.
I bet you wouldn't say that
386
00:17:24,839 --> 00:17:26,274
if you were thinking
good things.
387
00:17:26,341 --> 00:17:28,041
I mean,
you'd probably
388
00:17:28,043 --> 00:17:30,094
come right out and say it if
you were sitting there thinking,
389
00:17:30,162 --> 00:17:31,929
"Whoa, you know,
this guy is really together
390
00:17:31,997 --> 00:17:34,431
and I'm lucky to be with him,
and boy, the hair."
391
00:17:37,202 --> 00:17:39,136
So come on, tell me.
392
00:17:39,204 --> 00:17:40,404
Really, Sam, no.
393
00:17:40,472 --> 00:17:41,605
Hey, come on,
I can take it.
394
00:17:41,673 --> 00:17:42,874
It'll be fun.
395
00:17:42,941 --> 00:17:45,076
Sam, would you just
please drop the subject?
396
00:17:45,143 --> 00:17:47,461
Okay.
397
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:50,181
Boy, you brain benders
398
00:17:50,249 --> 00:17:51,482
are all the same, aren't you?
399
00:17:51,550 --> 00:17:52,767
I mean, you want
400
00:17:52,834 --> 00:17:54,101
two years of a guy's life
401
00:17:54,169 --> 00:17:55,603
and every penny he earns
402
00:17:55,671 --> 00:17:57,871
before you give him
one little simple diagnosis.
403
00:17:57,939 --> 00:17:59,807
You know, I think
you're full of blabber.
404
00:17:59,874 --> 00:18:01,776
I don't think you know
anything about me.
405
00:18:01,843 --> 00:18:03,744
I think I do.
406
00:18:03,812 --> 00:18:05,412
Yeah? Then why don't
you tell me.
407
00:18:05,481 --> 00:18:08,382
All right, Sam, if you insist.
408
00:18:08,450 --> 00:18:11,068
I do.
409
00:18:11,136 --> 00:18:13,437
My professional
opinion of you
410
00:18:13,505 --> 00:18:17,108
is that your every thought,
word and deed
411
00:18:17,175 --> 00:18:19,076
revolves around sex.
412
00:18:20,428 --> 00:18:22,864
You have nothing else
in your life.
413
00:18:22,931 --> 00:18:27,285
Without constant sex,
you'd probably just shrivel up
414
00:18:27,352 --> 00:18:30,671
into a little,
dried anchovy and die.
415
00:18:32,123 --> 00:18:33,724
Well, who wouldn't?
416
00:18:35,177 --> 00:18:36,443
I mean, that's it?
417
00:18:36,511 --> 00:18:39,914
No bad stuff?
418
00:18:39,982 --> 00:18:43,818
Sam, there's nothing
but bad stuff.
419
00:18:43,886 --> 00:18:46,420
You're an aging lothario
420
00:18:46,488 --> 00:18:49,874
who uses sex to cover up
massive insecurity,
421
00:18:49,942 --> 00:18:53,645
a fear of true intimacy,
fear of a relationship
422
00:18:53,712 --> 00:18:56,014
and quite frankly,
not only a fear of dying,
423
00:18:56,081 --> 00:18:57,649
but a fear of living, too.
424
00:18:57,716 --> 00:19:00,284
You're one sick cowpoke.
425
00:19:02,938 --> 00:19:04,872
I resent that.
426
00:19:04,940 --> 00:19:06,907
You know, you were
shoveling down that
lobster tonight
427
00:19:06,975 --> 00:19:08,976
like there was
no tomorrow.
428
00:19:09,044 --> 00:19:10,912
You know, you even ate
the green stuff
429
00:19:10,979 --> 00:19:12,580
and this is the thanks I get?
430
00:19:12,647 --> 00:19:14,381
Sam, you forced me to tell you.
431
00:19:14,449 --> 00:19:15,883
What did you want me to do, lie?
432
00:19:15,951 --> 00:19:17,518
Of course, yes.
433
00:19:17,586 --> 00:19:20,454
Oh, Sam, come on.
434
00:19:20,522 --> 00:19:22,156
Why don't we just
forget the whole thing
435
00:19:22,224 --> 00:19:23,825
and go back to my place?
436
00:19:23,892 --> 00:19:24,926
What?
437
00:19:24,993 --> 00:19:26,493
You still want
to go to bed,
438
00:19:26,561 --> 00:19:28,329
even though sex
is supposedly
439
00:19:28,396 --> 00:19:29,997
the only thing
I have in my life?
440
00:19:30,065 --> 00:19:32,066
Exactly.
441
00:19:32,134 --> 00:19:35,737
And so I assume
you're rather good at it.
442
00:19:40,408 --> 00:19:42,543
You would actually
have sex with somebody
443
00:19:42,611 --> 00:19:44,245
you don't even respect?
444
00:19:44,312 --> 00:19:46,848
Isn't that what
you do with women?
445
00:19:46,915 --> 00:19:49,116
Yeah, but I cover it up.
446
00:19:50,652 --> 00:19:54,055
I mean, how long have you
lived in America, lady?
447
00:19:55,607 --> 00:19:56,940
Oh, Sam, come on.
448
00:19:57,008 --> 00:19:59,343
No, listen, I think
you ought to take a hike.
449
00:19:59,411 --> 00:20:00,778
I'll tell you what,
send me a bill
450
00:20:00,845 --> 00:20:03,381
for another hundred and a half,
I'll deduct the lobster.
451
00:20:08,970 --> 00:20:11,505
Well, I'm sorry
if this was painful,
452
00:20:11,573 --> 00:20:16,977
but maybe it was good
for you to have heard it.
453
00:20:17,045 --> 00:20:20,280
By the way, if you change
your mind about the sex,
454
00:20:20,348 --> 00:20:23,083
I can be beeped anytime.
455
00:20:23,151 --> 00:20:25,519
That's so pathetic!
456
00:20:27,673 --> 00:20:29,156
Oh!
457
00:20:31,726 --> 00:20:34,227
Oh!
458
00:20:40,919 --> 00:20:43,086
Are you locking up?
459
00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:44,672
Hey, let me ask you something.
460
00:20:44,739 --> 00:20:48,309
Do you think that my life is
empty and void of any meaning?
461
00:20:48,376 --> 00:20:49,376
Yep.
462
00:20:49,444 --> 00:20:51,012
Don't forget to lock up.
463
00:20:53,265 --> 00:20:55,266
Oh, b...
464
00:21:01,206 --> 00:21:03,841
Tough night on
the dating circuit, Sam?
465
00:21:03,909 --> 00:21:05,676
Oh...
466
00:21:05,744 --> 00:21:07,078
Do you believe... my...
467
00:21:07,146 --> 00:21:09,213
My date told me that there
was nothing in my life
468
00:21:09,281 --> 00:21:13,550
except women or sex.
469
00:21:13,618 --> 00:21:16,353
By the way,
you look hot tonight.
470
00:21:18,290 --> 00:21:20,792
Come on, Sam,
you have a lot going for you.
471
00:21:20,859 --> 00:21:22,193
Yeah?
472
00:21:22,261 --> 00:21:23,527
Like what?
473
00:21:23,595 --> 00:21:27,931
There's...
474
00:21:27,999 --> 00:21:29,483
Ooh, I could go on and on.
475
00:21:29,551 --> 00:21:30,851
See you later, Sam.
476
00:21:30,919 --> 00:21:32,886
Wait a minute.
Come on, answer the question.
477
00:21:32,954 --> 00:21:36,257
What do I have in my life
that isn't women or sex?
478
00:21:36,324 --> 00:21:39,793
Come on, Sam,
you're a passionate guy.
479
00:21:39,861 --> 00:21:42,997
I bet you have a lot of things
that you care deeply about.
480
00:21:43,064 --> 00:21:45,165
Yeah, like what?
481
00:21:45,233 --> 00:21:47,668
Your job.
482
00:21:47,736 --> 00:21:50,037
It's a great way to meet babes.
483
00:21:50,105 --> 00:21:52,656
You love your car.
484
00:21:52,724 --> 00:21:54,725
Babes love it.
485
00:21:54,792 --> 00:21:56,393
Sailing.
486
00:21:56,461 --> 00:21:59,430
Babes on waves.
487
00:22:01,266 --> 00:22:03,300
See?
488
00:22:03,368 --> 00:22:05,869
Then the doctor was right,
I'm a shallow guy.
489
00:22:05,937 --> 00:22:08,038
I mean, everything I do
is to impress women
490
00:22:08,106 --> 00:22:10,674
or revolves around sex.
491
00:22:10,742 --> 00:22:12,043
I guess I'm nothing more
492
00:22:12,110 --> 00:22:17,281
than a hot, manly
machine of love.
493
00:22:17,349 --> 00:22:19,383
Um, uh...
494
00:22:19,451 --> 00:22:21,469
Sam, wait.
What about the Stooges?
495
00:22:21,536 --> 00:22:23,971
They're all right,
they're over at Cliff's.
496
00:22:25,423 --> 00:22:27,925
No, no, Sam.
What about the Three Stooges?
497
00:22:27,993 --> 00:22:29,694
Oh, yeah, great.
I like the Three Stooges.
498
00:22:29,761 --> 00:22:31,062
That helps a lot.
499
00:22:31,129 --> 00:22:32,629
Wait a minute, Sam.
Think about this.
500
00:22:32,698 --> 00:22:35,166
Do women like
the Three Stooges?
501
00:22:35,233 --> 00:22:36,533
No, they hate them.
502
00:22:36,601 --> 00:22:37,935
All right.
503
00:22:38,003 --> 00:22:40,437
Are women impressed that
you like the Three Stooges?
504
00:22:40,505 --> 00:22:44,408
No, some of them
even think they're stupid.
505
00:22:44,476 --> 00:22:46,810
When you're watching
the Three Stooges,
506
00:22:46,878 --> 00:22:48,279
do you think they're sexy?
507
00:22:48,346 --> 00:22:50,548
No, when you watch
the Three Stooges,
508
00:22:50,615 --> 00:22:53,917
nobody has time to think
about sex or women.
509
00:22:58,139 --> 00:23:00,340
Hey, wait a minute.
510
00:23:00,408 --> 00:23:02,810
That means
I do have another
interest in my life.
511
00:23:04,012 --> 00:23:06,346
I like the Stooges
for themselves.
512
00:23:06,414 --> 00:23:08,966
Hey, whoa, I'm okay.
513
00:23:09,034 --> 00:23:11,702
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
514
00:23:14,138 --> 00:23:15,940
That's fine, Sam.
515
00:23:16,007 --> 00:23:17,174
Come here, porcupine.
516
00:23:18,276 --> 00:23:20,444
Knock it off.
Come on, try it,
517
00:23:20,511 --> 00:23:22,279
you'll like it.
Come on, do it.
518
00:23:22,346 --> 00:23:24,147
All right.
519
00:23:25,349 --> 00:23:26,316
There you go.
520
00:23:26,384 --> 00:23:30,020
Come here, porcupine.
521
00:23:30,088 --> 00:23:31,488
Ooh.
522
00:23:31,556 --> 00:23:33,474
Hey, the Stooges don't bleed.