1 00:00:01,198 --> 00:00:04,033 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,067 --> 00:00:05,951 Sounds great, Kelly. I'll see you Saturday. 3 00:00:05,985 --> 00:00:07,953 Yeah. Okay. 4 00:00:07,987 --> 00:00:09,455 Guess what, guys? What? 5 00:00:09,489 --> 00:00:12,091 I'm going to my first country club dance. 6 00:00:12,125 --> 00:00:13,259 Whoo-hoo! - All right. 7 00:00:13,293 --> 00:00:15,628 Yeah, I gotta check the bus schedule. 8 00:00:15,662 --> 00:00:16,929 Wait, wait, Woody-- you're going out with 9 00:00:16,963 --> 00:00:18,931 the boss's daughter and you're riding around on a bus? 10 00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:20,883 Yeah, it's getting to be a real drag, too. 11 00:00:20,918 --> 00:00:22,985 Especially when you can't sit together. 12 00:00:25,588 --> 00:00:27,139 Maybe I can borrow Sam's car. 13 00:00:27,173 --> 00:00:28,140 Whoa, whoa, hey. 14 00:00:28,174 --> 00:00:29,375 Hold up there, Woodster. 15 00:00:29,410 --> 00:00:32,177 Lest you forget the Ten Commandments of Sam Malone. 16 00:00:32,212 --> 00:00:33,529 Hence, commandment number three: 17 00:00:33,563 --> 00:00:35,230 "Thou shall not loan thy car." 18 00:00:35,265 --> 00:00:37,166 I thought that was commandment number four. 19 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,400 That's "Honor thy hair." 20 00:00:39,903 --> 00:00:42,271 I think Sam might make an exception 21 00:00:42,305 --> 00:00:44,056 in my case. Hey, Sam? 22 00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:46,909 Sam? 23 00:00:46,943 --> 00:00:47,893 Can I borrow your car? 24 00:00:47,927 --> 00:00:49,545 My car? 25 00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:51,013 Yeah, I'll be real careful with it. 26 00:00:52,215 --> 00:00:53,900 No, I'll bring it home early 27 00:00:53,934 --> 00:00:55,902 and I'll wash it the next day. 28 00:00:57,321 --> 00:00:58,804 Well, food for thought. 29 00:01:01,375 --> 00:01:03,842 So, Wood, is he gonna loan you the car? 30 00:01:03,877 --> 00:01:06,445 He didn't come right out and say it, but I like my chances. 31 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,113 He's in a great mood today. 32 00:01:17,274 --> 00:01:19,659 ¶ Making your way in the world today ¶ 33 00:01:19,693 --> 00:01:22,695 ¶ Takes everything you've got 34 00:01:22,729 --> 00:01:25,464 ¶ Taking a break from all your worries ¶ 35 00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:28,901 ¶ Sure would help a lot 36 00:01:28,935 --> 00:01:33,972 ¶ Wouldn't you like to get away? ¶ 37 00:01:34,007 --> 00:01:36,709 ¶ Sometimes you want to go 38 00:01:36,743 --> 00:01:42,247 ¶ Where everybody knows your name ¶ 39 00:01:42,282 --> 00:01:46,719 ¶ And they're always glad you came ¶ 40 00:01:46,753 --> 00:01:49,322 ¶ You want to be where you can see ¶ 41 00:01:49,356 --> 00:01:51,791 ¶ Our troubles are all the same ¶ 42 00:01:51,825 --> 00:01:57,229 ¶ You want to be where everybody knows your name ¶ 43 00:01:57,263 --> 00:01:59,732 ¶ You want to go where people know ¶ 44 00:01:59,766 --> 00:02:02,368 ¶ People are all the same 45 00:02:02,402 --> 00:02:07,072 ¶ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ¶ 46 00:02:22,321 --> 00:02:23,088 I wish you luck, Woody, 47 00:02:23,122 --> 00:02:24,873 because if Sam does lend you that car, 48 00:02:24,907 --> 00:02:25,757 you're home free. 49 00:02:25,791 --> 00:02:28,176 That thing is a rolling aphrodisiac. 50 00:02:28,210 --> 00:02:29,628 Absolutely. You know, any female that rides 51 00:02:29,662 --> 00:02:30,829 around with Sam in that car... 52 00:02:30,863 --> 00:02:31,830 Yeah? 53 00:02:31,864 --> 00:02:33,098 ...ends up going straight to bed with him. 54 00:02:33,132 --> 00:02:35,367 I've ridden in that car. 55 00:02:35,401 --> 00:02:36,918 Right. 56 00:02:38,988 --> 00:02:41,122 Well, I didn't go to bed with him. 57 00:02:41,157 --> 00:02:43,225 Huh. Right, and they always deny it 58 00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:44,926 afterwards, you know? 59 00:02:44,961 --> 00:02:46,628 I hate you guys. 60 00:02:46,663 --> 00:02:50,366 Yeah, then they always cop that anti-male attitude, you know? 61 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,017 Oh, Sammy, mind if I cut out for an hour? 62 00:02:53,052 --> 00:02:55,354 I want to catch the last couple of innings 63 00:02:55,388 --> 00:02:57,088 of my kid Ludlow's T-ball game. 64 00:02:57,123 --> 00:02:59,325 Hey, I thought he was the intellectual of the family. 65 00:02:59,359 --> 00:03:00,359 He's into baseball, huh? 66 00:03:00,393 --> 00:03:02,428 Well, he didn't go willingly. 67 00:03:02,462 --> 00:03:03,862 I had to trick him. 68 00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:05,897 I used the old "going to the library 69 00:03:05,932 --> 00:03:07,165 "but running out of gas 70 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,034 in front of the ballpark" routine. 71 00:03:09,068 --> 00:03:10,986 Seems kind of drastic, doesn't it? 72 00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:12,354 Come on, Sammy, please. 73 00:03:12,388 --> 00:03:14,222 I don't want the kid growing up 74 00:03:14,257 --> 00:03:15,758 to be a soft, doughy wimp 75 00:03:15,792 --> 00:03:18,293 wearing an argyle sweater and smoking a pipe. 76 00:03:23,933 --> 00:03:25,000 Go ahead, take off. 77 00:03:25,035 --> 00:03:26,835 And don't worry about Lud; he'll be fine. 78 00:03:26,870 --> 00:03:29,271 you know, that's Carla's son 79 00:03:29,305 --> 00:03:32,607 by Bennett Ludlow. He's a cute little tyke. 80 00:03:32,641 --> 00:03:34,809 Carla bore a son to Bennett Ludlow-- 81 00:03:34,844 --> 00:03:37,179 the eminent psychiatrist, your mentor? 82 00:03:37,213 --> 00:03:38,646 Oh, this is prime dish. 83 00:03:38,681 --> 00:03:41,750 I can't wait to tell the girls in the sleep disorder lab. 84 00:03:41,784 --> 00:03:44,086 So, Carla, tell, tell. 85 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,221 Have you bedded any other Rhodes scholars? 86 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:51,227 Uh... no. 87 00:03:51,261 --> 00:03:53,929 But one egghead, long-distance, phone-in father 88 00:03:53,963 --> 00:03:55,864 is enough for this baby factory. 89 00:03:55,898 --> 00:03:57,766 In spite of the fact that Dr. Ludlow's work 90 00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,167 takes him out of the country, 91 00:03:59,202 --> 00:04:02,654 I'm sure he's a marvelous parent. 92 00:04:02,689 --> 00:04:05,791 No, a good parent is someone who's there. 93 00:04:05,825 --> 00:04:07,492 Who's there to help them out with their homework. 94 00:04:07,527 --> 00:04:10,362 There when they wake up in the middle of the night 95 00:04:10,396 --> 00:04:11,663 crying their eyes out. 96 00:04:11,698 --> 00:04:13,598 He's there with the bottle of Bactine 97 00:04:13,633 --> 00:04:15,567 when they give themselves a bad tattoo. 98 00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:18,754 Well, I've been there. 99 00:04:18,788 --> 00:04:21,390 I raised eight kids on a waitress's salary, 100 00:04:21,424 --> 00:04:23,558 and I want you to know they're all good kids, 101 00:04:23,593 --> 00:04:24,993 and not one of them has had a conviction 102 00:04:25,027 --> 00:04:27,529 that stood up on appeal. 103 00:04:29,466 --> 00:04:31,133 I stand corrected, Carla. 104 00:04:32,702 --> 00:04:33,868 Mom, how could you 105 00:04:33,903 --> 00:04:35,787 do that to me? 106 00:04:35,822 --> 00:04:37,255 Luddy, how did you get here? 107 00:04:37,289 --> 00:04:38,690 Did the coach drop you off? 108 00:04:38,725 --> 00:04:39,541 Yes. 109 00:04:39,575 --> 00:04:41,543 Oh, then the game ended early. 110 00:04:41,578 --> 00:04:42,544 So how'd you do? 111 00:04:42,579 --> 00:04:45,798 Coach me had on the bench all afternoon. 112 00:04:45,832 --> 00:04:47,099 Well, what do you mean? 113 00:04:47,133 --> 00:04:48,466 You didn't play at all? 114 00:04:48,501 --> 00:04:50,185 Well, they finally put me in 115 00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:51,953 after the kid with the cast on his leg 116 00:04:51,988 --> 00:04:54,490 and the two fat girls left. 117 00:04:56,326 --> 00:04:57,459 So what did you do? 118 00:04:57,494 --> 00:05:01,363 I hit the ball, but they still made fun of me. 119 00:05:01,397 --> 00:05:04,699 Like everybody's just supposed to know which way to run. 120 00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:09,120 I'm going to go clean up your specs. 121 00:05:10,623 --> 00:05:12,057 Carla's got herself a real Poindexter there, huh? 122 00:05:12,092 --> 00:05:13,142 Yeah. 123 00:05:13,176 --> 00:05:14,143 It's sad to say 124 00:05:14,177 --> 00:05:15,910 that kids not accepted by their peers 125 00:05:15,945 --> 00:05:17,846 really never learn how to get along with people 126 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:18,980 in the big grown-up world. 127 00:05:19,015 --> 00:05:20,449 Why is that, Cliff? 128 00:05:20,483 --> 00:05:23,619 'Cause they keep boring everyone and driving them crazy 129 00:05:23,653 --> 00:05:26,755 with long speeches filled with meaningless statistics? 130 00:05:26,789 --> 00:05:27,756 Yep, yeah. 131 00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:32,127 63% of them live lives of quiet desperation. 132 00:05:32,162 --> 00:05:34,363 And how about those who sit next to them? 133 00:05:36,032 --> 00:05:39,000 I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, a friend of your father's. 134 00:05:39,035 --> 00:05:40,001 I understand 135 00:05:40,036 --> 00:05:42,003 you had a rough afternoon. 136 00:05:42,038 --> 00:05:44,406 You must never let the bullies of this world 137 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,874 diminish your inner spirit 138 00:05:45,908 --> 00:05:47,842 nor put out the fire of your competitive nature. 139 00:05:47,877 --> 00:05:49,010 Sir? Yes, son? 140 00:05:49,045 --> 00:05:51,513 You're kneeling on some gum. 141 00:05:53,449 --> 00:05:55,250 Heavens, my new gabardines! 142 00:05:55,285 --> 00:05:56,251 You and gum. 143 00:05:56,286 --> 00:05:58,187 He attracts it like a magnet. 144 00:06:00,056 --> 00:06:01,089 We'll swing by our place 145 00:06:01,123 --> 00:06:02,757 and pick up another pair on our way to the opera. 146 00:06:02,792 --> 00:06:04,959 Which opera are you going to? 147 00:06:04,994 --> 00:06:07,879 Die Meistersinger. 148 00:06:07,914 --> 00:06:09,447 Oh, I know that one. 149 00:06:09,482 --> 00:06:10,949 That's where all the master singers 150 00:06:10,984 --> 00:06:13,986 get together in Nuremberg and have a big contest 151 00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:15,754 to find out who's best. 152 00:06:15,788 --> 00:06:18,840 Oh, yeah, kind of like Star Search. 153 00:06:18,875 --> 00:06:22,343 Basically. 154 00:06:22,378 --> 00:06:23,979 Frasier... 155 00:06:25,415 --> 00:06:28,384 Frasier, I just had a delicious idea. 156 00:06:28,418 --> 00:06:29,585 Why don't we buy an extra ticket 157 00:06:29,619 --> 00:06:31,687 and take young Lud to the opera with us? 158 00:06:31,721 --> 00:06:33,021 Oh, wow, great! 159 00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:36,291 But I have to ask my mom. 160 00:06:36,325 --> 00:06:38,160 Mommy, Dr. Crane and his wife 161 00:06:38,194 --> 00:06:40,762 invited me to go to the opera with them. 162 00:06:40,796 --> 00:06:42,280 Well, you don't have to be polite. 163 00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,982 Just tell them to bug off. 164 00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:49,488 But, Mom, I want to go. Please? 165 00:06:49,522 --> 00:06:51,389 Carla, may I have a word with you? 166 00:06:51,424 --> 00:06:54,192 Yeah. Sammy, entertain the kid. 167 00:06:55,894 --> 00:06:57,963 Carla, you'd be doing us all a favor. 168 00:06:57,997 --> 00:07:00,365 Allowing Frasier and me to spend some time 169 00:07:00,399 --> 00:07:03,301 with your son might help us to formulate a decision 170 00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:06,037 that's been under much discussion as of late. 171 00:07:06,071 --> 00:07:08,773 You see, the two of us are considering whether or not 172 00:07:08,808 --> 00:07:10,642 we wish to reproduce. 173 00:07:12,812 --> 00:07:15,196 You're thinking of having a baby, huh? 174 00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,299 So, tell me, how long does it take 175 00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:20,301 one of your pods to hatch, anyway? 176 00:07:22,304 --> 00:07:25,774 Listen, you want to baby-sit Lud, be my guest. 177 00:07:25,809 --> 00:07:27,375 What's that on your shirt? 178 00:07:27,410 --> 00:07:28,944 Huh? Ooh! 179 00:07:30,379 --> 00:07:33,114 You're good. You're good. 180 00:07:33,149 --> 00:07:35,484 Okay, Luddy, you're going to the opera. 181 00:07:35,518 --> 00:07:37,018 Yay! 182 00:07:37,052 --> 00:07:38,336 Yeah, you're going to love it, kid, too. 183 00:07:38,371 --> 00:07:39,404 You know that Wagner, 184 00:07:39,438 --> 00:07:41,439 he wrote all those pieces when he was stone deaf. 185 00:07:41,474 --> 00:07:42,724 No, that was Beethoven. 186 00:07:42,759 --> 00:07:43,558 I meant blind. 187 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,043 That was Milton. 188 00:07:45,078 --> 00:07:46,227 He had warts. 189 00:07:46,261 --> 00:07:47,596 That was you. 190 00:07:48,965 --> 00:07:51,099 I told you not to tell anybody. 191 00:07:56,271 --> 00:07:57,739 Shouldn't they be back by now? 192 00:07:57,774 --> 00:07:59,975 How long can an opera last? 193 00:08:00,009 --> 00:08:01,326 Well, the last one I remember 194 00:08:01,361 --> 00:08:02,894 lasted about eight months. 195 00:08:05,231 --> 00:08:07,666 Yeah, I just hope everything's all right. 196 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:12,120 Carla, look, I know you love your kids and everything... 197 00:08:12,154 --> 00:08:15,056 I mean, like your kids. 198 00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:18,360 I mean, I know you have kids... 199 00:08:18,394 --> 00:08:20,662 but I have never seen you this concerned before. 200 00:08:20,697 --> 00:08:21,613 Well, Lud's special. 201 00:08:21,647 --> 00:08:22,764 Yeah? 202 00:08:22,799 --> 00:08:23,765 Yeah. 203 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,201 I mean, whenever I come home at night, 204 00:08:26,235 --> 00:08:28,937 he always brings me a pan of hot water for my feet. 205 00:08:28,971 --> 00:08:31,506 He actually asks me how my day went. 206 00:08:31,541 --> 00:08:34,393 I don't know if I ever told anybody this before... 207 00:08:34,427 --> 00:08:35,394 I love him. 208 00:08:35,428 --> 00:08:38,096 You don't have to be shy about saying 209 00:08:38,130 --> 00:08:40,064 that you love your kids. 210 00:08:40,099 --> 00:08:42,617 Oh, why don't you just take out an ad in the Yellow Pages? 211 00:08:46,389 --> 00:08:48,657 Hey, Normie, I almost forgot 212 00:08:48,691 --> 00:08:50,492 how much Sam's Corvette girls love to whistle. 213 00:08:52,328 --> 00:08:54,729 I wish I had a nickel for every time 214 00:08:54,763 --> 00:08:56,631 I heard that sound, huh? 215 00:08:56,665 --> 00:08:59,433 Classic slamming of the door. 216 00:09:04,991 --> 00:09:07,792 So Sam still won't loan you his car, huh? 217 00:09:07,827 --> 00:09:11,696 No, but I'm starting to love that man's laugh. 218 00:09:11,731 --> 00:09:14,115 Sammy, come on, give the kid a break, will ya? 219 00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:15,984 Just let him borrow your car. 220 00:09:16,018 --> 00:09:16,634 Please, Sam? 221 00:09:16,669 --> 00:09:18,152 Kelly's the best girl I've ever dated, 222 00:09:18,187 --> 00:09:20,088 and she loves Corvettes. 223 00:09:20,122 --> 00:09:21,272 Well, I tell you what, Woody. 224 00:09:21,307 --> 00:09:22,841 I'll give her a lift in my car. 225 00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:23,892 No way, Sammy. 226 00:09:23,926 --> 00:09:25,460 Every girl who goes for a ride in your Corvette 227 00:09:25,494 --> 00:09:26,527 winds up going to bed with you. 228 00:09:26,562 --> 00:09:27,662 Right, Miss Howe? 229 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:35,087 Well, now she's just being redundant. 230 00:09:35,121 --> 00:09:37,422 It's okay, Sam, I understand about the car thing. 231 00:09:37,456 --> 00:09:38,357 Oh, good. 232 00:09:38,391 --> 00:09:41,176 I didn't mean to put you on the spot. 233 00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:43,878 And, uh, I want you to know that, even though you won't 234 00:09:43,913 --> 00:09:45,847 let me borrow your car, there's no hard feelings. 235 00:09:45,881 --> 00:09:47,548 And if I ever have a car of my own, 236 00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:49,483 and you want to borrow it, it's yours. 237 00:09:49,518 --> 00:09:51,003 Ah, I know what you're trying to do. 238 00:09:51,037 --> 00:09:53,405 You're trying to guilt me into giving you my car. 239 00:09:53,439 --> 00:09:55,707 No, I'm not. I wouldn't do that. 240 00:09:55,741 --> 00:09:57,175 You're my best friend. 241 00:09:57,210 --> 00:10:00,528 Ah, man, you're scum! 242 00:10:00,562 --> 00:10:03,064 I mean it, Sam, I love you. 243 00:10:03,099 --> 00:10:05,499 Hey, fine. Here, take the damn car. 244 00:10:05,534 --> 00:10:07,501 What just happened? 245 00:10:07,536 --> 00:10:09,570 You outsmarted him. 246 00:10:09,605 --> 00:10:12,340 So that's what it feels like. 247 00:10:13,575 --> 00:10:17,212 Mom, Mom! The opera was so great! 248 00:10:17,246 --> 00:10:19,981 All the singing, and costumes. 249 00:10:20,015 --> 00:10:22,367 This was the best day of my life! 250 00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:24,369 That's terrific, Lud. 251 00:10:24,403 --> 00:10:25,871 I never seen him so excited. 252 00:10:25,905 --> 00:10:26,872 Thanks, guys. 253 00:10:26,906 --> 00:10:29,073 Oh, Carla, it was our pleasure. 254 00:10:29,108 --> 00:10:30,609 He's an extraordinary child. 255 00:10:30,643 --> 00:10:32,944 Yes, we had an extensive discussion 256 00:10:32,979 --> 00:10:34,813 on the way back about opera, 257 00:10:34,847 --> 00:10:36,598 the arts, film... 258 00:10:36,632 --> 00:10:39,935 Oh, Carla, may we take Lud to the movies tonight? 259 00:10:39,969 --> 00:10:43,338 There's a revival of Koyaanisqatsi we'd love him to see, 260 00:10:43,372 --> 00:10:44,823 and then we were thinking he could sleep over, 261 00:10:44,857 --> 00:10:46,958 We could have brunch and a matinee of Peter and the Wolf. 262 00:10:46,993 --> 00:10:50,095 Gee, I don't know. 263 00:10:50,129 --> 00:10:51,329 He's never stayed away from home before. 264 00:10:51,363 --> 00:10:52,430 He's only six. 265 00:10:52,464 --> 00:10:56,902 Please, Mommy? Please? 266 00:10:56,936 --> 00:11:00,471 Oh, heck, you really want to go that bad, huh? 267 00:11:00,506 --> 00:11:02,740 Go, go, go ahead. Have a good time. 268 00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:03,808 Stay as long as you want. 269 00:11:03,842 --> 00:11:05,009 I'll see you when you get back. 270 00:11:05,044 --> 00:11:06,010 Thank you, Carla. 271 00:11:06,045 --> 00:11:08,012 We'll take good care of him, don't worry. 272 00:11:11,817 --> 00:11:12,917 Well, that's that. 273 00:11:14,386 --> 00:11:15,770 I lost my baby. 274 00:11:26,666 --> 00:11:27,767 Listen, Sam, I hope it's okay 275 00:11:27,801 --> 00:11:28,901 that I keep asking you this, 276 00:11:28,935 --> 00:11:30,535 but I just want to make sure one last time 277 00:11:30,570 --> 00:11:31,871 that you haven't changed your mind 278 00:11:31,905 --> 00:11:32,972 about me using your car. 279 00:11:33,006 --> 00:11:34,090 No, Woody. 280 00:11:34,124 --> 00:11:35,575 No, you haven't changed your mind 281 00:11:35,609 --> 00:11:36,875 or no, I can't use your car 282 00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:38,244 or no, it's not okay to ask? 283 00:11:38,278 --> 00:11:42,181 No, get out of my face before I hurt ya. 284 00:11:42,216 --> 00:11:44,417 He's special. 285 00:11:47,887 --> 00:11:51,224 Hey, Carla, still listening to that opera stuff? 286 00:11:52,392 --> 00:11:53,692 She can't hear you, Cliff. 287 00:11:53,727 --> 00:11:55,461 She's got the music blasting in her ear. 288 00:11:55,496 --> 00:11:56,996 You mean she can't hear me 289 00:11:57,030 --> 00:11:58,664 if I say she reminds me of 290 00:11:58,698 --> 00:12:01,300 one of those little plastic troll dolls? 291 00:12:04,171 --> 00:12:05,637 Hey, what's... what's the big idea? 292 00:12:05,672 --> 00:12:07,206 I thought you couldn't hear me. 293 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,891 No, but I can see, and you're ugly. 294 00:12:12,963 --> 00:12:16,098 So, are you still cramming all that high-Q stuff in your head? 295 00:12:16,132 --> 00:12:18,901 You know, Sammy, I don't have any choice. 296 00:12:18,936 --> 00:12:22,004 I mean, ever since Dr. Cyclops and Morticia 297 00:12:22,039 --> 00:12:25,474 started introducing Lud to all this culture crap, 298 00:12:25,508 --> 00:12:27,309 it's like I don't have anything to talk to him about. 299 00:12:27,343 --> 00:12:29,361 So I'm listening to all this music, 300 00:12:29,395 --> 00:12:32,164 and I'm plowing through all these books here. 301 00:12:32,199 --> 00:12:33,665 Look at this. 302 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,334 Good heavens, man. 303 00:12:35,368 --> 00:12:37,203 History of Modern Art. 304 00:12:39,039 --> 00:12:42,741 Comprehensive Guide to the World Of Opera. 305 00:12:42,775 --> 00:12:44,609 Hollywood Wives. 306 00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:47,029 Yeah, I'm getting into literature, too. 307 00:12:48,365 --> 00:12:50,032 I've read this. 308 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:56,355 Oh, man, who am I trying to kid? 309 00:12:56,389 --> 00:12:58,257 I'm just stupid. 310 00:12:58,291 --> 00:12:59,325 Hey, you are not stupid. 311 00:12:59,359 --> 00:13:02,828 Oh, how would you know? You're stupid. 312 00:13:02,863 --> 00:13:05,797 If you were really stupid, you wouldn't know that about me. 313 00:13:05,832 --> 00:13:08,133 Good point. 314 00:13:08,168 --> 00:13:09,634 Greetings, Carla. 315 00:13:09,669 --> 00:13:11,570 We just dropped your son off at home 316 00:13:11,604 --> 00:13:12,955 after a lovely sojourn 317 00:13:12,989 --> 00:13:14,656 at the Museum of Fine Art. 318 00:13:14,691 --> 00:13:17,226 You know, that child is such a love. 319 00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:19,612 He's so bright, inquisitive, creative. 320 00:13:19,646 --> 00:13:22,215 He reminds me of myself as a child. 321 00:13:22,249 --> 00:13:24,317 Of course, he has more hair. 322 00:13:26,052 --> 00:13:27,269 We were wondering if we could 323 00:13:27,303 --> 00:13:28,871 treat Lud to dinner this evening. 324 00:13:28,905 --> 00:13:30,656 Come on, guys. 325 00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:33,092 You've had him out every night this week. 326 00:13:33,126 --> 00:13:35,794 Besides, I had a special family evening planned. 327 00:13:35,829 --> 00:13:37,897 I was gonna cook a big bowl of pasta, 328 00:13:37,931 --> 00:13:40,166 and we're all gonna sit around and watch 329 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,667 America's Most Wanted, 330 00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:43,569 and see if we could rat on our neighbors. 331 00:13:45,788 --> 00:13:48,340 Yes, but, you see, Carla, this is special, too. 332 00:13:48,374 --> 00:13:51,010 I mean, I've just managed to finagle reservations 333 00:13:51,044 --> 00:13:52,511 for Magritte's. 334 00:13:52,546 --> 00:13:55,180 It's the most exclusive restaurant in all of Boston. 335 00:13:55,214 --> 00:13:56,331 I never heard of it. 336 00:13:56,366 --> 00:13:57,049 Precisely. 337 00:13:59,402 --> 00:14:00,452 Carla, please. 338 00:14:00,486 --> 00:14:02,221 It would mean a lot to the child, 339 00:14:02,255 --> 00:14:06,558 and I think Lud would enjoy it also. 340 00:14:06,593 --> 00:14:07,843 Oh, all right. Who cares? 341 00:14:07,878 --> 00:14:09,812 More spaghetti for the rest of us. 342 00:14:12,649 --> 00:14:14,216 Hey, Fras. 343 00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:17,720 Listen, why don't you invite Carla to dinner with you? 344 00:14:17,754 --> 00:14:20,255 Well, now, Sam, uh... 345 00:14:20,289 --> 00:14:24,025 Carla is a fine woman and a good friend. 346 00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,026 Actually, she's neither. 347 00:14:25,061 --> 00:14:26,562 And why would I want to eat with her? 348 00:14:29,415 --> 00:14:32,434 Frasier, dear, I think we should invite Carla. 349 00:14:32,469 --> 00:14:34,970 I think it would be very, very nice. 350 00:14:36,072 --> 00:14:39,875 Do you know what would be very, very nice, Lilith? 351 00:14:39,909 --> 00:14:43,479 If you would stop digging your nails into my palm. 352 00:14:43,513 --> 00:14:45,481 But I'm sure I'll choose to see your point 353 00:14:45,515 --> 00:14:47,016 before you draw blood. 354 00:14:52,189 --> 00:14:55,324 Carla? Carla, what say we make it four 355 00:14:55,358 --> 00:14:57,927 at Magritte's tonight, huh? 356 00:14:57,961 --> 00:14:58,393 You buying? 357 00:14:59,379 --> 00:15:00,513 I'm going. 358 00:15:00,547 --> 00:15:02,348 Well, good. We're on, then. 359 00:15:02,382 --> 00:15:03,849 We'll call for you at 8:00. 360 00:15:03,883 --> 00:15:07,286 By the way, Carla, please bear in mind 361 00:15:07,321 --> 00:15:09,121 that this is a very 362 00:15:09,155 --> 00:15:11,107 posh establishment. 363 00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:12,641 Need I say more? 364 00:15:12,675 --> 00:15:13,642 Oh, no, no, no. 365 00:15:13,676 --> 00:15:15,044 I get the picture loud and clear. 366 00:15:15,078 --> 00:15:17,913 I'll shave my legs. 367 00:15:22,235 --> 00:15:24,053 I hope this table is satisfactory. 368 00:15:24,087 --> 00:15:25,587 Oh, this is wonderful. 369 00:15:25,622 --> 00:15:28,190 You know, the place is just as I had heard it was. 370 00:15:28,225 --> 00:15:30,359 It's delightful. 371 00:15:34,530 --> 00:15:36,615 Everything looks absolutely exquisite. 372 00:15:36,649 --> 00:15:39,285 The menu is a delightful combination 373 00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:42,821 of nouvelle and provincial 374 00:15:42,856 --> 00:15:45,257 with a nod toward domestic ingredients. 375 00:15:46,476 --> 00:15:49,978 And get a load of all this ambiance. 376 00:15:50,012 --> 00:15:51,480 The artwork is stunning. 377 00:15:51,514 --> 00:15:55,717 Yes, well, there's a delightful example of modern art. 378 00:15:55,752 --> 00:16:01,840 If I might venture a guess, I would say it's a "Schnaybel." 379 00:16:01,874 --> 00:16:03,008 It isn't. 380 00:16:03,042 --> 00:16:06,011 But, even if it was, it would be pronounced "Schnahbel." 381 00:16:06,045 --> 00:16:08,314 Excuse me. It's a little hard to tell 382 00:16:08,348 --> 00:16:10,482 this far from our "tahbel." 383 00:16:12,151 --> 00:16:14,920 That's funny, Mom. 384 00:16:14,954 --> 00:16:17,272 Ludlow, please, we're not here to have fun. 385 00:16:17,307 --> 00:16:19,141 We're here to enjoy ourselves. 386 00:16:19,175 --> 00:16:20,776 Now... 387 00:16:20,810 --> 00:16:21,944 would it please everyone 388 00:16:21,978 --> 00:16:23,578 if I ordered for the whole table? 389 00:16:23,613 --> 00:16:24,747 It would be delightful. 390 00:16:24,781 --> 00:16:25,748 Fine. Thank you. 391 00:16:25,782 --> 00:16:26,749 Now, I know that 392 00:16:26,783 --> 00:16:28,283 Lilith's delicate constitution 393 00:16:28,317 --> 00:16:29,685 is not amenable to shallots. 394 00:16:29,719 --> 00:16:32,021 Is there anything else I should be mindful of? 395 00:16:32,055 --> 00:16:34,790 How considerate of you to ask, Frasier. 396 00:16:34,824 --> 00:16:37,526 Actually, I have a delicate constitution, as well. 397 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,762 No extra-heavy barbecue sauce. 398 00:16:39,796 --> 00:16:41,630 I'll be repeating like a Howitzer. 399 00:16:47,503 --> 00:16:49,504 Delightful. 400 00:16:53,209 --> 00:16:55,978 Boy, this sure beats taking the bus, doesn't it? 401 00:16:56,012 --> 00:16:59,347 Just you and me, the open road. 402 00:17:02,852 --> 00:17:05,620 I'm getting kind of tired of driving. 403 00:17:06,790 --> 00:17:08,590 What do you say we park somewhere 404 00:17:08,624 --> 00:17:10,425 and look at the stars for a while? 405 00:17:10,459 --> 00:17:12,961 Oh, that sounds nice, Woody. 406 00:17:14,130 --> 00:17:16,598 Hey, Sam, where's a good place to go next? 407 00:17:16,632 --> 00:17:18,551 Make a right at the light! 408 00:17:18,553 --> 00:17:20,953 And not so fast this time! 409 00:17:29,662 --> 00:17:30,796 Thank you. 410 00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:32,264 Oh, and please tell Paul 411 00:17:32,299 --> 00:17:35,067 that the salad course was an absolute treasure. 412 00:17:35,102 --> 00:17:37,035 His subtle yet assertive dressing 413 00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:39,438 was the perfect balance for the arugula. 414 00:17:39,473 --> 00:17:42,724 I concur in spades. 415 00:17:44,777 --> 00:17:46,962 He'll be pleased to hear it. 416 00:17:46,996 --> 00:17:50,782 Well, shall we bouillabaisse? 417 00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:52,902 Ah, now... 418 00:17:52,936 --> 00:17:56,205 smell the piquant bouquet. 419 00:17:56,239 --> 00:17:58,473 Taste it with every part of your tongue, 420 00:17:58,508 --> 00:18:00,976 and then let it just dance down your throat. 421 00:18:01,011 --> 00:18:02,978 Frasier, as usual, your anticipation 422 00:18:03,013 --> 00:18:05,114 is interfering with my enjoyment. 423 00:18:09,752 --> 00:18:12,521 Yeah, Eddie has that problem, too. 424 00:18:17,410 --> 00:18:19,645 Ludlow, you're not eating. 425 00:18:19,679 --> 00:18:22,347 None for me, thanks, Dr. Crane. 426 00:18:23,683 --> 00:18:25,484 He doesn't like fish. 427 00:18:25,519 --> 00:18:27,520 Look, Carla, this is not something 428 00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:29,421 that comes out of your cupboard 429 00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,524 in a tin can with a mermaid on it. 430 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,060 This is fruits de mer. 431 00:18:35,094 --> 00:18:39,265 At $32 a pop, I think the lad should give it a try. 432 00:18:41,184 --> 00:18:44,186 Now, Ludlow, you've been very open-minded 433 00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:45,888 about everything else. 434 00:18:45,922 --> 00:18:47,622 Make him happy. Take a bite. 435 00:18:47,657 --> 00:18:49,124 If you don't like it, 436 00:18:49,159 --> 00:18:51,526 you can spit it out in your napkin. See? 437 00:18:53,696 --> 00:18:56,031 Carla, we are not here to make me happy. 438 00:18:56,065 --> 00:18:58,817 We are here to enrich the lad's experience, 439 00:18:58,851 --> 00:19:02,737 which, if I must say so, I do believe is my provenance. 440 00:19:02,772 --> 00:19:07,442 Now, Lud, you know we all have certain things we don't like. 441 00:19:08,478 --> 00:19:11,413 I detested fish when I was a child, 442 00:19:11,448 --> 00:19:15,284 but I kept eating it and, finally, I overcame my aversion. 443 00:19:15,318 --> 00:19:16,535 Likewise. 444 00:19:16,569 --> 00:19:17,936 When I first met Frasier, 445 00:19:17,970 --> 00:19:19,638 I detested him. 446 00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:25,977 Yes, but the point is you love me now. 447 00:19:26,012 --> 00:19:27,879 And Lud will love bouillabaisse. 448 00:19:28,915 --> 00:19:30,182 Try it. 449 00:19:30,216 --> 00:19:32,934 Okay. 450 00:19:36,823 --> 00:19:38,624 Eww! Fish! 451 00:19:38,658 --> 00:19:40,259 You barely tasted the broth. 452 00:19:40,293 --> 00:19:42,328 Give it a better chance than that. 453 00:19:42,362 --> 00:19:44,730 No! I want a hamburger! 454 00:19:44,764 --> 00:19:48,534 This restaurant does not serve hamburgers. 455 00:19:49,769 --> 00:19:51,637 Now, eat your bouillabaisse. 456 00:19:51,671 --> 00:19:53,372 No! This fishy soup stinks! 457 00:19:53,406 --> 00:19:55,324 And I hate it! 458 00:19:59,228 --> 00:20:01,029 What an imp! 459 00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:04,783 Luddy? What are you doing? 460 00:20:04,817 --> 00:20:06,752 I'm going to try to get him out from under there. 461 00:20:06,786 --> 00:20:08,854 No, Carla. Carla, that's exactly what he wants you to do. 462 00:20:09,656 --> 00:20:11,973 One must not play the game by his rules. 463 00:20:12,007 --> 00:20:14,075 Now, I've taught a seminar or two 464 00:20:14,109 --> 00:20:15,327 on developmental behavior, 465 00:20:15,361 --> 00:20:17,862 and the first rule in these acting-out situations 466 00:20:17,897 --> 00:20:19,932 is to simply ignore the offending child. 467 00:20:19,966 --> 00:20:22,200 Just pretend that he doesn't exist. 468 00:20:22,235 --> 00:20:24,820 Eventually, he'll get bored and come out. 469 00:20:24,854 --> 00:20:28,456 So... what a lovely meal. 470 00:20:30,677 --> 00:20:32,394 Mmm! Do you know, I heard 471 00:20:32,428 --> 00:20:35,697 that the chef here was a protégé of... 472 00:20:35,732 --> 00:20:38,266 Do you smell something burning? 473 00:20:38,301 --> 00:20:40,069 Yes. That's my shoe. 474 00:20:40,103 --> 00:20:43,138 I heard that he was a protégé of... 475 00:20:43,173 --> 00:20:45,507 Your shoe is on fire? Yes. 476 00:20:45,541 --> 00:20:47,375 Isn't that painful? 477 00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:49,211 Excruciating. 478 00:20:51,715 --> 00:20:54,083 But I'm not going to give the child 479 00:20:54,117 --> 00:20:56,518 the pleasure of hearing me cry out. 480 00:20:58,021 --> 00:20:59,754 So, you see, 481 00:20:59,789 --> 00:21:01,123 it seems he was educated 482 00:21:01,157 --> 00:21:03,192 in a small village on the Rhine. 483 00:21:03,226 --> 00:21:05,127 He... 484 00:21:05,161 --> 00:21:07,495 Oh, Lud. 485 00:21:07,530 --> 00:21:12,101 One hotfoot might be considered a puckish prank. 486 00:21:12,135 --> 00:21:15,471 But, if you light that other match, 487 00:21:15,505 --> 00:21:18,474 it is the end of our tutelage. 488 00:21:18,508 --> 00:21:20,775 Is that perfectly clear? 489 00:21:22,345 --> 00:21:23,095 That's it! 490 00:21:23,129 --> 00:21:24,813 That's it! I've had it! 491 00:21:24,847 --> 00:21:26,815 That severs the relationship! 492 00:21:26,849 --> 00:21:28,316 Frasier, everyone thinks 493 00:21:28,350 --> 00:21:31,486 you're arguing with your clams. 494 00:21:40,496 --> 00:21:43,364 Is there a problem here? 495 00:21:43,399 --> 00:21:44,350 No, no. Of course not. 496 00:21:44,384 --> 00:21:46,218 The boy just slipped under the table, 497 00:21:46,252 --> 00:21:48,487 and his mother was about to get him out. 498 00:21:49,389 --> 00:21:52,007 His mother. Uh... yes, yes. 499 00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,275 Carla, could you take care of this? 500 00:21:54,310 --> 00:21:56,345 Gee, I don't know if I could. 501 00:21:56,379 --> 00:21:59,948 I... I've never taken a psychology seminar. 502 00:22:01,351 --> 00:22:04,119 Sir, we have a very nice table in the kitchen. 503 00:22:05,988 --> 00:22:08,790 Please, Carla. Please, please. 504 00:22:09,825 --> 00:22:12,027 Hey, Lud, burger time. 505 00:22:12,061 --> 00:22:14,296 Yay! 506 00:22:14,330 --> 00:22:16,598 Ha-ha! Hotfoot, huh? 507 00:22:16,633 --> 00:22:19,334 My genes must be in there somewhere. 508 00:22:21,521 --> 00:22:22,988 Let's go, Mommy. 509 00:22:23,022 --> 00:22:25,356 First, apologize to Dr. Crane. 510 00:22:26,709 --> 00:22:27,876 I'm sorry, Dr. Crane. 511 00:22:27,910 --> 00:22:30,378 I guess I shouldn't have acted this way. 512 00:22:30,412 --> 00:22:32,347 Well, no hard feelings, son. 513 00:22:32,382 --> 00:22:34,649 Let's have dinner again sometime 514 00:22:34,683 --> 00:22:37,685 when you're about, oh, in your late 30s. 515 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:38,570 Bye. 516 00:22:38,688 --> 00:22:39,821 Bye. 517 00:22:42,024 --> 00:22:43,492 Uh... I was wondering. 518 00:22:43,526 --> 00:22:44,993 Do you have frog legs? 519 00:22:45,027 --> 00:22:45,994 Why, yes. 520 00:22:46,028 --> 00:22:47,162 They're nice pants. 521 00:22:47,197 --> 00:22:48,463 No one will ever notice. 522 00:22:49,499 --> 00:22:50,965 I always wanted to do that. 523 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,068 You're the best mommy in the world. 524 00:22:53,102 --> 00:22:55,304 Yeah. Tell me something I don't know. 525 00:22:57,907 --> 00:22:59,808 You know, Lilith, I think we've all 526 00:22:59,842 --> 00:23:01,577 learned something here tonight. 527 00:23:01,611 --> 00:23:03,745 I'm going to try to tell you what it is 528 00:23:03,779 --> 00:23:06,181 before you coat my blistering feet with butter 529 00:23:06,216 --> 00:23:08,350 and drop me off at the emergency room. 530 00:23:16,658 --> 00:23:18,260 You see... 531 00:23:18,294 --> 00:23:20,461 this incident has made something very clear to me. 532 00:23:20,496 --> 00:23:24,465 I... I believe my initial instincts were correct. 533 00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:26,201 We shouldn't have children. 534 00:23:26,235 --> 00:23:28,670 I don't think I'd make a good father. 535 00:23:28,704 --> 00:23:30,638 I don't want to be a father. 536 00:23:30,673 --> 00:23:32,307 I'll never be a father. 537 00:23:32,342 --> 00:23:34,076 End of discussion. 538 00:23:34,110 --> 00:23:36,378 Frasier, I'm pregnant. 539 00:23:36,412 --> 00:23:38,897 I'm gonna be a daddy? 540 00:23:39,832 --> 00:23:41,432 I'm gonna be a daddy! 541 00:23:41,467 --> 00:23:44,018 Oh, Lilith, we must come here more often.