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00:00:01,198 --> 00:00:04,033
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,067 --> 00:00:05,951
Sounds great, Kelly.
I'll see you Saturday.
3
00:00:05,985 --> 00:00:07,953
Yeah. Okay.
4
00:00:07,987 --> 00:00:09,455
Guess what, guys?
What?
5
00:00:09,489 --> 00:00:12,091
I'm going to my first
country club dance.
6
00:00:12,125 --> 00:00:13,259
Whoo-hoo!
- All right.
7
00:00:13,293 --> 00:00:15,628
Yeah, I gotta check
the bus schedule.
8
00:00:15,662 --> 00:00:16,929
Wait, wait, Woody--
you're going out with
9
00:00:16,963 --> 00:00:18,931
the boss's daughter and you're
riding around on a bus?
10
00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:20,883
Yeah, it's getting to be
a real drag, too.
11
00:00:20,918 --> 00:00:22,985
Especially when
you can't sit together.
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Maybe I can borrow Sam's car.
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Whoa, whoa, hey.
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Hold up there, Woodster.
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Lest you forget the
Ten Commandments
of Sam Malone.
16
00:00:32,212 --> 00:00:33,529
Hence, commandment
number three:
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00:00:33,563 --> 00:00:35,230
"Thou shall not
loan thy car."
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I thought that was
commandment number four.
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That's
"Honor thy hair."
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I think Sam might make
an exception
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in my case.
Hey, Sam?
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00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:46,909
Sam?
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00:00:46,943 --> 00:00:47,893
Can I borrow your car?
24
00:00:47,927 --> 00:00:49,545
My car?
25
00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:51,013
Yeah, I'll be real
careful with it.
26
00:00:52,215 --> 00:00:53,900
No, I'll bring it home early
27
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and I'll wash it
the next day.
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00:00:57,321 --> 00:00:58,804
Well, food for thought.
29
00:01:01,375 --> 00:01:03,842
So, Wood, is he gonna
loan you the car?
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He didn't come right out and
say it, but I like my chances.
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He's in a great mood today.
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¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
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¶ Takes everything you've got
34
00:01:22,729 --> 00:01:25,464
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
35
00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:28,901
¶ Sure would help a lot
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00:01:28,935 --> 00:01:33,972
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
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¶ Sometimes you want to go
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
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¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
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00:01:49,356 --> 00:01:51,791
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
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00:01:51,825 --> 00:01:57,229
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
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00:01:57,263 --> 00:01:59,732
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
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¶ People are all the same
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¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
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I wish you luck, Woody,
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00:02:23,122 --> 00:02:24,873
because if Sam does
lend you that car,
48
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you're home free.
49
00:02:25,791 --> 00:02:28,176
That thing is
a rolling aphrodisiac.
50
00:02:28,210 --> 00:02:29,628
Absolutely.
You know, any female that rides
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00:02:29,662 --> 00:02:30,829
around with Sam in that car...
52
00:02:30,863 --> 00:02:31,830
Yeah?
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00:02:31,864 --> 00:02:33,098
...ends up going straight
to bed with him.
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00:02:33,132 --> 00:02:35,367
I've ridden in that car.
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00:02:35,401 --> 00:02:36,918
Right.
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00:02:38,988 --> 00:02:41,122
Well, I didn't go
to bed with him.
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00:02:41,157 --> 00:02:43,225
Huh. Right, and they
always deny it
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00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:44,926
afterwards,
you know?
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00:02:44,961 --> 00:02:46,628
I hate you guys.
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00:02:46,663 --> 00:02:50,366
Yeah, then they always cop that
anti-male attitude, you know?
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00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,017
Oh, Sammy, mind if I cut out
for an hour?
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00:02:53,052 --> 00:02:55,354
I want to catch
the last couple of innings
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00:02:55,388 --> 00:02:57,088
of my kid Ludlow's
T-ball game.
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00:02:57,123 --> 00:02:59,325
Hey, I thought he was the
intellectual of the family.
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00:02:59,359 --> 00:03:00,359
He's into baseball, huh?
66
00:03:00,393 --> 00:03:02,428
Well, he didn't go willingly.
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00:03:02,462 --> 00:03:03,862
I had to trick him.
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00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:05,897
I used the old
"going to the library
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00:03:05,932 --> 00:03:07,165
"but running out of gas
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00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,034
in front of the ballpark"
routine.
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00:03:09,068 --> 00:03:10,986
Seems kind of drastic,
doesn't it?
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00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:12,354
Come on, Sammy,
please.
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00:03:12,388 --> 00:03:14,222
I don't want
the kid growing up
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00:03:14,257 --> 00:03:15,758
to be a soft,
doughy wimp
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00:03:15,792 --> 00:03:18,293
wearing an argyle sweater
and smoking a pipe.
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00:03:23,933 --> 00:03:25,000
Go ahead, take off.
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00:03:25,035 --> 00:03:26,835
And don't worry about Lud;
he'll be fine.
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00:03:26,870 --> 00:03:29,271
you know,
that's Carla's son
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00:03:29,305 --> 00:03:32,607
by Bennett Ludlow.
He's a cute little tyke.
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00:03:32,641 --> 00:03:34,809
Carla bore a son
to Bennett Ludlow--
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00:03:34,844 --> 00:03:37,179
the eminent psychiatrist,
your mentor?
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00:03:37,213 --> 00:03:38,646
Oh, this is prime dish.
83
00:03:38,681 --> 00:03:41,750
I can't wait
to tell the girls
in the sleep disorder lab.
84
00:03:41,784 --> 00:03:44,086
So, Carla, tell, tell.
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00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,221
Have you bedded
any other Rhodes scholars?
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00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:51,227
Uh... no.
87
00:03:51,261 --> 00:03:53,929
But one egghead, long-distance,
phone-in father
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00:03:53,963 --> 00:03:55,864
is enough for
this baby factory.
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00:03:55,898 --> 00:03:57,766
In spite of the fact
that Dr. Ludlow's work
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00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,167
takes him out
of the country,
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00:03:59,202 --> 00:04:02,654
I'm sure he's
a marvelous parent.
92
00:04:02,689 --> 00:04:05,791
No, a good parent
is someone who's there.
93
00:04:05,825 --> 00:04:07,492
Who's there to help them out
with their homework.
94
00:04:07,527 --> 00:04:10,362
There when they wake up
in the middle of the night
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00:04:10,396 --> 00:04:11,663
crying their eyes out.
96
00:04:11,698 --> 00:04:13,598
He's there with
the bottle of Bactine
97
00:04:13,633 --> 00:04:15,567
when they give themselves
a bad tattoo.
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00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:18,754
Well, I've been there.
99
00:04:18,788 --> 00:04:21,390
I raised eight kids
on a waitress's salary,
100
00:04:21,424 --> 00:04:23,558
and I want you to know
they're all good kids,
101
00:04:23,593 --> 00:04:24,993
and not one of them
has had a conviction
102
00:04:25,027 --> 00:04:27,529
that stood up on appeal.
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00:04:29,466 --> 00:04:31,133
I stand corrected, Carla.
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00:04:32,702 --> 00:04:33,868
Mom, how could you
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00:04:33,903 --> 00:04:35,787
do that to me?
106
00:04:35,822 --> 00:04:37,255
Luddy, how did you
get here?
107
00:04:37,289 --> 00:04:38,690
Did the coach drop you off?
108
00:04:38,725 --> 00:04:39,541
Yes.
109
00:04:39,575 --> 00:04:41,543
Oh, then the game
ended early.
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00:04:41,578 --> 00:04:42,544
So how'd you do?
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00:04:42,579 --> 00:04:45,798
Coach me had on the bench
all afternoon.
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00:04:45,832 --> 00:04:47,099
Well, what do you mean?
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00:04:47,133 --> 00:04:48,466
You didn't play at all?
114
00:04:48,501 --> 00:04:50,185
Well, they finally put me in
115
00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:51,953
after the kid
with the cast on his leg
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00:04:51,988 --> 00:04:54,490
and the two fat girls left.
117
00:04:56,326 --> 00:04:57,459
So what did you do?
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00:04:57,494 --> 00:05:01,363
I hit the ball,
but they still made fun of me.
119
00:05:01,397 --> 00:05:04,699
Like everybody's just supposed
to know which way to run.
120
00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:09,120
I'm going to go clean up
your specs.
121
00:05:10,623 --> 00:05:12,057
Carla's got herself a real
Poindexter there, huh?
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00:05:12,092 --> 00:05:13,142
Yeah.
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00:05:13,176 --> 00:05:14,143
It's sad to say
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00:05:14,177 --> 00:05:15,910
that kids not accepted
by their peers
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00:05:15,945 --> 00:05:17,846
really never learn how
to get along with people
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00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:18,980
in the big grown-up world.
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00:05:19,015 --> 00:05:20,449
Why is that, Cliff?
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00:05:20,483 --> 00:05:23,619
'Cause they keep
boring everyone and
driving them crazy
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00:05:23,653 --> 00:05:26,755
with long speeches
filled with meaningless
statistics?
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00:05:26,789 --> 00:05:27,756
Yep, yeah.
131
00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:32,127
63% of them live lives
of quiet desperation.
132
00:05:32,162 --> 00:05:34,363
And how about those
who sit next to them?
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00:05:36,032 --> 00:05:39,000
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane,
a friend of your father's.
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00:05:39,035 --> 00:05:40,001
I understand
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00:05:40,036 --> 00:05:42,003
you had a rough
afternoon.
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00:05:42,038 --> 00:05:44,406
You must never let the bullies
of this world
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00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,874
diminish your inner spirit
138
00:05:45,908 --> 00:05:47,842
nor put out the fire
of your competitive nature.
139
00:05:47,877 --> 00:05:49,010
Sir?
Yes, son?
140
00:05:49,045 --> 00:05:51,513
You're kneeling
on some gum.
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00:05:53,449 --> 00:05:55,250
Heavens,
my new gabardines!
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00:05:55,285 --> 00:05:56,251
You and gum.
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00:05:56,286 --> 00:05:58,187
He attracts it
like a magnet.
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00:06:00,056 --> 00:06:01,089
We'll swing by our place
145
00:06:01,123 --> 00:06:02,757
and pick up another pair
on our way to the opera.
146
00:06:02,792 --> 00:06:04,959
Which opera are you going to?
147
00:06:04,994 --> 00:06:07,879
Die Meistersinger.
148
00:06:07,914 --> 00:06:09,447
Oh, I know that one.
149
00:06:09,482 --> 00:06:10,949
That's where all
the master singers
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00:06:10,984 --> 00:06:13,986
get together in Nuremberg
and have a big contest
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00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:15,754
to find out who's best.
152
00:06:15,788 --> 00:06:18,840
Oh, yeah, kind of
like Star Search.
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00:06:18,875 --> 00:06:22,343
Basically.
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00:06:22,378 --> 00:06:23,979
Frasier...
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00:06:25,415 --> 00:06:28,384
Frasier, I just had
a delicious idea.
156
00:06:28,418 --> 00:06:29,585
Why don't we buy
an extra ticket
157
00:06:29,619 --> 00:06:31,687
and take young Lud
to the opera with us?
158
00:06:31,721 --> 00:06:33,021
Oh, wow, great!
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00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:36,291
But I have to ask my mom.
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00:06:36,325 --> 00:06:38,160
Mommy, Dr. Crane and his wife
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00:06:38,194 --> 00:06:40,762
invited me to go
to the opera with them.
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Well, you don't
have to be polite.
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00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,982
Just tell them to bug off.
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00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:49,488
But, Mom, I want to go.
Please?
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00:06:49,522 --> 00:06:51,389
Carla, may I have a word
with you?
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00:06:51,424 --> 00:06:54,192
Yeah. Sammy,
entertain the kid.
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00:06:55,894 --> 00:06:57,963
Carla, you'd be doing
us all a favor.
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00:06:57,997 --> 00:07:00,365
Allowing Frasier and me
to spend some time
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00:07:00,399 --> 00:07:03,301
with your son might help us
to formulate a decision
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00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:06,037
that's been under much
discussion as of late.
171
00:07:06,071 --> 00:07:08,773
You see, the two of us are
considering whether or not
172
00:07:08,808 --> 00:07:10,642
we wish to reproduce.
173
00:07:12,812 --> 00:07:15,196
You're thinking
of having a baby, huh?
174
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,299
So, tell me,
how long does it take
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00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:20,301
one of your pods
to hatch, anyway?
176
00:07:22,304 --> 00:07:25,774
Listen, you want
to baby-sit Lud,
be my guest.
177
00:07:25,809 --> 00:07:27,375
What's that
on your shirt?
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00:07:27,410 --> 00:07:28,944
Huh? Ooh!
179
00:07:30,379 --> 00:07:33,114
You're good.
You're good.
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00:07:33,149 --> 00:07:35,484
Okay, Luddy,
you're going to the opera.
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00:07:35,518 --> 00:07:37,018
Yay!
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00:07:37,052 --> 00:07:38,336
Yeah, you're going
to love it, kid, too.
183
00:07:38,371 --> 00:07:39,404
You know that Wagner,
184
00:07:39,438 --> 00:07:41,439
he wrote all those pieces
when he was stone deaf.
185
00:07:41,474 --> 00:07:42,724
No, that was Beethoven.
186
00:07:42,759 --> 00:07:43,558
I meant blind.
187
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,043
That was Milton.
188
00:07:45,078 --> 00:07:46,227
He had warts.
189
00:07:46,261 --> 00:07:47,596
That was you.
190
00:07:48,965 --> 00:07:51,099
I told you
not to tell anybody.
191
00:07:56,271 --> 00:07:57,739
Shouldn't they be back
by now?
192
00:07:57,774 --> 00:07:59,975
How long can an opera last?
193
00:08:00,009 --> 00:08:01,326
Well, the last one
I remember
194
00:08:01,361 --> 00:08:02,894
lasted about eight months.
195
00:08:05,231 --> 00:08:07,666
Yeah, I just hope
everything's all right.
196
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:12,120
Carla, look, I know
you love your kids
and everything...
197
00:08:12,154 --> 00:08:15,056
I mean, like your kids.
198
00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:18,360
I mean, I know
you have kids...
199
00:08:18,394 --> 00:08:20,662
but I have never seen you
this concerned before.
200
00:08:20,697 --> 00:08:21,613
Well, Lud's special.
201
00:08:21,647 --> 00:08:22,764
Yeah?
202
00:08:22,799 --> 00:08:23,765
Yeah.
203
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,201
I mean, whenever I come home
at night,
204
00:08:26,235 --> 00:08:28,937
he always brings me a pan
of hot water for my feet.
205
00:08:28,971 --> 00:08:31,506
He actually asks me
how my day went.
206
00:08:31,541 --> 00:08:34,393
I don't know
if I ever told
anybody this before...
207
00:08:34,427 --> 00:08:35,394
I love him.
208
00:08:35,428 --> 00:08:38,096
You don't have to be
shy about saying
209
00:08:38,130 --> 00:08:40,064
that you love
your kids.
210
00:08:40,099 --> 00:08:42,617
Oh, why don't you just take out
an ad in the Yellow Pages?
211
00:08:46,389 --> 00:08:48,657
Hey, Normie, I almost forgot
212
00:08:48,691 --> 00:08:50,492
how much Sam's Corvette girls
love to whistle.
213
00:08:52,328 --> 00:08:54,729
I wish I had a nickel
for every time
214
00:08:54,763 --> 00:08:56,631
I heard that sound, huh?
215
00:08:56,665 --> 00:08:59,433
Classic slamming of the door.
216
00:09:04,991 --> 00:09:07,792
So Sam still
won't loan you
his car, huh?
217
00:09:07,827 --> 00:09:11,696
No, but I'm starting
to love that man's laugh.
218
00:09:11,731 --> 00:09:14,115
Sammy, come on,
give the kid a
break, will ya?
219
00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:15,984
Just let him
borrow your car.
220
00:09:16,018 --> 00:09:16,634
Please, Sam?
221
00:09:16,669 --> 00:09:18,152
Kelly's the best girl
I've ever dated,
222
00:09:18,187 --> 00:09:20,088
and she loves Corvettes.
223
00:09:20,122 --> 00:09:21,272
Well, I tell you what, Woody.
224
00:09:21,307 --> 00:09:22,841
I'll give her a lift in my car.
225
00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:23,892
No way, Sammy.
226
00:09:23,926 --> 00:09:25,460
Every girl who goes
for a ride in your Corvette
227
00:09:25,494 --> 00:09:26,527
winds up going
to bed with you.
228
00:09:26,562 --> 00:09:27,662
Right, Miss Howe?
229
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:35,087
Well, now she's
just being redundant.
230
00:09:35,121 --> 00:09:37,422
It's okay, Sam, I understand
about the car thing.
231
00:09:37,456 --> 00:09:38,357
Oh, good.
232
00:09:38,391 --> 00:09:41,176
I didn't mean to put
you on the spot.
233
00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:43,878
And, uh, I want you to know
that, even though you won't
234
00:09:43,913 --> 00:09:45,847
let me borrow your car,
there's no hard feelings.
235
00:09:45,881 --> 00:09:47,548
And if I ever have
a car of my own,
236
00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:49,483
and you want
to borrow it,
it's yours.
237
00:09:49,518 --> 00:09:51,003
Ah, I know what
you're trying to do.
238
00:09:51,037 --> 00:09:53,405
You're trying to guilt me
into giving you my car.
239
00:09:53,439 --> 00:09:55,707
No, I'm not.
I wouldn't do that.
240
00:09:55,741 --> 00:09:57,175
You're my best friend.
241
00:09:57,210 --> 00:10:00,528
Ah, man, you're scum!
242
00:10:00,562 --> 00:10:03,064
I mean it, Sam,
I love you.
243
00:10:03,099 --> 00:10:05,499
Hey, fine.
Here, take the damn car.
244
00:10:05,534 --> 00:10:07,501
What just happened?
245
00:10:07,536 --> 00:10:09,570
You outsmarted him.
246
00:10:09,605 --> 00:10:12,340
So that's what it feels like.
247
00:10:13,575 --> 00:10:17,212
Mom, Mom!
The opera was so great!
248
00:10:17,246 --> 00:10:19,981
All the singing,
and costumes.
249
00:10:20,015 --> 00:10:22,367
This was the best
day of my life!
250
00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:24,369
That's
terrific, Lud.
251
00:10:24,403 --> 00:10:25,871
I never seen him
so excited.
252
00:10:25,905 --> 00:10:26,872
Thanks, guys.
253
00:10:26,906 --> 00:10:29,073
Oh, Carla, it was our pleasure.
254
00:10:29,108 --> 00:10:30,609
He's an extraordinary child.
255
00:10:30,643 --> 00:10:32,944
Yes, we had
an extensive discussion
256
00:10:32,979 --> 00:10:34,813
on the way back
about opera,
257
00:10:34,847 --> 00:10:36,598
the arts, film...
258
00:10:36,632 --> 00:10:39,935
Oh, Carla, may we take Lud
to the movies tonight?
259
00:10:39,969 --> 00:10:43,338
There's a revival
of Koyaanisqatsi
we'd love him to see,
260
00:10:43,372 --> 00:10:44,823
and then we were thinking
he could sleep over,
261
00:10:44,857 --> 00:10:46,958
We could have brunch and a
matinee of Peter and the Wolf.
262
00:10:46,993 --> 00:10:50,095
Gee, I don't know.
263
00:10:50,129 --> 00:10:51,329
He's never stayed
away from home before.
264
00:10:51,363 --> 00:10:52,430
He's only six.
265
00:10:52,464 --> 00:10:56,902
Please, Mommy?
Please?
266
00:10:56,936 --> 00:11:00,471
Oh, heck, you really want
to go that bad, huh?
267
00:11:00,506 --> 00:11:02,740
Go, go, go ahead.
Have a good time.
268
00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:03,808
Stay as long as you want.
269
00:11:03,842 --> 00:11:05,009
I'll see you when you get back.
270
00:11:05,044 --> 00:11:06,010
Thank you, Carla.
271
00:11:06,045 --> 00:11:08,012
We'll take good care of him,
don't worry.
272
00:11:11,817 --> 00:11:12,917
Well, that's that.
273
00:11:14,386 --> 00:11:15,770
I lost my baby.
274
00:11:26,666 --> 00:11:27,767
Listen, Sam,
I hope it's okay
275
00:11:27,801 --> 00:11:28,901
that I keep
asking you this,
276
00:11:28,935 --> 00:11:30,535
but I just want
to make sure
one last time
277
00:11:30,570 --> 00:11:31,871
that you haven't
changed your mind
278
00:11:31,905 --> 00:11:32,972
about me
using your car.
279
00:11:33,006 --> 00:11:34,090
No, Woody.
280
00:11:34,124 --> 00:11:35,575
No, you haven't
changed your mind
281
00:11:35,609 --> 00:11:36,875
or no, I can't
use your car
282
00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:38,244
or no, it's not
okay to ask?
283
00:11:38,278 --> 00:11:42,181
No, get out of my face
before I hurt ya.
284
00:11:42,216 --> 00:11:44,417
He's special.
285
00:11:47,887 --> 00:11:51,224
Hey, Carla, still listening
to that opera stuff?
286
00:11:52,392 --> 00:11:53,692
She can't
hear you, Cliff.
287
00:11:53,727 --> 00:11:55,461
She's got the music
blasting in her ear.
288
00:11:55,496 --> 00:11:56,996
You mean she
can't hear me
289
00:11:57,030 --> 00:11:58,664
if I say
she reminds me of
290
00:11:58,698 --> 00:12:01,300
one of those little
plastic troll dolls?
291
00:12:04,171 --> 00:12:05,637
Hey, what's...
what's the big idea?
292
00:12:05,672 --> 00:12:07,206
I thought
you couldn't hear me.
293
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,891
No, but I can see,
and you're ugly.
294
00:12:12,963 --> 00:12:16,098
So, are you still cramming all
that high-Q stuff in your head?
295
00:12:16,132 --> 00:12:18,901
You know, Sammy, I
don't have any choice.
296
00:12:18,936 --> 00:12:22,004
I mean, ever since
Dr. Cyclops and Morticia
297
00:12:22,039 --> 00:12:25,474
started introducing
Lud to all this
culture crap,
298
00:12:25,508 --> 00:12:27,309
it's like I don't
have anything to
talk to him about.
299
00:12:27,343 --> 00:12:29,361
So I'm listening
to all this music,
300
00:12:29,395 --> 00:12:32,164
and I'm plowing through
all these books here.
301
00:12:32,199 --> 00:12:33,665
Look at this.
302
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,334
Good heavens, man.
303
00:12:35,368 --> 00:12:37,203
History of Modern Art.
304
00:12:39,039 --> 00:12:42,741
Comprehensive Guide
to the World Of Opera.
305
00:12:42,775 --> 00:12:44,609
Hollywood Wives.
306
00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:47,029
Yeah, I'm getting
into literature, too.
307
00:12:48,365 --> 00:12:50,032
I've read this.
308
00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:56,355
Oh, man, who am
I trying to kid?
309
00:12:56,389 --> 00:12:58,257
I'm just stupid.
310
00:12:58,291 --> 00:12:59,325
Hey, you are not stupid.
311
00:12:59,359 --> 00:13:02,828
Oh, how would you know?
You're stupid.
312
00:13:02,863 --> 00:13:05,797
If you were really stupid,
you wouldn't know that about me.
313
00:13:05,832 --> 00:13:08,133
Good point.
314
00:13:08,168 --> 00:13:09,634
Greetings, Carla.
315
00:13:09,669 --> 00:13:11,570
We just dropped
your son off at home
316
00:13:11,604 --> 00:13:12,955
after a lovely sojourn
317
00:13:12,989 --> 00:13:14,656
at the Museum
of Fine Art.
318
00:13:14,691 --> 00:13:17,226
You know, that child
is such a love.
319
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:19,612
He's so bright,
inquisitive,
creative.
320
00:13:19,646 --> 00:13:22,215
He reminds me of
myself as a child.
321
00:13:22,249 --> 00:13:24,317
Of course,
he has more hair.
322
00:13:26,052 --> 00:13:27,269
We were wondering
if we could
323
00:13:27,303 --> 00:13:28,871
treat Lud to dinner
this evening.
324
00:13:28,905 --> 00:13:30,656
Come on, guys.
325
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:33,092
You've had him out
every night this week.
326
00:13:33,126 --> 00:13:35,794
Besides, I had a special
family evening planned.
327
00:13:35,829 --> 00:13:37,897
I was gonna cook
a big bowl of pasta,
328
00:13:37,931 --> 00:13:40,166
and we're all gonna
sit around and watch
329
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,667
America's Most Wanted,
330
00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:43,569
and see if we could
rat on our neighbors.
331
00:13:45,788 --> 00:13:48,340
Yes, but, you see, Carla,
this is special, too.
332
00:13:48,374 --> 00:13:51,010
I mean, I've just managed
to finagle reservations
333
00:13:51,044 --> 00:13:52,511
for Magritte's.
334
00:13:52,546 --> 00:13:55,180
It's the most exclusive
restaurant in all of Boston.
335
00:13:55,214 --> 00:13:56,331
I never heard of it.
336
00:13:56,366 --> 00:13:57,049
Precisely.
337
00:13:59,402 --> 00:14:00,452
Carla, please.
338
00:14:00,486 --> 00:14:02,221
It would mean a lot
to the child,
339
00:14:02,255 --> 00:14:06,558
and I think Lud
would enjoy it also.
340
00:14:06,593 --> 00:14:07,843
Oh, all right.
Who cares?
341
00:14:07,878 --> 00:14:09,812
More spaghetti for
the rest of us.
342
00:14:12,649 --> 00:14:14,216
Hey, Fras.
343
00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:17,720
Listen, why don't you invite
Carla to dinner with you?
344
00:14:17,754 --> 00:14:20,255
Well, now, Sam, uh...
345
00:14:20,289 --> 00:14:24,025
Carla is a fine woman
and a good friend.
346
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,026
Actually,
she's neither.
347
00:14:25,061 --> 00:14:26,562
And why would I want
to eat with her?
348
00:14:29,415 --> 00:14:32,434
Frasier, dear, I think
we should invite Carla.
349
00:14:32,469 --> 00:14:34,970
I think it would
be very, very nice.
350
00:14:36,072 --> 00:14:39,875
Do you know what
would be very,
very nice, Lilith?
351
00:14:39,909 --> 00:14:43,479
If you would stop
digging your nails
into my palm.
352
00:14:43,513 --> 00:14:45,481
But I'm sure I'll choose
to see your point
353
00:14:45,515 --> 00:14:47,016
before you draw blood.
354
00:14:52,189 --> 00:14:55,324
Carla? Carla, what say
we make it four
355
00:14:55,358 --> 00:14:57,927
at Magritte's
tonight, huh?
356
00:14:57,961 --> 00:14:58,393
You buying?
357
00:14:59,379 --> 00:15:00,513
I'm going.
358
00:15:00,547 --> 00:15:02,348
Well, good.
We're on, then.
359
00:15:02,382 --> 00:15:03,849
We'll call for you at 8:00.
360
00:15:03,883 --> 00:15:07,286
By the way, Carla,
please bear in mind
361
00:15:07,321 --> 00:15:09,121
that this is a very
362
00:15:09,155 --> 00:15:11,107
posh establishment.
363
00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:12,641
Need I say more?
364
00:15:12,675 --> 00:15:13,642
Oh, no, no, no.
365
00:15:13,676 --> 00:15:15,044
I get the picture
loud and clear.
366
00:15:15,078 --> 00:15:17,913
I'll shave my legs.
367
00:15:22,235 --> 00:15:24,053
I hope this table
is satisfactory.
368
00:15:24,087 --> 00:15:25,587
Oh, this is wonderful.
369
00:15:25,622 --> 00:15:28,190
You know, the place is just
as I had heard it was.
370
00:15:28,225 --> 00:15:30,359
It's delightful.
371
00:15:34,530 --> 00:15:36,615
Everything looks
absolutely exquisite.
372
00:15:36,649 --> 00:15:39,285
The menu is
a delightful combination
373
00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:42,821
of nouvelle and provincial
374
00:15:42,856 --> 00:15:45,257
with a nod toward
domestic ingredients.
375
00:15:46,476 --> 00:15:49,978
And get a load
of all this ambiance.
376
00:15:50,012 --> 00:15:51,480
The artwork
is stunning.
377
00:15:51,514 --> 00:15:55,717
Yes, well, there's
a delightful example
of modern art.
378
00:15:55,752 --> 00:16:01,840
If I might venture a guess,
I would say it's a "Schnaybel."
379
00:16:01,874 --> 00:16:03,008
It isn't.
380
00:16:03,042 --> 00:16:06,011
But, even if it was, it would be
pronounced "Schnahbel."
381
00:16:06,045 --> 00:16:08,314
Excuse me.
It's a little hard to tell
382
00:16:08,348 --> 00:16:10,482
this far from our "tahbel."
383
00:16:12,151 --> 00:16:14,920
That's funny, Mom.
384
00:16:14,954 --> 00:16:17,272
Ludlow, please,
we're not here to have fun.
385
00:16:17,307 --> 00:16:19,141
We're here
to enjoy ourselves.
386
00:16:19,175 --> 00:16:20,776
Now...
387
00:16:20,810 --> 00:16:21,944
would it
please everyone
388
00:16:21,978 --> 00:16:23,578
if I ordered
for the whole table?
389
00:16:23,613 --> 00:16:24,747
It would
be delightful.
390
00:16:24,781 --> 00:16:25,748
Fine. Thank you.
391
00:16:25,782 --> 00:16:26,749
Now, I know that
392
00:16:26,783 --> 00:16:28,283
Lilith's delicate constitution
393
00:16:28,317 --> 00:16:29,685
is not amenable to shallots.
394
00:16:29,719 --> 00:16:32,021
Is there anything else
I should be mindful of?
395
00:16:32,055 --> 00:16:34,790
How considerate of you
to ask, Frasier.
396
00:16:34,824 --> 00:16:37,526
Actually, I have a delicate
constitution, as well.
397
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,762
No extra-heavy barbecue sauce.
398
00:16:39,796 --> 00:16:41,630
I'll be repeating
like a Howitzer.
399
00:16:47,503 --> 00:16:49,504
Delightful.
400
00:16:53,209 --> 00:16:55,978
Boy, this sure
beats taking the
bus, doesn't it?
401
00:16:56,012 --> 00:16:59,347
Just you and me,
the open road.
402
00:17:02,852 --> 00:17:05,620
I'm getting kind
of tired of driving.
403
00:17:06,790 --> 00:17:08,590
What do you say
we park somewhere
404
00:17:08,624 --> 00:17:10,425
and look at the stars
for a while?
405
00:17:10,459 --> 00:17:12,961
Oh, that sounds
nice, Woody.
406
00:17:14,130 --> 00:17:16,598
Hey, Sam, where's
a good place
to go next?
407
00:17:16,632 --> 00:17:18,551
Make a right
at the light!
408
00:17:18,553 --> 00:17:20,953
And not so
fast this time!
409
00:17:29,662 --> 00:17:30,796
Thank you.
410
00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:32,264
Oh, and please tell Paul
411
00:17:32,299 --> 00:17:35,067
that the salad course
was an absolute treasure.
412
00:17:35,102 --> 00:17:37,035
His subtle
yet assertive dressing
413
00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:39,438
was the perfect balance
for the arugula.
414
00:17:39,473 --> 00:17:42,724
I concur in spades.
415
00:17:44,777 --> 00:17:46,962
He'll be pleased
to hear it.
416
00:17:46,996 --> 00:17:50,782
Well, shall
we bouillabaisse?
417
00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:52,902
Ah, now...
418
00:17:52,936 --> 00:17:56,205
smell
the piquant bouquet.
419
00:17:56,239 --> 00:17:58,473
Taste it with every
part of your tongue,
420
00:17:58,508 --> 00:18:00,976
and then let it just
dance down your throat.
421
00:18:01,011 --> 00:18:02,978
Frasier, as usual,
your anticipation
422
00:18:03,013 --> 00:18:05,114
is interfering
with my enjoyment.
423
00:18:09,752 --> 00:18:12,521
Yeah, Eddie has
that problem, too.
424
00:18:17,410 --> 00:18:19,645
Ludlow, you're not eating.
425
00:18:19,679 --> 00:18:22,347
None for me,
thanks, Dr. Crane.
426
00:18:23,683 --> 00:18:25,484
He doesn't like fish.
427
00:18:25,519 --> 00:18:27,520
Look, Carla,
this is not something
428
00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:29,421
that comes out
of your cupboard
429
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,524
in a tin can
with a mermaid on it.
430
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,060
This is fruits de mer.
431
00:18:35,094 --> 00:18:39,265
At $32 a pop, I think
the lad should give it a try.
432
00:18:41,184 --> 00:18:44,186
Now, Ludlow, you've
been very open-minded
433
00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:45,888
about everything else.
434
00:18:45,922 --> 00:18:47,622
Make him happy. Take a bite.
435
00:18:47,657 --> 00:18:49,124
If you don't like it,
436
00:18:49,159 --> 00:18:51,526
you can spit it out
in your napkin. See?
437
00:18:53,696 --> 00:18:56,031
Carla, we are not here
to make me happy.
438
00:18:56,065 --> 00:18:58,817
We are here to enrich
the lad's experience,
439
00:18:58,851 --> 00:19:02,737
which, if I must say so,
I do believe is my provenance.
440
00:19:02,772 --> 00:19:07,442
Now, Lud, you know we all have
certain things we don't like.
441
00:19:08,478 --> 00:19:11,413
I detested fish
when I was a child,
442
00:19:11,448 --> 00:19:15,284
but I kept eating it and,
finally, I overcame my aversion.
443
00:19:15,318 --> 00:19:16,535
Likewise.
444
00:19:16,569 --> 00:19:17,936
When I first
met Frasier,
445
00:19:17,970 --> 00:19:19,638
I detested him.
446
00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:25,977
Yes, but the point
is you love me now.
447
00:19:26,012 --> 00:19:27,879
And Lud will
love bouillabaisse.
448
00:19:28,915 --> 00:19:30,182
Try it.
449
00:19:30,216 --> 00:19:32,934
Okay.
450
00:19:36,823 --> 00:19:38,624
Eww! Fish!
451
00:19:38,658 --> 00:19:40,259
You barely
tasted the broth.
452
00:19:40,293 --> 00:19:42,328
Give it a better
chance than that.
453
00:19:42,362 --> 00:19:44,730
No! I want
a hamburger!
454
00:19:44,764 --> 00:19:48,534
This restaurant does
not serve hamburgers.
455
00:19:49,769 --> 00:19:51,637
Now, eat
your bouillabaisse.
456
00:19:51,671 --> 00:19:53,372
No! This fishy soup stinks!
457
00:19:53,406 --> 00:19:55,324
And I hate it!
458
00:19:59,228 --> 00:20:01,029
What an imp!
459
00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:04,783
Luddy?
What are you doing?
460
00:20:04,817 --> 00:20:06,752
I'm going to try to get him
out from under there.
461
00:20:06,786 --> 00:20:08,854
No, Carla. Carla,
that's exactly what
he wants you to do.
462
00:20:09,656 --> 00:20:11,973
One must not play
the game by his rules.
463
00:20:12,007 --> 00:20:14,075
Now, I've taught
a seminar or two
464
00:20:14,109 --> 00:20:15,327
on developmental
behavior,
465
00:20:15,361 --> 00:20:17,862
and the first rule in
these acting-out situations
466
00:20:17,897 --> 00:20:19,932
is to simply ignore
the offending child.
467
00:20:19,966 --> 00:20:22,200
Just pretend that
he doesn't exist.
468
00:20:22,235 --> 00:20:24,820
Eventually, he'll
get bored and come out.
469
00:20:24,854 --> 00:20:28,456
So... what a lovely meal.
470
00:20:30,677 --> 00:20:32,394
Mmm! Do you know,
I heard
471
00:20:32,428 --> 00:20:35,697
that the chef here
was a protégé of...
472
00:20:35,732 --> 00:20:38,266
Do you smell
something burning?
473
00:20:38,301 --> 00:20:40,069
Yes. That's my shoe.
474
00:20:40,103 --> 00:20:43,138
I heard that
he was a protégé of...
475
00:20:43,173 --> 00:20:45,507
Your shoe
is on fire?
Yes.
476
00:20:45,541 --> 00:20:47,375
Isn't that painful?
477
00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:49,211
Excruciating.
478
00:20:51,715 --> 00:20:54,083
But I'm not going
to give the child
479
00:20:54,117 --> 00:20:56,518
the pleasure
of hearing me cry out.
480
00:20:58,021 --> 00:20:59,754
So, you see,
481
00:20:59,789 --> 00:21:01,123
it seems
he was educated
482
00:21:01,157 --> 00:21:03,192
in a small village
on the Rhine.
483
00:21:03,226 --> 00:21:05,127
He...
484
00:21:05,161 --> 00:21:07,495
Oh, Lud.
485
00:21:07,530 --> 00:21:12,101
One hotfoot might
be considered
a puckish prank.
486
00:21:12,135 --> 00:21:15,471
But, if you light
that other match,
487
00:21:15,505 --> 00:21:18,474
it is the end
of our tutelage.
488
00:21:18,508 --> 00:21:20,775
Is that
perfectly clear?
489
00:21:22,345 --> 00:21:23,095
That's it!
490
00:21:23,129 --> 00:21:24,813
That's it! I've had it!
491
00:21:24,847 --> 00:21:26,815
That severs
the relationship!
492
00:21:26,849 --> 00:21:28,316
Frasier,
everyone thinks
493
00:21:28,350 --> 00:21:31,486
you're arguing
with your clams.
494
00:21:40,496 --> 00:21:43,364
Is there
a problem here?
495
00:21:43,399 --> 00:21:44,350
No, no. Of course not.
496
00:21:44,384 --> 00:21:46,218
The boy just slipped
under the table,
497
00:21:46,252 --> 00:21:48,487
and his mother was
about to get him out.
498
00:21:49,389 --> 00:21:52,007
His mother.
Uh... yes, yes.
499
00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,275
Carla, could you
take care of this?
500
00:21:54,310 --> 00:21:56,345
Gee, I don't know if I could.
501
00:21:56,379 --> 00:21:59,948
I... I've never taken
a psychology seminar.
502
00:22:01,351 --> 00:22:04,119
Sir, we have a very
nice table in the kitchen.
503
00:22:05,988 --> 00:22:08,790
Please, Carla.
Please, please.
504
00:22:09,825 --> 00:22:12,027
Hey, Lud, burger time.
505
00:22:12,061 --> 00:22:14,296
Yay!
506
00:22:14,330 --> 00:22:16,598
Ha-ha!
Hotfoot, huh?
507
00:22:16,633 --> 00:22:19,334
My genes must
be in there somewhere.
508
00:22:21,521 --> 00:22:22,988
Let's go, Mommy.
509
00:22:23,022 --> 00:22:25,356
First, apologize
to Dr. Crane.
510
00:22:26,709 --> 00:22:27,876
I'm sorry, Dr. Crane.
511
00:22:27,910 --> 00:22:30,378
I guess I shouldn't
have acted this way.
512
00:22:30,412 --> 00:22:32,347
Well, no hard
feelings, son.
513
00:22:32,382 --> 00:22:34,649
Let's have dinner
again sometime
514
00:22:34,683 --> 00:22:37,685
when you're about,
oh, in your late 30s.
515
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:38,570
Bye.
516
00:22:38,688 --> 00:22:39,821
Bye.
517
00:22:42,024 --> 00:22:43,492
Uh... I was wondering.
518
00:22:43,526 --> 00:22:44,993
Do you have frog legs?
519
00:22:45,027 --> 00:22:45,994
Why, yes.
520
00:22:46,028 --> 00:22:47,162
They're
nice pants.
521
00:22:47,197 --> 00:22:48,463
No one will
ever notice.
522
00:22:49,499 --> 00:22:50,965
I always wanted
to do that.
523
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,068
You're the best mommy
in the world.
524
00:22:53,102 --> 00:22:55,304
Yeah. Tell me
something
I don't know.
525
00:22:57,907 --> 00:22:59,808
You know, Lilith,
I think we've all
526
00:22:59,842 --> 00:23:01,577
learned something
here tonight.
527
00:23:01,611 --> 00:23:03,745
I'm going to try
to tell you what it is
528
00:23:03,779 --> 00:23:06,181
before you coat
my blistering feet with butter
529
00:23:06,216 --> 00:23:08,350
and drop me off
at the emergency room.
530
00:23:16,658 --> 00:23:18,260
You see...
531
00:23:18,294 --> 00:23:20,461
this incident has made something
very clear to me.
532
00:23:20,496 --> 00:23:24,465
I... I believe my initial
instincts were correct.
533
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:26,201
We shouldn't have children.
534
00:23:26,235 --> 00:23:28,670
I don't think I'd
make a good father.
535
00:23:28,704 --> 00:23:30,638
I don't want to be a father.
536
00:23:30,673 --> 00:23:32,307
I'll never be a father.
537
00:23:32,342 --> 00:23:34,076
End of discussion.
538
00:23:34,110 --> 00:23:36,378
Frasier, I'm pregnant.
539
00:23:36,412 --> 00:23:38,897
I'm gonna be a daddy?
540
00:23:39,832 --> 00:23:41,432
I'm gonna be a daddy!
541
00:23:41,467 --> 00:23:44,018
Oh, Lilith, we must
come here more often.