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00:00:01,881 --> 00:00:05,081
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,081 --> 00:00:06,681
It's amazing
what they're making
3
00:00:06,681 --> 00:00:08,281
for kids nowadays.
What?
4
00:00:08,281 --> 00:00:10,681
Here's an ad for a toy
where you make a monster,
5
00:00:10,681 --> 00:00:12,181
then drop him
in a vat of acid
6
00:00:12,181 --> 00:00:13,981
and boil the skin
off his bones.
7
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,781
Oh, boy, Norm.
When we were kids,
8
00:00:16,881 --> 00:00:18,981
we had real toys
to play with. Remember?
9
00:00:19,081 --> 00:00:20,381
Oh, you're
damn straight.
10
00:00:20,381 --> 00:00:22,981
You know, I was up
in my attic the other day.
11
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,081
Yeah?
Found my old Lionel train set.
12
00:00:25,181 --> 00:00:27,881
Oh, now there is a toy.
Yeah.
13
00:00:27,881 --> 00:00:30,681
Remember the hours you spent
sticking those tracks together?
14
00:00:30,681 --> 00:00:31,881
Getting the little houses
just so,
15
00:00:31,981 --> 00:00:33,681
and making sure those
tunnels were all straight.
16
00:00:33,781 --> 00:00:36,881
Yeah. Smelling the electricity
burn up that transformer.
17
00:00:36,981 --> 00:00:37,781
Hey, hey.
18
00:00:37,781 --> 00:00:38,781
Did you ever have
19
00:00:38,781 --> 00:00:39,981
one of those
electric cattle cars
20
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,781
where the cows come vibrating
down the chute?
21
00:00:41,781 --> 00:00:43,881
I can move 40 head
in ten minutes, pal.
22
00:00:43,881 --> 00:00:45,181
Go on! Get out of here.
23
00:00:45,181 --> 00:00:47,081
You get out of here!
I could, too.
24
00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:50,281
I got to get rid
of that thing though.
25
00:00:50,281 --> 00:00:52,881
It's taking up lots of space.
I want to sell it.
26
00:00:52,881 --> 00:00:55,181
Yeah, yeah. You'd get
a good price for it, I bet you.
27
00:00:55,281 --> 00:00:56,881
Yeah. It's a collector's item.
28
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Shoot
a little stick?
29
00:00:58,581 --> 00:01:00,081
Yeah, yeah.
30
00:01:04,681 --> 00:01:06,181
I'm the engineer!
31
00:01:06,181 --> 00:01:07,181
Like hell you are!
32
00:01:07,281 --> 00:01:09,581
It's my train!
It's my train!
33
00:01:09,681 --> 00:01:11,081
Hey!
34
00:01:15,281 --> 00:01:17,781
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
35
00:01:17,781 --> 00:01:20,781
¶ Takes everything you've got
36
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:23,581
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
37
00:01:23,581 --> 00:01:26,681
¶ Sure would help a lot
38
00:01:26,681 --> 00:01:31,981
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
39
00:01:32,081 --> 00:01:34,681
¶ Sometimes you want to go
40
00:01:34,681 --> 00:01:39,581
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
41
00:01:39,581 --> 00:01:44,881
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
42
00:01:44,881 --> 00:01:46,881
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
43
00:01:46,881 --> 00:01:49,881
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
44
00:01:49,881 --> 00:01:54,581
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
45
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:57,781
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
46
00:01:57,781 --> 00:01:59,881
¶ People are all the same
47
00:01:59,881 --> 00:02:04,481
¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
48
00:02:20,380 --> 00:02:22,480
Sam, give me a double.
49
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:23,280
A little early
50
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:24,780
for that, huh, Doc?
51
00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:26,280
Well, maybe you're right.
52
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,880
Cancel that double.
Make it a single.
53
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,980
Oh, skip it altogether.
54
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,380
No, on second thought,
you know,
55
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:37,080
make it a single,
a little extra nip.
56
00:02:37,180 --> 00:02:38,680
Frasier, what's your order?
57
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:39,980
Cup of coffee.
58
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:44,080
You got troubles?
59
00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:46,780
Well, I've... I've just been
invited to deliver a paper
60
00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:48,980
at the State Psychiatric
Convention this week,
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00:02:48,980 --> 00:02:51,180
and I've got a first-class
case of the jitters.
62
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,280
You know, I have a...
a sure-fire way
63
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,280
of keeping
yourself calm.
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00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:58,480
Picture your
audience naked.
65
00:02:58,480 --> 00:02:59,880
Oh, thank you, Carla,
66
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,280
for that old chestnut
from Speech 101.
67
00:03:02,380 --> 00:03:03,680
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
68
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:04,980
I got a twist on it.
69
00:03:04,980 --> 00:03:07,680
Picture them naked
and wearing black socks.
70
00:03:07,780 --> 00:03:09,580
Oh, Carla,
that's ridiculous.
71
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,580
I can't see
that that would...
72
00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,480
I told you. It works.
73
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,480
Okay, now
try this angle.
74
00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:21,480
Now shut up.
75
00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:24,080
Fine. You know,
I do see your point though.
76
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,880
That could do just the trick.
77
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,180
Thank you, Carla.
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00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:28,780
Sure. Oh! Here comes
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00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,080
a likely candidate.
80
00:03:30,180 --> 00:03:31,380
Try it out on her.
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00:03:31,380 --> 00:03:33,380
Hello, Dr. Crane.
82
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,080
Miss Howe.
83
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:44,380
It doesn't work with everyone.
84
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,480
Miss Howe, I have
a message for you.
85
00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:51,680
Mr. Sheridan is having
lunch up in Melville's,
86
00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:53,080
and he's gonna
be coming down
87
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,980
to talk to you
when he's through.
88
00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,180
Oh, great. Sheridan.
89
00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,280
Another one of the legions
of presidents, vice presidents
90
00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,980
and consultants this
corporation belches forth
91
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:01,580
every five minutes.
92
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,580
Boy, it seems like
you have to be a real loser
93
00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:04,980
not to be at least
a vice president
94
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,180
in that company,
doesn't it?
95
00:04:08,380 --> 00:04:10,780
I'm sorry.
96
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,980
He is undoubtedly here
to ask me some humiliating,
97
00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:16,380
menial favor
that he couldn't
98
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:17,880
palm off on some other flunky.
99
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,880
You know,
today I draw the line.
100
00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:22,380
Today, this gal
is going to shoot down
101
00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:24,080
her first
corporate bigwig.
102
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,580
Oh, please.
103
00:04:25,580 --> 00:04:27,880
The first time you try
to stand up to this guy,
104
00:04:27,980 --> 00:04:30,580
you're going to crumble
like a bag of potato chips.
105
00:04:30,580 --> 00:04:32,080
Oh, yeah,
Mr. Smart Guy?
106
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,180
Yeah.
Watch me.
107
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,080
I'm watching you.
108
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,480
Oh, Miss Howe.
109
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:37,980
Mr. Sheridan.
110
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,580
I'd like
to ask you a favor.
111
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,280
I see.
112
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,480
I'm going to New York
on a business trip
113
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,280
for a few days,
and I'd like you
114
00:04:44,380 --> 00:04:46,580
to take care of my dog
while I'm away.
115
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:49,680
Well, I'm sorry,
Mr. Sheridan,
116
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,580
but I have plans
for the entire week,
117
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,380
and I could not
possibly break them.
118
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,480
I hope you understand.
119
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:55,780
That's fine. I realize
120
00:04:55,780 --> 00:04:56,880
this is short notice.
121
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,880
Thanks, anyway.
122
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,180
My plans could be changed.
123
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,980
Please, sir, let...
let me do this for you.
124
00:05:08,980 --> 00:05:11,480
Well, if you don't think
it would be any trouble.
125
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,780
Thank you, Miss Howe.
126
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,280
Oh, no, sir.
127
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:17,380
Thank you for the opportunity
of knowing your dog.
128
00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:23,480
God, I make myself sick!
129
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:46,680
What'll it be, Dr. Crane?
130
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,980
The usual.
131
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,180
What's so funny?
132
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,980
What's so funny?
133
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:04,680
It's a private joke, Sam.
134
00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:11,380
Hey, there,
Rebecca.
135
00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:13,780
How do you like living
with Sheridan's pooch?
136
00:06:13,780 --> 00:06:16,680
Sir Bronwyn the Gallant
from Fairhaven Manor,
137
00:06:16,780 --> 00:06:18,780
better known
as Buster, is fine.
138
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,680
I, on the other hand,
am a nervous wreck.
139
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:22,880
What's the matter,
Rebecca?
140
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,480
Well, I knew
I was going to have
141
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,680
to take care
of the dog,
142
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:26,880
but I didn't know it was going
143
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,180
to be in a place that was huge
144
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,280
and kind of like a mausoleum
145
00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:31,380
and is stuck way out
in the middle of the moors.
146
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,380
There are no moors
in Massachusetts.
147
00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:36,580
I think they had them
flown in or something.
148
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:38,580
The point is,
149
00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:41,180
this place is big and scary
and I really hate it.
150
00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:43,680
Oh, and to make matters
even worse, last night,
151
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,580
the only thing I could get
on television was this movie
152
00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:49,080
about this young, beautiful,
dark-haired woman,
153
00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:50,580
that was all alone
154
00:06:50,580 --> 00:06:52,380
in this
deserted house.
155
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:55,080
Hey, what about that scene
where the guy cuts her head off?
156
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,580
Woody, please.
157
00:06:57,580 --> 00:06:59,380
There's no way
her head's gonna come off
158
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:00,880
in one clean cut like that.
159
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,080
Believe me, I've seen
my uncle butcher hogs,
160
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,380
and you have to hack
and hack and hack.
161
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:11,680
And when the gardener got it?
162
00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:13,580
Woody, that's enough!
163
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,780
All right. Don't spoil
the ending for everybody else.
164
00:07:16,780 --> 00:07:19,180
Yeah, but when you see it,
take my advice
165
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,080
and turn away when you hear,
vrooom-mm-mm-mm!
166
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,480
Vrooom-mm-mm-mm!
167
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,980
Woody! Woody.
168
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:27,880
I am just a tiny bit on edge.
169
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,580
Oh. Sorry, Miss Howe.
170
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,380
Stop it, Woody!
171
00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:43,380
Some bar manager,
afraid of a blender.
172
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,180
Let me see here.
173
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:50,380
Rebecca Howe,
all alone and scared
174
00:07:50,380 --> 00:07:52,480
in a big old house.
175
00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:54,680
Sounds to me
like a job
176
00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:57,480
for Sammy's
Security Company.
177
00:07:57,580 --> 00:08:01,580
We get in
before the burglars do.
178
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,980
That's what I like
about you, Sam.
179
00:08:03,980 --> 00:08:06,380
Your pants are always thinking.
180
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,280
Frasier, darling.
181
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,480
Hello, there, Peanut Butter Cup.
182
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,580
You know, you're late for lunch.
183
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:14,680
Yes, I know. I'm sorry.
184
00:08:14,780 --> 00:08:16,280
Well, I'm sure you
have a very good excuse.
185
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,280
Well, actually, I do.
186
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,280
I started having lunch
at another restaurant,
187
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,580
then remembered we had a date.
188
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,580
Oh. Well, would you like
to watch me eat?
189
00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:24,880
I wouldn't miss it.
190
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,180
What's so funny?
191
00:08:32,180 --> 00:08:33,680
Oh, it's nothing, really.
192
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,480
It's just this
relaxation exercise
I've been doing.
193
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,880
I've been imagining
194
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,480
people naked and
wearing black socks,
195
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,480
you see, to relieve my
anxiety over my speech.
196
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:41,780
Frankly, it's
worked miracles.
197
00:08:41,780 --> 00:08:42,980
I've been doing
it all week.
198
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,580
I haven't even
thought about it once.
199
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:46,180
When do you
present that?
200
00:08:47,380 --> 00:08:48,480
My, God.
201
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,280
Buster, did you hear that?
202
00:09:13,180 --> 00:09:14,780
Calm down.
203
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:17,780
Probably wasn't anything.
204
00:09:17,780 --> 00:09:19,880
It was probably
just a tree branch
205
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,580
against the window.
206
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:23,580
Or Leatherface.
207
00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:27,780
Oh, God! Oh, God!
208
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,980
Oh, God, Buster.
209
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,580
He's at the front door.
210
00:09:33,780 --> 00:09:36,280
Good dog.
211
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:58,480
Thank you.
212
00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,480
You're welcome.
213
00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:03,380
Oh, God!
214
00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:04,980
How in the hell
did you get in here?
215
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,480
Well, you left
the back door open.
216
00:10:06,580 --> 00:10:08,680
I just followed some guy
carrying a meat hook.
217
00:10:10,580 --> 00:10:11,780
That is real
funny, Sam.
218
00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:13,480
You almost gave me
a heart attack.
219
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,680
I'm... I'm sorry.
220
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:15,980
It's all right. I'm here now.
221
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,980
It wasn't funny. I'm sorry.
222
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,880
Right. I have to admit,
I'm glad you are here.
223
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,580
When the lights went out,
and the storm came,
224
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,680
I started getting
scared to death.
225
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:29,680
What happened to that $10,000
champion watchdog?
226
00:10:29,780 --> 00:10:31,280
He's hiding
in the kitchen.
227
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,780
Oh, God! I can't
seem to calm down.
228
00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:36,180
My heart's just
beating so fast.
229
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:37,880
Oh, yes, it is.
230
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,580
Sam, get your hand
away from that.
231
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,980
I was doing pretty good
till the lights went out.
232
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:47,580
Then this house really started
giving me the creeps.
233
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,180
Oh, well, hey
don't worry.
234
00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:50,880
I've got some
candles here.
235
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,680
You brought your own candles?
236
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,480
Well, yeah. This kind of thing
237
00:10:54,580 --> 00:10:57,080
happens in big, old,
spooky houses a lot.
238
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,880
I like
to be prepared.
239
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,580
Sammy carries
whatever he needs.
240
00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:04,680
Sam, did you come out here
241
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,880
because you were concerned
I was scared,
242
00:11:06,980 --> 00:11:09,680
or did you come out here
to get me in the sack?
243
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:10,680
Hey, I came out here
244
00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:11,880
because
I was concerned
245
00:11:11,980 --> 00:11:14,580
and scared that
I'd never get
you in the sack.
246
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:16,980
I'm kidding.
247
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:17,980
I'm kidding.
248
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,480
You know, Sam,
249
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:20,880
I really am glad you're here.
250
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,280
It makes me feel a lot better.
251
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:23,280
But a man
and a woman
252
00:11:23,380 --> 00:11:24,780
can be together
in an evening
253
00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:26,780
without ending up
rolling on the floor.
254
00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:28,480
Well, I know that's
true of some people,
255
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,980
but, sweetheart,
we're good-looking.
256
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:32,980
Sam...
257
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:34,980
What?
Sit down here a minute.
258
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,980
I want to tell
you something.
259
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,880
Okay.
260
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,080
Now, believe
this or not--
261
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,480
even good-looking people
262
00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:46,580
can spend an evening together
without having sex.
263
00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:51,280
Have you ever heard
of conversation?
264
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:52,880
Yeah, I've heard of
conversation.
265
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,080
You know,
266
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,380
contrary to what
a lot of people think,
267
00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:58,180
I'm not that dumb.
268
00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,480
Here, come on. Try me.
269
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:01,080
Sit down. Let's conversate.
270
00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:07,980
Okay, so what do you
want to talk about?
271
00:12:07,980 --> 00:12:09,380
Sex.
272
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,280
You know,
sex is obviously
273
00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:14,280
the only thing
on your mind, so forget it.
274
00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:15,680
I'm going to bed.
275
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,580
Oh, that's
good with me.
276
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,080
I am going
to bed alone.
277
00:12:20,180 --> 00:12:21,680
If you want
to stay here,
278
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:23,080
you sleep
on the couch.
279
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,180
Oh, come on.
280
00:12:24,180 --> 00:12:25,680
I can sleep on a couch
at my place.
281
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,280
Fine. Go sleep
on your couch.
282
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,780
All right.
283
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,180
If that's
what you want.
284
00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:31,480
I'll leave you
all alone
285
00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:33,480
in this big,
old scary house.
286
00:12:33,580 --> 00:12:34,880
Hoo!
287
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,080
I'm moving the table.
288
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,580
Don't pull a muscle.
289
00:12:39,580 --> 00:12:40,780
I'm serious.
290
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:42,480
I'm moving the chair.
291
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,680
You're breaking my heart.
292
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,380
I got my hand on the doorknob.
293
00:12:47,380 --> 00:12:49,280
I'm opening the door.
294
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:49,980
Sam, don't!
295
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,080
I knew it. Pajama time!
296
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:54,380
Not you! The dog!
297
00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:55,380
What?
298
00:12:55,380 --> 00:12:57,080
Buster!? Buster!?
299
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,380
Whoo! Boy, can
that sucker haul.
300
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,980
He's gone!
301
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,480
Well, hey, don't
worry about it.
302
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,780
He's a hearty breed.
303
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,480
Speaking of breeding...
304
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:08,880
Are you crazy?
305
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:09,980
There's a champion dog,
306
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,380
and I'm responsible for him.
307
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:14,080
If it takes me all night,
I'm going to find that mutt.
308
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,080
No. Don't.
309
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,480
Buster!?
310
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,280
Oh, hell.
311
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:21,780
Oh!
312
00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:24,180
Might as well turn
the electricity back on.
313
00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:38,350
So, please, i-if you find him,
you've got this number.
314
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,150
Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.
315
00:13:41,350 --> 00:13:42,550
Please, please, please,
316
00:13:42,550 --> 00:13:44,550
let it be somebody
that found him.
317
00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:46,650
Did anybody find the dog?
318
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:48,450
Listen, little lady,
we're not looking
319
00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:50,650
for Aunt Fannie's
amethyst pendant here.
320
00:13:50,650 --> 00:13:52,550
This is a highly
organized search party.
321
00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:54,950
We're gonna conduct
this debriefing
by the numbers.
322
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:56,650
All right.
323
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:59,050
Alpha Sector report.
Negative.
324
00:13:59,050 --> 00:14:00,250
Bravo Sector?
Negative.
325
00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:01,550
Charlie Sector?
326
00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:02,850
Shut up, Cliff.
327
00:14:05,950 --> 00:14:07,150
Hello?
328
00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:08,450
Yes, Mr. Sheridan.
329
00:14:08,450 --> 00:14:10,650
Wow, you know, Norm,
I-I can't get over this place.
330
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,350
I think I'll do something
like this with my living room.
331
00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:14,950
What are you
talking about?
332
00:14:15,050 --> 00:14:16,950
You live in
28 square feet
333
00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:19,550
and your bed folds
out of a couch.
334
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:20,850
You're gonna what?
335
00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:23,050
Wha... All right, sir. Bye-bye.
336
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:24,650
Oh, God, he came home early.
337
00:14:24,650 --> 00:14:27,150
He's on his way home
from the airport!
338
00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:28,250
All right, men,
339
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:30,750
I suggest we fall back
to our original positions.
340
00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:32,050
What are you talking about?
341
00:14:32,150 --> 00:14:34,750
To the bar!
Back to the bar!
342
00:14:34,850 --> 00:14:36,950
Yes, sir! Right away, sir!
343
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:45,950
Well, I guess I deserve this.
344
00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:51,050
I'm always doing stupid favors
for everybody.
345
00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:54,950
I guess it finally caught up
with me.
346
00:14:54,950 --> 00:14:59,150
No, no, don't do that, please.
I hate it when you cry.
347
00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:03,150
All right, all right,
all right.
348
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:04,750
Look, wait, wait,
wait, come on.
349
00:15:04,750 --> 00:15:08,150
I'll tell Sheridan it was
all my fault, all right?
Fine.
350
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:09,650
Wait up, guys!
351
00:15:09,650 --> 00:15:11,050
That's great.
Really nice.
352
00:15:11,050 --> 00:15:12,950
Oh, God!
353
00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:14,050
What is it?
354
00:15:14,050 --> 00:15:15,050
A car.
355
00:15:15,050 --> 00:15:16,350
It's Sheridan; we're doomed.
356
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,650
Uh...
357
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:22,450
Woody! You found him!
Ah.
358
00:15:22,450 --> 00:15:25,050
Oh, God, I don't know
who to kiss first!
359
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:27,550
Well, I just had
a breath mint.
360
00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:30,850
Buster!
361
00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:33,750
Hey, man, way to go.
362
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,350
Where'd you find him?
363
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:37,450
Oh, at an auto wrecking yard.
364
00:15:37,450 --> 00:15:39,050
What were you doing there?
365
00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:40,950
Just browsing.
366
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,850
Oh, Buster, Buster,
good old Buster.
367
00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:47,650
Oh, no, that's not Buster,
that's Satan.
368
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:49,350
- What?
- Who?
369
00:15:49,350 --> 00:15:51,450
I was brushing the snow
off of the hubcaps,
370
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,450
and I saw Satan here chewing
through a tire, and I thought
371
00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:56,850
you know, he looks just like
that picture of Buster.
372
00:15:56,950 --> 00:15:59,750
So I borrowed him, in case
we don't find the other dog.
373
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,650
Woody, take him
to the kitchen.
374
00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:05,050
I only hope we can fool Sheridan
with this flea bag.
375
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,950
He's no flea bag,
Miss Howe.
376
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,650
He's a trained attack dog.
377
00:16:08,650 --> 00:16:10,750
Come on, sweetheart.
378
00:16:10,750 --> 00:16:13,550
An attack dog?
379
00:16:13,550 --> 00:16:15,550
He brings an attack dog
into this house?
380
00:16:15,550 --> 00:16:17,150
Come on, his heart's
in the right place.
381
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:18,650
Hello?
382
00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:21,050
Oh, God, you found him?
383
00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:21,850
Hm?
384
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:22,850
Oh, that's wonderful.
385
00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:24,850
Yeah. Give me your address.
386
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,050
Uh-huh.
387
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:28,250
Okay, I'll come
and get him right now.
388
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:30,950
A neighbor at the end
of the road found him.
389
00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:32,550
Here's the address.
You go get him.
390
00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:34,250
I'm on my way.
Woody?
391
00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:36,050
Bring Satan out here, please.
392
00:16:36,050 --> 00:16:38,050
Woody, we found Buster.
393
00:16:38,050 --> 00:16:39,950
You can take Satan back
to the junkyard.
394
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:42,450
But, Miss Howe, he hasn't
finished his snack yet.
395
00:16:42,550 --> 00:16:44,550
I gave him something
out of the refrigerator.
396
00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:48,450
Well, actually, he opened
the door and took it, but
I got out of the way.
397
00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:51,250
Woody, whatever.
J-Just take him out of here.
398
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:51,850
Go, go, hurry.
399
00:16:51,950 --> 00:16:53,550
Hurry, hurry,
hurry.
400
00:16:53,550 --> 00:16:55,850
Sheridan's here.
He just drove up.
401
00:16:55,950 --> 00:16:57,050
Woody, cancel that. Sam...
Yeah?
402
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,450
Uh, y-you go around the
back way and get Buster.
403
00:16:59,450 --> 00:17:00,950
All right?
Woody, you take Satan
404
00:17:00,950 --> 00:17:03,050
into the kitchen
and get him some kibble.
405
00:17:03,050 --> 00:17:05,550
We hope that Sam gets back
in time with Buster, so
we don't have to use him,
406
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,550
but if he doesn't get back
in time with Buster,
407
00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:09,550
then we have to convince
Sheridan that Satan is Buster,
408
00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:11,750
until Sam gets back
and we can switch
Buster for Satan.
409
00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:17,050
Or I could just put
steak sauce on my throat
and let Satan chow down.
410
00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:19,850
Uh, I understand everything
perfectly, Miss Howe.
411
00:17:19,850 --> 00:17:21,750
Come on, Sam,
let's get your kibble.
412
00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:26,050
I was just kidding, Miss Howe.
413
00:17:33,850 --> 00:17:35,550
I'm back.
414
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:37,350
Where's my big boy?
415
00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:38,650
Where's my Buster?
416
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:40,950
What, no hello?
No description of the trip?
417
00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:45,250
No slides?
I finished early so I
caught a late flight.
418
00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:47,250
Here, boy!
419
00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:49,150
Where are you, boy?
Here, Buster!
420
00:17:49,250 --> 00:17:51,150
He is, um...
421
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:53,250
He's sleeping in the kitchen.
That's right.
422
00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:55,450
Miss Howe, who's this man?
423
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,950
This man?
424
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,250
He's Woody.
425
00:17:58,350 --> 00:18:00,950
He's my boyfriend.
426
00:18:00,950 --> 00:18:03,250
Wow, Miss Howe.
427
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:08,150
Your boyfriend calls you
Miss Howe?
428
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:11,850
I was his teacher.
429
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:14,650
I got real lonely,
430
00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:16,550
a-and I thought I'd call
him over here for company.
431
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:17,750
I hope you don't mind.
432
00:18:17,850 --> 00:18:18,850
No, of course not.
433
00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:20,150
Now, listen, I'm very tired.
434
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:23,650
I just want to say hi to my dog
and then go to bed.
435
00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:25,350
So if you don't mind.
436
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:27,850
You want us to leave?
437
00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:30,150
He wants us to leave, Woody.
438
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:32,450
Great! How about a
burger and a movie?
439
00:18:32,450 --> 00:18:35,350
Then we can go
someplace and park.
440
00:18:35,350 --> 00:18:37,050
Later!
441
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:39,750
First, I'd like
to stand here and
have a little chat
442
00:18:39,750 --> 00:18:41,950
with Mr. Sheridan
about his trip.
Not now.
443
00:18:42,050 --> 00:18:43,650
I want to see Buster.
444
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:46,450
No, Mr. Sheridan!
Yes, Miss Howe.
Come on, Buster, let's wrestle!
445
00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:48,950
Woody, we can't
let him do this.
Well, don't worry, Miss Howe.
446
00:18:48,950 --> 00:18:51,950
He won't attack unless he hears
the command word, "Cochise."
447
00:18:52,050 --> 00:18:54,750
Cochise? Well, he's
never gonna say that.
448
00:18:54,850 --> 00:18:56,750
Or unless he provokes him.
449
00:18:58,950 --> 00:19:00,950
Take that, big boy.
450
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:04,150
I got your tail now,
I got your tail!
451
00:19:05,950 --> 00:19:07,550
Hey, it worked--
he thinks that's his dog.
452
00:19:07,650 --> 00:19:11,050
Yeah, right. If he
lives, we fooled him.
453
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:12,850
Sammy to the rescue!
454
00:19:12,850 --> 00:19:14,350
Sam, get that mutt
out of here!
455
00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:16,750
What?
Sheridan's in the kitchen
with Satan!
456
00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:18,850
This is no time
for folk singing.
457
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:23,150
Oh, oh, oh! Well...
what are we gonna do?
458
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:25,550
All right, go out the front,
sneak around the back.
459
00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:28,050
I'll try to divert
Sheridan's attention
while you make the switch.
460
00:19:28,050 --> 00:19:30,150
But remember, they
look exactly alike.
461
00:19:30,150 --> 00:19:31,050
All right, all right.
462
00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:32,550
Come on, boy,
come on.
463
00:19:32,650 --> 00:19:35,050
Boy, Buster's frisky.
464
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:37,150
I was playing "get my thumb,"
465
00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:40,550
and he was practically bouncing
off the ceiling.
466
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:42,350
Well, I bet he
was just so glad
467
00:19:42,350 --> 00:19:44,050
to have you back.
Yeah. Well,
I'm gonna
468
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,450
feed him now, Miss Howe.
469
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:47,150
No, I already fed him.
470
00:19:47,150 --> 00:19:48,250
We ordered out.
Chinese.
471
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:54,550
That sounds like two dogs
in there.
Mr. Sheridan,
472
00:19:54,550 --> 00:19:57,350
there's something that
I've been wanting to ask you.
473
00:19:57,450 --> 00:19:59,950
Is this a bowling trophy?
474
00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:03,450
No, it's my late wife's ashes.
475
00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:05,750
She was a good-sized woman.
476
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:08,750
Excuse me,
I want to see to Buster.
477
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:12,550
Mission accomplished.
478
00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:15,550
I made the switch.
Satan's in the car.
479
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:16,450
Oh...
480
00:20:16,450 --> 00:20:18,950
Well, there was only Buster
in there.
481
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,350
Good! Well,
I'll be going.
482
00:20:20,450 --> 00:20:21,750
Bye-bye!
483
00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:22,750
Good night.
484
00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:23,750
Miss Howe!
485
00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:25,950
Who's that man?
486
00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:27,050
Uh, I'm her boyfriend.
487
00:20:27,150 --> 00:20:28,750
That's right.
He's my boyfriend.
488
00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:32,050
Miss Howe, we
have to talk.
489
00:20:38,550 --> 00:20:40,150
Look at him.
You're not so tough
490
00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:41,950
when you're not
running around loose, are ya?
491
00:20:47,150 --> 00:20:49,550
I wouldn't do that
if I were you, Cliff.
492
00:20:49,550 --> 00:20:51,350
If you look very closely,
you'll see he has
493
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:54,050
several tiny little mailbags
notched on his leash.
494
00:20:55,350 --> 00:20:58,450
Yeah. Yeah, oh, yeah,
I'm real scared, Norm.
495
00:20:58,450 --> 00:20:59,850
Look at me shake.
496
00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:05,650
Woody,
497
00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:08,650
I thought you were gonna return
the hound from hell.
498
00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:10,350
Oh, the guy's coming
for him tomorrow.
499
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:12,350
Unless, of course, you'd
like to reconsider
500
00:21:12,450 --> 00:21:13,750
and keep him as our mascot.
501
00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:15,250
That's exactly
what this bar needs:
502
00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:17,950
a loaded weapon that goes off
when you say the word,
503
00:21:19,650 --> 00:21:21,850
Great! Spelled it right.
504
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:26,650
- Greetings, all.
- Hey, Doc.
505
00:21:26,650 --> 00:21:29,450
Oh, there's a sturdy fellow.
506
00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:32,650
Hello, boy.
507
00:21:32,650 --> 00:21:33,650
What's this?
508
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,850
"Don't say 'Cochise'
to this dog."
509
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:43,450
Woody, he didn't attack.
510
00:21:43,550 --> 00:21:44,650
No, he didn't.
511
00:21:44,650 --> 00:21:46,550
Maybe he didn't hear
the attack word.
512
00:21:46,650 --> 00:21:48,650
Frasier?
513
00:21:48,650 --> 00:21:49,350
Cochise!
514
00:21:54,450 --> 00:21:56,850
Cochise. Cochise, Cochise.
515
00:21:56,950 --> 00:21:58,750
This is Buster!
516
00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:00,750
I thought you were gonna
make the switch!
517
00:22:00,750 --> 00:22:03,850
Well, I did, but they were
tearing at each other,
and it got confusing.
518
00:22:03,850 --> 00:22:05,350
I was trying to separate them
519
00:22:05,350 --> 00:22:07,450
and protect my goodies
at the same time.
520
00:22:09,550 --> 00:22:12,150
Hey, if this isn't
Satan, then Satan is...
521
00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:14,450
Chewing the spleen
out of Mr. Sheridan.
522
00:22:14,550 --> 00:22:16,350
All right, Sam,
523
00:22:16,350 --> 00:22:17,350
hand me the phone.
524
00:22:17,350 --> 00:22:19,050
Woody, come around here
and untie Buster.
525
00:22:19,050 --> 00:22:21,250
I've got to call Mr. Sheridan
and warn him.
526
00:22:21,350 --> 00:22:23,350
We've got to make
another switch.
527
00:22:24,350 --> 00:22:26,750
Hello. This is Rebecca Howe.
528
00:22:26,850 --> 00:22:29,350
Yes, I need to speak
to Mr. Sheridan, please.
529
00:22:29,350 --> 00:22:30,850
I don't care
if he's asleep!
530
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,150
Wake him up, this
is an emergency.
531
00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:35,450
Well, all right, would you
please just go upstairs
532
00:22:35,450 --> 00:22:38,950
and tell the man not to say the
word "Cochise" around his dog.
533
00:22:38,950 --> 00:22:42,550
Well, wait-- I just remembered
the attack word isn't "Cochise,"
534
00:22:42,550 --> 00:22:44,550
it's that other Indian name.
535
00:22:44,550 --> 00:22:45,950
Woody, what other
Indian name?
536
00:22:46,050 --> 00:22:48,150
There are a million other
Indian names, my friend.
537
00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:49,350
There's, uh, Crazy Horse,
538
00:22:49,350 --> 00:22:50,950
Sitting Bull,
Pocahontas, Geronimo.
539
00:22:53,550 --> 00:22:55,150
That's it!
540
00:22:55,150 --> 00:22:59,450
Go away! Go away!
541
00:22:59,450 --> 00:23:02,850
Hey, he's got Mr. Clavin
trapped in the men's room.
542
00:23:02,850 --> 00:23:05,950
That's okay-- we can use
the one up at Melville's.
543
00:23:05,950 --> 00:23:08,250
Oh, hey, hey, it's okay,
I got the, uh...
544
00:23:08,350 --> 00:23:11,250
I got the number of that guy
from the auto wrecking yard.
545
00:23:11,350 --> 00:23:14,150
I can call him and get
the counter-command.
I'll do it.
546
00:23:14,150 --> 00:23:16,350
Oh, hello, Mr. Sheridan.
547
00:23:16,350 --> 00:23:19,150
Sorry, I have
the wrong number.
548
00:23:19,250 --> 00:23:21,250
Hello?
Hi. I'm calling for Woody.
549
00:23:21,250 --> 00:23:23,150
We need the counter-command
for Satan.
550
00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:25,650
Get out of here,
you beast from hell!
551
00:23:25,750 --> 00:23:27,650
Okay, thanks.
552
00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:28,050
Did you get it?
553
00:23:28,050 --> 00:23:28,950
Yeah.
554
00:23:28,950 --> 00:23:29,950
Well, what is it?
555
00:23:32,050 --> 00:23:34,150
Good night, everyone!
556
00:23:36,150 --> 00:23:39,150
Good night, everyone!
Satan!
557
00:23:40,850 --> 00:23:42,050
Good night, everyone!
558
00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:44,950
It doesn't work.