1
00:00:02,590 --> 00:00:05,190
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,190 --> 00:00:06,190
Sorry, Dr. Crane,
3
00:00:06,190 --> 00:00:08,490
I just don't understand
this word association stuff.
4
00:00:08,490 --> 00:00:09,690
Right, allow me
to demonstrate.
5
00:00:09,790 --> 00:00:12,190
Now, I'll say a word,
and then you say
6
00:00:12,190 --> 00:00:13,390
the first word
that you think of.
7
00:00:13,390 --> 00:00:15,490
Norm, we'll start with you.
8
00:00:15,490 --> 00:00:16,790
Over.
9
00:00:16,790 --> 00:00:18,090
Under.
10
00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:19,190
Inside.
11
00:00:19,190 --> 00:00:20,390
Outside.
12
00:00:20,490 --> 00:00:21,890
Bottom.
13
00:00:21,890 --> 00:00:23,590
Thermostat.
14
00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:27,090
If you could make any sense
out of that, uh,
15
00:00:27,090 --> 00:00:29,390
I got a sawbuck here
with your name on it.
16
00:00:29,390 --> 00:00:30,490
Okay, you're on.
17
00:00:30,490 --> 00:00:32,090
It might not be
a total non sequitur.
18
00:00:32,190 --> 00:00:33,290
Let me see, uh...
19
00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:34,990
Perhaps in the house
Woody grew up in,
20
00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:37,990
the thermostat was
at the bottom
of the stairs.
21
00:00:37,990 --> 00:00:39,190
Actually, it was in the kitchen.
22
00:00:39,190 --> 00:00:40,890
I'll, uh,
take cash or check.
23
00:00:40,890 --> 00:00:42,790
No, no, or, uh, well,
24
00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:45,090
the, uh, the heater may have
been in the, uh, cellar,
25
00:00:45,090 --> 00:00:47,290
and so it was at the
bottom of the house.
26
00:00:47,290 --> 00:00:48,490
Nope.
27
00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:49,590
Thermostat is
difficult to spell.
28
00:00:49,590 --> 00:00:51,290
Woody was at the
bottom of his class.
29
00:00:51,290 --> 00:00:54,590
Woody,
did you turn up the heat again?
30
00:00:54,590 --> 00:00:55,490
Yes, Miss Howe.
31
00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:57,090
I told you,
it's too hot in here.
32
00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:59,590
Now, if you keep turning it up,
I have to keep turning it down.
33
00:00:59,590 --> 00:01:00,690
That wouldn't
be a problem
34
00:01:00,690 --> 00:01:02,190
if they hadn't put
the damn thermostat
35
00:01:02,190 --> 00:01:04,190
in such an awkward place.
36
00:01:08,690 --> 00:01:10,590
I can barely reach it.
37
00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:12,590
Sorry, Miss Howe.
38
00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:23,290
¶ Sometimes you want to go
39
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:28,890
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
40
00:01:28,890 --> 00:01:33,490
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
41
00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:35,790
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
42
00:01:35,790 --> 00:01:38,390
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
43
00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:43,290
¶ You want to go where everybody
knows your name. ¶
44
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,223
Frasier, where the hell
have you been?
45
00:02:05,223 --> 00:02:06,923
You were supposed to pick me up
at the airport.
46
00:02:07,023 --> 00:02:11,023
Well, um, gee, I didn't do
a very good job of it, did I?
47
00:02:12,723 --> 00:02:14,223
Well, welcome home, dear.
48
00:02:14,223 --> 00:02:15,723
Where have you been?
49
00:02:15,823 --> 00:02:16,623
Paris.
50
00:02:16,723 --> 00:02:17,823
Perhaps
you remember,
51
00:02:17,923 --> 00:02:20,023
we liberated it during the war.
52
00:02:20,023 --> 00:02:22,423
Yes, now that I recall,
you did say something about it.
53
00:02:22,423 --> 00:02:24,023
Well,
I've just been so damn busy.
54
00:02:24,123 --> 00:02:27,023
You do forgive me, don't you?
55
00:02:27,123 --> 00:02:28,023
Oh, of course.
56
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,823
I could never stay mad
at you.
57
00:02:29,823 --> 00:02:31,223
Well, how was Paris?
58
00:02:31,223 --> 00:02:32,223
It was thrilling.
59
00:02:32,323 --> 00:02:33,323
The City of Light.
60
00:02:33,423 --> 00:02:34,323
Here.
61
00:02:34,423 --> 00:02:35,423
Ooh, what's this?
62
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:36,623
A souvenir.
63
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,923
I'm tired
of your pinstripe boxers.
64
00:02:39,023 --> 00:02:41,723
They're dull, unimaginative
and bourgeois.
65
00:02:41,723 --> 00:02:43,523
Well, they always speak
very highly of you.
66
00:02:52,323 --> 00:02:55,323
An eye patch.
67
00:02:55,423 --> 00:02:57,023
No, you ninny,
it's French underwear.
68
00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:01,323
It doesn't leave, uh, much
to the imagination, there,
69
00:03:01,323 --> 00:03:02,623
does it, Fras?
70
00:03:02,623 --> 00:03:05,023
Not that I
was imagining anything.
71
00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:10,623
They're all the rage
in Paris.
72
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:11,823
They sell them
everywhere.
73
00:03:11,823 --> 00:03:13,123
I bought these
at the Louvre.
74
00:03:13,123 --> 00:03:16,123
Well, Lilith, dear...
75
00:03:16,123 --> 00:03:17,323
I do appreciate
the gift, dearest,
76
00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:19,823
but, uh, I, I
don't know if
they're really me.
77
00:03:19,923 --> 00:03:21,123
Well, don't make up
your mind
78
00:03:21,123 --> 00:03:22,323
before
you even try them on.
79
00:03:22,323 --> 00:03:23,623
Yeah, what do
you say, Fras?
80
00:03:23,623 --> 00:03:25,323
Strap them on.
Yeah, yeah.
81
00:03:26,923 --> 00:03:28,223
Well, I suppose I could
82
00:03:28,323 --> 00:03:29,923
slip into the
bathroom for a moment.
83
00:03:29,923 --> 00:03:31,623
Oh, Frasier, do.
84
00:03:31,623 --> 00:03:34,123
Say, what am I going
to do with the old pair?
85
00:03:34,123 --> 00:03:37,323
Save them;
I'm making a memory quilt.
86
00:03:39,623 --> 00:03:41,623
Sam, phone for you.
87
00:03:41,623 --> 00:03:42,623
It's Judy.
88
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,423
Judy--
89
00:03:44,423 --> 00:03:46,323
Hi!
90
00:03:46,423 --> 00:03:48,723
Well, of course
I remember you.
91
00:03:48,723 --> 00:03:49,923
You're kidding me?
92
00:03:50,023 --> 00:03:51,223
Well, that's just
around the corner.
93
00:03:51,223 --> 00:03:52,723
Listen,
why don't you come on over?
94
00:03:52,723 --> 00:03:54,823
We can replay
all the old memories.
95
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,623
All right.
96
00:03:57,623 --> 00:04:00,123
Judy who?
97
00:04:00,123 --> 00:04:02,423
She didn't say, Sam.
98
00:04:02,423 --> 00:04:03,523
How many Judys
99
00:04:03,523 --> 00:04:04,723
have you dated?
100
00:04:04,723 --> 00:04:07,223
Well, let's see,
there was, uh, Judy
Johnson, right?
101
00:04:07,323 --> 00:04:08,523
The, uh, tall
redhead, remember?
102
00:04:08,523 --> 00:04:10,323
She had freckles,
great legs.
103
00:04:10,323 --> 00:04:12,823
There's Judy Petinski.
104
00:04:12,923 --> 00:04:13,523
Oh, yeah.
105
00:04:13,623 --> 00:04:14,423
Yeah, Judy Chang.
106
00:04:14,423 --> 00:04:15,923
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
107
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,423
How come you guys remember
my love life better than I do?
108
00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:20,823
Well, I think it meant
more to us, Sammy.
109
00:04:24,023 --> 00:04:25,623
Wasn't there, um,
110
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,323
a Judy Marlowe?
111
00:04:27,423 --> 00:04:30,123
Oh, that's the one I remember.
112
00:04:30,123 --> 00:04:31,623
Sammy, hot stuff.
113
00:04:31,623 --> 00:04:32,723
Oh, you betcha.
114
00:04:32,723 --> 00:04:34,323
God, did we have
great times.
115
00:04:34,423 --> 00:04:35,523
I remember all
116
00:04:35,523 --> 00:04:38,423
the playgrounds, the circuses,
the pony rides...
117
00:04:38,423 --> 00:04:39,723
Uh, excuse me, Sam.
118
00:04:39,723 --> 00:04:42,323
Exactly how old was this Judy?
119
00:04:42,423 --> 00:04:44,123
No, no, she
was a divorcee.
120
00:04:44,223 --> 00:04:45,223
She had this
little girl.
121
00:04:45,223 --> 00:04:46,723
Must be about
what, 15 years
122
00:04:46,723 --> 00:04:48,523
since I've seen
the two of them.
123
00:04:48,523 --> 00:04:50,523
Just in case, you know,
if she comes in here
124
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:51,523
and she's not
very good-looking,
125
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,023
will you do me a favor--
pretend like you're my wife.
126
00:04:53,023 --> 00:04:54,123
Okay.
All right.
127
00:04:54,123 --> 00:04:55,923
Give me all the money
in your wallet.
128
00:04:56,023 --> 00:04:59,223
Why? What are you doing?
I'm practicing.
129
00:05:01,523 --> 00:05:04,223
Lilith, I have only one thing
to say to you.
130
00:05:04,223 --> 00:05:06,023
Vive la difference.
131
00:05:11,023 --> 00:05:13,823
Woody, I asked you to bring up
a case of scotch
132
00:05:13,823 --> 00:05:14,923
15 minutes ago.
133
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:16,423
Now, will you just do it,
please?
134
00:05:16,523 --> 00:05:18,823
Sorry, Miss Howe;
right away.
135
00:05:18,923 --> 00:05:21,923
Whoa. Get up on
the wrong side
of the web?
136
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:25,723
No, I am just sick and tired
137
00:05:25,723 --> 00:05:27,523
of the way I am treated
by this company.
138
00:05:27,523 --> 00:05:28,723
They're trying
to break my spirit,
139
00:05:28,823 --> 00:05:30,223
to bring me
to my knees.
140
00:05:30,223 --> 00:05:32,723
They want to see how
long its going to take
before I say I quit.
141
00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:33,923
Why, what
do they want you to do now?
142
00:05:34,023 --> 00:05:35,523
Throw a party.
143
00:05:35,523 --> 00:05:39,423
Oh, my God,
these people must be stopped.
144
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,723
I'm supposed to throw
a kiddie party
145
00:05:42,723 --> 00:05:45,123
for the executives' brats;
well, I'll show them.
146
00:05:45,123 --> 00:05:48,123
I am going to throw the best
damn party of the year.
147
00:05:48,123 --> 00:05:50,623
I am going to have
the best food, the best games...
148
00:05:50,723 --> 00:05:53,523
Does anybody know where I can
hire a professional clown?
149
00:05:53,523 --> 00:05:56,623
Would you settle for a couple
of amateurs with red noses?
150
00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:00,123
Say, you know who
you should hire?
151
00:06:00,123 --> 00:06:01,223
Woody. He's an actor.
152
00:06:01,323 --> 00:06:03,323
At least a
perennial understudy.
153
00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:04,623
That's not a bad idea.
154
00:06:04,623 --> 00:06:05,923
I wonder if Woody's interested.
155
00:06:06,023 --> 00:06:07,523
Woody?
156
00:06:07,523 --> 00:06:10,223
I have to hire a clown
for a children's party.
157
00:06:10,323 --> 00:06:12,423
Do you think
you could handle the part?
158
00:06:12,423 --> 00:06:14,823
"Handle the part"?
159
00:06:14,923 --> 00:06:18,223
I've always wanted
to play a clown.
160
00:06:18,223 --> 00:06:19,323
You hear that,
everybody?
161
00:06:19,423 --> 00:06:20,923
I get to be a clown.
162
00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:25,423
I'm a clown,
I'm a clown, I'm a clown!
163
00:06:27,823 --> 00:06:29,123
Sam?
164
00:06:29,123 --> 00:06:30,623
Judy?
165
00:06:31,823 --> 00:06:34,123
Oh, wow!
166
00:06:34,123 --> 00:06:35,923
God, what a relief!
167
00:06:35,923 --> 00:06:38,823
What are you talking about?
168
00:06:38,823 --> 00:06:40,923
Well, it's been 15 years since
we've seen each other,
169
00:06:40,923 --> 00:06:43,823
and you look just
as good as I do.
170
00:06:43,923 --> 00:06:46,423
Oh, hey, how you been?
171
00:06:46,423 --> 00:06:47,823
Oh, I've been great,
I've been great.
172
00:06:47,823 --> 00:06:49,223
Well, come over
here, sit down.
173
00:06:49,223 --> 00:06:51,023
Carla, let's have
some, uh, white wine, please.
174
00:06:51,123 --> 00:06:52,623
Guess what?
What?
175
00:06:52,623 --> 00:06:54,723
My daughter Laurie
came along to say hi.
176
00:06:54,823 --> 00:06:55,823
I'd love
to see her again.
177
00:06:55,923 --> 00:06:58,523
Weren't the three of
us, didn't we have
fun together, huh?
178
00:06:58,523 --> 00:07:00,123
You were always a
great uncle, Sammy.
179
00:07:00,223 --> 00:07:01,923
A lot of men
get jealous.
180
00:07:02,023 --> 00:07:03,323
They don't want
to share.
181
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,623
Hey, I hope I never get
182
00:07:04,723 --> 00:07:05,923
so possessive that
I'm not willing...
183
00:07:06,023 --> 00:07:07,123
Hi, Mom.
184
00:07:08,223 --> 00:07:10,023
...to share.
185
00:07:11,323 --> 00:07:12,923
Sam, you remember Laurie.
186
00:07:12,923 --> 00:07:14,123
Hi.
187
00:07:14,123 --> 00:07:16,123
Wow.
188
00:07:16,223 --> 00:07:19,123
You used to be so...
189
00:07:19,123 --> 00:07:19,923
And now she's so...
190
00:07:20,123 --> 00:07:23,823
So, uh... hey, how are you?
191
00:07:23,823 --> 00:07:25,423
I'm fine, Mr. Malone.
192
00:07:25,523 --> 00:07:26,523
"Mr. Malone"?
193
00:07:26,523 --> 00:07:28,023
Hey, come on, I'm the same guy
194
00:07:28,123 --> 00:07:30,123
that used to push you
in the swings
195
00:07:30,123 --> 00:07:32,323
and give you
piggy-back rides
196
00:07:32,323 --> 00:07:33,623
and play with you
in the bathtub.
197
00:07:33,623 --> 00:07:34,823
No, that was me.
198
00:07:34,823 --> 00:07:37,223
Oh, right, right, right.
199
00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:39,523
Well, look at the two of you.
200
00:07:39,523 --> 00:07:41,823
Look at the three of us.
201
00:07:41,923 --> 00:07:44,423
Let's look at the two of you
again.
202
00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:46,723
Look, I know you two
203
00:07:46,823 --> 00:07:50,023
have a lot of catching up to do,
but it was really good
204
00:07:50,123 --> 00:07:51,323
to see you
again, Sam.
205
00:07:51,323 --> 00:07:53,123
Oh, wow, I just flashed
on the way
206
00:07:53,123 --> 00:07:55,823
you used to make me hold
your hand crossing the street.
207
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,023
Anyway, I'll see you.
208
00:07:57,023 --> 00:07:58,123
Wait, wait, where you going?
209
00:07:58,123 --> 00:07:59,223
What's the rush?
210
00:07:59,323 --> 00:08:01,423
Why is my voice so high?
211
00:08:02,423 --> 00:08:04,423
I got an idea.
212
00:08:04,423 --> 00:08:05,623
Uh, why don't, uh,
213
00:08:05,623 --> 00:08:08,223
why don't the three of us
uh, do, uh,
214
00:08:08,323 --> 00:08:10,823
one of those things we used
to do in the old days--
215
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,923
You know, get an
ice cream cone
together, or something.
216
00:08:13,023 --> 00:08:13,923
I would love that.
217
00:08:14,023 --> 00:08:15,023
Do you know
something, Sam?
218
00:08:15,023 --> 00:08:16,323
What?
I am really glad
219
00:08:16,323 --> 00:08:18,123
that I picked up the phone
and called you.
220
00:08:18,223 --> 00:08:19,123
Oh, me, too.
221
00:08:23,323 --> 00:08:24,923
Come on, Uncle Sammy.
222
00:08:24,923 --> 00:08:27,823
There's a lot of traffic
out there.
223
00:08:32,223 --> 00:08:33,923
Looks like Sammy's
heading for trouble.
224
00:08:33,923 --> 00:08:36,723
Yeah, looks like
kind of a fun trip,
though, doesn't it?
225
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,623
Carla, did you have
the soft drinks delivered
226
00:08:44,623 --> 00:08:46,523
to Mrs. Ridgeway's house
for the party tomorrow?
227
00:08:46,523 --> 00:08:47,923
Yeah, yeah-- four cases.
228
00:08:47,923 --> 00:08:51,823
The kids will be burping
all through Woody's act.
229
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:55,023
Don't worry, with this outfit
and these props,
230
00:08:55,023 --> 00:08:58,523
I'm going to have those kids
rolling on the floor.
231
00:08:58,623 --> 00:08:59,623
Yeah, rolling around
and burping--
232
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:02,223
now there's an attractive image
for you.
233
00:09:02,223 --> 00:09:04,223
You know, Woody, I envy you,
I really do.
234
00:09:04,323 --> 00:09:06,323
Creating laughter
can be a healing art.
235
00:09:06,323 --> 00:09:09,823
Sometimes a clown can do better
than a psychiatrist.
236
00:09:09,923 --> 00:09:13,023
Yeah, and you can fit more
of them into a little car.
237
00:09:15,123 --> 00:09:17,623
Got my funny horn,
my squirting flower,
238
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:19,023
my joke book--
can't miss.
239
00:09:19,023 --> 00:09:20,323
Oh, yeah?
240
00:09:20,423 --> 00:09:22,923
Let's see an example
of a joke that can't miss.
241
00:09:22,923 --> 00:09:24,123
"Did you hear about
Yeah.
242
00:09:24,223 --> 00:09:25,623
"the human cannonball?
243
00:09:25,623 --> 00:09:28,023
It's hard to find a man
of his caliber."
244
00:09:29,423 --> 00:09:33,023
I don't, uh, hear any hilarity
ensuing there, Wood-man.
245
00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:35,823
Oh, you have to try them
both at the same time--
246
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,723
the props and the jokes.
247
00:09:37,723 --> 00:09:39,223
Try it again.
248
00:09:39,223 --> 00:09:41,923
Boy, this is going
to be flop city.
249
00:09:42,023 --> 00:09:43,923
"Did you hear
about the human cannonball?
250
00:09:44,023 --> 00:09:46,023
It's hard to find
a man of his caliber."
251
00:09:54,523 --> 00:09:57,423
See? Can't miss.
252
00:09:57,523 --> 00:09:58,423
Let me try this.
253
00:09:58,423 --> 00:09:59,923
This looks like fun.
254
00:09:59,923 --> 00:10:02,523
Uh, all right. "You hear
about the sword swallower
255
00:10:02,623 --> 00:10:04,823
who only eats penknives
'cause he's on a diet?"
256
00:10:12,823 --> 00:10:15,023
All right, all right,
you think that's funny?
257
00:10:15,023 --> 00:10:16,623
Go ahead, Norm,
258
00:10:16,723 --> 00:10:17,223
do another one.
259
00:10:17,323 --> 00:10:18,923
All right.
260
00:10:18,923 --> 00:10:22,723
Uh, "Did you hear about
the, uh, the tightrope
walker who went nuts?
261
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,923
They had to, uh,
throw a net under him."
262
00:10:33,323 --> 00:10:34,323
You know, you're right.
263
00:10:34,423 --> 00:10:36,223
It is funnier when you do it.
264
00:10:39,123 --> 00:10:40,923
Here we go.
265
00:10:41,023 --> 00:10:43,523
Thanks, Uncle Sammy,
that was great,
266
00:10:43,623 --> 00:10:45,323
but I've got to get
to aerobics class.
267
00:10:45,323 --> 00:10:46,423
I'll call you tonight,
Mom.
268
00:10:46,423 --> 00:10:47,523
Bye, honey.
269
00:10:47,623 --> 00:10:50,523
God, kids are fun!
Mmm.
270
00:10:51,623 --> 00:10:54,123
I especially loved taking her
to that department store
271
00:10:54,123 --> 00:10:55,623
and watching her little face
light up.
272
00:10:55,623 --> 00:10:57,223
Obviously.
273
00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,423
Hey, come on,
274
00:10:58,423 --> 00:10:59,723
what's the matter
with you?
275
00:10:59,723 --> 00:11:00,823
I'm getting a little tired
276
00:11:00,923 --> 00:11:04,123
of having you invite Laurie
along with us everywhere we go.
277
00:11:04,123 --> 00:11:05,723
Oh, now, come on.
278
00:11:05,723 --> 00:11:08,123
Mommy needs a little
quality time for herself.
279
00:11:08,123 --> 00:11:12,023
Well, sweetheart, all
you had to do was ask.
280
00:11:12,123 --> 00:11:14,823
Listen, what do you say
I pick you up around 8:00--
281
00:11:14,923 --> 00:11:16,023
just the two of us,
282
00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:17,423
all evening?
283
00:11:17,523 --> 00:11:18,723
Adults only.
284
00:11:18,823 --> 00:11:21,723
Mmm.
Mmm.
285
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,523
Caution, some scenes
may be unsuitable
286
00:11:24,623 --> 00:11:25,923
for immature viewers.
287
00:11:26,023 --> 00:11:27,623
I'll close my eyes.
288
00:11:33,523 --> 00:11:35,123
Oh, God!
289
00:11:35,123 --> 00:11:37,323
Why? What?
290
00:11:37,323 --> 00:11:38,323
What's the matter?
291
00:11:38,423 --> 00:11:40,423
I guess I'm remembering
what happened
292
00:11:40,423 --> 00:11:41,723
the last time you tried
293
00:11:41,723 --> 00:11:43,723
to pitch both ends
of a double header.
294
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:47,223
Oh, boy.
295
00:11:47,323 --> 00:11:48,423
Is it that obvious?
296
00:11:48,423 --> 00:11:51,723
I think it was
the drooling that
gave you away.
297
00:11:51,723 --> 00:11:54,123
Yeah, well, see, the thing is
298
00:11:54,223 --> 00:11:56,423
that I'm really attracted
to Laurie,
299
00:11:56,423 --> 00:11:58,123
and I want to ask her out,
300
00:11:58,223 --> 00:12:01,023
but I don't want to stop dating
the mother at the same time.
301
00:12:01,123 --> 00:12:03,423
I mean, it's like
a real problem, you know?
302
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,623
Gee,
303
00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:06,523
must be a burden
being so sensitive.
304
00:12:06,623 --> 00:12:07,923
Yeah.
305
00:12:09,823 --> 00:12:12,123
Uh, Sammy,
door number two.
306
00:12:13,823 --> 00:12:15,923
Hey, Laurie, what'd you
do, forget something?
307
00:12:16,023 --> 00:12:18,023
Well, my class was canceled,
so I was gonna find Mom
308
00:12:18,023 --> 00:12:19,523
and see if she wanted
to grab some lunch.
309
00:12:19,623 --> 00:12:20,823
But I guess she
already left, huh?
310
00:12:20,923 --> 00:12:22,123
Yeah, just a few minutes ago.
311
00:12:22,123 --> 00:12:23,223
Oh, well, it's no biggie.
312
00:12:23,223 --> 00:12:24,623
Well, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
313
00:12:24,723 --> 00:12:26,323
Listen, uh, if you
have a couple minutes
314
00:12:26,423 --> 00:12:27,423
on your hand here...
315
00:12:27,423 --> 00:12:29,623
I'm about due for a break,
aren't I, Rebecca?
316
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:30,923
Hell yes, you've been
back at work
317
00:12:31,023 --> 00:12:33,723
for almost five minutes.
318
00:12:33,823 --> 00:12:35,823
Wouldn't it be a hoot
if your uncle took you
319
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:39,023
back to the same zoo,
but 15 years later?
320
00:12:39,023 --> 00:12:40,123
How about it, guys?
321
00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:41,623
Would that be a "hoot"
or what?
322
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:46,323
Uncle Sammy,
you're too much.
323
00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:48,023
I'll go bring
the car around.
324
00:12:48,023 --> 00:12:49,523
Great, I'll meet you
up there, okay?
325
00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:51,223
Just a minute.
326
00:12:51,223 --> 00:12:52,523
Zoos are kind of sad,
you know?
327
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:53,623
Huh?
328
00:12:53,623 --> 00:12:55,823
I mean, all those
sedentary animals...
329
00:12:55,823 --> 00:12:57,723
can't move,
can't run free,
330
00:12:57,723 --> 00:13:00,723
they just sit there
and drink
331
00:13:00,723 --> 00:13:04,423
and shovel food
in their faces.
332
00:13:04,523 --> 00:13:06,323
Sorry, man, that
is no kind of life.
333
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,223
Sam?
334
00:13:11,223 --> 00:13:14,223
You're trying to date
your girlfriend's daughter.
335
00:13:14,323 --> 00:13:15,623
Now, isn't there
a little voice
336
00:13:15,623 --> 00:13:16,723
in the back
of your mind
337
00:13:16,723 --> 00:13:18,123
trying to tell you
something?
338
00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:20,123
Little voice?
339
00:13:20,223 --> 00:13:22,023
Your conscience?
340
00:13:22,023 --> 00:13:23,423
My conscience?
341
00:13:23,523 --> 00:13:26,423
You mean like
Jiminy Cricket?
342
00:13:28,523 --> 00:13:30,523
Well, okay.
343
00:13:30,523 --> 00:13:31,823
Well, yeah,
as a matter of fact,
344
00:13:31,923 --> 00:13:33,723
I do hear
this little voice.
345
00:13:33,823 --> 00:13:38,023
But it's not coming from
the direction of my brain.
346
00:13:40,223 --> 00:13:41,223
Sammy,
347
00:13:41,223 --> 00:13:42,723
you better be careful.
348
00:13:42,723 --> 00:13:44,423
See, even Carla agrees with me.
349
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:45,323
No, I'm just worried
350
00:13:45,323 --> 00:13:47,823
that he's going to blow
it with both chicks.
351
00:13:47,923 --> 00:13:51,623
Mothers and daughters
talk to each other.
352
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:54,823
Well, not in my family,
but usually.
353
00:13:54,823 --> 00:13:56,923
Sweetheart, I've handled
trickier situations
354
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,023
than this before.
355
00:13:58,123 --> 00:13:59,423
You remember
the time I dated
356
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,123
those lovely
Henshaw triplets
357
00:14:01,123 --> 00:14:02,623
all at the same time?
358
00:14:02,723 --> 00:14:04,323
Sammy, first of all,
359
00:14:04,323 --> 00:14:07,123
that was back when
you were drinking like a fish.
360
00:14:07,123 --> 00:14:08,823
And second of all,
361
00:14:08,823 --> 00:14:10,823
that was one chick.
362
00:14:28,393 --> 00:14:31,793
Frasier, you okay, bud?
363
00:14:31,793 --> 00:14:34,493
I'm a little
concerned here, Norm.
364
00:14:34,493 --> 00:14:36,793
My fingers are tingling.
365
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,793
My hand's numb,
my feet are cold.
366
00:14:39,793 --> 00:14:41,793
Either I'm having
a heart attack
367
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,493
or this new
French underwear
Lilith gave me
368
00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:46,693
is too tight.
369
00:14:46,693 --> 00:14:49,593
Ah... cancel
the paramedics.
370
00:14:51,593 --> 00:14:53,793
All right, all right.
371
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,793
All right!
I'm going on tonight!
372
00:14:55,893 --> 00:14:58,293
I'm going on!
What do you mean,
in your theater group?
373
00:14:58,293 --> 00:15:00,493
Yeah, yeah.
The lead has a fever of 106.
374
00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:02,693
The rest of the cast
tried to drag him out of bed,
375
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:03,893
but he kept falling down.
376
00:15:03,893 --> 00:15:05,593
I get to go on!
377
00:15:07,293 --> 00:15:08,393
Woody, are you
ready to go?
378
00:15:08,493 --> 00:15:10,393
We're going to be late
for the kiddie party.
379
00:15:10,393 --> 00:15:13,893
Oh, Ms. Howe, I hate to let you
down, but I can't be your clown.
380
00:15:13,993 --> 00:15:15,893
I'm playing Marc Antony.
381
00:15:15,893 --> 00:15:19,193
"Friends, Romans, countrymen."
382
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,093
What are you
talking about?
383
00:15:21,093 --> 00:15:23,793
Countrymen-- people who live
outside the city.
384
00:15:23,893 --> 00:15:25,893
You know, shepherds,
farmers, ranchers.
385
00:15:25,893 --> 00:15:27,893
Woody, you can't
desert me like this.
386
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,893
I don't have time
to get anyone else.
387
00:15:29,893 --> 00:15:32,893
This is the chance
he's been waiting for.
Butt out!
388
00:15:32,993 --> 00:15:34,793
You are the one
who insisted I hire him
389
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:35,793
in the first place.
390
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,093
Well, I was merely
suggesting...
391
00:15:37,093 --> 00:15:38,593
Where am I going to get
another clown now?!
392
00:15:38,593 --> 00:15:40,093
I am ruined
and it's your fault.
393
00:15:40,093 --> 00:15:41,693
You're the one
who got me in this mess.
394
00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:44,893
You owe me a clown.
395
00:15:44,893 --> 00:15:46,493
Well, where do you think
I can find one now?
396
00:15:46,493 --> 00:15:48,593
Gee, Frasier,
I mean, weren't you
the one who said
397
00:15:48,593 --> 00:15:49,693
how much you
envied Woody?
398
00:15:49,693 --> 00:15:51,693
Well, yes,
I did say that...
And that clowns
399
00:15:51,693 --> 00:15:53,193
do more good than
psychiatrists?
400
00:15:53,293 --> 00:15:54,993
Well, surely
you're not suggesting...
401
00:15:54,993 --> 00:15:56,293
Yeah, you'll be great,
Dr. Crane.
402
00:15:56,293 --> 00:15:58,193
Stuff's all right here
in this box.
403
00:15:58,193 --> 00:15:59,693
You can't miss.
404
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:00,993
Me?
405
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:03,993
You want me to don
the jester's motley?
406
00:16:03,993 --> 00:16:05,393
It's got to be you, Dr. Crane.
407
00:16:05,393 --> 00:16:07,993
It takes a big man
to fill these shoes.
408
00:16:09,793 --> 00:16:10,793
Well, why not?
409
00:16:10,793 --> 00:16:13,393
I mean, they're just children
after all.
410
00:16:13,493 --> 00:16:15,093
And I always have had
a special rapport
411
00:16:15,193 --> 00:16:17,193
with the wee people.
412
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:18,193
Where's the harm?
413
00:16:18,293 --> 00:16:19,393
All right,
let's go, Frasier.
414
00:16:19,493 --> 00:16:20,693
We're late already.
415
00:16:20,693 --> 00:16:22,193
Here's your outfit!
416
00:16:22,293 --> 00:16:23,293
Oh, gee, Woody, you know,
417
00:16:23,393 --> 00:16:24,493
I haven't had time
to rehearse.
418
00:16:24,493 --> 00:16:26,193
I don't know anything
about being a clown.
419
00:16:26,293 --> 00:16:28,093
You got any last minute advice
for me?
420
00:16:28,093 --> 00:16:30,393
Just be yourself.
421
00:16:30,493 --> 00:16:33,793
Ah, words of wisdom.
422
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:36,093
Well, I'm out
of here, okay?
423
00:16:36,193 --> 00:16:38,793
You think Bozo the Shrink
can really cut it?
424
00:16:38,793 --> 00:16:39,793
Are you kidding?
425
00:16:39,893 --> 00:16:40,993
That stuff is foolproof.
426
00:16:41,093 --> 00:16:44,293
The squirting flower, the horn,
the trick handkerchief...
427
00:16:44,293 --> 00:16:45,093
What trick handkerchief?
428
00:16:45,193 --> 00:16:46,393
You never showed us that.
429
00:16:46,493 --> 00:16:48,993
That's the best one of all.
430
00:16:48,993 --> 00:16:50,893
You pull the handkerchief
out of your pocket
431
00:16:50,893 --> 00:16:53,293
and your pants fall down.
432
00:16:56,593 --> 00:16:59,693
Underneath I'm wearing
these ridiculous
433
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:02,093
big red polka dot shorts.
434
00:17:03,293 --> 00:17:06,193
It's a riot!
435
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:09,693
You mean Frasier's supposed
to be wearing those shorts?
436
00:17:11,593 --> 00:17:14,093
Oh, no.
437
00:17:14,093 --> 00:17:16,893
I forgot to give my underwear
to Dr. Crane.
438
00:17:16,993 --> 00:17:17,993
I should call.
439
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:19,793
Well, no, no.
I've got to get to the theater.
440
00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:21,893
Listen, Carla,
somebody should warn him.
441
00:17:21,993 --> 00:17:22,993
Would you call him?
442
00:17:23,093 --> 00:17:23,993
Of course.
443
00:17:35,293 --> 00:17:37,293
Okay, kids,
you say hi to Binky!
444
00:17:37,393 --> 00:17:40,293
Hi, Binky!
445
00:17:44,893 --> 00:17:46,193
Binky, do your act.
446
00:17:46,293 --> 00:17:50,193
I don't have an act,
I'm a psychiatrist.
447
00:17:53,493 --> 00:17:56,093
Show them your funny feet.
448
00:17:56,193 --> 00:17:58,293
I can't, I've got
these big shoes on.
449
00:17:58,293 --> 00:17:59,793
Oh, I see
what you mean.
450
00:17:59,893 --> 00:18:03,293
Say, kids, what do you
think of these feet, huh?
451
00:18:03,393 --> 00:18:05,693
I got such big feet
because my mother was a goose.
452
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,493
Want to hear me honk?
453
00:18:11,693 --> 00:18:14,493
The real clown was killed.
454
00:18:17,793 --> 00:18:19,593
Rebecca, what am I gonna do?
455
00:18:19,593 --> 00:18:21,393
I don't know what
you're going to do,
456
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:22,893
but you better think
of something quick
457
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:23,893
because you're making...
458
00:18:23,893 --> 00:18:25,393
Do the flower deal.
459
00:18:25,393 --> 00:18:28,093
Oh, you mean this.
460
00:18:29,893 --> 00:18:31,193
Hey, they like it!
461
00:18:31,293 --> 00:18:32,593
You want to see
that again, kids?
462
00:18:32,593 --> 00:18:33,993
Yeah!
463
00:18:38,193 --> 00:18:40,193
Hey, I'm a clown,
I'm a clown!
464
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,593
Hey, guys...
465
00:18:48,593 --> 00:18:50,593
Wait till you hear this.
466
00:18:50,593 --> 00:18:53,593
I'm sitting at a table
in this restaurant
467
00:18:53,593 --> 00:18:56,493
with Judy and Laurie.
468
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,093
The mother reaches over
and grabs my knee and says,
469
00:18:59,093 --> 00:19:01,393
"Sam, I want you."
470
00:19:01,393 --> 00:19:02,693
Get out.
471
00:19:02,693 --> 00:19:05,093
Then I feel the daughter
reaching over
472
00:19:05,093 --> 00:19:06,693
and grabbing my other knee.
473
00:19:06,693 --> 00:19:09,193
She says, "I want you,
too, Sammy."
474
00:19:10,293 --> 00:19:11,893
Well, yeah, yeah?
475
00:19:11,893 --> 00:19:14,693
Then I woke up.
476
00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:19,593
You know what this dream means,
don't you?
477
00:19:19,693 --> 00:19:23,093
Mm-hmm, it means
you even dream
better than we do.
478
00:19:23,193 --> 00:19:25,193
No, no, it means
that Frasier's right.
479
00:19:25,293 --> 00:19:27,393
That my conscience
is getting to me.
480
00:19:27,493 --> 00:19:28,893
You know,
I must feel bad
481
00:19:28,893 --> 00:19:30,693
that I'm going out
with this woman
482
00:19:30,693 --> 00:19:33,693
while I'm trying to score with
her daughter at the same time.
483
00:19:33,793 --> 00:19:35,893
Sammy, you're scaring me.
484
00:19:35,993 --> 00:19:37,693
How do you think I feel?
485
00:19:37,693 --> 00:19:39,993
I mean, this hasn't
ever happened to me before.
486
00:19:39,993 --> 00:19:42,193
I mean, you don't think that...
487
00:19:42,293 --> 00:19:44,893
that I'm getting scruples?
488
00:19:44,993 --> 00:19:47,193
Now you just stop it
right there, buddy boy.
489
00:19:47,293 --> 00:19:48,393
You're talking crazy.
490
00:19:50,293 --> 00:19:51,193
Damn it, I mean,
491
00:19:51,193 --> 00:19:52,393
I really hate this.
492
00:19:52,393 --> 00:19:53,793
I keep hearing this little voice
493
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,593
and this time
it's coming from my brain
494
00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:57,093
and it just, it won't shut up.
495
00:19:57,093 --> 00:19:58,493
And I got this feeling
496
00:19:58,593 --> 00:19:59,693
that it's going
to keep nagging me
497
00:19:59,693 --> 00:20:01,293
until I just
do the right thing
498
00:20:01,393 --> 00:20:03,493
and break it off
with the daughter.
499
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:05,993
Whoa, wait, wait,
Sammy, Sammy, listen.
500
00:20:05,993 --> 00:20:08,693
I could probably weather
this scruples stuff,
501
00:20:08,793 --> 00:20:10,393
but the guys...
502
00:20:10,393 --> 00:20:13,293
I mean, they look
up to you so much.
503
00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:15,293
Sammy.
Sammy, please.
504
00:20:15,293 --> 00:20:16,593
Reconsider, okay?
505
00:20:16,593 --> 00:20:18,993
A mother and
her daughter.
506
00:20:18,993 --> 00:20:20,193
This was going
to be something
507
00:20:20,193 --> 00:20:21,793
I could tell
my grandchildren.
508
00:20:25,493 --> 00:20:27,693
Oh, Sam, Sam.
509
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:28,993
Listen, guys.
510
00:20:28,993 --> 00:20:31,193
I just have to do
the right thing here.
511
00:20:31,293 --> 00:20:32,693
Hi.
Hi.
512
00:20:32,693 --> 00:20:33,793
What ya doing?
513
00:20:33,893 --> 00:20:35,793
I want to talk to you.
514
00:20:35,793 --> 00:20:38,693
I hope I'm doing the right
thing coming to you.
515
00:20:38,693 --> 00:20:41,593
My mom doesn't know
I'm here.
516
00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:43,293
I don't know how
to ask you this.
517
00:20:43,293 --> 00:20:44,993
I've never
done it before.
518
00:20:45,093 --> 00:20:48,093
Ooh...
519
00:20:48,193 --> 00:20:49,793
Go on.
520
00:20:49,793 --> 00:20:50,993
Sam, when I
was a little girl
521
00:20:50,993 --> 00:20:52,993
I used to think you were
the most wonderful man
522
00:20:53,093 --> 00:20:54,293
in the whole world.
523
00:20:54,293 --> 00:20:56,493
I still do.
524
00:20:56,493 --> 00:20:58,993
But I'm not a little
girl anymore.
525
00:20:58,993 --> 00:21:00,693
Ooh...!
526
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:03,393
Would you, uh,
wait a minute?
527
00:21:03,493 --> 00:21:04,993
I'll be right back.
528
00:21:04,993 --> 00:21:07,193
Remember those scruples?
Yeah?
529
00:21:07,293 --> 00:21:08,493
To the showers.
530
00:21:14,193 --> 00:21:16,793
Say, Laurie,
531
00:21:16,793 --> 00:21:18,693
I want to tell you
how happy I am
532
00:21:18,793 --> 00:21:20,993
that you feel you can
come and talk to me.
533
00:21:20,993 --> 00:21:22,793
Because I feel that
you and I have this...
534
00:21:22,893 --> 00:21:24,593
Oh, look at that.
A new ring?
535
00:21:24,693 --> 00:21:26,793
That's what I came
to ask you.
536
00:21:26,893 --> 00:21:28,893
What?
I'm getting married
537
00:21:28,893 --> 00:21:30,293
and I want you
to give me away.
538
00:21:30,293 --> 00:21:33,993
Why you little,
sl... sly one.
539
00:21:37,393 --> 00:21:38,893
Who's the lucky guy?
540
00:21:38,893 --> 00:21:40,193
Oh, it's a guy
I met at school.
541
00:21:40,293 --> 00:21:41,993
We've been going together
a couple years.
542
00:21:41,993 --> 00:21:43,193
You know,
543
00:21:43,193 --> 00:21:45,593
he's a lot like
a young you, Sam.
544
00:21:47,693 --> 00:21:48,793
Thank you.
545
00:21:48,893 --> 00:21:51,593
I can't wait to give you away.
546
00:21:51,593 --> 00:21:53,293
Thank you, Uncle Sammy.
547
00:21:53,293 --> 00:21:54,293
I love you.
548
00:21:54,393 --> 00:21:55,893
Yeah, whatever.
Run along.
549
00:22:02,493 --> 00:22:04,293
I'm so sorry.
550
00:22:04,293 --> 00:22:06,193
Don't feel bad, Sammy.
551
00:22:06,193 --> 00:22:08,193
I let you guys down.
552
00:22:08,193 --> 00:22:09,493
Listen, Sammy.
553
00:22:09,493 --> 00:22:12,193
Sure, things didn't
go your way
554
00:22:12,293 --> 00:22:14,593
and, sure, we're
a little disappointed,
555
00:22:14,593 --> 00:22:15,993
but we'll get over it.
556
00:22:16,093 --> 00:22:17,293
What's important here
557
00:22:17,393 --> 00:22:20,393
is that you tried
to do the wrong thing.
558
00:22:21,993 --> 00:22:24,693
Hey, that's right,
I did, didn't I?
Sammy,
559
00:22:24,793 --> 00:22:26,093
Sammy, Sammy!
560
00:22:34,093 --> 00:22:36,093
Thank you. Okay, now I think
there's some more
561
00:22:36,193 --> 00:22:37,393
cake and ice cream in there
for you.
562
00:22:37,493 --> 00:22:39,293
Yay!
563
00:22:39,293 --> 00:22:41,793
Oh, Binky, you were wonderful.
564
00:22:41,793 --> 00:22:43,993
I must admit I was
a bit worried at first,
565
00:22:43,993 --> 00:22:45,993
it took us quite a while
to warm up to you.
566
00:22:45,993 --> 00:22:47,393
Yes, well, thank you,
kind lady.
567
00:22:47,493 --> 00:22:49,393
See, actually I have
a confession to make.
Ah?
568
00:22:49,393 --> 00:22:52,493
I'm really Dr. Frasier Crane,
practicing psychiatrist.
569
00:22:52,593 --> 00:22:54,693
Clowning is
my avocation.
570
00:22:54,693 --> 00:22:56,293
And, Ms. Howe,
571
00:22:56,393 --> 00:22:58,393
I will be sure to
mention to my husband
572
00:22:58,493 --> 00:23:00,293
the splendid work
you did on this party.
573
00:23:00,293 --> 00:23:01,793
Thank you, Mrs. Ridgeway.
574
00:23:01,793 --> 00:23:04,493
Now, if you will
excuse me for a moment.
575
00:23:07,893 --> 00:23:09,793
You have no idea
how lucky we are.
576
00:23:09,793 --> 00:23:10,993
That was Woody
on the phone.
577
00:23:10,993 --> 00:23:12,393
He called
to check up on us.
578
00:23:12,493 --> 00:23:15,693
That handkerchief
is a trick handkerchief.
579
00:23:15,793 --> 00:23:17,493
If you had pulled
that out of your pocket,
580
00:23:17,493 --> 00:23:19,893
your pants would have fallen
down around your ankles
581
00:23:19,993 --> 00:23:22,293
and then we would've seen
those skimpy underpants.
582
00:23:22,293 --> 00:23:23,493
Oh, good Lord.
583
00:23:23,493 --> 00:23:24,493
That's not the half of it.
584
00:23:24,593 --> 00:23:26,593
You see, I took off that
little French torture device
585
00:23:26,693 --> 00:23:27,893
that Lilith got me
earlier today.
586
00:23:27,993 --> 00:23:29,493
I've been doing this
al fresco.
587
00:23:31,793 --> 00:23:32,993
Dr. Crane,
588
00:23:33,093 --> 00:23:34,593
would you come here
for a moment?
589
00:23:34,593 --> 00:23:36,093
I'd like you to
meet my mother.
590
00:23:36,193 --> 00:23:37,293
Why yes, I'd be delighted to.
591
00:23:37,293 --> 00:23:38,793
I've heard such wonderful things
about her.
592
00:23:38,893 --> 00:23:39,893
Gesundheit, madam.
593
00:23:39,993 --> 00:23:40,993
Here's my handkerchief.
594
00:23:40,993 --> 00:23:42,093
No!
595
00:23:43,893 --> 00:23:46,593
Mother? Mother?