Cheers is filmed before a live, studio audience.
Thank you for caring.
You see, Sam?
And you said very few of our customers would care enough
to write down suggestions.
No, I said very few of our customers could write.
Well, you are wrong.
I mean, look at all of these.
Read that.
Let's see how we can make Cheers
more responsive to its customers' needs.
Uh... "Cheers should have a happy hour."
Not legal in the state of Massachusetts.
All right.
"Serve hot hors d'oeuvres."
Conflict of interest with Melville's.
Oh, the old place is really shaping up, isn't it?
You know, there's got to be one practical suggestion in here.
Now here's one.
Oh... ooh, it's a long one.
That means someone really cared.
"The thing I like best about Cheers
"is the sense of warmth and affection I get from the employees,
"especially the manager,
who seems to be a generous, open-hearted woman."
Did you hear that? The manager.
"In fact,
"the only thing needed
"to complete the loving family feeling of this bar,
"would be if the manager
made the naked pretzel with the bartender."
¶ Making your way in the world today ¶
¶ Takes everything you've got
¶ Taking a break from all your worries ¶
¶ Sure would help a lot
¶ Wouldn't you like to get away? ¶
¶ Sometimes you want to go
¶ Where everybody knows your name ¶
¶ And they're always glad you came ¶
¶ You want to be where you can see ¶
¶ Our troubles are all the same ¶
¶ You want to be where everybody knows your name ¶
¶ You want to go where people know ¶
¶ People are all the same
¶ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ¶
Sammy, Magnificent Seven!
Great movie.
No, that's my order.
Come on.
Hey, I never sat down at this bar as a customer.
What's good here?
I've heard the beer's okay.
You guys seem pretty pumped up tonight.
Where you been?
We rented some movies
and watched them over at Mr. Clavin's apartment.
Don't you guys ever
watch anything but The Magnificent Seven?
Oh, as a matter of fact,
we rented The Magnificent Ambersons,
but, uh, watched it for a couple minutes
and realized it wasn't a sequel,
so we went back to watching The Magnificent Seven.
Oh, yeah. Boy, you know,
that must have been really something,
living back in the Old West, you know?
When men were men, settling a new frontier.
Yeah, you know,
I think in one of my past lives,
I lived in the Old West.
As far as I recall, I handled myself pretty well.
No one could pull a buckboard like you, Clavin.
Yeah, hey, you know what the trouble is
with the world we live in?
Yeah.
There's no danger.
There's no opportunity
for three independent hombres like ourselves
to stare death in the face and conquer it on our own terms.
What about skydiving?
You'd think there'd be some thrilling,
dangerous endeavor we could try, you know?
Why don't you try skydiving?
Yeah, everything's just too darn safe in this world.
I teach skydiving.
I'd take you up anytime.
Hey, I've got an idea!
What about skydiving?
You mean,
actually jumping out of an airplane, Woody?
- It ain't that bad. - I've seen a lot of movies
of guys skydiving.
They're just floating in the air.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they're just floating in the air,
but the Earth is hurdling upwards at 100 miles an hour.
Guys, take it from someone who's done it well over 2,000 times.
You'll never get over the thrill of letting go of that plane
and falling through space.
You'll never feel such freedom in your life.
Who the hell are you?
Bob Speaks.
I'm with the jump club out in Weymouth.
Yeah, well, very nice to make your acquaintance, Bob.
Now, butt out.
Sorry, I didn't know you guys were just blowing smoke.
But if you're serious,
we could start in the morning,
go through a brief orientation,
I'd have you jumping by noon.
Boy, are you barking up the wrong tree.
These are the three biggest cowards in Boston.
Hey! Who you calling coward?
You three cocktail weenies.
You guys don't have the guts to go up there.
Hey, now, don't force them.
Not everyone has what it takes.
Whoa, hey, just a second, pal.
We got what it takes.
We got all kinds of what it takes.
We could do it if we wanted to.
Just the question is, do we want to?
Right? Cliffie?
Want to?
Try and stop me, sucker.
Hey, guys, don't leave me out of this.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, fellas.
It's late and you've had a few beers.
You'll agree to anything.
Damn right we will.
Yeah, yeah.
We all agreed?
Yeah, yeah!
What's the matter?
No, I just caught one of my armpit hairs in my T-shirt.
Wow, he really did it.
He was so scared in class.
Okay, next.
Who's he talking to?
Us, I think.
Okay, just like he did.
Stand in the door, count to three, jump.
Wait 20 seconds, pull the rip cord, no sweat.
Hey! Not a problem there, huh, men?
I mean, uh, we're men, right?
You got it, man.
Let's go, men.
We're still over the jump zone.
I don't want to not sound like a man or nothing,
but this doesn't seem
like as much fun as it sounded last night.
Uh, great, Woody, now you've gone and done it.
I mean, uh, we're all pumped up, ready to go,
and now you went and spoiled the whole thing.
It's not fun anymore.
Let's go back.
You know something, Cliffie?
When you're right, you're right, pal.
Turn the plane around, will ya, Bob?
Are you sure?
None of you wants to go?
You don't think we're chicken, do you, Bob?
Oh, don't be silly.
It's no disgrace.
This happens all the time.
Of course, it's always been the ladies.
You're the first guys.
Well, you hear that?
We're trailblazers.
Hey, oh, yeah.
There you go.
Okay, what are we gonna tell the guys back at Cheers?
I mean, we were mouthing off pretty good last night.
No problem, Woody.
We just walk in the bar,
we look those guys straight in the eye,
and we lie our socks off.
I like it.
We can't do that.
Why not? Who's gonna know?
Just, uh, us and the guy who jumped out before us.
And he's probably dead by now.
I can't do that. I can't lie.
I can't.
We've got to stick together, here.
I mean, we made a pact.
Men together.
It's, uh... it's male bonding.
Right. Which includes lying and chickening out together.
All right.
But I've got to say I'm not proud of myself.
So what?
Cliffie and I never are.
Okay, what we need now
is a story.
One that we can stick to, okay?
So whatever we do,
we make it simple and believable.
All right, I got it.
We jumped, the chutes opened and we landed.
Perfect.
Good, good. Now...
in what order?
Okay, let's make the story a little simpler.
Well, there wasn't really a whole lot to it.
You know,
we jumped, the chutes opened, we landed.
Yeah, yeah,
the pilot and the instructor said they'd never seen
a first-timer do a triple backwards somersault and land...
and land square, right on the bull's-eye.
So, Woody...
how'd you like it?
Oh, he's not much for talking, Sammy.
Not Woody.
He's, uh, he's a man of action.
A simple man,
like me.
We both appreciate a simple story.
The, uh,
kind of story you can stick to.
Boy, I tell you.
I've always wanted to skydive.
I've just never had the guts.
What did it feel like?
Well, I imagine it's a lot like sex, Sammy.
Well, not that I have
to imagine what sex is like.
I've had plenty of sex, and plenty of this, too.
Why don't you just get off my back, okay?
Sammy, you don't believe these guys, do you?
They didn't jump.
You two weaseled out of here last night, went home,
you curled up with your wife,
and you got under the sheets
with your flashlight and Barbie doll.
Come on, Carla, they wouldn't make this up.
Oh, yeah?
Hey, Corncob.
Who, me?
No, the other corncob.
Look... if Woody here,
who has never told a little white fib
in his whole entire life,
because he knows that if he does,
he'd go straight to H-E-double hockey sticks,
says that they jumped,
then they jumped.
Now, Woody...
Did you and your two playmates over there,
really, really jump out of an airplane?
Well... we went up in the plane.
I remember, 'cause I was there.
Yeah?
We were very high and we looked down...
Did I mention we were in the plane?
Yeah.
And the people looked like ants.
Although, the kind of ants you can hardly....
Woody, did you jump?!
Yes, I jumped, the parachute opened, I landed.
It was all very simple and believable.
God!
I don't believe you guys really did it.
But Woody never lies, so I guess it's the truth.
Did you jump?
Yes.
Jump?
Yes.
Yes!
Well, I've got to give you guys credit.
You know, I'd like to try that someday.
Yeah, well, everybody says "someday," Sammy.
But only a precious few of us have the maracas to try it.
Cliffie...
Hey, wait a minute...
Hey, listen, I've got maracas here.
Uh, all right,
I tell you what.
Why don't the three of you take me out, huh?
Tomorrow, maybe?
Tomorrow?
Yeah.
Is that okay with you, Norm?
Actually, you know, m-my parachute is at the dry cleaners, Sammy.
They were talking like Wednesday, Thursday, you know.
Oh, come on,
what are you guys trying to weasel out of this?
Oh, hey, we live for the jump.
Well, all right then, great.
Let's do it, huh?
Woody, what do you say?
We did it, okay? We jumped!
What do you want from me?
It's okay, it's okay.
It's all right.
Guys, guys, we gotta talk.
Uh, jump pow-wow.
Sammy, you wouldn't understand.
Listen, guys, you don't have to,
but I'm gonna go with Sam, okay?
I mean, I can't live with the lie and if I do it,
then what I said won't actually be a lie.
Now, Woody, uh, you wouldn't tell everybody else
that we didn't jump, would you?
Not unless they ask me.
Then I'd have to tell them.
What do you say, Cliffie?
I mean, maybe we just had to get up there once,
you know, get the feel of it.
Maybe this time we'd actually jump.
Uh... well, heck,
I'll do it if you'll do it.
Well, you know I'll do it.
Hey, well, I'll do it.
All right, then. All right, let's do it.
Let's do it.
All right, come on! Okay! Sammy!
Yeah!
Tomorrow morning, 6:00 a.m. sharp.
All right!
Jump, jump, jump!
Oh, damn!
I thought Clavin was up on the ledge.
Okay, Sammy.
Time to take that first big step, buddy.
I kind of thought maybe one of you guys would go first.
Good, God, man, why?
Well, because you've done it before
and you know what you're doing, you know?
Give me a chance to see how it's done.
See if you make it.
Fair enough.
You're up!
No, no, no, if you recall, Cliff, I jumped first last time.
You go.
Woody!
What?
You go.
Make me.
Hey, you know something, men?
All this bickering
is really kind of killing my concentration.
Now, I thought the spirit of this whole adventure
was some sort of togetherness.
Me, I don't feel it.
I think we ought to just turn the plane around and go back.
Fine, Norm, you know,
if that's how you feel, that's okay.
I'm not going to jump either.
I'm going to wait, so, uh, listen, Bob...
Oh, wait a minute.
You guys didn't jump.
You just made that up, didn't you?
Oh, yeah, right.
Hey, Cliff.
Did you jump?
No.
That's great.
So you come back to the bar and you lie
and you stir up everybody's imagination
to the point where you get me up here.
I mean, that's low.
You know something?
I'm gonna do it anyway.
It's not often you get a second chance at life.
What? What are you talking about?
There was this night when I was playing in Tiger Stadium
towards the end of my career.
I'd been on the bottle for a while
and the coach hadn't been using me.
But this was gonna be a big game,
so I decided I wouldn't have a drink all day long.
I was dying, but I knew this would be my last chance
to prove myself as a major league pitcher.
Sure enough,
late innings, the call comes down--
Send Malone in.
I told them that I couldn't play.
My arm hurt.
I chickened out.
I was afraid to go out there.
I turned tail and I slunk back to the locker room,
And I've regretted it every day of my life.
And I'll tell you something, damn it.
I'm not going to let that happen this time.
I'm going out there.
Okay, Bob, what do I do here?
Remember what I told you.
Get down on the door, count to three, go.
One, two...
Okay, here's our story.
Well, nobody really planned it.
We just all went out at the same time
and decided to grab hands
and there we were in this four-leaf clover formation.
We were kind of like
the June Taylor dancers out there.
It's kind of a male bonding thing
to give yourself a nickname.
Well, I applaud your bravery,
but I must say I thought we'd advanced
beyond the notion that a real man risks his life
in pointless confrontations with death.
I thought we pretty much accepted
that a real man is someone
who makes gobs and gobs of money...
like me.
Well, see you later, sisters.
You know something?
I-I just had this wild idea.
Do you think you guys could jump out of an airplane
holding a large banner that said "Cheers"?
For any particular reason?
Well, I was just thinking of one of the comments
I got in the suggestion box.
It said, "You have a really great bar here,
but why keep it a secret? Why don't you publicize more?"
We could have a cameraman shoot it,
maybe even get it on the news.
Whoa, hold on a second here.
You're talking about taking a pure sport such as skydiving
and tainting it for commercial gain?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
A thing like that could have a tremendous impact.
Hey, so could I.
Well, maybe it isn't such a good idea.
Maybe I was wrong.
Besides, I might have gone ahead
and made a fool of myself and given in to temptation.
Wait a minute.
What do you mean?
Oh, I just think it's really exciting,
all the danger of drifting through space, you know?
I mean, I really wish
there was some way that I could capture
that feeling of total abandonment while making love.
Talk about a turn on.
Please, do.
Let's just say that this kind of masculine bravado
is too sexy for me to resist.
Could you wait right here for a minute?
Could I talk to the June Taylor dancers in the hall?
Sammy? Sammy?
Sammy, wait a second now. Hey, whoa. Now listen to me.
Okay, now remember, this time when you jump...
out of the plane,
hold on to the bottom of the banner
and let it spread out
so that Otto can get a good shot of it.
Okay, question.
How are we supposed to pull our ripcord
and hold on to the banner at the same time?
You won't be pulling the rip cord for 20 seconds.
Just count like this.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi...
Excuse me. Could we make it a shorter state, like Maine?
You know, one Maine, two Maine, three Maine?
Look, you don't have to do this.
Yeah, I could arrange
to have some stunt guys I know jump for you.
Whoa, hold on now.
You're talking about, uh, money for you guys,
money for Otto here, money for the plane, right?
Then we're going to hire a stunt crew
and all their equipment?
That's gonna run us what, $3,000, $4,000, $5,000, right?
Yeah, at least.
I'm comfortable with that.
That's fine with me.
Vera has some money from when her folks died.
We'll just dip into that.
What a relief, huh?
Hey, I tell ya, it's not as hard
to chicken out this time, is it?
No, no, Sammy.
The more you do something, the easier it gets.
Go to heck in a handcart.
I can't eat, I can't sleep.
I was embarrassed to talk to my mom on the phone the other day.
I'd rather die like a fool than live like a coward!
Geronimo!
He jumped.
I don't believe it. He jumped!
He's not up here. He's down there falling.
Hey, Woody, is it scary?
Well, that's it, man. I'm doing it.
I'm going out there.
Really?
You betcha.
Wow, so you don't want to pay the money,
so you're gonna take the chicken route, huh, Sam?
No, I'm doing this for Rebecca.
I figure the farther I fall, the hotter she gets.
Who's with me?
I am, Sammy.
Norm, you turncoat you!
No, Cliffie, it's as if my whole life came down
to this one moment!
And if I jump and I make it,
I prove to myself that I am worth something.
That there's a reason for me being on this Earth.
Then I can just sit down and plant it on that bar stool
for the rest of my life. Let's go!
Yeah?
Okay, let's turn it around.
No, I'm going.
I'm going.
I'm-I'm going. I'm... going.
Okay, uh, I'm going now.
One, two...
Push me, shove me. I got to do this.
Kick me like a dog.
I can't do that.
Uh, oh.
What? What?
We're out of fuel. We're going down!
Not with me you're not.
Okay, Rick, he's gone.
It works every time.
You guys did it. You actually did it.
Look at them.
Look at them up there.
And there's the banner.
Well, I wouldn't have believed it
if I didn't see it with my own two eyes.
Chickens can fly.
Boy, I feel good, Sam.
This is the greatest I've ever felt in my life.
I'm thinking about doing something really crazy.
Yeah, me, too, Woody.
I'm thinking about having sex.
Sam, I think we're carrying this male bonding thing
a little too far.
Not with me, I mean Rebecca.
Now you're talking.
No, Woody, no, not you.
Say, now that
you've seen all that skydiving,
how do you feel about an evening of magic?
Well, I have to admit, after seeing that tape,
my body feels kind of tingly all over.
Well, I think a very special evening
with a very special skydiver
could only enhance that feeling.
I couldn't agree more.
Hi, Rebecca, you all ready to go?
Oh, hi, Bob.
I'll be with you in just one second.
Bob? What about me?
Bob didn't jump out of that plane.
And Bob didn't blow chow at 5,000 feet.
Bye, Sam.