1 00:00:01,658 --> 00:00:05,010 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:05,045 --> 00:00:07,779 Payday, payday. 3 00:00:07,814 --> 00:00:10,316 Sam, Carla, Woody. 4 00:00:10,350 --> 00:00:11,250 Oh, come to Papa, baby. 5 00:00:11,368 --> 00:00:12,668 Boy, have I got plans for you. 6 00:00:12,702 --> 00:00:14,002 CLIFF: Yeah, no kidding, Woody? 7 00:00:14,036 --> 00:00:15,671 What are you going to do with it? 8 00:00:15,705 --> 00:00:17,656 Put it in the bank. 9 00:00:17,690 --> 00:00:19,992 Whoo, don't get arrested, buddy. 10 00:00:20,026 --> 00:00:22,561 Hey, Shoulder Pads, freeze. 11 00:00:25,131 --> 00:00:26,364 Yes, Carla? 12 00:00:26,399 --> 00:00:28,366 I seem to be a little short. 13 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:31,336 Yes, but you have a warm personality. 14 00:00:31,370 --> 00:00:33,272 When you added up my paycheck, 15 00:00:33,306 --> 00:00:37,143 I think you forgot to count a couple of fingers and toes. 16 00:00:37,177 --> 00:00:38,577 Oh, I'm afraid I had to dock you 17 00:00:38,611 --> 00:00:40,279 a total of two and three quarters hours 18 00:00:40,313 --> 00:00:41,380 for being late last week. 19 00:00:41,414 --> 00:00:43,515 I had good excuses. 20 00:00:43,549 --> 00:00:45,684 Three deaths in the family since Monday? 21 00:00:45,718 --> 00:00:48,453 It's been a bad week. 22 00:00:48,488 --> 00:00:51,657 Carla, Carla, here's a little time management trick that I use. 23 00:00:51,691 --> 00:00:53,058 I set my watch ahead 24 00:00:53,093 --> 00:00:54,293 a half an hour. 25 00:00:54,327 --> 00:00:56,796 That way, when I think I'm getting someplace on time, 26 00:00:56,830 --> 00:00:58,030 I'm actually fooling myself 27 00:00:58,064 --> 00:00:59,265 into getting there early. 28 00:00:59,299 --> 00:01:02,234 Hey, you know, that makes good business sense, boss. 29 00:01:02,269 --> 00:01:04,503 I guess if I set my watch an hour ahead, 30 00:01:04,537 --> 00:01:06,238 it'd be twice as good, huh? 31 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,205 Right. 32 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,273 Hey, what do you know? 33 00:01:08,307 --> 00:01:09,474 It's lunch time. 34 00:01:11,878 --> 00:01:14,747 No wonder I'm so hungry. 35 00:01:17,550 --> 00:01:21,553 ( piano intro playing ) 36 00:01:21,588 --> 00:01:23,788 ¶ Making your way in the world today ¶ 37 00:01:23,823 --> 00:01:27,025 ¶ Takes everything you've got 38 00:01:27,060 --> 00:01:29,661 ¶ Taking a break from all your worries ¶ 39 00:01:29,695 --> 00:01:33,131 ¶ Sure would help a lot 40 00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:38,954 ¶ Wouldn't you like to get away? ¶ 41 00:01:38,988 --> 00:01:41,040 ¶ Sometimes you want to go 42 00:01:41,074 --> 00:01:46,344 ¶ Where everybody knows your name ¶ 43 00:01:46,379 --> 00:01:51,050 ¶ And they're always glad you came ¶ 44 00:01:51,084 --> 00:01:53,585 ¶ You want to be where you can see ¶ 45 00:01:53,619 --> 00:01:56,221 ¶ Our troubles are all the same ¶ 46 00:01:56,255 --> 00:02:01,426 ¶ You want to be where everybody knows your name ¶ 47 00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:04,063 ¶ You want to go where people know ¶ 48 00:02:04,097 --> 00:02:06,665 ¶ People are all the same 49 00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:10,703 ¶ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ¶ 50 00:02:27,137 --> 00:02:29,020 What you reading, Cliffie? 51 00:02:29,055 --> 00:02:31,290 Oh, the, uh, Massachusetts Scientific Journal. 52 00:02:31,324 --> 00:02:32,524 Yeah? Yeah. 53 00:02:32,559 --> 00:02:34,059 Yeah, you know, this, uh, magazine 54 00:02:34,093 --> 00:02:35,827 is sent to some of the most prestigious 55 00:02:35,862 --> 00:02:37,162 and high-minded intellectuals 56 00:02:37,196 --> 00:02:38,664 in the greater metropolitan area. 57 00:02:38,698 --> 00:02:40,282 How come you have it? 58 00:02:40,316 --> 00:02:42,617 Some guy on my route left town 59 00:02:42,652 --> 00:02:45,988 and uh, didn't leave a forwarding address. 60 00:02:46,022 --> 00:02:48,423 Oh, hey, Carla, looky here. 61 00:02:48,457 --> 00:02:51,043 It says the Britain Institute's doing research on twins. 62 00:02:51,077 --> 00:02:52,244 Maybe you can get 63 00:02:52,278 --> 00:02:54,746 your gruesome twosome in there, eh? 64 00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:57,449 Yeah, right, like I got nothing better to do 65 00:02:57,484 --> 00:03:00,119 than schlep Little Elvis and Jesse around. 66 00:03:00,153 --> 00:03:01,987 Especially so some pointy-heads 67 00:03:02,021 --> 00:03:04,289 can plug electrodes into their skulls 68 00:03:04,324 --> 00:03:06,358 to see what makes them slobber. 69 00:03:06,510 --> 00:03:08,460 That's too bad; they're offering, 70 00:03:08,495 --> 00:03:09,861 uh, 50 bucks apiece. 71 00:03:09,896 --> 00:03:13,799 I always wondered what makes them slobber. 72 00:03:13,833 --> 00:03:15,601 Sorry I'm late. 73 00:03:15,635 --> 00:03:17,452 Where's Sam? 74 00:03:17,454 --> 00:03:19,521 He's upstairs having lunch with Evan Dreck. 75 00:03:19,556 --> 00:03:22,140 Oh, God, Mr. Drake shows up on a day that I'm late? 76 00:03:22,175 --> 00:03:24,309 Well, don't worry. I've covered for you. 77 00:03:24,344 --> 00:03:25,643 Told him you were drunk. 78 00:03:30,183 --> 00:03:31,616 What does this mean? 79 00:03:31,650 --> 00:03:34,552 When did Evan start taking Sam to lunch? 80 00:03:34,587 --> 00:03:37,806 When did the two of them become good friends? 81 00:03:37,841 --> 00:03:40,376 When did I start talking to myself? 82 00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:42,244 Hey, maybe he's going to put Sam 83 00:03:42,278 --> 00:03:43,895 in charge of the bar again. 84 00:03:43,930 --> 00:03:46,398 What? Don't make me laugh. 85 00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:48,400 Sam, I'm serious about that offer. 86 00:03:48,435 --> 00:03:51,069 Now, I want to move you up. What do you say? 87 00:03:51,103 --> 00:03:52,304 Oh, sounds tempting. 88 00:03:52,339 --> 00:03:53,806 DRAKE: When I see you behind that bar, 89 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,608 the more convinced I am your talents are being wasted. 90 00:03:56,642 --> 00:03:57,609 Yeah, I know, I know, 91 00:03:57,643 --> 00:04:00,279 but they won't let me bring a bed in here. 92 00:04:00,313 --> 00:04:01,880 ( both chuckling ) 93 00:04:01,915 --> 00:04:03,182 Yes, yes, boy, 94 00:04:03,216 --> 00:04:04,817 thank you; of course I will. 95 00:04:04,851 --> 00:04:07,019 I, uh, I'll get the ball rolling. 96 00:04:07,053 --> 00:04:07,903 Hello, Mr. Drake. 97 00:04:07,937 --> 00:04:09,705 It's so wonderful to see you again. 98 00:04:09,739 --> 00:04:11,507 Yeah, I'm going to use your phone. 99 00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:16,344 You scum-sucking, power-hungry, backbiting creep. 100 00:04:16,379 --> 00:04:17,713 You stole my job. 101 00:04:17,747 --> 00:04:19,064 Ah, come on. That's not true. 102 00:04:19,098 --> 00:04:21,266 But I will bite your back for you if you want. 103 00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,835 Oh, well, then, what were you talking 104 00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:24,169 to Evan about? 105 00:04:24,203 --> 00:04:25,337 He just offered me 106 00:04:25,372 --> 00:04:26,972 an executive position down at headquarters. 107 00:04:27,006 --> 00:04:29,708 You scum-sucking, power-hungry, backbiting creep! 108 00:04:29,743 --> 00:04:30,625 Hi, Mr. Drake. 109 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:32,311 I was just congratulating Sam. 110 00:04:32,345 --> 00:04:33,645 Great. 111 00:04:33,679 --> 00:04:34,679 Uh, it's all set, Sam. 112 00:04:34,714 --> 00:04:35,747 Hey, uh, listen. 113 00:04:35,781 --> 00:04:37,115 Uh, I'm really excited about this, 114 00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,616 but are you sure that I'm qualified? 115 00:04:38,651 --> 00:04:40,618 I mean, you know, I never even finished college. 116 00:04:40,653 --> 00:04:41,854 How far did you get? 117 00:04:41,888 --> 00:04:43,155 Halfway through the application. 118 00:04:43,189 --> 00:04:44,422 I still have it here if you... 119 00:04:44,457 --> 00:04:46,591 Nah, that's okay. You're qualified. 120 00:04:46,625 --> 00:04:47,926 See you tomorrow. 121 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,294 All right. Whoo. 122 00:04:49,329 --> 00:04:52,831 Something funny is going on here. 123 00:04:52,865 --> 00:04:54,933 Why did he hire Sam? 124 00:04:54,967 --> 00:04:57,102 Why is he making him an executive? 125 00:04:57,136 --> 00:04:58,837 What's the matter with me? 126 00:04:58,871 --> 00:05:00,405 Well, for one thing, Miss Howe, 127 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,207 you talk to yourself an awful lot. 128 00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:09,915 Hmm. 129 00:05:23,063 --> 00:05:24,463 Mr. Malone, I hate to rush you, 130 00:05:24,497 --> 00:05:25,997 but people are waiting. 131 00:05:26,032 --> 00:05:27,950 Have you made a decision yet? 132 00:05:27,984 --> 00:05:31,352 Yes, Mimi, I have. 133 00:05:31,387 --> 00:05:33,955 I'll take the tuna on toast with iced tea. 134 00:05:35,391 --> 00:05:36,692 Done. 135 00:05:36,726 --> 00:05:38,259 Oh, and, uh, after lunch, 136 00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:41,229 we'll, uh, finish the memo I was drafting. 137 00:05:41,263 --> 00:05:43,882 Where did we leave off? "To whom it may concern." 138 00:05:43,916 --> 00:05:46,068 Boy, I like the way that sounds. 139 00:05:48,921 --> 00:05:51,089 ( door shuts ) 140 00:05:53,359 --> 00:05:54,893 ( chuckling ) 141 00:06:07,190 --> 00:06:09,674 ( grinding ) 142 00:06:21,571 --> 00:06:22,837 ( buzzer ) 143 00:06:22,872 --> 00:06:26,608 MIMI: Mr. Malone, some gentlemen are here to see you 144 00:06:26,642 --> 00:06:29,661 from the firm of Peterson, Clavin and Boyd. 145 00:06:29,696 --> 00:06:32,564 Peterson, Clavin and Boyd, Peterson, Clavin and Boyd. 146 00:06:32,598 --> 00:06:35,233 Uh, Mimi, tell them I'm in an important meeting 147 00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:36,885 and can't see them, please. 148 00:06:36,919 --> 00:06:38,086 ( guys complaining ) 149 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,474 Hey, get in here, you mugs! 150 00:06:43,509 --> 00:06:46,077 ( laughing and exclaiming ) 151 00:06:49,182 --> 00:06:50,782 Uh, Sam, don't be nice, now. 152 00:06:50,817 --> 00:06:51,850 If you really have a meeting, 153 00:06:51,884 --> 00:06:52,918 we don't want to bother you. 154 00:06:52,952 --> 00:06:54,119 No, no, oh, come on. 155 00:06:54,153 --> 00:06:55,620 Get in here. Get in here. 156 00:06:55,654 --> 00:06:59,291 Well, major corporate digs, buddy, eh? 157 00:06:59,325 --> 00:07:01,259 Talk about your office in the sky. 158 00:07:01,294 --> 00:07:03,094 Hey, oh, hey, lookit down here. 159 00:07:03,129 --> 00:07:04,863 There's a guy washing windows. 160 00:07:04,897 --> 00:07:06,164 Ooh. 161 00:07:06,199 --> 00:07:07,866 That's one job you wouldn't catch me doing 162 00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:09,500 for all the bridges in Bridgeport. 163 00:07:09,535 --> 00:07:10,502 ( chuckling ) 164 00:07:10,536 --> 00:07:11,636 Standing on a platform there, 165 00:07:11,671 --> 00:07:13,472 suspended hundreds of feet over certain death. 166 00:07:13,506 --> 00:07:14,706 You said it. 167 00:07:14,741 --> 00:07:16,941 Hey, let's throw something at him and scare him, eh? 168 00:07:16,976 --> 00:07:17,942 ( Sam laughing ) 169 00:07:17,977 --> 00:07:19,143 Hey, you know, 170 00:07:19,178 --> 00:07:20,144 actually, uh, 171 00:07:20,179 --> 00:07:21,246 these, uh, windows don't open. 172 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,447 You're in a what's called 173 00:07:22,482 --> 00:07:23,882 a climate- controlled office. 174 00:07:23,916 --> 00:07:25,650 ( chuckling ) 175 00:07:25,685 --> 00:07:27,085 Very impressed, Sam, eh? 176 00:07:27,119 --> 00:07:29,354 Oh, hey, Sammy, you do look every inch 177 00:07:29,389 --> 00:07:31,322 the corporate muckety-muck there, 178 00:07:31,357 --> 00:07:32,591 doesn't he? 179 00:07:32,625 --> 00:07:34,426 Well, you know, I don't want to brag. 180 00:07:34,460 --> 00:07:36,661 Mimi, get in here and brag for me, will you? 181 00:07:36,696 --> 00:07:38,062 ( laughter ) 182 00:07:38,097 --> 00:07:39,364 Just kidding, Mimi. 183 00:07:39,399 --> 00:07:41,900 While I have you, Mr. Drake is on his way over. 184 00:07:41,934 --> 00:07:43,167 Oh, guys, 185 00:07:43,202 --> 00:07:44,269 I'm sorry, men, uh... 186 00:07:44,303 --> 00:07:46,204 ( blows softly ) 187 00:07:46,238 --> 00:07:47,105 Oh, yeah, sure. 188 00:07:47,139 --> 00:07:48,423 That's okay. That's all right. 189 00:07:48,457 --> 00:07:49,390 Uh, we're running late 190 00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:50,892 for our next appointment anyway, boys. 191 00:07:50,927 --> 00:07:52,027 Where is that? 192 00:07:52,061 --> 00:07:53,962 It's at the bottom of the lobby escalator 193 00:07:53,996 --> 00:07:56,264 watching the secretaries go up to the lunchroom. 194 00:07:56,299 --> 00:07:57,498 ( guys chortling ) 195 00:07:57,533 --> 00:08:00,135 All aboard for the Underalls Express, 196 00:08:00,169 --> 00:08:01,703 now leaving Track 29. 197 00:08:01,737 --> 00:08:03,538 ( guys imitating train whistle ) 198 00:08:03,572 --> 00:08:06,041 ( laughing ): You mugs! 199 00:08:18,921 --> 00:08:20,155 ( knocking ) 200 00:08:20,189 --> 00:08:21,356 Ah, Sam. 201 00:08:21,391 --> 00:08:23,758 Oh, hey, Evan. 202 00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:26,195 I'm sorry. I was engrossed in my work here. 203 00:08:27,564 --> 00:08:29,531 Just came to check on you. 204 00:08:29,566 --> 00:08:30,666 How you doing? 205 00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:34,436 Looks like you're making yourself at home here. 206 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,505 Desk. Supplies, huh? 207 00:08:36,539 --> 00:08:39,841 And the requisite picture of your, uh... 208 00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:41,710 self. 209 00:08:41,744 --> 00:08:43,645 It's not really a great one, 210 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,914 but it's the only big one I had. 211 00:08:45,948 --> 00:08:47,182 Yeah, well... 212 00:08:47,217 --> 00:08:49,050 You're all set then, huh? Yeah, oh, yeah. 213 00:08:49,085 --> 00:08:51,520 Full steam ahead. Take no prisoners. 214 00:08:51,554 --> 00:08:52,403 Excellent. All right. 215 00:08:52,438 --> 00:08:53,721 You know, I, uh... 216 00:08:53,756 --> 00:08:55,540 I do have, uh, one little question, though. 217 00:08:55,575 --> 00:08:56,808 Shoot. 218 00:08:56,842 --> 00:09:00,044 W-What do I do? 219 00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:01,280 Ah, yes, 220 00:09:01,314 --> 00:09:04,249 well, now, yours being a newly created position, 221 00:09:04,284 --> 00:09:07,586 your responsibilities as yet are not clearly defined. 222 00:09:07,620 --> 00:09:09,338 Well, uh, that helps, that helps. 223 00:09:09,372 --> 00:09:10,638 But we're looking for your input. 224 00:09:10,673 --> 00:09:11,989 Input-- got you; all right, input. 225 00:09:12,024 --> 00:09:13,491 Yeah, well, listen, 226 00:09:13,526 --> 00:09:14,776 I'm going to be late for lunch, 227 00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:17,245 so, uh, we'll talk later at softball practice, huh? 228 00:09:17,279 --> 00:09:18,830 Oh, hey, you got a softball team, huh? 229 00:09:18,864 --> 00:09:20,399 Oh, yeah, all the corporations do. 230 00:09:20,433 --> 00:09:22,100 It's a lot of fun, very casual. 231 00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:23,268 Wear cleats. 232 00:09:23,303 --> 00:09:25,704 Hey, I'll have lots of input for you then, sir. 233 00:09:27,006 --> 00:09:30,609 Okay, all right. 234 00:09:30,643 --> 00:09:33,345 Input, input. 235 00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:36,782 Let's see, here. 236 00:09:36,816 --> 00:09:39,284 ( sighing ) 237 00:09:41,487 --> 00:09:43,455 ( exhaling ) 238 00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:45,624 ( grinding ) 239 00:10:05,678 --> 00:10:07,662 ( grinding continues ) 240 00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:12,400 Mimi, call Maintenance. 241 00:10:19,241 --> 00:10:22,894 ( muttering ) Ridiculous. 242 00:10:22,929 --> 00:10:25,063 Stupid Sam. 243 00:10:25,098 --> 00:10:27,032 Executive? 244 00:10:27,066 --> 00:10:28,834 ( muttering continues ) 245 00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:31,469 I'm sorry. Are you talking to me? 246 00:10:31,503 --> 00:10:33,588 No, I was talking to my... 247 00:10:34,857 --> 00:10:36,958 Yes, I was. 248 00:10:36,992 --> 00:10:40,062 So, you say that they did make Sam an executive? 249 00:10:40,096 --> 00:10:41,063 Oh, yeah, absolutely. 250 00:10:41,097 --> 00:10:42,164 Yeah. Yeah. 251 00:10:42,198 --> 00:10:44,166 Giving him the red carpet treatment over there. 252 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,467 He's a regular Armand Hammer. 253 00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:46,868 Oh, that reminds me. 254 00:10:46,902 --> 00:10:49,338 I got to change the baking soda in my refrigerator. 255 00:10:51,574 --> 00:10:52,907 Hi, everybody. 256 00:10:52,942 --> 00:10:55,243 I just got back from twin testing, 257 00:10:55,278 --> 00:10:58,880 and I would like to announce that I now like science 258 00:10:58,914 --> 00:11:02,217 100 bucks more than I used to. 259 00:11:02,251 --> 00:11:03,251 Hey, all right. 260 00:11:03,286 --> 00:11:05,169 I found out that Little Elvis 261 00:11:05,203 --> 00:11:06,838 is a lot more aggressive 262 00:11:06,872 --> 00:11:09,040 in certain situations than Jesse. 263 00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:10,475 Or is it vice versa? 264 00:11:11,644 --> 00:11:13,011 Ah, who cares? 265 00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:14,613 Not these twins. 266 00:11:14,647 --> 00:11:15,947 ( chortling ) 267 00:11:15,981 --> 00:11:17,749 Whoa. 268 00:11:17,784 --> 00:11:20,034 ( whooping and laughing ) 269 00:11:20,069 --> 00:11:23,071 People, I have an announcement! 270 00:11:23,105 --> 00:11:25,207 Mr. Sam Malone, the newest member 271 00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:27,209 of the corporate softball team, 272 00:11:27,243 --> 00:11:30,445 just pitched a shutout against General Electric! 273 00:11:30,479 --> 00:11:32,980 ( whooping and yelling ) 274 00:11:33,015 --> 00:11:34,882 I'd say I loved pinning back the ears 275 00:11:34,917 --> 00:11:36,150 of a Fortune 500 company. 276 00:11:36,185 --> 00:11:37,586 Kind of makes you feel proud 277 00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:39,787 to be part of the corporation, doesn't it? 278 00:11:39,822 --> 00:11:41,089 Rah-rah-rah. 279 00:11:41,123 --> 00:11:42,390 Hey, you know, I never knew 280 00:11:42,425 --> 00:11:43,791 that you were a cheerleader. 281 00:11:43,826 --> 00:11:46,428 Although I have always admired your pom-poms. 282 00:11:48,431 --> 00:11:49,997 Sam, uh, why does your jersey 283 00:11:50,032 --> 00:11:51,433 say "Heppel" on the back? 284 00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:52,500 Oh, that was some guy 285 00:11:52,535 --> 00:11:53,801 who used to work for the company. 286 00:11:53,836 --> 00:11:56,170 They haven't had time to order mine yet. 287 00:11:56,205 --> 00:11:57,372 Supply problems. 288 00:11:57,406 --> 00:11:59,207 "Supply problems." Yeah. 289 00:11:59,242 --> 00:12:01,809 Yes, that happens a lot in large corporations. 290 00:12:01,844 --> 00:12:03,911 You know, Sam, they were really lucky 291 00:12:03,946 --> 00:12:05,280 to get you on the team. 292 00:12:05,314 --> 00:12:07,282 You want to know how lucky? 293 00:12:07,316 --> 00:12:10,485 They just made the playoffs the day before they hired me. 294 00:12:10,519 --> 00:12:12,454 ( chuckling ) 295 00:12:12,488 --> 00:12:13,755 Oh, my...! 296 00:12:13,789 --> 00:12:15,990 I finally figured it out. 297 00:12:16,024 --> 00:12:19,227 Life makes sense, and I am not crazy. 298 00:12:19,262 --> 00:12:22,597 Well, that's only a layman's opinion. 299 00:12:22,632 --> 00:12:23,731 Sam is a ringer. 300 00:12:23,766 --> 00:12:27,202 Evan just hired him to win the championship. 301 00:12:27,236 --> 00:12:30,038 In two weeks, he'll be out of there. 302 00:12:30,073 --> 00:12:31,906 Now, Rebecca, you can't tell him that. 303 00:12:31,941 --> 00:12:33,308 At least let the man enjoy 304 00:12:33,342 --> 00:12:34,542 his day in the sun. 305 00:12:34,577 --> 00:12:37,011 ( laughing and chatting ) 306 00:12:37,045 --> 00:12:37,929 All right. 307 00:12:37,964 --> 00:12:41,366 Sam has taken enough hard knocks this year. 308 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,970 No, it's pleasure enough for me to just know. 309 00:12:45,004 --> 00:12:47,038 I won't break his heart. 310 00:12:47,073 --> 00:12:48,372 Oh, hey, uh, Rebecca, 311 00:12:48,407 --> 00:12:49,658 the guys decided 312 00:12:49,692 --> 00:12:50,909 that you could be our cheerleader 313 00:12:50,943 --> 00:12:52,210 on one condition. 314 00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:54,145 Lose the bra. 315 00:12:54,263 --> 00:12:55,363 ( raucous laughter ) 316 00:12:59,384 --> 00:13:01,720 I won't break his heart. 317 00:13:01,754 --> 00:13:04,689 I will rip it from his chest. 318 00:13:21,907 --> 00:13:24,575 ( laughs ) 319 00:13:27,078 --> 00:13:28,228 Here are those 320 00:13:28,263 --> 00:13:29,864 copies of your report, Mr. Malone. 321 00:13:29,898 --> 00:13:31,566 Oh, great. 322 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,367 You got colored paper. 323 00:13:33,401 --> 00:13:35,169 Oh. 324 00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:36,704 Hey, hey. 325 00:13:36,738 --> 00:13:38,572 Look at that. 326 00:13:38,606 --> 00:13:41,208 Lots of input. 327 00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:42,209 Am I interrupting anything? 328 00:13:42,243 --> 00:13:43,711 Oh, hey, Rebecca. No, come on in. 329 00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:44,912 Thank you, Mimi. 330 00:13:46,548 --> 00:13:48,515 Well, Rebecca... 331 00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:50,584 welcome to the, uh, executive office. 332 00:13:50,618 --> 00:13:53,988 Would you like to have a seat in the executive chair there? 333 00:13:54,022 --> 00:13:56,190 Or maybe on the executive sofa? 334 00:13:56,224 --> 00:13:58,392 Or how 'bout the executive lap? 335 00:13:58,426 --> 00:13:59,760 ( cackling ) 336 00:13:59,795 --> 00:14:01,162 ( cackling ) 337 00:14:02,530 --> 00:14:03,830 ( cackling stops ) 338 00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:08,753 No, but, uh, seriously, 339 00:14:08,787 --> 00:14:10,754 uh, what-what brings you down to corporate? 340 00:14:10,789 --> 00:14:12,139 Oh, I have a little information 341 00:14:12,174 --> 00:14:13,207 about your promotion 342 00:14:13,241 --> 00:14:15,809 that I'm going to really enjoy sharing with you. 343 00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:17,077 Oh, yeah. Listen. 344 00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:18,212 Before you do, there's something 345 00:14:18,246 --> 00:14:19,547 I want to talk to you about, too. 346 00:14:19,581 --> 00:14:21,248 Uh, sit down, please, sit down. ( sighs ) 347 00:14:21,282 --> 00:14:23,684 Uh... 348 00:14:23,719 --> 00:14:25,252 I just want to say 349 00:14:25,286 --> 00:14:27,238 tha-that I'm sorry, you know, 350 00:14:27,272 --> 00:14:30,474 for teasing you the way I did and everything. 351 00:14:30,508 --> 00:14:32,259 I know we both had a lot of fun with it, 352 00:14:32,293 --> 00:14:33,260 but i-it wasn't right. 353 00:14:33,294 --> 00:14:34,878 That's okay. I just wanted... 354 00:14:34,913 --> 00:14:36,013 No, no, no. 355 00:14:36,047 --> 00:14:37,381 See, it, it wasn't okay. 356 00:14:37,416 --> 00:14:38,516 I mean, absolutely not. 357 00:14:38,550 --> 00:14:39,983 I... 358 00:14:40,018 --> 00:14:42,386 I think I was just trying to, you know, 359 00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:44,388 show off in front of the guys. 360 00:14:44,422 --> 00:14:46,557 Truth is... 361 00:14:46,592 --> 00:14:48,826 this is all kind of new to me. 362 00:14:48,861 --> 00:14:51,362 I keep expecting somebody to come through the door and say, 363 00:14:51,396 --> 00:14:52,897 "Malone, job's over. You're through. 364 00:14:52,931 --> 00:14:54,599 "Get out of here," and it's a big joke. 365 00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:55,700 Good. Is it my turn now? 366 00:14:55,734 --> 00:14:57,818 No, in a second, in a second. 367 00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,219 You know, the, uh... 368 00:14:59,254 --> 00:15:01,221 first thing that I did-- 369 00:15:01,256 --> 00:15:04,258 when I was alone in the office here-- 370 00:15:04,292 --> 00:15:06,994 I, uh, called my father, 371 00:15:07,028 --> 00:15:08,879 who I hadn't talked to 372 00:15:08,914 --> 00:15:10,097 for over three years. 373 00:15:10,132 --> 00:15:13,033 And when I told him where I was sitting, 374 00:15:13,035 --> 00:15:15,319 you know, what I was looking out at, 375 00:15:15,353 --> 00:15:17,754 and, uh, what, what my title is... 376 00:15:17,789 --> 00:15:21,492 ( sighs ) for the first time ever, 377 00:15:21,527 --> 00:15:24,862 he told me how proud he was of me. 378 00:15:26,848 --> 00:15:27,865 ( chuckling ): Anyway. Whoa! 379 00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:30,801 Uh, what-what are you dying to tell me here? 380 00:15:30,835 --> 00:15:32,352 ( clears throat ) 381 00:15:33,388 --> 00:15:34,621 Just that we 382 00:15:34,656 --> 00:15:36,090 are darn proud of you, too. 383 00:15:36,125 --> 00:15:37,225 Oh, thank you! 384 00:15:37,259 --> 00:15:39,093 God, that's great. Thank you. 385 00:15:39,128 --> 00:15:40,528 Hey, hey, get a load of this. 386 00:15:40,562 --> 00:15:41,879 My folks, uh-- 387 00:15:41,913 --> 00:15:43,347 their wedding anniversary is next month. 388 00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:44,481 I'm gonna fly them in here, 389 00:15:44,516 --> 00:15:46,116 and I'm gonna give them the grand tour. 390 00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:48,352 I just can't wait to see their faces. Stop. 391 00:15:48,386 --> 00:15:49,519 What? 392 00:15:49,554 --> 00:15:51,055 Sam... I didn't want 393 00:15:51,089 --> 00:15:54,524 to have to tell you this, but now I have to. 394 00:15:54,559 --> 00:15:55,592 All right, all right, 395 00:15:55,627 --> 00:15:57,395 What do you got? No, I actually did want 396 00:15:57,429 --> 00:15:59,563 to have to tell you this, but I wanted to enjoy it, 397 00:15:59,597 --> 00:16:02,266 and now you've ruined that, and I have to tell you anyway. 398 00:16:04,102 --> 00:16:07,205 You're not gonna be here next month. 399 00:16:07,239 --> 00:16:08,823 What do you mean? 400 00:16:08,857 --> 00:16:10,424 Malone, you're a ringer. 401 00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:13,928 ( gasps ) Ooh, I did like doing it a little bit. 402 00:16:14,830 --> 00:16:17,013 Wh-What do you mean, ringer? 403 00:16:17,048 --> 00:16:20,518 I mean that Evan just hired you to win the championship. 404 00:16:20,552 --> 00:16:23,187 And when that's over, you're history. 405 00:16:23,972 --> 00:16:26,473 Oh, boy. 406 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,575 I should have expected this. 407 00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:31,728 Sam, it's just the way of the business world. 408 00:16:31,763 --> 00:16:33,965 No, no, no, no. I mean, that you are jealous. 409 00:16:33,999 --> 00:16:35,066 How petty of you. 410 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,701 I can't believe this. 411 00:16:36,735 --> 00:16:38,135 You know, the fact 412 00:16:38,169 --> 00:16:41,739 that I played baseball has nothing to do with this job. 413 00:16:41,773 --> 00:16:43,240 I am a good executive. 414 00:16:43,274 --> 00:16:45,008 And, you know, you are way off base, 415 00:16:45,042 --> 00:16:46,126 and I'm gonna prove it to you. 416 00:16:46,161 --> 00:16:48,145 Mimi, get-get Mr. Drake on the phone right away. 417 00:16:48,179 --> 00:16:49,980 Right away, Mr. Malone. 418 00:16:50,014 --> 00:16:51,599 Sam, you don't have to do this. 419 00:16:51,633 --> 00:16:54,184 You know, I was hired for a lot of reasons. 420 00:16:54,219 --> 00:16:55,486 Like what? 421 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,687 Yeah, I'll tell you, "like what," 422 00:16:56,722 --> 00:16:57,822 like this report, for example. 423 00:16:57,856 --> 00:17:00,324 This sucker is loaded with input. 424 00:17:00,358 --> 00:17:02,326 Sam, as one friend to another, 425 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,129 I really am just trying to do you a favor. 426 00:17:05,163 --> 00:17:06,297 ( buzzing ) 427 00:17:06,331 --> 00:17:08,499 Mr. Drake is still in a sales meeting. 428 00:17:08,533 --> 00:17:10,468 What do you mean, a sales meeting? 429 00:17:10,502 --> 00:17:11,768 Why aren't I there? 430 00:17:11,803 --> 00:17:13,904 I-I'm the Eastern... the Western... 431 00:17:13,938 --> 00:17:15,890 I-I'm the Southwest... 432 00:17:15,924 --> 00:17:19,527 I'm the "Eastern Regional Sales Manager." 433 00:17:19,561 --> 00:17:21,729 I don't know, but he said to rest up your arm 434 00:17:21,763 --> 00:17:23,330 because you're starting tonight. 435 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,118 Well, there's just probably 436 00:17:28,153 --> 00:17:29,253 some mix-up. 437 00:17:29,287 --> 00:17:31,221 You know, maybe I missed a memo or something. 438 00:17:31,256 --> 00:17:34,808 I'm gonna go, uh, straighten this out right now. 439 00:17:34,842 --> 00:17:35,943 ( clears throat ) 440 00:17:35,977 --> 00:17:38,212 Don't you have a job to go to or something? 441 00:17:38,246 --> 00:17:40,063 ( sighs ) 442 00:17:44,686 --> 00:17:47,788 ( cackling ) 443 00:17:47,823 --> 00:17:51,826 ( cackling continues ) 444 00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:54,528 Mimi, call Maintenance. 445 00:17:54,562 --> 00:17:55,813 All right, have your people 446 00:17:55,847 --> 00:17:57,081 coordinate with Marketing. 447 00:17:57,115 --> 00:17:58,916 We'll get this campaign on the boards. 448 00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,051 Will do. 449 00:18:02,754 --> 00:18:04,354 Sorry I'm late. 450 00:18:04,389 --> 00:18:05,539 I guess that about wraps it up. 451 00:18:06,508 --> 00:18:07,591 Uh, say, before you go, 452 00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:08,726 I just want to say 453 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,427 that I'm really backed up with paperwork, 454 00:18:10,461 --> 00:18:12,329 and I won't be able to make the game tonight. 455 00:18:12,363 --> 00:18:13,497 What? What? 456 00:18:13,531 --> 00:18:14,565 Can't make the game? 457 00:18:14,599 --> 00:18:15,833 Hey, wait a minute, Evan. 458 00:18:15,867 --> 00:18:17,768 I-I didn't give up my office two weeks 459 00:18:17,802 --> 00:18:19,369 to let this guy do paperwork. 460 00:18:19,404 --> 00:18:20,671 Easy, Heppel. 461 00:18:20,705 --> 00:18:23,140 Heppel? 462 00:18:23,175 --> 00:18:25,609 What? You're Heppel? 463 00:18:25,643 --> 00:18:27,978 But... I thought that you were supposed... 464 00:18:28,013 --> 00:18:29,146 ( murmuring ) 465 00:18:30,182 --> 00:18:31,982 Oh, boy. 466 00:18:32,017 --> 00:18:33,450 I-I am a ringer. 467 00:18:33,484 --> 00:18:34,734 That's right. I'm right, aren't I, 468 00:18:34,769 --> 00:18:35,802 that I'm a ringer? 469 00:18:35,837 --> 00:18:38,172 Well, I'll be straight with you, Sam. 470 00:18:38,206 --> 00:18:40,240 Sure, we originally hired you 471 00:18:40,275 --> 00:18:42,226 to pitch for the softball team, but, uh, 472 00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:44,878 actually, you've turned out to be somewhat of a surprise. 473 00:18:44,912 --> 00:18:46,146 Oh? 474 00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:48,232 Yeah, yeah, you're a much better hitter than we anticipated. 475 00:18:48,266 --> 00:18:50,351 ( all agreeing ) 476 00:18:51,703 --> 00:18:54,922 ( indistinct praises ) 477 00:18:54,956 --> 00:18:55,972 Come on. 478 00:18:56,007 --> 00:18:57,541 Man, this really bites it. 479 00:18:58,877 --> 00:19:01,244 I mean, here I thought you wanted me for my mind, 480 00:19:01,279 --> 00:19:03,614 and it turns out you just wanted me for my body. 481 00:19:03,648 --> 00:19:05,182 Where have I heard that before? 482 00:19:05,216 --> 00:19:07,051 ( clears throat ) 483 00:19:07,085 --> 00:19:08,385 Is it really that bad, Sam? 484 00:19:08,419 --> 00:19:09,787 I mean, you make good money. 485 00:19:09,821 --> 00:19:11,354 Everyone around here likes you. 486 00:19:11,389 --> 00:19:12,456 What's the problem? 487 00:19:12,591 --> 00:19:14,140 The problem is that, you know, 488 00:19:14,175 --> 00:19:16,042 as soon as softball season's over, 489 00:19:16,077 --> 00:19:17,243 I'm out of here. 490 00:19:17,278 --> 00:19:18,462 You don't have to be. 491 00:19:18,496 --> 00:19:20,164 We'll find a place for you. 492 00:19:20,198 --> 00:19:22,532 I mean, uh, softball season next year. 493 00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:24,351 No, no, no. 494 00:19:24,385 --> 00:19:26,253 You know, if I'm gonna stay here, 495 00:19:26,287 --> 00:19:28,689 I want it to be for legitimate reasons. 496 00:19:28,724 --> 00:19:30,090 I mean, come on, Evan, 497 00:19:30,124 --> 00:19:31,826 at least look at my report. 498 00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:33,961 Now, if you think that I have what it takes, 499 00:19:33,995 --> 00:19:35,095 you know, after looking at that, 500 00:19:35,129 --> 00:19:37,297 to be an executive right here, right now, the way I am, 501 00:19:37,331 --> 00:19:38,816 then, you know, then fine. 502 00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:40,216 But otherwise, I think 503 00:19:40,251 --> 00:19:41,885 you know, we should just 504 00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:45,389 shake hands like gentlemen and part company. 505 00:19:53,164 --> 00:19:54,999 Ho! Lock up your women! 506 00:19:55,033 --> 00:19:56,166 Sammy's back. 507 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,534 ( all greeting ) 508 00:19:57,568 --> 00:19:58,769 Sam, you know, I'm sorry 509 00:19:58,803 --> 00:20:01,038 to hear about the termination there, buddy. 510 00:20:01,072 --> 00:20:02,239 Yeah, tough luck, pal. 511 00:20:02,273 --> 00:20:04,858 Yeah. Hey, easy come, easy go. 512 00:20:04,892 --> 00:20:07,727 No, truth is, it was a shock, 513 00:20:07,762 --> 00:20:08,878 but then I, uh... ( clears throat ) 514 00:20:08,913 --> 00:20:10,447 I went into the executive washroom, 515 00:20:10,482 --> 00:20:12,116 and I splashed some water on my face, 516 00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:13,383 and I looked in the mirror, 517 00:20:13,418 --> 00:20:15,018 and the mirror looked back and said, 518 00:20:15,052 --> 00:20:16,953 "You're not an executive, man. 519 00:20:16,988 --> 00:20:19,022 Get back to where you belong." 520 00:20:19,056 --> 00:20:20,324 All right. 521 00:20:20,358 --> 00:20:21,208 Yeah. Smart there. 522 00:20:21,242 --> 00:20:23,677 I thought they only had mirrors like that in the movies. 523 00:20:26,715 --> 00:20:29,083 It's good to be back. 524 00:20:29,117 --> 00:20:30,851 Oh, Miss Howe will sure be relieved. Yeah? 525 00:20:30,885 --> 00:20:32,219 She said that you'd be shattered 526 00:20:32,253 --> 00:20:33,921 and we should all be really nice to you. 527 00:20:33,955 --> 00:20:35,989 She did, huh? Mm-hmm. 528 00:20:36,024 --> 00:20:38,826 Well... maybe I ought to go set her mind at ease. 529 00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:40,027 Ooh. 530 00:20:43,197 --> 00:20:45,215 ( knocking ) 531 00:20:47,886 --> 00:20:49,553 Hi, Rebecca. 532 00:20:49,587 --> 00:20:51,922 Oh. 533 00:20:51,956 --> 00:20:53,790 How are you, Sam? 534 00:20:53,792 --> 00:20:56,877 Well, I'm kind of... shattered. 535 00:20:58,930 --> 00:21:00,363 I was afraid you might be. 536 00:21:00,398 --> 00:21:01,415 ( groans ) Do you mind 537 00:21:01,449 --> 00:21:03,050 if I stand here for just a little while? 538 00:21:03,084 --> 00:21:05,085 It's kind of hard for me to go back out there 539 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,837 after what happened. ( clears throat ) 540 00:21:06,872 --> 00:21:08,705 I feel so humiliated. 541 00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:11,107 You just take as long as you need. 542 00:21:21,352 --> 00:21:23,821 Would you like to talk about it? 543 00:21:23,855 --> 00:21:27,057 You mean about how bad I feel? 544 00:21:27,091 --> 00:21:29,709 Yeah, you know, sometimes that helps. 545 00:21:30,745 --> 00:21:34,148 Well, I feel pretty bad. 546 00:21:34,182 --> 00:21:37,251 So... bad. 547 00:21:37,285 --> 00:21:38,685 I know. 548 00:21:38,719 --> 00:21:41,688 And I feel terrible that I had to tell you. 549 00:21:41,722 --> 00:21:44,758 Oh, well there's no sense in us both feeling so bad. 550 00:21:44,792 --> 00:21:47,027 Oh, God. 551 00:21:47,062 --> 00:21:49,964 I just hate to see you like this. Oh... oh. 552 00:21:52,968 --> 00:21:54,068 You know... Hmm? 553 00:21:54,102 --> 00:21:56,303 sometimes these things happen. 554 00:21:56,338 --> 00:21:58,973 But you will always have your job here. 555 00:21:59,007 --> 00:22:01,608 Oh, it's not just losing the job. 556 00:22:01,642 --> 00:22:05,346 It's that I was, you know, taken advantage of. 557 00:22:05,380 --> 00:22:07,982 I know. I know. 558 00:22:08,016 --> 00:22:10,084 You know, that I was used, 559 00:22:10,118 --> 00:22:12,919 that I was just, you know, manipulated 560 00:22:12,954 --> 00:22:16,156 by somebody who just cynically wanted to... 561 00:22:16,191 --> 00:22:17,791 get something from me. 562 00:22:20,161 --> 00:22:22,396 Malone, what are you doing? 563 00:22:22,430 --> 00:22:24,331 I-I'm feeling bad. 564 00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:29,903 No, you are feeling pretty good. 565 00:22:29,937 --> 00:22:31,505 Okay, I admit it. 566 00:22:31,539 --> 00:22:33,173 I'm not a sad guy. 567 00:22:33,208 --> 00:22:35,409 I'm a happy, horny guy. 568 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,715 You know... we need pity, too. 569 00:22:41,749 --> 00:22:43,783 Oh, God, you are choice, Malone. 570 00:22:43,818 --> 00:22:45,585 You are just really choice. 571 00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:48,122 You will do anything for a roll in the hay. 572 00:22:48,156 --> 00:22:50,373 If you will play on my sympathies, 573 00:22:50,407 --> 00:22:52,325 then you will stoop to anything. 574 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:55,562 God, I am tired of fighting you. 575 00:22:55,597 --> 00:22:56,797 I just don't have 576 00:22:56,831 --> 00:22:59,332 the strength to do it anymore. 577 00:22:59,451 --> 00:23:01,935 If this is what you really want, 578 00:23:01,969 --> 00:23:03,537 then by all means. 579 00:23:04,539 --> 00:23:06,039 Take me here. Take me now. 580 00:23:06,073 --> 00:23:08,007 Please, please. 581 00:23:09,410 --> 00:23:11,645 Are you serious? 582 00:23:11,679 --> 00:23:12,846 Oh, yes. 583 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,348 I want it bad. 584 00:23:19,287 --> 00:23:21,488 Well, all right. 585 00:23:32,166 --> 00:23:34,651 Is something wrong? 586 00:23:34,686 --> 00:23:35,952 Oh, nothing. 587 00:23:35,987 --> 00:23:38,121 Oh, baby, oh, baby. 588 00:23:44,846 --> 00:23:47,881 Le-Let me get this straight. 589 00:23:47,916 --> 00:23:49,616 Is this what I can expect 590 00:23:49,651 --> 00:23:54,104 in the way of full participation? 591 00:23:54,138 --> 00:23:57,741 Until I get tired. 592 00:23:59,677 --> 00:24:01,178 ( Sam grunts ) 593 00:24:01,212 --> 00:24:04,114 REBECCA: Was it good for you?