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Cheers is filmed before a live
studio audience.
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( babies crying )
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( babies cooing and crying )
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( no audio )
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( babies cooing and crying )
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( piano playing )
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¶ Making your way in
the world today ¶
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¶ Takes everything you've got
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00:01:06,101 --> 00:01:11,205
¶ Taking a break from all your
worries sure would help a lot ¶
10
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:18,680
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
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¶ Sometimes you want to go where
everybody knows your name ¶
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¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
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¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
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¶ Troubles are all the same
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¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ You want to go where people
know people are all the same ¶
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¶ You want to go where everybody
knows your name. ¶
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So, did you get a chance
to see Carla's babies?
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00:02:11,717 --> 00:02:12,767
Oh, we sure did.
20
00:02:12,801 --> 00:02:14,969
There are two of the cutest
little guys you've ever seen.
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00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:17,504
Ah, who do they look like,
Carla or Eddie?
22
00:02:17,539 --> 00:02:18,139
Well, they're twins.
23
00:02:18,173 --> 00:02:20,157
They kind of look
like each other.
24
00:02:22,461 --> 00:02:25,229
What's this?
"Carla's Tips."
25
00:02:25,263 --> 00:02:26,647
Yeah, it was Carla's idea.
26
00:02:26,681 --> 00:02:28,983
She does some of her best
thinking in labor.
27
00:02:29,017 --> 00:02:30,100
This is ridiculous.
28
00:02:30,134 --> 00:02:32,737
How does she expect to be tipped
if she's not even here?
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00:02:32,771 --> 00:02:35,072
Well, actually,
she's doing a lot better
than she usually does.
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00:02:36,742 --> 00:02:38,576
Hello, Samuel.
Hey.
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00:02:38,610 --> 00:02:40,344
Well, pardon my appearance,
everybody.
32
00:02:40,378 --> 00:02:41,595
We always do.
33
00:02:42,231 --> 00:02:45,416
Sorry. I was covering for Carla.
34
00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:46,968
Oh, hey, you're doing
a fine job.
35
00:02:47,002 --> 00:02:49,220
The reason why I look like
I've been up all night
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00:02:49,254 --> 00:02:50,388
is because, well,
I've been up all night
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00:02:50,422 --> 00:02:52,623
reading that little opus.
38
00:02:52,658 --> 00:02:54,558
All right,
Lust for Justice.
39
00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,093
Yeah, Vera talked me
into reading this.
40
00:02:56,128 --> 00:02:57,261
Oh, is she a fan?
41
00:02:57,295 --> 00:03:00,564
No, no. When Vera's
talking, I'll read
just about anything.
42
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:02,366
Yeah. I almost
ruptured a disc
43
00:03:02,401 --> 00:03:04,035
delivering those
Book of the Month club copies
44
00:03:04,069 --> 00:03:06,070
and I decided to see
what all the hooha was about.
45
00:03:06,104 --> 00:03:07,104
Yeah, two thumbs
up, right?
46
00:03:07,139 --> 00:03:08,705
Oh, yeah.
Finest piece of trash
47
00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:11,042
not written by a Junta or Jackie
in modern literature.
48
00:03:11,076 --> 00:03:14,845
Good Lord. Another piece
of salacious mind candy.
49
00:03:14,879 --> 00:03:17,981
God, this is over
600 pages long.
50
00:03:18,016 --> 00:03:20,217
Who could imagine
he'd know this many words?
51
00:03:20,252 --> 00:03:22,537
Yeah, well I checked.
He uses a lot of them twice.
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00:03:24,989 --> 00:03:26,223
CLIFF:
Yeah, well, Frasier,
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00:03:26,257 --> 00:03:27,024
you want to
borrow it then?
54
00:03:27,059 --> 00:03:29,043
No way you'll find me
reading it.
55
00:03:29,077 --> 00:03:30,711
Just look at these reviews.
56
00:03:30,745 --> 00:03:32,012
Suit yourself.
57
00:03:32,047 --> 00:03:35,550
"I couldn't put it down."
( scoffs )
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00:03:35,584 --> 00:03:38,319
( phone ringing )
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00:03:38,354 --> 00:03:41,255
Cheers.
60
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:44,592
Oh, yeah, she is.
Miss Howe, Mr. Drake.
61
00:03:44,626 --> 00:03:46,911
Mr. Drake?
62
00:03:46,913 --> 00:03:48,646
I wonder what he's
calling about.
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00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,481
Woody, how did he sound?
64
00:03:50,515 --> 00:03:52,950
Happy, mad, pleasant, annoyed?
65
00:03:52,984 --> 00:03:54,268
Well, he sounds
66
00:03:54,303 --> 00:03:55,269
kind of weird.
67
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,437
Like an old woman with a lisp
and a thick German accent.
68
00:03:57,472 --> 00:04:00,324
Woody, that's his secretary.
69
00:04:00,358 --> 00:04:02,626
Oh, well, then she sounded
pretty happy.
70
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:09,066
Hey, Anthony, Annie, what's up?
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00:04:09,101 --> 00:04:12,870
Sam, I'm swallowing
my Tortelli pride
72
00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:14,138
to ask if
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00:04:14,173 --> 00:04:16,273
I might borrow five bucks.
74
00:04:16,307 --> 00:04:18,342
That was very difficult
for him.
75
00:04:18,376 --> 00:04:19,126
Is it okay?
76
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,545
I want to get a present
for my mom and the twins.
77
00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:22,647
Sure.
78
00:04:22,681 --> 00:04:23,848
What are you going to get them?
79
00:04:23,882 --> 00:04:24,932
Five bucks.
80
00:04:24,966 --> 00:04:27,584
She'll like that.
81
00:04:27,619 --> 00:04:28,552
Thanks, Sam.
82
00:04:28,587 --> 00:04:30,721
Hey, I don't know when I'll be
able to pay you back.
83
00:04:30,755 --> 00:04:32,856
Job market's
been really bad lately.
84
00:04:32,890 --> 00:04:35,726
I haven't been able to
find a job anywhere.
85
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,928
Actually, we have an opening
for a temporary waitress
86
00:04:37,962 --> 00:04:40,130
to sub for your mom.
What do you think?
87
00:04:40,165 --> 00:04:42,333
Ah, I don't want
to be a waitress.
88
00:04:42,367 --> 00:04:44,485
No, I was thinking about her.
89
00:04:44,519 --> 00:04:46,503
No, I don't want my
wife to work.
90
00:04:46,538 --> 00:04:48,472
I could do it if I want to.
91
00:04:48,507 --> 00:04:50,541
Nuh-uh.
Nuh-huh.
92
00:04:50,575 --> 00:04:52,210
Nuh-uh.
Nuh-huh.
93
00:04:52,244 --> 00:04:53,110
Nuh-uh.
94
00:04:53,145 --> 00:04:54,878
W-Why don't you two
talk about it.
95
00:04:54,912 --> 00:04:56,180
Of course we will.
96
00:04:56,214 --> 00:04:59,016
Communication is
the cornerstone of our marriage.
97
00:04:59,051 --> 00:05:01,719
Nuh-uh.
Nuh-huh.
98
00:05:04,589 --> 00:05:07,024
Well, well, well.
Hey, Normie,
99
00:05:07,058 --> 00:05:08,626
look who's developed
a lust for justice.
100
00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:10,227
Yeah.
101
00:05:10,261 --> 00:05:12,429
Do you mind?
Lorenzo is hemorrhaging.
102
00:05:12,463 --> 00:05:13,831
Oh, he dies.
103
00:05:13,865 --> 00:05:16,217
Don't tell me.
Don't tell me.
104
00:05:16,251 --> 00:05:17,418
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
105
00:05:17,452 --> 00:05:19,586
We don't want to spoil the part
where Monica first comes in.
106
00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:21,689
Were you shocked or what when
she turned out to be a man?
107
00:05:21,723 --> 00:05:22,523
CLIFF:
Oh, no, no, I saw...
108
00:05:22,558 --> 00:05:24,275
¶ I wish I was
in the land of cotton ¶
109
00:05:24,309 --> 00:05:25,643
¶ Old times there
are not forgotten ¶
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00:05:25,677 --> 00:05:28,111
¶ Look away, look away,
look away... ¶
111
00:05:28,146 --> 00:05:31,014
You know, sometimes I like
to play little guessing games.
112
00:05:31,049 --> 00:05:32,783
Do you like to play
little guessing games, guys?
113
00:05:32,818 --> 00:05:33,918
( all agree )
114
00:05:33,952 --> 00:05:35,769
Let's play a little
guessing game.
115
00:05:35,804 --> 00:05:39,707
I just spoke to Mr. Drake
and he suggested that I hire
116
00:05:39,741 --> 00:05:42,677
a young girl he knows
to cover for Carla.
117
00:05:42,711 --> 00:05:45,913
Now, why do you suppose a busy,
important man like Mr. Drake
118
00:05:45,947 --> 00:05:47,581
would take time out of his day
119
00:05:47,616 --> 00:05:51,051
to get a simple cocktail
waitress a job?
120
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,670
Oh, oh, oh.
Uh, she's, uh...
Norm.
121
00:05:53,705 --> 00:05:54,838
She's a friend of the family.
122
00:05:54,873 --> 00:05:55,573
Possible.
123
00:05:55,607 --> 00:05:57,040
He's, uh, paying off a debt.
124
00:05:57,075 --> 00:05:57,725
I like that.
125
00:05:57,759 --> 00:05:58,609
He feels sorry for her.
126
00:05:58,643 --> 00:06:00,111
He does have a soft heart.
127
00:06:00,145 --> 00:06:01,245
Maybe she's
sleeping with him.
128
00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,430
Of course that little tramp
is sleeping with him!
129
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,101
Do you think
I'm stupid?
130
00:06:07,135 --> 00:06:08,469
Is this still part of
the guessing game?
131
00:06:08,503 --> 00:06:09,570
No, no, no.
132
00:06:14,359 --> 00:06:16,727
This is just too perfect.
133
00:06:16,762 --> 00:06:20,932
Evan found a nice little bowl
for his goldfish to swim in.
134
00:06:20,966 --> 00:06:24,751
Safe, out of the reach of
the other executive sharks.
135
00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:26,170
Obviously, he forgot about
136
00:06:26,204 --> 00:06:27,288
the Great White Sammy.
137
00:06:27,322 --> 00:06:30,107
( all snicker )
138
00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:33,077
Well, we've reached
a compromise, Sam.
139
00:06:33,079 --> 00:06:34,478
I'm taking the relief
waitress job.
140
00:06:34,512 --> 00:06:35,612
SAM:
Great.
141
00:06:35,647 --> 00:06:36,763
What's the compromise?
142
00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:39,016
I'm letting her.
143
00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,751
Wait a minute.
144
00:06:40,786 --> 00:06:42,519
I am in charge around here
145
00:06:42,554 --> 00:06:44,188
and it is my responsibility
to hire people,
146
00:06:44,222 --> 00:06:47,357
and I have just be informed
that I am hiring someone else.
147
00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:51,895
They're going through
a tough time right now.
148
00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:54,498
Why don't you let Annie
work just for tips?
149
00:06:54,532 --> 00:06:55,866
Tips?
!
Yeah.
150
00:06:55,901 --> 00:06:58,802
If I'm gonna work here,
I demand a set salary,
151
00:06:58,837 --> 00:07:00,671
plus tips, plus
152
00:07:00,705 --> 00:07:04,341
two coffee breaks,
plus weekends off.
153
00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:06,076
That is completely
out of the question.
154
00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:07,995
Okay, then I demand
that tip thing.
155
00:07:08,030 --> 00:07:09,830
It's a deal.
156
00:07:14,469 --> 00:07:19,440
I need a Scotch, rocks,
two white wines and a draft.
157
00:07:19,474 --> 00:07:20,908
Okeydokey.
158
00:07:20,942 --> 00:07:23,861
Come on, corn cob. Arriba.
159
00:07:26,415 --> 00:07:29,299
Boy, I tell ya,
Annie's getting to be
a real pro, huh?
160
00:07:29,334 --> 00:07:31,952
Yeah, she's sure rattling off
those drink orders, huh?
161
00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:33,186
That's nothing.
How about the way
162
00:07:33,221 --> 00:07:34,455
she puts me in my place?
163
00:07:36,892 --> 00:07:38,926
Can you believe it?
164
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:43,530
Her first day on the job and
Evan's little tart is late.
165
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,266
That's because she
knows I can't do
anything about it
166
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,451
because her lover boy
is the big boss.
167
00:07:47,485 --> 00:07:50,104
Isn't she just
the queen of gall?
168
00:07:50,138 --> 00:07:53,224
Oh, no, that was Charlemagne's
wife, I think.
169
00:07:54,943 --> 00:07:56,660
Well, you know,
if memory serves,
170
00:07:56,695 --> 00:07:59,162
I think her name was Cathy.
171
00:07:59,197 --> 00:08:00,631
Listen, have you ever thought
172
00:08:00,666 --> 00:08:02,049
that you're reading
this whole thing wrong?
173
00:08:02,084 --> 00:08:04,635
That maybe she's just
a four-eyed little geek
174
00:08:04,670 --> 00:08:06,537
that Evan Drake
is trying to help out?
175
00:08:06,571 --> 00:08:09,389
Right. And Cliff is leaving
his brain to science.
176
00:08:11,042 --> 00:08:13,176
I guess, you're still covering
for Carla, huh?
177
00:08:13,211 --> 00:08:14,995
Guess again.
178
00:08:15,029 --> 00:08:18,182
Okay, uh, here's
another possibility.
179
00:08:18,216 --> 00:08:19,566
Instead of
firing someone,
180
00:08:19,601 --> 00:08:21,902
you send them to
the worst job in
the organization.
181
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,921
Usually the poor schlep
just gets fed up and quits.
182
00:08:24,873 --> 00:08:27,474
They've tried that
on me a bunch of times.
183
00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:28,959
Works like a charm.
184
00:08:28,994 --> 00:08:31,946
You know,
you might be right.
185
00:08:32,030 --> 00:08:34,231
She's probably just some
pathetic little dishrag
186
00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:37,451
whose last great hope
is working here at Cheers.
187
00:08:37,536 --> 00:08:40,237
I got to stop
jumping to conclusions.
188
00:08:41,990 --> 00:08:44,541
Excuse me. Is Miss Howe here?
189
00:08:44,576 --> 00:08:46,393
Mr. Drake sent me.
190
00:08:46,427 --> 00:08:49,146
Oh, you must be the slut.
191
00:08:50,982 --> 00:08:52,449
Excuse me?
192
00:08:52,483 --> 00:08:54,584
Slot. You're here
to fill the slot.
193
00:08:54,619 --> 00:08:56,870
Welcome to Cheers.
194
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,739
Why don't you just
follow me in to my office
195
00:08:58,773 --> 00:09:00,607
and we'll fill out
your W-4 form.
196
00:09:00,642 --> 00:09:01,559
Great.
197
00:09:01,593 --> 00:09:04,745
And I'll need a phone number
and a job history,
198
00:09:04,779 --> 00:09:06,029
and a number we can call
199
00:09:06,063 --> 00:09:09,099
in case you meet with some
horrible disfiguring accident.
200
00:09:11,419 --> 00:09:12,436
Sam?
201
00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:13,871
What?
202
00:09:13,905 --> 00:09:19,092
Could I ask your opinion as
a passionate macho stud horse?
203
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:22,095
Sure. I may have to stamp out
the answer with my foot,
204
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,030
but go ahead.
205
00:09:24,065 --> 00:09:27,451
Well, it's bad enough
that Anthony's lost
all his ambition
206
00:09:27,486 --> 00:09:28,852
and can't get a job.
Right.
207
00:09:28,886 --> 00:09:30,588
But ever since I
started working here,
208
00:09:30,622 --> 00:09:32,889
he's become insanely jealous.
209
00:09:32,924 --> 00:09:34,942
Why am I late?
When am I coming home?
210
00:09:34,976 --> 00:09:37,611
Why am I dressed
like such an ultra-fox?
211
00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:40,948
I mean, if it weren't for
the six times a day we make love
212
00:09:40,982 --> 00:09:43,133
he'd be no fun at all.
213
00:09:43,168 --> 00:09:45,920
Six?
214
00:09:45,954 --> 00:09:47,071
Whoo!
215
00:09:47,105 --> 00:09:50,457
Can't think of anything
that I can do six times a day.
216
00:09:52,627 --> 00:09:54,762
Hit me again. Will you, Sam?
217
00:09:54,796 --> 00:09:58,215
Listen, it's kind of
tough on a husband,
218
00:09:58,249 --> 00:09:59,767
you know, to have his wife
supporting him.
219
00:09:59,801 --> 00:10:01,402
It's a...
It's a pride thing.
220
00:10:01,436 --> 00:10:03,503
It is a pride thing, Sam.
221
00:10:03,538 --> 00:10:07,191
I remember once when I was out
of work, Vera had to support us.
222
00:10:07,225 --> 00:10:10,761
I tell ya, the day that woman
left to deliver phone books...
223
00:10:12,614 --> 00:10:16,450
The proudest day of my life,
actually.
224
00:10:16,484 --> 00:10:17,934
What do you want
me to do?
225
00:10:17,969 --> 00:10:19,136
You want me to
talk to him?
226
00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:21,338
Would you, Sam?
Thanks.
Yeah.
227
00:10:21,373 --> 00:10:22,973
Yeah, you're welcome.
228
00:10:23,008 --> 00:10:24,208
Hey, I saw that!
229
00:10:27,145 --> 00:10:31,198
Anthony! I can't believe
you're spying on me.
230
00:10:31,232 --> 00:10:33,834
Suddenly,
everything makes sense.
231
00:10:33,868 --> 00:10:36,036
You're taller than me.
232
00:10:37,405 --> 00:10:40,273
You have a Corvette
instead of a bus pass.
233
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:42,643
And your hair does
that cool blow-dry thing.
234
00:10:43,962 --> 00:10:46,229
And now you've got my wife.
235
00:10:46,263 --> 00:10:48,365
Well, aren't you gonna stay
and fight for me?
236
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,566
What's the use?
237
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,133
Hey, Anthony,
238
00:10:50,168 --> 00:10:51,518
come on, now, don't...
239
00:10:51,553 --> 00:10:54,354
Have you ever had to defend
Vera's honor?
240
00:10:54,389 --> 00:10:55,823
Well, no, not per se.
241
00:10:55,857 --> 00:10:57,041
But on more
than one occasion
242
00:10:57,075 --> 00:10:59,609
I've held her place in line
while she parked the car.
243
00:11:00,995 --> 00:11:02,729
Could you believe that?
244
00:11:02,764 --> 00:11:06,282
After I gave that man
the best 28 months of my life.
245
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:07,418
Well, why don't you go
catch up with him
246
00:11:07,452 --> 00:11:08,569
and patch things up.
247
00:11:08,603 --> 00:11:10,704
Forget it. He's a wimp
and he can't get a job.
248
00:11:10,739 --> 00:11:12,840
And his jealousy
is ruining our marriage.
249
00:11:12,874 --> 00:11:15,242
Not to mention that he left
the cap off the toothpaste
250
00:11:15,276 --> 00:11:18,045
for, like, the kajillionth day
in a row.
251
00:11:18,079 --> 00:11:21,448
I had no idea
that the wounds
were so deep.
252
00:11:21,483 --> 00:11:25,552
Well, as far as I'm concerned,
he can just go and...
253
00:11:25,587 --> 00:11:27,287
Oh, God!
254
00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:30,474
I've just lost the only man
I've ever loved.
255
00:11:30,508 --> 00:11:32,776
Oh, no, wait.
Sit here, will ya?
256
00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:35,412
Listen, he'll come back.
Don't you worry about that.
257
00:11:35,447 --> 00:11:36,246
Now, he's not gonna leave
258
00:11:36,281 --> 00:11:38,214
a beautiful girl like you.
259
00:11:38,249 --> 00:11:40,183
You really think so, Sam?
260
00:11:40,217 --> 00:11:42,386
Oh, absolutely.
He'll be right back.
261
00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:44,905
I mean, do you really
think I'm beautiful?
262
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,005
Hey, anyone see the conclusion
263
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,907
of the White House Murders
last night?
264
00:12:04,942 --> 00:12:07,977
No! Don't say anything.
I've got it on tape.
265
00:12:08,011 --> 00:12:10,530
Did you believe it was
the vice-president?
266
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:11,798
Please!
267
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,066
How about where the First Lady
268
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,700
popped out of a pool
of her own blood
269
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,535
and strangled
the Russian ambassador?
270
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,705
No... No...
271
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,439
Yeah, that
was my reaction exactly.
272
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,526
Well, thank you,
one and all,
273
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,461
for ruining yet
another plot for me.
274
00:12:25,496 --> 00:12:27,297
I'll be off, now,
but before I go...
275
00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:29,799
there's something I'd like
to share with you.
276
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:34,587
In Citizen Kane. Rosebud
is the name of his sled.
277
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,422
In Murder on
the Orient Express,
278
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,057
everyone did it,
279
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,060
and Luke Skywalker's father
is Darth Vader.
280
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,094
Ha!
281
00:12:44,915 --> 00:12:45,965
Ah, why doesn't
the guy tell us
282
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,000
something
we don't know, huh?
283
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:49,519
Darth Vader is Luke's father?
284
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,073
See you soon.
285
00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:54,473
Bye.
286
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:55,575
"Bye."
287
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:58,077
How dare she put on
that sweetness and light
288
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,312
when it's so obvious
she's nothing more
289
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,915
than a sordid
little harlot.
290
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,449
Hypocrite.
291
00:13:04,335 --> 00:13:08,337
Doing a great job,
Laurie. Keep it up!
292
00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:09,672
I need a couple of drafts, Sam.
293
00:13:09,707 --> 00:13:10,589
Okay.
294
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,859
But, oh, you, uh,
295
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,009
You and Anthony
still not talking?
296
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:17,964
Talking? I can barely stomach
necking with him.
297
00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:19,915
He's a wimp.
298
00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:21,801
Not like my Sam.
299
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,435
Tell me,
300
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,855
how do you feel
about moonlit walks by the beach
301
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,623
and dinner by a roaring fire?
302
00:13:27,658 --> 00:13:30,543
I hate them.
I-I can't stand them. Bleah.
303
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,094
Yay! Me, too.
No, no, no.
304
00:13:32,129 --> 00:13:34,613
I was kidding. I love them.
305
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,149
Too late.
306
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,436
You know, if someone
ran over Laurie
307
00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:45,208
in the parking lot, I bet it
would look like an accident.
308
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,276
Do you want to
make 500 bucks?
309
00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,510
Just, don't...
310
00:13:47,545 --> 00:13:49,212
Listen to yourself.
311
00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:50,213
You're going crazy here.
312
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,348
We both have a problem
with these new waitresses.
313
00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:54,050
Why don't we help
each other out, here?
314
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:55,785
Oh, like I scratch
your back...?
315
00:13:55,819 --> 00:13:58,888
And I'll scratch
your front.
316
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,089
What do you propose?
317
00:14:00,123 --> 00:14:02,458
Well, all right, uh...
now, we don't know for sure
318
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:04,144
that Laurie is
Evan Drake's mistress,
319
00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:05,428
so why don't you
let a guy
320
00:14:05,462 --> 00:14:06,929
who knows women
better than they
321
00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:08,864
know themselves
find out, all right?
322
00:14:08,899 --> 00:14:10,083
Okay.
323
00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:11,517
Laurie, you got
a second here?
324
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,518
Yeah.
325
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,587
How do you feel
about, uh...
326
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:19,526
moonlit walks on the beach with
a dinner by a roaring fire?
327
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,794
Oh, I love those.
328
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:23,846
Well, would you
like to join me?
329
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,882
Oh, no, no, but...
thanks for asking.
330
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,571
She's his mistress.
331
00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:36,959
How do you know that?
332
00:14:36,993 --> 00:14:38,777
She turned me down.
333
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:42,564
That just proves
she has a weak stomach.
334
00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:43,449
I'll handle this myself.
335
00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:45,034
Oh, wait a second.
Wait a minute.
336
00:14:45,069 --> 00:14:47,070
What about my little
problem here, you know?
337
00:14:47,104 --> 00:14:48,571
Sam, I don't have
time to handle
338
00:14:48,605 --> 00:14:50,073
some silly little
teenage crush.
339
00:14:50,107 --> 00:14:51,374
It is not silly.
340
00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:57,230
Oh, yes, Miss Howe?
341
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,966
Laurie, my, you are
such a busy little bee.
342
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,767
I bet you just
won't have an ounce
343
00:15:01,802 --> 00:15:03,769
of energy left for
your leisure time.
344
00:15:03,804 --> 00:15:06,372
Oh, that's okay.
I've lots of energy.
345
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,208
I'll bet you do.
346
00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:09,843
You know, you and I
really haven't had
347
00:15:09,877 --> 00:15:11,377
a chance to get
to know each other.
348
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,047
What do you like to do
in your leisure time?
349
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,466
Well, I, uh, I like to read.
350
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,517
In bed?
351
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:19,852
Sometimes.
352
00:15:19,887 --> 00:15:21,320
What else do you
like to do...
353
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,188
in bed?
354
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,757
Sleep.
355
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,492
Oh, well.
356
00:15:26,527 --> 00:15:29,945
Let, let's imagine here,
that you are asleep in bed,
357
00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:31,814
and you roll over.
358
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:32,981
Did you fall
on the floor,
359
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,017
or did something
impede your progress?
360
00:15:36,085 --> 00:15:36,802
Excuse me?
361
00:15:36,837 --> 00:15:37,787
Oh, nothing.
362
00:15:37,872 --> 00:15:39,138
It's must my warped,
363
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,173
wonderful, wild
sense of humor.
364
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:43,876
By the way,
365
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,010
how do you
know Evan Drake?
366
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:48,013
Well, he's uh...
a friend.
367
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,483
Oh. Well, then maybe
you could help me out.
368
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,051
I was gonna buy him a gift.
369
00:15:52,086 --> 00:15:54,086
Perhaps you know
what size he wears
370
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:56,222
in slacks or shirts
or jockey shorts.
371
00:15:56,257 --> 00:15:57,390
Oh... sure,
372
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,325
but he doesn't
wear jockeys.
373
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,509
He wears boxers.
374
00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:01,928
Never mind, then.
375
00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:05,498
I'm gonna pop her.
376
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:06,699
I'm gonna pop her.
377
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,334
I'm gonna pop her
right in the kisser.
378
00:16:08,369 --> 00:16:09,318
I'm gonna pop her!
379
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:11,404
Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop!
380
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:13,723
That's good.
381
00:16:13,757 --> 00:16:16,893
Now-Now do, uh,
bacon frying.
382
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:26,685
You know, Darth Vader cannot be
Luke Skywalker's father.
383
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,057
They don't have
the same last name.
384
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,025
That's right, Woody.
385
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,261
I'd better call out
the Imperial Guards.
386
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,029
( inhaling and exhaling deeply )
387
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:37,980
Stop it, Mr. Peterson.
388
00:16:38,015 --> 00:16:39,298
You're scaring me.
389
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,804
ANNIE:
You know, Sam,
390
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,106
I was just thinking
about us last night
391
00:16:47,141 --> 00:16:49,842
as I was in the tub
shaving my legs
392
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:53,979
and pumicing the dead skin
off my knees and elbows
393
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,331
and waxing my...
394
00:16:55,365 --> 00:16:57,550
Uh, is-is there
a point to this?
395
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:58,868
Do I have to say it?
396
00:16:58,902 --> 00:17:00,736
Can't you just feel it?
397
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:01,737
Would you stop that?
398
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,022
This is silly.
Now, just...
399
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,190
Of course it's silly,
but love is silly, isn't it?
400
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,493
Romeo and Juliet were silly
in a mad, passionate way.
401
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,061
Are we silly, Sam?
402
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:10,262
Are we?
403
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,897
Y-You maybe,
but I'm not.
404
00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:14,784
Listen, young lady, I happen
to be a very close friend
405
00:17:14,818 --> 00:17:16,052
of your
mother-in-law,
406
00:17:16,086 --> 00:17:17,119
and out of respect,
407
00:17:17,153 --> 00:17:18,854
I'm ending this conversation
right now.
408
00:17:18,889 --> 00:17:20,873
You can end the conversation,
Sam,
409
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:23,075
but you can't end the feeling.
410
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:24,794
Honey, I'm flattered,
but this is nuts.
411
00:17:24,828 --> 00:17:26,094
I mean, I...
412
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,314
You know, I'm old
enough to be your f...
413
00:17:28,349 --> 00:17:30,098
a youthful
uncle, all right?
414
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,518
I mean, when-when...
when I'm 60,
415
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,188
you're-you're
gonna be 22.
416
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,907
Oh, my God, that
can't be right.
417
00:17:37,941 --> 00:17:39,508
Uh...
418
00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:40,710
all right, uh...
419
00:17:40,744 --> 00:17:42,728
All right, when
I'm 60, uh,
420
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,580
well, you'll be
looking pretty
good, actually.
421
00:17:44,614 --> 00:17:45,782
Um...
422
00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:48,985
so, why don't you
call me when I'm 60?
423
00:17:49,019 --> 00:17:49,769
I can't wait that long.
424
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:50,920
Oh, don't. Just...
425
00:17:50,954 --> 00:17:54,856
( Sam grunting )
426
00:17:54,891 --> 00:17:57,043
Hey, knock it off!
427
00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:00,413
All right, you, outside.
428
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,115
You're gonna get
what's coming to you.
429
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,351
I am not going outside
with you, Anthony.
430
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,219
Not you. Her.
431
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,604
I mean, come on.
432
00:18:08,638 --> 00:18:10,206
You're twice as big as me.
433
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,975
Hey, but you stay away from her,
if you know what's good for you.
434
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,743
Thank you for the warning.
435
00:18:14,778 --> 00:18:16,462
Come on, Annie. Let's go.
436
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,280
Why should I
listen to you?
437
00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:21,016
Because I happen to be the new
438
00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:24,586
Assistant Night Manager
at Burger Burger Burger.
439
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:27,490
You got a job?
440
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,258
Hey, an important job.
441
00:18:29,292 --> 00:18:32,027
When I tell people
to chop lettuce,
442
00:18:32,061 --> 00:18:33,895
they say, "How high?"
443
00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:37,550
And now, I am telling you,
Missy,
444
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,902
if you don't come with me
this instant,
445
00:18:39,937 --> 00:18:42,304
we're through forever.
446
00:18:42,339 --> 00:18:44,990
I am so totally
turned on right now,
447
00:18:45,025 --> 00:18:47,727
I could spit.
448
00:18:47,761 --> 00:18:49,094
NORM:
Well,
449
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,712
I guess it's true
what they say:
450
00:18:50,747 --> 00:18:52,481
power is the ultimate
aphrodisiac.
451
00:18:52,516 --> 00:18:55,501
A uniform doesn't
hurt, either.
452
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:57,986
Can you wear it
all night?
453
00:18:58,021 --> 00:18:59,388
Oh, maybe the hat.
454
00:18:59,422 --> 00:19:00,856
Ooh.
455
00:19:02,492 --> 00:19:04,743
Boy, Sam, lucky
for you, he got
that job, huh?
456
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:05,878
Lucky, hell.
457
00:19:05,913 --> 00:19:07,046
I got him that job.
458
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,748
I traded in a few favors
and got him in.
459
00:19:08,782 --> 00:19:10,316
Wow.
460
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,484
As a matter of fact,
461
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,352
are you interested
in buying a secondhand car
462
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,955
with this giant hamburger
on top?
463
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,157
Five-speed
or automatic?
464
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,576
Uh, Miss Howe?
465
00:19:20,610 --> 00:19:22,478
Yes, Laurie, dear?
466
00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:24,347
Well, uh,
Mr. Drake is dropping by,
467
00:19:24,381 --> 00:19:26,815
and I was wondering
if I could just break away
468
00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,384
for a... for an early lunch.
469
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,353
Lunch.
470
00:19:30,387 --> 00:19:33,589
Is that the fashionable
term for it these days?
471
00:19:33,623 --> 00:19:36,058
No, I think
I've always called it lunch.
472
00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:38,127
Well, you just run
along with Mr. Drake
473
00:19:38,161 --> 00:19:39,661
to your lunch,
474
00:19:39,696 --> 00:19:42,231
and don't eat so much,
you can't walk back.
475
00:19:45,335 --> 00:19:46,702
Okay.
476
00:19:46,736 --> 00:19:47,970
Excuse me, Sam.
477
00:19:48,005 --> 00:19:49,405
What did she mean by that?
478
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:50,572
Oh, she's, uh,
479
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,174
under a lot of
pressure nowawdays.
480
00:19:52,209 --> 00:19:53,342
I volunteered
481
00:19:53,377 --> 00:19:55,111
to help her release
some of it, but she...
482
00:19:55,145 --> 00:19:56,578
( sighs )
483
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,948
Probably didn't help,
by asking for an early break.
484
00:19:58,982 --> 00:20:00,116
Mm.
485
00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:01,918
I better apologize.
486
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,252
CLIFF:
Oh,
487
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:04,987
Normie, do my eyes deceive me,
488
00:20:05,021 --> 00:20:07,472
or is this the start
of girl-fighting season?
489
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,358
Luckily, we
have our, uh,
490
00:20:09,393 --> 00:20:10,726
luxury box seats
just in time.
491
00:20:10,761 --> 00:20:11,910
That's right.
492
00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:14,697
They cost a little bit more,
but they're worth it.
493
00:20:14,731 --> 00:20:15,881
Miss Howe,
if it's more convenient,
494
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,533
I'll just take my lunch break
one hour...
495
00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:18,884
Listen!
496
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,919
Let's just cut the
crap here, all right?
497
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,805
I know how you
got hired here,
498
00:20:22,839 --> 00:20:25,607
and I know what
your relationship
is to Mr. Drake.
499
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,242
You do?
500
00:20:27,277 --> 00:20:28,210
Well, give me credit
501
00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:30,278
for having an
ounce of a brain.
502
00:20:31,615 --> 00:20:33,632
You can tell me
to go to hell,
503
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:36,068
but there's something
I have to know.
504
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,370
Do you love
Evan Drake?
505
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,055
Well, yes.
506
00:20:40,089 --> 00:20:41,991
I see.
507
00:20:42,025 --> 00:20:44,193
( voice cracking ):
And does he
love you?
508
00:20:44,227 --> 00:20:46,896
Does he love you?!
509
00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:48,898
Well, of course he does.
510
00:20:48,932 --> 00:20:51,801
Well, then there's only
one thing left to say.
511
00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:54,470
Oh, my God. Oh!
512
00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:55,571
( shrieks )
513
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,724
Oh, damn, it's
a knockout.
514
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,593
Didn't even get
to any hair-pulling.
515
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,394
( door opening )
516
00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,748
Uh-oh, uh-oh,
uh-oh.
517
00:21:05,782 --> 00:21:08,033
What the hell's going on?
518
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:08,884
Mr. Drake.
519
00:21:08,918 --> 00:21:09,818
Daddy.
520
00:21:09,853 --> 00:21:11,787
D-Daddy?
Daddy?
521
00:21:11,821 --> 00:21:13,722
Daddy.
Daddy.
522
00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:17,977
What happened?
523
00:21:18,011 --> 00:21:20,245
Oh, I think she hit me.
524
00:21:21,431 --> 00:21:22,815
You hit my daughter?
525
00:21:22,849 --> 00:21:24,283
No, I'm fine.
526
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,684
Yes, I did,
527
00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:27,653
but it was
an accident.
528
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:29,888
I have a nerve
disorder.
529
00:21:29,923 --> 00:21:31,189
A nerve disorder?
SAM:
Yes, she...
530
00:21:31,224 --> 00:21:33,492
Yes.
She was dropped
as a child on her...
531
00:21:33,527 --> 00:21:34,894
REBECCA:
And-And you better
stand back, because
532
00:21:34,928 --> 00:21:36,278
I just never know
when it's gonna go off.
533
00:21:36,312 --> 00:21:37,279
Ooh.
Oh!
534
00:21:37,313 --> 00:21:38,313
Aah!
See?
535
00:21:38,348 --> 00:21:40,299
I'd better get back
on that medication.
536
00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:41,566
Are you all right, baby?
537
00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:43,636
I'll be all right. Thank you.
538
00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:48,440
I mean her.
539
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:49,675
Yes, Daddy.
540
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:51,377
Oh.
REBECCA:
So, uh,
541
00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:52,645
Laurie's your daughter.
542
00:21:53,496 --> 00:21:55,714
Why didn't you
tell me, kiddo?
543
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:58,350
Well, Daddy
said not to.
544
00:21:58,384 --> 00:22:00,452
I didn't want her
to have any special treatment.
545
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,003
I want her to know
what it feels like
546
00:22:02,038 --> 00:22:03,672
not to be the boss's daughter.
547
00:22:03,707 --> 00:22:05,240
What a fabulous idea.
548
00:22:05,275 --> 00:22:07,843
And so smart of
you not to tell
549
00:22:07,878 --> 00:22:08,927
anyone who she was.
550
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,497
Do you have
any cotton in
your office?
551
00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:13,833
Yeah. Let's put some food
in my baby, huh?
552
00:22:13,867 --> 00:22:16,235
Again, again,
please accept
my apology,
553
00:22:16,269 --> 00:22:18,537
and it was so nice
to see you, Mr. Drake.
554
00:22:18,572 --> 00:22:20,105
If you don't mind, I'll wait
555
00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:22,641
till after
you've had the medication.
556
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,215
Do you think he bought
that nerve disorder thing?
557
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:32,885
I think he bought
that nerve disorder thing.
558
00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:34,720
Is it getting
darker in here?
559
00:22:34,754 --> 00:22:36,555
Oh, Sam, stop being
such a big baby.
560
00:22:36,589 --> 00:22:37,739
Yeah, well...
561
00:22:37,774 --> 00:22:39,508
Here, let me look
at your nose.
562
00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:40,759
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
563
00:22:40,794 --> 00:22:42,695
( gasping ):
Oh, my God!
564
00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:43,545
What?
565
00:22:43,580 --> 00:22:44,697
Oh.
566
00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:45,931
( grunts )
567
00:22:49,036 --> 00:22:50,186
Huh?
568
00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:52,288
What-What...?
569
00:22:57,177 --> 00:22:59,428
Hey, everybody, I'm back.
570
00:22:59,462 --> 00:23:01,146
Hey, Carla.
All right.
571
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:02,431
Anything new
since I've been gone?
572
00:23:02,466 --> 00:23:03,599
( baby cooing )
573
00:23:03,633 --> 00:23:04,766
NORM:
Mm, no, not much.
574
00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:06,102
CLIFF:
Uh, well, nothing special.
575
00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:07,269
( baby cooing )
576
00:23:07,304 --> 00:23:08,637
Yeah, yeah.
How about yourself?
577
00:23:08,671 --> 00:23:10,772
The usual.