1 00:00:03,061 --> 00:00:06,061 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,061 --> 00:00:07,061 ( chuckling ) 3 00:00:07,061 --> 00:00:09,061 Well, that cute little dimple? 4 00:00:09,161 --> 00:00:10,261 Well, I think I still got it. 5 00:00:10,361 --> 00:00:11,961 It's kind of hard for me to see back there. 6 00:00:11,961 --> 00:00:13,861 ( laughing ) 7 00:00:13,861 --> 00:00:17,361 Um, Renee, I'm going to have to get back to you. 8 00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:18,961 Yeah, bye-bye. 9 00:00:18,961 --> 00:00:20,761 Uh, Linda, sweetheart, 10 00:00:20,761 --> 00:00:22,661 uh, can we continue this over lunch? 11 00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:24,961 Well, um, your place. 12 00:00:24,961 --> 00:00:25,961 Don't cook. 13 00:00:25,961 --> 00:00:27,561 ( laughing ) 14 00:00:29,961 --> 00:00:32,061 Let me guess-- personal call? 15 00:00:32,161 --> 00:00:33,861 Very. 16 00:00:33,961 --> 00:00:36,661 Malone, I find winking really smarmy. 17 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,261 Yeah, but beneath this smarm is a lot of charm, 18 00:00:39,261 --> 00:00:41,261 and I think you know that. 19 00:00:42,061 --> 00:00:43,761 I know this... 20 00:00:43,761 --> 00:00:46,561 I want you out of my office now. 21 00:00:46,561 --> 00:00:48,561 All right, all right. I'm sorry. 22 00:00:48,561 --> 00:00:50,961 I know I'm not supposed to get personal calls here, 23 00:00:51,061 --> 00:00:52,861 but what the hey, you know; super-strength Sammy 24 00:00:52,961 --> 00:00:54,661 has been off the shelves now for over a year-- 25 00:00:54,661 --> 00:00:56,361 there's a lot of pent-up demand out there. 26 00:00:57,861 --> 00:00:59,161 What can I say? 27 00:00:59,261 --> 00:01:00,861 Say, "I'd better get back to work. 28 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,061 I don't want to get fired." 29 00:01:03,061 --> 00:01:04,861 You're cute when you're humorless. 30 00:01:04,861 --> 00:01:05,761 Did you know that? 31 00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:07,261 ( telephone rings ) 32 00:01:07,361 --> 00:01:09,061 Cheers. 33 00:01:09,161 --> 00:01:10,361 No, Simone, I'm sorry. 34 00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:11,361 Sam's working. 35 00:01:11,361 --> 00:01:12,661 ( whispering ): Simone? Wait, wait, wait. 36 00:01:12,661 --> 00:01:14,361 Try him later at home. 37 00:01:15,361 --> 00:01:16,361 Well, then, perhaps 38 00:01:16,361 --> 00:01:18,261 on your next visit to the States. 39 00:01:20,661 --> 00:01:22,361 Simone? 40 00:01:22,361 --> 00:01:25,061 Man, you just cost me a roll in the hay. 41 00:01:25,161 --> 00:01:25,661 I owe you one. 42 00:01:25,661 --> 00:01:26,761 You're on. 43 00:01:26,761 --> 00:01:28,061 I didn't mean that. 44 00:01:28,161 --> 00:01:29,761 Wait a minute. I think we need to get something... 45 00:01:29,761 --> 00:01:33,761 ( piano plays ) 46 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:36,261 ¶ Making your way in the world today ¶ 47 00:01:36,361 --> 00:01:39,361 ¶ Takes everything you've got ¶ 48 00:01:39,361 --> 00:01:42,061 ¶ Taking a break from all your worries ¶ 49 00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:45,561 ¶ Sure would help a lot 50 00:01:45,561 --> 00:01:50,661 ¶ Wouldn't you like to get away? ¶ 51 00:01:50,661 --> 00:01:53,361 ¶ Sometimes you want to go 52 00:01:53,361 --> 00:01:58,861 ¶ Where everybody knows your name ¶ 53 00:01:58,861 --> 00:02:03,461 ¶ And they're always glad you came ¶ 54 00:02:03,461 --> 00:02:05,861 ¶ You want to be where you can see ¶ 55 00:02:05,861 --> 00:02:08,361 ¶ Our troubles are all the same ¶ 56 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:13,761 ¶ You want to be where everybody knows your name ¶ 57 00:02:13,761 --> 00:02:16,261 ¶ You want to go where people know ¶ 58 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,361 ¶ People are all the same 59 00:02:18,461 --> 00:02:23,061 ¶ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ¶ 60 00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:44,061 Geez... listen to this. 61 00:02:44,061 --> 00:02:45,761 "Scientists discover wild parrot 62 00:02:45,761 --> 00:02:49,561 who claims to be Elvis." 63 00:02:49,661 --> 00:02:53,061 So? 64 00:02:53,161 --> 00:02:54,361 "So?" 65 00:02:54,461 --> 00:02:55,961 I mean, this one wins the "Too stupid 66 00:02:55,961 --> 00:02:59,361 for even you, Cliff" award. 67 00:02:59,361 --> 00:03:00,661 Now, really, must you two wallow 68 00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:03,761 in this sensationalistic tripe? 69 00:03:03,761 --> 00:03:06,561 It pains me no end to see America's wits dulled 70 00:03:06,661 --> 00:03:10,261 and their morals abrogated by this opiate of the asses. 71 00:03:10,361 --> 00:03:11,661 ( Norm scoffs ) 72 00:03:11,761 --> 00:03:13,861 Well, let's check this out, Cliffie. 73 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,961 "I was Sigmund Freud's love child." 74 00:03:15,961 --> 00:03:17,961 No! 75 00:03:19,461 --> 00:03:20,861 I've heard rumors that he betrayed Martha 76 00:03:20,961 --> 00:03:21,861 with his sister-in-law, 77 00:03:21,961 --> 00:03:23,261 but I never dreamed there were progeny. 78 00:03:25,461 --> 00:03:27,961 You rapscallions. 79 00:03:28,761 --> 00:03:31,261 ( Woody whistling ) 80 00:03:31,261 --> 00:03:33,761 What are you whistling about, huh? 81 00:03:33,861 --> 00:03:35,661 You haven't got a dime to your name. 82 00:03:35,661 --> 00:03:37,761 You're working for a woman who's a meat grinder, 83 00:03:37,761 --> 00:03:41,661 and you look like a baboon in that uniform. 84 00:03:41,661 --> 00:03:46,761 Boy, life really stinks. 85 00:03:46,761 --> 00:03:50,161 ( whistling happy tune ) 86 00:03:52,461 --> 00:03:53,661 SAM: You okay? 87 00:03:53,661 --> 00:03:55,761 I feel like puke. 88 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:59,961 Well, you're wearing the right uniform. 89 00:03:59,961 --> 00:04:01,261 Want to talk about it? 90 00:04:01,361 --> 00:04:03,461 No, what's there to say 91 00:04:03,461 --> 00:04:06,561 about a no-good, ice-eating little geek like Eddie LeBec. 92 00:04:06,561 --> 00:04:08,561 He's known since a week ago 93 00:04:08,661 --> 00:04:10,161 that I got his bun in my oven, 94 00:04:10,161 --> 00:04:11,761 and what the hell has he done about it? 95 00:04:11,861 --> 00:04:13,261 Jack Diddley. 96 00:04:15,561 --> 00:04:16,661 Don't look now, 97 00:04:16,761 --> 00:04:18,761 but your ice-eating geek just walked in. 98 00:04:19,961 --> 00:04:22,461 Don't you just love him? 99 00:04:22,561 --> 00:04:24,061 Hi, Carla. 100 00:04:24,161 --> 00:04:24,861 Hi, Eddie. 101 00:04:24,961 --> 00:04:26,261 You, uh, busy? 102 00:04:26,261 --> 00:04:27,361 CARLA: Just a minute. 103 00:04:27,361 --> 00:04:28,361 Uh, look, 104 00:04:28,461 --> 00:04:30,061 would you just write down what you want, 105 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,161 and hand it to Howdy Doody over there? 106 00:04:34,461 --> 00:04:35,761 I'm all yours. Okay. 107 00:04:35,761 --> 00:04:37,361 So, what's new? 108 00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,961 Well, I, uh, I've had a lot on my mind lately. 109 00:04:40,061 --> 00:04:40,961 Yeah? 110 00:04:41,061 --> 00:04:44,261 You know, training camp's really been rough 111 00:04:44,361 --> 00:04:45,861 and a lot of competition at goalie, 112 00:04:45,861 --> 00:04:48,561 and really having to work my tail off to keep up, eh? 113 00:04:48,661 --> 00:04:51,561 Sounds rough. Yeah. 114 00:04:51,561 --> 00:04:53,461 Say, you know, uh, since I'm already here, 115 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:55,361 there's something I've been wanting to ask you. 116 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,361 Yeah? 117 00:04:56,561 --> 00:04:57,661 It's a question. 118 00:04:57,761 --> 00:05:00,461 I like questions. 119 00:05:00,461 --> 00:05:01,661 Okay, but, 120 00:05:01,661 --> 00:05:02,961 see, this is the kind of question 121 00:05:03,061 --> 00:05:04,261 a guy really doesn't want to ask 122 00:05:04,261 --> 00:05:05,961 if he thinks he might get "no" for answer. 123 00:05:06,061 --> 00:05:09,061 Well, it's kind of hard for a girl to give an answer 124 00:05:09,161 --> 00:05:11,261 until she knows what the question is. 125 00:05:11,261 --> 00:05:12,661 Okay, but, you see, 126 00:05:12,661 --> 00:05:13,861 it would be a lot easier for a guy 127 00:05:13,961 --> 00:05:14,961 if he had some sort of sign... 128 00:05:15,061 --> 00:05:16,661 Ask me, you little frog! 129 00:05:16,661 --> 00:05:17,661 Okay. 130 00:05:17,661 --> 00:05:18,961 Carla, would you...? 131 00:05:18,961 --> 00:05:20,661 Yes! Yes! 132 00:05:20,661 --> 00:05:22,161 Oh, oh, oh. Eddie, yes. 133 00:05:22,261 --> 00:05:23,761 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 134 00:05:23,761 --> 00:05:25,361 Carla, do you mind if we, 135 00:05:25,361 --> 00:05:26,561 you know, we keep this quiet? 136 00:05:26,561 --> 00:05:28,761 You know me, I don't like a lot of hoopla. 137 00:05:28,761 --> 00:05:31,261 Oh, yeah, sorry. 138 00:05:33,261 --> 00:05:35,261 Would it be okay if I just told Sam? 139 00:05:35,261 --> 00:05:36,461 I guess. 140 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,561 Hey, Sammy! 141 00:05:37,561 --> 00:05:38,961 Me and Eddie are getting married! 142 00:05:38,961 --> 00:05:40,261 ( applause ) 143 00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:42,061 Oh, my God. Hey, hey, hey. 144 00:05:42,061 --> 00:05:44,061 ( bell ringing, people cheering ) 145 00:05:44,161 --> 00:05:45,361 Get over here, Eddie! 146 00:05:45,361 --> 00:05:46,061 ( whistles ) 147 00:05:46,161 --> 00:05:47,761 What's going on? 148 00:05:47,761 --> 00:05:49,061 Oh, great news, Miss Howe. 149 00:05:49,161 --> 00:05:50,761 Carla's marrying Eddie LeBec. 150 00:05:50,761 --> 00:05:54,661 Oh, that cute little guy with the dents in his nose. 151 00:05:56,561 --> 00:05:58,561 Hey, listen up, everybody. 152 00:05:58,561 --> 00:05:59,961 Wait, wait, wait, here we go. 153 00:05:59,961 --> 00:06:00,961 Here we go, here we go. 154 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,561 I want to be making a toast 155 00:06:02,661 --> 00:06:03,961 to my beautiful bride-to-be. 156 00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:05,561 Listen, you know, I don't make my living 157 00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:07,361 using words, so this is gonna be kind of hard 158 00:06:07,461 --> 00:06:09,761 for me, okay, but here it goes. 159 00:06:09,761 --> 00:06:13,161 Uh, Carla... 160 00:06:13,161 --> 00:06:15,761 Well, you know. 161 00:06:18,061 --> 00:06:19,861 ALL: Well, you know. 162 00:06:19,861 --> 00:06:21,361 Yeah. 163 00:06:21,361 --> 00:06:23,761 I love you, sweetie. 164 00:06:23,761 --> 00:06:25,661 Hey, congratulations, man. This is terrific. 165 00:06:25,661 --> 00:06:26,661 Thanks. 166 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:27,961 Are you gonna take her on a honeymoon? 167 00:06:28,061 --> 00:06:29,761 Hey, got any suggestions? Yeah. 168 00:06:29,761 --> 00:06:30,961 New Orleans. 169 00:06:30,961 --> 00:06:32,561 I found a great little honeymoon spot 170 00:06:32,561 --> 00:06:34,661 just kind of tucked away off Bourbon Street. 171 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:37,761 Great food, very romantic, steamy atmosphere, you know. 172 00:06:37,861 --> 00:06:39,961 Yeah, I had the time of my life, 173 00:06:39,961 --> 00:06:43,161 and then Vera tracked me down. 174 00:06:43,161 --> 00:06:45,861 Well, if I get any time off from training camp, 175 00:06:45,961 --> 00:06:48,361 I thought maybe Carla might like to see Waikiki. 176 00:06:48,461 --> 00:06:51,561 Waikiki... Honolulu, Hawaii? 177 00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:52,961 Sure, we'll hit them all. 178 00:06:52,961 --> 00:06:55,661 Yeah, right! 179 00:06:55,761 --> 00:06:57,761 I only hope I can get some time off 180 00:06:57,761 --> 00:06:58,761 from the Howitzer. 181 00:07:00,061 --> 00:07:02,661 Sorry. Miss Howitzer. 182 00:07:03,861 --> 00:07:04,861 Time off? 183 00:07:04,861 --> 00:07:06,961 Well, you'll be having all the time in the world. 184 00:07:06,961 --> 00:07:08,361 You think I'd be having a wife of mine 185 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:09,661 work in a crummy bar like this? 186 00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:13,061 No offense, Miss Howitzer. 187 00:07:13,161 --> 00:07:15,161 It's Miss Howe. 188 00:07:15,161 --> 00:07:16,261 Oh, take it easy. 189 00:07:16,361 --> 00:07:18,661 They're just complimenting your big guns. 190 00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:21,061 Wait a minute. 191 00:07:21,061 --> 00:07:22,561 Y-You're telling me 192 00:07:22,661 --> 00:07:25,561 that I don't have to work anymore? 193 00:07:25,661 --> 00:07:28,961 You mean, I can just sit around the house all day, 194 00:07:28,961 --> 00:07:30,761 eating peanut butter out of a jar, 195 00:07:30,861 --> 00:07:33,961 and watching my toenails grow? 196 00:07:33,961 --> 00:07:35,861 She's, uh, quite a catch, Ed. 197 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,661 Boy, you know, I'm gonna miss you around here. 198 00:07:42,661 --> 00:07:46,261 Oh, Sammy, I'll drop by once in a while 199 00:07:46,261 --> 00:07:47,761 to watch all you 9-to-5'ers 200 00:07:47,761 --> 00:07:49,861 spill drinks on your butler suits. 201 00:07:51,161 --> 00:07:52,461 So, when's the big day, Carla? 202 00:07:52,461 --> 00:07:54,561 Well, I'd like to do it as soon as possible 203 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,561 before my little hunk of back bacon here 204 00:07:56,561 --> 00:07:57,661 changes his mind. 205 00:07:57,761 --> 00:07:59,361 Ah, no way, I'm not one of those flakes 206 00:07:59,461 --> 00:08:00,461 you used to go out with. 207 00:08:00,561 --> 00:08:02,061 Oh, but listen, we have to get married 208 00:08:02,061 --> 00:08:03,161 on a day with a two in it 209 00:08:03,161 --> 00:08:04,561 'cause two's my lucky number. 210 00:08:04,661 --> 00:08:06,661 Rats. Mine's three. 211 00:08:06,661 --> 00:08:07,861 Oh, no sweat. 212 00:08:07,861 --> 00:08:09,461 Lucky two, lucky three... 213 00:08:09,561 --> 00:08:11,861 We can get married on the 23rd or the 32nd. 214 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,261 That's right, honey. 215 00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:16,261 Oh, right, right. 216 00:08:16,261 --> 00:08:17,361 No, um... 217 00:08:17,361 --> 00:08:18,861 As long as it's not on a Wednesday. 218 00:08:18,961 --> 00:08:20,261 Ooh, yeah, bad juju. 219 00:08:20,261 --> 00:08:21,861 Yeah. 220 00:08:21,861 --> 00:08:23,661 This is going to be an interesting wedding-- 221 00:08:23,661 --> 00:08:26,061 the two most superstitious people in the world. 222 00:08:26,061 --> 00:08:29,661 Hey, hey, don't say that, it's bad luck. 223 00:08:29,661 --> 00:08:32,461 Listen, whatever you do, don't make any plans afterwards 224 00:08:32,561 --> 00:08:35,561 'cause we're going to throw you the biggest wedding reception 225 00:08:35,561 --> 00:08:36,361 in history right here... 226 00:08:36,561 --> 00:08:37,761 Oh, great! ( applause ) 227 00:08:37,861 --> 00:08:39,661 ( clears throat ) 228 00:08:39,661 --> 00:08:41,761 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 229 00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:42,661 Force of habit. 230 00:08:42,761 --> 00:08:44,961 Not my place to do that. I'm sorry. 231 00:08:44,961 --> 00:08:49,061 Ms. Howe's going to throw you the biggest wedding reception... 232 00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:50,561 ( cheering ) 233 00:08:50,561 --> 00:08:53,761 I need to talk to you right now. 234 00:08:53,861 --> 00:08:55,461 Uh, wait... 235 00:08:55,461 --> 00:08:57,661 before you say anything, let me just, uh... 236 00:08:57,661 --> 00:08:58,861 I had an idea. 237 00:08:58,861 --> 00:09:00,661 Why don't you invite your boss, 238 00:09:00,661 --> 00:09:02,361 what's-his-name, Evan Drake. 239 00:09:02,461 --> 00:09:04,061 You know, he's a sports fan, so I hear. 240 00:09:04,061 --> 00:09:06,361 Maybe he'd enjoy meeting Eddie LeBec there. 241 00:09:06,361 --> 00:09:08,261 You know, you could throw him a big bash, 242 00:09:08,361 --> 00:09:10,661 impress the pants off him. 243 00:09:10,661 --> 00:09:12,361 What were you going to say? 244 00:09:12,461 --> 00:09:15,361 I was going to tell you to smile more. 245 00:09:15,361 --> 00:09:16,361 Mm-hmm. 246 00:09:16,461 --> 00:09:19,261 I didn't say smugly. 247 00:09:19,361 --> 00:09:21,161 Excuse me, I have a phone call to make. 248 00:09:22,761 --> 00:09:23,861 Hey there, Eduardo, 249 00:09:23,861 --> 00:09:26,361 looks like you and Carla aren't the only lovebirds in town. 250 00:09:26,461 --> 00:09:28,361 Check out DeeDee and David there. 251 00:09:28,361 --> 00:09:29,661 Who? 252 00:09:29,661 --> 00:09:31,161 DeeDee and David Lefsowski, 253 00:09:31,261 --> 00:09:34,961 the Weekly Gabbers' odd couple of the month. 254 00:09:34,961 --> 00:09:38,261 See, she weighs in there at 480 pounds, 255 00:09:38,361 --> 00:09:44,161 and he tips the scales at a mere, uh, 92. 256 00:09:44,161 --> 00:09:47,061 But I mean, just look at the love in his eyes. 257 00:09:47,061 --> 00:09:48,861 I think that's fear, Cliff. 258 00:09:51,161 --> 00:09:52,361 Cute baby he's holding. 259 00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:54,661 That's her arm, Woody. 260 00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,961 Cute arm he's holding. 261 00:09:58,661 --> 00:10:00,461 Hey. Picked a date yet? 262 00:10:00,561 --> 00:10:01,561 Yep. 263 00:10:01,561 --> 00:10:03,361 Eddie wants to do it a week from Saturday, 264 00:10:03,361 --> 00:10:05,161 anytime before 4:00 p.m. 265 00:10:05,261 --> 00:10:07,261 which is okay with my psychic, 266 00:10:07,261 --> 00:10:10,361 as long as our auras remain in the blue spectrum, 267 00:10:10,461 --> 00:10:12,361 and there's no solar eclipse. 268 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:15,261 It's really tough planning a wedding, isn't it? 269 00:10:15,261 --> 00:10:17,061 Ooh, tell me about it. 270 00:10:17,061 --> 00:10:19,161 You know, I'm just a little nervous 271 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:21,261 about waiting eight days. 272 00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:22,961 Gives Eddie an awful long time 273 00:10:22,961 --> 00:10:24,161 to come to his senses. 274 00:10:24,161 --> 00:10:25,861 Look at him. 275 00:10:25,861 --> 00:10:27,561 He's absorbed in thought over there. 276 00:10:33,361 --> 00:10:35,261 Well, maybe not. 277 00:10:38,861 --> 00:10:40,761 There. 278 00:10:40,761 --> 00:10:42,061 The table looks nice. 279 00:10:42,061 --> 00:10:43,961 Woody, don't you think the table looks nice? 280 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:45,061 I think it looks nice. 281 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,161 Looks nice. 282 00:10:46,161 --> 00:10:46,961 You think so? 283 00:10:48,361 --> 00:10:50,261 Oh, damn, I bet chucklebrain 284 00:10:50,261 --> 00:10:51,861 forgot to pick up the napkins. 285 00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:54,661 Oh, no, Sam didn't forget. 286 00:10:54,661 --> 00:10:57,861 Eddie brought these special wedding ones they had made up. 287 00:10:59,761 --> 00:11:01,261 "We don't want to get married. 288 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:05,361 We have to. Ha, ha." 289 00:11:05,461 --> 00:11:07,461 Cute. 290 00:11:07,461 --> 00:11:08,861 You see the little hillbilly 291 00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:11,061 with the shotgun? 292 00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,661 Yes, he's nice, isn't he? 293 00:11:13,661 --> 00:11:15,861 But I think these are just a little too funny 294 00:11:15,861 --> 00:11:17,261 for the reception. 295 00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:18,561 Burn them. 296 00:11:19,861 --> 00:11:22,761 Did you remember to get the cinnamon almond decaf? 297 00:11:22,761 --> 00:11:24,161 Yeah, I did. 298 00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:25,961 Who likes that? 299 00:11:25,961 --> 00:11:26,961 Evan does. 300 00:11:26,961 --> 00:11:29,161 Everyone does. 301 00:11:29,161 --> 00:11:31,361 Excuse me, Miss Howe, 302 00:11:31,361 --> 00:11:34,461 I know it's none of my beeswax, but... 303 00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,961 it seems to me like you're awfully nervous 304 00:11:36,961 --> 00:11:39,961 about Mr. Drake coming by today. 305 00:11:39,961 --> 00:11:43,261 Do you like him or something? 306 00:11:43,261 --> 00:11:45,161 In a business sense, yes. 307 00:11:45,161 --> 00:11:48,261 I admire his skills and accomplishments. 308 00:11:48,261 --> 00:11:50,061 You like him. 309 00:11:53,461 --> 00:11:55,161 Boys... 310 00:11:55,161 --> 00:11:56,761 we're all set up with my buddy Bruce. 311 00:11:56,761 --> 00:11:58,861 He can get us the same silverware Carla picked out 312 00:11:58,961 --> 00:12:00,961 from the Filene's catalog for over two-thirds off. 313 00:12:00,961 --> 00:12:02,361 Oh, yeah. 314 00:12:02,361 --> 00:12:04,061 So what's the bite-ski? 315 00:12:04,061 --> 00:12:05,061 20 bucks apiece. 316 00:12:05,061 --> 00:12:06,261 I'll catch you guys later. 317 00:12:06,361 --> 00:12:07,961 Say, Norm, there isn't any chance 318 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,061 that this stuff is stolen merchandise, is there? 319 00:12:10,161 --> 00:12:11,361 No, of course not. 320 00:12:11,361 --> 00:12:12,961 Listen, if anyone asks, 321 00:12:12,961 --> 00:12:15,061 we never heard of Bruce, we can't find the receipt, 322 00:12:15,161 --> 00:12:16,861 and if you run into me up on the street, 323 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,161 call me Larry. 324 00:12:20,861 --> 00:12:23,161 My mind's at ease. 325 00:12:23,261 --> 00:12:25,261 So, Sam, what are you concocting there? 326 00:12:25,261 --> 00:12:28,061 You know how superstitious Carla and Eddie are. 327 00:12:28,161 --> 00:12:29,961 I thought I'd mix them up a batch 328 00:12:30,061 --> 00:12:31,761 of my good-luck wedding punch. 329 00:12:31,761 --> 00:12:33,061 It never fails. 330 00:12:33,161 --> 00:12:34,561 Isn't that the same stuff you made 331 00:12:34,661 --> 00:12:35,961 when you were getting married 332 00:12:35,961 --> 00:12:37,961 to Miss Chambers? 333 00:12:39,361 --> 00:12:41,761 Woody, you want to flush this down the toilet. 334 00:12:43,361 --> 00:12:44,461 Hi, guys. 335 00:12:44,461 --> 00:12:46,061 Hey. Hey. 336 00:12:46,061 --> 00:12:49,161 Carla, what are you doing here on your wedding day? 337 00:12:49,261 --> 00:12:52,361 Oh, oh, actually I came by to get my last paycheck. 338 00:12:52,361 --> 00:12:53,861 See, the bridal shop has this policy 339 00:12:53,961 --> 00:12:55,061 about their wedding gowns-- 340 00:12:55,161 --> 00:12:57,161 "Fork over the jack, or it stays on the rack." 341 00:12:57,161 --> 00:12:58,361 So where is it? 342 00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:01,061 Oh, I'm so sorry 343 00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:04,661 that I don't have it ready for you right this very second. 344 00:13:04,661 --> 00:13:06,361 I guess I've just been busy 345 00:13:06,361 --> 00:13:07,861 putting up every single decoration 346 00:13:07,861 --> 00:13:09,461 and ordering all the hors d'oeuvres 347 00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:11,861 and getting a band together at the very last minute 348 00:13:11,961 --> 00:13:15,261 so that your reception could be just perfect for you. 349 00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:16,961 Could you step on it? I'm in a hurry. 350 00:13:18,261 --> 00:13:20,361 Soda, bartender. 351 00:13:20,361 --> 00:13:22,661 Coming right up. 352 00:13:22,661 --> 00:13:25,361 So how's the bride on her big day? 353 00:13:25,361 --> 00:13:26,861 Couldn't be better, Sammy. 354 00:13:26,861 --> 00:13:29,261 All celestial omens are favorable. 355 00:13:29,261 --> 00:13:32,261 Seems that Eddie and I picked the one day this century 356 00:13:32,261 --> 00:13:34,461 when all the planets and constellations 357 00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:35,861 are in perfect alignment. 358 00:13:35,961 --> 00:13:38,561 So either we get married by 4:00 today, 359 00:13:38,661 --> 00:13:40,861 or we wait until the year 2042. 360 00:13:42,161 --> 00:13:43,561 I don't know, call me old-fashioned, 361 00:13:43,661 --> 00:13:45,261 but I still think you ought to get married 362 00:13:45,261 --> 00:13:46,561 before your baby does. 363 00:13:46,661 --> 00:13:48,361 ( chuckles ) 364 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,861 How'd you manage to swing a church wedding? 365 00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:52,961 You know, being divorced and all. 366 00:13:52,961 --> 00:13:54,361 Don't you remember? 367 00:13:54,461 --> 00:13:57,061 I had my marriage to Nick annulled years ago. 368 00:13:57,061 --> 00:13:59,261 Oh, right, right, right, right. Took forever. 369 00:13:59,261 --> 00:14:00,361 Mm-hmm. 370 00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:01,861 But things got speeded up 371 00:14:01,961 --> 00:14:03,961 when Nick tried to sell the Bishop his watch. 372 00:14:05,861 --> 00:14:07,761 Oh, hey, isn't that Eddie LeBec 373 00:14:07,761 --> 00:14:09,561 sashaying down those stairs, there, Doc? 374 00:14:09,561 --> 00:14:10,961 Sure looks like it. But Carla's here. 375 00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:12,161 Isn't there some superstition 376 00:14:12,161 --> 00:14:14,361 about the groom seeing the bride before the wedding? 377 00:14:15,461 --> 00:14:16,561 ( screams ) 378 00:14:16,661 --> 00:14:18,361 ( screams ) 379 00:14:20,061 --> 00:14:21,661 Nobody believes in that anymore. 380 00:14:34,199 --> 00:14:35,799 You saw me. 381 00:14:35,799 --> 00:14:36,499 I saw you. 382 00:14:36,599 --> 00:14:37,299 I saw you see me. 383 00:14:37,299 --> 00:14:38,499 I saw you see me see you. 384 00:14:38,499 --> 00:14:39,699 Oh... Shut up. 385 00:14:39,799 --> 00:14:41,599 You're making it worse. 386 00:14:41,599 --> 00:14:43,399 Oh, my God. 387 00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:45,399 We were so careful about every single thing, 388 00:14:45,499 --> 00:14:46,899 and then we blew 389 00:14:46,999 --> 00:14:49,499 the single most important superstition of all-- 390 00:14:49,499 --> 00:14:51,999 seeing the bride on the day of the wedding. 391 00:14:51,999 --> 00:14:53,299 What are you doing here? 392 00:14:53,399 --> 00:14:55,299 I was meeting my mother. What are you doing here? 393 00:14:55,299 --> 00:14:57,699 I came by to get my check! 394 00:14:57,699 --> 00:14:59,399 That's it. 395 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:00,199 We've blown it. 396 00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:01,399 We can't get married now. 397 00:15:01,499 --> 00:15:03,999 Call me in 2042. 398 00:15:04,099 --> 00:15:05,799 Yeah, okay. I'll see ya. 399 00:15:07,099 --> 00:15:08,699 You guys are kidding. 400 00:15:08,799 --> 00:15:09,999 Come on. Eddie. 401 00:15:09,999 --> 00:15:13,099 Wait a minute. What am I doing? 402 00:15:13,099 --> 00:15:14,899 Carla... 403 00:15:14,899 --> 00:15:16,999 Look, I don't want to give up the best thing 404 00:15:17,099 --> 00:15:18,299 that ever happened to me. 405 00:15:18,399 --> 00:15:19,599 Oh, come off it, Eddie. 406 00:15:19,599 --> 00:15:21,999 You're just as superstitious as I am. 407 00:15:22,099 --> 00:15:23,299 Well, not anymore. 408 00:15:23,399 --> 00:15:24,699 And I'm going to prove to you 409 00:15:24,699 --> 00:15:26,499 there's nothing to all that mumbo jumbo. 410 00:15:26,499 --> 00:15:27,699 Woody, hand me a mirror. 411 00:15:27,699 --> 00:15:29,199 Huh? 412 00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:31,199 You know, the one Sam's always looking at himself in. 413 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,499 What are you going to do? 414 00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:34,799 I'm going to break it. 415 00:15:34,899 --> 00:15:36,799 The bad luck is starting already. 416 00:15:36,799 --> 00:15:37,999 He's lost his mind. 417 00:15:37,999 --> 00:15:39,799 ( gasps ) 418 00:15:39,899 --> 00:15:42,699 Hey, that's my mirror. 419 00:15:43,699 --> 00:15:45,099 You see? Nothing. 420 00:15:45,099 --> 00:15:48,399 The ground didn't open up and swallow me. 421 00:15:48,399 --> 00:15:50,399 That's because they want you out in the open 422 00:15:50,499 --> 00:15:52,599 where lightning can get you. 423 00:15:53,999 --> 00:15:55,499 Don't do that! 424 00:15:55,599 --> 00:15:56,899 Oh! 425 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,399 Which shoulder do you throw salt over to avoid bad luck? 426 00:15:59,399 --> 00:16:00,599 The left, the left. 427 00:16:00,699 --> 00:16:01,699 No! No, no! 428 00:16:01,699 --> 00:16:04,299 Forgive him, demons of Hell. 429 00:16:04,299 --> 00:16:06,499 He's a hockey player. 430 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:07,799 ( phone ringing ) 431 00:16:07,799 --> 00:16:09,299 Don't, don't answer it. Don't, don't... 432 00:16:09,299 --> 00:16:10,299 Cheers. 433 00:16:10,299 --> 00:16:11,299 Thanks, Woody. 434 00:16:11,299 --> 00:16:12,399 Carla, it's for you. 435 00:16:14,299 --> 00:16:17,899 Go on. Go on, answer it. 436 00:16:17,899 --> 00:16:20,299 Would you take it. 437 00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:22,299 Come on. 438 00:16:25,099 --> 00:16:27,099 Hello. 439 00:16:27,199 --> 00:16:30,199 Oh, hi, Dr. Nadelson. 440 00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:32,899 How did my tests come out? 441 00:16:32,999 --> 00:16:34,999 You've got to be kidding. 442 00:16:34,999 --> 00:16:37,299 What? What is it? 443 00:16:37,299 --> 00:16:38,699 Twins. 444 00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:44,499 He spills the salt, he breaks the mirror, 445 00:16:44,499 --> 00:16:46,899 and I'm the one having twins. 446 00:16:46,899 --> 00:16:50,299 I told you something horrible was going to happen. 447 00:16:50,299 --> 00:16:51,299 What is so bad? 448 00:16:51,299 --> 00:16:53,399 Twins means we're twice blessed. 449 00:16:53,499 --> 00:16:54,599 Yeah, I had twins once. 450 00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:56,399 It was the happiest day of my life. 451 00:16:57,399 --> 00:16:58,999 Lighten up. 452 00:16:58,999 --> 00:17:01,499 Lighten up. 453 00:17:01,499 --> 00:17:04,699 Carla... Carla, this is great. 454 00:17:04,799 --> 00:17:07,799 Eddie... 455 00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:11,099 You're really happy about this? 456 00:17:11,199 --> 00:17:13,799 I'm the happiest man on Earth. 457 00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:16,099 Listen, Carla, you and me, we can... 458 00:17:16,099 --> 00:17:17,899 we can overcome any obstacles 459 00:17:17,999 --> 00:17:19,299 that are in our way. 460 00:17:20,999 --> 00:17:25,199 You're a great guy, Eddie. 461 00:17:25,199 --> 00:17:26,799 Dumb as a skate blade, 462 00:17:26,799 --> 00:17:29,199 but a great guy. 463 00:17:29,199 --> 00:17:30,999 Ma! 464 00:17:31,099 --> 00:17:32,599 Oh, my baby's home! 465 00:17:32,599 --> 00:17:35,599 You see? I knew things would look up. 466 00:17:35,699 --> 00:17:36,899 What's wrong? 467 00:17:36,899 --> 00:17:37,899 Ma, nothing. 468 00:17:37,999 --> 00:17:38,999 Everything's aces. 469 00:17:38,999 --> 00:17:40,899 It's just that, hey, when you called 470 00:17:40,999 --> 00:17:42,299 about getting remarried, 471 00:17:42,299 --> 00:17:43,899 I realized how much I love you. 472 00:17:43,999 --> 00:17:46,299 I just wanted to be with you on this day. 473 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,699 And? 474 00:17:47,699 --> 00:17:49,999 Uh, and Dad's TV shop-- it went under. 475 00:17:50,099 --> 00:17:52,399 We got evicted, and I can't get unemployment 476 00:17:52,499 --> 00:17:54,899 'cause Daddy didn't declare me an employee. 477 00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:57,399 Well, I'm just glad 478 00:17:57,499 --> 00:18:00,299 my little boy's here for my wedding. 479 00:18:00,299 --> 00:18:02,799 What about his lovely wife? 480 00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:05,699 I'm just glad my little boy's here for my wedding. 481 00:18:07,399 --> 00:18:09,599 Actually, Mother Tortelli, 482 00:18:09,599 --> 00:18:12,899 we didn't want to return to Vegas. 483 00:18:12,999 --> 00:18:14,199 We don't think it's any place 484 00:18:14,199 --> 00:18:15,599 for children to grow up. 485 00:18:15,599 --> 00:18:17,699 You're having a kid? 486 00:18:17,699 --> 00:18:19,799 I'm talking about us. 487 00:18:21,599 --> 00:18:24,999 So, if we could find someone here in Boston 488 00:18:24,999 --> 00:18:26,599 with an nice house 489 00:18:26,599 --> 00:18:28,399 and lots of extra room... 490 00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:31,399 Do you know anyone like that, Mother Tortelli? 491 00:18:31,399 --> 00:18:32,599 No, no, no. 492 00:18:32,599 --> 00:18:34,599 You don't want to come live 493 00:18:34,699 --> 00:18:37,599 in my little, tiny, overcrowded house. 494 00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:38,999 Ma, it's just temporary. 495 00:18:38,999 --> 00:18:40,999 Just till I get back on my feet. 496 00:18:42,399 --> 00:18:43,699 Hey, if it's a problem, 497 00:18:43,799 --> 00:18:45,899 we'll find someplace else to stay. 498 00:18:45,899 --> 00:18:47,099 Yeah. I think I saw 499 00:18:47,099 --> 00:18:49,199 a nice cardboard box in the alley. 500 00:18:49,299 --> 00:18:51,099 See, see? What did I tell ya? 501 00:18:51,099 --> 00:18:54,199 This is the bad luck I've been warning you about. 502 00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,199 Carla, don't worry about it. 503 00:18:56,199 --> 00:18:57,299 I mean, the more the merrier. 504 00:18:57,399 --> 00:18:58,399 Look, I'm going to get 505 00:18:58,399 --> 00:18:59,799 a major salary bump this season, 506 00:18:59,899 --> 00:19:02,399 and then I'll buy us all the biggest house in Boston. 507 00:19:02,399 --> 00:19:05,099 Wow. A new house? 508 00:19:05,099 --> 00:19:06,399 You bet. 509 00:19:06,499 --> 00:19:07,999 Now do you finally believe 510 00:19:07,999 --> 00:19:10,199 that nothing bad is going to happen? 511 00:19:10,299 --> 00:19:11,699 No. I'll just have more closet space 512 00:19:11,699 --> 00:19:13,199 when it does. 513 00:19:13,199 --> 00:19:16,899 Anthony, I'm Eddie LeBec. 514 00:19:16,899 --> 00:19:18,299 I guess I'm your new stepfather. 515 00:19:18,399 --> 00:19:20,499 I'm hoping one day you'll call me "Dad." 516 00:19:20,499 --> 00:19:24,199 Hey, Nick Tortelli is my dad. 517 00:19:24,199 --> 00:19:26,399 You are not my father, 518 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,599 and you never will be! 519 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:28,199 Anthony! 520 00:19:28,199 --> 00:19:29,299 You only knocked up my ma 521 00:19:29,299 --> 00:19:30,599 so she'd have to marry you. 522 00:19:31,799 --> 00:19:34,899 Ma, I'm sorry. The guy was asking for it. 523 00:19:36,899 --> 00:19:37,999 Come on, Annie, let's go. 524 00:19:37,999 --> 00:19:39,799 Forgive him. 525 00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:41,899 He has the hot passion of his race, 526 00:19:41,899 --> 00:19:44,499 and I have the envy of every woman I know. 527 00:19:49,499 --> 00:19:51,899 Well, this is it. 528 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:52,899 This is the bad luck. 529 00:19:52,899 --> 00:19:54,299 I mean, what could be worse 530 00:19:54,299 --> 00:19:56,099 than my kid hating my husband? 531 00:19:56,099 --> 00:19:56,999 Look, it's okay. 532 00:19:57,099 --> 00:19:58,099 He's just a kid. 533 00:19:58,199 --> 00:19:59,999 Oh, you don't get it, Eddie. 534 00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,799 He's the nicest one I got. 535 00:20:03,299 --> 00:20:06,499 Look, Carla, he's just being protective of his mother. 536 00:20:06,599 --> 00:20:08,499 God knows that I think my maman's 537 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,099 the greatest woman on Earth. 538 00:20:10,099 --> 00:20:13,199 And I can only hope that our kids feel the same way. 539 00:20:13,199 --> 00:20:16,599 Are you from this planet? 540 00:20:19,499 --> 00:20:21,999 Carla, here's your final paycheck. 541 00:20:22,099 --> 00:20:23,299 Thank... 542 00:20:23,399 --> 00:20:26,499 I might say that you have been a unique employee, 543 00:20:26,499 --> 00:20:27,999 and it's going to be very difficult 544 00:20:28,099 --> 00:20:29,199 to fill your uniform. 545 00:20:29,299 --> 00:20:30,399 Thanks. 546 00:20:30,399 --> 00:20:31,799 You don't happen to know 547 00:20:31,799 --> 00:20:34,999 any other short, pregnant cocktail waitresses, do you? 548 00:20:39,899 --> 00:20:40,999 Yeah, can I help you? 549 00:20:40,999 --> 00:20:42,599 Eddie LeBec. 550 00:20:42,599 --> 00:20:44,499 Maman?! 551 00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:46,099 Tu es merveilleuse! 552 00:20:46,099 --> 00:20:50,999 Je ne peux plus attendre pour que tu rencontre Carla. 553 00:20:51,099 --> 00:20:53,099 Là voil, au bar. 554 00:20:56,199 --> 00:20:57,999 Carla... 555 00:20:57,999 --> 00:21:00,099 Carla. Carla. 556 00:21:00,099 --> 00:21:02,999 Non, Maman... Maman... 557 00:21:02,999 --> 00:21:06,299 Eddie, c'est qu'elle est belle. 558 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,199 Non, non, Maman. 559 00:21:08,299 --> 00:21:09,699 C'est Carla. 560 00:21:11,199 --> 00:21:13,199 ( chuckling ) 561 00:21:13,199 --> 00:21:14,699 Carla! 562 00:21:14,699 --> 00:21:17,099 Non, non, Maman. 563 00:21:18,399 --> 00:21:19,899 No, no, no, no. 564 00:21:19,899 --> 00:21:22,199 Me Rebecca. 565 00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:24,899 Her Carla. 566 00:21:24,899 --> 00:21:27,499 Enjoy. 567 00:21:29,199 --> 00:21:30,499 Carla. 568 00:21:30,599 --> 00:21:32,199 I'm so happy to meet you. 569 00:21:32,299 --> 00:21:34,399 Non. Non. 570 00:21:34,399 --> 00:21:37,199 Je ne permettrai jamais mon fils 571 00:21:37,199 --> 00:21:38,399 à marier ce petit souris 572 00:21:38,499 --> 00:21:39,899 avec le grand ventre. 573 00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:42,599 Maman... Maman... Je ne permettrai ce mariage... 574 00:21:42,599 --> 00:21:45,299 noon, avec le... Maman. 575 00:21:45,299 --> 00:21:47,299 O, mon Dieu! 576 00:21:47,299 --> 00:21:49,599 She says she has to catch a bus. 577 00:21:49,699 --> 00:21:51,199 Maman! 578 00:21:54,199 --> 00:21:57,199 I get the feeling she wasn't nuts about me. 579 00:21:58,499 --> 00:21:59,399 What'd she say? 580 00:21:59,399 --> 00:22:01,099 What makes you think I'd know? 581 00:22:01,199 --> 00:22:03,399 'Cause all you pompous windbags speak French. 582 00:22:05,399 --> 00:22:07,799 She said she'll never allow this marriage. 583 00:22:07,799 --> 00:22:09,499 Especially to a pregnant hussy 584 00:22:09,499 --> 00:22:11,499 who's only trying to trap her son. 585 00:22:11,499 --> 00:22:14,599 Then she said she'd rather be dragged around town 586 00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:16,099 by her tongue... 587 00:22:16,199 --> 00:22:20,199 or else she called you a small grapefruit. 588 00:22:21,599 --> 00:22:24,499 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, wait a minute. 589 00:22:24,499 --> 00:22:26,399 Before you say anything, 590 00:22:26,399 --> 00:22:28,599 I know what your mother said. 591 00:22:28,599 --> 00:22:32,099 And it doesn't matter to me. 592 00:22:32,099 --> 00:22:35,499 You finally convinced me that our love can conquer 593 00:22:35,599 --> 00:22:37,899 any bad luck that comes our way. 594 00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,099 I mean it. 595 00:22:39,199 --> 00:22:40,699 Anthony and Annie moving in, 596 00:22:40,699 --> 00:22:42,099 your ma hating me, 597 00:22:42,199 --> 00:22:44,299 Anthony hating you, twins... 598 00:22:44,299 --> 00:22:45,599 Every time one of these 599 00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:46,999 little piddling things came up, 600 00:22:46,999 --> 00:22:48,099 I kept thinking 601 00:22:48,199 --> 00:22:50,099 you were going to say the wedding's off. 602 00:22:50,099 --> 00:22:51,199 The wedding's off. 603 00:22:51,299 --> 00:22:52,399 Yeah, that's what I kept 604 00:22:52,499 --> 00:22:53,599 expecting you to say. 605 00:22:53,599 --> 00:22:54,499 The wedding's off. 606 00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:55,899 Yeah, yeah, we're all clear 607 00:22:55,899 --> 00:22:57,399 on what I thought you'd say. 608 00:22:57,399 --> 00:22:59,099 The wedding's off. 609 00:23:02,099 --> 00:23:04,299 But you never said it.