1 00:00:02,147 --> 00:00:03,431 Hey, Cheers is filmed 2 00:00:03,432 --> 00:00:05,317 before a live studio audience. 3 00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:08,603 Hi, Wood. 4 00:00:08,604 --> 00:00:10,105 Let me get a beer, will you? 5 00:00:10,606 --> 00:00:12,607 Oh, say, what'd you do to your thumb there? 6 00:00:12,608 --> 00:00:14,609 Oh, well, it's a long story, but, uh, 7 00:00:14,610 --> 00:00:17,612 I was playing this guy some pool last night, 8 00:00:17,613 --> 00:00:20,615 and I had this one- four-seven combination. 9 00:00:20,616 --> 00:00:21,616 Yeah. 10 00:00:21,617 --> 00:00:23,084 So, I was trying to show off 11 00:00:23,085 --> 00:00:24,585 and sink all of them in one shot, 12 00:00:24,586 --> 00:00:25,746 but the balls were positioned 13 00:00:26,088 --> 00:00:28,089 in such a way that I had to lean 14 00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:29,957 way over the edge of the table 15 00:00:29,958 --> 00:00:31,926 and get in a kind of twisted-up... 16 00:00:31,927 --> 00:00:34,428 Yeah, so, what, you fell and you broke your thumb? 17 00:00:34,429 --> 00:00:35,930 No. I still couldn't get the shot, 18 00:00:35,931 --> 00:00:37,799 so I went and got the bridge 19 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,217 and I got up on a chair 20 00:00:39,218 --> 00:00:41,102 and I put all my weight on the bridge. 21 00:00:41,103 --> 00:00:44,355 And it snapped and you fell and broke your thumb? 22 00:00:44,356 --> 00:00:45,306 No. 23 00:00:45,307 --> 00:00:47,309 I made the shot and I beat the guy. 24 00:00:47,810 --> 00:00:50,311 Oh, so he got angry and he broke your thumb, right? 25 00:00:50,312 --> 00:00:51,813 No, I beat him fair and square 26 00:00:51,814 --> 00:00:53,415 and he paid me the ten bucks he owed me. 27 00:00:53,816 --> 00:00:55,817 So, how did you break your thumb? 28 00:00:55,818 --> 00:00:57,820 I slipped on the ice on the way home. 29 00:01:01,323 --> 00:01:03,324 Woody, why did you go into 30 00:01:03,325 --> 00:01:06,828 all that long-winded detail about the game? 31 00:01:06,829 --> 00:01:08,830 Well, now, it wouldn't have been much of a story 32 00:01:08,831 --> 00:01:10,215 without the pool stuff. 33 00:01:11,416 --> 00:01:12,800 Hello, Woody. 34 00:01:12,801 --> 00:01:14,802 What happened to your thumb? 35 00:01:14,803 --> 00:01:16,305 Oh, I slipped on the ice. 36 00:01:20,893 --> 00:01:23,895 Woody, why didn't you tell him the long, drawn-out version? 37 00:01:23,896 --> 00:01:26,148 That's the guy I was playing pool with. 38 00:01:33,856 --> 00:01:36,274 ? Making your way in the world today ? 39 00:01:36,275 --> 00:01:39,277 ? Takes everything you've got ? 40 00:01:39,278 --> 00:01:41,779 ? Taking a break from all your worries ? 41 00:01:41,780 --> 00:01:45,283 ? Sure would help a lot ? 42 00:01:45,284 --> 00:01:51,089 ? Wouldn't you like to get away? ? 43 00:01:51,590 --> 00:01:53,090 ? Sometimes you want to go ? 44 00:01:53,091 --> 00:01:58,596 ? Where everybody knows your name ? 45 00:01:58,597 --> 00:02:03,100 ? And they're always glad you came ? 46 00:02:03,101 --> 00:02:06,103 ? You want to be where you can see ? 47 00:02:06,104 --> 00:02:08,606 ? Our troubles are all the same ? 48 00:02:08,607 --> 00:02:13,611 ? You want to be where everybody knows your name ? 49 00:02:13,612 --> 00:02:16,113 ? You want to go where people know ? 50 00:02:16,114 --> 00:02:19,116 ? People are all the same ? 51 00:02:19,117 --> 00:02:22,621 ? You want to go where everybody knows your name. ? 52 00:02:40,922 --> 00:02:43,340 What the hell is keeping Diane? 53 00:02:43,341 --> 00:02:45,342 I'm gonna be late for school. 54 00:02:45,343 --> 00:02:46,343 School, Carla? 55 00:02:46,344 --> 00:02:48,345 Well, I must say I'm delightfully astonished. 56 00:02:48,346 --> 00:02:50,348 You know, I've always held that adult education 57 00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:52,850 is one of the finest gifts that one can give oneself. 58 00:02:52,851 --> 00:02:54,852 Kudos on joining the ever-burgeoning ranks 59 00:02:54,853 --> 00:02:56,353 of enlightened, wondering minds 60 00:02:56,354 --> 00:02:57,855 seeking betterment through knowledge. 61 00:02:57,856 --> 00:03:00,358 It's traffic school, you nimrod. 62 00:03:02,406 --> 00:03:03,527 You got pinched, huh, Carla? 63 00:03:03,528 --> 00:03:05,029 Yeah, speeding. 64 00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:06,031 But it wasn't my fault. 65 00:03:06,531 --> 00:03:08,532 There was a leaf stuck on my windshield, 66 00:03:08,533 --> 00:03:11,536 and I had to gun her up to 80 to blow it off. 67 00:03:13,038 --> 00:03:14,922 What, and the cop didn't believe you? 68 00:03:14,923 --> 00:03:16,674 No. Couldn't be bribed, either. 69 00:03:16,675 --> 00:03:20,177 Carla, what, you offered a policeman money? 70 00:03:20,178 --> 00:03:22,681 Money? With a body like this? Huh. 71 00:03:25,183 --> 00:03:26,684 Hello, everyone. 72 00:03:26,685 --> 00:03:28,185 We're back. 73 00:03:28,186 --> 00:03:29,687 Sammy, where you been, man? 74 00:03:29,688 --> 00:03:31,606 Picking china patterns. 75 00:03:33,475 --> 00:03:38,228 This may have been the stupidest morning of my life. 76 00:03:38,229 --> 00:03:39,730 Oh, Sam, don't forget. 77 00:03:39,731 --> 00:03:42,232 Tomorrow we register for flatware. 78 00:03:42,233 --> 00:03:44,234 The second stupidest. 79 00:03:44,235 --> 00:03:45,619 Well, did you select something nice? 80 00:03:45,620 --> 00:03:48,622 We've committed to Royal Doulton's Carlisle 81 00:03:48,623 --> 00:03:50,374 for the fine china, 82 00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:52,710 but Sam still hasn't made up his mind 83 00:03:52,711 --> 00:03:54,712 about the everyday ware. 84 00:03:54,713 --> 00:03:56,213 Yes, I have. 85 00:03:56,214 --> 00:03:59,216 I, I like the dishes with the different colored flowers. 86 00:03:59,217 --> 00:04:00,718 Oh, ish! 87 00:04:00,719 --> 00:04:02,219 Come on, I love those. 88 00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:04,722 They're just like I had when I was a kid. 89 00:04:04,723 --> 00:04:06,173 They're real pretty, 90 00:04:06,174 --> 00:04:08,676 and-and if you don't like the food on your plate, 91 00:04:08,677 --> 00:04:10,178 you can hide it in the pattern. 92 00:04:12,681 --> 00:04:14,181 Okay, fine. 93 00:04:14,182 --> 00:04:16,684 Well, uh, why don't you think about it, 94 00:04:16,685 --> 00:04:17,686 and if you still insist 95 00:04:18,186 --> 00:04:22,189 that they're not the most garish, bourgeois, 96 00:04:22,190 --> 00:04:23,691 stomach-turningly ugly pattern in the book, 97 00:04:23,692 --> 00:04:24,773 then that's what we'll get. 98 00:04:26,444 --> 00:04:28,779 She's making me nuts 99 00:04:28,780 --> 00:04:30,030 with this wedding stuff. 100 00:04:30,031 --> 00:04:31,331 So, ditch her. 101 00:04:31,332 --> 00:04:34,334 You know, if I had my way, 102 00:04:34,335 --> 00:04:36,337 I would find the nearest justice of the peace 103 00:04:36,838 --> 00:04:37,838 and, and tie the knot. 104 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:39,707 You know, that's not such a bad idea. 105 00:04:39,708 --> 00:04:41,041 Right. Or you could ditch her. 106 00:04:41,042 --> 00:04:44,428 Don't you have traffic school, or something? 107 00:04:44,429 --> 00:04:46,213 Nuts! Now I'm gonna be late! 108 00:04:46,214 --> 00:04:50,218 Well, I guess I can make it if I run all the yellows. 109 00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:54,221 Sam... Yo. 110 00:04:54,222 --> 00:04:57,224 I've got Penelope from the bridal registry on the line, 111 00:04:57,225 --> 00:04:58,225 and we're going back 112 00:04:58,226 --> 00:04:59,728 over the linen choices. 113 00:05:00,228 --> 00:05:02,229 Now, for the fingertip towels 114 00:05:02,230 --> 00:05:04,732 in the guest bath, do we want monogrammed, 115 00:05:04,733 --> 00:05:06,233 or is that too ootsie? 116 00:05:06,234 --> 00:05:08,620 The second thing you said. 117 00:05:10,121 --> 00:05:12,623 I agree. 118 00:05:12,624 --> 00:05:17,127 Of course... a simple initial can be elegant. 119 00:05:17,128 --> 00:05:19,129 Oh, I think you'd better look at the picture. 120 00:05:19,130 --> 00:05:20,631 I need a man's opinion. 121 00:05:20,632 --> 00:05:23,635 Frasier, help Diane, will you please? 122 00:05:26,137 --> 00:05:28,639 Sam, these will be our fingertip towels 123 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,642 for the rest of our lives. 124 00:05:37,682 --> 00:05:40,685 We'd better get married quick, or I'm gonna kill her. 125 00:05:42,687 --> 00:05:45,189 All right, all right, that's it. 126 00:05:45,190 --> 00:05:47,074 Bachelor party here tonight. 127 00:05:47,075 --> 00:05:48,492 What are you talking about? 128 00:05:48,493 --> 00:05:49,493 Well, didn't you hear the man? 129 00:05:49,494 --> 00:05:50,994 Uh, they might be eloping. 130 00:05:50,995 --> 00:05:52,863 And I'm not gonna be, uh, done out 131 00:05:52,864 --> 00:05:53,785 of my right as best man 132 00:05:54,165 --> 00:05:56,167 to, uh, throw him the best wingding of the century. 133 00:05:56,668 --> 00:05:58,669 All right now, so what're we gonna have...? 134 00:05:58,670 --> 00:06:00,170 Just a second here, Cliff. 135 00:06:00,171 --> 00:06:03,040 Uh, Sam asked you to be his best man? 136 00:06:03,041 --> 00:06:03,924 Well, not in so many words, 137 00:06:03,925 --> 00:06:05,425 but, uh, you know, who's closest? 138 00:06:05,426 --> 00:06:06,844 So, uh... 139 00:06:06,845 --> 00:06:08,762 Hold on now, I don't know. 140 00:06:08,763 --> 00:06:11,265 I may not have known Sam as long as some of you guys, 141 00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:13,267 but we're pretty darned close. 142 00:06:13,268 --> 00:06:15,769 I think I'm kind of like the brother he never had. 143 00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:17,771 Wait, Woody, Sam has a brother. 144 00:06:17,772 --> 00:06:21,275 Guess we're not as close as I thought. 145 00:06:21,276 --> 00:06:23,277 Well, look, I think we better throw 146 00:06:23,278 --> 00:06:24,778 the greatest bachelor party 147 00:06:24,779 --> 00:06:27,147 for the greatest bachelor who ever lived. 148 00:06:27,148 --> 00:06:28,615 Tell you what. 149 00:06:28,616 --> 00:06:30,617 I'll pick up some deli platters and some champagne, 150 00:06:30,618 --> 00:06:31,618 and you guys can just reimburse me, 151 00:06:31,619 --> 00:06:33,120 you know, at your leisure, all right? 152 00:06:33,121 --> 00:06:35,122 Why didn't you say so in the first place? 153 00:06:35,123 --> 00:06:37,124 Okay, we got the food and the drink taken care of. 154 00:06:37,125 --> 00:06:38,625 Now we need a little bit of entertainment. 155 00:06:38,626 --> 00:06:40,127 Who's gonna...? 156 00:06:40,128 --> 00:06:42,129 Well, I-I think tradition calls for, uh, 157 00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:43,130 what about a stag film, huh? 158 00:06:43,131 --> 00:06:44,998 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think there's 159 00:06:44,999 --> 00:06:47,251 a place on my route that might sell them. 160 00:06:47,252 --> 00:06:49,754 Uh, the, uh, Hot and Nasty Video Boutique. 161 00:06:50,755 --> 00:06:53,757 Yeah, I think there might be one or two laying around there. 162 00:06:53,758 --> 00:06:56,260 Okay, we got the food, drink, entertainment. 163 00:06:56,261 --> 00:06:57,261 Now all we need is a, uh, 164 00:06:57,262 --> 00:06:59,180 a girl jumping out of the cake. 165 00:07:00,181 --> 00:07:02,065 Oh, yeah, I've seen them do that 166 00:07:02,066 --> 00:07:03,567 in the movies all the time. 167 00:07:03,568 --> 00:07:05,937 That seems like a waste of good cake to me. 168 00:07:08,239 --> 00:07:09,489 You see, Woody, the cake 169 00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:10,274 is really immaterial. 170 00:07:10,275 --> 00:07:11,775 It's the girl who's the actual dessert. 171 00:07:11,776 --> 00:07:13,277 Right. 172 00:07:13,278 --> 00:07:15,279 Well, then I think it should be Miss Chambers. 173 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:16,531 Ooh. Aw, come on. 174 00:07:21,870 --> 00:07:23,871 You know, 175 00:07:23,872 --> 00:07:26,373 no guy wants his fiancée jumping out of a cake. 176 00:07:26,374 --> 00:07:29,878 It's, I mean, it's like taking your mother to the prom. 177 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,882 Or so I'm told. 178 00:07:39,387 --> 00:07:40,388 Okay, okay, okay, 179 00:07:40,889 --> 00:07:42,891 so where can we get Sammy someone hot? 180 00:07:43,391 --> 00:07:44,892 Dare we look in his book? 181 00:07:44,893 --> 00:07:47,395 Nah, Sammy's had all those girls. 182 00:07:47,896 --> 00:07:49,897 Oh, Sam, stop being such a grumble-bunny. 183 00:07:49,898 --> 00:07:52,400 Just grit your teeth and pick out a dust ruffle. 184 00:07:55,403 --> 00:07:56,403 Guys, I still say 185 00:07:56,404 --> 00:07:58,405 we're missing a bet right under our noses. 186 00:07:58,406 --> 00:07:59,907 Look, pal, trust me... 187 00:07:59,908 --> 00:08:01,408 Oh, it's... that's okay. 188 00:08:01,409 --> 00:08:03,410 Listen, I... it wouldn't hurt to ask. 189 00:08:03,411 --> 00:08:04,912 No, no, no, no, don't, don't... 190 00:08:04,913 --> 00:08:06,413 Excuse me, Miss Chambers? 191 00:08:06,414 --> 00:08:07,916 Yes, Woody? Uh... 192 00:08:08,416 --> 00:08:10,918 Uh, would you like to jump out of Sam's bachelor party cake? 193 00:08:10,919 --> 00:08:18,392 Woody, I abhor such juvenile, sexist male rituals. 194 00:08:18,393 --> 00:08:20,595 Yeah, but would you do it? 195 00:08:21,896 --> 00:08:22,763 Just checking. 196 00:08:22,764 --> 00:08:24,231 All right, guys, you're right. 197 00:08:24,232 --> 00:08:25,732 We're going to have to find 198 00:08:25,733 --> 00:08:28,101 some other beautiful girl to be Sam's dessert. 199 00:08:28,102 --> 00:08:30,855 Wait a minute. 200 00:08:34,859 --> 00:08:36,360 I, I just realized 201 00:08:36,361 --> 00:08:39,363 why you want me, the bride-to-be, 202 00:08:39,364 --> 00:08:41,865 to jump from the cake. 203 00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:43,868 It's a wonderful irony. 204 00:08:45,119 --> 00:08:46,286 Oh... 205 00:08:46,287 --> 00:08:47,754 Of course I'll do it. 206 00:08:47,755 --> 00:08:48,755 Of course. 207 00:08:48,756 --> 00:08:49,756 Oh, great. 208 00:08:49,757 --> 00:08:51,708 Imagine me, of all people, 209 00:08:51,709 --> 00:08:54,212 missing the point of a joke. 210 00:08:55,213 --> 00:08:57,214 Hey, don't worry about it, Miss Chambers. 211 00:08:57,215 --> 00:08:58,716 It even happens to me. 212 00:09:04,138 --> 00:09:06,023 Sammy, uh, what time you got there, man? 213 00:09:06,024 --> 00:09:07,975 11:15. 214 00:09:07,976 --> 00:09:10,978 11:15. How did it get so late so early? 215 00:09:10,979 --> 00:09:13,480 I'd better be getting home to, uh, Vera. 216 00:09:13,481 --> 00:09:14,983 Oh, yeah. 217 00:09:21,322 --> 00:09:23,323 Yeah, you know what they say: 218 00:09:23,324 --> 00:09:25,827 "An early bird catches the obsessive-compulsive." 219 00:09:27,829 --> 00:09:29,713 'Night, Sam. 220 00:09:29,714 --> 00:09:32,632 Oh, boy! 221 00:09:32,633 --> 00:09:35,635 They sure took off in a hurry, didn't they? 222 00:09:35,636 --> 00:09:39,507 Yeah, but that doesn't seem suspicious to you, does it? 223 00:09:41,893 --> 00:09:45,262 No, I... I guess not. 224 00:09:45,263 --> 00:09:46,813 Oh, hey, I have an idea. 225 00:09:46,814 --> 00:09:48,015 You go in the back 226 00:09:48,016 --> 00:09:50,734 and total these receipts, and we'll get out of here. 227 00:09:50,735 --> 00:09:52,652 Okay. 228 00:09:52,653 --> 00:09:54,154 All right. 229 00:09:54,155 --> 00:09:56,156 Say, Woody, when I come back out here, 230 00:09:56,157 --> 00:09:59,159 there's not going to be a surprise for me, is there? 231 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,660 A surprise party, maybe? 232 00:10:00,661 --> 00:10:01,661 No. 233 00:10:01,662 --> 00:10:03,914 You're not lying, are you? 234 00:10:03,915 --> 00:10:06,700 Sam, you'd know if I was lying. 235 00:10:06,701 --> 00:10:08,586 I'd... I'd tell you. 236 00:10:10,872 --> 00:10:12,873 Right. I'll, uh, I'll be in my office. 237 00:10:12,874 --> 00:10:14,125 All right. 238 00:10:18,429 --> 00:10:19,429 Come on in, guys. 239 00:10:19,430 --> 00:10:20,932 He doesn't suspect a thing. 240 00:10:23,434 --> 00:10:24,936 Come on down, fellas. 241 00:10:30,441 --> 00:10:31,943 Shh, shh, shh, shh. 242 00:10:37,532 --> 00:10:41,285 Okay? In the words of the immortal bard, "Party!" 243 00:10:44,872 --> 00:10:47,875 Uh, Sam, you can go home now. 244 00:10:48,876 --> 00:10:50,745 Surprise! 245 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:58,385 Wow! 246 00:10:58,386 --> 00:11:02,673 Sam, you should have seen the look on your face! 247 00:11:14,268 --> 00:11:15,268 Ooh! 248 00:11:15,269 --> 00:11:16,770 Hey! 249 00:11:16,771 --> 00:11:17,772 All right! 250 00:11:18,773 --> 00:11:20,273 Boy! Thanks, guys. 251 00:11:20,274 --> 00:11:21,274 Yeah, man. 252 00:11:21,275 --> 00:11:23,777 That last scene gave me new respect for rowing machines. 253 00:11:23,778 --> 00:11:25,662 I hear you, bud. Ooh! 254 00:11:25,663 --> 00:11:29,616 Hey, you guys, oh! Thank you. 255 00:11:29,617 --> 00:11:30,618 This has been fantastic. 256 00:11:31,119 --> 00:11:32,002 I have to admit 257 00:11:32,003 --> 00:11:33,643 that I used to think that bachelor parties 258 00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:34,621 were kind of embarrassing. 259 00:11:34,622 --> 00:11:35,372 Get the lights! 260 00:11:35,373 --> 00:11:37,258 Oh, God, not again... 261 00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:47,517 Girl in there, right? 262 00:11:47,518 --> 00:11:49,019 Well... 263 00:11:49,020 --> 00:11:50,888 Just your type. 264 00:11:53,691 --> 00:11:55,976 So make the obligatory speech and have at her! 265 00:11:55,977 --> 00:11:57,394 Yeah! 266 00:11:57,395 --> 00:12:00,147 Oh, no, I can't do it. 267 00:12:00,148 --> 00:12:01,648 I... you know... 268 00:12:01,649 --> 00:12:03,150 No, I-I know you went to a lot of trouble. 269 00:12:03,151 --> 00:12:06,036 I'm sorry, but it just wouldn't be right. 270 00:12:06,037 --> 00:12:07,954 What? Come on, Sammy. What is this? 271 00:12:07,955 --> 00:12:10,825 Malone, King of the Road! 272 00:12:14,579 --> 00:12:15,962 Better make hay, buddy. 273 00:12:15,963 --> 00:12:16,963 After this, it is one woman 274 00:12:16,964 --> 00:12:18,465 for the rest of your life. Oh, boy. 275 00:12:18,466 --> 00:12:20,835 Yeah... 276 00:12:22,336 --> 00:12:27,340 I-I never really thought about it in those terms before. 277 00:12:27,341 --> 00:12:30,227 One woman for the rest of my life. 278 00:12:30,228 --> 00:12:31,978 I mean, don't get me wrong. 279 00:12:31,979 --> 00:12:34,347 I mean, she's... she's a... she's a great woman, but, uh... 280 00:12:34,348 --> 00:12:36,567 there's only one of her... 281 00:12:38,402 --> 00:12:40,570 ...for the rest of my life. 282 00:12:40,571 --> 00:12:42,022 But, you know, it'll go quickly. 283 00:12:42,023 --> 00:12:43,908 Just go-go ahead, cut the cake. 284 00:12:44,859 --> 00:12:46,359 Boy, it really makes you think. 285 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,862 You know, I've been a bachelor a good long time. 286 00:12:48,863 --> 00:12:51,748 I mean, a good lot of women. 287 00:12:51,749 --> 00:12:54,618 Now there won't be any more women. 288 00:12:54,619 --> 00:12:56,503 Just woman. 289 00:12:56,504 --> 00:12:58,121 One woman. 290 00:12:58,122 --> 00:13:00,090 Yeah, but what a woman! 291 00:13:00,091 --> 00:13:02,008 I mean, you know what? I've got an idea. 292 00:13:02,009 --> 00:13:03,130 Why don't we have some cake? 293 00:13:05,763 --> 00:13:07,548 One perfume. 294 00:13:08,049 --> 00:13:09,549 One set of earlobes. 295 00:13:09,550 --> 00:13:11,936 Not, not even sensitive earlobes. 296 00:13:13,304 --> 00:13:18,558 One pair of lips flapping in my ears... 297 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,477 day after day until I die. 298 00:13:20,478 --> 00:13:22,479 Oh, my God! 299 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:23,947 Sammy, Sammy, that's great. 300 00:13:23,948 --> 00:13:26,449 Look, we got a big, wonderful cake here, you know, 301 00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:28,952 with a... with a very special surprise inside... 302 00:13:28,953 --> 00:13:32,907 which just might spoil if you don't shut up! 303 00:13:33,908 --> 00:13:36,910 Uh... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 304 00:13:36,911 --> 00:13:37,911 What am I doing? 305 00:13:37,912 --> 00:13:39,663 I mean, if I'm going to tie myself 306 00:13:39,664 --> 00:13:41,498 to the old ball and chain, I might as well get 307 00:13:41,499 --> 00:13:44,000 one last night of freedom in here. 308 00:13:44,001 --> 00:13:46,002 Okay, bring her out here. 309 00:13:46,003 --> 00:13:46,886 Strap her on. 310 00:13:46,887 --> 00:13:47,804 Come on. 311 00:13:47,805 --> 00:13:48,806 Yeah! 312 00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:54,812 Strap this on! 313 00:14:06,657 --> 00:14:10,161 Sam, you should see the look on your face! 314 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:16,322 Hi, guys. 315 00:14:16,807 --> 00:14:18,207 Hey, Carla, how was traffic school? 316 00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:19,542 Eh, it was all right. 317 00:14:20,043 --> 00:14:20,543 Yeah? 318 00:14:20,864 --> 00:14:22,544 Well, don't all those gory movies they show 319 00:14:22,545 --> 00:14:24,046 kind of turn your stomach a bit? 320 00:14:24,047 --> 00:14:25,547 Hey, Norm, you're forgetting... 321 00:14:25,548 --> 00:14:27,550 I've seen Diane without makeup. 322 00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,303 Hello, everyone. 323 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:32,805 Hi. 324 00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:33,806 Hello, you. 325 00:14:33,807 --> 00:14:35,307 Let me help you with that. 326 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,308 Well, all right. 327 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,309 Boy, you look fantastic, dear. 328 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,811 That is a great outfit on you. 329 00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:40,312 Sam... Hmm? 330 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,814 You make a lousy sycophant. 331 00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:44,817 Yes, but I make a great margarita. 332 00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:46,819 May I speak to you in your office, please? 333 00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:49,071 Sure, anything you want. You bet cha. 334 00:14:49,072 --> 00:14:50,355 Oh, come on, smile. 335 00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,356 For some reason, 336 00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,859 I don't feel like smiling. 337 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,861 Did I ever tell you how cute you are 338 00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,863 when you're mad? 339 00:14:57,864 --> 00:15:00,365 Come on, listen, snap out of this, will you? 340 00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:02,868 I mean, I-I didn't say all that stuff last night 341 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,871 to hurt your feelings. 342 00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:08,758 My feelings aren't hurt. 343 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,711 I just feel bad for you. 344 00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:16,132 Sentenced to a life with one perfume... 345 00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:21,887 ...one set of insensitive earlobes, 346 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:26,192 one set of lips flapping in your ear... 347 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,863 ...till you die. 348 00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:34,733 Come on! I was with a bunch of guys. 349 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,702 I mean, they forced me to make a speech. 350 00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:39,204 How the hell did I know my fiancée was hiding 351 00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,074 in the cake, taking dictation? 352 00:15:41,958 --> 00:15:43,959 Did you mean it, Sam? 353 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:44,826 No. 354 00:15:44,827 --> 00:15:47,629 See, it's just this... 355 00:15:47,630 --> 00:15:49,631 this whole marriage thing's 356 00:15:49,632 --> 00:15:52,134 kind of snuck up on me, that's all. 357 00:15:52,135 --> 00:15:54,136 I mean, I'm happy that you're the only woman 358 00:15:54,137 --> 00:15:58,141 I'll make love to again... ever. 359 00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,313 Yeah, yeah, yeah, 360 00:16:04,314 --> 00:16:05,682 yeah, but-but, you see... 361 00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,066 I mean, if I had known 362 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,435 that the last one was going to be the last one, 363 00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:12,939 I-I-I would've prepared myself for it. 364 00:16:14,324 --> 00:16:17,609 Sweetheart, it's kind of like popcorn. 365 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,111 Now, you-you can munch away 366 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,913 as long as you know there's a bowlful, 367 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,331 but, you know, if all of a sudden, 368 00:16:22,332 --> 00:16:25,117 it's all gone, there's nothing left but the salt and the duds, 369 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,619 well, you feel bad, because if you'd known 370 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:31,124 the last kernel was the last one, you would've savored it. 371 00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:35,427 Am I making myself clear on this? 372 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:38,297 Oh, yes, yes... 373 00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:39,799 Oh. I'm salt and duds. 374 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:46,305 Well, I-I-I don't know. I... 375 00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:49,308 I don't know what to say to make this right, except... 376 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:52,061 I'm sorry. 377 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:57,783 Would 24 hours of wild, uninhibited, 378 00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:03,289 hedonistic sexual carousing with anything in a tube top suffice? 379 00:17:06,876 --> 00:17:10,880 In-in a-addition to saying I'm sorry? 380 00:17:13,883 --> 00:17:16,885 Sam, you can apologize till the cows come home, 381 00:17:16,886 --> 00:17:20,756 but it won't alleviate the problem. 382 00:17:20,757 --> 00:17:22,174 After much consideration, 383 00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:25,061 I propose that you go on a flesh binge. 384 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,431 Sow your wild oats. 385 00:17:29,432 --> 00:17:31,933 Get it out of your system. 386 00:17:31,934 --> 00:17:35,438 Savor your last kernel of popcorn. 387 00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:38,357 Are you serious? 388 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:39,858 Absolutely. 389 00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:42,861 It's the only way we can establish a clean slate. 390 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:46,865 No guilt, no remorse, no regrets. 391 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,250 So... 392 00:17:48,251 --> 00:17:51,586 dive into that little black book of yours and enjoy. 393 00:17:51,587 --> 00:17:53,088 Oh, you know, 394 00:17:53,089 --> 00:17:54,956 I threw that dumb thing away when we got engaged. 395 00:17:54,957 --> 00:17:58,877 I'm sure you have one or two numbers etched 396 00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,379 in your memory. 397 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,130 You listen to me. 398 00:18:02,131 --> 00:18:06,302 I'm only going to agree to do this because I love you, Diane. 399 00:18:09,605 --> 00:18:12,474 Well, don't do it for me, Sam. 400 00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:14,776 Do it for the health of our future marriage. 401 00:18:14,777 --> 00:18:16,778 Right, right, right. 402 00:18:16,779 --> 00:18:18,280 Uh, excuse me, uh... 403 00:18:18,281 --> 00:18:21,783 when do my, uh, 24 hours begin? 404 00:18:21,784 --> 00:18:22,784 Right now. 405 00:18:22,785 --> 00:18:24,286 All right. The same as mine. 406 00:18:24,287 --> 00:18:27,290 Okay. Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa! 407 00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:30,792 Yours? 408 00:18:30,793 --> 00:18:32,744 Of course, Sam. 409 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,629 This is the only way we can be sure 410 00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:38,634 that I have all other men out of my system. 411 00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:49,979 No... no... 412 00:19:02,492 --> 00:19:04,359 Sammy back yet? 413 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,160 Uh, well, uh, 414 00:19:05,161 --> 00:19:07,662 "T" minus 30 minutes and counting. 415 00:19:07,663 --> 00:19:10,532 I figure right about now, 416 00:19:10,533 --> 00:19:14,419 Sammy's probably leaning back in bed and smoking. 417 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:16,421 Oh, wait, I don't, uh, remember 418 00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:18,423 ever seeing Sammy smoke a cigarette. 419 00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:20,843 Who said anything about cigarettes? 420 00:19:23,846 --> 00:19:24,846 Ho, the man! 421 00:19:24,847 --> 00:19:26,214 All right! 422 00:19:26,215 --> 00:19:28,183 Hey, what's the score, Sammy? 423 00:19:28,184 --> 00:19:31,186 Oh, Norm, you know he's not the kind of guy to kiss and tell... 424 00:19:31,187 --> 00:19:33,689 not that he wastes much time kissing, anyway, eh, compadre? 425 00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:37,693 Yeah, you guys know me, all right. 426 00:19:38,194 --> 00:19:40,196 So, has anyone, uh... anyone heard from Diane? 427 00:19:40,696 --> 00:19:42,697 No, not a word. It's been heaven. Ah. 428 00:19:42,698 --> 00:19:44,149 Why? You worried about her? 429 00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,150 No, I'm not worried. 430 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,651 Wha-What makes you think I'm worried? 431 00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,153 Uh, what time is it, anyway? 432 00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:50,655 It's time for you to stop worrying. 433 00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,157 I mean, for God's sakes, Sammy, 434 00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:55,160 who'd be stupid enough to touch Diane? 435 00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,661 Besides you. 436 00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:57,662 Good point. 437 00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:00,665 You know, uh, yeah, what am I worried about here? 438 00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:03,136 Oh, Rick, you really came through. 439 00:20:04,754 --> 00:20:06,087 Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam! 440 00:20:06,088 --> 00:20:08,089 Rick was kind enough to drive me to work 441 00:20:08,090 --> 00:20:10,593 when my car broke down. 442 00:20:12,094 --> 00:20:13,595 I knew that. 443 00:20:13,596 --> 00:20:14,479 I, uh... 444 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,400 I just wanted to give him a thank-you shake. 445 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,902 Thank you, thank you. 446 00:20:22,271 --> 00:20:28,243 Uh, maybe I'll, uh, take a rain check on that drink. 447 00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:30,745 Uh, good luck with your marriage. 448 00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:31,747 Yes. Thank you. 449 00:20:32,248 --> 00:20:33,488 Thank you. Thank you very much. 450 00:20:33,749 --> 00:20:34,750 Thank you, Rick. 451 00:20:35,251 --> 00:20:37,252 Well... 452 00:20:37,253 --> 00:20:39,254 I guess I'll just, uh... 453 00:20:39,255 --> 00:20:41,256 begin my shift. 454 00:20:41,257 --> 00:20:43,258 Uh, yeah, like hell you will! 455 00:20:43,259 --> 00:20:45,261 Sam? Now, Sam! Sam! 456 00:20:48,264 --> 00:20:49,130 All right. 457 00:20:49,131 --> 00:20:51,884 Where were you last night, hmm? 458 00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:57,773 I was taking full advantage of my 24 hours. 459 00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:01,726 I looked into the recesses of my heart, 460 00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:04,230 and I realized that I still had... 461 00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:07,233 one oat that needed to be sown. 462 00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:11,736 One fantastic oat. 463 00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:15,491 Is that all you think about... sex? 464 00:21:17,293 --> 00:21:19,294 You know, it's disgusting! 465 00:21:19,295 --> 00:21:22,297 Wh-Wh-Whatever happened to romance, to commitment? 466 00:21:22,298 --> 00:21:23,298 I mean, look at you! 467 00:21:23,299 --> 00:21:26,168 Look at you... you haven't even changed your dress! 468 00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:31,089 I am wearing this dress again because I like it. 469 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,475 It sets off my eyes. 470 00:21:33,476 --> 00:21:35,343 Yeah, I'll set off your eyes. 471 00:21:35,344 --> 00:21:36,728 You know... 472 00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,179 You want know something? 473 00:21:38,180 --> 00:21:40,682 I had the exact same 24 hours you did, 474 00:21:40,683 --> 00:21:41,683 and I didn't do anything. 475 00:21:41,684 --> 00:21:42,684 You know why? 476 00:21:42,685 --> 00:21:45,186 Because I happen to be a one-woman guy. 477 00:21:45,187 --> 00:21:46,988 I mean, I mean, 478 00:21:46,989 --> 00:21:48,523 I think we got something special going here, 479 00:21:48,524 --> 00:21:50,526 and I didn't want to cheapen it, like somebody else 480 00:21:51,027 --> 00:21:52,027 I could mention. 481 00:21:52,028 --> 00:21:55,998 You-you know, people could refer to you as a tart. 482 00:21:58,918 --> 00:22:00,919 How can you say that? 483 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,370 Easy. Tart! 484 00:22:02,371 --> 00:22:04,256 Tart, tart, tart, tart! 485 00:22:04,257 --> 00:22:05,423 I mean, what-what else 486 00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,125 do you call somebody who didn't go home? 487 00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:09,010 How do you know that? 488 00:22:09,011 --> 00:22:12,514 Because I was idiot enough to spend the entire night 489 00:22:12,515 --> 00:22:14,516 watching your apartment from my car, 490 00:22:14,517 --> 00:22:16,385 and you did not go home. 491 00:22:18,688 --> 00:22:21,056 Well, you must be exhausted. 492 00:22:21,057 --> 00:22:22,557 Yeah, yeah, that's right! I'm exhausted. 493 00:22:22,558 --> 00:22:24,059 You're damned right, I'm exhausted. 494 00:22:24,060 --> 00:22:26,061 Oh, come on, Sam. 495 00:22:26,062 --> 00:22:28,813 Now, you had a little catnap around 6:00 a.m. 496 00:22:28,814 --> 00:22:29,615 Did not. 497 00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:32,618 How'd you know that? 498 00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:35,120 Because I was down the street 499 00:22:35,121 --> 00:22:37,490 in my car watching you watch me. 500 00:22:40,409 --> 00:22:43,295 Oh, my God, you spied on me! 501 00:22:43,296 --> 00:22:45,163 I mean, that stinks! 502 00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:49,050 What... what hap... what happened to faith? 503 00:22:49,051 --> 00:22:52,554 What-what-what happened... what happened to trust? 504 00:22:52,555 --> 00:22:54,055 My God! 505 00:22:54,056 --> 00:22:55,558 Sam! 506 00:22:56,559 --> 00:22:59,060 I took a lover's leap of faith 507 00:22:59,061 --> 00:23:02,063 in granting you sexual carte blanche 508 00:23:02,064 --> 00:23:07,018 for the past 24 hours! 509 00:23:07,019 --> 00:23:10,405 And just as my heart suspected, 510 00:23:10,406 --> 00:23:12,157 instead of gallivanting about, 511 00:23:12,158 --> 00:23:15,161 you spent the whole time spying on me. 512 00:23:18,164 --> 00:23:21,666 I had one last night to go out and have a great time, 513 00:23:21,667 --> 00:23:23,084 and I blow it. 514 00:23:23,085 --> 00:23:26,172 God, I'm a poor excuse for a stud. 515 00:23:29,625 --> 00:23:31,209 I don't know about that. 516 00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:34,212 We still have five minutes left... 517 00:23:34,213 --> 00:23:36,599 in our deal. 518 00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:39,017 Five minutes? 519 00:23:39,018 --> 00:23:40,018 Mm-hmm. 520 00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:43,022 Well, hell, somebody should've told me that. 521 00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:47,526 Damn it! 522 00:23:51,614 --> 00:23:53,615 How long did you say we have here? 523 00:23:53,616 --> 00:23:54,616 Five minutes. 524 00:23:54,617 --> 00:23:56,618 Not enough time. Now, come on, Sam. 525 00:23:56,619 --> 00:23:58,119 We'd better skip to the good part. 526 00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,621 No... come on. 527 00:23:59,622 --> 00:24:03,125 We have to go to work! Sam! Whoo!