1 00:00:04,508 --> 00:00:06,877 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:07,878 --> 00:00:09,379 Hello, everyone. 3 00:00:09,379 --> 00:00:10,748 Hi, Diane. 4 00:00:10,748 --> 00:00:12,818 Hey, coach, 5 00:00:12,818 --> 00:00:15,053 you know how Sam is always complaining 6 00:00:15,053 --> 00:00:17,789 that I'm not "spontaneous"? 7 00:00:17,789 --> 00:00:20,258 Yeah. He always goes something like, 8 00:00:20,258 --> 00:00:22,894 "Diane, can't you be more spontaneous?" 9 00:00:22,894 --> 00:00:24,896 At any rate, it really irritates me. 10 00:00:24,896 --> 00:00:26,031 It irritates me, too, 11 00:00:26,031 --> 00:00:28,801 especially when he goes like that. 12 00:00:30,202 --> 00:00:32,571 Coach, Sam doesn't do that. 13 00:00:32,571 --> 00:00:33,906 You do that. 14 00:00:33,906 --> 00:00:37,009 That doesn't make it any less irritating. 15 00:00:37,009 --> 00:00:40,112 Today I'm going to do something 16 00:00:40,112 --> 00:00:43,049 unequivocally spontaneous. 17 00:00:43,049 --> 00:00:44,917 May I have the phone, please? 18 00:00:44,917 --> 00:00:47,320 Spontaneous phone. 19 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:51,224 A classmate in my Samoan literature class 20 00:00:51,224 --> 00:00:55,395 told me about a 200-year-old country inn 21 00:00:55,395 --> 00:00:57,730 hidden in an island off the coast of Maine 22 00:00:57,730 --> 00:01:00,834 that you have to be ferried to. 23 00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:03,804 By the time the weekend is over, 24 00:01:03,804 --> 00:01:07,375 he'll think of the pequod as our place. 25 00:01:08,742 --> 00:01:12,380 Yes, I'd like a room for Malone. 26 00:01:13,882 --> 00:01:16,184 Yes, that's right. Sam Malone. 27 00:01:21,422 --> 00:01:24,193 His usual room? 28 00:01:29,431 --> 00:01:31,967 ♪ Makin' your way in the world today ♪ 29 00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:35,170 ♪ takes everything you've got ♪ 30 00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:37,639 ♪ takin' a break from all your worries ♪ 31 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,441 ♪ sure would help a lot ♪ 32 00:01:41,177 --> 00:01:44,280 ♪ wouldn't you like to get away? ♪ 33 00:01:46,917 --> 00:01:49,152 ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪ 34 00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:52,488 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 35 00:01:54,357 --> 00:01:57,895 ♪ and they're always glad you came ♪ 36 00:01:59,096 --> 00:02:01,432 ♪ you wanna be where you can see ♪ 37 00:02:01,432 --> 00:02:04,135 ♪ our troubles are all the same ♪ 38 00:02:04,135 --> 00:02:09,173 ♪ you wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪ 39 00:02:09,173 --> 00:02:11,976 ♪ you wanna go where people know ♪ 40 00:02:11,976 --> 00:02:14,411 ♪ people are all the same ♪ 41 00:02:14,411 --> 00:02:19,117 ♪ you wanna go where everybody knows your name ♪ 42 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:42,875 Diane, if you're looking for a place to stay, 43 00:02:42,875 --> 00:02:44,543 there's a lovely inn up in Vermont 44 00:02:44,543 --> 00:02:46,879 my wife and I used to drive to all the time. 45 00:02:46,879 --> 00:02:48,647 What inn? 46 00:02:48,647 --> 00:02:51,017 In our station wagon. 47 00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:55,222 Diane, Vera and I once went to 48 00:02:55,222 --> 00:02:57,391 this really beautiful, romantic old place 49 00:02:57,391 --> 00:02:59,593 called the Fairview in New Hampshire. 50 00:02:59,593 --> 00:03:00,594 Oh, yeah? 51 00:03:00,594 --> 00:03:02,029 Yeah, really romantic. 52 00:03:02,029 --> 00:03:05,032 I mean, they don't have any telephones or televisions. 53 00:03:05,032 --> 00:03:06,800 Just have these old fireplaces 54 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,405 and these romantic old feather beds, antiques I think. 55 00:03:10,405 --> 00:03:12,207 So you really have to kind of snuggle right up there 56 00:03:12,207 --> 00:03:13,741 to your loved one. 57 00:03:13,741 --> 00:03:15,210 Mm-hmm. 58 00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:17,845 The best part about it for me 59 00:03:17,845 --> 00:03:19,247 was they had this beautiful old romantic circular driveway. 60 00:03:19,247 --> 00:03:21,416 So I didn't even have to stop. 61 00:03:21,416 --> 00:03:24,019 I just rolled through and yelled, "cancel Peterson!" 62 00:03:27,688 --> 00:03:29,125 Hey, everybody! 63 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:32,228 Oh, Sam. How would you like 64 00:03:32,228 --> 00:03:34,163 to go away with me this weekend 65 00:03:34,163 --> 00:03:36,632 to a country inn? 66 00:03:36,632 --> 00:03:38,300 Ooh. What inn? 67 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:41,037 You're welcome to use my station wagon. 68 00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:43,005 Excuse me? 69 00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:44,806 It's a long story. 70 00:03:44,806 --> 00:03:47,577 I haven't decide where we'll stay yet, 71 00:03:47,577 --> 00:03:51,248 but I want to pick a place you've never been, 72 00:03:51,248 --> 00:03:53,350 and we'll leave tonight. 73 00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:55,285 O.k., everybody, listen up! 74 00:03:55,285 --> 00:03:56,953 I'm in the worst mood of my entire life, 75 00:03:56,953 --> 00:03:59,322 so watch out, don't bug me, and stay out of my way! 76 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:02,525 This is the only warning you're gonna get. 77 00:04:02,525 --> 00:04:05,596 Oh, come on, Carla, turn that frown upside-down. 78 00:04:10,134 --> 00:04:11,902 Carla, Carla, Carla! 79 00:04:11,902 --> 00:04:13,604 Whoa. 80 00:04:13,604 --> 00:04:16,274 Now, come on. Easy, easy. Now, come on. 81 00:04:17,808 --> 00:04:21,279 Come on. 82 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:24,649 Norman, are you all right? 83 00:04:24,649 --> 00:04:27,786 I'm just glad I could be here for her. 84 00:04:27,786 --> 00:04:31,690 Something's really bothering Carla, huh? 85 00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:34,025 The man knows women. 86 00:04:34,025 --> 00:04:35,160 Huh? 87 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:36,695 Listen, uh, maybe, uh, 88 00:04:36,695 --> 00:04:39,564 one of us should go in there and talk to her. 89 00:04:39,564 --> 00:04:40,800 Who? 90 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,668 I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. 91 00:04:42,668 --> 00:04:44,504 Stop showing off, will ya, cliffie. 92 00:04:44,504 --> 00:04:49,242 We've got a real problem here. 93 00:04:49,242 --> 00:04:50,976 Coach, I'll go in and talk to her. 94 00:04:50,976 --> 00:04:53,946 I may be a little while here and I don't want to be disturbed, 95 00:04:53,946 --> 00:04:58,085 so if I get any phone calls, just take a message. 96 00:05:01,788 --> 00:05:03,657 Ohh! 97 00:05:07,661 --> 00:05:11,365 Hello. I'm Dr. Paul Kendall. 98 00:05:11,365 --> 00:05:12,966 I'm a licensed psychotherapist 99 00:05:12,966 --> 00:05:16,404 specializing in violent situations and crisis behavior. 100 00:05:16,404 --> 00:05:18,340 I can help that woman. 101 00:05:20,007 --> 00:05:21,709 Excuse me. 102 00:05:24,146 --> 00:05:26,181 Hello, Carla. 103 00:05:26,181 --> 00:05:27,549 My name is Dr. Paul Kendall. 104 00:05:27,549 --> 00:05:29,617 I'm a licensed psychotherapist. 105 00:05:33,488 --> 00:05:35,124 Oh, hey. 106 00:05:35,124 --> 00:05:37,193 You... you all right? 107 00:05:37,193 --> 00:05:38,727 I never saw her coming. 108 00:05:38,727 --> 00:05:40,696 I think she dropped from the ceiling. 109 00:05:40,696 --> 00:05:42,198 Why don't you sit down over there. 110 00:05:42,198 --> 00:05:43,699 We'll buy you a drink. 111 00:05:43,699 --> 00:05:45,201 O.k., that's it. I'll take over. 112 00:05:45,201 --> 00:05:46,402 Coach, maybe... 113 00:05:46,402 --> 00:05:48,871 I'll do it. Let me do it, Sam. 114 00:05:48,871 --> 00:05:50,439 Listen, I know Carla. 115 00:05:50,439 --> 00:05:52,909 I know Carla like the back of my hand. 116 00:05:52,909 --> 00:05:56,246 What the hell is that? 117 00:05:56,246 --> 00:05:58,882 I never noticed that before. 118 00:05:58,882 --> 00:06:03,353 Coach, maybe you ought to let her cool down. 119 00:06:03,353 --> 00:06:06,323 Cliffie, what's this on the back of my hand? 120 00:06:08,057 --> 00:06:10,328 I think... 121 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:13,164 That Carla very likely 122 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,499 has the kind of problem 123 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,868 with which only another woman can help. 124 00:06:20,871 --> 00:06:23,441 Carla? This is Diane. 125 00:06:23,441 --> 00:06:26,211 There really is such a thing as sisterhood. 126 00:06:26,211 --> 00:06:28,447 Carla: Come on in. 127 00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:33,985 We women stand together. 128 00:06:33,985 --> 00:06:36,154 I think even leaders of nations 129 00:06:36,154 --> 00:06:39,157 could learn a great deal 130 00:06:39,157 --> 00:06:41,593 by observing the women of america... 131 00:06:41,593 --> 00:06:44,430 Ahhh! 132 00:06:46,132 --> 00:06:48,167 Look. You always claim 133 00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:50,503 you know the answers to everything. 134 00:06:50,503 --> 00:06:52,038 Well, I'm calling your bluff. 135 00:06:52,038 --> 00:06:53,306 I'm going to give you a chance 136 00:06:53,306 --> 00:06:54,841 to handle my problem. 137 00:06:54,841 --> 00:06:57,043 I'll give you 30 seconds. If you blow it, 138 00:06:57,043 --> 00:06:58,511 I'm sending you back out there, 139 00:06:58,511 --> 00:07:00,913 and your face stays here. 140 00:07:02,682 --> 00:07:04,285 Fair enough. 141 00:07:06,654 --> 00:07:09,523 My ex-husband is getting remarried tonight. 142 00:07:09,523 --> 00:07:11,725 Here's the invite. 143 00:07:14,127 --> 00:07:15,128 How terrible for you. 144 00:07:15,128 --> 00:07:17,431 I understand completely. 145 00:07:17,431 --> 00:07:20,801 You've never really stopped loving him. 146 00:07:22,437 --> 00:07:26,341 I can see this invitation is soaked with your tears. 147 00:07:26,341 --> 00:07:28,810 That's my spit. 148 00:07:33,648 --> 00:07:35,684 I don't love that rat, 149 00:07:35,684 --> 00:07:37,519 and I never did! 150 00:07:37,519 --> 00:07:40,323 Sure, there were little things I loved about him... 151 00:07:40,323 --> 00:07:45,661 Like the way he flexed his tattoo... 152 00:07:45,661 --> 00:07:49,164 The way the hair grew in his ears, 153 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:52,735 the way he drooled in bed. 154 00:07:52,735 --> 00:07:54,970 Carla... 155 00:07:54,970 --> 00:07:58,342 Are you sure there's nothing left between you? 156 00:07:58,342 --> 00:08:01,111 Nothing! 157 00:08:01,111 --> 00:08:05,148 I'm just ticked because he's marrying a dish, 158 00:08:05,148 --> 00:08:06,617 and he's rubbing my nose in it. 159 00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:09,152 He even sent a picture of her with the invitation. 160 00:08:09,152 --> 00:08:10,854 Get a load of that. 161 00:08:13,056 --> 00:08:14,691 She's naked. 162 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,262 So, so is he. 163 00:08:20,865 --> 00:08:24,702 I thought he was wearing mohair pajamas. 164 00:08:30,508 --> 00:08:33,545 Anyway, he's got this foxy new broad, 165 00:08:33,545 --> 00:08:36,415 and I can't even get a date for his wedding. 166 00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:38,517 I thought you were seeing someone. 167 00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:40,285 His fingerprints grew back. 168 00:08:40,285 --> 00:08:42,655 He had to leave the country. 169 00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:45,424 Well, then take someone else. 170 00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:47,960 If you want to play this game with Nick, 171 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:52,231 then take somebody and pretend he's your fella. 172 00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:54,668 Someone who will make Nick jealous. 173 00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,169 Ooh. 174 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,772 That's good. 175 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:02,976 Someone tall and handsome, a hunk. 176 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,210 Maybe Sam... 177 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,512 Great idea! 178 00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,113 I'm saved! I'm saved! 179 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,648 Knows somebody. 180 00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:11,719 Maybe Sam knows somebody. 181 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,921 Sam, Diane had this great idea. 182 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,255 No, I didn't. 183 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,358 Don't be modest. 184 00:09:17,358 --> 00:09:19,627 Nick is getting remarried tonight. 185 00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:22,296 Ah. So that's what this is all about. 186 00:09:22,296 --> 00:09:24,064 Yeah, well, anyway, Diane said that you 187 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,800 should be my date for the wedding tonight 188 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,969 to show Nick that I'm better than he is. 189 00:09:27,969 --> 00:09:30,939 No. I didn't. It's a lunatic idea. 190 00:09:30,939 --> 00:09:33,775 Hey, hey, honey, listen, I'm going away for the weekend. 191 00:09:33,775 --> 00:09:36,712 That's right. Why don't you pick somebody else? 192 00:09:36,712 --> 00:09:38,480 I'm strapped for time, and besides, 193 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,915 you're the best-looking guy in this bar. 194 00:09:39,915 --> 00:09:42,418 Got you there, Sam. Best-looking guy in the city. 195 00:09:42,418 --> 00:09:43,752 Best-looking guy in the state. 196 00:09:43,752 --> 00:09:45,286 No, he's not. As a matter of fact, 197 00:09:45,286 --> 00:09:47,924 there's a great-looking guy who used to drink here. 198 00:09:47,924 --> 00:09:50,460 I think his name was cliffie clavin. 199 00:09:50,460 --> 00:09:53,763 Hey. I'm Clifford clavin. 200 00:09:53,763 --> 00:09:55,665 Oh, my god. 201 00:09:55,665 --> 00:09:57,600 What did you do to yourself? 202 00:09:59,836 --> 00:10:02,439 He used to look like Tyrone power. 203 00:10:02,439 --> 00:10:04,274 Yeah, I lost my looks? 204 00:10:04,274 --> 00:10:07,177 No. I think you're thinking of cliff clemens. 205 00:10:07,177 --> 00:10:09,012 You've never looked any better than this. 206 00:10:09,012 --> 00:10:11,815 Oh, that's a relief. Thank you, norm. 207 00:10:13,984 --> 00:10:15,886 Hello, Carla. 208 00:10:17,187 --> 00:10:18,822 Ah! 209 00:10:19,757 --> 00:10:21,792 Oh, my god, it's Nick! 210 00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:23,495 I'll be with you in a minute. 211 00:10:23,495 --> 00:10:24,596 What do you say, Sammy? 212 00:10:24,596 --> 00:10:26,898 Please, please! 213 00:10:26,898 --> 00:10:28,967 Carla, Carla. 214 00:10:28,967 --> 00:10:31,636 It would be a transparent charade. 215 00:10:31,636 --> 00:10:34,906 Carla, hey, come on, I know how you and Nick are. 216 00:10:34,906 --> 00:10:37,275 I don't want to get in the middle of that. 217 00:10:37,275 --> 00:10:39,912 Thanks a lot. 218 00:10:47,219 --> 00:10:49,489 Nick, what are you doing here? 219 00:10:49,489 --> 00:10:51,457 I had a feeling you weren't going to show up at the wedding. 220 00:10:51,457 --> 00:10:54,359 I wanted you to meet my fiancee... 221 00:10:54,359 --> 00:10:56,195 Loretta... 222 00:10:56,195 --> 00:10:57,463 And see for yourself 223 00:10:57,463 --> 00:11:00,601 that the photos were not retouched. 224 00:11:04,871 --> 00:11:08,575 More than I can say for Loretta. 225 00:11:08,575 --> 00:11:10,544 Watch your mouth. 226 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,579 Loretta, this is Carla... 227 00:11:12,579 --> 00:11:18,520 Who I divorced, for obvious reasons. 228 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,656 Look, Nick, I'm going to make your day. 229 00:11:21,656 --> 00:11:24,726 You're right. I'm not coming to your wedding. 230 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:25,927 No. 231 00:11:25,927 --> 00:11:27,762 I'm aghast! 232 00:11:27,762 --> 00:11:29,764 You knew it the whole time. 233 00:11:29,764 --> 00:11:31,633 Sure I knew, you wouldn't want to be humiliated 234 00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:33,067 by all the people whispering at the ceremony, 235 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,403 "boy, look how much better Nick did this time." 236 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,640 Carla, honey... 237 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,307 You sure you won't change your mind? 238 00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:42,611 I think we could have a lot of fun at this wedding. 239 00:11:42,611 --> 00:11:44,913 What about the weekend in the country? 240 00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:48,617 Well, you two can go away after the ceremony. 241 00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:50,853 This wedding is special. 242 00:11:50,853 --> 00:11:53,322 What do you say, huh? 243 00:11:53,322 --> 00:11:55,792 Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait. 244 00:11:55,792 --> 00:11:58,662 You and Sam, you're a couple? 245 00:11:58,662 --> 00:12:00,530 Yeah. She put up quite a fight, 246 00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:02,666 but I finally got her. 247 00:12:02,666 --> 00:12:05,769 Sam, I thought you was cool. 248 00:12:07,470 --> 00:12:09,606 [Honk honk honk] 249 00:12:09,606 --> 00:12:11,375 That's us, honey. 250 00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:13,944 I guess the cabbie's getting tired of waiting. 251 00:12:13,944 --> 00:12:15,846 Yeah, I don't want to make him angry. 252 00:12:15,846 --> 00:12:18,148 See you two at the wedding, huh? 253 00:12:18,148 --> 00:12:20,350 Yeah, we'll be there, Nick. 254 00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:22,119 This is eerie. 255 00:12:24,388 --> 00:12:25,890 Thank you, Sam. Thank you. 256 00:12:25,890 --> 00:12:28,393 You're sure this is o.K. With you, Diane? 257 00:12:28,393 --> 00:12:29,728 Certainly. 258 00:12:29,728 --> 00:12:30,996 It really stirred my ire 259 00:12:30,996 --> 00:12:34,065 just watching that bait bucket. 260 00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:36,968 I know. 261 00:12:36,968 --> 00:12:39,304 He still has it, doesn't he? 262 00:12:57,189 --> 00:13:00,793 Boy, I don't know how to thank you guys for hanging around here. 263 00:13:00,793 --> 00:13:04,464 I always get so nervous when Sam isn't here 264 00:13:04,464 --> 00:13:05,666 and I have to cash out by myself. 265 00:13:05,666 --> 00:13:07,300 You came pretty close tonight, coach. 266 00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:08,301 How close, norm? 267 00:13:08,301 --> 00:13:12,039 You're only off $16,000. 268 00:13:12,039 --> 00:13:15,142 I never had an accounting course in my life. 269 00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:17,277 You just got a flare for it, coach. 270 00:13:17,277 --> 00:13:19,647 Thanks, normie. 271 00:13:19,647 --> 00:13:22,250 Coach, listen, I'm going home to pack. 272 00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:25,386 When Sam gets back from the wedding, will you tell him something for me? 273 00:13:25,386 --> 00:13:27,021 Sure, honey. Good night. 274 00:13:29,691 --> 00:13:31,826 I didn't tell you what to tell him. 275 00:13:31,826 --> 00:13:34,462 Oh, I'll think of something. 276 00:13:34,462 --> 00:13:37,198 Tell him I'll be back as soon as I'm packed, 277 00:13:37,198 --> 00:13:39,300 and we'll leave on our trip. 278 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:40,302 We'll tell him. 279 00:13:40,302 --> 00:13:42,705 Good night. 280 00:13:42,705 --> 00:13:44,907 So I'm not a pretty boy. 281 00:13:48,678 --> 00:13:50,980 My father wasn't a pretty boy, either. 282 00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:54,016 He was a beautiful man. Oh, yeah. 283 00:13:54,016 --> 00:13:55,751 You know what I'm talking about? Absolutely. 284 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:58,521 I mean, beautiful... Inside. 285 00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:02,158 Just a beautiful... if you could have seen that man's insides... 286 00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:04,627 Next time he has an operation, let me know. 287 00:14:07,497 --> 00:14:08,899 How was the wedding? 288 00:14:08,899 --> 00:14:11,401 Oh, it was so great! 289 00:14:11,401 --> 00:14:15,438 Normie, if there is such a thing as perfect, 290 00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:18,142 this was it. 291 00:14:18,142 --> 00:14:21,212 Sam kept putting his arm around me, 292 00:14:21,212 --> 00:14:22,013 hugging me, 293 00:14:22,013 --> 00:14:23,547 whispering in my ear. 294 00:14:23,547 --> 00:14:24,716 Did Nick notice? 295 00:14:24,716 --> 00:14:26,884 Notice? During the ceremony, 296 00:14:26,884 --> 00:14:27,885 he threw the ring at us 297 00:14:27,885 --> 00:14:29,887 and yelled, "pay attention!" 298 00:14:33,257 --> 00:14:35,393 So, coach... 299 00:14:35,393 --> 00:14:36,795 How did we do tonight, huh? 300 00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:39,631 The total's a little off, Sam, you know. 301 00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:43,001 20, 30,000? 302 00:14:43,001 --> 00:14:44,169 16. 303 00:14:44,169 --> 00:14:46,705 Hey! 304 00:14:46,705 --> 00:14:47,973 Way to go, guy! 305 00:14:47,973 --> 00:14:49,507 You're bucking for a promotion here. 306 00:14:49,507 --> 00:14:52,678 Well, if it happens, it happens. 307 00:14:52,678 --> 00:14:54,613 Good night, guys. 308 00:14:54,613 --> 00:14:55,782 Good night, Sam. 309 00:14:55,782 --> 00:14:56,816 Good night, coach. 310 00:14:56,816 --> 00:14:58,351 Where's Diane? 311 00:14:58,351 --> 00:14:59,886 Oh, yeah, she said she's packing, 312 00:14:59,886 --> 00:15:01,087 she'll be back shortly. 313 00:15:01,087 --> 00:15:02,655 Thanks. 314 00:15:02,655 --> 00:15:04,758 Cliff, come on, you've had a lot to drink tonight. 315 00:15:04,758 --> 00:15:06,325 What do you say I drive you home? Come on. 316 00:15:06,325 --> 00:15:07,794 Aw, normie, that's great of you. 317 00:15:07,794 --> 00:15:09,695 You're a real friend, you know that? 318 00:15:09,695 --> 00:15:11,732 You're just a pal when you need one. 319 00:15:11,732 --> 00:15:15,202 If I ever have kids, I'm going to name them after you, 320 00:15:15,202 --> 00:15:17,938 even if they're girls. 321 00:15:17,938 --> 00:15:19,506 Please, I'm just gonna give you a ride home. 322 00:15:19,506 --> 00:15:22,910 Yeah, but I'm going to throw up in your car. 323 00:15:24,678 --> 00:15:26,380 Coffee, Carla? 324 00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:27,748 Yeah, thanks. 325 00:15:27,748 --> 00:15:29,317 Sam, you were the greatest tonight. 326 00:15:29,317 --> 00:15:31,286 I got to thank you for putting up with all that. 327 00:15:31,286 --> 00:15:34,089 Are you kidding me? I had a terrific time. 328 00:15:34,089 --> 00:15:36,657 You know, somebody should have said something to Nick. 329 00:15:36,657 --> 00:15:37,993 He went through the whole ceremony 330 00:15:37,993 --> 00:15:39,761 with his fly open. 331 00:15:39,761 --> 00:15:41,229 No, he knew. 332 00:15:41,229 --> 00:15:43,431 It's a tradition in his family. 333 00:15:43,431 --> 00:15:44,933 A sign of fertility. 334 00:15:46,635 --> 00:15:48,570 Didn't you notice his father 335 00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:50,672 and all the ushers? 336 00:15:50,672 --> 00:15:52,341 Oh, that's right, yeah. 337 00:15:52,341 --> 00:15:53,843 Well, that explains it. 338 00:15:53,843 --> 00:15:55,812 I thought it was 'cause the building was a little stuffy. 339 00:15:55,812 --> 00:15:59,481 In fact, I flirted with the idea myself. 340 00:15:59,481 --> 00:16:01,317 You know something, Carla? 341 00:16:01,317 --> 00:16:02,885 What? 342 00:16:02,885 --> 00:16:05,122 You surprised me tonight. 343 00:16:05,122 --> 00:16:06,957 Why? 344 00:16:06,957 --> 00:16:09,226 I never realize just how much you know about me. 345 00:16:09,226 --> 00:16:11,361 All those stories about my career... 346 00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:14,097 I mean, you know more stories about me than I do. 347 00:16:14,097 --> 00:16:16,900 I had to make it look like the real thing. 348 00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:20,103 Besides, I know everything about you. Right. 349 00:16:20,103 --> 00:16:22,240 Your favorite color is blue, 350 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,008 your favorite hobby is sailing, 351 00:16:24,008 --> 00:16:25,877 your favorite food is Chinese, 352 00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:27,145 and your taste in women 353 00:16:27,145 --> 00:16:29,814 is not what it used to be. 354 00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,283 Right across the board. You do know me. 355 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,784 A lot better than you know me. 356 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,119 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 357 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:39,023 Your favorite meal is chicken McNuggets. 358 00:16:39,023 --> 00:16:41,593 Your favorite hobby is drawing underarm hair 359 00:16:41,593 --> 00:16:44,329 on all the models in vogue magazine. 360 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:53,805 And your favorite movie is lady and the tramp. 361 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,540 You always cry when they come to the part 362 00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:57,944 where they eat the spaghetti. 363 00:16:57,944 --> 00:17:00,380 I didn't think anybody knew that. 364 00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:02,883 I'll tell you something else I know about you 365 00:17:02,883 --> 00:17:05,051 that you didn't think I knew. What? 366 00:17:05,051 --> 00:17:07,020 You go to mass every Sunday. 367 00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:08,521 Who squealed on me? 368 00:17:08,521 --> 00:17:10,223 See? I was just guessing, 369 00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:12,258 but that goes to show you how well I do know you. 370 00:17:12,258 --> 00:17:14,260 Hey, you know, this conversation is getting a little soppy. 371 00:17:14,260 --> 00:17:15,628 Why don't we talk about something else. 372 00:17:15,628 --> 00:17:16,931 Baseball. 373 00:17:16,931 --> 00:17:19,300 Nicky! Nick! Nick! 374 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:20,801 We're gonna miss the bus. 375 00:17:20,801 --> 00:17:22,103 Keep your pants on! 376 00:17:22,103 --> 00:17:25,606 This will only take five minutes. 377 00:17:25,606 --> 00:17:28,109 We got forever together. 378 00:17:29,643 --> 00:17:32,713 The ways youse twos was carrying on at my wedding... 379 00:17:32,713 --> 00:17:34,749 All lovey-dovey and all that... 380 00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:36,251 How long has this thing 381 00:17:36,251 --> 00:17:37,986 been going on between you two? 382 00:17:37,986 --> 00:17:40,088 What's it to you? Answer the question! 383 00:17:41,589 --> 00:17:44,692 You been seeing him while we were married? 384 00:17:44,692 --> 00:17:49,197 No. I was always faithful to you. 385 00:17:49,197 --> 00:17:50,966 Were you seeing Loretta while we were married? 386 00:17:50,966 --> 00:17:53,937 What am I, on trial here? 387 00:17:53,937 --> 00:17:55,471 The important thing is, 388 00:17:55,471 --> 00:17:57,506 if you was seeing him when we was married, 389 00:17:57,506 --> 00:17:59,675 our marriage was a lie. 390 00:17:59,675 --> 00:18:02,979 You know, Nick, she's taken enough abuse from you. 391 00:18:02,979 --> 00:18:04,013 If you don't knock it off, 392 00:18:04,013 --> 00:18:05,348 I'm gonna take you outside 393 00:18:05,348 --> 00:18:07,016 and I'm gonna teach you some manners. 394 00:18:07,016 --> 00:18:09,252 This will be great. Nick's a bleeder. 395 00:18:11,288 --> 00:18:12,856 I want to talk to you. 396 00:18:12,856 --> 00:18:14,391 What about? 397 00:18:14,391 --> 00:18:15,859 It's private. 398 00:18:15,859 --> 00:18:16,860 Go on. 399 00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:18,628 All right. 400 00:18:20,864 --> 00:18:23,000 Make it quick. 401 00:18:24,868 --> 00:18:27,037 I want you back. 402 00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:33,311 Nick, you just got married. 403 00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:36,714 Your bride is standing over there. 404 00:18:36,714 --> 00:18:38,449 Easy come, easy go. 405 00:18:38,449 --> 00:18:39,951 I'll lose her in the bus station. 406 00:18:39,951 --> 00:18:41,919 That's where I found her. 407 00:18:43,721 --> 00:18:45,556 Nick, are you nuts? 408 00:18:45,556 --> 00:18:48,227 You still got wedding cake in the corners of your mouth. 409 00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,761 I don't know what it is. 410 00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:52,231 Ever time I looked at you today I said to myself, 411 00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:55,834 "Carla is not so bad." 412 00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:58,837 Maybe I was making a mistake. 413 00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:01,673 I don't know what it is. 414 00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:03,575 What do you say, Carla? 415 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,681 I know what it is. 416 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:11,351 You saw me with Sam. 417 00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,920 You saw that somebody else wanted me, 418 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,888 so you wanted me back. 419 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,690 Well, forget it! 420 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,959 I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. 421 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,828 Sure, I'll forget it... 422 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,631 If you can forget this. 423 00:19:25,533 --> 00:19:28,902 So, how's married life treating you, huh? 424 00:19:28,902 --> 00:19:32,106 Oh, I don't feel so different. 425 00:19:36,344 --> 00:19:40,715 So... what do you say, Carla? 426 00:19:42,751 --> 00:19:44,719 Nothing, Nick. 427 00:19:44,719 --> 00:19:47,089 The magic is gone. 428 00:19:47,089 --> 00:19:49,791 I got myself a better guy. 429 00:19:49,791 --> 00:19:51,993 Uh... I took a shot. 430 00:19:51,993 --> 00:19:54,096 Loretta, you're up! 431 00:19:54,096 --> 00:19:55,464 By the way, 432 00:19:55,464 --> 00:19:57,166 I don't appreciate you coming to the wedding 433 00:19:57,166 --> 00:20:00,036 in the dress that you married me in. 434 00:20:00,036 --> 00:20:02,538 Boy, am I primed for this honeymoon! 435 00:20:13,015 --> 00:20:14,817 So come on, what happened? 436 00:20:14,817 --> 00:20:16,453 What did he say? 437 00:20:17,988 --> 00:20:20,291 He crawled to me, Sam, 438 00:20:20,291 --> 00:20:22,359 and I stepped on his heart. 439 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,728 All right, Carla. That's terrific. 440 00:20:24,728 --> 00:20:26,530 You must feel great. 441 00:20:28,399 --> 00:20:31,135 Hey, come on. What's this all about? 442 00:20:31,135 --> 00:20:33,036 Hey, listen, you're on top. 443 00:20:33,036 --> 00:20:35,840 He came back begging, and you beat him. 444 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,143 What are you so upset about? 445 00:20:40,145 --> 00:20:43,014 I didn't beat him. 446 00:20:43,014 --> 00:20:44,416 He only wanted me 447 00:20:44,416 --> 00:20:46,484 because he thought you did. 448 00:20:48,186 --> 00:20:51,823 What he has is real. 449 00:20:51,823 --> 00:20:53,926 All I have is a lie, 450 00:20:53,926 --> 00:20:56,962 and my life is terrible. 451 00:20:56,962 --> 00:20:58,597 Aw, hey... 452 00:20:58,597 --> 00:21:00,733 Come on, Carla. 453 00:21:02,368 --> 00:21:04,837 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 454 00:21:04,837 --> 00:21:06,339 Come on. 455 00:21:22,722 --> 00:21:24,691 Ooh. 456 00:21:29,764 --> 00:21:31,566 Well, uh... 457 00:21:34,569 --> 00:21:37,071 You know what that was, don't you? 458 00:21:37,071 --> 00:21:39,840 No. Do you? 459 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,809 I think so. 460 00:21:41,809 --> 00:21:43,678 Good. What was it? 461 00:21:43,678 --> 00:21:45,480 Well, uh... 462 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,549 We've been together all afternoon 463 00:21:47,549 --> 00:21:49,285 and all over each other. 464 00:21:49,285 --> 00:21:52,754 It's just the natural thing to do. 465 00:21:52,754 --> 00:21:56,225 That wasn't it. 466 00:21:56,225 --> 00:21:58,160 Well, what was it? 467 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,729 It was a pity kiss. 468 00:22:00,729 --> 00:22:03,031 I've gotten them, I've given them, 469 00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:04,567 and I know what they are. 470 00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:06,703 So have I, and that wasn't one. 471 00:22:06,703 --> 00:22:07,770 Then what was it? 472 00:22:10,139 --> 00:22:13,876 Maybe we just wanted to find out what it'd be like. 473 00:22:15,645 --> 00:22:17,314 Maybe. 474 00:22:18,348 --> 00:22:20,717 So, uh, what was it like? 475 00:22:23,086 --> 00:22:25,923 What was it like for you? 476 00:22:25,923 --> 00:22:27,891 I've had better. 477 00:22:30,228 --> 00:22:31,862 Well, I haven't. 478 00:22:31,862 --> 00:22:33,464 I know. 479 00:22:37,901 --> 00:22:39,437 Well... 480 00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:43,642 Whatever it was, it's over now. 481 00:22:43,642 --> 00:22:46,177 Yeah. 482 00:22:46,177 --> 00:22:47,312 Ain't gonna let that get in the way 483 00:22:47,312 --> 00:22:48,947 of a good friendship, huh? 484 00:23:05,064 --> 00:23:06,766 If it picks you up any, 485 00:23:06,766 --> 00:23:09,335 I never had a better handshake. 486 00:23:13,172 --> 00:23:14,640 Hi, guys. 487 00:23:18,044 --> 00:23:20,013 Well, what happened? 488 00:23:20,013 --> 00:23:21,348 Oh, it was great. 489 00:23:21,348 --> 00:23:23,817 We made a shambles of the wedding. 490 00:23:23,817 --> 00:23:27,654 Yeah, Diane, I want to thank you. Sam... 491 00:23:27,654 --> 00:23:30,324 Tonight the three of us joined together 492 00:23:30,324 --> 00:23:32,293 and were able to make another human being 493 00:23:32,293 --> 00:23:34,929 eat his liver. 494 00:23:36,264 --> 00:23:38,500 Life, I love you! 495 00:23:40,034 --> 00:23:42,770 Good night. 496 00:23:42,770 --> 00:23:46,341 Well, Sam, I'm ready for our weekend. 497 00:23:46,341 --> 00:23:49,143 You sure you got everything? 498 00:23:49,143 --> 00:23:51,980 I believe in being prepared. 499 00:23:51,980 --> 00:23:53,416 With all this luggage, 500 00:23:53,416 --> 00:23:55,017 I hope you didn't forget to pack 501 00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:58,587 that frilly black baby doll nightie I love so much. 502 00:23:58,587 --> 00:24:01,824 I'm sorry, Sam. It's at the cleaners. 503 00:24:01,824 --> 00:24:05,328 Couldn't you wear something else? 504 00:24:05,328 --> 00:24:08,597 Just this once. 505 00:24:08,597 --> 00:24:10,066 O.k., but if I don't like it, 506 00:24:10,066 --> 00:24:11,234 we come right home. 507 00:24:11,234 --> 00:24:12,769 O.k.