1 00:00:03,511 --> 00:00:04,513 [Telephone rings] 2 00:00:04,513 --> 00:00:05,681 Coach: Cheers. 3 00:00:05,681 --> 00:00:07,418 Carla, it's your little girl. 4 00:00:07,418 --> 00:00:08,819 What? 5 00:00:10,857 --> 00:00:12,760 The baby? 6 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,129 Well, bring her to the phone. 7 00:00:16,632 --> 00:00:19,737 The baby is crying, and they can't make her stop. 8 00:00:19,737 --> 00:00:21,941 I'll try a lullaby. 9 00:00:21,941 --> 00:00:23,611 God couldn't be everywhere. 10 00:00:23,611 --> 00:00:25,881 That's why he created mothers. 11 00:00:25,881 --> 00:00:27,417 And, uh, postal carriers. 12 00:00:27,417 --> 00:00:29,420 Carla: You got her? 13 00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:32,358 Ok. Now, put her ear to the phone. 14 00:00:32,358 --> 00:00:34,395 Sweetie. Sweet... sweetie. 15 00:00:34,395 --> 00:00:35,497 Shh, shh, shh, shh. 16 00:00:35,497 --> 00:00:37,433 Ok. Oh, good girl. 17 00:00:37,433 --> 00:00:38,535 Good girl. 18 00:00:38,535 --> 00:00:40,271 Ok. Now, listen 19 00:00:40,271 --> 00:00:42,274 to mama. 20 00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:48,651 ♪ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral ♪ 21 00:00:48,651 --> 00:00:52,257 ♪ too-ra-loo-ra- ♪ 22 00:00:52,257 --> 00:00:54,294 ♪ li ♪ 23 00:00:54,294 --> 00:00:56,897 ♪ too-ra-loo- ♪ 24 00:00:56,897 --> 00:01:00,671 ♪ ra-loo-ral ♪ 25 00:01:00,671 --> 00:01:05,946 ♪ hush now, don't you cry ♪ 26 00:01:05,946 --> 00:01:09,385 all: ♪ too-ra-loo-ra- ♪ 27 00:01:09,385 --> 00:01:11,355 ♪ loo-ral ♪ 28 00:01:11,355 --> 00:01:13,959 ♪ too-ra-loo-ra- ♪ 29 00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:16,062 ♪ li ♪ 30 00:01:16,062 --> 00:01:18,733 ♪ too-ra-loo-ra- ♪ 31 00:01:18,733 --> 00:01:20,836 ♪ loo-ral ♪ 32 00:01:20,836 --> 00:01:23,875 ♪ that's an Irish ♪ 33 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:28,048 ♪ lullaby ♪ 34 00:01:28,048 --> 00:01:29,351 [whispering] She's asleep. 35 00:01:29,351 --> 00:01:31,354 Yeah! Yay! Yay! 36 00:01:31,354 --> 00:01:35,293 Thanks, everybody. Thanks a lot. 37 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:41,537 ♪ Making the way in the world today ♪ 38 00:01:41,537 --> 00:01:44,609 ♪ takes everything you've got ♪ 39 00:01:44,609 --> 00:01:46,946 ♪ taking a break from all your worries ♪ 40 00:01:46,946 --> 00:01:50,519 ♪ sure would help a lot ♪ 41 00:01:50,519 --> 00:01:53,657 ♪ wouldn't you like to get away ♪ 42 00:01:56,595 --> 00:01:58,498 ♪ sometimes you want to go ♪ 43 00:01:58,498 --> 00:02:01,837 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 44 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,078 ♪ and they're always glad you came ♪ 45 00:02:08,614 --> 00:02:10,952 ♪ you want to be where you can see ♪ 46 00:02:10,952 --> 00:02:13,656 ♪ our troubles are all the same ♪ 47 00:02:13,656 --> 00:02:14,891 ♪ you want to be ♪ 48 00:02:14,891 --> 00:02:18,798 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 49 00:02:18,798 --> 00:02:21,401 ♪ you want to go where people know ♪ 50 00:02:21,401 --> 00:02:24,006 ♪ people are all the same ♪ 51 00:02:24,006 --> 00:02:27,979 ♪ you want to go where everybody knows your name ♪ 52 00:02:48,613 --> 00:02:50,616 Hey, everybody... 53 00:02:50,616 --> 00:02:51,684 Drinks are on me. 54 00:02:51,684 --> 00:02:53,086 I got my raise! 55 00:02:53,086 --> 00:02:54,122 Hey! Hey! 56 00:02:54,122 --> 00:02:56,058 Congratulations. Good going. 57 00:02:56,058 --> 00:02:57,928 Thank you. Hiya, normie. 58 00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,463 Congratulations, cliff. 59 00:02:59,463 --> 00:03:00,866 Thank you. 60 00:03:02,969 --> 00:03:04,939 Ahh, norm. 61 00:03:04,939 --> 00:03:09,046 Normie, normie, normie, normie. 62 00:03:09,046 --> 00:03:10,481 You know... 63 00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,217 I know you're a proud guy, norm. 64 00:03:12,217 --> 00:03:13,954 You've been out of work a long time, 65 00:03:13,954 --> 00:03:15,489 and I feel I've got to at least try 66 00:03:15,489 --> 00:03:17,560 to share my good fortune with you, so, uh... 67 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,764 I know what your answer's gonna be to this... 68 00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,099 But would you please allow me 69 00:03:21,099 --> 00:03:23,870 to loan you, uh...$500? 70 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,038 Sure! 71 00:03:27,710 --> 00:03:29,512 Uh... Beg your pardon? 72 00:03:29,512 --> 00:03:33,018 Sure. I'd love it. How soon can I get it? 73 00:03:33,018 --> 00:03:35,590 Yeah. You know, norm, my greatest fear was that you'd say no 74 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,793 because you'd be afraid it'd, uh, hurt our relationship. 75 00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:40,297 No. Can I get it in cash? 76 00:03:40,297 --> 00:03:42,000 Sure. Yeah. Sure. 77 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,837 I guess our, uh, friendship's pretty solid, huh? 78 00:03:44,837 --> 00:03:46,306 Yeah. I mean, we're the kind of guys 79 00:03:46,306 --> 00:03:47,642 who knows what the other guy's gonna say 80 00:03:47,642 --> 00:03:49,244 before he even says it, huh? 81 00:03:49,244 --> 00:03:51,949 Yeah, I was wrong this time. 82 00:03:51,949 --> 00:03:53,852 Hey, Sam. 83 00:03:53,852 --> 00:03:55,888 Hey, mort. How you doing? What'll you have? 84 00:03:55,888 --> 00:03:58,760 Let me have a draft. 85 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,162 Sam, you got to help me. 86 00:04:00,162 --> 00:04:01,798 I got big trouble. 87 00:04:01,798 --> 00:04:03,935 Really? What's the problem? 88 00:04:03,935 --> 00:04:06,873 The coach of my kid's youth league baseball team just quit, 89 00:04:06,873 --> 00:04:08,876 and I figure you're a natural for the job. 90 00:04:08,876 --> 00:04:10,278 Uh... boy, I'd love to, mort, 91 00:04:10,278 --> 00:04:12,081 but I don't have any time around here. 92 00:04:12,081 --> 00:04:14,185 I spend half my life trying to keep this bar on its feet, 93 00:04:14,185 --> 00:04:17,157 and the other half trying to keep Diane off hers. 94 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,763 Well, I got to find somebody. 95 00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:22,131 I mean, this is a real good team, Sam. 96 00:04:22,131 --> 00:04:23,734 We got a real chance 97 00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:25,103 of winning the pennant here. 98 00:04:25,103 --> 00:04:26,939 Wait a second. Uh, does anyone, uh... 99 00:04:26,939 --> 00:04:29,109 Want to manage the team here? 100 00:04:29,109 --> 00:04:31,279 Sam, want to hear a crazy idea? 101 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:33,048 What about me? 102 00:04:33,048 --> 00:04:35,787 Well, coach, that's not a crazy idea. 103 00:04:35,787 --> 00:04:37,756 That's a great idea. 104 00:04:37,756 --> 00:04:40,928 Well, I knew it was either one or the other. 105 00:04:40,928 --> 00:04:42,230 Just give me a second here. 106 00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:44,000 Coach, this is perfect for you. 107 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,270 I mean, you've got some extra time on your hands. 108 00:04:46,270 --> 00:04:48,407 You know the game. It'd be good for you. 109 00:04:48,407 --> 00:04:50,310 Come on, Sam. You know I never managed. 110 00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:52,314 The highest I ever got was third base coach. 111 00:04:52,314 --> 00:04:54,283 Mort. Yeah! 112 00:04:54,283 --> 00:04:55,318 Hey, don't worry about it. 113 00:04:55,318 --> 00:04:56,787 You're gonna be great. 114 00:04:56,787 --> 00:04:58,123 Sam, can I talk to you about... 115 00:04:58,123 --> 00:04:59,658 No, no. Not right now. Not right now. 116 00:04:59,658 --> 00:05:01,094 Sam, y-you... you think I can handle it? 117 00:05:01,094 --> 00:05:02,230 Yeah. Of course you can. 118 00:05:02,230 --> 00:05:03,331 Come on, you're not kidding. 119 00:05:03,331 --> 00:05:04,666 I'm not kidding. 120 00:05:04,666 --> 00:05:06,202 Mort, you got yourself a manager. 121 00:05:06,202 --> 00:05:08,039 Hey, great, coach! I'll introduce you to the kids. 122 00:05:08,039 --> 00:05:09,107 They're over at the park right now. 123 00:05:09,107 --> 00:05:11,177 God, things are going so fast. 124 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,915 Sam, I'll be back before you know I'm gone. 125 00:05:13,915 --> 00:05:16,285 I'll probably be back before I know I'm gone. 126 00:05:20,692 --> 00:05:22,228 Sam. 127 00:05:22,228 --> 00:05:25,700 I just got a real strong feeling. 128 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,336 Carla, watch the bar. 129 00:05:29,006 --> 00:05:30,008 No. 130 00:05:30,008 --> 00:05:31,010 What? 131 00:05:31,010 --> 00:05:32,712 I mean, about this idea 132 00:05:32,712 --> 00:05:35,049 that coach will manage the team. 133 00:05:35,049 --> 00:05:37,220 I sense disaster. 134 00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:38,890 Oh, come on. What are you talking about? 135 00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:40,859 I mean, the guy's home life 136 00:05:40,859 --> 00:05:43,129 is a can of spaghettios and reruns of baretta. 137 00:05:43,129 --> 00:05:45,032 This'll be good for him. 138 00:05:45,032 --> 00:05:47,503 I mean, every guy needs a hobby. Right? 139 00:05:47,503 --> 00:05:49,941 I wish I had time for one. 140 00:05:49,941 --> 00:05:51,944 Norm... 141 00:05:51,944 --> 00:05:55,149 You've got time to make your own coal. 142 00:06:00,524 --> 00:06:04,096 Sam? This is serious. 143 00:06:04,096 --> 00:06:05,765 Everybody knows that there can be 144 00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:06,968 a lot of pressure in children's baseball. 145 00:06:06,968 --> 00:06:11,108 The parents take it very seriously. 146 00:06:11,108 --> 00:06:12,878 Well, I'm afraid that they'll take somebody 147 00:06:12,878 --> 00:06:14,914 as gentle and guileless as the coach 148 00:06:14,914 --> 00:06:16,116 and eat him alive. 149 00:06:16,116 --> 00:06:17,285 You're kidding me. 150 00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:18,453 He's been in the big leagues. 151 00:06:18,453 --> 00:06:20,322 This is not gonna be pressure for him. 152 00:06:20,322 --> 00:06:21,558 No, now, wait a minute. 153 00:06:21,558 --> 00:06:23,294 He was working for somebody else. 154 00:06:23,294 --> 00:06:25,265 He was never the boss. 155 00:06:25,265 --> 00:06:26,800 I'm telling you, I can't get rid of this feeling. 156 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,135 Something's wrong. 157 00:06:28,135 --> 00:06:29,905 Hey, hey. Diane. You can have your feelings, 158 00:06:29,905 --> 00:06:31,575 but this is, uh, this is guy stuff. 159 00:06:31,575 --> 00:06:33,278 I mean, there's a... 160 00:06:33,278 --> 00:06:34,545 What, it's a male bond 161 00:06:34,545 --> 00:06:37,350 that happens between men that, uh... 162 00:06:37,350 --> 00:06:39,087 Women just don't understand. 163 00:06:39,087 --> 00:06:40,322 Hey, sweetheart, 164 00:06:40,322 --> 00:06:42,325 sweetheart, look, this is part of me 165 00:06:42,325 --> 00:06:44,562 that is, uh, private, and you're just gonna have to stay away from. 166 00:06:44,562 --> 00:06:46,933 So it's, uh, hands off, no trespassing, 167 00:06:46,933 --> 00:06:48,535 keep out, end of discussion. 168 00:06:48,535 --> 00:06:50,505 Really. You know? 169 00:06:50,505 --> 00:06:52,509 Very well. 170 00:06:52,509 --> 00:06:54,478 And from now on, there's a part of me 171 00:06:54,478 --> 00:06:57,517 that's "hands off" to you. 172 00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:59,954 Norm: Ooh! 173 00:06:59,954 --> 00:07:01,389 Ooh! 174 00:07:01,389 --> 00:07:02,858 Just my luck, 175 00:07:02,858 --> 00:07:04,494 it'll be one of the parts I care about. 176 00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:10,905 Sam, can I ask you a question? 177 00:07:10,905 --> 00:07:12,107 Shoot. 178 00:07:12,107 --> 00:07:13,944 Where do you stand on breast-feeding? 179 00:07:13,944 --> 00:07:16,381 As I recall, I... I liked it. 180 00:07:16,381 --> 00:07:20,620 Uh, no, I mean me, with my baby, in here. 181 00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:22,357 Uh... carla... I guess 182 00:07:22,357 --> 00:07:25,062 it's cheaper than a piano player. 183 00:07:28,233 --> 00:07:30,236 Look, Sammy, i... You know, I'm just tired 184 00:07:30,236 --> 00:07:32,306 of having to run home to feed her all the time 185 00:07:32,306 --> 00:07:34,143 during my shift. 186 00:07:34,143 --> 00:07:36,246 I should've done like I did with all my other kids. 187 00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:38,416 You mean you didn't breast-feed the other 4? 188 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,186 Nah. They went right to raw meat. 189 00:07:43,057 --> 00:07:44,659 Hey, everybody. 190 00:07:44,659 --> 00:07:46,029 Hey! Hey... 191 00:07:47,664 --> 00:07:49,601 Hey. 192 00:07:49,601 --> 00:07:53,140 Say, uh, remember that, remember that money you were gonna lend me? 193 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,442 Oh, of course. 194 00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:56,112 Now, look, you're a friend of mine, 195 00:07:56,112 --> 00:07:57,614 you're in need, and I'm here to help you. 196 00:07:57,614 --> 00:07:59,618 I've got your money, yeah. 197 00:07:59,618 --> 00:08:01,621 Look, is a handshake good enough for you? 198 00:08:01,621 --> 00:08:02,622 Sure. 199 00:08:02,622 --> 00:08:04,659 Not for me. 200 00:08:04,659 --> 00:08:07,063 A loan application? 201 00:08:07,063 --> 00:08:09,467 Hey, it's a loan we're talking about here, 202 00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:11,470 not a handout. 203 00:08:11,470 --> 00:08:13,506 I don't want to go through this kind of humiliation, all right? 204 00:08:13,506 --> 00:08:15,143 I mean, I wouldn't be asking for this 205 00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:16,311 unless I really needed it. 206 00:08:16,311 --> 00:08:18,048 All right, now I got you. 207 00:08:18,048 --> 00:08:20,351 Just kidding around here. 208 00:08:20,351 --> 00:08:21,987 Thank you. This is gonna go a long way 209 00:08:21,987 --> 00:08:24,024 to pay a lot of bills. 210 00:08:24,024 --> 00:08:26,727 You know, I really should think of something nice for Vera, too. 211 00:08:26,727 --> 00:08:29,566 Hey, now, how about a candle lit dinner for 2? 212 00:08:29,566 --> 00:08:32,604 Great. Come on. We'll talk about Vera later. 213 00:08:38,581 --> 00:08:40,050 Ladies and gentlemen... 214 00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:41,519 Introducing the titans! 215 00:08:41,519 --> 00:08:42,620 Ohh! 216 00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:44,090 Move it. 217 00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,525 Let's go. 218 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,128 Sam: Oh. 219 00:08:47,128 --> 00:08:50,032 That's a well-drilled team, coach. 220 00:08:50,032 --> 00:08:51,168 Thank you, Sam. 221 00:08:51,168 --> 00:08:53,037 Yeah, and look at you, coach! 222 00:08:53,037 --> 00:08:54,507 Thank you, Diane. 223 00:08:54,507 --> 00:08:55,609 Coach, how about doing the honors here? 224 00:08:55,609 --> 00:08:57,043 Oh, yeah. Sure, Sam. 225 00:08:57,043 --> 00:08:59,481 Uh, fellas... This is Sam "mayday" Malone, 226 00:08:59,481 --> 00:09:00,983 probably the greatest relief pitcher 227 00:09:00,983 --> 00:09:02,786 the game of baseball ever knew. 228 00:09:02,786 --> 00:09:05,391 Then he hit the bottle, and he was through in less than a year. 229 00:09:05,391 --> 00:09:06,526 Remember that. 230 00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:09,164 Hi. 231 00:09:09,164 --> 00:09:11,167 And this is Diane. She's smart. 232 00:09:13,271 --> 00:09:15,841 Uh, let me, uh, introduce my boys to you, Sam. 233 00:09:15,841 --> 00:09:18,446 Uh, this is peewee, moose, juice, 234 00:09:18,446 --> 00:09:20,582 goose, the tank, the chancellor, 235 00:09:20,582 --> 00:09:23,086 the bull, the cannonball express, 236 00:09:23,086 --> 00:09:25,823 specs, and dynamic duo. 237 00:09:25,823 --> 00:09:28,762 So, what've you guys been working on so far, coach? 238 00:09:28,762 --> 00:09:30,231 Nicknames. 239 00:09:31,567 --> 00:09:33,770 Well, party's over now, Sam, 240 00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:35,640 and we start busting some butts. 241 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,277 I'll have these guys in shape within the week. 242 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,678 Well, there you go. 243 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:41,583 Now, isn't that always the way with children? 244 00:09:41,583 --> 00:09:43,653 Delightful melding of their innocence 245 00:09:43,653 --> 00:09:45,290 with your wisdom. 246 00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:46,624 Yes, we teach them, 247 00:09:46,624 --> 00:09:49,128 but they leave their impression on us... aaooh! 248 00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:55,906 Deviate. 249 00:09:55,906 --> 00:09:58,211 Forget it, Diane. I can handle this. 250 00:09:58,211 --> 00:10:00,314 I got a way of communicating with kids. 251 00:10:00,314 --> 00:10:01,882 All right, everybody, file out, 252 00:10:01,882 --> 00:10:03,752 except you, specs. 253 00:10:03,752 --> 00:10:05,222 Let's go. Move it! Move it! 254 00:10:05,222 --> 00:10:06,824 Sam: See? Huh? 255 00:10:06,824 --> 00:10:10,563 Ok, ok. Maybe this thing 256 00:10:10,563 --> 00:10:13,368 will be a good experience for him, huh? 257 00:10:13,368 --> 00:10:15,338 Yeah, he's standing a little taller. 258 00:10:15,338 --> 00:10:17,308 There's a light in his eyes. 259 00:10:17,308 --> 00:10:19,511 He's like a whole new person. 260 00:10:19,511 --> 00:10:20,847 Specs, you get only one chance 261 00:10:20,847 --> 00:10:23,584 to make a mistake on this team. 262 00:10:23,584 --> 00:10:25,788 Go home and tell your mother you're a flop. 263 00:10:28,526 --> 00:10:31,196 A whole new person I dislike intensely. 264 00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:32,666 Hey. C-Coach. Hey. 265 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:33,868 You're gonna kick him off the team 266 00:10:33,868 --> 00:10:35,537 just for that one little incident? 267 00:10:35,537 --> 00:10:37,206 No, Sam, that's not the only reason. 268 00:10:37,206 --> 00:10:38,576 He's leading the league in errors. 269 00:10:38,576 --> 00:10:40,312 The only thing he's had his hands on all week 270 00:10:40,312 --> 00:10:42,415 is Diane's keister. 271 00:10:57,973 --> 00:11:01,646 Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. 272 00:11:01,646 --> 00:11:03,582 Hi. Dchoo dchoo dchoo dchoo dchoo. 273 00:11:03,582 --> 00:11:05,018 Yee-eee-eee. 274 00:11:05,018 --> 00:11:07,656 Oh, woodju, woodju, woodjie, woodju. 275 00:11:07,656 --> 00:11:08,658 Kee kee. 276 00:11:08,658 --> 00:11:10,328 Nanny, nanny, nanny, nan. 277 00:11:10,328 --> 00:11:12,631 A-goo, goo, goo, goo, goo, goo. 278 00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:15,336 Kootchie, kootchie, kootchie, kootchie. Kootchie. 279 00:11:15,336 --> 00:11:18,507 Uh... ahem. Who the hell are you guys talking to? 280 00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:27,521 Been talking stupid to a duck. 281 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:31,294 Oh, we... We kept it quiet. 282 00:11:31,294 --> 00:11:33,865 [Baby cries loudly] 283 00:11:33,865 --> 00:11:35,935 Aw, she's hungry. 284 00:11:35,935 --> 00:11:36,936 [Chuckles] 285 00:11:36,936 --> 00:11:37,938 Ok. 286 00:11:37,938 --> 00:11:39,875 [Baby cries] 287 00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:41,844 Well... Here's dinner. 288 00:11:41,844 --> 00:11:42,846 Hey, whoa! 289 00:11:42,846 --> 00:11:45,385 Whoa! 290 00:11:45,385 --> 00:11:46,652 Whoa. Uh, Carla, come on. 291 00:11:46,652 --> 00:11:48,355 It makes us a little uncomfortable. 292 00:11:48,355 --> 00:11:51,394 Ok, ok! I'll go in Sam's office. 293 00:11:51,394 --> 00:11:52,496 Thank you. 294 00:11:52,496 --> 00:11:54,966 Whatever happened to modesty? 295 00:11:54,966 --> 00:11:56,402 Really. Who would want to look 296 00:11:56,402 --> 00:11:58,406 at something like that? 297 00:11:58,406 --> 00:12:00,409 Hey, you guys seen miss June? 298 00:12:00,409 --> 00:12:02,578 Hey, what do we got here, huh? 299 00:12:02,578 --> 00:12:03,680 Hey, hoo, whoo! 300 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,650 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 301 00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:09,424 Oh, dear. Norm's in season again. 302 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:12,093 Coach is a little late this evening, isn't he? 303 00:12:12,093 --> 00:12:13,630 Yeah. The game must've gone into extra innings. 304 00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,132 How are those titans doing? 305 00:12:15,132 --> 00:12:18,771 They have not lost a game since coach took over. 306 00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:21,443 Coach has lost his sweet disposition. 307 00:12:21,443 --> 00:12:22,878 He's turned into a tyrant. 308 00:12:22,878 --> 00:12:24,781 Yeah, but he's winning, Diane, and winning's 309 00:12:24,781 --> 00:12:26,717 the most important thing here. 310 00:12:26,717 --> 00:12:30,458 Well, I don't think winning is the most important thing here. 311 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,927 Well, good. Then you won't mind losing this argument. 312 00:12:32,927 --> 00:12:34,864 Over my dead body. 313 00:12:34,864 --> 00:12:37,435 Hey. Don't bring last night into this. 314 00:12:39,538 --> 00:12:41,742 That's exactly whatit was... 315 00:12:41,742 --> 00:12:43,512 Your last night. 316 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,515 Aw, now, come on. 317 00:12:47,084 --> 00:12:48,753 Come on, I was just kidding, I was just kidding. 318 00:12:48,753 --> 00:12:50,756 Come on, don't be mad. Don't be mad. 319 00:12:50,756 --> 00:12:52,594 What are we arguing about? 320 00:12:52,594 --> 00:12:54,763 I mean... I mean, coach is just being dedicated, 321 00:12:54,763 --> 00:12:56,700 that's all. 322 00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:58,135 Yeah, you know, I never thought 323 00:12:58,135 --> 00:12:59,638 I'd say this about another man, 324 00:12:59,638 --> 00:13:01,641 but coach may have the attributes 325 00:13:01,641 --> 00:13:03,712 to, uh, be a good postal carrier: 326 00:13:03,712 --> 00:13:05,915 Dedication, intensity, and single-mindedness. 327 00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:08,553 Yeah, the inability to recognize the word "fragile." 328 00:13:08,553 --> 00:13:09,654 Yeah... 329 00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:13,961 I still say this was a mistake for coach to do. 330 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,864 ♪ Don't touch me ♪ 331 00:13:15,864 --> 00:13:17,634 it's not a mistake. 332 00:13:17,634 --> 00:13:19,537 I mean, he's... he's got a hobby, that's all. 333 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:21,039 I mean, he's having fun. 334 00:13:21,039 --> 00:13:22,642 I can stand with physical errors, 335 00:13:22,642 --> 00:13:24,144 but I can't stand mental errors! 336 00:13:24,144 --> 00:13:25,980 After this one, boy, 337 00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:27,215 somebody's gonna have to go! 338 00:13:27,215 --> 00:13:28,785 What happened, coach? You lost? 339 00:13:28,785 --> 00:13:30,521 No! We won! But by only one run! 340 00:13:30,521 --> 00:13:32,592 What's the point in winning 341 00:13:32,592 --> 00:13:34,595 if you can't humiliate the other team?! 342 00:13:34,595 --> 00:13:36,097 You got to intimidate them, Carla! 343 00:13:36,097 --> 00:13:39,069 Crush 'em! Crush 'em! Crush 'em, Carla! 344 00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,103 Crush 'em! 345 00:13:42,073 --> 00:13:44,778 Hey, now, there's a fun guy. 346 00:13:46,847 --> 00:13:49,752 W-Well, he's not having the kind of fun you're talking about... 347 00:13:49,752 --> 00:13:53,959 Laughing and giggling and running barefoot through fields. 348 00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:56,162 That's... that's woman's fun. 349 00:13:56,162 --> 00:13:58,701 Woman's fun. 350 00:13:58,701 --> 00:14:01,772 Yeah! Yeah. Coach is having men fun. 351 00:14:01,772 --> 00:14:04,109 I mean, he's... he's active. He's working hard. 352 00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,213 He's... he's getting the job done. 353 00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,049 Do you believe anything you're saying? 354 00:14:08,049 --> 00:14:10,987 No, I'm lying, but that's another men fun thing to do. 355 00:14:12,957 --> 00:14:15,093 I am going to go talk to coach. 356 00:14:15,093 --> 00:14:17,230 No. Now, come on. Just leave him alone. Leave him al... 357 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:19,200 Sam, he's obsessing. 358 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,268 I know all the signs. 359 00:14:20,268 --> 00:14:22,104 I had a small obsession myself 360 00:14:22,104 --> 00:14:23,975 until I got some help. 361 00:14:23,975 --> 00:14:25,577 You did? Yes. 362 00:14:25,577 --> 00:14:28,750 I was obsessive-compulsive about neatness. 363 00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:31,687 I demanded that everything be in its proper place. 364 00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:33,189 But now look at the... 365 00:14:33,189 --> 00:14:34,324 Look at the laissez faire attitude 366 00:14:34,324 --> 00:14:36,127 I have about my apron. 367 00:14:36,127 --> 00:14:37,764 Huh? Now, in the old days, 368 00:14:37,764 --> 00:14:40,935 I would've insisted that it be pencil, pen, 369 00:14:40,935 --> 00:14:42,905 pencil, pen, pad. 370 00:14:42,905 --> 00:14:44,608 Well, now it doesn't matter 371 00:14:44,608 --> 00:14:47,881 if it's... Pen, pencil, pen, pencil, pad... 372 00:14:47,881 --> 00:14:50,617 Or pencil, pencil, pen, pen, pad. 373 00:14:50,617 --> 00:14:53,723 Or maybe even pencil, pen, pad, pencil, pen. 374 00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:57,697 There's one thing I cannot have, and that's this... 375 00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,033 Pad, pen, pen, pencil, pencil. 376 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,136 Well, that's just irritating. 377 00:15:11,886 --> 00:15:14,356 Sam, we got any more of those antacid tablets? 378 00:15:14,356 --> 00:15:16,092 Coach, you've been, uh, throwing down 379 00:15:16,092 --> 00:15:17,394 a lot of those recently. 380 00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:18,396 Yeah, and a hell of a lot of good 381 00:15:18,396 --> 00:15:19,899 they've been doing me. 382 00:15:24,172 --> 00:15:27,377 Hey. Oh, hey. Come... hey, uh... It's kind of busy out here. 383 00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:28,412 Are you working tonight? 384 00:15:28,412 --> 00:15:29,849 Not a chance, Sam. 385 00:15:29,849 --> 00:15:31,117 We play our division rivals tomorrow. 386 00:15:31,117 --> 00:15:33,187 Hey, w-wait a second. You got a job here. 387 00:15:33,187 --> 00:15:34,990 I mean, if you're not gonna do your work, 388 00:15:34,990 --> 00:15:37,126 I'm gonna have to, uh, replace you or something. 389 00:15:37,126 --> 00:15:38,362 Listen, Sam, do what you have to do, 390 00:15:38,362 --> 00:15:39,965 but stay out of my office. 391 00:15:43,403 --> 00:15:45,239 Maybe we both ought to go in. 392 00:15:45,239 --> 00:15:47,077 Just let me do the talking. 393 00:15:47,077 --> 00:15:48,946 You won't even know I'm there. 394 00:15:48,946 --> 00:15:50,949 Much like last night. 395 00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:56,993 No, no. I'll save my left-hander for Saturday. 396 00:15:56,993 --> 00:15:58,261 What am I thinking about? 397 00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,064 I don't have a left-hander. 398 00:16:00,064 --> 00:16:00,999 Coach. 399 00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:05,739 Those boys... Are children, 400 00:16:05,739 --> 00:16:09,078 and childhood is supposed to be a time when... 401 00:16:09,078 --> 00:16:11,082 When you're free to play a game 402 00:16:11,082 --> 00:16:12,483 just for the fun of it. 403 00:16:12,483 --> 00:16:13,820 You know? 404 00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:14,822 Fun. 405 00:16:14,822 --> 00:16:16,190 That's right. 406 00:16:16,190 --> 00:16:17,793 Fun. 407 00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:19,429 That's it exactly! 408 00:16:19,429 --> 00:16:22,467 Fun! That's why they're making all those mistakes! 409 00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:24,337 They're not having any fun! 410 00:16:24,337 --> 00:16:26,273 Well, they're gonna learn how to have fun! 411 00:16:26,273 --> 00:16:28,143 Or they're not gonna play on any of my teams! 412 00:16:28,143 --> 00:16:29,879 Coach, coach, coach. 413 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,219 Sit down. Sit down right here. 414 00:16:34,219 --> 00:16:37,124 Take... take a deep breath in. 415 00:16:37,124 --> 00:16:39,127 Now, don't you think that you're... 416 00:16:39,127 --> 00:16:40,964 Coach, let it out. 417 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:45,304 Don't you think that you're overdoing this a little bit? 418 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,808 Sam, come on. You know what it takes to win ball games. 419 00:16:47,808 --> 00:16:50,145 Coach. Coach, you're... You're doing this 420 00:16:50,145 --> 00:16:51,982 because you think you have to make up for the fact 421 00:16:51,982 --> 00:16:53,450 that you never made it in the big leagues. 422 00:16:53,450 --> 00:16:55,453 But you... you don't have to do that. 423 00:16:55,453 --> 00:16:58,158 I mean, you were a damn good coach. 424 00:16:58,158 --> 00:16:59,160 I was? 425 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,428 You bet. 426 00:17:00,428 --> 00:17:01,430 And it wasn't because you were tough. 427 00:17:01,430 --> 00:17:02,432 It wasbecause you cared. 428 00:17:02,432 --> 00:17:04,936 My god, how many times 429 00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:07,173 did you walk me up and down the... the locker room 430 00:17:07,173 --> 00:17:10,412 before games, pouring coffee down my throat 431 00:17:10,412 --> 00:17:13,116 when no one else would have bothered to do that? 432 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:16,454 You're right, Sam. I was a lovely man. 433 00:17:18,992 --> 00:17:21,463 But it's not enough, Sam. Look. Look. 434 00:17:21,463 --> 00:17:23,399 I'm a contender for the championship, Sam. 435 00:17:23,399 --> 00:17:24,635 Look, when I go out there, 436 00:17:24,635 --> 00:17:27,305 all those parents, Sam, they cheer for me. 437 00:17:27,305 --> 00:17:28,908 They cheer me on! 438 00:17:28,908 --> 00:17:31,312 Really? Wow. 439 00:17:31,312 --> 00:17:32,547 Now, after all we've been through, 440 00:17:32,547 --> 00:17:35,518 you're asking me to give all that up? 441 00:17:35,518 --> 00:17:37,088 Well, I... coach. 442 00:17:37,088 --> 00:17:38,523 Tell us this. 443 00:17:38,523 --> 00:17:40,526 Sure, you walk out there, 444 00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:43,165 and... and you hear the cheers, 445 00:17:43,165 --> 00:17:46,403 but... what is it costing you, coach? 446 00:17:46,403 --> 00:17:48,006 Well, let's see. Uh... 447 00:17:48,006 --> 00:17:51,444 I had to buy a jock strap. 448 00:17:51,444 --> 00:17:52,580 [Knock knock] 449 00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:54,249 Carla: Hey, how's my baby? 450 00:17:54,249 --> 00:17:56,219 I... I'm fine, honey, but I'm a little busy. 451 00:17:56,219 --> 00:17:57,654 Carla, come on in. 452 00:17:57,654 --> 00:17:58,923 [Door opens] 453 00:17:58,923 --> 00:18:01,027 I'm just gonna check her out. 454 00:18:01,027 --> 00:18:02,029 Ok. 455 00:18:03,231 --> 00:18:05,067 Coach. 456 00:18:06,703 --> 00:18:09,007 You do what you want with your team. 457 00:18:09,007 --> 00:18:10,009 Thank you, Sam. 458 00:18:10,009 --> 00:18:11,244 Where are you going? 459 00:18:11,244 --> 00:18:12,245 Oh, please. Leave me alone. 460 00:18:12,245 --> 00:18:14,081 Sam. 461 00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:16,485 [Baby crying] 462 00:18:16,485 --> 00:18:19,124 Aw... there, there, Lucia. 463 00:18:19,124 --> 00:18:20,325 [Baby burps] 464 00:18:20,325 --> 00:18:22,462 Now, doesn't that feel better? 465 00:18:22,462 --> 00:18:24,132 I wish I could do that. 466 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:31,643 There, there, coach. 467 00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:33,547 [Loud burp] 468 00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:34,548 Thanks. 469 00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,084 My pleasure. 470 00:18:39,990 --> 00:18:44,097 Sam? You're not going to accept that? 471 00:18:44,097 --> 00:18:45,632 Look, what... 472 00:18:45,632 --> 00:18:47,269 What... what is the problem 473 00:18:47,269 --> 00:18:48,437 you're trying to solve here? 474 00:18:48,437 --> 00:18:50,274 I mean, the coach is happy. 475 00:18:50,274 --> 00:18:51,709 The... the families are happy. 476 00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:53,445 The kids are hap... 477 00:18:53,445 --> 00:18:55,182 Here. Here. 478 00:18:55,182 --> 00:18:56,284 Here are coach's happy little players right now. 479 00:18:56,284 --> 00:18:57,452 Hey! 480 00:18:57,452 --> 00:18:59,455 Are you on the sauce again? 481 00:18:59,455 --> 00:19:01,458 We're miserable. 482 00:19:01,458 --> 00:19:03,228 Yeah. We came to quit. 483 00:19:03,228 --> 00:19:04,730 We can't stand it anymore. 484 00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:06,666 Yeah. The pressure's getting to us. 485 00:19:06,666 --> 00:19:08,737 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 486 00:19:08,737 --> 00:19:11,141 All right, maybe you, uh... 487 00:19:11,141 --> 00:19:14,079 Maybe you guys ought to tell the coach to his face. 488 00:19:14,079 --> 00:19:15,715 Yeah, we'd like to do something else to his face. 489 00:19:15,715 --> 00:19:17,050 Yeah. 490 00:19:17,050 --> 00:19:18,152 What are you guys doing here? 491 00:19:18,152 --> 00:19:19,554 They came by... 492 00:19:19,554 --> 00:19:21,157 To quit. 493 00:19:21,157 --> 00:19:24,262 Well, forget it, Diane. Nobody's quitting! 494 00:19:24,262 --> 00:19:25,364 Well, I am! 495 00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,066 I can't take it anymore! 496 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,436 You're too hard on me! 497 00:19:28,436 --> 00:19:31,774 I can't sleep. My pets hate me. 498 00:19:31,774 --> 00:19:34,512 I'm starting to smoke again! 499 00:19:37,717 --> 00:19:40,521 I've had enough, and I'm through! 500 00:19:40,521 --> 00:19:43,092 Yeah! Me, too! 501 00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:44,128 So you're gonna quit, huh? 502 00:19:44,128 --> 00:19:45,263 Yep. Yeah. 503 00:19:45,263 --> 00:19:46,265 That's what I got on my hands... 504 00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:47,633 A bunch of quitters, huh? 505 00:19:47,633 --> 00:19:49,370 Yeah. Well, go ahead and quit! 506 00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:50,738 I can go it alone! Who needs you? 507 00:19:50,738 --> 00:19:52,308 Go on, get out of here! Quit! 508 00:19:52,308 --> 00:19:54,110 Thank you! Quit! 509 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,746 Bye. Get back here! 510 00:19:55,746 --> 00:19:58,551 Line up against that bar! 511 00:19:58,551 --> 00:20:00,388 Coach: Hut! 512 00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:05,462 I got a little story for you! 513 00:20:05,462 --> 00:20:06,698 And I hope it just sticks with you 514 00:20:06,698 --> 00:20:09,703 for the rest of your life. 515 00:20:09,703 --> 00:20:12,473 Sam, what's a good story? 516 00:20:12,473 --> 00:20:15,212 I don't know. 517 00:20:15,212 --> 00:20:16,414 What's a good story? 518 00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,286 Well, coach, why don't you tell them a story 519 00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,622 about a real mean guy? 520 00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:23,491 Mean guy? Yeah. 521 00:20:23,491 --> 00:20:25,160 Hey, hey... The one you used to tell me, 522 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,196 the, uh... The... The pledge of allegiance... 523 00:20:26,196 --> 00:20:27,665 Ooh, him! Yeah! Ohh! 524 00:20:27,665 --> 00:20:28,599 Yeah. 525 00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:34,175 Listen, when I was a kid in school, 526 00:20:34,175 --> 00:20:36,847 just about your age, 527 00:20:36,847 --> 00:20:39,484 I had this teacher, a real mean guy. 528 00:20:39,484 --> 00:20:41,320 Guy named Mr. Spires. 529 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,259 He always wanted me to learn the pledge of allegiance, 530 00:20:44,259 --> 00:20:45,861 and one day, in assembly hall, 531 00:20:45,861 --> 00:20:48,632 he had me say it in front of the whole school. 532 00:20:48,632 --> 00:20:52,372 I'd stayed up the whole night before trying to learn it, 533 00:20:52,372 --> 00:20:53,640 but when I got up on that stage, 534 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,410 I drew a complete blank. 535 00:20:55,410 --> 00:20:57,547 I was lost. 536 00:20:57,547 --> 00:20:59,584 And this Mr. Spires guy says, 537 00:20:59,584 --> 00:21:01,853 "nobody in this auditorium's gonna leave 538 00:21:01,853 --> 00:21:04,758 until pantusso remembers." 539 00:21:04,758 --> 00:21:07,963 I stood there, and it... It seemed like forever... 540 00:21:07,963 --> 00:21:10,568 With everybody laughing at me. 541 00:21:10,568 --> 00:21:14,173 It was probably the worst day of my life. 542 00:21:23,623 --> 00:21:26,428 And... and the point, coach, 543 00:21:26,428 --> 00:21:28,564 is that you finally did learn 544 00:21:28,564 --> 00:21:29,666 the pledge of allegiance. 545 00:21:29,666 --> 00:21:32,036 No, Sam, I never learned it. 546 00:21:32,036 --> 00:21:33,972 Yeah, but, uh... 547 00:21:33,972 --> 00:21:36,844 You respected Mr. Spires for trying to help you. 548 00:21:36,844 --> 00:21:38,947 No. I hated his guts, Sam. 549 00:21:38,947 --> 00:21:41,518 But... but looking back on it now, you respect him for... 550 00:21:41,518 --> 00:21:44,723 No! No! He died, and I was glad he died! 551 00:21:47,060 --> 00:21:48,797 Thank you, coach. 552 00:21:48,797 --> 00:21:52,770 I'm sure the guys enjoyed that inspiring story. 553 00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:54,473 I guess I must've said the wrong story. 554 00:21:54,473 --> 00:21:55,708 I... I... I don't know. 555 00:21:55,708 --> 00:21:58,311 No, coach, you told the right story. 556 00:21:58,311 --> 00:22:00,683 Well, w-why did I say it? 557 00:22:00,683 --> 00:22:02,285 Because you don't want these guys to leave here 558 00:22:02,285 --> 00:22:05,824 hating you like you hated Mr. Spires. 559 00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:08,596 Holy mackerel. 560 00:22:12,668 --> 00:22:16,008 So that's what you had on your minds, huh?! 561 00:22:16,008 --> 00:22:18,344 Well, listen to me! 562 00:22:18,344 --> 00:22:21,016 Nobody, but nobody's gonna turn me into a Mr. Spires! 563 00:22:21,016 --> 00:22:23,520 You understand?! 564 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,355 And, coach, there's gonna be some changes around here now. 565 00:22:25,355 --> 00:22:26,658 You bet your boots there's gonna be 566 00:22:26,658 --> 00:22:27,860 some changes! 567 00:22:27,860 --> 00:22:29,129 From now on, there'll be 568 00:22:29,129 --> 00:22:31,799 no 2-a-day practices! You understand?! 569 00:22:31,799 --> 00:22:34,504 You're lucky if you're gonna get 2 a week! 570 00:22:34,504 --> 00:22:37,008 And... any game we play, 571 00:22:37,008 --> 00:22:40,481 everybody plays, even the lousy ones, like you, peewee. 572 00:22:41,583 --> 00:22:42,884 You got it?! 573 00:22:42,884 --> 00:22:44,454 And if we win, we win! 574 00:22:44,454 --> 00:22:47,058 And if we lose... Well, tough nouggies! 575 00:22:47,058 --> 00:22:49,094 Yay! Yay! Yay! 576 00:22:49,094 --> 00:22:50,764 Shut up! 577 00:22:50,764 --> 00:22:52,066 Carla... 578 00:22:52,066 --> 00:22:53,902 Give these guys sodas till they drop! 579 00:22:53,902 --> 00:22:55,037 And I'm buying! 580 00:22:55,037 --> 00:22:57,107 Yay! Yay! Yay! 581 00:22:57,107 --> 00:22:58,543 Shut up! Shut up! 582 00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,513 Turn around and have your sodas! 583 00:23:03,184 --> 00:23:05,420 Diane... 584 00:23:05,420 --> 00:23:07,492 If we lose tomorrow, it's your butt. 585 00:23:10,128 --> 00:23:11,598 Oh. I'm so happy. 586 00:23:11,598 --> 00:23:12,800 We finally got our coach back. 587 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,603 Yeah. Yeah. 588 00:23:14,603 --> 00:23:17,073 Things are gonna be even better than they were before. 589 00:23:17,073 --> 00:23:18,510 [Sighs] 590 00:23:18,510 --> 00:23:19,877 There's beauty in art. 591 00:23:19,877 --> 00:23:21,446 There's beauty in nature, 592 00:23:21,446 --> 00:23:23,183 and I think that applies to human nature, too. 593 00:23:23,183 --> 00:23:24,920 Things are allowed to take their own course, 594 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,657 but we have to be tolerant of each other. 595 00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:28,792 We have to... 596 00:23:28,792 --> 00:23:30,529 Your, uh, pad's upside down. 597 00:23:30,529 --> 00:23:31,797 Aah! Aah!