1 00:00:02,184 --> 00:00:05,199 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:13,306 --> 00:00:14,379 Oh, hi. 3 00:00:14,412 --> 00:00:17,092 I know you're surprised to see me... 4 00:00:18,701 --> 00:00:21,983 But let me tell you it's taken every ounce of courage I have 5 00:00:22,017 --> 00:00:24,328 to show my face in here today. 6 00:00:24,361 --> 00:00:30,560 Oh, come on, we get a lot of funny-looking faces in here. 7 00:00:30,593 --> 00:00:32,703 You don't remember me, do you? 8 00:00:32,737 --> 00:00:33,439 Uh... 9 00:00:33,473 --> 00:00:35,048 I'm professor Sumner Sloane. 10 00:00:35,082 --> 00:00:39,403 I came in several months ago with Diane chambers, 11 00:00:39,436 --> 00:00:41,715 and to my shame, I deserted her here 12 00:00:41,748 --> 00:00:43,725 to go back to my ex-wife. 13 00:00:43,758 --> 00:00:45,298 What can I get for you? 14 00:00:47,275 --> 00:00:48,448 A glass of white wine. 15 00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:49,655 White wine. 16 00:00:49,688 --> 00:00:52,501 Over dinner last night, a mutual friend of ours informed me 17 00:00:52,534 --> 00:00:53,909 that Diane works here. 18 00:00:53,942 --> 00:00:55,215 Is that correct? 19 00:00:55,248 --> 00:00:58,263 Gee, I don't know. I wasn't at the dinner. 20 00:01:03,322 --> 00:01:05,232 You slime. 21 00:01:06,470 --> 00:01:09,184 You are a total scuzzball. 22 00:01:09,217 --> 00:01:12,166 You're not fit to live with sewer rats. 23 00:01:12,199 --> 00:01:13,774 I can't defend myself. 24 00:01:13,808 --> 00:01:16,789 Thank god. I thought she was talking to me. 25 00:01:23,388 --> 00:01:25,733 Making your way in the world today 26 00:01:25,766 --> 00:01:28,849 takes everything you've got 27 00:01:28,882 --> 00:01:31,562 taking a break from all your worries 28 00:01:31,595 --> 00:01:35,046 sure would help a lot 29 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:40,808 wouldn't you like to get away 30 00:01:40,841 --> 00:01:42,818 sometimes you wanna go 31 00:01:42,851 --> 00:01:48,245 where everybody knows your name 32 00:01:48,278 --> 00:01:52,935 and they're always glad you came 33 00:01:52,969 --> 00:01:55,381 you wanna be where you can see 34 00:01:55,414 --> 00:01:58,127 our troubles are all the same 35 00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:03,487 you wanna be where everybody knows your name 36 00:02:03,521 --> 00:02:06,067 you wanna go where people know 37 00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,612 people are all the same 38 00:02:08,646 --> 00:02:12,867 you wanna go where everybody knows your name 39 00:02:27,707 --> 00:02:29,013 Afternoon, everybody. 40 00:02:29,047 --> 00:02:31,460 Norm! Norm! Norm! 41 00:02:31,493 --> 00:02:34,340 Hey, I thought you guys were at the baseball game. 42 00:02:34,374 --> 00:02:36,217 We left in outrage. 43 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:37,389 They gave us a hard time, 44 00:02:37,422 --> 00:02:39,801 asked us to change our seats. 45 00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:41,744 Why'd they ask you to change your seats? 46 00:02:41,777 --> 00:02:43,419 Get this. We're out in center field, 47 00:02:43,452 --> 00:02:45,429 take off our shirts to get some sun. 48 00:02:45,462 --> 00:02:49,482 They said the glare off norm was blinding the batters. 49 00:02:49,515 --> 00:02:52,999 Can I help it if I have alabaster skin? 50 00:02:53,032 --> 00:02:53,937 It's all right, norm. 51 00:02:53,971 --> 00:02:56,283 Baseball should be played at night anyway. 52 00:02:59,298 --> 00:03:00,269 Shh. Don't say anything! 53 00:03:04,356 --> 00:03:05,763 Yaah! 54 00:03:09,649 --> 00:03:11,022 Oh... 55 00:03:11,056 --> 00:03:12,363 I killed him. 56 00:03:14,540 --> 00:03:17,052 There's only one thing that can save me. 57 00:03:17,086 --> 00:03:18,393 Ah! 58 00:03:21,206 --> 00:03:22,277 I kind of miss the good old days 59 00:03:22,312 --> 00:03:24,321 when they threw up at the sight of each other. 60 00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:28,644 Hello, everyone. 61 00:03:28,677 --> 00:03:30,787 Hey, guys, what's happening? 62 00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,395 There's someone waiting to see Diane 63 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:35,176 in the men's room. 64 00:03:35,209 --> 00:03:38,191 Coach, sometimes you get your participles 65 00:03:38,224 --> 00:03:39,799 in the wrong place. 66 00:03:39,832 --> 00:03:42,880 Well, I slept on my stomach last night. 67 00:03:44,421 --> 00:03:46,900 He's right, slats, you do have company. 68 00:03:49,412 --> 00:03:50,284 Aah! 69 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:51,289 Diane. Please. 70 00:03:51,322 --> 00:03:54,706 He's very sensitive about his face. 71 00:03:58,055 --> 00:03:59,932 You said you'd be right back. 72 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,348 That was a year ago. 73 00:04:03,382 --> 00:04:07,368 Well, you know, that traffic in Boston... 74 00:04:07,401 --> 00:04:09,881 Diane, I need to talk to you. 75 00:04:09,914 --> 00:04:12,896 You have every right to say no, 76 00:04:12,929 --> 00:04:14,303 but you've always been one to listen 77 00:04:14,336 --> 00:04:16,212 to another person's point of view. 78 00:04:19,596 --> 00:04:21,974 Sam, may Sumner and I use your office 79 00:04:22,008 --> 00:04:22,979 for a few minutes? 80 00:04:24,085 --> 00:04:25,592 Of course. 81 00:04:26,999 --> 00:04:28,540 Ici. 82 00:04:36,212 --> 00:04:38,222 Don't worry about it, Sam. 83 00:04:38,255 --> 00:04:39,294 I'm not worried. 84 00:04:39,327 --> 00:04:41,337 There's no reason to be. 85 00:04:41,370 --> 00:04:43,079 You and Diane have a great thing going. 86 00:04:43,113 --> 00:04:45,457 Besides, any girl who'd choose that what's his name over you 87 00:04:45,491 --> 00:04:46,429 would have to be crazy. 88 00:04:46,462 --> 00:04:48,171 Oh, yeah. 89 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,516 Think he's got her undressed yet? 90 00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:50,952 I'm joking. 91 00:04:50,985 --> 00:04:52,962 I'm joking. 92 00:04:52,995 --> 00:04:55,206 Before you go on, 93 00:04:55,239 --> 00:04:58,489 let me say first that I've gotten over you. 94 00:04:58,522 --> 00:05:00,164 So I hope for your sake you didn't come here 95 00:05:00,198 --> 00:05:01,570 to try to get me back. 96 00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:03,514 I didn't. 97 00:05:03,547 --> 00:05:04,318 Oh. 98 00:05:05,524 --> 00:05:06,630 Good. 99 00:05:06,663 --> 00:05:08,137 I'm still with Barbara, 100 00:05:08,171 --> 00:05:11,620 but I want desperately to win you back as a friend, Diane. 101 00:05:11,654 --> 00:05:12,726 I haven't been able to live with the thought 102 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,172 of someone in the world hating me. 103 00:05:15,206 --> 00:05:16,982 I don't hate you, Sumner. 104 00:05:17,015 --> 00:05:18,120 I can't even stand the thought 105 00:05:18,153 --> 00:05:19,828 if someone in the world thinks I'm a... 106 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:21,704 A creep? 107 00:05:21,737 --> 00:05:24,820 Well, you might have to live with that one. 108 00:05:24,853 --> 00:05:28,002 My god, even a trace of your laughter 109 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,548 lights up a room. 110 00:05:30,582 --> 00:05:32,323 Well, there are things about you 111 00:05:32,358 --> 00:05:33,830 that I've missed, too. 112 00:05:33,865 --> 00:05:37,215 Sumner, let's cut the crap. 113 00:05:37,248 --> 00:05:39,192 "Cut the crap"? 114 00:05:39,225 --> 00:05:42,173 What have they done to you at this place? 115 00:05:42,207 --> 00:05:44,685 Do you want to be forgiven? 116 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,322 You're forgiven. 117 00:05:46,461 --> 00:05:49,141 Thank you, Diane. 118 00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:50,681 Far more than I deserve. 119 00:05:52,491 --> 00:05:53,897 Now, why don't we both 120 00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:57,616 just go about our lives? 121 00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,759 Well, I do have to be running along. 122 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,037 I have a class shortly. 123 00:06:04,985 --> 00:06:07,062 Here I think this thought? 124 00:06:09,375 --> 00:06:10,413 What? 125 00:06:10,447 --> 00:06:12,523 Let's have a dinner together... 126 00:06:12,557 --> 00:06:14,834 The three of us. 127 00:06:14,868 --> 00:06:17,849 I want you to know Barbara. 128 00:06:17,883 --> 00:06:20,697 Oh, I don't want to know Barbara. 129 00:06:20,731 --> 00:06:23,578 If you want to understand me in what I did to you, 130 00:06:23,612 --> 00:06:26,090 you must know Barbara. 131 00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:28,100 I'd feel very uncomfortable. 132 00:06:28,134 --> 00:06:29,608 Oh, you wouldn't, Diane. 133 00:06:29,642 --> 00:06:32,422 You two are sisters of the soul. 134 00:06:32,456 --> 00:06:35,638 You have so much to share. 135 00:06:35,672 --> 00:06:37,815 Please, Diane. 136 00:06:37,849 --> 00:06:39,155 Do it for me... 137 00:06:39,189 --> 00:06:42,406 For what was once and always will be ours. 138 00:06:44,482 --> 00:06:44,883 All right. 139 00:06:44,918 --> 00:06:46,324 Splendid! 140 00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,455 Oh. Are you seeing anyone now? 141 00:06:54,967 --> 00:06:55,838 No. 142 00:06:55,872 --> 00:06:58,787 There's no one you want to bring along? 143 00:06:58,820 --> 00:06:59,825 No. 144 00:06:59,858 --> 00:07:01,365 Very well, just the three of us. 145 00:07:01,399 --> 00:07:04,246 I'm looking forward to it. 146 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:05,352 Until then. 147 00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:10,209 Not mad for your decorator, Sam, old man. 148 00:07:12,521 --> 00:07:13,492 Sam. 149 00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:19,421 It's ok, it's all right. It was just a warning shot. 150 00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:21,097 Would you believe he came in here thinking 151 00:07:21,130 --> 00:07:23,877 he was just going to apologize for everything. 152 00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:26,323 Want me to punch his lights out for you? 153 00:07:26,356 --> 00:07:28,366 No. I think the best thing for everyone now 154 00:07:28,399 --> 00:07:32,587 is just to let it fade from our memories. 155 00:07:32,621 --> 00:07:34,429 You are the only one 156 00:07:34,463 --> 00:07:35,837 in the world for me now. 157 00:07:35,871 --> 00:07:40,559 Oh, Diane, I just remembered my chaucer lecture Friday night. 158 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,268 Can you make it Saturday? 159 00:07:42,302 --> 00:07:44,882 Um... 160 00:07:44,916 --> 00:07:45,584 Sure. 161 00:07:45,618 --> 00:07:48,466 Great. See you then. 162 00:07:48,499 --> 00:07:51,413 Now before you get angry, 163 00:07:51,448 --> 00:07:53,558 this can all be explained very easily. 164 00:07:53,591 --> 00:07:56,573 He wants me to meet his wife Barbara. 165 00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,649 It's an innocent dinner for us to get acquainted. 166 00:07:58,683 --> 00:07:59,923 I didn't want you to worry about it, 167 00:07:59,956 --> 00:08:02,905 so I told a little white lie. 168 00:08:02,938 --> 00:08:04,679 One more thing, Diane. 169 00:08:04,713 --> 00:08:08,432 Since you're not seeing anyone, 170 00:08:08,465 --> 00:08:10,743 I know a young fellow in the philosophy department 171 00:08:10,776 --> 00:08:11,748 you might like. 172 00:08:11,781 --> 00:08:13,490 No. Thank you. 173 00:08:13,523 --> 00:08:14,763 As you wish. 174 00:08:19,319 --> 00:08:20,425 This one's a little harder. 175 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,133 Oh, yeah. 176 00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:24,143 Oh, Sam, let me explain. 177 00:08:24,176 --> 00:08:26,153 Sam, will you listen to me? 178 00:08:26,186 --> 00:08:28,196 I'm tired of listening to you, Diane. 179 00:08:28,231 --> 00:08:33,322 You guys are just doing this to get my hopes up, right? 180 00:08:33,356 --> 00:08:35,231 You don't understand. 181 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,705 I didn't tell him about us because 182 00:08:36,738 --> 00:08:38,280 I didn't think it was any of his business. 183 00:08:38,314 --> 00:08:40,256 Oh yeah? Then how come you lied to me, huh? 184 00:08:40,290 --> 00:08:41,429 I... 185 00:08:41,462 --> 00:08:43,673 I didn't lie to you. 186 00:08:43,707 --> 00:08:45,516 I just didn't mention it. 187 00:08:45,549 --> 00:08:46,855 There's a difference. 188 00:08:46,889 --> 00:08:49,235 It's a subtle difference at best, Diane. 189 00:08:51,278 --> 00:08:52,049 Cliff! 190 00:08:55,733 --> 00:08:57,140 I should have mentioned it. I'm sorry. 191 00:08:57,174 --> 00:08:58,213 Well, it's ok. 192 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:03,204 Hey, I'm not an idiot. 193 00:09:03,237 --> 00:09:04,142 You didn't tell him about me 194 00:09:04,175 --> 00:09:05,315 because you're ashamed of me. 195 00:09:05,348 --> 00:09:07,190 You're afraid I'm going to embarrass you or something. 196 00:09:07,224 --> 00:09:09,970 I'm not ashamed of you. 197 00:09:10,003 --> 00:09:11,411 Sam. 198 00:09:11,445 --> 00:09:12,483 Sam! 199 00:09:12,516 --> 00:09:13,990 Sam, you've got to understand. 200 00:09:14,023 --> 00:09:17,475 I have always been intimidated by that man myself. 201 00:09:17,508 --> 00:09:19,350 He thinks everyone is beneath him. 202 00:09:19,385 --> 00:09:20,657 You make a mental mistake around him, 203 00:09:20,691 --> 00:09:22,701 he's merciless. 204 00:09:22,734 --> 00:09:24,275 I was trying to protect you. 205 00:09:24,309 --> 00:09:26,050 You're saying I'm too dumb 206 00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:27,792 to associate with your friends 207 00:09:27,826 --> 00:09:30,003 and I think that stinks. 208 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,545 Another thing. 209 00:09:31,578 --> 00:09:34,325 You're as much of a snob as he is, you know that? 210 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,340 You're right. 211 00:09:45,648 --> 00:09:48,362 I'm going to call Sumner right now 212 00:09:48,395 --> 00:09:51,678 and tell him that you will be my date Saturday night. 213 00:09:52,951 --> 00:09:54,425 You're my fella... 214 00:09:56,937 --> 00:09:58,612 And I'm proud of it, Sam. 215 00:10:07,121 --> 00:10:09,968 Hey, Sammy! Yeah! 216 00:10:17,171 --> 00:10:18,309 Great. 217 00:10:18,343 --> 00:10:19,817 Great work, Sammy. 218 00:10:19,851 --> 00:10:22,933 You just argued your way into spending Saturday night 219 00:10:22,966 --> 00:10:24,910 with three dianes. 220 00:10:27,187 --> 00:10:28,091 She's right. 221 00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:31,207 That Sumner guy is a major brain, Sam. 222 00:10:31,241 --> 00:10:33,217 He's an intellectual pit bull, Sammy. 223 00:10:33,251 --> 00:10:35,060 If he senses fear, he'll attack, 224 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,070 reduce you to a pile of blubbering flesh 225 00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,113 right in front of your sweet pea there. 226 00:10:40,452 --> 00:10:42,296 He does seem kind of nasty, doesn't he? 227 00:10:42,329 --> 00:10:44,708 Ooh, he's mean, Sam. 228 00:10:46,482 --> 00:10:50,604 Yeah, but it's not like I'm stupid, is it? 229 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,571 Oh, my god! 230 00:10:57,604 --> 00:10:58,778 What am I doing here? 231 00:10:58,811 --> 00:11:00,218 I'm going to look like an idiot. 232 00:11:00,251 --> 00:11:02,228 Sam, it's going to be ok. 233 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:05,443 Just talk about something that you know about and they don't. 234 00:11:05,477 --> 00:11:08,761 Say, something like your apartment. 235 00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:10,602 Coach, I don't think 236 00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:12,612 everyone's gonna want to talk about my apartment. 237 00:11:12,646 --> 00:11:13,919 Of course not. 238 00:11:13,953 --> 00:11:15,963 They'd look stupid trying. 239 00:11:17,973 --> 00:11:19,380 No. You know... 240 00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:21,322 Diane's right. 241 00:11:21,356 --> 00:11:22,797 I'm going to embarrass her. 242 00:11:22,830 --> 00:11:24,003 Sammy, believe it or not, 243 00:11:24,036 --> 00:11:26,615 I think I have a simple solution to all this. 244 00:11:26,649 --> 00:11:28,860 Look, he's a literature professor, right? 245 00:11:28,894 --> 00:11:30,167 Yeah, right. 246 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,277 War and peace is the greatest novel ever written. 247 00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:36,330 You read it between now and Saturday, 248 00:11:36,364 --> 00:11:38,274 drop a few comments over dinner, 249 00:11:38,307 --> 00:11:39,915 you're off to the races. 250 00:11:39,948 --> 00:11:41,355 War and peace, this is a good book? 251 00:11:41,389 --> 00:11:43,231 Oh yeah. Well, they say the first 800 pages 252 00:11:43,265 --> 00:11:44,036 are a little bit slow, 253 00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:45,509 but it shoots right off... 254 00:11:45,543 --> 00:11:47,720 Wait a second. What are we talking about? 255 00:11:47,753 --> 00:11:48,625 I've got five days. 256 00:11:48,658 --> 00:11:49,663 How long is this book? 257 00:11:49,696 --> 00:11:52,008 Well, I've delivered a few for the book clubs 258 00:11:52,042 --> 00:11:56,229 and it's about 3 1/2 pounds paperback. 259 00:11:58,005 --> 00:11:58,808 Forget it, Sam. 260 00:11:58,841 --> 00:12:02,861 Nobody can read four ounces a day. 261 00:12:02,895 --> 00:12:05,341 No, listen. If this is the best book ever written, 262 00:12:05,374 --> 00:12:06,580 then I'm going to read it. 263 00:12:06,614 --> 00:12:07,988 Matter of fact, I'll go get it right now. 264 00:12:08,022 --> 00:12:10,801 What was the name again? 265 00:12:10,835 --> 00:12:12,108 War and peace. 266 00:12:12,142 --> 00:12:15,291 You have to write that down? 267 00:12:15,324 --> 00:12:16,363 And misspell it? 268 00:12:20,383 --> 00:12:22,660 The apartment, Sam, the apartment. 269 00:12:37,702 --> 00:12:38,807 [Knock on door] 270 00:12:42,225 --> 00:12:43,498 Come in! 271 00:12:44,737 --> 00:12:46,211 How you doing, Sammy? 272 00:12:46,244 --> 00:12:47,718 Oh, it's you guys. 273 00:12:47,751 --> 00:12:50,264 I thought it was Diane. 274 00:12:50,298 --> 00:12:52,207 Turn on the lights, will you? 275 00:12:54,418 --> 00:12:57,801 Hey. I never been in here before. 276 00:12:57,834 --> 00:13:00,012 Classy, Sam. 277 00:13:01,922 --> 00:13:04,200 Sammy, you know where I can get one of these? 278 00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:07,952 You know, mother's day is coming up. 279 00:13:07,985 --> 00:13:09,694 Would you guys give me just a few more minutes here? 280 00:13:09,728 --> 00:13:12,374 I almost got it finished. 281 00:13:12,407 --> 00:13:13,748 What time is it? 282 00:13:13,781 --> 00:13:15,322 How many beers, have I had, cliff? 283 00:13:15,356 --> 00:13:15,958 11. 284 00:13:15,992 --> 00:13:17,097 8:05. 285 00:13:19,275 --> 00:13:20,481 They're going to be here any minute. 286 00:13:22,457 --> 00:13:23,362 Oh, god! 287 00:13:23,396 --> 00:13:25,472 Cold coffee! 288 00:13:25,506 --> 00:13:28,454 Do you know I've been up five nights? 289 00:13:28,487 --> 00:13:30,329 Ouch! 290 00:13:30,363 --> 00:13:33,612 No, I feel great. I really do. 291 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:35,757 What did I stand up for? 292 00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:37,230 Uh... 293 00:13:37,264 --> 00:13:39,174 To hike up your shorts? 294 00:13:39,207 --> 00:13:40,312 No. 295 00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:44,365 Hey, Sam, the cheesehead's here. 296 00:13:44,399 --> 00:13:45,237 Thank you, Carla. 297 00:13:45,270 --> 00:13:47,079 Where's Diane? 298 00:13:47,113 --> 00:13:48,621 She just went into the ladies' room 299 00:13:48,654 --> 00:13:52,272 with a tub of mascara and a putty knife. 300 00:13:54,852 --> 00:13:56,058 We're out of here, Sammy. 301 00:13:56,091 --> 00:13:57,063 Night, Sammy. 302 00:13:57,096 --> 00:13:58,604 Wait a second. 303 00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:01,619 Either one of you guys have two type b batteries? 304 00:14:01,652 --> 00:14:03,897 Uh, I've got one. 305 00:14:06,208 --> 00:14:07,414 Nah. 306 00:14:11,299 --> 00:14:11,802 Sumner. 307 00:14:11,836 --> 00:14:13,276 Ah, Diane. 308 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,028 Where's Barbara? 309 00:14:17,062 --> 00:14:18,937 Barbara can't make it tonight. She's ill. 310 00:14:18,971 --> 00:14:21,718 Well, then we'll make it another time. 311 00:14:21,752 --> 00:14:24,097 Nonsense. I won't hear it. 312 00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:25,637 We'll be poorer for her absence, 313 00:14:25,671 --> 00:14:28,686 but richer when the check comes. 314 00:14:31,869 --> 00:14:34,247 But the whole point was for me to meet her. 315 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,190 Diane, she insists that her frailty 316 00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:37,966 not ruin the evening for the rest of us. 317 00:14:37,999 --> 00:14:40,143 Isn't she magnificent? 318 00:14:40,177 --> 00:14:42,353 So I've heard. 319 00:14:42,387 --> 00:14:44,129 Sam, if you want to have fun tonight, 320 00:14:44,162 --> 00:14:45,603 you'd better bring along a yo-yo. 321 00:14:47,848 --> 00:14:48,752 Guys, it's in the bag. 322 00:14:48,786 --> 00:14:49,556 I finished it. 323 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,699 Sammy, shoes, shoes. 324 00:14:55,653 --> 00:14:56,960 Thank you. 325 00:14:56,993 --> 00:14:59,003 There he is. 326 00:14:59,036 --> 00:14:59,271 Sam... 327 00:15:02,186 --> 00:15:03,659 You didn't shave? 328 00:15:03,693 --> 00:15:06,808 No, I needed a new place to scratch. 329 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,766 Hey, where's your old lady? 330 00:15:11,799 --> 00:15:13,608 Oh, Barbara's ill. 331 00:15:13,642 --> 00:15:14,950 She won't be able to make it. 332 00:15:14,983 --> 00:15:17,829 But, I assure you, she'll be with us in spirit. 333 00:15:17,863 --> 00:15:21,648 We have reservations for 8:30 at marcon robaire. 334 00:15:21,682 --> 00:15:23,893 Oh, wonderful! Oh, good! 335 00:15:23,926 --> 00:15:25,869 Hey, you know, I am really looking forward to this evening. 336 00:15:25,903 --> 00:15:27,277 I've been waiting for a long time 337 00:15:27,311 --> 00:15:28,482 to sit down with this guy 338 00:15:28,516 --> 00:15:32,034 and talk a little war and peace. 339 00:15:32,068 --> 00:15:33,374 War and peace? 340 00:15:33,407 --> 00:15:34,713 Oh, yeah. Great book. 341 00:15:34,747 --> 00:15:35,785 Classic. 342 00:15:35,818 --> 00:15:38,231 Please! I taught a Tolstoy seminar for six years. 343 00:15:38,265 --> 00:15:40,509 I vowed never to discuss him again. 344 00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:43,624 It is the most over-analyzed novel ever written. 345 00:15:43,658 --> 00:15:44,897 If you want to talk Tolstoy, 346 00:15:44,931 --> 00:15:47,109 I've always thought that Anna Karenina... 347 00:15:52,669 --> 00:15:53,474 Thanks. 348 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,925 Smells like something good cooking up there at old melville's today, huh? 349 00:16:03,958 --> 00:16:07,376 Yeah, I wonder what it is, norm. 350 00:16:07,410 --> 00:16:10,190 That would be cream of watercress soup, coach... 351 00:16:10,224 --> 00:16:13,070 Followed by baked mussels... 352 00:16:13,103 --> 00:16:14,913 Lightly coated with tarragon butter, 353 00:16:14,947 --> 00:16:16,018 and topped off by... 354 00:16:17,292 --> 00:16:19,235 A fine raspberry torte. 355 00:16:20,641 --> 00:16:23,623 You know, fine gourmet cooking is, uh, 356 00:16:23,656 --> 00:16:25,801 truly one of the greatest pleasures of life. 357 00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:27,777 Absolutely. 358 00:16:29,352 --> 00:16:32,601 Coach, what's the expiration date on these? 359 00:16:40,842 --> 00:16:43,623 Yesterday. 360 00:16:43,656 --> 00:16:44,560 We'd better hurry. 361 00:16:48,044 --> 00:16:50,154 Non, j'ai dit, "si vous parlez lentement, 362 00:16:50,188 --> 00:16:51,763 je peut vous comprendre." 363 00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:00,775 Ah, Sam, how about some after-dinner drinks? 364 00:17:02,985 --> 00:17:05,397 Oh... english. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 365 00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:07,038 What did you say? 366 00:17:07,072 --> 00:17:08,277 After-dinner drinks? 367 00:17:08,312 --> 00:17:09,282 Fine. 368 00:17:09,317 --> 00:17:10,287 A cognac. 369 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:11,292 Deux. 370 00:17:11,326 --> 00:17:13,136 Deux. 371 00:17:14,777 --> 00:17:15,883 Deux. 372 00:17:19,936 --> 00:17:21,443 How was dinner, Sammy? 373 00:17:21,477 --> 00:17:22,817 Hi, Sam. 374 00:17:22,850 --> 00:17:23,822 Great. 375 00:17:23,855 --> 00:17:25,530 Great dinner. 376 00:17:25,564 --> 00:17:26,669 Food was French. 377 00:17:26,704 --> 00:17:28,880 Conversation was Greek. 378 00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:30,589 I spent the whole evening pretending 379 00:17:30,623 --> 00:17:32,196 I knew what they were talking about 380 00:17:32,230 --> 00:17:34,206 nodding my head like an idiot. 381 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:34,910 I see. 382 00:17:39,098 --> 00:17:40,337 Hey, uh, Sammy, 383 00:17:40,371 --> 00:17:42,381 how about I throw the scuzzball out of here? 384 00:17:42,414 --> 00:17:44,591 Nah. Diane would be furious. 385 00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:48,276 I was talking about Diane. 386 00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:50,689 Sam, I don't think I'd leave those two together for very long 387 00:17:50,723 --> 00:17:51,526 if I were you. 388 00:17:53,536 --> 00:17:55,748 Oh yeah, I haven't seen Diane having so much fun 389 00:17:55,781 --> 00:17:57,255 in a long time. 390 00:17:57,288 --> 00:17:58,729 Thank you, fellas. 391 00:18:00,637 --> 00:18:02,380 The only verifiable proof 392 00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:04,624 of the existence of a supreme being... 393 00:18:04,657 --> 00:18:06,199 Oh, what are we talking about here? 394 00:18:06,232 --> 00:18:08,310 We're talking about god. 395 00:18:08,343 --> 00:18:10,889 The only verifiable proof of the existence of a supreme being... 396 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,295 What about god? 397 00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:16,350 Well, it's rather involved. 398 00:18:16,383 --> 00:18:19,029 Oh, that's ok. I like involved. Fire away. Go ahead. 399 00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:20,335 Sumner was just saying 400 00:18:20,369 --> 00:18:22,882 the early mystics perceived god 401 00:18:22,916 --> 00:18:26,064 without subjecting him to tangible proof. 402 00:18:29,816 --> 00:18:31,089 Well, you know what I think about that? 403 00:18:31,123 --> 00:18:31,859 What, Sam? 404 00:18:39,263 --> 00:18:40,736 What is your problem? 405 00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:42,613 I don't have... Yeah, I do have a problem. 406 00:18:42,646 --> 00:18:45,126 My problem is that I have not been a part 407 00:18:45,159 --> 00:18:49,045 of any conversation that you've had tonight. 408 00:18:49,078 --> 00:18:51,993 I tried several times to include you. 409 00:18:52,027 --> 00:18:54,439 No. No. No. I don't think "wrong fork, Sam" 410 00:18:54,472 --> 00:18:55,444 and "don't spit that out" 411 00:18:55,477 --> 00:18:57,755 are my idea of conversation. 412 00:19:00,971 --> 00:19:02,645 That's not fair, Sam. 413 00:19:02,679 --> 00:19:04,756 I think we tried several times to solicit your opinion, 414 00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:07,269 but none was forthcoming. 415 00:19:07,303 --> 00:19:11,054 Well, you know why that was? Because I didn't have one. 416 00:19:11,088 --> 00:19:13,399 What do you think of that? 417 00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:14,605 Or maybe I had one 418 00:19:14,639 --> 00:19:16,180 and I didn't want to waste it on you. 419 00:19:20,669 --> 00:19:21,640 What are you trying to say? 420 00:19:21,674 --> 00:19:23,951 I'm not trying to say anything. I'm saying it. 421 00:19:23,985 --> 00:19:26,263 You know, you and I are a joke, Diane. 422 00:19:26,297 --> 00:19:27,737 You and Sumner are a joke, too, 423 00:19:27,770 --> 00:19:29,981 but at least you're the same joke. 424 00:19:30,015 --> 00:19:31,288 I may be stupid about a lot of things, 425 00:19:31,322 --> 00:19:32,360 but I do know some things. 426 00:19:32,393 --> 00:19:34,939 And I know when two people do not belong together, 427 00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:36,915 and you and I do not belong together. 428 00:19:36,949 --> 00:19:39,462 Sam, sit down. You're creating a stir. 429 00:19:39,495 --> 00:19:41,472 Hey, come on. 430 00:19:41,505 --> 00:19:43,315 I know what's been going on all evening. 431 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,525 I mean, this stuff about Barbara being sick 432 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,133 is a bunch of baloney. 433 00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:49,914 You just set it up here to get your big fan back. 434 00:19:49,947 --> 00:19:53,230 Well, you got her. Way to go, guy. 435 00:19:53,263 --> 00:19:53,934 Sam. 436 00:19:53,967 --> 00:19:55,877 No, that's ok. 437 00:19:55,910 --> 00:19:57,283 I see it all very clearly now. 438 00:19:57,317 --> 00:19:58,891 I got you on the rebound. 439 00:19:58,925 --> 00:20:02,510 You were just slumming with me between ph.Ds. 440 00:20:02,543 --> 00:20:05,826 Well, he's come for you. Go with him. 441 00:20:05,859 --> 00:20:07,736 I'll tell you something else too. 442 00:20:07,769 --> 00:20:10,180 Before I read war and peace again in 5 days 443 00:20:10,214 --> 00:20:11,655 just to impress some broad, 444 00:20:11,688 --> 00:20:14,436 it's gonna be a cold day in Minsk. 445 00:20:27,265 --> 00:20:30,247 I have to apologize for Sam 446 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:34,334 for that totally unfounded accusation. 447 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,076 No, Diane, he's more perceptive 448 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:37,785 than I gave him credit for. 449 00:20:41,503 --> 00:20:42,877 What are you saying? 450 00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:44,049 I did come back to see 451 00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:45,958 if there might be one spark left 452 00:20:45,992 --> 00:20:47,231 of that brilliant fire 453 00:20:47,264 --> 00:20:49,978 that streaked across the sky like a meteor. 454 00:20:52,055 --> 00:20:52,927 Barbara and I had a 455 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,138 parting of the ways several weeks ago. 456 00:20:57,918 --> 00:20:58,957 So Sam was right. 457 00:20:58,990 --> 00:21:01,671 Forget Sam. Isn't it obvious after tonight 458 00:21:01,704 --> 00:21:04,148 that you and I have something special? 459 00:21:04,183 --> 00:21:07,063 Diane, I may not be perfect. 460 00:21:07,097 --> 00:21:08,706 Then again, I may. 461 00:21:10,279 --> 00:21:12,188 The point is... 462 00:21:12,222 --> 00:21:13,193 Can you honestly say 463 00:21:13,227 --> 00:21:16,677 you belong more in his world than in mine? 464 00:21:32,322 --> 00:21:34,499 Ah, so you've come to say goodbye, 465 00:21:34,533 --> 00:21:37,749 or as the French say... ta ta. 466 00:21:39,961 --> 00:21:44,583 No. I've come to tell you that Sumner has gone. 467 00:21:45,956 --> 00:21:47,497 He has? 468 00:21:47,531 --> 00:21:49,440 Carla threw him out. 469 00:21:51,383 --> 00:21:52,422 Oh, come on, 470 00:21:52,455 --> 00:21:55,537 you don't mean to say that you chose me over him? 471 00:21:55,571 --> 00:21:57,882 I flipped a coin. 472 00:21:57,916 --> 00:21:59,724 You let a coin decide this? 473 00:21:59,758 --> 00:22:02,271 Yeah. I told Sumner 474 00:22:02,304 --> 00:22:05,487 heads, I was going to walk in here to you. 475 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,133 Tails, I was going to run in here to you. 476 00:22:10,244 --> 00:22:12,387 Well, you're nuts, you know that? 477 00:22:12,421 --> 00:22:15,738 I mean the guy is... is brilliant, charming. 478 00:22:15,771 --> 00:22:17,479 He's sophisticated. 479 00:22:17,513 --> 00:22:19,557 Yeah, if you hurry, he's yours. 480 00:22:26,592 --> 00:22:29,439 Why'd you pick me? 481 00:22:29,472 --> 00:22:32,051 You read war and peace. 482 00:22:32,085 --> 00:22:33,459 So did he. 483 00:22:33,492 --> 00:22:35,235 You did it for me. 484 00:22:36,775 --> 00:22:39,857 I think it was harder for you. 485 00:22:41,398 --> 00:22:45,385 Call it a hunch. 486 00:22:45,418 --> 00:22:47,730 It was no day at the beach, I'll tell you. 487 00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:50,074 Sam. 488 00:22:53,325 --> 00:22:54,764 There's only one thing more romantic 489 00:22:54,798 --> 00:22:58,013 than you reading war and peace for me. 490 00:22:58,047 --> 00:22:59,287 What? 491 00:22:59,321 --> 00:23:02,302 You reading war and peace to me. 492 00:23:02,335 --> 00:23:04,211 Oh, yeah? 493 00:23:04,245 --> 00:23:08,231 Well, it just so happens that I have a copy right here. 494 00:23:08,265 --> 00:23:10,677 Let's sit down right here, 495 00:23:10,711 --> 00:23:12,955 and I'll read to you. 496 00:23:12,988 --> 00:23:14,160 Oh, that's nice. 497 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:16,841 Here we go. 498 00:23:18,583 --> 00:23:20,526 Let's go see the movie. 499 00:23:21,766 --> 00:23:23,440 There's a movie?! 500 00:23:23,474 --> 00:23:28,532 Cliff! I'll kill him! Cliff! I'll kill him!