1 00:00:04,732 --> 00:00:07,234 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:07,234 --> 00:00:10,236 I got it. Yeah, thank you. 3 00:00:10,236 --> 00:00:12,102 Table ready upstairs at melville's 4 00:00:12,102 --> 00:00:13,637 for the Anderson party. 5 00:00:13,637 --> 00:00:17,273 Table ready for the Anderson party! 6 00:00:17,273 --> 00:00:18,673 Your name is Anderson? 7 00:00:18,673 --> 00:00:19,741 Yeah. 8 00:00:19,741 --> 00:00:22,243 I guess there must be two Anderson parties. 9 00:00:22,243 --> 00:00:24,043 What's the first name? 10 00:00:24,043 --> 00:00:25,678 Ernie, but they call me coach. 11 00:00:25,678 --> 00:00:29,347 Coach, there are two Anderson parties here. 12 00:00:29,347 --> 00:00:30,781 Would you call upstairs and find out 13 00:00:30,781 --> 00:00:33,650 which Anderson party gets the table. 14 00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:35,784 Good idea. 15 00:00:35,784 --> 00:00:38,253 Nick, we got a little problem down here. 16 00:00:38,253 --> 00:00:40,153 There are two Anderson parties. 17 00:00:40,153 --> 00:00:42,256 Now, which one is it? 18 00:00:42,256 --> 00:00:43,856 Oh, thanks, Nick. Thanks. 19 00:00:43,856 --> 00:00:46,090 I got it. 20 00:00:46,090 --> 00:00:48,325 I'm sorry. I was wrong. 21 00:00:48,325 --> 00:00:50,327 It's not for the Andersons. 22 00:00:50,327 --> 00:00:52,462 It's for the blubberbutts. 23 00:00:54,296 --> 00:00:56,029 Table ready for the blubberbutts! 24 00:00:56,029 --> 00:00:58,831 Table ready for the blubberbutts! 25 00:01:05,536 --> 00:01:08,171 ♪ Making the way in the world today ♪ 26 00:01:08,171 --> 00:01:10,873 ♪ takes everything you've got ♪ 27 00:01:10,873 --> 00:01:13,975 ♪ taking a break from all your worries ♪ 28 00:01:13,975 --> 00:01:17,243 ♪ sure would help a lot ♪ 29 00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:20,479 ♪ wouldn't you like to get away ♪ 30 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,147 ♪ sometimes you want to go ♪ 31 00:01:25,147 --> 00:01:28,650 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 32 00:01:30,451 --> 00:01:33,953 ♪ and they're always glad you came ♪ 33 00:01:35,289 --> 00:01:37,556 ♪ you want to be where you can see ♪ 34 00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:40,224 ♪ our troubles are all the same ♪ 35 00:01:40,224 --> 00:01:41,525 ♪ you want to be ♪ 36 00:01:41,525 --> 00:01:45,328 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 37 00:01:45,328 --> 00:01:48,162 ♪ you want to go where people know ♪ 38 00:01:48,162 --> 00:01:50,498 ♪ people are all the same ♪ 39 00:01:50,498 --> 00:01:54,966 ♪ you want to go where everybody knows your name ♪ 40 00:02:09,175 --> 00:02:12,211 Dylan Thomas, delmore Schwartz, 41 00:02:12,211 --> 00:02:13,612 Fitzgerald, faulkner... 42 00:02:13,612 --> 00:02:15,513 They all virtually drank themselves to death. 43 00:02:15,513 --> 00:02:18,214 Gone before their time. 44 00:02:18,214 --> 00:02:21,917 So, can I get you another round? 45 00:02:21,917 --> 00:02:22,951 Oh, ohh. 46 00:02:22,951 --> 00:02:26,386 Diane's mouth has sprung a leak again. 47 00:02:26,386 --> 00:02:27,587 Excuse me. 48 00:02:27,587 --> 00:02:28,787 Yeah. 49 00:02:28,787 --> 00:02:30,155 We have to leave. Could we get our waitress now? 50 00:02:30,155 --> 00:02:31,723 Sure. 51 00:02:31,723 --> 00:02:33,391 Diane: Here's my theory 52 00:02:33,391 --> 00:02:35,559 on the relationship between alcohol and genius. 53 00:02:35,559 --> 00:02:37,327 Writing is a very lonely profession... oh! 54 00:02:37,327 --> 00:02:38,928 Excuse me a moment. 55 00:02:38,928 --> 00:02:42,763 Let me go. Carla. Carla, please. Please. 56 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:43,964 Carla. 57 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,665 Here you go. 58 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:48,400 Could we get our check? 59 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,868 Certainly. 60 00:02:50,868 --> 00:02:55,071 Carl, I told you before... Keep your hands off Diane. 61 00:02:55,071 --> 00:02:57,506 I will if you will. 62 00:02:59,073 --> 00:03:01,241 Carla... 63 00:03:01,241 --> 00:03:03,609 I have two things to say to you. 64 00:03:03,609 --> 00:03:05,745 First, don't ever do anything like that to me again 65 00:03:05,745 --> 00:03:08,580 or you will regret it for the rest of your miserable little life, 66 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:13,383 and the second, would this a bad time to ask a favor? 67 00:03:13,383 --> 00:03:16,217 For you, there's no good time. 68 00:03:16,217 --> 00:03:17,418 I would greatly appreciate it 69 00:03:17,418 --> 00:03:19,486 if you would switch schedules with me 70 00:03:19,486 --> 00:03:22,555 so that I could have next Tuesday off. 71 00:03:22,555 --> 00:03:23,656 No! 72 00:03:23,656 --> 00:03:25,790 Oh, Carla. 73 00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:29,626 Oriana fallaci is giving a speech at Harvard. 74 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,427 Look, come on, please. 75 00:03:31,427 --> 00:03:33,395 You've got to change with me. 76 00:03:33,395 --> 00:03:35,295 I don't have to do nothing. 77 00:03:35,295 --> 00:03:36,997 Before I do a favor for you, 78 00:03:36,997 --> 00:03:41,099 I would rather be dragged around town by my tongue. 79 00:03:41,099 --> 00:03:44,402 Well, since you don't feel strongly about it, 80 00:03:44,402 --> 00:03:47,203 maybe Sam would like to decide for us. 81 00:03:47,203 --> 00:03:48,771 Ha! I'd rather flip a coin. 82 00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:51,473 At least that way I'd have a chance. 83 00:03:51,473 --> 00:03:53,274 What is that mean supposed to mean, please? 84 00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:57,276 It means that ever since you two started... 85 00:03:57,276 --> 00:03:59,078 You know. 86 00:03:59,078 --> 00:04:02,279 She gets away with things the rest of us wouldn't. 87 00:04:02,279 --> 00:04:03,781 I beg your pardon. 88 00:04:03,781 --> 00:04:05,615 Carla, maybe you're right. 89 00:04:05,615 --> 00:04:07,616 Maybe I have been too easy on her. 90 00:04:07,616 --> 00:04:09,385 I'll take her in the back 91 00:04:09,385 --> 00:04:12,486 and teach her some obedience. 92 00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:20,857 I got no feelings about what you 2 do in private, 93 00:04:20,857 --> 00:04:25,794 no matter how disgusting, sickening, and putrid it is. 94 00:04:25,794 --> 00:04:27,429 I just don't think the rest of us 95 00:04:27,429 --> 00:04:28,929 should suffer for it. 96 00:04:28,929 --> 00:04:31,898 Carla, all I asked you to do was switch nights off with me, 97 00:04:31,898 --> 00:04:34,866 and you turn it into a verbal lynching. 98 00:04:34,866 --> 00:04:37,668 What's the big deal changing one night with her? 99 00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:39,302 There you go again taking her side. 100 00:04:39,302 --> 00:04:41,004 Huh, huh? 101 00:04:42,671 --> 00:04:45,306 Ok. All right, all right. 102 00:04:45,306 --> 00:04:47,008 Diane, work Tuesday night, 103 00:04:47,008 --> 00:04:49,309 and let's just forget this whole thing, will you? 104 00:04:49,309 --> 00:04:52,644 Sam, you obviously don't realize 105 00:04:52,644 --> 00:04:55,579 how important this speech is to me. 106 00:04:56,847 --> 00:04:58,915 It's only one night, Carla. 107 00:05:00,282 --> 00:05:01,783 Hey, Diane, I think... 108 00:05:04,218 --> 00:05:05,319 Carla, come on... 109 00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:08,221 Does anyone want to buy a bar? 110 00:05:08,221 --> 00:05:12,123 All right, Sam, relax. It's not fair to put you through this. 111 00:05:12,123 --> 00:05:16,059 Carla, I've changed my mind, you don't have to switch with me. 112 00:05:16,059 --> 00:05:17,059 Good, good. 113 00:05:17,059 --> 00:05:18,060 Sam: Ok? 114 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:19,160 I've just come 115 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,929 to a very important decision. 116 00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:22,763 Well, good for you. 117 00:05:24,164 --> 00:05:25,832 Evening, everybody. 118 00:05:25,832 --> 00:05:26,866 Norm! Norm! 119 00:05:26,866 --> 00:05:28,166 Norman. 120 00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:29,734 Would you like a beer, norm? 121 00:05:29,734 --> 00:05:33,503 Let's see something in a size 54, sudsy. 122 00:05:33,503 --> 00:05:35,838 So how's life treating you there, norm? 123 00:05:35,838 --> 00:05:37,339 The same. 124 00:05:37,339 --> 00:05:39,907 Oh, that's too bad, norm. 125 00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:41,241 If not worse. 126 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,676 What's wrong, normie? 127 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,478 Nothing. A little personal problem. 128 00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:47,546 If it's anything you want to talk about... 129 00:05:47,546 --> 00:05:48,979 No. Thought I'd kind of sit here 130 00:05:48,979 --> 00:05:51,147 and let it gnaw at my gut for a while. 131 00:05:51,147 --> 00:05:54,516 Now, normie, come on. You're among friends here. 132 00:05:54,516 --> 00:05:56,517 If you can't talk to us, who can you talk to? 133 00:05:56,517 --> 00:05:57,585 Yeah. That's right. 134 00:05:57,585 --> 00:06:00,186 Not Vera, that's for sure. 135 00:06:00,186 --> 00:06:02,387 She and I have split. 136 00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:03,722 Oh, I'm sorry, man. 137 00:06:03,722 --> 00:06:05,923 What happened, norm? What caused it? 138 00:06:05,923 --> 00:06:08,859 Well, she said we no longer communicate, 139 00:06:08,859 --> 00:06:10,726 that I never listen to her... 140 00:06:10,726 --> 00:06:14,295 A bunch of other stuff. Yak yak yak. 141 00:06:14,295 --> 00:06:16,697 Well, cheer up, norm. 142 00:06:16,697 --> 00:06:18,698 Maybe this'll be good for you somehow. Yeah? 143 00:06:18,698 --> 00:06:20,866 Yeah. Absolutely. Look at it this way. 144 00:06:20,866 --> 00:06:23,701 You're a free man now, norm. 145 00:06:23,701 --> 00:06:26,369 A carefree bachelor, huh? 146 00:06:26,369 --> 00:06:28,103 Yeah, I do have a pad now. 147 00:06:28,103 --> 00:06:29,505 Hey, where is it? 148 00:06:29,505 --> 00:06:30,539 You know that big beautiful building 149 00:06:30,539 --> 00:06:31,606 down by the waterfront? 150 00:06:31,606 --> 00:06:33,040 Holy mackerel! 151 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,007 Take a left there, 152 00:06:34,007 --> 00:06:35,509 you drive for about a half an hour. 153 00:06:35,509 --> 00:06:37,176 Don't come at night. 154 00:06:37,176 --> 00:06:39,243 No, I think this is gonna be a whole new way of life for you. 155 00:06:39,243 --> 00:06:42,446 You just got to get up and around a little bit, you know? 156 00:06:42,446 --> 00:06:44,146 Aw, I don't know. 157 00:06:44,146 --> 00:06:46,215 Come on, man, come on. 158 00:06:46,215 --> 00:06:48,016 What are you waiting for? 159 00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,850 All right, all right. 160 00:06:49,850 --> 00:06:52,151 All right, I'm going to do it. 161 00:06:52,151 --> 00:06:54,187 Norman. Norman. 162 00:06:54,187 --> 00:06:56,555 Norman. Norman. 163 00:06:56,555 --> 00:06:58,222 Norman. Norman. 164 00:06:58,222 --> 00:07:00,056 Stand back. 165 00:07:00,056 --> 00:07:01,958 I'm on the prowl. 166 00:07:11,363 --> 00:07:13,565 Slow up. 167 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,702 Aw, come on, man. 168 00:07:23,071 --> 00:07:26,474 That was awfully quick, there, norm. 169 00:07:26,474 --> 00:07:28,141 They know where to find me. 170 00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:31,477 Sam. Yeah? 171 00:07:31,477 --> 00:07:32,477 Read this. 172 00:07:32,477 --> 00:07:33,478 What is it? 173 00:07:33,478 --> 00:07:34,479 My resignation. 174 00:07:34,479 --> 00:07:35,479 Your what? 175 00:07:35,479 --> 00:07:36,980 Read it, read it. 176 00:07:38,347 --> 00:07:40,048 "Dear Sam..." 177 00:07:41,483 --> 00:07:42,750 "Although my tenure here 178 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:45,485 "has been one of value and enlightenment, 179 00:07:45,485 --> 00:07:46,920 still..." 180 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:50,055 Il faut cultiver notre jardin. 181 00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:56,626 Come on. First of all, nobody resigns from a bar, 182 00:07:56,626 --> 00:07:59,728 and second of all, nobody resigns in Latin. 183 00:08:02,129 --> 00:08:03,664 It's French, Sammy. 184 00:08:03,664 --> 00:08:05,197 What does it mean? 185 00:08:05,197 --> 00:08:07,566 Well, because of the idiomatic peculiarities, 186 00:08:07,566 --> 00:08:10,601 it can't really be translated into English. 187 00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:14,937 "One must cultivate one's own garden." 188 00:08:14,937 --> 00:08:17,672 Oh, well, well, Diane, you took some liberties 189 00:08:17,672 --> 00:08:21,642 with the derogatory tense there, but... 190 00:08:21,642 --> 00:08:24,443 I think we'll let it slide this time, huh? 191 00:08:24,443 --> 00:08:27,045 What the hell is this about? 192 00:08:27,045 --> 00:08:30,180 I mean, just because I didn't take your side against Carla? 193 00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:31,614 No, no, Sam. 194 00:08:31,614 --> 00:08:33,849 The problem with Carla is only a symptom. 195 00:08:33,849 --> 00:08:37,317 You see, it's abundantly clear to me 196 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:38,785 that our working together 197 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:40,419 is making our lives miserable, 198 00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:42,555 and it can only get worse. 199 00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:44,188 Diane, you just can't leave like that. 200 00:08:44,188 --> 00:08:45,990 I mean, we should have a party, you know? 201 00:08:45,990 --> 00:08:49,391 Some booze, a lot of pretzels, some munchies, 202 00:08:49,391 --> 00:08:51,426 and get a lot of people together. 203 00:08:51,426 --> 00:08:54,295 Coach, you mean kind of like this? 204 00:08:54,295 --> 00:08:58,097 Well, I guess that's good-bye. 205 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,100 Sam, come on, you don't need me tonight. 206 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,468 I want to go home and start planning. 207 00:09:04,468 --> 00:09:05,969 I... I... 208 00:09:05,969 --> 00:09:07,636 Carla, what's the matter, sweetheart? 209 00:09:07,636 --> 00:09:09,037 Are you all right? 210 00:09:10,471 --> 00:09:12,840 Don't you see? 211 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,641 My life hasn't exactly been a bag of roses, 212 00:09:15,641 --> 00:09:18,476 you know. 213 00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:21,144 I mean, my old man used to beat me. 214 00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:24,881 I spent half my childhood in reform school. 215 00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:27,048 My husband was a rat. 216 00:09:27,048 --> 00:09:30,450 He left me with four hungry mouths to feed. 217 00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:35,554 But this makes up for all that. 218 00:09:37,955 --> 00:09:40,791 I am the happiest woman alive. 219 00:09:41,992 --> 00:09:44,259 I'm sorry. I think this is a mistake. 220 00:09:44,259 --> 00:09:47,461 I mean, it's a tough town out there. Norm, am I right? 221 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:48,696 Most employers wouldn't spit on you 222 00:09:48,696 --> 00:09:51,831 if your hair was on fire. 223 00:09:51,831 --> 00:09:54,332 Oh, but you'll make it, kid. 224 00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:55,400 I know you will. 225 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,001 You've got moxie. 226 00:09:57,001 --> 00:10:01,336 I know, you all think I'm nothing but a hothouse orchid, 227 00:10:01,336 --> 00:10:02,537 unequipped to survive 228 00:10:02,537 --> 00:10:04,872 in anything but a rarefied atmosphere. 229 00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:08,274 Well, I'll have you know there's weed in me. 230 00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:11,676 What a farewell speech. 231 00:10:11,676 --> 00:10:13,144 Went on exactly the right length. 232 00:10:13,144 --> 00:10:16,946 Any more would have been too much of a good thing. 233 00:10:16,946 --> 00:10:20,749 Hey, you're really going to do this, aren't you? 234 00:10:20,749 --> 00:10:25,118 Sam, I'm doing this for us. 235 00:10:25,118 --> 00:10:26,252 Really? 236 00:10:26,252 --> 00:10:29,121 Yes. Now, don't you want to spend your nights 237 00:10:29,121 --> 00:10:34,925 with a woman who's fulfilled, independent, self-actualized? 238 00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:37,827 Well, I suppose it's worth a shot. You got her number? 239 00:10:55,704 --> 00:10:57,371 Hello, everyone. 240 00:10:57,371 --> 00:10:58,372 Oh, hi, Diane. 241 00:10:58,372 --> 00:10:59,673 Hi, Diane. 242 00:10:59,673 --> 00:11:02,274 I've wonderful news. I've got a job! 243 00:11:02,274 --> 00:11:05,043 Great! Write us about it. 244 00:11:05,043 --> 00:11:06,745 Good for you. 245 00:11:06,745 --> 00:11:10,747 I know you all thought I was a social misfit, 246 00:11:10,747 --> 00:11:12,748 unable to function on the streets. 247 00:11:12,748 --> 00:11:15,549 I not only got a job, I got a great job. 248 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:18,551 Yeah, I'm a proofreader for a small publishing house. 249 00:11:18,551 --> 00:11:20,053 Isn't that perfect for me? 250 00:11:20,053 --> 00:11:22,154 Oh, yeah. I'm proud of you. 251 00:11:23,487 --> 00:11:26,757 Well, it's been two weeks of hell, but I did it. 252 00:11:26,757 --> 00:11:28,158 So, what's going on here, norm? 253 00:11:28,158 --> 00:11:30,059 You've been looking for months. 254 00:11:30,059 --> 00:11:32,627 And Diane goes out there, snags a job in a couple of weeks. 255 00:11:32,627 --> 00:11:34,728 It's easier for girls. 256 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:35,996 I mean, if god had made me a woman, 257 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,698 I'd never be out of work. 258 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:42,232 Well, yeah, as long as there are carnivals. 259 00:11:45,769 --> 00:11:49,137 Hey, uh, Diane... 260 00:11:49,137 --> 00:11:51,472 I was skeptical about you finding something, 261 00:11:51,472 --> 00:11:54,540 but I guess it won't kill me 262 00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:58,576 to come out and say congratulations. 263 00:11:58,576 --> 00:12:00,577 Oh, thank you, Carla. 264 00:12:00,577 --> 00:12:02,880 [Gasping] 265 00:12:08,049 --> 00:12:10,584 Carla, get up, will you? 266 00:12:10,584 --> 00:12:12,719 [Moaning] 267 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,922 So, when do you start? 268 00:12:17,922 --> 00:12:20,590 Well, I'm not sure yet. 269 00:12:20,590 --> 00:12:21,924 How come? 270 00:12:21,924 --> 00:12:25,159 Well, the job isn't exactly officially, 271 00:12:25,159 --> 00:12:28,495 technically, completely, finally definite. 272 00:12:28,495 --> 00:12:30,329 You don't have the job? 273 00:12:30,329 --> 00:12:31,764 No, I got the job. 274 00:12:31,764 --> 00:12:33,598 You mean I poured out my heart for nothing? 275 00:12:33,598 --> 00:12:35,565 I... I... 276 00:12:35,565 --> 00:12:38,935 Carla, I have the job. I have the job! 277 00:12:43,204 --> 00:12:45,672 It's jus that there's one small formality 278 00:12:45,672 --> 00:12:47,340 that has to be taken care of. 279 00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:48,974 And that's what? 280 00:12:48,974 --> 00:12:51,776 Well, Mr. Hedges said he wanted a reference 281 00:12:51,776 --> 00:12:53,744 from my previous employer. 282 00:12:53,744 --> 00:12:55,578 He's gonna call you tonight. 283 00:12:55,578 --> 00:12:59,748 You're going to say some wonderful things about me, aren't you? 284 00:13:01,082 --> 00:13:03,117 Sam, we're gonna need more red wine here. 285 00:13:03,117 --> 00:13:05,985 Ok. I'll tell him that you are the best cocktail waitress 286 00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:08,120 I've ever seen in my entire life. 287 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,787 Then I'll tell him that I'd like 288 00:13:09,787 --> 00:13:12,288 to sell him some land in Florida that I own. 289 00:13:12,288 --> 00:13:15,424 Really? Where is it? We might be neighbors. 290 00:13:18,727 --> 00:13:22,062 I wonder what Vera is doing tonight. 291 00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:25,563 Hey, by the way, normie, how did you and Vera meet anyway? 292 00:13:25,563 --> 00:13:26,798 Didn't I tell you this, coach? 293 00:13:26,798 --> 00:13:28,532 We were in high school together. 294 00:13:28,532 --> 00:13:30,367 We were? 295 00:13:30,367 --> 00:13:32,035 Not you and I. Vera and I. 296 00:13:32,035 --> 00:13:33,802 Oh, good. 297 00:13:35,971 --> 00:13:38,773 She was a cute little thing back then. 298 00:13:38,773 --> 00:13:42,007 Boy, could she give a hickey. 299 00:13:42,007 --> 00:13:44,809 Famous all over the midwest for it. 300 00:13:44,809 --> 00:13:47,144 She gave me one the night of the senior prom. 301 00:13:47,144 --> 00:13:49,412 Lasted till a year ago Christmas. 302 00:13:52,981 --> 00:13:55,783 Hey, give her a call, big fella, huh? 303 00:13:55,783 --> 00:13:58,284 I don't think so. 304 00:13:58,284 --> 00:14:00,118 Normie. 305 00:14:00,118 --> 00:14:02,854 Well, yeah. I probably should just see how she's doing. 306 00:14:02,854 --> 00:14:05,422 Here, normie. Save a dime. Wait. 307 00:14:05,422 --> 00:14:06,957 Thanks, coach. 308 00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:11,692 ♪ Are you lonesome tonight ♪ 309 00:14:13,127 --> 00:14:15,495 ♪ do you miss me tonight... ♪ 310 00:14:15,495 --> 00:14:17,629 Vera, it's norm. 311 00:14:17,629 --> 00:14:19,130 How are you doing? 312 00:14:20,331 --> 00:14:21,565 Great, great, great. 313 00:14:21,565 --> 00:14:23,768 ♪ Does your memory stray... ♪ 314 00:14:23,768 --> 00:14:25,935 So what are you up to? 315 00:14:27,669 --> 00:14:30,337 You have a date? 316 00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:31,973 Yes, I'm hurt. 317 00:14:31,973 --> 00:14:35,374 Well, I know it's been two weeks, but... 318 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:39,143 You know, it so happens, I have a date myself. 319 00:14:39,143 --> 00:14:41,511 Yeah, I've been getting around. 320 00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:43,412 You don't believe me? 321 00:14:43,412 --> 00:14:44,847 Hey. 322 00:14:44,847 --> 00:14:46,447 She's right here. You can talk to her yourself. 323 00:14:49,116 --> 00:14:50,450 Hello. 324 00:14:52,618 --> 00:14:54,920 Mrs. Peterson? 325 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,688 Thank you for letting normie go. 326 00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:00,891 He's such an animal. 327 00:15:00,891 --> 00:15:02,291 I've never known a man 328 00:15:02,291 --> 00:15:05,259 who can thrill me the way he does. 329 00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:08,829 He touches me, and I'm a woman. 330 00:15:08,829 --> 00:15:12,998 A total, quivering woman. 331 00:15:16,033 --> 00:15:18,534 All right. Thanks, Carla. 332 00:15:18,534 --> 00:15:20,368 Say, uh... Carla. 333 00:15:20,368 --> 00:15:22,170 You want to... 334 00:15:25,405 --> 00:15:27,707 You want to maybe, like, get some coffee or something? 335 00:15:27,707 --> 00:15:29,909 Get real. 336 00:15:29,909 --> 00:15:33,210 [Telephone rings] 337 00:15:33,210 --> 00:15:35,112 Hello. Cheers. 338 00:15:35,112 --> 00:15:36,212 Yeah. He's in the back. 339 00:15:36,212 --> 00:15:38,947 Who can I say is calling? Hedges? 340 00:15:38,947 --> 00:15:40,849 Oh, coach. That's my boss. 341 00:15:40,849 --> 00:15:44,951 You the ducky hedges who owes me 50 bucks? 342 00:15:44,951 --> 00:15:48,286 Oh, sure! Anybody can say they're not ducky hedges. 343 00:15:48,286 --> 00:15:49,854 No! Coach! 344 00:15:49,854 --> 00:15:52,722 What was the color of red Wilson's hair? 345 00:15:52,722 --> 00:15:55,090 Ducky! 346 00:15:55,090 --> 00:15:58,692 You bet I'm an idiot for loaning you 50 bucks, 347 00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:00,828 you no-good chiseler! 348 00:16:00,828 --> 00:16:02,229 I loaned you that money, 349 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,163 and you thought I was gonna forget about it! 350 00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,131 Well, I fooled you! I remembered it! 351 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,698 Coach, come on. Let me have it. 352 00:16:08,698 --> 00:16:12,368 Give it back when you're through. 353 00:16:12,368 --> 00:16:14,169 Hello? 354 00:16:14,169 --> 00:16:15,403 Yeah, this is Sam Malone. 355 00:16:15,403 --> 00:16:17,171 No, I've been expecting your call. 356 00:16:17,171 --> 00:16:19,372 You probably want to know all about Diane chambers, right? 357 00:16:19,372 --> 00:16:21,540 Well, I can make this real simple. 358 00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:26,576 She's, uh, she's brilliant, she's competent, she's efficient, 359 00:16:26,576 --> 00:16:29,111 and I recommend her completely. 360 00:16:30,847 --> 00:16:32,380 What's that? 361 00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:35,482 Man to man? Yeah? What do you want to know? 362 00:16:35,482 --> 00:16:38,885 I don't think I want to answer that question. 363 00:16:38,885 --> 00:16:40,485 No. I don't think I want to answer. 364 00:16:40,485 --> 00:16:42,220 Answer it. 365 00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:45,055 Yeah, I've seen her naked. 366 00:16:55,095 --> 00:16:57,096 Hello, Mr. Hedges, this is Diane chambers. 367 00:16:57,096 --> 00:17:00,265 You're the most rotten, disgusting pig. 368 00:17:00,265 --> 00:17:02,699 I wouldn't work for you if it was... 369 00:17:02,699 --> 00:17:04,834 How much? 370 00:17:04,834 --> 00:17:06,801 Does that include medical? 371 00:17:06,801 --> 00:17:08,303 What am I saying? 372 00:17:08,303 --> 00:17:09,703 I wouldn't take your job 373 00:17:09,703 --> 00:17:12,072 if it were the last one in Boston. 374 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:13,773 You told him, Diane. 375 00:17:13,773 --> 00:17:16,575 I can kiss that 50 bucks good-bye. 376 00:17:19,010 --> 00:17:21,644 He was only interested in my body. 377 00:17:21,644 --> 00:17:26,147 You know, sometimes I'm just ashamed to be a guy, 378 00:17:26,147 --> 00:17:28,482 but if I made the switch now, 379 00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:31,951 I'd have to buy a whole new wardrobe. 380 00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:33,952 Men are beginning to really disgust me, 381 00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:36,220 even more than before. 382 00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:38,922 Oh, hey. Come on, lighten up here. 383 00:17:38,922 --> 00:17:40,490 I mean, one rotten apple just... 384 00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:42,024 No, no. Not one. 385 00:17:42,024 --> 00:17:44,092 We're talking orchards here. 386 00:17:45,526 --> 00:17:48,328 The few scant offers I've had for a job 387 00:17:48,328 --> 00:17:51,330 have all had sexual strings attached. 388 00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:54,431 Boy, it just makes me crazy to think of those guys 389 00:17:54,431 --> 00:17:57,433 treating my squeeze like a sex object. 390 00:17:59,902 --> 00:18:01,769 Hear, hear. 391 00:18:01,769 --> 00:18:06,039 Well, I guess I'm not going to get any purely professional offers. 392 00:18:06,039 --> 00:18:08,840 Listen, listen, why don't you just come back here to the bar? 393 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,143 I mean, this is where you belong, this is where your people are, 394 00:18:12,143 --> 00:18:14,677 where your friends are, 395 00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:17,579 where your big guy are. Huh? 396 00:18:17,579 --> 00:18:19,114 Where my heart are. 397 00:18:19,114 --> 00:18:23,516 Yeah. Hey, guys, I think she's coming back. 398 00:18:23,516 --> 00:18:25,184 Yay. 399 00:18:29,086 --> 00:18:33,289 Hey, why don't you let me go get my coat... 400 00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:37,125 Then we'll go over to my place... 401 00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:41,428 And we'll celebrate your homecoming. 402 00:18:41,428 --> 00:18:42,995 Great. 403 00:18:42,995 --> 00:18:44,596 You may need this. 404 00:19:04,242 --> 00:19:07,344 Sam, I was just thinking. 405 00:19:07,344 --> 00:19:10,179 Oh, yeah? I tried that once. Never cared for it. 406 00:19:10,179 --> 00:19:11,980 Come on, let's go. 407 00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:13,714 [Coughing] 408 00:19:13,714 --> 00:19:14,848 Sam. 409 00:19:14,848 --> 00:19:16,450 Nice, huh? 410 00:19:19,052 --> 00:19:21,719 Why did you rehire me just now? 411 00:19:21,719 --> 00:19:23,587 I hired you 412 00:19:23,587 --> 00:19:25,888 because you're the best combination girlfriend/waitress 413 00:19:25,888 --> 00:19:27,090 in the city, 414 00:19:27,090 --> 00:19:29,758 and you stink as a waitress. 415 00:19:29,758 --> 00:19:31,960 Exactly what I thought. 416 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,261 You hired me for sexual purposes, 417 00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:38,363 just like that swine Mr. Hedges wanted to do. 418 00:19:38,363 --> 00:19:41,765 Oh, come on. It's completely different. 419 00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:45,001 How is it completely different? 420 00:19:46,568 --> 00:19:48,635 Well... 421 00:19:48,635 --> 00:19:51,271 All right, all right, for instance, uh... 422 00:19:51,271 --> 00:19:53,139 You're nuts about me. 423 00:19:54,606 --> 00:19:56,440 Yes. But who knows? 424 00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:00,143 In time, I may have become nuts about him. 425 00:20:00,143 --> 00:20:03,845 Well, we had a few things in common. 426 00:20:03,845 --> 00:20:05,546 We both found me adorable. 427 00:20:05,546 --> 00:20:06,847 That's good. 428 00:20:06,847 --> 00:20:07,881 This is serious here. 429 00:20:07,881 --> 00:20:09,316 All right, all right. 430 00:20:09,316 --> 00:20:10,716 Now, how can I come back here 431 00:20:10,716 --> 00:20:12,218 knowing that you think of me 432 00:20:12,218 --> 00:20:15,386 as nothing but your... Handmaiden? 433 00:20:18,054 --> 00:20:20,956 You know, Diane, 434 00:20:20,956 --> 00:20:22,958 it gets me the way you women 435 00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:26,293 are always talking about sex on the job, 436 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:29,061 I mean, as if you're the only victims. 437 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,663 What about me? 438 00:20:32,663 --> 00:20:34,298 What about you? 439 00:20:34,298 --> 00:20:36,000 You telling me you took this job 440 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,900 because you wanted to be a waitress? 441 00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:40,268 Absolutely not. I... 442 00:20:40,268 --> 00:20:41,768 I had a burning desire 443 00:20:41,768 --> 00:20:44,071 to discover and explore 444 00:20:44,071 --> 00:20:47,272 this vein of American culture. 445 00:20:47,272 --> 00:20:49,940 Bull. You had a burning desire 446 00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:53,543 to discover and explore mount Sammy here. 447 00:20:56,645 --> 00:20:58,146 What are you saying? 448 00:20:58,146 --> 00:21:00,048 I'm saying you took this job because I was here. 449 00:21:00,048 --> 00:21:01,848 You had sex on your mind, too. 450 00:21:01,848 --> 00:21:04,883 That's not true. 451 00:21:04,883 --> 00:21:07,085 Not entirely true. 452 00:21:08,585 --> 00:21:11,187 Yeah. Well, how do you think it makes me feel 453 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,989 knowing the first time you saw me 454 00:21:12,989 --> 00:21:16,191 you undressed me with your eyes? 455 00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:19,692 You have no regard for my dignity as a man, 456 00:21:19,692 --> 00:21:21,328 as an employer. 457 00:21:21,328 --> 00:21:22,428 I was just a challenge to you, 458 00:21:22,428 --> 00:21:23,795 another notch on your belt. 459 00:21:23,795 --> 00:21:25,463 Well, let me tell you something, miss chambers, 460 00:21:25,463 --> 00:21:28,398 I'm a person, I have dignity, too, you know. 461 00:21:29,598 --> 00:21:33,068 I know you have no regard for this job. 462 00:21:33,068 --> 00:21:34,402 You continually tell me 463 00:21:34,402 --> 00:21:35,902 that I have the brain of a cucumber. 464 00:21:35,902 --> 00:21:38,204 So what's left? The only thing that's left 465 00:21:38,204 --> 00:21:42,007 is that you want your physical lust satisfied, 466 00:21:42,007 --> 00:21:44,075 and that's where I come in. 467 00:21:48,577 --> 00:21:51,779 Well, there's only one thing to do. 468 00:21:51,779 --> 00:21:53,414 I know, I know. 469 00:21:53,414 --> 00:21:55,615 I'll undress and do my duty. 470 00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,083 No, no. 471 00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:01,186 No, you've shown me the light. 472 00:22:01,186 --> 00:22:03,087 I've been a cad. 473 00:22:04,454 --> 00:22:08,090 Ok. I propose that you and I 474 00:22:08,090 --> 00:22:10,191 abstain from any sort of physical contact 475 00:22:10,191 --> 00:22:12,192 for a period of one month. 476 00:22:12,192 --> 00:22:14,661 Strictly business for one month. 477 00:22:14,661 --> 00:22:19,630 I think it's the only way that each of us can regain our self-respect. 478 00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:22,032 I think that's a very good idea. 479 00:22:22,032 --> 00:22:24,067 It would help me out a lot. 480 00:22:24,067 --> 00:22:27,902 Fine. One month it is, Mr. Malone. 481 00:22:27,902 --> 00:22:29,603 Miss chambers. 482 00:22:30,936 --> 00:22:34,806 Oh. There is just one more thing. 483 00:22:34,806 --> 00:22:36,240 I think... 484 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,109 Please, have a seat. 485 00:22:39,109 --> 00:22:41,610 I think that my self-respect bounces back 486 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:45,280 just a little quicker than you expect. 487 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:50,216 I think two weeks of strictly business, 488 00:22:50,216 --> 00:22:52,950 and I'd be back in peak shape. 489 00:22:52,950 --> 00:22:54,785 You know, maybe if I concentrate... 490 00:22:54,785 --> 00:22:56,620 One week. 491 00:22:56,620 --> 00:22:59,322 Well, I believe that my recuperative powers 492 00:22:59,322 --> 00:23:02,324 are even greater than yours. 493 00:23:02,324 --> 00:23:04,792 A day would be fine with me. 494 00:23:04,792 --> 00:23:06,626 You know, I think the important thing here 495 00:23:06,626 --> 00:23:09,461 is we both know in our minds that we could stop. 496 00:23:09,461 --> 00:23:11,429 I think... 497 00:23:13,330 --> 00:23:17,400 I think an hour would certainly prove that. 498 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,534 Well, from that argument 499 00:23:19,534 --> 00:23:22,903 it follows that 15 minutes would be adequate. 500 00:23:22,903 --> 00:23:25,638 You know, I believe that's just enough time to get back to my place. 501 00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:27,706 Let's hurry.