1
00:00:02,994 --> 00:00:05,196
"Cheers" is filmed before
a live studio audience.

2
00:00:05,196 --> 00:00:06,662
Good night, Dan.

3
00:00:06,662 --> 00:00:08,263
Be careful going home now, huh?

4
00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:16,863
Boy, that guy sure chewed
your ear off there, coach.

5
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Yeah, but what a nice guy, Sam.

6
00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:21,265
Hey. You know something?
That's the first person I ever met

7
00:00:21,265 --> 00:00:24,565
that was actually
on the Titanic, Sam.

8
00:00:24,565 --> 00:00:25,565
He survived the Titanic?

9
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I forgot to ask.

10
00:00:29,798 --> 00:00:31,199
Coach, why didn't
you call me over?

11
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,899
I would've loved to
have heard that story.

12
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:34,299
Well, gee, Sam, I
figured you'd heard it.

13
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A big boat, it hit an iceberg.

14
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Bang. Down it went.

15
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Listen. From now
on when you hear

16
00:00:40,633 --> 00:00:42,800
an interesting story
like that, call me over.

17
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,533
It's one of the
joys of bartending.

18
00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:47,834
You want to hear interesting, for
get the Titanic. Come over here.

19
00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:49,834
Glen, Glen, tell him
what you told me earlier.

20
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Go ahead.

21
00:00:51,169 --> 00:00:52,469
Yeah. What? What?

22
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,735
I know all the words

23
00:00:53,735 --> 00:00:55,169
to the "bonanza" theme song.

24
00:00:58,036 --> 00:01:00,036
Go ahead. Let him hear it.

25
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♪ We got a right ♪

26
00:01:01,336 --> 00:01:03,836
♪ to pick a little
fight, bonanza ♪

27
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♪ if anyone fights
any one of us ♪

28
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♪ he's gotta fight with me ♪

29
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♪ we're not one to settle
up and run, bonanza ♪

30
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♪ any one of us
starts a little fight ♪

31
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♪ knows he can trust on me ♪

32
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♪ 144-441, yes, we guarantee ♪

33
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♪ 144-441... ♪

34
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♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪

35
00:01:28,939 --> 00:01:32,074
♪ takes everything you've got ♪

36
00:01:32,074 --> 00:01:34,774
♪ taking a break
from all your worries ♪

37
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♪ sure would help a lot ♪

38
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♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪

39
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♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪

40
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♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪

41
00:01:51,609 --> 00:01:54,910
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪

42
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♪ you wanna be
where you can see ♪

43
00:01:58,444 --> 00:02:01,044
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪

44
00:02:01,044 --> 00:02:05,345
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪

45
00:02:06,545 --> 00:02:09,112
♪ you wanna go
where people know ♪

46
00:02:09,112 --> 00:02:11,645
♪ people are all the same ♪

47
00:02:11,645 --> 00:02:16,046
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪

48
00:02:35,848 --> 00:02:37,049
Howdy, sports fans.

49
00:02:37,049 --> 00:02:39,316
Norm! Norm! Norm!

50
00:02:39,316 --> 00:02:40,749
What'll it be, norm?

51
00:02:40,749 --> 00:02:42,616
Fame, fortune, fast women.

52
00:02:42,616 --> 00:02:44,517
Yeah? How about a beer?

53
00:02:44,517 --> 00:02:45,884
Even better.

54
00:02:45,884 --> 00:02:47,350
Ooh!

55
00:02:47,350 --> 00:02:49,185
How's the search
for work going, norm?

56
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I got good news.

57
00:02:50,418 --> 00:02:52,950
Everybody, I'm no
longer looking for a job.

58
00:02:52,950 --> 00:02:54,618
Yay! Yay! Yay!

59
00:02:54,618 --> 00:02:56,119
I'm now begging for one.

60
00:02:56,119 --> 00:02:58,186
Yay! Yay! Yay!

61
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Ha!

62
00:03:02,686 --> 00:03:03,819
I don't believe this.

63
00:03:03,819 --> 00:03:06,220
What now?

64
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,787
That was my mother on the phone.

65
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She just flew into town,

66
00:03:09,387 --> 00:03:11,254
and she's coming over here.

67
00:03:11,254 --> 00:03:13,254
No kidding. Hey. We
finally get to meet her, huh?

68
00:03:13,254 --> 00:03:15,088
This is very strange.

69
00:03:15,088 --> 00:03:18,388
That you have a mother?

70
00:03:18,388 --> 00:03:20,055
No.

71
00:03:20,055 --> 00:03:23,589
That you have a mother
that wants to see you?

72
00:03:23,589 --> 00:03:25,722
No. That's she's
coming over here.

73
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:27,356
I didn't think mummy
would caught dead

74
00:03:27,356 --> 00:03:29,423
in a place like this.

75
00:03:29,423 --> 00:03:31,856
What, are we too
grungy or something?

76
00:03:31,856 --> 00:03:36,357
Yeah, yeah. Inside an
hour ago, I'm in the tub.

77
00:03:36,357 --> 00:03:38,157
You're taking this
all too personally,

78
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and you shouldn't.

79
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It's just that mummy
doesn't like bars.

80
00:03:41,691 --> 00:03:44,225
Well, bars can be
very sad places.

81
00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:47,159
Some people spend
their whole lives in a bar.

82
00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:49,293
Just yesterday, some guy
sat right here next to me

83
00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:50,726
for 11 hours.

84
00:03:56,494 --> 00:03:58,527
What kind of life is that, huh?

85
00:03:58,527 --> 00:04:00,260
It's pitiful, you know?

86
00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:02,527
The sad thing is you know
that guy's sitting in a bar

87
00:04:02,527 --> 00:04:04,361
somewhere right
now drinking a beer,

88
00:04:04,361 --> 00:04:08,261
going on and on about nothing.

89
00:04:08,261 --> 00:04:10,396
Diane, if your mom is
anything like you are,

90
00:04:10,396 --> 00:04:12,229
everybody is going to love her.

91
00:04:12,229 --> 00:04:14,162
Well, she's nothing like I am.

92
00:04:14,162 --> 00:04:16,130
She's very eccentric,

93
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:17,562
a little hard to take at times.

94
00:04:17,562 --> 00:04:19,563
Oh, yeah, worlds apart.

95
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:24,264
Yeah, uh... Hey, Diane,

96
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:28,531
if your mother's so rich,
how come you're not?

97
00:04:28,531 --> 00:04:30,498
I didn't want that money.

98
00:04:30,498 --> 00:04:32,031
I didn't want to go through life

99
00:04:32,031 --> 00:04:34,698
being handed
money on a silver tray.

100
00:04:34,698 --> 00:04:36,332
See you.

101
00:04:37,999 --> 00:04:40,233
Thank you!

102
00:04:40,233 --> 00:04:41,266
Nice!

103
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,000
There she is, my little baby.

104
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,167
Mummy!

105
00:04:49,733 --> 00:04:51,467
Hello, darling.

106
00:04:55,567 --> 00:04:57,602
They didn't even
get near each other.

107
00:04:57,602 --> 00:05:01,568
How could anyone
miss Diane's mouth?

108
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:05,536
So, this is a bar.

109
00:05:05,536 --> 00:05:07,803
Yes. This is where I work.

110
00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:12,204
Um, let me
introduce you, mother.

111
00:05:12,204 --> 00:05:14,337
This is Sam, who wouldn't think

112
00:05:14,337 --> 00:05:15,504
of saying anything embarrassing

113
00:05:15,504 --> 00:05:16,670
in front of my mother,

114
00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:18,405
so he wisely
says nothing at all.

115
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,271
How do you do?

116
00:05:20,271 --> 00:05:23,338
Hi. This is Carla tortelli.

117
00:05:23,338 --> 00:05:26,738
She says even less than
Sam, and she's very, very busy.

118
00:05:26,738 --> 00:05:30,039
And down there we have
Norman, his friend cliff.

119
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:34,307
They lost their
tongues in the war.

120
00:05:34,307 --> 00:05:37,507
Oh, Ernie pantuso, but
you can call him coach.

121
00:05:37,507 --> 00:05:39,873
Or you can call me by
my other nickname... red.

122
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,174
Red? Yeah.

123
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,441
During his playing
days, his teammates

124
00:05:42,441 --> 00:05:44,274
used to call him red.

125
00:05:44,274 --> 00:05:46,041
Because your hair was red?

126
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:48,075
No, ma'am. Because
I read a book.

127
00:05:51,975 --> 00:05:54,842
He's very sweet,
though. Very sweet.

128
00:05:54,842 --> 00:05:57,975
I just want to say it's nice to
finally meet you, Mrs. Chambers.

129
00:05:57,975 --> 00:06:00,010
It's nice to meet you, Sam.

130
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:01,843
Diane's told me about you.

131
00:06:01,843 --> 00:06:03,444
You're almost as handsome

132
00:06:03,444 --> 00:06:05,877
as she says you think you are.

133
00:06:10,278 --> 00:06:13,978
There's a compliment in
there some place, I'm sure.

134
00:06:13,978 --> 00:06:16,413
It's very nice of you
to come all this way.

135
00:06:16,413 --> 00:06:20,279
I thought so, too, but you
know what tomorrow is?

136
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:21,713
No. What?

137
00:06:21,713 --> 00:06:23,180
It's your wedding day.

138
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:24,679
Congratulations.

139
00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:28,980
My what?

140
00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:31,148
If you're not married
before tomorrow,

141
00:06:31,148 --> 00:06:34,381
I lose my share of
your father's estate.

142
00:06:34,381 --> 00:06:36,381
My god. Why?

143
00:06:36,381 --> 00:06:38,116
Darling, you see, when he died,

144
00:06:38,116 --> 00:06:40,781
you were still a
little gawky girl,

145
00:06:40,781 --> 00:06:42,616
I mean, with your nose in a book

146
00:06:42,616 --> 00:06:46,682
and a terrible facial tic.

147
00:06:46,682 --> 00:06:48,783
Your father was...

148
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,483
Your father was worried

149
00:06:50,483 --> 00:06:52,850
that you would never find a mate

150
00:06:52,850 --> 00:06:55,251
and that you would
have a lonely life.

151
00:06:55,251 --> 00:06:57,484
So he made me promise

152
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,684
that I would have you married

153
00:06:59,684 --> 00:07:03,452
10 years after the day he died.

154
00:07:03,452 --> 00:07:05,452
He even put it in his will.

155
00:07:05,452 --> 00:07:09,086
So if you're still
single, I'm cut off.

156
00:07:09,086 --> 00:07:11,220
But why have you waited
all this time to tell me.

157
00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,386
Father's been dead for 10 years.

158
00:07:13,386 --> 00:07:18,321
You know how time
flies when you're having...

159
00:07:18,321 --> 00:07:20,154
Grief.

160
00:07:20,154 --> 00:07:23,987
Grief. Grief.

161
00:07:23,987 --> 00:07:26,888
So if I'm not married by
tomorrow, you'll be broke.

162
00:07:26,888 --> 00:07:29,323
Oh, put your mind at
ease. I'll never be broke.

163
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,888
I'll either be rich or dead.

164
00:07:31,888 --> 00:07:35,823
The choice is yours.

165
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:39,324
Mother, you're seriously
asking me to get married?

166
00:07:39,324 --> 00:07:41,424
My attorneys have assured me

167
00:07:41,424 --> 00:07:43,490
that it need be in name only

168
00:07:43,490 --> 00:07:44,957
and just for a few days.

169
00:07:44,957 --> 00:07:46,625
There's no other way.

170
00:07:48,525 --> 00:07:51,126
This is the craziest
thing father ever did.

171
00:07:51,126 --> 00:07:53,492
Not even close, dear.

172
00:07:56,092 --> 00:07:57,626
Excuse me, madam,

173
00:07:57,626 --> 00:08:00,059
I dropped the
bags off at the hotel.

174
00:08:00,059 --> 00:08:01,593
Thank you, boggs.

175
00:08:01,593 --> 00:08:03,160
Nice to see you, boggs.

176
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:08,760
I'd be honored if you'd
consent to be my wife.

177
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,594
I said in a pinch, boggs.

178
00:08:11,594 --> 00:08:12,861
Now wait over there.

179
00:08:12,861 --> 00:08:15,429
Yes, madam.

180
00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:18,529
Darling, think hard.
There's so little time.

181
00:08:18,529 --> 00:08:20,562
Don't you know anyone
who'd be willing to marry you

182
00:08:20,562 --> 00:08:22,330
for a few days?

183
00:08:22,330 --> 00:08:24,830
Well, I'm afraid there's no one

184
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:27,363
that I'm steadily
dating at the moment.

185
00:08:27,363 --> 00:08:29,730
Excuse me, uh...

186
00:08:29,730 --> 00:08:31,531
Rich lady.

187
00:08:32,963 --> 00:08:36,198
I couldn't help
overhearing your problems.

188
00:08:36,198 --> 00:08:38,465
Your daughter has a hot
thing for the bartender.

189
00:08:38,465 --> 00:08:40,465
I do not!

190
00:08:41,965 --> 00:08:43,898
She likes red?

191
00:08:46,832 --> 00:08:49,999
But he's dumb enough
to be your father.

192
00:08:49,999 --> 00:08:51,899
Not him. Sam.

193
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,800
I care nothing...
I feel nothing...

194
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,767
Sam who?

195
00:08:57,767 --> 00:09:00,635
Come off it. We've all
noticed the way you two go

196
00:09:00,635 --> 00:09:04,835
around looking at each
other like lovesick cows.

197
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:06,202
Admit it.

198
00:09:06,202 --> 00:09:11,436
He's got you steaming
under the silks.

199
00:09:11,436 --> 00:09:13,536
This happens to be my mother.

200
00:09:13,536 --> 00:09:17,370
That's why I'm being delicate.

201
00:09:17,370 --> 00:09:19,570
Diane, is this true?

202
00:09:19,570 --> 00:09:21,537
How about the two of you?

203
00:09:21,537 --> 00:09:23,438
I'd rather marry boggs.

204
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:28,372
I could make you very happy.

205
00:09:28,372 --> 00:09:29,804
I'm sorry, boggs.

206
00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:31,105
That's just a figure of speech.

207
00:09:31,105 --> 00:09:33,772
Thank you, miss.

208
00:09:33,772 --> 00:09:36,039
Diane, he's not a
bad-looking fellow.

209
00:09:36,039 --> 00:09:38,606
His Cologne's an
affront to society,

210
00:09:38,606 --> 00:09:40,840
but what harm
would it do to ask?

211
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,040
Mother, no.

212
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,241
Darling, please.

213
00:09:46,241 --> 00:09:48,441
I wish I was as
strong as you are,

214
00:09:48,441 --> 00:09:50,108
but I'm not.

215
00:09:50,108 --> 00:09:53,941
Without money, I
don't think I can make it.

216
00:09:57,808 --> 00:10:01,843
All right, I'll ask him. Sam?

217
00:10:01,843 --> 00:10:03,076
What?

218
00:10:03,076 --> 00:10:05,210
May I speak with you
for a moment, please?

219
00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:06,809
Um...

220
00:10:09,277 --> 00:10:12,510
Uh, well, I might as well
just come to the point.

221
00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:14,211
That would be nice.

222
00:10:14,211 --> 00:10:16,311
Would you be
willing to marry me?

223
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:19,711
Boy, this Cologne
must be doing its stuff.

224
00:10:23,412 --> 00:10:26,012
Uh...

225
00:10:26,012 --> 00:10:27,746
You see...

226
00:10:27,746 --> 00:10:30,680
My very eccentric father

227
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:34,381
put a very strange
clause into his will

228
00:10:34,381 --> 00:10:39,481
providing that if I'm not
married by tomorrow,

229
00:10:39,481 --> 00:10:42,681
my mother will become destitute.

230
00:10:42,681 --> 00:10:44,415
So if you and I
could get married

231
00:10:44,415 --> 00:10:47,682
just long enough to
satisfy the attorneys,

232
00:10:47,682 --> 00:10:49,715
it would really help her out,

233
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:51,683
and I would consider it a favor.

234
00:10:51,683 --> 00:10:53,750
I'd consider it a joke, Diane.

235
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,950
Marriage and me do not mix.

236
00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:57,451
No, no. It's not marriage.

237
00:10:57,451 --> 00:10:58,783
It's only a business
arrangement.

238
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,917
Just for couple of days,
and then we'll get divorced.

239
00:11:02,917 --> 00:11:05,017
Listen, I've been
married before.

240
00:11:05,017 --> 00:11:06,185
You haven't.

241
00:11:06,185 --> 00:11:07,518
Just take my word on this,

242
00:11:07,518 --> 00:11:08,918
marriage changes people.

243
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,885
There's not a woman in
the world can stand up there,

244
00:11:10,885 --> 00:11:13,718
hear those words, and
not start believing it.

245
00:11:13,718 --> 00:11:16,085
Well, that's a very
sexist thing to say.

246
00:11:16,085 --> 00:11:17,719
No, no, no. It's not sexist

247
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:21,487
because there's not a
man that can resist it either.

248
00:11:21,487 --> 00:11:26,520
Why, Sam, that's a very
romantic thing to say.

249
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,054
Yeah. Yeah, but
the difference is

250
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,821
with men they get
over it in an hour.

251
00:11:29,821 --> 00:11:32,721
With women, it kind
of goes on for years.

252
00:11:34,555 --> 00:11:35,888
If you're worried about me,

253
00:11:35,888 --> 00:11:37,756
I am only doing
this for my mother.

254
00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:39,123
Right.

255
00:11:39,123 --> 00:11:43,590
I promise that I will not feel
any emotions toward you.

256
00:11:43,590 --> 00:11:45,390
I learned long ago

257
00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:48,057
never to trust anybody
wearing a wedding gown,

258
00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:50,691
especially a woman, so just...

259
00:11:50,691 --> 00:11:53,090
Forget I asked.

260
00:11:53,090 --> 00:11:54,159
Hey, I'm sorry.

261
00:11:54,159 --> 00:11:56,758
Never mind, never mind.

262
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,759
I'm sorry, mummy. He said no.

263
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,259
Oh, dear.

264
00:12:01,259 --> 00:12:03,992
Oh, dear.

265
00:12:03,992 --> 00:12:05,226
Oh, hell.

266
00:12:08,126 --> 00:12:09,960
Ok, Diane.

267
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,560
Ok, what?

268
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:15,161
Ok, we'll... Get married.

269
00:12:15,161 --> 00:12:16,827
Really?

270
00:12:16,827 --> 00:12:18,228
Yeah. You bet.

271
00:12:18,228 --> 00:12:21,862
Oh! Mr. Malone, how wonderful!

272
00:12:24,062 --> 00:12:26,095
You're both wonderful!

273
00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:28,396
Thank you very much.

274
00:12:28,396 --> 00:12:29,829
I'm still rich.

275
00:12:29,829 --> 00:12:31,164
I'll get the justice.

276
00:12:31,164 --> 00:12:33,029
Come along, boggs.

277
00:12:38,297 --> 00:12:39,897
Thank you for
changing your mind.

278
00:12:39,897 --> 00:12:41,064
You're welcome.

279
00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:43,498
I wanted to help out.

280
00:12:43,498 --> 00:12:45,765
What you're doing is very noble.

281
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,831
Well, thank you.

282
00:12:47,831 --> 00:12:50,065
Where do you want to
go on our honeymoon?

283
00:12:54,133 --> 00:12:55,766
I should have known.

284
00:12:55,766 --> 00:13:00,267
As usual, Mr. Malone has
his brains caught in his zipper.

285
00:13:22,303 --> 00:13:24,171
Is this the first wedding
ever in cheers coach?

286
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:27,304
Nope. Frankie Flaherty
got married in this bar, norm.

287
00:13:27,304 --> 00:13:28,437
Yeah. Yep.

288
00:13:28,437 --> 00:13:30,604
He met Janet right
down there at that corner,

289
00:13:30,604 --> 00:13:33,104
proposed to her right
here, right in front of me,

290
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,837
they got married over there,

291
00:13:34,837 --> 00:13:37,138
had their first fight
up by the piano,

292
00:13:37,138 --> 00:13:38,838
she caught him in the
poolroom with a woman,

293
00:13:38,838 --> 00:13:41,838
shot him dead in the alley.

294
00:13:41,838 --> 00:13:43,173
Whoa! That's an
incredible story.

295
00:13:43,173 --> 00:13:44,473
Really.

296
00:13:44,473 --> 00:13:46,506
Want to know where he's buried?

297
00:13:46,506 --> 00:13:48,207
Where?

298
00:13:48,207 --> 00:13:50,740
He ain't. He's cremated.

299
00:13:50,740 --> 00:13:52,007
Thank god.

300
00:13:52,007 --> 00:13:53,275
Here's his ashes.

301
00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:54,375
Ohh!

302
00:13:58,341 --> 00:14:00,075
We've got the license.

303
00:14:00,075 --> 00:14:01,541
So what took you so long?

304
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,709
I thought while I was
there, I'd paid my water bill

305
00:14:04,709 --> 00:14:06,276
and register my bicycle.

306
00:14:06,276 --> 00:14:08,809
You know what they're asking
for a bicycle license nowadays?

307
00:14:08,809 --> 00:14:10,210
Sam, shut up.

308
00:14:10,210 --> 00:14:12,042
Sorry, dear.

309
00:14:14,043 --> 00:14:15,810
I'd like to introduce you

310
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:18,110
to Mr. Harrison Fiedler,

311
00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:19,578
a justice of the peace

312
00:14:19,578 --> 00:14:21,744
who will perform the ceremony.

313
00:14:21,744 --> 00:14:23,411
Hi, just. Hi, just.

314
00:14:23,411 --> 00:14:25,011
We need witnesses.

315
00:14:25,011 --> 00:14:28,845
Yup. Every accident
needs some witnesses.

316
00:14:28,845 --> 00:14:31,912
Sammy, Sam, please. I'd
be proud to be your best man.

317
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:34,112
I'm honored, coach. Thank you.

318
00:14:34,112 --> 00:14:35,680
You know, the day
Diane walked in here,

319
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,980
I knew two of you were
gonna get together, Sam?

320
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:39,980
Coach, this is just temporary.

321
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,881
Oh, I knew that, too.

322
00:14:44,281 --> 00:14:46,714
Tell me how come
you never got married?

323
00:14:46,714 --> 00:14:49,748
Well, norm, coach...

324
00:14:49,748 --> 00:14:51,082
It's unfair to ask a woman

325
00:14:51,082 --> 00:14:53,082
to be the wife of a mailman.

326
00:14:53,082 --> 00:14:54,782
Watching them get
up every morning,

327
00:14:54,782 --> 00:14:56,883
strapping on that old mailbag,

328
00:14:56,883 --> 00:14:59,283
going out and hitting
those mean streets,

329
00:14:59,283 --> 00:15:01,883
never knowing whether
he's coming back or not.

330
00:15:01,883 --> 00:15:02,916
Yeah right.

331
00:15:02,916 --> 00:15:04,116
Somewhere out there

332
00:15:04,116 --> 00:15:06,084
is a beagle with
your name on it, right?

333
00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:12,851
Excuse me. I think
we should begin.

334
00:15:12,851 --> 00:15:14,651
Are you ready, Mr. Fiedler?

335
00:15:14,651 --> 00:15:17,252
Oh, I'm ready. May
I have the license?

336
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:23,086
The groom's name is "schwinn"?

337
00:15:23,086 --> 00:15:24,952
That's my bicycle license.

338
00:15:27,253 --> 00:15:28,820
Excuse me.

339
00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:32,221
Diane, do you think we
could lose the aprons?

340
00:15:32,221 --> 00:15:33,621
The aprons.

341
00:15:33,621 --> 00:15:34,954
Carla, the apron.

342
00:15:34,954 --> 00:15:37,621
Gee. Didn't know it was
going to be this for-mal.

343
00:15:42,322 --> 00:15:43,455
Are you ok?

344
00:15:43,455 --> 00:15:45,089
I'm fine, fine.

345
00:15:45,089 --> 00:15:46,989
Just a business arrangement.

346
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,956
I do appreciate it for
mummy's sake, though.

347
00:15:48,956 --> 00:15:50,656
You're welcome.

348
00:15:50,656 --> 00:15:53,457
Just remember, no emotions.

349
00:15:53,457 --> 00:15:55,257
If I feel anything romantic,

350
00:15:55,257 --> 00:15:58,192
I will run screaming
from the room.

351
00:15:58,192 --> 00:16:00,657
And I will clear a path for you.

352
00:16:02,692 --> 00:16:07,293
Would the bride and groom
come forward, please?

353
00:16:07,293 --> 00:16:08,459
We are gathered here

354
00:16:08,459 --> 00:16:09,958
in the presence
of these witnesses

355
00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:12,993
for the purpose of
uniting in matrimony

356
00:16:12,993 --> 00:16:15,993
Diane chambers and Sam Malone.

357
00:16:15,993 --> 00:16:18,660
The contract of
marriage is most solemn

358
00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:21,394
and not to be
entered into lightly,

359
00:16:21,394 --> 00:16:24,060
but thoughtfully and seriously

360
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:26,395
and with a deep realization

361
00:16:26,395 --> 00:16:30,229
of its obligations
and responsibilities.

362
00:16:30,229 --> 00:16:33,429
Any two people who
have come to this point

363
00:16:33,429 --> 00:16:37,563
clearly feel the love
and joy that they find

364
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:40,363
in one another...

365
00:16:40,363 --> 00:16:44,963
Can surmount whatever
obstacles lie in their path.

366
00:16:47,331 --> 00:16:51,564
Sam, do you take...

367
00:16:51,564 --> 00:16:53,864
Do you mind?

368
00:16:53,864 --> 00:16:56,332
What?

369
00:16:56,332 --> 00:16:58,765
Never mind. I'm
sorry. Please go on.

370
00:16:58,765 --> 00:17:01,065
Sam, do you take this woman...

371
00:17:01,065 --> 00:17:02,533
What did I do?

372
00:17:02,533 --> 00:17:04,466
I saw the leer.

373
00:17:04,466 --> 00:17:06,666
Leer? Oh, come on, Diane.

374
00:17:06,666 --> 00:17:08,634
Oh, please, please.

375
00:17:08,634 --> 00:17:10,967
Please go on. I'm sorry.

376
00:17:10,967 --> 00:17:12,867
Sam, do you take this woman

377
00:17:12,867 --> 00:17:14,235
to be your lawfully...

378
00:17:14,235 --> 00:17:15,767
She's a customer in my bar.

379
00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:19,835
I smiled, that's all. Go on.

380
00:17:19,835 --> 00:17:22,802
She's a woman.

381
00:17:22,802 --> 00:17:25,669
Well, I'll be darned. So she is.

382
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:28,969
To have and to hold
from this time forward...

383
00:17:28,969 --> 00:17:30,337
It was just a look.

384
00:17:30,337 --> 00:17:31,737
Oh, just a look?

385
00:17:31,737 --> 00:17:33,337
This is just a look.

386
00:17:33,337 --> 00:17:34,837
This is what you did.

387
00:17:37,538 --> 00:17:39,738
Can we get on with the ceremony?

388
00:17:39,738 --> 00:17:41,105
To have and to hold...

389
00:17:41,105 --> 00:17:43,838
Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.

390
00:17:43,838 --> 00:17:45,306
What's the big deal here?

391
00:17:45,306 --> 00:17:47,739
You're beginning to sound
like my wife or something.

392
00:17:47,739 --> 00:17:50,472
Excuse me. We
are getting married.

393
00:17:50,472 --> 00:17:52,307
I may not be asking for 50 years

394
00:17:52,307 --> 00:17:53,373
of love, honor, and obey,

395
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,640
but it would be nice

396
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,374
if, during the ceremony,
you didn't drool.

397
00:17:59,174 --> 00:18:01,941
Boy, you know, you
really are demanding.

398
00:18:01,941 --> 00:18:04,708
I don't understand why you're
trying to make me so crazy.

399
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,808
I don't understand why you
have chosen this moment

400
00:18:06,808 --> 00:18:09,141
to demonstrate to every
one your utter lack of class.

401
00:18:09,141 --> 00:18:11,475
Hey. Look. I'm the
one doing you the favor.

402
00:18:11,475 --> 00:18:13,042
Don't do me any favors.

403
00:18:13,042 --> 00:18:14,142
Children, please...

404
00:18:14,142 --> 00:18:15,476
Just butt out, mom.
I'm beginning to think

405
00:18:15,476 --> 00:18:17,710
this is the stupidest
thing I ever did.

406
00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:21,010
Stupidest thing? There is no
stupidest thing you ever did.

407
00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:23,143
Everything you
do is equally stupid.

408
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,677
Including not throwing
you out of here

409
00:18:24,677 --> 00:18:26,577
the minute I saw
your stupid face!

410
00:18:26,577 --> 00:18:28,212
Sam, do you have the ring?

411
00:18:28,212 --> 00:18:29,645
Shut up! Hey. Shut up!

412
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,712
All right. That's it.

413
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:35,645
We're making a
mockery of marriage,

414
00:18:35,645 --> 00:18:37,213
and it's all my fault.

415
00:18:37,213 --> 00:18:38,713
There'll be no wedding here,

416
00:18:38,713 --> 00:18:40,179
not between the two of you.

417
00:18:40,179 --> 00:18:41,913
Fine. Fine.

418
00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,614
I hate your guts,
and I always will.

419
00:18:43,614 --> 00:18:46,347
Well, that goes double for me.

420
00:18:46,347 --> 00:18:49,047
I understand they
wrote their own vows.

421
00:18:58,416 --> 00:19:00,449
You know,

422
00:19:00,449 --> 00:19:03,283
30 minutes ago, I
was a wealthy woman,

423
00:19:03,283 --> 00:19:05,317
and now I can't
pay for these drinks.

424
00:19:05,317 --> 00:19:08,116
Don't worry about it.
The drinks are on me.

425
00:19:08,116 --> 00:19:09,517
I don't want your charity,

426
00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:11,117
and I don't want your pity,

427
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:15,150
but I will take your money.

428
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:21,018
Well, if it hadn't
been for dear old dad

429
00:19:21,018 --> 00:19:22,919
and his strange
clause in the will,

430
00:19:22,919 --> 00:19:25,452
you would never have
been in this predicament.

431
00:19:25,452 --> 00:19:27,985
Now, darling, you mustn't
think ill of your father.

432
00:19:27,985 --> 00:19:30,520
He was concerned.
He loved you very much.

433
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:34,786
You know that, don't you?

434
00:19:34,786 --> 00:19:36,754
Yes, I guess I do.

435
00:19:36,754 --> 00:19:38,053
In his strange way,

436
00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:39,987
I think he loved me, too.

437
00:19:39,987 --> 00:19:43,388
Unfortunately, he
loved a good joke more.

438
00:19:43,388 --> 00:19:46,522
Spencer, wherever
you are tonight,

439
00:19:46,522 --> 00:19:48,488
I hope you're frying.

440
00:19:53,088 --> 00:19:56,589
You two are still here, huh?

441
00:19:56,589 --> 00:19:58,324
We'll lock up.

442
00:20:02,690 --> 00:20:05,591
How are you getting home?

443
00:20:05,591 --> 00:20:08,191
Um, how are we
getting home, mummy?

444
00:20:08,191 --> 00:20:11,558
Oh, boggs is waiting
outside to drive us.

445
00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:22,693
I'm sorry about this afternoon.

446
00:20:25,127 --> 00:20:27,960
I'm sorry, too.

447
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,494
I told you weddings
do weird things to me.

448
00:20:30,494 --> 00:20:36,895
Well, I must admit I got
a little swept away myself.

449
00:20:36,895 --> 00:20:39,196
I think I owe you an
apology, too, Mrs. Chambers.

450
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,162
I'm sorry.

451
00:20:41,162 --> 00:20:44,830
What I asked you
to do was unfair.

452
00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:46,863
Are you all right?

453
00:20:46,863 --> 00:20:49,597
Actually, I...

454
00:20:49,597 --> 00:20:51,864
I'm really quite afraid.

455
00:20:54,931 --> 00:20:57,031
Afraid of what, mummy?

456
00:20:57,031 --> 00:20:59,565
I'm afraid of being poor.

457
00:20:59,565 --> 00:21:02,098
I was poor before
I met your father,

458
00:21:02,098 --> 00:21:04,466
and it took me
years to really forget

459
00:21:04,466 --> 00:21:07,733
how being poor felt.

460
00:21:10,434 --> 00:21:14,066
Excuse me, madam.
Could I have a word?

461
00:21:14,066 --> 00:21:15,567
What is it, boggs?

462
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,800
I heard of your tragedy.

463
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,801
I'd be honored if you'd
consent to be my wife.

464
00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:22,535
It's too late for that, boggs.

465
00:21:22,535 --> 00:21:24,801
No. I meant you, madam.

466
00:21:26,602 --> 00:21:28,869
Why, boggs...

467
00:21:28,869 --> 00:21:30,902
Have you lost your mind?

468
00:21:32,936 --> 00:21:36,069
I mean, I've only
accepted your familiarity

469
00:21:36,069 --> 00:21:38,103
over the years

470
00:21:38,103 --> 00:21:44,137
because I was afraid
of class warfare.

471
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:45,604
I am aware of that.

472
00:21:45,604 --> 00:21:47,771
However, in view
of the developments

473
00:21:47,771 --> 00:21:49,839
in the last half an hour,

474
00:21:49,839 --> 00:21:52,139
our stations have, shall we say,

475
00:21:52,139 --> 00:21:54,572
grown a little closer?

476
00:21:54,572 --> 00:21:55,805
Now, then, boggs...

477
00:21:55,805 --> 00:21:57,072
Madam...

478
00:21:57,072 --> 00:21:58,806
It so happens

479
00:21:58,806 --> 00:22:03,773
I have a considerable sum
of money stashed away.

480
00:22:03,773 --> 00:22:07,274
Really?

481
00:22:07,274 --> 00:22:09,308
Where did you get it, boggs?

482
00:22:09,308 --> 00:22:11,874
From you and yours, madam.

483
00:22:11,874 --> 00:22:14,142
I've been embezzling
from your family

484
00:22:14,142 --> 00:22:16,708
for close to a
quarter of a century.

485
00:22:20,876 --> 00:22:26,644
Why, boggs, how clever of you.

486
00:22:26,644 --> 00:22:30,044
Exactly how much
money do you have?

487
00:22:30,044 --> 00:22:32,545
As I recall my Emily post,

488
00:22:32,545 --> 00:22:34,411
a lady does not
ask her chauffeur

489
00:22:34,411 --> 00:22:38,312
how much he stole
from her dead husband.

490
00:22:38,312 --> 00:22:42,879
Let us just say, I
am very comfortable.

491
00:22:42,879 --> 00:22:44,712
Shall we go to dinner

492
00:22:44,712 --> 00:22:46,879
and talk about the future?

493
00:22:50,112 --> 00:22:53,180
Bon appetit.

494
00:22:53,180 --> 00:22:55,581
You know, boggs...

495
00:22:55,581 --> 00:22:57,914
I must confess...

496
00:22:57,914 --> 00:23:02,449
I've always found
the back of your head

497
00:23:02,449 --> 00:23:05,282
enormously attractive.

498
00:23:08,849 --> 00:23:11,350
I sensed it, madam.

499
00:23:11,350 --> 00:23:14,516
Uh, would you do
me a favor, madam?

500
00:23:14,516 --> 00:23:15,783
What's that?

501
00:23:15,783 --> 00:23:17,916
Would you drive?

502
00:23:19,351 --> 00:23:20,851
Oh...

503
00:23:20,851 --> 00:23:22,817
Kinky.