1 00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:13,746 Excuse me. 2 00:00:13,779 --> 00:00:15,279 Yes, sir. 3 00:00:15,313 --> 00:00:17,546 Can you check upstairs and see if the table's ready for the Phillips' party? 4 00:00:17,579 --> 00:00:19,547 Sure. I'd be glad to. 5 00:00:19,580 --> 00:00:29,615 [Humming] 6 00:00:29,615 --> 00:00:42,148 [Humming] 7 00:01:02,051 --> 00:01:03,984 What was the name again? 8 00:01:06,385 --> 00:01:07,619 Phillips. 9 00:01:07,652 --> 00:01:09,552 Phillips. 10 00:01:09,585 --> 00:01:17,119 [Humming] 11 00:01:29,854 --> 00:01:35,322 ♪ Makin' your way in the world today, takes everything you've got ♪ 12 00:01:35,355 --> 00:01:38,087 ♪ takin' a break from all your worries ♪ 13 00:01:38,121 --> 00:01:41,522 ♪ sure would help a lot 14 00:01:41,555 --> 00:01:47,289 ♪ wouldn't you like to get away? ♪ 15 00:01:47,323 --> 00:01:49,222 ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪ 16 00:01:49,255 --> 00:01:54,690 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 17 00:01:54,723 --> 00:01:59,290 ♪ and they're always glad you came ♪ 18 00:01:59,324 --> 00:02:01,824 ♪ you wanna be where where you can see ♪ 19 00:02:01,857 --> 00:02:04,525 ♪ our troubles are all the same ♪ 20 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:09,825 ♪ you wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪ 21 00:02:09,858 --> 00:02:14,891 ♪ you wanna go where people know people are all the same ♪ 22 00:02:14,925 --> 00:02:19,592 ♪ you wanna go where everybody knows your name ♪ 23 00:02:38,994 --> 00:02:41,562 Hey, lock up your daughters... 24 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:47,462 The fighting double deuce 25 00:02:47,495 --> 00:02:50,895 is on the loose. 26 00:02:50,929 --> 00:02:51,995 Can I help you? 27 00:02:52,029 --> 00:02:54,563 Well you should help me. I sure helped you. 28 00:02:54,596 --> 00:02:57,430 Well, I was fighting the kaiser when your daddy was in diapers. 29 00:02:57,463 --> 00:02:59,163 Where's the rest of my outfit? 30 00:02:59,196 --> 00:03:03,531 What you got on looks silly enough. 31 00:03:03,564 --> 00:03:06,897 I'm talking about the other boys from the 22nd brigade. 32 00:03:06,931 --> 00:03:08,365 I'm meeting them here. 33 00:03:08,398 --> 00:03:11,398 I hope your not expecting the lemons. 34 00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:14,365 No, no. Just the guys from my squad. 35 00:03:14,398 --> 00:03:15,798 What's left of them. 36 00:03:15,832 --> 00:03:17,065 I'm buzz crowder. 37 00:03:17,098 --> 00:03:18,065 Sam, I got this one. 38 00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,566 Buzz... buzz. 39 00:03:20,599 --> 00:03:22,633 I'm the fella you talked to this morning. 40 00:03:22,666 --> 00:03:25,899 I didn't recognize your uniform on the telephone. 41 00:03:25,933 --> 00:03:27,899 Come on. Let me show you the back room. 42 00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:30,133 It's in the back here. In the back. 43 00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:31,133 I'm sorry about that. 44 00:03:31,166 --> 00:03:32,667 Can I get you something to drink back there? 45 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:34,167 Nope, no. I don't drink. 46 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,900 But keep plenty for the others. 47 00:03:35,934 --> 00:03:38,100 We've got a lot of catching up to do. 48 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:41,835 We meet in this bar every 10 years to reminisce. 49 00:03:41,868 --> 00:03:44,435 Well, what war were you in, buzz? 50 00:03:44,468 --> 00:03:46,768 Why, the first world war, of course. 51 00:03:46,801 --> 00:03:51,302 Is that the one with Clark gable or Gary Cooper? 52 00:03:51,336 --> 00:03:54,936 Wow, I'm eighty-five. What's your excuse? 53 00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:57,670 Uh, baseball. 54 00:03:57,702 --> 00:03:58,670 What you writing, slack? 55 00:03:58,703 --> 00:04:00,503 Um, my thoughts. 56 00:04:00,537 --> 00:04:05,270 That would explain all the blank pages. 57 00:04:05,304 --> 00:04:09,804 Carla, I'm writing during the odd moments of the job, 58 00:04:09,838 --> 00:04:12,038 much as Jack London did. 59 00:04:12,071 --> 00:04:14,038 Oh, was he a bad waitress, too? 60 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:16,738 Ladies, please. 61 00:04:16,771 --> 00:04:18,405 Enough girl talk. 62 00:04:21,039 --> 00:04:23,072 Ah... any sex in it? 63 00:04:23,105 --> 00:04:25,540 Ah! 64 00:04:25,573 --> 00:04:28,673 I've started writing down bits of conversation 65 00:04:28,706 --> 00:04:32,640 I hear in the bar. Sometimes people say things that 66 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:36,374 strike me as snippets of americana. 67 00:04:36,407 --> 00:04:40,507 You mean things said by customers, employees... 68 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:41,574 Yeah. 69 00:04:41,607 --> 00:04:42,841 The owner? 70 00:04:42,874 --> 00:04:47,041 Ah, I'm afraid you're not represented. 71 00:04:47,074 --> 00:04:49,708 Just my luck. She doesn't like my snippets. 72 00:04:52,443 --> 00:04:53,808 Good afternoon, everybody. 73 00:04:53,842 --> 00:04:57,008 Norm! Norm! Norman. 74 00:04:57,042 --> 00:04:57,909 What you up to, norm? 75 00:04:57,943 --> 00:04:58,843 My ears. 76 00:05:03,076 --> 00:05:03,976 Want a beer, norm? 77 00:05:04,009 --> 00:05:06,009 Does a rag doll have cloth knobs? 78 00:05:09,144 --> 00:05:12,511 There's a lady present, norm. 79 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:13,645 Oh. Sorry, Diane. 80 00:05:15,977 --> 00:05:17,445 A shot of bourbon. 81 00:05:17,478 --> 00:05:19,911 Uh, sir, save your quarter. 82 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,878 That piano hasn't worked in 20 years. 83 00:05:21,911 --> 00:05:22,945 Use the juke box. 84 00:05:22,978 --> 00:05:26,078 It doesn't work either, but it's only a dime. 85 00:05:26,111 --> 00:05:29,012 Sammy, why do you keep something around here that doesn't work? 86 00:05:29,046 --> 00:05:32,879 'Cause no one else will give her a job. 87 00:05:32,912 --> 00:05:34,880 Ladies. Ladies. 88 00:05:36,713 --> 00:05:38,013 Got something good there? 89 00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:39,280 Yes. 90 00:05:39,314 --> 00:05:42,847 A remark a customer dropped just a moment ago. 91 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,147 Oh yeah? A quotable remark, huh? 92 00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:46,981 You know, it occurs to me 93 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:50,614 that sometimes we find truth comes in a glass. 94 00:05:51,881 --> 00:05:53,449 Or a mug. 95 00:05:55,015 --> 00:05:59,715 Or your face. 96 00:05:59,749 --> 00:06:04,149 Hey, pinky! You old grunt. 97 00:06:04,182 --> 00:06:07,983 Sammy, uh... Tinkerbell here or what? 98 00:06:08,016 --> 00:06:09,250 Hey, buzz, buzz, 99 00:06:09,283 --> 00:06:11,551 isn't he a little bit young to be one of your guys? 100 00:06:11,584 --> 00:06:12,851 Huh? 101 00:06:12,884 --> 00:06:14,083 Oh, of course. 102 00:06:14,116 --> 00:06:15,651 I'm sorry. 103 00:06:15,684 --> 00:06:18,117 Well from behind, you look exactly like 104 00:06:18,151 --> 00:06:19,917 the young pinky Peterson. 105 00:06:19,951 --> 00:06:24,284 You shouldn't walk up and grab people like that. 106 00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:26,552 If I buy you a beer, will you forget it? 107 00:06:26,585 --> 00:06:28,353 Buy me a pitcher, you can kiss me on the lips. 108 00:06:31,819 --> 00:06:34,586 Hey, you're all right! 109 00:06:34,619 --> 00:06:35,886 I'll be in the back. 110 00:06:35,919 --> 00:06:37,253 Everything all right back there? 111 00:06:37,286 --> 00:06:40,019 Well, that room is kind of small. 112 00:06:40,053 --> 00:06:43,087 One grenade'll get us all. 113 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:50,154 Ah, this looks like a nice saloon. 114 00:06:50,187 --> 00:06:52,621 We aspire to saloon. 115 00:06:52,655 --> 00:06:54,288 Can I just sit anywhere? 116 00:06:54,321 --> 00:06:55,588 Try the bar. 117 00:06:55,621 --> 00:06:57,888 Makes good cover during the gunfights. 118 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:02,522 Hi. 119 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,357 What'll you have? 120 00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:07,922 Uh... I'll have a carafe of your house whiskey. 121 00:07:11,057 --> 00:07:12,190 Excuse me? 122 00:07:12,222 --> 00:07:14,157 Uh, is that a bad order? 123 00:07:14,190 --> 00:07:17,424 Well, not if you're a party of 20. 124 00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:19,691 This is the first time I've ever been in a bar. 125 00:07:19,724 --> 00:07:21,524 No kidding? 126 00:07:21,558 --> 00:07:23,758 No, really. I was just passing by 127 00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:26,224 and decided to drop in and see what it's like. 128 00:07:26,258 --> 00:07:29,291 Well, does it live up to your expectations? 129 00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:33,825 Well, I expected to see more lost, desperate souls sitting around. 130 00:07:33,859 --> 00:07:35,992 Well, desperate souls' night is Thursday. 131 00:07:36,025 --> 00:07:39,660 All the beer you can cry into for a buck. 132 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,326 That's very amusing. 133 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,893 Thank you... Where's Diane? 134 00:07:44,926 --> 00:07:47,927 I've never had hard liquor in my life. 135 00:07:47,961 --> 00:07:50,861 You see, this is my last day in the secular world. 136 00:07:50,894 --> 00:07:53,127 Tomorrow I'm going into a monastery. 137 00:07:55,027 --> 00:07:58,127 So this is kind of like your last fling. 138 00:07:58,161 --> 00:08:01,562 Well, first and last. 139 00:08:01,595 --> 00:08:02,795 All right. I'll give you a drink 140 00:08:02,828 --> 00:08:06,262 but I want you to take it easy, it kind of sneaks up on you. 141 00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:08,329 You know I once thought of being a priest. 142 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,829 Oh, your religious? 143 00:08:09,863 --> 00:08:14,063 No, I just thought it'd be a nice, kind of peaceful life, you know? 144 00:08:14,096 --> 00:08:16,830 Allow me to dispell ypur misconceptions. 145 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,964 Oh, thank you, father. 146 00:08:27,297 --> 00:08:28,765 Sure I can't get you something, buzz? 147 00:08:28,798 --> 00:08:30,865 Not yet, Sam. 148 00:08:30,898 --> 00:08:32,798 I came out to warn you about something. 149 00:08:32,831 --> 00:08:37,866 Me and the boys have got a little joke to play on each other. You see 150 00:08:37,899 --> 00:08:41,400 first man here always goes in the back room 151 00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,433 strips down to his altogether. 152 00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:44,767 Yeah. Yeah. 153 00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:49,667 Then, he stands on the table 154 00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:51,933 and when the others walk in, 155 00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:53,033 he yells out, 156 00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,834 "Lafayette, we are here!" 157 00:08:58,335 --> 00:09:01,201 Well, tonight it's my turn. 158 00:09:01,234 --> 00:09:03,469 Thanks for the warning, buzz. 159 00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:05,535 Oh, Sam, uh... 160 00:09:05,569 --> 00:09:08,336 Could you turn the heat up just a little bit? 161 00:09:11,302 --> 00:09:14,135 A monk, huh? 162 00:09:14,169 --> 00:09:16,670 Hey does that mean you have to give up... 163 00:09:16,703 --> 00:09:20,003 Well, as the French so delicately put it, 164 00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:23,804 the old eh-eh de-eh-eh? 165 00:09:23,837 --> 00:09:26,004 I have to take a vow of chastity. 166 00:09:26,037 --> 00:09:28,171 I also have to take a vow of silence. 167 00:09:28,204 --> 00:09:29,804 If you're gonna giving up sex, 168 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,204 might as well give up talking. 169 00:09:32,237 --> 00:09:34,005 What fun is messing around 170 00:09:34,038 --> 00:09:36,538 if you can't tell the guys about it? 171 00:09:36,572 --> 00:09:38,772 It's no big deal. 172 00:09:38,805 --> 00:09:41,272 I've never had much luck with girls anyway. 173 00:09:41,305 --> 00:09:43,406 They don't find me attractive. 174 00:09:43,439 --> 00:09:47,273 Oh, hey, kev. You're an attractive guy. 175 00:09:47,306 --> 00:09:48,006 Diane. 176 00:09:48,039 --> 00:09:48,707 Yeah? 177 00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:52,774 Don't you think he's a specimen? 178 00:09:52,807 --> 00:09:55,840 Uh, well, yes. 179 00:09:55,874 --> 00:09:57,641 He's a very attractive fellow. 180 00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:05,108 Come on. I know I don't have any sex appeal. 181 00:10:05,141 --> 00:10:07,542 I'm shy and serious-minded, 182 00:10:07,576 --> 00:10:10,175 and the search goes on for my chin. 183 00:10:15,642 --> 00:10:17,610 Kevin, speaking as a woman, 184 00:10:17,643 --> 00:10:20,777 may I say that it's good you're going in the monastery. 185 00:10:20,810 --> 00:10:23,344 You could be a real heartbreaker. 186 00:10:23,377 --> 00:10:26,544 You're not a bambo are you? 187 00:10:26,578 --> 00:10:27,943 No, no. 188 00:10:27,977 --> 00:10:29,210 A bimbo. 189 00:10:29,243 --> 00:10:30,978 Ah. 190 00:10:31,011 --> 00:10:33,311 No. No. It's bimbo. 191 00:10:33,345 --> 00:10:34,844 Not bambo. 192 00:10:34,878 --> 00:10:36,679 And I'm not one. 193 00:10:36,712 --> 00:10:37,911 But you are. 194 00:10:37,944 --> 00:10:39,445 Attractive, Kevin. 195 00:10:39,479 --> 00:10:41,345 Attractive. 196 00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:44,212 What a great girl. 197 00:10:44,245 --> 00:10:45,446 Sam... 198 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,045 Is she taken? 199 00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:49,980 Only with herself. 200 00:10:50,013 --> 00:10:51,646 One drink in four hours. 201 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,381 Is that what they call nursing it? 202 00:10:53,414 --> 00:10:54,913 No, that's what they call 203 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:58,180 bringing it back from the dead. 204 00:10:58,213 --> 00:11:01,114 I hate to admit it, but Carla just got in the book. 205 00:11:01,147 --> 00:11:05,014 Yeah, well I always say, nurse a drink, starve a bartender. 206 00:11:05,047 --> 00:11:09,281 Excuse me, Sam. 207 00:11:09,314 --> 00:11:12,549 Uh, smite me again, barkeep. 208 00:11:12,582 --> 00:11:14,082 You sure you want another one of these? 209 00:11:14,115 --> 00:11:17,182 Yes, I'm rather enjoying myself. 210 00:11:17,215 --> 00:11:19,949 Okay, I'll make this one a little weaker. 211 00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:21,716 No charge for the water. 212 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,049 You needn't worry, Sam. 213 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,550 I know I'm a novice drinker, 214 00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:27,550 but I've only had one, in all the time I've been here. 215 00:11:27,584 --> 00:11:29,550 I'm not ready for the lamp shade yet. 216 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,217 Excuse me. 217 00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:38,618 You know something Sam? That Kevin's going to make a great monk. 218 00:11:38,651 --> 00:11:40,518 He's got a good attitude. 219 00:11:40,551 --> 00:11:42,419 Diane. 220 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:42,951 Yes. 221 00:11:42,985 --> 00:11:43,686 I want you. 222 00:11:43,719 --> 00:11:46,052 Oh! No! No! 223 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:53,319 Diane, are you ok? 224 00:11:53,353 --> 00:11:54,319 I'm ok. 225 00:11:54,353 --> 00:11:55,487 I'm fine. 226 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,953 I think I'd like to go freshen up a little bit. 227 00:11:57,987 --> 00:11:58,520 You ok? 228 00:11:58,553 --> 00:12:00,853 Yeah. 229 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,454 Lafayette, we are here! 230 00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:03,788 Aah! 231 00:12:16,722 --> 00:12:17,622 Oh. 232 00:12:17,655 --> 00:12:19,122 Dribble it. 233 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,789 Here's a little known fact. 234 00:12:20,822 --> 00:12:22,790 Now most of you are probably under the assumption 235 00:12:22,823 --> 00:12:25,356 that basketball was invented in these United States, right? 236 00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:27,556 Yeah, James naismith. Springfield college. 237 00:12:27,590 --> 00:12:29,723 I can see it's a good I showed up tonight. 238 00:12:29,756 --> 00:12:34,057 Basketball was invented thousands of years ago by the Mayans. 239 00:12:34,091 --> 00:12:35,724 They played it for centuries. 240 00:12:35,757 --> 00:12:36,757 Is that true? 241 00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:39,692 Sure. Hey, watch me get the coach on this one. 242 00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:41,458 Hey, coach. I got a question for you. 243 00:12:41,492 --> 00:12:42,324 Yeah, cliff. 244 00:12:42,358 --> 00:12:44,825 Who invented basketball? 245 00:12:44,858 --> 00:12:45,858 The Mayans. 246 00:12:45,892 --> 00:12:47,125 Way to go, coach. 247 00:12:47,158 --> 00:12:48,659 Where did you hear that? 248 00:12:48,693 --> 00:12:49,858 Well, how should I know? 249 00:12:49,892 --> 00:12:52,292 There must've been the Mayan in here bragging about it. 250 00:12:53,826 --> 00:12:56,460 Buy' em Sammy, it's comeback time. Let's go. 251 00:12:58,026 --> 00:12:59,993 Can I have your attention? 252 00:13:00,026 --> 00:13:01,126 Shh. 253 00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:03,293 I've been sitting here drinking all evening, 254 00:13:03,326 --> 00:13:05,627 and now I have something important to say. 255 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,927 Yeah, down the hall and to the left. 256 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,128 First, I'd like to make a public apology 257 00:13:12,161 --> 00:13:15,095 to the young lady I insulted earlier this evening. 258 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,295 I lost my head. 259 00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:18,028 Kevin, please don't worry about it. 260 00:13:18,061 --> 00:13:20,562 Apology accepted. 261 00:13:20,596 --> 00:13:22,596 Second, I'd like to thank you all 262 00:13:22,629 --> 00:13:24,329 for helping me see the light. 263 00:13:24,363 --> 00:13:27,497 It is clear now that I am not fit for the monastery. 264 00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:30,997 I succumb too easily to the pleasures of the flesh. 265 00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:32,430 That's ok. A lot of that going around. 266 00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:33,330 Don't worry about it. 267 00:13:33,364 --> 00:13:38,831 Tonight has proven that I belong here, 268 00:13:38,864 --> 00:13:42,864 in a bar, drinking booze with seedy degenerates 269 00:13:42,898 --> 00:13:46,098 and getting slapped around by cheap dames. 270 00:13:46,131 --> 00:13:49,432 Kevin, it's our pleasure. 271 00:13:49,465 --> 00:13:50,399 I'm gonna give you 272 00:13:50,432 --> 00:13:52,832 a real man's drink here. I'ts called coffee. 273 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,865 Coffee? Men drink that? 274 00:13:54,899 --> 00:13:56,700 Men who've had too much to drink do. 275 00:13:56,733 --> 00:13:58,900 That's it! That's the ball game! 276 00:13:58,933 --> 00:14:00,833 Ok, norm. Pay up. 277 00:14:00,866 --> 00:14:03,367 What do you say, double or nothing on the highlights? 278 00:14:06,266 --> 00:14:08,801 Sam, any of my squad check in? 279 00:14:08,834 --> 00:14:10,367 Uh, not yet, buzz. 280 00:14:10,401 --> 00:14:13,134 Maybe I won't wait for them. 281 00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:15,735 Send me back a ginger ale. 282 00:14:15,768 --> 00:14:19,535 Sam, I want a drink that only men drink. 283 00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:22,068 Something that makes women sick. 284 00:14:22,102 --> 00:14:23,335 I'll give you some more coffee. 285 00:14:23,369 --> 00:14:25,968 No, no. I want something stronger than coffee. 286 00:14:26,002 --> 00:14:27,603 I'll give you yesterday's coffee. 287 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:33,370 Kevin, look your going to have a big day tomorrow. 288 00:14:33,404 --> 00:14:36,404 How are you gonna feel walking into a monastery with a hangover? 289 00:14:36,437 --> 00:14:37,704 I'm serious, Sam. 290 00:14:37,737 --> 00:14:38,970 I'm not going. 291 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,104 Kevin, you're drunk. 292 00:14:41,137 --> 00:14:42,870 I am? 293 00:14:42,904 --> 00:14:45,237 Believe me I know what I'm talking about. 294 00:14:45,270 --> 00:14:47,105 What about your calling, Kevin? 295 00:14:47,138 --> 00:14:49,471 Oh, I never had a calling. 296 00:14:49,505 --> 00:14:51,672 I talked myself into believing that. 297 00:14:51,705 --> 00:14:54,005 I've always been an ordinary person. 298 00:14:54,038 --> 00:14:56,139 I thought that would make me special. 299 00:14:56,171 --> 00:14:59,972 This guy discovered forever is a long time to go between hayrides. 300 00:15:01,872 --> 00:15:03,306 You're gonna turn your back on god 301 00:15:03,339 --> 00:15:05,373 because of sex? 302 00:15:05,407 --> 00:15:07,140 Believe me. 303 00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:09,173 Sex is not that important. 304 00:15:09,207 --> 00:15:10,073 Oh, please. 305 00:15:10,107 --> 00:15:12,741 Carla, whew! 306 00:15:12,774 --> 00:15:13,774 Well, it's not. 307 00:15:13,808 --> 00:15:15,207 It's not. 308 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,174 Can sex make stars? 309 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,141 Or a tree? 310 00:15:19,174 --> 00:15:21,108 Or a rainbow? 311 00:15:21,141 --> 00:15:23,609 Can sex make an ocean, 312 00:15:23,642 --> 00:15:25,241 or a newborn baby... 313 00:15:25,274 --> 00:15:27,410 Forget that one. 314 00:15:30,476 --> 00:15:31,942 I know just what she means. 315 00:15:31,975 --> 00:15:33,643 I once had a religious experience 316 00:15:33,676 --> 00:15:36,210 just watching a hummingbird 317 00:15:36,243 --> 00:15:38,343 hovering next to a flower. 318 00:15:38,377 --> 00:15:40,310 It's almost impossible to imagine 319 00:15:40,343 --> 00:15:42,176 that something could hang 320 00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:44,444 in midair like that for so long. 321 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:48,711 I guess you never saw one of my curve balls. 322 00:15:48,744 --> 00:15:52,812 You all think a man can't change his life in one evening, 323 00:15:52,845 --> 00:15:54,645 but I have. 324 00:15:54,678 --> 00:15:56,978 I want to be a regular guy. 325 00:15:57,012 --> 00:16:00,345 I want to arm-wrestle and tell crude jokes 326 00:16:00,379 --> 00:16:03,046 and spit on the floor. 327 00:16:03,079 --> 00:16:08,913 And I want to dance with cheap women. Carla, let's dance. 328 00:16:10,614 --> 00:16:13,847 Put that in your notebook, I break your fingers. 329 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,947 Kevin... kevin just sit down. 330 00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:17,381 I want to dance, Sam. 331 00:16:17,415 --> 00:16:20,214 I'm having the time of my life. I don't ever want it to end. 332 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,115 Come on, Kevin. That doesn't even work. 333 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,148 It doesn't? 334 00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:24,348 Well, then. 335 00:16:25,449 --> 00:16:27,881 [Piano plays] 336 00:16:33,282 --> 00:16:34,682 Thought you said that thing was broken? 337 00:16:34,716 --> 00:16:35,682 It is. It was. 338 00:16:35,716 --> 00:16:38,783 I mean, it hasn't been working for 20 years. 339 00:16:38,817 --> 00:16:40,483 Oh, my god. 340 00:16:40,517 --> 00:16:43,583 Kevin, do you realize what this means? 341 00:16:43,617 --> 00:16:45,317 I've healed the piano? 342 00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:50,183 It's a miracle or something. 343 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,618 Wait a minute. Miracles don't happen. 344 00:16:52,651 --> 00:16:54,351 Are you sure it was broken? 345 00:16:54,385 --> 00:16:56,351 Yes. The motor was rusted solid. 346 00:16:56,385 --> 00:16:58,919 How could this happen? 347 00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:01,585 Well, maybe something or somebody's 348 00:17:01,619 --> 00:17:04,019 trying to tell you what to do with your life. 349 00:17:04,052 --> 00:17:05,319 Get into piano repair. 350 00:17:08,352 --> 00:17:10,520 No, no. Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 351 00:17:10,553 --> 00:17:11,720 What are you trying to say? 352 00:17:13,853 --> 00:17:16,954 Well, Kevin, you said you're an ordinary person. 353 00:17:16,987 --> 00:17:19,387 Maybe you're not. 354 00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:21,621 Maybe you have a direction. 355 00:17:21,654 --> 00:17:23,455 You might as well try and find out. 356 00:17:23,488 --> 00:17:26,522 Oh, your right. I've come too far 357 00:17:26,555 --> 00:17:28,354 to let one night in a flesh pot 358 00:17:28,388 --> 00:17:30,288 change my whole life. 359 00:17:30,322 --> 00:17:31,222 Yeah. 360 00:17:31,255 --> 00:17:33,423 Thank you. 361 00:17:33,456 --> 00:17:34,288 Thank you. 362 00:17:34,322 --> 00:17:35,656 You're welcome. 363 00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:37,355 Thank you. 364 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:40,256 Hey, kid. 365 00:17:40,289 --> 00:17:41,656 Oh. 366 00:17:41,689 --> 00:17:42,856 Thank you. 367 00:17:44,724 --> 00:17:46,024 You're welcome. 368 00:17:46,057 --> 00:17:46,757 Thank you. 369 00:17:47,890 --> 00:17:50,690 Thank you... Thank you. 370 00:17:50,724 --> 00:17:52,190 Good night, kev... Thank you. 371 00:17:52,224 --> 00:17:53,090 Bye, Kevin. 372 00:17:53,124 --> 00:17:54,425 See you in church. 373 00:18:00,691 --> 00:18:02,726 Boy, that was inspiring. 374 00:18:02,759 --> 00:18:04,992 Sam, are you sure you didn't get that piano fixed? 375 00:18:05,026 --> 00:18:06,859 I didn't get it fixed? Did you get it fixed? 376 00:18:06,892 --> 00:18:10,326 Yeah, a couple of days ago, Sam. 377 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:14,159 I meant to tell you about it, but it slipped my mind. 378 00:18:14,192 --> 00:18:16,259 Coach, why did you think it was inspiring 379 00:18:16,292 --> 00:18:18,627 if you got the piano fixed? 380 00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:19,760 Well, gee, Diane. 381 00:18:19,793 --> 00:18:23,461 That piano's been busted for, what, 20 years? 382 00:18:23,494 --> 00:18:26,228 Why did I, all of a sudden, decide to have it fixed? 383 00:18:26,261 --> 00:18:28,928 This would make a great bar story. 384 00:18:28,961 --> 00:18:30,128 Too bad we're all here. 385 00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:42,430 Poor buzz. He's breaking my heart. 386 00:18:42,463 --> 00:18:44,329 None of his old buddies showed, huh? 387 00:18:44,362 --> 00:18:47,163 No. He's back there all by himself, throwing darts. He's 388 00:18:47,196 --> 00:18:49,830 been throwing darts now for over an hour and a half. 389 00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:51,130 Poor guy. 390 00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:53,897 Yu know, I don't think they'll ever make a pack 391 00:18:53,931 --> 00:18:56,432 big enough to carry the loneliness of a soldier. 392 00:19:03,198 --> 00:19:03,998 Nah. 393 00:19:04,032 --> 00:19:06,998 Oh, come on. 394 00:19:07,032 --> 00:19:07,965 Sam. 395 00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:12,232 What do I owe you, Sam? 396 00:19:12,265 --> 00:19:13,799 Nothing, buzz. 397 00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:15,999 The room's on us. Forget it. 398 00:19:16,033 --> 00:19:17,434 Oh, thanks. 399 00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:29,067 Hey, buzz. I was in the army myself, you know. Fort dix. 400 00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:33,268 Yeah, I served in the Navy, buzz, in pensacola. 401 00:19:33,301 --> 00:19:36,602 I was in the reserves. 402 00:19:36,636 --> 00:19:38,235 I was never actually in the army 403 00:19:38,268 --> 00:19:39,636 but I did serve in uniform. 404 00:19:39,669 --> 00:19:41,402 I was a brownie. 405 00:19:43,302 --> 00:19:45,802 I won merit badges. 406 00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:52,270 I was in Saint cletus' correctional institute for wayward girls 407 00:19:52,303 --> 00:19:57,370 we used brownies for firewood. 408 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,170 You know... 409 00:19:59,203 --> 00:20:00,771 Every reunion we've had 410 00:20:00,804 --> 00:20:04,204 has thinned out a little more. 411 00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,772 I... I guess this is the last one. 412 00:20:12,772 --> 00:20:14,506 I guess I'm the last one. 413 00:20:17,239 --> 00:20:20,173 Hey, come on. Maybe they, uh, maybe they just forgot. 414 00:20:20,206 --> 00:20:23,006 I mean, people tend to get busy, and make other commitments. 415 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,407 Yeah. Yeah. 416 00:20:24,441 --> 00:20:26,641 Maybe their lives aren't going so well, 417 00:20:26,674 --> 00:20:29,407 and they just don't want to come down here and see how great you're doing. 418 00:20:29,441 --> 00:20:31,307 Maybe they never liked ya. 419 00:20:37,108 --> 00:20:39,942 Those guys would never just forget. 420 00:20:39,975 --> 00:20:42,609 Uh-uh. No. 421 00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:45,443 Not after the things we went through together. 422 00:20:48,576 --> 00:20:50,009 [Tearfully] No, sir. 423 00:20:59,677 --> 00:21:02,310 I'm going to miss these reunions. 424 00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:05,411 Wait a minute, buzz. Wait a minute. 425 00:21:05,445 --> 00:21:09,145 Listen, if all you want is some buddies to get together with, we're here. 426 00:21:09,178 --> 00:21:10,412 Yeah! Yeah! 427 00:21:10,446 --> 00:21:14,011 We're not old coots like you, but we feel like we know you. 428 00:21:14,045 --> 00:21:16,646 Intimately. 429 00:21:16,679 --> 00:21:22,547 Look, buzz. Maybe we could have like a reunion every 10 years. 430 00:21:22,580 --> 00:21:25,813 Why 10? What's wrong with every year, huh? 431 00:21:25,847 --> 00:21:27,080 Yeah! 432 00:21:27,113 --> 00:21:28,880 How's about every week? 433 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,648 All right! 434 00:21:30,681 --> 00:21:32,648 ♪ Mademoiselle from armentieres ♪ 435 00:21:32,681 --> 00:21:34,748 ♪ parlez vous 436 00:21:34,781 --> 00:21:38,748 ♪ mademoiselle from armentieres parlez vous ♪ 437 00:21:38,781 --> 00:21:42,882 ♪ la la la la la la la ♪ 438 00:21:42,915 --> 00:21:46,749 ♪ hinky dinky parlez vous ♪ 439 00:21:46,782 --> 00:21:49,149 every 10 years will be fine. 440 00:21:51,616 --> 00:21:54,750 Ah, come on, pinky. I'll beat you at darts. 441 00:21:54,783 --> 00:21:59,283 Oh yeah? We'll see about that. Come on, everybody. 442 00:21:59,316 --> 00:22:01,551 Sam, you don't need me now, do you? 443 00:22:01,584 --> 00:22:03,617 I've got an early class in the morning. 444 00:22:03,651 --> 00:22:05,117 No, that's all right. You can go. 445 00:22:05,151 --> 00:22:06,351 Good. Thanks. 446 00:22:06,384 --> 00:22:08,752 Sam, you know something? 447 00:22:08,784 --> 00:22:13,052 Loneliness is a good thing to share with someone. 448 00:22:13,085 --> 00:22:15,018 Oh, wow. 449 00:22:15,052 --> 00:22:16,985 Oh. 450 00:22:17,018 --> 00:22:18,419 Oh, wow? 451 00:22:19,519 --> 00:22:20,686 "Somebody." 452 00:22:21,853 --> 00:22:24,753 Could you get my purse for me, please? 453 00:22:24,786 --> 00:22:27,019 This has been a great day, huh? 454 00:22:27,053 --> 00:22:28,754 How could I have known when I woke up this morning 455 00:22:28,787 --> 00:22:33,386 that I would meet a monk and a doughboy? 456 00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:35,287 Two men with one foot in heaven. 457 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,387 Oh, that's good. 458 00:22:40,421 --> 00:22:43,055 Uh, ok... Wait. 459 00:22:43,088 --> 00:22:44,388 Wait a second. 460 00:22:44,422 --> 00:22:48,021 It's not like this is important to me or anything, 461 00:22:48,055 --> 00:22:49,489 but are you aware 462 00:22:49,522 --> 00:22:51,689 that I'm the only person in this whole bar 463 00:22:51,722 --> 00:22:53,356 who's not in that book? 464 00:22:53,389 --> 00:22:55,523 Uh... really? 465 00:22:55,557 --> 00:22:58,557 When I played baseball, I mean, I used to get quoted all the time. 466 00:22:58,590 --> 00:23:01,090 I mean, reporters use to hang around my locker 467 00:23:01,123 --> 00:23:03,357 just waiting for me to say something intelligent. 468 00:23:03,390 --> 00:23:04,458 I know the feeling. 469 00:23:06,390 --> 00:23:07,524 Sam! 470 00:23:07,558 --> 00:23:09,658 Come on. That was a joke. 471 00:23:09,691 --> 00:23:10,791 No, you're not joking. 472 00:23:10,824 --> 00:23:12,858 You're telling me that I'm too dumb to be in that book. 473 00:23:12,891 --> 00:23:15,191 Sam, there are a lot of people in this book 474 00:23:15,224 --> 00:23:16,692 just as dumb as you are. 475 00:23:19,324 --> 00:23:20,992 Now, look... 476 00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:23,992 I want natural poetry, ok? 477 00:23:24,025 --> 00:23:26,660 I'm writing down spontaneous statements all day. 478 00:23:26,693 --> 00:23:27,760 You've been trying too hard. 479 00:23:27,793 --> 00:23:29,193 That's all right. Fine. 480 00:23:29,226 --> 00:23:31,526 You know, I don't really want to be in that stupid, pretentious book 481 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,960 of yours anyway. You've been writing some pretty stupid stuff in that book. 482 00:23:34,993 --> 00:23:36,293 I mean, I've heard some of the stuff 483 00:23:36,326 --> 00:23:38,461 you've been writing in that book and it's stupid. 484 00:23:38,494 --> 00:23:40,094 You know, I mean, what does a stuffed shirt 485 00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:41,861 know about blue collar poetry, huh? 486 00:23:41,894 --> 00:23:42,861 That's good. 487 00:23:42,894 --> 00:23:44,361 That's really good. 488 00:23:44,394 --> 00:23:48,728 What does a... Know about...