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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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Here you go.
3
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Thanks. Say,
aren't you Sam Malone?
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Guilty as charged.
5
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Small world.
Marge Thornhill here.
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Don't you remember me?
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Ah, boy, you know,
I can't quite place the face.
8
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Where'd we meet?
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Well, we didn't actually meet,
but I know you'll remember me.
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I went to every home game
you ever played.
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Uh... Marge,
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there are a lot of people
up in the stands there.
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Sure, but you got
to remember me.
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I always sat
right behind first base,
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five rows up, remember?
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I used to get there,
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early so I could watch you
warm up in the bullpen.
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I'm sorry.
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I know,
you couldn't forget this.
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Hey, Malone!
You pitch like my sister!
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Why don't you go home
and make a dress!
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Was that you?
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Yeah.
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Well, how have you been?
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Guys, I want you to...
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Do the one where you say
I couldn't get the ball
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across the plate
if I drove it there in my car.
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No, no, that was then,
and this is now.
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By the way, I'm really sorry
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for all those shots
I gave you over the years.
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No hard feelings?
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No, of course not.
It's all part of the game.
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You're a real sport, Malone.
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You call this a martini?!
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What'd you use for vermouth,
turpentine?!
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The great ones never lose it.
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¶ Sometimes you want to go
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¶ Where everybody knows
your name ¶
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¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
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¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
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¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
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¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
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All right, I got it,
I got it.
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The worst possible
way to die?
Mm-hmm.
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Being eaten alive
by rats.
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No. I think I can do
better than that.
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I'd say the worst way to die
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is to be sliding down
a razor banister, okay?
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A greased razor banister.
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Wait, I've got it.
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To die alone,
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knowing that you
have never been loved.
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Come on, Frasier, if you're not
even gonna try... Come on.
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Ooh, Carla, what are you
all decked out for?
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It's my second
wedding anniversary.
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Oh. Things are
going okay with
you and Eddie?
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I mean,
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just last week,
you were calling him
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a "dent-nosed, toothless
little frog."
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Pillow talk.
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Ah.
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Well, actually,
I was a little upset there
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about the fact that he's been
on the road with the ice show
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for a month now,
and I haven't gotten
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so much as a phone call.
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But this morning, I suddenly
realized what he was doing.
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Treating you like crap?
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No. No, that's what
he wants me to think.
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It's way of setting up
a surprise.
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So you figure he's
been neglecting you
just to set you up.
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It's got to be that--
I know this man.
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Woody, what time is it?
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00:03:21,690 --> 00:03:23,891
Oh, don't go by my watch--
I always set it
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ten minutes ahead so I
won't be late for things.
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You were late this morning.
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Yeah, I know.
I couldn't find my watch.
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It's, uh, 6:30, Carla.
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Well, he's still got
five and a half more
hours till midnight.
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Yeah, he's really
cutting it close.
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But it'll make it
all the sweeter
when it happens.
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Yeah, anniversaries
can be just great.
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00:03:44,712 --> 00:03:46,930
I'll never forget
my first anniversary with Vera.
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Yeah, we, uh...
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Oh, my God, I did forget it.
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Anybody know where I can get
a 17-year-old box of candy?
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Frasier, my fawn,
I deserve a treat.
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Today my belly button turned
from an innie to an outie.
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Well, this is news.
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00:04:04,382 --> 00:04:05,749
Uh, Norm? We have
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00:04:05,817 --> 00:04:08,519
a few things we'd like
to ask you about.
Oh, great. Must be
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00:04:08,586 --> 00:04:11,205
pretty important if you're
willing to buy me a free drink.
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Oh, of course we will.
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A drink for Norm?
What do you drink?
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What's so funny?
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It's just that everyone knows
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00:04:21,833 --> 00:04:23,500
Norm always drinks beer,
dearest.
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00:04:23,568 --> 00:04:25,535
Ah. That is hysterical.
98
00:04:26,571 --> 00:04:28,638
Anyway, Lilith and I
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00:04:28,706 --> 00:04:30,707
have been talking,
and we have decided that
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00:04:30,775 --> 00:04:32,843
we would like you to decorate
our unborn child's room.
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All right!
Sure, I can do that.
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I just did a nursery
for my sister-in-law.
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I went with
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Gummy Bears rampant
in a field of Smurfs.
105
00:04:39,634 --> 00:04:41,068
Oh, no, no, no.
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We'd like to stay away from that
cutesie-ootsie drivel that
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retards the child's creative
and intellectual development.
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All right, uh, do we know if
it's gonna be a boy or a girl?
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We are not going to cram sexual
identity down our baby's throat.
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So, naturally,
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the room should be,
oh, sexually neutral.
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Good. Fine, I can do that.
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When I'm finished,
your kid won't have
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00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,574
a clue what sex it is.
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Hey, everybody, listen up.
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We only got a few minutes
to the game here.
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Who wants in
on the basketball pool?
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I'm in! Put me down! Yeah!
119
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There you go, gentlemen.
120
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Woody, how about you?
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00:05:17,555 --> 00:05:20,074
Oh, I don't know, Sam, I don't
like playing games for money.
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You end up either losing money
or taking it from your friends.
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No, no, Woody,
this is just a game, man.
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You know, five bucks a square.
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You got four quarters,
four chances to win.
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I don't know, I don't like
taking money from my friends.
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Aw, go ahead, Woody--
nobody here gives a
hoot about you anyway.
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Okay, great.
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It's just money.
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This isn't
gambling, is it?
Gambling?
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Sam, we have had
this talk before.
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I can get
closed down.
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This? Oh, no, no.
Thanks.
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This is not gambling,
this is, uh...
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00:05:55,076 --> 00:05:56,210
well, this is a game.
136
00:05:56,277 --> 00:05:58,145
Uh, haven't you ever heard
of, uh,
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Championship Tic-tac-toe?
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00:05:59,847 --> 00:06:01,632
It's a game.
139
00:06:01,699 --> 00:06:02,966
Uh, who's next here?
Me. Me.
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00:06:03,034 --> 00:06:04,335
All righty.
It's my turn.
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00:06:04,402 --> 00:06:07,988
And I will take
this square here.
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00:06:08,056 --> 00:06:10,790
And, uh... Oh,
by the way, Sam,
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00:06:10,859 --> 00:06:13,193
here's that five
bucks I owe you.
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00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,716
Ah, well, Normie, you, uh,
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00:06:18,783 --> 00:06:21,518
you fell right into
my trap there, buddy.
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00:06:21,586 --> 00:06:23,420
Here you go.
147
00:06:23,488 --> 00:06:24,971
Oh, Sammy, by the way,
this, uh,
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00:06:25,039 --> 00:06:27,474
slipped out of your wallet
a couple of weeks ago.
Oh!
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00:06:27,542 --> 00:06:30,110
How stupid do you think I am?
150
00:06:30,177 --> 00:06:31,578
I know exactly
151
00:06:31,646 --> 00:06:32,913
what's going on here.
152
00:06:32,981 --> 00:06:34,882
Come on, what's
the big deal?
153
00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:37,084
It's just a friendly
little game of wagering.
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00:06:37,151 --> 00:06:39,252
It's a simple $500 pot.
155
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,922
I can't believe
you people.
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00:06:41,990 --> 00:06:44,090
Do you really think
you're gonna get
something for nothing?
157
00:06:44,158 --> 00:06:49,112
Do you know how long
it takes me to earn $500?
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Give me three squares.
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00:06:53,685 --> 00:06:56,837
Hey, guys, get a load
of that guy over there
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00:06:56,905 --> 00:06:59,522
with the fake beard
and the dark glasses.
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Does that look like
somebody I'm married to
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00:07:01,876 --> 00:07:04,344
in a special
anniversary disguise?
163
00:07:04,412 --> 00:07:08,315
Well, two can play
at the surprise game.
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Your beard might be phony,
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00:07:14,389 --> 00:07:18,358
but I know something
about you that's real.
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00:07:18,426 --> 00:07:20,961
Wait a minute.
You're not Eddie.
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00:07:23,798 --> 00:07:26,767
But you're not bad.
168
00:07:31,372 --> 00:07:32,856
Where is Eddie?
169
00:07:32,924 --> 00:07:36,226
Why haven't I
heard from him?
170
00:07:36,294 --> 00:07:39,646
It's dear to see Carla so
concerned about her mate.
171
00:07:39,714 --> 00:07:41,765
Do you remember
when you gave that
lecture in New York,
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00:07:41,833 --> 00:07:44,267
and in a fit of whimsy, I
flew in to surprise you?
173
00:07:44,335 --> 00:07:47,721
It was hardly a surprise;
we booked those reservations
three weeks in advance.
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00:07:47,789 --> 00:07:51,859
So you were in on
it-- still it was a
wacky thing to do.
175
00:07:51,926 --> 00:07:54,895
Hey, Sam,
end of the first quarter.
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00:07:54,963 --> 00:07:56,730
Oh! What's the score here?
177
00:07:56,798 --> 00:07:58,882
26-25, Boston.
178
00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:01,018
Let's see,
the winner is...
179
00:08:01,085 --> 00:08:03,220
Uh-oh. Woody.
180
00:08:03,288 --> 00:08:05,222
What a shame--
I know how he feels
181
00:08:05,290 --> 00:08:07,424
about taking any
of his friends' money here.
182
00:08:07,491 --> 00:08:09,192
You think
you can talk him into it?
183
00:08:09,260 --> 00:08:11,077
Yeah, I'll give it a try here.
184
00:08:11,145 --> 00:08:12,112
Hey, Woodrow,
185
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:15,065
you won the first pot.
186
00:08:15,133 --> 00:08:18,402
How much did I win?
$125.
187
00:08:18,470 --> 00:08:21,305
Yes! Come to Papa!
188
00:08:21,372 --> 00:08:24,241
Suckers! Aah!
189
00:08:24,309 --> 00:08:27,728
¶ I'm in the money,
I'm in the money! ¶
190
00:08:29,664 --> 00:08:32,082
Maybe, uh, we could
force him to take it.
191
00:08:34,018 --> 00:08:35,836
Here, Woody, listen
to me for a minute.
192
00:08:35,903 --> 00:08:39,005
I don't want to, like,
you know, put down
your good time here.
193
00:08:39,073 --> 00:08:40,808
Whoa, listen to me.
Listen to me.
194
00:08:40,875 --> 00:08:43,310
It's kind of a tradition
amongst gamblers--
195
00:08:43,378 --> 00:08:46,213
especially gamblers
who want to stay alive--
196
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,249
that you don't, you know,
dance and wave money around
197
00:08:49,317 --> 00:08:52,052
in front of people
you just won it from.
198
00:08:52,119 --> 00:08:53,854
Can I sing?
199
00:08:53,921 --> 00:08:55,589
No, you can't sing.
200
00:08:55,657 --> 00:08:57,691
Well, I guess it'd be
out of line to chant,
201
00:08:57,759 --> 00:09:00,661
"In your face, in your face"?
202
00:09:03,698 --> 00:09:05,516
Evening, everybody.
203
00:09:05,583 --> 00:09:07,317
Norm!
204
00:09:07,385 --> 00:09:08,569
What's going on,
Mr. Peterson?
205
00:09:08,636 --> 00:09:10,604
A flashing sign in my gut
that says
206
00:09:10,672 --> 00:09:12,439
"Insert beer here."
207
00:09:12,507 --> 00:09:15,925
Oh, Norm?
Ah. My clients.
208
00:09:15,994 --> 00:09:18,795
Guys, I've, uh,
devised a color scheme
209
00:09:18,863 --> 00:09:21,932
for the nursery, but
I have to warn you,
it's a bit drab.
210
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,835
Oh, good-- I will not have
our child emotionally attached
211
00:09:24,902 --> 00:09:27,338
to cartoon mice
and teddy bears.
212
00:09:27,405 --> 00:09:30,107
No. Our child
will receive affection
213
00:09:30,175 --> 00:09:31,875
from parental embraces,
214
00:09:31,943 --> 00:09:35,579
administered at generously
scheduled intervals.
215
00:09:35,646 --> 00:09:38,848
And I'll be he comes back
one day to thank you for that.
216
00:09:38,916 --> 00:09:41,151
Probably while you're sleeping--
you won't feel a thing.
217
00:09:47,692 --> 00:09:50,026
- Okay, 46 to 55.
- That's the half.
218
00:09:50,094 --> 00:09:51,078
Let's see.
219
00:09:51,145 --> 00:09:53,613
Uh-oh. Clear the dance floor.
220
00:09:53,681 --> 00:09:55,815
Woody won again.
221
00:09:57,252 --> 00:09:59,670
Thanks.
222
00:09:59,738 --> 00:10:01,672
"Thanks"?
223
00:10:01,740 --> 00:10:04,274
"Thanks"? That's
all you're gonna
say, "Thanks"?
224
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:06,543
Well, sure.
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
225
00:10:06,610 --> 00:10:09,679
Listen, the only thing
that people hate worse
than a guy who gloats
226
00:10:09,747 --> 00:10:11,581
is a guy who
stands there smug
227
00:10:11,649 --> 00:10:14,551
when they know that
he's gloating on the inside.
228
00:10:14,618 --> 00:10:19,339
If you're gonna dance,
for God's sake, dance.
229
00:10:19,407 --> 00:10:21,358
I don't want to dance,
you guys.
230
00:10:21,426 --> 00:10:23,594
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
231
00:10:23,661 --> 00:10:26,263
I just want to sit here quietly
232
00:10:26,330 --> 00:10:28,365
and count my bucks.
233
00:10:28,433 --> 00:10:29,733
Let's see,
234
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,769
that would be five...
235
00:10:31,836 --> 00:10:33,404
ten...
236
00:10:33,471 --> 00:10:34,938
fifteen...
237
00:10:35,006 --> 00:10:37,173
Wait, there's something written
on this five.
238
00:10:37,241 --> 00:10:39,626
Oh, that'd be mine.
Here, let me give
you a clean one.
239
00:10:39,694 --> 00:10:41,861
I'll take that back...
I don't mind.
240
00:10:41,929 --> 00:10:44,748
No, it's all right.
You'll get ink all over
your fingers, and...
241
00:10:44,816 --> 00:10:46,216
Let's see what it says.
242
00:10:46,284 --> 00:10:48,786
Uh, "Happy 30th birthday,
Cliffie-bits.
243
00:10:48,853 --> 00:10:52,456
Sorry I didn't have time
to shop. Love, Ma."
244
00:10:57,828 --> 00:10:59,129
You've been carrying around
a gift
245
00:10:59,196 --> 00:11:00,914
from your mother for ten years?
246
00:11:00,981 --> 00:11:03,416
No, no, Sammy--
the post office just
delivered it yesterday.
247
00:11:03,484 --> 00:11:05,418
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
very funny.
248
00:11:05,486 --> 00:11:07,353
You're just jealous
'cause I got a ma
249
00:11:07,421 --> 00:11:10,123
who sends me five bucks
on my birthday and you don't.
250
00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:11,341
What are you
talking about?
251
00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:13,577
Your ma sends me money
all the time, Cliff.
252
00:11:13,644 --> 00:11:15,212
I got one right
here, actually.
253
00:11:15,279 --> 00:11:18,148
"Dearest Norm,
thanks for hanging out
with my dorky son.
254
00:11:18,216 --> 00:11:20,950
You're a saint.
Love Ma Clavin."
255
00:11:21,018 --> 00:11:25,688
Oh. "P.S. I'm writing
this in the nude."
256
00:11:25,756 --> 00:11:27,424
My ma didn't write that!
257
00:11:27,492 --> 00:11:31,394
My ma's never been nude
in her life!
258
00:11:31,462 --> 00:11:36,433
I got some flowers here
for, uh, Carla LeBec.
259
00:11:36,501 --> 00:11:39,670
Oh, yes!
Let the present parade begin!
260
00:11:39,737 --> 00:11:41,438
Ah...
261
00:11:41,506 --> 00:11:43,273
I wonder what Eddie's plan is.
262
00:11:43,341 --> 00:11:45,642
Flowers every hour,
or maybe the presents
263
00:11:45,710 --> 00:11:48,946
are just gonna get bigger
and bigger as the night goes on.
264
00:11:49,013 --> 00:11:50,981
I'll tell you,
I wouldn't be surprised
265
00:11:51,048 --> 00:11:55,752
if I left here
tonight with an
electric fondue set.
266
00:11:55,820 --> 00:11:58,689
Yes! "Happy
second anniversary,
267
00:11:58,756 --> 00:12:01,592
your loving husband,
Edward LeBec."
268
00:12:01,659 --> 00:12:02,559
Aw...
269
00:12:02,627 --> 00:12:04,227
Aw, what a guy.
Yeah, boy,
270
00:12:04,295 --> 00:12:05,629
that's really sweet, Carla.
271
00:12:05,697 --> 00:12:07,364
Yeah. Nice flowers, too.
272
00:12:10,535 --> 00:12:13,504
I hear that keeps
'em fresh longer.
273
00:12:13,571 --> 00:12:16,507
Hey, whoa, where you going?
What is that about?
274
00:12:16,574 --> 00:12:18,441
Those flowers
weren't from Eddie.
275
00:12:18,510 --> 00:12:19,676
What are you talking about?
276
00:12:19,744 --> 00:12:23,814
His real name isn't Edward,
it's Guy.
277
00:12:23,882 --> 00:12:25,215
Hah?
What?
278
00:12:25,282 --> 00:12:27,116
G-U-Y. Guy.
279
00:12:27,184 --> 00:12:28,602
People just
call him Eddie
280
00:12:28,669 --> 00:12:31,538
because it's too weenie
to say Guy.
281
00:12:31,606 --> 00:12:33,039
All right,
282
00:12:33,107 --> 00:12:37,561
which one of you dirt bags
sent those gorgeous flowers?
283
00:12:37,628 --> 00:12:39,396
Come on, we didn't
send those.
284
00:12:39,463 --> 00:12:43,866
You know... I'll betcha
Eddie spent about 50
bucks for those flowers.
285
00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:46,503
$50? You told me
it was gonna be $35.
286
00:12:46,571 --> 00:12:50,273
No! Oh!
God! I-I
don't believe
287
00:12:50,341 --> 00:12:54,244
that you guys don't think
Eddie's gonna come through.
288
00:12:54,311 --> 00:12:56,863
I mean... I'll tell you,
I got faith in Eddie.
289
00:12:56,931 --> 00:12:59,433
He's the best husband
in the whole world,
290
00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:02,402
and he is gonna come
through. You'll see.
291
00:13:06,790 --> 00:13:09,159
She's right, you know.
292
00:13:09,227 --> 00:13:12,829
Yeah. You know, seeing
a wife stand up for
her husband like that
293
00:13:12,897 --> 00:13:15,265
makes me realize
what I have at home.
294
00:13:15,332 --> 00:13:19,652
I guess that's kind
of why I'm here.
295
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:23,823
Yeah. Two dozen,
long-stemmed.
296
00:13:23,891 --> 00:13:25,425
And make the card out,
297
00:13:25,492 --> 00:13:29,429
"To Carla,
with all my love, Guy."
298
00:13:29,496 --> 00:13:32,265
Yeah, Guy. As in "geek."
299
00:13:46,314 --> 00:13:48,181
Well, Carla, it's midnight.
300
00:13:49,484 --> 00:13:50,550
Your anniversary is over.
301
00:13:50,618 --> 00:13:52,952
No, Sam, it's over here.
302
00:13:53,020 --> 00:13:55,522
Where Eddie is,
it's still going on.
303
00:13:55,589 --> 00:13:57,524
He's got almost
three hours left.
304
00:14:01,012 --> 00:14:02,245
Carla LeBec?
305
00:14:02,313 --> 00:14:05,681
Ah, flowers.
306
00:14:09,853 --> 00:14:12,055
Aren't you a little old
for a delivery boy?
307
00:14:12,123 --> 00:14:14,090
It's my father's night off.
308
00:14:15,326 --> 00:14:17,860
Hey...
Thank you.
309
00:14:21,132 --> 00:14:25,235
Does anybody know who these are
from and who they're for?
310
00:14:25,302 --> 00:14:28,070
Cliff's mom for me?
311
00:14:28,138 --> 00:14:33,976
No, they're from Eddie LeBec
for me for our anniversary.
312
00:14:34,044 --> 00:14:37,013
Now, are you guys satisfied
or would you like
313
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,865
to sit on these?
314
00:14:38,933 --> 00:14:40,800
Boy, that's love for you,
isn't it?
315
00:14:40,868 --> 00:14:42,218
Yeah, really.
I got a tear in my eye.
316
00:14:42,286 --> 00:14:43,452
And you're going to have this
in your eye
317
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,688
if you don't lay off my mom.
318
00:14:46,924 --> 00:14:49,893
Oh, Carla,
those are gorgeous.
319
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,427
Who sent them?
320
00:14:51,495 --> 00:14:52,495
Who do you think?
321
00:14:52,562 --> 00:14:54,630
Oh, isn't Eddie sweet?
322
00:14:54,698 --> 00:14:58,101
Oh, why can't more men
send flowers?
323
00:14:58,169 --> 00:15:00,970
I didn't know Mormons
couldn't send flowers.
324
00:15:04,541 --> 00:15:07,310
I said more men,
not Mormons.
325
00:15:07,377 --> 00:15:10,413
I know they can't dance.
326
00:15:11,982 --> 00:15:13,916
No, Sammy, that's the,
that's the Amish.
327
00:15:13,984 --> 00:15:15,452
W-Why can't Mormons
send flowers?
328
00:15:15,519 --> 00:15:17,020
They can.
329
00:15:17,088 --> 00:15:18,554
Then what
are you talking about?
330
00:15:18,622 --> 00:15:21,624
I just wish someone
would send me some damn roses.
331
00:15:21,692 --> 00:15:23,326
Why does it have
to be a Mormon?
332
00:15:23,394 --> 00:15:24,661
Oh, come on!
333
00:15:25,896 --> 00:15:27,497
Cheers.
334
00:15:27,565 --> 00:15:30,500
With some people, you just can't
discuss religion.
335
00:15:32,336 --> 00:15:34,153
Carla, that
was your florist.
336
00:15:34,221 --> 00:15:36,022
They didn't accept
your credit card
for the flowers.
337
00:15:36,089 --> 00:15:37,624
You got
to bring them cash.
338
00:15:43,347 --> 00:15:45,581
Okay, Eddie
didn't send the flowers.
339
00:15:45,649 --> 00:15:46,849
I sent them to myself.
340
00:15:48,602 --> 00:15:51,688
I just figured that when he did
do his wonderful surprise,
341
00:15:51,756 --> 00:15:54,824
it might be later,
and you guys might miss it.
342
00:15:54,892 --> 00:15:56,059
So, just get off my case.
343
00:15:56,126 --> 00:15:58,494
It's gonna
happen, okay?
344
00:16:01,232 --> 00:16:02,866
There is one bright
side to all this.
345
00:16:02,933 --> 00:16:04,600
Yeah, what's that?
346
00:16:04,668 --> 00:16:06,836
You're gonna have the sweetest
smelling garbage on the block.
347
00:16:11,508 --> 00:16:14,093
Sammy, well, that's the end
of that game.
348
00:16:14,161 --> 00:16:16,262
Who's the winner?
349
00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:17,547
Oh, dear; guess who.
350
00:16:17,615 --> 00:16:20,683
Yes, again! Ha!
351
00:16:20,751 --> 00:16:23,286
A clean sweep for
the Boyd machine!
352
00:16:23,353 --> 00:16:24,954
All four quarters
are mine!
353
00:16:25,022 --> 00:16:27,624
Hey, here's three bucks;
go buy yourselves some luck.
354
00:16:29,860 --> 00:16:31,594
I'm sorry, Woody,
but you're wrong.
355
00:16:31,662 --> 00:16:33,530
Rebecca won.
356
00:16:33,597 --> 00:16:36,566
What?
357
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:40,703
Well, I hope you learn
from my example.
358
00:16:40,771 --> 00:16:42,072
I'm going to show you
359
00:16:42,139 --> 00:16:44,640
how a really
gracious winner behaves.
360
00:16:44,708 --> 00:16:48,478
Read 'em and weep,
farm boy! Whoo!
361
00:16:50,414 --> 00:16:53,083
Excuse me, miss?
Yes, sir?
362
00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:56,486
I'm Detective McGuiness,
Boston Police Department.
363
00:16:57,821 --> 00:17:00,190
I'm off duty here,
but, uh, for your sake,
364
00:17:00,257 --> 00:17:03,359
I really hope there isn't
any gambling going on here.
365
00:17:03,427 --> 00:17:05,295
Gambling?
366
00:17:05,362 --> 00:17:07,263
No, sir.
367
00:17:07,331 --> 00:17:09,065
I earned this money.
368
00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:13,002
I'm a prostitute.
369
00:17:18,142 --> 00:17:19,742
That isn't better, is it?
370
00:17:20,911 --> 00:17:23,246
Um, no, this
is just a little joke.
371
00:17:23,314 --> 00:17:25,915
We play a little game here,
but we never play for keepsies.
372
00:17:25,983 --> 00:17:27,116
See, I take
the money in,
373
00:17:27,184 --> 00:17:29,718
and I give the money back
like this.
374
00:17:29,786 --> 00:17:31,771
Give this back
to me later.
375
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:35,741
- I'll get it.
- Give me that back.
376
00:17:35,809 --> 00:17:38,177
Cheers.
377
00:17:38,245 --> 00:17:40,113
Yeah?
378
00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:41,747
Great!
379
00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:43,549
Ho-ho!
380
00:17:43,617 --> 00:17:44,800
That was Sarafina.
381
00:17:44,868 --> 00:17:46,336
Anthony is on his way over here
382
00:17:46,403 --> 00:17:49,172
with a package for me
from Eddie right now.
383
00:17:49,239 --> 00:17:50,406
Hey, good for you.
384
00:17:50,474 --> 00:17:51,407
That's him!
385
00:17:51,475 --> 00:17:52,875
That's Anthony with my present.
386
00:17:56,580 --> 00:17:57,664
Woody?
387
00:17:59,266 --> 00:18:00,399
Why didn't he come in?
388
00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:01,618
No brakes in the car.
389
00:18:03,187 --> 00:18:04,320
How does he stop?
390
00:18:04,388 --> 00:18:05,622
Well, he either swerves
into hedges
391
00:18:05,689 --> 00:18:06,889
or he coasts
around the block
392
00:18:06,957 --> 00:18:09,526
until he can stop the car
with his foot.
393
00:18:09,593 --> 00:18:11,794
Oh, man,
this is gonna be good.
394
00:18:16,534 --> 00:18:19,135
Laundry?
395
00:18:19,203 --> 00:18:21,003
He sends you
his laundry?
396
00:18:21,071 --> 00:18:23,506
Yeah, once a month, but...
397
00:18:23,574 --> 00:18:26,342
this has got to be
some kind of joke.
398
00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:29,512
I mean, he wouldn't send it
on our anniversary.
399
00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:32,248
There's got to be a present
packed in here.
400
00:18:32,316 --> 00:18:33,383
Right?
401
00:18:33,450 --> 00:18:35,485
Oh, that Eddie...
402
00:18:35,553 --> 00:18:36,485
what a guy.
403
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:39,339
Packing a present
in some laundry.
404
00:18:39,406 --> 00:18:42,609
It's got to be in here
somewhere.
405
00:18:54,371 --> 00:18:56,339
I guess I was wrong.
406
00:19:07,384 --> 00:19:09,702
What are you all looking at?
407
00:19:13,407 --> 00:19:16,008
What are you avoiding
looking at?
408
00:19:17,044 --> 00:19:18,811
I know what you guys think.
409
00:19:18,879 --> 00:19:20,079
You think he forgot.
410
00:19:20,147 --> 00:19:22,382
You think my marriage
is in big trouble
411
00:19:22,449 --> 00:19:25,318
and Eddie's turning into
my typical creep husband.
412
00:19:25,386 --> 00:19:26,519
Well, it's not true,
413
00:19:26,586 --> 00:19:29,155
so just go back to
your stupid lives.
414
00:19:29,223 --> 00:19:31,124
Norm, order a beer.
415
00:19:31,191 --> 00:19:33,826
Clavin, bore us.
416
00:19:33,894 --> 00:19:35,795
Oh, Woody, why don't you tell us
417
00:19:35,863 --> 00:19:37,530
about how another one
of your relatives
418
00:19:37,597 --> 00:19:40,366
lost a body part
in some farm equipment?
419
00:19:41,585 --> 00:19:43,486
I ever tell you
about my Aunt Lefty?
420
00:19:43,554 --> 00:19:44,737
Shut up.
421
00:19:46,457 --> 00:19:48,525
Just go on back
422
00:19:48,592 --> 00:19:50,276
to your sad, pathetic lives.
423
00:19:50,344 --> 00:19:52,211
Me, I'm going home.
424
00:19:52,279 --> 00:19:55,748
I'm going to go sit in
a dark room and have some fun.
425
00:19:55,815 --> 00:19:58,251
Putting on
a Gene Pitney record...
426
00:19:58,318 --> 00:19:59,952
Cheers.
427
00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:01,387
and I'm gonna slice Eddie's face
428
00:20:01,455 --> 00:20:03,756
out of every picture
in the house.
429
00:20:03,823 --> 00:20:05,108
Oh, hey, how you doing?
430
00:20:05,176 --> 00:20:07,610
No, I don't think she can come
to the phone, Eddie.
431
00:20:07,678 --> 00:20:08,911
She has plans
for the evening.
432
00:20:08,979 --> 00:20:11,447
Give me that phone!
433
00:20:11,515 --> 00:20:13,916
Is this really Eddie?
434
00:20:13,984 --> 00:20:15,551
Well, sure it's me, babe.
435
00:20:15,619 --> 00:20:17,603
Listen, honey, I'm sorry
I couldn't come home.
436
00:20:17,671 --> 00:20:20,873
I mean, I wanted to make last
year's celebration look sick.
437
00:20:20,941 --> 00:20:22,224
I already got my plane ticket,
438
00:20:22,293 --> 00:20:23,760
I'm at the airport,
and everything,
439
00:20:23,827 --> 00:20:25,328
and they called me back
to rehearsal.
440
00:20:25,396 --> 00:20:27,963
They changed the whole script
of the ice show.
441
00:20:28,031 --> 00:20:30,583
They've taken all the humanity
out of the big bad wolf,
442
00:20:30,650 --> 00:20:34,520
and the three little pigs think
they're God's gift to ice.
443
00:20:34,588 --> 00:20:36,589
I really don't want
to talk about it.
444
00:20:36,656 --> 00:20:40,025
Hey, Eddie,
when am I gonna see you again?
445
00:20:40,093 --> 00:20:41,894
Gee, I guess
in a couple of months.
446
00:20:41,962 --> 00:20:44,197
A couple of months?
447
00:20:44,265 --> 00:20:46,332
Listen, honey, I got to go.
448
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,334
The bus is about to leave
from Yakima,
449
00:20:48,402 --> 00:20:49,869
and if I don't make it quick,
450
00:20:49,937 --> 00:20:52,238
the pigs will grab
all the good seats.
451
00:20:52,306 --> 00:20:54,157
Hey, Eddie, I love you.
452
00:20:54,224 --> 00:20:56,259
I love you too, sweetie. Bye.
453
00:21:00,864 --> 00:21:03,499
Hey, everybody,
listen up.
454
00:21:03,567 --> 00:21:05,985
I want you all
to repeat after me.
455
00:21:06,053 --> 00:21:09,122
I am a very stupid person.
456
00:21:09,189 --> 00:21:12,308
"I am a very stupid person."
457
00:21:12,376 --> 00:21:15,978
And I will never doubt
the undying love
458
00:21:16,046 --> 00:21:20,383
and total commitment that
exists, always has existed,
459
00:21:20,451 --> 00:21:25,187
and always will exist
between Carla and Eddie LeBec.
460
00:21:25,255 --> 00:21:29,191
"I'm a very stupid person."
461
00:21:29,259 --> 00:21:30,827
Close enough!
462
00:21:30,894 --> 00:21:35,064
Well, turns out the only reason
he didn't surprise me
463
00:21:35,131 --> 00:21:36,332
was he had to rehearse.
464
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,669
That ought to show you mo-mos
a lesson.
465
00:21:41,087 --> 00:21:43,156
Well, that was Eddie
on the phone.
466
00:21:43,223 --> 00:21:44,423
Hey.
467
00:21:44,491 --> 00:21:46,659
Isn't that just the nicest,
sweetest thing
468
00:21:46,726 --> 00:21:48,194
for Eddie to remember?
469
00:21:48,261 --> 00:21:50,796
Yeah, Carla, sure was.
470
00:21:50,864 --> 00:21:52,332
Yeah.
471
00:21:56,219 --> 00:21:59,088
You called and reminded him,
didn't you, rat lips?
472
00:22:00,757 --> 00:22:01,991
How could I?
473
00:22:02,059 --> 00:22:04,160
I don't even know where he is.
474
00:22:04,227 --> 00:22:05,728
Sammy, I'm going
to ask you again,
475
00:22:05,796 --> 00:22:06,829
and I'm warning you.
476
00:22:06,897 --> 00:22:08,163
Hey, don't back up.
477
00:22:08,231 --> 00:22:09,865
I'm not going to hurt you,
you wimp.
478
00:22:09,933 --> 00:22:11,601
All right.
479
00:22:11,668 --> 00:22:16,171
The women in my family,
for generations,
480
00:22:16,239 --> 00:22:20,275
have had absolutely no talents
or gifts but one.
481
00:22:21,511 --> 00:22:24,580
We can make up any curse
and make it stick,
482
00:22:24,648 --> 00:22:26,082
okay?
483
00:22:26,149 --> 00:22:28,150
Now, tell me the truth,
484
00:22:28,218 --> 00:22:30,653
or my curse on you
is gonna be...
485
00:22:30,721 --> 00:22:33,089
Let me think of a good one here.
486
00:22:33,156 --> 00:22:35,925
No, not the hair;
anything but the hair.
487
00:22:35,993 --> 00:22:38,427
Okay, okay.
488
00:22:40,296 --> 00:22:42,031
Your eyes...
489
00:22:42,099 --> 00:22:43,132
Oh, no, wait a minute.
490
00:22:43,199 --> 00:22:45,034
I got it.
491
00:22:45,102 --> 00:22:46,936
Your tongue
492
00:22:47,004 --> 00:22:48,270
is gonna swell up
493
00:22:48,338 --> 00:22:49,872
so big,
494
00:22:49,940 --> 00:22:52,942
you're going to have to buy
a seat on the plane for it.
495
00:22:53,010 --> 00:22:54,510
Carla, this
is ridiculous.
496
00:22:54,577 --> 00:22:56,912
Sammy, you know I can do it.
497
00:22:56,980 --> 00:23:00,149
Now, look into my eyes
and tell me the truth.
498
00:23:01,685 --> 00:23:05,838
Did you call Eddie and remind
him about our anniversary?
499
00:23:05,906 --> 00:23:08,074
No, Carla, I didn't.
500
00:23:10,794 --> 00:23:12,212
Okay.
501
00:23:12,279 --> 00:23:16,149
But you and your tongue
better be telling the truth.
502
00:23:22,356 --> 00:23:25,858
Family curse.
503
00:23:25,926 --> 00:23:28,744
How gullible
does thee think I am?
504
00:23:34,184 --> 00:23:36,034
Oh, no.
505
00:23:36,102 --> 00:23:38,404
No, oh... Carla! Carla!
506
00:23:38,472 --> 00:23:39,872
What?
507
00:23:39,939 --> 00:23:42,441
Nothing.