1
00:00:02,380 --> 00:00:04,247
FRASIER: "Cheers" is filmed
before a live studio audience.

2
00:00:04,248 --> 00:00:06,397
Hey, Normy, watch my wallet,
will you?

3
00:00:06,398 --> 00:00:08,737
I got to go see
a man about a horse.

4
00:00:08,738 --> 00:00:10,987
Look at this!

5
00:00:10,988 --> 00:00:14,041
Pumpkin seeds
are up to 9 cents a pound!

6
00:00:14,042 --> 00:00:15,779
This world is going crazy.

7
00:00:15,780 --> 00:00:17,225
Yeah, I know what you
mean, wood.

8
00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:19,234
The dollar ain't worth
what it used to be.

9
00:00:19,235 --> 00:00:22,790
I don't understand. How can a
dollar be worth less than a dollar?

10
00:00:22,791 --> 00:00:25,060
Well, perhaps I can illustrate

11
00:00:25,061 --> 00:00:27,340
using one of Cliff's bills here.

12
00:00:27,341 --> 00:00:28,515
Ah!

13
00:00:28,516 --> 00:00:29,620
Think of this, Woody,

14
00:00:29,621 --> 00:00:31,900
as the 1975 dollar, OK?

15
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:35,486
It's probably been in
that wallet since 1975.

16
00:00:35,487 --> 00:00:38,038
Now, taking account
of inflation, OK,

17
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,449
the high cost of living,

18
00:00:40,450 --> 00:00:42,829
increased dollars
in circulation,

19
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:43,934
increased buying power

20
00:00:43,935 --> 00:00:46,043
of that pesky yen,

21
00:00:46,044 --> 00:00:48,123
and all you have left is

22
00:00:48,124 --> 00:00:50,775
a little bit of George
Washington's left eye.

23
00:00:50,776 --> 00:00:52,613
Wait a minute, now.

24
00:00:52,614 --> 00:00:56,369
Would the same thing
apply to, oh...

25
00:00:56,370 --> 00:00:59,825
Say, a 20 dollar Bill?

26
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:03,541
Ah, macroeconomics.
Yeah, perhaps.

27
00:01:03,542 --> 00:01:04,717
We'll just try it and see...

28
00:01:04,718 --> 00:01:05,922
The same principles.

29
00:01:05,923 --> 00:01:09,377
OK, inflation...
Uh-huh.

30
00:01:09,378 --> 00:01:11,186
Cost of living...

31
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,710
♪ sometimes you want to go ♪

32
00:01:16,711 --> 00:01:21,974
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪

33
00:01:21,975 --> 00:01:26,735
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪

34
00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:29,286
♪ you want to be
where you can see ♪

35
00:01:29,287 --> 00:01:31,928
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪

36
00:01:31,929 --> 00:01:33,073
♪ you want to go ♪

37
00:01:33,074 --> 00:01:37,192
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪

38
00:01:52,511 --> 00:01:55,593
I just don't get
this inflation stuff.

39
00:01:55,594 --> 00:01:57,934
All right, Woody.
Once again,

40
00:01:57,935 --> 00:02:00,787
think of this beer as
the 1975 dollar, OK?

41
00:02:04,504 --> 00:02:07,255
Now it's a 1980 dollar.

42
00:02:07,256 --> 00:02:09,265
Fill it up, I'll take you
through the Reagan years.

43
00:02:11,575 --> 00:02:15,502
All right. You might as well forget
it, Mr. Peterson. I'm just not getting it.

44
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:17,611
Woody, I am willing
to sit here all night

45
00:02:17,612 --> 00:02:20,394
if that's what it takes, buddy.

46
00:02:20,395 --> 00:02:21,428
Sorry I'm late.

47
00:02:21,429 --> 00:02:24,080
I just got back from my stylist.

48
00:02:24,081 --> 00:02:26,159
Well, gee, Sam, your hair
doesn't look any different.

49
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:30,780
Uh, no. This was just
for an estimate.

50
00:02:30,781 --> 00:02:32,930
I'm thinking of doing
a body wave.

51
00:02:32,931 --> 00:02:34,135
My insurance company
wants me to go

52
00:02:34,136 --> 00:02:37,088
to three different places.

53
00:02:37,089 --> 00:02:39,971
Sam, you... you have
hair insurance?

54
00:02:39,972 --> 00:02:42,211
Yeah. What, like I'm gonna

55
00:02:42,212 --> 00:02:44,623
just walk around
with fire and theft?

56
00:02:49,886 --> 00:02:52,637
Got to get some more pretzels
for the bar.

57
00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:55,520
I don't know if my phone
is working right or not.

58
00:02:55,521 --> 00:02:56,896
Have I had any calls?

59
00:02:56,897 --> 00:02:58,162
Yeah, Robin called.

60
00:02:58,163 --> 00:02:59,508
He did?

61
00:02:59,509 --> 00:03:02,893
Yeah, about three weeks
ago. Don't you remember?

62
00:03:02,894 --> 00:03:04,972
Carla, do you think Robin's
losing interest in me?

63
00:03:04,973 --> 00:03:06,439
No, but I am.

64
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,287
Wait.
Come here, please.

65
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,035
Sit down.
This is important.

66
00:03:10,036 --> 00:03:12,305
Now, look. I know my
relationship with Robin

67
00:03:12,306 --> 00:03:13,782
got off to a flying start,

68
00:03:13,783 --> 00:03:17,267
but recently, I think that
maybe he's finding me boring.

69
00:03:17,268 --> 00:03:19,216
Now, how could that be?

70
00:03:19,217 --> 00:03:20,754
You're dull.

71
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:25,112
I am only dull on the outside.

72
00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:30,044
On the inside, I am a
seething cauldron of fun.

73
00:03:30,045 --> 00:03:32,716
All I have to do
is find something

74
00:03:32,717 --> 00:03:34,032
that will make Robin
sit up and take notice of me,

75
00:03:34,033 --> 00:03:35,338
something that will
make him realize

76
00:03:35,339 --> 00:03:37,146
what a special person
I really am.

77
00:03:37,147 --> 00:03:38,522
Have you gone to bed
with him yet?

78
00:03:38,523 --> 00:03:39,828
No...

79
00:03:39,829 --> 00:03:41,806
That's always been a
good icebreaker for me.

80
00:03:41,807 --> 00:03:43,745
Wait. Wait.
Now, look.

81
00:03:43,746 --> 00:03:45,794
I did not go to bed
with Robin on the first date

82
00:03:45,795 --> 00:03:47,271
because I was out of practice.

83
00:03:47,272 --> 00:03:49,913
I thought I'd be rotten,
and he'd dump me.

84
00:03:49,914 --> 00:03:51,389
And on the second date,
I didn't go to bed with him

85
00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:53,036
because I thought
he respected me

86
00:03:53,037 --> 00:03:54,804
for not going to bed
with him on the first date.

87
00:03:54,805 --> 00:03:56,311
And then, by the third date,

88
00:03:56,312 --> 00:03:59,937
it was already an old habit.

89
00:03:59,938 --> 00:04:03,724
All right. Now I'm going out with
him my fourth time, and frankly...

90
00:04:03,725 --> 00:04:06,034
I'm hot to trot.

91
00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,642
So?

92
00:04:07,643 --> 00:04:09,219
So? He's coming
in town tonight,

93
00:04:09,220 --> 00:04:11,328
I haven't seen him for a
month, and I don't know...

94
00:04:11,329 --> 00:04:13,146
You know,
I really need some help here.

95
00:04:13,147 --> 00:04:15,456
Now, you've got a
reputation of being uninhibited,

96
00:04:15,457 --> 00:04:16,792
lowdown, dirty,

97
00:04:16,793 --> 00:04:18,902
perverted...

98
00:04:18,903 --> 00:04:22,960
You should have know me
when I was a real slut.

99
00:04:22,961 --> 00:04:25,873
Let me ask you a question.

100
00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:28,454
What is the wildest thing
you ever did

101
00:04:28,455 --> 00:04:31,136
to really get a guy's attention?

102
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:32,784
Well, now...

103
00:04:32,785 --> 00:04:34,161
Let me see.

104
00:04:36,531 --> 00:04:40,528
There was the time I was making
love to a guy on a carrousel.

105
00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:42,065
Where?
An amusement park?

106
00:04:42,066 --> 00:04:43,914
No, LaGuardia Airport.

107
00:04:46,325 --> 00:04:47,831
Want to give it a try?

108
00:04:47,832 --> 00:04:49,367
I don't know...

109
00:04:49,368 --> 00:04:51,487
You're getting dull on me again.

110
00:04:51,488 --> 00:04:55,977
I've just been so darn
dull for so darn long.

111
00:04:55,978 --> 00:04:57,986
Wait a minute. Whoa!
What do you think about this?

112
00:04:57,987 --> 00:04:59,623
You're going to like this one.

113
00:04:59,624 --> 00:05:01,702
He comes in tonight,

114
00:05:01,703 --> 00:05:03,721
I sneak into his apartment,

115
00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:05,861
I put on some nice soft music,

116
00:05:05,862 --> 00:05:07,508
I chill some champagne,

117
00:05:07,509 --> 00:05:09,377
he walks through the door,

118
00:05:09,378 --> 00:05:12,199
and I greet him.

119
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:15,886
Whoa-ho. What an idea.

120
00:05:15,887 --> 00:05:17,663
Way to go, Rebecca!

121
00:05:17,664 --> 00:05:18,899
Thank you.

122
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:22,486
♪ Dull de dull, dull dull ♪

123
00:05:26,644 --> 00:05:29,486
economics is so complicated.

124
00:05:29,487 --> 00:05:32,108
Woody, I could sit here

125
00:05:32,109 --> 00:05:34,348
and try to discuss the
principles of economics with you

126
00:05:34,349 --> 00:05:35,925
till I'm blue in the face,

127
00:05:35,926 --> 00:05:38,637
but I've always found
that nothing

128
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:41,962
will explain the process quicker

129
00:05:41,963 --> 00:05:43,639
than a simple game of monopoly.

130
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,407
Anyone care to join me?

131
00:05:45,408 --> 00:05:46,512
Monopoly, eh?

132
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:47,788
Yeah!

133
00:05:47,789 --> 00:05:49,234
I don't know.

134
00:05:49,235 --> 00:05:50,670
Well, Lilith's at
home with the baby,

135
00:05:50,671 --> 00:05:52,649
they both seem
rather tired and cranky,

136
00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:54,698
so I really ought to
get home by, uh...

137
00:05:54,699 --> 00:05:55,965
Thursday.

138
00:05:57,241 --> 00:05:58,847
All right.
I'm the banker.

139
00:05:58,848 --> 00:06:00,625
No, no, no. I'm trying to
explain this to you, Woody.

140
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:01,931
I have to be the
banker, all right?

141
00:06:01,932 --> 00:06:03,337
I'm always the banker.

142
00:06:03,338 --> 00:06:05,386
No, no. I'm always
the banker, OK?

143
00:06:05,387 --> 00:06:07,064
Look. If I can't be the
banker, I just won't play.

144
00:06:07,065 --> 00:06:08,369
How's that?

145
00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:10,378
Well, maybe I'll just go
get my own monopoly board

146
00:06:10,379 --> 00:06:13,131
and play with my real friends.

147
00:06:13,132 --> 00:06:14,406
Now, let's not be childish.

148
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:15,742
If Woody wants to be
the banker, let's let him be.

149
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:18,253
I mean, he can learn from
his own mistakes.

150
00:06:18,254 --> 00:06:20,232
All right, all right. I'll
be the race car, though.

151
00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:22,281
No, I am always the race car.

152
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,688
I'm the race car!

153
00:06:23,689 --> 00:06:24,792
No, no, no.
Oh, really?

154
00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:25,827
How well do you do this?

155
00:06:25,828 --> 00:06:28,378
[IMITATING RACE CAR]

156
00:06:28,379 --> 00:06:29,915
You can argue all you want,

157
00:06:29,916 --> 00:06:31,694
but I'm not playing
unless I'm the thimble.

158
00:06:33,914 --> 00:06:36,856
It's yours, Cliff.
OK. Well...

159
00:06:36,857 --> 00:06:39,870
So Cliff's the thimble.
I'm the race car.

160
00:06:39,871 --> 00:06:40,944
What do you want to be, Norm?

161
00:06:40,945 --> 00:06:43,325
I'll be the lead pipe, I guess.

162
00:06:43,326 --> 00:06:46,509
I don't remember
any lead pipe in monopoly,

163
00:06:46,510 --> 00:06:48,086
or this Chinese checker,

164
00:06:48,087 --> 00:06:49,593
or these Candyland children.

165
00:06:49,594 --> 00:06:51,873
What is this?

166
00:06:51,874 --> 00:06:54,826
Over the years, we've sort of
lost parts from the original game,

167
00:06:54,827 --> 00:06:57,368
so we mix and match from others.

168
00:06:57,369 --> 00:06:59,377
Well, all right.
Give me the dice.

169
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,653
All right.

170
00:07:04,581 --> 00:07:05,716
Carla...

171
00:07:07,192 --> 00:07:09,170
Everything's all set up.

172
00:07:09,171 --> 00:07:11,280
You're going to
LaGuardia Airport? Great!

173
00:07:11,281 --> 00:07:14,193
Use carrousel "D."
It's the bumpiest.

174
00:07:14,194 --> 00:07:16,071
No. No, Carla, look.

175
00:07:16,072 --> 00:07:18,220
I was talking to
Robin's valet Jonathan.

176
00:07:18,221 --> 00:07:19,888
He kind of likes me.

177
00:07:19,889 --> 00:07:23,173
Anyway, he said that he was
gonna chill some champagne

178
00:07:23,174 --> 00:07:24,288
and he would
open the door for me,

179
00:07:24,289 --> 00:07:25,593
so I could get in
Robin's apartment.

180
00:07:25,594 --> 00:07:27,602
And then he'll disappear,

181
00:07:27,603 --> 00:07:30,987
and I will greet Mr. Colcord
at the door

182
00:07:30,988 --> 00:07:34,001
wearing nothing
but a skirt, a shirt,

183
00:07:34,002 --> 00:07:35,276
my underwear,

184
00:07:35,277 --> 00:07:37,557
and a smile.

185
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,038
All right, all right,
I'll get naked!

186
00:07:40,039 --> 00:07:41,775
Now you're getting
the hang of it.

187
00:07:41,776 --> 00:07:44,658
Thank you, Carla.
Thank you so much.

188
00:07:44,659 --> 00:07:46,165
I'm buying reading railroad,

189
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,973
and I'm putting up a house.

190
00:07:47,974 --> 00:07:51,569
Woody, you can't put a house
on railroad tracks.

191
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:54,452
Why not? My Uncle Jim
used to do it all the time

192
00:07:54,453 --> 00:07:56,059
back in Hanover,

193
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,399
on these tracks
near where we lived.

194
00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,876
I mean, it wasn't
a real house, though.

195
00:07:59,877 --> 00:08:03,964
It was just a fake one
made of sticks and canvas.

196
00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:05,843
Yeah. He used to hide
in the bushes

197
00:08:05,844 --> 00:08:08,355
and take pictures
of the engineers screaming.

198
00:08:10,705 --> 00:08:13,587
He was funny,

199
00:08:13,588 --> 00:08:15,165
but he had a twisted side.

200
00:08:16,672 --> 00:08:19,153
[TELEPHONE RINGING]

201
00:08:21,222 --> 00:08:23,401
Cheers.

202
00:08:23,402 --> 00:08:26,023
Oh, hello, Mr. Colcord.

203
00:08:26,024 --> 00:08:28,704
This is a bad connection.
Where are you calling from?

204
00:08:28,705 --> 00:08:29,970
Hold on a second.

205
00:08:29,971 --> 00:08:33,657
It's Richie Rich
calling from his airplane.

206
00:08:33,658 --> 00:08:38,558
She's not here right now.
Can I take a message?

207
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,724
Aw, she'll be sorry
to hear that.

208
00:08:39,725 --> 00:08:41,743
Yeah, I'll be sure to tell her.

209
00:08:41,744 --> 00:08:45,459
You flying that plane
all by yourself?

210
00:08:45,460 --> 00:08:48,574
Really? Watch out
for that telephone pole!

211
00:08:52,230 --> 00:08:54,781
No, I know there are
no telephone poles

212
00:08:54,782 --> 00:08:56,217
40,000 feet up.

213
00:08:56,218 --> 00:08:57,896
That's what makes it funny.

214
00:08:59,975 --> 00:09:01,852
200 million bucks.

215
00:09:01,853 --> 00:09:03,762
Buy yourself a sense of humor.

216
00:09:08,252 --> 00:09:10,229
Where is Rebecca, anyway?

217
00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:12,811
She's waiting for Robin
at his apartment.

218
00:09:12,812 --> 00:09:14,950
Oh.

219
00:09:14,951 --> 00:09:17,602
Well, I guess I ought to...

220
00:09:17,603 --> 00:09:19,179
Call her and tell her.

221
00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:21,891
He's going to be
about three hours late.

222
00:09:21,892 --> 00:09:24,473
Yeah. She said
she wanted to...

223
00:09:24,474 --> 00:09:27,317
Surprise him by waiting
there for him buck naked.

224
00:09:34,087 --> 00:09:35,803
Say, where's Sam off to?

225
00:09:35,804 --> 00:09:38,887
He's off to a luxury apartment
to meet a naked woman.

226
00:09:38,888 --> 00:09:40,595
Boy, that guy leads
a pretty exciting life

227
00:09:40,596 --> 00:09:42,232
compared to us, huh?

228
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:45,056
Cliffy, compared to ours, a
tapeworm leads a pretty exciting life.

229
00:09:46,562 --> 00:09:52,658
You know, I happen to be a bit
of an expert on tapeworms.

230
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:56,013
It all goes back to
my eighth grade science fair.

231
00:09:56,014 --> 00:09:57,852
Everybody else had rabbits
and Guinea pigs.

232
00:09:57,853 --> 00:10:00,333
I had a tapeworm.

233
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:01,608
Really?

234
00:10:01,609 --> 00:10:03,347
Yeah, so I couldn't go.

235
00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:09,011
Or was that a ringworm?

236
00:10:09,012 --> 00:10:10,890
Check, please.

237
00:10:10,891 --> 00:10:12,838
Uh...

238
00:10:12,839 --> 00:10:14,144
Oh, boy, oh, boy.

239
00:10:14,145 --> 00:10:15,672
Me and parasites,
don't get me started.

240
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,109
Robin?

241
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,616
Uh-huh.

242
00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:40,121
I'm on the couch in the den.

243
00:10:45,485 --> 00:10:48,759
Hang a Louie at my undies.

244
00:10:49,834 --> 00:10:52,816
I'm so glad I came.

245
00:10:52,817 --> 00:10:56,745
Hey, I've had half a bottle
of champagne.

246
00:10:59,829 --> 00:11:03,976
Now I'm standing in
front of the TV, naked.

247
00:11:03,977 --> 00:11:05,453
What are you watching?

248
00:11:05,454 --> 00:11:08,165
Aah!

249
00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:09,581
Don't look at me!

250
00:11:09,582 --> 00:11:11,891
Quick! Throw me
something!

251
00:11:11,892 --> 00:11:14,403
Okey-dokey.

252
00:11:14,404 --> 00:11:16,181
No!

253
00:11:16,182 --> 00:11:18,993
Throw me something to wear!

254
00:11:18,994 --> 00:11:21,746
Let's see here.

255
00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:25,191
Here we go.

256
00:11:25,192 --> 00:11:26,406
Give it to me.

257
00:11:26,407 --> 00:11:30,052
Give it to me!
Give me that!

258
00:11:30,053 --> 00:11:31,258
God, Sam,

259
00:11:31,259 --> 00:11:33,136
what are you doing here?

260
00:11:33,137 --> 00:11:35,888
You saw me standing
in front of the TV naked!

261
00:11:35,889 --> 00:11:38,801
I just came to give you
a message.

262
00:11:38,802 --> 00:11:42,317
Robin said he's going
to be a few hours late.

263
00:11:42,318 --> 00:11:44,467
Get out of here. Get
out of here right now.

264
00:11:44,468 --> 00:11:49,127
Damn, a Kodak moment,
and me without my camera.

265
00:11:49,128 --> 00:11:51,337
You get out of here.

266
00:11:51,338 --> 00:11:54,351
Whew! You are so cranky
when you're naked.

267
00:11:54,352 --> 00:11:56,631
You are getting out
of here right now,

268
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,510
and you are getting out
of here right now.

269
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:05,149
What is with this elevator?

270
00:12:05,150 --> 00:12:06,655
Honey, that's
the elevator button.

271
00:12:06,656 --> 00:12:08,936
I don't know
what the hell this is.

272
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,648
Good evening,
Mr. Colcord.

273
00:12:11,649 --> 00:12:14,099
The Triton Sonic 5000
security system

274
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,941
has now been activated.

275
00:12:16,942 --> 00:12:20,999
Please step away
from all entry points.

276
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,506
Woo!

277
00:12:22,507 --> 00:12:25,017
Oh, God, we'd better
go out the back!

278
00:12:25,018 --> 00:12:27,940
Oh, my God. Let's
go out the way back!

279
00:12:27,941 --> 00:12:31,586
Oh! Sam...

280
00:12:31,587 --> 00:12:33,505
What are we going to do?

281
00:12:33,506 --> 00:12:34,812
Uh...

282
00:12:37,122 --> 00:12:39,201
I say we set the table.

283
00:12:46,544 --> 00:12:48,783
What is with people nowadays?

284
00:12:48,784 --> 00:12:50,531
When I was a kid, we used
to keep our doors unlocked

285
00:12:50,532 --> 00:12:52,269
all the time.

286
00:12:52,270 --> 00:12:53,574
Used to get ripped off a lot,

287
00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:55,754
but at least we could get
out of the damn house.

288
00:12:55,755 --> 00:12:58,165
This whole thing is your fault.

289
00:12:58,166 --> 00:13:00,746
Hey, I wasn't the one who
pushed the stupid buttons.

290
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:03,770
Oh, yeah? Well, Robin is gonna
be back here in a couple of hours,

291
00:13:03,771 --> 00:13:07,155
and what's he gonna do when he
sees the two of us together, huh?

292
00:13:07,156 --> 00:13:08,360
It would have been
one thing if he saw

293
00:13:08,361 --> 00:13:09,495
me standing naked
in front of the TV.

294
00:13:09,496 --> 00:13:12,047
That would have been romantic.

295
00:13:12,048 --> 00:13:13,523
What's he gonna do
when he comes back here

296
00:13:13,524 --> 00:13:16,306
and he sees
the two of us together?

297
00:13:16,307 --> 00:13:18,315
Boy, honey, this...

298
00:13:18,316 --> 00:13:20,655
This is one of those
complicated situations.

299
00:13:20,656 --> 00:13:21,901
I think what we ought to do

300
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,709
is go back in the bedroom,
take our clothes off,

301
00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:26,190
and make hot, passionate love.

302
00:13:26,191 --> 00:13:27,767
That is not going to help.

303
00:13:27,768 --> 00:13:29,033
It's not going to hurt.

304
00:13:30,982 --> 00:13:33,532
All right, fine.

305
00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:35,541
I'll call the police.
They'll get us out.

306
00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:38,886
We happen to be in
the apartment, illegally,

307
00:13:38,887 --> 00:13:41,006
of one of the richest
men in the world.

308
00:13:41,007 --> 00:13:43,316
Well, so he'll vouch for us.

309
00:13:43,317 --> 00:13:45,255
Yes. He may vouch
for me

310
00:13:45,256 --> 00:13:46,601
after he dumps me, laughs at me,

311
00:13:46,602 --> 00:13:48,579
and never wants to see me again.

312
00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:51,121
You, he will leave
rotting in jail,

313
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:52,969
where you and your
pretty boy features

314
00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:56,014
will be traded nightly
for a pack of menthols.

315
00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:03,226
Well, I hate to see you
get dumped.

316
00:14:04,732 --> 00:14:06,539
There's just got to be
something around here

317
00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:08,317
that either has a key

318
00:14:08,318 --> 00:14:11,271
or a combination or... here it is.

319
00:14:11,272 --> 00:14:12,276
Here it is, jackpot.

320
00:14:12,277 --> 00:14:13,380
What do you got?
What do you got?

321
00:14:13,381 --> 00:14:15,017
It's the alarm system manual.

322
00:14:15,018 --> 00:14:16,122
Find out how to
turn the thing off.

323
00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:18,442
OK, it's right here.

324
00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:21,727
"To deactivate the Triton
5000 Sonic alarm system,"

325
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:24,540
"find the control
panel marked A,"

326
00:14:24,541 --> 00:14:26,850
"and press 4-4-1-2..."

327
00:14:26,851 --> 00:14:28,126
Great.

328
00:14:28,127 --> 00:14:30,777
"For example.

329
00:14:30,778 --> 00:14:31,783
"Of course, your code

330
00:14:31,784 --> 00:14:33,319
"will be a special
personalized number

331
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,328
that you will choose
yourself."

332
00:14:35,329 --> 00:14:36,402
So what did I just do?

333
00:14:36,403 --> 00:14:38,884
Attention, attention, attention.

334
00:14:38,885 --> 00:14:41,134
You have activated
the internal laser beam

335
00:14:41,135 --> 00:14:42,871
motion detector.

336
00:14:42,872 --> 00:14:45,051
What does that mean?

337
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,602
Ooh!

338
00:14:47,603 --> 00:14:49,511
Oh, this is great.
It's just great.

339
00:14:49,512 --> 00:14:51,048
I come over for a little action,

340
00:14:51,049 --> 00:14:53,830
and I'm stuck in the
middle of star wars.

341
00:14:53,831 --> 00:14:56,040
Give me that thing.

342
00:14:56,041 --> 00:14:57,456
"Beams."

343
00:14:57,457 --> 00:14:59,063
"Beams."

344
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,173
"If the beams are interrupted,

345
00:15:01,174 --> 00:15:02,448
"there will be an armed response

346
00:15:02,449 --> 00:15:04,628
"from this company,
the Boston Police,

347
00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:06,065
and the FBI."

348
00:15:06,066 --> 00:15:07,973
Oh, God, Sam.

349
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:10,555
Not only are we trapped in here,

350
00:15:10,556 --> 00:15:11,901
but we can't even
move around in here,

351
00:15:11,902 --> 00:15:14,181
or we'll set off
the alarm system.

352
00:15:14,182 --> 00:15:15,918
Boy, I wish Cliff
and Norm were here.

353
00:15:15,919 --> 00:15:17,526
Why?

354
00:15:17,527 --> 00:15:19,576
They'd think this
was really cool.

355
00:15:23,021 --> 00:15:26,978
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

356
00:15:26,979 --> 00:15:28,987
That is probably Robin's valet.

357
00:15:28,988 --> 00:15:30,293
[RING]

358
00:15:30,294 --> 00:15:31,508
It could be somebody that
can help us get out of here.

359
00:15:31,509 --> 00:15:33,115
I've got to go for it.

360
00:15:33,116 --> 00:15:34,521
Here, take this.

361
00:15:34,522 --> 00:15:35,797
Give it to me.

362
00:15:35,798 --> 00:15:37,233
Lower.
Lower.

363
00:15:37,234 --> 00:15:38,479
Is this good?

364
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,745
Yeah, it's great.

365
00:15:39,746 --> 00:15:42,326
[RING]

366
00:15:42,327 --> 00:15:44,276
[RING]

367
00:15:45,983 --> 00:15:49,066
Hello? Just a second.

368
00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:50,503
It's for you, Sam.

369
00:15:50,504 --> 00:15:52,250
Take a message.

370
00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:53,958
May I say who's calling?

371
00:15:53,959 --> 00:15:55,806
Oh, it's Carla. Carla!

372
00:15:55,807 --> 00:15:57,413
God, you would
have been so proud of me!

373
00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:59,794
I was standing
in front of the TV set naked...

374
00:15:59,795 --> 00:16:02,074
Yeah, well, put it back on.

375
00:16:02,075 --> 00:16:03,239
Your boyfriend just
called and said

376
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,218
he's not going to
make it tonight at all.

377
00:16:05,219 --> 00:16:07,468
He's not getting back
into town until tomorrow.

378
00:16:07,469 --> 00:16:09,105
Thank goodness.

379
00:16:09,106 --> 00:16:11,456
So, uh, how are you
and Sammy getting along?

380
00:16:11,457 --> 00:16:14,238
You're the one who told him
to come over here?

381
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:16,378
Carla, I am never gonna
confide in you again.

382
00:16:16,379 --> 00:16:18,959
That's thanks enough.

383
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:22,043
Listen to me, Carla. Do
not blab this all over the bar,

384
00:16:22,044 --> 00:16:23,349
but Sam and I are trapped

385
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,197
in Robin's high-security
apartment building,

386
00:16:25,198 --> 00:16:26,704
and we can't get out.

387
00:16:26,705 --> 00:16:28,411
Hold on a minute.

388
00:16:28,412 --> 00:16:30,923
They're trapped in Robin's
high-security apartment building,

389
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,369
and they can't get out!

390
00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:34,850
Carla, listen to me.
Listen to me.

391
00:16:34,851 --> 00:16:36,427
Now, I want you
to tell me straight.

392
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:39,210
How good are your kids at
breaking and entering, anyway?

393
00:16:39,211 --> 00:16:42,595
And do not brag about them
just because you're their Mother.

394
00:16:42,596 --> 00:16:44,473
Well, that depends.

395
00:16:44,474 --> 00:16:46,643
What kind of system are
we talking about here?

396
00:16:46,644 --> 00:16:50,299
It's a Triton 5000 Sonic
with laser beams.

397
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,047
They're not that good.

398
00:16:52,048 --> 00:16:54,789
But feel free to call if you're
ever trapped in a late model car.

399
00:16:54,790 --> 00:16:57,572
They'll have you and the
radio out in 60 seconds.

400
00:17:01,399 --> 00:17:03,538
Oh, damn.

401
00:17:03,539 --> 00:17:05,045
Shoot!

402
00:17:05,046 --> 00:17:06,853
That'll be $1,300

403
00:17:06,854 --> 00:17:08,902
and your "Get out
of Jail Free" card.

404
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:12,789
Enjoy your stay at
<i>Boyd's on Boardwalk</i>.

405
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:15,501
Wait, Woody, I just
realized something.

406
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,149
Every time anybody deposited
any money in the bank,

407
00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:19,830
you put it with your own.

408
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:21,167
Prove it, Peterson.

409
00:17:23,046 --> 00:17:25,456
I don't believe it.

410
00:17:25,457 --> 00:17:27,063
I have sat here for
the last five hours

411
00:17:27,064 --> 00:17:28,278
watching each of you

412
00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:29,284
lie, steal and cheat his way

413
00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:30,448
to a small fortune

414
00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:33,401
while I sit here with
$5.00, St. James Place,

415
00:17:33,402 --> 00:17:37,891
and this stupid
picture of Uncle Wiggly.

416
00:17:37,892 --> 00:17:39,136
You people have

417
00:17:39,137 --> 00:17:41,376
no scruples or moral
standards whatsoever!

418
00:17:41,377 --> 00:17:44,531
What was the purpose of
this game after all, anyway?

419
00:17:44,532 --> 00:17:47,946
Just trying to teach Woody
the nature of economics.

420
00:17:47,947 --> 00:17:49,654
Oh, well, then, bravo.

421
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:59,105
What am I gonna do, Sam?
I have blown this.

422
00:17:59,106 --> 00:18:02,089
I have blown
the entire relationship.

423
00:18:02,090 --> 00:18:04,540
Come on, take it easy.

424
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:06,518
You're off the hook
until morning.

425
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,327
Yeah, yeah.

426
00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:10,838
That just gives me
more time to think about it,

427
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,746
how humiliated I'm gonna be

428
00:18:12,747 --> 00:18:16,001
when Robin walks through that door
and finds me in here without permission,

429
00:18:16,002 --> 00:18:17,638
lying on the floor
with a bartender

430
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,617
underneath a grid
of laser beams.

431
00:18:19,618 --> 00:18:21,495
Oh, calm down.

432
00:18:21,496 --> 00:18:24,047
Enjoy the light show.

433
00:18:24,048 --> 00:18:26,487
You know what we could
do to take your mind off this?

434
00:18:26,488 --> 00:18:28,135
Why don't I crawl over there,

435
00:18:28,136 --> 00:18:30,073
and we could just talk?

436
00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:32,223
You can crawl over here
if nothing on your body

437
00:18:32,224 --> 00:18:33,932
touches anything on my body.

438
00:18:35,378 --> 00:18:38,762
There is one good thing
about this whole deal...

439
00:18:38,763 --> 00:18:42,549
Seeing you crawl on
your belly like a worm.

440
00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:44,889
I am secure enough
of my masculinity

441
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:46,367
to accept that as a compliment.

442
00:18:49,682 --> 00:18:53,638
This was going to be the most
fabulous night of my entire life.

443
00:18:53,639 --> 00:18:55,989
Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.

444
00:18:55,990 --> 00:18:58,199
I'm kind of enjoying myself.

445
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,936
I can't remember the last time

446
00:18:59,937 --> 00:19:01,212
that I laid awake at night

447
00:19:01,213 --> 00:19:03,090
just talking to somebody.

448
00:19:03,091 --> 00:19:06,646
It must be back
when I was a kid,

449
00:19:06,647 --> 00:19:10,192
sharing a bunk bed
with my brother.

450
00:19:10,193 --> 00:19:11,397
You're trying to tell me

451
00:19:11,398 --> 00:19:13,216
that with all those
thousands of women

452
00:19:13,217 --> 00:19:14,552
you supposedly slept with,

453
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:17,163
you never stayed up
and talked to one of them?

454
00:19:17,164 --> 00:19:20,187
What's to talk about?

455
00:19:20,188 --> 00:19:23,702
I mean, a guy does all
his talking beforehand.

456
00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:26,585
Heh heh!

457
00:19:26,586 --> 00:19:30,000
So, like what did you and
your brother talk about?

458
00:19:30,001 --> 00:19:33,024
Oh, you know, the usual things.

459
00:19:33,025 --> 00:19:35,565
Comic books, movies, records,

460
00:19:35,566 --> 00:19:37,413
all the babes we
were gonna score with

461
00:19:37,414 --> 00:19:40,427
once we got our own room.

462
00:19:40,428 --> 00:19:43,280
Did you ever share a
room with your sister?

463
00:19:43,281 --> 00:19:46,393
Yeah, but I'll tell you one thing,
we didn't talk about stupid stuff

464
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,443
like you and your
brother talked about.

465
00:19:48,444 --> 00:19:49,608
All right, what did you
talk about?

466
00:19:49,609 --> 00:19:52,862
Dreams, aspirations,

467
00:19:52,863 --> 00:19:54,268
the meaning of life.

468
00:19:54,269 --> 00:19:55,544
In other words, boys.

469
00:19:55,545 --> 00:19:57,754
You betcha.
Heh heh heh!

470
00:19:57,755 --> 00:20:00,305
And then we'd do each
other's hair all different ways,

471
00:20:00,306 --> 00:20:03,148
and then we'd dream about
owning a ranch

472
00:20:03,149 --> 00:20:04,655
and a bunch of horses.

473
00:20:04,656 --> 00:20:06,403
What is it with horses?

474
00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:09,557
Why do girls get
all goopy over horses?

475
00:20:09,558 --> 00:20:12,801
Oh, yeah, and like guys
are real rational about cars.

476
00:20:12,802 --> 00:20:16,487
Hey, listen, you take
a '57 Chevy rag top,

477
00:20:16,488 --> 00:20:19,511
and you park it right next
to some dumb spotted horse,

478
00:20:19,512 --> 00:20:22,756
now, you tell me which one
you'd want to make out in.

479
00:20:26,744 --> 00:20:29,566
That's a good point.
Mmm.

480
00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:34,016
You know what?
It's sort of interesting.

481
00:20:34,017 --> 00:20:36,497
Here you and I are,

482
00:20:36,498 --> 00:20:38,204
you know, talking
to each other like this,

483
00:20:38,205 --> 00:20:39,751
intimately,

484
00:20:39,752 --> 00:20:43,267
and I can see that
we have our differences,

485
00:20:43,268 --> 00:20:45,818
but basically,
you know, besides the fact

486
00:20:45,819 --> 00:20:47,556
that you're a man
and I'm a woman,

487
00:20:47,557 --> 00:20:50,338
I don't think
we're that different.

488
00:20:50,339 --> 00:20:51,614
What do you think?

489
00:20:51,615 --> 00:20:52,921
[SNORING]

490
00:20:57,109 --> 00:20:59,289
I do like you better like this.

491
00:21:03,217 --> 00:21:05,656
Man...

492
00:21:05,657 --> 00:21:07,506
Not one split end.

493
00:21:09,645 --> 00:21:12,126
What is this guy's secret?

494
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,836
Good night, Sam.

495
00:21:28,951 --> 00:21:30,599
[BEEPING]

496
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,669
Someone's coming.
Hide.

497
00:21:37,670 --> 00:21:39,547
Huh? Who is it,
your husband?

498
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,858
Sam, no. Wake up. Somebody's
coming! We have to hide!

499
00:21:41,859 --> 00:21:43,897
What? Oh.

500
00:21:43,898 --> 00:21:45,646
Here, here, here.

501
00:21:52,948 --> 00:21:55,358
Let's get out of here
before she sees us.

502
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:56,705
Geez!

503
00:21:59,688 --> 00:22:01,425
No, no!

504
00:22:01,426 --> 00:22:02,772
Oh, right.

505
00:22:05,916 --> 00:22:08,466
You look kind of sexy
when you first wake up.

506
00:22:08,467 --> 00:22:11,450
Oh, thanks, Sam.

507
00:22:11,451 --> 00:22:13,659
Sam, you're not gonna
tell the guys at the bar

508
00:22:13,660 --> 00:22:16,984
some wild tales about what
happened last night, are you?

509
00:22:16,985 --> 00:22:19,495
No, no, no, I'm gonna
tell them the absolute truth.

510
00:22:19,496 --> 00:22:21,635
I walked in here,
found you buck naked,

511
00:22:21,636 --> 00:22:23,051
spent the night
on the floor with you,

512
00:22:23,052 --> 00:22:26,065
surrounded by colored lights.

513
00:22:26,066 --> 00:22:28,476
All right. At least
tell them I was good.

514
00:22:31,088 --> 00:22:34,040
I think I could sell that.

515
00:22:34,041 --> 00:22:35,718
You know, Sam, I do have to say

516
00:22:35,719 --> 00:22:36,723
that I am very proud of you.

517
00:22:36,724 --> 00:22:37,857
Why?

518
00:22:37,858 --> 00:22:38,863
Because we spent
the whole night together

519
00:22:38,864 --> 00:22:40,911
and you didn't lay a hand on me.

520
00:22:40,912 --> 00:22:42,347
I want to thank you for that.

521
00:22:42,348 --> 00:22:45,099
I want to thank you
for being a gentleman.

522
00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:47,781
Oh, you're welcome.
And I want to thank you.

523
00:22:47,782 --> 00:22:49,258
For what?

524
00:22:49,259 --> 00:22:50,493
For being such a sound sleeper.

525
00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,503
You're welcome... hey...