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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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¶ Sometimes you want to go.
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
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¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶
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¶ The troubles
are all the same ¶
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¶ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name. ¶
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All right, okay, here's one.
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Hayley Mills, playing
herself and her twin sister
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in The Parent Trap.
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All right, all right.
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Um, how
about Elizabeth Montgomery
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as both Serena and Samantha
in Bewitched?
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Ooh! Very nice! Yeah. Yeah.
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All right. Cliffy?
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Well, uh, Norm, I'd have to say
the, uh, queen of the genre,
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Patty Duke, as both Patty and,
uh, the minuet-lovin' Cathy.
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Oh!
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What's the topic du jour?
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Actresses who have played
their own look-alikes
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through the use
of trick photography?
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No. Fictional twins
we'd like to see
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making out with each other.
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Hey, Sam,
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the new Boston Merchants
coupon book is out,
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and I got us in it.
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Oh damn it, Woody!
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I hate that thing!
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Well, maybe you don't understand
how it works. Yeah, I do.
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Guy comes in,
gives you a coupon.
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You give him a free drink,
he leaves,
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you never see him again.
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Well, then you do understand.
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Woody...
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Well, what, Sam?
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You think it was a bad idea?
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You think I shouldn't
have done it?
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You think I'm a stupid
idiot, right?
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No, no, that's... Yes!
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Well, I... I'm sorry, Sam.
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I just thought it would attract
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new customers to the bar.
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Yeah, a-a bunch of
deadbeats and freeloaders.
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Yeah.
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You don't want people
like that in here.
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Another beer, please, Wood.
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Sam, that was John Allen Hill
on the phone.
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- He's on his way down.
- No, no.
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I don't want to talk to him.
I hate that guy.
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Sam, be a good businessman.
He's our upstairs neighbor.
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We have to live together.
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Just try to be civil to him.
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All right, all right, all right,
I'll be good. I'll be good.
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You know, I get the feeling
sometimes
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he deliberately says things
just 'cause
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he knows it's gonna
get under my skin.
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Sam!
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See? God...
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Sam, it appears
we have a problem.
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Do you know what this is?
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Yeah. Yeah, it looks
like a manicure.
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Nice one, too.
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Wait. Is that a...
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Is that clear polish,
or are they just buffed?
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They're just clean.
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Sam, I'm concerned.
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Are you aware that your bar
is featured in this coupon book?
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Yeah, I am. Well, my concern
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is how this will
affect Melville's.
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I'm not anxious
to greet the type of person
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you're obviously
hoping to attract.
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What are you saying?
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You saying that
you're better than me?
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That your customers are
classier than mine?
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- Well, they're not.
- Hey, Sammy?
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Will you settle a
bet for us, please?
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Which one of our breaths
smells most like tuna?
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Loser has to go through
the spanking machine.
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What do you want me to
do, walk over and check?
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I can tell you from here.
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Oh, yeah, right, right.
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And none of your customers
have fish breath
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when they come walking
out of your restaurant?
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It's a seafood restaurant, Sam.
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Ah, all right, so
you admit it, right?
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Well, looks like
the big boy lost.
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Hi, guys.
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Hey, Carla, I got
a message for you.
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Your brother called.
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Something about
a family meeting.
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00:04:06,473 --> 00:04:08,772
Oh, yeah?
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There!
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Uh, here's your message.
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That was my paycheck.
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Carla, what's the problem?
Why are you so upset?
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Oh, I hate family meetings.
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They're nothing but a bunch
of complaining and infighting
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and bickering and backstabbing.
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And, of course,
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sweet little Carla has
to play the peacemaker.
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Well,
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I, for one, think
family meetings
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can be worthwhile encounters.
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They encourage open
and honest communication
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among the generations.
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Did you have them in
your family there, Fras?
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No, I lucked out.
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My family didn't want
to be close.
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If you're lying to me, I'm gonna
rip out your slimy, gray tongue.
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Whoa.
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Sounds kind of serious.
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It's my mother.
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Well, what's the matter
with her?
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She had the dream.
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What dream's that?
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The death dream.
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Whenever someone in
my family has it,
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you can just start
divvying up the jewelry.
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What exactly
120
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is this... death dream?
121
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Yes,
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and, uh, why exactly
do you always do this...
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when you say, "the death dream?"
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You just did it.
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Carry on.
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Well, the dream
is always the same.
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There's a casket on a slab
in an empty room.
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You walk slowly toward it.
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Suddenly, the lid flies open.
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You see your own face?
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No, you see these feet,
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'cause you're looking
at the wrong end.
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Then, you look upward,
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and there's your own face,
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pale and bluish
with pennies over your eyes.
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And that's when you bolt up
in bed screaming.
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Carla,
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death is an earthly
scientific passage
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predicted by either massive
physical injury
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or progressive
bodily deterioration.
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There is as little validity
in a supposed death dream
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as there is in the...
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clichéd image of death itself
as a grim, bloodless ghoul
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whose bony finger reaches out
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to tap you on the shoulder
when your number's up.
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Frasier, it's time to go.
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Don't do that, woman!
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For God's sakes,
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put on some blush or...
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Honey,
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it's kind of slow.
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Why-Why don't you
take the day off,
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go see your mom, huh?
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Might I remind you, Sam...
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My mother and I
don't exactly get along.
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You don't get along
with anybody.
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Yeah, well, this is
different, and shut up!
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The last time I saw my mother,
we had this terrible fight
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about this stupid family thing,
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and I swore I
would never set foot
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in her lousy place again
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unless someone dragged me there
kicking and screaming.
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So, that's it, huh?
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You're damned right.
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Drag me, Sammy.
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Really?
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Do it. Drag me.
168
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No! No! Cut it out!
169
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I don't want to go!
170
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No! No! I never want to see
that shriveled old bag again!
171
00:07:22,473 --> 00:07:23,772
No! Put me down!
172
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I don't want to go!
173
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Oh, Carla, Carla!
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Oh, nobody would
believe you would come!
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Oh, your sister is in there
with your mother now,
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and you go next, yes?
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00:07:35,473 --> 00:07:37,973
Oh, she will be so
happy to see you.
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Carla!
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00:07:39,373 --> 00:07:41,872
Sam, you remember Zia,
the hugger.
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00:07:41,873 --> 00:07:42,473
Yeah.
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00:07:42,573 --> 00:07:43,573
Oh, Sam!
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00:07:43,574 --> 00:07:44,872
Oh!
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00:07:44,873 --> 00:07:46,472
You guys
184
00:07:46,473 --> 00:07:47,773
want a beer?
185
00:07:47,873 --> 00:07:50,673
This is kind of
a solemn occasion, Sal.
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00:07:50,773 --> 00:07:52,373
Malt liquor?
187
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I'll pass.
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00:07:56,073 --> 00:07:57,772
So, Zia, how's Mom?
189
00:07:57,773 --> 00:08:01,372
Carla, what kind
of question is that?
190
00:08:01,373 --> 00:08:02,573
She had the dream.
191
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So, she's really sick, huh?
192
00:08:05,173 --> 00:08:06,973
No. She doesn't have to be sick.
193
00:08:07,073 --> 00:08:08,273
She had the dream. Oh...
194
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She'll be dead soon.
195
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:10,673
Have you had lunch?
196
00:08:12,573 --> 00:08:14,972
Uh, actually, yeah, I did.
197
00:08:14,973 --> 00:08:16,372
Oh, then this is dinner.
198
00:08:16,373 --> 00:08:18,472
Oh, hey, thanks, Zia.
199
00:08:18,473 --> 00:08:21,072
Eat up, Sam.
Our family believes in,
200
00:08:21,073 --> 00:08:22,573
life is for the living.
201
00:08:23,773 --> 00:08:25,273
Soon enough, we'll all be dead,
202
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rotting in the ground,
with a mouth full of worms.
203
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Great linguini.
204
00:08:32,673 --> 00:08:34,372
Thank you, Zia.
205
00:08:34,373 --> 00:08:36,573
Oh, Carla,
your sister's finished.
206
00:08:36,673 --> 00:08:38,472
Bitch.
207
00:08:38,473 --> 00:08:39,872
Slut.
208
00:08:39,873 --> 00:08:42,073
Oh, it's nice
to see them talking.
209
00:08:56,073 --> 00:08:57,472
Mama.
210
00:08:57,473 --> 00:08:59,173
Angeline?
211
00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:01,372
No, Mama.
212
00:09:01,373 --> 00:09:02,973
It's Carla.
213
00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:04,572
Oh.
214
00:09:04,573 --> 00:09:07,173
My purse is on the dresser.
215
00:09:10,873 --> 00:09:13,973
Mama, I didn't come here
for your money.
216
00:09:22,573 --> 00:09:24,573
I came because I feel bad
217
00:09:24,673 --> 00:09:27,972
things got so ugly between us
the last time I was here.
218
00:09:27,973 --> 00:09:30,672
So, you've come to
say you're sorry.
219
00:09:30,673 --> 00:09:33,872
Well, I'm sorry we fought.
220
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:35,773
Then you're sorry.
221
00:09:35,873 --> 00:09:37,372
I accept your apology.
222
00:09:37,373 --> 00:09:39,273
Good. I accept
your apology, too.
223
00:09:39,373 --> 00:09:40,772
I didn't say I was sorry.
224
00:09:40,773 --> 00:09:42,372
Well, then,
I'm not sorry, either.
225
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,473
Too late. I already
accepted your apology.
226
00:09:44,573 --> 00:09:45,673
Damn!
227
00:09:47,673 --> 00:09:49,772
So, here...
228
00:09:49,773 --> 00:09:53,072
now that we've made peace,
229
00:09:53,073 --> 00:09:55,172
I want you to have the ring
230
00:09:55,173 --> 00:09:56,972
that my mother gave to me,
231
00:09:56,973 --> 00:09:58,372
and her mother
232
00:09:58,373 --> 00:10:00,273
gave to her.
233
00:10:00,373 --> 00:10:02,073
Oh, Mama. The ring.
234
00:10:03,473 --> 00:10:05,573
What's this?
235
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,573
I hocked it.
236
00:10:09,873 --> 00:10:11,673
Come.
237
00:10:18,273 --> 00:10:20,273
Oh, your father's hair.
238
00:10:26,473 --> 00:10:28,073
Sorry, Mom.
239
00:10:28,173 --> 00:10:30,173
And now, Carla,
240
00:10:30,273 --> 00:10:33,072
there is something
you must do for me.
241
00:10:33,073 --> 00:10:36,672
Oh, Mama, I know what
you're gonna ask me.
242
00:10:36,673 --> 00:10:38,772
We're just gonna get
into that same fight
243
00:10:38,773 --> 00:10:40,872
we had the last time I was here.
244
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:43,772
I... It... It's just
too much to ask.
245
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:45,172
I can't do it.
246
00:10:45,173 --> 00:10:46,972
It's the family tradition.
247
00:10:46,973 --> 00:10:48,272
No.
248
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,772
I did it.
249
00:10:49,773 --> 00:10:51,173
My mother did it.
250
00:10:51,273 --> 00:10:52,472
Her mother did it.
251
00:10:52,473 --> 00:10:54,173
Her mother did it before her.
252
00:10:54,273 --> 00:10:55,372
I said no.
253
00:10:55,373 --> 00:10:56,873
I don't care who did it.
254
00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:58,573
Her mother did it.
255
00:11:00,873 --> 00:11:02,572
Mama, I'm sorry.
256
00:11:02,573 --> 00:11:04,572
I'm sorry you had the dream.
257
00:11:04,573 --> 00:11:06,173
I'm sorry you're gonna die.
258
00:11:06,273 --> 00:11:09,573
I'm sorry the family tradition
is gonna die with you.
259
00:11:09,673 --> 00:11:11,673
But that is just the way it is.
260
00:11:11,773 --> 00:11:15,572
I can't do this for anybody,
not even for my mama.
261
00:11:15,573 --> 00:11:17,673
Her mother did it.
262
00:11:19,973 --> 00:11:22,072
Oh...
263
00:11:22,073 --> 00:11:24,273
What's the matter, honey?
264
00:11:24,373 --> 00:11:26,172
Oh, Sammy, Sammy.
265
00:11:26,173 --> 00:11:30,772
It's this stupid
family tradition.
266
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,972
Since the beginning of time,
every woman in our family...
267
00:11:34,973 --> 00:11:36,473
who has children...
268
00:11:41,673 --> 00:11:43,972
has named one of her sons
269
00:11:43,973 --> 00:11:45,972
with the first name
of her father
270
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,572
and the maiden name
of her mother.
271
00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:48,873
And I just wouldn't do it.
272
00:11:49,973 --> 00:11:51,872
I don't mean to take
your mother's side here,
273
00:11:51,873 --> 00:11:52,973
but what's the big deal?
274
00:11:53,073 --> 00:11:54,172
It's just a name.
275
00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:56,273
Oh, yeah, sure, just a name.
276
00:11:56,373 --> 00:11:58,872
Why, uh, what was your
father's first name?
277
00:11:58,873 --> 00:12:01,073
Benito.
278
00:12:01,173 --> 00:12:02,773
And your mother's maiden name?
279
00:12:02,873 --> 00:12:04,773
Mussolini.
280
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,572
Yikes.
281
00:12:14,573 --> 00:12:16,973
Could I have some
more sauce, please?
282
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,672
The death walk.
283
00:12:21,673 --> 00:12:22,972
She's still here.
284
00:12:22,973 --> 00:12:27,672
I feel her presence
like a shiv in my heart.
285
00:12:27,673 --> 00:12:30,672
Mama.
286
00:12:30,673 --> 00:12:31,872
I'm not rejecting you.
287
00:12:31,873 --> 00:12:34,872
I just don't want to name
one of my sons Benito Mussolini.
288
00:12:34,873 --> 00:12:36,372
Why not?
289
00:12:36,373 --> 00:12:38,672
Because, back a few years,
290
00:12:38,673 --> 00:12:41,172
there was another
Benito Mussolini.
291
00:12:41,173 --> 00:12:42,272
Remember him?
292
00:12:42,273 --> 00:12:44,273
I don't see why one
Fascist dictator
293
00:12:44,373 --> 00:12:47,073
should ruin it for
the entire family.
294
00:12:48,873 --> 00:12:50,573
Mama, you are the only one
who even cares
295
00:12:50,673 --> 00:12:52,073
about that stupid name.
296
00:12:52,173 --> 00:12:54,273
Everybody else agrees
with me, right?
297
00:12:54,373 --> 00:12:55,773
Oh, you're an ungrateful child.
298
00:12:55,873 --> 00:12:57,073
You make me sick.
299
00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,673
Bitch.
300
00:13:04,373 --> 00:13:05,972
Okay.
301
00:13:05,973 --> 00:13:08,473
Well, just forget all of you.
302
00:13:08,573 --> 00:13:09,672
I hate this family.
303
00:13:09,673 --> 00:13:10,972
I hate this house.
304
00:13:10,973 --> 00:13:14,172
I just never want
to come back here again.
305
00:13:14,173 --> 00:13:15,073
I swear it.
306
00:13:15,074 --> 00:13:16,872
I swear it a million times.
307
00:13:16,873 --> 00:13:20,372
I swear on my children's eyes,
I am never, ever, ever
308
00:13:20,373 --> 00:13:23,773
setting foot in this stupid,
ugly, stinkin' rattrap again.
309
00:13:33,773 --> 00:13:35,773
Well, there goes my ride.
310
00:13:51,712 --> 00:13:52,911
How can her mother expect her
311
00:13:52,912 --> 00:13:55,311
to name one of her kids
after Benito Mussolini?
312
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:57,312
Well, it could have been worse.
313
00:13:57,412 --> 00:13:59,111
What if her father's name
had been Adolf?
314
00:13:59,112 --> 00:14:00,311
Yeah.
315
00:14:00,312 --> 00:14:01,312
Yeah, and her mother's
maiden name
316
00:14:01,313 --> 00:14:03,212
could have been Menjou.
317
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,312
Phew.
318
00:14:07,412 --> 00:14:10,412
She really dodged
the bullet there.
319
00:14:11,612 --> 00:14:12,812
Anyway, I gave her the day off
320
00:14:12,912 --> 00:14:14,911
so she could just go home
and cool out, you know.
321
00:14:14,912 --> 00:14:15,912
Well, very often
322
00:14:16,012 --> 00:14:17,311
that's the best thing you can do
323
00:14:17,312 --> 00:14:19,411
when you're not getting along
with a family member.
324
00:14:19,412 --> 00:14:20,911
Remove yourself
entirely from them.
325
00:14:20,912 --> 00:14:22,511
Find some neutral place
326
00:14:22,512 --> 00:14:25,112
where you can take the time
you need to be away from them.
327
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,611
You really think so, Fras?
328
00:14:26,612 --> 00:14:28,311
Well, that's...
329
00:14:28,312 --> 00:14:30,512
that's why we're
all here, isn't it?
330
00:14:33,112 --> 00:14:34,212
Thank you very much.
331
00:14:34,312 --> 00:14:35,511
Great.
332
00:14:35,512 --> 00:14:37,611
Four more freebies,
333
00:14:37,612 --> 00:14:40,212
thanks to Woody's
stupid coupon book.
334
00:14:43,912 --> 00:14:45,111
I'm sorry, Woody.
335
00:14:45,112 --> 00:14:47,012
I didn't see you there.
336
00:14:49,712 --> 00:14:51,412
Of course I'm there.
337
00:14:51,512 --> 00:14:53,311
I'm always there.
338
00:14:53,312 --> 00:14:55,311
Wherever there's a stupid idea,
339
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:56,811
that's where you'll find me.
340
00:14:56,812 --> 00:15:00,011
Stupid old Woody Boyd...
341
00:15:00,012 --> 00:15:01,612
Father of stupid thoughts,
342
00:15:01,712 --> 00:15:04,612
eye of the stupid storm.
343
00:15:04,712 --> 00:15:07,712
I've got to be the stupidest guy
on the face of the Earth.
344
00:15:07,912 --> 00:15:10,012
Woody, please don't say that.
Why not?
345
00:15:10,112 --> 00:15:13,112
Because you are giving
me a stupid headache.
346
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:14,712
Welcome to my private hell.
347
00:15:19,312 --> 00:15:21,212
Hi, Sam.
348
00:15:21,312 --> 00:15:23,112
How are you doing, honey?
Better.
349
00:15:23,212 --> 00:15:24,512
I went home,
350
00:15:24,612 --> 00:15:26,412
went to my bedroom,
shut off all the lights
351
00:15:26,512 --> 00:15:28,511
and laid down on my bed.
352
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:32,312
Then... I started thinking.
353
00:15:32,412 --> 00:15:34,711
What if I was dying
and Serafina refused to do
354
00:15:34,712 --> 00:15:36,512
the one thing
that meant the most to me.
355
00:15:36,612 --> 00:15:37,811
How would I feel?
356
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,111
So you apologized
to your mother?
357
00:15:40,112 --> 00:15:43,411
No. I went out and
yelled at Serafina.
358
00:15:43,412 --> 00:15:45,311
I felt a lot better.
359
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,611
So I went and yelled
at all the rest of the kids.
360
00:15:47,612 --> 00:15:49,111
Then I started thinking,
361
00:15:49,112 --> 00:15:50,812
why should I be
having all this fun
362
00:15:50,912 --> 00:15:52,311
when my mom's dying?
363
00:15:52,312 --> 00:15:56,111
So I decided I had to try
to do something for her.
364
00:15:56,112 --> 00:15:59,212
Well, I've got a bunch
of these coupon books left.
365
00:15:59,312 --> 00:16:02,011
They're only good for a month,
366
00:16:02,012 --> 00:16:04,712
but I guess in her case,
that doesn't matter.
367
00:16:06,812 --> 00:16:08,712
Anyway, all the kids were there,
368
00:16:08,812 --> 00:16:10,611
so I figured it wouldn't
hurt to ask them
369
00:16:10,612 --> 00:16:13,412
if anyone would fulfill their
grandmother's dying wish
370
00:16:13,512 --> 00:16:16,611
and change their name
to Benito Mussolini.
371
00:16:16,612 --> 00:16:17,711
Any takers?
372
00:16:17,712 --> 00:16:18,712
No.
373
00:16:18,713 --> 00:16:21,412
But I got two Madonnas
and an MC Hammer.
374
00:16:21,512 --> 00:16:22,911
Well,
375
00:16:22,912 --> 00:16:23,912
that's that.
376
00:16:24,012 --> 00:16:25,811
I tried everything I can.
377
00:16:25,812 --> 00:16:29,311
She didn't try the coupons.
378
00:16:29,312 --> 00:16:30,512
Sam?
379
00:16:30,612 --> 00:16:33,111
God, I hate it
when he says that.
380
00:16:33,112 --> 00:16:36,212
What? What? What're you gonna
nitpick this time?
381
00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:37,911
What, am I mixing my drinks
too loud?
382
00:16:37,912 --> 00:16:39,712
Am I using the wrong kind
of lightbulb?
383
00:16:39,812 --> 00:16:42,211
Oh, excuse me, maybe
some of my bar air
384
00:16:42,212 --> 00:16:45,011
accidentally wafted up
to your establishment.
385
00:16:45,012 --> 00:16:47,712
Sam, you're on the defensive.
386
00:16:47,812 --> 00:16:49,611
I'm not on the defensive,
and you say that again,
387
00:16:49,612 --> 00:16:52,011
I'm gonna pull the last
three hairs off your head.
388
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:55,212
Sam, I merely came down
to apologize
389
00:16:55,312 --> 00:16:58,411
for my intrusive
behavior earlier today.
390
00:16:58,412 --> 00:16:59,811
Really?
391
00:16:59,812 --> 00:17:01,211
Yes.
392
00:17:01,212 --> 00:17:02,788
I know I'd be resentful
if someone implied
393
00:17:02,812 --> 00:17:04,812
that I should run my business
in a particular way.
394
00:17:04,912 --> 00:17:07,512
It was out of line
for me to do so with you.
395
00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:08,711
Oh.
396
00:17:08,712 --> 00:17:10,512
Well... thank you.
397
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:13,212
I'm sorry, I am
a little defensive.
398
00:17:13,312 --> 00:17:14,212
Well, no harm done.
399
00:17:14,213 --> 00:17:16,111
In fact, to clear the air,
400
00:17:16,112 --> 00:17:18,612
I'd like to buy a round
of drinks for everyone here.
401
00:17:21,312 --> 00:17:24,012
Here you are, Sam.
402
00:17:24,112 --> 00:17:27,012
I think this should cover it.
403
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,611
Oh, and I'd like
one of your special martinis
404
00:17:29,612 --> 00:17:32,012
I've heard so much about.
405
00:17:32,112 --> 00:17:35,211
Oh, I'm out of coupons.
406
00:17:35,212 --> 00:17:37,912
Well, then, never mind.
407
00:17:39,812 --> 00:17:41,411
Hey, Ma.
408
00:17:41,412 --> 00:17:43,511
Gino, what are you doing here?
409
00:17:43,512 --> 00:17:44,988
Well, Ma, I was thinking about
all that stuff you said,
410
00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:47,012
you know about-about
making Grandma happy,
411
00:17:47,112 --> 00:17:49,811
and I was talking it over
with MC and the Madonnas,
412
00:17:49,812 --> 00:17:52,112
and I figured, heck,
413
00:17:52,212 --> 00:17:54,212
if it'll keep
this family together,
414
00:17:54,312 --> 00:17:55,711
someone's gotta do it.
415
00:17:55,712 --> 00:17:59,811
Ma, I'll be Benito Mussolini.
416
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,012
Look, Gino,
417
00:18:02,112 --> 00:18:05,211
do you even have any
idea who Mussolini was?
418
00:18:05,212 --> 00:18:07,112
Well, no, I didn't before,
419
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,911
but then Anthony told me
all about him.
420
00:18:08,912 --> 00:18:11,011
Ma, this guy
ran this whole country.
421
00:18:11,012 --> 00:18:13,312
And do you know
what they called him?
422
00:18:13,412 --> 00:18:15,211
They called him Il Duce.
423
00:18:15,212 --> 00:18:17,512
Huh? The Dooch.
424
00:18:18,312 --> 00:18:20,911
Hey, yeah, that's right.
425
00:18:20,912 --> 00:18:23,412
It's me... Dooch Tortelli.
426
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,412
That is a horrible name,
427
00:18:26,512 --> 00:18:28,011
and I never want
to hear it again.
428
00:18:28,012 --> 00:18:29,111
It sounds awful.
429
00:18:29,112 --> 00:18:31,012
I hate that name,
and I hate Mama
430
00:18:31,112 --> 00:18:32,811
for asking me to give it to you.
431
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:33,912
Okay.
432
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:35,088
Carla, that was your brother.
433
00:18:35,112 --> 00:18:36,711
He said to get over there
right away.
434
00:18:36,712 --> 00:18:37,712
Your mother's going fast.
435
00:18:38,712 --> 00:18:41,111
No.
436
00:18:41,112 --> 00:18:43,311
I swore I'd never go back
in that house again.
437
00:18:43,312 --> 00:18:44,711
I have my pride.
438
00:18:44,712 --> 00:18:46,612
Okay.
439
00:18:46,712 --> 00:18:49,112
Gino, want to grab her feet...
I'll get the rest of her.
440
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:52,112
Come here, come here,
come on, come on, come on.
441
00:18:52,212 --> 00:18:53,911
No! No! Put me down!
442
00:18:53,912 --> 00:18:55,512
Put me down! I don't want to go!
443
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,311
Would you hoist me
a little higher, guys?
444
00:18:57,312 --> 00:19:00,512
I'd like to have some butt left
when I get there.
445
00:19:11,312 --> 00:19:12,612
Oh, no.
446
00:19:12,712 --> 00:19:14,212
I'm too late.
447
00:19:19,712 --> 00:19:21,611
Oh, Mama.
448
00:19:21,612 --> 00:19:23,511
Oh, Mama, I'm sorry.
449
00:19:23,512 --> 00:19:27,411
Please forgive me.
450
00:19:27,412 --> 00:19:29,811
I hope you can hear me.
451
00:19:29,812 --> 00:19:33,012
I hope you can rest now.
452
00:19:33,112 --> 00:19:34,611
I swear
453
00:19:34,612 --> 00:19:36,112
on your memory,
454
00:19:36,212 --> 00:19:39,911
that my Gino is now named
455
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,112
Benito Mussolini.
456
00:19:42,212 --> 00:19:43,912
Well, it's about time.
457
00:19:44,912 --> 00:19:48,111
I was getting bedsores.
458
00:19:48,112 --> 00:19:50,311
You're not dead.
459
00:19:50,312 --> 00:19:51,811
You're not dead at all.
460
00:19:51,812 --> 00:19:54,111
You were never dying.
461
00:19:54,112 --> 00:19:56,511
You just did this to trick me.
462
00:19:56,512 --> 00:19:58,412
And you were all in on it.
463
00:19:58,512 --> 00:20:00,211
We listen to our mother.
464
00:20:00,212 --> 00:20:01,911
And we thought
it would be funny.
465
00:20:01,912 --> 00:20:03,412
Ma! No, Ma!
466
00:20:08,212 --> 00:20:10,611
You, you never even
had the dream.
467
00:20:10,612 --> 00:20:12,811
You just did this to trick me
468
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,711
into getting to name
my kid that stupid name.
469
00:20:14,712 --> 00:20:15,912
I had to.
470
00:20:16,012 --> 00:20:18,312
You're stubborn as your
grandmother's mule,
471
00:20:18,412 --> 00:20:21,412
who, incidentally,
you were named after.
472
00:20:23,412 --> 00:20:26,812
I honor tradition.
473
00:20:26,912 --> 00:20:28,912
Yeah, well, I'm gonna
give you something to honor
474
00:20:29,012 --> 00:20:30,412
right in the labonz!
475
00:20:30,512 --> 00:20:31,811
Ladies, ladies, please, please.
476
00:20:31,812 --> 00:20:32,911
Please. Stay out of this,
477
00:20:32,912 --> 00:20:35,012
if you know what's
good for you, Paddy.
478
00:20:38,312 --> 00:20:39,511
Listen, I may be old,
479
00:20:39,512 --> 00:20:42,012
but I can still instruct
others to hurt you.
480
00:20:42,112 --> 00:20:43,012
Benito, kick your mother
481
00:20:43,112 --> 00:20:45,312
in the teeth for me.
Okay, Grandma.
482
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:47,211
Don't you order...
483
00:20:47,212 --> 00:20:49,511
Don't you order my son around.
484
00:20:49,512 --> 00:20:52,611
Gino, go punch your
grandma in the kidneys.
485
00:20:52,612 --> 00:20:54,011
Okay, Ma.
486
00:20:54,012 --> 00:20:54,912
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
487
00:20:55,012 --> 00:20:56,512
You, you're big,
488
00:20:56,612 --> 00:20:57,811
throw Carla out the window.
489
00:20:57,812 --> 00:21:01,012
No, I'm not gonna throw
her out the window.
490
00:21:01,112 --> 00:21:02,611
All right.
491
00:21:02,612 --> 00:21:04,811
I'll do it, sick as I am.
492
00:21:04,812 --> 00:21:08,311
Please, please, I...
493
00:21:08,312 --> 00:21:10,611
Mrs. Lozupone, I don't mean
to be disrespectful here,
494
00:21:10,612 --> 00:21:12,211
but, you know,
you're not being fair.
495
00:21:12,212 --> 00:21:13,511
You're asking your daughter here
496
00:21:13,512 --> 00:21:16,611
to-to name her son
after a very bad man.
497
00:21:16,612 --> 00:21:17,911
And-and you faked death
498
00:21:17,912 --> 00:21:19,211
to get her to do it.
499
00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:21,511
I mean, these are
not your, uh...
500
00:21:21,512 --> 00:21:24,812
typical mother things.
501
00:21:24,912 --> 00:21:28,612
Are you saying I'm a bad mother?
502
00:21:28,712 --> 00:21:30,412
Well, yeah, in this
case, yeah, I am.
503
00:21:31,912 --> 00:21:32,912
Sam.
504
00:21:33,012 --> 00:21:34,511
What?
505
00:21:34,512 --> 00:21:36,612
You insulted my mother.
506
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,012
In her own house.
507
00:21:38,112 --> 00:21:41,711
With the food that we
cooked over her deathbed
508
00:21:41,712 --> 00:21:43,712
still stuck in your teeth.
509
00:21:43,812 --> 00:21:45,012
Is that bad?
510
00:21:56,512 --> 00:21:57,611
That's great, Carla.
511
00:21:57,612 --> 00:21:59,212
I'm glad you guys made up.
512
00:21:59,312 --> 00:22:03,011
Well, his name
is now Benito Mussolini.
513
00:22:03,012 --> 00:22:05,611
Call him Gino, for short.
514
00:22:05,612 --> 00:22:08,811
Yeah, she sounds so happy.
515
00:22:08,812 --> 00:22:10,711
She said that's the first time
they've all sat down
516
00:22:10,712 --> 00:22:12,011
to a family dinner in years.
517
00:22:12,012 --> 00:22:14,012
They ate, they laughed,
518
00:22:14,112 --> 00:22:15,811
they even got up and danced.
519
00:22:15,812 --> 00:22:17,512
Those Italian families
sound so warm.
520
00:22:17,612 --> 00:22:20,111
Yeah, I know
what you mean, Woody.
521
00:22:20,112 --> 00:22:22,712
Gee, I often wish that I was
a member of an ethnic group.
522
00:22:22,812 --> 00:22:25,212
Oh, it's...
523
00:22:27,212 --> 00:22:29,611
Oh, it's just as well.
524
00:22:29,612 --> 00:22:31,812
I hate hugging.
525
00:22:33,012 --> 00:22:35,212
Frasier, it's time to go.
526
00:22:35,312 --> 00:22:38,512
Boy, I-I sure married
the right woman.
527
00:22:47,312 --> 00:22:48,611
Good-bye, Mama.
528
00:22:48,612 --> 00:22:50,211
I love you. Mmm.
529
00:22:50,212 --> 00:22:51,212
See you next week.
530
00:22:51,213 --> 00:22:54,412
Oh, wait a minute,
I almost forgot something.
531
00:22:59,912 --> 00:23:01,411
Good night, Sammy.
532
00:23:01,412 --> 00:23:03,611
Carla, please let
me out. Please.
533
00:23:03,612 --> 00:23:05,812
Sammy, would you stop whining?
534
00:23:05,912 --> 00:23:07,412
It's a family tradition.
535
00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:09,812
You cross Mama,
you sleep in the wall.