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Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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Sam.
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Ha!
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Doug Aducci.
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Hey, guys, look at this.
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It's Doug Aducci,
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one of the best damn umpires
in the American League.
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And, uh, Sam here
was one of the best, uh,
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groomed pitchers
in the American League, huh?
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Sit down here.
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God, I can't believe this.
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Last time I saw this guy,
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we were playing the Yankees.
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You were behind the plate,
ninth inning.
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I was on the mound, up by one.
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He calls ball four on Munson.
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Next guy up is Chambliss,
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knocks one
right out of the park.
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Not that I care, man, but,
you know, that was a strike.
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No, if I called it a
ball, it was a ball, Sam.
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It was right at the knees.
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It must have been low.
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No, no, man, you gave me
the same pitch on Roy White.
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That was 1975, Sam.
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It's over.
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The point is that Chambliss
should never have come up.
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Look, Malone, I
said it was over!
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All I'm asking, Aducci...
If that's your real name...
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Is that you be consistent,
for God's sake!
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I mean, that was my livelihood!
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That's enough, Malone!
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Go get my drink!
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Hey, get your own drink!
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What?! You heard...
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What, are you hard
of hearing, too?!
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That's it! You're out of here!
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You'd throw me out for that?!
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Take a hike, Malone, right now!
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I'll take a hike,
but not before I do this!
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You stupid... I can't believe it!
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Eh, it may have been a strike.
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I was going
through a divorce that year.
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¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
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¶ Takes everything you've got ¶
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¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
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¶ Sure would help a lot.
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¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
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¶ Sometimes you want to go.
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
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¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
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¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶
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¶ The troubles
are all the same ¶
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¶ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ¶
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¶ You wanna go
where people know ¶
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¶ People are all the same.
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¶ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
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Morning, everybody.
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Norm!
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Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
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The warranty on my liver.
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Oh, Sammy, this town is going
down the tubes, I tell you.
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Why do you say that?
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Well, they're installing
parking meters up there.
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Yeah, I'll have to carry a
big pocket full of change.
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It's gonna ruin the
line of my pants.
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Have to go up there every two
hours, feed the damned meter.
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Well, you want me
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to tell you when two hours is up, Mr.
P.? No,
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I'll know, Woody.
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Every 87 sips.
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I don't accept that, Frasier.
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This shouldn't be happening.
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Well, Lilith, I warned you
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on the night that we
conceived little Frederick
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that raising a child would
not be all roses and rainbows.
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No, as I recall,
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the exact words you uttered
that night were,
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"Who cares
about the next 20 years?
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Let's get nasty."
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It's just like you to
miss the inner meaning.
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You guys okay?
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Well, we've just received
some very sobering news.
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Well, you're going to
have to feed that meter
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just like everybody
else, Dr. Crane.
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Yes, Woody.
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Well, the other thing
that has us so distraught
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is our son's development.
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Frederick is nearly a year old
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and has yet
to speak his first word.
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Since we were both so concerned,
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00:04:04,826 --> 00:04:07,627
we decided to have our little
man evaluated by a colleague
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who specializes
in child development.
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Oh. What'd he say?
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He confirmed our worst fears.
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Frederick is... average.
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Ooh.
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Goodness.
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It's not funny.
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Oh, really, Lilith.
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You didn't expect any sympathy
here in Mayberry, did you?
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Frasier, two people
as gifted as we are
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were never meant
to have an average baby.
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It's so unjust.
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Well, it's not the end
of the world, my love.
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So he won't be as
erudite as his parents.
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He can still lead a
happy, normal life
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like the rest of these people.
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And...
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the new record... 53!
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Yes!
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Yeah.
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It's your fault, Lilith! What?
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Yes, obviously you have
an inferior gene pool.
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Me?
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Well, I didn't
have a grandfather
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who was a butter and
egg man in New Jersey.
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Mother warned me
you'd say you love me,
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but sooner or later,
you'd bring that up.
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Lilith, Lilith, I'm sorry.
120
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My grandfather wasn't even
in America at that time.
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If he had been, he wouldn't be
hawking butter and eggs.
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Hi, guys.
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Hey. Hey.
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Oh, hi, Miss Howe.
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You got a letter here
from Mr. Colcord.
126
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Oh, thanks, Woody.
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It smells like cinnamon.
128
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Yeah, Robin's working
in the bakery now.
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They put him in
charge of sticky buns.
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So what's the word
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from our man in the pokey?
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"Dear Rebecca,
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"I miss you very much.
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"The days go by so slowly here.
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I lie on my cot
and dream about your..."
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Dream about your what?
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Face.
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My smile, my pleasant demeanor.
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Come on.
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What does it say?
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You guys, this is private.
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I don't want to read it to you.
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I'd be happy with
just the verbs.
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Hey, get a load
of this pencil sketch
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of her demeanor.
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Ooh.
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Come on, Carla.
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How can life be so unfair?
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They put this sweet,
wonderful, dirty man behind bars
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without conjugal visits.
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Three years
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I saved myself for a man
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and what did I end up with?
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A two-month window of sex.
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Oh, you know, uh, when
my brother was in the Army,
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he used to visit Amsterdam
all the time.
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He said they have a window
of sex on every block.
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Yeah, I, uh,
I saved the letters.
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You might like them, Miss Howe.
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No thanks, Woody.
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Okay, Miss Howe.
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00:06:32,583 --> 00:06:34,284
No hurry on those letters,
Mr. Clavin.
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Frasier, would you
like to hear my theory
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as to why Frederick
is not progressing
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as well as he should?
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Something tells me
I wouldn't, my love.
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Uh, Woody, uh,
two more drinks, please.
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It's both our fault.
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We don't spend
enough time with him.
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We're too busy with our careers.
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He's being raised
by a housekeeper.
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There is no consistency
in his life.
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I agree, Lilith.
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As you know, we rarely agree,
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as you're a behaviorist
and I'm a strict Freudian,
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00:07:07,096 --> 00:07:08,496
but it does make
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for some, some, some hot,
angry sex in the boudoir.
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I don't have to tell you.
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I wish you hadn't.
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Let's face facts.
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We should let the
housekeeper go.
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One of us should be with
our child at all times.
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The only question is: Which one?
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Well, you, of course.
185
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Why me, of course?
186
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Because I'm the woman?
187
00:07:31,806 --> 00:07:34,107
Why is the man's work
automatically more important?
188
00:07:34,207 --> 00:07:35,283
I'm making great breakthroughs
189
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in my current research project.
190
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Yes, well,
191
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damn me to an eternity
driving a Yugo,
192
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but I make more money than you.
193
00:07:40,810 --> 00:07:44,110
I write more books in one
year than you read, Frasier.
194
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Yes, well, I have many degrees.
195
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Hey, hold it.
196
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I-I'll settle this.
197
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Let's pick an arbitrary way
to make the decision.
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All right, whoever has
the most freckles on their arm
199
00:07:55,415 --> 00:07:56,415
stays home with the baby.
200
00:07:58,016 --> 00:07:59,817
I think that's an
excellent way to choose.
201
00:07:59,917 --> 00:08:00,817
Oh, you would say that.
202
00:08:00,917 --> 00:08:03,919
You have no pigmentation
in your skin.
203
00:08:04,019 --> 00:08:06,520
For God's sake, what
are we arguing about?
204
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,720
Who should stay
home with our child?
205
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,721
It's not a punishment,
it's an honor.
206
00:08:10,821 --> 00:08:12,022
I'd love to.
207
00:08:12,122 --> 00:08:15,122
I'd be delighted to stay
home and nurture my child.
208
00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:17,824
Oh, Lilith, you role-play
the mother so well.
209
00:08:17,924 --> 00:08:19,123
If we can't make a commitment
210
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,225
to be with our child
at all cost, who can?
211
00:08:21,325 --> 00:08:22,526
I agree.
212
00:08:22,626 --> 00:08:24,325
The most important thing
is to be with Frederick
213
00:08:24,326 --> 00:08:25,627
during his formative years.
214
00:08:25,727 --> 00:08:26,927
Say, I have a thought.
215
00:08:27,027 --> 00:08:28,828
In celebration
of this realization,
216
00:08:28,928 --> 00:08:31,329
we'll have dinner together
tonight, just the two of us.
217
00:08:31,429 --> 00:08:32,830
And Frederick.
218
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:33,830
Of course.
219
00:08:33,831 --> 00:08:35,131
Oh, oh, did you want to come?
220
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:44,734
Afternoon again, everybody.
221
00:08:44,834 --> 00:08:46,334
Norm!
222
00:08:46,335 --> 00:08:47,734
What'll you have
this time, Norm?
223
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:51,436
A cow, if I have to climb
those stairs one more time.
224
00:08:51,437 --> 00:08:53,137
I am sick of this.
225
00:08:53,138 --> 00:08:57,239
Every two hours, it's up the
stairs and down to the corner,
226
00:08:57,339 --> 00:08:59,539
over to the meter, put the
coin, down the stairs...
227
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:00,717
At least you're getting
exercise, huh, Mr. Peterson?
228
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,541
I get my exercise, Woody.
229
00:09:02,641 --> 00:09:05,341
What, do you think
I just hop off the bar stool
230
00:09:05,342 --> 00:09:07,543
and bam... there's a bathroom?
231
00:09:07,643 --> 00:09:09,043
No.
232
00:09:09,044 --> 00:09:12,245
N-No, n-n-no, it's way
down the hall, Woody.
233
00:09:12,345 --> 00:09:14,546
Hey, Rebecca.
234
00:09:14,646 --> 00:09:16,347
Total up those receipts
from last night?
235
00:09:16,447 --> 00:09:18,647
Rebecca!
236
00:09:18,748 --> 00:09:19,748
Huh?
237
00:09:19,848 --> 00:09:20,948
Receipts.
238
00:09:21,048 --> 00:09:22,649
Oh. No.
239
00:09:22,749 --> 00:09:24,550
Well, it's 3:00.
240
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,150
What have you been
doing all day?
241
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:28,251
I've been writing this
reply to Robin's letter.
242
00:09:28,351 --> 00:09:30,352
Oh, come... hey, write that
on your own time,
243
00:09:30,452 --> 00:09:31,352
will you, for goodness' sake?
244
00:09:31,452 --> 00:09:32,853
How are you going
to get work done
245
00:09:32,953 --> 00:09:34,454
if all you do
is think about sex?
246
00:09:34,554 --> 00:09:36,254
I don't know, Sam.
How do you do it?
247
00:09:38,355 --> 00:09:40,656
I'm a boy, it's my job.
248
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Fine, I'll get your receipts.
249
00:09:44,658 --> 00:09:45,458
Sam, don't you think
250
00:09:45,658 --> 00:09:47,258
you were a little tough
on Miss Howe?
251
00:09:47,259 --> 00:09:49,059
I mean, she's hardly ever happy.
252
00:09:49,159 --> 00:09:50,260
So what if she was late
253
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,661
totaling up
some dumb old receipts?
254
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:54,661
Oh, maybe you're right.
255
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,861
Maybe I was
a little tough on her.
256
00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:58,463
Sam, is this all the
vermouth we have?
257
00:09:58,563 --> 00:10:00,140
Yeah, Rebecca was supposed
to order some more.
258
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:01,364
She probably forgot.
259
00:10:01,464 --> 00:10:03,065
Oh, well, now, that's just tops.
260
00:10:03,165 --> 00:10:07,065
Hey, Miss Howe, you were
supposed to order more vermouth!
261
00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:08,467
We pay you
for an eight-hour day,
262
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:12,268
we expect eight hours!
263
00:10:12,368 --> 00:10:15,169
Sometimes I wonder, Sam,
what are they thinking?
264
00:10:17,370 --> 00:10:19,471
Good afternoon, everyone.
265
00:10:19,571 --> 00:10:21,771
Sam, just a quick iced tea.
266
00:10:21,772 --> 00:10:24,173
I've got my obsessive-compulsive
group to preside over.
267
00:10:24,273 --> 00:10:25,672
You can imagine
how punctual they are.
268
00:10:25,673 --> 00:10:26,774
Ha.
269
00:10:26,874 --> 00:10:28,174
What time does it start?
270
00:10:28,274 --> 00:10:29,175
Well,
271
00:10:29,275 --> 00:10:30,874
now.
272
00:10:30,875 --> 00:10:31,876
Boy, the next 15 minutes
273
00:10:31,976 --> 00:10:33,452
are really going
to drive them bonkers.
274
00:10:33,476 --> 00:10:36,578
But that's exactly
what they need.
275
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,077
Dr. Crane, I've got
276
00:10:38,078 --> 00:10:40,879
some messages here
from Mrs. Dr. Crane.
277
00:10:40,979 --> 00:10:41,780
Yes, Woody? Yes, well,
278
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,079
she called to say
279
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,781
she thinks Freddy might
have a diaper rash
280
00:10:44,881 --> 00:10:47,782
and she can't find
the A & D Ointment.
281
00:10:47,882 --> 00:10:50,283
And then she called back to
say she found the ointment,
282
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,484
but would it be better
to use talcum powder?
283
00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:54,084
Mm-hmm.
284
00:10:54,185 --> 00:10:55,584
And then she called
back to say never mind,
285
00:10:55,585 --> 00:10:57,586
she's just gonna, uh,
leave the diaper off
286
00:10:57,686 --> 00:11:01,786
and let Freddy air
out his little bottom.
287
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,188
And then she called
one last time
288
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,189
to ask where the
carpet cleaner is.
289
00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:09,090
Oh, my God.
290
00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:10,391
Everything okay?
291
00:11:11,091 --> 00:11:11,991
Oh, everything's fine, Sam.
292
00:11:12,091 --> 00:11:13,792
We just made
one horrible mistake.
293
00:11:13,892 --> 00:11:14,792
What's that?
294
00:11:14,893 --> 00:11:17,293
We left the child alone
with its mother.
295
00:11:27,433 --> 00:11:28,634
Carla, you got a minute?
296
00:11:28,734 --> 00:11:29,934
What do you need, Becks?
297
00:11:30,034 --> 00:11:31,834
I'm trying to write
an appropriate reply
298
00:11:31,835 --> 00:11:33,735
to Robin's letter.
299
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:37,536
Well, I don't seem to be able
to... express myself.
300
00:11:37,537 --> 00:11:39,638
You want to send
a "Smut-O-Gram."
301
00:11:39,738 --> 00:11:41,115
And I was wondering
if you could help me
302
00:11:41,139 --> 00:11:45,340
since you're the closest thing
to a sailor I know.
303
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:49,942
Step into my office and
rejoice in the filth.
304
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:53,343
All right, so this
is what I've got so far.
305
00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:56,645
"Dear Robin, I am writing you
this letter while lying...
306
00:11:56,745 --> 00:11:59,145
naked in the tub."
307
00:11:59,146 --> 00:12:00,946
Let me just stop you
right there.
308
00:12:02,247 --> 00:12:04,548
"I'm writing you this letter
309
00:12:04,648 --> 00:12:07,949
while lying naked
on my kitchen table."
310
00:12:08,849 --> 00:12:11,249
Whoa!
311
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:13,051
That is good.
312
00:12:13,151 --> 00:12:14,652
Well, there's a lot
more depth to me
313
00:12:14,752 --> 00:12:18,553
than just being a
waitress, you know.
314
00:12:18,653 --> 00:12:19,554
Okay.
315
00:12:19,654 --> 00:12:20,930
"Just thinking of you
makes me hot.
316
00:12:20,954 --> 00:12:24,556
It..."
Oh, no, no, no, no, not hot, no.
317
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:25,556
Write this.
318
00:12:25,656 --> 00:12:27,057
Okay.
319
00:12:27,157 --> 00:12:28,356
"I'm on fire."
320
00:12:28,357 --> 00:12:29,257
Fire.
321
00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:32,559
"I'm churning, I'm burning.
322
00:12:32,659 --> 00:12:35,159
"I want something, anything.
323
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,961
"I reach for a piece of fruit...
324
00:12:39,061 --> 00:12:43,462
"an orange, a ripe orange,
325
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,564
"big and sweet.
326
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:48,265
"I peel back the skin...
327
00:12:48,365 --> 00:12:49,765
"slowly.
328
00:12:49,865 --> 00:12:52,366
"My fingernails tear
into the pulp.
329
00:12:52,466 --> 00:12:53,506
The juice runs down my"...
330
00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:55,468
You know, that orange
isn't going to work
331
00:12:55,568 --> 00:12:58,868
because the juice burns
his ulcers.
332
00:12:58,869 --> 00:13:00,068
Oh!
333
00:13:00,069 --> 00:13:03,371
Look, if you're not going
to get into the spirit
334
00:13:03,471 --> 00:13:06,472
of soft porn,
just forget about it.
335
00:13:06,572 --> 00:13:08,873
No, Carla, you're right.
336
00:13:08,973 --> 00:13:10,173
I know. Who am I fooling?
337
00:13:10,273 --> 00:13:12,174
I can't write this stuff.
338
00:13:12,274 --> 00:13:14,874
Besides, what good
is a dirty letter?
339
00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:18,677
Just fun words
on a piece of paper.
340
00:13:18,777 --> 00:13:19,677
You know, you're right.
341
00:13:19,777 --> 00:13:21,578
You need your man.
342
00:13:21,678 --> 00:13:23,778
We got to sneak you
into that prison
343
00:13:23,779 --> 00:13:25,579
so you can get what you need.
344
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,380
Oh, that's a great idea.
345
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:28,856
Yeah, let's go.
Oh, but wait a minute,
346
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,680
wait a minute, I don't
know which cell is Robin's.
347
00:13:30,681 --> 00:13:32,381
How will we find him?
348
00:13:32,382 --> 00:13:33,582
It has to be Robin?
349
00:13:35,383 --> 00:13:38,183
Th-There's lots of guys
in there.
350
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,085
You might find someone
you like better.
351
00:13:40,185 --> 00:13:42,786
Come on.
352
00:13:42,886 --> 00:13:45,486
It's a minimum security prison.
353
00:13:45,487 --> 00:13:46,886
How hard could it be?
354
00:13:46,887 --> 00:13:49,164
I mean you're allowed to visit
him anytime you want, right?
355
00:13:49,188 --> 00:13:50,089
Yeah.
356
00:13:50,189 --> 00:13:51,189
So what you do
357
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,490
is you find some secluded spot.
358
00:13:53,590 --> 00:13:55,690
Oh, you know, the garden area
is usually deserted.
359
00:13:55,691 --> 00:13:56,691
Great, great.
360
00:13:56,692 --> 00:13:57,792
I'll stand watch
361
00:13:57,892 --> 00:14:00,093
and you can stay with
him as long as you want.
362
00:14:00,193 --> 00:14:01,493
Oh, it shouldn't take long.
363
00:14:01,593 --> 00:14:04,694
He's English.
364
00:14:04,794 --> 00:14:07,295
Sam, we're going to be gone
for a couple hours.
365
00:14:07,395 --> 00:14:10,796
Girl stuff.
366
00:14:10,797 --> 00:14:12,696
Girl stuff? Why do
they always say that?
367
00:14:12,697 --> 00:14:14,698
What does that mean?
368
00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:21,201
Oh, Sam, I didn't
want to know that.
369
00:14:23,202 --> 00:14:26,002
Greetings, all.
370
00:14:26,003 --> 00:14:27,903
The boys are out
for an adventure.
371
00:14:28,003 --> 00:14:29,604
Hey-hey!
372
00:14:29,704 --> 00:14:31,605
I'm glad to see you guys.
373
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,806
Has the little dude said
his first word yet?
374
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,105
Well, I thought so,
375
00:14:35,106 --> 00:14:37,106
but then I checked my unabridged
Oxford English dictionary
376
00:14:37,107 --> 00:14:39,208
and I was unable
to find the word "gak."
377
00:14:40,808 --> 00:14:42,708
Sam, may I have a beer, please,
378
00:14:42,709 --> 00:14:45,810
and could you warm up this
formula for my little angel?
379
00:14:47,611 --> 00:14:48,710
Oh, pipe down!
380
00:14:48,711 --> 00:14:50,312
You saw me give
the bottle to Sam.
381
00:14:50,412 --> 00:14:52,713
Does, does water just
boil instantly? No!
382
00:14:52,813 --> 00:14:54,614
He'll warm it,
then you'll get it!
383
00:14:54,714 --> 00:14:57,915
And it'll be
yum-yum-yum-yum-yum.
384
00:15:00,216 --> 00:15:01,816
So, uh...
385
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,093
going a little rough there,
Dr. Mom?
386
00:15:03,117 --> 00:15:04,618
Well, let's just say
387
00:15:04,718 --> 00:15:08,119
that since I have become the
primary caregiver to Frederick,
388
00:15:08,219 --> 00:15:10,720
I have a newfound respect
for those who have decided
389
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:12,220
to stay home
and dedicate their lives
390
00:15:12,221 --> 00:15:13,497
to the raising
of their children.
391
00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:14,821
I have also realized
392
00:15:14,822 --> 00:15:16,662
that if I were to do it
for any amount of time,
393
00:15:16,722 --> 00:15:18,999
you would soon hear stories
of me sitting naked in a tower
394
00:15:19,023 --> 00:15:22,023
with a high-powered rifle.
395
00:15:22,024 --> 00:15:23,125
Oh, yeah.
396
00:15:23,225 --> 00:15:24,425
See, as a rule, your, uh,
397
00:15:24,525 --> 00:15:28,126
psycho killers
don't have families.
398
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:29,927
Nah, they're, uh,
they're loners.
399
00:15:30,027 --> 00:15:31,987
They may have jobs, they're
good to their mothers,
400
00:15:32,028 --> 00:15:33,529
but, by and large,
401
00:15:33,629 --> 00:15:36,329
they sit alone at
night in a dark room,
402
00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:38,431
writing their depraved
thoughts in a diary.
403
00:15:38,531 --> 00:15:41,632
Cliffie, you keep a diary,
don't you?
404
00:15:44,233 --> 00:15:47,033
I, uh, keep a journal, Norm.
405
00:15:47,034 --> 00:15:49,535
A journal!
406
00:15:53,737 --> 00:15:57,138
So does Lilith know
you guys are over here?
407
00:15:57,238 --> 00:15:59,739
Oh, yes, of course, Sam.
408
00:15:59,839 --> 00:16:02,040
I told her that I was just
taking our 11-month-old baby
409
00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:03,340
out for a tall one.
410
00:16:04,741 --> 00:16:07,642
The irony is
I got myself into this pickle.
411
00:16:07,742 --> 00:16:10,442
I convinced Lilith that with my
background and clinical skills,
412
00:16:10,443 --> 00:16:12,844
I should be the one to take
primary care of the child,
413
00:16:12,944 --> 00:16:13,944
not her.
414
00:16:14,045 --> 00:16:15,845
Naturally,
she took it personally.
415
00:16:15,945 --> 00:16:18,046
I was somehow denigrating
her competency as a mother.
416
00:16:18,146 --> 00:16:21,347
Boy, you look cross-eyed
at a woman these days...
417
00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:23,647
So she does know you're here?
418
00:16:23,648 --> 00:16:24,948
Well, no, no.
419
00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:27,749
I didn't fill her in on our
itinerary for the entire day,
420
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:29,951
but she won't question
my judgment.
421
00:16:30,051 --> 00:16:32,027
I have assumed complete
responsibility for the child
422
00:16:32,051 --> 00:16:34,251
and I see no problem with him
being in this environment.
423
00:16:34,252 --> 00:16:35,753
Hey, look,
424
00:16:35,853 --> 00:16:38,854
with a cigar in his hand,
he looks just like Baby Herman.
425
00:16:45,557 --> 00:16:47,958
If Lilith calls, we're not here.
426
00:16:56,461 --> 00:16:58,362
Your Colcord should be out here.
427
00:16:58,462 --> 00:17:01,263
Oh, my God.
428
00:17:01,363 --> 00:17:02,663
The whole prison's here.
429
00:17:02,763 --> 00:17:04,064
What's going on?
430
00:17:04,164 --> 00:17:05,540
It's one
of our inmate's birthdays...
431
00:17:05,564 --> 00:17:06,964
Congressman Bailor.
432
00:17:06,965 --> 00:17:08,966
He's hosting a little
barbecue for the men.
433
00:17:09,066 --> 00:17:10,566
He's from Texas, you know.
434
00:17:10,666 --> 00:17:12,667
Oh, man.
435
00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:14,867
I don't think I can go
through with this here.
436
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,669
The thought of a lot of
people being a few feet away,
437
00:17:17,769 --> 00:17:19,970
and somebody could
discover us at any minute.
438
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:22,270
What, you're saying that
like it's a bad thing.
439
00:17:22,271 --> 00:17:23,772
Part of me wants to stay here
440
00:17:23,872 --> 00:17:25,672
and the other part
of me wants to run.
441
00:17:27,473 --> 00:17:29,174
All of me wants to strip down,
442
00:17:29,274 --> 00:17:33,175
lay on the grass,
and yell, "Fumble!"
443
00:17:33,275 --> 00:17:35,676
All right.
444
00:17:35,776 --> 00:17:37,477
I've come this far.
445
00:17:37,577 --> 00:17:40,677
It wasn't the bad investments
that ruined my S & L,
446
00:17:40,678 --> 00:17:43,279
it was
the free checking accounts.
447
00:17:43,379 --> 00:17:45,379
Robin! Whoo!
448
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:46,780
Rebecca, what a surprise.
449
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:47,781
Hello.
450
00:17:47,881 --> 00:17:49,081
Oh, have you met the boys?
451
00:17:49,181 --> 00:17:51,482
No, but I've seen
all of you on TV.
452
00:17:51,582 --> 00:17:54,884
Yeah, uh, boys, would you
excuse us for a moment?
453
00:17:54,984 --> 00:17:55,984
Darling.
454
00:17:56,084 --> 00:17:57,385
Robin, I got your letter.
455
00:17:57,485 --> 00:17:58,861
Oh, yeah,
I hope I didn't go too far.
456
00:17:58,885 --> 00:17:59,962
Did you mean
everything you said?
457
00:17:59,986 --> 00:18:01,186
Every word.
458
00:18:01,286 --> 00:18:03,387
And those little drawings
in the margin, yeah.
459
00:18:03,487 --> 00:18:05,987
Then I have got a
surprise for you.
460
00:18:05,988 --> 00:18:09,489
Rebecca, wh... there's
a party going on here.
461
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,190
Uh, darling.
462
00:18:12,290 --> 00:18:13,291
Aah!
463
00:18:13,391 --> 00:18:14,790
Rebecca, darling, darling.
464
00:18:14,791 --> 00:18:16,192
No, no, no.
465
00:18:16,292 --> 00:18:18,792
W-W-We, we can't.
It's not... no, no, it's okay.
466
00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,694
It's okay, no one will see.
467
00:18:20,794 --> 00:18:23,075
Carla's right over there on
the other side standing guard.
468
00:18:25,595 --> 00:18:27,696
Settle down, boys, settle down.
469
00:18:27,796 --> 00:18:30,196
Darling, darling,
darling, you know...
470
00:18:30,197 --> 00:18:31,798
You know I want you
more than anything,
471
00:18:31,898 --> 00:18:33,399
but we just
can't take the chance.
472
00:18:33,499 --> 00:18:34,499
Why?
473
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,100
I can be quiet.
474
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,400
Quiet, no, no.
475
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,001
No, it's, it's not that...
476
00:18:39,101 --> 00:18:40,001
And I'd feel insulted
if you were...
477
00:18:40,002 --> 00:18:43,301
But I've just heard
wonderful news.
478
00:18:43,302 --> 00:18:45,203
I'm up for early parole
next month.
479
00:18:45,303 --> 00:18:46,404
Oh! That's good!
480
00:18:46,504 --> 00:18:47,804
You see, so I can't do anything
481
00:18:47,904 --> 00:18:49,005
that would jeopardize that,
482
00:18:49,105 --> 00:18:51,905
um, and, well, this is one
of the few rules, and, um,
483
00:18:51,906 --> 00:18:53,906
you know,
while I, I burn for you,
484
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,806
I must adhere to it
or I'll be here
485
00:18:55,807 --> 00:18:57,007
for another year.
486
00:18:57,008 --> 00:19:00,308
Now, you do understand that,
don't you?
487
00:19:00,309 --> 00:19:02,010
Sure, I do.
488
00:19:02,110 --> 00:19:05,111
You don't want to be in
jail for another year.
489
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:08,112
But what about my needs?!
490
00:19:09,112 --> 00:19:12,013
Carla, we're out of here!
491
00:19:16,115 --> 00:19:18,516
Gee whiz, Cliff,
why don't you give it up?
492
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:19,516
It's been an hour.
493
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,017
Let's let Frederick
have a chance.
494
00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:23,918
No, if he wants to play with it,
495
00:19:24,018 --> 00:19:25,419
let him ask me himself.
496
00:19:27,319 --> 00:19:29,920
Cliff, you know
he can't speak yet.
497
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:33,122
And what a cruel irony
that you can.
498
00:19:34,322 --> 00:19:36,422
Norm.
499
00:19:36,423 --> 00:19:38,424
It's 5:00,
time to feed the meter.
500
00:19:38,524 --> 00:19:40,824
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
501
00:19:40,825 --> 00:19:42,625
I have had it, Sam.
502
00:19:42,725 --> 00:19:45,426
No more of this climbing
up the stairs every two hours.
503
00:19:45,526 --> 00:19:46,526
You're not leaving me
504
00:19:46,527 --> 00:19:48,327
for another bar, are you?
505
00:19:48,328 --> 00:19:50,929
Oh, no,
I'm going to sell my car.
506
00:19:51,029 --> 00:19:52,829
5:00 already?
507
00:19:52,929 --> 00:19:55,530
We've been here all day.
508
00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:57,107
Time to get the little guy home,
huh, Dr. Crane?
509
00:19:57,131 --> 00:19:58,230
Well,
510
00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,031
Lilith doesn't get home
until 6:00.
511
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,233
Say, darts, anyone?
512
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:02,333
Paul? Yeah, sure.
513
00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:03,433
Cliff, you coming?
514
00:20:03,434 --> 00:20:04,634
Uh, yeah, I'll be right there.
515
00:20:06,034 --> 00:20:08,836
This thing's harder
than the civil service exam.
516
00:20:11,837 --> 00:20:14,738
What a waste.
517
00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:15,738
Not for me.
518
00:20:15,838 --> 00:20:17,939
I got 15 dates lined up.
519
00:20:18,039 --> 00:20:21,139
Of course, none of
them start for a year.
520
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:24,842
I got no romance,
no satisfaction, no nothing.
521
00:20:24,942 --> 00:20:27,143
Come on, you don't have nothing.
522
00:20:27,243 --> 00:20:28,743
You got a purse full of ribs.
523
00:20:28,843 --> 00:20:29,744
What? Sure.
524
00:20:29,844 --> 00:20:31,544
I took the liberty
of filling you up.
525
00:20:31,644 --> 00:20:35,446
The sauce is in the
change compartment.
526
00:20:35,546 --> 00:20:37,347
Hey, cheer up.
527
00:20:37,447 --> 00:20:39,848
He said he'd be out
in a couple of months.
528
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:42,549
Yeah, sure, so what am
I supposed to do until then?
529
00:20:42,649 --> 00:20:43,749
Tell you what.
530
00:20:43,849 --> 00:20:46,649
There's, uh, some construction
workers down the street.
531
00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:48,751
What about you
and I go cruising?
532
00:20:50,051 --> 00:20:52,352
No, I can't cheat on Robin.
533
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:55,653
Man, I thought we were
going to be close.
534
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:57,754
Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt
535
00:20:57,855 --> 00:21:02,555
if we just paraded around them
and frustrate them a little bit.
536
00:21:02,556 --> 00:21:03,757
There you go.
537
00:21:03,857 --> 00:21:05,257
Let's do it. All right.
538
00:21:05,357 --> 00:21:08,559
Let's spread the pain around.
539
00:21:08,659 --> 00:21:09,958
Where are you guys going?
540
00:21:09,959 --> 00:21:12,659
Girl stuff.
541
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:14,361
Ick!
542
00:21:16,462 --> 00:21:18,863
Hello, Sam.
543
00:21:18,963 --> 00:21:20,663
Hey, Lilith.
544
00:21:20,763 --> 00:21:23,263
Query: If I had a problem
545
00:21:23,264 --> 00:21:25,464
and needed to talk
to someone about it,
546
00:21:25,465 --> 00:21:27,365
would it be perpetuating
a stereotype
547
00:21:27,366 --> 00:21:29,767
to actually select a bartender?
548
00:21:29,867 --> 00:21:30,966
Well, that, that depends.
549
00:21:30,967 --> 00:21:31,967
On what?
550
00:21:31,968 --> 00:21:33,468
On what you just said.
551
00:21:35,569 --> 00:21:38,070
I feel like a failure...
552
00:21:38,170 --> 00:21:41,271
A failure as a mother,
ergo as a woman and a person.
553
00:21:42,672 --> 00:21:45,672
Do you make a drink
for failures here at Cheers?
554
00:21:45,673 --> 00:21:47,550
Uh, hold on a sec... Phil,
what are you drinking?
555
00:21:47,574 --> 00:21:48,474
A Manhattan.
556
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:50,475
Manhattan.
557
00:21:55,177 --> 00:21:57,077
You know,
558
00:21:57,178 --> 00:21:59,577
sweetheart,
I'd bet my bottom dollar
559
00:21:59,578 --> 00:22:01,479
that you're a pretty good mom.
560
00:22:01,579 --> 00:22:04,880
Yes, well, considering
that endorsement comes
561
00:22:04,981 --> 00:22:06,380
from a perennial Peter Pan
562
00:22:06,381 --> 00:22:07,982
with no sense of maturity
563
00:22:08,082 --> 00:22:11,282
or obligation, you'll excuse me
if I don't leap over the bar,
564
00:22:11,283 --> 00:22:12,984
embrace you,
and say, "Really, Sam?"
565
00:22:13,084 --> 00:22:14,783
You think so?"
566
00:22:14,784 --> 00:22:18,185
Well, glad I could
be there for you.
567
00:22:18,186 --> 00:22:20,085
I'm sorry.
568
00:22:20,086 --> 00:22:21,787
Perhaps I'm just bitter
569
00:22:21,887 --> 00:22:24,887
because Frasier is succeeding
with our son where I failed.
570
00:22:24,888 --> 00:22:26,388
He is indeed a better influence
571
00:22:26,389 --> 00:22:28,889
on my precious baby.
572
00:22:28,890 --> 00:22:30,390
Hey, guess what, everybody?
573
00:22:30,490 --> 00:22:32,390
Little Frederick
beat Cliff at darts.
574
00:22:32,391 --> 00:22:34,792
Frasier!
575
00:22:34,892 --> 00:22:36,693
Uh-oh. What are you doing here?
576
00:22:36,793 --> 00:22:40,594
I didn't give my son to you
so you could run off
577
00:22:40,694 --> 00:22:42,294
and spend the day
in a bawdy house.
578
00:22:42,295 --> 00:22:44,196
Yes, well, my, my
little chopped salad,
579
00:22:44,296 --> 00:22:47,697
I mean, we just got here,
what, ten minutes ago.
580
00:22:47,797 --> 00:22:49,198
You're lying.
581
00:22:49,298 --> 00:22:51,698
Well, yes, I'm lying, but, uh...
582
00:22:51,699 --> 00:22:53,599
I-I thought that Frederick
might enjoy himself.
583
00:22:53,699 --> 00:22:55,400
Enjoy himself in a bar?
584
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:56,900
He's 11 months old.
585
00:22:56,901 --> 00:22:59,101
What kind of values
can he learn here?
586
00:22:59,102 --> 00:23:02,102
Well, I-I thought the
place had a lot to offer.
587
00:23:02,103 --> 00:23:05,404
Oh, please, he'll never learn
to speak in this environment.
588
00:23:05,504 --> 00:23:07,205
Afternoon, everybody.
589
00:23:07,305 --> 00:23:08,905
Norm!
590
00:23:19,109 --> 00:23:21,710
He said "Mommy."