1
00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:09,175
(♪ Fanfare)

2
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,343
(Tires screech)

3
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,552
(Crashing)

4
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,888
(Fanfare slows, stops)

5
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:16,224
- (Engine roars)
- (Police siren)

6
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:27,860
- (Horn toots)
- (Giggling)

7
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,740
(Engine roars)

8
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,038
(♪ Ray Stevens: Cannonball)

9
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,658
(Tires screech)

10
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,564
(Siren)

11
00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:32,128
(Man in car) Headquarters, we are still
in pursuit of the black Lamborghini.

12
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,089
(Man on radio) Car 42,
you've been in pursuit for two hours.

13
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,717
Another five minutes
and you'll be in Arizona.

14
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:41,721
(Man in car) Yeah, and we're gonna
stay in pursuit until we catch him.

15
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:45,474
(Man on radio)
It didn't take us that long to catch Dillinger.

16
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,977
(Engine roars)

17
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:11,334
Hi, guys. JJ?

18
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,464
- JJ?
- (Man) Victor!

19
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,175
(Gasps) Ooh! Um...

20
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,886
- You're two hours late.
- I'm... I'm-I'm sorry.

21
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,971
- Where the hell you been?
- Oh...

22
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,432
I'm sorry.

23
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,520
The fuel-injection system.
It's driving me crazy.

24
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:35,191
I'm really sorry I'm late, but one of
my hamsters had an anxiety attack.

25
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,234
I couldn't leave him
till he was settled down.

26
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:40,237
He was acting so crazy,
he ate a piece of tail,

27
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,698
and Henrietta
wasn't even bothering him.

28
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,451
Then he ate his treadmill. Whoo!

29
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:52,124
They got vets for that.
We got other things to worry about.

30
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,418
Hamsters are a big responsibility.

31
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:58,547
Let me paint you a mental picture,
all right, Victor?

32
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,634
I want you to think of your hamsters
as a little army

33
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,844
marching along on a treadmill,

34
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:07,348
running their little legs off,
just running as fast as they can,

35
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,476
making that engine
just purr right along the road.

36
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:14,313
Oh, JJ.
What a wonderful way to put it.

37
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:15,481
(JJ) Hm!

38
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:22,029
Wouldn't it be great if we could share the glory
of winning the Cannonball with them?

39
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:27,159
(Gasps) That would be a real team effort.
You, me, the hamsters and... him.

40
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:29,412
- (Thud)
- (Spring boings)

41
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:46,053
Don't start with him.
I don't want to talk about him.

42
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:49,890
- If you need any help...
- Damn it, I don't want to talk about him!

43
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,183
OK.

44
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,893
(Phone rings)

45
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,732
Sir James!

46
00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,692
Oh, my God. You again?

47
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,736
Fenderbaum, do me a favor.

48
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,904
You're drawing flies.
Get the hell out of here.

49
00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:06,657
No. Wait a minute, Greek.
Only thing I want to know is,

50
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:10,327
how are you figuring the odds
on this Cannonball cockamamie?

51
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,997
It takes brilliance
and years of hard work.

52
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,999
And you wouldn't understand
any part of that.

53
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:18,044
Do me a favor.
A race is a race, right?

54
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:21,005
The only thing you gotta do
in the Cannonball is drive steady,

55
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,090
stay out of trouble
and have a good cover.

56
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:26,385
3,000 miles,
averaging 85 miles an hour.

57
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,304
Do you know what that is?

58
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,223
You want to talk
or do you want a bet?

59
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:37,021
(Victor) Anti-radar paint, turbo-charged.
JJ, nobody can stop us now. (Chuckles)

60
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,272
Nobody.

61
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,732
(Tires screech)

62
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:57,625
What are you, some kind of nut?
Who do you think you are?

63
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,044
Dun-dun-dah!

64
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,713
I am Captain Chaos.

65
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:09,053
And this -
this is my faithful companion, Cato.

66
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,222
Say hello, Cato.

67
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,934
Been a cop long?

68
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,271
That's funny.

69
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,108
- You wanna talk or you wanna bet?
- You've got 50-1.

70
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:25,820
And you know what you got?
You got yourself a bet.

71
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:29,281
Twenty big, large ones.

72
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:33,452
That's a million dollars.
Ha-ha! If you win.

73
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:37,790
I don't know if you know my partner.
Jamie, you remember Jimmy the Greek.

74
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:40,918
- Hmmm!
- (Greek) Ha! Jamie Blake.

75
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:43,587
You used to drive that Formula One.

76
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:45,840
When high-buttoned shoes
were in style.

77
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:50,177
Let me tell you something, Greek.
We got a secret weapon.

78
00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:52,179
God is our copilot.

79
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:54,098
You'll need him.

80
00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:01,105
- God is our copilot?
- Mm-hm.

81
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,398
Remember our car?

82
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,525
- Yeah.
- Two seats.

83
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,402
Two seats.

84
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,654
Where's he gonna sit?

85
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:09,864
Where?

86
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,659
(JJ) Listen to me, el Porko.

87
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,911
We're not in the Indianapolis 500.

88
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,955
We can't have a car with numbers on it.

89
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:21,709
- We have to camouflage the car somehow.
- (Victor) Like what, JJ?

90
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:25,296
How about a limousine with diplomatic plates?

91
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,380
- Nah.
- No.

92
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:29,133
I know. A bloodmobile.

93
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,802
- Never stop a bloodmobile, would they?
- Nah.

94
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:36,515
Ice-cream truck. An ice-cream truck.
You know, they got to get there before it melts.

95
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,766
Nah.

96
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,397
Terrific.
We're out of beer, Victor.

97
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,440
Sorry.

98
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,235
(Gasps) Take it easy! You're acting crazy
since this Cannonball thing.

99
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,780
(JJ) I'm gonna pull in here
and get some beer, all right?

100
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:59,288
(JJ) How about an armored personnel carrier?
They wouldn't stop that, would they?

101
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,332
(Screaming)

102
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,250
(Car horns toot)

103
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:04,585
(Tires screech)

104
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:17,640
(Victor) Hey, don't bother to park!
I'll be right out. (Hums tune)

105
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,648
(Sings Budweiser jingle)

106
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,526
Thank you.

107
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:32,655
We could get a black Trans Am.
No, that's been done.

108
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,533
(Screaming)

109
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,547
(Birdsong)

110
00:09:57,055 --> 00:10:00,266
Hello, Mother.
I trust you had a pleasant day.

111
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:05,646
A nightmare. A living nightmare.
You are killing me, Seymour.

112
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:10,317
Killing me a slow death
with this idiot spy business.

113
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:14,196
- Mother, you don't understand.
- What is there to understand?

114
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:18,242
I'm looking at my son,
Seymour Goldfarb Jr,

115
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:21,245
son of Seymour Goldfarb,
God rest his soul,

116
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:24,290
and heir to the Goldfarb Girdles fortune.

117
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,292
And what is he doing?

118
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,419
Walking around, acting,

119
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:31,880
like he was some goy movie star
named Roger Moore.

120
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,050
And for this
I sent you to the best schools?

121
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,304
For this I'm spending 8,000
on orthodontia work?

122
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:41,974
For this I'm going broke,
paying that Beverly Hills analyst?

123
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,475
And now... Ha-ha!

124
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,519
...this.
- (♪ James Bond music)

125
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:49,523
The sleep-in maid found it
under your pillow this morning.

126
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,817
What is the meaning of this?

127
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,737
The meaning, Mother dear,
is a quick death.

128
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,573
I warned you
not to interfere in my affairs.

129
00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,367
Seymour, put that away.
It's liable to go off.

130
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:05,956
I'm terribly sorry, Mother,
but you know too much.

131
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:07,750
You see, in my business,

132
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:12,171
even the deepest family relationships
aren't worth a farthing.

133
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,423
Farthing, schmarthing.

134
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,261
- No.
- Zei gezunt, Mama.

135
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,055
(Pop)

136
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:24,141
- Oy! Where did I go wrong?
- (Seymour laughs)

137
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,727
You know something, Mama?
You're too Jewish.

138
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:31,315
(JJ) We could always
go with a nice, plain-Jane Chevy,

139
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,609
with a truckload of Sidewinder missiles!

140
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,362
(Victor) Maybe you should slow this down
just a little bit!

141
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:39,531
- I can't hear you!
- I said, you're making waves!

142
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,283
You're bothering the people!

143
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:46,330
What the hell has going too fast
got to do with being in the Cannonball?

144
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,457
JJ, you're making very big waves!

145
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,919
- Hi. How are ya?
- (Yelling)

146
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,170
Aaargh!

147
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,173
(Screaming)

148
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,300
- (Crashing)
- (Siren blares)

149
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:06,683
You guys are lucky.
You tore the heck out of that boat.

150
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,687
- You all right, Victor?
- Oh, I'm fine, JJ.

151
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,648
It only hurts when I point.

152
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,943
You know,
maybe it would've been better,

153
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,946
if you didn't pay so much attention
to those girls.

154
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,864
- Nobody's perfect.
- That's true.

155
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,951
Nobody's perfect, but him.

156
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:27,830
(Victor) Sorry.

157
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,540
How far is it to the hospital?

158
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,500
- About ten miles.
- Oh, yeah?

159
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:35,003
- How long will it take us to get there?
- About four or five minutes.

160
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:39,133
You can smoke through traffic
like shot through a gun in this thing.

161
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:48,934
(Both laugh)

162
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,441
Argh!

163
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:56,942
(♪ Theme music)

164
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,448
(Speaks foreign language)

165
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:07,744
Jackie Chan.

166
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,914
Here's Johnny!

167
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,583
(Applause)

168
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,132
(Speaks foreign language)

169
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,184
Jackie Chan. (Mimics engine revving)

170
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:31,477
(Applause)

171
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,356
Godzilla movie. (Chuckles)

172
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,649
(Applause)

173
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,069
Michael Hui.

174
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,077
(Speaks foreign language)

175
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,426
Excuse me.

176
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,512
(Giggling)

177
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,265
(Bleeping)

178
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,517
(Both chuckle)

179
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,102
(Chan shouts)

180
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,442
(Both argue)

181
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,486
(Bleeping intensifies)

182
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,908
(Crashing)

183
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,576
(Hissing)

184
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,246
(Speaks Arabic)

185
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,413
(Camel grunts)

186
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:34,790
Camel.

187
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,209
Not the Camel, schmuck.
Winston.

188
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,669
Ah!

189
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,517
(Speaks Arabic)

190
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:13,078
Starting tomorrow, you and George
will be riding in the car with me.

191
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,080
Yes, sir.

192
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,498
(Prays quietly)

193
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,631
How goes your driving, my brother?

194
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,883
Allah be praised, dear sister.

195
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:31,096
My speed is rivaled only by the lightning bolts
from the heavens!

196
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,180
(Thunder)

197
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:41,148
And I suppose you still intend to go through
that race with the infidel Americans.

198
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:45,527
- The Cannonball will fall to the forces of Islam!
- (Thunder)

199
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,572
My dear sister. I pledge it!

200
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:51,491
Drink! Drink!

201
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,827
- The car will be there, correct?
- Yes, Mr. Compton.

202
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,371
Don't forget to cancel
the board meeting on Monday.

203
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,625
I'm going to spend a week in Spain
at the castle.

204
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:00,667
Yes, Mr. Compton.

205
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:04,880
I want you to find an old friend
of mine, a Mr. Shakey Finch.

206
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,592
He is the finest long-distance
motorcycle rider in this nation.

207
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,677
- You got it?
- Yes, Mr. Compton.

208
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:16,391
The board has asked me
to express their concern one more time.

209
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,311
- Please reconsider.
- Not possible, Arthur.

210
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:23,774
The board will have to permit me
this one indulgence to my ego.

211
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,865
(♪ Sings: I've Gotta Be Me)

212
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,289
(All gasp)

213
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,626
(Continues singing)

214
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:52,052
- Boy, ain't he something?
- Are you kidding?

215
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:56,264
That is the dumbest thing I've seen since
that dimwit tried to jump the Grand Canyon.

216
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,308
(Siren)

217
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,230
He's still on our ass.

218
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:06,525
I don't think... I don't think...
I don't think he's a-bluffing, either.

219
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,318
Now, don't you worry, son.

220
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:10,737
I'm gonna lose him
right up here at the motel.

221
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,532
Hey, I remember.
There's a spot...

222
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:18,537
There... There's a spot in... right in back,
and it's a perfect spot to hide.

223
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,956
All right. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

224
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,582
Take a... Take...

225
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,625
- Left.
- Oh, hell.

226
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,043
- Take a left.
- Left.

227
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,628
(Tires screech)

228
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:31,967
- I can't see shit. Can you?
- No problem, son. No problem.

229
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:33,927
(Screaming)

230
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,304
What was that?

231
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,181
(Siren approaches)

232
00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:50,235
That's... That's...

233
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,447
That's p-p-p-p-perfect.

234
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:57,993
That's better than hiding it...
That's better than hiding it out back.

235
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,829
I know.
But the only problem we got now,

236
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,457
is we have to go and retune it.

237
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:04,583
All right?

238
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:05,917
Let's go get a beer first.

239
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,128
Yeah, let's go get a... Let's... Beer.

240
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,717
I'd like to thank Mona Corson of Westport

241
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:17,721
for that wonderful luncheon of
hemp sandwiches and woodchip consommé.

242
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:18,805
(Single handclap)

243
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:23,018
And now,
the moment you've all been waiting for.

244
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:27,314
This is a titty turn...
Terrific turnout for the meeting.

245
00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,483
- Yes, terrific.
- He led the campaign

246
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:33,695
to ban the use of electric toothbrushes
during peak load hours,

247
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,530
- and to sound the alarm...
- (Snoring)

248
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:39,868
I suppose you, uh...
came here to hear me speak.

249
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:43,121
No, no, not really. I'm into trees.

250
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,499
Ah.

251
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,958
Trees.

252
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:52,547
Friends of Nature love trees,
so I come to the meetings.

253
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,091
That's very interesting.

254
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,761
I love anybody who loves trees.

255
00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:01,389
Well, they happen
to be a great passion of mine.

256
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,767
You know what I like best about trees?

257
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,018
No, what?

258
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,729
That you can lie under them
on a moonlit night

259
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,439
with the breeze blowing,

260
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:11,191
bawl your brains out.

261
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,277
- (Crushes paper)
- (Chairwoman) Mr. Arthur J Foyt.

262
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:15,779
(Applause)

263
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:19,783
Mr. Foyt. Mr. Foyt.

264
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:27,082
Give that sucker some juice.

265
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:31,837
The only thing hiding it... hiding it...
hiding it in the... pool

266
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,965
did was... m-make it p-purty.

267
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,259
It ain't running worth a shit.
And it's wet.

268
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:40,095
I know that.
Just hit it one more time, all right?

269
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,596
(Engine turns over, fails)

270
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,890
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

271
00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,016
I know what's wrong.

272
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:47,018
Don't think for a minute...

273
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:50,605
- (Feedback whines)
...that we in Washington

274
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,233
don't appreciate your Mothers' March

275
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:56,820
to ban the sale
of colored toilet paper

276
00:19:56,904 --> 00:20:00,824
to, uh, help reduce irritation of the, uh...

277
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,826
- (Microphone echo) rectum!
- (Feedback whines)

278
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:03,994
(Chuckles)

279
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:09,833
But today,
I want to direct my remarks

280
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:13,795
to an old and familiar enemy.

281
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:16,840
The automobile.

282
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,050
All right. One more time.
Let me hear it.

283
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,927
(Engine growls)

284
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,639
Ha! It's...

285
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:31,021
- I-It reminds me of a, uh... a poem I wrote.
- (Engine roars)

286
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,857
The automobile, the automobile...

287
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,483
(Engine revs)

288
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,860
(Engine roaring)

289
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:38,069
(Screaming)

290
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,747
(Man 1) Who was that?
(Man 2) Get your hand out of my face.

291
00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,582
Are you all right?

292
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:53,209
They picked on the wrong one this time!

293
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,378
I guarantee
they're gonna pay for this,

294
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:59,716
because when the going gets tough,
the tough get going!

295
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,259
(Both giggle)

296
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,845
She's running good now, buddy.

297
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,806
I still think we ought to paint it.

298
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:10,268
If we're gonna paint it, let's go ahead
and Midasize it, all right?

299
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:15,857
Hey, there's the motel.

300
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,902
Look at the parking lot.
The Cannonballers have it all jammed up.

301
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,655
Man, I can't handle this traffic.

302
00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,031
Hold on to your lunch pail.

303
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,700
- This may get a little weird.
- Wait a minute.

304
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,702
(Tires screech)

305
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:28,745
Slow down!

306
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:31,998
(Screaming)

307
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:39,047
- Hey, you the one running this fleabag?
- Huh-uh!

308
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,466
- Where the hookers?
- What?

309
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,885
Hookers, man. Where the hookers?

310
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,762
Excuse me. Excuse me.

311
00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:49,641
- Hello, Mad Dog.
- Hey, JJ.

312
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,185
You probably didn't realize,
but the parking lot's outside.

313
00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:55,522
- I know. Brakes went out.
- Do you think you're the President?

314
00:21:55,606 --> 00:21:59,567
(Mimics Richard Nixon)
Well, let me make one thing perfectly clear.

315
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:03,780
We feel terrible about it.
And if they can't take a joke...

316
00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:05,782
(Victor chuckles)

317
00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:08,410
Thank goodness.
We just had a terrible accident.

318
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:13,039
- We'd like to help you, but we're off duty.
- This man looks bad. Maybe he's dead.

319
00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:16,167
You should call the coroner.
JJ, he don't look too good.

320
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:17,377
Nah.

321
00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:22,090
- He's just had his bell rung.
- Can't you do something?

322
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:25,927
- I mean, you're professionals.
- This is our day off.

323
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,595
Will you guys do something?

324
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,140
This man's life is hanging by a thread!

325
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:33,852
Victor. (Snaps fingers)

326
00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:42,444
You have to be very scientific about this.
It could go up the nostrils, affect the sinuses.

327
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:43,778
That's true.

328
00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:44,988
Hm?

329
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,659
(Groans)

330
00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:54,998
There.

331
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:56,583
Don't bother about the bill.

332
00:22:56,667 --> 00:23:00,086
Just give him a couple of enemas
and call me in the morning.

333
00:23:02,965 --> 00:23:04,132
Hi. How's it going?

334
00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:06,259
- Perfect.
- We'd like two singles.

335
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:07,886
JJ McClure, Victor Prinzim.

336
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:09,304
I'll be in the bar.

337
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:12,640
I always like a couple of drinks
right after surgery.

338
00:23:13,517 --> 00:23:15,310
(Tires screech)

339
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,025
I wonder why that guy
parked his truck in the lobby.

340
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,402
Only in America.
Get me 12 suites.

341
00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:27,113
- Better yet, the entire floor.
- Yes, sir.

342
00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,283
Ah! Too much couscous.

343
00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:33,870
I sure as H
would like to get my hands on

344
00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:36,498
those Hell's Angels
who were driving that truck.

345
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:39,834
But it's probably just as well,

346
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:42,962
because I am a wild bull
when I lose my temper.

347
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:48,259
- I love wild bulls.
- Oh!

348
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:54,307
It's really funny that you should...
Oh, my God. It's them.

349
00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:56,351
- "Them" who?
- Those Hell's Angels.

350
00:23:56,435 --> 00:24:00,105
- They could be part of a terrorist group.
- I don't know.

351
00:24:00,856 --> 00:24:06,986
But this place is filling up...
with some real hoodlums.

352
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:10,073
(Foyt) Did you see anything weird back there?

353
00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:12,742
- No.
- I'm gonna find out.

354
00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:27,423
Why is it so difficult for you
to find a doctor?

355
00:24:27,508 --> 00:24:29,092
It's very, very hard.

356
00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:31,803
It's not easy finding a doctor
to take off like that.

357
00:24:31,887 --> 00:24:35,765
- Dr. Gay doesn't even leave his house.
- If you're gonna win the Cannonball

358
00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:39,144
driving an ambulance,
you have to have a doctor in the...

359
00:24:39,228 --> 00:24:40,478
What does Dr. Gay do?

360
00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:43,606
He's my shrink.
He was committed yesterday.

361
00:24:43,691 --> 00:24:46,025
- Why?
- He was smoking bananas.

362
00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:47,068
(Sighs)

363
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:50,280
He gets very upset when he talks to...
him.

364
00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:52,365
- So do I.
- Oh.

365
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,702
Sorry.
I don't want fruit in my drink.

366
00:24:57,079 --> 00:24:58,371
(Splat)

367
00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:03,543
Congratulations. Here's to you.
Good luck.

368
00:25:03,627 --> 00:25:05,920
- Much obliged.
- And to you, Father.

369
00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:07,005
(Laughs)

370
00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:08,381
You dumb shits.

371
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:12,427
They haven't got a chance.
You know what?

372
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:16,181
I think I'm gonna call the Greek
and put another 10,000 on us.

373
00:25:17,433 --> 00:25:18,892
(JJ and Victor laugh)

374
00:25:18,976 --> 00:25:20,101
- JJ.
- Mm.

375
00:25:20,186 --> 00:25:21,603
What about those two?

376
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:25,023
Maybe... Maybe one of those beauties
could be our patient.

377
00:25:25,107 --> 00:25:26,774
- Both of them could be.
- Woof!

378
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:33,239
Hm. I could be very patient with those patients.
They're very lickable... very likeable.

379
00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:36,868
Tell you what. Let's, the two of us,
go over there and talk to them.

380
00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:39,370
- OK.
- I'll do all the talking.

381
00:25:39,455 --> 00:25:42,540
- Victor, you just think about the doctor.
- OK.

382
00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:48,504
- (Bones crack)
- Argh! Ooh!

383
00:25:48,589 --> 00:25:50,298
(Blows) Oh!

384
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:51,674
(Groans)

385
00:25:52,843 --> 00:25:54,636
- Good evening, ladies.
- Evening.

386
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,348
My name is JJ McClure.
This is Victor Prinzim, my executive assistant.

387
00:25:58,432 --> 00:26:00,391
- Hi...
- I'll do the talking, Victor.

388
00:26:00,476 --> 00:26:02,727
Terrorists, my dimpled ass.

389
00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:07,273
These people make terrorists
look like the Sisters of Charity.

390
00:26:07,358 --> 00:26:10,610
These guys are Cannonballers.

391
00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:15,406
What is that, a bowling team?

392
00:26:15,491 --> 00:26:17,992
We're the favorites
to win the Cannonball tomorrow,

393
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:20,036
and I was wondering if one of you,
or both of you,

394
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:22,205
might like to ride in the winning vehicle.

395
00:26:22,289 --> 00:26:24,457
That would be very exciting.

396
00:26:24,541 --> 00:26:26,125
Exciting.

397
00:26:26,210 --> 00:26:28,378
But we're Cannonballers ourselves.
Thank you.

398
00:26:28,462 --> 00:26:30,588
They're Cannonballers?

399
00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:34,717
And, as for the winning vehicle, well,
we'll just have to wait and see.

400
00:26:34,802 --> 00:26:36,803
You haven't seen our equipment.

401
00:26:38,681 --> 00:26:39,681
Equipment?

402
00:26:42,101 --> 00:26:43,434
Equipment.

403
00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:45,186
(Mimics Donald Duck)

404
00:26:45,271 --> 00:26:46,854
(Victor laughs wheezily)

405
00:27:09,712 --> 00:27:12,839
Hi.

406
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,302
Don't tell me your name.
Let me guess.

407
00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:21,264
Melissa.

408
00:27:22,349 --> 00:27:23,474
No.

409
00:27:25,728 --> 00:27:27,186
Juliette.

410
00:27:27,271 --> 00:27:30,064
- No.
- Betty?

411
00:27:30,149 --> 00:27:31,607
No.

412
00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:35,278
I'll just call you Beauty, OK?

413
00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:37,613
Aw. That's nice.

414
00:27:37,698 --> 00:27:38,948
Thank you.

415
00:27:39,033 --> 00:27:40,325
Sit down.

416
00:27:45,122 --> 00:27:48,374
- Are you one of those volleyballers?
- Cannonballers.

417
00:27:48,459 --> 00:27:50,585
- No.
- Why are you dressed up like that?

418
00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:53,796
Humanitarian reasons.

419
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:57,133
I'm a wealthy philanthropist.

420
00:27:57,217 --> 00:28:00,053
Me and my partner,
we just ride around in an ambulance,

421
00:28:00,137 --> 00:28:02,472
looking for accidents,
trying to help people.

422
00:28:03,599 --> 00:28:05,933
I don't think we were put on this earth
to hurt people,

423
00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:08,853
I think we were put on this earth
to help people.

424
00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:11,397
- That's beautiful.
- Thank you.

425
00:28:12,399 --> 00:28:15,234
You must be a sensitive person.

426
00:28:15,319 --> 00:28:18,821
- I try to be.
- I bet you're a fan of Rod McKuen's.

427
00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:20,531
I listen to him every night.

428
00:28:20,616 --> 00:28:22,075
I'm into trees.

429
00:28:23,410 --> 00:28:26,037
- Have you ever heard of Joyce Kilmer?
- Yeah.

430
00:28:26,121 --> 00:28:29,791
- She wrote a really terrific poem about a tree.
- Uh... He.

431
00:28:29,875 --> 00:28:31,209
Who?

432
00:28:31,293 --> 00:28:33,586
- He.
- He is a she?

433
00:28:33,670 --> 00:28:36,339
- She's a he.
- Oh!

434
00:28:36,423 --> 00:28:40,385
Well, he wrote a really terrific poem
about a tree.

435
00:28:40,469 --> 00:28:41,427
Yeah.

436
00:28:41,512 --> 00:28:44,305
- You know what I like best about trees?
- No, what?

437
00:28:44,390 --> 00:28:47,350
That you can lie under them
on a moonlit night,

438
00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:50,353
- the leaves gently blowing...
- (Clattering)

439
00:28:51,772 --> 00:28:54,357
- Sorry about that.
- It's all right.

440
00:28:56,276 --> 00:28:57,902
What were you saying about trees?

441
00:28:57,986 --> 00:29:01,864
I was saying,
what I like best about trees is that,

442
00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:05,076
on a moonlit night
you can lie under them,

443
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,286
- with the leaves gently blowing...
- (Victor) JJ?

444
00:29:07,371 --> 00:29:10,998
Hey, JJ, you'll never believe
what just happened to him!

445
00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:13,334
- I don't want to talk about it.
- He had the most wonderful time.

446
00:29:13,419 --> 00:29:16,921
I don't want to talk about...
Victor, Beauty. Beauty, Victor.

447
00:29:17,005 --> 00:29:19,090
- Hello, Victor.
- You really are.

448
00:29:19,174 --> 00:29:22,260
- You wanna hear about the doc?
- He can tell me about the doctor.

449
00:29:22,344 --> 00:29:25,263
- Oh, it's about the doctor.
- It's really important.

450
00:29:25,347 --> 00:29:27,014
- We need a doc for the ambulance.
- It'll keep!

451
00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:30,393
- I'll just leave you two alone.
- But, listen, I think you should hear...

452
00:29:30,477 --> 00:29:33,688
- It'll keep!
- It's really important.

453
00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:36,065
I want to talk to her.

454
00:29:36,150 --> 00:29:37,483
Who?

455
00:29:39,611 --> 00:29:42,363
- Now do you wanna hear about the doc?
- No!

456
00:29:42,448 --> 00:29:43,489
It'll keep.

457
00:29:46,034 --> 00:29:48,870
Hey, Brad, old buddy! Ha-ha!
How the hell are you?

458
00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:53,207
Shakey. My God, it is you.
Hello, Shakey!

459
00:29:53,292 --> 00:29:54,500
(Both laugh)

460
00:29:55,836 --> 00:29:58,629
Shakey, it's kind of tough
to get close to you.

461
00:29:58,714 --> 00:30:02,091
- Last time I saw you, you were more svelte.
- What can I tell you?

462
00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:05,928
In the pizza business, when things are slow,
you tend to eat the inventory.

463
00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:08,181
Listen, that's not good for the Cannonball.

464
00:30:08,265 --> 00:30:11,434
You know that. You don't need a motorcycle.
You need the Super Chief.

465
00:30:11,518 --> 00:30:15,688
(Chuckles) Even with the extra tonnage,
I'm still the best there is.

466
00:30:15,772 --> 00:30:18,065
Yeah? Well, I'll tell you what.

467
00:30:18,150 --> 00:30:21,402
I got a throttle that's been sticking.
Why don't you fix that?

468
00:30:21,487 --> 00:30:27,408
Boss, this is the biggest coup
in the history of the Safety Enforcement Unit.

469
00:30:27,493 --> 00:30:30,786
We're gonna blow
this Cannonball thing wide open

470
00:30:30,871 --> 00:30:33,456
and then we're gonna hit Congress
for a real budget

471
00:30:33,540 --> 00:30:35,917
that will allow us
to play some real hardball.

472
00:30:36,001 --> 00:30:40,421
I mean, this is our Three Mile Island
and Love Canal combined.

473
00:30:40,506 --> 00:30:42,548
Oooh!

474
00:30:42,633 --> 00:30:43,633
Unnnnh!

475
00:30:43,717 --> 00:30:47,094
- What's wrong?
- Look at the chicks. (Sighs)

476
00:30:48,764 --> 00:30:51,682
- What is it?
- Look at those chicks. (Moans)

477
00:30:51,767 --> 00:30:54,352
Boy, if we were Methodists,

478
00:30:54,436 --> 00:30:57,897
what a shot we could have
of getting laid right here.

479
00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:02,985
Listen, I want to get up there.
I don't want to miss a thing.

480
00:31:03,070 --> 00:31:04,487
No. Yes. Yes.

481
00:31:04,571 --> 00:31:06,030
All right. There you go.

482
00:31:06,114 --> 00:31:07,949
Just as good as new.
Give her a try.

483
00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:10,076
- That's it?
- That's it.

484
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,619
All right.

485
00:31:12,663 --> 00:31:14,330
We'll see.

486
00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:18,417
I don't think it's the throttle!
I think it's the clutch!

487
00:31:18,502 --> 00:31:20,711
- Goodbye.
- (Engine approaches)

488
00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:22,296
Look out!

489
00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:24,924
Hey, watch out! Watch out!

490
00:31:26,552 --> 00:31:28,636
Coming through!

491
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:29,929
(Crashing)

492
00:31:31,473 --> 00:31:32,932
(Screaming)

493
00:31:34,601 --> 00:31:36,227
(Crashing)

494
00:31:36,311 --> 00:31:37,979
What in the hell was that?!

495
00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:41,524
Oh! That must be the entry
of the National Safety Council.

496
00:31:42,025 --> 00:31:43,276
(♪ James Bond music)

497
00:32:14,099 --> 00:32:15,308
Good day.

498
00:32:15,392 --> 00:32:18,686
I am here to participate
in your little jaunt to California.

499
00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:21,397
Well, of course.
If you would sign in here, please.

500
00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:27,862
Hold still, Petey. Say cheese.

501
00:32:29,656 --> 00:32:34,076
I realize the novelty of a major celebrity
entering your little race,

502
00:32:34,161 --> 00:32:38,414
but kindly resist the temptation and keep
the media coverage to a minimum.

503
00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:39,457
Thank you.

504
00:32:39,541 --> 00:32:41,083
Will you hurry the hell up?

505
00:32:41,168 --> 00:32:43,419
(♪ Ray Stevens: Just For The Hell Of It)

506
00:32:55,599 --> 00:32:58,934
- Got it?
- I got it. Hurry up, will ya?

507
00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:06,108
(Inaudible)

508
00:33:12,783 --> 00:33:16,118
Man does not live on... on bread alone.

509
00:33:17,287 --> 00:33:20,039
What concerns me is,
do we have enough ice for all this beer?

510
00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:23,250
- P-p-p-p! Plenty.
- Mm-hm.

511
00:33:23,335 --> 00:33:26,420
Yeah, well, how about food, son?
Did you bring enough food?

512
00:33:27,506 --> 00:33:30,591
- Plenty.
- Get serious. Give me the rest of that beer.

513
00:33:30,676 --> 00:33:32,009
(Woman laughing)

514
00:33:41,311 --> 00:33:43,187
Excuse me, good sisters, if you will.

515
00:33:43,271 --> 00:33:46,607
Father, we do have a race to run,
and we're running a little late.

516
00:33:46,692 --> 00:33:49,193
So, come on.
Will you excuse him, good sisters?

517
00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:53,989
- Bye-bye.
- Don't run off. Tonight's the night.

518
00:33:55,117 --> 00:33:57,284
(Man) OK. I'd like to welcome you all

519
00:33:57,369 --> 00:33:59,662
to an event
that's sometimes been called

520
00:33:59,746 --> 00:34:02,415
the automotive counterpart
to the Bay of Pigs.

521
00:34:02,499 --> 00:34:03,624
(Laughter)

522
00:34:03,709 --> 00:34:06,669
You all are certainly
the most distinguished group

523
00:34:06,753 --> 00:34:11,757
of highway scofflaws and degenerates
ever gathered together in one place.

524
00:34:11,842 --> 00:34:13,300
We're gonna have a lot of fun.

525
00:34:13,385 --> 00:34:15,177
Of course, certain skeptics note

526
00:34:15,262 --> 00:34:19,390
that perhaps 10,000 of the nation's
most elite highway patrolmen

527
00:34:19,474 --> 00:34:22,935
are out there waiting for us after we start,
but let's think positively.

528
00:34:23,019 --> 00:34:26,313
Think of the fact
that there is not one state in the 50

529
00:34:26,398 --> 00:34:28,733
that has the death penalty
for speeding.

530
00:34:28,817 --> 00:34:31,777
- Although I'm not so sure about Ohio.
- (Laughter)

531
00:34:31,862 --> 00:34:34,655
Everybody is gonna get a card like this.

532
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:38,284
When you leave, you're gonna
punch out here at this time clock.

533
00:34:38,368 --> 00:34:40,661
3,000 miles, roughly, away from here

534
00:34:40,746 --> 00:34:43,622
is another time clock just like that
at the Portofino Inn.

535
00:34:43,707 --> 00:34:47,585
The difference between the two times
is your time across the country.

536
00:34:47,669 --> 00:34:51,714
The record stands at
32 hours and 51 minutes.

537
00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:52,882
Believe it or not,

538
00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:55,926
those guys did break
the 55-mile-an-hour speed limit.

539
00:34:56,011 --> 00:34:57,803
(Cheering, laughter)

540
00:34:58,889 --> 00:35:02,391
Let's get that first car up here.
We're gonna get this thing under way.

541
00:35:02,476 --> 00:35:03,684
(Engine revs)

542
00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:07,855
(Tires screech)

543
00:35:17,365 --> 00:35:18,574
Go!

544
00:35:22,412 --> 00:35:24,789
(JJ) Victor.
(Victor) I know.

545
00:35:24,873 --> 00:35:26,415
All right. Where is the doctor?

546
00:35:26,500 --> 00:35:28,584
- I got everything else.
- Where's the doctor?

547
00:35:28,668 --> 00:35:30,878
- I got 60 gallons of gasoline.
- Read my lips.

548
00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:32,004
Where is the doctor?

549
00:35:32,088 --> 00:35:35,132
- The auxiliary tanks are full...
- I gave you one responsibility,

550
00:35:35,217 --> 00:35:37,968
to get a doctor. Now, where is he?

551
00:35:38,053 --> 00:35:39,845
He got sick.

552
00:35:39,930 --> 00:35:41,764
Listen to what I'm telling you.

553
00:35:41,848 --> 00:35:44,308
You go find a doctor. Get me Dr. Kildare,

554
00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:46,310
get me Dr. Livingstone,
get me Dr. Frankenstein.

555
00:35:46,394 --> 00:35:49,146
Just get me a doctor.
Go where the doctors hang out.

556
00:35:49,231 --> 00:35:51,273
- Where's that?
- Bars, golf courses.

557
00:35:51,358 --> 00:35:53,859
Golf course, bar. Where else? Hospital!

558
00:35:53,944 --> 00:35:55,194
Try there too.

559
00:35:55,278 --> 00:35:57,947
My jet will take you to California.

560
00:35:58,031 --> 00:36:00,115
It's time for you to punch out.

561
00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:07,289
I'll see you in California.
I love you!

562
00:36:13,547 --> 00:36:16,590
A toast to us, you and me.
We're gonna win the whole thing.

563
00:36:16,675 --> 00:36:17,633
It's a cinch.

564
00:36:17,717 --> 00:36:22,012
The more I look around
and see these turkeys, I have...

565
00:36:25,100 --> 00:36:28,269
While you're drinking,
that truck to the left.

566
00:36:28,353 --> 00:36:30,521
Isn't that JJ McClure?

567
00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:35,234
He's nothing.
Don't worry about him.

568
00:36:35,318 --> 00:36:37,528
It's the blimp next to him.
The blimp.

569
00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:42,366
When he puts on that mask,
he'll blow your goddamn doors off.

570
00:36:42,450 --> 00:36:45,119
- You understand that? The blimp!
- (Cheering)

571
00:36:46,788 --> 00:36:48,789
(Hui chats excitedly)

572
00:36:54,337 --> 00:36:57,715
- Is that weird?
- Wow!

573
00:37:01,928 --> 00:37:04,054
It's a Nevada license plate.

574
00:37:04,139 --> 00:37:08,475
And that's whiskey, zebra, alpha,

575
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,936
niner, fiver, zero.

576
00:37:11,021 --> 00:37:13,230
- You got that?
- What?

577
00:37:13,315 --> 00:37:16,609
It's...
Just write WZA 9...

578
00:37:16,693 --> 00:37:18,319
Here. Will you let me do it?

579
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:22,489
WZA 950. See?

580
00:37:22,574 --> 00:37:24,366
Whiskey, zebra, alpha,

581
00:37:24,451 --> 00:37:26,660
- niner, fiver, zero.
- Oh.

582
00:37:27,621 --> 00:37:28,871
Oh.

583
00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:29,997
(Tires screech)

584
00:37:31,958 --> 00:37:35,753
OK, so it's Interstate 80
through Pennsylvania.

585
00:37:35,837 --> 00:37:39,840
- Pick up...
- Oh, that's a good-looking piece.

586
00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:43,594
And cunningly disguised
so it won't look like a racing car.

587
00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:47,264
You know, the cops would never
give that a second glance.

588
00:37:47,349 --> 00:37:50,809
220 miles an hour, and they
aren't gonna get a second glance.

589
00:37:50,894 --> 00:37:55,814
Hey, when we get to California,
I got a place out at Palos Verdes...

590
00:37:55,899 --> 00:37:59,401
You boys gonna start this thing
or just sit there and wait for that paint to dry?

591
00:37:59,486 --> 00:38:00,653
(Laughter)

592
00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:01,946
Yes, sir.

593
00:38:04,616 --> 00:38:05,908
How long till we stop?

594
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:09,870
- Eight hours!
- Damn! I... I gotta go to the john!

595
00:38:09,955 --> 00:38:11,163
(Tires screech)

596
00:38:18,213 --> 00:38:19,421
Go.

597
00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:27,346
Mad Dog, you are gonna take
the shortcut to the interstate, aren't you?

598
00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:29,515
We're here to win, ain't we?

599
00:38:29,599 --> 00:38:33,519
- If you gonna be a bear, be a grizzly!
- (Both growl)

600
00:38:34,813 --> 00:38:36,188
(Tires screech)

601
00:38:40,026 --> 00:38:43,612
My God, Pamela. Did you see that?

602
00:38:43,697 --> 00:38:46,949
They drove right through those trees.

603
00:38:47,033 --> 00:38:48,575
I love trees. Did I tell you...

604
00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:50,285
We are going right down there

605
00:38:50,370 --> 00:38:53,288
and bring this thing
to a screeching halt, right now.

606
00:38:53,373 --> 00:38:55,791
Buckle up. We're going into action.

607
00:38:58,378 --> 00:38:59,586
Would you mind?

608
00:39:00,755 --> 00:39:01,714
Very civil.

609
00:39:01,798 --> 00:39:03,674
Might be easier with your lights on.

610
00:39:03,758 --> 00:39:05,384
Why advertise?

611
00:39:05,468 --> 00:39:07,011
(Tires screech)

612
00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:09,388
- Wait a minute, Father.
- What?

613
00:39:09,472 --> 00:39:13,058
That's a no-no. They haven't allowed that
for nearly 2,000 years.

614
00:39:13,143 --> 00:39:18,188
No, look. I'm a liberal wing,
way out, on the other part of the church.

615
00:39:18,273 --> 00:39:20,232
- It's nothing at all.
- Keep flying, Father.

616
00:39:20,316 --> 00:39:22,151
"Keep flying."

617
00:39:25,447 --> 00:39:27,322
How about just one of you?

618
00:39:30,326 --> 00:39:32,661
(Shakey) Who says cops
won't stop honeymooners?

619
00:39:32,746 --> 00:39:34,663
Anyhow, why do I have to be the bride?

620
00:39:34,748 --> 00:39:36,832
Shut up, sweetie, and punch the clock.

621
00:39:37,667 --> 00:39:42,087
- (Chuckles) OK, go slow until I get my wig on.
- Yes, dear.

622
00:39:45,508 --> 00:39:48,093
(Slurs) Old pal of mine,
are we all set for California?

623
00:39:48,178 --> 00:39:52,431
(Slurs) Damn you. Next time, Methodist.
You understand? Methodist!

624
00:39:52,515 --> 00:39:55,726
- All right, pal of mine.
- OK, OK. You're all right.

625
00:39:55,810 --> 00:39:58,228
OK, now, who's driving?

626
00:39:58,313 --> 00:39:59,772
- You're driving.
- You are.

627
00:39:59,856 --> 00:40:02,608
- I can't drive.
- Then I'm driving.

628
00:40:02,692 --> 00:40:04,443
- Yeah, I think you are.
- OK.

629
00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:06,278
All right. Put me down.

630
00:40:07,781 --> 00:40:10,282
You drive. You hold this.
I'll get in the car.

631
00:40:17,290 --> 00:40:18,749
- Come on.
- I'm coming.

632
00:40:20,126 --> 00:40:22,127
Somebody's hat.

633
00:40:27,842 --> 00:40:29,635
Hold my drink.

634
00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:43,273
Hit it!

635
00:40:43,358 --> 00:40:44,358
(Tires screech)

636
00:40:47,028 --> 00:40:48,403
(Cheering)

637
00:40:50,031 --> 00:40:51,698
Thank you, good sisters.

638
00:40:52,992 --> 00:40:56,620
May the good Lord take a liking to you,
but not too soon.

639
00:40:56,704 --> 00:40:58,163
Bless you, my children.

640
00:40:58,248 --> 00:41:01,250
Those guys are more juiced up
than that Ferrari.

641
00:41:01,334 --> 00:41:03,043
(Fenderbaum whoops)

642
00:41:03,795 --> 00:41:13,637
(Tires screech)

643
00:41:15,181 --> 00:41:18,267
- JJ! JJ, wait! I got the doc!
- Terrific.

644
00:41:18,351 --> 00:41:21,562
No, wait. He's in the ambulance.
This way.

645
00:41:21,646 --> 00:41:23,230
Come on!

646
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:25,774
Before I open this,
don't get your hopes up too high.

647
00:41:25,859 --> 00:41:27,901
- I was pressed for time.
- No problem.

648
00:41:27,986 --> 00:41:29,987
(♪ Ominous church organ)

649
00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:33,657
Holy shit.

650
00:41:33,741 --> 00:41:35,701
(Coughs) I'm honored, sir!

651
00:41:35,785 --> 00:41:37,995
I'm Doctor Nikol...
(Coughs, wheezes)

652
00:41:38,079 --> 00:41:41,123
Nikolas Van Helsing,
professor of proctology

653
00:41:41,207 --> 00:41:42,958
and other related tendencies.

654
00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:47,129
Graduate of the University of Rangoon
and assorted night classes

655
00:41:47,213 --> 00:41:50,841
at the Knoxville, Tennessee,
College of Faith Healing.

656
00:41:50,925 --> 00:41:53,886
You may be a little overqualified
for this job.

657
00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:55,554
You got your equipment with you?

658
00:41:55,638 --> 00:41:58,140
I never go anywhere without it.

659
00:41:58,224 --> 00:42:03,270
However, in my particular line of work,
I seldom need more than this. (Chuckles)

660
00:42:04,314 --> 00:42:06,231
(Coughs) Or this.

661
00:42:09,235 --> 00:42:11,236
(Van Helsing grunts, mumbles)

662
00:42:12,906 --> 00:42:14,823
We'll talk about this later, huh?

663
00:42:14,908 --> 00:42:18,202
Now, sir,
before we commence this odyssey,

664
00:42:18,286 --> 00:42:21,330
which I understand will carry us
across this grand nation,

665
00:42:21,414 --> 00:42:23,290
from sea to shining sea,

666
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:25,709
there's the matter of my compensation.

667
00:42:26,628 --> 00:42:30,964
I've determined that my services
will require the payment of $2,000.

668
00:42:34,552 --> 00:42:37,638
I was thinking
more along the lines of $200.

669
00:42:37,722 --> 00:42:42,726
For... (Coughs) Fortunately,
my practice allows me a certain flexibility.

670
00:42:45,063 --> 00:42:48,398
After checking my schedule,
I find I'll be able to make the journey.

671
00:42:48,483 --> 00:42:51,109
As far as the money's concerned,
you got a deal.

672
00:42:54,656 --> 00:42:56,198
We're off. (Laughs)

673
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:00,410
- Here we go.
- Here we go.

674
00:43:00,495 --> 00:43:03,455
3,000 carefree,
madcap miles to California.

675
00:43:03,539 --> 00:43:08,168
California, here we come,
right back where we started from.

676
00:43:08,253 --> 00:43:11,588
Thanks to you, Victor,
we do not have a female patient in the back.

677
00:43:11,673 --> 00:43:17,761
- Thanks to your wonderful cousin Tessie.
- It's not my fault she didn't fit in the stretcher.

678
00:43:17,845 --> 00:43:21,473
- Doesn't fit in the ambulance.
- I got the doc here, didn't I?

679
00:43:21,557 --> 00:43:23,225
(Van Helsing splutters)

680
00:43:23,309 --> 00:43:25,394
Don't you ever tell me where you got him.

681
00:43:25,478 --> 00:43:28,146
- I don't want to know where you got him.
- OK.

682
00:43:28,231 --> 00:43:30,399
I was just surprised
that all the animals there were...

683
00:43:30,483 --> 00:43:32,859
- I don't want to know where you got him!
- OK.

684
00:43:32,944 --> 00:43:35,946
- (Van Helsing sings)
- Hey, maybe I could be the patient.

685
00:43:36,030 --> 00:43:39,032
That's a good idea.
Everybody would believe you were sick.

686
00:43:39,117 --> 00:43:42,327
- Wouldn't you believe he's sick?
- Want me to examine him?

687
00:43:42,412 --> 00:43:46,832
JJ. Him doesn't like it
when you say bad things about me,

688
00:43:46,916 --> 00:43:48,500
and you know that.

689
00:43:49,335 --> 00:43:52,170
Thanks to you, though,
we don't have a female patient.

690
00:43:52,255 --> 00:43:54,339
And we've got to find a female...

691
00:43:55,425 --> 00:43:56,925
(Victor) JJ.

692
00:43:57,010 --> 00:43:58,552
Damn Cannonballers.

693
00:44:01,931 --> 00:44:04,725
- Hi. I'm so happy you're here.
- Hi.

694
00:44:04,809 --> 00:44:08,020
- Can you help me with Mr, um...
- Foyt.

695
00:44:08,104 --> 00:44:11,064
- Foyt.
- Sure. That's what I'm here for.

696
00:44:11,149 --> 00:44:14,276
Mr. Foyt, go around
and get in the emergency entrance.

697
00:44:15,361 --> 00:44:16,778
Come on right here.

698
00:44:16,863 --> 00:44:18,697
There we go. Hit it!

699
00:44:18,781 --> 00:44:20,240
Wait, I'm not...

700
00:44:20,325 --> 00:44:21,575
Ow!

701
00:44:23,286 --> 00:44:25,162
This is really terrific,

702
00:44:25,246 --> 00:44:27,873
the way you guys
go around helping people.

703
00:44:27,957 --> 00:44:32,336
Next year we're going for the Nobel Prize.
That's where the big bucks are.

704
00:44:35,340 --> 00:44:36,631
You forgot Mr...

705
00:44:36,716 --> 00:44:38,258
Uh... Mr...

706
00:44:38,343 --> 00:44:40,010
- (Both) Foyt.
...Foyt!

707
00:44:40,094 --> 00:44:41,970
Mm. Well, we got you.

708
00:44:42,055 --> 00:44:44,765
We're batting.500. Nobody's perfect.

709
00:44:44,849 --> 00:44:47,100
I think you have to go back and pick him up.

710
00:44:48,144 --> 00:44:49,227
(Both chuckle)

711
00:44:49,312 --> 00:44:52,189
We'd really like to,
but we're on a tight schedule.

712
00:44:52,273 --> 00:44:53,815
We're on our way to California.

713
00:44:53,900 --> 00:44:57,235
You'd be amazed how many sick people
there are out there.

714
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:00,238
They need our help.
We could pick him up on the way back.

715
00:45:03,868 --> 00:45:06,286
Victor, can you help me?

716
00:45:06,371 --> 00:45:09,164
No, I can't. I can't do anything.

717
00:45:09,248 --> 00:45:11,708
But... he can.

718
00:45:11,793 --> 00:45:13,377
Who can?

719
00:45:13,461 --> 00:45:14,878
Him.

720
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:28,725
Excuse me.

721
00:45:30,436 --> 00:45:31,812
Doctor...

722
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:33,563
(♪ Ominous church organ)

723
00:45:34,482 --> 00:45:35,732
(Gasps)

724
00:45:37,026 --> 00:45:39,194
My God, the perfect specimen.

725
00:45:40,071 --> 00:45:43,323
JJ, you want me
to start the examination right away?

726
00:45:43,408 --> 00:45:45,742
I'm gonna like this job.
Right here, honey.

727
00:45:45,827 --> 00:45:48,078
No, thank you. Not right now.

728
00:45:52,875 --> 00:45:54,418
(Speaks foreign language)

729
00:45:56,629 --> 00:45:58,797
Of course, man. This took 30 years.

730
00:46:05,721 --> 00:46:07,180
(Both giggle)

731
00:46:07,265 --> 00:46:10,851
(Hui) Never be able to see us,
the son of a guns.

732
00:46:10,935 --> 00:46:12,477
(Both laugh)

733
00:46:15,398 --> 00:46:17,315
(Both chatter excitedly)

734
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:23,447
(Siren)

735
00:46:32,623 --> 00:46:35,750
I'm really sorry
about that little lapse, Officer.

736
00:46:35,835 --> 00:46:38,128
Normally,
I drive right around the speed limit.

737
00:46:38,212 --> 00:46:42,507
We all make mistakes, miss, but 160?
That's a little more than a lapse.

738
00:46:42,592 --> 00:46:45,427
(Engines roaring)

739
00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:55,270
What the hell is going on here?
Everybody's driving like maniacs.

740
00:46:55,354 --> 00:46:56,855
I don't know, Officer.

741
00:46:56,939 --> 00:46:59,107
Let me see your driver's license, please.

742
00:47:05,865 --> 00:47:07,282
(Radio chatter)

743
00:47:11,954 --> 00:47:17,375
Ah, what the hell? I can't penalize
nice girls like you for a little indiscretion

744
00:47:17,460 --> 00:47:20,587
with the whole road
packed with speed-crazy lunatics.

745
00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,130
(Both chuckle)

746
00:47:22,215 --> 00:47:24,633
Here. You girls have a nice trip.

747
00:47:24,717 --> 00:47:27,135
- Drive carefully and take it easy.
- Thank you.

748
00:47:27,220 --> 00:47:30,222
- Come back and see us next year.
- Bye.

749
00:47:31,682 --> 00:47:32,933
Take care.

750
00:47:33,017 --> 00:47:34,809
Keep it in the road.

751
00:47:38,523 --> 00:47:41,066
I don't know why you're pouting.
I mean, look,

752
00:47:41,150 --> 00:47:43,777
we're taking a nice,
leisurely trip to California.

753
00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:46,112
And we're picking up the bills.
This could be fun.

754
00:47:46,197 --> 00:47:48,323
I can't believe this is happening to me.

755
00:47:48,407 --> 00:47:50,367
This is not a joke anymore.
I'm being kidnapped.

756
00:47:50,451 --> 00:47:52,577
You can call it kidnapping,
if you want to be rude.

757
00:47:52,662 --> 00:47:55,539
Just think, we have a professional
physician on board

758
00:47:55,623 --> 00:47:58,333
in case somebody gets swamp fever.

759
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:02,003
You guys are strange.

760
00:48:04,215 --> 00:48:05,507
(Siren blares)

761
00:48:05,591 --> 00:48:07,425
- JJ?
- Yeah?

762
00:48:07,510 --> 00:48:09,636
- We got company.
- Yeah, I hear.

763
00:48:11,013 --> 00:48:13,306
OK, Beauty. You lie down
and be a patient for the police.

764
00:48:13,391 --> 00:48:14,933
- No.
- Come on.

765
00:48:15,017 --> 00:48:18,770
Don't! I'm not gonna help you.
You didn't even help Mr...

766
00:48:19,313 --> 00:48:20,730
- (JJ and Victor) Foyt.
...Foyt.

767
00:48:21,941 --> 00:48:24,234
Maybe I can help.

768
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:26,528
Dear God.

769
00:48:26,612 --> 00:48:28,530
It's all right, miss.
It doesn't hurt.

770
00:48:28,614 --> 00:48:30,323
Give it to myself all the time.

771
00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:32,450
Yeah. He gives it to himself all the time.

772
00:48:34,829 --> 00:48:36,788
Show her.

773
00:48:38,624 --> 00:48:40,709
Come on, Doc. Show her.

774
00:48:42,545 --> 00:48:44,004
Show her.

775
00:48:52,555 --> 00:48:53,680
(Whimpers)

776
00:48:57,643 --> 00:48:59,769
There. You see?

777
00:48:59,854 --> 00:49:01,104
That didn't hurt.

778
00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:02,856
(Whimpers)

779
00:49:02,940 --> 00:49:04,774
- JJ?
- No, thanks.

780
00:49:04,859 --> 00:49:05,984
Victor?

781
00:49:06,068 --> 00:49:07,485
Oh, no thanks.

782
00:49:08,696 --> 00:49:10,155
No.

783
00:49:14,994 --> 00:49:16,328
(Whimpers)

784
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:33,928
Hi, guys. What's up?

785
00:49:34,013 --> 00:49:35,221
- What's up?
- Huh.

786
00:49:35,306 --> 00:49:39,017
You guys are running 120, your little lights
are flashing all over. That's what's up.

787
00:49:39,101 --> 00:49:42,646
- We've got a patient in there.
- You were still speeding.

788
00:49:42,730 --> 00:49:46,941
- She's, uh... She's very sick.
- There's not a hospital within 50 miles.

789
00:49:47,026 --> 00:49:48,652
- Where you headed?
- UCLA.

790
00:49:48,736 --> 00:49:49,986
UCLA?

791
00:49:50,071 --> 00:49:52,322
- UCLA Medical Center.
- LA.

792
00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:53,698
California?

793
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:59,829
This is gonna sound like a dumb question,
but if she's that sick, why didn't you fly her?

794
00:49:59,914 --> 00:50:01,706
Why didn't we fly her?

795
00:50:04,585 --> 00:50:07,754
I'm just the driver.
We have to ask the doc.

796
00:50:07,838 --> 00:50:09,005
No.

797
00:50:09,090 --> 00:50:11,883
That's a good idea.
Why don't we ask the doc?

798
00:50:11,967 --> 00:50:13,218
(Babbles)

799
00:50:13,302 --> 00:50:14,761
I'm sorry.

800
00:50:18,307 --> 00:50:21,434
What's going on out here?
What is this crude interruption?

801
00:50:26,315 --> 00:50:29,484
The patient.
Why can't she be flown to California?

802
00:50:29,568 --> 00:50:33,780
Cysts. On the walls of her lungs.
Very rare.

803
00:50:33,864 --> 00:50:37,200
You see, airplanes are only pressurized
at 10,000 feet.

804
00:50:37,284 --> 00:50:41,454
Anybody who knows anything about medicine
knows that she can't fly.

805
00:50:41,539 --> 00:50:43,790
We couldn't even go through Denver
it's so high.

806
00:50:43,874 --> 00:50:47,752
Tell them to go back and pick up Mr...

807
00:50:48,671 --> 00:50:49,921
(All) Foyt.
(Pamela)... Foyt.

808
00:50:50,005 --> 00:50:51,464
Is that lady all right?

809
00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:53,133
She's in great pain.

810
00:50:53,217 --> 00:50:56,678
Causes her to make certain delirious...
drememium...

811
00:50:56,762 --> 00:50:58,722
(Pamela) I'm deliri... (Giggles)

812
00:51:00,641 --> 00:51:05,186
- Sounds like she's on something to me.
- Let me explain something to you.

813
00:51:05,271 --> 00:51:09,190
We have to get the senator's wife
to California in 72 hours.

814
00:51:09,275 --> 00:51:11,484
Do you understand what I'm saying? We ha...

815
00:51:13,195 --> 00:51:18,158
We have to get the senator's wife
to California in 72 hours.

816
00:51:18,242 --> 00:51:20,326
We're very close.

817
00:51:21,579 --> 00:51:25,749
Well, as long as you're in New Jersey,
I want you fellas to take it easy.

818
00:51:25,833 --> 00:51:28,334
- You got that?
- We sure do.

819
00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:32,756
- Thanks a lot.
- Get this rig outta here.

820
00:51:35,050 --> 00:51:38,052
I'm glad there's no cupcakes like that
in New Jersey.

821
00:51:38,137 --> 00:51:40,680
You haven't met my brother-in-law, Ralph.

822
00:51:43,476 --> 00:51:45,185
(JJ and Victor giggle)

823
00:51:49,565 --> 00:51:52,066
I thought that cop
was gonna have a cardiac arrest

824
00:51:52,151 --> 00:51:54,235
when we said
we were going to California.

825
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,112
(Both laugh)

826
00:51:56,197 --> 00:51:57,864
Wasn't Beauty terrific?

827
00:51:57,948 --> 00:51:59,741
The lady was splendid.

828
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:03,411
She should have her picture
on the cover of the AMA journal.

829
00:52:03,496 --> 00:52:06,247
- (Groans) AMA journal.
- (Thud)

830
00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:11,294
I'm sure that doctor's
a very sweet man, basically.

831
00:52:11,378 --> 00:52:12,378
Thanks.

832
00:52:12,463 --> 00:52:15,048
But don't you ever tell me
where you found him.

833
00:52:15,132 --> 00:52:16,925
Ever.

834
00:52:17,426 --> 00:52:19,677
- (Jet engines)
- It's the damn Cannonball for sure.

835
00:52:19,762 --> 00:52:22,055
They blasted away
right in front of my eyes.

836
00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:24,849
And they kidnapped a girl
named Pamela Glover,

837
00:52:24,934 --> 00:52:27,852
just like it was the goddamn
Red Brigade or something.

838
00:52:27,937 --> 00:52:29,979
But I...
No, I've got them.

839
00:52:30,064 --> 00:52:32,440
This time I've got them.

840
00:52:32,525 --> 00:52:35,568
Ohio? Yes. Ohio has been notified.

841
00:52:35,653 --> 00:52:38,404
Yeah. Ohio has been notified.

842
00:52:38,489 --> 00:52:41,908
And Missouri. And California.

843
00:52:41,992 --> 00:52:45,036
We'll get them,
and I'm gonna be there to handle it.

844
00:52:45,871 --> 00:52:47,330
You can count on it.

845
00:52:48,290 --> 00:52:49,290
Yeah.

846
00:52:49,375 --> 00:52:53,253
Listen, I've got two minutes
to catch my flight. Yeah. Bye.

847
00:52:56,882 --> 00:52:58,758
Hey. Hey!

848
00:53:00,135 --> 00:53:01,845
- Madam. Madam!
- Madam?

849
00:53:01,929 --> 00:53:04,514
I'm no madam.
I'm a decent, respectable woman.

850
00:53:04,598 --> 00:53:06,975
I don't even own a house.
I live in an apartment.

851
00:53:07,059 --> 00:53:09,310
Now get off my case.
I'm late for my plane.

852
00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:17,235
Oh! (Groans)

853
00:53:18,904 --> 00:53:20,822
(Continues groaning)

854
00:53:20,906 --> 00:53:23,449
(♪ James Bond music)

855
00:53:23,534 --> 00:53:26,828
- Well, then, after my career in the RAF...
- The what?

856
00:53:26,912 --> 00:53:29,330
- The Royal Air Force.
- Oh.

857
00:53:29,415 --> 00:53:32,917
- Do you mind if I have a cigarette?
- Go ahead. They're your lungs.

858
00:53:33,002 --> 00:53:36,254
Well, I had a chestful of citations,
medals, that sort of thing,

859
00:53:36,338 --> 00:53:38,923
and then I drifted in
playing a rather popular...

860
00:53:39,008 --> 00:53:40,550
Not that one, darling, please.

861
00:53:40,634 --> 00:53:44,345
We don't want you leaving so shortly
after the trip has begun, do we?

862
00:53:44,430 --> 00:53:46,389
No, of course not.

863
00:53:46,473 --> 00:53:51,227
Then I drifted into playing a rather
popular character on a television series.

864
00:53:51,312 --> 00:53:53,313
It's still in syndication, you know.

865
00:53:54,815 --> 00:53:56,399
Puff away.

866
00:53:57,568 --> 00:54:01,029
Thanks a lot, ladies.
But I would take it a little easier.

867
00:54:01,113 --> 00:54:04,699
Some of the officers up the road
might not be as understanding.

868
00:54:04,783 --> 00:54:09,412
Thank you so much, Officer.
We really do appreciate that warning.

869
00:54:09,496 --> 00:54:12,582
And if you're ever up in Duluth,
remember to look me up.

870
00:54:14,209 --> 00:54:17,837
I got the number.
You can count on it.

871
00:54:25,387 --> 00:54:26,596
(Pamela hums tune)

872
00:54:29,141 --> 00:54:31,184
- How's the patient?
- (Grunts)

873
00:54:33,479 --> 00:54:34,812
(Grunts)

874
00:54:34,897 --> 00:54:36,439
- (Ticking)
- She's alive.

875
00:54:36,523 --> 00:54:39,275
Looks like she survived the procedure.

876
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:40,693
What procedure?

877
00:54:40,778 --> 00:54:43,947
(Chuckles) If you guys laid a finger on me...

878
00:54:44,406 --> 00:54:45,406
(Mouths)

879
00:54:48,035 --> 00:54:50,703
No, I just gave her a little prick.

880
00:54:52,122 --> 00:54:53,998
With this.

881
00:54:54,083 --> 00:54:57,585
(Brad) Super Chief, lean forward
so I can get the front wheel on the ground.

882
00:54:57,670 --> 00:55:00,505
- (Shakey) Stop kidding. I am.
- (Laughs nervously)

883
00:55:12,226 --> 00:55:13,685
(Car horn toots)

884
00:55:15,729 --> 00:55:20,066
Pull over!
We want to give you our blessings.

885
00:55:20,150 --> 00:55:23,695
JJ. There are two priests
in that car over there.

886
00:55:23,779 --> 00:55:24,988
What?

887
00:55:27,533 --> 00:55:29,367
They want us to pull over.

888
00:55:29,451 --> 00:55:31,035
- Victor.
- Yeah.

889
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,162
They're two priests driving a Ferrari.

890
00:55:33,247 --> 00:55:36,249
When's the last time you saw
two priests driving a Ferrari?

891
00:55:36,333 --> 00:55:39,711
- They taking the bingo money home?
- They're doing the work of the Lord.

892
00:55:39,795 --> 00:55:42,296
In a Ferrari, they can do it faster, that's all.

893
00:55:43,298 --> 00:55:46,217
- (Car horn toots)
- (Fenderbaum) Pull over!

894
00:55:46,301 --> 00:55:48,594
We want to bless you!

895
00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:52,181
- Victor.
- Yeah?

896
00:55:52,266 --> 00:55:54,392
One of the priests is black.

897
00:55:54,476 --> 00:55:57,270
- Oh, yeah. They have black priests.
- They do?

898
00:55:57,354 --> 00:55:59,188
Oh, sure. They have a black cardinal.

899
00:55:59,273 --> 00:56:04,027
Oh! They do want us to pull over.
They want to bless us. Can we?

900
00:56:04,111 --> 00:56:06,571
(Laughs) Let me get this straight.

901
00:56:06,655 --> 00:56:12,785
You want us to pull over and be blessed
by a black priest in a red Ferrari?

902
00:56:12,870 --> 00:56:13,870
Couldn't hurt.

903
00:56:15,164 --> 00:56:16,622
Oy vey!

904
00:56:24,923 --> 00:56:27,508
- Nice car, Father.
- Thank you, asshole.

905
00:56:29,136 --> 00:56:31,345
Hello, Father. Nice-looking car.

906
00:56:31,430 --> 00:56:34,057
That's what everybody...
He even said it.

907
00:56:34,141 --> 00:56:36,517
I want to thank you for stopping, son,

908
00:56:36,602 --> 00:56:41,773
'cause we always stop the ambulance
so we can bless whosever's in there.

909
00:56:41,857 --> 00:56:45,193
And you paramedics
are doing such a wonderful job.

910
00:56:45,277 --> 00:56:48,488
We're in kind of a hurry,
so if you can just bless it and then we can...

911
00:56:50,199 --> 00:56:54,577
- Oh. I gotta bless her.
- I'm sorry, Father. She's a Zen Buddhist.

912
00:56:54,661 --> 00:56:59,373
- You're not, so you can't bless her.
- We specialize in blessing Zen Buddhists.

913
00:56:59,458 --> 00:57:00,792
Yeah.

914
00:57:00,876 --> 00:57:03,252
- (♪ Ominous church organ)
- (Yawns)

915
00:57:03,337 --> 00:57:06,130
- Oh...
- Yes?

916
00:57:07,132 --> 00:57:09,675
Second thought, Father,
you want to bless him?

917
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:13,179
We need all the help we can get.
Just give him a little shot.

918
00:57:16,183 --> 00:57:19,018
- Thank you, Father.
- You're quite welcome.

919
00:57:19,103 --> 00:57:20,937
- You did a good job.
- Thank you.

920
00:57:22,648 --> 00:57:23,940
(Air hissing)

921
00:57:24,817 --> 00:57:26,359
Thank you, Father.

922
00:57:27,152 --> 00:57:30,738
Why don't you take that piece of shit
back to the junkyard? (Cackles)

923
00:57:30,823 --> 00:57:32,240
(Tires screech)

924
00:57:35,577 --> 00:57:37,203
(Air hissing)

925
00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:40,623
- Ooh! JJ, we got a...
- Flat.

926
00:57:40,707 --> 00:57:44,043
- Yeah. And those priests...
- Weren't fathers.

927
00:57:44,128 --> 00:57:45,795
- They were...
- Mothers.

928
00:57:46,463 --> 00:57:48,172
- Come here.
- Oh, jeez.

929
00:57:48,257 --> 00:57:51,134
(Groans) Ah, shit!

930
00:57:52,219 --> 00:57:54,220
(♪ James Bond music)

931
00:57:55,222 --> 00:57:58,391
So there you have it,
a rather simple story, actually.

932
00:57:58,475 --> 00:58:02,103
International film star,
ruthless assassin,

933
00:58:02,187 --> 00:58:05,106
Casanova, poet, philosopher. (Chuckles)

934
00:58:05,190 --> 00:58:07,483
You might say
a legend in my own time.

935
00:58:07,568 --> 00:58:10,486
In fact, you can.
Not that one, darling.

936
00:58:10,571 --> 00:58:13,197
I'm afraid this car is full of surprises.

937
00:58:13,282 --> 00:58:15,616
(French accent)
This is something I've noticed.

938
00:58:15,701 --> 00:58:17,577
How about some champagne, darling?

939
00:58:17,661 --> 00:58:22,915
(Man on radio) Little silver four-wheeler that
just flew past, with the good-lookin' seat cover.

940
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:26,544
Son, back that thing down.
You got smokeys all over my back door.

941
00:58:27,588 --> 00:58:29,297
If you are referring to me,

942
00:58:29,381 --> 00:58:33,593
I request that you speak more clearly
in the Queen's English.

943
00:58:33,677 --> 00:58:36,512
That is, if we are
going to converse on this wireless.

944
00:58:36,597 --> 00:58:39,015
Ah. Bless your heart.

945
00:58:39,099 --> 00:58:40,808
Cheers.

946
00:58:40,893 --> 00:58:42,768
Down the hatch.

947
00:59:12,466 --> 00:59:15,801
What do you think you're doing?
You can't come in here.

948
00:59:15,886 --> 00:59:16,928
You're a man.

949
00:59:17,012 --> 00:59:20,306
- (Man on speaker) 7-Eleven. How can I help?
- Pumps one and two, hit 'em.

950
00:59:20,390 --> 00:59:23,976
(Man) What are you, some kind of nut?
You got one unleaded and one premium.

951
00:59:24,978 --> 00:59:27,104
She goes both ways.

952
00:59:27,189 --> 00:59:30,441
The round orange moon pie
with the white hat on, he'll pay for it.

953
00:59:30,525 --> 00:59:33,527
I'm a doctor, and if I may be
permitted the indelicacy,

954
00:59:33,612 --> 00:59:36,280
you seen one, you've seen 'em all.

955
00:59:36,949 --> 00:59:38,199
(Whimpers)

956
00:59:40,744 --> 00:59:42,203
(Engine approaches)

957
00:59:43,330 --> 00:59:47,750
(Shakey) A thousand miles on one wheel?
We're trying to win a race, not set a record.

958
01:00:01,932 --> 01:00:03,224
(Engine revs)

959
01:00:05,477 --> 01:00:06,852
(JJ) Victor, what have you got?

960
01:00:06,937 --> 01:00:10,147
A lot of goodies for you guys
and a Big Gulp Dr Pepper for me.

961
01:00:10,232 --> 01:00:12,066
(♪ Sings Dr Pepper jingle)

962
01:00:14,736 --> 01:00:17,613
- (JJ) Will you get in here?!
- OK. Here you go.

963
01:00:19,741 --> 01:00:26,080
(Tires screech)

964
01:00:26,164 --> 01:00:27,623
(JJ) Officer.

965
01:00:31,753 --> 01:00:33,796
Do you take your law and order
in this town seriously?

966
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:35,006
Are you kidding?

967
01:00:40,637 --> 01:00:42,263
Excuse me for asking.

968
01:00:42,347 --> 01:00:44,682
Greek! But...

969
01:00:44,766 --> 01:00:47,059
Would you shut up a minute
and listen to me?

970
01:00:47,394 --> 01:00:49,353
(Both speak foreign language)

971
01:00:54,651 --> 01:00:56,068
(Tires screech)

972
01:01:01,283 --> 01:01:03,868
Oh, by the way, Greek.

973
01:01:03,952 --> 01:01:07,496
What's the odds on the Japanese team
not finishing?

974
01:01:07,581 --> 01:01:10,166
There's gonna be a red Ferrari
come flying through here

975
01:01:10,250 --> 01:01:14,378
and the two men driving are responsible
for the victim in this ambulance.

976
01:01:14,463 --> 01:01:17,423
- Victim?
- A flasher victim.

977
01:01:18,508 --> 01:01:20,509
- You want to know the worst part?
- What's that?

978
01:01:20,594 --> 01:01:22,845
- They're dressed as priests.
- Go on.

979
01:01:22,929 --> 01:01:26,098
I guess they think it's a little kinkier,
dressed as priests.

980
01:01:26,183 --> 01:01:28,142
Goddamn, that's sick.

981
01:01:28,226 --> 01:01:30,644
- I'll handle this.
- One more thing.

982
01:01:30,729 --> 01:01:31,937
I think they're armed.

983
01:01:33,148 --> 01:01:34,732
Damn, I hope so.

984
01:01:35,650 --> 01:01:37,068
It'll give me an excuse.

985
01:01:44,618 --> 01:01:45,993
(Tires screech)

986
01:01:46,078 --> 01:01:47,661
(Victor) Flashers! (Giggles)

987
01:01:48,789 --> 01:01:50,247
(JJ) Bye-bye!

988
01:01:50,332 --> 01:01:52,333
JJ, you son of a!

989
01:01:52,417 --> 01:01:54,377
Out of the car, both of you.

990
01:01:54,461 --> 01:01:55,836
Now!

991
01:01:59,299 --> 01:02:01,092
All right, hit it.

992
01:02:01,176 --> 01:02:02,635
- Hit it?
- Hit it?

993
01:02:05,639 --> 01:02:07,473
(♪ Banjo tune)

994
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:13,354
- Freeze, or name your beneficiary.
- Beneficiary?

995
01:02:13,438 --> 01:02:17,316
- Officer, I sincerely hope you're not a Catholic.
- Pay no attention to him.

996
01:02:17,401 --> 01:02:21,320
He's been locked up for six years in that
monastery. He don't know what he's doing.

997
01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,614
I don't think both of his paddles
are in the water.

998
01:02:23,698 --> 01:02:25,658
Six years is gonna seem
like a summer vacation

999
01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:28,160
when the state of Missouri
gets through with you.

1000
01:02:28,245 --> 01:02:31,247
You, shorty.
Where'd you get all that jewelry?

1001
01:02:32,624 --> 01:02:35,292
- Why'd he call me shorty?
- 'Cause you're small.

1002
01:02:35,377 --> 01:02:38,546
- Small. S-M-all.
- Oh.

1003
01:02:40,090 --> 01:02:41,882
(Man on radio)
I suggest you take another route, good buddy.

1004
01:02:41,967 --> 01:02:46,053
The smokeys have got traffic all tied up on 40
looking for them Cannonballers.

1005
01:02:46,138 --> 01:02:48,222
(Second man) That's a big ten-four.

1006
01:02:48,306 --> 01:02:49,390
- Hey, JJ.
- Yeah?

1007
01:02:49,474 --> 01:02:52,393
There's a lot of talk on the CB
about the roadblock ahead.

1008
01:02:52,477 --> 01:02:53,519
What do you think?

1009
01:02:53,603 --> 01:02:58,232
I think we're in deep you-know-what.
The transmission is slipping.

1010
01:02:58,316 --> 01:03:01,068
We lost a lot of time
because of your two phony priests.

1011
01:03:01,153 --> 01:03:03,404
- Oh. I'm sorry.
- (Babbles)

1012
01:03:04,156 --> 01:03:06,282
If the transmission does hold together,

1013
01:03:06,366 --> 01:03:09,118
you think we're gonna be able to bluff our way
through the roadblock?

1014
01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:12,872
I don't know.
Give me a minute to gather my thoughts.

1015
01:03:20,464 --> 01:03:22,381
I gathered my thoughts.

1016
01:03:22,466 --> 01:03:25,426
Hey, Lowboy!
Look in your rearview mirror.

1017
01:03:25,510 --> 01:03:27,303
See this ambulance back here?

1018
01:03:27,387 --> 01:03:29,555
We need a piggyback ride.

1019
01:03:31,183 --> 01:03:33,851
(Foyt) This one can go by.
There's no problem here.

1020
01:03:33,935 --> 01:03:38,689
Uh... Let's just have this one
and that one.

1021
01:03:38,773 --> 01:03:40,524
Um... (Murmurs)

1022
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:45,946
Yeah, that one's OK. Let it go.

1023
01:03:49,868 --> 01:03:51,368
Excuse me.

1024
01:03:51,453 --> 01:03:53,162
You look very familiar.
Do I know you?

1025
01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:55,414
It's quite possible.
Is this going to take long?

1026
01:03:55,499 --> 01:03:58,125
You see, we're on our honeymoon,
and she can't wait.

1027
01:03:58,210 --> 01:04:00,044
Thank God. Normal people.

1028
01:04:00,128 --> 01:04:02,046
We were just looking for Cannonb...

1029
01:04:02,130 --> 01:04:04,465
It's not important.
Move along, if you would.

1030
01:04:04,549 --> 01:04:07,092
- What is this, anyway?
- It's a stakeout.

1031
01:04:07,177 --> 01:04:08,552
Oh. Bon appétit.

1032
01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:11,972
English humor.

1033
01:04:13,016 --> 01:04:15,809
Come on, guys, keep moving,
will you, please?

1034
01:04:18,563 --> 01:04:20,022
Let's see...

1035
01:04:20,106 --> 01:04:22,107
(Tools clanging)

1036
01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:25,444
(JJ) Quiet, Victor.
You're gonna blow our cover.

1037
01:04:25,529 --> 01:04:30,616
JJ, this is not a nine-to-five job.
I wish him were here.

1038
01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:32,409
(JJ) Hi.

1039
01:04:32,494 --> 01:04:33,827
Hello.

1040
01:04:37,832 --> 01:04:41,627
- You look tired.
- Ah, more frustrated than tired.

1041
01:04:41,711 --> 01:04:43,796
Think you're gonna win this crazy race?

1042
01:04:44,714 --> 01:04:46,006
Damn right I am.

1043
01:04:47,133 --> 01:04:51,053
I'm sitting here, having a conversation
with somebody who kidnapped me.

1044
01:04:51,137 --> 01:04:55,683
Hm! Who can blame anybody
for kidnapping you?

1045
01:04:56,685 --> 01:04:58,477
You gave me laughing gas.

1046
01:04:58,562 --> 01:05:01,438
Well, you have an awful beautiful laugh.

1047
01:05:01,523 --> 01:05:04,567
You made me forget my favorite skirt
back at the motel...

1048
01:05:04,651 --> 01:05:07,653
Doesn't matter.
You look terrific without it.

1049
01:05:16,037 --> 01:05:17,496
What'd you expect, anyway?

1050
01:05:20,584 --> 01:05:24,003
- A gangbang or something like that.
- A gangbang?

1051
01:05:24,087 --> 01:05:26,505
We're racers, not rapists.

1052
01:05:27,507 --> 01:05:29,633
- Why?
- Why what?

1053
01:05:32,012 --> 01:05:35,472
Why all this speed
and trouble and risk and...

1054
01:05:35,557 --> 01:05:37,224
I mean, what for?

1055
01:05:37,309 --> 01:05:38,726
For the hell of it.

1056
01:05:41,313 --> 01:05:43,731
Didn't you ever do anything
just for the hell of it?

1057
01:05:43,815 --> 01:05:45,232
I guess so.

1058
01:05:45,317 --> 01:05:47,985
My father used to work in the coal mines.

1059
01:05:50,614 --> 01:05:52,197
43 years.

1060
01:05:54,451 --> 01:05:56,035
He was gonna retire.

1061
01:05:57,203 --> 01:06:00,623
Buy a houseboat.
Move down to Florida.

1062
01:06:02,250 --> 01:06:05,836
Fish on the back of the boat
and tell my mom lies.

1063
01:06:09,174 --> 01:06:11,508
He died two days
before he was gonna retire.

1064
01:06:11,593 --> 01:06:12,593
Oh.

1065
01:06:13,595 --> 01:06:15,429
I guess you just never know.

1066
01:06:16,222 --> 01:06:17,681
Yeah.

1067
01:06:18,975 --> 01:06:23,687
I made up my mind right then,
I was gonna go for it.

1068
01:06:23,772 --> 01:06:27,232
I mean, everything I wanted,
I was gonna go for it right then,

1069
01:06:28,610 --> 01:06:31,695
'cause you never know when
something's gonna happen to you.

1070
01:06:32,739 --> 01:06:34,573
Like talking to you, you know?

1071
01:06:35,700 --> 01:06:37,117
I mean, it's really nice.

1072
01:06:40,246 --> 01:06:44,166
Uh... Excuse me.
Where are you guys going?

1073
01:06:44,250 --> 01:06:48,253
We're just... We're just out-out-out
looking for a pack of cigarettes.

1074
01:06:48,338 --> 01:06:52,007
With North Carolina plates,
you're driving to Missouri for cigarettes?

1075
01:06:53,843 --> 01:06:55,219
How about a beer?

1076
01:06:55,303 --> 01:06:58,222
How about the fact that your paint job
is coming off?

1077
01:06:58,306 --> 01:07:02,059
You want to take these guys away?
The good guys strike back.

1078
01:07:02,143 --> 01:07:06,397
What is that? Five, eight, three...
Five, eight, three, six...

1079
01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:11,985
Hold on. Hold on. Let it go. Come on.

1080
01:07:12,070 --> 01:07:14,405
Come on, guys,
keep moving, will you, please?

1081
01:07:18,868 --> 01:07:21,245
Howdy, sir.
What seems to be the problem?

1082
01:07:21,329 --> 01:07:25,165
You didn't think you'd get away with this?
We're gonna get the whole lot of you now.

1083
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,252
Not here, you won't.
The word is out about your roadblock.

1084
01:07:28,336 --> 01:07:30,754
They're talking about it
all up and down the "super slab".

1085
01:07:30,839 --> 01:07:34,258
Come on, get these traitors
out of here, will you?

1086
01:07:34,342 --> 01:07:36,260
You think you're so big.

1087
01:07:37,053 --> 01:07:41,014
Do some of you people want to come over
and push this thing out of the way?

1088
01:07:41,099 --> 01:07:43,183
Come on. I'll put it in neutral.

1089
01:07:44,227 --> 01:07:47,187
Who did that? Make it stop!

1090
01:08:01,369 --> 01:08:02,703
(Tires screech)

1091
01:08:02,787 --> 01:08:04,997
(JJ) Thanks a lot. Keep on truckin'!

1092
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:12,296
(Chan and Hui laugh)

1093
01:08:12,380 --> 01:08:14,339
(Both speak foreign language)

1094
01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:21,638
George, you remember the good old days
before they got radar?

1095
01:08:21,723 --> 01:08:25,017
- We used to chase speeders?
- Yeah. This is really boring.

1096
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:26,727
(Speaks foreign language)

1097
01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:32,649
(Rapid bleeping)

1098
01:08:43,578 --> 01:08:46,330
(Chan) Smokey. Sayonara. Bye-bye!

1099
01:08:46,414 --> 01:08:47,831
- (Whizzing)
- What the hell was that?

1100
01:08:47,916 --> 01:08:50,584
I don't know, but whatever it was,
it was doing 125.

1101
01:08:50,668 --> 01:08:52,252
(Both laugh)

1102
01:08:54,923 --> 01:08:56,840
(Both chat excitedly)

1103
01:08:59,052 --> 01:09:00,594
(Car horns blare)

1104
01:09:01,638 --> 01:09:03,430
(Car horn toots)

1105
01:09:03,515 --> 01:09:04,723
(Tires screech)

1106
01:09:05,892 --> 01:09:08,352
That's the first time
we took an order by phone.

1107
01:09:08,436 --> 01:09:13,023
- It was hard to understand you.
- When I called, I was doing 140 miles an hour.

1108
01:09:13,107 --> 01:09:15,484
That was six lamb burgers,
four shish kebabs,

1109
01:09:15,568 --> 01:09:17,986
a side order of couscous, and...

1110
01:09:18,071 --> 01:09:19,696
two milk.

1111
01:09:19,781 --> 01:09:21,573
No! How much?

1112
01:09:21,658 --> 01:09:23,742
Six seventy-five.

1113
01:09:23,827 --> 01:09:25,828
Here, my desert blossom.

1114
01:09:25,912 --> 01:09:27,538
Keep the change.

1115
01:09:27,622 --> 01:09:30,040
Have you ever considered
joining a harem?

1116
01:09:31,501 --> 01:09:34,169
I shall return for you after the race.

1117
01:09:43,054 --> 01:09:46,431
Get a physical.
I shall return, my little fig.

1118
01:09:46,516 --> 01:09:48,100
I love you!

1119
01:09:54,315 --> 01:09:55,482
Victor...

1120
01:09:56,693 --> 01:09:58,485
I don't know how to ask you this.

1121
01:10:00,238 --> 01:10:03,699
Isn't it strange having that guy
running around inside your head?

1122
01:10:03,783 --> 01:10:06,451
Oh! He's not in here.

1123
01:10:06,536 --> 01:10:09,454
He's out there somewhere,
helping people.

1124
01:10:09,539 --> 01:10:12,124
- Oh!
- He's always helping people.

1125
01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:14,793
- He'd help you.
- He would?

1126
01:10:14,878 --> 01:10:16,920
He likes you.

1127
01:10:19,048 --> 01:10:22,676
Well, how did he find you?
I mean, how did you two get together?

1128
01:10:22,760 --> 01:10:25,095
Well, when I was real young,

1129
01:10:25,179 --> 01:10:27,639
I didn't have any friends
like I do now.

1130
01:10:27,724 --> 01:10:29,433
Like JJ...

1131
01:10:30,602 --> 01:10:31,685
Like JJ.

1132
01:10:34,814 --> 01:10:39,484
One day I was in the schoolyard,
and nine guys were beating me up pretty good.

1133
01:10:39,569 --> 01:10:41,194
There he was.

1134
01:10:41,279 --> 01:10:43,155
Dun-dun-dah!

1135
01:10:43,239 --> 01:10:45,908
- Captain Chaos?
- Yeah. Out of the blue.

1136
01:10:45,992 --> 01:10:50,162
Pow! Slam! Bam! Boff!

1137
01:10:51,581 --> 01:10:52,873
I sure was grateful.

1138
01:10:52,957 --> 01:10:54,625
- That's great!
- Yeah.

1139
01:10:54,709 --> 01:10:57,294
Nobody bothered me at school after that.

1140
01:10:57,378 --> 01:10:59,212
I wish I had a friend like that.

1141
01:10:59,297 --> 01:11:02,257
Well, first,
you need a mask and a cape.

1142
01:11:02,342 --> 01:11:05,093
I think I'd like mine to be pink.

1143
01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:06,929
Almost everything I wear is pink.

1144
01:11:07,013 --> 01:11:08,138
Everything?

1145
01:11:09,057 --> 01:11:10,974
Even? Uh...

1146
01:11:11,059 --> 01:11:12,517
Oh, I don't wear any.

1147
01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:14,353
- You don't?
- Uh-uh.

1148
01:11:15,229 --> 01:11:16,521
(Quietly) Wow.

1149
01:11:18,775 --> 01:11:23,195
Victor, I'd like to be your friend.
'Cause I like you.

1150
01:11:23,279 --> 01:11:25,113
Oh.

1151
01:11:25,198 --> 01:11:27,199
I like you too, Beauty.

1152
01:11:27,283 --> 01:11:28,951
Thank you.

1153
01:11:34,123 --> 01:11:36,124
(Both speak foreign language)

1154
01:11:42,715 --> 01:11:44,967
New Mexico. (Chuckles)

1155
01:11:48,179 --> 01:11:49,471
(Chan exclaims)

1156
01:11:54,644 --> 01:11:57,187
(Chan) Texas! Stupid!

1157
01:11:57,271 --> 01:11:58,855
(Police siren blares)

1158
01:12:24,841 --> 01:12:26,049
(Sighs)

1159
01:12:27,010 --> 01:12:29,344
I'll take care of this one.

1160
01:12:41,065 --> 01:12:43,108
Well, hello, hot pants.

1161
01:12:43,192 --> 01:12:47,320
I don't suppose you have a driver's license
tucked down in there somewhere, do you?

1162
01:12:47,405 --> 01:12:49,281
Yes, Officer.

1163
01:12:49,365 --> 01:12:50,615
(Chuckles)

1164
01:12:51,576 --> 01:12:52,993
(♪ James Bond music)

1165
01:12:57,999 --> 01:13:00,584
That policeman
seems to want us to stop, darling.

1166
01:13:00,668 --> 01:13:03,962
Yes. He must be rather upset
with our rapid rate.

1167
01:13:04,047 --> 01:13:06,798
Funny. They don't have any sense of humor
about that sort of thing.

1168
01:13:06,883 --> 01:13:09,926
- Aren't you going to pull over?
- I'd rather not.

1169
01:13:10,011 --> 01:13:13,138
Can be such a bore, talking to those chaps.

1170
01:13:13,222 --> 01:13:15,474
Tell you what.
We'll just... slip away.

1171
01:13:15,558 --> 01:13:18,977
- Hit that button, will you?
- Like in your movies!

1172
01:13:24,192 --> 01:13:26,985
(Woman) And now a little oil, right, darling?

1173
01:13:38,581 --> 01:13:41,458
Well, well.
We are full of tricks, aren't we?

1174
01:13:41,542 --> 01:13:43,627
It's all part of my business, really.

1175
01:13:43,711 --> 01:13:46,505
I've been meaning to ask you,
what movie?

1176
01:13:46,589 --> 01:13:49,091
Wait a minute.
Can you see where you're going?

1177
01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:52,302
- Perfectly.
- This is ridiculous. (Coughs)

1178
01:13:52,386 --> 01:13:54,387
- (Car horns blare)
- (Tires screech)

1179
01:13:58,434 --> 01:14:03,271
(Seymour) Good sport, isn't it? Would you
mind rolling the window down, old girl?

1180
01:14:03,356 --> 01:14:05,565
We're getting done
like a couple of kippers here.

1181
01:14:05,650 --> 01:14:09,319
- Next time, I bring my mask.
- Like a foggy day in London town.

1182
01:14:20,957 --> 01:14:23,875
(Voiceover on video) You are about to witness
the ravishment of a woman

1183
01:14:23,960 --> 01:14:25,293
who has been abducted.

1184
01:14:25,378 --> 01:14:30,590
A woman whose initial fear
has mellowed into curious expectation.

1185
01:14:30,675 --> 01:14:34,427
In the morning, she will be set free,
unaware of anything,

1186
01:14:34,512 --> 01:14:37,347
except that she has been loved
as never before...

1187
01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:40,183
- (Truck horn blares)
- (Tires screech)

1188
01:14:43,771 --> 01:14:46,064
- (Car horn blares)
- (Tires screech)

1189
01:14:46,691 --> 01:14:48,608
(Woman on video) Oh, no! Please...

1190
01:14:48,693 --> 01:14:51,611
(Moans) Oh, yes, there! There!

1191
01:14:53,114 --> 01:14:54,406
(Scolds angrily)

1192
01:14:57,660 --> 01:15:00,620
(Both bicker)

1193
01:15:04,292 --> 01:15:07,252
I've never seen a damn Rolls-Royce
that'd do 140 miles an hour.

1194
01:15:07,336 --> 01:15:09,045
What you fellas got in that thing?

1195
01:15:09,130 --> 01:15:11,298
- Stock.
- Sign here.

1196
01:15:11,382 --> 01:15:13,675
I guess you must have
misconstrued my remark

1197
01:15:13,759 --> 01:15:16,469
about my mother planning to purchase
Southern California

1198
01:15:16,554 --> 01:15:19,431
as an attempt to influence
your giving me a ticket, Officer.

1199
01:15:19,515 --> 01:15:24,603
I am sure that she will still consider keeping
you all on as a member of the Highway Patrol,

1200
01:15:24,687 --> 01:15:27,314
regardless of how shabbily
you treated her son!

1201
01:15:27,398 --> 01:15:30,150
You might want to tell that to the judge, sir.

1202
01:15:30,234 --> 01:15:32,068
(Speaks Arabic)

1203
01:15:39,535 --> 01:15:40,744
(Tires screech)

1204
01:15:41,662 --> 01:15:44,456
(Sheik) This is for you and the judge!

1205
01:15:44,540 --> 01:15:46,499
Goddamn camel jockey!

1206
01:15:46,584 --> 01:15:47,626
(Tires screech)

1207
01:15:49,503 --> 01:15:50,879
(Sirens blare)

1208
01:15:53,925 --> 01:15:55,675
(Siren approaches)

1209
01:15:55,760 --> 01:15:59,262
Oh, shit.
We got a smokey on our tail.

1210
01:15:59,347 --> 01:16:01,139
Watch this.

1211
01:16:03,517 --> 01:16:04,893
- Officer.
- Pull it over.

1212
01:16:04,977 --> 01:16:06,603
We got no brakes!

1213
01:16:06,687 --> 01:16:09,814
No brakes! Help us!
Yes, thank you.

1214
01:16:09,899 --> 01:16:11,983
Damn "no brake" gag works every time.

1215
01:16:14,695 --> 01:16:18,031
Oh, no!
We really don't have any brakes!

1216
01:16:18,115 --> 01:16:20,200
- Quit kidding, will you?
- Hang on!

1217
01:16:28,376 --> 01:16:34,047
Evel Knievel...
you've got yourself some competition!

1218
01:16:34,131 --> 01:16:35,298
(Laughs)

1219
01:16:49,272 --> 01:16:52,857
(Both bicker)

1220
01:17:12,420 --> 01:17:14,296
(Bickering continues)

1221
01:17:15,464 --> 01:17:17,716
(Hui) Route 66. Ha-ha!

1222
01:17:31,522 --> 01:17:39,195
(Speaks foreign language)

1223
01:17:42,158 --> 01:17:43,742
Secret weapon.

1224
01:17:43,826 --> 01:17:45,952
(Makes pulsing sound, chuckles)

1225
01:17:47,997 --> 01:17:49,372
(Hui exclaims)

1226
01:17:55,212 --> 01:17:57,255
- (Rumbling)
- (Rapid bleeping)

1227
01:17:58,924 --> 01:18:00,800
(Chan chatters nervously)

1228
01:18:02,928 --> 01:18:04,596
(Hui) Ready, fire!

1229
01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:06,681
- (Hissing)
- (Bleeping intensifies)

1230
01:18:07,767 --> 01:18:09,309
(Explosion)

1231
01:18:10,895 --> 01:18:12,479
(Hui chats calmly)

1232
01:18:16,525 --> 01:18:18,568
(Jackhammer rattles)

1233
01:18:20,071 --> 01:18:22,447
How long we been here?

1234
01:18:22,531 --> 01:18:24,908
20 minutes.
We could have been there by now.

1235
01:18:24,992 --> 01:18:27,619
The road will be open in five minutes, Father.

1236
01:18:32,041 --> 01:18:34,584
- (Victor) Gah!
- (Thud, spring boings)

1237
01:18:37,129 --> 01:18:39,464
Hey, Father Putz.

1238
01:18:40,341 --> 01:18:42,342
Albert Schweitzer.

1239
01:18:42,426 --> 01:18:45,804
I want to thank you
for being so sweet and so nice,

1240
01:18:45,888 --> 01:18:49,766
and telling those people all about us,
back in Missouri,

1241
01:18:49,850 --> 01:18:53,436
that we were both flashers
and sex maniacs.

1242
01:18:54,397 --> 01:18:55,605
(JJ chuckles)

1243
01:18:56,357 --> 01:18:58,817
Well, I just wanted to return the favor

1244
01:18:58,901 --> 01:19:01,778
that you and the chocolate monk did for us
back in Ohio.

1245
01:19:02,780 --> 01:19:04,447
"The chocolate monk"?

1246
01:19:04,532 --> 01:19:07,033
- (Victor laughs wheezily)
- (JJ chuckles)

1247
01:19:07,827 --> 01:19:08,910
He can say that.

1248
01:19:08,994 --> 01:19:10,829
He can say that, he can say that

1249
01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:14,290
'cause he's riding around
with the Goodyear blimp!

1250
01:19:14,375 --> 01:19:17,460
- The Goodyear blimp?
- He can say that. He can say that.

1251
01:19:17,545 --> 01:19:21,047
- Yeah, I can say that.
- Because if I had the time,

1252
01:19:21,132 --> 01:19:24,717
I would take those rosary beads
and stuff 'em up your nose.

1253
01:19:24,802 --> 01:19:27,137
- These rosary beads? My rosary beads?
- Yeah.

1254
01:19:27,221 --> 01:19:30,515
- You're gonna shove 'em up this nose?
- Up that nose, yeah.

1255
01:19:32,476 --> 01:19:35,311
- He can do that.
- He can do that?

1256
01:19:35,396 --> 01:19:37,313
- You take a little advice?
- Sure.

1257
01:19:39,108 --> 01:19:40,733
Bring friends.

1258
01:19:46,282 --> 01:19:48,533
A lot of 'em. (Chuckles)

1259
01:19:51,912 --> 01:19:54,706
(Chuckles) He wants me to bring...

1260
01:19:56,667 --> 01:19:57,709
Blimp?

1261
01:19:57,793 --> 01:19:59,878
(Chan reproaches)

1262
01:20:04,467 --> 01:20:06,050
(Hui remonstrates)

1263
01:20:12,057 --> 01:20:15,226
(JJ) Ah, the bride and groom Cannonballer.

1264
01:20:15,311 --> 01:20:17,520
I told you this honeymoon scheme would work.

1265
01:20:17,605 --> 01:20:19,731
Good.
Now you wear the wig, sweetheart.

1266
01:20:19,815 --> 01:20:21,774
- It's hot.
- Oh, I don't know.

1267
01:20:21,859 --> 01:20:24,694
When I was in Egypt making
The Fly Who Bugged Me

1268
01:20:24,778 --> 01:20:28,239
it was at least 180 in the shade,
not that there was much shade.

1269
01:20:28,324 --> 01:20:30,533
If CBS woulda had their cameras there

1270
01:20:30,618 --> 01:20:34,496
we'd have made Sports Spectacular.
We just zoomed right over that train.

1271
01:20:34,580 --> 01:20:35,872
You want to try it again?

1272
01:20:35,956 --> 01:20:37,540
(Engines roaring)

1273
01:20:57,061 --> 01:20:58,603
All right.

1274
01:20:58,687 --> 01:21:00,480
(All jeer)

1275
01:21:00,564 --> 01:21:03,691
Don't you look precious?
All dressed up like that.

1276
01:21:03,776 --> 01:21:06,736
And wearing a wig too. Ha-ha!
Ain't he cute?

1277
01:21:06,820 --> 01:21:09,113
Those guys scare me.

1278
01:21:09,198 --> 01:21:12,116
You just stay close to Moore.
There won't be any trouble.

1279
01:21:12,201 --> 01:21:13,159
(All laugh)

1280
01:21:13,244 --> 01:21:15,954
He looks like Gregory Peck
in that blue flannel suit.

1281
01:21:16,038 --> 01:21:17,539
(All laugh)

1282
01:21:19,625 --> 01:21:22,877
This is my friend Shakey.
Allow me to present myself.

1283
01:21:22,962 --> 01:21:25,880
I'm on Wall Street.
Maybe we can have lunch sometime.

1284
01:21:25,965 --> 01:21:28,174
We don't ride in Wall Street.

1285
01:21:28,259 --> 01:21:30,677
Nah, we don't ride in Wall Street.

1286
01:21:30,761 --> 01:21:32,428
Why don't we go and help 'em out?

1287
01:21:32,513 --> 01:21:33,721
What do you mean, "we"?

1288
01:21:33,806 --> 01:21:37,809
If we do, then that road opens up
and you're long gone.

1289
01:21:37,893 --> 01:21:39,644
Now, why don't you, huh?

1290
01:21:39,728 --> 01:21:42,188
You're the Good Samaritan.

1291
01:21:43,357 --> 01:21:44,816
Besides, I'm wearing these.

1292
01:21:44,900 --> 01:21:47,193
Maybe you would like
to complete your ensemble.

1293
01:21:47,278 --> 01:21:49,737
No. There's something else
of yours that I want.

1294
01:21:49,822 --> 01:21:51,447
Oh, really? What's that?

1295
01:21:51,532 --> 01:21:52,865
Your ass!

1296
01:21:52,950 --> 01:21:54,242
(All cheer)

1297
01:21:57,454 --> 01:21:59,581
Dun-dun-dah!

1298
01:22:02,543 --> 01:22:04,544
Oh, shit.

1299
01:22:05,546 --> 01:22:07,505
Well, shall we join the fracas?

1300
01:22:26,233 --> 01:22:28,484
Step back, my dear.

1301
01:22:28,569 --> 01:22:30,695
I must warn you, I'm Roger Moore.

1302
01:22:30,779 --> 01:22:32,030
Who?

1303
01:22:32,114 --> 01:22:33,364
Roger Moore.

1304
01:22:33,449 --> 01:22:34,490
(Smashing)

1305
01:22:34,575 --> 01:22:35,992
(Groans)

1306
01:22:36,994 --> 01:22:38,453
We'll run in there.

1307
01:22:38,537 --> 01:22:40,580
Boom-boo-boom, pow! Pow! Pow!

1308
01:22:40,664 --> 01:22:42,373
Knock 'em flat out.

1309
01:22:42,458 --> 01:22:45,376
- Then we go. We could still win it, OK?
- We can do that.

1310
01:22:45,461 --> 01:22:47,754
- We can do that. Yeah.
- We can do that.

1311
01:22:51,508 --> 01:22:54,093
- You'll be sorry! Let me down!
- (Screaming)

1312
01:22:54,178 --> 01:22:56,679
Dun-dun-dah!

1313
01:22:57,389 --> 01:22:59,057
Take that!

1314
01:23:10,694 --> 01:23:12,528
You're so macho.

1315
01:23:12,613 --> 01:23:14,155
Watch this!

1316
01:23:16,450 --> 01:23:17,575
Ha-ha-ha-ha!

1317
01:23:24,541 --> 01:23:26,292
- Need some help, Father?
- Nah.

1318
01:23:29,380 --> 01:23:30,922
Wah! Give me somebody!

1319
01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:32,423
Waaargh!

1320
01:23:32,508 --> 01:23:34,550
What, are you crazy, Greek?

1321
01:23:34,635 --> 01:23:37,762
How could you possibly change odds
in the middle of things?

1322
01:23:39,765 --> 01:23:43,142
Hold it. You wouldn't last five minutes
in the New York subway.

1323
01:23:45,229 --> 01:23:46,729
That's the way it's done.

1324
01:23:56,782 --> 01:23:59,784
- Is that good to drink?
- I don't know. I never tried it.

1325
01:24:00,619 --> 01:24:01,786
(Squirting)

1326
01:24:11,922 --> 01:24:14,298
Hold it, hold it.
You wanna try this side?

1327
01:24:14,383 --> 01:24:15,758
Yeah.

1328
01:24:18,679 --> 01:24:20,263
Need some help?

1329
01:24:20,347 --> 01:24:22,849
- Get out of here.
- Right.

1330
01:24:22,933 --> 01:24:25,268
Dun-dun-dah!

1331
01:24:26,603 --> 01:24:27,979
Fool!

1332
01:24:32,151 --> 01:24:35,319
- Thanks, Shakey. Excuse me.
- Get this guy, Shakey!

1333
01:24:38,741 --> 01:24:42,118
- Excuse me, Father, the road's open.
- Oh, thanks.

1334
01:24:43,245 --> 01:24:45,747
Fenderbaum, the road's open!

1335
01:24:45,831 --> 01:24:46,956
(Squeals)

1336
01:24:49,209 --> 01:24:50,543
Bye.

1337
01:24:50,627 --> 01:24:52,420
(All clamoring)

1338
01:24:58,719 --> 01:25:00,344
Let's go! Hit it!

1339
01:25:01,764 --> 01:25:03,848
(Speaking foreign language)

1340
01:25:19,448 --> 01:25:20,740
(Biker) Ah-so!

1341
01:25:57,402 --> 01:25:59,445
(JJ) Come on, come on. Faster, faster!

1342
01:25:59,530 --> 01:26:00,822
- I'm trying.
- Faster!

1343
01:26:00,906 --> 01:26:03,783
- Drive it like Captain Chaos would.
- I'll try.

1344
01:26:03,867 --> 01:26:07,411
- What d'you take off the mask for?
- I didn't. He took off the mask.

1345
01:26:19,216 --> 01:26:21,175
- We need him.
- I don't know where he is.

1346
01:26:21,260 --> 01:26:24,095
Very interesting fellow.
I'd like to probe his case.

1347
01:26:24,179 --> 01:26:27,765
Don't want him around, he's around.
When we want him, he's not around.

1348
01:26:27,850 --> 01:26:28,975
I'm gonna get a beer!

1349
01:26:29,059 --> 01:26:31,310
Dun-dun-dah!

1350
01:26:33,188 --> 01:26:35,606
(♪ Rossini: William Tell Overture)

1351
01:27:03,468 --> 01:27:09,265
(Victor) It's only ten blocks to the finish!
I feel very confident that we will be triumphant!

1352
01:27:09,349 --> 01:27:10,766
(Car horn blares)

1353
01:27:15,314 --> 01:27:16,981
Ah-ha-ha!

1354
01:27:17,065 --> 01:27:19,066
(♪ Ray Stevens: Cannonball)

1355
01:27:25,324 --> 01:27:26,616
What the hell was that?

1356
01:27:26,700 --> 01:27:29,660
- A Lamborghini.
- Is it in the race?

1357
01:27:29,745 --> 01:27:30,745
Catch it!

1358
01:27:35,125 --> 01:27:37,501
- Will you go faster? Come on!
- I'm trying!

1359
01:27:38,795 --> 01:27:42,715
I've seen every single one of your movies
at least three or four times.

1360
01:27:42,799 --> 01:27:44,008
Four times?

1361
01:27:44,092 --> 01:27:47,845
- I think we got it goin', baby.
- Yeah, we're looking good.

1362
01:27:47,930 --> 01:27:50,014
The Greek's gonna pay us money!

1363
01:27:50,098 --> 01:27:52,308
Gosh! Wait till I tell my friends

1364
01:27:52,392 --> 01:27:56,062
I was sitting next to George Hamilton!

1365
01:27:56,146 --> 01:27:58,439
George Hamilton?

1366
01:28:03,111 --> 01:28:04,528
- We got 'em!
- We got 'em!

1367
01:28:06,031 --> 01:28:07,323
We're not losin' it!

1368
01:28:10,160 --> 01:28:11,285
Aargh!

1369
01:28:11,370 --> 01:28:12,954
Look out!

1370
01:28:13,038 --> 01:28:14,205
(Tires screech)

1371
01:28:14,289 --> 01:28:15,957
- Waah!
- OK, it's a foot race!

1372
01:28:16,041 --> 01:28:17,875
- I've got the card.
- No, give me that, Doc.

1373
01:28:17,960 --> 01:28:19,919
(JJ) Come on! It's a foot race!

1374
01:28:20,003 --> 01:28:24,298
Have no fear, Chaos is here!
Dun-dun-dah!

1375
01:28:24,383 --> 01:28:26,300
Take it and win, Captain!

1376
01:28:26,843 --> 01:28:29,220
(Pamela) Come on, Chaos, you can do it!

1377
01:28:29,304 --> 01:28:30,388
(All groan)

1378
01:28:30,472 --> 01:28:33,099
(Van Helsing) Anyone need medical attention?

1379
01:28:33,183 --> 01:28:36,936
Ah! Ah! Go! Go, Chaos!

1380
01:28:37,020 --> 01:28:39,230
(Whistling, cheering)

1381
01:28:39,314 --> 01:28:40,398
We're gonna win!

1382
01:28:40,482 --> 01:28:43,484
It's not a very sporting way to win.
What do you say, Father?

1383
01:28:43,568 --> 01:28:45,569
No, it's a shitty way to win.

1384
01:28:48,115 --> 01:28:49,699
(Laughing)

1385
01:28:49,783 --> 01:28:51,117
We're gonna win!

1386
01:28:51,201 --> 01:28:54,495
(Woman screams) Help! Help!
Somebody save my baby!

1387
01:28:54,579 --> 01:28:56,205
He's drowning!

1388
01:28:56,289 --> 01:28:58,582
No, Chaos! No!

1389
01:28:59,543 --> 01:29:03,462
No problem, fair lady.
I will save your baby. Have no fe-e-e-ear!

1390
01:29:03,547 --> 01:29:05,339
- (Splashing)
- (Chiming)

1391
01:29:05,424 --> 01:29:06,841
(All laugh)

1392
01:29:10,846 --> 01:29:13,180
Oh, my baby, my baby!

1393
01:29:13,265 --> 01:29:15,975
- Thank you. You're such a brave man.
- (Dog whimpers)

1394
01:29:16,059 --> 01:29:20,146
You don't know what this means to me.
Oh, my baby, I love you.

1395
01:29:21,273 --> 01:29:24,608
JJ, I saved that woman's dog.

1396
01:29:26,486 --> 01:29:30,990
Victor, we could have won that race.
You understand? We could have won it!

1397
01:29:31,074 --> 01:29:34,493
You understand that?
You had to go and pull that stupid stunt.

1398
01:29:34,578 --> 01:29:36,620
(Pamela) He's right, Victor.

1399
01:29:36,705 --> 01:29:38,497
We are sick of Captain Chaos.

1400
01:29:38,582 --> 01:29:41,292
We are so sick of Captain Chaos
that we could throw up.

1401
01:29:41,376 --> 01:29:45,004
So, you know what, Victor? There's not
gonna be any more Captain Chaos.

1402
01:29:45,088 --> 01:29:46,839
- No more!
- (Murmurs from crowd)

1403
01:29:46,923 --> 01:29:52,553
You see what I'm telling you?
No more! No more Captain Chaos ever!

1404
01:29:52,637 --> 01:29:55,473
- Now, what do you think of that?
- (Laughter)

1405
01:29:58,560 --> 01:30:01,187
I don't care... because...

1406
01:30:02,439 --> 01:30:06,817
I've always wanted to be...
Captain USA!

1407
01:30:06,902 --> 01:30:08,486
Dun-dun-dah!

1408
01:30:08,570 --> 01:30:09,987
(Laughter)

1409
01:30:11,531 --> 01:30:14,742
It's a dirty job,
but somebody's got to do it.

1410
01:30:14,826 --> 01:30:16,619
(JJ howls with laughter)

1411
01:30:18,538 --> 01:30:20,289
(Cheering, applause)

1412
01:30:27,422 --> 01:30:30,091
- Who won the race?
- (Man) What do you get for last?

1413
01:30:32,094 --> 01:30:33,302
(Laughter)

1414
01:30:33,386 --> 01:30:35,596
Well... Well...

1415
01:30:35,680 --> 01:30:39,725
How do you all feel, now that you
have raped the American highways?

1416
01:30:39,810 --> 01:30:41,393
- Beautiful. Wonderful.
- Great.

1417
01:30:41,478 --> 01:30:46,357
Old chap, I suggest you get a grip
on yourself or better, on one of these.

1418
01:30:46,441 --> 01:30:47,775
I'll take anything.

1419
01:30:47,859 --> 01:30:51,403
And feel free to use the lighter
in my car, Mr...

1420
01:30:51,488 --> 01:30:52,822
(All) Foyt.

1421
01:30:52,906 --> 01:30:54,990
(Stuttering man) F-F-F-Foyt.

1422
01:30:55,075 --> 01:30:57,868
- Wait till he touches that lighter.
- (Victor laughs wheezily)

1423
01:30:57,953 --> 01:30:59,120
(Laughter)

1424
01:31:00,705 --> 01:31:03,332
- (Ship's bell chimes)
- (Seagulls cry)

1425
01:31:04,376 --> 01:31:06,585
Ain't nothin' happening.

1426
01:31:08,213 --> 01:31:10,464
That's funny. Excuse me.

1427
01:31:15,011 --> 01:31:18,055
Mr. Foyt, how did you light that?

1428
01:31:18,974 --> 01:31:21,976
- Well, with the lighter, of course.
- (Gasps)

1429
01:31:23,311 --> 01:31:24,603
That's odd.

1430
01:31:26,189 --> 01:31:28,232
- (Explosion)
- (Seymour) Oy vey!

1431
01:31:29,442 --> 01:31:30,860
(♪ Slide whistle)

1432
01:31:33,905 --> 01:31:34,905
(Corks pop)

1433
01:31:34,990 --> 01:31:38,325
(Seymour) If I'm not filming next year,
we'll do this again.

1434
01:31:38,410 --> 01:31:42,371
(♪ California Children's Chorus:
You've Gotta Have a Dream)

1435
01:31:42,455 --> 01:31:45,166
(Victor) Oh, JJ, didn't we do good?

1436
01:31:45,250 --> 01:31:47,418
Wah! Wah-ha-ha-ha!

1437
01:32:16,198 --> 01:32:17,448
(Laughs)

1438
01:32:18,867 --> 01:32:20,534
- Stop it.
- (Man) Ready?

1439
01:32:22,370 --> 01:32:23,787
(Laughs)

1440
01:32:23,872 --> 01:32:27,458
- Will you stop it?
- OK. OK.

1441
01:32:27,542 --> 01:32:28,918
(Laughs)

1442
01:32:29,002 --> 01:32:30,669
What's wrong with you?

1443
01:32:30,754 --> 01:32:32,421
Wait a minute. I got something.

1444
01:32:32,505 --> 01:32:34,840
- No, this will help you.
- No, don't hit me.

1445
01:32:34,925 --> 01:32:39,220
- No. I'm not gonna hit you. Listen to me.
- (Laughs uncontrollably)

1446
01:32:39,304 --> 01:32:41,388
I swear to God.
I'm not gonna hit you.

1447
01:32:41,473 --> 01:32:43,015
- Watch. Watch.
- (Whimpers)

1448
01:32:43,099 --> 01:32:44,725
Ah! (Chuckles)

1449
01:32:44,809 --> 01:32:49,647
- OK.
- OK. I'm ready now. Here we go.

1450
01:32:51,816 --> 01:32:53,442
(Laughs uncontrollably)

1451
01:32:56,279 --> 01:32:58,072
Look at that shit.

1452
01:32:58,156 --> 01:33:00,241
(Laughs)

1453
01:33:00,325 --> 01:33:02,368
I'm ready.
I swear to God, I'm ready!

1454
01:33:02,953 --> 01:33:04,954
We're off. (Laughs)

1455
01:33:09,626 --> 01:33:15,172
Where's he gonna sit?

1456
01:33:16,967 --> 01:33:19,677
I warned you
not to interfere in my affairs.

1457
01:33:19,761 --> 01:33:22,972
Steven, put away...
Seymour. Excuse me.

1458
01:33:23,056 --> 01:33:25,599
That's all right.
I'll answer to anything.

1459
01:33:25,684 --> 01:33:29,103
You see, even in the deepest
family relations...

1460
01:33:30,522 --> 01:33:34,275
- (Man whispers)
- My business is not worth a... (Bleep)

1461
01:33:35,277 --> 01:33:36,694
- (Smashing)
- Thank you, Victor.

1462
01:33:36,778 --> 01:33:38,279
(Man) Mark.

1463
01:33:38,363 --> 01:33:40,531
As you probably know, we're...

1464
01:33:40,615 --> 01:33:42,074
We're the favorites to...

1465
01:33:42,158 --> 01:33:45,744
be the winning racers tomorrow
in the Cannonball race,

1466
01:33:45,829 --> 01:33:47,496
which is gonna be poured...

1467
01:33:47,580 --> 01:33:48,706
(Laughter)

1468
01:33:49,624 --> 01:33:52,084
- Good evening, ladies.
- Evening.

1469
01:33:52,168 --> 01:33:54,628
My name is JJ McClure.
And this is my...

1470
01:33:54,713 --> 01:33:56,130
(Laughter)

1471
01:33:57,757 --> 01:34:02,136
- Next year we're going for the nu-nu-nu...
- Yes? Ooh! (Laughs)

1472
01:34:04,514 --> 01:34:06,348
(Puffs)

1473
01:34:08,059 --> 01:34:10,227
- Perfect. Perfect.
- (Laughs)

1474
01:34:11,271 --> 01:34:12,730
Hey!

1475
01:34:12,814 --> 01:34:14,273
- Better than...
- (Man) Cut!

1476
01:34:14,357 --> 01:34:16,859
We have to get this woman,

1477
01:34:16,943 --> 01:34:18,402
the senator's wife,

1478
01:34:18,486 --> 01:34:20,279
to Philadelphia by...

1479
01:34:20,363 --> 01:34:22,323
Make that California, will you?

1480
01:34:22,407 --> 01:34:23,782
(Laughter)

1481
01:34:24,409 --> 01:34:26,493
We're very close. (Snorts)

1482
01:34:26,578 --> 01:34:27,870
(Laughter)

1483
01:34:31,541 --> 01:34:33,167
Don't hit me.

1484
01:34:34,836 --> 01:34:37,004
Because if I had enough time...

1485
01:34:37,088 --> 01:34:41,091
I would take those rosary bleeds
and stuff 'em up your nose.

1486
01:34:41,176 --> 01:34:43,677
- These bleeds?
- Those bleeds, yeah.

1487
01:34:43,762 --> 01:34:45,679
You're gonna take these... (Bleep)
And shove 'em up...

1488
01:34:45,764 --> 01:34:48,182
I'll take these bleeds here...

1489
01:34:48,266 --> 01:34:49,224
(Man) Mark.

1490
01:34:49,309 --> 01:34:51,268
I don't care...

1491
01:34:51,353 --> 01:34:53,354
(Laughs uncontrollably)

1492
01:34:55,065 --> 01:34:57,399
- I don't care...
- Stop laughing!

1493
01:34:58,401 --> 01:34:59,943
I don't care, because...

1494
01:35:01,488 --> 01:35:03,072
You're gonna get a slap.

1495
01:35:03,156 --> 01:35:06,784
I always wanted to be
Captain America!

1496
01:35:06,868 --> 01:35:08,285
(Laughter)

1497
01:35:10,830 --> 01:35:12,373
It's a living.

1498
01:35:13,917 --> 01:35:16,126
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- (Laughter)

1499
01:35:16,211 --> 01:35:20,506
He laughed...
He laughed... He laughed first.

1500
01:35:20,590 --> 01:35:22,591
Mr. Martin laughed first.

1501
01:35:25,678 --> 01:35:27,638
Why were you laughing?

1502
01:35:27,722 --> 01:35:30,182
He laughed and you hit me!

1503
01:35:30,934 --> 01:35:32,476
Cut it.

1504
01:35:33,019 --> 01:35:34,353
(Giggling)