1 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:54,555 WOMAN: You're depressed, Adam. ADAM: I am not depressed, mom. I'm just tired. 2 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:57,291 WOMAN: Of course you're depressed. Don't tell me that when you're depressed. 3 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,693 WOMAN: I can always tell when you're depressed. ADAM: Mom, I am just... 4 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,763 WOMAN: Why shouldn't you be depressed? Your wife's only been dead for how long now? 5 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,233 WOMAN: Six months? ADAM: Eight months, mom, but all I want to say... 6 00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,535 WOMAN: It's time to forget. ADAM: I have forgotten. 7 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,870 WOMAN: Put your head in a new place. Find out where you're coming from. 8 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,640 ADAM: Mom, all I... WOMAN: Life goes on. There's your work 9 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,676 -and you've got to keep your mind alive and alert. -ADAM: Yes, mom, but... 10 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:18,379 WOMAN: Forget that you're depressed. ADAM: I am not depressed! 11 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,549 WOMAN: Go away for a few days. ADAM: That's why I called you, mom, to tell you 12 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,385 I'm leaving Paris for a few days. I'm going to Megeve to ski. 13 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:28,722 ADAM: And in case anyone wants to reach me, I'll be out of touch for about six days . 14 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,859 WOMAN : You call me all the way across the Atlantic ocean 15 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,794 using satellite or whatever the hell they've got up there 16 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:36,697 at $4 a minute to give me this kind of information? 17 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,567 ADAM: Yes, mom. WOMAN: Oh, you must be terribly depressed. 18 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,236 ADAM: Goodbye, mom. (PHONE DISCONNECTS) 19 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,340 MAN: Would you, as the family attorney, 20 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,609 inform Mrs. Brittenham that her husband, 21 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:52,546 Chase Brittenham, has been granted a divorce in Juarez, Mexico? 22 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:57,585 As you know, his recent business reverses make any formal alimony impossible. 23 00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,888 But she is to have sole possession of the car and its maintenance for 24 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,824 three years and she is to keep all her own clothes. 25 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,893 WOMAN: (SARCASTICALLY) Oh, thank you very much. MAN: Fare back to London 26 00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:10,564 and reasonable expenses for the period of three months. WOMAN: Who's the girl, Franco? 27 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:13,634 FRANCO: Mona . WOMAN: Oh, I might have known, Age 22, bust 38, 28 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,803 -IQ, indiscernible. -MAN: Now my advice to... 29 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,905 WOMAN: Why are they always 22? 30 00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:21,642 Why can't they be 36, 39, or 43 in age as well as measurement? 31 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:24,512 He wouldn't have known the difference, and it wouldn't have hurt like this. 32 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:27,915 FRANCO: Tricia, go to the mountains and ski, ski, ski till you've got him 33 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:31,385 -out of your system. -TRICIA: He's well out of my system. That's no problem. 34 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:34,722 It's that inexorable, inescapable, inflatable 22-year-old that 35 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:38,792 -I can't get rid of. -FRANCO: Ski, Tricia! The world is filled with 36 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:43,397 overinflated 22-year-olds. Just ski her away. FRANCO: I'll try, Franco, 37 00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:46,434 but it's a bumpy run. I've been there before. 38 00:03:56,704 --> 00:04:00,674 No, Franco, I'm fine. Honestly, not a scratch. It was truly miraculous, 39 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:04,878 -but the car is a mess. -Mrs. Brittenham, could I have a few words with you? 40 00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,315 Yes, I know, you're going to have to take full responsibility. 41 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,617 There's a lot of money involved, possible legal action. 42 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:11,785 Time is very important so if you could hang up the call later. 43 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,821 There's somebody here being incredibly rude. 44 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,756 I'm not just "somebody", lady. I'm Adam Watson, 45 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,791 the person you criminally crashed into. 46 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:22,896 I'll call you back, Franco. 47 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:26,967 -Now, what is this all about? -Insurance, madam, liability, culpability. 48 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,938 You were driving on the wrong side of the road, you came barreling into me, ergo you 49 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:34,074 -and you alone are totally responsible. -Just one minute. 50 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:38,379 -You are absolutely certain that I am totally responsible? -Absolutely. 51 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,514 -It couldn't have been, for instance, the weather? -No way. 52 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:44,385 Or the condition of road, or that neither of us had chains, or that you were driving 53 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,987 -at an excessive rate of speed? -I, excessive! I was merely 54 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,590 driving a little fast to get to my hotel for the continental breakfast. 55 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,926 -You were qualifying for the grand prix! -You mean you risked your 56 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:57,097 life and mine so that you could get somewhere in time for a continental breakfast? 57 00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,634 The continental breakfast is not a relevant point. Besides, it was paid for anyway. 58 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:03,904 -That's certainly worth a limb or two. -I think, we can drop 59 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,907 the sarcasm, Mrs. Brittenham. You are English, aren't you? 60 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,876 What has that got to do with it? 61 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,078 Well, it makes it cut and dry, like all English drivers, 62 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,347 you were driving on the wrong side of the road, and you thought you were 63 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,616 on the right, taking a little spin through Twickenham or Henley-on-Thames. 64 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:19,487 -Suppose we omit the sarcasm. It is not an American gift. -Mrs. Brittenham, 65 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,823 there's a judgment against me by a French used-car dealer. 66 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:26,427 If I don't satisfy the judgment, I'll never get out of this country in time 67 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:30,097 to resume my job in America, which I sorely need for my basic support. 68 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,867 That's a touching story, and it brings me to the verge of the most enormous yawn 69 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,836 you ever heard. Good day. 70 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,005 (THANKING IN FRENCH) 71 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,807 Mrs. Brittenham, you're gonna sit down at that desk and write me a letter 72 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,642 -of culpability, and you're going to do it now. -Oh, am I? 73 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:42,876 Yes, you are. 74 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,449 Very well. 75 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:53,954 -Paper. -Paper, paper, paper. Pardon. 76 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:56,824 Here you are. 77 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,862 -Would you like to dictate the letter? -I would indeed. 78 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:05,866 -Shall I write it in French? -French, Italian, Esperanto, whatever, just so long as 79 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,869 -the signature's clear. -Oh, I think, French might be more useful for your 80 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:12,105 -used-car dealer. -Very thoughtful. Thank you very much. Ready? 81 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:15,743 -Ready. -"To whom it may concern..." 82 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:28,422 -There, you see, that will show you who is responsible. -Mmm-hmm. 83 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:31,859 I spoke to the authorities at Megeve. They suggested you take this down to your 84 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:35,496 insurance company. They'd see whose fault it was and deal with the other 85 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,598 insurance company, and then, of course, you'd have all your money. 86 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,901 -You realize, of course, this is written in French? -I know. 87 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:44,872 -Shall I translate it for you? -Not necessary. I dictated it myself. 88 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:48,075 -May be you had better hear what you dictated. -It's a waste of time. 89 00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,578 Listen anyway. 90 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,480 -"To whom it may concern. -That's right. 91 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,114 "I, Mrs. Patricia Brittenham." 92 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,749 "Do solemnly attest... 93 00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,718 "...that on the morning of the 15th of this month... 94 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,787 "While driving in mountainous territory 95 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,722 "On the wrong side of the road." -No. 96 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,957 No, Monsieur. 97 00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:07,027 What Madame Brittenham has written is, "While driving at a normal rate of speed 98 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:10,931 "on the proper side of the road, I was suddenly crashed into by 99 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:15,168 "an erratically driven car on the wrong side of the road operated by a man 100 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:19,072 "whose only excuse was his quest for a free continental breakfast. 101 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,810 "Obviously under the influence of alcohol." 102 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:26,580 -Six years. -Let me see that! 103 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,882 I can't speak it, but I read it a little. 104 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:34,154 Son of a bitch! I've gotta get back up there and quick! 105 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,889 Would you let me use one of your cars? 106 00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,958 I know you may not believe this, 107 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,994 but when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, I'm an extremely dependable driver. 108 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,230 I'll take the train. 109 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:05,619 (SPEAKING FRENCH) 110 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:10,123 -What do you want from me, buddy? -Uh, your binoculars. 111 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,782 -Merci very much. -You're welcome very much. 112 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,776 Mrs. Brittenham! Mrs. Brittenham! 113 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:07,648 Mrs. Brittenham, about that letter, I'd like to talk to you about the letter! 114 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,784 (SPEAKING FRENCH) 115 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:17,024 (YELLING IN FRENCH) 116 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,962 (YELLING CONTINUES) 117 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,032 ADAM: I'm an American! 118 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,570 (SCREAMING) 119 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:35,075 Oh! Oh, no! (YELLING) 120 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,646 (SCREAMS) 121 00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:10,644 -Where am I? This looks like a hotel. -Oh, it is, sir. 122 00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:14,347 The hospital is crowded. So we're using this for the overflow. 123 00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:18,686 What happened to the lady who crashed into me? Is she here, too? 124 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:22,255 -Resting in her own room. -Do you think I could see the lady? 125 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,291 I've got some unfinished business. 126 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,358 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 127 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:32,700 Monsieur Watson, I have here a court order that you refrain from any personal contact 128 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,969 with our client, Madame Brittenham, until you are both able to 129 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:40,107 appear in court. She will testify against you on charges of physical attack 130 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,043 with intent to commit grievous bodily harm. 131 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,812 Grievous bodily harm? 132 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:47,447 It was she who criminally crashed into me again! 133 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,151 Monsieur Watson, please stay away from Madame Brittenham, or you will be removed 134 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:55,322 immediately to a prison facility with slightly less compassionate attendants. 135 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,371 MAN: We regret that our heating equipment on the main floor 136 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,406 is temporarily out of order. 137 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:50,477 We suggest you try the reading room with the large fireplace, where professor Maxwell 138 00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:55,315 has consented to speak to us on aspects of 19th century English literature. 139 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:59,286 MAN: One doesn't mind the French claiming credit for the modern novel, 140 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:03,957 but when our American cousins with colossal conceit and insolence 141 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:06,994 claim responsibility for any changes in the course 142 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,096 of European or English literature, 143 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:12,800 then my patience reaches its absolute limits. 144 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:16,169 In fact, as Oscar Wilde has so aptly said... 145 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,038 "The Americans and the English 146 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,974 "are divided by the barrier of a common language." 147 00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:22,375 MAN: Precisely! 148 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,511 And that, my friend, is the kind of insular 149 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:28,849 British literary rubbish that has drifted across the Atlantic for dreary decades. 150 00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:32,552 It's the sort of nonsense that chooses to overlook the incredibly innovative aspect 151 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:35,856 of the work of Hawthorne, Henry James, Edgar Allan Poe. 152 00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:39,993 MAN: There's another case in point. Edgar Allan Poe, 153 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:43,864 a drug addict, a drunk, a psychotic poseur. 154 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,866 You're undoubtedly right, sir. 155 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:49,002 Poe was a drug addict, a drunk, and perhaps even a psychotic, 156 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:52,172 but knew better than any human being about the sense of loss. 157 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:55,208 A loss of a loved one When he wrote, "Yes! 158 00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:58,378 "That was the reason, as all men know In this kingdom by the sea, 159 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,280 "that the wind came out of the cloud by night 160 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:03,250 "chilling and killing my Annabel Lee. 161 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,820 "But our love it was stronger by far than the love of those 162 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:10,557 "who were older than we and many far wiser than we. 163 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:14,261 "And neither the angels in heaven above nor the demons down under the sea" 164 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:18,265 "can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee." 165 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,568 That, sir, is the kind of pot-boiling 166 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:24,204 we colonials don't mind contributing to the world. 167 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,108 Or would you prefer something a little more contemporary? 168 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,310 Such as, "There once was a harlot named Sue, 169 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,345 "who filled up her whoozits with glue. She said with a grin, 170 00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:35,282 'they can pay to get in. They can pay to get out again, too.'" 171 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,884 (CHUCKLES) 172 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,619 Or how about, "While Titian was mixing rose madder, 173 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,022 "His model reclined on a ladder. 174 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:46,126 "Her position, to Titian, suggested coition, so he leapt up the ladder and had her." 175 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,228 I rather like that one. 176 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:51,464 MAN: We are pleased to announce you may return to your rooms. 177 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,803 (TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 178 00:13:56,836 --> 00:14:00,307 They're not only conceited and insolent. They're vulgar and boorish as well. 179 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,442 Well, I thought that one was a bit erratic myself, 180 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,277 so I made inquires, and I'm afraid 181 00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:06,379 in his case we must make an exception. 182 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,949 It seems his wife died eight months ago, 183 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:12,852 -and he's still... -(TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 184 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,492 Shall I wheel you to your room, Mrs. Brittenham? 185 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,594 Oh, no. No, thank you. I can manage. 186 00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,599 (BOTH SCREAMING) 187 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,505 (GROANING) 188 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,976 Now, look, Mrs. Brittenham, this is the third time you've crashed into me. 189 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:12,145 There's no question of culpability or responsibility. I was in my own room. 190 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,280 Shut up! 191 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:20,020 The English and the Americans are not always divided by the barrier of a common language. 192 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:22,189 I think this is the letter you wanted. 193 00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,723 It is if it says what I hope it does. 194 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,093 It does, and I'm extremely sorry about the other one. 195 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:28,561 Oh, that's all right. I had it coming. 196 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:31,098 -Here. Let me help you. -Oh! 197 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,069 -Oh! -Aah! 198 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:41,541 (BOTH SCREAMING) 199 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:43,476 (ADAM GASPING) 200 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:46,013 Are you all right? 201 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,148 I'll let you know after the X-rays. 202 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,185 (GRUNTS) 203 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:57,290 If, um, we ever manage to get off this floor, 204 00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:01,328 perhaps I could buy you breakfast in the morning. (GROANING) 205 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:05,098 I don't know. Free breakfasts seem to get me in a lot of trouble. 206 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,334 That's certainly true. (GROANS) 207 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,571 (BOTH GROANING) 208 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:23,216 Oh! Um, that's my broken leg. 209 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:26,219 -I know, but I'm holding it on the thigh. -Yes, but it's very painful! 210 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:27,620 Oh, I beg your pardon! 211 00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:37,464 I'm okay. (LAUGHS) I'm okay! 212 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:43,636 -South terrace, around 9:00? -How do you like your eggs? 213 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:47,474 Oh! Three-and-a-half-minutes. 214 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:51,344 -Would you like me to wheel you back to your room? -No, thank you. 215 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:55,014 No, really, really. Please don't bother. It's much too near the stairway. 216 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,553 -Good night. -Good night. 217 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:07,060 Oh! Oh! Oh, no! Aah! (CRASHING) 218 00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:10,163 I told them three and a half minutes. Should I send them back? 219 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:13,166 Don't bother. It always happens when they boil them the night before. 220 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,503 So, um, what do you teach? 221 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,205 -At where was it, Winchester? -Winchester. 222 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,773 -English literature. -Oh. Professor? 223 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:24,644 -Assistant, actually, until I receive tenure. -What's that? 224 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:29,549 Oh, tenure is the magic word. The "open sesame" to economic security for academics, 225 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,784 a permanent hold on your job. 226 00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:35,788 Once you achieve tenure, they can't fire you except for moral turpitude, 227 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,558 and I don't have the energy for that anymore. 228 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:42,162 -How sad. -Grapefruit's good, though. 229 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:45,598 -Would you like mine? -In a minute. 230 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:48,268 How does it happen that an English production secretary 231 00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,503 working for a German film company making 232 00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:54,607 an Italian film with a French director gets married in Rome to an American working for 233 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,210 -a Swiss investment firm. -Is that what I did? 234 00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:58,578 That's what you said you did. 235 00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:02,715 Well, the American's firm was financing the film, 236 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:07,287 and the production secretary's job was to take the daily cost reports to his office. 237 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:11,858 One day, as most Americans do, he said, "bring them to my flat." 238 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:15,695 The wide-eyed production secretary did. Had a few camparis with a twist, 239 00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:18,398 a few without, a few more with, a few more without. 240 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:22,802 -And simply never left. -Logical way to start a marriage. 241 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:26,606 It was a beautiful flat right on the Tiber. 242 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:29,642 He had a five year lease on it and apparently me too. 243 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,844 You seem to be surviving. 244 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,681 Oh, I'm a survivor. Life will be beautiful again as long as they take away 245 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:37,450 -your driver's license and keep you off skis. -Funny I was thinking, 246 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,686 -the same thing about you. -Oh, were you really? 247 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,853 I was. 248 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:31,938 (INAUDIBLE) 249 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:43,876 Now, that's enough. 250 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:44,911 All right. 251 00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:52,452 Thank you. Merci. 252 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,389 Oh! 253 00:20:57,324 --> 00:20:58,591 (SIGHS) 254 00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:14,807 -What time's your train? -8:00. 255 00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:17,644 -Mine's at 9:00. Maybe I could help you with your luggage. -Thank you. 256 00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:15,568 You've got a few minutes. Why don't I just make you feel comfortable? 257 00:22:15,602 --> 00:22:18,905 Well, that's very kind. Thank you. 258 00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:21,508 (CONDUCTOR SPEAKING FRENCH) 259 00:22:21,541 --> 00:22:22,675 Oh, thank you. 260 00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:24,811 (SPEAKING ITALIAN) 261 00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:28,615 Oh, sorry. Uh, excuse me. 262 00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:36,723 These have been an incredible 34 days. 263 00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:38,190 Incredible. 264 00:22:38,224 --> 00:22:41,127 It doesn't seem possible there was ever a time we didn't know each other. 265 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:45,865 -Impossible. -We've known each other now four weeks and six days. 266 00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:48,468 -Mmm-hmm. -Discussed really personal stuff. 267 00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:50,937 Everything from my toilet training to the first time 268 00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:54,407 -a boy snapped your bra at a church picnic. -(LAUGHS) 269 00:22:54,441 --> 00:22:57,644 And I want to feel you're going to go on being my friend. 270 00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:59,412 Oh, I hope so. 271 00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:02,181 Our lives are obviously headed in different directions. 272 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:05,685 -Obviously. -And you're going to find someone. 273 00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:09,889 The right one. And then I want both you and him to be my friends. 274 00:23:09,922 --> 00:23:11,624 We would both like that. 275 00:23:11,658 --> 00:23:14,494 I'll probably find a suitable lady. 276 00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:16,162 Oh, easily. 277 00:23:16,195 --> 00:23:19,832 But I want to feel that what we've started here is going to continue. 278 00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:23,069 A genuine friendship between a man and a woman. 279 00:23:23,102 --> 00:23:28,541 A pure, simple, extremely valued, non-physical relationship. 280 00:23:28,575 --> 00:23:30,643 -Agreed? -Agreed. 281 00:23:30,677 --> 00:23:33,179 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 282 00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:36,082 And what time would Monsieur and Madame like to be woken in the morning? 283 00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:45,525 9:00 with coffee and croissant. 284 00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:47,927 And two three-and-a-half-minute eggs. 285 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,095 Very good. 286 00:24:24,597 --> 00:24:27,466 (MINISTER SPEAKING FRENCH) 287 00:24:39,178 --> 00:24:40,580 -Adam? -Hmm? 288 00:24:40,613 --> 00:24:42,248 -What are we doing? -We're getting married. 289 00:24:42,281 --> 00:24:44,116 -I know, but why? -Shh. 290 00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:47,186 It's a beautiful ceremony. Enjoy it. It's costing us a fortune. 291 00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,756 Listen, we've had 12 weeks of delicious moral turpitude. 292 00:24:49,789 --> 00:24:52,792 Why don't we forget the wedding ceremony and go on living together? 293 00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:56,128 Because living together has become a bourgeois, middle class thing to do. 294 00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:59,566 It's immature, childish. It's what kids do right after they've had the mumps. 295 00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:02,001 I still can't think of one good reason why two virtual strangers 296 00:25:02,034 --> 00:25:05,271 should commit themselves to this condition of unrelenting permanency. 297 00:25:05,304 --> 00:25:07,039 I can give you 10 good reasons. 298 00:25:07,073 --> 00:25:09,008 One, we're intellectually compatible. 299 00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:11,143 Two, we enjoy the same kind of food, music, and humor. 300 00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:13,946 And three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten, 301 00:25:13,980 --> 00:25:16,148 we are absolutely fabulous in bed. 302 00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:18,117 -Huh? -I do. 303 00:25:26,993 --> 00:25:29,261 WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER: Will passenger Adam Percival Watson 304 00:25:29,295 --> 00:25:31,798 go to the nearest courtesy phone, please? 305 00:25:31,831 --> 00:25:34,801 -Passenger Adam Percival Watson, telephone. -Excuse me. 306 00:25:34,834 --> 00:25:38,771 -Percival? Percival? -It has to be my mother. 307 00:25:38,805 --> 00:25:42,609 Nobody else would dare. She's probably gonna want to meet you right here and now, 308 00:25:42,642 --> 00:25:45,011 but we've got too much to do, and she's just gonna have to wait. 309 00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:46,913 -Yes. -Ah! 310 00:25:48,615 --> 00:25:50,617 This is very heavy, Percival. 311 00:25:52,018 --> 00:25:54,721 Hello, this is Adam Percival Watson. 312 00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:56,589 Hello, mom. Hi. 313 00:25:56,623 --> 00:25:58,858 Now, listen, mom, we won't be able to make it. 314 00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:02,128 It's important that I get back to school immediately, right now. 315 00:26:02,161 --> 00:26:04,664 So you'll just have to wait and meet Tricia later on. 316 00:26:04,697 --> 00:26:06,899 Yes. Yes. 317 00:26:07,734 --> 00:26:08,868 Yes. 318 00:26:10,136 --> 00:26:12,571 Yes, that's right. Okay. 319 00:26:17,109 --> 00:26:19,078 We're going over to meet my mother. 320 00:26:19,111 --> 00:26:20,346 But you just... 321 00:26:44,270 --> 00:26:46,172 Would you wait right here, please? 322 00:26:52,011 --> 00:26:55,682 Adam, my love, I do congratulate you. 323 00:26:55,715 --> 00:26:57,950 You've shown your usual good taste. 324 00:26:57,984 --> 00:27:00,252 Tricia, darling, you are enchanting. 325 00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:01,921 Thank you, Mrs. Watson. 326 00:27:01,954 --> 00:27:04,791 Oh, not Mrs. Watson, Jemmy. Not mother, not darling, 327 00:27:04,824 --> 00:27:07,426 not that oversexed old battle ax, just Jemmy. 328 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:09,829 Around here, it means the same thing. 329 00:27:09,862 --> 00:27:14,400 I personally think that what you both have done is brave and bold and 330 00:27:14,433 --> 00:27:16,869 just a little bit silly. 331 00:27:16,903 --> 00:27:19,271 I don't believe in marriage. I never have. 332 00:27:19,305 --> 00:27:24,076 I think that the best thing lovers can do is just get into bed and revel in it. 333 00:27:24,110 --> 00:27:27,980 Bed is the only place that offers a man and a woman equal opportunity. 334 00:27:28,014 --> 00:27:29,716 But go try to legislate it. 335 00:27:29,749 --> 00:27:32,785 Mom, you just want to pour the tea? 336 00:27:32,819 --> 00:27:37,456 Oh, did Adam tell you? He was brought up in this house, in this street. 337 00:27:37,489 --> 00:27:40,026 -Oh, in that very bedroom. -No. No, he didn't. 338 00:27:40,059 --> 00:27:44,263 -The tea, Ma. -Oh, it's filled with his diplomas and certificates 339 00:27:44,296 --> 00:27:50,236 of scholarship and emblems and cups and medals and pictures of the three times 340 00:27:50,269 --> 00:27:52,872 he was a guest star on the "quiz kid" program. 341 00:27:52,905 --> 00:27:54,206 Ooh! 342 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:58,077 Oh, he pulverized those little snots. We would have been regulars, 343 00:27:58,110 --> 00:28:02,014 but we had a terrible agent. Oh, and he's got a beautiful gold cup given to him 344 00:28:02,048 --> 00:28:04,784 by Tyrone Guthrie and his phi beta kappa key. 345 00:28:04,817 --> 00:28:06,886 Okay, mom, it's a shrine. 346 00:28:06,919 --> 00:28:09,321 Later, we'll go in and light the candles. Would you pass the sugar? 347 00:28:09,355 --> 00:28:14,193 Did you know that Scotty, Fitzgerald, that is, slept in that room? 348 00:28:14,226 --> 00:28:19,198 So did Faulkner, even Ernest Hemingway. They used to pop over in the old days. 349 00:28:19,231 --> 00:28:21,333 They tied on a big one, they had to sleep it off. 350 00:28:21,367 --> 00:28:23,870 Oh, Trish, darling, you married a man 351 00:28:23,903 --> 00:28:27,339 who was brought up in an aura of first cabin intellectualism. 352 00:28:27,373 --> 00:28:28,808 Any cookies, mom? 353 00:28:28,841 --> 00:28:32,144 A world where material things didn't matter. 354 00:28:32,178 --> 00:28:36,048 -Any kind. Chocolate chip, water crackers... -And that's why, Tricia... 355 00:28:36,082 --> 00:28:40,352 -Dog biscuits? -That world is the world that Adam must seek eminence in, 356 00:28:40,386 --> 00:28:42,088 no matter what the cost. 357 00:28:43,089 --> 00:28:44,490 That is understood? 358 00:28:44,523 --> 00:28:47,359 -Oh, of course. -Oh, for God's sake, mom! 359 00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:50,362 I raised and guided that boy single-handedly. 360 00:28:50,396 --> 00:28:52,264 I don't even know who his father was. 361 00:28:52,298 --> 00:28:54,233 Could have been any one of two very good playwrights, 362 00:28:54,266 --> 00:28:59,005 two fair novelists, and one so-so critic. 363 00:28:59,038 --> 00:29:02,274 -Mom, come on! -Personally, I think it was the critic. 364 00:29:04,010 --> 00:29:07,146 He was a real bastard with a dallying ding dong. 365 00:29:07,179 --> 00:29:10,116 I hated every little bit of him. 366 00:29:10,149 --> 00:29:14,386 Well, except the little bit that was responsible for you, dear. 367 00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:17,189 How come every time I invite you to tea, you break my crockery? 368 00:29:17,223 --> 00:29:19,358 I don't know, mom. I can't explain it. 369 00:29:19,391 --> 00:29:25,064 -Look, we really gotta go, Ma. -Now, Tricia, Susan and I didn't agree on everything. 370 00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:30,502 -You do know who Susan was? -Well, yes. She was Adam's late first wife. 371 00:29:30,536 --> 00:29:36,175 Oh, she was a wonderful girl. Good family and quality, and she had it up here. 372 00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:40,479 -Really? -Well, as I say, we didn't always agree, 373 00:29:40,512 --> 00:29:45,017 but there was one thing that we were in perfect agreement about. 374 00:29:45,051 --> 00:29:50,122 That nothing, absolutely nothing, must stand in Adam's way for tenure this year. 375 00:29:50,156 --> 00:29:52,291 You do understand that, don't you? 376 00:29:52,324 --> 00:29:55,261 Why, of course. Whatever's best for Adam is... 377 00:29:55,294 --> 00:29:58,397 Tenure this year and tenure at Winchester. 378 00:29:58,430 --> 00:30:03,335 And eventually, a chair at Harvard, or Princeton, or Yale. Agreed? 379 00:30:03,369 --> 00:30:08,908 -Agreed. -Lovely! Oh, say... 380 00:30:08,941 --> 00:30:11,177 I guess you're wondering how old I am. 381 00:30:11,210 --> 00:30:15,447 -Well, no, Jemmy, I'm not. -Good. 382 00:30:15,481 --> 00:30:19,418 -Then I won't wonder how old you are, either. -Thank you. 383 00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:24,123 Time's run out. Look, I called Lenny. He's gonna meet us at the airport. 384 00:30:24,156 --> 00:30:25,391 -Lenny? -We've gotta run now. 385 00:30:25,424 --> 00:30:26,959 Oh, my lord! 386 00:30:26,993 --> 00:30:30,329 -What is the matter with you? -Mom, I'll call you, and we'll talk about it later. 387 00:30:30,362 --> 00:30:34,100 Adam, Adam, when are you ever going to learn? The man's out to get you! 388 00:30:34,133 --> 00:30:36,002 Ma, gotta go. 389 00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:45,111 Listen, if Jemmy should turn out to be some sort of problem, 390 00:30:45,144 --> 00:30:48,948 -we will share it, won't we? -Well, sure, but why do you say it like that? 391 00:30:48,981 --> 00:30:51,918 Because I don't want to be spared or guarded or shielded. 392 00:30:51,951 --> 00:30:54,486 I think marriage is about sharing, so let's do something 393 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,656 absolutely radical and share absolutely everything, including your mother. 394 00:30:57,689 --> 00:30:59,959 That's not radical. That's suicidal! 395 00:30:59,992 --> 00:31:02,628 -Yes, but if we go, we go together. Deal? -Deal. 396 00:31:02,661 --> 00:31:04,130 Okay. 397 00:31:11,003 --> 00:31:14,306 -Well, I can't see anybody. I don't suppose he forgot. -(WHISTLES) 398 00:31:14,340 --> 00:31:17,443 There he is. Hey, Lenny! 399 00:31:17,476 --> 00:31:20,446 That's him right over there. That's Lenny. 400 00:31:20,479 --> 00:31:21,914 Oh! 401 00:31:21,948 --> 00:31:24,316 Sure! Lenny the chauffeur, Lenny the slave. 402 00:31:24,350 --> 00:31:27,119 Meets you at the airport, gets your phone hooked up, puts in the utilities, 403 00:31:27,153 --> 00:31:30,022 gets milk, eggs, bacon for breakfast, $30 worth. 404 00:31:30,056 --> 00:31:31,390 I read all your mail. There's nothing important. 405 00:31:31,423 --> 00:31:33,259 I put fresh cheese in the mousetrap. 406 00:31:33,292 --> 00:31:35,394 I even put that comedy cat back in the house 407 00:31:35,427 --> 00:31:38,497 after feeding it for a year. Eats nothing but liver. $7.98 a... 408 00:31:38,530 --> 00:31:40,933 -Shut up and say hello to Tricia. -Hello, Lenny. 409 00:31:42,334 --> 00:31:47,006 Wow! You don't deserve this. I mean, style... 410 00:31:47,039 --> 00:31:50,276 Panache. Why do you always end up with the kind of girl 411 00:31:50,309 --> 00:31:53,345 -my mother told me I should marry, huh? -Come on, darling. 412 00:31:53,379 --> 00:31:56,248 Let darling stay here. 413 00:31:56,282 --> 00:31:59,518 Old blue eyes and I have got a lot of catching up to do. 414 00:31:59,551 --> 00:32:02,321 -Welcome home. -Thank you. 415 00:32:02,354 --> 00:32:04,356 Well, that takes care of my sexual quota for the week. 416 00:32:04,390 --> 00:32:06,458 -Let's get the bags. -(LAUGHS) 417 00:32:08,327 --> 00:32:10,062 Don't get lost. 418 00:32:12,631 --> 00:32:15,567 Isn't she something? Bright, alert, articulate... 419 00:32:15,601 --> 00:32:17,536 -Something's come up. -It was weird the way it happened. 420 00:32:17,569 --> 00:32:20,672 -We gotta talk! -10 weeks after we met, we were married! 421 00:32:20,706 --> 00:32:24,310 -Adam, there is only one tenure slot. -What? 422 00:32:24,343 --> 00:32:27,546 -What are you talking about? -One slot. That's what I'm talking about. 423 00:32:27,579 --> 00:32:30,282 You're mad. 12 months ago, the department was scheduled to get six. 424 00:32:30,316 --> 00:32:32,018 You and I were a shoo-ins. 425 00:32:32,051 --> 00:32:33,452 Twelve months ago. Now we've got three new departments. 426 00:32:33,485 --> 00:32:35,654 Urban planning, ecology, and African Studies. 427 00:32:35,687 --> 00:32:38,724 Our six slots have suddenly become one. 428 00:32:38,757 --> 00:32:41,560 It's you or me. Next year, one of us will be working, 429 00:32:41,593 --> 00:32:43,429 the other will be collecting food stamps. 430 00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:45,397 What a homecoming! 431 00:32:45,431 --> 00:32:47,633 Suddenly you're in the trenches, shooting it out with your best friend. 432 00:32:47,666 --> 00:32:50,436 C'est la frigging vie. 433 00:32:50,469 --> 00:32:52,071 Hey, what shape is your manuscript in? 434 00:32:52,104 --> 00:32:54,206 Not bad. What about you? 435 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,343 I'm just about done, but, uh, I think it's only fair we submit together. 436 00:32:57,376 --> 00:32:59,745 Oh, yeah, sure, good idea, but I'm gonna need a little time. 437 00:32:59,778 --> 00:33:01,580 How long? 438 00:33:01,613 --> 00:33:04,250 Not much. You know how it is when you're on your honeymoon. 439 00:33:04,283 --> 00:33:05,651 Typing gets rusty. 440 00:33:05,684 --> 00:33:07,619 But how long? 441 00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:09,155 What's the sweat? What are you getting so uptight about? 442 00:33:09,188 --> 00:33:10,789 For a start let's say a mild concern 443 00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:13,559 about what happens to my wife, my children, my house, my dogs, 444 00:33:13,592 --> 00:33:15,761 my car, and what I do with the rest of my goddamn life! 445 00:33:15,794 --> 00:33:17,763 Relax, Lenny. We'll handle it. 446 00:33:18,664 --> 00:33:20,732 Oh, uh... 447 00:33:20,766 --> 00:33:24,503 By the way, let's keep this little problem to ourselves, okay? 448 00:33:24,536 --> 00:33:25,671 Sure. 449 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,042 But let's resolve it, too. 450 00:33:30,076 --> 00:33:32,010 Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure. 451 00:33:39,551 --> 00:33:43,589 You'll probably think me terribly naive, but whenever I'm on a campus, 452 00:33:43,622 --> 00:33:47,726 I get this incredible sense of peace and tranquility. It's like being in a library 453 00:33:47,759 --> 00:33:51,130 -or a cathedral or... -Or a saloon at about 5:00 in the afternoon. 454 00:33:51,163 --> 00:33:52,664 (CHUCKLES) 455 00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:57,203 Oh, what a coincidence. What do you say, Lenny? You want to stop off somewhere 456 00:33:57,236 --> 00:33:59,505 for a couple of shots of peace and tranquility? 457 00:33:59,538 --> 00:34:04,776 No, thanks, but the peace and tranquility will be flowing at the Bryce's tonight. 458 00:34:04,810 --> 00:34:07,313 The good doctor is pouring in your honor. 459 00:34:07,346 --> 00:34:09,515 How nice. 460 00:34:09,548 --> 00:34:12,684 Well, you're in for a bit of public scrutiny, my love, from the study and starve group. 461 00:34:12,718 --> 00:34:15,321 The whip, dip, and duplicity crowd. 462 00:34:15,354 --> 00:34:18,324 Hmm. Who is Dr. Bryce? 463 00:34:18,357 --> 00:34:20,292 -The chairman of our department. -TRICIA: Oh! 464 00:34:20,326 --> 00:34:22,861 -We kiss his ring every morning. -(LAUGHS) 465 00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:24,730 Or anything else that's available. 466 00:34:34,273 --> 00:34:38,510 Uh, thanks a lot for letting me pick you up at the airport. I needed the work. 467 00:34:45,217 --> 00:34:47,453 -I like your friend, Lenny. -So do I. 468 00:34:47,486 --> 00:34:49,855 -That's the trouble. -What does that mean? 469 00:34:49,888 --> 00:34:51,623 -Private joke. -Hmm. 470 00:34:51,657 --> 00:34:55,794 Shall we? Welcome to chez Watson. 471 00:34:55,827 --> 00:34:59,798 It's really well-built, marvelous ventilation. 472 00:34:59,831 --> 00:35:03,735 This is a good piece. Picked it up at an antique sale. 473 00:35:03,769 --> 00:35:05,471 Over 120 years old. 474 00:35:05,504 --> 00:35:10,309 There are three leaves to this table, seats up to 14. 475 00:35:10,342 --> 00:35:12,744 They say it's early American, but it comes from 476 00:35:12,778 --> 00:35:14,813 France really. They all do. 477 00:35:14,846 --> 00:35:16,782 Kitchen's not large, but it's got everything 478 00:35:16,815 --> 00:35:21,820 Garbage disposal, electric dishwasher, automatic ice maker. 479 00:35:21,853 --> 00:35:25,657 Didn't cost much, either. Got it wholesale. Self-cleaning oven, 480 00:35:25,691 --> 00:35:30,262 and lots of shelf space Actually more than we need. 481 00:35:30,296 --> 00:35:32,464 Uh, this is the cat. 482 00:35:32,498 --> 00:35:34,300 And, and the stairs are very convenient. 483 00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:35,767 They're just around the corner here. 484 00:35:37,603 --> 00:35:39,838 Good, solid construction (KNOCKING WALL) 485 00:35:39,871 --> 00:35:42,140 They don't make them like this anymore. 486 00:35:46,678 --> 00:35:51,217 -Uh, this is our spare room. -Oh. 487 00:35:51,250 --> 00:35:55,754 -For guests or arguments or snoring. -Very practical. 488 00:35:56,688 --> 00:35:58,324 Bedroom. 489 00:36:01,727 --> 00:36:03,695 That's the sewing room. 490 00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:12,704 This, of course, is the master bedroom. 491 00:36:14,906 --> 00:36:19,278 Um, this is a fine old antique. 492 00:36:19,311 --> 00:36:22,481 Got this from my mother in-law. Uh, this was inherited. 493 00:36:22,514 --> 00:36:23,582 Uh... 494 00:36:25,551 --> 00:36:29,688 This is an interesting pair. We picked these up at a, at a garage sale. 495 00:36:29,721 --> 00:36:33,525 Uh, 50 bucks It was... It was... It was quite a steal, and, uh, 496 00:36:33,559 --> 00:36:37,563 this is a hell of a bed. We got this from the ace furniture company on time. 497 00:36:37,596 --> 00:36:41,267 Uh, a couple more payments, it'll be ours. 498 00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:43,269 -How could you do this? -What? 499 00:36:43,302 --> 00:36:44,836 Well, this isn't a house. It's a mausoleum. 500 00:36:44,870 --> 00:36:46,738 I mean, you call Lenny to put in eggs and bacon. 501 00:36:46,772 --> 00:36:48,840 Why don't you ask him to take away these things? 502 00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:51,543 But that's all they are. They're just things. 503 00:36:51,577 --> 00:36:53,845 No, no, no. They're her things. 504 00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:55,547 -Not anymore, they're not. -Oh, really? 505 00:36:55,581 --> 00:36:58,016 Yes. They're just pieces of paper and cloth. 506 00:36:58,049 --> 00:37:00,619 I'll tell you something You'd better get used to it, 507 00:37:00,652 --> 00:37:02,621 because it's gonna happen again and again and again. 508 00:37:02,654 --> 00:37:04,290 Thank you, Thank you very much. 509 00:37:04,323 --> 00:37:05,957 My God, what the hell kind of love have we got 510 00:37:05,991 --> 00:37:09,461 if it can't survive a beat-up bathrobe and strawberry preserves? 511 00:37:09,495 --> 00:37:10,862 For God's sake Trish... 512 00:37:10,896 --> 00:37:12,398 Jesus Christ. 513 00:37:19,638 --> 00:37:22,508 Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. 514 00:37:22,541 --> 00:37:24,343 I should have told Lenny just to, 515 00:37:24,376 --> 00:37:27,346 to clear them away. I didn't think of it, obviously. 516 00:37:28,947 --> 00:37:31,617 I should have called his wife. 517 00:37:31,650 --> 00:37:36,322 -Um, what's her name? -Who? 518 00:37:36,355 --> 00:37:40,626 -Why, his wife. -Ellie. She's very nice. 519 00:37:40,659 --> 00:37:44,029 Well, um, is she Will she be at this thing we're going to tonight? 520 00:37:44,062 --> 00:37:45,664 What is it? 521 00:37:45,697 --> 00:37:48,900 -At the Bryce's party. -What am I going to wear? 522 00:37:48,934 --> 00:37:52,404 Oh, now, that's something I can help you with. 523 00:37:52,438 --> 00:37:56,342 What you do is, you reach down deep into your bag, and you 524 00:37:56,375 --> 00:38:01,012 pull out the most un-chic thing you got, crumple it up, and stomp on it a little. 525 00:38:01,046 --> 00:38:03,949 Anything so that you won't be a threat to the other wives. 526 00:38:05,050 --> 00:38:07,052 But I guess that's impossible. 527 00:38:07,085 --> 00:38:09,388 -I guess that's a compliment. -Wait till you see the other wives. 528 00:38:09,421 --> 00:38:10,789 Uh-huh, it's not a compliment. 529 00:38:10,822 --> 00:38:12,023 (BOTH LAUGHING) 530 00:38:18,096 --> 00:38:20,599 (PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 531 00:38:26,372 --> 00:38:27,673 That's quite a lady. 532 00:38:30,976 --> 00:38:32,844 You didn't tell me she looked like that. 533 00:38:32,878 --> 00:38:35,080 Why should we both feel rotten? 534 00:38:35,113 --> 00:38:37,549 -Hello, Mavis. -Adam. 535 00:38:37,583 --> 00:38:38,917 -Paul. -Adam. 536 00:38:38,950 --> 00:38:41,387 This is Tricia. Paul and Mavis Bryce. 537 00:38:41,420 --> 00:38:42,954 -Hello. -How do you do? 538 00:38:42,988 --> 00:38:45,724 Welcome home, Adam. To both of you, our congratulations. 539 00:38:45,757 --> 00:38:47,493 Thank you. 540 00:38:47,526 --> 00:38:49,961 Now, why don't you just run along and mingle with the kitchen help 541 00:38:49,995 --> 00:38:53,999 while I pull rank and keep this lovely creature to myself? 542 00:38:54,032 --> 00:38:57,569 Darling, say yes to everything except an overnight camping trip. 543 00:38:57,603 --> 00:38:59,738 And you're perfectly safe there, too. 544 00:38:59,771 --> 00:39:01,940 For the last 10 years, he hasn't even been able to open 545 00:39:01,973 --> 00:39:03,909 the zipper on his sleeping bag. 546 00:39:03,942 --> 00:39:05,343 (LAUGHING) 547 00:39:07,613 --> 00:39:10,449 -I didn't know I was so witty. -You aren't. 548 00:39:10,482 --> 00:39:12,584 You're the wife of the chairman. 549 00:39:12,618 --> 00:39:15,554 -Mingle, Adam. -Yes, sir. 550 00:39:16,755 --> 00:39:18,890 See you later. 551 00:39:18,924 --> 00:39:21,760 Tricia, I'd like you to meet some of the rest of the faculty. 552 00:39:21,793 --> 00:39:27,065 -Well, that faculty I've met, actually. -This is my wife, Ellie. 553 00:39:27,098 --> 00:39:30,869 -Hello, Julian, Zelda. -So, you finally got around to us, eh? 554 00:39:30,902 --> 00:39:33,605 Just your best friends. The only people in the room who care 555 00:39:33,639 --> 00:39:37,743 whether you live or die, whether your sinuses are open, your prostate's been massaged. 556 00:39:37,776 --> 00:39:40,011 Zelda, will you shut him up before he starts getting personal? 557 00:39:40,045 --> 00:39:42,113 Hey, you look great, Zee. How do you feel? 558 00:39:42,147 --> 00:39:44,750 -What is that number five? -Six. 559 00:39:44,783 --> 00:39:47,619 I've been married to mucho macho here for seven years, 560 00:39:47,653 --> 00:39:49,755 and I'm in my 53rd month. 561 00:39:49,788 --> 00:39:52,123 I got the squash court reserved for 4:00 tomorrow. 562 00:39:52,157 --> 00:39:56,495 -I'll be there. -Don't be late. He's got a lot of energy to work off. 563 00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:58,564 If you don't mind, I'm gonna sit down. 564 00:39:58,597 --> 00:40:00,899 It's the only position I feel safe in. 565 00:40:00,932 --> 00:40:03,602 Adam, step into the study for a moment, will you? 566 00:40:03,635 --> 00:40:04,803 There's something I want to discuss. 567 00:40:04,836 --> 00:40:06,672 -What's up? -Just come in. 568 00:40:17,215 --> 00:40:19,485 -Uh, would you... -Oh, sure. 569 00:40:21,987 --> 00:40:23,054 Thanks. 570 00:40:23,088 --> 00:40:24,623 (GRUNTS) 571 00:40:30,228 --> 00:40:32,063 Will you keep an eye on that? 572 00:40:38,837 --> 00:40:41,940 Thank you very much. I was speaking it really rather fluently. 573 00:40:41,973 --> 00:40:44,776 -Campus Chianti. -Oh. 574 00:40:46,211 --> 00:40:48,914 You'll get used to it. It's very practical. 575 00:40:48,947 --> 00:40:51,683 If you're not serving it to guests, you can get 12 miles a gallon on it. 576 00:40:51,717 --> 00:40:53,719 (EXHALES SLOWLY) 577 00:40:53,752 --> 00:40:55,487 Well, it's certainly a new taste. 578 00:40:55,521 --> 00:40:56,855 You're gonna have a lot of new tastes. 579 00:40:56,888 --> 00:40:58,890 Some of them great, some, the pits. 580 00:40:58,924 --> 00:41:01,693 Just remember, I'll be around if you need me, so call any time. 581 00:41:01,727 --> 00:41:03,562 Would tomorrow be too soon? 582 00:41:03,595 --> 00:41:05,897 You got a hell of a lot of nerve, Julian! You know that. 583 00:41:05,931 --> 00:41:08,600 Don't bite my head off. I'm only thinking of you. 584 00:41:08,634 --> 00:41:10,869 But just remember there's only one slot available here, 585 00:41:10,902 --> 00:41:13,104 and you're up against a very tough competitor. 586 00:41:13,138 --> 00:41:15,674 Yeah, well, I can handle myself, I always have and I don't need any charity. 587 00:41:15,707 --> 00:41:18,610 I wouldn't call this charity and offer a tenure at another school. 588 00:41:18,644 --> 00:41:22,180 Some school, Granville tech, the cultural center of the Ozarks! 589 00:41:22,213 --> 00:41:25,884 Academically, it rates three grades below the Montana school for the tall! 590 00:41:25,917 --> 00:41:28,620 -Now, listen. -It's not a college. It's an assembly line! 591 00:41:28,654 --> 00:41:30,722 It turns coal miners into football players! 592 00:41:30,756 --> 00:41:32,824 You do your homework by the light on your hat! 593 00:41:32,858 --> 00:41:34,926 Just a minute! I graduated from Granville! 594 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,529 Marvelous! I won't tell anyone if you won't! 595 00:41:37,563 --> 00:41:39,765 Same sweet Adam! Welcome home! 596 00:41:40,932 --> 00:41:42,000 (SIGHS) 597 00:41:42,033 --> 00:41:43,201 -How's your manuscript? -Fine. 598 00:41:43,234 --> 00:41:45,036 Yeah, I know, but what shape is it really in? 599 00:41:45,070 --> 00:41:47,806 -I told you, fine! It just needs a little brush-up. -How much? 600 00:41:47,839 --> 00:41:49,240 -Nearly done. -How near? 601 00:41:49,274 --> 00:41:51,543 Eight weeks! What is this an inquisition? 602 00:41:51,577 --> 00:41:53,945 I am only thinking of you! As an officer of their alumni association, 603 00:41:53,979 --> 00:41:56,882 I got to give the Granville people an answer long before eight weeks. 604 00:41:56,915 --> 00:42:00,085 Tell them to take their tenure and shove it up their nearest tight end! 605 00:42:00,118 --> 00:42:01,887 Thanks a lot, but no thanks! 606 00:42:06,858 --> 00:42:08,193 Keep it open, will you, Julian? 607 00:42:08,226 --> 00:42:09,595 That's what I thought. 608 00:42:16,635 --> 00:42:18,670 All right. Entertainment time. 609 00:42:18,704 --> 00:42:21,172 We haven't heard from the happiness boys in almost a year. 610 00:42:21,206 --> 00:42:22,641 Come on, Adam. Take your coat off. 611 00:42:22,674 --> 00:42:23,875 BRYCE: Somebody get the equipment. 612 00:42:26,745 --> 00:42:29,881 Come on. Let's help him. There you go. 613 00:42:29,915 --> 00:42:31,917 -This is a regular treat, is it? -Yes. 614 00:42:31,950 --> 00:42:34,653 Come on. Oh, don't be bashful! 615 00:42:36,788 --> 00:42:38,089 (PIANO PLAYS) 616 00:42:39,357 --> 00:42:42,093 * I got a girl who's mighty sweet * 617 00:42:42,127 --> 00:42:43,929 (LAUGHING) 618 00:42:43,962 --> 00:42:46,998 * With big blue eyes and tiny feet * 619 00:42:47,032 --> 00:42:48,299 That's mine! 620 00:42:48,333 --> 00:42:53,204 * Her name is Rosabelle Magee 621 00:42:53,238 --> 00:42:56,374 * And she tips the scales at 622 00:42:56,407 --> 00:42:59,845 * 303 623 00:43:00,278 --> 00:43:03,081 * Oh 624 00:43:03,114 --> 00:43:07,786 * Gee, but ain't it grand to have a gal so big and fat 625 00:43:07,819 --> 00:43:10,121 * That when you go to hug her 626 00:43:10,155 --> 00:43:12,157 * You don't know where you're at 627 00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:15,226 * you have to take a piece of chalk in your hand 628 00:43:15,260 --> 00:43:19,264 * and hug away and chalk a mark to see where you began 629 00:43:19,297 --> 00:43:21,266 * One day 630 00:43:21,299 --> 00:43:24,335 * I was a-huggin' and a-chalkin' and a-chalkin' 631 00:43:24,369 --> 00:43:27,372 * And a-huggin' away 632 00:43:27,405 --> 00:43:32,410 * When I met another fellow with some chalk in his hand 633 00:43:32,443 --> 00:43:36,014 * Comin' around the other way around the mountain 634 00:43:36,047 --> 00:43:39,250 * A comin' around the other way * 635 00:43:39,284 --> 00:43:41,787 They're very good. 636 00:43:41,820 --> 00:43:45,023 -Too bad it's their farewell appearance. -What does that mean? 637 00:43:45,056 --> 00:43:48,994 Haven't you heard? There's only one tenure slot available. 638 00:43:49,027 --> 00:43:51,897 Next year, one of them will be here, and one of them won't. 639 00:43:52,864 --> 00:43:54,199 Didn't he tell you? 640 00:43:55,166 --> 00:43:56,234 No. 641 00:43:57,102 --> 00:43:58,737 Suppose you do. 642 00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:04,976 * Oh, gee but ain't it grand to have a gal so big and fat 643 00:44:05,010 --> 00:44:08,446 * That when you go to hug her, you don't know where you're at 644 00:44:08,479 --> 00:44:12,017 * You have to take a piece of chalk in your hand 645 00:44:12,050 --> 00:44:17,422 * And hug away and chalk a mark to see where you began one day 646 00:44:17,455 --> 00:44:21,893 * I was a-huggin' and a-chalkin' and a-chalkin' and a-huggin' 647 00:44:21,927 --> 00:44:24,162 * Away 648 00:44:24,195 --> 00:44:30,936 * When I met another fellow with some chalk in his hand 649 00:44:30,969 --> 00:44:36,141 * A comin' around the other way * 650 00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,709 (CHEERING) 651 00:44:43,448 --> 00:44:45,016 Good to see you. 652 00:44:46,351 --> 00:44:47,352 See ya. 653 00:44:49,454 --> 00:44:51,289 -Remember me? -Vaguely. 654 00:44:54,292 --> 00:44:55,761 Professor Watson. 655 00:44:57,462 --> 00:45:02,467 Hi. I'm sorry I'm late, but, uh, well, I just really wanted to say hello. 656 00:45:02,500 --> 00:45:06,004 -Tricia, this is Eden Marshall. -How do you do? 657 00:45:06,037 --> 00:45:08,273 Mrs. Watson. For a couple of years before I left, 658 00:45:08,306 --> 00:45:10,208 Miss Marshall was one of my researchers. 659 00:45:10,241 --> 00:45:11,943 Oh. Graduate student. 660 00:45:12,978 --> 00:45:16,782 Perennially. Mrs. Watson, I, um... 661 00:45:16,815 --> 00:45:19,084 I, uh, I hope I'm not being 662 00:45:19,117 --> 00:45:23,088 out of line or, uh, insensitive, but, um, 663 00:45:23,121 --> 00:45:24,823 I was very fond of Susan. 664 00:45:24,856 --> 00:45:27,759 She made me feel like I was part of the family. 665 00:45:28,827 --> 00:45:30,829 Well, I, um... 666 00:45:30,862 --> 00:45:34,365 I just hope that, um, perhaps one day, maybe you and I can have 667 00:45:34,399 --> 00:45:36,334 that same kind of relationship. 668 00:45:36,367 --> 00:45:38,870 -I'd like that very much. -Thank you. 669 00:45:40,471 --> 00:45:42,740 It's good to have you back, professor. 670 00:45:44,142 --> 00:45:45,310 You're lovely. 671 00:45:47,012 --> 00:45:48,980 Bye. 672 00:45:49,014 --> 00:45:51,016 -Is she bright? -As bright as she looks. 673 00:45:51,049 --> 00:45:54,119 I would have thought brighter and just about 22. 674 00:45:54,152 --> 00:45:56,154 -What does that mean? -Private joke. 675 00:46:00,325 --> 00:46:02,460 Well, what did you think of campus life? 676 00:46:03,494 --> 00:46:05,563 I liked it. 677 00:46:05,596 --> 00:46:07,966 That doesn't sound like a resounding endorsement. 678 00:46:07,999 --> 00:46:11,302 It wasn't meant to be. I didn't love it. I liked it. 679 00:46:11,336 --> 00:46:12,370 Oh. 680 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,556 Thank you. 681 00:46:31,589 --> 00:46:34,125 All right, the girl worked with me for three years. It was all business. 682 00:46:34,159 --> 00:46:36,127 -Absolutely nothing happened. -What a waste. 683 00:46:36,161 --> 00:46:38,029 She had her job to do, and I had mine. 684 00:46:38,063 --> 00:46:39,965 We behaved like two professionals. 685 00:46:39,998 --> 00:46:42,433 I wouldn't be at all surprised. 686 00:46:43,368 --> 00:46:44,469 (CAR DOOR SLAMS) 687 00:46:46,872 --> 00:46:50,508 May I ask you a question? Do you mind if I ask you a question? 688 00:46:50,541 --> 00:46:53,578 You seem to have a problem. One hell of a problem! 689 00:46:53,611 --> 00:46:56,047 Would you mind telling me what it is! 690 00:46:56,081 --> 00:46:59,184 All right! And it has nothing to do with your demure and nubile fellow worker. 691 00:46:59,217 --> 00:47:00,986 You have come back and discovered 692 00:47:01,019 --> 00:47:02,487 you are in a battle for existence with your closest friend 693 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,891 and you have chosen to tell me not one word about it! 694 00:47:05,924 --> 00:47:09,060 Sounds like you and Ellie got real friendly real fast! 695 00:47:09,094 --> 00:47:10,962 Something like that. 696 00:47:10,996 --> 00:47:12,597 But What if I wanted to shield you from what actually goes on... 697 00:47:12,630 --> 00:47:16,534 Shielded is something we agreed I didn't need to be! 698 00:47:16,567 --> 00:47:18,336 Well, maybe you just do! 699 00:47:18,369 --> 00:47:21,106 You come riding in here like Alice in wonderland with your 700 00:47:21,139 --> 00:47:23,308 head 28 miles above acceptable reality. 701 00:47:23,341 --> 00:47:24,976 What's gonna make me think that you'd... 702 00:47:25,010 --> 00:47:26,477 You have deliberately excluded me from the 703 00:47:26,511 --> 00:47:28,446 most serious problem a husband and wife can face. 704 00:47:28,479 --> 00:47:31,216 You and I made a deal, and it happens to mean something to me! 705 00:47:31,249 --> 00:47:33,118 -What are you doing? -Making myself a bed. 706 00:47:33,151 --> 00:47:35,220 You've got a bed! 707 00:47:35,253 --> 00:47:38,423 Either I am your wife in every sense of the word, or I am not your wife at all. 708 00:47:38,456 --> 00:47:40,525 You know something? You're lying to yourself. 709 00:47:40,558 --> 00:47:43,361 That was a nice little speech you gave about sharing, lovely, noble, 710 00:47:43,394 --> 00:47:46,231 but it has nothing to do with what's really going on in your head! 711 00:47:46,264 --> 00:47:49,234 -Oh, doesn't it? -No, it doesn't! Ever since you came in here 712 00:47:49,267 --> 00:47:52,137 this afternoon and we played that little scene out of Blithe Spirit... 713 00:47:52,170 --> 00:47:53,671 -Good night! -(DOOR SLAMS) 714 00:47:53,704 --> 00:47:56,607 You've been thinking of ways to stay out of that bed in there! 715 00:47:56,641 --> 00:48:00,045 To you, this is still Susan's house, I'm still Susan's husband, 716 00:48:00,078 --> 00:48:01,879 and that's still Susan's bed! 717 00:48:04,983 --> 00:48:06,184 Oh! Ah! 718 00:48:11,156 --> 00:48:14,592 Okay! Let's get in the god damned bed, whosever it is! 719 00:48:18,329 --> 00:48:21,299 Mmm! Tell me. 720 00:48:21,666 --> 00:48:23,601 Hmm? 721 00:48:23,634 --> 00:48:27,905 -Whose house is this? -Mine. 722 00:48:29,474 --> 00:48:33,611 -And whose husband am I? -(CHUCKLES) Mine. 723 00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:40,151 -And whose bed is this? -The ace furniture company's and mine. 724 00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:44,689 But that mangy cat is still Susan's, 725 00:48:44,722 --> 00:48:47,492 so would you get her fat ass off my legs? 726 00:48:50,328 --> 00:48:52,430 -Psst! Psst! Psst! -(CAT MEOWS) 727 00:48:54,632 --> 00:48:57,335 -Thank you. -It was nothing. 728 00:49:09,614 --> 00:49:13,684 -Hey! Professor Watson. Welcome home. -Thank you, Reilly. 729 00:49:13,718 --> 00:49:17,355 Listen, I understand that you're gonna be teaching Emily Dickinson 730 00:49:17,388 --> 00:49:21,426 and the 18th-century novel and that course in nouvelle vague cinema. 731 00:49:21,459 --> 00:49:23,294 Yeah, that's right. 732 00:49:23,328 --> 00:49:26,097 Would you mind if I drop in on that class every once in a while? 733 00:49:26,131 --> 00:49:29,400 -Anytime. -I'm into all of that cinematic crap. 734 00:49:29,434 --> 00:49:32,470 I can handle it between psychology three and getting my car washed. 735 00:49:32,503 --> 00:49:34,739 Great. 736 00:49:34,772 --> 00:49:38,209 By the way, Professor, I was very sorry to hear about your good lady's passing. 737 00:49:38,243 --> 00:49:41,479 -Thank you, Reilly. -God bless you, Professor. 738 00:49:41,512 --> 00:49:44,282 -I remarried. -God forgive you, Professor. 739 00:49:55,126 --> 00:49:57,495 Hi, Jimmy. Still shooting speed? 740 00:49:57,528 --> 00:49:59,564 Yeah! Straight in. You got some? 741 00:50:00,665 --> 00:50:02,333 Hi, Dana. 742 00:50:03,834 --> 00:50:06,071 (HUMMING) 743 00:50:06,104 --> 00:50:07,638 "These are the days when the birds come back, 744 00:50:07,672 --> 00:50:10,241 "the very few, a bird or two, to take a backward look. 745 00:50:10,275 --> 00:50:13,744 "These are the days when the skies resume the old, old sophistries of June," 746 00:50:13,778 --> 00:50:14,779 et cetera, et cetera. 747 00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:16,714 (DOG BARKING) 748 00:50:19,117 --> 00:50:23,254 Hello. Um, you must be Mr. Sanders, and this must be Peppy. 749 00:50:23,288 --> 00:50:26,057 That's right. Oh, well, uh... 750 00:50:26,091 --> 00:50:29,160 -Let him off the leash. -He's pretty rambunctious. 751 00:50:29,194 --> 00:50:31,562 (CHUCKLES) Oh, he's just happy to be home. Aren't you, boy? 752 00:50:31,596 --> 00:50:34,465 -Come on. Come on. -Okay, ma'am. 753 00:50:36,167 --> 00:50:38,136 -(GROWLS) -Oh! 754 00:50:38,169 --> 00:50:39,170 (WHINES) 755 00:50:40,771 --> 00:50:42,807 -Do you want me to take him back? -No, no. 756 00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:44,575 I expect I can manage. 757 00:50:44,609 --> 00:50:48,513 -(PEPPY HOWLS) -Okay, ma'am. Have a nice day. 758 00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:51,349 -(PEPPY BARKS) -We're in the book. 759 00:50:55,153 --> 00:50:58,456 Next week's subject will be varieties of lyrical form in the poetry 760 00:50:58,489 --> 00:51:01,292 of Emily Dickinson. Read it. Class dismissed. 761 00:51:17,208 --> 00:51:20,678 -I said, class dismissed. -What a lovely idea. 762 00:51:21,912 --> 00:51:23,748 They've all gone. 763 00:51:26,484 --> 00:51:29,454 -What's on your mind? -You. 764 00:51:29,487 --> 00:51:33,191 Adam, you've been gone a long time. A girl gets kind of lonely. 765 00:51:33,224 --> 00:51:35,660 A man gets kind of married. Fini. 766 00:51:38,629 --> 00:51:42,433 Well, surely it wouldn't hurt to have an innocent cup of coffee now and then at, 767 00:51:42,467 --> 00:51:44,769 um, some innocuous little spot like 768 00:51:44,802 --> 00:51:48,105 daddy's skiing lodge in front of a roaring fire with all our clothes off? 769 00:51:50,241 --> 00:51:53,411 Eden, there's a lot of work to be done on the book, and I'm gonna need your help, 770 00:51:53,444 --> 00:51:56,914 but that's what it's gotta be work and that's all. 771 00:51:56,947 --> 00:52:01,619 -And what do we do during our coffee breaks? -We drink coffee, play chess. 772 00:52:01,652 --> 00:52:04,355 Great. 773 00:52:04,389 --> 00:52:07,692 Boy, Adam, when you dismiss a class, you sure do dismiss it, don't you? 774 00:52:11,662 --> 00:52:13,264 (RATTLING) 775 00:52:15,766 --> 00:52:17,168 Um. 776 00:52:23,308 --> 00:52:25,410 Oh! Ah! 777 00:52:27,812 --> 00:52:32,383 Ah! Ah! Uh! Ow! 778 00:52:33,284 --> 00:52:35,553 Oh! Okay, you wanna fight? 779 00:52:35,586 --> 00:52:37,688 Fight! (GRUNTS) 780 00:52:39,657 --> 00:52:40,691 Oh! Oh! 781 00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:45,730 Professor Watson, can I still register in your cinema class? 782 00:52:45,763 --> 00:52:48,266 Can I see you at office tomorrow, Ruth? I got a little problem at home. 783 00:52:48,299 --> 00:52:49,400 Yeah, sure. 784 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:59,277 -I'm here! -Whoa! 785 00:53:01,479 --> 00:53:04,415 -Oh, my god. -Oh, Adam, I've made such a mess. 786 00:53:04,449 --> 00:53:05,816 Oh, it's all right. It doesn't matter. 787 00:53:05,850 --> 00:53:10,521 Oh, but in my own self-defense... 788 00:53:10,555 --> 00:53:13,724 That is no ordinary thing. It is possessed of the devil, 789 00:53:13,758 --> 00:53:16,561 it's evil, and it's after me! 790 00:53:16,594 --> 00:53:20,331 Trish, Trish. It hasn't been used in a year. We can just call a plumber. 791 00:53:20,365 --> 00:53:22,833 I don't think you need a plumber. I think you should call an exorcist. 792 00:53:22,867 --> 00:53:25,970 Oh, god. I'm so sorry. I mean, as though you haven't got enough to worry about 793 00:53:26,003 --> 00:53:28,373 without me turning the kitchen into a swimming pool. 794 00:53:28,406 --> 00:53:31,576 I meant to have everything so clean and bright and fresh. 795 00:53:31,609 --> 00:53:34,479 The whole kitchen is so sort of, I mean... 796 00:53:39,884 --> 00:53:45,323 Oh, Peppy, Peppy, baby! Oh, Peppy, you're home! 797 00:53:45,356 --> 00:53:48,726 Look at you. Look how you've grown. Oh, hello, Peppy. 798 00:53:48,759 --> 00:53:53,998 You look beautiful. Look at your fur. It's so thick and rich. 799 00:53:54,031 --> 00:53:57,368 Yes, darling, you... Yeah, sweetheart? 800 00:53:57,402 --> 00:53:59,670 Would you two like to be alone? 801 00:53:59,704 --> 00:54:02,607 Oh. Oh, sorry, darling. Uh, uh, Peppy? 802 00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:05,009 Say hello to your mother. Say hello to your new mom. 803 00:54:05,042 --> 00:54:07,478 Well, actually, we've already met. 804 00:54:07,512 --> 00:54:11,449 Ah. Then get the hell out of here so mommy and daddy can fix the washing machine. 805 00:54:11,482 --> 00:54:12,917 Go ahead. Go ahead. 806 00:54:13,951 --> 00:54:15,320 (WHIMPERS) 807 00:55:01,799 --> 00:55:03,934 -(HORN HONKS) -I'm coming! 808 00:55:07,705 --> 00:55:10,641 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, hey! 809 00:55:10,675 --> 00:55:11,809 Hey! 810 00:55:24,522 --> 00:55:25,656 Hi. 811 00:55:26,991 --> 00:55:29,660 Isn't it rather early for a wine break? 812 00:55:29,694 --> 00:55:32,530 If I'd known you were going to do crosswords, you could've carried my shopping. 813 00:55:48,913 --> 00:55:50,981 (SNORING) 814 00:56:04,128 --> 00:56:05,496 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 815 00:56:07,498 --> 00:56:08,999 Get that, will you, honey? 816 00:56:09,033 --> 00:56:12,537 You get it. It's your mother's Saturday-morning call. 817 00:56:12,570 --> 00:56:15,005 11:00. I set my watch by it. 818 00:56:15,039 --> 00:56:17,007 Hold this, will you, honey? 819 00:56:22,913 --> 00:56:24,882 -Hello. -Hello, love. 820 00:56:24,915 --> 00:56:26,651 Hello, Jem. How are ya? 821 00:56:26,684 --> 00:56:30,588 Wonderful, darling. Listen, have I got a coup for you! 822 00:56:30,621 --> 00:56:32,657 What do you mean got a coup for me? 823 00:56:32,690 --> 00:56:35,993 Suppose I told you the most controversial film critic 824 00:56:36,026 --> 00:56:38,629 in the entire world has agreed to come up to school, 825 00:56:38,663 --> 00:56:41,666 be your own personal guest for dinner, and give a lecture? 826 00:56:41,699 --> 00:56:43,768 -John Schuster? -That's right! 827 00:56:43,801 --> 00:56:46,837 You're going to be very selective about your guest list. 828 00:56:46,871 --> 00:56:48,939 Isn't that a little obvious, mom? 829 00:56:48,973 --> 00:56:51,576 Obvious? John Schuster's a star. 830 00:56:51,609 --> 00:56:53,944 He's way up there. He's a literary astronaut, for Christ's sake! 831 00:56:53,978 --> 00:56:56,447 You've gotta start putting yourself in that kind of orbit! 832 00:56:56,481 --> 00:56:58,148 But, mom... 833 00:56:58,182 --> 00:57:00,518 You want to hand Lenny that tenure slot all tied up with a pretty 834 00:57:00,551 --> 00:57:03,654 red ribbon like some friggin' faggot valentine? Go ahead and do it. 835 00:57:03,688 --> 00:57:06,991 All right, mom. Whatever you say. What do you want me to do? 836 00:57:07,024 --> 00:57:09,527 -Now, you gotta have Paul and Mavis Bryce, - Yes . 837 00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:11,929 -Zelda and Julian Scott. - Okay . 838 00:57:11,962 --> 00:57:13,731 Oh, Fred and Helen Connelly. -Yeah. 839 00:57:13,764 --> 00:57:15,800 What about that Chaucer scholar, 840 00:57:15,833 --> 00:57:17,802 Dr. Wilson. Does he still mean anything? 841 00:57:17,835 --> 00:57:20,571 Yeah, he's still on the committee for promotion of tenure. 842 00:57:20,605 --> 00:57:22,707 -Oh, good. Get him. -All right, we'll have him. 843 00:57:22,740 --> 00:57:24,875 -Oh, and the Browns! -Yeah, yeah! We will get them. 844 00:57:24,909 --> 00:57:28,546 Look, ma, Tricia will handle it. I'll tell her. 845 00:57:28,579 --> 00:57:32,016 Oh, wonderful, love! Oh, and remember, Adam. 846 00:57:32,049 --> 00:57:36,687 I brought you up in a moral atmosphere of honesty, decency and integrity, 847 00:57:36,721 --> 00:57:39,189 but this is survival time, so forget all that shit 848 00:57:39,223 --> 00:57:41,859 and get yourself some brownie points! Goodbye, love. 849 00:57:42,993 --> 00:57:44,729 Well, I'll say one thing, 850 00:57:44,762 --> 00:57:46,831 you were dead right, honey. That was Jem on the phone. 851 00:57:46,864 --> 00:57:49,099 Will you please stop calling me honey? 852 00:57:49,133 --> 00:57:51,569 It's one of those Americanisms I find particularly irritating. 853 00:57:51,602 --> 00:57:54,639 Another is "have a nice day," which Americans insist on doing, 854 00:57:54,672 --> 00:57:57,241 usually on days when you're not having a nice day like for instance today. 855 00:57:57,274 --> 00:57:59,276 What is bugging you? 856 00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:01,979 Your friend Julian just stopped by for a heart to heart to heart. 857 00:58:02,012 --> 00:58:05,583 Oh really? And just how heart-to-heart was that heart-to-heart? 858 00:58:05,616 --> 00:58:08,886 Why didn't you tell me you'd had a bonafide offer from another university? 859 00:58:08,919 --> 00:58:11,556 Because that university is not a university. 860 00:58:11,589 --> 00:58:13,691 I don't care about the quality of the school! 861 00:58:13,724 --> 00:58:17,728 You get major degrees there in horseshoes, tobacco spitting, and chicken plucking! 862 00:58:17,762 --> 00:58:19,930 What I care about... 863 00:58:19,964 --> 00:58:23,768 You don't take entrance exams! If you rape your sister by the time she's 15, you're in! 864 00:58:23,801 --> 00:58:26,904 -What I care about... -What do you care about? 865 00:58:26,937 --> 00:58:28,706 Oh, thank you. 866 00:58:28,739 --> 00:58:32,577 What I care about is that you have again excluded me from a vital decision which affects 867 00:58:32,610 --> 00:58:35,279 both our lives, deliberately and deceitfully. 868 00:58:35,312 --> 00:58:37,782 Deceitfully? Well, let me tell you something. 869 00:58:37,815 --> 00:58:40,150 There are certain decisions I plan making by myself 870 00:58:40,184 --> 00:58:43,253 because you don't know dick about them, and you have the ego to think you do! 871 00:58:44,254 --> 00:58:45,690 Thank you very much. 872 00:58:45,723 --> 00:58:48,258 You're very, very welcome. 873 00:58:48,292 --> 00:58:49,927 Have a nice day. 874 00:58:51,896 --> 00:58:53,197 You, too, honey. 875 00:59:04,809 --> 00:59:06,911 -How's it going? -It's coming. 876 00:59:06,944 --> 00:59:09,313 -When? -Soon, Julian. Soon. 877 00:59:09,346 --> 00:59:10,547 Ah! 878 00:59:13,183 --> 00:59:15,319 There must be some topic of conversation around here other 879 00:59:15,352 --> 00:59:17,588 than when I finish my goddamn manuscript. 880 00:59:17,622 --> 00:59:19,323 Eight-Six. Are you ready? 881 00:59:19,356 --> 00:59:22,159 Adam, I'm running out of time. What do I tell the Granville people? 882 00:59:22,192 --> 00:59:24,028 Who cares? 883 00:59:24,061 --> 00:59:26,096 Why don't you go have another heart-to-heart talk with my wife? 884 00:59:26,130 --> 00:59:28,198 The two of you can decide what I should do. 885 00:59:28,232 --> 00:59:32,002 But don't tell me about it. Keep it to yourself, that really helps things a lot. 886 00:59:32,036 --> 00:59:34,038 And besides, how come you always come up with these 887 00:59:34,071 --> 00:59:36,073 crappy kinds of conversation every time you're losing? 888 00:59:36,106 --> 00:59:37,642 I don't come here to win or lose! 889 00:59:37,675 --> 00:59:39,710 What do I care who wins a lousy squash game. 890 00:59:39,744 --> 00:59:41,679 I just come down here to work up a sweat and take a shower 891 00:59:41,712 --> 00:59:43,848 so when I go home I won't hit my kid! 892 00:59:43,881 --> 00:59:46,751 I've seen your kids. You're making a big mistake. 893 00:59:46,784 --> 00:59:49,119 -Set point. You ready? -Yeah. 894 00:59:58,028 --> 01:00:02,032 -Ah! -Okay, that's it. 895 01:00:02,066 --> 01:00:05,102 You owe me a buck. How about a drink? 896 01:00:05,135 --> 01:00:08,739 That's another thing, Adam. You've been lapping up a lot of booze lately. 897 01:00:08,773 --> 01:00:10,641 Okay, Julian, I get the message. 898 01:00:10,675 --> 01:00:13,310 You're having problems at home. Can't touch your wife, right? 899 01:00:13,343 --> 01:00:17,314 So you got a lot of sexual fantasies going on up there in old pornoville, huh? 900 01:00:17,347 --> 01:00:20,084 So you need a whipping boy to lay it off on. What are friends for? 901 01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:21,551 Whip away! 902 01:00:21,585 --> 01:00:24,889 Isn't this the day Professor Hurley's evaluating your Emily Dickinson class? 903 01:00:24,922 --> 01:00:27,257 -What about it? -Don't even take time to shower. 904 01:00:27,291 --> 01:00:30,627 Go straight to a bar. You'll need all the confidence you can swallow. 905 01:00:33,297 --> 01:00:35,299 (BELLS CHIMING) 906 01:00:38,202 --> 01:00:40,404 All right. We're going to go over this material one more time, 907 01:00:40,437 --> 01:00:44,408 and one only, so this time, get it straight. 908 01:00:44,441 --> 01:00:47,311 "Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me. 909 01:00:47,344 --> 01:00:49,814 "The carriage held but just ourselves and immortality." 910 01:00:49,847 --> 01:00:53,183 That's the start of one of Emily Dickinson's most important poems. 911 01:00:53,217 --> 01:00:56,086 I want to know the structure, style, and an approximate date. 912 01:00:56,120 --> 01:00:57,722 You there Engel. 913 01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:00,424 Yeah, you. 914 01:01:02,059 --> 01:01:03,293 It's, uh, I... 915 01:01:05,129 --> 01:01:07,064 It, uh, it's... 916 01:01:08,265 --> 01:01:10,434 -It's Emily Dickinson! -(ALL LAUGHING) 917 01:01:10,467 --> 01:01:12,903 Thank you, Engel. That's also the name of the course. 918 01:01:14,204 --> 01:01:17,407 I asked for the structure, style, and date of the poem. 919 01:01:17,441 --> 01:01:21,345 Structure and style is, um... 920 01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:24,314 I do know that, sir. I had it. 921 01:01:24,348 --> 01:01:28,052 Last night I was saying it over and over again. 922 01:01:28,085 --> 01:01:30,487 If you can't say it now, you don't know it, you never did know it, 923 01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,923 and you never will know it. 924 01:01:32,957 --> 01:01:36,927 You'll find the answer on page 191 of the Pearlmutter dissertation. 925 01:01:36,961 --> 01:01:41,799 Now try this one. "Wild nights, Wild nights! Were I with thee, wild nights 926 01:01:41,832 --> 01:01:43,734 "should be our luxury." 927 01:01:50,941 --> 01:01:52,843 You there, Miss, um... 928 01:01:52,877 --> 01:01:56,814 I'd like structure, style, and date. 929 01:01:56,847 --> 01:02:00,350 I'm sorry. I know your name. It's at the tip of my tongue. It must've slipped my mind. 930 01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:02,820 If you can't say it now, you don't know it, you never did know it, 931 01:02:02,853 --> 01:02:03,888 you never will know it. 932 01:02:03,921 --> 01:02:05,055 (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 933 01:02:06,857 --> 01:02:09,159 -(BELL RINGS) -Class dismissed. 934 01:02:13,964 --> 01:02:16,000 I like to keep things loose. 935 01:02:16,433 --> 01:02:18,002 So I noticed. 936 01:02:26,076 --> 01:02:27,311 Problems? 937 01:02:27,344 --> 01:02:32,182 Hmm. I think I just got a lousy evaluation. 938 01:02:32,216 --> 01:02:35,519 Adam, you've got to get your manuscript done, and you only have one week left. 939 01:02:35,552 --> 01:02:37,154 I know it. I know it. 940 01:02:38,255 --> 01:02:40,224 Come up to my place. You work better there. 941 01:02:41,391 --> 01:02:44,428 -And I mean work. -Thanks, Eden. 942 01:02:45,195 --> 01:02:46,396 Okay. 943 01:02:52,002 --> 01:02:53,237 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 944 01:02:56,006 --> 01:02:57,975 Hello. 945 01:02:58,008 --> 01:02:59,376 Oh, hello, Jemmy. 946 01:03:00,377 --> 01:03:02,279 What? 947 01:03:02,312 --> 01:03:04,581 What dinner party? 948 01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:06,851 -Tonight? -Of course, tonight! 949 01:03:06,884 --> 01:03:09,453 I told Adam ages ago. He said you'd handle it! 950 01:03:09,486 --> 01:03:11,088 Oh, terrific. 951 01:03:11,121 --> 01:03:13,223 Listen darling, you're married to a bit of an asshole, 952 01:03:13,257 --> 01:03:14,859 so here's what you're going to have to do. 953 01:03:34,578 --> 01:03:36,280 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 954 01:03:36,313 --> 01:03:38,382 EDEN: Come on in. The door's open. 955 01:03:38,415 --> 01:03:40,985 Is professor Watson here, please? I was told he might 956 01:03:42,652 --> 01:03:44,254 be here. 957 01:03:44,288 --> 01:03:46,323 Hi. We were just taking a little break. 958 01:03:46,356 --> 01:03:48,592 -So I see. -What's up? 959 01:03:48,625 --> 01:03:50,560 You mean besides her skirt? 960 01:03:50,594 --> 01:03:52,062 What the hell's that supposed to mean? 961 01:03:52,096 --> 01:03:53,964 Could I have a word with you, please? 962 01:03:53,998 --> 01:03:56,033 -Certainly. -Would you excuse us? 963 01:03:58,635 --> 01:04:00,070 -(CLEARS THROAT) -Well. 964 01:04:00,104 --> 01:04:03,173 Your mother just telephoned. Apparently I'm expected to give a dinner party 965 01:04:03,207 --> 01:04:05,609 this evening for some critic. -That's right. 966 01:04:05,642 --> 01:04:07,077 What do you mean that's right? 967 01:04:07,111 --> 01:04:08,979 I mean that's right. That's what we planned. 968 01:04:09,013 --> 01:04:11,215 -Who planned? -We did. You and I. 969 01:04:11,248 --> 01:04:13,217 -Didn't we? -No, we didn't. 970 01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:15,319 The only planning that's been done has been done by the woman 971 01:04:15,352 --> 01:04:16,620 who's planned everything in your life so far. Dear sweet Jemmy. 972 01:04:16,653 --> 01:04:19,223 -Now just a sec... -And if you think 973 01:04:19,256 --> 01:04:22,492 I am going to give a dinner party for some pompous, self-adoring 974 01:04:22,526 --> 01:04:26,396 intellectual piranha who feeds on real talent so that he can get into movies free... 975 01:04:26,430 --> 01:04:28,632 -I take it you don't like him. -That is an understatement. 976 01:04:28,665 --> 01:04:31,068 All right. Forget it! Just forget it! Forget it! 977 01:04:31,101 --> 01:04:34,504 We'll go to a restaurant. You pick up a phone and you invite a few people! 978 01:04:34,538 --> 01:04:36,106 Can you handle that? 979 01:04:36,140 --> 01:04:38,375 Oh I can, but I won't, because I might invite someone 980 01:04:38,408 --> 01:04:39,944 who won't be able to do you any good. 981 01:04:39,977 --> 01:04:42,947 And what do you suggest we do then? 982 01:04:42,980 --> 01:04:45,649 I suggest you ask your bright little assistant 983 01:04:45,682 --> 01:04:48,285 to cover her genitalia long enough to pick up a telephone and invite 984 01:04:48,318 --> 01:04:50,687 whoever you wish to impress to your party. 985 01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:53,123 Now, just a minute. It's not what you think it is. 986 01:04:53,157 --> 01:04:57,394 Oh, please, let us not dignify this tawdry tableau with explanations. 987 01:04:57,427 --> 01:04:59,329 I am going to leave quietly, 988 01:04:59,363 --> 01:05:01,265 and I hope with a little dignity. 989 01:05:01,298 --> 01:05:05,535 You two can get on with whatever it is that gets you through the afternoon. 990 01:05:05,569 --> 01:05:08,172 Incidentally, Miss Marshall. How old are you? 991 01:05:08,705 --> 01:05:10,174 22. 992 01:05:10,207 --> 01:05:11,275 Aha! 993 01:05:32,496 --> 01:05:35,565 Ladies and gentlemen, before we adjourn to the lecture hall, I would like to thank 994 01:05:35,599 --> 01:05:39,336 assistant-professor Watson for arranging this delightful dinner, 995 01:05:39,369 --> 01:05:42,706 and I would like to propose a toast to our esteemed guest 996 01:05:42,739 --> 01:05:47,611 and lecturer, John Schuster, America's most incisive, acerbic, 997 01:05:47,644 --> 01:05:49,613 and least-intimidated film critic. 998 01:05:49,646 --> 01:05:51,515 (CHUCKLING) 999 01:05:51,548 --> 01:05:54,418 Sir, your health, if you don't mind drinking to it with a somewhat 1000 01:05:54,451 --> 01:05:56,686 modest domestic vintage. 1001 01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:58,188 Thank you. 1002 01:05:58,222 --> 01:06:01,358 I find American wines like American movies. 1003 01:06:01,391 --> 01:06:05,362 Most of them hard to swallow, but occasionally you get lucky. 1004 01:06:05,395 --> 01:06:08,398 We're all looking forward to your lecture this evening, Mr. Schuster. 1005 01:06:08,432 --> 01:06:10,400 Tell me. Whose work are you... 1006 01:06:10,434 --> 01:06:12,336 More, please! 1007 01:06:12,369 --> 01:06:16,740 Analyzing, delineating, and generally kicking the crap out of tonight? 1008 01:06:16,773 --> 01:06:18,242 (LAUGHS) 1009 01:06:18,275 --> 01:06:23,747 Uh, tonight it's an accolade to a young and exciting Italian Armando Triosi, 1010 01:06:23,780 --> 01:06:26,750 an important and iconoclastic new talent. 1011 01:06:26,783 --> 01:06:30,420 He's the young director, for instance, who said, 1012 01:06:30,454 --> 01:06:34,224 "A film story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end, 1013 01:06:34,258 --> 01:06:37,194 "but not necessarily in that order." 1014 01:06:37,227 --> 01:06:40,097 Wrong. He didn't say that. 1015 01:06:40,130 --> 01:06:42,232 I know because I was there. 1016 01:06:42,266 --> 01:06:43,700 I heard it. 1017 01:06:43,733 --> 01:06:47,637 It was Godard or Truffaut or one of those real directors, 1018 01:06:47,671 --> 01:06:51,775 and I sat there... Oh, sorry, darling, did I catch you? 1019 01:06:51,808 --> 01:06:55,512 Sat there applauding just as though I knew exactly what he was talking about. 1020 01:06:55,545 --> 01:06:56,680 (CLEARS THROAT) 1021 01:06:56,713 --> 01:06:59,516 Triosi, nonetheless, is a master. 1022 01:06:59,549 --> 01:07:02,419 Take his first film, Recherch. 1023 01:07:02,452 --> 01:07:06,156 Any filmmaker who does not learn the techniques employed in this finely planned 1024 01:07:06,190 --> 01:07:08,658 work is closing his eyes on the wave of the future. 1025 01:07:08,692 --> 01:07:10,026 Wrong! 1026 01:07:11,428 --> 01:07:14,298 My late husband's ex-company. 1027 01:07:14,831 --> 01:07:17,101 No, that's not right. 1028 01:07:17,134 --> 01:07:19,669 My ex-husband's late company. That's right. 1029 01:07:19,703 --> 01:07:24,374 My ex-husband's late company financed that film. 1030 01:07:24,408 --> 01:07:28,512 A particularly third-rate melodrama, interesting only because your Italian genius 1031 01:07:28,545 --> 01:07:31,681 chose to shoot it in London, where he fell in love with the buses 1032 01:07:31,715 --> 01:07:37,321 and the taxicabs and boys in tight jeans, very tight jeans. 1033 01:07:37,354 --> 01:07:40,357 Real crotch-clutchers, you know what I mean? 1034 01:07:40,390 --> 01:07:42,126 (CHUCKLING) 1035 01:07:42,159 --> 01:07:44,661 No, you wouldn't know what I mean. Anyway, 1036 01:07:44,694 --> 01:07:46,863 he shot so much of this that he ran out of money. 1037 01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:51,101 -Yes! Well, thank you very much. -Thank you, darling. 1038 01:07:51,135 --> 01:07:54,371 So, they told him he could shoot for three more days, which he did, 1039 01:07:54,404 --> 01:07:58,575 and then he left this mess of garbage to his cutter to stick together while he high-tailed 1040 01:07:58,608 --> 01:08:00,577 it for this Norwegian island with his Danish boyfriend. 1041 01:08:00,610 --> 01:08:02,712 It could've been a Danish island with his Norwegian boyfriend. 1042 01:08:02,746 --> 01:08:04,548 And anyway, they had a fine old time on the fjord. 1043 01:08:04,581 --> 01:08:07,817 -I think it would be best now if we... -I haven't finished. 1044 01:08:07,851 --> 01:08:12,356 So, after the film had grossed $20 million dollars, 1045 01:08:12,389 --> 01:08:16,460 my husband and I were taken to this projection booth in New York, 1046 01:08:16,493 --> 01:08:21,865 where three pinstriped executives wound the film down to a single frame, 1047 01:08:21,898 --> 01:08:26,403 which showed a 16-year-old girl's pubic hair. 1048 01:08:26,436 --> 01:08:28,572 (GUFFAWS) 1049 01:08:28,605 --> 01:08:32,476 16-year-old girls do have pubic hair. They really do. 1050 01:08:32,509 --> 01:08:35,579 -I should have thought you'd have known that. -And they assured us that this 1051 01:08:35,612 --> 01:08:41,318 single frame was entirely responsible for the success of the film. 1052 01:08:41,351 --> 01:08:45,622 So that, Mr. Schuster, is your wave of the future. 1053 01:08:45,655 --> 01:08:50,260 Long may it wave and bottoms up, if you know what I mean. 1054 01:08:50,294 --> 01:08:52,929 Check! Could you bring the check over, please? 1055 01:08:52,962 --> 01:08:55,532 -Why are you asking for the check? -Because the meal is over. 1056 01:08:55,565 --> 01:08:57,934 But we're not paying for it, are we? It wasn't very good. 1057 01:08:57,967 --> 01:09:00,770 I'm sure everyone would love to contribute, wouldn't you? 1058 01:09:00,804 --> 01:09:02,839 Of course you wouldn't. They're all as hard up as you. 1059 01:09:02,872 --> 01:09:05,275 Incidentally, I've been meaning to speak to you about the money. 1060 01:09:05,309 --> 01:09:07,911 Would you bring the check? Could you bring the check? 1061 01:09:07,944 --> 01:09:10,814 Are we gonna pay for this! 1062 01:09:10,847 --> 01:09:12,649 (APPLAUSE) 1063 01:09:39,376 --> 01:09:41,945 Where is the ladies room, please? 1064 01:09:41,978 --> 01:09:44,848 The ladies' room... The ladies' room. Right. 1065 01:09:44,881 --> 01:09:50,954 It's just down there where the door is marked, uh, "ladies." Right. That's it. 1066 01:10:02,366 --> 01:10:06,803 Sorry we, uh, couldn't make you're sumptuous Chinese dinner along with 1067 01:10:06,836 --> 01:10:10,474 Dr. Bryce and the other nice people who have to choose between us, 1068 01:10:10,507 --> 01:10:13,577 but it seems we weren't invited. Listen, Lenny, 1069 01:10:13,610 --> 01:10:17,647 -I was going to, honestly, but I... -Suppose you listen. 1070 01:10:17,681 --> 01:10:21,385 You scored tonight, but the big crunch between us is our manuscripts, 1071 01:10:21,418 --> 01:10:24,554 and I'm submitting mine on Monday. That's six days, Adam. 1072 01:10:25,322 --> 01:10:26,723 And that's it. 1073 01:10:29,459 --> 01:10:30,760 Bye, Ellie. 1074 01:10:35,399 --> 01:10:38,902 -Adam, what's wrong? -Oh, nothing. Nothing. 1075 01:10:38,935 --> 01:10:43,840 You, uh, you seemed upset. Did, uh, Lenny just say what I think he just said? 1076 01:10:43,873 --> 01:10:47,611 -I'm all right, Eden. -No, you're not, Adam. 1077 01:10:47,644 --> 01:10:49,479 I can tell when you're in real trouble. 1078 01:10:49,513 --> 01:10:53,450 I always could. Adam, you've got all the research done. 1079 01:10:53,483 --> 01:10:55,452 It's just a matter of putting it all together, and you've 1080 01:10:55,485 --> 01:10:57,387 got to do that alone. 1081 01:10:58,322 --> 01:11:00,357 Maybe you're right. 1082 01:11:00,390 --> 01:11:05,495 So, why don't you go up to, uh, daddy's ski lodge? You know where the key is. 1083 01:11:05,529 --> 01:11:07,597 You know when it's available. 1084 01:11:07,631 --> 01:11:10,767 -You sure it's okay? -Yeah, it's okay. 1085 01:11:13,670 --> 01:11:17,307 Excuse me. Excuse me. 1086 01:11:29,419 --> 01:11:33,490 -What did she mean? -What did who mean? 1087 01:11:33,523 --> 01:11:35,959 What do you mean, "What did who mean?" You know perfectly well who I 1088 01:11:35,992 --> 01:11:38,662 mean when I say "what did she mean?" Who else would I mean? 1089 01:11:38,695 --> 01:11:40,096 I mean, what's-her-name. 1090 01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:42,065 -Eden? -Exactly. 1091 01:11:42,098 --> 01:11:45,535 -What's-her-name? -I don't know what you're talking about. 1092 01:11:45,569 --> 01:11:48,505 -Don't you? -No, I don't. 1093 01:11:48,538 --> 01:11:52,642 Well, then listen very carefully, my dear Professor. 1094 01:11:52,676 --> 01:11:57,614 When a 22-year-old girl says to an older man, "you know where the key is," 1095 01:11:57,647 --> 01:12:01,017 she knows that he knows exactly where the key is and what it opens. 1096 01:12:01,050 --> 01:12:03,953 But when she adds, "and you know when it's available," 1097 01:12:03,987 --> 01:12:08,057 she knows that he knows of a special little time and place somewhere and 1098 01:12:08,091 --> 01:12:11,461 they both know where it is, when it is, and, it pains me to add, 1099 01:12:11,495 --> 01:12:16,132 -what to do with it. -I don't know what you're getting at. 1100 01:12:16,165 --> 01:12:19,102 Exactly, what happened between you and what's-her-name? 1101 01:12:19,135 --> 01:12:20,504 -When? -Anytime. 1102 01:12:20,537 --> 01:12:22,572 -Nothing. -Then why did you say "when"? 1103 01:12:22,606 --> 01:12:25,642 Trish, you're drunk. How can you carry on like this about a relationship that's 1104 01:12:25,675 --> 01:12:27,544 not only a figment of your imagination, but that probably 1105 01:12:27,577 --> 01:12:29,546 -never even happened? -Aha! Why did you say "probably"? 1106 01:12:29,579 --> 01:12:32,949 -Oh, for God's sake! -All right, exactly what probably happened between you 1107 01:12:32,982 --> 01:12:34,951 -and what's-her-name? -Nothing! Absolutely nothing! 1108 01:12:34,984 --> 01:12:36,352 You satisfied? 1109 01:12:38,588 --> 01:12:39,856 Probably. 1110 01:12:52,469 --> 01:12:53,670 (SIGHS) 1111 01:13:01,478 --> 01:13:03,580 Adam, darling. 1112 01:13:05,048 --> 01:13:08,752 Listen to me. I do understand. Truly, I do. 1113 01:13:08,785 --> 01:13:11,521 I mean, you're a normal, healthy male. 1114 01:13:11,555 --> 01:13:16,826 You need reaffirmation of your masculinity and attractiveness. 1115 01:13:16,860 --> 01:13:19,829 My god, all men have this need. 1116 01:13:19,863 --> 01:13:24,167 It's just that I don't want to be left out of any part of your life. 1117 01:13:24,200 --> 01:13:27,704 I so desperately want to share every little bit of it. 1118 01:13:27,737 --> 01:13:30,674 -You do understand that, don't you? -Mmm-hmm. 1119 01:13:30,707 --> 01:13:35,512 Mmm. So, tell me, darling. 1120 01:13:35,545 --> 01:13:39,816 What really happened between you and what's-her-name? 1121 01:13:39,849 --> 01:13:42,819 -Hardly anything. -Hardly anything? 1122 01:13:42,852 --> 01:13:45,522 -What does that mean? -Just what it says. Hardly anything. 1123 01:13:45,555 --> 01:13:47,857 What are you all excited about? Why are you so upset? 1124 01:13:47,891 --> 01:13:50,927 Because with a 22-year-old, "hardly anything" unquestionably 1125 01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:52,862 means absolutely everything. 1126 01:13:52,896 --> 01:13:54,798 -Did she take her clothes off? -What? 1127 01:13:54,831 --> 01:13:56,566 -Did she take her clothes off? -Who? 1128 01:13:56,600 --> 01:13:58,201 Who? Your mother! 1129 01:13:58,234 --> 01:14:00,069 Who are we talking about? The readily available researcher. 1130 01:14:00,103 --> 01:14:02,706 Oh, Jesus! 1131 01:14:02,739 --> 01:14:05,575 I asked you a question! 1132 01:14:05,609 --> 01:14:07,143 -What? -Did you have an affair? 1133 01:14:07,176 --> 01:14:09,112 Did you take her to bed? Did she undress? 1134 01:14:09,145 --> 01:14:11,648 -Huh? -What did she take off? 1135 01:14:11,681 --> 01:14:15,952 -Hardly anything. -Thank you. Court adjourned. 1136 01:14:17,887 --> 01:14:19,222 Oh, Jesus. 1137 01:14:33,870 --> 01:14:36,973 -Trish... Trish, darling? -Mmm. 1138 01:14:37,006 --> 01:14:40,009 Trish, listen to me. Please, just for a moment. 1139 01:14:41,044 --> 01:14:42,579 Go away. 1140 01:14:42,612 --> 01:14:44,781 Darling, last night was insane. 1141 01:14:44,814 --> 01:14:47,584 All it adds up to is that you married someone 1142 01:14:47,617 --> 01:14:49,619 you thought was a Greek god, but then you 1143 01:14:49,653 --> 01:14:53,256 discovered that he had feet of clay, and, well, as my mother says, 1144 01:14:53,289 --> 01:14:54,691 a dallying ding-dong. 1145 01:14:55,959 --> 01:14:59,228 I do not wish to discuss ding-dongs, dallying, 1146 01:14:59,262 --> 01:15:04,834 dangling, or dingling at 6:00 in the morning! 1147 01:15:04,868 --> 01:15:08,605 (YAWNS) I've got a headache. 1148 01:15:08,638 --> 01:15:11,941 I'm going up to the Marshall skiing lodge for five days 1149 01:15:11,975 --> 01:15:15,044 to finish the manuscript, and I'm going alone. 1150 01:15:15,078 --> 01:15:19,583 Now, listen carefully. I love you, I need you. 1151 01:15:19,616 --> 01:15:23,052 More than I've ever loved or needed anyone in my life. 1152 01:15:23,086 --> 01:15:25,655 Promise me you believe that. 1153 01:15:25,689 --> 01:15:27,557 Mmm. Anything. Anything. 1154 01:15:36,633 --> 01:15:38,602 (GROANS) 1155 01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:58,688 I mean, he can be so many things. Petulant, mercurial. 1156 01:15:58,722 --> 01:16:01,257 For a wife, exasperating, for a mother, perfect. 1157 01:16:01,290 --> 01:16:02,926 I don't know which man I've married. 1158 01:16:02,959 --> 01:16:04,828 Why don't you go to someone who does? 1159 01:16:04,861 --> 01:16:06,896 -Who? -Susan. 1160 01:16:06,930 --> 01:16:10,600 -Susan is dead. -When you're charting a horse, 1161 01:16:10,634 --> 01:16:13,703 you've got to know how he'll run in all kinds of weather. 1162 01:16:13,737 --> 01:16:17,607 She kept a book on him. It's called a diary, but it was a lot more than that. 1163 01:16:17,641 --> 01:16:20,877 She really had the morning line on your boy. 1164 01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:22,912 Do you think she took it abroad with her? 1165 01:16:22,946 --> 01:16:25,348 Couldn't afford the overweight. There were volumes. 1166 01:16:25,381 --> 01:16:29,886 Probably still locked up around the house somewhere. 1167 01:16:29,919 --> 01:16:33,723 Would you excuse me? I think I have to go home and do some spring cleaning. 1168 01:16:34,924 --> 01:16:36,259 Happy hunting. 1169 01:16:57,013 --> 01:16:58,381 Oh, um, information, could you give me 1170 01:16:58,414 --> 01:17:00,316 a number of a local taxi service please. 1171 01:17:11,928 --> 01:17:14,764 Care to talk about it, Mrs. W? 1172 01:17:14,798 --> 01:17:18,167 -Sorry? -You seem kind of troubled. You know, 1173 01:17:18,201 --> 01:17:20,870 a little nervous, kind of agitated-like. You get the picture? 1174 01:17:20,904 --> 01:17:23,372 Well, Mr. Reilly, could it be that whatever it is, 1175 01:17:23,406 --> 01:17:25,709 -it's none of your business? -Oh, sure. 1176 01:17:25,742 --> 01:17:27,844 It could work out that way. 1177 01:17:27,877 --> 01:17:30,246 But it's a shame to see a fellow person in trouble, you know, 1178 01:17:30,279 --> 01:17:33,950 agitated in this kind of atmosphere where peace and serenity 1179 01:17:33,983 --> 01:17:37,086 reign supreme, and man reaches out to man. 1180 01:17:37,120 --> 01:17:39,789 -Could you close this partition, please? -It's not workin'. 1181 01:17:41,424 --> 01:17:45,294 See, that's what brought me up here. The quest for peace and serenity. 1182 01:17:45,328 --> 01:17:47,430 You should see where I come from. 1183 01:17:47,463 --> 01:17:51,768 It's a jungle, a cesspool, teeming with hatred and ethnicity. 1184 01:17:51,801 --> 01:17:53,903 -Are you sure this thing doesn't work? -Positive. 1185 01:17:53,937 --> 01:17:55,939 A lot of people try it. 1186 01:17:55,972 --> 01:17:58,708 See, it's terrible down in them cities. 1187 01:17:58,742 --> 01:18:02,946 Filthy, grimy, bloody, violent. You think my name is Reilly? 1188 01:18:02,979 --> 01:18:05,915 -Actually, I haven't given it much thought. -Naw, it ain't Reilly. 1189 01:18:05,949 --> 01:18:09,385 I'm an Italian. But I was raised next to an Irish neighborhood, 1190 01:18:09,418 --> 01:18:11,921 and if I hadn't changed my name, I couldn't have got home from school 1191 01:18:11,955 --> 01:18:14,290 with both my arms without the national guard. 1192 01:18:14,323 --> 01:18:16,926 Mr. Reilly. This may come as something of a shock, 1193 01:18:16,960 --> 01:18:21,064 but your childhood does not hold one shred of enchantment for me. 1194 01:18:21,097 --> 01:18:24,333 It didn't for me, either. I tell you. After I grew up in New York, 1195 01:18:24,367 --> 01:18:28,171 I drove a hack for 10 years. But it was like guerrillas' warfare 1196 01:18:28,204 --> 01:18:31,775 with real gorillas. I couldn't take it! So I moved up to Boston. 1197 01:18:31,808 --> 01:18:34,477 But it was the same thing over there. I promise you, in Boston, 1198 01:18:34,510 --> 01:18:36,245 if you're Irish and you commit a murder, 1199 01:18:36,279 --> 01:18:38,381 you get sentenced to 30 days at Harvard. 1200 01:18:38,414 --> 01:18:41,317 If you're Italian, you get arrested for carrying concealed sandwiches. 1201 01:18:41,350 --> 01:18:43,987 Mr. Reilly, I'm sure your motives were totally admirable. 1202 01:18:44,020 --> 01:18:46,189 Do you think we could talk about them some other time? 1203 01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:47,356 -Why, sure! -Thank you. 1204 01:18:47,390 --> 01:18:49,926 Anytime. Maybe on the way back. 1205 01:18:49,959 --> 01:18:52,829 -No. -Listen, do you believe in what Gorki said about 1206 01:18:52,862 --> 01:18:58,134 Mr. Reilly, the only thing I believe in at this moment is silence. 1207 01:18:58,167 --> 01:19:01,470 -Do you mind? -No! And I'm with you on that. 1208 01:19:01,504 --> 01:19:04,240 I don't like people who talk too much. You know what I mean? 1209 01:19:04,273 --> 01:19:08,744 I certainly do. And, incidentally, the light has changed. 1210 01:19:17,286 --> 01:19:19,388 -Would you wait for me, please? -Certainly. 1211 01:19:19,422 --> 01:19:23,292 As long as the meter is running, you can take all the time you want. 1212 01:19:23,326 --> 01:19:26,195 I'm buying myself a condominium in the south of France. 1213 01:19:38,441 --> 01:19:41,945 Your highness! Entrez-vous ! 1214 01:19:41,978 --> 01:19:43,346 You're just in time for lunch. 1215 01:19:43,379 --> 01:19:47,150 Uh, I'm, uh, not hungry, thank you. 1216 01:19:47,183 --> 01:19:51,454 Neither am I. Thank you. Not at all. 1217 01:19:51,487 --> 01:19:56,926 How about a little drink? You want some bourbon, some scotch, something like that? 1218 01:19:56,960 --> 01:19:59,428 I don't know. I got an idea. Why don't we, um, why don't I 1219 01:19:59,462 --> 01:20:04,868 just lift up that fire out there, and, uh, I've got a nice, soft rug. 1220 01:20:04,901 --> 01:20:08,004 We'll put the rug down. We'll take off all our clothes, and, uh... 1221 01:20:08,037 --> 01:20:11,074 Well, not all of them, because it's always great if you leave something on. 1222 01:20:11,107 --> 01:20:13,309 -Shut up! -What's the matter? 1223 01:20:15,378 --> 01:20:19,215 Five days you've been here. Five days. You haven't written a word. 1224 01:20:19,248 --> 01:20:22,852 -Don't tell Lenny. -Not for five days, not for five months, perhaps not for 1225 01:20:22,886 --> 01:20:25,388 five years, but certainly not since you met me. 1226 01:20:27,323 --> 01:20:29,425 From the moment we became lovers, 1227 01:20:29,458 --> 01:20:31,194 I ceased to be a woman for you, didn't I? 1228 01:20:31,227 --> 01:20:33,396 I became some sort of sexual therapy. 1229 01:20:33,429 --> 01:20:35,498 A release, an escape from tension. 1230 01:20:35,531 --> 01:20:37,100 Oh, were you ever! 1231 01:20:39,535 --> 01:20:42,338 -Why did you do that for? -What did you marry me for? You don't want a wife. 1232 01:20:42,371 --> 01:20:46,109 You need some sort of playmate. Anyone. Anyone will do, just as long 1233 01:20:46,142 --> 01:20:48,177 as they'll keep you company, stop you looking in the mirror to 1234 01:20:48,211 --> 01:20:51,180 -see who you really are. -And who may I ask might that be? 1235 01:20:51,214 --> 01:20:53,950 How the hell will I know? All I know is if there is no convenient 1236 01:20:53,983 --> 01:20:57,153 body around, then a bottle will do. They are both guarantees that 1237 01:20:57,186 --> 01:21:00,924 your work, tra-la, will never be finished. 1238 01:21:00,957 --> 01:21:04,093 -Hey, Let's not start getting personal, huh? -Oh, let's get personal. 1239 01:21:04,127 --> 01:21:08,031 I mean, let's get really personal. Your work will never be finished, 1240 01:21:08,064 --> 01:21:10,900 and another thing is you are incapable of finishing it. 1241 01:21:10,934 --> 01:21:12,401 Yeah? Where'd you get that bright idea? 1242 01:21:12,435 --> 01:21:14,403 From a lady who knew you very well. 1243 01:21:14,437 --> 01:21:17,240 -Susan Watson. -Oh, did you, now? 1244 01:21:17,273 --> 01:21:20,609 Remember her? She was the one before me. And she wrote, 1245 01:21:20,643 --> 01:21:24,380 "Adam will never finish his book." It's her diary. "Adam will never 1246 01:21:24,413 --> 01:21:28,117 "finish his book. Because to do so and gain tenure at Winchester." 1247 01:21:28,151 --> 01:21:33,422 is to confirm his own deep feelings of personal mediocrity." 1248 01:21:33,456 --> 01:21:35,691 There's your goddamn book! 1249 01:21:35,724 --> 01:21:41,064 Typical. Childish, totally pointless. The point being that you have 1250 01:21:41,097 --> 01:21:45,501 reached the end of your own particular line. There will be no Harvard, 1251 01:21:45,534 --> 01:21:50,606 no Yale, no Princeton. Merely tenure at Winchester. 1252 01:21:50,639 --> 01:21:53,076 A second-rate ivy-league school, 1253 01:21:53,109 --> 01:21:55,979 far below what Jemmy had planned for you. 1254 01:21:56,012 --> 01:21:58,714 And to let down good old mother earth 1255 01:21:58,747 --> 01:22:01,717 is a failure punishable only by death. 1256 01:22:01,750 --> 01:22:05,054 I'll tell you something. You're both full of crap. All three of you. 1257 01:22:05,088 --> 01:22:07,723 I wish that were true, but you are going to have to find yourself another 1258 01:22:07,756 --> 01:22:12,161 -little playmate, because I am leaving the playpen. -Ta-ta, Miss fish-and-chips, 1259 01:22:12,195 --> 01:22:15,198 and welcome to the world of 22-year-olds, 'cause that's 1260 01:22:15,231 --> 01:22:18,101 what you're gonna find out there, and I'll tell you something, 1261 01:22:18,134 --> 01:22:22,205 you're not 22 now, you never will be 22, and you probably never 1262 01:22:22,238 --> 01:22:24,273 were 22, so good luck! 1263 01:22:26,209 --> 01:22:27,743 You are a son of a bitch. 1264 01:22:27,776 --> 01:22:30,513 That's right, and I got five fathers to prove it. 1265 01:22:30,546 --> 01:22:33,382 Hey, Trish, Trish. Don't go, please, please, please. 1266 01:22:33,416 --> 01:22:37,420 -Please, don't go. I need you. -Really? 1267 01:22:37,453 --> 01:22:41,424 -I'll kill myself. -Oh, come on. You've already killed the man I married. 1268 01:22:41,457 --> 01:22:43,392 Don't go through it all again. 1269 01:22:57,340 --> 01:22:58,641 (ENGINE STARTING) 1270 01:23:08,384 --> 01:23:10,119 Where to, Mrs. Watson? 1271 01:23:10,153 --> 01:23:14,057 Just take me home, and silently. 1272 01:23:14,090 --> 01:23:18,594 Very well, but I think you're depriving yourself of a very sympathetic ear. 1273 01:23:18,627 --> 01:23:21,564 It's not the ear that worries me, Mr. Reilly, it's the mouth. 1274 01:23:23,399 --> 01:23:25,201 Boy, is this a lonely job. 1275 01:24:01,804 --> 01:24:05,074 TRICIA: would you come back for me in about an hour, Mr. Reilly, please. 1276 01:24:05,108 --> 01:24:06,809 Certainly. By then, 1277 01:24:06,842 --> 01:24:09,778 you'll be all packed and ready to go to the airport, right? 1278 01:24:09,812 --> 01:24:13,416 Probably have your tickets all set, ain't so? 1279 01:24:13,449 --> 01:24:16,352 Then you'll probably be met by somebody in Europe, because 1280 01:24:16,385 --> 01:24:18,421 the way I got it figured, you're goin' back to Europe. 1281 01:24:18,454 --> 01:24:20,356 Isn't that about it, Mrs. Watson? 1282 01:24:22,125 --> 01:24:24,393 -Is there another cab driver in this town? -No. 1283 01:24:25,528 --> 01:24:27,530 Is there a cab driver in Hillborough? 1284 01:24:27,563 --> 01:24:31,467 Yes, but you wouldn't like him. He asks too many questions. 1285 01:24:31,500 --> 01:24:33,136 Be back in about an hour. 1286 01:25:01,630 --> 01:25:02,865 (GIGGLING) 1287 01:26:08,731 --> 01:26:10,299 Jesus Christ! 1288 01:26:24,380 --> 01:26:28,351 You bastard. You childish bastard. 1289 01:26:37,260 --> 01:26:39,462 Mr. Reilly, could you come for the bags, please? 1290 01:26:39,495 --> 01:26:40,863 REILLY: My pleasure, Mrs. W. 1291 01:26:57,880 --> 01:26:59,982 Now, if I take the road through the campus, we're gonna run 1292 01:27:00,015 --> 01:27:02,951 through a lot of traffic. But if I go around by Bernstein's bookstore, 1293 01:27:02,985 --> 01:27:05,388 we'll do much better. But either way, I'm gonna get you to your 1294 01:27:05,421 --> 01:27:07,390 -plane on time. Don't worry. -Mmm. 1295 01:27:07,423 --> 01:27:09,492 Hey, what's that motor doing running in the garage like that? 1296 01:27:10,693 --> 01:27:11,860 Oh, that's just my husband. 1297 01:27:11,894 --> 01:27:13,696 He's committing suicide. Excuse me. 1298 01:27:13,729 --> 01:27:16,299 (LAUGHS) 1299 01:27:16,332 --> 01:27:19,768 I'll tell you something about the professor. He's got some sense of humor. 1300 01:27:19,802 --> 01:27:21,737 You're gonna miss out on a lot of laughs, Mrs. W. 1301 01:27:21,770 --> 01:27:23,406 I'll manage that, Mr. Reilly. 1302 01:27:23,439 --> 01:27:25,608 On the drive to the airport, whichever route you choose, 1303 01:27:25,641 --> 01:27:28,844 not one single word. Understood? 1304 01:27:28,877 --> 01:27:30,979 Say no more. 1305 01:27:31,013 --> 01:27:34,850 But this could've been a purifyin' and edifyin' experience for ya. 1306 01:27:34,883 --> 01:27:37,753 Look, why don't you just consider me as if was a priest 1307 01:27:37,786 --> 01:27:39,788 who charges 50 cents a mile, huh? 1308 01:27:43,058 --> 01:27:46,529 All right. You go to your church, I'll go to mine. 1309 01:27:56,004 --> 01:27:59,808 Mrs. W, what I'm gonna say to you now might not be purifyin', edifyin', 1310 01:27:59,842 --> 01:28:04,747 or good for the soul, but you owe me $17.35. 1311 01:28:07,683 --> 01:28:09,385 Have a good day. 1312 01:28:09,418 --> 01:28:13,956 Oh, they still makin' these? You got a good one here! 1313 01:28:15,758 --> 01:28:18,361 Now I can buy that motor home I've always dreamed about. 1314 01:28:20,796 --> 01:28:24,099 -Which airline, lady? -Uh, Allegheny. For Kennedy. 1315 01:28:24,132 --> 01:28:25,834 My god, that window was closed! 1316 01:28:25,868 --> 01:28:27,069 Beg pardon? 1317 01:28:27,102 --> 01:28:29,672 That window was closed! He's killing himself! 1318 01:28:29,705 --> 01:28:30,806 We all are, lady. 1319 01:28:34,076 --> 01:28:37,913 Mr. Reilly! Mr. Reilly! 1320 01:28:37,946 --> 01:28:39,482 Can you whistle? 1321 01:28:39,515 --> 01:28:41,817 -Only with my fingers. -Then please, stop that cab! 1322 01:28:41,850 --> 01:28:43,318 (WHISTLING) 1323 01:28:44,887 --> 01:28:46,088 Come on! 1324 01:28:48,957 --> 01:28:53,729 Look now, Mrs. W, you really look like you have a need to talk about it. 1325 01:28:53,762 --> 01:28:57,833 Mr. Reilly, what I really need is for you just to belt up, okay? 1326 01:28:57,866 --> 01:28:59,902 "Belt up"? I take it that's an English expression. 1327 01:28:59,935 --> 01:29:01,937 Mr. Reilly, shut up. 1328 01:29:05,040 --> 01:29:08,411 Fine way to talk to a priest. 1329 01:29:08,444 --> 01:29:11,380 "Belt up." Probably two words hyphenated, huh? 1330 01:29:11,414 --> 01:29:12,581 Interesting. 1331 01:29:12,615 --> 01:29:14,349 (TIRES SCREECH) 1332 01:29:25,193 --> 01:29:28,864 -Mr. Reilly, help me, please! -Oh, my God! 1333 01:29:28,897 --> 01:29:33,569 This is for real! Here, let me try. 1334 01:29:33,602 --> 01:29:34,903 I'll get the thingamajig. 1335 01:29:36,171 --> 01:29:37,773 And get the paramedics! 1336 01:29:39,908 --> 01:29:41,644 Bloody thing! 1337 01:29:45,981 --> 01:29:48,551 (COUGHING) 1338 01:29:48,584 --> 01:29:52,120 Go open a window. I'll turn off the exhaust and get him out of here. 1339 01:29:52,154 --> 01:29:53,756 Come on. 1340 01:29:53,789 --> 01:29:55,123 (GLASS BREAKING) 1341 01:29:57,025 --> 01:29:58,661 (TRICIA COUGHING) 1342 01:30:04,199 --> 01:30:06,935 -Is he alive? -I don't know. 1343 01:30:06,969 --> 01:30:09,171 -Did you call the paramedics? -No. 1344 01:30:09,204 --> 01:30:11,774 Mr. Reilly, they don't give tenure 1345 01:30:11,807 --> 01:30:13,976 to people who try to kill themselves, okay? 1346 01:30:14,009 --> 01:30:15,911 All right. We'll keep it in the family. 1347 01:30:15,944 --> 01:30:17,813 Give him some mouth-to-mouth here. 1348 01:30:22,851 --> 01:30:24,787 No, no. You gotta keep his neck up and his head down. 1349 01:30:24,820 --> 01:30:26,922 -What? -Neck up, head down. 1350 01:30:32,595 --> 01:30:35,798 Look, I gotta do this. You're gonna kill this guy savin' his life. 1351 01:30:35,831 --> 01:30:38,667 -Do you know how? -I was a New York cab driver. 1352 01:30:38,701 --> 01:30:41,770 I can deliver babies, remove bullets, and in a pinch, do a little 1353 01:30:41,804 --> 01:30:43,806 root-canal work. If you don't mind. 1354 01:30:46,141 --> 01:30:48,443 Okay, baby, here we go. 1355 01:30:52,147 --> 01:30:55,851 Breathe, please. Just breathe. 1356 01:30:57,886 --> 01:30:59,822 Well, is there anything? 1357 01:30:59,855 --> 01:31:02,491 He ain't gonna swim the channel or anything, but he's breathin'. 1358 01:31:02,525 --> 01:31:05,861 Let's get him inside. Oh, wait a minute. 1359 01:31:05,894 --> 01:31:08,997 -I got a bad back! -We'll use the trolley. 1360 01:31:11,133 --> 01:31:15,504 Oh, yeah. Put him on this. Roll him over. 1361 01:31:15,538 --> 01:31:19,141 -Slide this under him. -That's it. Come on, Mrs. W, turn him over. Yeah. 1362 01:31:20,275 --> 01:31:23,045 -Here we go. -Here we go. 1363 01:31:23,078 --> 01:31:26,782 Goin' for a little ride, Prof. Keep pullin'. That's right. 1364 01:31:27,683 --> 01:31:28,784 Come on, Mrs. W. 1365 01:31:28,817 --> 01:31:29,785 -(BARKING) -REILLY: Shut up! 1366 01:31:31,319 --> 01:31:33,021 (GRUNTS) 1367 01:31:35,691 --> 01:31:37,526 (GROANING) 1368 01:31:37,560 --> 01:31:39,127 Okay. Okay. 1369 01:31:40,696 --> 01:31:42,497 (BARKING) 1370 01:31:46,869 --> 01:31:49,738 -He must've had a big lunch. -Bring him in here. We'll put him on the sofa. 1371 01:31:51,039 --> 01:31:55,210 -Don't drop him. -Wipe your feet, please. Okay? 1372 01:32:00,048 --> 01:32:03,018 -The sofa's in here. -Hey, here. 1373 01:32:03,719 --> 01:32:05,120 (PEPPY BARKING) 1374 01:32:10,759 --> 01:32:14,863 Shut up, Peppy! Shut up! 1375 01:32:14,897 --> 01:32:16,198 (CONTINUES BARKING) 1376 01:32:16,231 --> 01:32:18,033 -Belt up! -(WHINING) 1377 01:32:19,367 --> 01:32:21,804 Must have a little English terrier in him. 1378 01:32:21,837 --> 01:32:26,675 Breathe. Breathe deeply! In, out 1379 01:32:26,709 --> 01:32:30,913 Mrs. W, I think you ought to turn that off and get a little shot 1380 01:32:30,946 --> 01:32:34,650 -of whiskey here, huh, for the professor? -That's a good idea. 1381 01:32:34,683 --> 01:32:37,953 Come on, Professor. Come on! Come on, wake up! 1382 01:32:37,986 --> 01:32:41,089 Come on. Come on, get out of it. Come on, you can wake up. 1383 01:32:41,123 --> 01:32:44,893 Come on. Come on! Come on! Professor! 1384 01:32:44,927 --> 01:32:49,564 Sit him up, please. I can't lift him. If you can just... 1385 01:32:50,699 --> 01:32:52,067 Okay. 1386 01:32:52,100 --> 01:32:54,202 Okay. Okay. 1387 01:32:54,236 --> 01:32:58,206 Now, just try and pour... Come on. 1388 01:32:58,240 --> 01:33:01,944 Oh, swallow! Please, please, swallow! 1389 01:33:01,977 --> 01:33:04,246 -This is not going to work! -No, it ain't. 1390 01:33:05,113 --> 01:33:06,815 Come on, wake up. 1391 01:33:08,283 --> 01:33:09,952 (COUGHS) 1392 01:33:09,985 --> 01:33:12,254 Come on, let's get him on his feet, start him walkin'. 1393 01:33:14,823 --> 01:33:17,960 All right, on the count of three. All right, Mrs. W.? 1394 01:33:17,993 --> 01:33:20,328 One, two, three. Up! 1395 01:33:21,329 --> 01:33:23,866 (GROANS) 1396 01:33:23,899 --> 01:33:25,734 -Come on. -Well, he ain't walkin'. 1397 01:33:25,768 --> 01:33:26,969 Is he breathing? 1398 01:33:27,736 --> 01:33:29,104 Better than me. 1399 01:33:29,838 --> 01:33:30,839 (GROANS) 1400 01:33:30,873 --> 01:33:32,374 What are you doing? 1401 01:33:32,407 --> 01:33:37,079 Don't do that! Ah! Oh! 1402 01:33:37,112 --> 01:33:39,848 Mrs. W, we better get him under a cold shower 1403 01:33:39,882 --> 01:33:42,084 before he kills the both of us. You got one downstairs? 1404 01:33:42,117 --> 01:33:43,351 No. 1405 01:33:43,385 --> 01:33:46,021 No problem. We'll take him right up. 1406 01:33:46,054 --> 01:33:49,091 Come on. Come on, Prof. Give me a hand there, will ya? 1407 01:33:50,325 --> 01:33:52,761 That's it! All right. Now, just follow me. 1408 01:33:54,429 --> 01:33:56,665 We're gonna put him on my back, all right? 1409 01:33:56,699 --> 01:33:57,900 Okay. 1410 01:33:59,034 --> 01:34:01,136 Okay. That's it. 1411 01:34:02,070 --> 01:34:03,739 (GRUNTING) 1412 01:34:06,174 --> 01:34:09,144 -Okay, left. -Okay, left! 1413 01:34:09,177 --> 01:34:10,879 Ow! -More left! 1414 01:34:10,913 --> 01:34:14,149 -More left! -A little more now. 1415 01:34:14,182 --> 01:34:17,052 -There we go. That's good, see? -Straight. 1416 01:34:17,085 --> 01:34:18,386 There we go. 1417 01:34:19,321 --> 01:34:22,157 -Can you see the stairs? -Yeah. 1418 01:34:22,190 --> 01:34:26,228 -Go straight up, and then I'll direct you again. -All right. 1419 01:34:27,896 --> 01:34:30,165 -(GROANS) -(SIGHS) 1420 01:34:30,933 --> 01:34:32,267 Here we go. 1421 01:34:32,300 --> 01:34:34,302 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 1422 01:34:34,336 --> 01:34:37,272 -Oh, Christ. -Phone's ringin', Mrs. W. 1423 01:34:42,144 --> 01:34:44,446 Keep going. I'm going to have to... 1424 01:34:45,948 --> 01:34:47,916 -Oh, boy! -Hello? 1425 01:34:47,950 --> 01:34:50,018 Oh, hello, Mrs. Bryce! 1426 01:34:50,052 --> 01:34:54,056 How are you? Yes. Yes, he's back. He's just fine. 1427 01:34:54,089 --> 01:34:57,459 What? Uh, the 17th? I'll just find out. 1428 01:34:57,492 --> 01:35:01,797 Hold on, would you? Darling? Are we free on the 17th? 1429 01:35:01,830 --> 01:35:03,799 -(GRUNTING) Yes! -Hello? 1430 01:35:03,832 --> 01:35:05,200 Yes, that would be fine, Mrs. Bryce. 1431 01:35:05,233 --> 01:35:08,370 Thank you very much. Uh, 7:30? 1432 01:35:08,403 --> 01:35:12,207 Informal? Oh, good. We look forward to it. Bye. See you then. 1433 01:35:12,240 --> 01:35:15,944 Turn left, Mr. Reilly, turn left and it's just straight on. 1434 01:35:15,978 --> 01:35:19,481 When you get through the door, sharp turn right. Not too sharp. 1435 01:35:19,514 --> 01:35:21,917 -We don't want to break his leg. -Okay. 1436 01:35:24,052 --> 01:35:28,290 -All right, Mrs. W, put his feet in the tub. -Okay. 1437 01:35:28,323 --> 01:35:30,258 Feet in the tub. 1438 01:35:30,292 --> 01:35:33,028 TRICIA: Okay, his feet are in the tub. REILLY: Okay. 1439 01:35:35,263 --> 01:35:38,033 -I've got him. He's slipping. -Put him in the corner! 1440 01:35:38,066 --> 01:35:39,234 Put him in the corner! 1441 01:35:39,267 --> 01:35:41,937 -I got him. -Here, I got him. 1442 01:35:41,970 --> 01:35:44,406 -Get him in the corner. -Okay. Whoa! 1443 01:35:45,974 --> 01:35:49,211 -One, two, three. That's it. -Okay, hold him there. 1444 01:35:49,244 --> 01:35:51,413 -Now. -Okay, turn the water on. 1445 01:35:51,446 --> 01:35:55,417 -Oh, boy. -Wait! Wait! wait! Wait, wait. 1446 01:35:55,450 --> 01:35:57,519 Well, I've packed all my other clothes. 1447 01:35:57,552 --> 01:35:58,821 Okay, all right. 1448 01:35:58,854 --> 01:36:00,956 -Okay. -Okay. 1449 01:36:00,989 --> 01:36:04,860 Aah! Aah! Aah! Okay, come on! Come on, Professor! 1450 01:36:04,893 --> 01:36:09,097 Breathe! You can come out of it! Breathe! Breathe! 1451 01:36:09,131 --> 01:36:12,267 -You can do it! Come out of it! -Is he breathing? 1452 01:36:12,300 --> 01:36:15,070 Yeah. (COUGHS) Yeah! 1453 01:36:15,103 --> 01:36:17,072 -He's comin' out of it! Come on! -Oh, we did it! 1454 01:36:17,105 --> 01:36:19,274 Yeah! We did it! We did it! 1455 01:36:19,307 --> 01:36:20,909 (LAUGHING) 1456 01:36:21,977 --> 01:36:25,013 Come on! Whoops! 1457 01:36:25,047 --> 01:36:28,083 Whoa! Okay Open your eyes, please! 1458 01:36:28,116 --> 01:36:30,152 How many fingers? (LAUGHING) 1459 01:36:32,454 --> 01:36:35,357 Boy, it's a good thing he come out of it, or your guilt would've been terrible. 1460 01:36:35,390 --> 01:36:36,558 -Unendurable. -My guilt? 1461 01:36:36,591 --> 01:36:37,792 Sure! 1462 01:36:39,594 --> 01:36:42,597 I been guilty all my life. I'm telling you the truth. 1463 01:36:42,630 --> 01:36:45,033 -It started out when I was born. -Don't let him drown. 1464 01:36:45,067 --> 01:36:48,270 No, I won't. I was guilty about givin' my mother too much pain, 1465 01:36:48,303 --> 01:36:50,505 'cause I was an 11-pound baby with long fingernails. 1466 01:36:50,538 --> 01:36:53,341 -Oh, come on! -Let's get him out of here, get him walkin'. 1467 01:36:54,009 --> 01:36:55,543 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1468 01:36:55,577 --> 01:36:57,980 -Come on, Professor. -Lift your feet. 1469 01:36:58,013 --> 01:37:00,615 -Lift your feet. -Boy, am I glad you don't have to go through that whole 1470 01:37:00,648 --> 01:37:03,385 -guilt thing. -Well, guilt is not my problem. 1471 01:37:03,418 --> 01:37:05,921 -Catching my plane is. -What plane? 1472 01:37:05,954 --> 01:37:07,923 My plane to London. 1473 01:37:07,956 --> 01:37:09,992 -Wait a minute. You're gonna leave him again? -I certainly am. 1474 01:37:10,025 --> 01:37:12,961 -You're gonna walk out on him after all of this? -Absolutely. 1475 01:37:14,329 --> 01:37:16,331 Boy, are you gonna feel guilty. 1476 01:37:16,364 --> 01:37:19,234 I'll worry about it on the plane. Please, walk! 1477 01:37:23,471 --> 01:37:27,075 What did you wake me up for? I was having the most wonderful dream. 1478 01:37:27,109 --> 01:37:30,078 Beautiful. I dreamt I finished all my homework, and my mother didn't 1479 01:37:30,112 --> 01:37:32,080 -even ask to see it. -(HORN HONKS) 1480 01:37:35,017 --> 01:37:37,519 I'll be right out, Mr. Reilly. 1481 01:37:37,552 --> 01:37:40,288 If you were going to leave, why did you come back? 1482 01:37:40,322 --> 01:37:43,025 Well, I didn't actually want to see you dead. 1483 01:37:43,058 --> 01:37:45,393 Just because, I can no longer live with you is no reason for you 1484 01:37:45,427 --> 01:37:49,264 to stop living. Okay. 1485 01:37:51,066 --> 01:37:53,635 I guess you were right, Trish. 1486 01:37:53,668 --> 01:37:56,438 I guess we should have gotten to know each other better before we 1487 01:37:56,471 --> 01:37:59,908 committed ourselves to this condition of... How did you say it? 1488 01:37:59,942 --> 01:38:02,377 -"Unrelenting permanency"? -Mmm. 1489 01:38:03,678 --> 01:38:08,016 -Ta-ta, princess. -Author! Author! 1490 01:38:11,486 --> 01:38:13,288 Goodbye. 1491 01:38:53,428 --> 01:38:55,597 And thank you. 1492 01:38:55,630 --> 01:38:57,966 You notice how I didn't say one word the whole trip? 1493 01:38:58,000 --> 01:39:02,537 -Noticed and appreciated. -Well, I'm just gonna say this one thing. 1494 01:39:02,570 --> 01:39:05,107 Mrs. W, I got a lot of extra time on my hands, and I spend it 1495 01:39:05,140 --> 01:39:08,076 all in the college library reading. Mostly philosophers. 1496 01:39:08,110 --> 01:39:10,712 -Mr. Reilly, I think I've lost my air ticket. -I love philosophers. 1497 01:39:10,745 --> 01:39:12,414 I read 'em all. 1498 01:39:12,447 --> 01:39:17,152 Aristotle, Schopenhauer, Plato, Nietzsche, Kant, Hagel, 1499 01:39:17,185 --> 01:39:20,122 Bergson, Bertrand Russell, Ernest Becker. 1500 01:39:20,155 --> 01:39:22,190 You name 'em, I've read 'em. 1501 01:39:22,224 --> 01:39:26,128 And shall I give you a distillation, a quintessence 1502 01:39:26,161 --> 01:39:29,664 of their well-thought-out evaluation of this life we live? 1503 01:39:29,697 --> 01:39:33,235 -Okay. -It's a crock of shit, Mrs. W. 1504 01:39:34,736 --> 01:39:36,471 But it's all we got. 1505 01:39:39,241 --> 01:39:41,443 Keep that in mind next time around. 1506 01:39:44,579 --> 01:39:46,481 Thank you, Mr. Reilly. 1507 01:39:49,084 --> 01:39:52,120 Oh, I'm going to miss my plane! Oh! 1508 01:39:57,559 --> 01:40:00,428 Look at this line! I'm never going to catch this damn plane! 1509 01:40:01,563 --> 01:40:02,997 (GROANS) 1510 01:40:22,184 --> 01:40:24,286 Uh... (CLEARS THROAT) 1511 01:40:24,319 --> 01:40:27,122 Could I borrow your fingers again, please? 1512 01:40:27,155 --> 01:40:30,158 -Sure. They ain't doin' me no good. -Thank you. 1513 01:40:42,570 --> 01:40:43,805 Thank you. 1514 01:40:43,838 --> 01:40:45,607 You're welcome. I'll take the bags in. 1515 01:40:45,640 --> 01:40:48,076 No, no. Just dump. Leave them on the porch. 1516 01:40:48,110 --> 01:40:50,178 -Can you handle the key all right? -Yep. 1517 01:40:50,212 --> 01:40:51,746 -Are you sure I can't help you? -No. 1518 01:40:51,779 --> 01:40:53,748 Maybe I could take the dog for a walk. 1519 01:40:53,781 --> 01:40:55,483 Mr. Reilly. 1520 01:40:55,517 --> 01:40:58,486 -Go away, please. -Sure. 1521 01:40:58,520 --> 01:41:00,088 Give me a call in the morning, will you? 1522 01:41:00,122 --> 01:41:01,523 I'd like to hear how it all comes out. 1523 01:41:09,431 --> 01:41:10,832 (TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING) 1524 01:42:00,348 --> 01:42:01,649 (CLEARING THROAT) 1525 01:42:19,367 --> 01:42:21,203 Hello, mother? 1526 01:42:21,236 --> 01:42:23,705 I want you to listen very carefully, because there's something 1527 01:42:23,738 --> 01:42:25,907 I've been wanting to tell you for a long time. 1528 01:42:25,940 --> 01:42:29,844 From the time I was born, you've made incredible sacrifices for me, 1529 01:42:29,877 --> 01:42:33,348 gone through hardships and deprivations, all for me. 1530 01:42:33,381 --> 01:42:36,384 You've done everything, given everything that a woman like you 1531 01:42:36,418 --> 01:42:39,221 can do or give to a son. 1532 01:42:39,254 --> 01:42:41,589 And now you know what I'd like you to do? 1533 01:42:41,623 --> 01:42:44,292 -I'd like you to go and... -Hi, Jemmy. 1534 01:42:44,326 --> 01:42:48,563 Uh, listen, uh, sorry, uh, listen, Jemmy. What he was about to say was 1535 01:42:48,596 --> 01:42:52,867 would you please go and find uh, as many cups and plates and saucers 1536 01:42:52,900 --> 01:42:56,338 as you possibly can, preferably wholesale, because the damn dog's 1537 01:42:56,371 --> 01:42:58,973 gone mad and broken every single dish in the house. 1538 01:42:59,006 --> 01:43:01,543 Absolutely, every single dish. I don't know. Some sort of brainstorm. 1539 01:43:01,576 --> 01:43:05,780 Oh, and all the ashtrays and everything and the carpet and the table. 1540 01:43:05,813 --> 01:43:07,682 Listen, Jem, I've had a marvelous idea. 1541 01:43:07,715 --> 01:43:09,917 Why don't you come up this weekend? 1542 01:43:09,951 --> 01:43:12,220 Well, because we'd both love to see you, and I'd like some help 1543 01:43:12,254 --> 01:43:14,356 with the carpet. Would you? 1544 01:43:16,023 --> 01:43:17,559 I mean, would that be all right? 1545 01:43:17,592 --> 01:43:20,628 I could meet you at the airport. Is that okay? 1546 01:43:20,662 --> 01:43:22,897 I'd love to. 1547 01:43:22,930 --> 01:43:25,967 Oh, that's marvelous, Jem. That's really terrific. Okay, well, I'll see you then. 1548 01:43:26,000 --> 01:43:28,570 Fine. Okay. Yeah, great. Bye.