1 00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:07,963 [Bob James' Angelaplaying] 2 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:10,966 [light jazz music] 3 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:16,885 ♪♪ 4 00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:19,888 [funky jazz music] 5 00:00:19,932 --> 00:00:27,853 ♪♪ 6 00:00:53,183 --> 00:00:54,097 - Taxi! 7 00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,272 [whistles] 8 00:00:55,315 --> 00:00:57,012 Taxi! 9 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:11,157 Take this cab to Cuba. 10 00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:14,117 [laughing] 11 00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:21,646 Did you hear that? 12 00:01:21,689 --> 00:01:26,041 I said Cuba, like--like a hijack. 13 00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:31,264 God, life. I love it! 14 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:33,570 Don't you love it? 15 00:01:33,614 --> 00:01:36,269 Don't you love life, driver? 16 00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:37,618 - No, we're just good friends. 17 00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,011 Where to? 18 00:01:39,054 --> 00:01:40,752 - Well, where do you want to go now, Jill? 19 00:01:40,795 --> 00:01:42,145 You want to go to a show? 20 00:01:42,188 --> 00:01:43,798 You want to go out dancing? 21 00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:46,105 - 754 West 23rd street. 22 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:49,195 - Seven... that's where you live. 23 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:50,414 - Yes, it is. 24 00:01:50,457 --> 00:01:52,198 - Aha. 25 00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:55,245 You mean you want to go to...your place. 26 00:01:55,288 --> 00:01:57,116 - Desperately. 27 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,379 - You heard her. - I heard her. 28 00:02:00,989 --> 00:02:03,557 - Oh, wasn't that a great restaurant? 29 00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,472 Especially nice when you can share it 30 00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:06,473 with someone you like. 31 00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:09,346 - It must be. 32 00:02:09,389 --> 00:02:11,086 - You know, uh... 33 00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:12,827 there are those who claim oysters 34 00:02:12,871 --> 00:02:15,352 to be an aphrodisiac. 35 00:02:15,395 --> 00:02:16,396 - Let me out here. 36 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,311 - It's not the-- 37 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:19,573 It's not the address you gave me. 38 00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:20,574 - Yeah, I want to walk. 39 00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:21,793 I need some air. 40 00:02:21,836 --> 00:02:23,055 - You--you can't get out here. 41 00:02:23,098 --> 00:02:24,883 This is a terrible part of town. 42 00:02:24,926 --> 00:02:26,928 - He's right, you know. You can get killed in this neighborhood. 43 00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,365 - Well, in that case, let him out. 44 00:02:28,408 --> 00:02:30,497 - Huh? 45 00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:33,586 - Did I say something to offend you tonight? 46 00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:35,459 - Everything after hello. 47 00:02:35,502 --> 00:02:37,722 - Please, Jill, the driver can hear us. 48 00:02:37,765 --> 00:02:39,680 - No, not a word. 49 00:02:39,723 --> 00:02:41,378 - I don't care if he can hear us. 50 00:02:41,421 --> 00:02:42,727 I want him to hear us. 51 00:02:42,770 --> 00:02:44,729 I want a witness to what this evening was like for me 52 00:02:44,771 --> 00:02:47,166 while it's still fresh in my memory. 53 00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:50,517 He insisted on ordering the meal in French. 54 00:02:50,561 --> 00:02:53,824 My main course was ten pats of butter. 55 00:02:59,657 --> 00:03:01,615 - If you were having such a lousy time, 56 00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:03,487 why didn't you say something earlier? 57 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:05,532 - What did you think that I meant 58 00:03:05,576 --> 00:03:06,838 when I said two hours ago, 59 00:03:06,881 --> 00:03:10,668 "Please, for the love of God, take me home"? 60 00:03:10,711 --> 00:03:14,411 - I thought you were coming on to me. 61 00:03:14,454 --> 00:03:16,413 - Okay, here we are. 62 00:03:16,456 --> 00:03:18,458 - Thank goodness! 63 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:22,375 - Uh...can I see you to the door? 64 00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,507 - No. 65 00:03:23,550 --> 00:03:24,595 - I guess this means 66 00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,292 you don't want to sleep with me. 67 00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:41,394 - Where to? 68 00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:43,266 - Who cares? 69 00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:47,574 - Hey, it's none of my business, 70 00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:48,574 but if you want my opinion, 71 00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,664 she was no great prize, you know. 72 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:52,187 With all the women in this city, 73 00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:54,015 you don't have to get hung up on her. 74 00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,539 - That's easy for you to say. You're a cab driver. 75 00:03:55,582 --> 00:03:57,758 You have women in your cab all day long. 76 00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,456 I never meet anybody. 77 00:03:59,499 --> 00:04:00,935 - What do you do? 78 00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:02,502 - I'm a United States Congressman. 79 00:04:12,599 --> 00:04:15,515 - Say, uh, listen, I'll just check in, 80 00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:16,560 and then maybe we can go for a beer. 81 00:04:16,603 --> 00:04:17,735 What do you say? 82 00:04:17,778 --> 00:04:18,997 - I'm in no hurry. - Okay. 83 00:04:22,217 --> 00:04:23,436 Where's Louie? 84 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:24,742 - Oh, hi. 85 00:04:24,785 --> 00:04:25,873 Took his mom to the dentist. 86 00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:27,440 - In the middle of the night? 87 00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:31,488 - Yeah, he found this discount dentist that only works nights. 88 00:04:31,531 --> 00:04:33,141 Leave it to Louie, right? 89 00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:34,404 - Yeah. Very romantic. 90 00:04:34,447 --> 00:04:35,796 Root canal by starlight. 91 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,537 Hey, listen. You want a cup of coffee? 92 00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:38,364 It may be a while. 93 00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:40,845 - Oh, sure. 94 00:04:40,888 --> 00:04:42,716 - You know, I think you're the first congressman 95 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,457 we've ever had in this garage. 96 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:48,243 - I still don't think of myself as a congressman. 97 00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:51,551 You see, Dad's a major contributor to the party, 98 00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:53,292 so, to thank him, 99 00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:54,772 they, uh-- they ran me for Congress. 100 00:04:54,815 --> 00:04:56,164 - Yeah, and you won the election. 101 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:57,340 That's great. 102 00:04:57,383 --> 00:05:00,647 - In a district my party's always won. 103 00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,432 - But you won. 104 00:05:02,475 --> 00:05:03,781 - The week before the election, 105 00:05:03,824 --> 00:05:08,307 my opponent was convicted of murder. 106 00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:09,395 - But you did win. 107 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:11,223 - We had to have a runoff. 108 00:05:14,008 --> 00:05:15,619 - Yeah, so now you're in office, 109 00:05:15,662 --> 00:05:16,794 I bet you're showing them, huh? 110 00:05:16,837 --> 00:05:19,927 - There's talk of a recall. 111 00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:22,060 - Ah, who cares about that? 112 00:05:22,103 --> 00:05:23,235 You dress nice. 113 00:05:23,278 --> 00:05:25,846 - Look, you know, I really appreciate 114 00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,587 you trying to cheer me up like this. 115 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,676 - [laughing] 116 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,417 Hey, hey. - How you doing, Alex? 117 00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:34,072 - Guys, I'd like you to meet Walter Griswald. 118 00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:36,335 Walter is a United States Congressman. 119 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,510 - How do you do? Hello. 120 00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,643 - Hey, I'm in your district. 121 00:05:39,686 --> 00:05:40,426 I voted for you. 122 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:43,560 - Oh, yeah? Why? 123 00:05:43,603 --> 00:05:45,213 - The other guy was up for murder. 124 00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:46,258 - Oh, yeah. 125 00:05:49,522 --> 00:05:50,654 - Congressman? 126 00:05:50,697 --> 00:05:52,438 - Yeah, Latka, this is a very important person 127 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:53,439 in our government. 128 00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:54,440 - Oh. 129 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,789 - No, no, Latka! 130 00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:57,574 You don't have to give him money. 131 00:05:57,617 --> 00:06:00,881 No, no, in America, they just like to shake hands. 132 00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,535 - Oh. 133 00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:05,538 This is good country. 134 00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:06,844 Nice to meet you. 135 00:06:06,887 --> 00:06:08,759 - It's nice to meet you. 136 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,501 - Thank you very much. 137 00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:14,634 - [growling] 138 00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:17,507 All right, guys. 139 00:06:17,550 --> 00:06:19,509 Line up, animals. 140 00:06:19,552 --> 00:06:21,598 - Hey, Louie, how's your mom's teeth? 141 00:06:21,641 --> 00:06:23,730 - Oh, okay. 142 00:06:23,774 --> 00:06:25,036 She had to have a little work done, 143 00:06:25,079 --> 00:06:27,734 but this guy's prices are so reasonable, 144 00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:30,345 I even sprung for Novocaine. 145 00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:31,434 It's my own mother. 146 00:06:31,477 --> 00:06:32,826 What the hell? 147 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,959 - Hey, listen, Walter, I'll be right back, okay? 148 00:06:35,002 --> 00:06:36,569 - Okay. 149 00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:39,485 - Hey, so what are you doing in our garage, Your Honor? 150 00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:41,487 - Oh, well, I was out on a date, 151 00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:44,011 but the lady had to cut the evening short. 152 00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:45,926 Said something about having to get up early 153 00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:48,015 and change her phone number. 154 00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,669 - Yeah, his date was a real sweetheart, 155 00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,149 if you know what I mean. 156 00:06:51,192 --> 00:06:53,630 - No, Alex, it wasn't her. It was me. 157 00:06:53,673 --> 00:06:56,546 The fact is, uh... 158 00:06:56,589 --> 00:06:59,636 I'm a loser with women. 159 00:06:59,679 --> 00:07:02,029 - Ah... 160 00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,466 - Women. 161 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:16,087 In my country, women work like ox. 162 00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:21,614 They cook, they... have lots of babies, 163 00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:25,662 uh...they get old early. 164 00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:27,272 They happy. 165 00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:35,715 In America, the women, 166 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:37,587 they have, uh... 167 00:07:37,630 --> 00:07:38,849 they have maids. 168 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:42,374 They dress with nice clothes. 169 00:07:42,417 --> 00:07:45,333 They take bubble bath. 170 00:07:45,377 --> 00:07:46,900 They happy. 171 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:50,250 - What is your point? 172 00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:52,427 - Women happy people. 173 00:07:59,173 --> 00:08:01,828 - Hey, Walt, I didn't think a congressman 174 00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:03,438 would have any trouble getting chicks. 175 00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:04,744 - Oh, boy, this one does. 176 00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:06,616 You see, all I ever wanted in life 177 00:08:06,659 --> 00:08:08,618 was a nice, sweet, average girl 178 00:08:08,661 --> 00:08:11,664 who couldn't keep her hands off of me. 179 00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:15,363 Every time I go out, I make a fool out of myself. 180 00:08:15,407 --> 00:08:17,801 It's getting so I can't get dates. 181 00:08:17,844 --> 00:08:19,150 You know how embarrassing it is 182 00:08:19,193 --> 00:08:23,241 to go to the Presidential Inaugural Ball stag? 183 00:08:23,284 --> 00:08:26,679 I only hope people think I'm gay. 184 00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:29,377 - You know, Walter, I used to have trouble with women. 185 00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:31,466 And then I found that the best way to handle them 186 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:32,859 was to just be myself. 187 00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:33,730 - No, it wouldn't work for me. 188 00:08:33,773 --> 00:08:35,034 - Why not? - You're cute. 189 00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:37,037 - Oh, yeah. 190 00:08:37,081 --> 00:08:38,648 - Walter, you know, there isn't a guy here 191 00:08:38,691 --> 00:08:40,171 who hasn't been rejected. 192 00:08:40,214 --> 00:08:41,606 I mean, you're taking this too seriously. 193 00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:43,260 - A woman once said to me, 194 00:08:43,303 --> 00:08:45,829 "I never want to see you again as long as I live." 195 00:08:45,872 --> 00:08:46,612 - That's happened to everybody. 196 00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:50,398 - We hadn't been introduced. 197 00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:52,618 - He is wearing a nice suit, though, isn't he, fellas? 198 00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:54,054 [indistinct chatter] 199 00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,752 - No, no, I might as well just give up. 200 00:08:55,795 --> 00:08:56,753 - Oh, Walter, baloney. 201 00:08:56,796 --> 00:08:58,145 You know what your trouble is? 202 00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,146 You try too hard. 203 00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:00,626 You know, women sense your anxiety. 204 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,150 What you really need is some confidence. 205 00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:05,675 I mean, I think a date with a very attractive 206 00:09:05,718 --> 00:09:08,895 but a very, uh... a very nice person 207 00:09:08,939 --> 00:09:11,855 would do you a lot of good, you know that? 208 00:09:11,898 --> 00:09:14,422 And I have someone in mind. 209 00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:15,859 Her. 210 00:09:15,902 --> 00:09:16,729 - Damn it, Louie, you little twerp. 211 00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,557 Now, listen to me. 212 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,690 I am not going to take that kind of garbage from you anymore, 213 00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:22,474 so you can just cram it! 214 00:09:22,517 --> 00:09:23,954 Oh! 215 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:29,133 - She's much nicer than what I'm used to. 216 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:42,929 Elaine, I want to thank you for going out with me tonight. 217 00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,496 Did I already thank you? 218 00:09:44,539 --> 00:09:45,845 - Uh, yeah, you thanked me. 219 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:48,456 You thanked my children. You thanked my babysitter... 220 00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:51,024 - I believe you can't say "thank you" too often. 221 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,636 - Well, yeah, that's true. 222 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,377 - Thank you. 223 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:57,770 Thank you. 224 00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:02,122 Thank you. 225 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:05,343 I guess you can say "thank you" too often. 226 00:10:05,386 --> 00:10:06,953 - Walter, just relax. 227 00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:09,216 - You saw me perspire, didn't you? 228 00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:10,435 - Excuse me? 229 00:10:10,478 --> 00:10:11,871 - I perspire. 230 00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,394 - Well, everyone perspires. 231 00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:15,658 - I perspire freely. 232 00:10:15,701 --> 00:10:18,138 I'm talking buckets. 233 00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:19,836 That's why I'll never be reelected. 234 00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,489 Who's going to vote for a man 235 00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:24,188 who always looks like he just stepped out of a sauna? 236 00:10:24,231 --> 00:10:26,712 - So what's it like living in Washington? 237 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:29,889 - Oh, God, do I sweat in Washington. 238 00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:31,804 It is so humid there, 239 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,763 as if that would make any difference. 240 00:10:33,806 --> 00:10:36,113 I'd probably sweat on the Matterhorn. 241 00:10:36,156 --> 00:10:39,594 I shake hands with people, and they wipe their hands off. 242 00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:40,944 They pretend to do something else 243 00:10:40,987 --> 00:10:42,641 so they won't hurt my feelings. 244 00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:46,427 They, um... they cross their arms. 245 00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:49,517 They adjust their ties. 246 00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,215 They wave hello at friends. 247 00:10:51,258 --> 00:10:53,260 - Could we talk about something else? 248 00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:55,741 - I'm talking about sweat again. 249 00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,961 Why do I always talk sweat on dates? 250 00:10:58,004 --> 00:11:01,704 It's because I'm always sweating on dates. 251 00:11:01,747 --> 00:11:03,531 - Yeah, I was the only one who said no. 252 00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,577 Oh, hey, Walter! - How are you? 253 00:11:05,620 --> 00:11:08,493 - Nice to see you again. 254 00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:10,800 - Hi, Elaine. 255 00:11:10,843 --> 00:11:12,105 - Hi. - Hi. 256 00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,846 - Hey, you guys come here all the time, right? 257 00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:15,369 You got anything to recommend 258 00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:18,459 to make the dining experience a memorable one? 259 00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:20,853 - Yeah, they got a great air hockey game in the back room. 260 00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:22,855 - Hey, come on. - They do. 261 00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,335 - I know. Uh, we'll see you later. 262 00:11:24,378 --> 00:11:25,597 - All right. - Okay? 263 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:26,859 - Would you care for another round? 264 00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:29,993 - Oh, no, I'm fine. - Uh, I'll have another. 265 00:11:30,036 --> 00:11:31,777 He hates me. 266 00:11:31,821 --> 00:11:32,822 - Who? 267 00:11:32,865 --> 00:11:33,953 - The waiter. 268 00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:36,042 I know when a man despises me, 269 00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:39,132 and that man despises me. 270 00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:41,787 He's going to spit in my food. 271 00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:45,356 They do that. 272 00:11:45,399 --> 00:11:47,314 - Could we go back to sweating? 273 00:11:50,056 --> 00:11:52,319 - Well, well, well. 274 00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:53,581 Look who's here. 275 00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:54,626 - Hi, Louie. 276 00:11:54,669 --> 00:11:56,846 - Hello, Nardo. 277 00:11:56,889 --> 00:11:58,499 Is this your date for the evening? 278 00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:00,501 - You remember me, Congressman Walter Griswold. 279 00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:01,894 - Yeah. 280 00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:07,073 What, they run out of towels in the men's room? 281 00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:08,901 - No, that's, uh-- that's sweat. 282 00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:12,818 I was telling Elaine, I sweat a lot. 283 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,994 - Congratulations. 284 00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:17,867 Well, uh, I don't want to destroy 285 00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:20,870 your magical tete-a-tete. 286 00:12:20,913 --> 00:12:22,567 See you later. 287 00:12:22,610 --> 00:12:23,829 - He's a nice guy. 288 00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:26,484 - Oh, yeah, a prince. 289 00:12:26,527 --> 00:12:28,486 - Talk about a lame duck. 290 00:12:28,529 --> 00:12:29,574 [laughing] 291 00:12:29,617 --> 00:12:31,097 - Hey, come on, Louie. 292 00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:32,229 Walter's a nice guy. 293 00:12:32,272 --> 00:12:35,101 - He's a United States Congressman. 294 00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:37,843 - I don't care if he's the Duke of Cornwall. 295 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:40,803 In my book, the guy's a shlimazl. 296 00:12:40,846 --> 00:12:42,935 - What's a shlimazl? 297 00:12:46,721 --> 00:12:49,028 - Well, you see, there's schlemiels 298 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,204 and shlimazls. 299 00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:54,686 A schlemiel is a guy who goes to a formal dinner party 300 00:12:54,729 --> 00:12:56,340 and spills his soup. 301 00:12:56,383 --> 00:12:59,343 A shlimazl's the guy he spills it on. 302 00:12:59,386 --> 00:13:01,214 [laughter] 303 00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:03,216 - Hey, Louie, you know what's good about you? 304 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:04,565 - What? 305 00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:08,047 - I was hoping you had an answer. 306 00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:10,397 - Have, uh--have you decided yet, Elaine? 307 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:13,879 - Um...I'm not sure. 308 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:15,925 Walter, your menu's on fire. 309 00:13:15,968 --> 00:13:18,101 Walter, uh... 310 00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:53,136 - I think I'll start with the chocolate cheesecake. 311 00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:58,793 - Boy, this guy. 312 00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:01,013 He is a horse's yatabe. 313 00:14:10,631 --> 00:14:12,024 - I'm--I'm sorry, Elaine. 314 00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:14,461 It's the same old story. 315 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:17,943 A girl goes out with me, I embarrass her. 316 00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:19,727 It's no wonder they never want to see me again. 317 00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,773 I never want to see me again. 318 00:14:21,816 --> 00:14:23,340 - I didn't say I didn't want to see you again. 319 00:14:23,383 --> 00:14:25,429 - Oh, yeah? You want to go out Saturday night? 320 00:14:25,472 --> 00:14:26,821 - Oh, no, Saturday, I made these... 321 00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:29,172 - See? See? What about Sunday? 322 00:14:29,215 --> 00:14:30,608 - No, I take the kids... 323 00:14:30,651 --> 00:14:32,175 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 324 00:14:32,218 --> 00:14:33,219 What about Monday? 325 00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:33,958 - Monday's a bad day. 326 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,047 - Mm-hmm. Tuesday? 327 00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:39,051 - Well...it's fine. 328 00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:41,097 - What? 329 00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:42,663 - I'd love to. 330 00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:43,969 - You want to go out with me again? 331 00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:48,365 - Yes, Walter. 332 00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:50,671 - What's wrong with you? 333 00:15:01,987 --> 00:15:03,075 - Can you believe Elaine? 334 00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:05,382 Getting mixed up with a loser like that? 335 00:15:05,425 --> 00:15:08,037 - She's gone out with him every night for the past two weeks. 336 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,082 - Look, Why do we have to talk about Walter anymore? 337 00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:12,302 We all have our good days and our bad days. 338 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,958 - Then Walter's got some great days ahead. 339 00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:17,307 - What are you guys talking about? 340 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,264 - Boxing. - School. 341 00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:19,657 - Work. General stuff. 342 00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:22,225 - Must have been a hell of a conversation. 343 00:15:22,268 --> 00:15:24,488 - Well, Nardo... 344 00:15:24,531 --> 00:15:25,532 Has it happened yet? 345 00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,230 - What? 346 00:15:27,273 --> 00:15:30,233 - Has one of your kisses turned the toad into a prince? 347 00:15:30,276 --> 00:15:31,495 [laughs] 348 00:15:31,538 --> 00:15:33,540 - Louie, you take that back. 349 00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,847 - Nardo, do you know what a shlimazl is? 350 00:15:35,890 --> 00:15:37,936 - I don't have to listen to this. 351 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:41,070 - A shlimazl is a guy who comes home from work early 352 00:15:41,113 --> 00:15:44,160 and finds his wife in bed with his boss, 353 00:15:44,203 --> 00:15:47,250 then gets docked a day's pay for leaving the office. 354 00:15:47,293 --> 00:15:48,425 [laughs] 355 00:15:48,468 --> 00:15:50,166 And with a little more class, 356 00:15:50,208 --> 00:15:52,385 Walter would be a shlimazl. 357 00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:53,517 [cackling] 358 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:54,474 - Louie, I am warning you. 359 00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:55,519 Now, watch it. 360 00:15:55,562 --> 00:15:58,391 - [laughing] 361 00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:01,655 [yells] 362 00:16:01,699 --> 00:16:03,222 Listen, Nardo... 363 00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,963 if you ever grab me again 364 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:07,487 in a non-erogenous zone, you're gone. 365 00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:08,836 - Ugh. 366 00:16:12,057 --> 00:16:14,190 Alex, I need your advice. 367 00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:17,062 all: Ooh! 368 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,194 - What? 369 00:16:18,237 --> 00:16:20,196 Okay, look, unless it's about you and Walter, 370 00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:21,762 because I don't want to get in the middle of that. 371 00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,416 - It's about me and Walter. 372 00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,505 - All right, If you just want to talk and it's no big stuff... 373 00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:27,290 - It's gigantic stuff. 374 00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:28,943 - Well, I mean, if it doesn't get really intimate... 375 00:16:28,987 --> 00:16:29,944 - You can't get more intimate. 376 00:16:29,988 --> 00:16:31,120 - In that case, shoot. 377 00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:36,125 - Well, I guess everybody's really curious 378 00:16:36,168 --> 00:16:37,865 about why I'm seeing him so much. 379 00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:39,563 - Well, I'm not. I understand. 380 00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:41,434 - Yeah? - Yeah. 381 00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:45,873 - I mean, he's not the man of my dreams, but I like him. 382 00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:48,354 I guess like him for the same reason 383 00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:50,835 I'm drawn to that scrawny little puppy in the pet store, 384 00:16:50,878 --> 00:16:52,793 you know, that nobody else wants. 385 00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,099 - Well, whatever your reasons, 386 00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:56,188 I really got to hand it to you, Elaine, you know? 387 00:16:56,232 --> 00:16:58,103 I mean, dating you has really changed Walter. 388 00:16:58,147 --> 00:17:00,279 He seems like he's got a lot more confidence in himself now, 389 00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:01,367 you know that? 390 00:17:01,411 --> 00:17:02,716 - I know. You're right. 391 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,718 Oh, he is such a sweet guy. 392 00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:07,199 You know how some guys treat your kids nice? 393 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,853 - Yeah. 394 00:17:08,896 --> 00:17:10,637 - Well, Walter's not just treating them nice. 395 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:11,681 I mean, he really likes my kids. 396 00:17:11,725 --> 00:17:13,118 - Oh, yeah? 397 00:17:13,161 --> 00:17:14,814 - The other day, my daughter came home upset 398 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,208 because three of her best friends 399 00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:18,296 were going to see The Nutcrackerwithout her. 400 00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:19,907 The mother couldn't get an extra ticket, 401 00:17:19,950 --> 00:17:21,909 and so she was the only one left out. 402 00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,824 Well, I'm giving her this big lecture, 403 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,304 telling her it's no big deal 404 00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:26,827 and you shouldn't be so upset about it, 405 00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:29,178 you know, but she wouldn't stop crying. 406 00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:33,530 So I look over at Walter, and he's got tears in his eyes. 407 00:17:33,573 --> 00:17:35,619 So then I got them both on my hands. 408 00:17:35,662 --> 00:17:37,142 - So what'd you do? 409 00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:40,145 - I took them both to see The Nutcracker. 410 00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:41,277 - What's your problem? 411 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:42,321 - I got to break up with him. 412 00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:43,714 - Oh, Elaine, no. 413 00:17:43,757 --> 00:17:45,107 - I know, Alex. 414 00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:46,847 I'm sorry, but I have no choice. 415 00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:49,415 Walter's beginning to make certain suggestions. 416 00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:50,895 - Like what? 417 00:17:50,938 --> 00:17:53,811 - Like, "How about a roll in the hay?" 418 00:17:53,854 --> 00:17:55,421 - Walter's suggestions 419 00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:57,119 seem to run toward the blunt, don't they? 420 00:17:57,162 --> 00:17:57,858 - Yeah. 421 00:17:57,902 --> 00:17:59,425 I mean, I like him, 422 00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:01,993 but there's just not that chemistry thing. 423 00:18:02,036 --> 00:18:04,387 - So what do you want me to say, I understand? 424 00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:05,475 I understand. 425 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,172 - What are you getting so sore about? 426 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:08,391 - I'm not sore. 427 00:18:08,434 --> 00:18:09,566 I mean, you want advice? 428 00:18:09,609 --> 00:18:11,829 You want to break up with Walter, fine. 429 00:18:11,872 --> 00:18:13,178 Just go on your own instincts, 430 00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:15,528 those same instincts that have gotten you this far-- 431 00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,313 divorced, poor, working nights, 432 00:18:17,356 --> 00:18:18,836 holding two jobs. 433 00:18:18,879 --> 00:18:20,403 - Alex, will you calm down for a second? 434 00:18:20,446 --> 00:18:21,839 - Huh? - Now listen to me. 435 00:18:21,882 --> 00:18:23,754 This man is coming over tonight, 436 00:18:23,797 --> 00:18:26,060 and we're gonna be alone. 437 00:18:26,104 --> 00:18:27,671 My kids are with my ex-husband. 438 00:18:27,714 --> 00:18:29,281 I don't know if I can handle this. 439 00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:31,283 - Elaine, do you really expect me to tell you 440 00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,242 whether you should roll in the hay or not with Walter? 441 00:18:33,285 --> 00:18:35,505 - I guess you're right. 442 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:38,247 Oh, I got to do what I got to do. 443 00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:41,293 I just know it's going to break his heart. 444 00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:44,470 - Oh, you're going to go to bed with him. 445 00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:58,267 - Are sure you don't want anything? 446 00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:05,752 - Maybe just a little... applause. 447 00:19:08,407 --> 00:19:10,888 No, I haven't got time. 448 00:19:10,931 --> 00:19:14,283 I'll just have a cup of coffee... 449 00:19:14,326 --> 00:19:15,458 Babe. 450 00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:33,432 Uh... 451 00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:36,522 Say, can we talk about... 452 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,307 No, no. I guess we shouldn't. 453 00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,178 It's not a thing you talk about. 454 00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:42,093 - Walter, it's okay to talk about it. 455 00:19:42,136 --> 00:19:45,009 - I've never sweat so much in my entire life. 456 00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,144 Elaine, be honest with me. 457 00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:52,234 Did you let me stay last night because you wanted to, 458 00:19:52,277 --> 00:19:53,931 or because you felt sorry for me? 459 00:19:53,974 --> 00:19:56,977 Or did I just catch up with the law of averages? 460 00:19:57,021 --> 00:20:00,285 - Walter, I let you stay because I care about you. 461 00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:01,939 Hey, isn't that reason enough? 462 00:20:01,982 --> 00:20:03,027 - Yeah. 463 00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:04,420 Elaine, I had a little time to think 464 00:20:04,463 --> 00:20:06,900 before you woke up this morning... 465 00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:09,207 seven, eight hours... 466 00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:14,865 I have a great idea. 467 00:20:14,908 --> 00:20:17,737 Why don't you and I agree not to see anyone else? 468 00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:19,478 - Walter... 469 00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:21,654 - Okay, okay, I'll just agree not to see anyone else. 470 00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:23,569 But when can I see you again? 471 00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:24,875 - What do you mean? 472 00:20:24,918 --> 00:20:26,137 - Well, now that we've done this, 473 00:20:26,180 --> 00:20:27,399 I want to know when I can see you 474 00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:28,400 and for how long. 475 00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:29,749 And can you write this down for me? 476 00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:32,622 - Walter, you know, listen to me. 477 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:33,971 This was just what I was afraid of. 478 00:20:34,014 --> 00:20:36,103 - I pushed too far, right? 479 00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,670 - Well... - All right, all right. 480 00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,585 Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. 481 00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:43,023 We don't have to go steady or anything, 482 00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:45,461 but I'd appreciate it if you'd meet my parents. 483 00:20:45,504 --> 00:20:46,549 - Walter... 484 00:20:46,592 --> 00:20:47,724 - I can make a call now. 485 00:20:47,767 --> 00:20:49,856 There are flights leaving all hours. 486 00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,858 - Walter, you want to fly your parents to New York 487 00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,469 because of what we did last night? 488 00:20:53,512 --> 00:20:54,426 - It's a shuttle. 489 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,298 It'll be great. 490 00:20:56,341 --> 00:20:58,038 You'll bring the kids, 491 00:20:58,082 --> 00:21:00,693 and we'll go and see The Nutcracker. 492 00:21:00,737 --> 00:21:03,130 - Walter! - I'm screwing up. 493 00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:03,870 I'm screwing up. 494 00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:05,132 - Walter, now, stop. 495 00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:08,614 Just listen to me. 496 00:21:08,658 --> 00:21:09,615 It's too much. 497 00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:11,313 You're scaring me. 498 00:21:11,356 --> 00:21:12,357 You're trying to chart 499 00:21:12,401 --> 00:21:14,141 our entire relationship in one morning. 500 00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:16,405 - You're right. You're absolutely right. 501 00:21:16,448 --> 00:21:19,364 I tend to make too much of these things. 502 00:21:19,408 --> 00:21:22,367 Oh, forgive me, Elaine. 503 00:21:27,503 --> 00:21:29,679 It was a wonderful evening. 504 00:21:41,212 --> 00:21:44,433 Maybe we'll see each other again. 505 00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,229 Good-bye, Elaine. 506 00:22:26,605 --> 00:22:27,563 Were you missing me at all? 507 00:22:27,606 --> 00:22:31,567 Because I was dying out there. 508 00:22:31,610 --> 00:22:33,786 - You are such a lovely man. 509 00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:36,615 Hey, I want our relationship to continue. 510 00:22:36,659 --> 00:22:38,095 Can't we just leave it at that? 511 00:22:38,138 --> 00:22:39,749 - You're right. You're absolutely right. 512 00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:41,533 We should just take it slow. 513 00:22:41,577 --> 00:22:43,666 Take it as it comes. 514 00:22:43,709 --> 00:22:46,408 - Right. - Play it by ear. 515 00:22:46,451 --> 00:22:49,193 How about every Thursday night for the next three months? 516 00:22:50,542 --> 00:22:52,501 - Is 8:00 okay? 517 00:23:05,992 --> 00:23:09,169 - See? I told you we'd make it. 518 00:23:09,213 --> 00:23:11,650 Hey, listen, you've got 15 minutes 519 00:23:11,694 --> 00:23:13,086 before your plane takes off. 520 00:23:13,130 --> 00:23:15,045 - Good. 521 00:23:15,088 --> 00:23:17,221 - So how'd it go with you and Elaine last night? 522 00:23:17,264 --> 00:23:18,701 - Fine. 523 00:23:18,744 --> 00:23:19,789 - Oh, that's good. 524 00:23:19,832 --> 00:23:22,182 - Yes, fine is very good. 525 00:23:22,226 --> 00:23:24,750 - Did you do anything out of the ordinary? 526 00:23:24,794 --> 00:23:26,709 - No, it was, I guess, 527 00:23:26,752 --> 00:23:30,495 an ordinary evening for most people. 528 00:23:30,539 --> 00:23:31,757 Now listen, Alex. 529 00:23:31,801 --> 00:23:33,150 I know you want to know 530 00:23:33,193 --> 00:23:34,891 what took place between Elaine and me, 531 00:23:34,934 --> 00:23:38,547 but there are some things a gentleman does not discuss. 532 00:23:38,590 --> 00:23:40,940 - Oh, I understand, Walter. 533 00:23:40,984 --> 00:23:43,377 - I'll probably see you next time I'm back in town. 534 00:23:43,421 --> 00:23:45,379 - Yeah, I'll see you, Walter. 535 00:23:45,423 --> 00:23:46,424 Oh, and Walter... 536 00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:47,556 - Yeah? 537 00:23:47,599 --> 00:23:49,558 - Congratulations. 538 00:23:49,601 --> 00:23:50,602 - Thanks. 539 00:23:50,646 --> 00:23:51,734 - [laughs] 540 00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:05,225 [Bob James' Angelaplaying] 541 00:24:05,269 --> 00:24:13,190 ♪♪ 542 00:24:27,857 --> 00:24:29,511 - Night, Mr. Walters. 543 00:24:29,554 --> 00:24:30,686 - [grunts]