1 00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:07,935 [Bob James' Angelaplaying] 2 00:00:07,979 --> 00:00:10,938 [light jazz music] 3 00:00:10,982 --> 00:00:16,727 ♪♪ 4 00:00:16,770 --> 00:00:19,730 [funky jazz music] 5 00:00:19,773 --> 00:00:27,651 ♪♪ 6 00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:05,080 - So you think you can chug-a-lug, huh? 7 00:01:05,123 --> 00:01:06,864 - Uh-huh. 8 00:01:06,907 --> 00:01:08,953 - Okay, come on. 9 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,696 - And he says, "If I could do it in my living room, 10 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,046 I wouldn't have to do it in the back of your cab." 11 00:01:15,090 --> 00:01:17,527 [laughter] 12 00:01:17,570 --> 00:01:21,226 - Hey, Tony, this guy wants to chug-a-lug against you. 13 00:01:21,270 --> 00:01:23,315 - Oh, yeah? What's the bet? 14 00:01:23,359 --> 00:01:25,187 - 50. - $50? 15 00:01:25,230 --> 00:01:26,449 [all murmuring] 16 00:01:26,492 --> 00:01:27,711 - Hey, we'll all chip in. 17 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,234 - Come on, ante up, you guys. 18 00:01:29,278 --> 00:01:30,322 - Ten each? 19 00:01:30,366 --> 00:01:31,628 - A pitcher of beer and two mugs! 20 00:01:31,671 --> 00:01:33,369 - Okay, here's my ten. Alex? 21 00:01:33,411 --> 00:01:34,892 - How do you feel, Tony? 22 00:01:34,935 --> 00:01:36,372 - Thirsty. 23 00:01:36,415 --> 00:01:38,286 - I'm in for ten. That's good enough for me. 24 00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:39,288 - All right. Here we go. 25 00:01:39,331 --> 00:01:41,246 - Okay, we got our bet. 26 00:01:41,290 --> 00:01:43,074 - There's my 50. 27 00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:44,336 - Excuse me, Alex. 28 00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:45,816 - Oh, sure. 29 00:01:45,859 --> 00:01:49,559 - So they say after divorce your life is empty, 30 00:01:49,602 --> 00:01:53,737 and here I am watching a chug-a-lug contest. 31 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,173 - Ready? 32 00:01:55,217 --> 00:01:58,176 One, two, three, start. 33 00:01:58,220 --> 00:02:00,439 [all shouting] 34 00:02:05,227 --> 00:02:07,054 - Anytime, gentlemen. 35 00:02:14,366 --> 00:02:16,673 - Let's get out of here. 36 00:02:16,716 --> 00:02:19,154 I don't want to be around when he belches. 37 00:02:21,678 --> 00:02:23,288 - Oh, come on, let's forget it. I'm buying. 38 00:02:23,332 --> 00:02:24,594 Same all around? 39 00:02:24,637 --> 00:02:28,118 - Okay. - What'll you have, John? 40 00:02:28,163 --> 00:02:29,381 - John? 41 00:02:29,425 --> 00:02:30,295 - Hmm? 42 00:02:30,339 --> 00:02:31,601 - What is it? 43 00:02:31,644 --> 00:02:33,472 - It's that girl. 44 00:02:35,082 --> 00:02:36,519 - Which one? 45 00:02:36,562 --> 00:02:38,390 - You don't have to ask, do you? 46 00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:40,305 - No, I guess not. 47 00:02:40,349 --> 00:02:41,698 The blonde. 48 00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:42,916 - No. 49 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,743 - The one with the white blouse? 50 00:02:44,788 --> 00:02:46,877 - No. 51 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,400 - Oh, the other one. 52 00:02:48,444 --> 00:02:50,576 - See? You picked her out. 53 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,448 It's just that I've never felt this way before. 54 00:02:52,491 --> 00:02:54,014 I mean, this is the first time 55 00:02:54,058 --> 00:02:56,103 a girl sitting across from me in a bar 56 00:02:56,147 --> 00:02:58,932 has gotten me all excited. 57 00:02:58,976 --> 00:03:00,325 What do you think, Alex? 58 00:03:00,369 --> 00:03:01,979 - I don't think you have to announce 59 00:03:02,022 --> 00:03:04,329 everything that's happening in your body. 60 00:03:04,373 --> 00:03:06,375 You like her, go over and talk to her. 61 00:03:06,418 --> 00:03:07,593 - Just like that? 62 00:03:07,637 --> 00:03:09,160 - Sure. 63 00:03:09,204 --> 00:03:11,118 - What would I say if I did? 64 00:03:11,162 --> 00:03:13,208 - Say hello. 65 00:03:13,251 --> 00:03:15,514 - No, I couldn't say that. 66 00:03:15,558 --> 00:03:16,820 I mean, 67 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,648 I never know what to say to girls. 68 00:03:18,691 --> 00:03:21,346 I don't know, I just can't seem to get started. 69 00:03:21,390 --> 00:03:23,000 Ah, just forget it. 70 00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:25,568 - Okay. 71 00:03:25,611 --> 00:03:28,701 - Okay, I'm going to do you a big favor, 72 00:03:28,745 --> 00:03:30,355 and I hope you appreciate it. 73 00:03:30,399 --> 00:03:33,445 - What's the favor? 74 00:03:33,489 --> 00:03:36,579 - I'm going to give you the perfect line. 75 00:03:36,622 --> 00:03:40,235 Works every time, instantly, 76 00:03:40,278 --> 00:03:43,325 and with devastating results. 77 00:03:44,978 --> 00:03:46,545 Here's what you do. 78 00:03:46,589 --> 00:03:49,461 You walk up to her, tap her on the shoulder, 79 00:03:49,505 --> 00:03:54,031 and when she turns around, you say, "Why waste time? 80 00:03:54,074 --> 00:03:56,120 Let's get married." 81 00:03:57,382 --> 00:03:58,514 - I think that should do it. 82 00:03:58,557 --> 00:04:00,472 - It works every time. 83 00:04:00,516 --> 00:04:04,084 It's witty, it's entertaining, and it's got "married" in it. 84 00:04:04,128 --> 00:04:05,738 [all laughing] 85 00:04:05,782 --> 00:04:08,567 Believe me. The line is everything. 86 00:04:08,611 --> 00:04:11,091 - Hey, you know, I got a better one. 87 00:04:11,135 --> 00:04:12,528 - What? 88 00:04:12,571 --> 00:04:14,356 You go up and you say, 89 00:04:14,399 --> 00:04:16,967 "Let's cut the preliminaries. 90 00:04:17,010 --> 00:04:18,534 You want to get married?" 91 00:04:18,577 --> 00:04:20,405 - Hey, you know, that is better. 92 00:04:20,449 --> 00:04:22,451 - Shorter anyway. 93 00:04:22,494 --> 00:04:23,539 [laughter] 94 00:04:23,582 --> 00:04:26,411 - We just improved on the wheel, man. 95 00:04:27,630 --> 00:04:29,284 - A good line really helps a lot. 96 00:04:29,327 --> 00:04:30,894 - So? 97 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,548 - Nah... 98 00:04:32,591 --> 00:04:35,072 - John, there's a time when you either do it or you forget it. 99 00:04:35,115 --> 00:04:36,465 - You're absolutely right, Alex. 100 00:04:36,508 --> 00:04:38,423 Let's forget it. 101 00:04:39,642 --> 00:04:40,686 I can't forget it. 102 00:04:40,730 --> 00:04:42,209 - Just do it. - Just be sweet. 103 00:04:42,253 --> 00:04:43,472 Real nice. 104 00:04:43,515 --> 00:04:44,386 - Get it right. 105 00:04:44,429 --> 00:04:46,866 - Just smooth. Smooth. 106 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,189 - Yes? 107 00:05:05,232 --> 00:05:07,496 - Let's cut the preliminaries. 108 00:05:07,539 --> 00:05:09,541 You want to get married? 109 00:05:14,067 --> 00:05:15,417 - Sure. 110 00:05:15,460 --> 00:05:16,679 - What? 111 00:05:18,681 --> 00:05:22,597 I was sitting over there and I wanted to talk to you, and... 112 00:05:22,641 --> 00:05:24,513 I think there's a couple of places at the bar. 113 00:05:24,556 --> 00:05:25,992 Do you want to take them? 114 00:05:26,036 --> 00:05:27,646 - I thought we were getting married. 115 00:05:27,690 --> 00:05:29,779 - Oh, sure, but not right away. 116 00:05:29,822 --> 00:05:31,389 I mean, marriage is important. 117 00:05:31,433 --> 00:05:33,347 It can't just be jumped into. 118 00:05:33,391 --> 00:05:34,914 - Oh, I agree; yes. 119 00:05:34,958 --> 00:05:36,525 - So we'll get married in an hour. 120 00:05:36,568 --> 00:05:38,091 - Oh, perfect. 121 00:05:38,135 --> 00:05:40,093 - Can I buy you that drink now? 122 00:05:40,137 --> 00:05:41,747 - Sure. 123 00:05:44,315 --> 00:05:47,797 - Awesome, awesome! 124 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,581 Preliminaries-- that's the word. 125 00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:51,540 [all cheering] 126 00:05:56,936 --> 00:05:59,548 - He said, "If I didn't have to do it-- 127 00:05:59,591 --> 00:06:01,158 "if I could do it in my living room, 128 00:06:01,201 --> 00:06:03,465 I wouldn't have to do it in the backseat of your cab." 129 00:06:03,508 --> 00:06:05,510 [both laughing] 130 00:06:05,554 --> 00:06:07,599 I liked that too. 131 00:06:07,643 --> 00:06:10,428 [laughter continues] 132 00:06:12,648 --> 00:06:15,955 - Is it ever going to happen for me... 133 00:06:15,999 --> 00:06:19,568 or am I just going to spend the rest of my life alone? 134 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,486 Alone... 135 00:06:24,529 --> 00:06:26,879 alone... 136 00:06:26,923 --> 00:06:28,097 alone... 137 00:06:28,141 --> 00:06:29,578 - How did I get into this? 138 00:06:29,621 --> 00:06:31,188 All I said was, 139 00:06:31,231 --> 00:06:34,452 "I'm going for a beer; does anyone want to come?" 140 00:06:34,496 --> 00:06:36,498 - Alone. 141 00:06:36,541 --> 00:06:38,674 - When I came over, did you get the feeling 142 00:06:38,717 --> 00:06:40,458 something special was gonna happen? 143 00:06:40,502 --> 00:06:42,591 - Yeah. - Me too. 144 00:06:42,634 --> 00:06:45,202 Wait. Before or after you saw me? 145 00:06:45,245 --> 00:06:48,031 - Both, but more after. 146 00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:49,293 - Oh, me too! Me too. 147 00:06:49,336 --> 00:06:50,773 - Oh, really? 148 00:06:50,816 --> 00:06:53,253 - Ah, Suzanne, is this the best time you've ever had? 149 00:06:53,297 --> 00:06:55,125 - Absolutely. 150 00:06:55,168 --> 00:06:56,779 - You're not just saying that, are you? 151 00:06:56,822 --> 00:06:58,607 Or have you really had a lousy life? 152 00:06:58,650 --> 00:07:01,479 - Oh, no. 153 00:07:01,523 --> 00:07:03,481 No, I've had a great life. 154 00:07:03,525 --> 00:07:04,961 - And this is your best time? 155 00:07:05,004 --> 00:07:07,485 - Yeah. - Wow! Me too. 156 00:07:07,529 --> 00:07:10,270 Okay, I want you to take your time with this next one, 157 00:07:10,314 --> 00:07:11,620 'cause it's real important to me. 158 00:07:11,663 --> 00:07:12,795 - Oh. 159 00:07:12,838 --> 00:07:14,623 - How do you stand on bowling? 160 00:07:17,626 --> 00:07:19,802 - Feet together, knees slightly bent. 161 00:07:19,845 --> 00:07:21,281 I use a four-- 162 00:07:21,325 --> 00:07:23,327 - Oh, she bowls! 163 00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:25,764 She bowls! 164 00:07:25,808 --> 00:07:27,418 - Huh? 165 00:07:27,462 --> 00:07:29,159 - So what do you want to do first, 166 00:07:29,202 --> 00:07:31,248 get married, or go bowling? 167 00:07:31,291 --> 00:07:32,684 - Bowling first. 168 00:07:32,728 --> 00:07:34,381 That way, if the marriage doesn't work, 169 00:07:34,424 --> 00:07:35,687 it won't screw up my game. 170 00:07:37,559 --> 00:07:39,256 Well, so long, you guys. 171 00:07:39,299 --> 00:07:40,692 We're going to go get married now. 172 00:07:40,736 --> 00:07:41,737 - Oh, that's nice. 173 00:07:41,780 --> 00:07:43,608 - Oh--after bowling. Good night. 174 00:07:43,652 --> 00:07:45,131 - Okay. Yeah, yeah, good luck. 175 00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:46,437 Good bowling. 176 00:07:46,481 --> 00:07:47,743 - We're going bowling? 177 00:07:47,786 --> 00:07:50,659 - No, we're not going bowling. 178 00:07:50,702 --> 00:07:53,705 - Would you mind if I joined you and had a drink? 179 00:07:53,749 --> 00:07:55,533 - No. Sit down. 180 00:08:01,670 --> 00:08:03,672 - Thank you. Good night. 181 00:08:14,204 --> 00:08:16,293 - Hey, Wheeler! 182 00:08:16,336 --> 00:08:18,164 Wheeler, come over here. 183 00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:20,036 - Do I have to? 184 00:08:20,079 --> 00:08:22,168 - Yeah. 185 00:08:22,212 --> 00:08:23,561 We got a complaint 186 00:08:23,605 --> 00:08:26,782 that one of our drivers got fresh with a passenger. 187 00:08:26,825 --> 00:08:28,218 Was it you? 188 00:08:28,261 --> 00:08:30,786 - Of course not. I don't do that kind of stuff. 189 00:08:30,829 --> 00:08:31,787 - Too bad. 190 00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:33,745 I wanted to find out who it was 191 00:08:33,789 --> 00:08:37,749 so I can give him some tips from the old expert. 192 00:08:37,793 --> 00:08:39,968 - You mean you used to get fresh with the passengers 193 00:08:40,011 --> 00:08:41,187 when you were a driver? 194 00:08:41,231 --> 00:08:44,539 - Only the women. 195 00:08:44,582 --> 00:08:47,019 I used to pull over, turn around, and ask them 196 00:08:47,063 --> 00:08:50,849 if they'd like to come to my place for drinks and sex. 197 00:08:50,893 --> 00:08:53,330 - Oh, yeah, the subtle approach. 198 00:08:53,373 --> 00:08:54,679 Did it work? 199 00:08:54,723 --> 00:08:55,724 - Yeah. 200 00:08:55,767 --> 00:08:57,421 - I don't believe you, Louie. 201 00:08:57,464 --> 00:08:59,162 - Well, not every time. 202 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,425 - Exactly how many times? 203 00:09:01,468 --> 00:09:04,820 - Once in 2,312 times. 204 00:09:08,388 --> 00:09:09,868 - Oh, hi, John. 205 00:09:09,912 --> 00:09:11,957 - Hey, John! Look who's here. 206 00:09:12,001 --> 00:09:14,307 What have you been doing the past few days, John? 207 00:09:14,351 --> 00:09:16,353 As if we didn't know. 208 00:09:17,963 --> 00:09:19,399 - Hey, stop it! Come on! 209 00:09:19,443 --> 00:09:20,879 - You shouldn't be doing this. 210 00:09:20,923 --> 00:09:22,577 - Why not? - 'Cause I could pulverize you. 211 00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:25,014 - Oh, yeah. 212 00:09:25,057 --> 00:09:26,842 I'm sorry. 213 00:09:28,931 --> 00:09:31,107 I'm just kind of sensitive about what happened. 214 00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:32,630 - Well, what happened? 215 00:09:32,674 --> 00:09:34,371 - Remember that girl I met in the bar? 216 00:09:34,414 --> 00:09:36,068 - Yeah? - I married her. 217 00:09:36,112 --> 00:09:37,330 - You what? - Oh, come on. 218 00:09:37,374 --> 00:09:38,636 - How could you do that? 219 00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,072 How could you do something like that? 220 00:09:40,116 --> 00:09:41,378 - John, that was just a line. 221 00:09:41,421 --> 00:09:42,727 You weren't supposed to do it. 222 00:09:42,771 --> 00:09:43,859 - John, what's the matter with you? 223 00:09:43,902 --> 00:09:45,469 How could you do a thing like that? 224 00:09:45,512 --> 00:09:46,688 - I don't know. 225 00:09:46,731 --> 00:09:48,646 There we were, bowling and joking 226 00:09:48,690 --> 00:09:50,996 about whoever lost paid for the marriage license. 227 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,737 The next thing I knew, 228 00:09:52,781 --> 00:09:56,480 we were eloping to Maryland in her best friend's Volvo. 229 00:09:56,523 --> 00:09:58,569 - John, how-- John, did you think? 230 00:09:58,613 --> 00:10:01,224 Did you say to yourself, "What am I doing? 231 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,921 This has to stop!" 232 00:10:02,965 --> 00:10:05,532 - Yeah. Unfortunately, I didn't say it to her. 233 00:10:05,576 --> 00:10:07,883 It was like some game of chicken. 234 00:10:07,926 --> 00:10:10,712 Each one of us thinking the other would call it off. 235 00:10:10,755 --> 00:10:13,192 I kept thinking she'd break any minute 236 00:10:13,236 --> 00:10:16,805 as we drove through New York, then through Lincoln Tunnel, 237 00:10:16,848 --> 00:10:18,110 then to New Jersey... 238 00:10:18,154 --> 00:10:19,851 - John, do me a favor. 239 00:10:19,895 --> 00:10:22,027 Don't say every landmark from here to Maryland, okay? 240 00:10:22,071 --> 00:10:24,377 - It's all so weird! 241 00:10:24,421 --> 00:10:25,770 It was so terrific being with her 242 00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:27,685 that we were in Maryland before we knew it. 243 00:10:27,729 --> 00:10:31,776 - Yeah, them Volvos are great. 244 00:10:31,820 --> 00:10:33,735 - Anyhow, this morning, 245 00:10:33,778 --> 00:10:36,520 we applied for the license and... 246 00:10:36,563 --> 00:10:38,653 even bought a couple of rings. 247 00:10:38,696 --> 00:10:40,742 You know, still treating the whole thing like a joke, 248 00:10:40,785 --> 00:10:42,134 you know... 249 00:10:42,178 --> 00:10:43,701 and then we had dinner 250 00:10:43,745 --> 00:10:46,878 at this really neat Maryland McDonalds. 251 00:10:46,922 --> 00:10:48,097 The food's the same, 252 00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:51,970 but it's served by people from Maryland. 253 00:10:52,014 --> 00:10:55,930 Then we checked into this really nice $6 motel-- 254 00:10:55,974 --> 00:10:58,760 - Hey, John, I hate to be indelicate, 255 00:10:58,803 --> 00:11:00,936 but, uh, did you? 256 00:11:00,979 --> 00:11:02,459 - Oh, no, no. 257 00:11:02,502 --> 00:11:05,592 We were too excited for that. 258 00:11:05,636 --> 00:11:07,899 Anyhow, this morning, we picked up the license, 259 00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:09,858 and found the Justice of the Peace-- 260 00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:13,644 even then, I still felt we'd never go through with it. 261 00:11:13,688 --> 00:11:14,950 When the Justice of the Peace said, 262 00:11:14,993 --> 00:11:18,780 "Do you take this man to be your husband," 263 00:11:18,823 --> 00:11:21,739 I was sure that we'd both laugh like crazy, 264 00:11:21,783 --> 00:11:24,568 or she'd say no, but she didn't. 265 00:11:24,611 --> 00:11:28,877 She said, "I will if he will." 266 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,530 The Justice of the Peace asked me 267 00:11:30,574 --> 00:11:32,837 if I'd take her as my wife. 268 00:11:32,881 --> 00:11:34,752 I said no! 269 00:11:34,796 --> 00:11:37,537 But somehow it came out yes! 270 00:11:39,888 --> 00:11:42,368 And just like that, we were married. 271 00:11:42,412 --> 00:11:43,674 I mean, married. 272 00:11:43,718 --> 00:11:44,980 I mean, right away, we both knew 273 00:11:45,023 --> 00:11:46,895 it was the biggest mistake of our lives. 274 00:11:46,938 --> 00:11:49,549 All the way back, we only said three words. 275 00:11:49,593 --> 00:11:51,421 She said, "Need gas?" 276 00:11:51,464 --> 00:11:53,771 I said, "Yes." 277 00:11:56,252 --> 00:11:57,819 When we got back to town, 278 00:11:57,862 --> 00:12:01,518 I let her off at my apart-- our apartment... 279 00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:02,911 and there she sits, 280 00:12:02,954 --> 00:12:05,914 the woman Maryland considers my wife. 281 00:12:13,617 --> 00:12:15,880 I'm married! 282 00:12:15,924 --> 00:12:17,229 I really am! 283 00:12:17,273 --> 00:12:19,014 Alex, what am I going to do? 284 00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:20,276 I'm half crazy. 285 00:12:20,319 --> 00:12:23,366 - That's a conservative estimate. 286 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,759 Just relax. 287 00:12:24,802 --> 00:12:26,499 I know it looks very bad right now, 288 00:12:26,543 --> 00:12:28,284 but somehow we're going to figure out a way... 289 00:12:28,327 --> 00:12:30,416 - Oh, Burns... 290 00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:35,247 you decided to grace us with your presence. 291 00:12:35,291 --> 00:12:37,032 Well, listen here-- 292 00:12:37,075 --> 00:12:40,296 the next time you don't show up for work for two days, 293 00:12:40,339 --> 00:12:41,863 you're fired. 294 00:12:41,906 --> 00:12:43,560 - Hey, hey, Louie, the kid just got married. 295 00:12:43,603 --> 00:12:46,215 Don't yell at him. 296 00:12:46,258 --> 00:12:49,261 - Oh, I'm sorry. 297 00:12:51,873 --> 00:12:56,965 The next time you don't show up for work for two days, 298 00:12:57,008 --> 00:12:58,880 you're fired. 299 00:13:15,157 --> 00:13:18,987 - John, you got to go home sometime. 300 00:13:19,030 --> 00:13:22,686 - I can't. She's there. 301 00:13:22,729 --> 00:13:24,819 Mrs. me. 302 00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:28,997 I don't want to be married, Alex. 303 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,737 I don't know-- 304 00:13:30,781 --> 00:13:33,610 it sounds crazy, but in my mind, it's all connected. 305 00:13:33,653 --> 00:13:37,527 You get married, you have kids, you grow old, and then you die. 306 00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:38,920 Somehow, to me, 307 00:13:38,963 --> 00:13:42,532 if you didn't get married, you wouldn't die. 308 00:13:45,317 --> 00:13:47,798 - Hey, Fitz, how you doing? 309 00:13:47,842 --> 00:13:49,060 Ellen, Rudy! 310 00:13:49,104 --> 00:13:50,235 - Hey, how you doin'? 311 00:13:50,279 --> 00:13:52,194 - Hey, champ, how's it going? 312 00:13:52,237 --> 00:13:53,543 - Fine. 313 00:13:53,586 --> 00:13:55,632 - You want to risk your title against me? 314 00:13:55,675 --> 00:13:57,982 - How much? 315 00:13:58,026 --> 00:13:59,766 - Let's see here. 316 00:13:59,810 --> 00:14:02,073 How about 20 bucks? 317 00:14:02,117 --> 00:14:03,379 - You're on. 318 00:14:03,422 --> 00:14:05,903 - All right. 319 00:14:05,947 --> 00:14:07,035 - Two beers, Rudy. 320 00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:08,645 - [panting] 321 00:14:08,688 --> 00:14:10,168 - Hey, Louie. 322 00:14:10,212 --> 00:14:12,301 You still owe me money on your tab. 323 00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:13,998 - Oh, yeah, yeah, all right. 324 00:14:14,042 --> 00:14:18,133 Well, come by the garage this week and I'll give you a tire. 325 00:14:21,223 --> 00:14:22,137 Let's go. 326 00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:24,139 All right, now... 327 00:14:24,182 --> 00:14:26,054 I'll say, "one-two-three, go." 328 00:14:26,097 --> 00:14:27,316 Right? 329 00:14:27,359 --> 00:14:28,708 - Sure. 330 00:14:28,752 --> 00:14:32,060 - One, two, three. 331 00:14:32,103 --> 00:14:33,844 Hey, Rudy, did they find 332 00:14:33,888 --> 00:14:36,107 the rest of that rat that died in the beer keg? 333 00:14:36,151 --> 00:14:37,630 Go. 334 00:14:44,202 --> 00:14:46,901 The new champeen. 335 00:14:48,903 --> 00:14:51,079 Better luck next time, champ. 336 00:14:52,863 --> 00:14:54,473 [clears throat] 337 00:14:55,910 --> 00:14:57,999 Excuse me. 338 00:14:58,042 --> 00:14:59,304 Is this the wedding party? 339 00:14:59,348 --> 00:15:01,045 - Louie! 340 00:15:01,089 --> 00:15:03,961 Louie, I never thought I'd say this, but would you join us? 341 00:15:04,005 --> 00:15:05,832 - No, thank you. 342 00:15:05,876 --> 00:15:10,837 John, the little woman came by the garage tonight. 343 00:15:10,881 --> 00:15:12,709 She left a letter for you. 344 00:15:12,752 --> 00:15:14,102 - Well, let's have it. 345 00:15:14,145 --> 00:15:16,191 - For a buck. 346 00:15:16,234 --> 00:15:18,541 - Hey, the post office only charges 15¢. 347 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:22,153 - Yeah, and they're going broke. 348 00:15:22,197 --> 00:15:23,415 Thank you. 349 00:15:23,459 --> 00:15:25,765 Not bad--I've been here two minutes, had a beer, 350 00:15:25,809 --> 00:15:28,507 and won $21. 351 00:15:28,551 --> 00:15:30,161 Bye-bye. 352 00:15:30,205 --> 00:15:33,512 Oh, by the way, should I change your W-2 now, 353 00:15:33,555 --> 00:15:36,733 or do you want to see if you have kids by tonight? 354 00:15:47,439 --> 00:15:48,919 - We didn't order drinks. 355 00:15:48,963 --> 00:15:50,007 - It's on the house. 356 00:15:50,051 --> 00:15:52,183 You know, I got a "Dear John" once. 357 00:15:52,227 --> 00:15:54,011 - Oh, that isn't what this is. 358 00:15:57,188 --> 00:15:59,190 "Dear John..." 359 00:15:59,234 --> 00:16:01,497 - [chuckles] 360 00:16:04,195 --> 00:16:05,762 - You want me to read the letter? 361 00:16:05,805 --> 00:16:07,111 - Would you? 362 00:16:07,155 --> 00:16:08,808 - "Dear John, 363 00:16:08,852 --> 00:16:11,768 "I'm leaving you this letter because I'm ashamed to face you. 364 00:16:11,811 --> 00:16:14,205 "I hate to think of what you think of a girl 365 00:16:14,249 --> 00:16:17,034 "who runs off and marries a total stranger. 366 00:16:17,078 --> 00:16:18,035 "I don't know why 367 00:16:18,079 --> 00:16:20,255 "I do crazy things, 368 00:16:20,298 --> 00:16:21,734 "but I do know you're too nice a guy 369 00:16:21,778 --> 00:16:25,216 "to be stuck with an immature nut like me. 370 00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:28,089 Naturally, we'll have the marriage annulled..." 371 00:16:28,132 --> 00:16:30,439 both: Oh. 372 00:16:30,482 --> 00:16:33,920 - "Looking back, it seems like some bizarre dream. 373 00:16:33,964 --> 00:16:35,226 "Any minute, 374 00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:37,402 "I kept expecting you would wake me up, 375 00:16:37,446 --> 00:16:40,536 "but you didn't and I didn't. 376 00:16:40,579 --> 00:16:43,191 "So we did. 377 00:16:43,234 --> 00:16:45,323 "We sure did. 378 00:16:45,367 --> 00:16:48,283 "Right away, I knew it was a terrible mistake, 379 00:16:48,326 --> 00:16:49,893 "and I sensed you did too. 380 00:16:49,936 --> 00:16:53,288 "I've decided to move back with my folks for awhile, 381 00:16:53,331 --> 00:16:55,638 "try and get my head together. 382 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,119 "I hope what happened wasn't too hard on you. 383 00:16:58,162 --> 00:16:59,859 "I'm sure someday 384 00:16:59,903 --> 00:17:02,340 "you'll meet someone you really want to marry, 385 00:17:02,384 --> 00:17:04,342 "and whoever she is, I envy her. 386 00:17:04,386 --> 00:17:07,650 "Anyway, thanks for a special weekend. 387 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:08,998 "I'll never forget it. 388 00:17:09,043 --> 00:17:10,783 Or you." 389 00:17:10,826 --> 00:17:14,091 And it's signed, "Your future ex-wife, Suzanne." 390 00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:18,487 It's a nice letter. 391 00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:20,141 I read it nicely. 392 00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:27,800 And now, it looks like your problems are solved, kid. 393 00:17:27,844 --> 00:17:29,976 - Yeah. 394 00:17:30,020 --> 00:17:31,195 You know, Alex, 395 00:17:31,239 --> 00:17:33,719 that's the classiest letter I ever heard. 396 00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:36,548 Open, honest, sensitive. 397 00:17:36,592 --> 00:17:39,334 Just like she is. 398 00:17:39,377 --> 00:17:42,250 I got to get her back. 399 00:17:42,293 --> 00:17:43,512 Help me get her back. 400 00:17:43,555 --> 00:17:46,297 I never wanted anybody back so bad in my life. 401 00:17:48,256 --> 00:17:49,909 - Why do I come here so often? 402 00:17:49,953 --> 00:17:52,129 I almost never have a good time. 403 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,401 [buzzer buzzes] 404 00:18:11,279 --> 00:18:12,367 - Yes? 405 00:18:12,410 --> 00:18:14,020 - Mr. Caruthers? 406 00:18:14,064 --> 00:18:15,021 - Yes. 407 00:18:15,065 --> 00:18:16,284 - We're the ones who phoned you. 408 00:18:16,327 --> 00:18:18,590 On the phone. 409 00:18:18,634 --> 00:18:20,766 - I've been wondering what that was all about. 410 00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:23,247 - Um, can we come in? 411 00:18:23,291 --> 00:18:25,162 - I guess so. 412 00:18:25,206 --> 00:18:26,555 - I think you'll have to open the door 413 00:18:26,598 --> 00:18:28,165 a little more than that. 414 00:18:28,209 --> 00:18:30,994 - I'm sorry, but how do I know I can trust you? 415 00:18:31,037 --> 00:18:32,213 - Come here. 416 00:18:32,256 --> 00:18:33,866 Look at him. 417 00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:35,129 - Hi. 418 00:18:35,172 --> 00:18:36,652 - Okay. 419 00:18:41,961 --> 00:18:43,876 Now, what's this all about? 420 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,444 - Mr. Caruthers, my name is John Burns, 421 00:18:46,488 --> 00:18:48,925 and this is my friend, Alex Reiger. 422 00:18:50,013 --> 00:18:52,798 Alex will take over from here. 423 00:18:52,842 --> 00:18:56,715 - Oh, Mr. Caruthers, um, has your daughter told you? 424 00:18:56,759 --> 00:18:58,064 - Told me about what? 425 00:18:58,108 --> 00:18:59,588 - I guess she hasn't told you. 426 00:18:59,631 --> 00:19:01,285 - If you tell me what it is you want to know, 427 00:19:01,329 --> 00:19:03,157 whether or not she has told me, 428 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,855 then I'll tell you whether or not she has told it to me. 429 00:19:07,117 --> 00:19:08,466 - I can tell she hasn't told you. 430 00:19:08,510 --> 00:19:09,859 - Oh, Mark, I... 431 00:19:09,902 --> 00:19:11,339 - Oh, Lillian, this is Mr. Burns. 432 00:19:11,382 --> 00:19:12,601 - Reiger. 433 00:19:12,644 --> 00:19:14,124 - And this is Mr. Reiger. - Burns. 434 00:19:14,168 --> 00:19:15,734 - This is my wife, Mrs... - Caruthers. 435 00:19:15,778 --> 00:19:17,562 - Yes. - How are you? 436 00:19:17,606 --> 00:19:19,477 - Won't you sit down? - Thank you. 437 00:19:19,521 --> 00:19:21,044 - They're friends of Suzanne. 438 00:19:21,087 --> 00:19:23,438 - Oh, yes, well, Suzanne's in her room. 439 00:19:23,481 --> 00:19:26,223 - Oh, could you tell her that I'm here and maybe I love her? 440 00:19:26,267 --> 00:19:27,616 - Sit down. 441 00:19:27,659 --> 00:19:30,096 - First, I want to know what's going on. 442 00:19:32,186 --> 00:19:35,232 - Mr. Caruthers... 443 00:19:35,276 --> 00:19:36,886 Mr. Caruthers, do you like to hear things 444 00:19:36,929 --> 00:19:39,149 with the lily gilded or straight between the eyes? 445 00:19:39,193 --> 00:19:40,890 - Gilded. 446 00:19:40,933 --> 00:19:44,110 - You see, we've always tried to instill in our daughter 447 00:19:44,154 --> 00:19:49,420 the good grace to conceal virtually everything from us. 448 00:19:49,464 --> 00:19:51,161 - She hasn't told you anything? 449 00:19:51,205 --> 00:19:55,252 - Not since 1971. 450 00:19:55,296 --> 00:19:56,558 - Well, Mr. and Mrs. Caruthers, 451 00:19:56,601 --> 00:19:57,950 I think you better brace yourself, 452 00:19:57,994 --> 00:19:59,387 because what I have to tell you... 453 00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,432 - Someone come in? I heard the... 454 00:20:01,476 --> 00:20:03,217 Oh, John. 455 00:20:03,260 --> 00:20:04,479 - Suzanne. 456 00:20:04,522 --> 00:20:05,480 - Hold it. 457 00:20:05,523 --> 00:20:07,003 Sit down. 458 00:20:07,046 --> 00:20:09,440 This man is about to tell us something. 459 00:20:09,484 --> 00:20:11,268 Well, go on, sir. We're listening. 460 00:20:11,312 --> 00:20:13,052 Oh, uh, yes, um... 461 00:20:13,096 --> 00:20:14,489 You sure you don't want it straight? 462 00:20:14,532 --> 00:20:15,968 - Absolutely. 463 00:20:16,012 --> 00:20:16,969 - Right. 464 00:20:17,013 --> 00:20:19,320 Okay, now, let's see, um... 465 00:20:19,363 --> 00:20:20,843 [clears throat] 466 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,453 Well, how's this: do you believe 467 00:20:22,497 --> 00:20:24,020 in love at first sight? 468 00:20:24,063 --> 00:20:27,458 - I believe the notion of love at first sight 469 00:20:27,502 --> 00:20:31,332 is a debasement of every moral, spiritual, and ethical value 470 00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:33,856 that I and my family hold dear. 471 00:20:38,513 --> 00:20:40,993 - This is no snap. 472 00:20:41,037 --> 00:20:42,691 Well, I have to give it to you straight then. 473 00:20:42,734 --> 00:20:44,388 This is what happened: 474 00:20:44,432 --> 00:20:46,347 Three nights ago, John met your daughter in a bar, 475 00:20:46,390 --> 00:20:47,826 they fell in love, 476 00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:49,785 and after looking at each other countless times, 477 00:20:49,828 --> 00:20:51,787 drove to Maryland and got married. 478 00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,963 - You were in a bar? 479 00:20:58,968 --> 00:21:00,665 - Mark, don't you understand? 480 00:21:00,709 --> 00:21:03,015 Our daughter is married. 481 00:21:03,059 --> 00:21:05,931 And this man is our son. 482 00:21:05,975 --> 00:21:07,324 - But they're going to get divorced. 483 00:21:07,368 --> 00:21:08,630 - Oh. 484 00:21:08,673 --> 00:21:10,240 - But John wants to stay married. 485 00:21:10,284 --> 00:21:11,546 - Oh. 486 00:21:11,589 --> 00:21:13,417 - But your daughter wants to get an annulment. 487 00:21:13,461 --> 00:21:15,637 - Is this fun for you? 488 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:19,989 - Well, once you get into it. 489 00:21:20,032 --> 00:21:23,209 No, listen-- look, now that we all know, 490 00:21:23,253 --> 00:21:26,169 why don't we all just leave them alone together, 491 00:21:26,212 --> 00:21:28,040 so they could, uh... 492 00:21:28,084 --> 00:21:32,349 Or we could stay and stare at each other. 493 00:21:32,393 --> 00:21:35,483 - That's not such a bad idea. 494 00:21:35,526 --> 00:21:39,138 I think I've spent too much time ducking things like this. 495 00:21:39,182 --> 00:21:41,532 Maybe the time has come to forget my fears 496 00:21:41,576 --> 00:21:44,361 and pay attention to my daughter. 497 00:21:44,405 --> 00:21:48,887 Yes, this is it. 498 00:21:48,931 --> 00:21:50,933 The time has come to stay with her 499 00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,543 and face this thing head-on. 500 00:21:52,587 --> 00:21:53,805 Mr. Reiger? 501 00:21:53,849 --> 00:21:55,241 - Right. 502 00:22:07,602 --> 00:22:11,301 - Suzanne, when we were in that motel room in Maryland-- 503 00:22:11,345 --> 00:22:13,695 - Hup, that's it! 504 00:22:13,738 --> 00:22:16,393 Let's go, Lillian. 505 00:22:16,437 --> 00:22:17,655 Mr. Reiger. 506 00:22:17,699 --> 00:22:19,570 - Right. 507 00:22:19,614 --> 00:22:21,529 Take your time, John. Don't worry about me. 508 00:22:21,572 --> 00:22:23,444 I'll be having fun standing in the kitchenette 509 00:22:23,487 --> 00:22:25,924 with Mr. and Mrs. Caruthers. 510 00:22:29,493 --> 00:22:31,539 - You want to stay married? 511 00:22:31,582 --> 00:22:32,975 - I do. 512 00:22:34,455 --> 00:22:37,153 - I figured you'd never want to see me again. 513 00:22:37,196 --> 00:22:40,504 - Oh, look, Suzanne, what happened 514 00:22:40,548 --> 00:22:43,072 was just as much my fault as it was yours. 515 00:22:43,115 --> 00:22:44,508 You know, I think that's what 516 00:22:44,552 --> 00:22:45,770 brought us both together. 517 00:22:45,814 --> 00:22:47,511 We're both crazy. 518 00:22:48,599 --> 00:22:50,688 I just think that, for some reason, 519 00:22:50,732 --> 00:22:54,083 we had the instinct to be with each other. 520 00:22:54,126 --> 00:22:56,868 Now, I know it doesn't make sense, 521 00:22:56,912 --> 00:22:59,218 'cause we hardly know each other, 522 00:22:59,262 --> 00:23:02,439 but right now, I'd rather follow my instinct 523 00:23:02,483 --> 00:23:04,049 and not make sense. 524 00:23:06,791 --> 00:23:10,708 Suzanne, will you not get annulled with me? 525 00:23:13,189 --> 00:23:14,495 - No. 526 00:23:14,538 --> 00:23:16,714 - Oh, that's terrific. 527 00:23:16,758 --> 00:23:17,933 No! Wait a minute! 528 00:23:17,976 --> 00:23:19,021 No what? 529 00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,544 - No, I won't get annulled. 530 00:23:20,588 --> 00:23:22,111 - I can't believe it. 531 00:23:22,154 --> 00:23:23,808 She said, "No." 532 00:23:23,852 --> 00:23:25,288 Oh, oh! 533 00:23:25,331 --> 00:23:28,683 - Oh, boy, you better be as nice as you seem. 534 00:23:28,726 --> 00:23:30,685 - I am. 535 00:23:30,728 --> 00:23:32,295 Hey, let's call your folks. 536 00:23:32,338 --> 00:23:33,557 - Oh, Dad, Mom! 537 00:23:33,601 --> 00:23:35,907 - Alex! - What's wrong? 538 00:23:38,344 --> 00:23:39,998 - Mr. and Mrs. Caruthers, 539 00:23:40,042 --> 00:23:42,871 I'd like your permission to marry my wife. 540 00:23:57,146 --> 00:23:58,539 - Hey, man, you got rid of her. 541 00:23:58,582 --> 00:23:59,801 That's great. 542 00:23:59,844 --> 00:24:01,367 - No, we're staying married. 543 00:24:01,411 --> 00:24:03,457 - Congratulations, she's a wonderful girl. 544 00:24:03,500 --> 00:24:04,936 - Yeah. 545 00:24:12,683 --> 00:24:15,904 [funky jazz music] 546 00:24:15,947 --> 00:24:23,868 ♪♪ 547 00:24:38,579 --> 00:24:40,232 - Night, Mr. Walters. 548 00:24:40,276 --> 00:24:41,712 - [grunts]