1 00:00:01,407 --> 00:00:04,410 [theme music playing] 2 00:01:15,002 --> 00:01:16,786 It's okay, I guess. 3 00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:17,744 Why am I being modest? 4 00:01:17,875 --> 00:01:18,789 I'm alone. 5 00:01:18,919 --> 00:01:20,443 It's perfect. 6 00:01:24,925 --> 00:01:26,623 Metropolitan Museum. 7 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:27,928 I bet you're wondering how you got a cab 8 00:01:28,059 --> 00:01:30,235 so fast in this rain, huh. 9 00:01:30,366 --> 00:01:31,845 Well, it's because I've been sitting here admiring 10 00:01:31,976 --> 00:01:33,586 this window display. 11 00:01:33,717 --> 00:01:35,458 You see, I work here part-time at this art gallery. 12 00:01:35,588 --> 00:01:37,460 Uh, excuse me, if you don't mind, 13 00:01:37,590 --> 00:01:39,026 I really don't feel much like talking. 14 00:01:39,157 --> 00:01:40,506 Just take me to the Metropolitan, okay? 15 00:01:40,637 --> 00:01:41,725 Oh, I wasn't talking, I was just... 16 00:01:41,855 --> 00:01:43,466 Hey! 17 00:01:43,596 --> 00:01:45,423 I don't know how to make it any clearer than that. 18 00:01:45,554 --> 00:01:46,860 Please take me to the Metropolitan. 19 00:01:48,253 --> 00:01:50,429 Okay. You charmed me into it. 20 00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:55,826 Where you going? 21 00:01:55,956 --> 00:01:57,741 You said the Metropolitan Museum. 22 00:01:57,871 --> 00:01:59,917 I meant the one in New York. Why didn't you stay on Madison? 23 00:02:00,047 --> 00:02:02,528 It's shorter this way. You said you were in a hurry. 24 00:02:02,659 --> 00:02:05,662 You are taking a longer route than you need to. 25 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,316 It's not any longer. You know, hey, wait a minute. 26 00:02:08,446 --> 00:02:10,057 Are you accusing me of jacking up the fare? 27 00:02:10,188 --> 00:02:11,842 No. I'm accusing you of trying. 28 00:02:11,972 --> 00:02:13,626 Unfortunately, I caught you. 29 00:02:13,757 --> 00:02:15,976 Hey, look, Mister. I swear I'm not trying to cheat you. 30 00:02:16,106 --> 00:02:17,891 Now if you want, I can take you back where I picked you up, 31 00:02:18,022 --> 00:02:19,806 and we can start over and I'll take a different route. 32 00:02:19,937 --> 00:02:22,026 Thanks, but I've seen Jersey. 33 00:02:26,073 --> 00:02:27,901 Okay, out of the cab. 34 00:02:29,076 --> 00:02:30,774 It's pouring rain out there. 35 00:02:30,904 --> 00:02:33,298 The law says you have to take me wherever I want to go. 36 00:02:33,429 --> 00:02:36,040 There's no way you can make me leave this cab. 37 00:02:36,171 --> 00:02:41,654 Rape... rape... rape! Rape. 38 00:02:41,785 --> 00:02:43,569 You may have a little trouble getting that story to stick 39 00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,484 when the police find out I'm the National Secretary 40 00:02:45,615 --> 00:02:47,443 for the Gay Liberation Force. 41 00:02:52,187 --> 00:02:54,363 We'll be there in a few minutes. 42 00:03:06,418 --> 00:03:07,506 Next time be a little more careful 43 00:03:07,637 --> 00:03:09,247 who you try and rip off. 44 00:03:09,378 --> 00:03:11,989 Look, Mister, I realize we've had our differences 45 00:03:12,118 --> 00:03:14,209 but you owe me $2.85. 46 00:03:14,339 --> 00:03:16,515 Here's a dollar. I'm not paying for the scenic route. 47 00:03:16,646 --> 00:03:19,083 Hey, wait a minute, Mister! 48 00:03:19,214 --> 00:03:22,391 Mister, you forgot your briefcase. 49 00:03:22,521 --> 00:03:24,001 Oh. 50 00:03:24,131 --> 00:03:26,264 Hey, come back here! 51 00:03:29,963 --> 00:03:31,748 He's faster than he looks. 52 00:03:39,277 --> 00:03:41,323 Come on, come on. Jacks or better. 53 00:03:41,453 --> 00:03:42,889 All right, give me something good. 54 00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:45,022 Not if I can help it. 55 00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:48,546 Oh, sweet heaven. 56 00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:51,768 Did I tip my hand again? 57 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,856 Only to the trained eye. 58 00:03:53,987 --> 00:03:56,076 Why do I do that all the time? 59 00:03:56,207 --> 00:03:59,036 - Hi, guys. - Hey, Elaine. What do you say? 60 00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:00,429 I'm not sure. 61 00:04:00,559 --> 00:04:02,257 I just had a really bad fare today. 62 00:04:02,387 --> 00:04:04,911 Hey, Bobby, she thinks she had a bad fare. 63 00:04:05,042 --> 00:04:06,652 What happened? 64 00:04:06,783 --> 00:04:10,003 I had the QANTAS koala bear get carsick in my cab. 65 00:04:10,134 --> 00:04:13,485 And you don't want to know what a koala bear does 66 00:04:13,616 --> 00:04:16,227 when he gets carsick. 67 00:04:16,358 --> 00:04:18,402 Hey, Alex, could I talk to you for a moment? 68 00:04:18,534 --> 00:04:19,926 Huh? Yeah, sure. 69 00:04:20,057 --> 00:04:22,538 - Deal me out. - I'll sit in for you. 70 00:04:22,668 --> 00:04:24,104 What's wrong? 71 00:04:24,235 --> 00:04:27,151 - I feel really strange. - Why? What is it? 72 00:04:27,282 --> 00:04:30,285 Well, you know that art gallery where I work part-time? 73 00:04:30,415 --> 00:04:33,070 And where they treat me like I was some sort of receptionist? 74 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,377 Yeah. You mean the place where you work as a receptionist. 75 00:04:35,507 --> 00:04:38,510 Yeah. Well, they let me design 76 00:04:38,641 --> 00:04:41,339 their new window display for their new exhibit 77 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:43,646 and everybody loved what I did. 78 00:04:43,776 --> 00:04:47,214 And now, it's just staring out on Madison Avenue. 79 00:04:47,345 --> 00:04:49,129 People are even congratulating me. 80 00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:50,783 No wonder you're down. 81 00:04:50,914 --> 00:04:52,872 You realized your lifelong ambition. 82 00:04:53,003 --> 00:04:57,224 I know, but--I mean, it just doesn't seem like my life, you know. 83 00:04:57,355 --> 00:04:59,270 Things like this never happen to me. 84 00:05:00,576 --> 00:05:02,795 That's why I got a little crazy and I pushed. 85 00:05:02,926 --> 00:05:05,668 I invited them all to a party, and they accepted. 86 00:05:05,798 --> 00:05:07,626 Oh, hey, sounds like you're on a roll. 87 00:05:07,757 --> 00:05:09,846 Let me know how it turns out. 88 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,065 I was kind of hoping that maybe you'd come. 89 00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:13,937 See, I'd really like to have one person there 90 00:05:14,067 --> 00:05:16,113 that I don't care about impressing. 91 00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:20,987 How can I turn down an invitation like that? 92 00:05:21,118 --> 00:05:24,991 Yeah, and one more thing-- when you're at the party 93 00:05:25,122 --> 00:05:28,081 can you remember that nobody knows that I'm a cab driver? 94 00:05:28,212 --> 00:05:30,127 See, if they knew I drove a cab at night 95 00:05:30,257 --> 00:05:32,042 they'd find it a little unusual. 96 00:05:32,172 --> 00:05:34,740 I can't afford to be unusual yet. 97 00:05:34,871 --> 00:05:37,308 So you actually lie about your job? 98 00:05:37,439 --> 00:05:40,833 I don't lie. I fudge. 99 00:05:40,964 --> 00:05:43,096 I'm kind of hoping that maybe you won't tell them 100 00:05:43,227 --> 00:05:44,576 that you're a cab driver, either. 101 00:05:44,707 --> 00:05:46,099 Oh, no, no, no. I won't do that, Elaine. 102 00:05:46,230 --> 00:05:48,101 - Oh, come on... - Nope! 103 00:05:48,232 --> 00:05:49,451 It's one little thing. 104 00:05:49,581 --> 00:05:50,974 No, it's not just one little thing. 105 00:05:51,104 --> 00:05:53,803 Hey, sure it is. Ask anybody. 106 00:05:53,933 --> 00:05:55,195 Hey, guys, can you believe him? 107 00:05:55,326 --> 00:05:57,023 He won't tell one little lie for me. 108 00:05:57,154 --> 00:05:59,722 Oh, the only guy I know that never told a lie was my dad. 109 00:05:59,852 --> 00:06:01,027 Come on. Never? 110 00:06:01,158 --> 00:06:03,160 Nope. He once told me 111 00:06:03,290 --> 00:06:06,424 "John, remember your father's words. 112 00:06:06,555 --> 00:06:09,993 "The liar's punishment is not that he is not believed 113 00:06:10,123 --> 00:06:12,691 but that he cannot believe anyone else." 114 00:06:12,822 --> 00:06:17,347 John, George Bernard Shaw said that. 115 00:06:17,479 --> 00:06:18,741 He did? 116 00:06:18,871 --> 00:06:21,831 Your father was George Bernard Shaw? 117 00:06:21,961 --> 00:06:23,702 Alex, Can we talk about this? 118 00:06:23,833 --> 00:06:25,182 What do you want him to lie about? 119 00:06:25,312 --> 00:06:26,531 Maybe I can do it for you. 120 00:06:26,662 --> 00:06:28,097 I'm throwing a party Friday night. 121 00:06:28,228 --> 00:06:30,883 Hey, it's a little short notice, but I can make it. 122 00:06:31,014 --> 00:06:32,755 Why are you having a party on Friday night? 123 00:06:32,885 --> 00:06:34,409 We're all going to miss a lot of business. 124 00:06:34,539 --> 00:06:36,585 Well, actually guys, this is a party I'm throwing 125 00:06:36,715 --> 00:06:38,195 for the people at my art gallery. 126 00:06:38,325 --> 00:06:40,371 Who cares, the more, the merrier. Right? 127 00:06:40,502 --> 00:06:41,633 They don't understand. 128 00:06:41,764 --> 00:06:44,070 Oh, I get it. 129 00:06:44,201 --> 00:06:45,332 We're not invited. 130 00:06:46,377 --> 00:06:48,858 How come we can't go to the party too? 131 00:06:48,988 --> 00:06:50,642 'Cause we're nobodies. 132 00:06:50,773 --> 00:06:53,515 We're stupid, ignorant, low-life cabbies. 133 00:06:53,645 --> 00:06:55,647 Oh. 134 00:06:55,778 --> 00:06:57,432 What do you think, Latka? 135 00:06:57,562 --> 00:07:01,871 [speaking native tongue] 136 00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:04,177 Latka, in English. 137 00:07:04,308 --> 00:07:08,834 If they don't come, I don't come. 138 00:07:08,965 --> 00:07:11,010 I'm sorry. They can't come. 139 00:07:11,141 --> 00:07:14,274 All right, then I come without them. 140 00:07:15,450 --> 00:07:17,234 All right! All right! You can come. 141 00:07:17,364 --> 00:07:19,410 If it means that much to you. 142 00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:21,412 If it doesn't matter to you that you screw me up 143 00:07:21,543 --> 00:07:23,632 with my bosses or ruin the one chance I have 144 00:07:23,762 --> 00:07:25,460 to send my kids to a decent school 145 00:07:25,590 --> 00:07:27,679 then, by all means, just come to my party. 146 00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:29,638 What's the address? 147 00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,945 Hey, you come with me. I know where it is. 148 00:07:33,076 --> 00:07:34,730 Thank you very much. 149 00:07:34,860 --> 00:07:36,035 Hey, let's go get something to eat, 150 00:07:36,166 --> 00:07:38,211 and I'll tell you about my outfit. 151 00:07:38,342 --> 00:07:41,519 Hey, Elaine, hey, don't worry about us, huh. 152 00:07:41,650 --> 00:07:43,869 Nobody's gonna know we're taxicab drivers. 153 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,392 Come on. We'll cover it up for you. All right? 154 00:07:45,523 --> 00:07:46,872 - Okay. - All right. 155 00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:49,266 See you later, Alex. 156 00:07:49,396 --> 00:07:51,181 Ahem! 157 00:07:51,311 --> 00:07:53,096 Oh, you're in luck. 158 00:07:53,226 --> 00:07:55,011 Looks like you got a chance to nab Louie for your guest list. 159 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,753 Yeah, I might give your party a tumble. 160 00:07:57,883 --> 00:08:00,103 Perhaps some of those art-world cuties 161 00:08:00,233 --> 00:08:04,629 might want me to pose for them au naturel. 162 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:05,935 Louie, you're not invited. 163 00:08:06,065 --> 00:08:07,284 What do you mean? 164 00:08:07,414 --> 00:08:09,504 I mean if you're even seen in the vicinity 165 00:08:09,634 --> 00:08:11,244 of my apartment Friday night 166 00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:12,768 I'll have you arrested. 167 00:08:12,898 --> 00:08:16,032 Oh, reallynot invited. 168 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,164 Okay. Who needs you? 169 00:08:18,295 --> 00:08:21,080 Come on let's get this garage back to normal! 170 00:08:21,211 --> 00:08:24,301 Hey, Latka! You finish cleaning that cab yet? 171 00:08:27,347 --> 00:08:28,610 Phew! 172 00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:31,917 Who drive a sick koala bear? 173 00:08:39,054 --> 00:08:41,927 [doorbell ringing] 174 00:08:42,058 --> 00:08:43,146 Alex? 175 00:08:43,275 --> 00:08:45,235 - Yeah. - [sighs] 176 00:08:46,584 --> 00:08:48,238 - Hi. - Hi. 177 00:08:48,368 --> 00:08:49,369 Did I get the wrong night? 178 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,502 No, this is the night. 179 00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:52,590 Well, don't bother to introduce me. 180 00:08:52,721 --> 00:08:54,200 I'll just mingle. 181 00:08:54,331 --> 00:08:55,593 How are you? 182 00:08:55,724 --> 00:08:57,116 I played a little trick on you, Alex. 183 00:08:57,247 --> 00:08:58,335 - Oh? - I told you the wrong time 184 00:08:58,465 --> 00:08:59,423 so that you'd get here early. 185 00:08:59,554 --> 00:09:00,859 Great trick. Why? 186 00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:02,600 Well, see, you're doing me a favor. 187 00:09:02,731 --> 00:09:04,515 Now that you're here, no one has to go through 188 00:09:04,646 --> 00:09:06,865 the embarrassment of arriving first. 189 00:09:06,996 --> 00:09:09,215 You know how uncomfortable that can be. 190 00:09:13,306 --> 00:09:14,830 I can only imagine. 191 00:09:16,005 --> 00:09:18,050 Besides, I'm a little insecure about this party 192 00:09:18,181 --> 00:09:19,399 and I wanted someone to tell me 193 00:09:19,530 --> 00:09:21,227 how nice the place looks. 194 00:09:24,709 --> 00:09:25,710 Well, you can start anytime. 195 00:09:25,841 --> 00:09:26,798 Oh, yes. 196 00:09:26,929 --> 00:09:28,713 It looks great. 197 00:09:28,844 --> 00:09:30,672 No, it really does. I like that. 198 00:09:30,802 --> 00:09:32,151 Oh, and I like that. 199 00:09:32,282 --> 00:09:34,023 And I really like this. 200 00:09:34,153 --> 00:09:35,067 Thanks. 201 00:09:35,198 --> 00:09:36,678 You know, this was hard. 202 00:09:36,808 --> 00:09:38,070 I had to borrow some furniture 203 00:09:38,201 --> 00:09:40,159 and move the kids' beds upstairs. 204 00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:42,466 I'm really knocking myself out for this party. 205 00:09:42,597 --> 00:09:43,989 But I think I'm going to be okay 206 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,948 as long as my cheese puffs are a hit. 207 00:09:46,078 --> 00:09:47,819 Oh... 208 00:09:50,082 --> 00:09:52,041 Delicious. 209 00:09:52,171 --> 00:09:55,044 Take it from a puff man. 210 00:09:55,174 --> 00:09:59,265 So, is there anything I've overlooked? 211 00:09:59,396 --> 00:10:02,660 Oh, uh... persons. 212 00:10:02,791 --> 00:10:05,663 They're coming. Anything else? 213 00:10:05,794 --> 00:10:07,186 Something for persons to drink. 214 00:10:07,317 --> 00:10:09,058 That's a little bit of a problem. 215 00:10:09,188 --> 00:10:11,277 You see, I used a discount liquor store. 216 00:10:11,408 --> 00:10:13,628 And I don't want anyone to see the labels. 217 00:10:13,758 --> 00:10:15,151 They're kind of off-brands. 218 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,892 Like what? 219 00:10:17,022 --> 00:10:19,155 Ever heard of Betty's vodka? 220 00:10:22,854 --> 00:10:24,029 Gentlemen never tell. 221 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:25,770 Can I make a suggestion? 222 00:10:25,901 --> 00:10:27,293 Why don't you put the stuff in a punch bowl 223 00:10:27,424 --> 00:10:29,948 and add ginger ale and juices. 224 00:10:30,079 --> 00:10:33,604 - Oh, that's a great idea. - There you go. 225 00:10:33,735 --> 00:10:36,389 You know, I never even thought about mixing. 226 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,957 Oh... I just hope I got enough champagne. 227 00:10:39,088 --> 00:10:41,438 - How much did you get? - 12 Cans. 228 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,312 Canned champagne? 229 00:10:46,443 --> 00:10:47,966 I guess for those macho gourmets 230 00:10:48,097 --> 00:10:50,273 who like to crush something after a sip. 231 00:10:50,403 --> 00:10:51,535 [doorbell ringing] 232 00:10:51,666 --> 00:10:52,884 Oh, Alex, this is it! 233 00:10:53,015 --> 00:10:55,974 Now, now, just relax. Relax. 234 00:10:56,105 --> 00:10:58,498 They're just people. 235 00:11:07,464 --> 00:11:10,032 There's always the exception to the rule. 236 00:11:10,162 --> 00:11:11,729 Party time for Latka? 237 00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:13,862 Not until you take off those overalls. 238 00:11:13,992 --> 00:11:15,820 Oh, this is good party. 239 00:11:15,951 --> 00:11:18,562 No! No! Latka! 240 00:11:18,693 --> 00:11:21,347 You've got to change into nicer clothes. 241 00:11:22,697 --> 00:11:24,046 Oh... 242 00:11:24,176 --> 00:11:26,178 [speaking native tongue] 243 00:11:26,309 --> 00:11:28,180 ...in truck... [speaking native tongue] 244 00:11:33,577 --> 00:11:35,274 You think it's all right to have him here? 245 00:11:35,405 --> 00:11:38,669 Are you kidding? He's my pick for the life of the party. 246 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,716 Oh, Alex, are you sure everything looks okay? 247 00:11:41,846 --> 00:11:43,630 Elaine, believe me. The apartment looks wonderful. 248 00:11:43,761 --> 00:11:45,415 Now will you just relax. Huh? 249 00:11:45,545 --> 00:11:47,286 Okay. Okay. 250 00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:48,940 Hey, you know, you may not believe this, but I've really 251 00:11:49,071 --> 00:11:50,725 calmed down a lot since you got here. 252 00:11:50,855 --> 00:11:52,552 Yeah, I can see that. 253 00:11:52,683 --> 00:11:56,600 Oh, um, but could I just ask you one more little favor? 254 00:11:56,731 --> 00:11:58,080 Yep. 255 00:11:58,210 --> 00:11:59,821 If you tell these people you're a cab driver 256 00:11:59,951 --> 00:12:01,431 then they'll gonna ask how you how you know me, 257 00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:04,086 and you'll give everything away. 258 00:12:04,216 --> 00:12:07,437 Elaine, is that the real reason you got me over here early? Huh? 259 00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:09,091 Oh, come on. How could you do that? 260 00:12:09,221 --> 00:12:10,483 How could you do a thing like that? 261 00:12:10,614 --> 00:12:12,094 Come on, Alex. This is a cocktail party. 262 00:12:12,224 --> 00:12:15,140 Oh, for crying out loud. 263 00:12:15,271 --> 00:12:17,142 Why do you have to come on so super-ethical anyway? 264 00:12:17,273 --> 00:12:18,491 I am not ethical, Elaine. 265 00:12:18,622 --> 00:12:21,016 I am... chicken. 266 00:12:21,146 --> 00:12:22,713 I don't lie for the simple reason 267 00:12:22,844 --> 00:12:24,759 I am afraid of getting caught. 268 00:12:24,889 --> 00:12:25,890 There's nothing more embarrassing 269 00:12:26,021 --> 00:12:26,891 than getting caught in a lie. 270 00:12:27,022 --> 00:12:28,458 Besides, if you don't lie 271 00:12:28,588 --> 00:12:29,981 you don't have to try to remember what you said. 272 00:12:30,112 --> 00:12:33,115 Okay. Okay. 273 00:12:33,245 --> 00:12:34,680 If it happens, it happens. 274 00:12:34,812 --> 00:12:36,988 All right. All right. 275 00:12:37,119 --> 00:12:38,903 I'm not going to lie 276 00:12:39,034 --> 00:12:42,689 but I won't say anything if I'm not asked. Okay? 277 00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:44,430 - Okay. Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 278 00:12:44,561 --> 00:12:47,390 [doorbell ringing] 279 00:12:55,050 --> 00:12:56,399 Party overalls. 280 00:12:56,529 --> 00:12:57,617 Now you're talking. 281 00:12:57,748 --> 00:12:58,836 Neat. 282 00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:01,360 Latka learn 283 00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:03,928 party talk. 284 00:13:04,059 --> 00:13:05,712 Yeah. 285 00:13:05,843 --> 00:13:07,714 "What are you drinking? 286 00:13:07,845 --> 00:13:10,456 "Aren't there a lot of phonies here? 287 00:13:11,762 --> 00:13:14,678 "Let's go to my place. 288 00:13:16,549 --> 00:13:18,508 Was it good for you?" 289 00:13:22,294 --> 00:13:23,730 You've been teaching him. 290 00:13:23,861 --> 00:13:26,211 Not me. I was going to ask for a copy myself. 291 00:13:49,669 --> 00:13:51,062 Looks like your party's a hit, Elaine. 292 00:13:51,193 --> 00:13:53,282 Yeah, so far, so good. 293 00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:54,805 I'm a little worried about the guys. 294 00:13:54,936 --> 00:13:56,546 They don't seem to be mingling. 295 00:13:56,676 --> 00:13:58,591 Yeah, only with each other. 296 00:13:58,722 --> 00:14:01,290 Hey, it's your turn, Tony. How did yourparents meet? 297 00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:02,465 It was in Italy... 298 00:14:03,814 --> 00:14:06,338 Come on, you guys. I want you to meet some people. 299 00:14:06,469 --> 00:14:08,819 That's okay, Elaine we already have. 300 00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:11,300 Yeah, I think we're just going to shove off. 301 00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,476 - Ah, why? - Because, we don't fit in. 302 00:14:13,606 --> 00:14:16,566 We're the kind of guys who like to have fun. 303 00:14:16,696 --> 00:14:18,829 - Thanks a lot, Elaine. - Bye-bye. 304 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,396 - Take it easy, Alex. - Great punch. 305 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,485 - Okay - Bye. 306 00:14:26,271 --> 00:14:27,446 Stop envying them. 307 00:14:30,362 --> 00:14:31,711 Mrs. Hazeltine? 308 00:14:31,842 --> 00:14:34,105 Oh. Thank you, Elaine. 309 00:14:34,236 --> 00:14:35,280 These are delicious. 310 00:14:35,411 --> 00:14:36,673 Thank you. 311 00:14:36,803 --> 00:14:38,588 - I love your paintings. - Really? 312 00:14:38,718 --> 00:14:40,503 But I don't recognize the artist. 313 00:14:40,633 --> 00:14:42,853 Well, as a matter of fact, I live with the artist. 314 00:14:42,984 --> 00:14:44,333 You what? 315 00:14:44,463 --> 00:14:46,291 - It's my daughter. - Oh. 316 00:14:46,422 --> 00:14:47,814 Except the one of the bunny rabbit. 317 00:14:47,945 --> 00:14:50,165 That was done by my ex-husband. 318 00:14:52,950 --> 00:14:54,560 We've been talking about the new exhibit 319 00:14:54,691 --> 00:14:56,649 - at the Museum of Modern Art. - Oh. 320 00:14:56,780 --> 00:14:58,825 - Have you seen it? - Oh, yes, I have. Twice. 321 00:14:58,956 --> 00:15:00,653 Did you like the Magritte drawings? 322 00:15:00,784 --> 00:15:03,091 Oh. Um... 323 00:15:03,221 --> 00:15:04,744 would you excuse me for a moment? 324 00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:06,050 There's something I've got to take care of. 325 00:15:06,181 --> 00:15:07,617 All right. 326 00:15:08,966 --> 00:15:12,013 Alex... one of the biggest art dealers in New York 327 00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:13,623 just asked my opinion of an exhibit. 328 00:15:13,753 --> 00:15:15,103 Oh, terrific. 329 00:15:15,233 --> 00:15:17,627 - Give it. - Oh. 330 00:15:17,757 --> 00:15:18,976 Thank you very much. 331 00:15:19,107 --> 00:15:20,935 Going to go now. 332 00:15:21,065 --> 00:15:22,719 Well, I'm glad you could come, Latka. 333 00:15:22,849 --> 00:15:24,677 - Bye-bye. - Bye. 334 00:15:24,808 --> 00:15:28,116 Eh, aren't there a lot of phonies here? 335 00:15:28,246 --> 00:15:30,422 Let's go to my place. 336 00:15:32,337 --> 00:15:33,817 For you. 337 00:15:37,125 --> 00:15:39,649 Come on. Come on. 338 00:15:44,523 --> 00:15:46,786 It must be the way he says it. 339 00:15:48,701 --> 00:15:50,703 Boy, this champagne is terrific, huh? 340 00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:52,053 I wonder what kind it is. 341 00:15:53,924 --> 00:15:55,404 Del Monte. 342 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,407 My name is Paul. 343 00:15:58,537 --> 00:16:01,932 - I write for Art News. - Oh, I'm Alex. 344 00:16:02,063 --> 00:16:03,629 What do you do, Alex? 345 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,719 Oh, this and that. 346 00:16:06,850 --> 00:16:08,156 Sounds interesting. 347 00:16:08,286 --> 00:16:10,245 This and that what? 348 00:16:10,375 --> 00:16:11,942 I, uh... 349 00:16:12,073 --> 00:16:13,813 sort of free-lance. 350 00:16:13,944 --> 00:16:16,294 Oh, you're a free-lance painter. 351 00:16:16,425 --> 00:16:18,949 - No. - Alex. 352 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,082 Okay, Elaine, you win. 353 00:16:22,474 --> 00:16:24,259 I put out oil fires. 354 00:16:25,869 --> 00:16:27,044 I beg your pardon? 355 00:16:27,175 --> 00:16:28,524 When an oil well catches on fire 356 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,960 they call me in to put it out. 357 00:16:30,091 --> 00:16:31,483 Sounds dangerous. 358 00:16:31,614 --> 00:16:34,182 Yeah, well, I only get the easy ones. 359 00:16:34,312 --> 00:16:36,706 You see, the main thing that got me into this line of work... 360 00:16:36,836 --> 00:16:39,013 Oh, I'm sorry. Just reflex. 361 00:16:40,188 --> 00:16:41,624 You see, uh... 362 00:16:41,754 --> 00:16:43,887 Actually, the thing that pulled me 363 00:16:44,018 --> 00:16:46,542 into being an oil-fire putter-outer 364 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:49,588 is that it never gets boring. 365 00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:51,721 Nope. All holocausts may look alike 366 00:16:51,851 --> 00:16:55,203 but each one has a personality all its own. 367 00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:57,379 If you'll excuse me, I'd like to freshen my drink for a moment, 368 00:16:57,509 --> 00:16:59,076 I'll be right back. 369 00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:04,037 Thanks, Alex. I know that wasn't easy for you. 370 00:17:04,168 --> 00:17:05,517 Easier than I thought. 371 00:17:05,648 --> 00:17:06,953 It's just your luck for this party I watched 372 00:17:07,084 --> 00:17:09,565 Search for Adventure. 373 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,611 You know, I've never been the life of a party before like this. 374 00:17:12,742 --> 00:17:15,310 I sort of like fudging. 375 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,659 Do you really fight fires? 376 00:17:16,788 --> 00:17:18,791 Oh, yes, yes. Yes, yes. 377 00:17:20,184 --> 00:17:24,188 What is the biggest fire you ever put out? 378 00:17:24,319 --> 00:17:28,410 Well, actually, I had 12 wells go up at one time. 379 00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,976 I'm Rita. 380 00:17:30,107 --> 00:17:31,630 I'm Alex. 381 00:17:34,546 --> 00:17:36,592 Aren't there a lot of phonies here? 382 00:17:42,511 --> 00:17:43,990 I know. 383 00:17:44,121 --> 00:17:46,558 Do you mind if I say something candid? 384 00:17:46,689 --> 00:17:48,952 If it's about the champagne, I had nothing to do with it. 385 00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:51,911 I find you veryattractive. 386 00:17:52,042 --> 00:17:53,435 I appreciate your candor. 387 00:17:53,565 --> 00:17:56,133 I don't usually say things like that to guys. 388 00:17:56,264 --> 00:17:57,656 I hope you don't mind. 389 00:17:57,787 --> 00:17:59,484 Well, I'll forgive you if you'll forgive 390 00:17:59,615 --> 00:18:01,878 the cheer I'm about to deafen you with. 391 00:18:05,403 --> 00:18:07,231 Have dinner with me after the party. 392 00:18:07,362 --> 00:18:09,668 At least. 393 00:18:09,799 --> 00:18:11,192 A briefdinner. 394 00:18:11,322 --> 00:18:13,107 [doorbell ringing] 395 00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:25,902 Alex... that guy is the same guy 396 00:18:26,032 --> 00:18:27,469 I had the fight with in front of the gallery the other night. 397 00:18:27,599 --> 00:18:28,731 Oh, really? That's nice. 398 00:18:28,861 --> 00:18:30,689 In my cab. 399 00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:32,735 Elaine, please. 400 00:18:32,865 --> 00:18:36,086 He must be a friend of Mrs. Hazeltine's. 401 00:18:36,217 --> 00:18:38,175 Oh, no. No. 402 00:18:38,306 --> 00:18:39,611 Elaine, I'd like you to meet 403 00:18:39,742 --> 00:18:42,266 my very dear friend, James Broderick. 404 00:18:42,397 --> 00:18:44,921 - How do you do? - We've met. 405 00:18:45,051 --> 00:18:47,053 - We have? - Haven't we? 406 00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:49,012 I'm sorry, I don't place you. 407 00:18:49,143 --> 00:18:51,188 Oh. 408 00:18:51,319 --> 00:18:52,929 My mistake. 409 00:18:53,059 --> 00:18:54,670 Well, I'm so glad that you've come. 410 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,062 Would you help yourself to some refreshments? 411 00:18:56,193 --> 00:18:57,368 Thank you. 412 00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:01,329 - He didn't recognize me. - Oh, that's terrific. 413 00:19:01,459 --> 00:19:02,765 He looked right into my face 414 00:19:02,895 --> 00:19:04,158 and there was no sign of recognition. 415 00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:07,378 He didn't know me. He didn't know me? 416 00:19:07,509 --> 00:19:08,727 Elaine, what are you doing? 417 00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:10,729 I'll never forget him. Never. 418 00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:12,992 I mean, we really had a fight. 419 00:19:13,123 --> 00:19:14,690 I can't believe he looked through me like that. 420 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,300 I was nothing to him, just a faceless cab driver. 421 00:19:16,431 --> 00:19:17,562 Elaine, please. 422 00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:19,173 He needs a reminder. 423 00:19:19,303 --> 00:19:21,218 Elaine, now, a lot of people aren't happy 424 00:19:21,349 --> 00:19:22,828 unless they screw things up that are really going well. 425 00:19:22,959 --> 00:19:24,482 Now, this is a very nice party. 426 00:19:24,613 --> 00:19:26,223 I mean, these people are very important to you. 427 00:19:26,354 --> 00:19:28,747 I'm even trying to enjoy myself. 428 00:19:28,878 --> 00:19:32,490 Elaine, why don't you just forget it, hmm? 429 00:19:32,621 --> 00:19:36,059 Elaine. Take a deep breath. 430 00:19:36,190 --> 00:19:37,800 Take a deeper one. 431 00:19:39,671 --> 00:19:40,933 That's my girl. 432 00:19:41,064 --> 00:19:42,326 Thanks. 433 00:19:42,457 --> 00:19:44,894 So you don't remember me, huh?! 434 00:19:48,463 --> 00:19:50,508 Sure, I do. I just met you 30 seconds ago. 435 00:19:50,639 --> 00:19:52,293 I picked you up in my taxi 436 00:19:52,423 --> 00:19:55,513 four nights ago on Madison Avenue. 437 00:19:55,644 --> 00:19:58,037 She's a taxi driver. 438 00:20:05,567 --> 00:20:08,222 And you accused me of trying to cheat you on a fare. 439 00:20:08,352 --> 00:20:09,310 That was you? 440 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,703 That was me. 441 00:20:11,834 --> 00:20:13,923 How can you yell into a face for 15 minutes 442 00:20:14,053 --> 00:20:15,751 and then forget the face you yelled into? 443 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,928 Do you really mean it? You're a cab driver? 444 00:20:19,058 --> 00:20:20,146 Yes, I am. 445 00:20:20,277 --> 00:20:22,540 I was right. 446 00:20:22,671 --> 00:20:25,804 I find that rather hard to believe. 447 00:20:25,935 --> 00:20:27,458 Well, I am. 448 00:20:27,589 --> 00:20:30,548 Alex and I are both cab drivers. 449 00:20:34,726 --> 00:20:37,076 What do youdo for a living? 450 00:20:37,207 --> 00:20:39,122 Excuse me. 451 00:20:44,606 --> 00:20:45,868 Alex? 452 00:20:45,998 --> 00:20:48,479 Don't talk to me, Elaine. 453 00:20:48,610 --> 00:20:50,525 You're going to stay here till we're friends again. 454 00:20:50,655 --> 00:20:53,615 Then we'll both grow old together. 455 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,095 Well, if it means anything to you 456 00:20:56,226 --> 00:20:57,749 I just want you to know 457 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,229 that I will always be grateful that you taught me 458 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:00,839 - to simply tell the truth. - Elaine. 459 00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:03,277 I only wish the truth worked for you too. 460 00:21:05,453 --> 00:21:07,019 I'm not going to talk to you about it. 461 00:21:07,150 --> 00:21:08,891 At least yell at me. That will make you feel better. 462 00:21:13,591 --> 00:21:14,810 You're not going to talk about it. 463 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,638 Nope. I'm just going to sit here 464 00:21:16,768 --> 00:21:18,335 and drink your champagne. 465 00:21:25,908 --> 00:21:27,431 What I don't understand is-- 466 00:21:27,562 --> 00:21:29,172 what's the big deal about it? 467 00:21:29,303 --> 00:21:31,870 I'll tell you what's the big deal about it. 468 00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:34,569 A man waits all his life for a woman like that. 469 00:21:34,699 --> 00:21:36,875 What's so great about her? 470 00:21:37,006 --> 00:21:39,182 What's so great about her? 471 00:21:39,313 --> 00:21:42,446 She's the kind of woman only firefighters get. 472 00:21:44,143 --> 00:21:45,536 She just walks up to you 473 00:21:45,667 --> 00:21:46,929 looks you straight in the eye and says-- 474 00:21:47,059 --> 00:21:49,061 "Do you mind if I say something candid? 475 00:21:49,192 --> 00:21:51,281 "I find you very attractive. 476 00:21:51,412 --> 00:21:53,501 "I don't usually say things like that. 477 00:21:53,631 --> 00:21:56,330 I hope you don't mind." 478 00:21:57,548 --> 00:22:00,029 It sounded better when she said it. 479 00:22:00,159 --> 00:22:01,291 It sounded like once in a lifetime 480 00:22:01,422 --> 00:22:02,945 when shesaid it. 481 00:22:03,075 --> 00:22:05,904 It sounded terrible when she stopped saying it. 482 00:22:06,035 --> 00:22:07,166 You know, I have a feeling 483 00:22:07,297 --> 00:22:09,255 you're gonna hear from her again. 484 00:22:09,386 --> 00:22:12,215 Yeah, I could sort of tell from the way she acted towards the end. 485 00:22:12,346 --> 00:22:14,478 She called me garbage. 486 00:22:16,741 --> 00:22:18,177 There you go. 487 00:22:18,308 --> 00:22:20,484 Hey, you know how women feel about garbage. 488 00:22:21,485 --> 00:22:23,922 Always wondering if what you've thrown out was important 489 00:22:24,053 --> 00:22:25,794 so you start digging through it until you find it again. 490 00:22:25,924 --> 00:22:28,231 Elaine, don't try to make me feel better, okay? 491 00:22:28,362 --> 00:22:29,754 Let's just go back to my sitting here 492 00:22:29,885 --> 00:22:32,540 and you looking at me... feeling awful. 493 00:22:35,412 --> 00:22:37,719 She spit on my shoes. 494 00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,462 What I really feel bad about 495 00:22:41,592 --> 00:22:44,247 is how great everything turned out for me... 496 00:22:44,378 --> 00:22:46,597 people admiring the way I hold down two jobs 497 00:22:46,728 --> 00:22:49,295 to support my family. 498 00:22:49,426 --> 00:22:50,949 They're saying how great I am, you know 499 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,517 and how terrific and open and honest I am 500 00:22:53,648 --> 00:22:57,303 for telling people I'm a cab driver. 501 00:22:57,434 --> 00:23:00,306 Even that fare turned out to be a great guy 502 00:23:00,437 --> 00:23:02,265 forcing that tip on me? 503 00:23:02,396 --> 00:23:04,746 This is going to pay for the party. 504 00:23:04,876 --> 00:23:05,964 I'm leaving. 505 00:23:06,095 --> 00:23:08,663 Alex, please forgive me. 506 00:23:08,793 --> 00:23:11,666 I can't believe you won't forgive me. 507 00:23:11,796 --> 00:23:13,755 I'll die if you don't forgive me. 508 00:23:16,105 --> 00:23:17,280 Oh, Alex. 509 00:23:17,411 --> 00:23:19,369 You're maybe my best friend. 510 00:23:26,724 --> 00:23:28,726 - I forgive you. - Oh. 511 00:23:36,038 --> 00:23:37,213 You mean it? 512 00:23:37,343 --> 00:23:38,257 I don't know with those wild stories 513 00:23:38,388 --> 00:23:40,521 you're telling, you know? 514 00:23:40,651 --> 00:23:42,174 Yes, I mean it. 515 00:23:42,305 --> 00:23:43,915 From now on, I'm going to have to go back 516 00:23:44,046 --> 00:23:46,352 to telling the truth, only the truth. 517 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,922 And thank you for inviting me to your party, Elaine. 518 00:23:51,053 --> 00:23:52,881 I had a wonderful time. 519 00:24:00,671 --> 00:24:03,413 [theme music playing] 520 00:24:27,698 --> 00:24:29,352 [woman] Night, Mr. Walters. 521 00:24:29,483 --> 00:24:30,571 [grunts]