1
00:00:01,458 --> 00:00:04,875
[light orchestral music]

2
00:00:22,792 --> 00:00:26,208
[grand orchestral music]

3
00:00:43,167 --> 00:00:46,167
[upbeat funk music]

4
00:01:28,542 --> 00:01:32,208
[vacuum whirring]

5
00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:37,583
Oh!

6
00:01:37,667 --> 00:01:39,500
Here, what do you think you're playing at?

7
00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:40,500
What are you going on about?

8
00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:41,458
I bet it ain't the first time

9
00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:43,333
you've lost your knickers in a tube.

10
00:01:45,125 --> 00:01:46,167
Mr. Harman.

11
00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:47,518
Will you please hurry about your business

12
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:48,833
and get back to the store room?

13
00:01:48,917 --> 00:01:51,958
You've got no authority
over me, so get stuffed.

14
00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:53,708
I didn't hear that.

15
00:01:54,292 --> 00:01:56,667
You've got no authority
over me, so get stuffed!

16
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,583
[knocking on door]

17
00:01:58,667 --> 00:01:59,792
[Mrs. Slocombe] Oh! Drat.

18
00:01:59,875 --> 00:02:01,792
The damn door's stuck again!

19
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:05,500
It's Mrs. Slocombe,
she's trapped in the lift!

20
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:07,042
Mr. Harman, get that door open.

21
00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:08,750
[knocking on door]

22
00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:10,375
See if you can force it open.

23
00:02:10,458 --> 00:02:11,708
Get your feet at it.

24
00:02:11,792 --> 00:02:13,500
Pull, pull. That's right.

25
00:02:13,625 --> 00:02:16,750
It's time somebody saw
to this dratted thing.

26
00:02:16,833 --> 00:02:18,125
Come on, we'll give you a hand.

27
00:02:18,208 --> 00:02:19,625
Oh, pass your stuff out.

28
00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:20,851
Yes, take Mrs. Slocombe's things.

29
00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:23,167
Oh, and would you mind
taking this, Mr. Harman?

30
00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:25,833
Take the bag, take the bag.

31
00:02:25,917 --> 00:02:27,792
Yes, but how am I going to get down?

32
00:02:27,875 --> 00:02:30,125
You'll have to back out.
I'll get you a stool.

33
00:02:30,208 --> 00:02:31,542
Oh, thank you, Miss Brahms. Oh!

34
00:02:31,625 --> 00:02:33,542
Would you mind holding my pussy?

35
00:02:33,625 --> 00:02:34,417
[cat meows]

36
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,417
Mrs. Slocombe, you're
not taking that thing

37
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:37,875
on holiday with you, are you?

38
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:38,750
Well, of course I'm not.

39
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:42,208
I'm boarding her at the pussy
hotel in the pet department.

40
00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:44,708
She's such a retiring little soul.

41
00:02:44,792 --> 00:02:46,042
She won't be by the time some

42
00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:47,583
of them randy moggies up there

43
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,583
give her a good going-over.

44
00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:53,250
I am paying a surcharge
for her private quarters.

45
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:55,458
That's the bit they're
looking forward to.

46
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:57,559
[Miss Brahms] Here Mrs. Slocombe,
here's your stool.

47
00:02:57,583 --> 00:02:59,292
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Miss Brahms.

48
00:02:59,375 --> 00:03:01,875
Oh, I hope I haven't
forgotten me passport.

49
00:03:01,958 --> 00:03:02,708
Don't worry.

50
00:03:02,792 --> 00:03:04,042
If you show that lot at customs

51
00:03:04,125 --> 00:03:04,875
what you're showing us, I'm

52
00:03:04,958 --> 00:03:06,292
sure they'll know you're British.

53
00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:08,500
Oh, couldn't I have a ladder?

54
00:03:08,583 --> 00:03:09,750
You've already got one.

55
00:03:09,833 --> 00:03:11,958
It goes nearly out of sight.

56
00:03:12,042 --> 00:03:15,042
I'll bat your earhole
when I get out of here.

57
00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:16,809
Come along, Mrs. Slocombe.
Here, give me your hand.

58
00:03:16,833 --> 00:03:17,833
Miss Brahms, hold that.

59
00:03:17,875 --> 00:03:20,333
Oh, thank you, Captain Peacock.

60
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,750
Mr. Harman, kindly avert your gaze.

61
00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:23,833
Come on, give me a hand.

62
00:03:23,917 --> 00:03:26,292
Oh, and keep your hands on the stool.

63
00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:29,792
[light orchestral music]

64
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:41,417
Yes, you've done very well, Mr. Henry.

65
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,750
It's not easy, my hair.

66
00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:43,875
Oh, no, sir.

67
00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:46,500
You have to find it before you can cut it.
[laughs]

68
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:49,875
Take your account to my
office, will you please?

69
00:03:49,958 --> 00:03:51,417
Will there be anything else, sir?

70
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:54,208
Yes. Get your cards at the same time.

71
00:03:55,458 --> 00:03:57,542
Henry, love, I think I'm about done.

72
00:03:57,625 --> 00:03:59,542
I've got to be upstairs in three minutes.

73
00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:03,458
Coming, dear.

74
00:04:13,125 --> 00:04:14,167
MMmMm.

75
00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:15,250
That suits you.

76
00:04:15,333 --> 00:04:16,417
It's me mother's.

77
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:17,750
Our heads are the same size,

78
00:04:17,833 --> 00:04:19,542
and she's off to a bingo reunion,

79
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,708
so I thought I'd treat her to a free set.

80
00:04:23,125 --> 00:04:24,917
Do you know, I'm not sure I like it.

81
00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:29,167
Now, Miss Brahms.

82
00:04:29,250 --> 00:04:31,917
You can start getting
rid of them balloons.

83
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,000
The sale was over yesterday.

84
00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:35,833
Here.

85
00:04:35,917 --> 00:04:37,875
I've got a display unit for you.

86
00:04:37,958 --> 00:04:40,583
The Lifebelle inflatable swimsuit,

87
00:04:40,667 --> 00:04:43,167
completely safe for the non-swimmer.

88
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,667
It works with a sparklet bulb.

89
00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:47,625
What does it do?

90
00:04:47,708 --> 00:04:50,208
[air hissing]

91
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,625
You will note they are
independent of each other

92
00:04:53,708 --> 00:04:55,167
in case of a puncture.

93
00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:56,292
[air hissing]

94
00:04:56,375 --> 00:04:59,583
It comes complete with a
mid-ocean repair outfit

95
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,500
in case you get caught on a sunken wreck

96
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:03,625
or a Romeo with sharp teeth.

97
00:05:03,708 --> 00:05:05,792
Oh, thank heavens I can swim.

98
00:05:05,875 --> 00:05:09,083
Ah, but think of the
other advantages, darling.

99
00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:10,708
You're lying out there on the beach.

100
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:11,792
Your eyes is closed.

101
00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:13,333
A Robert Redford comes out of

102
00:05:13,417 --> 00:05:15,125
the sea looking for the crumpet.

103
00:05:15,208 --> 00:05:16,083
What do you do?

104
00:05:16,167 --> 00:05:18,583
You press the emergency
valve and, hey, presto!

105
00:05:18,708 --> 00:05:20,417
[air hissing]

106
00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:23,375
Disgusting.

107
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:29,958
I have never seen
anything like it in my life.

108
00:05:31,625 --> 00:05:33,958
I wonder if they give staff discount?

109
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,309
I should take one on our holiday

110
00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:36,917
with you, if I was you, darling.

111
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,393
I don't want to spend half of my life

112
00:05:38,417 --> 00:05:40,292
giving you mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

113
00:05:40,375 --> 00:05:42,417
every time I pull you out of the sea.

114
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:44,792
Don't tell me you're coming as well!

115
00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:46,768
Well, of course I am!
You don't think I'm going to

116
00:05:46,792 --> 00:05:49,292
spend all me time on me own here
with the store shut?

117
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,458
I see.

118
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:52,208
Miss Brahms, come with me.

119
00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:55,042
Captain Peacock, are you free?

120
00:05:57,833 --> 00:05:59,375
At the moment, Mrs. Slocombe.

121
00:06:00,458 --> 00:06:01,917
When I consented to take part

122
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,042
in the Grace Brothers holiday offer,

123
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:05,667
I didn't think we'd be mucking

124
00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:08,125
in with the maintenance staff.

125
00:06:08,208 --> 00:06:12,000
Mrs. Slocobe, the whole store
is being closed for redecoration.

126
00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:13,583
The only way the entire staff

127
00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:16,417
could be persuaded to take
their holidays simultaneously

128
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,458
was to make this very
attractive, low price offer

129
00:06:18,542 --> 00:06:20,000
to all departments.

130
00:06:20,083 --> 00:06:22,583
Well, if that coarse
lot in carpets is coming,

131
00:06:22,667 --> 00:06:24,000
you can count me out,

132
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,125
and I am unanimous in this.

133
00:06:26,208 --> 00:06:27,667
They are going to Tunisia.

134
00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:30,000
We are destined for the Costa Plonka.

135
00:06:30,083 --> 00:06:32,583
Then why isn't Harman going to Tunisia?

136
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:34,250
Maintenance, being a small section,

137
00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:35,542
can go wherever they wish.

138
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,167
Mmm, I know where I'd wish they'd go.

139
00:06:41,208 --> 00:06:44,208
Is it true that Mrs. Peacock
won't be accompanying us

140
00:06:44,292 --> 00:06:45,667
on our holiday?

141
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,125
Sadly, she will not.

142
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:50,042
We'll have to watch it then, won't we?

143
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:51,917
Watch what, Mrs. Slocombe?

144
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,250
Well, you know,

145
00:06:53,333 --> 00:06:57,750
two unattached persons thrown
together on a foreign shore,

146
00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:59,625
hot tropical nights,

147
00:06:59,708 --> 00:07:01,792
pulsating music,

148
00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,292
a couple of rum and Cokes,

149
00:07:03,375 --> 00:07:05,208
and anything could happen.

150
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:06,833
Don't worry, Mrs. Slocombe.

151
00:07:06,917 --> 00:07:09,583
You can rely on me to
behave like a gentleman.

152
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,583
I was afraid of that.

153
00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:21,167
I had a bit of bad news yesterday.

154
00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:23,583
Mrs. Peacock won't be able
to come on holiday with me.

155
00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:25,208
Oh, yes?

156
00:07:25,292 --> 00:07:27,625
I take it you'll be
unaccompanied as well?

157
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,000
Of course.

158
00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:30,292
Hmm.

159
00:07:30,375 --> 00:07:33,250
Two lonely people thrown
together on a foreign shore.

160
00:07:33,375 --> 00:07:34,500
[chuckles]

161
00:07:34,583 --> 00:07:36,083
We'll have to watch it, won't we?

162
00:07:36,167 --> 00:07:38,125
Well, I intend going to
the discos every night,

163
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,208
so you'll have to watch it on your own.

164
00:07:40,292 --> 00:07:42,292
[bell rings]

165
00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:44,333
Right. Places everyone, places.

166
00:07:45,583 --> 00:07:48,708
[light orchestral music]

167
00:07:48,792 --> 00:07:50,958
[panting]

168
00:07:52,125 --> 00:07:53,375
I'm very nearly late!

169
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,417
You are late, Mr. Lucas.

170
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:57,500
Wh...

171
00:07:58,625 --> 00:07:59,917
How many times have I told you

172
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,875
not to put food in your pockets?

173
00:08:01,958 --> 00:08:04,250
Every time you've caught
me, Captain Peacock.

174
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,917
You will get all your pockets
sewn up by the coffee break.

175
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:07,750
Sewn up?

176
00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:09,583
Sewn up, Mr. Lucas.

177
00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:12,708
What is more, it is two minutes past nine,

178
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,292
and this is the third occasion

179
00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:16,833
on which you have been late in one week.

180
00:08:16,917 --> 00:08:18,042
I shall be making a report.

181
00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:19,518
Oh, just a minute, Captain Peacock.

182
00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,143
I mean, just because
somebody presses a bell,

183
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,833
it doesn't mean to say
they know what time it is.

184
00:08:23,917 --> 00:08:25,583
My watch says two minutes past nine.

185
00:08:25,625 --> 00:08:27,792
Ah, yes, so it might,
but have you checked it?

186
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,750
I check it every morning
by the church clock.

187
00:08:29,833 --> 00:08:31,268
And who's to say the
vicar hasn't bunged it

188
00:08:31,292 --> 00:08:32,042
on a minute or two

189
00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:34,333
so as to cram 'em in early for matins?

190
00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:36,875
I'm going to make an adverse
entry on your time sheet.

191
00:08:36,958 --> 00:08:38,500
Before you do that, Captain Peacock,

192
00:08:38,583 --> 00:08:40,958
may I suggest you dial Tim?

193
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:41,792
Oh, yeah.

194
00:08:41,875 --> 00:08:43,417
What a good idea, Mr. Humphries.

195
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:45,660
- Oh, very well.
- No, it's all right, sir. I'll do it.

196
00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:53,292
[rotary phone dialling]

197
00:08:55,417 --> 00:08:57,292
[Mr. Humphries] At the third stroke,

198
00:08:57,375 --> 00:09:00,750
it will be nine o'clock precisely.

199
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:04,000
Pip, pip, pip.

200
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:06,792
At the third stroke...

201
00:09:06,917 --> 00:09:08,292
Hold that a moment, Mr. Lucas.

202
00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:09,667
It will be nine o'clock

203
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,958
and 20 seconds.

204
00:09:12,917 --> 00:09:15,375
Pip, pip, pip.

205
00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:18,875
At the third stroke

206
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,583
I shall be reporting you
for being late, Mr. Lucas,

207
00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:23,542
and I shall be reporting Mr. Humphries

208
00:09:23,625 --> 00:09:24,792
for aiding and abetting you.

209
00:09:24,917 --> 00:09:26,750
Pip, pip, pip.

210
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:32,333
[knocking on door]

211
00:09:32,417 --> 00:09:33,625
Come in.

212
00:09:34,667 --> 00:09:35,750
You sent for me, sir?

213
00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:37,917
Uh, who are you?

214
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,958
I'm Rumbold of the Men's.

215
00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:42,667
You're very well dressed
for a lavatory attendant.

216
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,125
Er, no, sir, the Men's
Department, second floor.

217
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,542
Ah, young Rumbold, yes.

218
00:09:47,667 --> 00:09:48,708
What do you want?

219
00:09:48,792 --> 00:09:50,542
I've come for the travel tickets, sir.

220
00:09:50,625 --> 00:09:52,167
Oh, yes, yes.

221
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:55,375
Let's see, bathroom fittings
are going to Gozo.

222
00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:58,958
Hardware are going to Las Palmas.

223
00:09:59,042 --> 00:10:01,583
Ah, yes, and your lot are
going to the Costa Plonka.

224
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,250
Don Bernardo's Palace.

225
00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:05,125
There's the tickets,

226
00:10:05,208 --> 00:10:06,792
there's the brochure.

227
00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:08,042
Thank you, sir.

228
00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:10,042
May I inquire which department is to have

229
00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:11,625
the pleasure of your company, sir?

230
00:10:11,708 --> 00:10:14,208
I shall be visiting each one in turn.

231
00:10:14,292 --> 00:10:15,708
After that, I shall be hard at it

232
00:10:15,792 --> 00:10:18,542
with my new secretary on
my yacht in St. Tropez.

233
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:22,333
How's that letter coming
along, Miss Nicholson?

234
00:10:22,417 --> 00:10:25,167
Oh, I've nearly finished it now, sir.

235
00:10:27,917 --> 00:10:29,500
You're coming along very well.

236
00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:33,000
She didn't start that
letter until yesterday.

237
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:37,625
I'm sorry that I'm late, Stephen.

238
00:10:37,708 --> 00:10:39,468
I'm sure you have a
very good reason, Ernest.

239
00:10:39,542 --> 00:10:41,917
I had to pick up my passport.

240
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,625
I've never been abroad before, you know.

241
00:10:44,708 --> 00:10:47,833
And for some reason, they held it up.

242
00:10:47,917 --> 00:10:49,125
Whatever for?

243
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,042
Well, my wife filled
in the application form

244
00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:54,000
and where it said "sex," she put.

245
00:10:54,083 --> 00:10:57,500
"August the third, 1953."

246
00:10:57,583 --> 00:10:59,417
She's got a memory like an elephant.

247
00:11:00,083 --> 00:11:01,417
Come to think of it, she's got

248
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,417
everything like an elephant.

249
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:09,000
I'm thinking of buying one
of these for me holidays.

250
00:11:09,083 --> 00:11:10,625
What do you think?

251
00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:11,625
I can see it all, you and me

252
00:11:11,708 --> 00:11:13,542
dancing together under the stars.

253
00:11:13,625 --> 00:11:14,833
Ole, ole!

254
00:11:14,917 --> 00:11:17,083
Not like that, we won't be.
Give it to me!

255
00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:19,417
Ooh.

256
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:22,000
Oh, blimey, you've gone topless.

257
00:11:22,083 --> 00:11:23,458
They're not very big, are they?

258
00:11:23,542 --> 00:11:24,792
You're sex mad.

259
00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:26,768
I'm going to lock the door
of my room every night.

260
00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:28,184
Quite right. We don't want
anyone to come in and

261
00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:29,708
disturb us, do we?

262
00:11:29,792 --> 00:11:30,708
[Captain Peacock] Miss Brahms,

263
00:11:30,792 --> 00:11:33,042
stop encouraging Mr. Lucas
to leave his department.

264
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:34,792
And where's your jacket?

265
00:11:34,875 --> 00:11:36,434
Mr. Humphries is just
sewing up the pockets

266
00:11:36,458 --> 00:11:38,167
as per your instructions.

267
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,583
Here, it's ready.

268
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,583
Thanks, Mr. Humphries.

269
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:43,042
Haven't you got skillful hands?

270
00:11:43,125 --> 00:11:45,500
So I've been told.
Now, let's have a go at the trousers.

271
00:11:45,542 --> 00:11:46,958
Oh, no, you're not sewing them up.

272
00:11:47,042 --> 00:11:48,268
Well, didn't your mother
do it for you when you

273
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:49,375
were a little lad?

274
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,708
No. Did yours?

275
00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:52,792
Oh yes.
I used to keep my conkers in there.

276
00:11:52,875 --> 00:11:54,393
I suppose she sewed them
up to stop you playing

277
00:11:54,417 --> 00:11:55,417
with your conkers.

278
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:56,934
No, she sewed them up
to stop other little boys

279
00:11:56,958 --> 00:11:58,125
playing with me conkers.

280
00:11:58,208 --> 00:11:59,292
Now where was I?

281
00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:01,018
Oh, you were telling me
about that fancy dress party

282
00:12:01,042 --> 00:12:02,226
you went to on holiday last year.

283
00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:04,625
Oh yes.
Do you know I couldn't think what to wear?

284
00:12:04,708 --> 00:12:06,875
So I found a pair of me
mother's black tights.

285
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:08,333
They came up to here.

286
00:12:08,417 --> 00:12:11,042
Then I got me poor old dad's ARP cape.

287
00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:12,917
And that came down to there.

288
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,042
Some Wellingtons, gardening gloves,

289
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:17,250
a black mask, and then I
went to look for a taxi.

290
00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:19,417
- Did you find one?
- Hmm, I found six,

291
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:21,340
but they all drove off
before I could tell them

292
00:12:21,417 --> 00:12:22,458
where I wanted to go.

293
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:23,750
I'm not surprised.

294
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:24,917
What were you going as?

295
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,625
[laughs] Batman.

296
00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:28,750
Did you win a prize?

297
00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:29,875
I didn't even get there.

298
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,059
I'd ordered a mini-cab and
that broke down on the way.

299
00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:34,167
There I was in the middle of dockland

300
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:35,750
trying to find a telephone box,

301
00:12:35,833 --> 00:12:37,583
and the draught wasn't
half whistling around

302
00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:39,875
the cargo handling
equipment, I can tell you,

303
00:12:39,958 --> 00:12:42,625
when all of a sudden, these
great big dockers appeared

304
00:12:42,708 --> 00:12:43,292
from nowhere.

305
00:12:43,375 --> 00:12:44,893
I bet that made your heart beat faster.

306
00:12:44,917 --> 00:12:46,958
Well, it did.
One of them looked me up and down

307
00:12:47,042 --> 00:12:48,893
and said, "We don't get many
of your sort around here."

308
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:50,958
How could he tell?

309
00:12:51,042 --> 00:12:52,708
I shan't let you into my confidence

310
00:12:52,792 --> 00:12:54,667
if you're going to mock me.

311
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:58,458
Anyway, I said to him, "I'm Batman, pow!"

312
00:12:59,417 --> 00:13:01,042
He said, "I'm Robin, poof!"

313
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:03,958
Next thing I knew, I was
being taken through customs,

314
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,958
and one or two of them
I'd never even heard of.

315
00:13:06,042 --> 00:13:08,333
Do you know I was
impounded for three days?

316
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,083
You do get about, Mr. Humphries.

317
00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:12,042
[chuckles] Not after that.

318
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,000
Not for a whole week.

319
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:17,167
Mr. Lucas, put these
sales displays away.

320
00:13:17,292 --> 00:13:19,167
You should have done it last night.

321
00:13:20,042 --> 00:13:21,042
Yes, Mr. Grainger.

322
00:13:27,208 --> 00:13:29,667
[elevator dings]

323
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:33,417
[dramatic orchestral music]

324
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:40,125
Good morning, sir, may I help you?

325
00:13:40,208 --> 00:13:41,750
Salamu alaykum.

326
00:13:41,833 --> 00:13:43,375
Salamu alaykum.

327
00:13:43,458 --> 00:13:47,125
[speaking Arabic]

328
00:13:47,208 --> 00:13:48,292
Hm?

329
00:13:48,417 --> 00:13:49,708
Ah, the emir greets you,

330
00:13:49,792 --> 00:13:51,250
and says may you be blessed

331
00:13:51,333 --> 00:13:54,167
with 100 sons and 1000 grandsons.

332
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:58,083
Oh, I'll tell Mrs. Peacock
to cancel bridge next Thursday.

333
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:02,208
The emir wishes to
purchase some trousers.

334
00:14:02,292 --> 00:14:03,458
Ah.

335
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:04,292
Mr. Humphries,

336
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:07,083
are you free for a
Middle Eastern gentleman?

337
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:09,208
They say a change is as good as a rest.

338
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:13,708
What did the gentleman have in mind?

339
00:14:13,792 --> 00:14:16,042
The emir wishes to be trousered.

340
00:14:16,125 --> 00:14:17,125
Walk this way.

341
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,708
Will you ask the emir to walk this way?

342
00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:23,958
It is more than my job is worth.

343
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:25,976
Here, these Arabs spend a fortune.

344
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,167
Let me have half the sale.

345
00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:29,125
Are you asking to share my trousers?

346
00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:31,000
Yes, but I didn't
mean it quite like that.

347
00:14:31,083 --> 00:14:32,292
Come on.

348
00:14:33,292 --> 00:14:34,917
Good morning, sir.

349
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,125
What colour did the noble son
of the desert have in mind?

350
00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:39,250
Blue.

351
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:40,625
Go nice with the sand.

352
00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:43,125
Do you know your master's size?

353
00:14:43,208 --> 00:14:44,542
Yes, I do.

354
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:47,458
They live very close
together in the desert.

355
00:14:47,542 --> 00:14:50,042
Around the waist, he has two cubits.

356
00:14:50,875 --> 00:14:54,750
And between the legs, my master
has one and a half cubits.

357
00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,542
He'll never be able to wear shorts.

358
00:14:58,917 --> 00:15:01,625
[Mr. Lucas chuckles]

359
00:15:01,708 --> 00:15:02,958
What's cubits?

360
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,083
Isn't that the name of
the firm that built the M1?

361
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,417
Do you mean to say he's gone

362
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:08,917
one and a half of them up there?

363
00:15:08,958 --> 00:15:11,292
Some people have all the luck.

364
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:14,500
Excuse me, sir.

365
00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:15,875
Just check your cubits.

366
00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:22,833
46, our portly range.

367
00:15:22,917 --> 00:15:24,250
Now for the inside leg.

368
00:15:26,958 --> 00:15:28,542
[speaking Arabic]

369
00:15:28,625 --> 00:15:30,542
My master says, "Where are you going?"

370
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,167
He's hoping to strike oil.

371
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:35,208
[speaking Arabic]

372
00:15:35,292 --> 00:15:37,375
The emir says no infidel

373
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:40,708
may touch the bare flesh of
the exalted one and live.

374
00:15:42,917 --> 00:15:45,083
I think we've got a
bit of a problem here.

375
00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:46,309
How are we going to get the tape up

376
00:15:46,333 --> 00:15:47,917
without touching his cubits?

377
00:15:47,958 --> 00:15:49,625
Leave it to me, Mr. Lucas.

378
00:15:51,833 --> 00:15:53,292
Sticky tape, Mr. Lucas.

379
00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:54,375
[Mr. Lucas] What?

380
00:15:55,167 --> 00:15:56,375
Oh, ha!

381
00:15:56,458 --> 00:15:58,018
You're determined not to lose the sale,

382
00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,250
aren't you, Mr. Humphries?

383
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,917
Not if I can help it.

384
00:16:02,625 --> 00:16:04,917
Would you raise the curtain, Mr. Lucas?

385
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,000
Excuse me.

386
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,458
I'll release the projectile.

387
00:16:09,542 --> 00:16:11,167
You keep an eye on the tape.

388
00:16:14,333 --> 00:16:17,167
[balloon blowing]

389
00:16:18,125 --> 00:16:20,667
[Mr. Lucas] Keep your
heels on the ground, sir.

390
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:22,042
It's supposed to be a sign

391
00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:24,792
of good manners in their country.

392
00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:26,875
He's being polite for a very long time.

393
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:33,833
- [Mr. Lucas] Somewhere around 35.
- 35, 45, in blue.

394
00:16:33,917 --> 00:16:36,375
35, 45 blue coming up, Mr. Humphries.

395
00:16:39,042 --> 00:16:42,167
[speaking Arabic]

396
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:44,750
His excellency is delighted,

397
00:16:44,833 --> 00:16:47,458
and requires 101.

398
00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:49,708
What did I tell you?

399
00:16:49,792 --> 00:16:50,875
A fortune in commission.

400
00:16:50,958 --> 00:16:52,583
101 pairs of trousers?

401
00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:53,958
No.

402
00:16:54,125 --> 00:16:55,917
One pair of trousers,

403
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,333
100 balloons.

404
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:01,833
(light orchestral music)

405
00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:06,542
[Miss Brahms] That does suit madam.

406
00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,208
Oh, that really does suit madam.

407
00:17:27,833 --> 00:17:28,833
Lovely.

408
00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:31,417
[cash register dings]

409
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:34,250
And may I wish madam
a very happy honeymoon.

410
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:36,583
And I do hope our Paris model nightie

411
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:38,917
gives every satisfaction.

412
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,083
It was the full length
one you wanted, madam?

413
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:41,917
Yes.

414
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,143
Well, I hope you didn't mind,

415
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:44,792
I've wrapped the negligee with it.

416
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:45,875
Oh, thank you.

417
00:17:49,292 --> 00:17:50,917
My customer's driving me mad!

418
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,458
She's tried on every hat I've got

419
00:17:52,542 --> 00:17:54,625
and she still can't make up her mind.

420
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:56,125
In millinery, Miss Brahms,

421
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,708
don't expect the customer
to make up her own mind.

422
00:17:58,792 --> 00:18:00,583
You have to make it up for her.

423
00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:01,958
Here, I'll show you.

424
00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:05,583
- Don't move.
- What, what?

425
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:06,792
That's it!

426
00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:09,208
Oh, that hat was millined for madam.

427
00:18:09,292 --> 00:18:11,708
The colour and the shape.

428
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,958
Oh, this suits madam's face a dream.

429
00:18:14,042 --> 00:18:15,083
Do you really think so?

430
00:18:15,167 --> 00:18:16,750
Look no further.

431
00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:18,792
-Mrs. Slocombe...
-Don't interrupt the flow, dear.

432
00:18:18,875 --> 00:18:20,042
Wrap it up for madam.

433
00:18:20,125 --> 00:18:21,792
Unless madam would like to keep it on?

434
00:18:21,875 --> 00:18:23,708
Ah, well, er, if
you're absolutely certain

435
00:18:23,792 --> 00:18:25,500
it suits me better than any of these...

436
00:18:25,583 --> 00:18:27,875
No question of it!
Make out the bill, Miss Brahms.

437
00:18:27,958 --> 00:18:29,042
I can't.

438
00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:29,917
Why not?

439
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,167
It's her own hat.

440
00:18:35,542 --> 00:18:36,583
Drat!

441
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,917
Are you free, Mrs. Slocombe?

442
00:18:41,292 --> 00:18:43,417
At the moment, Captain Peacock.

443
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:44,684
Sister tells me that you still

444
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:46,083
haven't had your inoculation.

445
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,250
Oh, I know.

446
00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:49,125
I keep putting it off.

447
00:18:49,208 --> 00:18:50,542
If you don't have it done here,

448
00:18:50,625 --> 00:18:52,934
you'll have to have it done at the
airport abroad when we arrive.

449
00:18:52,958 --> 00:18:55,059
Yeah, and they treat you
like cattle on the continent.

450
00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:57,667
But the mere sight of a
needle makes me pass out.

451
00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:59,583
I can't even knit.

452
00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:01,125
Oh, it doesn't hurt.

453
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:02,833
It's the thought of it.

454
00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:05,333
Couldn't you take her by surprise?

455
00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:08,208
Oh, what a good idea,
and then I wouldn't know

456
00:19:08,292 --> 00:19:10,458
anything until it's over.

457
00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:12,500
I should settle for that, sister.

458
00:19:12,583 --> 00:19:14,833
In my hearing, Mrs. Slocombe
has given you her permission

459
00:19:14,917 --> 00:19:16,208
to take her by surprise.

460
00:19:16,292 --> 00:19:19,083
Well, if that's the way you want it.

461
00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:23,042
Oh, I shall be a nervous
wreck now until it's over.

462
00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:25,375
It'll be like having
the mafia after you.

463
00:19:25,458 --> 00:19:26,750
She'll have to be clever.

464
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,625
I've got eyes in the back of me head.

465
00:19:28,708 --> 00:19:29,458
[needle squishes]

466
00:19:29,542 --> 00:19:30,542
Aah!

467
00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:33,625
Well, that was the cholera.

468
00:19:33,708 --> 00:19:35,583
Are you ready for the yellow fever?

469
00:19:37,417 --> 00:19:39,750
I think you'll have to wait
to surprise her with that.

470
00:19:39,833 --> 00:19:41,042
I'll see you later.

471
00:19:41,125 --> 00:19:43,167
Not if I see you first.

472
00:19:44,292 --> 00:19:47,333
By gum, my bum's numb.

473
00:19:47,417 --> 00:19:50,500
Er, there is just one
other thing, Mrs. Slocombe.

474
00:19:50,583 --> 00:19:51,958
Not beri beri?

475
00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:54,417
No, it concerns your visa.

476
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:57,125
Everybody has provided
a photograph except you.

477
00:19:57,208 --> 00:19:57,958
Oh, yes.

478
00:19:58,042 --> 00:20:00,875
Would you mind passing
my handbag, Miss Brahms?

479
00:20:00,958 --> 00:20:03,375
I looked through my photo album last night

480
00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:04,917
and I found one.

481
00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:07,417
There.

482
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:08,625
Oh.

483
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:13,625
Is that you?

484
00:20:13,708 --> 00:20:15,875
Well, not all of it.

485
00:20:15,958 --> 00:20:18,708
I had it taken in Brighton last year.

486
00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:19,542
It's one of those things

487
00:20:19,625 --> 00:20:21,417
where you put your head through a hole.

488
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,833
The face is mine.

489
00:20:23,625 --> 00:20:24,417
Oh, it was a nice thought,

490
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:26,292
but I'm afraid it won't do.

491
00:20:26,375 --> 00:20:28,250
You'd better go to the photographic studio

492
00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:29,333
on the third floor.

493
00:20:29,417 --> 00:20:31,542
Oh, but I can never work those machines.

494
00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:34,085
- In that case, I'll come with you.
- Oh, very well.

495
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:36,292
Take over for me, Miss Brahms.

496
00:20:36,375 --> 00:20:39,792
[light orchestral music]

497
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:50,250
[Captain Peacock] In here, Mrs. Slocombe.

498
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:53,125
Now, all you do is sit in the chair

499
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,375
and compose your features,

500
00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:59,875
and when you are ready,
you insert the 10 pence.

501
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,792
Is this expression all right?

502
00:21:01,875 --> 00:21:04,792
The authorities don't like you smiling.

503
00:21:04,875 --> 00:21:06,417
I must say I agree with them.

504
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,542
Just look dignified and disdainful.

505
00:21:10,542 --> 00:21:11,625
No.

506
00:21:12,792 --> 00:21:13,958
No.

507
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,208
Oh, no.

508
00:21:17,292 --> 00:21:19,583
Look, I don't think I
can do it without a mirror.

509
00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:22,083
I lose track of where me face is.

510
00:21:22,167 --> 00:21:23,417
Perhaps I can help you.

511
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:25,000
Just imagine that a customer

512
00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:27,375
has brought back a
garment that has been worn

513
00:21:27,458 --> 00:21:28,958
and is asking for a refund.

514
00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:30,875
That's perfect.

515
00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:33,042
Now put in your 10 pence.

516
00:21:35,042 --> 00:21:36,167
No, that's a 50.

517
00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:37,292
Oh.

518
00:21:39,208 --> 00:21:41,500
Now I'll have to start
me expression again.

519
00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:42,417
Well, well, look, I,

520
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,375
I'll look after that
part of the operation.

521
00:21:44,458 --> 00:21:45,958
Uh, I really don't think you

522
00:21:46,042 --> 00:21:47,667
should have those earrings on.

523
00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:50,083
Look, all I want to do is to get it over

524
00:21:50,167 --> 00:21:51,833
as quickly as possible.

525
00:21:51,917 --> 00:21:53,500
There. Now I've taken them off.

526
00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:54,833
Now you put it in.

527
00:21:54,917 --> 00:21:56,500
Don't be surprised if you have to wait

528
00:21:56,583 --> 00:21:59,750
a minute or two before anything happens.

529
00:21:59,833 --> 00:22:01,000
I'll call back later.

530
00:22:08,833 --> 00:22:09,833
It's not working.

531
00:22:09,875 --> 00:22:10,708
[camera flashing]

532
00:22:10,792 --> 00:22:12,625
Oh, drat, I missed it!

533
00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:13,750
Well, don't worry.

534
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:14,934
You get four for your 10 pence.

535
00:22:14,958 --> 00:22:16,750
Now settle down quickly

536
00:22:16,833 --> 00:22:19,125
and lean further back in the chair.

537
00:22:19,208 --> 00:22:20,375
[screaming]

538
00:22:20,458 --> 00:22:22,083
[camera flashing]

539
00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:24,333
[both grunting]

540
00:22:24,417 --> 00:22:25,500
Hey, wait a minute.

541
00:22:25,583 --> 00:22:26,583
Where's my glasses?

542
00:22:26,667 --> 00:22:27,833
Oh, they're under here.

543
00:22:27,958 --> 00:22:29,417
[screaming] [camera flashing]

544
00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:31,375
Come on, come on,
or you'll lose the last one.

545
00:22:31,458 --> 00:22:33,250
Yes, but the, but the chair's broken.

546
00:22:33,333 --> 00:22:35,125
Well, stand where it was and crouch.
Hurry.

547
00:22:35,208 --> 00:22:36,667
Is this position all right?

548
00:22:36,750 --> 00:22:37,917
Ideal.

549
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,333
[screaming] [camera flashing]

550
00:22:39,875 --> 00:22:40,667
[knocking on door]

551
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:41,833
Enter.

552
00:22:43,042 --> 00:22:44,708
[Mr. Haran] Here we are then.

553
00:22:46,708 --> 00:22:48,458
A cup of hot water.

554
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:49,875
What's it gonna be this morning?

555
00:22:49,958 --> 00:22:53,292
Instant coffee, instant
tea, or chicken noodle soup?

556
00:22:53,375 --> 00:22:55,792
- Tea.
- All right.

557
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,250
I've some minestrone left there.

558
00:22:57,333 --> 00:22:58,167
Now what do you want?

559
00:22:58,250 --> 00:23:00,917
Indian tea powder or China tea powder?

560
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,292
Well, which tastes most
like the label on the packet?

561
00:23:03,375 --> 00:23:05,875
The actual packet, there's
no point in being fussy.

562
00:23:05,958 --> 00:23:06,708
It's all Japanese.

563
00:23:06,792 --> 00:23:09,250
Here, have the Indian.

564
00:23:09,333 --> 00:23:11,917
Am I supposed to leave
it for two minutes to brew?

565
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,125
Oh, I shouldn't do that.

566
00:23:13,208 --> 00:23:15,292
It'll take the pattern off the cup.

567
00:23:16,708 --> 00:23:19,417
Here, is that the hotel we're going to?

568
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:20,500
We?

569
00:23:20,583 --> 00:23:22,083
Yes, well, the offer is open to the

570
00:23:22,167 --> 00:23:24,417
lower class menials as well, you know.

571
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:25,625
Ooh!

572
00:23:25,708 --> 00:23:27,542
Hey, look at the crumpet around that pool.

573
00:23:27,667 --> 00:23:29,667
Oh ho! Look at their bristols.

574
00:23:29,792 --> 00:23:31,333
That will be all, Harman.

575
00:23:31,458 --> 00:23:34,417
Yeah. I can tell by the tone
of your voice, Mr. Rumbold,

576
00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:36,958
that I have inadvertently over-stepped

577
00:23:37,042 --> 00:23:39,542
the accepted manager/worker relationship

578
00:23:39,625 --> 00:23:41,542
with my misplaced bonhomie.

579
00:23:41,625 --> 00:23:43,208
I do apologise.

580
00:23:43,292 --> 00:23:44,019
Oh, that's all right.

581
00:23:44,043 --> 00:23:45,583
Just don't let it happen again.

582
00:23:46,833 --> 00:23:48,958
Oh, uh, would it be in order to ask

583
00:23:49,042 --> 00:23:51,500
if you are taking your
good lady wife with you?

584
00:23:51,625 --> 00:23:53,875
No. As a matter of fact,
she will be staying at home.

585
00:23:53,958 --> 00:23:55,125
Oh, I see, hoping to cop a

586
00:23:55,208 --> 00:23:57,292
bit of spare when you get there.

587
00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:04,333
[telephone rings]

588
00:24:05,750 --> 00:24:06,792
Men's Wear.

589
00:24:07,750 --> 00:24:09,542
No, it's me, Mr. Humphries.

590
00:24:10,458 --> 00:24:12,000
I know I didn't sound like me.

591
00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:13,708
I didn't even sound like me to me.

592
00:24:13,792 --> 00:24:15,542
That's the way I answer the phone.

593
00:24:16,583 --> 00:24:17,583
Captain Peacock.

594
00:24:18,417 --> 00:24:19,417
Captain Peacock?

595
00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:21,042
Mr. Rumbold for you.

596
00:24:21,125 --> 00:24:22,917
Take a message, will you?

597
00:24:23,833 --> 00:24:25,083
Hello, Mr. Rumbold.

598
00:24:25,625 --> 00:24:27,393
No, I know it doesn't
sound like Captain Peacock.

599
00:24:27,417 --> 00:24:29,333
It's me, Mr. Humphries again.

600
00:24:29,417 --> 00:24:31,542
This is my normal voice.

601
00:24:31,625 --> 00:24:33,292
Well, as near as I can get.

602
00:24:33,375 --> 00:24:36,167
Captain Peacock says can I take a message?

603
00:24:36,250 --> 00:24:38,750
He's with child at the moment.

604
00:24:38,833 --> 00:24:40,417
You're on your way down?

605
00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:42,000
Oh. I'll put out the red carpet.

606
00:24:53,292 --> 00:24:55,833
Here, what are you doing?

607
00:24:55,917 --> 00:24:58,167
Oh, it's Brandy.

608
00:24:58,250 --> 00:25:00,375
Don't let old Peacock see you with that!

609
00:25:00,458 --> 00:25:01,833
It's his flask.

610
00:25:01,917 --> 00:25:03,667
He lent it to me to get over the shock.

611
00:25:03,750 --> 00:25:06,375
I'm not surprised.
These pictures would shock anybody.

612
00:25:06,458 --> 00:25:07,208
I mean, look at that.

613
00:25:07,292 --> 00:25:08,768
That's enough to give you the shudders.

614
00:25:08,792 --> 00:25:11,250
Do you mind? That's the best one.

615
00:25:11,333 --> 00:25:12,833
Oh, heck.

616
00:25:12,917 --> 00:25:14,917
Ooh, it's typical, isn't it?

617
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:19,458
All these pamphlets talk
about is sun and sea and sex.

618
00:25:19,542 --> 00:25:22,333
They never mention a
jacksey full of vaccine.

619
00:25:28,167 --> 00:25:29,167
Where have you been?

620
00:25:29,250 --> 00:25:30,976
Chatting up that blonde
in the joke department.

621
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,250
You've been told off about
that sort of thing before.

622
00:25:33,333 --> 00:25:35,583
I know. The supervisor nearly caught me.

623
00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:37,792
I had to pretend to be a
customer and buy these.

624
00:25:37,875 --> 00:25:40,667
[teeth chattering] [laughing]

625
00:25:40,750 --> 00:25:42,333
Look out, here comes big ears.

626
00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:44,377
Would you gather everyone
around, Captain Peacock?

627
00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:46,292
Yes sir.
Are you free, Mr. Humphries?

628
00:25:46,875 --> 00:25:47,917
I'm free.

629
00:25:49,792 --> 00:25:50,958
Mr. Lucas.

630
00:25:51,042 --> 00:25:52,417
[Mr. Lucas] Captain Peacock.

631
00:25:52,500 --> 00:25:53,833
Where is Mr. Grainger?

632
00:25:53,917 --> 00:25:55,208
He's gone through there.

633
00:26:00,333 --> 00:26:02,417
What have you got behind your back?

634
00:26:02,542 --> 00:26:03,667
Nothing, sir.

635
00:26:03,750 --> 00:26:05,417
Have you been smoking on the floor?

636
00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:08,625
No sir, I never smoke on the floor.

637
00:26:08,708 --> 00:26:10,750
Have you got something in your hand?

638
00:26:10,833 --> 00:26:12,167
No, sir.

639
00:26:12,250 --> 00:26:13,708
Look.

640
00:26:13,792 --> 00:26:15,042
What about the other one?

641
00:26:16,417 --> 00:26:17,667
Both, Mr. Lucas.

642
00:26:19,583 --> 00:26:21,292
- Both?
- Both.

643
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,208
Thank you, Mr. Lucas.

644
00:26:27,292 --> 00:26:28,625
You may come over here now.

645
00:26:29,875 --> 00:26:31,417
Now, pay attention, everybody.

646
00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:33,667
I have here your tickets
and insurance forms.

647
00:26:33,750 --> 00:26:35,500
I want you all to check the particulars

648
00:26:35,583 --> 00:26:37,309
and then sign to say that
you have received them.

649
00:26:37,333 --> 00:26:38,625
Certainly, sir.

650
00:26:38,708 --> 00:26:40,292
Ah, Miss Brahms, you're first.

651
00:26:40,417 --> 00:26:43,333
[teeth chattering]

652
00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:49,917
Don't go away, Mr. Lucas.

653
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,167
No, no, Captain Peacock.

654
00:26:54,583 --> 00:26:57,542
[teeth chattering]

655
00:26:57,625 --> 00:27:00,625
[light piano music]

656
00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:10,667
[light piano music continues]

657
00:27:27,500 --> 00:27:28,625
[teeth chattering]

658
00:27:34,083 --> 00:27:35,542
[teeth chattering]

659
00:27:40,375 --> 00:27:42,333
[light piano music continues]

660
00:28:05,125 --> 00:28:07,792
[keys clanging]

661
00:28:28,917 --> 00:28:31,833
[teeth chattering]

662
00:28:42,458 --> 00:28:43,125
[teeth snapping]

663
00:28:43,208 --> 00:28:44,208
Ahh-oow!

664
00:28:46,125 --> 00:28:47,583
Mr. Humphries, say something.

665
00:28:47,667 --> 00:28:49,333
It's the first time one bit me.

666
00:28:49,417 --> 00:28:50,417
What?

667
00:28:51,208 --> 00:28:52,958
Don't let Peacock see them.

668
00:28:53,042 --> 00:28:55,375
Mr. Humphries, can we
have your attention, please?

669
00:28:55,833 --> 00:28:56,917
Now pay attention.

670
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,542
You all now have your tickets,

671
00:28:58,625 --> 00:28:59,865
and don't forget your passport.

672
00:29:00,250 --> 00:29:01,750
Any questions?

673
00:29:01,833 --> 00:29:03,000
Oh!

674
00:29:03,708 --> 00:29:06,083
Do we bring sandwiches?

675
00:29:06,333 --> 00:29:08,417
Oh, no, lunch will
be served on the plane.

676
00:29:08,917 --> 00:29:09,667
Oh.

677
00:29:09,750 --> 00:29:10,875
Oh, one final thing,

678
00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:11,917
young Mr. Grace hopes that

679
00:29:11,958 --> 00:29:14,250
you'll all have a wonderful holiday.

680
00:29:14,500 --> 00:29:16,917
Oh, how very nice.

681
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,708
So it only remains for me to say,

682
00:29:19,792 --> 00:29:22,458
see you at 12:30 at the airport tomorrow.

683
00:29:22,542 --> 00:29:23,292
[teeth chattering]

684
00:29:23,375 --> 00:29:24,667
Oh-ho-ho!

685
00:29:24,750 --> 00:29:25,667
Mr. Humphries, what is the matter?

686
00:29:25,750 --> 00:29:26,875
[teeth chattering]

687
00:29:27,625 --> 00:29:29,750
I've just lost me camping equipment.

688
00:29:35,458 --> 00:29:36,208
[bell ringing]

689
00:29:36,292 --> 00:29:37,708
[Woman] Will passengers on Dan Air

690
00:29:37,792 --> 00:29:40,708
flight 597 to Costa Plonka...

691
00:29:40,792 --> 00:29:42,792
Would you mind taking off your hat, sir?

692
00:29:44,708 --> 00:29:45,750
Ah, yes.

693
00:29:45,875 --> 00:29:47,000
Carry on, sir.

694
00:29:48,833 --> 00:29:51,167
Mr. Lucas, I thought you
said that my Panama hat

695
00:29:51,250 --> 00:29:52,833
was the last one in the sale.

696
00:29:52,917 --> 00:29:54,250
It was, Captain Peacock,

697
00:29:54,333 --> 00:29:55,750
after Mr. Rumbold bought his.

698
00:29:57,167 --> 00:29:58,167
Thank you.

699
00:30:01,583 --> 00:30:02,458
Blimey, is that your age,

700
00:30:02,542 --> 00:30:04,742
or have you got it mixed up
with your bust measurements?

701
00:30:04,792 --> 00:30:05,934
I do hope you're not going to have me

702
00:30:05,958 --> 00:30:08,542
helpless with laughter
for the two whole weeks.

703
00:30:08,625 --> 00:30:10,425
Talking about that, if
you and I share a room,

704
00:30:10,500 --> 00:30:12,083
do you reckon we'll get a refund?

705
00:30:12,167 --> 00:30:13,458
About all you would get.

706
00:30:17,458 --> 00:30:20,583
This is the first time
I've been abroad, you know.

707
00:30:22,375 --> 00:30:23,583
Thank you. Next!

708
00:30:23,667 --> 00:30:25,500
Where's the aeroplane?

709
00:30:25,875 --> 00:30:26,708
Well, you'll excuse me if I don't

710
00:30:26,750 --> 00:30:28,583
show you to it personally, sir,

711
00:30:28,667 --> 00:30:29,867
but I have other things to do.

712
00:30:29,958 --> 00:30:31,875
Yes, well, at least you might tell me

713
00:30:31,958 --> 00:30:33,958
what platform it goes from.

714
00:30:34,250 --> 00:30:35,000
Well, just over there, sir,

715
00:30:35,083 --> 00:30:36,833
it's through the luggage check.

716
00:30:36,917 --> 00:30:38,667
Never mind, we'll show you.

717
00:30:40,792 --> 00:30:41,667
Thank you.

718
00:30:41,708 --> 00:30:43,458
Oh, how did that get in there?

719
00:30:44,458 --> 00:30:45,458
Never mind.

720
00:30:47,083 --> 00:30:48,708
Not a very good one, I'm afraid.

721
00:30:49,792 --> 00:30:51,750
No, but it's very like you.

722
00:30:55,208 --> 00:30:56,208
Carry on.

723
00:30:58,208 --> 00:30:59,542
Thank you.

724
00:31:00,542 --> 00:31:02,250
- Hello.
- Your luggage, sir?

725
00:31:03,333 --> 00:31:05,792
Well, of course it's my luggage.

726
00:31:05,875 --> 00:31:07,667
Would you mind placing it here, sir?

727
00:31:07,750 --> 00:31:08,792
We have to search it.

728
00:31:11,917 --> 00:31:13,101
You put the revolver and the bomb

729
00:31:13,125 --> 00:31:14,925
in the false bottom of
your trunk, didn't you?

730
00:31:15,542 --> 00:31:19,042
I don't consider that funny, Mr. Lucas.

731
00:31:19,125 --> 00:31:21,667
You wouldn't think he was one
of the top brass in the KGB.

732
00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:23,958
Through the loop, sir.

733
00:31:25,708 --> 00:31:26,458
[beeping]

734
00:31:26,500 --> 00:31:27,500
Aah!

735
00:31:27,542 --> 00:31:29,742
They've found the commando
knife strapped to your thigh.

736
00:31:29,792 --> 00:31:31,458
Would you mind removing
any metal objects

737
00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:32,792
you have on your person, sir?

738
00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:33,875
Well, I

739
00:31:35,208 --> 00:31:37,958
of course, there's the
key of my front door.

740
00:31:38,042 --> 00:31:40,167
Well, hand them over
and we'll try again.

741
00:31:41,375 --> 00:31:42,542
[device whirring]

742
00:31:42,625 --> 00:31:44,458
Uh, there must be something else, sir.

743
00:31:44,542 --> 00:31:45,708
I know, it's his truss.

744
00:31:45,792 --> 00:31:46,542
Now don't take that off him.

745
00:31:46,625 --> 00:31:48,500
He'll never carry his bag.

746
00:31:48,583 --> 00:31:50,792
Don't be cheeky, Mr. Lucas.

747
00:31:50,875 --> 00:31:52,000
Pass through, sir.

748
00:31:52,875 --> 00:31:54,167
Oh, blimey.

749
00:31:54,292 --> 00:31:56,250
Hey, it's the sugar plum fairy.

750
00:31:56,333 --> 00:31:58,292
I'm sorry I missed the bus.

751
00:31:58,375 --> 00:31:59,125
I had to thumb a lift

752
00:31:59,208 --> 00:32:01,208
in one of those great
big French juggernauts.

753
00:32:01,292 --> 00:32:02,809
Do you know they're very well equipped?

754
00:32:02,833 --> 00:32:04,417
There's a bed at the back of the cab.

755
00:32:04,500 --> 00:32:05,833
I've been halfway to Paris by now

756
00:32:05,917 --> 00:32:08,292
if the electric blanket
hadn't caught fire.

757
00:32:09,292 --> 00:32:11,458
[beeping]

758
00:32:12,750 --> 00:32:14,750
[device whirring]

759
00:32:14,792 --> 00:32:15,542
Ooh!

760
00:32:15,583 --> 00:32:16,833
Your equipment's working well.

761
00:32:16,958 --> 00:32:17,958
So's yours.

762
00:32:24,708 --> 00:32:25,958
[airplane noise]

763
00:32:41,292 --> 00:32:42,934
[FLIGHT ATTENDANT]
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

764
00:32:42,958 --> 00:32:44,292
On behalf of Captain Constantine,

765
00:32:44,375 --> 00:32:47,083
I would like to welcome you
on board this Dan Air comet 4C

766
00:32:47,167 --> 00:32:49,375
on your flight 597.

767
00:32:49,458 --> 00:32:52,250
Our flying time is estimated
at three hours, 10 minutes,

768
00:32:52,333 --> 00:32:54,792
and we shall be cruising at
an altitude of 35000 feet.

769
00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:57,000
Don't go before I've sat down, will you?

770
00:32:57,083 --> 00:32:57,958
Don't worry, sir.

771
00:32:58,042 --> 00:32:59,875
You're the sixth row along on the left,

772
00:32:59,958 --> 00:33:01,583
next to the window.

773
00:33:01,667 --> 00:33:03,333
Aren't you going to punch my ticket?

774
00:33:03,375 --> 00:33:04,542
Just move along, sir.

775
00:33:05,333 --> 00:33:06,958
Although I'm very
senior to you, Peacock,

776
00:33:07,042 --> 00:33:09,542
I have arranged to sit
with you during the flight.

777
00:33:10,500 --> 00:33:11,708
I'm very honoured, sir.

778
00:33:12,833 --> 00:33:14,583
Centre or outside seat, sir?

779
00:33:14,667 --> 00:33:15,667
Outside.

780
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:25,083
[hat crunches]

781
00:33:26,917 --> 00:33:27,792
I'm terribly sorry, Peacock.

782
00:33:27,875 --> 00:33:30,000
I appear to have sat on your hat.

783
00:33:30,083 --> 00:33:31,125
I'm afraid it's ruined.

784
00:33:31,208 --> 00:33:32,708
That's all right, sir.

785
00:33:32,792 --> 00:33:35,792
It was ridiculous, both of us
wearing the same hat anyway.

786
00:33:35,875 --> 00:33:37,750
Well, I must say you're
taking it very well.

787
00:33:37,833 --> 00:33:39,417
I've every reason to, sir.

788
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:40,500
It's your hat.

789
00:33:44,167 --> 00:33:46,542
I think that's my seat in the corner.

790
00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:48,583
Uh, will you excuse me?

791
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,250
That's the wrong seat, sir.

792
00:33:53,333 --> 00:33:54,583
You're in the one behind.

793
00:33:54,667 --> 00:33:56,375
Oh, I'm so sorry.

794
00:33:56,458 --> 00:33:58,375
Uh, will you excuse me?

795
00:33:59,042 --> 00:34:01,500
Ooh, that's me tights gone.

796
00:34:01,625 --> 00:34:03,018
We must have you in your right seats,

797
00:34:03,042 --> 00:34:04,708
otherwise where would it all end?

798
00:34:04,792 --> 00:34:06,309
The pilot's got to
know what seat you're in

799
00:34:06,333 --> 00:34:08,708
so he can compensate for the extra weight.

800
00:34:08,792 --> 00:34:10,083
Oh, he is a buffoon.

801
00:34:11,958 --> 00:34:13,208
Ooh.

802
00:34:13,708 --> 00:34:15,333
There's Mr. Humphries' tights gone.

803
00:34:15,417 --> 00:34:17,083
Ooh, settle down, Mr. Grainger.

804
00:34:17,583 --> 00:34:19,750
Very tiring, this air travel.

805
00:34:19,833 --> 00:34:21,333
[engine starts]

806
00:34:21,875 --> 00:34:22,708
What was that?

807
00:34:22,792 --> 00:34:24,500
Just the engine starting, sir.

808
00:34:25,417 --> 00:34:26,851
[FLIGHT ATTENDANT] Ladies and gentlemen,

809
00:34:26,875 --> 00:34:28,542
we are about to take off,

810
00:34:28,625 --> 00:34:30,542
so would you please
fasten your safety belts

811
00:34:30,625 --> 00:34:33,708
and also ensure that your seats
are in an upright position?

812
00:34:33,792 --> 00:34:34,917
Thank you.

813
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,417
Look at those people down there.

814
00:34:37,500 --> 00:34:39,083
They look just like ants.

815
00:34:40,042 --> 00:34:40,792
They are ants.

816
00:34:40,875 --> 00:34:42,125
We haven't taken off yet.

817
00:34:52,333 --> 00:34:56,375
[Airplane engine noise]

818
00:35:11,833 --> 00:35:13,393
[CAPTAIN] Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

819
00:35:13,417 --> 00:35:15,250
This is Captain Constantine.

820
00:35:15,375 --> 00:35:17,208
We shall shortly be crossing the coast,

821
00:35:17,292 --> 00:35:19,333
passing directly over Bognor Regis.

822
00:35:20,167 --> 00:35:22,917
I spent a holiday in Bognor Regis,

823
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,375
and I was grossly overcharged.

824
00:35:25,458 --> 00:35:26,898
I should go to the little boys' room

825
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:28,875
and see if you can get your revenge.

826
00:35:28,958 --> 00:35:29,958
Where is it?

827
00:35:30,708 --> 00:35:32,500
Just along there, behind the curtain.

828
00:35:32,583 --> 00:35:34,000
Will you excuse me?

829
00:35:35,542 --> 00:35:38,542
- Oh, thank you.
- Go on through there.

830
00:35:48,417 --> 00:35:50,167
[doorknob rattling]

831
00:35:52,917 --> 00:35:55,083
[banging]

832
00:36:02,333 --> 00:36:05,125
Oh, I'm so sorry,
the door wasn't locked.

833
00:36:07,292 --> 00:36:09,292
Are you going to be long?

834
00:36:09,375 --> 00:36:10,667
About two and half hours.

835
00:36:12,042 --> 00:36:14,000
I can't hold out all that time.

836
00:36:14,083 --> 00:36:16,958
I'll see if one's vacant at the other end.

837
00:36:19,542 --> 00:36:21,917
[horn honking]

838
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,583
[upbeat music]

839
00:36:39,083 --> 00:36:41,833
[all chattering]

840
00:36:48,083 --> 00:36:49,083
Stand aside.

841
00:36:49,167 --> 00:36:49,917
Wait, wait...

842
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,333
Oh, love, I've got me hands full.

843
00:36:52,417 --> 00:36:53,167
No.

844
00:36:53,208 --> 00:36:54,625
I've already got me own.

845
00:36:55,417 --> 00:36:56,167
Oh, senor...

846
00:36:56,250 --> 00:36:57,458
No, thanks very much.

847
00:36:57,542 --> 00:36:59,351
[IN SPANISH] Yes, yes.
It's not very large, but...

848
00:36:59,375 --> 00:37:01,958
No, please, I'm with those
people over there, you see.

849
00:37:02,042 --> 00:37:04,042
[both talking at once]

850
00:37:04,125 --> 00:37:07,667
[speaking Spanish]

851
00:37:07,708 --> 00:37:09,708
[IN SPANISH]
Please sir, please sir!

852
00:37:09,792 --> 00:37:10,833
Oh, well, all right.

853
00:37:10,917 --> 00:37:12,875
Two minutes, but not a second more.

854
00:37:12,958 --> 00:37:15,458
I am passing out.

855
00:37:15,542 --> 00:37:17,250
It is in the 90s, Mr. Grainger.

856
00:37:17,333 --> 00:37:18,083
I think you could afford

857
00:37:18,167 --> 00:37:19,917
to take off your scarf and overcoat.

858
00:37:19,958 --> 00:37:22,417
A sudden change of temperature

859
00:37:22,500 --> 00:37:25,042
can often cause a cold.

860
00:37:26,375 --> 00:37:28,667
Oh, it looks quite nice, doesn't it?

861
00:37:28,750 --> 00:37:30,375
It smells different.

862
00:37:31,042 --> 00:37:32,667
It's all that garlic.

863
00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:34,125
Go away!

864
00:37:34,208 --> 00:37:35,708
Will you go away?

865
00:37:35,792 --> 00:37:38,333
[speaking Spanish]

866
00:37:38,417 --> 00:37:41,167
Look, two necklaces is quite enough.

867
00:37:41,250 --> 00:37:42,958
Anymore and people will start to talk.

868
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:43,875
[Speaking Spanish]

869
00:37:43,958 --> 00:37:46,250
Now get on your donkey and
ride off into the setting sun

870
00:37:46,333 --> 00:37:48,583
and try and forget you ever even met me.

871
00:37:49,542 --> 00:37:53,792
[speaking Spanish]

872
00:37:55,250 --> 00:37:56,917
I have put a curse on you.

873
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,000
[chuckling]

874
00:37:58,042 --> 00:37:59,917
You're too late, love.

875
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,083
[Speaking Spanish]

876
00:38:03,167 --> 00:38:04,708
Ring the bell, Peacock.

877
00:38:05,625 --> 00:38:07,601
I hope you're not going to
continue to order me about.

878
00:38:07,625 --> 00:38:09,208
We are on holiday, you know.

879
00:38:09,250 --> 00:38:10,000
Yes, of course.

880
00:38:10,083 --> 00:38:10,958
I'm sorry.

881
00:38:11,042 --> 00:38:12,167
Ring the bell, Stephen.

882
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:15,000
[rings bell]

883
00:38:15,083 --> 00:38:16,083
Guten tag.

884
00:38:18,333 --> 00:38:19,458
You British?

885
00:38:19,542 --> 00:38:21,250
We are, as a matter of fact, yes.

886
00:38:21,333 --> 00:38:22,833
Oh, that is good.

887
00:38:22,917 --> 00:38:23,667
It's nice of you to say so.

888
00:38:23,750 --> 00:38:25,583
Are you having a long holiday?

889
00:38:25,667 --> 00:38:26,833
Just a couple of weeks.

890
00:38:26,917 --> 00:38:28,833
Ah, if you worked harder,
you could have longer.

891
00:38:29,792 --> 00:38:32,083
Still, the way the pound is going,

892
00:38:32,167 --> 00:38:33,917
you are lucky to be here at all, eh?

893
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,458
[laughing]

894
00:38:35,542 --> 00:38:36,792
Bosch bastard.

895
00:38:37,417 --> 00:38:38,167
Uh, what is that?

896
00:38:38,250 --> 00:38:40,208
He said what a posh basket.

897
00:38:44,417 --> 00:38:46,542
Ah, senores and senoras.

898
00:38:46,583 --> 00:38:47,458
Welcome.

899
00:38:47,542 --> 00:38:49,042
I am Carlos.

900
00:38:49,667 --> 00:38:50,917
Welcome to you.

901
00:38:52,292 --> 00:38:53,458
Bienvenido.

902
00:38:54,292 --> 00:38:55,042
Welcome.

903
00:38:55,083 --> 00:38:55,750
Get off!

904
00:38:55,792 --> 00:38:56,583
Oh!

905
00:38:56,625 --> 00:38:57,833
Welcome, senor.

906
00:38:59,583 --> 00:39:02,000
Oh, oh!

907
00:39:02,083 --> 00:39:04,167
[laughs]

908
00:39:05,542 --> 00:39:06,792
Ah.

909
00:39:06,875 --> 00:39:07,875
MMmMm.

910
00:39:08,917 --> 00:39:09,917
Welcome, senor.

911
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,667
He had me worried for a minute.

912
00:39:12,750 --> 00:39:15,583
I am most honoured to welcome you

913
00:39:15,667 --> 00:39:17,667
to the Don Bernardo Palace Hotel.

914
00:39:17,750 --> 00:39:19,458
Heh heh, yes.

915
00:39:21,083 --> 00:39:22,167
Who are you, please?

916
00:39:22,250 --> 00:39:23,351
I believe you have a booking

917
00:39:23,375 --> 00:39:24,875
in the name of Grace Brothers.

918
00:39:24,958 --> 00:39:25,667
Ah, yes.

919
00:39:25,750 --> 00:39:27,125
You are the Grace Brothers?

920
00:39:27,167 --> 00:39:27,917
That is correct.

921
00:39:27,958 --> 00:39:28,708
Si.

922
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:29,583
Hello.

923
00:39:29,667 --> 00:39:32,000
- He is the amazing grace.
- [laughs]

924
00:39:32,125 --> 00:39:33,250
And the ladies?

925
00:39:33,333 --> 00:39:35,417
They are Grace Brothers as well.

926
00:39:35,500 --> 00:39:38,083
Ah - the ladies are brothers?

927
00:39:39,083 --> 00:39:41,208
Ah, yes.

928
00:39:41,292 --> 00:39:42,917
I am hearing about this.

929
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,750
You are the English drag show, yes?

930
00:39:46,833 --> 00:39:49,208
With the female impersonations.

931
00:39:49,917 --> 00:39:50,667
Yes.

932
00:39:50,750 --> 00:39:52,333
Now I look, I can tell.

933
00:39:52,417 --> 00:39:54,333
Those are the false booby doos.

934
00:39:54,417 --> 00:39:55,417
Very funny.

935
00:39:56,333 --> 00:39:57,375
Get off!

936
00:39:57,458 --> 00:40:00,417
I would have you know
these are real booby doos

937
00:40:00,500 --> 00:40:02,708
and I object to being ravaged.

938
00:40:03,875 --> 00:40:05,583
Would you want to swap places?

939
00:40:05,667 --> 00:40:07,083
I think perhaps I should explain.

940
00:40:07,167 --> 00:40:09,625
Now, we are all employed

941
00:40:09,708 --> 00:40:12,667
by Grace Brothers department store.

942
00:40:12,750 --> 00:40:17,208
We have a booking at this
hotel for seven rooms.

943
00:40:17,292 --> 00:40:19,500
Siete chambres.

944
00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:20,750
Thank you, Peacock.

945
00:40:20,833 --> 00:40:21,583
Yes.

946
00:40:21,667 --> 00:40:23,167
We do have booking.

947
00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:25,667
Grace Brothers, two
brothers, one room, two beds.

948
00:40:25,750 --> 00:40:27,309
Oh, well, that will
do for Shirley and me.

949
00:40:27,333 --> 00:40:28,875
What about the rest of them?

950
00:40:28,958 --> 00:40:31,417
I think one has to assert
one's authority here, Peacock.

951
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:32,250
Now, see here.

952
00:40:32,292 --> 00:40:33,958
I want to see the manager.

953
00:40:34,042 --> 00:40:35,375
I am the manager.

954
00:40:35,458 --> 00:40:36,542
[chuckles]

955
00:40:36,625 --> 00:40:38,542
But there is nothing to worry about.

956
00:40:38,625 --> 00:40:40,208
We have good rooms for you.

957
00:40:40,292 --> 00:40:42,708
[all chattering]

958
00:40:42,792 --> 00:40:43,542
Tomorrow.

959
00:40:43,625 --> 00:40:44,958
[all chattering]

960
00:40:45,042 --> 00:40:46,292
What about tonight?

961
00:40:46,375 --> 00:40:49,458
Tonight, I can only
give you the new wing.

962
00:40:49,542 --> 00:40:50,893
I'll settle for the parson's nose,

963
00:40:50,917 --> 00:40:52,667
so long as it's got a bed in it.

964
00:40:52,750 --> 00:40:54,875
What is the accommodation
in the new wing?

965
00:40:54,958 --> 00:40:57,917
In the new wing, I can
give you the pentyhouse.

966
00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,542
Penthouses.

967
00:40:59,625 --> 00:41:00,458
Sounds all right.

968
00:41:00,542 --> 00:41:02,292
Well, speaking for myself,

969
00:41:02,375 --> 00:41:04,417
I'm not sharing a penthouse with no one,

970
00:41:04,500 --> 00:41:06,417
and I am unanimous in that.

971
00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:09,917
No no, dear lady, we have
got seven pentyhouses.

972
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,042
You have one pentyhouse each.

973
00:41:12,125 --> 00:41:14,167
One each at no extra charge?

974
00:41:14,250 --> 00:41:15,833
Of course not, senor.

975
00:41:15,917 --> 00:41:16,667
Very well, then.

976
00:41:16,750 --> 00:41:18,542
We will each take a penthouse.

977
00:41:18,625 --> 00:41:19,958
Oh, good.

978
00:41:20,042 --> 00:41:21,375
Your passports, please.

979
00:41:23,667 --> 00:41:25,417
(hand thuds)

980
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:27,000
(grunts)

981
00:41:27,042 --> 00:41:28,875
I have got girl to show you.

982
00:41:28,958 --> 00:41:30,292
Excuse.

983
00:41:30,375 --> 00:41:31,750
Is she thrown in as well?

984
00:41:37,167 --> 00:41:38,583
Gracias, Tonto.

985
00:41:40,625 --> 00:41:41,643
When you wasn't on the bus,

986
00:41:41,667 --> 00:41:43,184
we thought you'd gone to another hotel.

987
00:41:43,208 --> 00:41:44,518
You don't want to go on them buses.

988
00:41:44,542 --> 00:41:46,382
You don't know who's been
sitting in the seats.

989
00:41:46,458 --> 00:41:47,208
Where's the geezer?

990
00:41:47,292 --> 00:41:48,042
[bell rings]

991
00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:48,875
I'm dying to get to my room

992
00:41:48,958 --> 00:41:50,998
to have a shave, a shower,
and a sit on the balcony.

993
00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:52,208
Oh, what a shame.

994
00:41:52,292 --> 00:41:53,708
It's all booked up.

995
00:41:53,792 --> 00:41:56,458
And we've got the last seven penthouses.

996
00:41:56,542 --> 00:41:57,542
We'll see about that.

997
00:41:57,583 --> 00:41:58,333
[bell rings]

998
00:41:58,417 --> 00:41:59,167
Si, senor?

999
00:41:59,250 --> 00:42:00,375
Good afternoon, squire.

1000
00:42:00,458 --> 00:42:01,601
I hope you've got my secretary's cable

1001
00:42:01,625 --> 00:42:04,750
confirming the VIP suite
for the Earl of Harman?

1002
00:42:04,833 --> 00:42:08,000
Oh, oh, yes, your, your majesty.

1003
00:42:08,083 --> 00:42:09,667
We are, we are very honoured.

1004
00:42:09,750 --> 00:42:11,292
[laughing]

1005
00:42:11,375 --> 00:42:13,000
[hand thuds]

1006
00:42:13,083 --> 00:42:14,125
[laughs]

1007
00:42:14,208 --> 00:42:14,958
Pedro.

1008
00:42:15,042 --> 00:42:16,042
Shh.

1009
00:42:17,333 --> 00:42:18,625
The Earl of Harman?

1010
00:42:18,708 --> 00:42:20,292
You'll never get away with that.

1011
00:42:22,583 --> 00:42:24,583
I've got away with it.

1012
00:42:24,667 --> 00:42:27,125
I used to say I was a
trade union secretary,

1013
00:42:27,208 --> 00:42:29,417
but I couldn't afford
the rooms they gave me.

1014
00:42:29,500 --> 00:42:32,000
Pedro, take his highness to his room.

1015
00:42:33,542 --> 00:42:35,292
See you later, 'cock.

1016
00:42:36,625 --> 00:42:38,250
Ah, Conchita.

1017
00:42:38,333 --> 00:42:40,333
This is the Grace Brothers.

1018
00:42:42,792 --> 00:42:44,792
Conchita, the pentyhouse.

1019
00:42:46,417 --> 00:42:47,167
Yes.

1020
00:42:47,250 --> 00:42:49,458
I'm rather looking forward
to seeing the pantyhouses.

1021
00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:51,375
Uh, the pentyhouses.

1022
00:42:51,458 --> 00:42:52,375
[laughs]

1023
00:42:52,458 --> 00:42:54,125
You come this way.

1024
00:42:59,833 --> 00:43:01,667
Mr. Grainger, are you free?

1025
00:43:01,750 --> 00:43:02,958
Yes, I'm free.

1026
00:43:04,125 --> 00:43:06,333
[light orchestral music]

1027
00:43:07,583 --> 00:43:09,000
[CESAR] Carlos.

1028
00:43:09,625 --> 00:43:10,458
Cesar.

1029
00:43:10,542 --> 00:43:11,667
What are you doing here?

1030
00:43:12,875 --> 00:43:15,333
The uprising will start tomorrow.

1031
00:43:15,417 --> 00:43:17,500
At eight o'clock, the troops
will cross the border.

1032
00:43:17,583 --> 00:43:19,625
My men will capture the radio station here

1033
00:43:19,708 --> 00:43:21,625
and hold out till they arrive.

1034
00:43:21,708 --> 00:43:23,375
So tonight, you hide me.

1035
00:43:23,458 --> 00:43:25,167
Cesar, go away.

1036
00:43:25,250 --> 00:43:26,125
I am a man of peace.

1037
00:43:26,208 --> 00:43:27,250
I don't want no trouble.

1038
00:43:27,333 --> 00:43:28,125
You have a room?

1039
00:43:28,208 --> 00:43:30,917
I have one room only,
but it is not for you.

1040
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:32,250
[grunts]

1041
00:43:32,375 --> 00:43:33,125
[sighs]

1042
00:43:33,167 --> 00:43:34,667
Upstairs, first right.

1043
00:43:35,042 --> 00:43:37,167
You make up your mind, Carlos.

1044
00:43:37,250 --> 00:43:39,875
You are with them, or you are with us.

1045
00:43:39,958 --> 00:43:41,292
- Is that loaded?
- Of course.

1046
00:43:41,375 --> 00:43:42,833
I am with us.

1047
00:43:42,917 --> 00:43:43,917
So I sleep here.

1048
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:46,500
[chuckles]

1049
00:43:46,583 --> 00:43:47,583
Now, where is this,

1050
00:43:47,667 --> 00:43:50,167
this new beautiful serving girl of yours?

1051
00:43:50,250 --> 00:43:51,542
This Conchita?

1052
00:43:51,625 --> 00:43:52,542
Conchita, oh, no, no.

1053
00:43:52,625 --> 00:43:53,375
She is for me, Cesar.

1054
00:43:53,458 --> 00:43:54,458
She is not for you.

1055
00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:55,583
Ha ha!

1056
00:43:55,667 --> 00:43:56,987
You tell me every night, she bolt

1057
00:43:57,042 --> 00:43:58,625
the door of her bedroom against you.

1058
00:43:58,708 --> 00:44:00,583
But tonight, it will be different.

1059
00:44:00,667 --> 00:44:02,167
How you know this?

1060
00:44:02,250 --> 00:44:03,500
I take off the bolt.

1061
00:44:03,625 --> 00:44:04,708
[chuckles]

1062
00:44:04,792 --> 00:44:06,583
You are in luck, Cesar.

1063
00:44:06,667 --> 00:44:09,458
There are two beautiful
English women here.

1064
00:44:09,542 --> 00:44:11,708
Fair skins, big booby doos.

1065
00:44:11,792 --> 00:44:12,542
[chuckles]

1066
00:44:12,625 --> 00:44:13,708
Look, I show you picture.

1067
00:44:15,958 --> 00:44:16,833
Yeah.

1068
00:44:16,917 --> 00:44:17,917
This is nice.

1069
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:18,750
This good.

1070
00:44:18,833 --> 00:44:19,833
This, name of Humphries.

1071
00:44:19,875 --> 00:44:20,750
No, no, Cesar, this one.

1072
00:44:20,833 --> 00:44:21,625
Look this.

1073
00:44:21,708 --> 00:44:22,917
Mrs. Slocombe.

1074
00:44:24,833 --> 00:44:27,417
The face, ai yai.

1075
00:44:28,208 --> 00:44:29,208
But the body.

1076
00:44:29,250 --> 00:44:30,000
[chuckles]

1077
00:44:30,083 --> 00:44:30,917
Al yail yail.

1078
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,042
[both laugh]

1079
00:44:32,125 --> 00:44:33,708
Tonight, you tell me where she sleep.

1080
00:44:33,792 --> 00:44:34,833
I will.

1081
00:44:34,917 --> 00:44:36,208
Tonight, she is yours.

1082
00:44:36,292 --> 00:44:37,708
I give her to you.

1083
00:44:41,500 --> 00:44:42,292
[MISS BRAHMS] Oh, look.

1084
00:44:42,417 --> 00:44:43,167
They've got a big balloon

1085
00:44:43,250 --> 00:44:44,708
flying over the hotel.

1086
00:44:44,792 --> 00:44:45,542
[MR. RUMBOLD] We could
do with one of those

1087
00:44:45,625 --> 00:44:47,333
at Grace Brothers.

1088
00:44:47,417 --> 00:44:50,500
Yes, it pays to advertise.

1089
00:44:50,625 --> 00:44:51,500
It certainly does.

1090
00:44:51,583 --> 00:44:52,333
[chuckles]

1091
00:44:52,417 --> 00:44:54,417
Well, all I want now
is a nice, hot shower

1092
00:44:54,500 --> 00:44:56,708
and rub down with a rough matador.

1093
00:44:56,792 --> 00:45:00,292
A matador, Mr. Humphries,
is a Spanish bullfighter.

1094
00:45:00,375 --> 00:45:01,125
Yes.

1095
00:45:01,208 --> 00:45:01,792
[chuckles]

1096
00:45:01,875 --> 00:45:03,792
You dry off your way, I'll dry off mine.

1097
00:45:03,875 --> 00:45:05,417
Ah, Carlos.

1098
00:45:05,500 --> 00:45:06,792
[chuckles]

1099
00:45:06,875 --> 00:45:07,875
Ah, yes.

1100
00:45:07,958 --> 00:45:09,667
The Grace Brothers.

1101
00:45:09,750 --> 00:45:11,917
Oh, don't start that all over again.

1102
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:12,875
Why not?

1103
00:45:12,958 --> 00:45:14,542
We're not in any hurry.

1104
00:45:14,625 --> 00:45:15,792
[Captain Peacock] Now, look.

1105
00:45:15,875 --> 00:45:16,958
We've had a long journey.

1106
00:45:17,042 --> 00:45:19,750
We're hot and tired, and we'd
like to get to our penthouses.

1107
00:45:19,833 --> 00:45:20,917
Now, where are they?

1108
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,792
Ah, you have one pentyhouse each.

1109
00:45:22,875 --> 00:45:23,667
Good.

1110
00:45:23,750 --> 00:45:24,750
Where?

1111
00:45:24,792 --> 00:45:25,958
Well, there.

1112
00:45:26,833 --> 00:45:27,583
What are you talking about?

1113
00:45:27,667 --> 00:45:28,917
Those aren't penthouses.

1114
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,333
But of course they are penthouses.

1115
00:45:31,417 --> 00:45:33,000
Look, I show you.

1116
00:45:33,083 --> 00:45:35,875
You take some pentypoles
and some pentypegs,

1117
00:45:35,958 --> 00:45:36,708
you put them up.

1118
00:45:36,792 --> 00:45:38,333
What have you got? A pentyhouse.

1119
00:45:38,458 --> 00:45:40,167
He means tents.

1120
00:45:40,250 --> 00:45:41,708
Oh, of course.

1121
00:45:41,792 --> 00:45:42,625
Tentyhouses.

1122
00:45:42,708 --> 00:45:43,458
Oh!

1123
00:45:43,542 --> 00:45:44,333
My English spelling is so bad.

1124
00:45:44,417 --> 00:45:46,458
Whenever I am wanting T, I am having a P.

1125
00:45:46,542 --> 00:45:48,625
Remind me to stick to coffee.

1126
00:45:48,708 --> 00:45:50,917
You'll not catch me in a tent.

1127
00:45:51,042 --> 00:45:53,208
After seeing Conchita,
I shan't even try.

1128
00:45:55,417 --> 00:45:56,167
I say,

1129
00:45:56,250 --> 00:45:58,208
having a bit of bother with the rooms?

1130
00:45:58,750 --> 00:46:00,792
No, it's quite all right, thank you.

1131
00:46:00,875 --> 00:46:02,375
What are you doing up there, Harman?

1132
00:46:02,458 --> 00:46:04,250
This is my private suite.

1133
00:46:04,625 --> 00:46:05,985
How did you manage to fiddle that?

1134
00:46:06,042 --> 00:46:08,750
Well, I always pay the VIP supplement.

1135
00:46:08,833 --> 00:46:09,851
Well, I mean, you have to, don't you?

1136
00:46:09,875 --> 00:46:12,000
You get a very dodgy class of riff-raff

1137
00:46:12,083 --> 00:46:14,083
on these package dos.

1138
00:46:14,167 --> 00:46:15,375
Excuse me.

1139
00:46:15,458 --> 00:46:17,625
My champagne's getting warm.

1140
00:46:17,708 --> 00:46:19,351
I think the best thing
we can do is ignore him.

1141
00:46:19,375 --> 00:46:20,375
[MR. RUMBOLD] Yes.

1142
00:46:22,208 --> 00:46:24,875
I wouldn't mind if he
wasn't so bleeding common.

1143
00:46:24,958 --> 00:46:26,000
Captain Peacock,

1144
00:46:26,083 --> 00:46:28,167
seeing as how you have some Spanish,

1145
00:46:28,250 --> 00:46:30,167
will you inform this person

1146
00:46:30,292 --> 00:46:33,333
that we are not kipping under canvas?

1147
00:46:33,417 --> 00:46:35,292
And I am unanimous in that.

1148
00:46:36,208 --> 00:46:38,375
Por favor, Carlos, aqui.

1149
00:46:40,250 --> 00:46:42,542
Uh, now, look.

1150
00:46:42,625 --> 00:46:44,208
We've booked seven rooms in this hotel,

1151
00:46:44,292 --> 00:46:45,417
and we have confirmation.

1152
00:46:45,500 --> 00:46:47,375
Yes, you have confirmation,

1153
00:46:47,458 --> 00:46:49,542
but the rooms are not ready till tomorrow.

1154
00:46:50,125 --> 00:46:52,458
Can't we go somewhere else?

1155
00:46:52,542 --> 00:46:53,542
Town is full.

1156
00:46:54,708 --> 00:46:56,917
We'd better have a conference, Peacock.

1157
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:58,000
Yes, sir.

1158
00:46:59,333 --> 00:47:00,601
Are you free, Mrs. Slocombe, Miss Brahms?

1159
00:47:00,625 --> 00:47:01,625
Over here.

1160
00:47:02,625 --> 00:47:04,250
Mr. Lucas, are you free?

1161
00:47:06,208 --> 00:47:06,750
Yes.

1162
00:47:06,792 --> 00:47:08,208
Surprisingly enough, at the moment,

1163
00:47:08,250 --> 00:47:09,333
I am free, Captain Peacock.

1164
00:47:09,417 --> 00:47:10,417
Mr. Grainger.

1165
00:47:10,917 --> 00:47:13,250
Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.

1166
00:47:13,542 --> 00:47:14,750
Mr. Humphries, are you free?

1167
00:47:14,833 --> 00:47:16,167
As a bird, Captain Peacock.

1168
00:47:16,250 --> 00:47:17,792
Well, flutter over here.

1169
00:47:18,833 --> 00:47:22,000
Now, we appear to have a bit
of a crisis on our hands.

1170
00:47:22,083 --> 00:47:23,458
Obviously, we're in the right,

1171
00:47:23,542 --> 00:47:25,875
but due to circumstances
beyond our control,

1172
00:47:25,958 --> 00:47:28,125
we are faced with only two alternatives,

1173
00:47:28,208 --> 00:47:29,708
either to sleep on the beach

1174
00:47:29,792 --> 00:47:32,000
or to sleep here in those tents.

1175
00:47:32,083 --> 00:47:34,583
I vote that we all go home.

1176
00:47:35,250 --> 00:47:37,458
I'm missing Mrs. Grainger.

1177
00:47:38,458 --> 00:47:40,958
One gets used to things, you know.

1178
00:47:41,042 --> 00:47:42,167
Like arthritis.

1179
00:47:43,125 --> 00:47:44,542
It's a free holiday.

1180
00:47:44,625 --> 00:47:45,625
I'm staying.

1181
00:47:45,708 --> 00:47:47,292
And she's unanimous in that.

1182
00:47:47,708 --> 00:47:49,458
No, of course, you all stay.

1183
00:47:49,542 --> 00:47:52,417
You have beautiful wine
now and beautiful food.

1184
00:47:52,500 --> 00:47:54,917
And tonight, you sleep
in your beautiful tents.

1185
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,625
And tomorrow, you have
your beautiful rooms.

1186
00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:58,792
What do you say?

1187
00:47:58,875 --> 00:48:01,625
If we say yes, do we get another kiss?

1188
00:48:01,708 --> 00:48:02,833
[MR. RUMBOLD] Oh, very well.

1189
00:48:02,917 --> 00:48:04,583
Hands up all those who want us to stay.

1190
00:48:05,708 --> 00:48:07,042
Oh, very well.

1191
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:08,792
Oh, come on, Mr. Grainger.

1192
00:48:08,875 --> 00:48:10,167
What have you got to lose?

1193
00:48:11,667 --> 00:48:14,167
At my age, very little.

1194
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:17,167
Good. We all stay.

1195
00:48:17,250 --> 00:48:18,330
Dinner is at eight o'clock.

1196
00:48:18,375 --> 00:48:19,708
Where's the dining room?

1197
00:48:20,208 --> 00:48:22,417
Uh, the dining room
is full until tomorrow.

1198
00:48:22,500 --> 00:48:24,125
- What?
- Tonight,

1199
00:48:24,208 --> 00:48:26,292
you will have dinner underneath the stars.

1200
00:48:26,917 --> 00:48:27,917
Oh.

1201
00:48:27,958 --> 00:48:29,708
Oh, Captain Peacock,

1202
00:48:29,792 --> 00:48:32,375
doesn't it make you feel romantic?

1203
00:48:32,458 --> 00:48:35,292
I'm fighting against it very
satisfactorily, thank you.

1204
00:48:37,458 --> 00:48:38,208
Oh, well.

1205
00:48:38,250 --> 00:48:39,292
[laughs]

1206
00:48:39,333 --> 00:48:42,875
I suppose I'd better go and
make something of my face.

1207
00:48:42,958 --> 00:48:44,958
Have they got a good
plastic surgeon in this hotel?

1208
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,417
Mr. Lucas, just
because we're on holiday,

1209
00:48:47,500 --> 00:48:50,292
it doesn't give you carte
blanche to be sarkey.

1210
00:48:50,375 --> 00:48:51,250
I'm sorry, Mrs. Slocombe.

1211
00:48:51,333 --> 00:48:52,083
I take it all back.

1212
00:48:52,167 --> 00:48:53,393
You leave your old face just as it is,

1213
00:48:53,417 --> 00:48:54,708
and I shan't say another word.

1214
00:48:54,792 --> 00:48:55,792
Ooh.

1215
00:48:56,208 --> 00:48:59,042
Oh, I hope there's
electricity in these tents.

1216
00:48:59,708 --> 00:49:02,458
If there isn't, I've got a
battery razor you can borrow.

1217
00:49:07,292 --> 00:49:08,292
(laughing)

1218
00:49:09,083 --> 00:49:12,583
(light acoustic guitar music)

1219
00:49:15,083 --> 00:49:16,500
Nice to see you here.

1220
00:49:17,667 --> 00:49:22,875
[speaking German]

1221
00:49:31,542 --> 00:49:35,583
[accoustic guitar playing]

1222
00:49:45,500 --> 00:49:47,750
(laughing)

1223
00:50:13,917 --> 00:50:15,500
Oh, Mrs. Slocombe,

1224
00:50:15,583 --> 00:50:17,917
may I say how charming you look?

1225
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,917
Oh, it's nothing, really.

1226
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:23,458
I just picked up the
first thing I could find.

1227
00:50:23,542 --> 00:50:27,000
Ah, may I show you to your table?

1228
00:50:27,083 --> 00:50:29,333
Oh, don't let's go
without Captain Peacock.

1229
00:50:30,875 --> 00:50:32,625
Are you attired, Captain Peacock?

1230
00:50:37,167 --> 00:50:39,583
I was just about to go and
see if Miss Brahms was ready.

1231
00:50:41,042 --> 00:50:42,125
I've been ready for hours.

1232
00:50:42,208 --> 00:50:44,542
But I didn't like to
pop out there on me own.

1233
00:50:44,625 --> 00:50:45,792
I'll tell you what, Shirley.

1234
00:50:45,875 --> 00:50:46,893
We'll all gather round you.

1235
00:50:46,917 --> 00:50:48,958
Then, you can pop out among friends.

1236
00:50:49,042 --> 00:50:51,917
I've never seen you looking
so lovely, Miss Brahms.

1237
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:53,167
I haven't been so moved

1238
00:50:53,250 --> 00:50:55,958
since I stood and gazed at the Mona Lisa.

1239
00:50:56,042 --> 00:50:56,792
Oh, yes?

1240
00:50:56,875 --> 00:50:58,292
She got big knockers and all?

1241
00:51:03,667 --> 00:51:06,792
Ah, I see everyone's
ready for the repast.

1242
00:51:06,875 --> 00:51:08,708
Lead the way, landlord.

1243
00:51:08,792 --> 00:51:13,125
Mrs. Slocombe, would you
make an old man very happy?

1244
00:51:13,208 --> 00:51:15,375
Oh, Mr. Grainger.

1245
00:51:15,458 --> 00:51:19,500
One so rarely hears these
charming old world phrases.

1246
00:51:19,583 --> 00:51:21,667
What can I say?

1247
00:51:21,750 --> 00:51:22,583
Well, make up your mind.

1248
00:51:22,667 --> 00:51:23,851
Either pop into the tent with him now,

1249
00:51:23,875 --> 00:51:26,083
or have dinner and get down to it after.

1250
00:51:26,167 --> 00:51:27,250
Ignore him.

1251
00:51:33,250 --> 00:51:35,375
♪ Rule, Britannia ♪

1252
00:51:35,417 --> 00:51:38,083
♪ Britannia rules the waves ♪

1253
00:51:38,167 --> 00:51:40,083
♪ Britons never, never, never ♪

1254
00:51:40,167 --> 00:51:41,583
♪ Shall be slaves ♪

1255
00:51:41,667 --> 00:51:42,667
Ignore it.

1256
00:51:42,750 --> 00:51:44,250
I'll deal with them.

1257
00:51:44,333 --> 00:51:45,792
I speak the language.

1258
00:51:47,375 --> 00:51:50,000
♪ Britons never, never, never ♪

1259
00:51:50,083 --> 00:51:50,917
Please, Mr. Grainger.

1260
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:52,393
We don't want to start
that all over again.

1261
00:51:52,417 --> 00:51:53,750
Sit down. Sit down, please.

1262
00:51:53,833 --> 00:51:55,042
Damned krauts.

1263
00:51:55,875 --> 00:51:57,625
I didn't fight on the beaches

1264
00:51:57,708 --> 00:52:00,208
to be made to look a monkey.

1265
00:52:00,292 --> 00:52:03,250
Now, we'll sit with our
backs to them and ignore them.

1266
00:52:04,250 --> 00:52:06,125
Do I detect an anti-German feeling?

1267
00:52:06,208 --> 00:52:07,875
You do, Mr. Rumbold.

1268
00:52:07,958 --> 00:52:09,583
Some of us remember the war.

1269
00:52:09,667 --> 00:52:11,708
I haven't forgotten being
flung flat on me back

1270
00:52:11,792 --> 00:52:14,292
on Clapham Common by a land mine.

1271
00:52:14,375 --> 00:52:17,292
And the German air force was responsible.

1272
00:52:17,375 --> 00:52:18,726
All the other times
she was flat on her back,

1273
00:52:18,750 --> 00:52:20,542
the American air force was responsible.

1274
00:52:20,625 --> 00:52:21,667
[chuckles]

1275
00:52:21,750 --> 00:52:23,750
I'm asking you for the last time.

1276
00:52:23,833 --> 00:52:25,500
Will you please knock it off?

1277
00:52:25,542 --> 00:52:27,167
She even remembers what she said.

1278
00:52:28,083 --> 00:52:31,958
(light acoustic guitar music)

1279
00:52:33,542 --> 00:52:34,792
Blimey, look at that!

1280
00:52:35,792 --> 00:52:37,917
Surely, that can't be our Mr. Humphries.

1281
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:40,500
Lovely to have met you again.

1282
00:52:40,583 --> 00:52:41,625
Lovely to see you, too.

1283
00:52:41,708 --> 00:52:43,434
I hope we're going to
see a lot of each other

1284
00:52:43,458 --> 00:52:44,708
during the next few days.

1285
00:52:48,958 --> 00:52:49,958
Hey!

1286
00:52:51,333 --> 00:52:52,958
Who's that gorgeous bit of crumpet?

1287
00:52:53,042 --> 00:52:54,625
That is a very good friend of mine.

1288
00:52:54,708 --> 00:52:55,768
And I'll tell you something else,

1289
00:52:55,792 --> 00:52:58,250
he's much happier since
he's had the operation.

1290
00:52:58,333 --> 00:52:59,434
Do the other two know about it?

1291
00:52:59,458 --> 00:53:00,833
Who, Harry and George?

1292
00:53:00,917 --> 00:53:02,208
They paid for it.

1293
00:53:05,083 --> 00:53:07,458
You know some very strange people.

1294
00:53:07,542 --> 00:53:09,000
They seem quite normal to me.

1295
00:53:09,083 --> 00:53:11,375
Now, we really must learn the language.

1296
00:53:11,458 --> 00:53:13,292
What is Spanish for seat?

1297
00:53:14,208 --> 00:53:15,208
A-si-ento.

1298
00:53:16,583 --> 00:53:18,708
Well, that's easy to remember!

1299
00:53:18,792 --> 00:53:21,333
I must say I'm feeling quite peckish.

1300
00:53:22,417 --> 00:53:24,542
All I had to eat on the aeroplane was

1301
00:53:24,625 --> 00:53:26,500
a dead thing in jelly.

1302
00:53:26,583 --> 00:53:28,542
Doesn't the food look different?

1303
00:53:28,625 --> 00:53:29,375
Yes.

1304
00:53:29,458 --> 00:53:31,250
It smells different and all.

1305
00:53:31,333 --> 00:53:34,042
Certainly a change
from the staff canteen.

1306
00:53:34,125 --> 00:53:35,500
I hope it's good.

1307
00:53:35,542 --> 00:53:37,875
Well, 200 flies can't be wrong.

1308
00:53:37,958 --> 00:53:38,958
Get off.

1309
00:53:39,708 --> 00:53:40,958
Well, let's tuck in.

1310
00:53:41,042 --> 00:53:42,250
Who's for melon balls?

1311
00:53:42,333 --> 00:53:43,417
Me.

1312
00:53:43,500 --> 00:53:45,250
I might have guessed.

1313
00:53:45,333 --> 00:53:47,250
I think I'll try the seafood salad.

1314
00:53:47,333 --> 00:53:49,458
Yeah, that's supposed to
make you virile, isn't it?

1315
00:53:49,583 --> 00:53:52,333
Well, I hardly think two
mussels and a shriveled-up prawn

1316
00:53:52,417 --> 00:53:55,083
will affect my sex life
one way or the other.

1317
00:53:55,167 --> 00:53:57,875
I must say, this salad tastes lovely.

1318
00:53:57,958 --> 00:54:00,042
The insects here are
very greedy, aren't they?

1319
00:54:00,125 --> 00:54:00,875
What do you mean?

1320
00:54:00,958 --> 00:54:01,976
Well, that green wriggly thing's

1321
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:03,309
just picked up a bit of your lettuce,

1322
00:54:03,333 --> 00:54:06,292
put it on its back, and he's
marching off home with it.

1323
00:54:06,375 --> 00:54:07,375
Ooh.

1324
00:54:07,833 --> 00:54:11,583
Now, for you, we have
the specialty of the casa.

1325
00:54:11,667 --> 00:54:14,208
What a funny thing
to have a specialty of.

1326
00:54:14,292 --> 00:54:15,625
The poo poo grande.

1327
00:54:17,250 --> 00:54:18,792
Whatever is it?

1328
00:54:18,875 --> 00:54:21,167
Um, big octopussy.

1329
00:54:21,250 --> 00:54:22,792
They've never boiled the cat?

1330
00:54:23,667 --> 00:54:25,833
Mrs. Slocombe, it's a traditional dish

1331
00:54:25,917 --> 00:54:27,625
with a lot of oil and garlic,

1332
00:54:27,708 --> 00:54:29,792
and they chop the tentacles into slices.

1333
00:54:29,875 --> 00:54:31,875
Oh, don't tell us any more.

1334
00:54:31,958 --> 00:54:34,833
It's not the sort of thing
I am accustomed to eating.

1335
00:54:34,917 --> 00:54:35,750
You don't like?

1336
00:54:35,833 --> 00:54:37,083
I think it's horrible.

1337
00:54:37,167 --> 00:54:38,792
You prefer the English menu?

1338
00:54:38,875 --> 00:54:39,958
[ALL] Yes, please.

1339
00:54:40,042 --> 00:54:42,708
Eggs, sausages, beans,
and chips seven times.

1340
00:54:42,792 --> 00:54:45,125
Will you be taking the
wine or the brown ale?

1341
00:54:45,208 --> 00:54:46,750
Wine, please.

1342
00:54:46,833 --> 00:54:47,833
Thank heavens.

1343
00:54:50,583 --> 00:54:52,833
El vino for the Grace Brothers.

1344
00:54:52,917 --> 00:54:54,833
But first, the goblet of honour

1345
00:54:54,917 --> 00:54:57,000
for the lady with the beautiful body.

1346
00:54:57,083 --> 00:54:58,417
Oh, thank you.

1347
00:54:59,625 --> 00:55:03,042
Oh, aren't they gallant?

1348
00:55:03,125 --> 00:55:04,625
Muchas gracias.

1349
00:55:04,750 --> 00:55:06,958
Ah, you speak Spanish?

1350
00:55:07,333 --> 00:55:08,333
Un petit pois.

1351
00:55:09,750 --> 00:55:11,667
[clears throat]

1352
00:55:30,167 --> 00:55:31,500
[liquid trickles]

1353
00:55:35,875 --> 00:55:37,542
[accoustic guitar plays]

1354
00:55:45,375 --> 00:55:48,250
[liquid still trickles, guitar still plays]

1355
00:56:01,250 --> 00:56:02,417
Captain Peacock.

1356
00:56:03,208 --> 00:56:04,708
Have you got your phrasebook?

1357
00:56:04,792 --> 00:56:05,792
Yes.

1358
00:56:06,667 --> 00:56:09,333
What's Spanish for where's
the little girls' room?

1359
00:56:09,417 --> 00:56:11,583
I'm ahead of you, Mrs. Slocombe.

1360
00:56:11,667 --> 00:56:14,292
[IN SPANISH]
Where are the services?

1361
00:56:14,333 --> 00:56:16,250
Ah, the nearest one, she's over there.

1362
00:56:16,292 --> 00:56:17,917
[ALL] Thank you.

1363
00:56:19,458 --> 00:56:20,625
Ladies first.

1364
00:56:29,542 --> 00:56:30,583
Oh, really!

1365
00:56:31,917 --> 00:56:32,917
That was quick.

1366
00:56:33,292 --> 00:56:35,167
I haven't been yet.

1367
00:56:35,250 --> 00:56:37,292
There's no bolt on the door.

1368
00:56:37,375 --> 00:56:38,125
In my country,

1369
00:56:38,208 --> 00:56:40,375
when it is occupied, we sing.

1370
00:56:41,083 --> 00:56:42,083
I see.

1371
00:56:45,500 --> 00:56:49,417
♪ There's an old mill by the stream ♪

1372
00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:53,042
♪ Nellie Dean ♪

1373
00:56:53,125 --> 00:56:57,417
♪ Where we used to sit and dream ♪

1374
00:56:57,500 --> 00:56:59,958
♪ Nellie Dean ♪

1375
00:57:00,042 --> 00:57:01,042
Oi!

1376
00:57:01,333 --> 00:57:02,375
Belt up, you lot.

1377
00:57:02,458 --> 00:57:04,208
You're putting me off.

1378
00:57:04,292 --> 00:57:05,292
Sorry, Mrs. Slocombe.

1379
00:57:05,375 --> 00:57:06,667
We'll sing something else.

1380
00:57:06,750 --> 00:57:09,958
♪ Every time it rains, it rains ♪

1381
00:57:10,042 --> 00:57:12,958
♪ Pennies from heaven ♪

1382
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:15,875
♪ Every little cloud contains ♪

1383
00:57:16,375 --> 00:57:20,292
[toilet flushing and rattling]

1384
00:57:31,042 --> 00:57:34,042
For some reason, best
known to the locals,

1385
00:57:34,125 --> 00:57:36,708
the bolt is on the outside.

1386
00:57:36,792 --> 00:57:37,667
[MR. LUCAS]
Well, if they like the song,

1387
00:57:37,750 --> 00:57:40,458
they keep you there and make
you do it all over again.

1388
00:57:47,375 --> 00:57:48,042
Oh!

1389
00:57:48,125 --> 00:57:50,000
Composing a letter to
your mother, Mr. Lucas?

1390
00:57:50,667 --> 00:57:51,417
No, sir.

1391
00:57:51,500 --> 00:57:52,625
It's for Shirley there.

1392
00:57:53,583 --> 00:57:54,958
I'm giving her one more chance.

1393
00:57:55,042 --> 00:57:56,750
If she doesn't agree to my suggestion,

1394
00:57:56,833 --> 00:57:58,833
I'll have to start chatting
up the local crumpet.

1395
00:57:58,917 --> 00:58:01,542
But what exactly are you suggesting?

1396
00:58:03,250 --> 00:58:05,042
"Dear sexy knickers,

1397
00:58:05,125 --> 00:58:07,500
I've been mad about you ever since we met.

1398
00:58:07,583 --> 00:58:08,667
Come to my tent tonight

1399
00:58:08,750 --> 00:58:11,167
and we'll watch the moon rise together."

1400
00:58:11,250 --> 00:58:13,417
She won't fall for that, will she?

1401
00:58:13,500 --> 00:58:15,958
If she doesn't, it's the
last chance she's going to get.

1402
00:58:16,042 --> 00:58:17,875
And Conchita could get lucky.

1403
00:58:17,958 --> 00:58:18,958
Oi!

1404
00:58:21,417 --> 00:58:22,958
Si, senor?

1405
00:58:23,083 --> 00:58:24,833
You speaky English?

1406
00:58:24,917 --> 00:58:26,333
A little titty bit.

1407
00:58:27,167 --> 00:58:28,417
Heh.

1408
00:58:28,500 --> 00:58:30,667
Give this to the senorita

1409
00:58:30,750 --> 00:58:32,250
wearing the glasses.

1410
00:58:32,333 --> 00:58:33,333
Si, senor.

1411
00:58:34,542 --> 00:58:36,375
Isn't it a beautiful night?

1412
00:58:36,458 --> 00:58:37,625
Yes, but you know

1413
00:58:37,708 --> 00:58:40,833
the nights clamp down very
early in the tropicals.

1414
00:58:41,542 --> 00:58:42,167
Ah.

1415
00:58:42,208 --> 00:58:43,708
For you, senorita.

1416
00:58:43,750 --> 00:58:44,500
A note?

1417
00:58:44,583 --> 00:58:45,583
For me?

1418
00:58:46,167 --> 00:58:47,750
How mysterious!

1419
00:58:47,833 --> 00:58:49,250
Oh, who sent it?

1420
00:58:49,333 --> 00:58:51,250
Uh, senor who pour the wine now.

1421
00:58:56,125 --> 00:58:58,208
Here. Fill her up, Captain Peacock.

1422
00:58:58,292 --> 00:58:59,708
Thank you, Mr. Lucas.

1423
00:59:05,042 --> 00:59:05,792
Salud.

1424
00:59:05,875 --> 00:59:06,875
[gasps]

1425
00:59:06,917 --> 00:59:08,417
Captain Peacock!

1426
00:59:10,042 --> 00:59:11,167
Miss Brahms,

1427
00:59:12,083 --> 00:59:13,875
Captain Peacock sent me a note.

1428
00:59:13,958 --> 00:59:14,708
<i>Not.</i>

1429
00:59:14,792 --> 00:59:15,708
What's it say?

1430
00:59:15,792 --> 00:59:17,625
Oh, I haven't read it yet, have I?

1431
00:59:17,708 --> 00:59:21,250
"Dear sexy knickers"

1432
00:59:21,333 --> 00:59:23,250
I didn't know you wore sexy knickers.

1433
00:59:23,333 --> 00:59:25,042
That'll do, Miss Brahms.

1434
00:59:25,125 --> 00:59:29,000
Some people find directoires
are very exciting.

1435
00:59:29,083 --> 00:59:30,750
Well, they did during the war.

1436
00:59:30,875 --> 00:59:32,208
Well, go on, then.

1437
00:59:32,292 --> 00:59:37,458
"I've been mad about
you ever since we met.

1438
00:59:37,708 --> 00:59:39,667
Come to my tent tonight

1439
00:59:39,750 --> 00:59:41,042
and we'll watch the-...

1440
00:59:42,500 --> 00:59:43,917
The what rise together?

1441
00:59:44,875 --> 00:59:46,542
Oh, "the moon."

1442
00:59:46,625 --> 00:59:48,875
Oh, would you believe it?

1443
00:59:55,417 --> 00:59:58,500
Oh, don't they get bold in the tropicals?

1444
00:59:58,583 --> 01:00:00,833
You're not going to go, are you?

1445
01:00:00,917 --> 01:00:04,000
Well, I think I ought to
go to teach him a lesson.

1446
01:00:04,625 --> 01:00:06,208
I shall lead him on,

1447
01:00:06,292 --> 01:00:09,333
and then I shall give
him a piece of my mind.

1448
01:00:10,333 --> 01:00:11,458
Eventually.

1449
01:00:11,708 --> 01:00:13,500
Have you got something to write with?

1450
01:00:13,625 --> 01:00:15,625
Oh yes. Here,
I have an eyebrow pencil.

1451
01:00:18,292 --> 01:00:20,375
Oh, thank you, Miss Brahms.

1452
01:00:20,458 --> 01:00:21,208
Now, then.

1453
01:00:21,292 --> 01:00:24,167
"Dear sexy,"

1454
01:00:25,875 --> 01:00:27,083
Y-fronts,".

1455
01:00:29,458 --> 01:00:32,042
Will come

1456
01:00:32,167 --> 01:00:36,458
to your tent tonight.

1457
01:00:37,875 --> 01:00:40,042
And together,

1458
01:00:40,167 --> 01:00:44,000
we'll see it

1459
01:00:45,583 --> 01:00:46,958
"come up."

1460
01:00:49,167 --> 01:00:50,292
Carlos.

1461
01:00:50,708 --> 01:00:52,417
[MRS. SLOCOMBE]
Come here, Carlos.

1462
01:00:52,500 --> 01:00:53,875
Si, senorita?

1463
01:00:53,958 --> 01:00:57,458
Would you give this note private-o

1464
01:00:57,542 --> 01:00:59,333
to the man with the mustache-o

1465
01:00:59,417 --> 01:01:01,250
at the end of the table-0?

1466
01:01:01,333 --> 01:01:02,792
Ah, si, senorita.

1467
01:01:05,500 --> 01:01:06,750
- Eh, senor?
- Hmm?

1468
01:01:06,833 --> 01:01:09,375
A note from the senorita down there.

1469
01:01:09,458 --> 01:01:10,750
Which one?

1470
01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:13,250
The one with the
figure like Raquel Welsh.

1471
01:01:15,958 --> 01:01:17,667
A note from Miss Brahms.

1472
01:01:17,750 --> 01:01:19,792
"Dear sexy Y-fronts."

1473
01:01:20,458 --> 01:01:22,542
Amazing how these rumours get around.

1474
01:01:22,625 --> 01:01:24,542
"Will come to your tent tonight

1475
01:01:24,625 --> 01:01:27,042
and together we will see it come up.""

1476
01:01:27,125 --> 01:01:28,542
I wonder what she has in mind.

1477
01:01:28,625 --> 01:01:30,375
Bottoms up, Captain Peacock.

1478
01:01:30,458 --> 01:01:31,708
Oh yes.

1479
01:01:39,875 --> 01:01:44,875
"Can't wait to get
together with you tonight."

1480
01:01:46,250 --> 01:01:51,417
More discreet if I come to your tent.

1481
01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:54,042
Bottoms up.

1482
01:01:54,125 --> 01:01:57,167
"Signed, sexy Y-fronts."

1483
01:02:01,375 --> 01:02:02,775
[CAPTAIN PEACOCK WHISPERS]
Conchita?

1484
01:02:04,375 --> 01:02:05,708
Si, senor?

1485
01:02:05,792 --> 01:02:06,792
Give this note

1486
01:02:07,708 --> 01:02:10,042
to the one making up
face in mirror.

1487
01:02:10,125 --> 01:02:11,500
Si, senor.

1488
01:02:11,583 --> 01:02:13,542
Oh, Miss Brahms, what a good idea.

1489
01:02:13,625 --> 01:02:14,833
Can I borrow that, love?

1490
01:02:15,917 --> 01:02:17,393
I don't mind my face looking lived in,

1491
01:02:17,417 --> 01:02:20,083
but I don't want it to look
as though I've got squatters.

1492
01:02:21,375 --> 01:02:22,833
This is for you, senor.

1493
01:02:22,917 --> 01:02:24,917
Oh, a billet-doux.

1494
01:02:24,958 --> 01:02:26,083
Can't wait.

1495
01:02:26,167 --> 01:02:27,167
Thank you.

1496
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:34,583
"Bottoms up.

1497
01:02:35,208 --> 01:02:38,083
Signed, sexy Y-fronts."

1498
01:02:38,208 --> 01:02:41,542
Conchita, who sent this?

1499
01:02:41,792 --> 01:02:44,625
The one who goes to sing the song.

1500
01:02:44,667 --> 01:02:48,417
Well, I'd never have
believed it in a million years.

1501
01:02:48,500 --> 01:02:49,542
It's the quiet ones.

1502
01:02:49,625 --> 01:02:51,375
They're all the same.

1503
01:02:52,708 --> 01:02:55,292
♪ Where we use to sit and dream ♪

1504
01:02:55,375 --> 01:02:57,208
♪ Nellie Dean ♪

1505
01:02:57,292 --> 01:02:58,434
♪ And the waters as they flow ♪

1506
01:02:58,458 --> 01:03:00,167
This will dampen his ardour.

1507
01:03:00,250 --> 01:03:03,083
[toilet flushes] [screaming]

1508
01:03:03,125 --> 01:03:04,375
Bottoms up.

1509
01:03:07,792 --> 01:03:10,750
[speaking Spanish]

1510
01:03:10,833 --> 01:03:11,958
Oh!

1511
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:13,000
Si, si.

1512
01:03:14,625 --> 01:03:16,375
Has my call to England come through yet?

1513
01:03:16,458 --> 01:03:17,250
It just come.

1514
01:03:17,292 --> 01:03:18,042
Thank you.

1515
01:03:18,083 --> 01:03:18,667
It's me mother.

1516
01:03:18,750 --> 01:03:20,125
She worries about me.

1517
01:03:20,208 --> 01:03:21,208
Hello?

1518
01:03:22,208 --> 01:03:24,042
Oh, the call's only got as far as Bootle,

1519
01:03:24,125 --> 01:03:25,667
still, it's only a short walk.

1520
01:03:25,750 --> 01:03:26,583
Yes, I'll hold.

1521
01:03:26,667 --> 01:03:28,000
Please, you must help me.

1522
01:03:28,083 --> 01:03:29,417
I am in trouble.

1523
01:03:29,500 --> 01:03:30,917
You're not, are you?

1524
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:32,167
Yes, I'm still here, dear.

1525
01:03:32,250 --> 01:03:33,000
It is Carlos.

1526
01:03:33,083 --> 01:03:33,875
He wants to,

1527
01:03:33,958 --> 01:03:35,278
he wants to...
[whispers inaudibly]

1528
01:03:35,792 --> 01:03:37,083
[chuckles]

1529
01:03:37,167 --> 01:03:39,333
Oh, I've heard that's quite nice.

1530
01:03:39,417 --> 01:03:40,583
Hello?

1531
01:03:40,667 --> 01:03:42,583
There's a lot of interference.

1532
01:03:42,667 --> 01:03:45,125
I don't know whether
it's at your end or mine.

1533
01:03:45,208 --> 01:03:46,375
I think most of it's at mine.

1534
01:03:46,458 --> 01:03:49,167
Senor, he has taken
the bolt from my door.

1535
01:03:49,250 --> 01:03:52,875
Let me sleep in your tent,
I know I can trust you.

1536
01:03:52,958 --> 01:03:55,250
How did you manage to work that out?

1537
01:03:55,333 --> 01:03:56,333
Hello?

1538
01:03:56,417 --> 01:03:57,833
Hello, mother.

1539
01:03:57,917 --> 01:03:59,708
Yes, I'm fine.

1540
01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:01,833
Yes, I told the pilot what you said,

1541
01:04:01,917 --> 01:04:03,250
and he was very careful.

1542
01:04:04,875 --> 01:04:07,417
I know I've left me
hot water bottle, love.

1543
01:04:07,500 --> 01:04:09,180
Somehow I don't think
I'm going to need it.

1544
01:04:09,250 --> 01:04:12,417
Oh, senor, tell me I
may sleep in your tent.

1545
01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:13,250
(laughs)

1546
01:04:13,333 --> 01:04:15,083
Yes, it was a girl's voice.

1547
01:04:15,167 --> 01:04:16,083
Yes, you're right,

1548
01:04:16,167 --> 01:04:17,792
the change will do me good.

1549
01:04:17,875 --> 01:04:19,195
[CARLOS] Conchita, where are you?

1550
01:04:19,250 --> 01:04:21,018
Listen, I don't want to
stay nattering for a long time

1551
01:04:21,042 --> 01:04:22,333
'cause it'll run up a big bill.

1552
01:04:22,417 --> 01:04:23,958
Oh, senor, please say yes.

1553
01:04:24,042 --> 01:04:24,792
Give us a kiss, then.

1554
01:04:24,875 --> 01:04:26,792
Oh, you beautiful man.

1555
01:04:26,875 --> 01:04:27,625
Muah!

1556
01:04:27,708 --> 01:04:29,333
Not you, dear.

1557
01:04:29,417 --> 01:04:30,792
No, love.

1558
01:04:30,875 --> 01:04:32,667
No, that was the night porter.

1559
01:04:32,750 --> 01:04:34,375
I see you in your tent tonight.

1560
01:04:34,500 --> 01:04:35,375
Bye.

1561
01:04:35,458 --> 01:04:38,208
Yes, he has got a
very high-pitched voice.

1562
01:04:38,292 --> 01:04:39,458
He used to be a bull fighter,

1563
01:04:39,542 --> 01:04:42,292
but he got caught in the corridas.

1564
01:04:42,375 --> 01:04:44,625
Of course I shall say me prayers.

1565
01:04:44,708 --> 01:04:46,375
And I'll ask him to make me a good boy.

1566
01:04:46,458 --> 01:04:47,625
[chuckling]

1567
01:04:47,708 --> 01:04:50,250
He'll have his work cut
out tonight, though.

1568
01:04:50,333 --> 01:04:51,167
Bye-bye.

1569
01:04:51,250 --> 01:04:52,292
Bye-bye!

1570
01:04:52,375 --> 01:04:53,042
[laughs]

1571
01:04:53,125 --> 01:04:54,167
Yes.

1572
01:04:54,750 --> 01:04:55,750
Bless her.

1573
01:04:57,250 --> 01:04:58,000
Ah!

1574
01:04:58,083 --> 01:04:59,375
Buenos noches, senor.

1575
01:04:59,458 --> 01:05:02,125
Uh, your, uh, your tenty
house is to your liking, yes?

1576
01:05:02,208 --> 01:05:04,000
You have got everything you need?

1577
01:05:04,083 --> 01:05:06,000
I've got one or two things I don't need.

1578
01:05:06,083 --> 01:05:08,333
Listen, for reasons that I won't go into,

1579
01:05:08,417 --> 01:05:09,643
you haven't got such a thing as

1580
01:05:09,667 --> 01:05:11,917
a spare bed anywhere, have you?

1581
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:15,958
I have one bed, senor, but
I dare not offer it to you.

1582
01:05:16,042 --> 01:05:17,833
I shall make it worth your while.

1583
01:05:17,917 --> 01:05:20,083
[chuckles]

1584
01:05:20,167 --> 01:05:24,542
The other bed in the room is
occupied by Cesar Rodriguez,

1585
01:05:24,625 --> 01:05:27,375
the most dangerous man
in the whole country.

1586
01:05:27,458 --> 01:05:31,250
It is said that he has killed
12 men with is bare hands.

1587
01:05:32,583 --> 01:05:34,500
In that case, if anybody wants me,

1588
01:05:34,583 --> 01:05:36,083
I shall be in my tent.

1589
01:05:37,958 --> 01:05:38,958
Psst.

1590
01:05:39,083 --> 01:05:42,750
[dramatic orchestral music]

1591
01:05:44,125 --> 01:05:45,125
Psst.

1592
01:05:46,500 --> 01:05:47,958
Any messages for me?

1593
01:05:48,042 --> 01:05:49,417
Nothing, Cesar.

1594
01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:51,625
Carlos, listen very carefully.

1595
01:05:52,583 --> 01:05:54,917
My men are hiding in the hills.

1596
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:56,792
They will be with me at dawn.

1597
01:05:56,875 --> 01:05:58,375
At the same time, the liberating

1598
01:05:58,458 --> 01:06:00,583
forces will cross the border.

1599
01:06:00,667 --> 01:06:03,333
By midday, everything will be ours.

1600
01:06:03,417 --> 01:06:05,958
Tomorrow is your big day, huh?

1601
01:06:06,042 --> 01:06:07,042
And tonight

1602
01:06:08,917 --> 01:06:10,000
is my big night.

1603
01:06:10,083 --> 01:06:11,083
[both chuckle]

1604
01:06:11,167 --> 01:06:12,458
What a body, hmm?

1605
01:06:13,375 --> 01:06:14,958
Now, you tell me which tent she is in.

1606
01:06:15,083 --> 01:06:16,958
I'll show you myself later.

1607
01:06:18,250 --> 01:06:21,125
Tonight is my big night, too.

1608
01:06:21,208 --> 01:06:22,417
For me, Conchita.

1609
01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:25,750
For you, the beautiful
body of Mrs. Slocombe.

1610
01:06:25,833 --> 01:06:29,833
[laughs]

1611
01:06:33,500 --> 01:06:36,500
[upbeat rock music]

1612
01:06:39,958 --> 01:06:41,333
[MISS BRAHMS] Psst.

1613
01:06:41,750 --> 01:06:43,500
Is that you, Captain Peacock?

1614
01:06:43,583 --> 01:06:44,851
[MISS BRAHS] No, it's me Shirley.

1615
01:06:44,875 --> 01:06:45,625
Can I come in?

1616
01:06:45,708 --> 01:06:46,708
Oh.

1617
01:06:46,750 --> 01:06:47,833
Yes, do.

1618
01:06:49,167 --> 01:06:51,167
I've just passed old Peacock's tent.

1619
01:06:51,250 --> 01:06:52,917
He's humming "Tonight's the Night",

1620
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:54,583
and the smell of his aftershave

1621
01:06:54,667 --> 01:06:55,893
practically took my breath away.

1622
01:06:55,917 --> 01:06:57,417
Well, you know, what they say,

1623
01:06:57,500 --> 01:07:00,500
anticipation is half the pleasure.

1624
01:07:00,583 --> 01:07:02,208
Is he going to get the other half, then?

1625
01:07:02,292 --> 01:07:03,375
Never you mind.

1626
01:07:03,458 --> 01:07:05,917
Oh, well, if you need
any help, give us a yell.

1627
01:07:05,958 --> 01:07:08,226
I shan't be asleep because the
beds are too uncomfortable.

1628
01:07:08,250 --> 01:07:09,875
Oh, well, I brought this.

1629
01:07:09,958 --> 01:07:10,792
Oh.

1630
01:07:10,875 --> 01:07:11,958
Well, good night, then.

1631
01:07:12,042 --> 01:07:13,292
Good night, love.

1632
01:07:14,167 --> 01:07:16,917
[toilet flushes]

1633
01:07:23,083 --> 01:07:25,667
Many more dinners like that,

1634
01:07:25,750 --> 01:07:28,083
and I shall have to learn a longer song.

1635
01:07:32,875 --> 01:07:35,875
[upbeat rock music]

1636
01:07:43,625 --> 01:07:44,958
[CARLOS] Psst.

1637
01:07:46,500 --> 01:07:47,750
Yes, Miss Brahms?

1638
01:07:47,833 --> 01:07:49,542
[CARLOS] Uh, no, no, it's me, Carlos.

1639
01:07:49,625 --> 01:07:50,375
Oh.

1640
01:07:50,458 --> 01:07:51,458
Come in.

1641
01:07:53,042 --> 01:07:55,083
Uh, I forget to ask you,

1642
01:07:55,167 --> 01:07:56,750
what time you like breakfast?

1643
01:07:56,833 --> 01:07:58,375
Well, speaking on behalf of the men,

1644
01:07:58,458 --> 01:07:59,375
I'd say eight o'clock.

1645
01:07:59,458 --> 01:08:00,250
And the ladies?

1646
01:08:00,333 --> 01:08:01,208
Hmm.

1647
01:08:01,250 --> 01:08:02,667
I shall have to inquire.

1648
01:08:03,625 --> 01:08:05,792
[blowing]

1649
01:08:09,750 --> 01:08:10,500
Mrs. Slocombe?

1650
01:08:10,583 --> 01:08:13,083
[air squeals]

1651
01:08:13,958 --> 01:08:15,167
Are you there, Mrs. Slocombe?

1652
01:08:15,250 --> 01:08:16,875
[Fart sounds]

1653
01:08:17,958 --> 01:08:19,333
Yes, I thought you were.

1654
01:08:19,417 --> 01:08:21,167
I can call back later if you wish.

1655
01:08:21,250 --> 01:08:24,083
[fart sounds]

1656
01:08:24,167 --> 01:08:25,500
Or indeed not at all.

1657
01:08:25,583 --> 01:08:28,250
[MRS. SLOCOMBE]
I seem to have a slow leak.

1658
01:08:28,333 --> 01:08:30,125
Sounds like a quick one to me.

1659
01:08:30,167 --> 01:08:33,542
I was just putting a
little more air in my lilo.

1660
01:08:33,625 --> 01:08:35,625
Ah, that explains a lot.

1661
01:08:35,708 --> 01:08:36,958
I've got Carlos here.

1662
01:08:37,042 --> 01:08:39,167
He wonders what time you'd like breakfast.

1663
01:08:39,250 --> 01:08:40,708
Aren't we taking rather a lot

1664
01:08:40,792 --> 01:08:42,583
for granted, Captain Peacock?

1665
01:08:42,667 --> 01:08:43,792
No, no.

1666
01:08:43,875 --> 01:08:45,375
They have breakfast on the brochure.

1667
01:08:45,458 --> 01:08:47,333
Oh, is there a good view from there?

1668
01:08:48,625 --> 01:08:49,917
30.

1669
01:08:51,750 --> 01:08:53,375
By the way, as we're abroad,

1670
01:08:53,458 --> 01:08:55,250
do you fancy it English or continental?

1671
01:08:55,333 --> 01:08:56,458
Oh.

1672
01:08:56,542 --> 01:08:58,167
Well, you're a man of the world,

1673
01:08:58,250 --> 01:09:01,875
I leave that entirely to you, Stephen.

1674
01:09:03,042 --> 01:09:04,833
We're having it continental style.

1675
01:09:05,500 --> 01:09:07,208
Don't tell everybody.

1676
01:09:11,750 --> 01:09:15,833
♪ Anyway, I know you're familiar ♪

1677
01:09:18,375 --> 01:09:20,250
[feet stomping]

1678
01:09:20,333 --> 01:09:23,000
♪ I've seen you around ♪

1679
01:09:23,125 --> 01:09:23,750
Good evening.

1680
01:09:23,792 --> 01:09:25,333
Heh.

1681
01:09:25,458 --> 01:09:27,417
Good evening, Mr. Humphries.

1682
01:09:27,458 --> 01:09:28,792
Just been in for a dip?

1683
01:09:28,875 --> 01:09:30,434
Well, I haven't been
sitting in the cocktail bar

1684
01:09:30,458 --> 01:09:31,667
with this lot on.

1685
01:09:32,542 --> 01:09:33,625
[laughs]

1686
01:09:33,708 --> 01:09:36,792
I just fancy a quick
turn before lights out.

1687
01:09:36,875 --> 01:09:37,792
[chuckles]

1688
01:09:37,875 --> 01:09:39,458
Not with me you don't.

1689
01:09:43,542 --> 01:09:46,375
♪ I've never seen ♪

1690
01:09:48,833 --> 01:09:50,625
"It was dark in the jungle hut."

1691
01:09:50,708 --> 01:09:52,750
The drugged coconut juice
was having its effect

1692
01:09:52,833 --> 01:09:55,167
as Captain Strangeways
struggled against the bonds

1693
01:09:55,250 --> 01:09:56,542
that found him face to face

1694
01:09:56,625 --> 01:09:59,542
against the nubile body of Princess Lala.

1695
01:09:59,625 --> 01:10:02,500
"Suddenly he was aware
of something stirring."

1696
01:10:02,583 --> 01:10:04,750
[shrieks]

1697
01:10:11,833 --> 01:10:13,250
[knocking]

1698
01:10:15,833 --> 01:10:17,500
You can't come in, Captain Peacock.

1699
01:10:17,583 --> 01:10:20,083
I must warn you, I'm
armed, and I am dangerous.

1700
01:10:20,167 --> 01:10:21,500
[MISS BRAHMS] It's me, Shirley.

1701
01:10:21,583 --> 01:10:22,667
Are you free?

1702
01:10:23,625 --> 01:10:25,542
Provided you haven't
got designs on my body.

1703
01:10:25,583 --> 01:10:27,208
Oh, listen, I'm in a bit of trouble.

1704
01:10:27,292 --> 01:10:28,625
There's a lot of it about.

1705
01:10:28,708 --> 01:10:30,875
No, there's this wiggly wiggly thing.

1706
01:10:30,958 --> 01:10:32,226
There's a lot of those about as well.

1707
01:10:32,250 --> 01:10:34,667
It came into my tent and frightened me.

1708
01:10:34,750 --> 01:10:37,375
I came out in big goosebumps all over.

1709
01:10:37,458 --> 01:10:38,542
Yeah, I can see.

1710
01:10:38,625 --> 01:10:40,143
A couple of them haven't gone down yet.

1711
01:10:40,167 --> 01:10:41,518
Oh look.
Can I sleep in your tent tonight,

1712
01:10:41,542 --> 01:10:43,125
and you sleep in mine?

1713
01:10:43,208 --> 01:10:45,125
What makes you think
that a wiggly wiggly...

1714
01:10:48,250 --> 01:10:49,958
- Evening.
- Good night.

1715
01:10:51,458 --> 01:10:53,739
On second thought, there's
lots of things wandering about.

1716
01:10:53,792 --> 01:10:55,333
I'll take up your offer.

1717
01:10:55,417 --> 01:10:58,000
Oh, here, take my hair lacquer.

1718
01:10:58,083 --> 01:10:59,083
It's wonderful stuff.

1719
01:10:59,167 --> 01:11:00,792
Turns flies into gliders.

1720
01:11:03,333 --> 01:11:06,500
"Dear sexy knickers."

1721
01:11:07,625 --> 01:11:09,583
Oh, how romantic.

1722
01:11:10,708 --> 01:11:11,958
What was it he said?

1723
01:11:14,250 --> 01:11:16,667
"Come to my tent tonight

1724
01:11:16,750 --> 01:11:19,375
and we'll watch the moon rise together."

1725
01:11:21,250 --> 01:11:22,417
Oh.

1726
01:11:23,042 --> 01:11:24,958
Well, that'll do to be going on with.

1727
01:11:32,833 --> 01:11:34,042
Aah!

1728
01:11:34,125 --> 01:11:35,125
Aah!

1729
01:11:38,250 --> 01:11:39,833
Oh, Mr. Humphries.

1730
01:11:39,917 --> 01:11:42,250
I was just taking a little walk.

1731
01:11:42,333 --> 01:11:43,583
You see, when I'm at home,

1732
01:11:43,667 --> 01:11:45,417
I usually give my pussy an airing

1733
01:11:45,500 --> 01:11:46,583
at this time of night.

1734
01:11:46,667 --> 01:11:47,542
Oh, I see.

1735
01:11:47,625 --> 01:11:49,750
While you're out, can I stay in your tent?

1736
01:11:50,292 --> 01:11:51,042
What for?

1737
01:11:51,125 --> 01:11:52,333
I was in Miss Brahms' tent

1738
01:11:52,417 --> 01:11:54,792
and this big furry thing frightened me.

1739
01:11:54,875 --> 01:11:55,958
I've never seen one before,

1740
01:11:56,042 --> 01:11:57,708
so I hit it with this.

1741
01:11:57,792 --> 01:12:00,375
Haven't you led a sheltered life?

1742
01:12:00,458 --> 01:12:03,167
All right, then you can go
in my tent, just for a bit.

1743
01:12:03,250 --> 01:12:06,167
And when I come back, I'll
explain things to you.

1744
01:12:06,250 --> 01:12:07,000
Oh, say,

1745
01:12:07,083 --> 01:12:08,375
can I borrow your face cream?

1746
01:12:08,458 --> 01:12:09,958
Oh, do.

1747
01:12:10,042 --> 01:12:12,000
And help yourself to my vitamin pills.

1748
01:12:15,292 --> 01:12:18,750
- Psst.
- [THINKING] Miss Brahms just can't wait.

1749
01:12:19,458 --> 01:12:21,042
I was just about to come to your tent.

1750
01:12:21,125 --> 01:12:22,351
Are you sure nobody's seen you?

1751
01:12:22,375 --> 01:12:24,750
Well, they will if I'm
stuck out here much longer.

1752
01:12:24,875 --> 01:12:27,042
- Just a minute.
- Rumbold.

1753
01:12:37,958 --> 01:12:38,958
Psst.

1754
01:12:49,375 --> 01:12:50,375
Psst.

1755
01:13:01,500 --> 01:13:02,958
Where are you?

1756
01:13:03,042 --> 01:13:04,042
I'm here.

1757
01:13:04,083 --> 01:13:05,250
Mr. Rumbold.

1758
01:13:05,333 --> 01:13:06,917
Peacock, what are you doing?

1759
01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:09,375
What do you mean what am I doing?

1760
01:13:09,458 --> 01:13:11,917
You were beckoning and
waving your Y-fronts.

1761
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:14,167
Yes, well, I can explain that, sir.

1762
01:13:14,250 --> 01:13:16,417
I was, I was trying to
attract someone's attention.

1763
01:13:16,500 --> 01:13:17,917
You did. Mine.

1764
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:20,958
No sir, not yours, um...
It was, um,

1765
01:13:21,042 --> 01:13:22,750
I was trying to catch service.

1766
01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:25,000
What kind of service
were you trying to get?

1767
01:13:26,167 --> 01:13:27,833
Laundry service.

1768
01:13:27,917 --> 01:13:29,458
They won't see you in the dark.

1769
01:13:29,542 --> 01:13:31,417
Perhaps that's why they didn't come.

1770
01:13:32,417 --> 01:13:33,917
Will there be anything else, sir?

1771
01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:34,875
No, no.

1772
01:13:34,958 --> 01:13:35,833
Carry on, Peacock.

1773
01:13:35,917 --> 01:13:36,917
Yes.

1774
01:13:37,958 --> 01:13:39,958
[sighs]

1775
01:13:43,958 --> 01:13:45,083
[Mrs. Slocombe screaming]

1776
01:13:45,167 --> 01:13:46,500
Mr. Rumbold!

1777
01:13:46,583 --> 01:13:48,708
I'm sorry, but you're
supposed to sing a song.

1778
01:13:48,792 --> 01:13:50,417
Well, I forgot the words.

1779
01:13:50,500 --> 01:13:53,583
But couldn't you have gone,
"tiddle tiddle tum tum?"

1780
01:13:53,667 --> 01:13:55,833
Whether I wish to go
"tiddle tiddle" or not

1781
01:13:55,917 --> 01:13:57,708
is entirely my affair.

1782
01:13:57,792 --> 01:13:59,542
Good night, Mr. Rumbold.

1783
01:13:59,667 --> 01:14:00,750
Good night.

1784
01:14:13,250 --> 01:14:14,250
Mr. Rumbold.

1785
01:14:15,208 --> 01:14:16,083
Miss Brahms?

1786
01:14:16,167 --> 01:14:17,792
[chuckles]

1787
01:14:17,875 --> 01:14:18,875
Mrs. Slocombe.

1788
01:14:20,625 --> 01:14:22,333
I've got them on.

1789
01:14:22,417 --> 01:14:23,542
I'm glad to hear it.

1790
01:14:24,208 --> 01:14:26,458
Do you know Mr. Rumbold
just caught me in the loo

1791
01:14:26,542 --> 01:14:28,833
and told me off for not tiddling.

1792
01:14:28,917 --> 01:14:30,958
That's rather exceeding
his authority, isn't it?

1793
01:14:31,042 --> 01:14:32,208
Oh, Stephen.

1794
01:14:33,333 --> 01:14:36,083
I wasn't serious about your Y-fronts.

1795
01:14:36,958 --> 01:14:37,708
Oh, good, good.

1796
01:14:37,792 --> 01:14:39,833
I'm not that sort of girl at all.

1797
01:14:39,917 --> 01:14:41,250
[laughs]

1798
01:14:41,333 --> 01:14:42,333
What time is it?

1799
01:14:43,583 --> 01:14:44,625
11:30.

1800
01:14:44,750 --> 01:14:46,250
What time does it come up?

1801
01:14:48,667 --> 01:14:49,667
Well...

1802
01:14:49,750 --> 01:14:51,583
You know, my friend Mrs. Axelby,

1803
01:14:51,667 --> 01:14:54,542
she says it always looks
much bigger in the tropics.

1804
01:14:55,750 --> 01:14:56,583
Really?

1805
01:14:56,625 --> 01:14:59,583
I suppose if you're in the
arctic, it'll be quite small.

1806
01:15:01,125 --> 01:15:02,583
That would follow, yeah.

1807
01:15:02,667 --> 01:15:05,667
Oh, Stephen, isn't this romantic?

1808
01:15:05,750 --> 01:15:09,583
You and me and the hot tropic night.

1809
01:15:09,708 --> 01:15:12,250
Stephen, where are you going?

1810
01:15:14,375 --> 01:15:17,958
I thought we were going to
have it continental style.

1811
01:15:18,083 --> 01:15:19,083
Stephen!

1812
01:15:35,458 --> 01:15:39,375
All the time, I'm being
chased by that terrible sex man.

1813
01:15:39,458 --> 01:15:41,125
I feel safe with you.

1814
01:15:41,208 --> 01:15:44,167
Take me to England and
let me stay with you.

1815
01:15:44,208 --> 01:15:45,000
[screaming]

1816
01:15:45,083 --> 01:15:46,792
Here, what's your game?

1817
01:15:47,375 --> 01:15:49,500
I'm not sharing my bed with nobody.

1818
01:15:49,583 --> 01:15:50,333
I'm sorry.

1819
01:15:50,417 --> 01:15:52,125
I want to sleep with Mr. Humphries.

1820
01:15:52,208 --> 01:15:53,417
He will make me happy.

1821
01:15:53,500 --> 01:15:54,750
Yes, you'll be lucky.

1822
01:15:54,833 --> 01:15:56,417
He's in the end tent down there.

1823
01:15:56,500 --> 01:15:57,500
Oh.

1824
01:16:03,167 --> 01:16:04,167
Shirley?

1825
01:16:05,583 --> 01:16:06,583
Shirley?

1826
01:16:09,083 --> 01:16:10,083
I'm early.

1827
01:16:12,417 --> 01:16:14,625
I'll get in and pretend
I'm a hot water bottle.

1828
01:16:22,333 --> 01:16:24,375
Are you there, Mr. Humphries?

1829
01:16:27,250 --> 01:16:28,333
Mr. Humphries?

1830
01:16:30,833 --> 01:16:31,583
Who is it?

1831
01:16:31,750 --> 01:16:33,958
It is Conchita, Mr. Humphries.

1832
01:16:34,083 --> 01:16:35,000
Can I come in?

1833
01:16:35,083 --> 01:16:37,250
Depends what you want.

1834
01:16:37,333 --> 01:16:39,750
[CONCHITA]
I want to spend the night with you.

1835
01:16:39,833 --> 01:16:40,875
I'm free.

1836
01:16:45,833 --> 01:16:47,250
All the time I'm being chased

1837
01:16:47,333 --> 01:16:50,083
by that terrible sexy man Carlos.

1838
01:16:50,167 --> 01:16:51,333
I feel safe with you.

1839
01:16:51,417 --> 01:16:54,792
Aw, take me to England
and let me live with you.

1840
01:16:57,625 --> 01:16:58,625
Oh.

1841
01:17:01,542 --> 01:17:02,375
Ooh.

1842
01:17:02,458 --> 01:17:04,250
Ooh, Mr. Humphries.

1843
01:17:04,333 --> 01:17:06,750
[giggles]

1844
01:17:06,792 --> 01:17:08,917
Ooh! Ooh, Mr. Humphries.

1845
01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:09,750
No.

1846
01:17:09,833 --> 01:17:11,542
[giggles]

1847
01:17:11,667 --> 01:17:12,750
No, no.

1848
01:17:12,792 --> 01:17:13,542
Aah!

1849
01:17:13,625 --> 01:17:14,625
Mr. Humphries!

1850
01:17:15,333 --> 01:17:16,083
What's the matter?

1851
01:17:16,125 --> 01:17:17,375
I haven't done anything.

1852
01:17:17,708 --> 01:17:18,542
[screaming]

1853
01:17:18,625 --> 01:17:20,750
It wasn't me, it was him.

1854
01:17:21,125 --> 01:17:22,500
Let's see what she's got.

1855
01:17:23,750 --> 01:17:25,083
Anti-wrinkle cream.

1856
01:17:26,125 --> 01:17:27,708
Well, I don't need any of that.

1857
01:17:28,833 --> 01:17:30,125
Not on my face anyway.

1858
01:17:31,083 --> 01:17:33,208
[dramatic orchestral music]

1859
01:17:33,292 --> 01:17:34,042
There you are, Cesar.

1860
01:17:34,125 --> 01:17:36,250
The tent of Mrs. Slocombe.

1861
01:17:36,333 --> 01:17:38,958
The one with the beautiful body, huh?

1862
01:17:39,042 --> 01:17:39,792
That's right.

1863
01:17:39,875 --> 01:17:40,917
And the big booby doos.

1864
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:41,750
[chuckling]

1865
01:17:41,833 --> 01:17:42,583
Good luck.

1866
01:17:42,667 --> 01:17:44,500
And good luck to you, amigo.

1867
01:17:44,583 --> 01:17:45,875
I don't need luck,

1868
01:17:45,958 --> 01:17:48,083
I have the bolt.

1869
01:17:48,167 --> 01:17:49,625
[laughs]

1870
01:17:51,750 --> 01:17:53,333
Oh, badedas.

1871
01:17:54,208 --> 01:17:56,083
Anything can happen with badedas.

1872
01:18:01,750 --> 01:18:02,958
[CESAR] Psst.

1873
01:18:04,250 --> 01:18:06,000
I only used a little drop.

1874
01:18:06,083 --> 01:18:07,458
[CESAR] Psst.

1875
01:18:08,458 --> 01:18:10,250
Go away, Captain Peacock.

1876
01:18:10,375 --> 01:18:11,535
Any impression I've given you

1877
01:18:11,583 --> 01:18:14,500
that your advances to me are
welcome is entirely false.

1878
01:18:14,583 --> 01:18:16,833
And I wish it to be known by the world.

1879
01:18:16,917 --> 01:18:18,167
I'm not a peacock.

1880
01:18:18,750 --> 01:18:20,167
My name is Cesar.

1881
01:18:22,500 --> 01:18:25,583
Not the one that killed
12 men with his bare hands?

1882
01:18:25,667 --> 01:18:28,000
- 13.
- Unlucky for some.

1883
01:18:29,167 --> 01:18:31,250
I saw the photograph in your passport.

1884
01:18:32,250 --> 01:18:33,333
You have set me aflame.

1885
01:18:33,417 --> 01:18:34,667
It wasn't even a good one.

1886
01:18:34,750 --> 01:18:36,208
I've lost my heart to you,

1887
01:18:36,292 --> 01:18:38,458
my dear, beautiful Mrs. Slocombe.

1888
01:18:39,542 --> 01:18:41,042
Mrs. Slocombe?

1889
01:18:41,500 --> 01:18:44,167
Are you not going to
invite me into your tent?

1890
01:18:44,667 --> 01:18:47,000
Well, it's not very
convenient at the moment.

1891
01:18:48,125 --> 01:18:49,333
Why, you got a man in there?

1892
01:18:49,417 --> 01:18:51,333
No, no, no, no.

1893
01:18:51,375 --> 01:18:53,542
If you have got a man in there,

1894
01:18:53,708 --> 01:18:54,708
I'll slit his throat.

1895
01:18:55,500 --> 01:18:56,917
Now, tell me you are alone.

1896
01:18:57,000 --> 01:18:58,542
I'm alone, I'm alone.

1897
01:18:59,458 --> 01:19:01,958
Do you invite
me or do I slit it open?

1898
01:19:02,042 --> 01:19:04,333
You don't give a girl
much choice, do you?

1899
01:19:04,542 --> 01:19:05,833
- I'm coming.
- No!

1900
01:19:05,917 --> 01:19:06,917
Hold on.

1901
01:19:07,500 --> 01:19:09,180
There's a couple things
I've got to see to.

1902
01:19:11,042 --> 01:19:12,042
Are you ready?

1903
01:19:12,375 --> 01:19:14,583
I'm just titivating myself.

1904
01:19:14,667 --> 01:19:17,708
[air hisses]

1905
01:19:18,583 --> 01:19:19,625
How tall are you?

1906
01:19:20,708 --> 01:19:22,250
Six feet.

1907
01:19:22,750 --> 01:19:24,708
[air hisses]

1908
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:27,292
Can I come in?

1909
01:19:27,375 --> 01:19:29,958
Yes, but only for a chat.

1910
01:19:31,250 --> 01:19:32,042
<i>Not.</i>

1911
01:19:32,125 --> 01:19:33,125
Take that thing away.

1912
01:19:33,208 --> 01:19:34,250
I haven't got a spare.

1913
01:19:34,333 --> 01:19:36,208
You don't like the cold steel?

1914
01:19:36,292 --> 01:19:38,000
I don't even like cold tripe.

1915
01:19:38,083 --> 01:19:40,208
I expect you wonder why I am here.

1916
01:19:40,292 --> 01:19:41,833
I've got a pretty good idea.

1917
01:19:41,917 --> 01:19:43,417
I come because of this.

1918
01:19:44,750 --> 01:19:45,667
The camera cannot lie.

1919
01:19:45,750 --> 01:19:46,667
[chuckling]

1920
01:19:46,750 --> 01:19:49,542
That's told a couple of
fibs, though, hasn't it?

1921
01:19:49,625 --> 01:19:53,375
You, you are a woman in a million.

1922
01:19:53,458 --> 01:19:54,708
(air hisses)

1923
01:19:54,750 --> 01:19:56,708
I'm even more unusual than that.

1924
01:19:57,250 --> 01:19:59,042
Tomorrow, I may die.

1925
01:19:59,125 --> 01:20:01,292
Tonight will be a night to remember.

1926
01:20:01,375 --> 01:20:03,184
Wouldn't you rather go down
to the pub with the boys?

1927
01:20:03,208 --> 01:20:05,125
It's gay time from nine to 12.

1928
01:20:05,208 --> 01:20:06,458
Do not joke with me.

1929
01:20:06,542 --> 01:20:07,583
- No.
- I'm Cesar.

1930
01:20:07,708 --> 01:20:09,000
I am behind the big uprising.

1931
01:20:09,083 --> 01:20:10,750
It's better than being in front of it.

1932
01:20:10,833 --> 01:20:12,667
I have 600 men camping near here.

1933
01:20:12,750 --> 01:20:15,500
Well, what do you want me for, then?

1934
01:20:15,583 --> 01:20:17,208
Just a, just one little kiss.

1935
01:20:17,292 --> 01:20:18,042
<i>Not.</i>

1936
01:20:18,125 --> 01:20:19,292
No, I'm a respectable girl.

1937
01:20:19,333 --> 01:20:20,453
I've been brought up proper.

1938
01:20:20,500 --> 01:20:24,458
Yes, but you, uh, you've
kissed a man before?

1939
01:20:24,542 --> 01:20:26,083
[air hisses]

1940
01:20:26,167 --> 01:20:28,458
None of your business.

1941
01:20:28,542 --> 01:20:30,042
[air hisses]

1942
01:20:30,125 --> 01:20:32,625
Maybe it's this moustache frightens you.

1943
01:20:32,708 --> 01:20:34,583
No, my auntie Alice used to have one.

1944
01:20:34,667 --> 01:20:36,187
She used to put candle wax at each end

1945
01:20:36,250 --> 01:20:38,000
and light herself up for Christmas.

1946
01:20:38,083 --> 01:20:38,833
[laughs]

1947
01:20:38,917 --> 01:20:41,667
[suspenseful orchestral music]

1948
01:20:44,667 --> 01:20:47,083
You won't get away from me.

1949
01:20:50,750 --> 01:20:51,542
Oh.

1950
01:20:51,583 --> 01:20:52,958
Oh, Mr. Grainger.

1951
01:20:53,542 --> 01:20:55,208
I'm being chased by a man.

1952
01:20:55,542 --> 01:20:58,125
I'm not surprised, dressed like that.

1953
01:20:58,208 --> 01:20:59,292
[Cesar laughs]

1954
01:20:59,375 --> 01:21:03,292
[suspenseful orchestral music]

1955
01:21:23,458 --> 01:21:24,833
[music continues]

1956
01:21:49,542 --> 01:21:50,708
Now I have you.

1957
01:21:50,792 --> 01:21:51,792
Oh.

1958
01:21:52,500 --> 01:21:54,917
[air hisses]

1959
01:21:57,042 --> 01:21:58,750
[bra popping]

1960
01:22:04,750 --> 01:22:06,250
[suspenseful music]

1961
01:22:11,167 --> 01:22:13,750
[MRS. SLOCOMBE] Captain Peacock?

1962
01:22:16,917 --> 01:22:18,583
Captain Peacock?

1963
01:22:20,208 --> 01:22:23,833
Where are you?

1964
01:22:27,083 --> 01:22:28,292
[whimpers]

1965
01:22:29,583 --> 01:22:31,042
Mr. Humphries!

1966
01:22:31,083 --> 01:22:32,833
What are you doing in my nightie?

1967
01:22:32,917 --> 01:22:35,708
It's what somebody else is
trying to do in your nightie.

1968
01:22:35,792 --> 01:22:37,542
I'm being chased by Cesar.

1969
01:22:37,625 --> 01:22:40,083
He killed 13 men with his bare hands.

1970
01:22:40,125 --> 01:22:42,042
Oh, what does he do to women?

1971
01:22:42,083 --> 01:22:43,792
I didn't stop to find out.

1972
01:22:48,208 --> 01:22:50,042
Come back, Mrs. Slocombe.

1973
01:22:50,125 --> 01:22:51,125
Come back.

1974
01:22:51,167 --> 01:22:53,250
Oh, and I never was any good at running.

1975
01:22:53,750 --> 01:22:54,500
[chuckles]

1976
01:22:54,583 --> 01:22:55,833
Which way to the beach?

1977
01:22:55,917 --> 01:22:57,083
- To the right.
- Thank you.

1978
01:22:57,167 --> 01:22:58,167
[chuckling]

1979
01:22:59,458 --> 01:23:03,750
[bell dinging, birds]

1980
01:23:15,208 --> 01:23:17,667
What a charming old world sight.

1981
01:23:19,625 --> 01:23:20,500
Hey, you see the one at the back?

1982
01:23:20,583 --> 01:23:22,042
I seem to recognise the walk.

1983
01:23:22,083 --> 01:23:23,763
[MR. HUMPHRIES]
Peace be with you, sisters.

1984
01:23:26,208 --> 01:23:27,333
Mr. Humphries.

1985
01:23:28,042 --> 01:23:30,583
I feel you owe us some
sort of explanation.

1986
01:23:30,708 --> 01:23:33,000
I had to take sanctuary in a nunnery.

1987
01:23:33,083 --> 01:23:35,250
I'd still be there if my
needle-work had been any good.

1988
01:23:35,917 --> 01:23:38,125
Well, I trust you won't be
dressed like that for long.

1989
01:23:38,208 --> 01:23:40,500
I haven't taken the vows,
if that's what you mean.

1990
01:23:40,583 --> 01:23:42,917
Mind you, I did make one
or two rash promises.

1991
01:23:44,500 --> 01:23:45,958
Morning, one and all.

1992
01:23:46,042 --> 01:23:46,875
- Good morning.
- Morning.

1993
01:23:46,958 --> 01:23:47,708
[chuckling]

1994
01:23:47,792 --> 01:23:50,000
My, you were a noisy lot last night.

1995
01:23:50,083 --> 01:23:51,500
Talk about horseplay.

1996
01:23:51,583 --> 01:23:53,583
You'll get the British a bad name.

1997
01:23:53,667 --> 01:23:55,750
And that poor little waitress.

1998
01:23:55,833 --> 01:23:57,292
You frightened her to death.

1999
01:23:59,708 --> 01:24:00,708
Thank you, darling.

2000
01:24:05,250 --> 01:24:05,958
[MR. LUCAS] Here.

2001
01:24:06,167 --> 01:24:06,917
What's all this?

2002
01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:08,000
That's not on the menu.

2003
01:24:08,250 --> 01:24:10,750
The Earl was very good to me last night,

2004
01:24:10,833 --> 01:24:13,000
and he is very hungry this morning.

2005
01:24:13,625 --> 01:24:15,708
She needed a father figure.

2006
01:24:15,792 --> 01:24:17,958
She got a grandfather figure.

2007
01:24:18,042 --> 01:24:19,333
The trouble with you is,

2008
01:24:20,833 --> 01:24:21,917
you're jealous.

2009
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:23,000
Ahh.

2010
01:24:24,833 --> 01:24:26,708
When's our breakfast coming?

2011
01:24:27,542 --> 01:24:28,292
It's come.

2012
01:24:28,375 --> 01:24:29,375
One bun.

2013
01:24:30,250 --> 01:24:31,833
One bun?

2014
01:24:31,875 --> 01:24:32,958
Is that all?

2015
01:24:33,042 --> 01:24:34,042
Yes.

2016
01:24:34,292 --> 01:24:35,042
If you go on like that,

2017
01:24:35,083 --> 01:24:36,542
you'll waste away to a mountain.

2018
01:24:37,500 --> 01:24:39,958
Well, why the special
treatment for Mr. Harman?

2019
01:24:40,625 --> 01:24:43,417
He's in training for the
Darby and Joan Sex Olympics.

2020
01:24:48,292 --> 01:24:49,958
Whatever's that?

2021
01:24:50,042 --> 01:24:52,792
I'm worried about my
nose catching the sun.

2022
01:24:53,792 --> 01:24:54,958
What about your ears?

2023
01:24:55,042 --> 01:24:56,792
They only catch the rain.

2024
01:24:56,875 --> 01:24:57,893
You should try one of these,

2025
01:24:57,917 --> 01:24:59,375
they've got built-in gutters.

2026
01:25:00,042 --> 01:25:03,583
[suspenseful orchestral music]

2027
01:25:03,667 --> 01:25:04,750
Bonito, stay here.

2028
01:25:04,833 --> 01:25:06,792
Tomas, Vormas, upstairs.

2029
01:25:06,875 --> 01:25:07,917
Carlos?

2030
01:25:08,042 --> 01:25:09,792
[CARLOS] Cesar, what are you doing here?

2031
01:25:09,875 --> 01:25:12,292
The fools have not crossed the border.

2032
01:25:12,375 --> 01:25:14,375
My uprising is cut off.

2033
01:25:14,458 --> 01:25:16,167
Here, there's a gun.

2034
01:25:16,250 --> 01:25:17,583
We will fight side by side,

2035
01:25:17,667 --> 01:25:19,042
and we will die together.

2036
01:25:19,125 --> 01:25:19,875
I cannot, Cesar.

2037
01:25:19,958 --> 01:25:21,708
I am writing the menus for lunch.

2038
01:25:21,792 --> 01:25:23,333
There is going to be no lunch.

2039
01:25:23,417 --> 01:25:24,417
Cesar,

2040
01:25:24,458 --> 01:25:25,875
the government troops are in sight.

2041
01:25:25,958 --> 01:25:26,875
They know you're here.

2042
01:25:26,958 --> 01:25:29,000
Get the men to drop back on the hotel.

2043
01:25:29,083 --> 01:25:30,083
Si, jefe.

2044
01:25:31,417 --> 01:25:32,875
Carlos, everyone out.

2045
01:25:32,958 --> 01:25:34,667
But they've all paid for the week.

2046
01:25:34,750 --> 01:25:37,292
If they stay here, they die here.

2047
01:25:37,375 --> 01:25:39,917
Everybody leave, everybody go.

2048
01:25:40,000 --> 01:25:41,458
Everybody out.

2049
01:25:41,542 --> 01:25:42,542
Please leave.

2050
01:25:42,583 --> 01:25:43,917
Go, don't ask questions.

2051
01:25:43,958 --> 01:25:44,750
Go, please.

2052
01:25:44,792 --> 01:25:45,958
Bye-bye.

2053
01:25:46,417 --> 01:25:48,217
Well, I think I'll go
on the beach for an hour

2054
01:25:48,292 --> 01:25:49,972
and have a go on one of them peddlo boats.

2055
01:25:50,542 --> 01:25:52,125
I think I'll find a golf course.

2056
01:25:53,500 --> 01:25:54,559
I shall have to find a taxi

2057
01:25:54,583 --> 01:25:56,792
and meet young Mr. Grace at the airport.

2058
01:25:56,875 --> 01:25:59,083
What about you, Mr. Grainger?

2059
01:25:59,167 --> 01:26:02,083
Well, I thought that
I might buy a postcard

2060
01:26:02,167 --> 01:26:03,542
and tell my dear wife

2061
01:26:03,625 --> 01:26:06,000
that I've been dreaming about her.

2062
01:26:06,083 --> 01:26:08,000
[gun firing]

2063
01:26:08,042 --> 01:26:09,042
Whatever's that?

2064
01:26:09,750 --> 01:26:11,833
Well, probably a shooting party.

2065
01:26:11,917 --> 01:26:14,208
[guns firing]

2066
01:26:14,292 --> 01:26:16,333
Do they have pheasants on the beach?

2067
01:26:16,375 --> 01:26:17,792
You get them anywhere.

2068
01:26:17,875 --> 01:26:20,958
[jet flying overhead]

2069
01:26:21,042 --> 01:26:22,167
Well, it's not very sporting

2070
01:26:22,250 --> 01:26:24,417
to go after them with jet fighters.

2071
01:26:25,625 --> 01:26:27,125
[guns firing]

2072
01:26:27,208 --> 01:26:27,958
Quick, quick!

2073
01:26:28,042 --> 01:26:28,917
There is an uprising.

2074
01:26:29,000 --> 01:26:30,458
Everybody is leaving the hotel.

2075
01:26:30,542 --> 01:26:31,292
You must go, too.

2076
01:26:31,375 --> 01:26:33,250
What do you mean, leave the hotel?

2077
01:26:33,333 --> 01:26:34,417
We only arrived last night.

2078
01:26:34,500 --> 01:26:35,792
Please, senor, you must leave.

2079
01:26:35,875 --> 01:26:37,000
No, stay where you are.

2080
01:26:37,083 --> 01:26:37,875
The road is under fire.

2081
01:26:37,958 --> 01:26:38,750
You cannot go.

2082
01:26:38,833 --> 01:26:40,000
Stay where you are.

2083
01:26:40,042 --> 01:26:40,792
Ridiculous.

2084
01:26:40,875 --> 01:26:42,167
I don't believe a word of it.

2085
01:26:42,250 --> 01:26:44,750
[guns firing]

2086
01:26:48,375 --> 01:26:49,417
I believe a word of it.

2087
01:26:49,500 --> 01:26:52,000
[guns firing]

2088
01:27:01,833 --> 01:27:03,708
[MRS. SLOCOMBE] What are we going to do?

2089
01:27:04,583 --> 01:27:06,958
[MR. LUCAS] Get sister
Humphries to say a few hail Marys.

2090
01:27:08,250 --> 01:27:09,917
The situation is perfectly plain.

2091
01:27:10,000 --> 01:27:11,518
Obviously, those troops
out there don't know

2092
01:27:11,542 --> 01:27:12,542
that we're British.

2093
01:27:12,625 --> 01:27:14,105
All we've got to do is show the flag.

2094
01:27:14,417 --> 01:27:16,458
But we haven't got a flag to show.

2095
01:27:16,542 --> 01:27:19,542
Well, without going into
details, I happen to know

2096
01:27:19,625 --> 01:27:20,375
that Mrs. Slocombe

2097
01:27:20,458 --> 01:27:22,184
has a nether garment that
would serve our purpose.

2098
01:27:22,208 --> 01:27:24,458
"Ere, have you been showing
him your knickers again?"

2099
01:27:24,625 --> 01:27:25,833
That will do, Miss Brahms.

2100
01:27:26,667 --> 01:27:29,625
The garment you refer to
is no longer available.

2101
01:27:29,708 --> 01:27:30,458
Why not?

2102
01:27:30,542 --> 01:27:31,875
- They've gone to the laundry.
- Oh.

2103
01:27:31,958 --> 01:27:33,792
[guns firing]

2104
01:27:34,625 --> 01:27:36,345
We have to let them
know we're here somehow.

2105
01:27:36,625 --> 01:27:38,708
Well, wave your bowler hat at them.

2106
01:27:39,250 --> 01:27:41,125
[guns firing]

2107
01:27:41,208 --> 01:27:42,208
Mr. Lucas.

2108
01:27:44,000 --> 01:27:45,000
Captain Peacock.

2109
01:27:45,625 --> 01:27:47,208
Oh, there you are.

2110
01:27:47,292 --> 01:27:48,583
That was a good idea, Mr. Lucas.

2111
01:27:48,667 --> 01:27:50,768
Somebody wearing a bowler hat
could attract their attention

2112
01:27:50,792 --> 01:27:52,750
and address them over the wall.

2113
01:27:52,833 --> 01:27:54,208
Mr. Rumbold has a bowler hat.

2114
01:27:54,292 --> 01:27:55,572
You can borrow it with pleasure.

2115
01:27:55,917 --> 01:27:58,077
May I remind you, sir, that
only management are allowed

2116
01:27:58,125 --> 01:27:58,792
to wear bowler hats?

2117
01:27:58,875 --> 01:28:00,417
Well, I could overrule that decision.

2118
01:28:00,500 --> 01:28:01,750
[gun firing]

2119
01:28:03,083 --> 01:28:04,917
Mr. Lucas, are you free?

2120
01:28:05,000 --> 01:28:06,667
Not at the moment, Captain Peacock.

2121
01:28:06,750 --> 01:28:08,458
[gun firing]

2122
01:28:08,542 --> 01:28:09,542
I'm free.

2123
01:28:09,833 --> 01:28:10,833
The bowler hat.

2124
01:28:11,250 --> 01:28:12,625
- Bowler hat?
- Get it.

2125
01:28:14,000 --> 01:28:15,000
Get it?

2126
01:28:15,042 --> 01:28:16,500
[gun firing]

2127
01:28:16,583 --> 01:28:19,542
Mr. Lucas, remember
you're up for a raise.

2128
01:28:20,917 --> 01:28:22,750
I hope you remember
that when the time comes.

2129
01:28:23,292 --> 01:28:25,333
I will, if you're still with us.

2130
01:28:28,125 --> 01:28:29,583
Here goes.

2131
01:28:31,375 --> 01:28:33,792
[gun firing]

2132
01:28:41,042 --> 01:28:42,042
Oh.

2133
01:28:43,042 --> 01:28:45,458
Thank god that wasn't me.

2134
01:28:45,542 --> 01:28:46,292
Oh, my god.

2135
01:28:46,375 --> 01:28:47,655
They've shot off his waterworks.

2136
01:28:48,125 --> 01:28:50,125
Not Mr. Lucas,

2137
01:28:50,250 --> 01:28:52,375
not in the prime of his life.

2138
01:28:52,458 --> 01:28:54,750
Well, he can always join us lot.

2139
01:28:54,833 --> 01:28:57,667
Not him, the fat little
boy on the fountain.

2140
01:28:57,750 --> 01:28:59,250
He can join us lot as well.

2141
01:28:59,667 --> 01:29:02,167
[guns firing]

2142
01:29:05,125 --> 01:29:06,292
Good luck, Mr. Rumbold.

2143
01:29:06,375 --> 01:29:07,750
But what shall I say?

2144
01:29:07,792 --> 01:29:08,893
Just tell them we're British

2145
01:29:08,917 --> 01:29:10,417
and they're spoiling our holiday.

2146
01:29:10,500 --> 01:29:12,220
And tell them there's
a sister of mercy here

2147
01:29:12,292 --> 01:29:14,875
got to get back to the
nunnery to hold her canticles.

2148
01:29:14,958 --> 01:29:18,917
This is the kind of thing
that made Britain great,

2149
01:29:19,000 --> 01:29:21,167
stupid, but great.

2150
01:29:21,708 --> 01:29:23,917
[guns firing]

2151
01:29:24,542 --> 01:29:26,375
I say, you fellows, we're British.

2152
01:29:26,458 --> 01:29:27,500
[gun firing] [gasping]

2153
01:29:29,500 --> 01:29:31,351
I don't think that was a
very good idea, Peacock.

2154
01:29:31,375 --> 01:29:32,792
I might have my brains blown out.

2155
01:29:33,625 --> 01:29:35,417
Nobody is that good a shot.

2156
01:29:36,708 --> 01:29:39,250
Why don't we phone the British embassy?

2157
01:29:39,792 --> 01:29:40,792
Good idea, Ernest.

2158
01:29:42,042 --> 01:29:44,500
[guns firing]

2159
01:29:44,583 --> 01:29:46,250
[bell rings]

2160
01:29:46,917 --> 01:29:47,750
- Carlos.
- Si, senor.

2161
01:29:47,833 --> 01:29:49,893
Telephone the British embassy
and tell them we're here.

2162
01:29:49,917 --> 01:29:50,667
I cannot, senor.

2163
01:29:50,750 --> 01:29:52,042
We are cut off.

2164
01:29:52,125 --> 01:29:53,167
Can you send a message?

2165
01:29:53,250 --> 01:29:54,250
Oh, no, senor.

2166
01:29:54,292 --> 01:29:55,833
No man is safe on the streets.

2167
01:29:55,917 --> 01:29:57,226
In that case, send Mr. Humphries.

2168
01:29:57,250 --> 01:29:59,000
I shall smack your wrists in a minute.

2169
01:29:59,083 --> 01:30:00,167
I'm not being funny.

2170
01:30:00,250 --> 01:30:01,167
You're dressed as a nun.

2171
01:30:01,250 --> 01:30:02,167
Your habit could save you.

2172
01:30:02,250 --> 01:30:04,042
Oh, that would make a change.

2173
01:30:04,125 --> 01:30:06,542
[gun firing]

2174
01:30:11,042 --> 01:30:12,708
We're all going to be killed!

2175
01:30:13,083 --> 01:30:15,250
Your pussy's gonna be an orphan.

2176
01:30:19,375 --> 01:30:20,708
[guns firing]

2177
01:30:20,792 --> 01:30:22,167
[screaming]

2178
01:30:23,083 --> 01:30:24,833
Oh, it's like the Guns of Navarone.

2179
01:30:26,042 --> 01:30:27,250
He's not dead, is he?

2180
01:30:27,333 --> 01:30:29,917
No, he's just eaten one of their buns.

2181
01:30:31,500 --> 01:30:32,417
[guns firing]

2182
01:30:32,500 --> 01:30:35,083
Isn't there any other
way we can send a message?

2183
01:30:35,167 --> 01:30:37,083
The answer is up above.

2184
01:30:37,167 --> 01:30:39,184
Mr. Humphries, don't get
carried away by your costume.

2185
01:30:39,208 --> 01:30:40,083
I'm not.

2186
01:30:40,167 --> 01:30:41,542
I'm talking about the balloon.

2187
01:30:41,625 --> 01:30:43,208
All we've got to do is wind it down,

2188
01:30:43,292 --> 01:30:45,708
write a message on the
tablecloth, and tie it on.

2189
01:30:45,792 --> 01:30:47,917
Oh, isn't he ingenious?

2190
01:30:48,000 --> 01:30:50,625
Quick, Mr. Lucas,
wind that balloon down.

2191
01:30:50,708 --> 01:30:51,458
Oh, blimey.

2192
01:30:51,542 --> 01:30:52,333
Why does it always have to be me?

2193
01:30:52,458 --> 01:30:53,292
Because you're the junior.

2194
01:30:53,375 --> 01:30:54,375
Now get going.

2195
01:30:55,542 --> 01:30:58,292
Miss Brahms, take the
things off that table.

2196
01:30:58,375 --> 01:31:00,667
Don't waste time doing that.

2197
01:31:00,708 --> 01:31:03,750
This is a little trick I learned in Ensa.

2198
01:31:04,750 --> 01:31:06,667
[dishes breaking]

2199
01:31:06,750 --> 01:31:07,750
Oh, damn.

2200
01:31:16,625 --> 01:31:18,333
What are we gonna write with?

2201
01:31:18,417 --> 01:31:19,500
Has anybody got a lipstick?

2202
01:31:19,583 --> 01:31:20,500
Don't look at me.

2203
01:31:20,583 --> 01:31:21,783
We're not allowed to wear any.

2204
01:31:21,833 --> 01:31:22,583
Here we are.

2205
01:31:22,667 --> 01:31:23,583
[MISS BRAHMS] I've got one, too.

2206
01:31:23,667 --> 01:31:24,542
What should we write?

2207
01:31:24,583 --> 01:31:26,792
"Please inform British consul general

2208
01:31:26,875 --> 01:31:29,417
that Grace Brothers
executive trapped in hotel.

2209
01:31:29,500 --> 01:31:31,208
Regards, Cuthbert Rumbold."

2210
01:31:31,292 --> 01:31:32,518
We haven't got time for all that.

2211
01:31:32,542 --> 01:31:33,917
Look, just write "Help, British."

2212
01:31:34,000 --> 01:31:34,833
I'll write "help."

2213
01:31:34,917 --> 01:31:36,250
You write "British."

2214
01:31:36,333 --> 01:31:38,833
[guns firing]

2215
01:31:43,417 --> 01:31:44,500
[screaming]

2216
01:31:45,375 --> 01:31:47,667
'Ere some fella's just
dropped into your tent.

2217
01:31:47,750 --> 01:31:49,792
Oh, pity I was out.

2218
01:31:49,875 --> 01:31:51,917
[Guns firing]

2219
01:31:52,000 --> 01:31:53,583
[grunting]

2220
01:31:55,875 --> 01:31:57,083
It's no good.

2221
01:31:57,167 --> 01:31:57,958
I am finished.

2222
01:31:58,000 --> 01:31:59,625
Please, Cesar, surrender.

2223
01:31:59,708 --> 01:32:00,833
Surrender?

2224
01:32:00,917 --> 01:32:04,208
I will never surrender to these pigs.

2225
01:32:04,292 --> 01:32:05,892
But they are bringing
up the big cannons.

2226
01:32:05,958 --> 01:32:07,708
Oh, they're sending over more planes.

2227
01:32:07,792 --> 01:32:08,708
- Look!
- Where?

2228
01:32:08,792 --> 01:32:10,583
You must surrender, Cesar.

2229
01:32:10,667 --> 01:32:12,167
Please leave us and save us.

2230
01:32:12,250 --> 01:32:13,750
They will blow up my beautiful hotel.

2231
01:32:13,833 --> 01:32:14,667
Never.

2232
01:32:14,750 --> 01:32:16,250
I will never surrender.

2233
01:32:16,333 --> 01:32:18,833
[guns firing]

2234
01:32:21,958 --> 01:32:22,708
Now!

2235
01:32:22,792 --> 01:32:24,958
[whimpering]

2236
01:32:25,042 --> 01:32:26,750
[guns firing]

2237
01:32:27,958 --> 01:32:30,292
Please let the women go free.

2238
01:32:30,375 --> 01:32:32,167
Yes, think of us women and the babies.

2239
01:32:32,250 --> 01:32:33,000
Babies?

2240
01:32:33,083 --> 01:32:33,708
I see no babies.

2241
01:32:33,833 --> 01:32:35,167
[whimpering]

2242
01:32:35,250 --> 01:32:37,542
Oh, but I'm going to
have one in a minute.

2243
01:32:37,625 --> 01:32:39,917
[pistol clicks]

2244
01:32:40,000 --> 01:32:41,042
Keep down, Mrs. Slocombe.

2245
01:32:41,125 --> 01:32:42,250
Some of that was damn close!

2246
01:32:42,292 --> 01:32:43,833
Well, where can I go?

2247
01:32:44,208 --> 01:32:44,958
Get in the loo.

2248
01:32:45,042 --> 01:32:46,667
It's got a corrugated iron roof.

2249
01:32:46,750 --> 01:32:47,500
No, no!

2250
01:32:47,583 --> 01:32:48,583
I go in there.

2251
01:32:48,625 --> 01:32:50,417
You rotten dog.

2252
01:32:50,500 --> 01:32:51,750
He meant me, not you.

2253
01:32:51,833 --> 01:32:54,042
Why does he always do this
to me in the tourist season?

2254
01:32:54,125 --> 01:32:55,417
Oh, you beast.

2255
01:32:55,500 --> 01:32:56,893
- Oh, you right beast.
- Quick, lock him in!

2256
01:32:56,917 --> 01:32:57,625
Lock him in!

2257
01:32:57,667 --> 01:32:59,393
Quick, get the balloon
up before it's too late.

2258
01:32:59,417 --> 01:33:01,667
[MR. RUMBOLD] Take the brake off.

2259
01:33:02,333 --> 01:33:04,750
[guns firing]

2260
01:33:04,833 --> 01:33:06,673
[MRS. SLOCOMBE]
Oh, look, it's caught on there.

2261
01:33:07,125 --> 01:33:09,583
[all shouting]

2262
01:33:10,000 --> 01:33:10,750
Bye bye!

2263
01:33:10,833 --> 01:33:12,375
[CESAR] Get me out of here!

2264
01:33:12,458 --> 01:33:13,208
Bye!

2265
01:33:13,292 --> 01:33:16,875
[indistinct shouting]

2266
01:33:16,958 --> 01:33:18,917
Oh, it's a shame to shoot at him.

2267
01:33:19,000 --> 01:33:21,500
[guns firing]

2268
01:33:22,375 --> 01:33:23,958
I surrender.

2269
01:33:24,875 --> 01:33:26,125
I, I surrender.

2270
01:33:26,208 --> 01:33:27,500
[MR. LUCAS] What's he waving?

2271
01:33:27,583 --> 01:33:29,875
I don't know, but whatever
it is, they've stopped firing.

2272
01:33:29,958 --> 01:33:31,458
[MR. LUCAS] He's dropped it.

2273
01:33:32,292 --> 01:33:34,833
Mrs. Slocombe, your laundry's come back.

2274
01:33:34,917 --> 01:33:37,375
How did he get them?

2275
01:33:37,458 --> 01:33:38,208
Hey, listen.

2276
01:33:38,292 --> 01:33:39,417
What, what's that noise?

2277
01:33:40,500 --> 01:33:42,667
They're sending the
tanks in against you.

2278
01:33:42,750 --> 01:33:44,167
You lot have had it now.

2279
01:33:44,250 --> 01:33:45,333
What do you mean "you lot"?

2280
01:33:45,417 --> 01:33:47,083
You've had it as well.

2281
01:33:47,167 --> 01:33:49,708
Speak for yourself,
you ruddy capitalist.

2282
01:33:49,792 --> 01:33:50,958
Up the revolution!

2283
01:33:51,042 --> 01:33:52,917
[guns firing]

2284
01:33:53,708 --> 01:33:55,750
[wall crashing]

2285
01:33:58,042 --> 01:34:00,542
[guns firing]

2286
01:34:10,417 --> 01:34:12,000
It's young Mr. Grace.

2287
01:34:13,917 --> 01:34:16,333
It's very difficult to
get a taxi around here.

2288
01:34:18,292 --> 01:34:19,042
You get down.

2289
01:34:19,125 --> 01:34:20,583
We haven't got to our hotel yet.

2290
01:34:22,667 --> 01:34:25,042
Well, how are you all
enjoying your holidays?

2291
01:34:25,125 --> 01:34:27,167
Well, it's different.

2292
01:34:27,250 --> 01:34:31,167
Yes, well, you've all done very well.

2293
01:34:31,333 --> 01:34:33,750
[ALL] Thank you, Mr. Grace.

2294
01:34:33,833 --> 01:34:34,833
(upbeat music)