>> Announcer: AND NOW A HOLIDAY MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
>> HO, HO, HO, HO.
WE'VE ADDED A FOURTH HO.
IT'S ME, YOUR FAVORITE
PRESIDENT.
BACK AGAIN THIS WEEK.
COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM A PART
OF THE WHITE HOUSE THAT
MELANIA'S CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS
HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO YET.
THAT'S WHY WE STILL HAVE
FIREPLACE AND GARLAND AND NOT
SPOOKY TWIGS IN BLACK VASE.
BUT WE HAVE TO BE VIGILANT THIS
CHRISTMAS AS AMERICANS.
AS YOU KNOW, ARCTIC
IMMIGRANTS ARE COMING IN OUR
CHIMNEYS, STEALING OUR MILK AND
COOKIES.
I THINK THAT'S WHERE NORTH POLE
IS, ARCTIC.
WE'RE GOING TO LOOK INTO THAT.
WE LOVE CHRISTMAS, CROSS THE
TREE.
I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY
THAT OUT LOUD, BUT IT HELPS ME
OKAY.
WE LOVE TREE.
REMEMBER WHEN I DID THIS WITH
FLAG?
DID YOU LIKE THAT?
I'M HUGGING TREE NOW.
IT'S VERY SHARP.
I HUG FLAG AND TREE, JUST NEVER
PERSON.
RETURN TO PODIUM.
CHRISTMAS IS GREAT, WE LOVE IT.
I'M DOING MY OWN VERSION OF
NATIVITY, KINGS FROM THE MIDDLE
EAST BRING GIFTS FOR ME, LIKE
GOLD, AN AIRPLANE AND CASINO IN
DUBAI.
BUT UNLIKE NATIVITY, THEY'RE NOT
SHOWING UP ON CAMEL.
I KNOW CAMEL VERY WELL.
I KNOW IT FROM MY DAILY
COGNITIVE TEST.
I ALWAYS POINT RIGHT TO CAMEL,
ALWAYS GET IT RIGHT.
IT'S THE BUMPY HORSE.
CAMEL, BUMPY HORSE.
I SAY IT A LOT.
BUT I WANT D
TO RAMBLE ABOUT THE INCREDIBLE
THINGS THIS ADMINISTRATION IS
DOING.
WONDERFUL STUFF.
WE ARE RENAMING THE KENNEDY
CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS,
WHICH WILL NOW BE CALLED THE
TRUMP-KENNEDY CENTER FOR THE
PERFORMING ARTS, NO HOMO.
AND I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO BE
RENAMING A NUMBER OF OUR OTHER
MONUMENTS AS WELL.
TRUMP WASHINGTON MONUMENT.
TRUMP LINCOLN MEMORIAL.
AND OF COURSE -- BIG ELPHABA.
THAT'S WAS JUST FOR FUN.
THE THIRD ONE IS ALWAYS THE
FUNNY ONE.
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE SAYING,
SIR, WHY
ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR NAME ON SO
MANY BUILDINGS, AND I SAY
BECAUSE WE HAD TO TAKE IT OFF SO
MANY FILES.
EPSTEIN, REDACTED.
WE HAD SO MANY TRUMPS IN THERE,
HAD TO PUT THEM SOMEWHERE, YOU
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
WE LIKE TO SAY REDACTED.
REDACTED.
IT'S MY SECOND FAVORITE R-WORD,
REDACTED.
SHUT UP.
LOVE IT.
IT'S BEEN A GREAT YEAR FOR
FOREIGN POLICY.
I AM INVADING VENEZUELA BY
MYSELF, STYLE.
THAT'S EXCITING.
I THINK THAT HIT WITH SOME OF
THE LOSERS IN THE CROWD.
MAYBE IT DID.
AND THE ECONOMIC IS FINE, CLOSER
TO FINE.
INDIGO GIRLS.
THEY WERE ONE OF MY FAVORITE
LESBIAN FOLK ROCK DUOS, I
BELIEVE IT WAS MELISSA ETHERIDGE
AND ELTON JOHN.
THEY WERE GREAT.
AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, I
ALMOST FORGOT,
I'M INVENTING MY OWN HUNGER
GAMES.
THAT'S RIGHT, THE WHITE HOUSE
WILL BE HOSTING PATRIOT GAMES
FOR HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETES TO
COMPETE.
BECAUSE I THOUGHT WHAT'S THE
BEST WAY TO DISTRACT FROM THE
EPSTEIN FILES?
OH, I KNOW, INVITE A BUNCH OF
TEENAGERS TO MY HOUSE.
THAT WILL HELP.
I'LL TAKE "THINGS A PEDOPHILE
MIGHT DO" FOR A THOUSAND, ALEX.
BUT YOU CAN'T SAY ALEX ANYMORE,
RIGHT, YOU GOT TO SAY KEN.
GOT TO SAY KEN.
CAN'T SAY ALEX.
AND IT WAS MIYAM BIALIK FOR A
WHILE.
I LIKE KEN.
THEY'RE SAYING, SIR, YOU'RE
DOING
HUNGER GAMES AND YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW THE BOOK ENDS.
AND OF COURSE I DON'T BECAUSE
BOOK!
I DON'T LIKE TO READ, AND
FRANKLY, MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO
ANYMORE.
WE'LL BE LOOKING INTO THAT
SHORTLY.
BUT WITH REGARD TO FILES WE'RE
BEING VERY TRANSPARENT.
BECAUSE JEFFREY
EPSTEIN WAS A TERRIBLE MAN AND I
DIDN'T KNOW HIM AND I LIKED HIM
A LOT.
SO WE RELEASED ALL THE FILES AND
I CAME OUT LOOKING FRANKLY VERY
GOOD.
WE HAD TO REACT A FEW SENSITIVE
THINGS BUT YOU'LL GET THE GIST
HERE.
LOOK AT THIS.
CHECK IT OUT.
TRUMP.
DIDN'T.
DO.
NOTHING.
BAD.
TRUMP.
DOES.
SMASH.
BUT.
NOT.
LIKE.
WRONG.
KIND.
THE END.
SEE, IT'S ALL THERE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
IN CONCLUSION, IT'S BEEN A GREAT
SECOND FIRST YEAR.
I WANT TO WISH EVERYONE A MERRY
CHRISTMAS OR IF YOU'RE JEWISH,
HAPPY HONKYTONK, AND -- LIVE
FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY
NIGHT!
¶¶
>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE" WITH --
MUSICAL GUEST CHER, AND YOUR HOST ARIANA GRANDE! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ARIANA
GRANDE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
¶¶
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT'S SO GOOD TO BE HERE TONIGHT
HOSTING THE CHRISTMAS EPISODE OF
"SNL."
THE LAST TIME I HOSTED WAS A
YEAR AGO, AND PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
ASKING ME IF I'LL REVISIT SOME
OF MY SKETCHES FROM LAST TIME.
LIKE DOMINGO.
BUT I TOLD THEM I DON'T THINK
SO.
WHEN SOMETHING IS PERFECT, IT
DOESN'T NEED A SEQUEL.
WHAT?
WHICH IS WHY I JUST FINISHED
FILMING "MEET THE PARENTS 4."
DECEMBER IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF
YEAR IN NEW YORK.
I LOVE THE DECORATIONS, THE SNOW
ON THE GROUND.
I LOVE SHOPPING FOR
ALL MY LOVED ONES.
BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, I GET A
LITTLE STRESSED SHOPPING FOR
CERTAIN OTHER PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
MAYBE YOU CAN RELATE.
OH, THANK YOU.
¶¶
¶ I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO GET FOR CHRISTMAS
FOR MY COUSIN'S
BOYFRIEND STEVE ¶
¶ I DON'T KNOW
A THING ABOUT HIM
ONLY SEE HIM
ON CHRISTMAS EVE ¶
¶ MY COUSIN SAYS
THAT HE'S HER ROCK
BUT I'VE NEVER
HEARD HIM TALK ¶
¶ IS A GIFT CARD RUDE
WHAT DO I GET
FOR CHRISTMAS
FOR THIS DUDE ¶
¶¶
¶ HAVEN'T SHOPPED A LOT
FOR CHRISTMAS
CUZ MY SCHEDULE'S
NEVER FREE ¶
¶ AND I'VE
HAD SO MUCH PRESS
FOR WICKED ¶
¶ JON CHU WILL NOT
LET ME PEE ¶
¶ I PANICKED AND
ORDERED A YETI MUG
THE CHRISTMAS EQUIVALENT
OF A SHRUG ¶
¶ I'M IN A TOUGH SPOT
WHAT DO I GET
FOR CHRISTMAS FOR SCOTT ¶
>> STEVE.
STEVE.
SORRY, STEVE.
BUT I'M SERIOUS, ALL I WANT FOR
CHRISTMAS IS TO KNOW WHAT TO GET
FOR THE PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW THAT
WELL.
ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME.
>> I CAN HELP YOU, ARI.
>> BOWEN, HI.
>> HEY.
>> CAN I JUST SAY HOW MUCH I
LOVED YOUR LINE IN "WICKED"?
>> THANK YOU.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> NO, THAT WAS MY LINE IN THE
MOVIE.
THANK YOU.
>> WELL THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.
¶¶
¶ WHAT ABOUT A MUSTACHE COUPON ¶
¶ THAT WOULD PROLLY
FREAK HIM OUT ¶
¶ HOW 'BOUT A CAMEO
FROM MATTHEW MORRISON ¶
¶ THAT WOULD REALLY
FREAK HIM OUT ¶
¶ MAYBE HE'S A
FOOTWEAR BADDIE ¶
¶ THESE ARE CLEARLY
WOMEN'S CROCS ¶
¶ OVERNIGHT A BOX
OF RAW OYSTERS ¶
¶ SEND HIM INTO
ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK ¶
¶ A BRAND NEW SUIT
FROM BIG AND TALL ¶
¶ MY COUSIN'S BOYFRIEND
IS SHORT AND SMALL ¶
¶ A BOTTLE OF
KIRKLAND SHAMPOO ¶
¶ WHAT DO I GET FOR
CHRISTMAS FOR THIS DUDE ¶
¶ EVERY CHRISTMAS
ALL THESE PEOPLE
ON MY LIST ¶
¶ I HAVE TO GET SOMETHIN'
FOR ALL MY THERAPISTS ¶
¶ AND MY FAVE BARISTA
AND MY SECRET SISTER ¶
¶ I ALSO HAVE TO GET ABOUT
25 GIFTS FOR ALL THE
GAY GUYS WHO DO MY HAIR ¶
¶ IS IT WRONG TO
JUST BUY SOCKS ¶
¶ HE IS REALLY INTO
FEET TIKTOKS ¶
¶ STEVE I BARELY KNOW YOU ¶
>> ARIANA, WAIT!
WAIT.
>> MARCELLO, WHAT IS IT?
>> I'LL TELL YOU.
>> YES, YOU ARE TALLER THAN I
THOUGHT.
WHAT ELSE?
>> SOMETHING ELSE.
>> MY COUSIN BROKE UP WITH
STEVE?
SO HE WON'T BE AT CHRISTMAS?
WELL IN THAT CASE --
¶ I'LL BE GETTING NOTHING
FOR YOU ¶
WE HAVE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
CHER IS HERE, SO STICK AROUND
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
¶¶ >>> ELVES ON THE SHELVES WATCH CHILDREN ALL DAY TO SEE IF
THEY'RE NICE OR MEAN.
AT NIGHT THEY FLY LIKE SANTA'S
SLEIGH AND TELL SANTA WHAT
THEY'VE SEEN.
BUT THE JOB ISN'T ALWAYS JOLLY
EACH WINTER.
IT CAN CAUSE THEIR BRIGHT
SPIRITS TO DROOP.
SO AT THE NORTH POLE REC CENTER
MEETS THE ELF ON THE SHELF
SUPPORT GROUP.
>> OKAY, LOOKS LIKE THIS IS
EVERYONE.
FOR OUR NEWCOMERS, HI, I'M
WAFFLES SILLYMUFFIN, AND I
RECEIVED A MASTERS IN
PSYCHOTHERAPY FROM PEPPERMINT.
I PUT THIS GROUP TOGETHER TO
HELP US WORK THROUGH OUR TRAUMA.
HAS ANYONE HAD A PARTICULARLY
ROUGH WEEK?
>> YES.
LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO ME!
MY HAT WAS FALLING OFF TOO MUCH
SO THEY STAPLED IT TO MY HEAD.
>> MMM, THAT'S HARD.
BUT THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THIS
GROUP.
RIGHT?
DEEDLEBEEP, WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
FOR A WHILE.
FEEL LIKE SHARING?
>> NAH, MAN, NOT YET.
>> THAT'S OKAY.
THAT'S OKAY.
WE HAVE A NEW FACE.
HI THERE.
>> UH, HI.
I'M GIGGLEBOOPS.
AND THREE WEEKS AGO I FELL IN
BETWEEN THE COUCH CUSHIONS AND
NOBODY'S FOUND ME.
AND I'M GOING FRICKING CRAZY,
MAN.
I'M TALKING TO A TRIPLE-A
BATTERY LIKE IT'S MY FRIEND,
WHEN ARE THEY GONNA FIND ME?
MAN, WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO FIND
ME!
>> HEY, HEY, HEY.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
IT'S NOT.
YOUR FAULT.
TWINKLEBUTTER?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE?
>> SURE.
HI.
I'M TWINKLEBUTTER.
THE LITTLE GIRL THAT I'M
WATCHING IS AN ANGEL AND I LOVE
HER MORE THAN GUMDROPS.
BUT THIS YEAR, THEY GOT A CAT.
>> AND HOW ARE YOU GETTING ALONG
WITH THE CAT?
>> BAD.
AS YOU CAN SEE, IT RIPPED MY
ASS IN HALF.
UM, IT HUNTS ME LIKE I'M A RAT.
AND SINCE SANTA SAYS I CAN'T
MOVE OR SPEAK, I HAVE TO LET IT
HAPPEN.
I JUST WISH ELVES COULD DIE!
WHY CAN'T WE DIE?
SORRY, I'M GOING TO CRY.
>> IT'S OKAY.
LET IT OUT.
LET IT ALL OUT.
IT'S OKAY, GUYS.
THIS ISN'T SANTA'S WORKSHOP,
YOU'RE ALLOWED TO CRY HERE.
AND ACTUALLY ELVES CAN DIE.
IF THEY THINK A NAUGHTY THOUGHT,
THEY EXPLODE INTO CONFETTI.
>> HARD FOR ME NOT TO THINK
NAUGHTY THOUGHTS.
I'M ON A SHELF IN A FRAT HOUSE
AT ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY.
AND THEY POSE ME IN WAYS THAT
AREN'T VERY JOLLY AND THEN TAKE
PICTURES.
LIKE THIS ONE.
AND ALSO THIS ONE.
I EAT SUGAR WITH MY MOUTH, NOT
MY NOSE.
AND THEN THE WORST ONE, THIS.
>> WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THAT
PICTURE, STICKYNUMMIES?
>> I DON'T KNOW!
>> I THINK I KNOW WHAT'S
HAPPENING, AND I THINK I LIKE
IT.
>> NO, NO, ZIPPY, NO NO.
IT'S FOR THE BEST.
HE WAS IN PAIN.
DEEDLEBEEP, DO YOU WANT TO SHARE
NOW?
>> NAH.
MISS ME WITH THAT.
>> OKAY.
PICKLEFICKLE, I'M SURPRISED TO
SEE YOU HERE.
I THOUGHT YOUR HOME WAS WARM AND
JOLLY.
>> IT WAS.
BUT THE OTHER DAY, THE GRANDPA
WAS ALONE IN THE HOUSE AND FELL.
AND BECAUSE SANTA WON'T LET US
MOVE, I HAD TO SIT STILL AND
WATCH THIS POOR MAN MOAN FOR
HELP FOR NINE HOURS.
WHILE MAKING THIS FACE!
>> MAN, THAT AIN'T NOTHING!
I GOT EATEN BY MY FAMILY'S BIG
OLD DUMB GUMABITCH DOG.
TOOK MY DOWN IN ONE BITE.
>> HOW'D YOU GET OUT?
>> HOW YOU THINK?
I CAME OUT THE BACK DOOR.
THE DOG PASSED ME OUT ITS
HERSHEY HOLE!
WITH THE DOO-DOO!
RIGHT IN THE BACKYARD WITH MY
HAT SITTING ON TOP OF THE PILE.
AND THAT GOT ME THINKING, MAN,
THAT SANTA, HEHE.
>> OKAY, BE CAREFUL.
LET'S NOT HAVE ANY NAUGHTY
THOUGHTS, DEEDLEBEEP.
>> TOO LATE BECAUSE I THINK
SANTA IS -- IS -- SANTA IS A
BUTT!
>> OKAY, WELL LET'S CALL IT
THERE.
YEAH.
>> Announcer: YOU'RE WATCHING TELEVISION, LIKE ACTUAL, REGULAR TELEVISION.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
WE NOW RETURN TO THE
HEARTWARMING ENDING OF A
CHRISTMAS CLASSIC "HOME ALONE."
>> KEVIN?
KEVIN?
>> MOM?
>> OH, KEVIN, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'M SO SORRY HONEY.
OH, KEVIN, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
>> BUT WHERE'S EVERYONE ELSE?
>> OH, THEY COULDN'T MAKE IT,
SWEETIE, THEY WANTED TO BUT --
>> HI KEVIN!
>> KEVIN!
KEVIN MY BOY!
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!
>> HEY BARF NUTS, IT'S PRETTY
COOL YOU DIDN'T BURN THE PLACE
DOWN.
>> THANKS, BUZZ.
>> WAIT A MINUTE, HOW DID YOU
ALL GET HOME?
>> WE TOOK THE MORNING FLIGHT,
REMEMBER?
THE ONE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT
FOR?
>> I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR 72 HOURS!
>> SO WHAT DID YOU DO THE WHOLE
TIME YOU WERE ALONE, KEV?
>> OH, JUST HUNG AROUND.
>> I'VE BEEN AWAKE SO LONG I'M
LEGALLY INSANE!
>> NOW WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO
HEAR ABOUT KEVIN'S LITTLE
ADVENTURES.
LET'S ALL PUT OUR COATS AWAY --
>> WAIT, DAD, I FORGOT TO TAKE
DOWN --
>> AHHHHHH!
>> DAD!
>> AHHHHHH!
>> GRAB THE EXTINGUISHER!
>> WAIT, I REPLACED IT WITH
KEROSENE!
>> AHHHHHH!
>> I'LL GET WATER!
>> NO, JEFF!
>> AHHHHHH!
>> I'M GONNA BE SICK.
OW!
>> CALL 911 BUZZ!
>> WAIT, NO, NOT THE PHONE.
>> FULLER!
>> OH, RELAX, I'M NOT GONNA WET
THE -- AHHHHHH!
AHHHHHH!
>> BUZZ!
THE PAINT CAN!
>> HEH, YOU MISSED ME, DORK!
UH OH.
AHHHHHH!
>> I HAVE BUZZ IN MY MOUTH.
>> GOOD NEWS, I RECONCILED WITH
MY SON --
AHHHHHH!
>> MOM?
MOM?
MOM, ARE YOU OKAY?
>> WHAT?
SORRY, YES.
I'VE JUST BEEN AWAKE FOR A VERY
LONG TIME.
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOM.
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, KEVIN.
>> AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
>> AHHHHH!
>> I'VE KILLED AGAIN.
>> ON JANUARY
>>> WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT A SPOT IN THIS CLASS.
>> YEAH.
I HEAR THESE INSTRUCTORS ARE
AMAZING.
>> AMAZING?
MORE LIKE PRETTY GOOD!
>> THAT'S WORSE.
>> HELLO CLASS, AND WELCOME TO
DANCE 101.
>> LET'S GET STARTED, WE DON'T
HAVE A LOT OF TIME.
>> OH, I THOUGHT THIS CLASS WAS
THREE HOURS.
>> NO, IT STARTS AT 3:00 AND
IT'S OURS.
>> IT'S THEIRS!
TRY LISTENING, YOU OLD GIRL.
>> THANK YOU, DENNISTON.
OKAY LESSON ONE.
THE FIRST RULE OF GREAT DANCING
IS --
FAST, FAST, FAST, SLOW.
>> I'M SORRY, WHAT DOES THAT
MEAN?
>> EVERY POP STAR USES THIS
DANCE TECHNIQUE.
IT STARTS OUT FAST, THEN YOU GET
SLOW.
WATCH US.
¶¶
>> FAST FAST FAST SLOW.
FAST FAST FAST SLOW.
WE SLOWED IT DOWN,
WE SLOWED IT DOWN FOR YOU, DID
YOU LIKE IT?
DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?
>> NOT REALLY.
>> WHAT?
IT'S SO EASY.
IT'S A FAST-FAST-FAST-SLOW!
IT'S COCAINE, THEN RED WINE.
LIKE THIS.
COCAINE, COCAINE, COCAINE, RED
WINE.
RED WINE.
>> EXACTLY, DENNISTON.
YOU GET A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD.
>> THANK YOU!
>> I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT WE WERE
GOING TO BE LEARNING LIKE ACTUAL
DANCE MOVES.
>> OH, I'M SORRY, WHO'S THE
EXPERT HERE?
YOU WITH ZERO DANCE EXPERIENCE
OR US, WITH SOME?
>> WE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO
CHOREOGRAPHED THE DANCES IN
THREE JARDIANCE COMMERCIALS.
>> YES, BITCH.
WE MADE DIABETES LOOK LIKE
SOMETHING YOU WANT.
>> IS THAT A GOOD THING?
>> LISTEN PEOPLE, OKAY, LISTEN.
LISTEN TO US, PEOPLE.
OKAY?
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY YOU CAN
SAY WITH YOUR BODY.
DANCE IS THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE.
WATCH ME.
¶ I'M HUNGRY ¶
¶ I AM HUNGRY ¶
YOU LIKE THAT?
>> OR THIS.
¶ I'M NOT VACCINATED ¶
>> ARE YOU NOT VACCINATED?
>> YOU ACTUALLY CAN'T ASK ME
THAT IN RFK'S AMERICA.
>> THEY STILL DON'T GET IT.
LET ME GIVE YOU ONE MORE.
WATCH ME, CLASS.
¶ I MET A GIRL
AND SHE HAD A BABY
SO I LEFT ¶
>> SOMEONE ELSE, PLEASE TELL US
LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF
THROUGH THE ART OF DANCE.
>> OH, OKAY.
¶ MY FAVORITE PART OF POOPING IS
TO WIPE ¶
>> EXCELLENT, THAT'S MY THIRD
FAVORITE PART.
NEXT, YOU.
PLEASE.
>> ME?
I HADN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT
BUT --
¶ MY EX-WIFE DROPPED THE
CHARGES ¶
¶ NOW THAT BITCH IS BEHIND ME ¶
>> YES.
>> WONDERFUL.
YOU ARE LOW KEY HAULING A WAGON
BACK THERE.
WOW.
LOOKS GOOD.
>> TREMENDOUS.
>> NICE.
>> NOW REMEMBER, CLASS, DANCING
IS SOMETHING THAT'S REVEALING.
FOR EXAMPLE, THIS IS HERS.
>> YES, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> I'VE ALWAYS SAID YOU CAN TELL
HOW SOMEONE HAS SEX SIMPLY BY
WATCHING THEM DANCE.
>> I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT.
>> OKAY, THEN SHOW US HOW YOU
DANCE.
>> OKAY, OKAY.
¶¶
OH, MY GOSH, THANK YOU, THANK
YOU, NOBODY HAS EVER LET ME DO
THIS, THANK YOU.
SEE?
NOW FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON, I
HAVE TO GO.
>> AND NO DANCE IS COMPLETE
WITHOUT A GRAND FINALE.
>> AND NOTHING IS GRANDER THAN
TWO PEOPLE THAT MADE THE DANCE
LOOK MUCH HARDER THAN IT WAS,
OUT OF BREATH, ABOUT TO KISS.
5, 6, 7, 8.
¶¶
>> AND THAT'S DANCE!
>>> EVERY YEAR NEW GENERATIONS DISCOVER THE 1977 CLIP OF DAVID BOWIE AND BING CROSBY
SINGING "LITTLE DRUMMER BOY."
AN UNLIKELY PAIR PRODUCING AN
ICONIC CHRISTMAS MOMENT.
SO, WE HERE AT PEACOCK THOUGHT
LET'S JUST DO THAT WITH THE BIG
NAMES OF TODAY.
PRESENTING "PEACOCK'S RANDOM
DUET CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR,"
FEATURING OTHER UNLIKELY DUOS,
LIKE BOB DYLAN AND KATY PERRY.
¶¶
¶ YOU'RE A CHRISTMAS TREE
IT'S A CHRISTMAS TREE ¶
¶ WENT TO OUTER SPA-A-ACE
YES SHE WENT TO
OUTER SPA-A-ACE ¶
>> YOU'LL
LOVE THE CLASSIC CHRISTMAS CAROL
"DECK THE HALLS" PERFORMED BY
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND BAD BUNNY.
>> HEY, STEVIE, HOW MANY HALLS
DID YOU DECK, MAN?
YOU DECK 'EM ALL YET?
YOU KNOW, MY FATHER WAS AN ELF.
HE'D BE WORKING ALL DAY UP AT
THE NORTH POLE BUILDING TOYS.
BUT, OF COURSE, LIKE ALL MY
STORIES, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
¶ DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ¶
¶ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA ME GUSTA MUCHO
EL DASHER EL DANCER
EL PRANCER Y VIXEN ¶
>> PLUS, "SILENT NIGHT" BY
KATE BUSH AND YOKO ONO.
¶ SILENT NIGHT
IT'S WHITE AND IT'S NIGHT
AND IT'S SILENT
SILENT NIGHT ¶
¶¶
[ SCREAMING ]
>> NEXT UP, A VERY SPECIAL DUET.
¶ MERRY SUPER CHRISTMAS ¶
>> WITH THE LEGENDARY
STEVIE WONDER --
¶ I'M DECKING
ALL THE HALLS ¶
>> AND RISING STAR BENSON BOONE.
¶ MERRY SUPER CHRISTMAS ¶
>> OH!
OH, MY GOD, BENSON BOONE JUST
FLIPPED INTO MY PIANO WEARING A
BLUE SEQUINED SUIT.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T SEE NOTHING.
>> AND "O HOLY NIGHT" BY BJORK
AND POST MALONE.
¶ O HOLY NIGHT
THE SKIES ARE
SHINING BRIGHT ¶
¶ LOOK AT THE STARS
IT'S A VERY JESUS NIGHT ¶
¶¶
>> SHH.
¶ THE TREE IS CRYING
SILVER TEARS ¶
>> AND AN ORIGINAL CHRISTMAS
SONG BY LIL JON AND "SNL'S"
JANE WICKLINE.
¶ CHRISTMAS SHOULD BE
ON FEBRUARY 10th ¶
¶ WHAT ¶
¶ THAT'S WHEN I'M FREE AND
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING
THAT WEEKEND ¶
¶ OKAY ¶
>> PLUS, SINGING "I'LL BE HOME
FOR CHRISTMAS," IT'S
CAMERON WINTER FROM GEESE.
¶¶
¶ I'LL BE HOME
I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
WITH MY FAMILY ¶
>> AND ONCE AGAIN, BENSON BOONE.
AND TO CLOSE THINGS OUT, A
STIRRING HANUKKAH DUET BETWEEN
ANDREA BOCELLI AND CELINE DION.
¶¶
[ SINGING IN A GLOBAL LANGUAGE ]
¶¶
>> IT'S THE RANDOM DUET CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR, COMING TO PEACOCK
DECEMBER 33rd -- WHAT?
THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.
>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE COURT, THE PREPONDERANCE OF THE EVIDENCE CLEARLY SHOWS THAT THIS
DERANGED MAN, LAMONT BROWN, IS
GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES OF
BURGLARY.
WE HAVE SECURITY FOOTAGE SHOWING
MR. BROWN BREAKING INTO SEVERAL
HOMES IN THE AREA AND FLEEING
WITH THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH
OF MERCHANDISE IN A LARGE BAG.
THE MAN IS CLEARLY UNSTABLE, AND
THE PROSECUTION RECOMMENDS HE
REMAINS IN STATE CUSTODY AND
RECEIVES A THOROUGH PSYCHIATRIC
EVALUATION.
THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
MR. BROWN, I'VE SEEN A LOT OF
CASES, AND I TEND TO AGREE WITH
THE PROSECUTION.
YOU'VE CHOSEN TO REPRESENT
YOURSELF, WHICH AS THE SAYING
GOES, IMPLIES YOU HAVE A FOOL
FOR A CLIENT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE
TO SAY BEFORE THE JURY DELIVERS
A VERDICT?
>> WELL, IF IT'S OKAY YOUR
HONOR, GIRL, I'D LIKE
TO MAKE ONE LAST PLEA IN THE
FORM OF A CLASSIC CHRISTMAS
SONG.
>> A CHRISTMAS SONG?
UNCONVENTIONAL, BUT
YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S YOUR TIME,
MR. BROWN, USE IT AS YOU SEE
FIT.
¶ NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY YOU
WON'T BELIEVE ¶
¶ MY ALIBI AND I CAN'T BREAK
THROUGH ¶
¶ THERE'S NO TALKING TO YOU IT'S
SO SAD I'M ARRESTED ¶
¶ ALL THE TOYS I'VE INVESTED BUT
AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE ¶
¶ YOU'RE GONNA BE THE NAUGHTY
ONE, OH ¶
¶ DO YOU BELIEVE IN BLACK SANTA
CLAUS ¶
¶ I DELIVER PRESENTS FROM MY
SLEIGH ¶
¶ I REALLY THINK A WARNING
IS ENOUGH ¶
¶ JUDGE WOULD YOU BELIEVE I'M
BLACK SANTA CLAUS ¶
¶ I CAN'T STAY IN JAIL ANOTHER
DAY ¶
¶ I REALLY DON'T THINK I BROKE
NO LAWS JUDGE ¶
>> THAT'S ENOUGH, MR. BROWN.
THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS CRIME
YOU'RE BEING CHARGED WITH.
AND NOW THAT
YOU'VE EXPLAINED YOURSELF,
I GUESS YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
>> WAIT, I'M SORRY, FREE TO GO?
YOUR HONOR, YOU DON'T ACTUALLY
BELIEVE THIS NUT JOB DO YOU?
>> WATCH YOUR MOUTH COUNSELOR,
THAT'S SANTA CLAUS, HE CAN HEAR
YOU.
HE'S SITTING RIGHT THERE.
>> THIS MAN IS DEFINITELY NOT
SANTA.
>> WHY CAN'T I BE SANTA BECAUSE
I'M BLACK?
>> NO!
OKAY.
BECAUSE WE HAVE YOU ON CAMERA
STEALING FROM PEOPLE'S HOMES.
>> SO WHAT THAT MEAN?
>> IT MEANS YOU'RE NOT SANTA,
YOU'RE A BURGLAR.
>> WHY CAN'T I BE BOTH?
>> WHAT?
>> DON'T YOU SEE, YOUNG MAN,
SANTA CAN BE ANYTHING THAT YOU
WANT HIM TO BE.
WHITE, BLACK, BURGLAR.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS BELIEVE.
DO YOU?
>> DO I WHAT?
¶ DO YOU BELIEVE IN BLACK SANTA
CLAUS ¶
>> NO!
>> OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR.
>> SUSTAINED!
WATCH IT, COUNSELOR, YOU'RE ON
THIN ICE.
>> I'M SORRY, YOUR HONOR, BUT
WHAT ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO
HAD THEIR VALUABLES STOLEN BY
THIS MAN?
>> THAT'S JUST TOYS.
>> NO, IT'S NOT JUST TOYS.
THERE'S LADIES UNDERWEAR IN
HERE, A BUNCH OF WOMEN'S SHOES,
YOGA PANTS.
>> SO WHAT THAT MEAN?
>> IT MEANS YOU'RE NOT SANTA,
YOU'RE A PERVERT.
>> WHY CAN'T I BE BOTH?
>> BOTH WHAT?
>> DON'T YOU SEE, YOUNG MAN?
TOYS CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT.
THEY CAN BE TOYS OR BRAS OR
DIRTY PANTIES.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS BELIEVE.
¶ DO YOU BELIEVE THAT TOYS CAN
BE DRAWERS ¶
>> NO!
>> OBJECTION!
>> SUSTAINED.
THAT WAS YOUR LAST STRAW, I'M
HOLDING YOU IN CONTEMPT OF
COURT, COUNSELOR.
>> WAIT, ME?
FOR WHAT?
¶ BECAUSE YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN
BLACK SANTA CLAUS ¶
BAILIFF, GET THIS FOOL OUT OF MY
COURTROOM.
THANK YOU.
>> AND BLACK SANTA, MERRY
CHRISTMAS.
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, GIRL.
¶ DO YOU BELIEVE IN BLACK SANTA
CLAUS ¶
YEAH, COME ON, EVERYBODY.
¶ I DELIVER PRESENTS FROM MY
SLEIGH ¶
¶ I REALLY THINK A WARNING IS
ENOUGH JUDGE ¶
¶ DO YOU BELIEVE IN BLACK SANTA
CLAUS ¶¶
YEAH.
>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHER. ¶¶ ¶¶
¶ NO ONE ON THE STREETS
AND THE CITY IS QUIET
I SHOULD BE ASLEEP
BY THE HEAT OF THE FIRE ¶
¶ BUT I'M ON MY WAY OUT
AND I'M GONNA STAY OUT ¶
¶ I CAN FEEL THE PULSE
AS I WALK IN THE DOOR
TAKE ME THROUGH THE CROWD
TO THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR ¶
¶ THE RED AND
THE GREEN LIGHTS
ARE HITTING ME JUST RIGHT ¶
¶ NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS
I GOT ONE REQUEST ¶
¶ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
I WANNA BE DANCING
ALL NIGHT LONG ¶
¶ IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
BUT IT'S WARM IN HERE
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
¶ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
I WANNA BE DANCING
ALL NIGHT LONG ¶
¶ IT'S TOUGH OUTSIDE
BUT IT'S LOVE IN HERE
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
¶ EVERYBODY HERE
MUST BE FEELING THE SAME
NEED A LITTLE JOY
AND A LITTLE ESCAPE ¶
¶ FEELING A SPIRIT
YOU JUST WANNA HEAR IT
NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS
I GOT ONE REQUEST ¶
¶ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
I WANNA BE DANCING
ALL NIGHT LONG ¶
¶ IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
BUT IT'S WARM IN HERE
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
¶ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
I WANNA BE DANCING
ALL NIGHT LONG ¶
¶ IT'S TOUGH OUTSIDE
BUT IT'S LOVE IN HERE
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
¶ THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
¶ THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
¶ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
I WANNA BE DANCING
DANCING ALL NIGHT LONG ¶
¶ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
I WANNA BE DANCING
ALL NIGHT LONG ¶
¶ IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
BUT IT'S WARM IN HERE
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
¶ DJ PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG
I WANNA BE DANCING
ALL NIGHT LONG ¶
¶ IT'S TOUGH OUTSIDE
BUT IT'S LOVE IN HERE
AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
¶ THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
¶ THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR
THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I WANT THIS YEAR ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU.
¶¶
>>> IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE," I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST.
WELL, IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR
WHEN EVERYBODY IS TALKING ABOUT
THE MAN WHO FLIES THROUGH THE
AIR TO VISIT CHILDREN ALL OVER
THE WORLD -- JEFFREY EPSTEIN.
YESTERDAY THE DEPARTMENT OF
JUSTICE RELEASED ANOTHER BATCH
OF EPSTEIN DOCUMENTS WHICH
CRITICS POINTED OUT DELIBERATELY
OMITTED REFERENCES TO DONALD
TRUMP IN A TOTALLY
NONSUSPICIOUS WAY.
AND IT'S NOT FAIR, DONALD TRUMP
WAS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THE
EPSTEIN FILES.
LIKE WHEN "HOUSE OF CARDS"
SUDDENLY STOPPED STARRING KEVIN
SPACEY.
PROBABLY BECAUSE HE HAD BOOKED A
RECURRING ROLE IN THE EPSTEIN
FILES.
>> THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT
ANNOUNCED IT WOULD NOT BE ABLE
TO RELEASE ALL OF THE FILES BY
YESTERDAY'S DEADLINE.
I GUESS
THEY KEPT RUNNING OUT OF BLACK
INK.
THOSE FILES WERE SO BORING, THE
ONLY INTERESTING THING I SAW WAS
THIS PICTURE OF BILL CLINTON
HUGGED UP ON MELANIA.
>> HEALTH SECRETARY ROBERT F.
KENNEDY JR., SEEN HERE
DESCRIBING HOW CLOSE HE IS TO
BLACKFACE, ANNOUNCED THAT THE
FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WILL PULL
FUNDING FROM HOSPITALS THAT
OFFER GENDER AFFIRMING CARE TO
TRANSGENDER MINORS, AND YET RFK
IS ALLOWED TO SLOWLY TRANSITION
INTO WILSON THE VOLLEYBALL.
>> PRESIDENT TRUMP CLAIMED IN
HIS SPEECH THAT FOR THE PAST
SEVEN MONTHS THERE HAVE BEEN
ZERO ILLEGAL ALIENS ALLOWED INTO
THIS COUNTRY.
ZERO?
I JUST GOT A LAP DANCE FROM TWO
LAST NIGHT.
>> DURING A WHITE HOUSE EVENT AN
IOWA FARMER SAID THAT HIS SON
TOLD HIM QUOTE, DADDY, I DON'T
WANT SANTA CLAUS TO COME TO OUR
HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS, I WANT
PRESIDENT TRUMP.
AND TRUMP HAS BEEN PRACTICING
BEING SANTA BY SLIDING DOWN THIS
HORIZONTAL CHIMNEY.
>>
A STATUE HAS BEEN UNVEILED FOR A
BLACK TEENAGER WHO LED A PROTEST
AGAINST SEGREGATION.
BEHIND IT, THOMAS JEFFERSON
GOING HUMPH.
>> MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE
ANNOUNCED SHE'S ENGAGED TO A
PRO-TRUMP PUNDIT.
I JUST WANT TO SEE THE SIZE OF
THE ROCK THAT GUY MUST BE
SMOKING.
>> WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF
SUSIE WILES, SEEN HERE HAVING A
STARING CONTEST WITH KASH PATEL,
SAID IN A NEW INTERVIEW THAT
PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS AN
ALCOHOLIC'S PERSONALITY.
HEY, DON'T YOU DARE COMPARE HIM
TO MY FRIEND, MICHAEL CHE.
>> THIS IS VERY NICE.
WHILE MANY AMERICANS FEEL
LESS HOLIDAY CHEER AS WE GET
OLDER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO MAKE
THIS TIME SPECIAL FOR THE
CHILDREN.
HERE TO TELL US WHAT HE WANTS
FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY 12-YEAR-OLD
NEPHEW, TYSON.
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, UNCLE CHE.
YAY!
>> YOU MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIG FOR
YAY, BUT OKAY.
YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO SHARE
YOUR CHRISTMAS WISH LIST.
>> I SURE DO.
DO YOU THINK SANTA IS WATCHING
"SNL"?
>> I MEAN I THINK SANTA IS
WATCHING.
HE'S OVER 100 AND WHITE, SO
PROBABLY.
>> WOW.
THAT'S SO COOL.
CAN I SAY SOMETHING TO HIM
DIRECTLY?
>> SURE, GO AHEAD.
LOOK IN THAT CAMERA, SAY WHAT
YOU WANT.
>> HI SANTA, IT'S ME, TYSON, THE
LITTLE BOY WHO HAS BEEN GOOD ALL
YEAR.
REMEMBER ME?
I ASKED FOR A BIKE LAST YEAR,
AND I DIDN'T GET ONE, AND THAT
KIND OF HURT MY FEELINGS.
BUT THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO GET
EVERYTHING I WANT.
BECAUSE ON CHRISTMAS DAY I'M
COMING TO YOUR HOUSE, I'M GOING
TO
BEAT YOUR ASS AND GET WHAT'S
MINE.
>> WHOA, TYSON!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> WHAT?
I'M JUST A LITTLE KID WHO REALLY
WANTS A BICYCLE MORE THAN
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
>> WELL, THAT SOUNDS MORE LIKE A
THREAT.
>> I'M SORRY.
CAN I KEEP TALKING TO SANTA IF I
PROMISE TO BE NICE?
>> YEAH, TYSON, BUT SHOW A
LITTLE RESPECT.
I MEAN I WORK HERE.
KIND OF.
>> LISTEN BITCH, HERE'S HOW IT'S
GOING TO GO.
I'M GOING TO SNEAK INTO YOUR
HOUSE LIKE JOHN WICK, SLIDE DOWN
STEP ON ANY ELVES ON MY WAY, AND
NOT COMING ALONE WITH ME, BRING
THAT LITTLE JUMBO WITH ME.
PUM PUM PUM PUM.
>> TYSON!
>> YES, UNCIE CHE?
>> YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A HOME
INVASION AGAINST SANTA.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS,
UNCLE CHE.
I'M ONLY THIS MANY.
>> ONCE YOU NEED THREE HANDS,
YOU GOT TO STOP DOING THAT.
>> I'M ONLY IN THE THIRD GRADE.
>> AGAIN?
>> MAYBE I CAME OFF A LITTLE
AGGRESSIVE.
BUT I PROMISE IT'S GOING TO END
SWEET.
>> I'LL LET YOU FINISH SINCE
IT'S CHRISTMAS AND I'M NOT
GETTING YOU ANYTHING.
>> OKAY, UNCIE CHE.
>> STOP DOING THAT!
>> LISTEN UP, FAT MAN, I'M NOT
COMING FOR A BIKE ANYMORE, I'M
COMING FOR MRS. CLAUS, THAT'S
RIGHT, SHE SLID IN MY DMs, BAD
I RUN A POLAR EXPRESS ON THAT
HO.
AND SHE'S NOT GOING TO BE ABLE
TO WRAP ANYTHING EITHER, I'M
GOING TO BE BUCK NAKED.
>> YOU'RE GOING TO BE BUTT
NAKED?
>> JUST A PUFFER JACKET AND UGG
BOOTS FOR TRACTION.
>> THAT'S A GOOD CALL.
>> AFTER I SMOOTH ON YOUR BITCH,
I'M GOING TO GO INTO YOUR
KITCHEN AND MAKE SOME DINO
NUGGETS, AFTER ALL, I'M 12.
>> I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THIS
KID, MY NEPHEW TYSON, EVERYBODY.
>> I'M THIS MANY!
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
>>> TONIGHT IS OUR CHRISTMAS
SHOW AND WE HAVE A TRADITION
WHERE ME AND COLIN GIVE EACH
OTHER JOKES TO READ THAT NEITHER
OF US HAS EVER SEEN BEFORE.
>> SEE, THAT'S INTERESTING,
BECAUSE YOU SPECIFICALLY SAID
THAT WE WERE NOT DOING IT THIS
YEAR.
>> OH, DID I?
>> YES, YES, AND YOU KNOW THAT I
DID NOT WRITE ANY JOKES FOR YOU.
>> OH, WELL I GUESS YOU'LL JUST
HAVE TO READ MINE.
>> OKAY.
OKAY.
DIDN'T KNOW.
CRITICS SAY A NEW SERIES OF
COINS FROM THE U.S. MINT
CELEBRATING GREAT MOMENTS IN THE
COUNTRY'S HISTORY IGNORE CIVIL
RIGHTS.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE COIN THAT
CELEBRATES WHERE BLACK PEOPLE
ACTUALLY COME FROM -- SHIPS?
OH, MY GOD.
>> WOW, COLIN.
THAT'S REALLY BOLD TO SAY ON
CHRISTMAS.
>> THE ARCHDIASIS OF NEW YORK
WILL SET UP A FUND FOR VICTIMS
OF CHURCH SEXUAL ABUSE.
YET I GET NOTHING FOR KEEPING MY
MOUTH SHUT AND TAKING IT LIKE A
CHAMP?
>> YOU SHOULD HAVE WROTE SOME
JOKES FOR ME TO TELL.
LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT MORE.
>> OH, GOOD.
NEW RESEARCH SHOWS THAT MILLIONS
OF WOMEN LEAVE THE WORK FORCE
DUE TO MENOPAUSE.
WHICH MEANS THERE'S ONLY A
COUPLE YEARS LEFT ON MY GRAVY
TRAIN.
OH, GOD.
MY GIRL ALREADY BE LIKE, COLIN,
I'M WARM.
COLIN, I'M SWEATING.
BITCH, YOU HAVING A HOT FLASH.
BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, I GOT
A BACKUP.
THEY DON'T CALL WEDNESDAY HUMP
DAY FOR NOTHING.
>> WOW, COLIN, I WOULDN'T HAVE
DONE THAT ONE.
>> WEDNESDAY?
>> IT'S ALMOST THE END OF THE
YEAR, WHICH MEANS THAT PEOPLE
ONLINE ARE GOING TO BE -- YOU
OKAY?
IT'S ALMOST THE END OF THE
YEAR, WHICH MEANS THAT PEOPLE
ONLINE ARE GOING TO BE POSTING
WHAT WILL BE IN AND OUT FOR
2026.
HERE TO GIVE US A DEFINITIVE
LIST ARE TWO TREND FORECASTERS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HEY THERE.
>> HELLO.
>> WELL, HOW YOU GUYS BEEN?
WHERE YOU BEEN?
>> MICHAEL, I HAVE TO SHAKE OFF
WHAT YOU JUST DID, I THINK.
WE'VE BEEN GATHERING THE TRENDS.
WE GET
THEM FROM A HUGE, SWEATY, ROCK
HARD COMPUTER.
>> OH, WOW, DOES IT USE AI?
>> MORE LIKE A, A LITTLE BIT OF
I -- YES, AI.
IT DOES USE AI.
THAT'S HOW WE GOT THE REPORT.
>> THE REPORT.
FIRST UP IS HOLIDAY TRENDS.
>> TRENDS.
IN.
FIGHTING WITH YOUR FAMILY.
GRANDMA NO, LET GO!
>> IN, BOMBAS, EVERYBODY IS
GETTING SOCKS FROM BOMBAS.
>> IN, MAKING THE YULETIDE
BISEXUAL, AND OUT, MISTLETOE.
>> MISTLETOE.
A PLANT THAT MAKES YOU KISS.
THERE'S ALREADY ONE OF THOSE
CALLED MARIJUANA.
>> I DON'T LET A LEAF TELL ME
WHO TO LOVE.
>> AND I'LL KISS WHEN I GET THE
URGE, AND OH, BOY, I'M FEELING
IT RIGHT NOW.
>> MISTLETOE, YOU'RE A BAD
BITCH.
>> WOW, YOU GUYS.
YOU GUYS ARE REALLY THAT MAD AT
MISTLETOE?
>> YES, IT'S A HORNY PERVERT
LIKE YOU MICHAEL.
>> OH!
>> GIRLS, GIRLS, SERIOUSLY.
IT'S TIME
FOR THE NEXT TREND.
SINGING TRENDS.
IN.
¶ YEAH YEAH ¶
>> IN, FOUR MARRIED GUYS SINGING
IN HARMONY.
>> IN.
¶ FA LA LA LA LA YEAH ¶
>> AND OUT.
>> 1, 2, 3, 4.
>> JUST START THE SONG YOU
BASTARD.
>> COUNT IT IN YOUR HEAD, YOU'RE
BEHAVING LIKE A DRUM.
>> AND YOU'RE NOT A DRUM, YOU'RE
A MAN.
EAT A STEAK AND ACT LIKE IT.
1, 2, 3, 4.
>> GO TO BED, BITCH.
>> I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHO
YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO.
>> CLEAR A PATH, IT'S TIME FOR
CHINESE TRENDS.
>> UH-OH.
>> IN, DIM-SUM.
>> IN, REALLY LONG DRAGON.
>> IN "RUSH HOUR 4," THANKS
TRUMP.
OUT, ORANGE CHICKEN.
WHEN DID ORANGE CHICKEN BECOME
CHINESE, YEAH, IT
TASTES PRETTY GOOD, BUT WE
DIDN'T INVENT THAT.
DON'T YOU AGREE?
>> DO YOU WANT ME TO?
>> THEN YES.
>> THANK.
>> THANK YOU.
>> [ SPEAKING MANDARIN ]
BITCH!
>> WAS THAT GO TO BED BITCH IN
MANDARIN?
>> LEARN TO SPEAK IT LIKE I DID
OR SHUT UP!
>> IS
ANYTHING ELSE OUT FOR 2026?
>> YES, MICHAEL, THE COMPUTER
HAS PERMANENTLY DELETED THREE
TRENDS.
>> OUT.
BIG WAVING PRIDE FLAG.
>> OUT, MARGE SIMPSON HAIR.
AND OUT, OH, NO, MICHAEL CHE!
>> MICHAEL CHE!
>> NO!
TREND FORECASTERS, EVERYBODY.
I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST.
¶¶ >>> WELCOME BACK TO THE "LOVE IS BLIND" REUNION.
WHERE WE TRY TO ANSWER THE
QUESTION -- IS LOVE REALLY
BLIND?
EVEN THOUGH NINE SEASONS OF THIS
SHOW HAVE PROVEN, NO, IT'S
DEFINITELY NOT!
>> AND THAT WAS REALLY ON
DISPLAY WITH THIS NEXT COUPLE,
WHO WERE FAN FAVORITES ALL
SEASON, UNTIL THEIR FIRST LOOK
WENT --
WELL, SEE FOR YOURSELF.
>> THIS HAS BEEN SUCH A WILD
RIDE.
EVEN THOUGH WE MET THROUGH A
WALL, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE
LOOKS LIKE, I GENUINELY FEEL
HE'S MY SOULMATE.
>> JANELLE IS EVERYTHING I'VE
BEEN LOOKING FOR IN A WIFE.
OUR NEW LIFE STARTS TODAY.
>> OH. OH, MY GOD. >> HEY.
WHAT THE --
>> YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
>> WOW, OH, MY GOD, WHAT THE --
>> I CAN TELL YOU'RE IN SHOCK.
I AM, TOO.
COME HERE YOU.
OH, MY GOD, I'VE BEEN WAITING 11
DAYS TO DO THAT.
SORRY, HOW DO I SAY THIS?
ARE YOU THE LITERAL GRINCH?
>> OH, WHAT, YOU DIDN'T KNOW?
YEAH, I GUESS IT NEVER CAME UP.
OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.
WILL YOU MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST
THIS IN THE WORLD?
>> THIS?
I'M SORRY, ARE YOU EVEN A HUMAN
BEING?
>> JANELLE!
WHAT?
>> I'M SERIOUS, ARE YOU EVEN A
GUY?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO ASK
YOU THIS,
BUT DO YOU HAVE A PENIS?
>> DO I -- DO I HAVE -- NO.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
>> JANELLE, CHILL.
WHAT I DO HAVE IS BIG.
IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE A
CORKSCREW AND IT'S IN MY BUTT.
AND IT HURTS THE WOMAN.
AND ME.
>> I CAN'T DO THIS, YOU GUYS.
I CAN'T.
>> WOW, WHAT AN INCREDIBLY
RELATABLE SITUATION.
JANELLE CHOSE NOT TO GO TO
MEXICO, BUT TO HER HOMETOWN IN
COLORADO.
AND THE GRINCH, TO WHOVILLE.
>> IT'S BEEN FOUR MONTHS SINCE
THE PODS, LET'S SEE HOW THEY'RE
DOING NOW.
PLEASE WELCOME JANELLE AND THE
GRINCH.
>> WHAT UP?
WHAT UP?
WHAT'S UP, MY GIRL RIGHT HERE.
WHAT'S UP, MATT.
MY GIRL.
>> OKAY.
WELL, WELCOME.
HOW DID IT FEEL, WATCHING ALL
THAT BACK.
>> WELL, THE WAY IT WENT DOWN
WAS KIND OF A WORSE CASE
SCENARIO.
SHE OVERREACTED A LITTLE.
RIGHT?
>> YES.
>> BUT SHE'S SINCE APOLOGIZED.
>> YEAH, I WAS BEING CRAZY.
I LITERALLY NEVER EVEN ASKED IF
HE WAS THE GRINCH, AND THAT'S ON
ME.
>> BUT NOW WE'RE STRONGER THAN
EVER, RIGHT?
GOD, YOU'RE SO FINE!
>> WOW, BEAUTIFUL.
WELL, WE WANNA OPEN IT UP TO THE
REST OF THE POD SQUAD.
>> I'LL CHIME IN.
ARE WE GONNA JUST SKIP OVER THE
PART HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE
A PENIS?
THAT WHAT HE HAS IS IN HIS BUTT
AND IT'S A DAMN CORKSCREW?
LIKE GIRL, WHY?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, NADIA, I LOVE
YOU.
BUT OUT OF RESPECT FOR NEIL, I
DON'T WANT TO GET INTO
OUR SEX LIFE.
>> WAIT, SORRY, WHO IS NEIL?
THE GRINCH?
>> ACTUALLY, AMY, BEING CALLED
THE GRINCH IS -- THANK YOU,
BABY -- IT'S REALLY TRIGGERING
FOR ME.
THAT'S A NAME I WAS GIVEN BY A
TOWN THAT TERRORIZED ME.
SO I GO BY NEIL NOW.
>> I ACTUALLY RELATE TO NEIL.
IT'S HARD WHEN YOU MEET THE REAL
PERSON AND THEY DON'T LOOK
AWESOME.
BUT YOU GROW TO LOVE THEM.
>> HUH!
>> WELL, ON A LIGHTER NOTE,
JANELLE AND NEIL, THE PRODUCERS
LET US KNOW YOU HAVE SOME BIG
NEWS TO SHARE.
>> YES, YES, WE ARE EXPECTING.
>> YEAH, I'M SHOWING A BIT.
RIGHT HERE.
MY CRAVINGS HAVE BEEN CRAZY.
>> WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE HAVING
THE BABY?
>> AND I HEAR YOU BROUGHT A
SONOGRAM PICTURE?
>> EW, WHAT?
OH, MY GOD!
>> WHY IS HE STANDING UP?
>> WOW, THAT'S REALLY WILD.
I'M VANESSA LACHEY.
>> I'M NICK LACHEY, AND 98
DEGREES IS TOURING AGAIN.
WE GOT TURNED DOWN BY THE
SPHERE, SO WE ARE PLAYING A
VENUE IN CINCINNATI CALLED THE
CUBE.
IT'S JUST A REGULAR BUILDING,
BUT THEY GOT NACHOS, Y'ALL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
¶¶
>> CHER! ¶¶ ¶¶
¶ OUT OF ALL THE REINDEERS
YOU KNOW YOU'RE
THE MASTERMIND ¶
¶ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
GRANDMA AIN'T
TOO FAR BEHIND ¶
¶ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
SANTA GOT TO
MAKE IT TO TOWN ¶
¶ SANTA MAKE HIM HURRY
TELL HIM HE CAN TAKE
THE FREEWAY DOWN ¶
¶ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
I'M REELIN' LIKE
A MERRY-GO-ROUND ¶
¶ SAID SANTA TO A BOY
CHILD WHAT HAVE YOU
BEEN LONGING FOR ¶
¶ OH ALL I WANT
FOR CHRISTMAS
IS A ROCK 'N ROLL
ELECTRIC GUITAR ¶
¶ AND THEN AWAY WENT RUDOLPH
HE WAS WHIZZING
LIKE A SHOOTIN' STAR ¶
¶ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
SANTA GOT TO
MAKE IT TO TOWN ¶
¶ SANTA MAKE HIM HURRY
TELL HIM HE CAN TAKE
THE FREEWAY DOWN ¶
¶ OOH, RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
I'M REELIN' LIKE
A MERRY-GO-ROUND ¶
¶¶
¶ SAID SANTA TO A GIRL
CHILD WHAT WOULD PLEASE YOU
MOST TO GET ¶
¶ A LITTLE BABY DOLL
THAT CAN CRY, SLEEP
DRINK AND WET ¶
¶ AND THEN AWAY WENT RUDOLPH
HE WAS WHIZZING
LIKE A SABER JET ¶
¶ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
SANTA GOT TO
MAKE IT TO TOWN ¶
¶ SANTA MAKE HIM HURRY
TELL HIM HE CAN TAKE
THE FREEWAY DOWN ¶
¶ RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
I'M REELIN' LIKE
A MERRY-GO-ROUND ¶
¶ I TELL HER
RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH ¶
¶ RUN, RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
OUT RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH ¶
¶ RUN, RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
RUN, RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH
RUN, RUN, RUDOLPH ¶
¶ RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN
RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN ¶
¶¶
>>> WELCOME TO THE DELTA ONE LOUNGE, THE MOST RANDOM PLACE TO TAKE A SHOWER IN.
IT'S THE HOLIDAYS, SO WE'VE GOT
FREE EGGNOG FOR ALL OUR GUESTS.
EGGNOG, GET YOUR EGGNOG!
>> WHOA!
IS THAT AN INDUSTRIAL EGGNOG
MACHINE?
>> OH YEAH, LOOKS LIKE IT.
>> OOPS.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
MY MACHINE'S BREAKING DOWN SO
THEY'RE CLOSING MY STATION.
THIS IS MY LAST SHIFT.
>> OH, NO, REALLY?
>> YEAH, IT'S SAD.
I'M GONNA MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT
THIS PLACE.
THE WAY IT SMELLS, THE
CELEBRITIES WHO WOULD COME
THROUGH.
JUST LAST WEEK, JOSH O'CONNOR
WAS HERE.
>> IN THE LOUNGE?
OH, COOL.
WELL, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING AND
GOOD LUCK.
>> TAKE CARE.
[ PHONE RINGING ]
HELLO.
RHONDA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
>> ED?
IS THAT YOU?
ARE YOU STILL AT THE AIRPORT,
ED?
IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!
>> THAT'S WHEN PEOPLE WANT
EGGNOG AT THE AIRPORT THE MOST,
HONEY.
>> I KNOW.
I WISH YOU WERE HOME BUT I'M SO
PROUD OF YOU AND ALL THE EGGNOG
YOU'VE MADE OVER THE YEARS.
SOME OF IT WAS GREAT, SOME OF IT
WAS ROTTEN.
>> AND A LOT OF IT GOT CUT.
BUT YOU KNOW, I ALSO THINK
EGGNOG'S KINDA
LIKE ME.
IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE, BUT THE
PEOPLE WHO LIKE IT ARE MY KINDA
PEOPLE.
>> PLUS, YOU'RE WAY MORE FUN
WITH BOURBON.
I MISS YOU, ED.
PLEASE COME HOME.
>> I'LL BE THERE SOON, SWEETIE.
¶¶
¶ BELLS WILL BE RINGIN'
THE SAD, SAD NEWS
OH, WHAT A CHRISTMAS
TO HAVE THE BLUES ¶
¶ MY BABY'S GONE
I HAVE NO FRIENDS
TO WISH ME GREETINGS
ONCE AGAIN ¶
¶ CHOIRS WILL BE SINGIN'
SILENT NIGHT
CHRISTMAS CAROLS
BY CANDLELIGHT ¶
¶ PLEASE COME HOME
FOR CHRISTMAS
PLEASE COME HOME
FOR CHRISTMAS ¶
¶ IF NOT FOR CHRISTMAS
BY NEW YEAR'S NIGHT ¶
>> HELLO, WHERE YOU FLYING
TO TODAY, CHRISTMAS, SIR?
>> MY BIOLOGICAL SON FINALLY
FOUND ME, SO THE JIG IS UP.
I'M GONNA GO MEET HIM.
>> THAT'S LOVELY.
CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME
EGGNOG?
>> OH, YES.
SURE.
OKAY.
THANK YOU.
AND GOOD LUCK, I WILL MISS YOU.
>> I'LL MISS YOU, TOO,
KENAN THOMPSON.
>> THANK YOU.
¶ FRIENDS AND RELATIONS
SEND SALUTATIONS
SURE AS THE STARS
SHINE ABOVE ¶
¶ WELL THIS IS CHRISTMAS
YES, CHRISTMAS MY DEAR
SOME TIME OF YEAR TO BE
WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE ¶
>> RHONDA, YOU MADE IT!
>> OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T MISS
YOUR LAST SHIFT FOR THE WORLD!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE RETIRING.
>> I JUST WANTED TO GO OUT ON
TOP.
>> EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE A
BOTTOM, HONEY.
¶ SO WON'T YOU TELL ME
YOU'LL NEVER MORE ROAM
CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR'S ¶
¶ WILL FIND YOU HOME ¶
¶ THERE'LL BE
NO MORE SORROW ¶
¶ NO GRIEF AND PAIN
AND I'LL BE HAPPY
HAPPY ONCE AGAIN ¶
>> OH, RHONDA, I SHOULD HAVE
COME HOME EARLIER.
I JUST FEEL SO LUCKY THAT I EVER
GOT TO WORK HERE.
AND I JUST WANTED
TO ENJOY IT FOR A LITTLE BIT
LONGER.
ESPECIALLY THE PEOPLE.
I'VE LOVED EVERY SINGLE PERSON
WHO WORKS HERE.
BECAUSE THEY'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR
ME, ESPECIALLY MY BOSS.
>> OH, YOUR BOSS.
THERE SHE IS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
EGGNOG AT DELTA, NICE TO SEE
YOU, MA'AM, WHAT AN HONOR.
>> MA'AM, I JUST WANT TO SAY,
IT'S BEEN AN HONOR WORKING FOR
YOU.
ANY SUCCESS I HAVE FROM HERE
WILL BE THANKS TO THIS PLACE.
DO YOU ANY FEEDBACK FOR ME?
>> WELL, EVERYONE THOUGHT YOU
WERE A LITTLE BIT TOO GAY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE
PERFECT FOR ME.
>> THIS PLACE WILL ALWAYS BEAT
THEM ALL, BUT IT'S TIME TO GO.
¶ OOH, THERE'LL BE
NO MORE SORROW
NO GRIEF AND PAIN ¶
¶ AND I'LL BE HAPPY
HAPPY ONCE AGAIN ¶
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> MANY THANKS TO CHER AND AIDY BRYANT, AND BOWEN YANG, WE